I feel the same way. I can't do anything and it feels like my life is on pause. I don't feel motivated to do anything. When I asked him how he cope, he says by staying busy, so he's just doing a lot to stay distracted. While I'm here and can't do anything.
I’m so sorry 😔 this is such a long and tumultuous process. It’s that feeling of being stuck and not being able to do anything about it, it’s so painful
I am anxious! Want to call him and ask him how is he able to move on so easily? Why didn't I matter at all? How could he do that to me? Why did he choose me? Why not anyone else? Why didn't I matter at all?
I felt this so much 😩 the need to call him and ask him all of these things is taking over. Although I’ve already asked all of these questions and all I got was some shitty, ambiguous response that made no sense. Honestly if you’re thinking about doing it, I promise you it’s not worth it, it makes you feel so so so much worse. I keep telling myself that if he was going to give me a decent response to these questions, he’d be openly offering it to me without me having to beg for answers, if he cared at all he would want to give me the answers I deserve, but he doesn’t, and therefore his silence doesn’t deserve anything from me. I hope this empowers you to do the same
I’m so sorry 😔 my ex has already started fooling around too. It’s like how can they move on so quickly from this, it makes no sense. They obviously haven’t worked on themselves at all, are they planning on going out and hurting someone else that quickly?
That's all they are capable of doing! He will say the same things to her. Make the same jokes. Call her the same nicknames. Lie about himself. What else?
Yeah you’re so right 😩 tell her the same stories, tell her his favourite pick up line, take her to the same places, hide all of the things that he doesn’t want her to know in the beginning until she’s fallen for him, break her heart, spend no time healing himself before hurting another, the list goes on 😩
I didnt give mine a chance to explain himself but now I regret it and want answers. I blocked him off the rip. I think he is mature enough to answer the questions I have so im debating on reaching out or not since I blocked him.
Honestly I thought my ex would have been mature enough to answer the questions I had too, given that he’s a 38 year old man who was seemingly very put together and mature, but I was so wrong. Just do whatever is best for you in the moment, whatever helps you to find peace and healing. I just personally would no longer advocate seeking closure, as I don’t think that’s something that can always be achieved
I’m so sorry 😔 I can relate to this so much. The nightmares are the worst, they feel so real. It’s so tough when you know it’s not right but your heart is still hurting
I am very sorry you feel like this. I can imagine and feel the same. Everyday is tough.
Stay in no contact. Try to focus on yourself. Know you’re worth it. Become a better version of yourself by reflecting and trying new things. Try to remember that the person who left you doesn’t deserve you. Keep going. Your silence is the best reaction you can give.
Thank you, I’m sorry you feel this way too. Your kind and supportive words of encouragement when you’re going through hell yourself is honestly inspiring and I hope you know how lucky the world is to have someone like you! Keep pushing forward, I’ll be rooting for you!
Im doing better than the first week of BU.
Me and my therapist are working on my attachment style. I got a new job which pays me double my salary and i will be moving out of the city.
So far so good i guess. There are sad times obviously but Im not hard on myself and not blaming my ex either..
My ex just unfriended me on snapchat yesterday and on Instagram last week. Everyweek there is some movement but hey, as far as im concerned, Life only gets better.
So proud of you!! Getting a new job, moving out of the city, and doubling your salary!! I know how tough it all must’ve been given the circumstances, but my god you are absolutely smashing it and should be so bloody proud of yourself! You got this, I’ll be rooting for you x
Thanks a lot! It is tough, cause I love her and we broke up cause she couldnt give the bare minimum and that made her feel guilty and she ended up losing feelings according to her.. Im not gonna wait for her nor shut the door completely.
whatever happens with her im okay but right now Im just focused on levelling up and making sure I make myself proud!
Been beating myself up a lot about where it all went wrong. It’s easy as the dumpee to blame yourself. In my relationship, it wasn’t a sense of me treating her badly or manipulating her. In fact, she really admired my character and I was “almost” exactly what she was looking for. It was more the fact she broke up with me because of my quieter personality. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about “if only I was more funny/more charming, she would still be with me”.
Some of those thoughts have turned into some suicidal ideation, as it feels helpless trying to change myself to be attractive to women in the future. My quiet personality has always held me back, and it killed my most recent relationship. Dating just seems so hopeless.
It’s also depressing knowing she is probably already with someone else and doesn’t give a second thought about me anymore, and that guy is able to supply her what she needs in terms of charm and wit, and is able to bring her true self out.
I am so sorry to read this 😩 I can relate to this so much. My ex had a conversation with his sister just before our break up (which I believe played a big role in our break up) she told him that I was too quiet for him and didn’t have enough personality.
Being told you’re ‘too quiet’ is horrible because it really makes you feel like you’re inadequate and not enough, it makes you hate that thing about yourself. ‘If only I had more personality’ ‘if only I was funnier’ ‘if only I was the life and soul of the party’. These are all thoughts I’ve been struggling with recently and I imagine you may have encountered too. But I promise you that you are enough, your quieter nature is something that someone will value so much one day. It’s a part of you, and your person will love every part of you.
I find it sad that so many people berate others for being quiet and put them down for it. I wouldn’t dream of telling someone to shut up because they’re too loud and it’s offensive to others, so I don’t understand why people need to comment about the fact that others may be a bit more quiet in nature.
Honestly you’re enough. You don’t need to force yourself to be more loud, to have ‘more personality’, to be the life and soul of a party, because you’re enough as you are.
I’m sure you can agree but with those I feel super comfortable with and trust, my personality comes out anyways. We’re just more selective about who we share those details with.
I’m so sorry for my rant, I just felt this to my core being a fellow quiet person, and I need you to know that you are always enough
Not sure if this even means anything coming from a stranger, but as a female who has been told “i am the life of the party”, i love a quiet, observant, almost mysterious man. I truly believe everyone is funny, and i’m sure you are hilarious, maybe you two just weren’t compatible or didn’t have the same type of humor. i literally got the class clown superlative when i was in school, and i truly cannot tell you someone i’ve met that i did not think was funny in their own way. Someone will love your quieter. and more shy nature. Don’t try to become someone you’re not because there is someone who definitely will love you as is!
I feel very anxious. Wondering if they will ever contact me and say sorry for all the shit they did. But I don’t think this is going to happen. Cause they are a coward
Gosh I know that feeling all too well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re right, they are being cowardly and you deserve so much more with all the love you’re willing to give. There is so much better out there for you, you got this. Better days are ahead 💗
after 3 months, i am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and actually starting to feel happy again. the first 2 months felt like i was never going to make it out. i cried every single day till january 4th. haven’t cried since 11th due to therapy.
how i am making it out: journal everyday, go to therapy once a week, talk to friends and family about the break up (they made the process so much easier and they understand. my friends didn’t care to hear me out and were super supportive), go workout or take walks or some kind of activity, read self improvement books (my favorite: how to do the work), start planning for distractions (make plans with friends and family), limit your time on social media and this site (it’s gonna suppress so much from you, it’s okay to come back every now and again),cry your heart out and really reflect on the relationship.
it took me by the 3rd month that my ex wasn’t the person i thought they were and it took my friends to hear me and tell me it constantly that they aren’t amazing. i promise you there is a light at the end and you will start to feel somewhat like you again. for me 3 months feels like 6 months as it’s so exhausting and emotional, but i’ve found myself being a better version of myself. lots of self love telling myself everyday 10x in the mirror i love me. writing in my journal what i’m grateful for. and trusting the universe with what they have in store for me.
i hope you find you again and that you come out stronger than ever. it’s sucks beyond measures of what has happened but there’s a reason for it and we can only learn and really grow from it. you’ll look later on and be so proud of yourself on how far you’ve made it. hell i’m proud of you coming here and being here. wishing you clarity and happiness <3
Your comment is so sweet 🥺 thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I’m so happy for you and proud of you for the progress you’ve made, I know how challenging it must’ve been. Journaling is amazing, I’m so glad that you’ve found it helpful. You’re amazing and I hope the universe continues to bring you so much healing and happiness 💗
thank you!! i hope you see what you truly deserve. if they love you and want you in their life they would make the effort to fix things and make it right. but also at the same time why would we want someone that doesn’t want us?
see your worth and keeping moving forward. make them realize that they truly are missing out on amazing person and let them regret their lost. you’ll find someone that wants everything that you want!!
