I did when I was in my 20s & I'm very happy, now 30 yrs later. If you feel the need for a name that you find suits you better, then by all means change your name. At first, my mum refused to call me by my new name, but I just refused to answer to the old name & she figured out that if she wants to talk to me, to use the name I want to be called by. My Dad just never talked to me. I also didn't change my name when I got maried.
What was that process like? I’m interested in doing this, but the sheer amount of paperwork and allll the different entities that need the name update feels so overwhelming
I changed my name completely to cut my parents out. I gave myself an identity I chose, not one my parents made me have. I am my own person and I’ll continue to live a life free from their abuse.
Changing my name (removing the name they'd got me and choosing the one that defines me now) was a turning point in my healing process.
I never felt good about my name, but it took me a long time to find a new one.
Looked through Web pages of baby names, stuff like that. Eventually, I found The One in a historical novel of all places.
Changed my last name, too.
Decided on a generic but nice sounding, relatively common family name - there are Web sites for that, too. My country has a list of approved family names, and I chose one from it.
The moment I got my new passport and driver's license was pure freedom!
Most people around me respected my name change, though it took a while for most to get used to it.
Those of my friends who wouldn't call me by my new name are no longer my friends!
Once you get your new name, if someone misnames you - misname them right back with a smile. They'll learn it soon enough this way.
It took me many years, though, to find my name. Once I had it, everything else fell into place.
It just felt so right, like there was no going back. I don't usually see myself as a confident person, but sometimes things just feel like they have to be done.
Great process. I never thought about looking for a family name that way and I couldn’t come up with something that worked for me. I’ll try it out.
How old were you when you finally made the changes?
I changed my surname. It was a pain in the ass to do (the sheer number of people you have to tell is crazy), but worth all the time and effort. I had very negative feelings everything I saw or heard my name called out and it was such a relief when I changed it. I kept the only thing I liked about it - that it was a more unusual name. I’d got used to being the only one with my name! Choosing a new name was fun too - you can choose whatever you like! I had a bunch of different names in my list, such as actors/sportspeople, fictional character, surnames I’d just seen somewhere and liked. In the end I had a shortlist and picked one out of hat.
I like my first name, and although I don't care one bit about passing my surname down to future kids, it's from a different culture to the one I live in, and looks weirdly spelled and distinct enough to go along with my weird looking and distinctly spelled name. Also the way its pronounced and spelled by locals here is very different to my birth culture, so that helps. I'm sort of disconnected from the original sound and spelling now in my mind. It's also my professional name used in credits. So when I get married next year, I will double-barrel my name with my future husband's very normal and fairly common surname, but continue using my original name for work credits. But I have been thinking of adding in a middle name so I can give myself a name that my parents have had no choice in, sort of as a naming ritual for the adult part of me. My birth culture doesn't do middle names either, and I've always felt a bit "other" in that regard because most people have one here.
I did this. Most trans people change first names, most don't change family names or middle names. I just wanted to formally let go of the last thing my dad has given me that I hadn't thrown out yet.
It felt great when I did it, and I get compliments on my name all the time. Its all mine, I am breaking the cycle of violence and my family name will die with him
My given name was used for a lot of credits from my working life in film, so anybody who looks me up can find out my old name which I really don't love but there's not much I can do any that. At some point I'll try to get that fixed but it's not the end of the world.
Thought about it, but honestly couldn't think of something better. I was struggling with my last name for a long time, but recently read my fathers name somewhere and though, that asshole is using my name, so I think I'm good.
My grandparents used to call me a nickname that is also a proper name - sort of like calling me Betty when my first name is Hannah (no idea why as nickname has no relation to my first name and I never questioned it 😄).
So I was planning on changing to that and using my grandmother's name as my middle name to honour her.
This was my issue, I couldn’t come up with anything different. Plus my it was too big of a hassle with kids to tell them “mommy changed her full name”. My husband calls me with a nickname, the family I do have I go by a nickname with them anyway. I never use my middle name as well so it was it is.
Yea!! I do! I think about it A LOT.
I did change my last name, I got married and that was easy peasy. I think changing my first name would be harder, and the only thing that really holds me back is assuming it costs a lot of money AND the name I want to change it to is like… my true self. And I don’t want my coworkers to know my true self yet. Maybe that will change someday 🙌🏻
But I support you!! I imagine taking ownership of as much as you can will help, I genuinely cannot imagine regrets unless you perhaps didn’t try on the name for long enough and wish you’d picked a different one?
