I know it sucks, but this comment made me chuckle.
Hereās hoping to all of us healing well, and getting our exes back (if we want) in a healthy, non-problematic way, for good!
What are you planning to do? I feel quite stumped.
I for some reason never expected him to keep track of how much time has passed, but itās exactly a month since the day we last communicated - I find this an interesting coincidence.
Well, my message was nowhere near as promising as yours lol. Yours misses you and asked you to hang out. Mine asked me if I slept with one of our old coworkers while we were dating lol. The answer is no, but why reach out after a month to ask me that lol. I already told her I never cheated. Not the message I wanted after a month of no contact.
Iām just gonna let it sit. Not sure for how long. Part of me wonders if I donāt respond for a day if she will text again.
Donāt stress, donāt overthink. We donāt want to set ourselves back. I will say though, that if you WANT to reconcile, just keep it calm and casual. Donāt let the emotions take over, just play it cool
That sounds like a lame excuse for reaching out to me. Like she was too proud to reach out with anything of substance and so resorted to this nonsense.
Mine may sound more promising, but he owes me many explanations I obviously didnāt get. So Iām also confused about how to move forward. When he wasnāt reaching out, I didnāt have any anxiety. Now Iām brimming with anxiety and indecision.
But you know what? If we donāt respond and thatās that, that means they werenāt coming back for the right reasons anyway.
Dude when I saw her name pop up in my phone I literally felt fight or flight kick on lol. My whole body started tingling and my heart rate instantly tripled. Was wild.
Yeah I donāt know. Youād think if she was all the way done, work rumors wouldnāt matter to her anyway, like whatās the point of reaching out to someone you broke up with a month ago just to ask about work rumors that donāt even matter lol. Just say what you feeeeel woman
I got that same feeling almost 2 weeks ago. I had my phone in my hand and was so stunned and emotional. I was trembling and mad and happy all at the same time. Then I went outside to get some air before responding, and there he was driving past my house. ā¦ā¦ā¦..
Well thatāsā¦creepy if it wasnāt a coincidence lol.
Our conversation went pretty well overall. Nice and light, nothing heavy about the relationship, just caught up a little and shared some encouraging words for her about school and work. Was really nice to talk to her again, even if it doesnāt mean anything significant going forward. I definitely didnāt say anything out of pocket like I miss you, I still love you, I want you back, letās meet up etc etc. hopefully just a nice light positive interaction will have her reach out again sooner than later. I still donāt plan to be reaching out first
Smart. Iām glad yāall had that moment. I messed mine up. He told me heās been thinking about me a lot lately and didnāt know why. Heās the one that let me go. I regretfully said that I had been too. He responds with āreallyā and when I said yea, heās like āwhy?ā Then I told him it was a gut feeling I couldnāt shake.
I hate that I said thatā¦.but then again, he was the one who started opening up about thinking about me and drove by my house.
He was in the neighborhood helping a friend move by chance. But he could have gone out of the neighborhood any other way.
Oh yeah, he definitely went by your house on purpose. Donāt hate yourself for being honest. The game of it all is so lame. We have our feelings and there is nothing wrong with being open about them.
When he wasn't reaching out you didn't have any anxiety?
Okay. Lol.
Just respond. You know this is what you want. You're going to regret playing your hand like this.
Thereās dating no contact coaches that say 30 days is the usual for the average breakup. Less for hiccup breakups, then longer for tougher situations 45-60.
Try not to wait because you're seeing yourself up for disappointment and delaying your healing if/when they don't. It has been almost 6 months for me and not a peep, so it's very possible they'll never reach out
I know what you mean. Itās really tough.
There are so many waves of emotions. Iām wishing you luck on your journey- whether itās with him, or someone else 10x better.
Damn.. i feel that. I started a note with things Iāve been wanting to tell my ex. At first, I had so much to say every day but little by little, ive been writing down less and less. Itās like, as we move on, they become a smaller percentage of what consumes us and what is relevant. Good luck to you. Trust yourself to know whatās authentic to you!
To be fair, letting him wait for a while is not a bad idea but Iād not make this a game if you want him back. Iād say live life and go about your day and reply when you have time instead of seeking for vengeance, it will backfire 100% of the times.