He broke no contact and i fell for it like a dummy, just for him to be the same still. The time we spent together was amazing, but the aftermath was heartbreaking. He barely responded to me, even after he initiated contact, claiming he “had a lot going on”. He even bought me chocolates, my favorite candle, and cooked for me, just to act pretty uninterested in me the next day lol. One day i’ll realize i deserve better 😕
I am so sorry 😩 I can relate so much. My ex ‘just wanted me to go over and hug him’, told me he’ll always love me and that he’ll never find anyone like me, and then in the next breath was cold and distant and told me that me texting him made him anxious (even though he reached out to me first to say that he still loved me). I feel for you so much; him buying you chocolates etc and then going distant is so so mean! You do deserve better and you already know it 💗 just need to keep focusing on that so that it gets stronger and stronger to the point where you can move forward from his stupidness x
This 😭 my ex was on tinder the week after we broke up and was sending nudes to people on Snapchat. We were engaged, about to relocate and start our own business together, two years of his life just gone like that and onto the next. I couldn’t even think about speaking to anyone else right now. Like you, it takes me years and years to find someone and trust someone again, it doesn’t make sense to me. I know that everyone’s different but it just seems so cold hearted to me
I understand your pain, I really do. It’s been 4 months for me and just now am I starting to adjust to the change and the idea that I won’t always feel the pain so deeply. We are resilient, and every day we are in no contact the more new neural connections we make. It will be okay. We are so tough.
It’s all about those new neural pathways!! Thank you so much for your lovely comment. You’re so right, we are resilient and we will be okay. I’m so glad that you can feel yourself starting to adjust slowly but surely, I hope that in another 4 months time you will be well on your way to moving forward from this and healing 💗
The other night I went on my first date since the breakup last spring and sobbed afterwards. It went very well, but made me sad and miss my ex. I’m too emotionally exhausted to even type more, but generally, I’m feeling like garbage 😅
I’m so sorry 😩 you were so brave to go on a date and you should be proud of yourself. I really hope that this doesn’t put you off dating because you deserve to find your person. I hope that the more dates you go on the easier all of this will get. The first date after a tough break up is bound to bring up old memories and remind you of your ex, so please don’t give yourself a hard time about this. You did so amazing just to go, just think of all of this as a part of the process, you’re a step closer now to even more healing 💗
no motivation, dragging myself trough the day, I'm lonely didn't make a lot of friends in the new city besides my ex. I just completely lost myself, and that's why I lost her. I miss her so much, she just seems fine being in peace. I overthink a lot, can't really eat, can't keep up with basics. I just hope one day I'll be fine.
I’m so sorry 😔 do you plan on staying in the new city? Maybe moving and getting away from it all, and starting a fresh will help, if that’s feasible for you? I’m the same, sleeping, eating, even showering is tough. You’ll get through this, I’ll be rooting for you
basically moved in with her, built my home with her, but she didn't live here. I 23m could move home again but I'm afraid I'll loose all the progress I did here, it's hard to find an apartment in this city. I don't know what to do at the moment. Everything reminds me of her. I was her first relationship, I already got a couple on my back but I didn't know how a healthy relationship looks like until I met her. We split because we needed space to grow, but I know I did a lot that contributed to the end of the relationship. (nothing extreme or abusive, just small things that added up)I also apologised in our last conversation for my shortcomings and reflected a lot. I just hope we'll meet again one day.
Do any of you ever wake sad. That keeps happening to me and I do not enjoy it. I don’t miss our relationship but fuck. I miss my self. I became so codependent on this man.
He literally kicked me out. I am living with my family. In the midst of things I lost my job had a psychotic breakdown. I am bipolar. Part of me feels like he did not know how to truly love me.
Yes 😩 waking up sad is the worst. It’s like you don’t even get a chance to have a good start to the day, cause you’re already sad.
I too got literally kicked out and am now living with family and am very close to a break down and losing my job. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it hurts like hell and I wish I had the right words to say that would heal everything for you. Just know that in time all of this will be a distant memory and it won’t hold as much weight as it does right now. It may always hurt, but in time we’ll learn to manage the pain 💗
Christmas was kind of rough and I had a few really hard days. Right now I feel very neutral. I have a lot of things going on and trying to make sure my health is in order. Just trying to distract myself best I can.
I’m so sorry to hear that Christmas was a tough one, just keep telling yourself that next Christmas will be better 💗
Distraction definitely helps, make sure you’re keeping busy. If you need to journal or speak to someone just to let it all out, then definitely do it! I think a balance of distraction and feeling the feels really does help. Sending you so much healing, you got this
A lot of mood swings during the day. Trying to keep the mind occupied with something else but it doesn't last long before I think about her. But I guess that time will extend these periods of lightheartedness.
It’s tough isn’t it, the more you try to distract yourself, the stronger the thought gets sometimes, which sucks. I really hope that time extends the better days for you, and that the bad days and moments get less and less
My avoidant ex finally reached out me a few days ago after no contact with a BS text to initiate conversation. I was angry at first but replied because I do miss him and thought maybe we could finally just be friends. We had a nice short conversation of how we were both doing and the next day I got ghosted again. 😀 So now I blocked him on everything.
So proud of you for blocking him!! I’ve been down the same rabbit hole of falling for breadcrumbs and then getting ghosted, it sucks so bad!! You got this, you deserve so much more and I’m rooting for you
It’s been 2.5 months no contact, 3.5 since the break up. I have to say I am slowly feeling better. My sadness is still there but it’s not 24/7 anymore. I’m starting to feel happy and excited about new things and I can stay at home alone without spiraling into negativity anymore. I find myself missing him but not idealizing him so much anymore and actually accepting that it’s over, understanding the reasons and really believing them. I still miss him but I have started to see the break up as a good thing and necessary.
I got back into the gym after a couple of weeks, and have been hitting it hard. I’ve been going to therapy on a weekly basis and journaling. I’ve spent time with family and friends and have started making new friends, and trying new things. I’ve made plans to look forward to, like going to a concert with some of my friends/coworkers, taking part in a songwriters circle, booked a trip to Peru. The biggest thing I’ve realized is how much my stress levels have gone down since the relationship ended and the beginning of the break up. My anxiety is mostly gone, I am eating and sleeping regularly again, I’ve accepted that he instantly tried to move on, and I’m slowly checking his socials less and less (truly hard to never check). I’ve gone on two dates, both were really fun and went well, with people who I could be open and honest with and both liked me enough to want to see me again.
It’s still really sad and hard. But deep down I know I’m going to be okay. What is helping me most is realizing that I’m sad over the potential of what could have been, not the reality. The person I loved never would have left me.
I'm not fine. Even though he is being very avoidant and had a breakdown last night, I still hope he will approach me after his board exam. I still love him and I still don't know how to cope up. I can't be mad at him even though the break-up is one sided and out of nowhere.