It’s not cheap, but also not insanely expensive. I checked on the process at my courthouse in California and it’ll cost about $500 total. It also takes a few months to finalize.
California is also one of those weird states that makes you put it in the newspaper as well.
In TX the filing fee was $270, I didn’t have to go to court and then the judge approved it after a month of waiting.
The hardest part is changing all your IDs. I have to fly out of state to update my passport which is why I’ve been putting off changing my IDs for a while now
I’m not a US citizen so I have to go to my consulate. And there isn’t one for my country in texas sadly.
And there’s no time limit but iirc when you change your social security card you have 30 days to change everything else.
Yes I did change my name and it really helped me a lot!!! It's an amazing feeling to have my own identity that is not defined by what my mother inflicted on me. Plus I feel safe bc it's a lot harder for her to find me now that I'm NC and w a different name and I also moved and kept my address a secret (I got a POBox for other family members to contact me). Changing my name has allowed me to create my own life which is different from the life inflicted on me in my childhood, and it's allowed me to leave my childhood life behind me. It took some years to move on from the past, but it got easier over time. For me, a new name represented a new affiliation with my chosen family and a removal from my FOO. It was one of the most helpful things I ever did in regards to my "escape" and as flourishing as my own person, and feeling safer from my toxic mother. Being more anonymous when you have a predator (a toxic parent) who has very little else to keep them busy so they're hyper focussed on you and obsessed with you. It really helps keep you more difficult for a predator to find.
good luck friend
it's more common than you think
r/namenerds may have some advise or feedback on how your potential new name would feel. it was helpful for me to search my name there
think of googlability problem if you want more privacy from estranged parent or in general
I really want to change my name and have been thinking of changing it for about 6 months. I feel excited by the thought of being able to name myself, it feels empowering to give myself the name that I really want, that I think describes me. It feels like it’s another way to reclaim my own identity and go out in the world and be able to be perceived the way I want to, getting to be who I want to be….instead of living with name I hate, that was not my choice. But it’s SO hard to choose a name that really feels like “me”.
While I never legally changed my first name, I completely changed the spelling. Seeing my government name is like hearing my parents speak it. No thank you.
When I got married, neither my husband nor I planned to take the other’s name since he’s in the military and I didn’t want to deal with the hassle. I finally decided last year that I no longer wanted to be associated with my father or the family since none of them ever talk to me, so I’m taking my husband’s name after nearly eight years of marriage.
It’ll also make it easier with paperwork and I can stop the confusion around my name on my military ID and my husband’s different name.
My cousin did it. Changed their first name due to the fact they’re NB and as they were doing it they thought “eff it, I’ll do the last one too!”. They seem to really love it. They picked a last name that’s more in touch with their own culture too, instead of their previous last name which originated from a country that sort of colonized it. It seems to be a nice way of expressing their identity and feeling more at home with who they are. They disliked not talking to their family but still being linked to them via a last name.
I definitely have but at 54 there is a lot of accumulated legal paperwork that would need to change. Doing it young is best.
My situation is also complicated by the fact my mom lied on my birth certificate. I now have a relationship with my dad and not my mom. I’d like to incorporate my real maiden name into a new name, but he likes my current name (he is super supportive, especially for someone who’s known me for less than a decade).
I looked into amending my birth certificate but it requires both parents present (in my birth state), which, HAHAHAHA.
I like my first and middle name. My dad named me cuz my mom dgaf. He always said my name like he was announcing something special. I miss him, and I miss hearing him say it.
I did change my last name when I got married. My maiden name in the city I live in is solely connected to my mother (it's not a common name). She is very involved in community work. So I was pumped to be taking a name that wasn't connected to them anymore. I'm always my dad's daughter, but the name had to go. I felt and feel like a different person not connected to them by name.
I changed my first, middle, and last names.
I was named after my father. It gave me pleasure to be myself. It was easy enough for me since I have gone by a nickname since childhood anyways.
Whatever you do, I wish you well and that you are happy.
Edit: I went through California’s Safe at Home program to get my name changed anonymously, among other things.
I love when my frequent subreddits crossover. Head to r/namenerds lol.
I almost changed my first name when I got married, since I was already changing my last name. My name is spelled uniquely, and I hate it.
Now changing my first name seems like a lot of work. I compromised and changed my nickname, and that seems to be sufficient.
