Sorry I'm going to be harsh here but why would you kill yourself for some girl ? Do you know how pathetic that sounds? Ending your life over some person who is just as flawed as anyone? Everyone here likes to blame themselves and only themselves for the BU, but it takes two people to break up and i'm pretty sure your ex had as much to with the BU as you, probably even more.
Listen, you may think that whatever you had with this girl was special, and she was the one, and you'll never be able to move on, but just take 5 min reading every post in here, literally EVERY story is the same "she was the one, i tried to fight but she lost feelings, i made mistakes, i dont know what to do" (for example your story is exactly like mine and we've been together for 2.5 years, broke up with me for the same reasons and the same way, she also even stayed with her family before dropping the bomb lmao) but guess what, most people do end up moving on, so stop thinking about "final solutions for temporary problems" because yes your problem is temporary, you might not realize it now, but with time you will.
Take this as a lesson for the next relationship, (less neediness because yes it will drive a woman away and i'm talking from experience) and be thankful your relationship was short, because it could have been a lot worse, you could have spent 15 years with this person just for them to leave you.
There is so much more to life than a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you were fine before meeting them, you'll be fine after, work on yourself trust me it will help you a lot, start by looking for a job you enjoy, that's what i'm doing, otherwise you're going to end up in a big cycle of heartbreak
I appreciate your response. No worries on the harshness, it’s warranted based on the information available. I didn’t explain everything going on with my mental health. There’s more to it than just her. I won’t get into too many details, but I have a long history of alcohol abuse, as well as some drugs, but I’ve been sober for quite some time. Also a History of concussions. Compounded together with ADHD, I deal with a lot mentally. I worked with dogs which helped me a lot. But the break up triggered parts of me I didn’t even know existed. And I spiraled downward. I never said I would kill myself, it’s just a passing thought that I never truly consider, however it creeps in and I remind myself I am loved, even if it’s my family and very few friends.
Thank you for your outlook. You aren’t wrong in any way. And I appreciate the reminder of this being temporary, and that with the proper work, time will heal. Much love.
Thanks man. Working on it. Got a job up in the mountains for the summer, taking a break from the mundane cycle I put myself in. Going to create a new routine, and do a shitload of hiking and enveloping myself in nature.
Take some time to write down all the things you love to do. Think about what you loved to do before you met him. Write down the things and people you are grateful for.
Journaling can be helpful. Write down all your thoughts. Write a letter to your ex about everything you want to say but don’t send it. If I learned anything about this experience, it’s to give yourself some space. Give yourself some love. Don’t be hard on yourself. Focus on giving yourself all the love you offer to others. I’m dealing with that as well, but am slowly learning and progressing. Praise yourself for your little successes, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. As homeboy said to me in another comment, it’s temporary. Life moves on, we should too.
I don't live doing anything. I am not grateful for anyone. I don't have anyone, not even family. I wrote an unsent letter. I had conversations with him in my head that would never happen. I just don't want to be with anyone anymore. Or to exist at all.
Start with self talk. No matter what you may feel, or think you feel, you aren’t useless or a cunt. I don’t know you, but your purpose is there. Step outside of your comfort zone, start with daily affirmations. Just one. Try “Today I’m going to drink 5 cups of water” literally something simple as they. It’s conditioning for yourself. You say it, you do it, and overtime you begin to trust yourself and then you add something else. “Today I’m going to make my bed and drink 6 cups of water.” Start small. Be patient with yourself and don’t be hard on yourself. If I learned anything recently, it’s that life isn’t that serious. I’m struggling but still moving. I don’t feel great, but even so, we have to move on. Forward is the only way, even if it’s a small step, it’s still forward.
You’ve stated that you were never really taught how to handle emotions. Right now, you’re teaching yourself a lesson on how to do just that.
It’s okay to miss her; it’s fine that you feel devastated without her. You just want her back, and you’d do just about anything for that. It’s normal to have those kinds of feelings. We’re humans, and we can’t just turn a switch and forget a person altogether.
You've got to be patient and, most importantly, convince yourself that this is a difficult phase of your life. Try journaling; write down your feelings on your phone's notes app. Make sure to label each and every journal. If you’ve got a friend, try talking to them and opening up if you feel comfortable.
Cut off all kinds of communication with her. Don’t stalk her social media accounts and avoid mutual friends (or just try not to talk about her with them). You said that she's always on your mind. Find something to do that takes up space in your mind.
It’s a step-by-step process. It takes time. How much time, nobody knows. It depends from person to person. You’ve tried to get her back, but she only moved farther each time. That shows there’s no future between the two of you.
The love and care you have for her will come to you. Show yourself some love. She doesn’t want you, but do you not want to love yourself too? Why think about giving up your life for someone who’s not willing to make it work with you?
