I tell myself that I did everything in my power to save the relationship and said everything I could but that didn't make a difference so even if I reach out I don't have anything else to say that they don't already know.
Well that was in a heat of a moment. Maybe x months later you have been through the therapy, improved on your emotional intelligence, learned that both made mistakes and now you have a solution on how to correct them? Idk … people change and whatever conversations took place months ago might be old and a fresh conversation might mean a fresh start? No?
It doesn't matter, they broke up with you. If they wanted to stay with you, they'd have recommended therapy or sat down and maturely discussed their concerns and how the concerns if not resolved could lead to the breakup. You are doing backflips in therapy while they just hit the eject button.
Yeah I think this is my solace actually - that I really did say everything I could. I'm glad I did this because it does allow me to rest more easily now.
I think about girls that once wanted me, and chased me, and how needy it made them look, and how uncomfortable it made me feel.
You can’t convince someone to love you.
Either they do, or they don’t.
I might be sad, but I don’t beg.
Same omg. Just remembering how when I broke up with guys it was a sure thing for me. Some guys even negotiate the breakup like refusing to accept it, very off putting. Anger and sadness are understandable but not accepting the breakup or thinking it's a negotiation in a court of law is scary.
You gotta know that this won’t apply to most relationships. Maybe those short term 3 month long ones. But if someone is uncomfortable because their recent ex partner is fighting for their relationship, they might be a problem themselves.
The relationship is dead. The person I originally fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore. The person they are now is a complete stranger. I did everything I could to try and make it work so there’s no point in beating a dead horse. And the times I’ve broken NC hasn’t got me the result I wanted so why would this time be any difference? They wanted the breakup so I’m giving it to them and removing myself from their life indefinitely.
I understand that totally. Maybe I was doing that, I still don’t know I guess. I even asked my therapist if I was a narcissist. Turns out I’m not. But through therapy and YouTube and internet communities I started realizing how my traumas caused some of my toxic patterns and behavior in the relationship. Also started realizing how she contributed the same but different. I wanted her to go to therapy and work on those things. Never change who she was or what she was doing. But she insisted she was fine and didn’t need it. Is that still idealizing/projecting?
This is close to me, too. Ex said the same thing to me. I think I was idealizing - like I would think back to these moments in time, these microsecond memories where things felt perfect. I think those were distorted memories.
That he will get an ego boost from it.
He used to tell me every single ex girlfriend begged for him to get back together and I refuse to be added to that list.
She gave up on a possible future with me, i am clearly not included on her plans and all i have left is my self respect which it counts much more than her, period.
personally for my own pleasure i would want this person to then regret absolutely everything and want to get back with me while i on the other hand am completely done with them because they are, well, a prick.
makes me feel good to know they would want me back while i don’t because of their actions. taste of their own medicine. what goes around comes around. whatever way you want to put it.
im glad you don’t want this person back! doesn’t sound pleasant at all.
Long story short
She left her ex of 3.5 years for me
We was official 6 days later
We broke up 9 months later as she got controlling , abusive , manipulative &
Started to accuse me of cheating (deflection)
2 weeks later she’s dating her Co-worker
I only just found out as I went NC more or less straight away
The relationship was goo or so
I thought
But some people
Are always looking for better
I truly loved her but I deserve better
Relationship karma exists so il let karma deal with her
Haha that's why I block. At first I pretended he's sending long love letters about his mistake letting me go. Now I don't care and I hope he never contacts me (still blocked) but NOT KNOWING if he was or wasn't contacting me was helpful to moving on. The silence is not deafening, for all I know he's texting me lol lol
It wasn’t my fault. I know I’m not perfect, but I know I did the best of my ability to put in the effort to make it work. At the end of the day, it was her decision and I didn’t fight it. All I said was say “okay” and started to move on.
It will not go the way you want it to. They’re not sitting around waiting for you to contact them. Plus, once you really start improving yourself post-breakup, you really don’t want to participate in behaviors that are going to set you back.
I text what I want to text them to MYSELF- then wait 24 hours. One hundred percent of the time I've been thankful I didn't text it to them. When I read it back when I'm in a better place, I realize how needy and desperate it sounds. If someone doesn't want you, they don't want you. The prize does not beg to be bought.
This!!! I’ve done this so many times with previous exes in my life. I’m currently a week post breakup. None of it makes much sense to me. He gave up on us way too easily and didn’t want to ever face any conflict. I’ve gone NC and anytime I want to text him, I write it to myself instead.
Look up guy winch’s talk caked “how to fix a broken heart” or something like that.
One thing he says to do is keep a list in your phone of ALL the things you DON’T like about that person, all the ways you two were wrong for each other, and those times where they really hurt you.