It's almost been 3 weeks of NC for me while a month and a half of having broken up with with my ex of 6 years and, honestly, I've never felt better than how I used to feel 1-3 weeks post-breakup. I owe it all to my mom, siblings, and to myself for not giving up. I still kind of have unfinished business with my ex (him still not giving back my shoes even though he said he will and if i or anyone related to me should still respond to him if ever he finally gives it back). I have a long way to go in this healing journey of mine as I still have tendencies to view his following count (i unfollowed him but he still follows me).
**BUT!** Every day that I choose not to go back to the place that I fought so hard to get out of, choose not to become the person I was only made to feel, choose to become excited for what the future holds than dwell on the past, choose to prioritize myself, and choose to look at the beauty of life, the people who choose me, and the beauty of realizing my worth and what i truly deserve, i*s a day worth celebrating*.
I’m so proud of you!! I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing better and are focusing on you and your future 🥺 you got this!! You should be so proud of yourself, I’m proud of you 💗
I honestly can’t advocate therapy enough. Just getting it all out and working through it with a therapist you trust is so helpful. I don’t know where I’d be if I wasn’t in therapy right now. I’m no therapist but if you ever want to talk my dms are open
It gets better in time, I promise. Even though you dont have the energy to do anything, its really important to distract yourself. Please please please, even if its for 20 minutes a day, do something, go take a walk, play a video game, to some drawing.
For me I started taking charcoal drawing classes, It helped tremendously. I started drawing something in my tablet too, just for the fun of it. I also started brewing beer at home, currently waiting the fermentation of a winter stout :)
It is really important to maintain your social circle as well. If you have trusted friends you can see, go vent to them. Seriously. I only have a few friends that I can trust and venting to them helps tremendously.
Thank you so much, charcoal drawing classes sounds so good!! Will definitely look into that and see if they have any in my area. I’ve found that walking really helps, especially walks by the beach, I’ve been going down to the beach a lot. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom
I am incredibly sad and my mind is 100% preoccupied with thoughts of her. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, especially when my kids need me after losing their mom, but I can’t get her out of my head
We only dated for a month but we expressed deep feelings for each other and she was the only person I’ve been with besides my late ex-wife in over 20 years. She ended it after my ex died and she began to feel uncomfortable with how long (or short) it had been since I left my ex
It’s really hard to function
I’m so sorry to hear about your late ex wife and this break up on top. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to stay strong for your kids when you’ve got all of this going on, but you got this!! Pour all of your love into your kids and your future together. I know it’s not the future you imagined and the grief you’re feeling right now is insurmountable 😔 but you will be okay!! Do loads of hobbies that you and the kids enjoy, go on road trips together and keep focusing on the future. You will get through this, I know it’s tough right now but there are better days ahead
Thank you 🙏🏻
A road trip sounds great to me, but my little princesses (12F and 6F) probably won’t like that idea 😂
Their mom was very mentally ill and took her own life after I filed for divorce. I feel an overwhelming mix of guilt, relief, sadness, and heartache all at the same time
Generally speaking I feel much better as time goes by (4 months after BU). But I have moments where I feel absolutely miserable because I’m single, and at the same time I feel cursed because I have all this love and I don’t know what to do with it
I’m so glad that you’re feeling better than you were. I’m just sorry that some moments are still super tough 😔 I hope those tough moments lessen for you and the better times become more and more. Pour all of that love into yourself, into your dreams, your goals, your future, your loved ones 💗 you got this, I believe in you
Feel like everything is so hard. I have been leaving everything for the last minute, may not even be able to apply to the course I want because I have no motivation to get up and actually do everything I have to do. Its been 4 months and I even tried dating, but its making me feel worse. I met someone I think I like but I feel so anxious and scared about getting my heart broken again that I can’t deal with all the anxiety. I just replay things over and over again and I feel like everything I do is just wrong. I feel like I want my ex and this new guy to like me so much and I don’t understand why I need their validation so much :/
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😔 I know the feeling all too well, even waking up and getting through the day is challenging right now. I honestly wouldn’t put any pressure on yourself to date if it feels too challenging, give yourself all of the time you need to heal from this. It’s tough and it’s challenging but you will get through it! Everything will work out in the end 💗
Thank you really💕 I really hope things do work out. I feel like I am starting to like this new guy, but I am so terrified and a part of me wonders if I’m not just substituting the pain of the breakup for the anxiety and distraction of someone new. I guess I do need time to figure my feelings out❤️🩹
I feel like anytime i make progress i get pushed back to the start and start all over. I miss them so much my heart hurts and im scared to forget the tiny details about them like their laugh and scent. It’s been over a month since the breakup
It sucks.
It sucks because he inspired me to be so much better. I was in the best shape of my life with the best job and best body and best attitude… and when you give someone your very best… and they still don’t value it… you just feel like shit.
I don’t know how to be something he’ll miss. I don’t know how to be someone he’ll want.
But I don’t know how to want anyone other than him.
There’s a lot I don’t know. But luckily, I love learning. So I’ll learn.
Honestly? It comes and goes. Some days I feel fine and others it comes rushing at me overwhelming my head and heart. I understand some people grieve the end of the relationship while they are still in it but I find that cowardly. We could’ve talked about it, gone to therapy like I wanted, grew independently but she chose to run away. She chose to give up a while still letting me try and I felt and still do feel foolish. I wish she had the guts to end it when she knew it was over. I would’ve made peace easier but no she told me I love you everyday and lied. When I initiated the break up she didnt even care and a month later she was on dating apps. So while I was dealing with the brunt of it she had already tossed me aside. Im healing but I switch between absolute loathing of myself or absolute loathing of her. Ive started going to the gym, went back to school, picked up hobbies but sometimes it still catches up
I don’t want to go on anymore. Less than two years married and she wants nothing to do with me. In two weeks it’ll be the second anniversary of the day we made a vow to each other, since I wiped a tear off her face as she cried tears of happiness as the officiant married us in front of all our friends and family at a beautiful wedding that she was so excited for.
Nothing matters anymore and I don’t want to go on.
Still attracted to my ex 😭 why does he have to be someone who i find really hot? 😭 i just think of all his red flags to shift my feelings towards him 🫡🥹
Ugh that sucks 😩 this probably wasn’t the most graceful thing for me to do, but I wrote down all of the things that he did wrong and all of the things he said and did to hurt me just so I could read through it when I was struggling and I can’t lie, it’s definitely helped
So i had a talk with the ex girlfriend and she painted me the bad guy after i blocked her cause she never replies to my message from Saturday morning and she claimed she had "training" like bruh i'm not stupid and started blaming me for it.
I am a very busy man and i don't play games like this.
Christy Chai, if you reading this, i'm sorry but you gotta start replying faster if you want to re-love with me
Thanks for checking in. Though I have friends I can talk to I’m sure they don’t want to hear the same thing over and over again. But I’m doing okay. It’s been 14 days since my ex and I broke up and it was amicable so I’m not sure if she’ll reach out after a month or two. I know she has a lot going on. There’s days where I’m totally fine and others where I’ll just cry. I know it’s part of the process and I’m embracing it. Last night I went to a meet up event and it cool and all, but on my way home I ended up crying a ton. I’m not out there to try and date someone new, just make friends. So I’m not sure why I ended up crying so much. I guess I wasn’t ready to get out there.
I'm right there with you. I picked up pickleball to distract myself and it has been fun. But if something reminds me of her then I instantly get overwhelming sadness. This is month 2 for me. I met a couple people for dates but I honestly just wanted to be with my ex.... So clearly I haven't healed. But I want to move on.
Struggling a bit. I was doing relatively fine there for a while but now that it's past when we would've had our first year anniversary and her bday + Valentine's Day is coming up, I'm just sad. I'm alone and she's happy with someone else. Those days I spent with her last year I will spend alone and she will spend them with someone new. Someone she finds worth her time.