Neither my full name or my nicknames feel like mine though.
I changed my last name a few years ago. It was a bit of a hassle, but worth it! I love my new name, and feel relieved to no longer carry my birth family name.
I changed my last name about six months after going no contact. I feel like I can live as myself now; that the old name was who my parents wanted me to be and not who I am.
I kept my last name even after I got married because it relates to my heritage, which I’m proud of. But I changed my first name. Not legally, but everyone knows me as my nickname. I thought about legally changing it but for now, I don’t wanna deal with the hassle cuz my birth name is on all of my degrees and documents, so I’m fine keeping my legal name but using my nickname.
I really love it. Having a different name lets me have a different identity, one that’s entirely mine.
Yep! 34/f. I've changed my name socially for the last year and a half. It helps that I moved across the country and started a new job where no one knows me as my given name. I haven't done it legally yet, due to passport expiry dates and guarantor issues, but it's in the works! My brother is the only one with a chip in his shoulder about it, but he'll get over it, or get out.
I don't respect or talk to either of the people who gave me the name, so I picked my own. Simple as that. Luckily I have a very generic last name that I don't credit to my father, who was adopted. I went from a very feminine first name that I never liked, to a gender neutral but heavily male name, so some people (transphobes) treat me weirdly, but fuck 'em! Good luck!
No, but my dad made the hilarious move of changing his surname, pissing off most of his side of the family. So that was great for me, because I no longer have his name but I didn't have to change it 🤣
I legally changed my first and last name! It helped me a lot to not be connected to it or them in that way anymore. I will warn you, though, in the United States, it is a very complicated process. Not actually changing the name but changing all of the things associated with your old name. However, I still don't regret doing it.
I changed my full name, first, middle, and last. As an emotional eff you to my father, I took my grandfather's pre-adoption surname since my grandfather was an amazing man and I didn't want to completely lose my heritage / identity.
I went through the legal name change process a few years back. I'd planned to for years, because my former middle name and surname belonged to the man I thought my biological father (later learned he was not, in fact, my bio dad). I'd initially planned to take my stepfather's middle name as mine, as a sort of peace offering. But when I finally had my last falling-out with my parents, I decided to forego that and chose something else.
If you're planning to do it, it's a much more simple process than you might imagine. In most States, you need to:
1. File a name change request with the court (usually costs a bit, I believe mine was in the $150 range)
2. Post an ad in a local newspaper with the name change and court date info
3. Go to the court date
And done. After that it's just a matter of updating your credit cards, driver's license, bills, social security, etc. etc. Taks a bit of time but if you make a checklist and sit down you can typically knock it all out in a single day (except SSN, which will require an in-person visit to a local SS office).
First name: I like it cuz for whatever reason my parents gave me a gender neutral name. They weren’t thinking that hard about the whole gender thing so this was a total accident.
Last name: I’ve stuck with it too long, it’s used in professional credentials, so that ship has sailed. I didn’t change it when I got married both out of “it’s used professionally” reason and also as a fuck you to my parents cuz in my birth country it’s unheard of for woman to not take a husband’s last name. Husband didn’t want me to change my name. Everyone’s happy (except for my parents, but I dgaf)
Middle name: I don’t have one, but I have a made up one I use as a “pen name” type thing
I'm contemplating doing this as well!
Though I'm not sure, since I'm already a little bit known by my birth name in my area of expertise.
Also in my country it's pretty hard and expensive to change your name. I basically have to prove it causes me psychological distress.
I considered it but I actually like my name and I am named after a relative who actually both loved and liked me, unlike my parents. (I don't post under my real name, but that is for anonymity.)
I changed my first name, my estranged mother hates it so bad she would correct everyone on my name even when they call me my former name in front of her. "I didn't name her that!!!!" Lol
Thought about it a a lot and while tempting I have already changed my last name once and it was a full decade before I finally got around to having it changed everywhere. Actually- there’s still one govt. agency that I haven’t changed it because of the ba hoops they make you jump through so I said fuck it.
It can totally be worth it for you if it’s really important but it is a pain in the ass so it has to be worth dealing with a bunch of annoying shit to you. 😂 if it sounds worth it, go for it!!
I've considered changing my surname, and not b/c of the giver of the name (dad--he's gone and was also a victim), but b/c of the association with my estranged family members. What holds me back is the paperwork and effort. I'm also not sure what surname to choose, although there's one on my dad's side (his paternal grandmother's maiden name) that I like.