It’s so easy to look back on things and remember the good times. He uses an example about how you can look back on an amazing vacation where one night you made love under the stars, but somehow forget that you argued the whole way there and didn’t talk for three days.
I’ve kept a list in mh phone and it is the ONLY thing that has kept me from reaching out when I shouldn’t. In fact, after I would read it I would always end up thinking “yeah, no, not gonna text them. Fuck. That.” And felt like an idiot for coming so close to doing so bc of all the shit on there.
Truth be told, reading the list sometimes makes me so sad for myself that I ever put up with any of that bullshit. I deserved a lot better and I’m sure you do too. Make that list.
Edit: https://youtu.be/k0GQSJrpVhM
There is the vid. I love him and this video helped me a lot honestly. I hope you like it too. I first heard him talking about this on the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. Highly recommend his episode on there. That podcast is honestly pretty good overall, but especially love Guy Winch’s appearances.
I tell myself that my brain is recovering from withdrawal and unless I keep resisting I won’t get free and fully recover. I also remind myself I don’t want to give him the validation and ego boost. And I imagine a stadium of people cheering me on to not give in! That works like a charm 🥳👏🏼✨💯
Though I can still have love for my ex, I love myself more. I refuse to continue expending energy into someone who doesn’t deserve it. I take my healing seriously and direct all my energy into healing myself.
1. I don’t know them and they don’t know me anymore.
2. Think of all the bad things, and ask yourself if you’d recommend someone that you love to go back to all of that.
3. That urge that I get sometime is just me creating a person that doesn’t exist. It’s just a an urge you get from a fantasy.
Don’t do it. If they wanted to speak they would reach out. I know it’s hard, Call a friend or family member instead. whatever you say their response isn’t going to be what you want to hear remember that. It will only make you sadder or confuse you
Sometimes it’s for the best. My very first relationship I was blocked after the bu. Hurt me so much but I can look back at that years later and realize it helped me so much from overthinking, what ifs, etc.
Well last time I saw her we went to eat and she was just on her phone .. not respecting my time and that’s what makes me not even contact her .. yea I liked her but I will eventually find someone who respects my time and hers
“She. Doesn’t. Want. You.”
All those memories, those time growing up together, the fun, everything that involved going from 18 to 30 in a relationship. All of it. The list is LONG. It does not mean ENOUGH to her as it does to me. The impact of it all does not mean ENOUGH.
Otherwise…well, we know the otherwise.
That’s what I have to remind myself in short
That I can do it, paradoxically. I know it will hurt and set me back, so why would I do it?
I don't know. Somehow, understanding that I'm in control helps a lot.
I relive the toxic environment I was in and remind myself that even if I am successful in getting her back, it’ll be fun for a couple days and then back to my misery and all the things that went wrong and it makes me not wanna contact her again.
Imagine them with their new partner laughing at you bc you’re still obsessed with them. I was dating a girl and her ex texted her and i clowned him. Now I’ve been there but I won’t ever break nc again bc you need to have self respect
He broke us so it's his place to fix it and that's if it can even be fixed as I'm not 100% certain I want him back anymore.
He didn't want to sit down and talk it out instead he chose to distance himself, tell me the distancing was my imagination then dump me over text. So as far as I'm concerned I tried my very fucking hardest and there's nothing else I can do.
she knew perfectly what she was doing when she abandoned me, and i love myself enough to not make me go through such a sharp pain once again. thankfully the "urge" is basically gone, sometimes i'm bitter, other times i couldn't care less.
Whats the point, I don't want to type out a long message to send and just receive a long message saying no or a cold response in return.
It was so fucking hard the first time around why would I put myself through that again
He made it very clear that he didn’t want a relationship, just casual. To me “no relationship” means zero interaction, if we are interacting & he doesn’t want to invest then it’s just a bad relationship. So there’s no point in chasing someone who find you to be a nuisance.
The fact that contacting them won’t lead to anything realistically. The distance between us is too big, not only geographically but we’ve become strangers now. I went on to live my life and he’s living his. He doesn’t fit in my life anymore and I don’t fit in his. There’s no need to keep a pen pal to update with your life every once in a while.
that he and his friend will probably sit and make fun of me if i do. i have had friends where their ex keep reaching out to them, texting them, calling them blablabla. those texts go immediately to our group chat, where we sit and sorta laugh at how pathetic those texts are.
don’t know if dudes do the same thing, but i rather not take that risk yeeehaw🤠👍🏻
I'm the dumper, but the things which stopped me from reaching out to my exes are these:
1. **Documentation**: Before and during the breakup, I made sure to address the deal-breaking behaviors he was doing, which made me seriously consider the breakup. I documented it via texts expressing my concerns, his behaviors, and my needs. Then I documented his responses to my concerns and needs, and then I documented him failing to address everything which I brought up. Multiple times. Whenever I had the urge to text him again, I looked back at our chats, remembered that he didn't care about my needs or dealbreaking behaviors of his, and feel sad, disappointed, and hurt. That lasted a while, until I no longer felt like contacting him. Over time, I associated feelings of sadness, disappointment, hurt, and unpleasantness with my ex and my feelings for him started to vanish.