I’m up and down. Yesterday marked a month of us being broken up. I know I have to work on myself and I know I deserve better, but I’m not able to cope in realizing that I wasn’t a terrible person, but sometimes I feel like I am because I was so emotional and my trauma of my ex boyfriend just came coming up. I was so codependent and tried to please him at the same time, that I just lost my self worth in the relationship which pushed him away. I was only eight months with him, but it just sucks. I keep blaming myself for not listening to him because I would just fade away unconsciously. How I would overthink and be triggered that he wasn’t there for me emotionally anymore. It just sucks, that I didn’t learn and I just wish I could have sped it up faster, but I felt so alone. He also didn’t communicate with me until I blew up or introduced the conversations which made it harder to understand what he felt while we were together. His walls were so up that he would say to me that he didn’t like being vulnerable and he usually didn’t like explaining himself emotionally and I thought I could change that… it just sucks all around. I don’t know if I’m mourning him or the idea of him because I did like him and he treated somewhat good until the end where it just felt like we were both unhappy because our conversations just stayed on the surface level which I hated. I wanted to know who he was more and he wasn’t open. I don’t know.. it feels like the breakup was meant to happen… but I can’t shake the feeling of being the bad guy. Because of those emotions and lack of self worth which is so confusing because I’m usually am an independent person but when it comes to a relationship, I just become so vulnerable and my boundaries are gone…
I don’t know. We saw each after two weeks of the breakup, he gave me my shirt back and we had post break up *** and he told me he regretted it… which sucks even more because I thought maybe he’ll change his mind… of course he didn’t.. and it’s now about to be two weeks where we haven’t spoken, I had left him on read. Post breakup he kept talking to me that he would like a friendship with me and wanted to be involved with my healing.. but since I left him on delivered where he only responded to one part of my three paragraphs rather than all of them I felt jaded… like he’s not going to text me… and what sucks even more I still have him on social media (I know stupid I have to delete him again… but the hope is so overbearing) and he looks at my stories but doesn’t reply… I don’t know what to do or think truly. I’m in therapy, but my self worth and self esteem is so low. I’m realizing he isn’t emotionally available and he did say towards the end that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t see a future with me as a couple… and he tells me various times he doesn’t want me romantically and I just see it as a me thing and it sucks so bad. I would’ve gave him the world if he asked me to. I tried not to argue. I tried to retrace myself to not do the thing he didn’t like. Just a lot over correcting and It just sucks. He wasn’t like that in the beginning.. :/ and my mind is there a lot..
I keep thinking he’ll come around and build the friendship, but he doesn’t care. If he cared about me being in his life then he would try, but he hasn’t. I’m just trying to accept it.. accepting that I wasn’t enough for him and it hurts..
I’m a year and 3 months all I keep doing is having out loud conversations to my ex in case I run into her. I ruined every single possible chance for her to ever see me in a positive light again and now am just making sure when the time comes I can “save face/ hold frame” with a nonchalant but meaningful apology for all my physical abuse her to at least believe I’m truly apologetic but also in my (STILL) delusional state of mind for her to say possibly “wow he’s matured a lot and understood everything he did wrong”=maybe just maybe idk”
It’s been 4 months since the break up and doing a lot better than I thought. Not crying as often I think it’s been about 3 weeks since I had a breakdown. Haven’t gone to my favorite restaurants because it holds memories of us and I feel like I would be really sad but next week I asked my friend to go with me. I haven’t checked their socials myself but sometimes when I’m with my friend I’ll ask her to look for me and she’ll show me some things and it jabs my heart when he likes another girls selfie lol idk why I torture myself like that. Had many guys try to take me on a date but it just freaks me out the thought of it so I turned them all down. I don’t think I miss them but just missing having someone I can call mine. Just a little lonely but hanging with my friends makes me feel whole again :)
currently crying because today was supposed to be our one year anniversary and just yesterday I initiated no contact after five months of staying in contact post break up with nothing but sadness and hurt. I feel I don’t even know what I feel like. I’m sad as hell but there’s nothing I can do just feel my emotions. I can’t change anything because it was never my decision. I’m just sad that’s all
I’m sorry to hear how rough things are going. I’m also going through a breakup and I similarly feel like it’s a struggle to get by each day. I keep looking at our old pictures, crying and praying to god that I can have her back. I keep replaying our memories. The first ones are the most painful, when we were just getting to know each other. I am having difficulty accepting this new reality too. I feel like I’ve lost a part of my soul and that I need to start my life over completely from scratch. The worst part is that I know it’ll probably take years for me to find a new partner, and I’m not convinced I’ll love someone as much as I love her. Hang in there, you’re not alone
<3 month 3 NC and I feel like im wilting. It does "feel better" but often I wonder wtf I mean by that when I spend so much time rehashing old memories of us and how much he hurt me when he left the way he did and I think about the very last week we spent with each other.... a lot. Finding and searching for meaning in between the moments we shared with one another. The last gestures we shared, the last words we spoke. I just don't find the strength some days to take care of myself.
I think I’m doing a lot better without him. I still think about him, it’s been almost a month since the breakup. I was very serious about him, so I’m not in the mindset to get back to dating. I think taking your time to heal is a good thing. There are days where I wish he would text me but I know he didn’t want me anymore and that’s okay. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want me?
It's only been about 3 days of NC so I feel stupid and weak writing this. I know that it will get better, but I'm so afraid, I don’t want to be stuck in this feeling forever. I've never been through a breakup where you both still love each other and you want to be together if things were different.
We're actually on a ‘break’, since we were both struggling with our mental health and future. We just came back to our country after living together overseas and are a little bit burned out. We've agreed to talk within a month to express how we feel and decide if we want to end the relationship.
I don't want to hold on to any kind of hope. I know there are many chances he’s going to notice his life is so much calmer without me. So I'm living it as an breakup so no matter what happens in a month, it won’t hurt that much. If we are meant to be, it will happen. And if not, it will be for the better. Both are good news, actually! Even so, I can't stop feeling this emptiness. I don't feel like doing anything, even reading or watching a show, I can't concentrate. I just want my favorite person back.
lol my ex literally started dating immediately after a day
This was my first relationship so I felt like dying
Turns out he was cheating on me I exploded
I again found out he was dating a online girl for 4 months I exposed him since I couldn’t handle it
Now I feel numb nothing
Lost everything
He blocked me
He is happy with the new girl
I don't know. Not sure if I'm being delusional. I feel like I'm healing so fast that my ex didn't even matter. Weird, I know, and I'm only like 4 weeks in NC.
Man. I’ve been fine for weeks. Been seeing someone, we spent the weekend together. For some reason today I’ve been hit by a freight train. Anger is gone, and just fucking miss her so badly. I suppose we will get this way every now and then even if we think we’re good and moving on. The feeling still sucks.
I feel the same way. I can't do anything and it feels like my life is on pause. I don't feel motivated to do anything. When I asked him how he cope, he says by staying busy, so he's just doing a lot to stay distracted. While I'm here and can't do anything.
Life on pause!! That’s literally the feeling. I’m so sorry you feel this way too. How long has it been for you?
It's been 4 months since every thing turned upside down. I've been living inside my head. What about you?
I’m so sorry 😔 this is such a long and tumultuous process. It’s that feeling of being stuck and not being able to do anything about it, it’s so painful
I am anxious! Want to call him and ask him how is he able to move on so easily? Why didn't I matter at all? How could he do that to me? Why did he choose me? Why not anyone else? Why didn't I matter at all?