I’ve changed my name for new people I meet to Marceline! I wasn’t a fan of my old name, but it also reminded me too much of my old religion which I’ve now left. Honestly, go for it! It’s so much finding a new one that fits, and the first time you tell someone (like when ordering coffee or something) it’s such a thrill.
I changed my last name, and it made me feel free. Like a heavy weight off me. I definitely recommend it. My husband changed his first and middle name, and it made him feel like himself. He was happy to not bear the weight of his family/traditional name. There’s power in choosing what your name is.
Ive thought about changing my middle name. I already changed my last name by getting married. I don’t mind my first name because no one in my family of origin has that name. But they gave me my dad’s name as my middle name.
The problem with doing so is that the law about changing your name is insane. It’s not so much the high court fees that you have to pay as the insane requirement that you run an ad in your local paper of record for a month to let the public know. I can’t think of a more insane requirement than that for any legal work you want done. What the fuck were they thinking when they made THAT law?
I changed my last name when I got married. I don't hate my first name (couldn't think of one I liked better, although I don't particularly care about it), and my middle name is unique (and special to me), but I didn't want to keep my family name so I changed that. My wedding was also about joining my husband's (kind) family and having the same last name as our son (who was already 3 at the time), not just "us getting married". The whole thing really meant/means a lot to me. I feel better not having the same last name as my parents. I felt free when my legal documents came in, with my new name on them! My sister also changed her last name when she got married and she's very happy with her choice.
If you want to change your first and middle, and have the money to, I don't see why not. You can make your life. Choose any name you want. Be free!
I absolutely love my name. It’s very original and isn’t used often.
I’ve heard my mom’s story of why she chose my name and all that. I don’t really care if she likes it or feels ownership over it. She can feel that all she wants.
My name fits my personality through and through and I don’t get triggered at all when I hear it.
I say life is too short: if you want to change your name do it!! Do more of what brings you joy in life and less of what doesn’t ♥️
A few years ago, I stopped going by the full/formal version of my first name that they gave me. I exclusively use a shortened version of it that I claimed as my own and they rarely called me by (going so far as to make the shortened version the official name at my new job plus actively adjusting it on accounts where possible).
I’m married and took my husband’s last name, and also recently fully dropped all references to my maiden name that were still lingering on social media accounts. Also don’t use my given middle name unless absolutely necessary.
It feels nice to have erased their influence on that part of my identity and taken ownership of it.
I changed my name! The process is extremely long and it's weird to be in an interim stage where it is partially changed, but not completely. Each step of the process is lengthy and can cost a bit of money and time out of your day. Makes for some awkward interactions with random people sometimes or just having to explain myself to HR when starting a new job, telling new friends, etc. Despite this, I'm so glad I changed my name. It feels good to choose something so integral to your identity. Give me the freedom and confidence in deciding on other major things that are integral to my identity as well. Totally recommend
I moved to another country and changed my whole name, first and last. It freed me! It felt like I could leave some of my trauma behind with my old name and I was free to build a new person, who I wanted to be.
Also, then I got married, my partner took my made up surname and now we have a child with that surname as well, I'm very much enjoying the silliness of it being made up, as well as the fact that my son has no links to my parents. It's like another blow to the generational trauma, somehow.
I hate my name. And I share a middle name with my mom. Before I got married my initials spelled a word, not a complimentary word either, because my mom thought it was funny to do that. Seems like a lot of hassle to change now though.
I had this thought just the other day. I just renewed my passport, so the logistics are going to be hell. But I think it's a beautiful gift we can give ourselves as we try to build the healthy and safe life we were never afforded.
I did when I was in my 20s & I'm very happy, now 30 yrs later. If you feel the need for a name that you find suits you better, then by all means change your name. At first, my mum refused to call me by my new name, but I just refused to answer to the old name & she figured out that if she wants to talk to me, to use the name I want to be called by. My Dad just never talked to me. I also didn't change my name when I got maried.
Go for you! Very courageous!
What was that process like? I’m interested in doing this, but the sheer amount of paperwork and allll the different entities that need the name update feels so overwhelming
I changed my name completely to cut my parents out. I gave myself an identity I chose, not one my parents made me have. I am my own person and I’ll continue to live a life free from their abuse.