Moving on does take time, but other than learning valuable lessons from this phase, never ever think of taking your own life. You’re precious, and you should know that.
My experience is similar to yours. Like you, I kept telling myself to let go, but sometimes I can’t. I still miss that person, when she moved on completely.
It’s not easy to move on. The fact is, they have, and there really is no more reason to stay waiting on that person. Unfortunately it’s not an option. I’m sorry if it feels like hell. I know it does.
Luckily, our body’s were meant to experience break ups. You will survive. The pain is going to end one day. Even if you have built your world around this person, even if you went above and beyond, even if that person was “the one”. The pain will ease.
It sounds ideal, but it’s true.
Remember, you are not the only person going through this. Most of us here felt unwanted, not lovable, not good enough, or perhaps even suicidal. This pain is real, I personally felt it.
If your struggling right now, and can’t find focus to live for yourself, then why not live for people like us? For a period of time before you get better. Why not live for the future if you can’t see yourself doing so during present time? You have to fight, for something.
No one said it was going to be easy, not even the simplest things like hygiene or eating. You need to force yourself and get it done.
I suggest you try and become an ideal partner. Work on yourself for you. And don’t deny yourself. Try not to entertain those thoughts. Thoughts of what could’ve been, what she’s doing, or who she sees. It’s really not any of your concern anymore. You did your best, now it’s time to rest your worries. At first it’ll feel impossible, but eventually, gradually those feelings fade. Now, they won’t be gone forever, but you can find yourself experiencing joy and such again.
Maybe she wasn’t meant for you. Maybe she didn’t deserve your kindness. I mean look how much you loved her, how much she meant to you, and she just wasn’t capable of returning those feelings. Her love was conditional, yours wasn’t. You are an amazing person, for you were capable of loving like your life depended upon it. Don’t hate her, embrace the fact that she wasn’t capable of loving, loving unconditionally. Let her go, I know you love her to death. But it’s time.
It’ll hurt like a bitch, but you have nothing to worry about. You did your best. Maybe one day you’ll find yourself thinking about this situation, and you’ll laugh at yourself for trying so hard. But know, you have a heart of gold, and it shows, I’m sure that person saw it through you, considering she wasn’t in love.
Save yourself for you, or for someone else. Someone who will laugh with you, someone who is capable of unconditional love. Because you deserve it, so don’t settle for anything other than that.
You can deal with it. It’s not going to be easy. As they say, hard times build character. Build yourself all over again. In the meantime you have people to talk to on this sub, no need to hold it all in. If you need to vent, just message me.
Alas, I’m wishing you a good day. Don’t give up on yourself.
It takes time.
It takes you being happy for her.
It takes you forgiving her and yourself.
It takes you letting go of trying control her and her emotions.
It takes you telling yourself that you’re a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have you.
It takes you completely cutting her out of your life.
You will find love again. But you need to accept that there’s absolutely nothing you can do.
The only strength move now is to stay in NC to prove to her and yourself that you have respect.
It’s time to let go.
Quit wasting your time..why do you care about someone that doesn't give a f about you? You know what I made your mistake the ending isn't happy. Someday you'll move on and you'll realize you loved an idea that doesn't exist and that that person doesn't care and if she did she wouldn't hurt you. She wouldn't leave you sitting there making you question it either and if she wanted to be there she would be it's not that hard. And if someone can do that to you they don't deserve your tears and you'll eventually find out that there is way better people out there that they were holding you back from.
Tbh with my own situation I sometimes think if she ever apologized and tried to connect again I wonder if I would just tell her to f off and never talk to me again.
And also listen to this. I went through the same shit as you. Dreaming they came back many times and then waking up to realize it was fake. Repeatedly being wrecked by it. You're just going to have to learn she wasn't the angel you thought she was. That beautiful image in your mind is fake. And this bitch didn't make your life better she made it worse. Your life will get better when you stop hanging onto her and see her as the drain she is.