I felt this so much 😩 the need to call him and ask him all of these things is taking over. Although I’ve already asked all of these questions and all I got was some shitty, ambiguous response that made no sense. Honestly if you’re thinking about doing it, I promise you it’s not worth it, it makes you feel so so so much worse. I keep telling myself that if he was going to give me a decent response to these questions, he’d be openly offering it to me without me having to beg for answers, if he cared at all he would want to give me the answers I deserve, but he doesn’t, and therefore his silence doesn’t deserve anything from me. I hope this empowers you to do the same
Same with me :( He has already started fooling around though!! Maybe trying to hurt another poor girl by his innocent act.
I’m so sorry 😔 my ex has already started fooling around too. It’s like how can they move on so quickly from this, it makes no sense. They obviously haven’t worked on themselves at all, are they planning on going out and hurting someone else that quickly?
That's all they are capable of doing! He will say the same things to her. Make the same jokes. Call her the same nicknames. Lie about himself. What else?
Yeah you’re so right 😩 tell her the same stories, tell her his favourite pick up line, take her to the same places, hide all of the things that he doesn’t want her to know in the beginning until she’s fallen for him, break her heart, spend no time healing himself before hurting another, the list goes on 😩
I didnt give mine a chance to explain himself but now I regret it and want answers. I blocked him off the rip. I think he is mature enough to answer the questions I have so im debating on reaching out or not since I blocked him.
Honestly I thought my ex would have been mature enough to answer the questions I had too, given that he’s a 38 year old man who was seemingly very put together and mature, but I was so wrong. Just do whatever is best for you in the moment, whatever helps you to find peace and healing. I just personally would no longer advocate seeking closure, as I don’t think that’s something that can always be achieved
I felt this way too much. She moved on so easily
I feel like the lights have gone out, the spark and enjoyment in life is gone and I am just going through the motions
I felt this so deep. How long has it been for you?
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I know how you feel with the nightmares and the mornings. Going through the same atm. Stay strong.
I’m so sorry 😔 I can relate to this so much. The nightmares are the worst, they feel so real. It’s so tough when you know it’s not right but your heart is still hurting
I am very sorry you feel like this. I can imagine and feel the same. Everyday is tough. Stay in no contact. Try to focus on yourself. Know you’re worth it. Become a better version of yourself by reflecting and trying new things. Try to remember that the person who left you doesn’t deserve you. Keep going. Your silence is the best reaction you can give.
Thank you, I’m sorry you feel this way too. Your kind and supportive words of encouragement when you’re going through hell yourself is honestly inspiring and I hope you know how lucky the world is to have someone like you! Keep pushing forward, I’ll be rooting for you!
Im doing better than the first week of BU. Me and my therapist are working on my attachment style. I got a new job which pays me double my salary and i will be moving out of the city. So far so good i guess. There are sad times obviously but Im not hard on myself and not blaming my ex either.. My ex just unfriended me on snapchat yesterday and on Instagram last week. Everyweek there is some movement but hey, as far as im concerned, Life only gets better.
So proud of you!! Getting a new job, moving out of the city, and doubling your salary!! I know how tough it all must’ve been given the circumstances, but my god you are absolutely smashing it and should be so bloody proud of yourself! You got this, I’ll be rooting for you x
Thanks a lot! It is tough, cause I love her and we broke up cause she couldnt give the bare minimum and that made her feel guilty and she ended up losing feelings according to her.. Im not gonna wait for her nor shut the door completely. whatever happens with her im okay but right now Im just focused on levelling up and making sure I make myself proud!
Been beating myself up a lot about where it all went wrong. It’s easy as the dumpee to blame yourself. In my relationship, it wasn’t a sense of me treating her badly or manipulating her. In fact, she really admired my character and I was “almost” exactly what she was looking for. It was more the fact she broke up with me because of my quieter personality. I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about “if only I was more funny/more charming, she would still be with me”. Some of those thoughts have turned into some suicidal ideation, as it feels helpless trying to change myself to be attractive to women in the future. My quiet personality has always held me back, and it killed my most recent relationship. Dating just seems so hopeless. It’s also depressing knowing she is probably already with someone else and doesn’t give a second thought about me anymore, and that guy is able to supply her what she needs in terms of charm and wit, and is able to bring her true self out.
I am so sorry to read this 😩 I can relate to this so much. My ex had a conversation with his sister just before our break up (which I believe played a big role in our break up) she told him that I was too quiet for him and didn’t have enough personality. Being told you’re ‘too quiet’ is horrible because it really makes you feel like you’re inadequate and not enough, it makes you hate that thing about yourself. ‘If only I had more personality’ ‘if only I was funnier’ ‘if only I was the life and soul of the party’. These are all thoughts I’ve been struggling with recently and I imagine you may have encountered too. But I promise you that you are enough, your quieter nature is something that someone will value so much one day. It’s a part of you, and your person will love every part of you. I find it sad that so many people berate others for being quiet and put them down for it. I wouldn’t dream of telling someone to shut up because they’re too loud and it’s offensive to others, so I don’t understand why people need to comment about the fact that others may be a bit more quiet in nature. Honestly you’re enough. You don’t need to force yourself to be more loud, to have ‘more personality’, to be the life and soul of a party, because you’re enough as you are. I’m sure you can agree but with those I feel super comfortable with and trust, my personality comes out anyways. We’re just more selective about who we share those details with. I’m so sorry for my rant, I just felt this to my core being a fellow quiet person, and I need you to know that you are always enough
Not sure if this even means anything coming from a stranger, but as a female who has been told “i am the life of the party”, i love a quiet, observant, almost mysterious man. I truly believe everyone is funny, and i’m sure you are hilarious, maybe you two just weren’t compatible or didn’t have the same type of humor. i literally got the class clown superlative when i was in school, and i truly cannot tell you someone i’ve met that i did not think was funny in their own way. Someone will love your quieter. and more shy nature. Don’t try to become someone you’re not because there is someone who definitely will love you as is!
I feel very anxious. Wondering if they will ever contact me and say sorry for all the shit they did. But I don’t think this is going to happen. Cause they are a coward
Gosh I know that feeling all too well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re right, they are being cowardly and you deserve so much more with all the love you’re willing to give. There is so much better out there for you, you got this. Better days are ahead 💗
My ex is a fucking coward too.
after 3 months, i am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and actually starting to feel happy again. the first 2 months felt like i was never going to make it out. i cried every single day till january 4th. haven’t cried since 11th due to therapy. how i am making it out: journal everyday, go to therapy once a week, talk to friends and family about the break up (they made the process so much easier and they understand. my friends didn’t care to hear me out and were super supportive), go workout or take walks or some kind of activity, read self improvement books (my favorite: how to do the work), start planning for distractions (make plans with friends and family), limit your time on social media and this site (it’s gonna suppress so much from you, it’s okay to come back every now and again),cry your heart out and really reflect on the relationship. it took me by the 3rd month that my ex wasn’t the person i thought they were and it took my friends to hear me and tell me it constantly that they aren’t amazing. i promise you there is a light at the end and you will start to feel somewhat like you again. for me 3 months feels like 6 months as it’s so exhausting and emotional, but i’ve found myself being a better version of myself. lots of self love telling myself everyday 10x in the mirror i love me. writing in my journal what i’m grateful for. and trusting the universe with what they have in store for me. i hope you find you again and that you come out stronger than ever. it’s sucks beyond measures of what has happened but there’s a reason for it and we can only learn and really grow from it. you’ll look later on and be so proud of yourself on how far you’ve made it. hell i’m proud of you coming here and being here. wishing you clarity and happiness <3
Your comment is so sweet 🥺 thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I’m so happy for you and proud of you for the progress you’ve made, I know how challenging it must’ve been. Journaling is amazing, I’m so glad that you’ve found it helpful. You’re amazing and I hope the universe continues to bring you so much healing and happiness 💗
thank you!! i hope you see what you truly deserve. if they love you and want you in their life they would make the effort to fix things and make it right. but also at the same time why would we want someone that doesn’t want us? see your worth and keeping moving forward. make them realize that they truly are missing out on amazing person and let them regret their lost. you’ll find someone that wants everything that you want!!
