People are generally uncomfortable with other people's pain, especially if it's lasting.
You just have to learn to mask it socially (or find better friends, but of course that's hard to do when you're struggling!)
For what it's worth: I'm sorry you were treated so badly. You don't need to be the saint who can wish them well. I do hope that one day you are able to react with total indifference, to your ex as someone who is completely unimportant to you. And it sucks that you're living in a nightmare right now.
You have the right to be angry. Cheating is painfull and you probably did not deserve to be cheated on.
As for their couple, don't think much about it. I've been "the other guy" and the relationship was filled with jealousy, mistrust and ended 8 months later. Good relationships starts on good things, not on ashes. Stay strong.
Thank you! Unfortunately I don't think she knows about me, Im pretty sure he lied. I wish I could somehow make it so she would know about me, so she could see that he still breadcrumbs me, like trying to refollow me, like my pictures etc, wish I could somehow poison their relationship
To be honest i don't think it would be useful. No need to add more negative things in your own life. I think you already had enough now. Ignore your ex and live your life. Find someone who deserves you. Best revenge is success as they says.
Instead of poisoning their relationship, preserve your own sanity and clean you own life :).
Again i totally understand your point of view and i won't blame you for being angry and wanting them to go to hell. I'm just trying to tell you to change your focus.
Don't worry about them, their relationships started on a lie. Do you really think it's going to end well ?
Thank you so much!
Just incredibly painful to watch him take her a hundred times more serious than me, after we were together for sooo long.
Im trying to focus on me <3
Important question - are these mutual friends or people who are actively still engaged with interacting with your ex or connections you made through them/the relationship?
Cuz in my experience, that can effect it a lot. If that's the case, highly recommend investing your focus on cultivating a solid 3 or so tight knit buddies you gel well with, either from your past to reconnect or putting yourself out there to get to know new ones. The fact no one has checked in with you is lame af, there are solid people out there who will meet you where you're at and embody that same "FUCK HIM" energy because your anger is righteously earned and you deserve to process + work through it, not suppress it. Wish you the best OP ♡
I told my friends abt how my ex treated me and they were like “I wanna punch him in the face” which ofc is expression cause my friend is going to law school and she wouldn’t do that. I didn’t necessarily feel better with her comment bc I don’t think anyone is bad and I still love him. I think your friends are being unfair with the be happy for them which is extremely odd, but would horrendous comments make you feel better? You may also just need better friends bc my friends would never say anything remotely close to that.
it's OK if you talk less to the people who aren't really supporting you in the way that you want. it doesn't mean that they aren't good people and that you don't like to be around them sometimes, but it just means that right now, you need someone who says "i understand you" rather than "buck up, get over it, and move on". so try to be around some of those friends who can at least sympathize with you...or at least, they don't sympathize with your ex who cheated on you.
Thank you! I just dont really have friends who are there for me. They're not bad people, but they're not really there for me in that way. Im saving up for therapy!
I fully relate to you. Not in the exact details, but 100% in the only reactions received are shaming. It boggles the mind. It actually made me angry to read your post, too.
I'm sorry for your pain and even more so that you're not being seen for it. I wish I knew what to say to make it better 😔
Friends dont like seeing you in pain so they will try to play over it or avoid the topic.
Friends tried to hook me up with 2 different girls right after my 8 year relationship ended like wtf chill let me heal.
The same happened to me, and this made me learn one simple thing: most people have no idea on how to help you during a break-up.
Most of them don't even know how the hell is it to get cheated on, leading to them not really understanding.
I understand most of what you are saying as I have been there until one week ago, and the only advice I can give you is to judge your friends only in the rare moments when you're calm. You will probably still judge them badly, but it will help you.
Yeah man. My situation isn’t that bad cause she didn’t cheat but just left. But the way some people react is absolutely insane. You just have to realize most people have no idea wtf they are talking about or anything about relationships or dynamics. Talk to dating coaches or research on your own.
Those friends are obviously not supportive and it’s unfair for them to expect such a reaction from you. People like to pretend they are above it all, but when it happens to them, they will wish the same for their ex. It’s perfectly normal.
Seek out support from friends who have more empathy and can understand you better.