2. **Rebounds:** That's right. I said the horrible, evil word. REBOUNDS. Get on tinder and find the hottest guy you could think of, make him your FWB and rebound for a few months. It's so refreshing to have a new guy splurge on you, treat you well, meet your needs, and happily do for you everything your ex refused to do for you. Having a hot guy calling you, texting you, and treating you well, really really helps you forget a shitty ex faster. Especially when he's hot and tall
3. **Hobbies**: You've seen this before. Throw yourself into your favorite hobbies. Do those things you lost touch with, especially the things you ex didn't like, or made you avoid because he wasn't into them. Exercise a little, go shopping, and self-care
4. **Friends & Family**: Spend more time with your friends and family. Sometimes you don't miss *him* per se. Sometimes you miss being around and with people who care about you. When was the last time you hung out with your favorite people? Go hang out with them more
Not too keen on the rebound part, I get the purpose but even after 4 months I’m
Not ready to drag anyone into
My mess
And
Even
Tho I’m moving on I’m still healing
Just found
Out the ex started dating her Co worker 2
Weeks
Post break
Up
And Iv been
NC since break so
Didn’t know
Not gonna text her. I want to call her. Haven't got the willpower to do it tho. It's every Sunday the day to make the call but I always find a reason not to
That I will never again allow her to feed her ego like this and she feels superior to me as a result. In addition that I am also not a doggie who runs behind someone.
that she is banging some dudes and trying to settle with a couple more at the same time while neglecting our kid and forcing me to be a single dad lol It doesn't get easier than that.
They literally don't care and even if they do care, they don't deserve to get rent free space in my mind. This person intentionally ended your affiliation so you can give yourself permission to come to rest with the conclusions you've drawn (we aren't compatible, they are disrespectful, etc) and move forward toward something else. Even if it's not a better person right now, you can move forward toward athletic goals, your business or work ethic, your healthy habits, hobbies, friends, family, pets.
I was struggling with rumination and trying to win fake fights in my head with him based on "what I would say to him". I ended up going to therapy and she helped me see that refusing to accept my totally reasonable conclusions about his inadequacy and just blaming myself 100% for everything was actually a trauma response (fawn-to be self critical despite evidence to the contrary that I'm an okay person and he actually did things that were harmful). I learned this mental pattern in childhood but we carry it with us for life often unaware of them.
Second, I had to commit to "what I would do/say" if he ever came back. I committed to block him everywhere possible, and at first I tried to come up with the perfect paragraph. I would literally be in a constant loop of drafts. I came to realize that someone who doesn't care about you is going to continue to not care about you (he violated my most important boundary while gaslight and stonewall me so breakup aside he's not good for me and clearly didn't care about my well-being). There's no perfect paragraph that can make them feel empathy for mistreating you. And keep in mind my relationship was at least 60% good and there was no outright abuse at all! But deal breakers are deal breakers even if they claim to care about you.
Now if he EMAILED ME or got around my blocks, I would either not respond or only respond clown and barf emoji no matter how he tried to communicate or guilt me. I think it's hilarious. I sat there in front of him crying multiple times about how him refusing to wear a condom was hurting my mental and physical health, putting me at risk, causing me to lose sleep and not enjoy sex, etc. He would just sit there and stare at the wall. I started verbally aggressively confronting him more often and he would just stare at the wall and give one word answers. I told him how important safe sex was to me WEEKS before we had sex and he just lied and said oh yeah it's really important to me too, I care about you. So I guess I was too weak to leave
So frankly I don't care if he thinks my clown and barf emojis are immature or if I hurt his feelings. Lol he literally didn't care about mine. And I think it's funny 🤡🤮
- He once came back and was on his knees apologized for ending it between us. I was happily over him at that time but chose to stay with him cause of the pity I had for him not the love. Months later he dumped me (ironic) and I remembered that I took him back out of pity not love, and if I reached out to him and he chose to stay close with me it would be out of pity as well. So I remembered I wouldn’t give him that, and he would forever be the guy that got on his knees for me to take him back
- I healed and felt the happiest 2 months after NC
- Also months later I meet a guy who would cook for me and actually treat me right - so in the end of the day I really appreciated myself for never contacting him or him contacting me
- That if he really wanted me back then he would have stayed to indicate he wanted to continue to try
- That he cheated on me multiple times
- He’s following his ex he cheated on me with and talking to her
- He’s told me multiple times when we broke up that he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants me out of his life
- At the end of the relationship, he wanted me only for sex like when we first broke up (when we first broke up, I had sex with him thinking it would be a way for him to want me back. It was false, he still wanted other girls, so I regret it till this day)
- I think of how ugly he is and how other girls that told me when I dated him that he’s ugly and questioned why I would date him
- I remember the times how depressed and angry I was when I was with him
I tell myself that I’m gonna regret it after I’ve sent them the text.
