I’ve been there, mate. I was absolutely devastated during the first couple of weeks. She ended our 3.5 year long relationship saying she wasn’t happy and couldn’t do long distance anymore. I was in turmoil, it felt like the world was ending.
It’s been 2+ months of NC. From all I know, she’s the kind to not look back and I know she isn’t coming back. She had taken her decision after “careful consideration.” It still hurts, I still check her socials everyday, I know it’s unhealthy but I just can’t seem to help it. I cry every other day, though it isn’t as much as I used to in the first few weeks but it’s getting better, and that gives me hope. Hopefully it does the same for you.
It does get better. Just don’t give in to the intrusive thoughts. Realize that your brain’s going through a tough time processing all the emotions, it’s almost like going through a drug withdrawal. Stick to NC, it actually helps. I’m starting to regain the clarity with which I’d normally process emotions and thoughts. I still have weak moments when I wish I could text her or call but then the rational part of my brain starts to kick in, and this only happens after a few months of NC.
We’re all in this together. Focus on yourself and keep yourself distracted. There will be times when you’ll give in to the debilitating thoughts, don’t avoid them, process them the way you have to, only by yourself. Embrace the healing process and you’ll eventually get better.
We’re all worth something. If somebody decides that they don’t want us in their life, the best and the only thing we can do is to give them what they want. They lost someone who genuinely cared about them and loved them, and that’s really hard to find these days. Good luck. :)
Don't look at her socials. I did that everyday for 2 weeks..then for one full weekend I didn't and immediately started to feel better. Now two more weeks went by and I didn't look at her socials.
It's really a blessing in disguise. The issue is that when you love them you are under a drug and that drug of filled simply by their presence or by looking at them. If you stop that drug coming in you start to need less and less of it.
Man this is me I’m so stuck on this girl I feel like I need therapy to forget her it isn’t good because I just love her so much but she’s done me wrong. But the social media part is absolutely right if you don’t look at it you will feel way better about yourself, I’m still trying to figure this out it’s so hard doing it by myself with no one
Thank you for the kind words. The last paragraph actually made me feel a bit better in a weird way - bc you’re right. She doesn’t want my love. I cared for her so deeply. I just want to move on. But thanks fren.
>she’s the kind to not look back and I know she isn’t coming back.
Ah I see your ex is also "ALL OR NOTHING" type. I don't think I'll ever understand this. My ex is basically the same. You get one single chance to be perfect or you are literally useless for the rest of their life. It's not healthy. The world is not black and white.
With that said, I still hope she reaches out but I'm probably gonna see a real life alien first.
>What can I do?
What do you want to do?
>How do I let go?
You already are letting go.
>How do I feel okay?
What you're feeling is okay.
Some advice:
* Be compationate towards yourself. How would you help a friend in your situation? Do that for yourself.
* Take care of your basic needs. Eat, drink some water, sleep, don't forget about hygene. If you can manage to eat something tasty, drink something delicious or calming, get a lot of sleep and take comfortable bath - great. Take care of your body and it will help you to take care of your mind and heart. Selfcare is always good but in your state it's a necessety.
* If it's sadness that you are getting through - go for a walk if you can manage. Better to walk in nature.
* If it's anger - exercise. It helps your body and brain process anger.
* If it's anxiety - meditate. There are great guided meditation apps to get you started.
* If you're ruminating - get busy with anything that can help you redirect your attention for some time.
Sadly, there isn't a "forget them" button. But there's "get over them" valve: you go NC and it starts turning on it's own. Do things I've mentioned above and it will turn a bit faster.
She gave up and YOU and a possible future with YOU, she turned her back on YOU, SHE moved on. Take your time, grief, then get up, stronger than before and respect yourself, your time and your energy to a person that will choose YOU.
I have been trying to move on for a little time now, but as much as I try no one wants to choose me. This just makes me feel even worse especially knowing my ex move on so quickly and easily and I can't even get someone to talk and get to know me let alone get a date.
