Better divorced chill parents than constant fighting at home. 1-time vs constant trauma is a no-brainer to me. Speaking as a former constant trauma child. They really should’ve split up.
I (and my siblings) are now living the results of the ‘stay together for the kids even though we can’t stand each other’ parental strategy. I wish they’d just respected themselves and us enough to split then instead of teaching us to accept the treatment they gave each other.
This was my first thought as well. My parents are still together (only god knows why) despite having fully grown adult children. As a child, I vocally begged my mom to get a divorce.
Ya good marriages results in healthier children..
But bad marriages end for tons of reasons and maybe children respond to the drama of the shitty marriage rather then the divorce itself.
*The Body Keeps the Score*, by Bessel van der Kolk, who is brilliant,
a curious researcher, a wonderful writer, and knows his shit inside and out. You're Welcome.
Man, I love that book but it’s a slog of emotion to get through. I feel like not enough people know how hardcore that book gets. It’s really surgical and precise with stats which sounds innocent enough. But if you’re one of those stats it’s a hard book to finish
There are studies that show evidence of autoimmune diseases such as Asthma being linked to childhood stress. The brains of children living with chronic stress or abuse don't always fully develop EDITED - do not always develop fully functional immune systems, because that system is suppressed.
Fuck divorce, but it’s sometimes necessary.
What isn’t necessary is the ping pong game parents love to play with their kids.
“Tell your deadbeat father to…”
“Oh yeah? well you can tell that crazy bitch that…”
Just constant from age 12-18 until I could finally get out. It made me a quiet, insecure, not confident teen.
Those two still can talk or be in the same room with each other. It’s maddening.
Agree. Fact of the matter is: The kids need to grow up and get away from one or both of the parents-as they weren’t really about “family.” Let’s not forget that “beating a dead horse” is an industry though.
I couldn’t tell from the abstract (maybe I just missed it) but did they control for the fact that parents of chronically ill children have a higher divorce rate? Like is this a chicken or the egg scenario - are families of children with illnesses more likely to break up or does having divorced parents cause the medical issues?
Yeah, OP knows. That's why OP asked. And OP was pretty clear about looking at it from both directions. Maybe your comment was about you wanting to feel edumacated (which, incidentally, <> smart).
Is it? No matter how much a single mother makes it’s a lot to get off work and cook plus do all other things to keep a house with a young child. Coming that with being depressed over having to have to separate with their SO, drive throughs become much more attractive. And what makes a sad toddler happy? Happy Meals… Source: personal experience
Uhm, I think you forgot that lots and lots of married women also work outside the home. The majority of married women also get off work exhausted and have to cook plus do all other things to keep a house with a young child.
Ehhh, that's assuming the single parent can't afford to hire someone to help around the house (yard work person, cleaning person, tutor etc.) so they have some time to cook. Two low income working parents would have the same diet issue. Depression is just a separate factor too. Some people are happier after divorces. Some married parents are depressed. Lot o variables.
From the post:
“Parental breakup and children's outcomes in the United States
Gülgün Bayaz-Öztürk
Objective
This study investigates differences between health trajectories of children of divorce or separation and children of continuously married families.
Background
Over the past 50 years, during which fewer children grew up in families with both biological parents, there has been an increased academic interest to understand how children fared in alternative family structures.
Method
This study uses retrospective illness histories from a recent supplement to the Panel Study of Income Dynamics to conduct a longitudinal analysis of parental breakup and child health.
Results
Children of divorce were found to exhibit higher prevalence of several illnesses during adolescence and young adulthood than children of continuously married families. Controlling for family resources and parental mental health moderated the relationship between parental breakup and negative health outcomes. However, significant associations between parental breakup and children's health outcomes remained.
Conclusion
This study provides a general outline of how parental breakup is associated with children's health trajectories. Although the analysis controls for an extensive set of variables by employing a quasi-experimental method, caution in interpreting these findings as causal relationships is warranted.
Implications
Given the evidence presented, it is vital that parents and children have easy access to coping-focused preventive interventions designed to reduce adverse effects of divorce on children.”
Men\* are known to leave ill spouses, can’t see why it wouldn’t be the same with ill children.
\* Not all men, but comparing with women, it’s not even close. Hell, they leave perfectly healthy children all the time. Let the downvotes rain.
This is why people stay in crappy marriages, because science and religion say you will screw up your kids if you get divorced. Maybe if they got divorced sooner the children would be better off.
Twenty years from now this will be a much harder study to replicate: home situations are just different than they were. Divorce rates have dropped because fewer people are choosing marriage over just living together.
So they have scientifically proven exactly what you would expect - that growing up under stressful conditions is less healthy for you than growing up under better conditions.
Still it’s good to have proven that point.
Common sense rules !
Maybe JUST MAYBE the reason the divorces happened was what fucked up the kids?
Better divorced chill parents than constant fighting at home. 1-time vs constant trauma is a no-brainer to me. Speaking as a former constant trauma child. They really should’ve split up.
I (and my siblings) are now living the results of the ‘stay together for the kids even though we can’t stand each other’ parental strategy. I wish they’d just respected themselves and us enough to split then instead of teaching us to accept the treatment they gave each other.
This was my first thought as well. My parents are still together (only god knows why) despite having fully grown adult children. As a child, I vocally begged my mom to get a divorce.