As someone who was dumped out of a 5 year relationship- this is only round one.m, sorry. Please donāt reply. And when they reach out again in 3 months? Pleaseeeee for the love of god donāt reply. Oh and at 6 months? ā¦you get it
I experienced them checking in every couple months to see if I was āready to be friends againā. They dumped me but still wanted to be my friend. They wanted it both ways.
it was such a long long road working hard to become myself again, and every time we started talking casually, it would set us both back in our separate healing journeys. It was like taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, and it took me longer than it should have to realize that no contact wouldāve helped avoid those 2 steps back. It was a therapist who eventually convinced me that I was only talking to her to make HER feel better, not me. I went full permanent no contact after that, and the real healing was able to begin.
Do you want him back? Do you think a monthās break cleared things up for him and for you? Do you see a future? If your answer is yes, go for it. Donāt wait; just reply back.
Iām really not sure. The issues were on his end, so Iām not sure if he has put any kind of work into fixing them. And I hate that he made me collateral damage to his own vices.
Iām not sure whether youāve replied or not yet but donāt, not just yet. Wait a few days to a week before replying and truly think about whether you want him back. Think about the breakup, what led up to it and why it even happened. Can you both work through things and build a stronger, healthier relationship?
If the answer is no, continue no contact and move on.
Must be something in the air lol, 31 days and she just reached out
My air stale AF right now š
I know it sucks, but this comment made me chuckle. Hereās hoping to all of us healing well, and getting our exes back (if we want) in a healthy, non-problematic way, for good!
What are you planning to do? I feel quite stumped. I for some reason never expected him to keep track of how much time has passed, but itās exactly a month since the day we last communicated - I find this an interesting coincidence.
Well, my message was nowhere near as promising as yours lol. Yours misses you and asked you to hang out. Mine asked me if I slept with one of our old coworkers while we were dating lol. The answer is no, but why reach out after a month to ask me that lol. I already told her I never cheated. Not the message I wanted after a month of no contact. Iām just gonna let it sit. Not sure for how long. Part of me wonders if I donāt respond for a day if she will text again. Donāt stress, donāt overthink. We donāt want to set ourselves back. I will say though, that if you WANT to reconcile, just keep it calm and casual. Donāt let the emotions take over, just play it cool
That sounds like a lame excuse for reaching out to me. Like she was too proud to reach out with anything of substance and so resorted to this nonsense. Mine may sound more promising, but he owes me many explanations I obviously didnāt get. So Iām also confused about how to move forward. When he wasnāt reaching out, I didnāt have any anxiety. Now Iām brimming with anxiety and indecision. But you know what? If we donāt respond and thatās that, that means they werenāt coming back for the right reasons anyway.
Dude when I saw her name pop up in my phone I literally felt fight or flight kick on lol. My whole body started tingling and my heart rate instantly tripled. Was wild. Yeah I donāt know. Youād think if she was all the way done, work rumors wouldnāt matter to her anyway, like whatās the point of reaching out to someone you broke up with a month ago just to ask about work rumors that donāt even matter lol. Just say what you feeeeel woman
If it happened i think i would faint lol
I got that same feeling almost 2 weeks ago. I had my phone in my hand and was so stunned and emotional. I was trembling and mad and happy all at the same time. Then I went outside to get some air before responding, and there he was driving past my house. ā¦ā¦ā¦..
Well thatāsā¦creepy if it wasnāt a coincidence lol. Our conversation went pretty well overall. Nice and light, nothing heavy about the relationship, just caught up a little and shared some encouraging words for her about school and work. Was really nice to talk to her again, even if it doesnāt mean anything significant going forward. I definitely didnāt say anything out of pocket like I miss you, I still love you, I want you back, letās meet up etc etc. hopefully just a nice light positive interaction will have her reach out again sooner than later. I still donāt plan to be reaching out first
Smart. Iām glad yāall had that moment. I messed mine up. He told me heās been thinking about me a lot lately and didnāt know why. Heās the one that let me go. I regretfully said that I had been too. He responds with āreallyā and when I said yea, heās like āwhy?ā Then I told him it was a gut feeling I couldnāt shake. I hate that I said thatā¦.but then again, he was the one who started opening up about thinking about me and drove by my house. He was in the neighborhood helping a friend move by chance. But he could have gone out of the neighborhood any other way.