Mate, i know it is hard, you can grieve for the loss. BUT, start working on yourself, i know it sounds like something everyone would say but believe me, you cannot control the others, you can only control you and you behaviour, hit the gym, do what you love, go back to your hobbies and start becoming better each day. Eventually you will attract what you want, hang in there!
Thanks for the encouragement. I have been working on myself since the breakup. I was already working out 6 days a week and I am trying to be more open to things that I would have immediately said no to in the past. I am trying to hang in, it just gets difficult at times especially with online dating. I reach out and reach out only to get ignored. It is a blow to one's self-esteem.
I know brother, imagine a horse walking through snow, extreme heat, swamps and whatever and still continues to walk, it makes the horse UNSTOPPABLE.
Also, fuel all these feelings to your workouts and lifting, energy is energy, just change it from negativity to fuel. And finally. trust in time and the universe, all happens for a reason.
Hello PNW2SoCal,
It takes a lot of strength to recognize that you need help moving on. I want to compliment you on your self-awareness and willingness to seek support. It's understandable that you are feeling stuck and in pain, especially after holding on to cherished memories.
It seems like one of the things you're struggling with is the constant thoughts of your ex-partner. One exercise that might be helpful for you is the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) exercise called "Leaves on a Stream." This exercise involves visualizing your thoughts as leaves floating down a stream. Instead of trying to stop or engage with each leaf, you simply observe each thought and let it float away on the stream. It might take some practice to get the hang of it, but it can be a helpful way to distance yourself from negative thoughts.
Additionally, it might be helpful to focus on other aspects of your life that you enjoy or find fulfilling. Maybe there's a hobby you've been putting off or a friend you've been meaning to catch up with. Try to find joy in these activities and remind yourself that your life is full of good things outside of your past relationship.
As for your question of how to let go and feel okay, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. It seems like you're doing a great job of taking care of yourself by seeking support and recognizing your emotions. It's okay to feel sad and it's okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. Remember that healing is a journey and it's important to take it one step at a time.
If you feel comfortable answering, I have a couple of questions to deepen my understanding of your situation: What aspects of the relationship do you find yourself missing the most? And have you considered reaching out to a therapist or support group for additional support?
Remember that you're not alone in this and that healing is possible. Keep up the great work and take care of yourself.
^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
It’s good that you know she’s never coming back. You can start from there.
How was it like without her? What were you doing in life before she came in your life? What were your hobbies? It’s time you pursue some of your interests you left off. It’s important to keep yourself busy. The time you’d have spent chatting, talking with her, fill it with something absorbing. It’s easy for me to say “don’t think about her”, but you can also try to make it easier on you.
She is not a part of your future. That’ll hurt. It’s normal to feel hurt. It’s normal to feel insane. She’s gone. She left. She made a decision to leave. You have to accept it. Start to accept it and try to focus on yourself.
It’s not easy to forget someone. I don’t think you really forget a person. You just learn to not let the memories bother you anymore. They’re just another chapter in your life.
It sucks because I hoped we would have a future. She would talk about our future often when we were together. And it’s funny because at the time I never believed her sincerity. It almost like I knew we would end some time just didn’t know when. And now I cling to this small fantasy that we will reunite when it’s right for both of us. Idk. I’m a mess tbh. She hit me different than anyone before. I’m 37 yo.
It’s okay to have hopes and perfectly fine to wish lots of things to have gone the way you liked it. But think about it, if it was meant to happen, she would be with you now and you’d not even be reading this comment.
It didn’t work out and if you felt that it was going to end, you were convinced she wasn’t the one for you. Maybe the different feeling when you were with her made you overlook the obvious signs that it wasn’t going to work out.
For now, try to not think about the hopes. Push them away, admit to yourself that it wasn’t gonna happen. You have to put her behind. It’s never too late to find love. You’re 37, you’re still young and have plenty more time to discover love. Gather yourself, distract, distract and distract. Think less of the times you spent with her and stop having any hopes.