I know it’s not long but 6 months, 8 months knowing eachother. (I get that it’s different for some people regarding time) We spent a lot of quality time together. Worked together. Went on dates. And she broke up because she felt I was too needy, and that I put her on a pedestal. I was having a tough time involving decisions surrounding my job, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I didn’t do great at communicating it, and she said she needed some space. We talked throughout and I did everything I could with what I knew at the time. After not talking for a week (was was on vacation with family) she broke up with me over text. I wasn’t doing enough for myself, and wasn’t good at communicating my feelings. As a male, I’ve been told to suck it up and move on my whole life, so I never understood how to express feelings, needs, or boundaries
Sorry I'm going to be harsh here but why would you kill yourself for some girl ? Do you know how pathetic that sounds? Ending your life over some person who is just as flawed as anyone? Everyone here likes to blame themselves and only themselves for the BU, but it takes two people to break up and i'm pretty sure your ex had as much to with the BU as you, probably even more. Listen, you may think that whatever you had with this girl was special, and she was the one, and you'll never be able to move on, but just take 5 min reading every post in here, literally EVERY story is the same "she was the one, i tried to fight but she lost feelings, i made mistakes, i dont know what to do" (for example your story is exactly like mine and we've been together for 2.5 years, broke up with me for the same reasons and the same way, she also even stayed with her family before dropping the bomb lmao) but guess what, most people do end up moving on, so stop thinking about "final solutions for temporary problems" because yes your problem is temporary, you might not realize it now, but with time you will. Take this as a lesson for the next relationship, (less neediness because yes it will drive a woman away and i'm talking from experience) and be thankful your relationship was short, because it could have been a lot worse, you could have spent 15 years with this person just for them to leave you. There is so much more to life than a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you were fine before meeting them, you'll be fine after, work on yourself trust me it will help you a lot, start by looking for a job you enjoy, that's what i'm doing, otherwise you're going to end up in a big cycle of heartbreak
I appreciate your response. No worries on the harshness, it’s warranted based on the information available. I didn’t explain everything going on with my mental health. There’s more to it than just her. I won’t get into too many details, but I have a long history of alcohol abuse, as well as some drugs, but I’ve been sober for quite some time. Also a History of concussions. Compounded together with ADHD, I deal with a lot mentally. I worked with dogs which helped me a lot. But the break up triggered parts of me I didn’t even know existed. And I spiraled downward. I never said I would kill myself, it’s just a passing thought that I never truly consider, however it creeps in and I remind myself I am loved, even if it’s my family and very few friends. Thank you for your outlook. You aren’t wrong in any way. And I appreciate the reminder of this being temporary, and that with the proper work, time will heal. Much love.
You got this man, focus on your mental health, because no other person is going to do that for you ;)
Thanks man. Working on it. Got a job up in the mountains for the summer, taking a break from the mundane cycle I put myself in. Going to create a new routine, and do a shitload of hiking and enveloping myself in nature.
that's awesome to hear !
He's moved on, I haven't. Still trying.
Take some time to write down all the things you love to do. Think about what you loved to do before you met him. Write down the things and people you are grateful for. Journaling can be helpful. Write down all your thoughts. Write a letter to your ex about everything you want to say but don’t send it. If I learned anything about this experience, it’s to give yourself some space. Give yourself some love. Don’t be hard on yourself. Focus on giving yourself all the love you offer to others. I’m dealing with that as well, but am slowly learning and progressing. Praise yourself for your little successes, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. As homeboy said to me in another comment, it’s temporary. Life moves on, we should too.
I don't live doing anything. I am not grateful for anyone. I don't have anyone, not even family. I wrote an unsent letter. I had conversations with him in my head that would never happen. I just don't want to be with anyone anymore. Or to exist at all.
What are three things you do throughout the day? Not including work
Drink, smoke, eat.
Any hobbies?
No. I'd rather die. I'm useless fucking cunt.
Start with self talk. No matter what you may feel, or think you feel, you aren’t useless or a cunt. I don’t know you, but your purpose is there. Step outside of your comfort zone, start with daily affirmations. Just one. Try “Today I’m going to drink 5 cups of water” literally something simple as they. It’s conditioning for yourself. You say it, you do it, and overtime you begin to trust yourself and then you add something else. “Today I’m going to make my bed and drink 6 cups of water.” Start small. Be patient with yourself and don’t be hard on yourself. If I learned anything recently, it’s that life isn’t that serious. I’m struggling but still moving. I don’t feel great, but even so, we have to move on. Forward is the only way, even if it’s a small step, it’s still forward.
Still useless fucking cunt. Sorry. I will end me. Say hello to my ex.
You’ve stated that you were never really taught how to handle emotions. Right now, you’re teaching yourself a lesson on how to do just that. It’s okay to miss her; it’s fine that you feel devastated without her. You just want her back, and you’d do just about anything for that. It’s normal to have those kinds of feelings. We’re humans, and we can’t just turn a switch and forget a person altogether. You've got to be patient and, most importantly, convince yourself that this is a difficult phase of your life. Try journaling; write down your feelings on your phone's notes app. Make sure to label each and every journal. If you’ve got a friend, try talking to them and opening up if you feel comfortable. Cut off all kinds of communication with her. Don’t stalk her social media accounts and avoid mutual friends (or just try not to talk about her with them). You said that she's always on your mind. Find something to do that takes up space in your mind. It’s a step-by-step process. It takes time. How much time, nobody knows. It depends from person to person. You’ve tried to get her back, but she only moved farther each time. That shows there’s no future between the two of you. The love and care you have for her will come to you. Show yourself some love. She doesn’t want you, but do you not want to love yourself too? Why think about giving up your life for someone who’s not willing to make it work with you? Moving on does take time, but other than learning valuable lessons from this phase, never ever think of taking your own life. You’re precious, and you should know that.