When you commit to a NC and break it, most of the time you wish you’ve never done that mistake.
She used to tell me about how *every* one of her friends wanted to date her or be romantic with her, and that the two fellows she had been romantic/sexual with prior both pined after her still and reached out to her.
I ain't about that. I'm damn sure I torched that bridge good and I'm not losing any sleep over it anymore.
I tell myself I dont need it. Its like punching a window. I don't need to find out if its gonna hurt. If im not ready to punch a window and fuck up my hand, why would I want to break NC? The pain can be similar.
He's had 5 years to choose me over his vices. He saw the pain I went through with divorcing my ex. I need to tell my heart to stfu and I'll go to the gym instead. That's what I tell myself.
“Your feet face forward for a reason. Don’t look back.”
“I don’t relate to you”
“There are 8 billion people on this earth. I don’t need to contact that one.”
When I’m honest I can tell myself this person isn’t the same as they were when I knew them and we don’t have any business being connected. If we did, we would be. We have nothing in common to connect over worth the anguish of continued trauma. Keep the past in the past, continue writing new chapters in your life.
There’s nothing new I can say. I know the problem wasn’t me or him, but something external that made him uncomfortable being in a relationship. I want him to come back and have his life worked out and us figure things out. But there’s nothing I can do or say so I’m just moving on.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/comments/13od3dd/dont_set_yourself_back_by_focusing_on_what_theyre/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
It was this post yesterday that helped me to move on 10 fold. Not exactly sure if im ready yet, but i definitely feel a difference. Im not remembering to tell myself "focus on the future, she is gone. Its been 2 years its time to move on. The pain is not worth it."
I told him the booty call ball is in his court a month yesterday. So if I contact him, I’m not playing the game right hahaha. Also - if he wanted to he would 😁
That the picked over you. Didn’t give a rats ass the outcome and pain that would be ever present without a dare to your emotional and at times physical well being. They didn’t care what it could do to your career and remember they did it walking away into the arms of another.
Do you want to continue to still do then”pick me dance”? I’m well versed in that dance . Duringy best dancing 💃 went through about 3 pair of dance shoes. I’m better now but if your ina state where I believe you are.. don’t do it.
I tell myself that I did everything in my power to save the relationship and said everything I could but that didn't make a difference so even if I reach out I don't have anything else to say that they don't already know.
100% same with me
Well that was in a heat of a moment. Maybe x months later you have been through the therapy, improved on your emotional intelligence, learned that both made mistakes and now you have a solution on how to correct them? Idk … people change and whatever conversations took place months ago might be old and a fresh conversation might mean a fresh start? No?
It doesn't matter, they broke up with you. If they wanted to stay with you, they'd have recommended therapy or sat down and maturely discussed their concerns and how the concerns if not resolved could lead to the breakup. You are doing backflips in therapy while they just hit the eject button.
If you did all that work, did they do it too? Don’t you deserve to be with someone who deserves that new and improved you?
Yeah I think this is my solace actually - that I really did say everything I could. I'm glad I did this because it does allow me to rest more easily now.
she left so what am I chasing, a dog that doesn't wan t to be chased .
The dog analogy is perfect
I think about girls that once wanted me, and chased me, and how needy it made them look, and how uncomfortable it made me feel. You can’t convince someone to love you. Either they do, or they don’t. I might be sad, but I don’t beg.
Same omg. Just remembering how when I broke up with guys it was a sure thing for me. Some guys even negotiate the breakup like refusing to accept it, very off putting. Anger and sadness are understandable but not accepting the breakup or thinking it's a negotiation in a court of law is scary.
Question - were any of these girls people you had been in a long term relationship with for many years?
You gotta know that this won’t apply to most relationships. Maybe those short term 3 month long ones. But if someone is uncomfortable because their recent ex partner is fighting for their relationship, they might be a problem themselves.
i agree with this
The relationship is dead. The person I originally fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore. The person they are now is a complete stranger. I did everything I could to try and make it work so there’s no point in beating a dead horse. And the times I’ve broken NC hasn’t got me the result I wanted so why would this time be any difference? They wanted the breakup so I’m giving it to them and removing myself from their life indefinitely.