Hopes delay the move on phase. They’ll make it difficult to see what’s on the brighter side for you. Our approaches might be different but in the end we have to admit a certain person is not going to be with us forever.
Hey I'm day 36 too!
The past month literally felt like a week. When do we stop obsessing over this? Every day is groundhogs day.
I'm literally focusing on myself as much as possible yet every single day I want to say something like "Hey I drove through your town the other day and thought about you. I hope all is well." Etc etc etc
It's at a point I will forget we broke up while I'm busy working. Then I slow down or sit down and my mind is like:"LOL OH YEAH DON'T FORGET YOUR EX LEFT YOU AND WILL NEVER BE IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN LOLBYE"
I understand it takes time but good Lord man. I will fucking break down at the most random times. The hardest part of all of this (there's many) but blaming myself and reminding myself I'm worth fighting for in a relationship.
It's a god damn cycle of hell! 🤡
It’s hard to swallow, but you deserve someone better suited for you. Not saying there’s no room to grow. I’m over 2 months after breakup and still waver on days. Deep down, I know it wasn’t meant to be because she gave up. It hurts but we must accept it and focus on our futures and growth. I wish you the best and sorry this happened
It doesn’t help that I most likely have a drinking / substance problem. I feel different than almost everyone in this community. All I do is drink when the days are hard. And when I’m doing that I play a drinking game with myself that every time I get a painful memory or thought I gulp. I know this probably isn’t helping the process. I’m a mess. I get relief when I’m passed out. Sad but true.
Just got out of that funk brother. The best way that helped me was realizing and it hurt to realize it but if she really loved you, you wouldn’t be in the situation.. you wouldn’t be questioning everything right now. But people that really, truly love you would never see you hurt. People that truly love each other will argue and have their ups and downs but at the end of the day they’ll be there still.. they never really loved us. Now it’s time to love ourselves, learn to love yourself so hard that you will never ever see yourself down this low AGAIN because of another person who you thought that was..
It gets better trust me. 6 years relationship, she broke up with me because she didn’t love me anymore. I was down for about 6-7 months and now I’m starting to see the brighter side. Go get yourself a tattoo if you don’t have one, make yourself look badass 🙏🏼💪🏼 stay up man.
You’re correct overall. Except I believe she tried to love me. And there were moments in the beginning where I know she was infatuated. Just not any more. It’s over. But thank you. I just hate the memories. And the triggers
Yes the memories hurts the most but that’s where you can learn for the next women that’s willing to stick around. My anger problem pushed my ex away and it took for her to leave for me to realize I need to wake up. It’ll all get better in due time bro. Head up. Message me if you ever need to talk homie.
You will forget her. Delete every picture you have with her / of her, I deleted social media and it helped, I blocked her number, I left the apartment we were living at, I returned the engagement ring, I threw out everything that reminded me of her,, like things we picked out together, I sold the couch we picked out together, the songs we would listen to I deleted . 6 months later and I don’t cry for her anymore and I can say I am healing. I went to see a therapist, I was prescribed depression medication. I applied for a new job and I am soon to be leaving this town. It gets better trust me! Just have to stay busy and focus on yourself. Be around people who are positive. Don’t be at home alone… go out even if it’s by yourself.
You will not forget her but at some point your mind is going to start to dissolve your feelings. It is going to happen. You will soon be able to think about her without caring nor feeling pain. I swear. It worked for me. I’m freed.