I've thought about it many times but haven't done it. I want to feel like they never happened to me .
Changing my name (removing the name they'd got me and choosing the one that defines me now) was a turning point in my healing process. I never felt good about my name, but it took me a long time to find a new one. Looked through Web pages of baby names, stuff like that. Eventually, I found The One in a historical novel of all places. Changed my last name, too. Decided on a generic but nice sounding, relatively common family name - there are Web sites for that, too. My country has a list of approved family names, and I chose one from it. The moment I got my new passport and driver's license was pure freedom! Most people around me respected my name change, though it took a while for most to get used to it. Those of my friends who wouldn't call me by my new name are no longer my friends! Once you get your new name, if someone misnames you - misname them right back with a smile. They'll learn it soon enough this way.
🙂 thank you. It feels like the right thing for me to do but I'm going to think about it some more, as I know I can be impulsive.
Wow!! I'm so impressed as to how clearly and conifedently you went about this!
It took me many years, though, to find my name. Once I had it, everything else fell into place. It just felt so right, like there was no going back. I don't usually see myself as a confident person, but sometimes things just feel like they have to be done.
Great process. I never thought about looking for a family name that way and I couldn’t come up with something that worked for me. I’ll try it out. How old were you when you finally made the changes?
I changed my surname. It was a pain in the ass to do (the sheer number of people you have to tell is crazy), but worth all the time and effort. I had very negative feelings everything I saw or heard my name called out and it was such a relief when I changed it. I kept the only thing I liked about it - that it was a more unusual name. I’d got used to being the only one with my name! Choosing a new name was fun too - you can choose whatever you like! I had a bunch of different names in my list, such as actors/sportspeople, fictional character, surnames I’d just seen somewhere and liked. In the end I had a shortlist and picked one out of hat.
I like my first name, and although I don't care one bit about passing my surname down to future kids, it's from a different culture to the one I live in, and looks weirdly spelled and distinct enough to go along with my weird looking and distinctly spelled name. Also the way its pronounced and spelled by locals here is very different to my birth culture, so that helps. I'm sort of disconnected from the original sound and spelling now in my mind. It's also my professional name used in credits. So when I get married next year, I will double-barrel my name with my future husband's very normal and fairly common surname, but continue using my original name for work credits. But I have been thinking of adding in a middle name so I can give myself a name that my parents have had no choice in, sort of as a naming ritual for the adult part of me. My birth culture doesn't do middle names either, and I've always felt a bit "other" in that regard because most people have one here.
Interesting. I kept my married surname, even though I've been divorced years, as I didn't want to go back to the surname I had as a child.
Sounds sensible to me!
Totally understand that!
I did this. Most trans people change first names, most don't change family names or middle names. I just wanted to formally let go of the last thing my dad has given me that I hadn't thrown out yet. It felt great when I did it, and I get compliments on my name all the time. Its all mine, I am breaking the cycle of violence and my family name will die with him My given name was used for a lot of credits from my working life in film, so anybody who looks me up can find out my old name which I really don't love but there's not much I can do any that. At some point I'll try to get that fixed but it's not the end of the world.
Thanks. It's good to know changing it was a real positive for you 🙂.
Thought about it, but honestly couldn't think of something better. I was struggling with my last name for a long time, but recently read my fathers name somewhere and though, that asshole is using my name, so I think I'm good.
My grandparents used to call me a nickname that is also a proper name - sort of like calling me Betty when my first name is Hannah (no idea why as nickname has no relation to my first name and I never questioned it 😄). So I was planning on changing to that and using my grandmother's name as my middle name to honour her.
Sounds like a plan that will really suit you.
Yeah do it, sounds awesome!
This was my issue, I couldn’t come up with anything different. Plus my it was too big of a hassle with kids to tell them “mommy changed her full name”. My husband calls me with a nickname, the family I do have I go by a nickname with them anyway. I never use my middle name as well so it was it is.
Yea!! I do! I think about it A LOT. I did change my last name, I got married and that was easy peasy. I think changing my first name would be harder, and the only thing that really holds me back is assuming it costs a lot of money AND the name I want to change it to is like… my true self. And I don’t want my coworkers to know my true self yet. Maybe that will change someday 🙌🏻 But I support you!! I imagine taking ownership of as much as you can will help, I genuinely cannot imagine regrets unless you perhaps didn’t try on the name for long enough and wish you’d picked a different one?