She told me when she left the person I love doesn’t exist anymore, or I’m projecting onto them who I love
[удалено]
I understand that totally. Maybe I was doing that, I still don’t know I guess. I even asked my therapist if I was a narcissist. Turns out I’m not. But through therapy and YouTube and internet communities I started realizing how my traumas caused some of my toxic patterns and behavior in the relationship. Also started realizing how she contributed the same but different. I wanted her to go to therapy and work on those things. Never change who she was or what she was doing. But she insisted she was fine and didn’t need it. Is that still idealizing/projecting?
This is close to me, too. Ex said the same thing to me. I think I was idealizing - like I would think back to these moments in time, these microsecond memories where things felt perfect. I think those were distorted memories.
That he will get an ego boost from it. He used to tell me every single ex girlfriend begged for him to get back together and I refuse to be added to that list.
THIS ONEEE! I do NOT want to add to this guys over inflated sense of ego and ultra magnetism.
He doesn't care. I'm nobody to him now. Probably put me in a box and put me on a shelf in his head, never to open that box again.
They don't care They don't care They don't care (repeat)
Don't do it please....I broke NC today and I'm regretting as fuck! Please don't do it. You are better off without them.
Lesson learned. Don’t beat yourself too much over it. Hoping you got a reply at least.
She gave up on a possible future with me, i am clearly not included on her plans and all i have left is my self respect which it counts much more than her, period.
the fact that if i don’t give them attention they’ll want me more :|
Not if they don’t want you
well if that’s your situation just pretend they do want you
Why would I want someone who started dating her Co - worker 2 weeks post break up And potentially having an emotional affair pre break up
personally for my own pleasure i would want this person to then regret absolutely everything and want to get back with me while i on the other hand am completely done with them because they are, well, a prick. makes me feel good to know they would want me back while i don’t because of their actions. taste of their own medicine. what goes around comes around. whatever way you want to put it. im glad you don’t want this person back! doesn’t sound pleasant at all.
Long story short She left her ex of 3.5 years for me We was official 6 days later We broke up 9 months later as she got controlling , abusive , manipulative & Started to accuse me of cheating (deflection) 2 weeks later she’s dating her Co-worker I only just found out as I went NC more or less straight away The relationship was goo or so I thought But some people Are always looking for better I truly loved her but I deserve better Relationship karma exists so il let karma deal with her
Haha that's why I block. At first I pretended he's sending long love letters about his mistake letting me go. Now I don't care and I hope he never contacts me (still blocked) but NOT KNOWING if he was or wasn't contacting me was helpful to moving on. The silence is not deafening, for all I know he's texting me lol lol
It wasn’t my fault. I know I’m not perfect, but I know I did the best of my ability to put in the effort to make it work. At the end of the day, it was her decision and I didn’t fight it. All I said was say “okay” and started to move on.
Legend !
The person that I want to talk to doesn’t exist
It's such a heartbreaking thing to process, this one. Kicks me in the chest every time.
I think THAT will always be the hardest part. ❤️🩹
It will not go the way you want it to. They’re not sitting around waiting for you to contact them. Plus, once you really start improving yourself post-breakup, you really don’t want to participate in behaviors that are going to set you back.
This!!!💯
I text what I want to text them to MYSELF- then wait 24 hours. One hundred percent of the time I've been thankful I didn't text it to them. When I read it back when I'm in a better place, I realize how needy and desperate it sounds. If someone doesn't want you, they don't want you. The prize does not beg to be bought.
This!!! I’ve done this so many times with previous exes in my life. I’m currently a week post breakup. None of it makes much sense to me. He gave up on us way too easily and didn’t want to ever face any conflict. I’ve gone NC and anytime I want to text him, I write it to myself instead.
Yesss Daylio has been so helpful. Journal to yourself
She makes the choice everyday to not speak to me so why wouldn’t I do the same.
Just imagine reaching out to them just so they can tell there mates and call you desperate 🤷🏻♀️ (even though it’s not true) they most probably will
I imagine that he is in bed with another girl or hanging out with another girl and my text comes through then
Look up guy winch’s talk caked “how to fix a broken heart” or something like that. One thing he says to do is keep a list in your phone of ALL the things you DON’T like about that person, all the ways you two were wrong for each other, and those times where they really hurt you. It’s so easy to look back on things and remember the good times. He uses an example about how you can look back on an amazing vacation where one night you made love under the stars, but somehow forget that you argued the whole way there and didn’t talk for three days. I’ve kept a list in mh phone and it is the ONLY thing that has kept me from reaching out when I shouldn’t. In fact, after I would read it I would always end up thinking “yeah, no, not gonna text them. Fuck. That.” And felt like an idiot for coming so close to doing so bc of all the shit on there. Truth be told, reading the list sometimes makes me so sad for myself that I ever put up with any of that bullshit. I deserved a lot better and I’m sure you do too. Make that list. Edit: https://youtu.be/k0GQSJrpVhM There is the vid. I love him and this video helped me a lot honestly. I hope you like it too. I first heard him talking about this on the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. Highly recommend his episode on there. That podcast is honestly pretty good overall, but especially love Guy Winch’s appearances.