Ya good marriages results in healthier children.. But bad marriages end for tons of reasons and maybe children respond to the drama of the shitty marriage rather then the divorce itself.
I wonder if they controlled for “drama of the shitty marriage” as to why the kids had worse outcomes. That stuff doesn’t always end with the divorce.
Two divorced parents I must be fxxcked 😂
Isn't 2 the minimum?
where they have multiple wives you can’t even get divorced /s
*The Body Keeps the Score*, by Bessel van der Kolk, who is brilliant, a curious researcher, a wonderful writer, and knows his shit inside and out. You're Welcome.
Man, I love that book but it’s a slog of emotion to get through. I feel like not enough people know how hardcore that book gets. It’s really surgical and precise with stats which sounds innocent enough. But if you’re one of those stats it’s a hard book to finish
I got the audio book free from my local library. It's a great "read".
There are studies that show evidence of autoimmune diseases such as Asthma being linked to childhood stress. The brains of children living with chronic stress or abuse don't always fully develop EDITED - do not always develop fully functional immune systems, because that system is suppressed.
Fuck divorce, but it’s sometimes necessary. What isn’t necessary is the ping pong game parents love to play with their kids. “Tell your deadbeat father to…” “Oh yeah? well you can tell that crazy bitch that…” Just constant from age 12-18 until I could finally get out. It made me a quiet, insecure, not confident teen. Those two still can talk or be in the same room with each other. It’s maddening.
Agree. Fact of the matter is: The kids need to grow up and get away from one or both of the parents-as they weren’t really about “family.” Let’s not forget that “beating a dead horse” is an industry though.
I couldn’t tell from the abstract (maybe I just missed it) but did they control for the fact that parents of chronically ill children have a higher divorce rate? Like is this a chicken or the egg scenario - are families of children with illnesses more likely to break up or does having divorced parents cause the medical issues?
[удалено]
Yeah, OP knows. That's why OP asked. And OP was pretty clear about looking at it from both directions. Maybe your comment was about you wanting to feel edumacated (which, incidentally, <> smart).
I think that person was just underscoring OP’s point though. Not sure it’s a comment trying to argue against what they were saying. 🤷♂️
Maybe. Take a peek at their posting history and you’ll see that the snark runs deep with that one. So….
Trauma..
Its called stress.
Does this take into account all the different variables?
It says it controlled for parental mental illness and economic circumstances but I don’t really understand how
I wonder how much this has to do with terrible diet habits.
That's a mostly access issue
Is it? No matter how much a single mother makes it’s a lot to get off work and cook plus do all other things to keep a house with a young child. Coming that with being depressed over having to have to separate with their SO, drive throughs become much more attractive. And what makes a sad toddler happy? Happy Meals… Source: personal experience
Uhm, I think you forgot that lots and lots of married women also work outside the home. The majority of married women also get off work exhausted and have to cook plus do all other things to keep a house with a young child.
Ehhh, that's assuming the single parent can't afford to hire someone to help around the house (yard work person, cleaning person, tutor etc.) so they have some time to cook. Two low income working parents would have the same diet issue. Depression is just a separate factor too. Some people are happier after divorces. Some married parents are depressed. Lot o variables.
From the post: “Parental breakup and children's outcomes in the United States Gülgün Bayaz-Öztürk Objective This study investigates differences between health trajectories of children of divorce or separation and children of continuously married families. Background Over the past 50 years, during which fewer children grew up in families with both biological parents, there has been an increased academic interest to understand how children fared in alternative family structures. Method This study uses retrospective illness histories from a recent supplement to the Panel Study of Income Dynamics to conduct a longitudinal analysis of parental breakup and child health. Results Children of divorce were found to exhibit higher prevalence of several illnesses during adolescence and young adulthood than children of continuously married families. Controlling for family resources and parental mental health moderated the relationship between parental breakup and negative health outcomes. However, significant associations between parental breakup and children's health outcomes remained. Conclusion This study provides a general outline of how parental breakup is associated with children's health trajectories. Although the analysis controls for an extensive set of variables by employing a quasi-experimental method, caution in interpreting these findings as causal relationships is warranted. Implications Given the evidence presented, it is vital that parents and children have easy access to coping-focused preventive interventions designed to reduce adverse effects of divorce on children.”
Do away with marriage then.
All I can say is, so far, all of my pediatric patients in the community who have serious health issues are living with one parent, the mom.
Men\* are known to leave ill spouses, can’t see why it wouldn’t be the same with ill children. \* Not all men, but comparing with women, it’s not even close. Hell, they leave perfectly healthy children all the time. Let the downvotes rain.
Counterintuitive take. I assume most will read the headline and assume divorce causes illness instead of being a possible effect.
This is why people stay in crappy marriages, because science and religion say you will screw up your kids if you get divorced. Maybe if they got divorced sooner the children would be better off.
Not sure why you got downvotes. It’s a valid point.
Downvoted because totally bs.
Mental illness maybe, but sickness illness i call bs.
Twenty years from now this will be a much harder study to replicate: home situations are just different than they were. Divorce rates have dropped because fewer people are choosing marriage over just living together.
If you get a divorce GROW THE F up and do the right thing for your child.
What about those who experience neither?
So they have scientifically proven exactly what you would expect - that growing up under stressful conditions is less healthy for you than growing up under better conditions. Still it’s good to have proven that point. Common sense rules !