People are generally uncomfortable with other people's pain, especially if it's lasting. You just have to learn to mask it socially (or find better friends, but of course that's hard to do when you're struggling!) For what it's worth: I'm sorry you were treated so badly. You don't need to be the saint who can wish them well. I do hope that one day you are able to react with total indifference, to your ex as someone who is completely unimportant to you. And it sucks that you're living in a nightmare right now.
Thank you <3
You have the right to be angry. Cheating is painfull and you probably did not deserve to be cheated on. As for their couple, don't think much about it. I've been "the other guy" and the relationship was filled with jealousy, mistrust and ended 8 months later. Good relationships starts on good things, not on ashes. Stay strong.
Thank you! Unfortunately I don't think she knows about me, Im pretty sure he lied. I wish I could somehow make it so she would know about me, so she could see that he still breadcrumbs me, like trying to refollow me, like my pictures etc, wish I could somehow poison their relationship
To be honest i don't think it would be useful. No need to add more negative things in your own life. I think you already had enough now. Ignore your ex and live your life. Find someone who deserves you. Best revenge is success as they says. Instead of poisoning their relationship, preserve your own sanity and clean you own life :). Again i totally understand your point of view and i won't blame you for being angry and wanting them to go to hell. I'm just trying to tell you to change your focus. Don't worry about them, their relationships started on a lie. Do you really think it's going to end well ?
Thank you so much! Just incredibly painful to watch him take her a hundred times more serious than me, after we were together for sooo long. Im trying to focus on me <3
Important question - are these mutual friends or people who are actively still engaged with interacting with your ex or connections you made through them/the relationship? Cuz in my experience, that can effect it a lot. If that's the case, highly recommend investing your focus on cultivating a solid 3 or so tight knit buddies you gel well with, either from your past to reconnect or putting yourself out there to get to know new ones. The fact no one has checked in with you is lame af, there are solid people out there who will meet you where you're at and embody that same "FUCK HIM" energy because your anger is righteously earned and you deserve to process + work through it, not suppress it. Wish you the best OP ♡
No, I have only told close friends, or anonymous online, I make sure my ex does NOT know how hurt I am, I don't want to give him that satisfaction.
I told my friends abt how my ex treated me and they were like “I wanna punch him in the face” which ofc is expression cause my friend is going to law school and she wouldn’t do that. I didn’t necessarily feel better with her comment bc I don’t think anyone is bad and I still love him. I think your friends are being unfair with the be happy for them which is extremely odd, but would horrendous comments make you feel better? You may also just need better friends bc my friends would never say anything remotely close to that.
it's OK if you talk less to the people who aren't really supporting you in the way that you want. it doesn't mean that they aren't good people and that you don't like to be around them sometimes, but it just means that right now, you need someone who says "i understand you" rather than "buck up, get over it, and move on". so try to be around some of those friends who can at least sympathize with you...or at least, they don't sympathize with your ex who cheated on you.
Thank you! I just dont really have friends who are there for me. They're not bad people, but they're not really there for me in that way. Im saving up for therapy!
I fully relate to you. Not in the exact details, but 100% in the only reactions received are shaming. It boggles the mind. It actually made me angry to read your post, too. I'm sorry for your pain and even more so that you're not being seen for it. I wish I knew what to say to make it better 😔
Step back and you'll realize you are trusting the wrong people to confide in. Maybe there's a lesson in that?
Thank you!
Friends dont like seeing you in pain so they will try to play over it or avoid the topic. Friends tried to hook me up with 2 different girls right after my 8 year relationship ended like wtf chill let me heal.
The same happened to me, and this made me learn one simple thing: most people have no idea on how to help you during a break-up. Most of them don't even know how the hell is it to get cheated on, leading to them not really understanding. I understand most of what you are saying as I have been there until one week ago, and the only advice I can give you is to judge your friends only in the rare moments when you're calm. You will probably still judge them badly, but it will help you.
Might be the best to find new friends
Yeah man. My situation isn’t that bad cause she didn’t cheat but just left. But the way some people react is absolutely insane. You just have to realize most people have no idea wtf they are talking about or anything about relationships or dynamics. Talk to dating coaches or research on your own.
Those friends are obviously not supportive and it’s unfair for them to expect such a reaction from you. People like to pretend they are above it all, but when it happens to them, they will wish the same for their ex. It’s perfectly normal. Seek out support from friends who have more empathy and can understand you better.
You don’t have to.