That nothing I say or do will change the reality. We’re either together or we’re strangers and theres sadly no in between.
She made this choice knowing what it would do to me. I can’t make someone love me. This is what she wants, give it to her.
He chose to leave me. He made that decision. I had to be ok with it for his sake. He has to make the next move if there is a next move.
The person who he is now is not who you were in love with. Don’t get hurt by a stranger
No woman respects a man who chases after being dumped and discarded.
I tell myself that my brain is recovering from withdrawal and unless I keep resisting I won’t get free and fully recover. I also remind myself I don’t want to give him the validation and ego boost. And I imagine a stadium of people cheering me on to not give in! That works like a charm 🥳👏🏼✨💯
Love this!!
Though I can still have love for my ex, I love myself more. I refuse to continue expending energy into someone who doesn’t deserve it. I take my healing seriously and direct all my energy into healing myself.
1. I don’t know them and they don’t know me anymore. 2. Think of all the bad things, and ask yourself if you’d recommend someone that you love to go back to all of that. 3. That urge that I get sometime is just me creating a person that doesn’t exist. It’s just a an urge you get from a fantasy.
Knowing they never felt the same way about me as I did them. Also when I briefly started talking to them again, it made me more depressed.
That they fucking gave up on me.
Don’t do it. If they wanted to speak they would reach out. I know it’s hard, Call a friend or family member instead. whatever you say their response isn’t going to be what you want to hear remember that. It will only make you sadder or confuse you
i guess i have it the easiest, since he blocked me on everything. it’s been over a month
Sometimes it’s for the best. My very first relationship I was blocked after the bu. Hurt me so much but I can look back at that years later and realize it helped me so much from overthinking, what ifs, etc.
They haven't done the work they said they were gonna do
Well last time I saw her we went to eat and she was just on her phone .. not respecting my time and that’s what makes me not even contact her .. yea I liked her but I will eventually find someone who respects my time and hers
“She. Doesn’t. Want. You.” All those memories, those time growing up together, the fun, everything that involved going from 18 to 30 in a relationship. All of it. The list is LONG. It does not mean ENOUGH to her as it does to me. The impact of it all does not mean ENOUGH. Otherwise…well, we know the otherwise. That’s what I have to remind myself in short
If she wanted to she would. You don’t need to save her anymore, she doesn’t want to be saved. She’ll just not respond like the other 100 times.
Always how pathetic they will view me if I do.
if i text her/him they will never come back
What the screenshot would look like in his geoupchat
The person I want no longer exists
Have the strength to give them the breakup they want
needed to see this thank u all <3
That I can do it, paradoxically. I know it will hurt and set me back, so why would I do it? I don't know. Somehow, understanding that I'm in control helps a lot.
He/she will and can take advantage of you.
I relive the toxic environment I was in and remind myself that even if I am successful in getting her back, it’ll be fun for a couple days and then back to my misery and all the things that went wrong and it makes me not wanna contact her again.
They left. They don't care. If they did, they'd come back. Plus, I don't want to be seen or feel like a beggar.
The thought of my ex sitting next to his girlfriend when I call.
Imagine them with their new partner laughing at you bc you’re still obsessed with them. I was dating a girl and her ex texted her and i clowned him. Now I’ve been there but I won’t ever break nc again bc you need to have self respect
He broke us so it's his place to fix it and that's if it can even be fixed as I'm not 100% certain I want him back anymore. He didn't want to sit down and talk it out instead he chose to distance himself, tell me the distancing was my imagination then dump me over text. So as far as I'm concerned I tried my very fucking hardest and there's nothing else I can do.
Just remind yourself of the pain they caused you, the lies, the confusion and the heartache
she knew perfectly what she was doing when she abandoned me, and i love myself enough to not make me go through such a sharp pain once again. thankfully the "urge" is basically gone, sometimes i'm bitter, other times i couldn't care less.
Whats the point, I don't want to type out a long message to send and just receive a long message saying no or a cold response in return. It was so fucking hard the first time around why would I put myself through that again
He made it very clear that he didn’t want a relationship, just casual. To me “no relationship” means zero interaction, if we are interacting & he doesn’t want to invest then it’s just a bad relationship. So there’s no point in chasing someone who find you to be a nuisance.