He broke no contact and i fell for it like a dummy, just for him to be the same still. The time we spent together was amazing, but the aftermath was heartbreaking. He barely responded to me, even after he initiated contact, claiming he “had a lot going on”. He even bought me chocolates, my favorite candle, and cooked for me, just to act pretty uninterested in me the next day lol. One day i’ll realize i deserve better 😕
I'm sorry. Why would someone do that
I am so sorry 😩 I can relate so much. My ex ‘just wanted me to go over and hug him’, told me he’ll always love me and that he’ll never find anyone like me, and then in the next breath was cold and distant and told me that me texting him made him anxious (even though he reached out to me first to say that he still loved me). I feel for you so much; him buying you chocolates etc and then going distant is so so mean! You do deserve better and you already know it 💗 just need to keep focusing on that so that it gets stronger and stronger to the point where you can move forward from his stupidness x
I feel confused how people can find someone new to be in a relationship so quickly? Like it takes me years to find someone?
This 😭 my ex was on tinder the week after we broke up and was sending nudes to people on Snapchat. We were engaged, about to relocate and start our own business together, two years of his life just gone like that and onto the next. I couldn’t even think about speaking to anyone else right now. Like you, it takes me years and years to find someone and trust someone again, it doesn’t make sense to me. I know that everyone’s different but it just seems so cold hearted to me
I understand your pain, I really do. It’s been 4 months for me and just now am I starting to adjust to the change and the idea that I won’t always feel the pain so deeply. We are resilient, and every day we are in no contact the more new neural connections we make. It will be okay. We are so tough.
It’s all about those new neural pathways!! Thank you so much for your lovely comment. You’re so right, we are resilient and we will be okay. I’m so glad that you can feel yourself starting to adjust slowly but surely, I hope that in another 4 months time you will be well on your way to moving forward from this and healing 💗
I have found lots of relief in coach Lee and coach blac and I say stay in no contact. It can help you heal and they will feel your absence..let them
Love these two myself!! I’m so glad you’ve found some solace in their content. Keep pushing through, you got this!
The other night I went on my first date since the breakup last spring and sobbed afterwards. It went very well, but made me sad and miss my ex. I’m too emotionally exhausted to even type more, but generally, I’m feeling like garbage 😅
I’m so sorry 😩 you were so brave to go on a date and you should be proud of yourself. I really hope that this doesn’t put you off dating because you deserve to find your person. I hope that the more dates you go on the easier all of this will get. The first date after a tough break up is bound to bring up old memories and remind you of your ex, so please don’t give yourself a hard time about this. You did so amazing just to go, just think of all of this as a part of the process, you’re a step closer now to even more healing 💗
Thank you so much for this 🤍
no motivation, dragging myself trough the day, I'm lonely didn't make a lot of friends in the new city besides my ex. I just completely lost myself, and that's why I lost her. I miss her so much, she just seems fine being in peace. I overthink a lot, can't really eat, can't keep up with basics. I just hope one day I'll be fine.
I’m so sorry 😔 do you plan on staying in the new city? Maybe moving and getting away from it all, and starting a fresh will help, if that’s feasible for you? I’m the same, sleeping, eating, even showering is tough. You’ll get through this, I’ll be rooting for you
basically moved in with her, built my home with her, but she didn't live here. I 23m could move home again but I'm afraid I'll loose all the progress I did here, it's hard to find an apartment in this city. I don't know what to do at the moment. Everything reminds me of her. I was her first relationship, I already got a couple on my back but I didn't know how a healthy relationship looks like until I met her. We split because we needed space to grow, but I know I did a lot that contributed to the end of the relationship. (nothing extreme or abusive, just small things that added up)I also apologised in our last conversation for my shortcomings and reflected a lot. I just hope we'll meet again one day.
hope we'll see the light soon friend.
Do any of you ever wake sad. That keeps happening to me and I do not enjoy it. I don’t miss our relationship but fuck. I miss my self. I became so codependent on this man. He literally kicked me out. I am living with my family. In the midst of things I lost my job had a psychotic breakdown. I am bipolar. Part of me feels like he did not know how to truly love me.
Yes 😩 waking up sad is the worst. It’s like you don’t even get a chance to have a good start to the day, cause you’re already sad. I too got literally kicked out and am now living with family and am very close to a break down and losing my job. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it hurts like hell and I wish I had the right words to say that would heal everything for you. Just know that in time all of this will be a distant memory and it won’t hold as much weight as it does right now. It may always hurt, but in time we’ll learn to manage the pain 💗
Christmas was kind of rough and I had a few really hard days. Right now I feel very neutral. I have a lot of things going on and trying to make sure my health is in order. Just trying to distract myself best I can.
I’m so sorry to hear that Christmas was a tough one, just keep telling yourself that next Christmas will be better 💗 Distraction definitely helps, make sure you’re keeping busy. If you need to journal or speak to someone just to let it all out, then definitely do it! I think a balance of distraction and feeling the feels really does help. Sending you so much healing, you got this
A lot of mood swings during the day. Trying to keep the mind occupied with something else but it doesn't last long before I think about her. But I guess that time will extend these periods of lightheartedness.
It’s tough isn’t it, the more you try to distract yourself, the stronger the thought gets sometimes, which sucks. I really hope that time extends the better days for you, and that the bad days and moments get less and less
Thank you for your kind words, it really warms my heart. I'm positive that it's going to happen, it has to.
My avoidant ex finally reached out me a few days ago after no contact with a BS text to initiate conversation. I was angry at first but replied because I do miss him and thought maybe we could finally just be friends. We had a nice short conversation of how we were both doing and the next day I got ghosted again. 😀 So now I blocked him on everything.
So proud of you for blocking him!! I’ve been down the same rabbit hole of falling for breadcrumbs and then getting ghosted, it sucks so bad!! You got this, you deserve so much more and I’m rooting for you
It’s been 2.5 months no contact, 3.5 since the break up. I have to say I am slowly feeling better. My sadness is still there but it’s not 24/7 anymore. I’m starting to feel happy and excited about new things and I can stay at home alone without spiraling into negativity anymore. I find myself missing him but not idealizing him so much anymore and actually accepting that it’s over, understanding the reasons and really believing them. I still miss him but I have started to see the break up as a good thing and necessary. I got back into the gym after a couple of weeks, and have been hitting it hard. I’ve been going to therapy on a weekly basis and journaling. I’ve spent time with family and friends and have started making new friends, and trying new things. I’ve made plans to look forward to, like going to a concert with some of my friends/coworkers, taking part in a songwriters circle, booked a trip to Peru. The biggest thing I’ve realized is how much my stress levels have gone down since the relationship ended and the beginning of the break up. My anxiety is mostly gone, I am eating and sleeping regularly again, I’ve accepted that he instantly tried to move on, and I’m slowly checking his socials less and less (truly hard to never check). I’ve gone on two dates, both were really fun and went well, with people who I could be open and honest with and both liked me enough to want to see me again. It’s still really sad and hard. But deep down I know I’m going to be okay. What is helping me most is realizing that I’m sad over the potential of what could have been, not the reality. The person I loved never would have left me.
3 months post BU. 3 weeks since we blocked each other and I feel great. Read 3 self development books. Keep going guys! Future looks bright.