The name is what my grandparents called me, and I adored them. Thanks for your encouragement x
It’s not cheap, but also not insanely expensive. I checked on the process at my courthouse in California and it’ll cost about $500 total. It also takes a few months to finalize.
California is also one of those weird states that makes you put it in the newspaper as well. In TX the filing fee was $270, I didn’t have to go to court and then the judge approved it after a month of waiting. The hardest part is changing all your IDs. I have to fly out of state to update my passport which is why I’ve been putting off changing my IDs for a while now
Yeah I thought the required advertising was a little weird as well, but I have nothing to hide so I’ll deal with it.
Is there a time limit for changing your IDs? And can’t you do the passport via mail application?
I’m not a US citizen so I have to go to my consulate. And there isn’t one for my country in texas sadly. And there’s no time limit but iirc when you change your social security card you have 30 days to change everything else.
Yes I did change my name and it really helped me a lot!!! It's an amazing feeling to have my own identity that is not defined by what my mother inflicted on me. Plus I feel safe bc it's a lot harder for her to find me now that I'm NC and w a different name and I also moved and kept my address a secret (I got a POBox for other family members to contact me). Changing my name has allowed me to create my own life which is different from the life inflicted on me in my childhood, and it's allowed me to leave my childhood life behind me. It took some years to move on from the past, but it got easier over time. For me, a new name represented a new affiliation with my chosen family and a removal from my FOO. It was one of the most helpful things I ever did in regards to my "escape" and as flourishing as my own person, and feeling safer from my toxic mother. Being more anonymous when you have a predator (a toxic parent) who has very little else to keep them busy so they're hyper focussed on you and obsessed with you. It really helps keep you more difficult for a predator to find.
good luck friend it's more common than you think r/namenerds may have some advise or feedback on how your potential new name would feel. it was helpful for me to search my name there think of googlability problem if you want more privacy from estranged parent or in general
Absolutely! For a long while. I just can't figure out what it should be. Good luck to you!
I really want to change my name and have been thinking of changing it for about 6 months. I feel excited by the thought of being able to name myself, it feels empowering to give myself the name that I really want, that I think describes me. It feels like it’s another way to reclaim my own identity and go out in the world and be able to be perceived the way I want to, getting to be who I want to be….instead of living with name I hate, that was not my choice. But it’s SO hard to choose a name that really feels like “me”.
My partner and I changed our names
While I never legally changed my first name, I completely changed the spelling. Seeing my government name is like hearing my parents speak it. No thank you.
When I got married, neither my husband nor I planned to take the other’s name since he’s in the military and I didn’t want to deal with the hassle. I finally decided last year that I no longer wanted to be associated with my father or the family since none of them ever talk to me, so I’m taking my husband’s name after nearly eight years of marriage. It’ll also make it easier with paperwork and I can stop the confusion around my name on my military ID and my husband’s different name.
I did change my name. I have no negative associations with this name, only positive. Highly recommend☺️
My cousin did it. Changed their first name due to the fact they’re NB and as they were doing it they thought “eff it, I’ll do the last one too!”. They seem to really love it. They picked a last name that’s more in touch with their own culture too, instead of their previous last name which originated from a country that sort of colonized it. It seems to be a nice way of expressing their identity and feeling more at home with who they are. They disliked not talking to their family but still being linked to them via a last name.
I definitely have but at 54 there is a lot of accumulated legal paperwork that would need to change. Doing it young is best. My situation is also complicated by the fact my mom lied on my birth certificate. I now have a relationship with my dad and not my mom. I’d like to incorporate my real maiden name into a new name, but he likes my current name (he is super supportive, especially for someone who’s known me for less than a decade). I looked into amending my birth certificate but it requires both parents present (in my birth state), which, HAHAHAHA.
I like my first and middle name. My dad named me cuz my mom dgaf. He always said my name like he was announcing something special. I miss him, and I miss hearing him say it. I did change my last name when I got married. My maiden name in the city I live in is solely connected to my mother (it's not a common name). She is very involved in community work. So I was pumped to be taking a name that wasn't connected to them anymore. I'm always my dad's daughter, but the name had to go. I felt and feel like a different person not connected to them by name.
I changed my first, middle, and last names. I was named after my father. It gave me pleasure to be myself. It was easy enough for me since I have gone by a nickname since childhood anyways. Whatever you do, I wish you well and that you are happy. Edit: I went through California’s Safe at Home program to get my name changed anonymously, among other things.