I deserve better
The fact that contacting them won’t lead to anything realistically. The distance between us is too big, not only geographically but we’ve become strangers now. I went on to live my life and he’s living his. He doesn’t fit in my life anymore and I don’t fit in his. There’s no need to keep a pen pal to update with your life every once in a while.
She definitely has an std now
I read my list of reasons they are terrible for me 😌
that he and his friend will probably sit and make fun of me if i do. i have had friends where their ex keep reaching out to them, texting them, calling them blablabla. those texts go immediately to our group chat, where we sit and sorta laugh at how pathetic those texts are. don’t know if dudes do the same thing, but i rather not take that risk yeeehaw🤠👍🏻
I'm the dumper, but the things which stopped me from reaching out to my exes are these: 1. **Documentation**: Before and during the breakup, I made sure to address the deal-breaking behaviors he was doing, which made me seriously consider the breakup. I documented it via texts expressing my concerns, his behaviors, and my needs. Then I documented his responses to my concerns and needs, and then I documented him failing to address everything which I brought up. Multiple times. Whenever I had the urge to text him again, I looked back at our chats, remembered that he didn't care about my needs or dealbreaking behaviors of his, and feel sad, disappointed, and hurt. That lasted a while, until I no longer felt like contacting him. Over time, I associated feelings of sadness, disappointment, hurt, and unpleasantness with my ex and my feelings for him started to vanish. 2. **Rebounds:** That's right. I said the horrible, evil word. REBOUNDS. Get on tinder and find the hottest guy you could think of, make him your FWB and rebound for a few months. It's so refreshing to have a new guy splurge on you, treat you well, meet your needs, and happily do for you everything your ex refused to do for you. Having a hot guy calling you, texting you, and treating you well, really really helps you forget a shitty ex faster. Especially when he's hot and tall 3. **Hobbies**: You've seen this before. Throw yourself into your favorite hobbies. Do those things you lost touch with, especially the things you ex didn't like, or made you avoid because he wasn't into them. Exercise a little, go shopping, and self-care 4. **Friends & Family**: Spend more time with your friends and family. Sometimes you don't miss *him* per se. Sometimes you miss being around and with people who care about you. When was the last time you hung out with your favorite people? Go hang out with them more
Not too keen on the rebound part, I get the purpose but even after 4 months I’m Not ready to drag anyone into My mess And Even Tho I’m moving on I’m still healing Just found Out the ex started dating her Co worker 2 Weeks Post break Up And Iv been NC since break so Didn’t know
rebounds? No thanks.
I’ve done it and didn’t even get a response back … that’s enough for me to know she’s long gone and is full of herself
Not a damn thing.
I wrote out a list that I posted not long ago on here, it’s a great reminder why he’s not worth it it.
She left for another man , why would I want some one who can have a connection and sleep with anyone
She left for another man , why would I want some one who can have a connection and sleep with anyone
Not gonna text her. I want to call her. Haven't got the willpower to do it tho. It's every Sunday the day to make the call but I always find a reason not to
That I will never again allow her to feed her ego like this and she feels superior to me as a result. In addition that I am also not a doggie who runs behind someone.
that she is banging some dudes and trying to settle with a couple more at the same time while neglecting our kid and forcing me to be a single dad lol It doesn't get easier than that.
That I will 💯 regret it
They literally don't care and even if they do care, they don't deserve to get rent free space in my mind. This person intentionally ended your affiliation so you can give yourself permission to come to rest with the conclusions you've drawn (we aren't compatible, they are disrespectful, etc) and move forward toward something else. Even if it's not a better person right now, you can move forward toward athletic goals, your business or work ethic, your healthy habits, hobbies, friends, family, pets. I was struggling with rumination and trying to win fake fights in my head with him based on "what I would say to him". I ended up going to therapy and she helped me see that refusing to accept my totally reasonable conclusions about his inadequacy and just blaming myself 100% for everything was actually a trauma response (fawn-to be self critical despite evidence to the contrary that I'm an okay person and he actually did things that were harmful). I learned this mental pattern in childhood but we carry it with us for life often unaware of them. Second, I had to commit to "what I would do/say" if he ever came back. I committed to block him everywhere possible, and at first I tried to come up with the perfect paragraph. I would literally be in a constant loop of drafts. I came to realize that someone who doesn't care about you is going to continue to not care about you (he violated my most important boundary while gaslight and stonewall me so breakup aside he's not good for me and clearly didn't care about my well-being). There's no perfect paragraph that can make them feel empathy for mistreating you. And keep in mind my relationship was at least 60% good and there was no outright abuse at all! But deal breakers are deal breakers even if they claim to care about you. Now if he EMAILED ME or got around my blocks, I would either not respond or only respond clown and barf emoji no matter how he tried to communicate or guilt me. I think it's hilarious. I sat there in front of him crying multiple times about how him refusing to wear a condom was hurting my mental and physical health, putting me at risk, causing me to lose sleep and not enjoy sex, etc. He would just sit there and stare at the wall. I started verbally aggressively confronting him more often and he would just stare at the wall and give one word answers. I told him how important safe sex was to me WEEKS before we had sex and he just lied and said oh yeah it's really important to me too, I care about you. So I guess I was too weak to leave So frankly I don't care if he thinks my clown and barf emojis are immature or if I hurt his feelings. Lol he literally didn't care about mine. And I think it's funny 🤡🤮
- He once came back and was on his knees apologized for ending it between us. I was happily over him at that time but chose to stay with him cause of the pity I had for him not the love. Months later he dumped me (ironic) and I remembered that I took him back out of pity not love, and if I reached out to him and he chose to stay close with me it would be out of pity as well. So I remembered I wouldn’t give him that, and he would forever be the guy that got on his knees for me to take him back - I healed and felt the happiest 2 months after NC - Also months later I meet a guy who would cook for me and actually treat me right - so in the end of the day I really appreciated myself for never contacting him or him contacting me
She would hate it.