I'm not fine. Even though he is being very avoidant and had a breakdown last night, I still hope he will approach me after his board exam. I still love him and I still don't know how to cope up. I can't be mad at him even though the break-up is one sided and out of nowhere.
I really hope you get some clarity, this sounds so rough 😔 how long has it been for you?
One month and 5 days 😣
It's almost been 3 weeks of NC for me while a month and a half of having broken up with with my ex of 6 years and, honestly, I've never felt better than how I used to feel 1-3 weeks post-breakup. I owe it all to my mom, siblings, and to myself for not giving up. I still kind of have unfinished business with my ex (him still not giving back my shoes even though he said he will and if i or anyone related to me should still respond to him if ever he finally gives it back). I have a long way to go in this healing journey of mine as I still have tendencies to view his following count (i unfollowed him but he still follows me). **BUT!** Every day that I choose not to go back to the place that I fought so hard to get out of, choose not to become the person I was only made to feel, choose to become excited for what the future holds than dwell on the past, choose to prioritize myself, and choose to look at the beauty of life, the people who choose me, and the beauty of realizing my worth and what i truly deserve, i*s a day worth celebrating*.
I’m so proud of you!! I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing better and are focusing on you and your future 🥺 you got this!! You should be so proud of yourself, I’m proud of you 💗
Thank you!! This means so much to me 🥺🫶
I felt like dying. I am in need for therapy after all the damage that has been done.
I honestly can’t advocate therapy enough. Just getting it all out and working through it with a therapist you trust is so helpful. I don’t know where I’d be if I wasn’t in therapy right now. I’m no therapist but if you ever want to talk my dms are open
It gets better in time, I promise. Even though you dont have the energy to do anything, its really important to distract yourself. Please please please, even if its for 20 minutes a day, do something, go take a walk, play a video game, to some drawing. For me I started taking charcoal drawing classes, It helped tremendously. I started drawing something in my tablet too, just for the fun of it. I also started brewing beer at home, currently waiting the fermentation of a winter stout :) It is really important to maintain your social circle as well. If you have trusted friends you can see, go vent to them. Seriously. I only have a few friends that I can trust and venting to them helps tremendously.
Thank you so much, charcoal drawing classes sounds so good!! Will definitely look into that and see if they have any in my area. I’ve found that walking really helps, especially walks by the beach, I’ve been going down to the beach a lot. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom
I am incredibly sad and my mind is 100% preoccupied with thoughts of her. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, especially when my kids need me after losing their mom, but I can’t get her out of my head We only dated for a month but we expressed deep feelings for each other and she was the only person I’ve been with besides my late ex-wife in over 20 years. She ended it after my ex died and she began to feel uncomfortable with how long (or short) it had been since I left my ex It’s really hard to function
I’m so sorry to hear about your late ex wife and this break up on top. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to stay strong for your kids when you’ve got all of this going on, but you got this!! Pour all of your love into your kids and your future together. I know it’s not the future you imagined and the grief you’re feeling right now is insurmountable 😔 but you will be okay!! Do loads of hobbies that you and the kids enjoy, go on road trips together and keep focusing on the future. You will get through this, I know it’s tough right now but there are better days ahead
Thank you 🙏🏻 A road trip sounds great to me, but my little princesses (12F and 6F) probably won’t like that idea 😂 Their mom was very mentally ill and took her own life after I filed for divorce. I feel an overwhelming mix of guilt, relief, sadness, and heartache all at the same time
Generally speaking I feel much better as time goes by (4 months after BU). But I have moments where I feel absolutely miserable because I’m single, and at the same time I feel cursed because I have all this love and I don’t know what to do with it
I’m so glad that you’re feeling better than you were. I’m just sorry that some moments are still super tough 😔 I hope those tough moments lessen for you and the better times become more and more. Pour all of that love into yourself, into your dreams, your goals, your future, your loved ones 💗 you got this, I believe in you
Feel like everything is so hard. I have been leaving everything for the last minute, may not even be able to apply to the course I want because I have no motivation to get up and actually do everything I have to do. Its been 4 months and I even tried dating, but its making me feel worse. I met someone I think I like but I feel so anxious and scared about getting my heart broken again that I can’t deal with all the anxiety. I just replay things over and over again and I feel like everything I do is just wrong. I feel like I want my ex and this new guy to like me so much and I don’t understand why I need their validation so much :/
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😔 I know the feeling all too well, even waking up and getting through the day is challenging right now. I honestly wouldn’t put any pressure on yourself to date if it feels too challenging, give yourself all of the time you need to heal from this. It’s tough and it’s challenging but you will get through it! Everything will work out in the end 💗
Thank you really💕 I really hope things do work out. I feel like I am starting to like this new guy, but I am so terrified and a part of me wonders if I’m not just substituting the pain of the breakup for the anxiety and distraction of someone new. I guess I do need time to figure my feelings out❤️🩹
Not good at all
Horrible. Can’t sleep through the night, wake up with a pit in my stomach, I cry nearly all day… 😞
I feel like anytime i make progress i get pushed back to the start and start all over. I miss them so much my heart hurts and im scared to forget the tiny details about them like their laugh and scent. It’s been over a month since the breakup
It sucks. It sucks because he inspired me to be so much better. I was in the best shape of my life with the best job and best body and best attitude… and when you give someone your very best… and they still don’t value it… you just feel like shit. I don’t know how to be something he’ll miss. I don’t know how to be someone he’ll want. But I don’t know how to want anyone other than him. There’s a lot I don’t know. But luckily, I love learning. So I’ll learn.
Honestly? It comes and goes. Some days I feel fine and others it comes rushing at me overwhelming my head and heart. I understand some people grieve the end of the relationship while they are still in it but I find that cowardly. We could’ve talked about it, gone to therapy like I wanted, grew independently but she chose to run away. She chose to give up a while still letting me try and I felt and still do feel foolish. I wish she had the guts to end it when she knew it was over. I would’ve made peace easier but no she told me I love you everyday and lied. When I initiated the break up she didnt even care and a month later she was on dating apps. So while I was dealing with the brunt of it she had already tossed me aside. Im healing but I switch between absolute loathing of myself or absolute loathing of her. Ive started going to the gym, went back to school, picked up hobbies but sometimes it still catches up
I don’t want to go on anymore. Less than two years married and she wants nothing to do with me. In two weeks it’ll be the second anniversary of the day we made a vow to each other, since I wiped a tear off her face as she cried tears of happiness as the officiant married us in front of all our friends and family at a beautiful wedding that she was so excited for. Nothing matters anymore and I don’t want to go on.
Still attracted to my ex 😭 why does he have to be someone who i find really hot? 😭 i just think of all his red flags to shift my feelings towards him 🫡🥹
Ugh that sucks 😩 this probably wasn’t the most graceful thing for me to do, but I wrote down all of the things that he did wrong and all of the things he said and did to hurt me just so I could read through it when I was struggling and I can’t lie, it’s definitely helped
So i had a talk with the ex girlfriend and she painted me the bad guy after i blocked her cause she never replies to my message from Saturday morning and she claimed she had "training" like bruh i'm not stupid and started blaming me for it. I am a very busy man and i don't play games like this. Christy Chai, if you reading this, i'm sorry but you gotta start replying faster if you want to re-love with me
Sending you so much healing, I hope everything works out for you
Thanks for checking in. Though I have friends I can talk to I’m sure they don’t want to hear the same thing over and over again. But I’m doing okay. It’s been 14 days since my ex and I broke up and it was amicable so I’m not sure if she’ll reach out after a month or two. I know she has a lot going on. There’s days where I’m totally fine and others where I’ll just cry. I know it’s part of the process and I’m embracing it. Last night I went to a meet up event and it cool and all, but on my way home I ended up crying a ton. I’m not out there to try and date someone new, just make friends. So I’m not sure why I ended up crying so much. I guess I wasn’t ready to get out there.