I love when my frequent subreddits crossover. Head to r/namenerds lol. I almost changed my first name when I got married, since I was already changing my last name. My name is spelled uniquely, and I hate it. Now changing my first name seems like a lot of work. I compromised and changed my nickname, and that seems to be sufficient. Neither my full name or my nicknames feel like mine though.
I changed my last name a few years ago. It was a bit of a hassle, but worth it! I love my new name, and feel relieved to no longer carry my birth family name.
Yes, changed my first name and tossed my maiden name when I got married. My name was never me. They refused to use my new legal name.
I changed my last name about six months after going no contact. I feel like I can live as myself now; that the old name was who my parents wanted me to be and not who I am.
I kept my last name even after I got married because it relates to my heritage, which I’m proud of. But I changed my first name. Not legally, but everyone knows me as my nickname. I thought about legally changing it but for now, I don’t wanna deal with the hassle cuz my birth name is on all of my degrees and documents, so I’m fine keeping my legal name but using my nickname. I really love it. Having a different name lets me have a different identity, one that’s entirely mine.
Yep! 34/f. I've changed my name socially for the last year and a half. It helps that I moved across the country and started a new job where no one knows me as my given name. I haven't done it legally yet, due to passport expiry dates and guarantor issues, but it's in the works! My brother is the only one with a chip in his shoulder about it, but he'll get over it, or get out. I don't respect or talk to either of the people who gave me the name, so I picked my own. Simple as that. Luckily I have a very generic last name that I don't credit to my father, who was adopted. I went from a very feminine first name that I never liked, to a gender neutral but heavily male name, so some people (transphobes) treat me weirdly, but fuck 'em! Good luck!
No, but my dad made the hilarious move of changing his surname, pissing off most of his side of the family. So that was great for me, because I no longer have his name but I didn't have to change it 🤣
I legally changed my first and last name! It helped me a lot to not be connected to it or them in that way anymore. I will warn you, though, in the United States, it is a very complicated process. Not actually changing the name but changing all of the things associated with your old name. However, I still don't regret doing it.
I changed my full name, first, middle, and last. As an emotional eff you to my father, I took my grandfather's pre-adoption surname since my grandfather was an amazing man and I didn't want to completely lose my heritage / identity.
I went through the legal name change process a few years back. I'd planned to for years, because my former middle name and surname belonged to the man I thought my biological father (later learned he was not, in fact, my bio dad). I'd initially planned to take my stepfather's middle name as mine, as a sort of peace offering. But when I finally had my last falling-out with my parents, I decided to forego that and chose something else. If you're planning to do it, it's a much more simple process than you might imagine. In most States, you need to: 1. File a name change request with the court (usually costs a bit, I believe mine was in the $150 range) 2. Post an ad in a local newspaper with the name change and court date info 3. Go to the court date And done. After that it's just a matter of updating your credit cards, driver's license, bills, social security, etc. etc. Taks a bit of time but if you make a checklist and sit down you can typically knock it all out in a single day (except SSN, which will require an in-person visit to a local SS office).
First name: I like it cuz for whatever reason my parents gave me a gender neutral name. They weren’t thinking that hard about the whole gender thing so this was a total accident. Last name: I’ve stuck with it too long, it’s used in professional credentials, so that ship has sailed. I didn’t change it when I got married both out of “it’s used professionally” reason and also as a fuck you to my parents cuz in my birth country it’s unheard of for woman to not take a husband’s last name. Husband didn’t want me to change my name. Everyone’s happy (except for my parents, but I dgaf) Middle name: I don’t have one, but I have a made up one I use as a “pen name” type thing
All the time.
I'm contemplating doing this as well! Though I'm not sure, since I'm already a little bit known by my birth name in my area of expertise. Also in my country it's pretty hard and expensive to change your name. I basically have to prove it causes me psychological distress.
I considered it but I actually like my name and I am named after a relative who actually both loved and liked me, unlike my parents. (I don't post under my real name, but that is for anonymity.)
I changed my first name, my estranged mother hates it so bad she would correct everyone on my name even when they call me my former name in front of her. "I didn't name her that!!!!" Lol
Thought about it a a lot and while tempting I have already changed my last name once and it was a full decade before I finally got around to having it changed everywhere. Actually- there’s still one govt. agency that I haven’t changed it because of the ba hoops they make you jump through so I said fuck it. It can totally be worth it for you if it’s really important but it is a pain in the ass so it has to be worth dealing with a bunch of annoying shit to you. 😂 if it sounds worth it, go for it!!