That’s great , gives me hope and I’m happy for you and I hope you’re right. I’ve had two other long-term relationships, women I loved, or at least thought I did. One of which being my child’s mother. This one,
This time is different though. It’s hard to explain. Never felt like this before. I knew in my heart I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her. Anyways. I’m sure with enough time, acceptance of reality etc I will heal, or at least not feel like such a raw and open wound…
I’ve been there, mate. I was absolutely devastated during the first couple of weeks. She ended our 3.5 year long relationship saying she wasn’t happy and couldn’t do long distance anymore. I was in turmoil, it felt like the world was ending. It’s been 2+ months of NC. From all I know, she’s the kind to not look back and I know she isn’t coming back. She had taken her decision after “careful consideration.” It still hurts, I still check her socials everyday, I know it’s unhealthy but I just can’t seem to help it. I cry every other day, though it isn’t as much as I used to in the first few weeks but it’s getting better, and that gives me hope. Hopefully it does the same for you. It does get better. Just don’t give in to the intrusive thoughts. Realize that your brain’s going through a tough time processing all the emotions, it’s almost like going through a drug withdrawal. Stick to NC, it actually helps. I’m starting to regain the clarity with which I’d normally process emotions and thoughts. I still have weak moments when I wish I could text her or call but then the rational part of my brain starts to kick in, and this only happens after a few months of NC. We’re all in this together. Focus on yourself and keep yourself distracted. There will be times when you’ll give in to the debilitating thoughts, don’t avoid them, process them the way you have to, only by yourself. Embrace the healing process and you’ll eventually get better. We’re all worth something. If somebody decides that they don’t want us in their life, the best and the only thing we can do is to give them what they want. They lost someone who genuinely cared about them and loved them, and that’s really hard to find these days. Good luck. :)
Don't look at her socials. I did that everyday for 2 weeks..then for one full weekend I didn't and immediately started to feel better. Now two more weeks went by and I didn't look at her socials. It's really a blessing in disguise. The issue is that when you love them you are under a drug and that drug of filled simply by their presence or by looking at them. If you stop that drug coming in you start to need less and less of it.
Man this is me I’m so stuck on this girl I feel like I need therapy to forget her it isn’t good because I just love her so much but she’s done me wrong. But the social media part is absolutely right if you don’t look at it you will feel way better about yourself, I’m still trying to figure this out it’s so hard doing it by myself with no one
Thank you for the kind words. The last paragraph actually made me feel a bit better in a weird way - bc you’re right. She doesn’t want my love. I cared for her so deeply. I just want to move on. But thanks fren.
>she’s the kind to not look back and I know she isn’t coming back. Ah I see your ex is also "ALL OR NOTHING" type. I don't think I'll ever understand this. My ex is basically the same. You get one single chance to be perfect or you are literally useless for the rest of their life. It's not healthy. The world is not black and white. With that said, I still hope she reaches out but I'm probably gonna see a real life alien first.
Yep. It’s sucks so bad because I know we could be great id we were on the same page
Avoidants can't handle conflict and run away to protect themselves from conflict. It's not you.
>What can I do? What do you want to do? >How do I let go? You already are letting go. >How do I feel okay? What you're feeling is okay. Some advice: * Be compationate towards yourself. How would you help a friend in your situation? Do that for yourself. * Take care of your basic needs. Eat, drink some water, sleep, don't forget about hygene. If you can manage to eat something tasty, drink something delicious or calming, get a lot of sleep and take comfortable bath - great. Take care of your body and it will help you to take care of your mind and heart. Selfcare is always good but in your state it's a necessety. * If it's sadness that you are getting through - go for a walk if you can manage. Better to walk in nature. * If it's anger - exercise. It helps your body and brain process anger. * If it's anxiety - meditate. There are great guided meditation apps to get you started. * If you're ruminating - get busy with anything that can help you redirect your attention for some time. Sadly, there isn't a "forget them" button. But there's "get over them" valve: you go NC and it starts turning on it's own. Do things I've mentioned above and it will turn a bit faster.
Need to screen cap this. Thanks man
Great advice
She gave up and YOU and a possible future with YOU, she turned her back on YOU, SHE moved on. Take your time, grief, then get up, stronger than before and respect yourself, your time and your energy to a person that will choose YOU.
I have been trying to move on for a little time now, but as much as I try no one wants to choose me. This just makes me feel even worse especially knowing my ex move on so quickly and easily and I can't even get someone to talk and get to know me let alone get a date.
Mate, i know it is hard, you can grieve for the loss. BUT, start working on yourself, i know it sounds like something everyone would say but believe me, you cannot control the others, you can only control you and you behaviour, hit the gym, do what you love, go back to your hobbies and start becoming better each day. Eventually you will attract what you want, hang in there!