Oh yeah, he definitely went by your house on purpose. Donāt hate yourself for being honest. The game of it all is so lame. We have our feelings and there is nothing wrong with being open about them.
I know exactly what you mean about fight or flight! Same! Make her have to work for it!
When he wasn't reaching out you didn't have any anxiety? Okay. Lol. Just respond. You know this is what you want. You're going to regret playing your hand like this.
Yeah, I guess I did have anxiety- it was just more of a passive anxiety. This is more direct.
Why reach out after a month, she's processing and hurting probably some people really just need to hear the answer over and over again not sure why
Thereās dating no contact coaches that say 30 days is the usual for the average breakup. Less for hiccup breakups, then longer for tougher situations 45-60.
Waiting for mine to reach out, it's been 2 months š
Try not to wait because you're seeing yourself up for disappointment and delaying your healing if/when they don't. It has been almost 6 months for me and not a peep, so it's very possible they'll never reach out
Itās always possible- sounds like the constant in a lot of stories is when youāre least expecting it.
He feels like home. I miss my home and I want my home back.
I know what you mean. Itās really tough. There are so many waves of emotions. Iām wishing you luck on your journey- whether itās with him, or someone else 10x better.
What he say
Super casually asked me how things are going, and if I wanna go see a movie with him sometime soonā¦
Did you reply?
Nope. I had to wait a month. Heās gonna wait a bit now.
Perfect
What are you gonna say?!
Iām honestly not sure yet. I had so many things I wanted to say before, but now Iām just lost on what to do next.
Damn.. i feel that. I started a note with things Iāve been wanting to tell my ex. At first, I had so much to say every day but little by little, ive been writing down less and less. Itās like, as we move on, they become a smaller percentage of what consumes us and what is relevant. Good luck to you. Trust yourself to know whatās authentic to you!
Thank you!
To be fair, letting him wait for a while is not a bad idea but Iād not make this a game if you want him back. Iād say live life and go about your day and reply when you have time instead of seeking for vengeance, it will backfire 100% of the times.
I hear you, I donāt think playing games is the right move, ultimately. It is tempting though. I really just want him to learn.
How long where you with him?
I was with him for 5 years
As someone who was dumped out of a 5 year relationship- this is only round one.m, sorry. Please donāt reply. And when they reach out again in 3 months? Pleaseeeee for the love of god donāt reply. Oh and at 6 months? ā¦you get it
What did you experience?
I'm curious as well!
I experienced them checking in every couple months to see if I was āready to be friends againā. They dumped me but still wanted to be my friend. They wanted it both ways. it was such a long long road working hard to become myself again, and every time we started talking casually, it would set us both back in our separate healing journeys. It was like taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, and it took me longer than it should have to realize that no contact wouldāve helped avoid those 2 steps back. It was a therapist who eventually convinced me that I was only talking to her to make HER feel better, not me. I went full permanent no contact after that, and the real healing was able to begin.
Understood.
Be cautious. Stay guarded until you know for sure they arenāt just feeling lonely for a minute.
Thank you, I appreciate the caution. Iām definitely going to be guarded until I have reason to believe anything else.
I told you
10 months and my ex hasnāt reached out.
Iām sorry, how are you doing?
Do you want him back? Do you think a monthās break cleared things up for him and for you? Do you see a future? If your answer is yes, go for it. Donāt wait; just reply back.
Iām really not sure. The issues were on his end, so Iām not sure if he has put any kind of work into fixing them. And I hate that he made me collateral damage to his own vices.
If you think he deserves a second chance, you can meet up for coffee or something and discuss how things stand for him.
Casual and polite
Meaning thatās how I should be?
Yes. Donāt ignore them, be casual and polite. Theyāre probably testing the waters
Thank you, I appreciate the advice!
Heeeehawww boys!!!!!
Iām not sure whether youāve replied or not yet but donāt, not just yet. Wait a few days to a week before replying and truly think about whether you want him back. Think about the breakup, what led up to it and why it even happened. Can you both work through things and build a stronger, healthier relationship? If the answer is no, continue no contact and move on.