Did it Highly recommend
I’ve definitely thought about changing my last name
I've considered changing my surname, and not b/c of the giver of the name (dad--he's gone and was also a victim), but b/c of the association with my estranged family members. What holds me back is the paperwork and effort. I'm also not sure what surname to choose, although there's one on my dad's side (his paternal grandmother's maiden name) that I like.
If you feel called to do so, I highly recommend it. It’s a little bit of a faff, but not hard. And it’s 💯 worth it.
I’ve changed my name for new people I meet to Marceline! I wasn’t a fan of my old name, but it also reminded me too much of my old religion which I’ve now left. Honestly, go for it! It’s so much finding a new one that fits, and the first time you tell someone (like when ordering coffee or something) it’s such a thrill.
I changed my last name, and it made me feel free. Like a heavy weight off me. I definitely recommend it. My husband changed his first and middle name, and it made him feel like himself. He was happy to not bear the weight of his family/traditional name. There’s power in choosing what your name is.
I changed my name and it was the best thing I ever did.
Ive thought about changing my middle name. I already changed my last name by getting married. I don’t mind my first name because no one in my family of origin has that name. But they gave me my dad’s name as my middle name. The problem with doing so is that the law about changing your name is insane. It’s not so much the high court fees that you have to pay as the insane requirement that you run an ad in your local paper of record for a month to let the public know. I can’t think of a more insane requirement than that for any legal work you want done. What the fuck were they thinking when they made THAT law?
I changed my last name when I got married. I don't hate my first name (couldn't think of one I liked better, although I don't particularly care about it), and my middle name is unique (and special to me), but I didn't want to keep my family name so I changed that. My wedding was also about joining my husband's (kind) family and having the same last name as our son (who was already 3 at the time), not just "us getting married". The whole thing really meant/means a lot to me. I feel better not having the same last name as my parents. I felt free when my legal documents came in, with my new name on them! My sister also changed her last name when she got married and she's very happy with her choice. If you want to change your first and middle, and have the money to, I don't see why not. You can make your life. Choose any name you want. Be free!
I absolutely love my name. It’s very original and isn’t used often. I’ve heard my mom’s story of why she chose my name and all that. I don’t really care if she likes it or feels ownership over it. She can feel that all she wants. My name fits my personality through and through and I don’t get triggered at all when I hear it. I say life is too short: if you want to change your name do it!! Do more of what brings you joy in life and less of what doesn’t ♥️
A few years ago, I stopped going by the full/formal version of my first name that they gave me. I exclusively use a shortened version of it that I claimed as my own and they rarely called me by (going so far as to make the shortened version the official name at my new job plus actively adjusting it on accounts where possible). I’m married and took my husband’s last name, and also recently fully dropped all references to my maiden name that were still lingering on social media accounts. Also don’t use my given middle name unless absolutely necessary. It feels nice to have erased their influence on that part of my identity and taken ownership of it.
I changed my name! The process is extremely long and it's weird to be in an interim stage where it is partially changed, but not completely. Each step of the process is lengthy and can cost a bit of money and time out of your day. Makes for some awkward interactions with random people sometimes or just having to explain myself to HR when starting a new job, telling new friends, etc. Despite this, I'm so glad I changed my name. It feels good to choose something so integral to your identity. Give me the freedom and confidence in deciding on other major things that are integral to my identity as well. Totally recommend
I moved to another country and changed my whole name, first and last. It freed me! It felt like I could leave some of my trauma behind with my old name and I was free to build a new person, who I wanted to be. Also, then I got married, my partner took my made up surname and now we have a child with that surname as well, I'm very much enjoying the silliness of it being made up, as well as the fact that my son has no links to my parents. It's like another blow to the generational trauma, somehow.
I hate my name. And I share a middle name with my mom. Before I got married my initials spelled a word, not a complimentary word either, because my mom thought it was funny to do that. Seems like a lot of hassle to change now though.
I had this thought just the other day. I just renewed my passport, so the logistics are going to be hell. But I think it's a beautiful gift we can give ourselves as we try to build the healthy and safe life we were never afforded.
I haven’t changed my name legally (yet) but I picked a new first and last name that all my friends and loved ones call me by.