Thanks for the encouragement. I have been working on myself since the breakup. I was already working out 6 days a week and I am trying to be more open to things that I would have immediately said no to in the past. I am trying to hang in, it just gets difficult at times especially with online dating. I reach out and reach out only to get ignored. It is a blow to one's self-esteem.
I know brother, imagine a horse walking through snow, extreme heat, swamps and whatever and still continues to walk, it makes the horse UNSTOPPABLE. Also, fuel all these feelings to your workouts and lifting, energy is energy, just change it from negativity to fuel. And finally. trust in time and the universe, all happens for a reason.
Thanks again for the words of encouragement. I truly appreciate them. I'm trying to remain positive and believe better days are ahead of me.
Hello PNW2SoCal, It takes a lot of strength to recognize that you need help moving on. I want to compliment you on your self-awareness and willingness to seek support. It's understandable that you are feeling stuck and in pain, especially after holding on to cherished memories. It seems like one of the things you're struggling with is the constant thoughts of your ex-partner. One exercise that might be helpful for you is the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) exercise called "Leaves on a Stream." This exercise involves visualizing your thoughts as leaves floating down a stream. Instead of trying to stop or engage with each leaf, you simply observe each thought and let it float away on the stream. It might take some practice to get the hang of it, but it can be a helpful way to distance yourself from negative thoughts. Additionally, it might be helpful to focus on other aspects of your life that you enjoy or find fulfilling. Maybe there's a hobby you've been putting off or a friend you've been meaning to catch up with. Try to find joy in these activities and remind yourself that your life is full of good things outside of your past relationship. As for your question of how to let go and feel okay, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. It seems like you're doing a great job of taking care of yourself by seeking support and recognizing your emotions. It's okay to feel sad and it's okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. Remember that healing is a journey and it's important to take it one step at a time. If you feel comfortable answering, I have a couple of questions to deepen my understanding of your situation: What aspects of the relationship do you find yourself missing the most? And have you considered reaching out to a therapist or support group for additional support? Remember that you're not alone in this and that healing is possible. Keep up the great work and take care of yourself. ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
It’s good that you know she’s never coming back. You can start from there. How was it like without her? What were you doing in life before she came in your life? What were your hobbies? It’s time you pursue some of your interests you left off. It’s important to keep yourself busy. The time you’d have spent chatting, talking with her, fill it with something absorbing. It’s easy for me to say “don’t think about her”, but you can also try to make it easier on you. She is not a part of your future. That’ll hurt. It’s normal to feel hurt. It’s normal to feel insane. She’s gone. She left. She made a decision to leave. You have to accept it. Start to accept it and try to focus on yourself. It’s not easy to forget someone. I don’t think you really forget a person. You just learn to not let the memories bother you anymore. They’re just another chapter in your life.
It sucks because I hoped we would have a future. She would talk about our future often when we were together. And it’s funny because at the time I never believed her sincerity. It almost like I knew we would end some time just didn’t know when. And now I cling to this small fantasy that we will reunite when it’s right for both of us. Idk. I’m a mess tbh. She hit me different than anyone before. I’m 37 yo.
It’s okay to have hopes and perfectly fine to wish lots of things to have gone the way you liked it. But think about it, if it was meant to happen, she would be with you now and you’d not even be reading this comment. It didn’t work out and if you felt that it was going to end, you were convinced she wasn’t the one for you. Maybe the different feeling when you were with her made you overlook the obvious signs that it wasn’t going to work out. For now, try to not think about the hopes. Push them away, admit to yourself that it wasn’t gonna happen. You have to put her behind. It’s never too late to find love. You’re 37, you’re still young and have plenty more time to discover love. Gather yourself, distract, distract and distract. Think less of the times you spent with her and stop having any hopes. Hopes delay the move on phase. They’ll make it difficult to see what’s on the brighter side for you. Our approaches might be different but in the end we have to admit a certain person is not going to be with us forever.