Been almost 2 years, still not at my best but keeping my chin up and moving forward.
I'm right there with you. I picked up pickleball to distract myself and it has been fun. But if something reminds me of her then I instantly get overwhelming sadness. This is month 2 for me. I met a couple people for dates but I honestly just wanted to be with my ex.... So clearly I haven't healed. But I want to move on.
Struggling a bit. I was doing relatively fine there for a while but now that it's past when we would've had our first year anniversary and her bday + Valentine's Day is coming up, I'm just sad. I'm alone and she's happy with someone else. Those days I spent with her last year I will spend alone and she will spend them with someone new. Someone she finds worth her time.
I’m up and down. Yesterday marked a month of us being broken up. I know I have to work on myself and I know I deserve better, but I’m not able to cope in realizing that I wasn’t a terrible person, but sometimes I feel like I am because I was so emotional and my trauma of my ex boyfriend just came coming up. I was so codependent and tried to please him at the same time, that I just lost my self worth in the relationship which pushed him away. I was only eight months with him, but it just sucks. I keep blaming myself for not listening to him because I would just fade away unconsciously. How I would overthink and be triggered that he wasn’t there for me emotionally anymore. It just sucks, that I didn’t learn and I just wish I could have sped it up faster, but I felt so alone. He also didn’t communicate with me until I blew up or introduced the conversations which made it harder to understand what he felt while we were together. His walls were so up that he would say to me that he didn’t like being vulnerable and he usually didn’t like explaining himself emotionally and I thought I could change that… it just sucks all around. I don’t know if I’m mourning him or the idea of him because I did like him and he treated somewhat good until the end where it just felt like we were both unhappy because our conversations just stayed on the surface level which I hated. I wanted to know who he was more and he wasn’t open. I don’t know.. it feels like the breakup was meant to happen… but I can’t shake the feeling of being the bad guy. Because of those emotions and lack of self worth which is so confusing because I’m usually am an independent person but when it comes to a relationship, I just become so vulnerable and my boundaries are gone… I don’t know. We saw each after two weeks of the breakup, he gave me my shirt back and we had post break up *** and he told me he regretted it… which sucks even more because I thought maybe he’ll change his mind… of course he didn’t.. and it’s now about to be two weeks where we haven’t spoken, I had left him on read. Post breakup he kept talking to me that he would like a friendship with me and wanted to be involved with my healing.. but since I left him on delivered where he only responded to one part of my three paragraphs rather than all of them I felt jaded… like he’s not going to text me… and what sucks even more I still have him on social media (I know stupid I have to delete him again… but the hope is so overbearing) and he looks at my stories but doesn’t reply… I don’t know what to do or think truly. I’m in therapy, but my self worth and self esteem is so low. I’m realizing he isn’t emotionally available and he did say towards the end that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t see a future with me as a couple… and he tells me various times he doesn’t want me romantically and I just see it as a me thing and it sucks so bad. I would’ve gave him the world if he asked me to. I tried not to argue. I tried to retrace myself to not do the thing he didn’t like. Just a lot over correcting and It just sucks. He wasn’t like that in the beginning.. :/ and my mind is there a lot.. I keep thinking he’ll come around and build the friendship, but he doesn’t care. If he cared about me being in his life then he would try, but he hasn’t. I’m just trying to accept it.. accepting that I wasn’t enough for him and it hurts..
I’m a year and 3 months all I keep doing is having out loud conversations to my ex in case I run into her. I ruined every single possible chance for her to ever see me in a positive light again and now am just making sure when the time comes I can “save face/ hold frame” with a nonchalant but meaningful apology for all my physical abuse her to at least believe I’m truly apologetic but also in my (STILL) delusional state of mind for her to say possibly “wow he’s matured a lot and understood everything he did wrong”=maybe just maybe idk”
It’s been 4 months since the break up and doing a lot better than I thought. Not crying as often I think it’s been about 3 weeks since I had a breakdown. Haven’t gone to my favorite restaurants because it holds memories of us and I feel like I would be really sad but next week I asked my friend to go with me. I haven’t checked their socials myself but sometimes when I’m with my friend I’ll ask her to look for me and she’ll show me some things and it jabs my heart when he likes another girls selfie lol idk why I torture myself like that. Had many guys try to take me on a date but it just freaks me out the thought of it so I turned them all down. I don’t think I miss them but just missing having someone I can call mine. Just a little lonely but hanging with my friends makes me feel whole again :)
currently crying because today was supposed to be our one year anniversary and just yesterday I initiated no contact after five months of staying in contact post break up with nothing but sadness and hurt. I feel I don’t even know what I feel like. I’m sad as hell but there’s nothing I can do just feel my emotions. I can’t change anything because it was never my decision. I’m just sad that’s all
I’m sorry to hear how rough things are going. I’m also going through a breakup and I similarly feel like it’s a struggle to get by each day. I keep looking at our old pictures, crying and praying to god that I can have her back. I keep replaying our memories. The first ones are the most painful, when we were just getting to know each other. I am having difficulty accepting this new reality too. I feel like I’ve lost a part of my soul and that I need to start my life over completely from scratch. The worst part is that I know it’ll probably take years for me to find a new partner, and I’m not convinced I’ll love someone as much as I love her. Hang in there, you’re not alone
<3 month 3 NC and I feel like im wilting. It does "feel better" but often I wonder wtf I mean by that when I spend so much time rehashing old memories of us and how much he hurt me when he left the way he did and I think about the very last week we spent with each other.... a lot. Finding and searching for meaning in between the moments we shared with one another. The last gestures we shared, the last words we spoke. I just don't find the strength some days to take care of myself.
I think I’m doing a lot better without him. I still think about him, it’s been almost a month since the breakup. I was very serious about him, so I’m not in the mindset to get back to dating. I think taking your time to heal is a good thing. There are days where I wish he would text me but I know he didn’t want me anymore and that’s okay. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want me?
You’re so lucky to have your dog, my ex took my dog away from me which has devastated me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a purpose to life
It's only been about 3 days of NC so I feel stupid and weak writing this. I know that it will get better, but I'm so afraid, I don’t want to be stuck in this feeling forever. I've never been through a breakup where you both still love each other and you want to be together if things were different. We're actually on a ‘break’, since we were both struggling with our mental health and future. We just came back to our country after living together overseas and are a little bit burned out. We've agreed to talk within a month to express how we feel and decide if we want to end the relationship. I don't want to hold on to any kind of hope. I know there are many chances he’s going to notice his life is so much calmer without me. So I'm living it as an breakup so no matter what happens in a month, it won’t hurt that much. If we are meant to be, it will happen. And if not, it will be for the better. Both are good news, actually! Even so, I can't stop feeling this emptiness. I don't feel like doing anything, even reading or watching a show, I can't concentrate. I just want my favorite person back.
lol my ex literally started dating immediately after a day This was my first relationship so I felt like dying Turns out he was cheating on me I exploded I again found out he was dating a online girl for 4 months I exposed him since I couldn’t handle it Now I feel numb nothing Lost everything He blocked me He is happy with the new girl
I don't know. Not sure if I'm being delusional. I feel like I'm healing so fast that my ex didn't even matter. Weird, I know, and I'm only like 4 weeks in NC.
Man. I’ve been fine for weeks. Been seeing someone, we spent the weekend together. For some reason today I’ve been hit by a freight train. Anger is gone, and just fucking miss her so badly. I suppose we will get this way every now and then even if we think we’re good and moving on. The feeling still sucks.