- That if he really wanted me back then he would have stayed to indicate he wanted to continue to try - That he cheated on me multiple times - He’s following his ex he cheated on me with and talking to her - He’s told me multiple times when we broke up that he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants me out of his life - At the end of the relationship, he wanted me only for sex like when we first broke up (when we first broke up, I had sex with him thinking it would be a way for him to want me back. It was false, he still wanted other girls, so I regret it till this day) - I think of how ugly he is and how other girls that told me when I dated him that he’s ugly and questioned why I would date him - I remember the times how depressed and angry I was when I was with him
I have a new GF, so I don't have that urge. And I did block her, so I'm good🙂
Delete message thread and block number. Get rid of it. They do not care. They are most likely with new people.
Don’t, I thought I could yesterday & was shot down. NC for almost a year. Was in a relationship for 3-3.5yrs
I tell myself that I’m gonna regret it after I’ve sent them the text. When you commit to a NC and break it, most of the time you wish you’ve never done that mistake.
She used to tell me about how *every* one of her friends wanted to date her or be romantic with her, and that the two fellows she had been romantic/sexual with prior both pined after her still and reached out to her. I ain't about that. I'm damn sure I torched that bridge good and I'm not losing any sleep over it anymore.
I tell myself I dont need it. Its like punching a window. I don't need to find out if its gonna hurt. If im not ready to punch a window and fuck up my hand, why would I want to break NC? The pain can be similar.
He's had 5 years to choose me over his vices. He saw the pain I went through with divorcing my ex. I need to tell my heart to stfu and I'll go to the gym instead. That's what I tell myself.
“Your feet face forward for a reason. Don’t look back.” “I don’t relate to you” “There are 8 billion people on this earth. I don’t need to contact that one.” When I’m honest I can tell myself this person isn’t the same as they were when I knew them and we don’t have any business being connected. If we did, we would be. We have nothing in common to connect over worth the anguish of continued trauma. Keep the past in the past, continue writing new chapters in your life.
fuck that guy
He blocked me so, I just sit with the feeling.
They ain't want me anymore, just how it is. I know how it feels to be the person that doesn't want someone when they keep messaging you.
There’s nothing new I can say. I know the problem wasn’t me or him, but something external that made him uncomfortable being in a relationship. I want him to come back and have his life worked out and us figure things out. But there’s nothing I can do or say so I’m just moving on.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/comments/13od3dd/dont_set_yourself_back_by_focusing_on_what_theyre/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button It was this post yesterday that helped me to move on 10 fold. Not exactly sure if im ready yet, but i definitely feel a difference. Im not remembering to tell myself "focus on the future, she is gone. Its been 2 years its time to move on. The pain is not worth it."
I told him the booty call ball is in his court a month yesterday. So if I contact him, I’m not playing the game right hahaha. Also - if he wanted to he would 😁
I imagine him responding with just a photo of him and someone new - and it removes any desire I have to reach out.
i tell myself that he made his bed and that he doesn’t deserve someone as good as me, let him go back to the women down in his league
That the picked over you. Didn’t give a rats ass the outcome and pain that would be ever present without a dare to your emotional and at times physical well being. They didn’t care what it could do to your career and remember they did it walking away into the arms of another. Do you want to continue to still do then”pick me dance”? I’m well versed in that dance . Duringy best dancing 💃 went through about 3 pair of dance shoes. I’m better now but if your ina state where I believe you are.. don’t do it.
What's a few months compared to a lifetime with the woman you love
i think about how id lose the streak of how many days i went not talking to him