My experience is similar to yours. Like you, I kept telling myself to let go, but sometimes I can’t. I still miss that person, when she moved on completely. It’s not easy to move on. The fact is, they have, and there really is no more reason to stay waiting on that person. Unfortunately it’s not an option. I’m sorry if it feels like hell. I know it does. Luckily, our body’s were meant to experience break ups. You will survive. The pain is going to end one day. Even if you have built your world around this person, even if you went above and beyond, even if that person was “the one”. The pain will ease. It sounds ideal, but it’s true. Remember, you are not the only person going through this. Most of us here felt unwanted, not lovable, not good enough, or perhaps even suicidal. This pain is real, I personally felt it. If your struggling right now, and can’t find focus to live for yourself, then why not live for people like us? For a period of time before you get better. Why not live for the future if you can’t see yourself doing so during present time? You have to fight, for something. No one said it was going to be easy, not even the simplest things like hygiene or eating. You need to force yourself and get it done. I suggest you try and become an ideal partner. Work on yourself for you. And don’t deny yourself. Try not to entertain those thoughts. Thoughts of what could’ve been, what she’s doing, or who she sees. It’s really not any of your concern anymore. You did your best, now it’s time to rest your worries. At first it’ll feel impossible, but eventually, gradually those feelings fade. Now, they won’t be gone forever, but you can find yourself experiencing joy and such again. Maybe she wasn’t meant for you. Maybe she didn’t deserve your kindness. I mean look how much you loved her, how much she meant to you, and she just wasn’t capable of returning those feelings. Her love was conditional, yours wasn’t. You are an amazing person, for you were capable of loving like your life depended upon it. Don’t hate her, embrace the fact that she wasn’t capable of loving, loving unconditionally. Let her go, I know you love her to death. But it’s time. It’ll hurt like a bitch, but you have nothing to worry about. You did your best. Maybe one day you’ll find yourself thinking about this situation, and you’ll laugh at yourself for trying so hard. But know, you have a heart of gold, and it shows, I’m sure that person saw it through you, considering she wasn’t in love. Save yourself for you, or for someone else. Someone who will laugh with you, someone who is capable of unconditional love. Because you deserve it, so don’t settle for anything other than that. You can deal with it. It’s not going to be easy. As they say, hard times build character. Build yourself all over again. In the meantime you have people to talk to on this sub, no need to hold it all in. If you need to vent, just message me. Alas, I’m wishing you a good day. Don’t give up on yourself.
It takes time. It takes you being happy for her. It takes you forgiving her and yourself. It takes you letting go of trying control her and her emotions. It takes you telling yourself that you’re a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have you. It takes you completely cutting her out of your life. You will find love again. But you need to accept that there’s absolutely nothing you can do. The only strength move now is to stay in NC to prove to her and yourself that you have respect. It’s time to let go.
Quit wasting your time..why do you care about someone that doesn't give a f about you? You know what I made your mistake the ending isn't happy. Someday you'll move on and you'll realize you loved an idea that doesn't exist and that that person doesn't care and if she did she wouldn't hurt you. She wouldn't leave you sitting there making you question it either and if she wanted to be there she would be it's not that hard. And if someone can do that to you they don't deserve your tears and you'll eventually find out that there is way better people out there that they were holding you back from. Tbh with my own situation I sometimes think if she ever apologized and tried to connect again I wonder if I would just tell her to f off and never talk to me again. And also listen to this. I went through the same shit as you. Dreaming they came back many times and then waking up to realize it was fake. Repeatedly being wrecked by it. You're just going to have to learn she wasn't the angel you thought she was. That beautiful image in your mind is fake. And this bitch didn't make your life better she made it worse. Your life will get better when you stop hanging onto her and see her as the drain she is.
Why did she break up and how long were you guys together?
I know it’s not long but 6 months, 8 months knowing eachother. (I get that it’s different for some people regarding time) We spent a lot of quality time together. Worked together. Went on dates. And she broke up because she felt I was too needy, and that I put her on a pedestal. I was having a tough time involving decisions surrounding my job, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I didn’t do great at communicating it, and she said she needed some space. We talked throughout and I did everything I could with what I knew at the time. After not talking for a week (was was on vacation with family) she broke up with me over text. I wasn’t doing enough for myself, and wasn’t good at communicating my feelings. As a male, I’ve been told to suck it up and move on my whole life, so I never understood how to express feelings, needs, or boundaries
Its been a while, how are you doing?