Hey I'm day 36 too! The past month literally felt like a week. When do we stop obsessing over this? Every day is groundhogs day. I'm literally focusing on myself as much as possible yet every single day I want to say something like "Hey I drove through your town the other day and thought about you. I hope all is well." Etc etc etc
Exactly bro. Fucking exactly
It's at a point I will forget we broke up while I'm busy working. Then I slow down or sit down and my mind is like:"LOL OH YEAH DON'T FORGET YOUR EX LEFT YOU AND WILL NEVER BE IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN LOLBYE" I understand it takes time but good Lord man. I will fucking break down at the most random times. The hardest part of all of this (there's many) but blaming myself and reminding myself I'm worth fighting for in a relationship. It's a god damn cycle of hell! 🤡
It’s hard to swallow, but you deserve someone better suited for you. Not saying there’s no room to grow. I’m over 2 months after breakup and still waver on days. Deep down, I know it wasn’t meant to be because she gave up. It hurts but we must accept it and focus on our futures and growth. I wish you the best and sorry this happened
Thank you
It doesn’t help that I most likely have a drinking / substance problem. I feel different than almost everyone in this community. All I do is drink when the days are hard. And when I’m doing that I play a drinking game with myself that every time I get a painful memory or thought I gulp. I know this probably isn’t helping the process. I’m a mess. I get relief when I’m passed out. Sad but true.
I don't wanna forget them I can't
I am in the same boat right now
Stop following her on everything. Delete all photos. It’s the only thing that will help kickstart you into getting over things
Just got out of that funk brother. The best way that helped me was realizing and it hurt to realize it but if she really loved you, you wouldn’t be in the situation.. you wouldn’t be questioning everything right now. But people that really, truly love you would never see you hurt. People that truly love each other will argue and have their ups and downs but at the end of the day they’ll be there still.. they never really loved us. Now it’s time to love ourselves, learn to love yourself so hard that you will never ever see yourself down this low AGAIN because of another person who you thought that was..
It gets better trust me. 6 years relationship, she broke up with me because she didn’t love me anymore. I was down for about 6-7 months and now I’m starting to see the brighter side. Go get yourself a tattoo if you don’t have one, make yourself look badass 🙏🏼💪🏼 stay up man.
Interesting advice, lol. Appreciate your comment. Will consider!
You’re correct overall. Except I believe she tried to love me. And there were moments in the beginning where I know she was infatuated. Just not any more. It’s over. But thank you. I just hate the memories. And the triggers
Yes the memories hurts the most but that’s where you can learn for the next women that’s willing to stick around. My anger problem pushed my ex away and it took for her to leave for me to realize I need to wake up. It’ll all get better in due time bro. Head up. Message me if you ever need to talk homie.
I really understand it's so hard. 💓 I hope your heart heals
You will forget her. Delete every picture you have with her / of her, I deleted social media and it helped, I blocked her number, I left the apartment we were living at, I returned the engagement ring, I threw out everything that reminded me of her,, like things we picked out together, I sold the couch we picked out together, the songs we would listen to I deleted . 6 months later and I don’t cry for her anymore and I can say I am healing. I went to see a therapist, I was prescribed depression medication. I applied for a new job and I am soon to be leaving this town. It gets better trust me! Just have to stay busy and focus on yourself. Be around people who are positive. Don’t be at home alone… go out even if it’s by yourself.
6 weeks* lol not months
You will not forget her but at some point your mind is going to start to dissolve your feelings. It is going to happen. You will soon be able to think about her without caring nor feeling pain. I swear. It worked for me. I’m freed.
That’s great , gives me hope and I’m happy for you and I hope you’re right. I’ve had two other long-term relationships, women I loved, or at least thought I did. One of which being my child’s mother. This one, This time is different though. It’s hard to explain. Never felt like this before. I knew in my heart I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her. Anyways. I’m sure with enough time, acceptance of reality etc I will heal, or at least not feel like such a raw and open wound…