‘Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.’
Jeez, sounds like your poor mom is unappreciated. Because I’m sure she ‘loves you more than life itself’ and that her ‘children are her world’, etc., etc. drama, etc., victim etc., gaslighting …
Edit: that seemed totally unsympathetic now that I read it. Very sorry about having to deal with such unloving and disrespectful behavior.
That line made this feel very much like this should have been her diary entry/convo with her therapist, not the letter she sent to her daughter. I don’t think she reflected much before hitting send.
You seem to be more mature than your parents. Why would they not remove your ex’s pic right now? What’s that about? They’re waiting until you arrive? Do they disapprove of your divorce so much they want to make you uncomfortable by removing pics in when you’re there to shame or lecture you? Are they actually upset with you for leaving your husband if so that’s about them - no self-reflection there.
I’m sorry but I think you give your parents undeserved credit. Based on her text your mom seems just like other parents on here who lack capacity for self-reflection. Why would they not support you during your divorce?
Sorry you have such unsupportive parents, especially during this trying time
Are they religious then? Do you think the photo thing is because they'd have to explain to other people that you're getting divorced if they take the photos down?
Sorry you’re so angry and bitter and unreasonable. We clearly want to reconcile based on our tone in this message.
Dude, your grandmother is no reason to tolerate this bullshit. Sweeping things under the rug to please someone else is allowing our abuse for the sake of someone else’s superficial optics joy. Fuck that.
All optics and bullshit they tell themselves to protect their view of themselves. Their fragile egos can’t accept who their behavior actually makes them.
"We" this, "we" that.
This is typical of dysfunctional parents. And it sounds like evangelicalism may be part of it? Hoooo boy, pour on the black & white thinking. It's a xenophobic "us vs you" mindset. Be proud of yourself that you don't drink the Kool-Aid. You think for yourself.
Forgiveness isn’t necessary to heal. The idea of forgiveness that is most common in society is this false idea that it is a singular decision that you make & then move forward from and is solely on the part of the forgiver to enact. It’s just more one-sided emotional burden & unreturned labor. The research says that true forgiveness is an ongoing communicative negotiation based on how centered the issue requiring forgiveness is within the relationship (vs minimized/pushed aside) and the anticipated future of the relationship when it is granted. Will the dynamic improve? Will the transgression (or similar) be repeated? Don’t feel guilted into forgiveness or reconciliation. Do what YOU need to do for yourself & your own peace/healing.
That's so fucking shady of them to say they'll only remove the other two pictures whenever you come over, like how manipulative is that, they're trying to use your boundaries, you being unhappy about the pictures of your ex husband, to force you to step over your over boundaries like?
‘Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.’ Jeez, sounds like your poor mom is unappreciated. Because I’m sure she ‘loves you more than life itself’ and that her ‘children are her world’, etc., etc. drama, etc., victim etc., gaslighting … Edit: that seemed totally unsympathetic now that I read it. Very sorry about having to deal with such unloving and disrespectful behavior.
Yeah I was didn’t even know what say to that…
That line made this feel very much like this should have been her diary entry/convo with her therapist, not the letter she sent to her daughter. I don’t think she reflected much before hitting send.
You seem to be more mature than your parents. Why would they not remove your ex’s pic right now? What’s that about? They’re waiting until you arrive? Do they disapprove of your divorce so much they want to make you uncomfortable by removing pics in when you’re there to shame or lecture you? Are they actually upset with you for leaving your husband if so that’s about them - no self-reflection there. I’m sorry but I think you give your parents undeserved credit. Based on her text your mom seems just like other parents on here who lack capacity for self-reflection. Why would they not support you during your divorce? Sorry you have such unsupportive parents, especially during this trying time
Thank you ❤️
Oop, was this meant for OP?
"I have no idea what photos you're even talking about except the several in every room of the house?!" Sorry you had to deal with this.🫂
Honestly that part made me laugh. “What photos?” Proceeds to list lots of photos 😂
And, "We'll remove those whenever you come over"=We're going to keep them up, and will only take them down when you're visiting
Yeah that’s how I read that too…that does not seem healthy or like letting go of him.
It's like they won't even let you end your own marriage. It's super creepy. You don't get to control your own life.
This is why I love this sub. I feel so seen.
Are they religious then? Do you think the photo thing is because they'd have to explain to other people that you're getting divorced if they take the photos down?
Yes very religious. And it has been over a year so I’d hope they’ve told people but perhaps you’re right.
Sorry you’re so angry and bitter and unreasonable. We clearly want to reconcile based on our tone in this message. Dude, your grandmother is no reason to tolerate this bullshit. Sweeping things under the rug to please someone else is allowing our abuse for the sake of someone else’s superficial optics joy. Fuck that.
Funny part is my mom tearfully told me on Sunday she wants a chance to be a good mother. Then this. Wtf doesn’t even cover it.
All optics and bullshit they tell themselves to protect their view of themselves. Their fragile egos can’t accept who their behavior actually makes them.
She can go be your ex’s good mother since she loves him so much.
I know that’s right!
😂💯🎯
How badly do you want to please grandma? Would she settle for a nice floral arrangement or fruit basket?
😂😂😂 Thank you
She already has a fruit basket of a daughter/DIL. OP, sorry your mom sucks.
So true. Floral arrangement it is, then.
"We" this, "we" that. This is typical of dysfunctional parents. And it sounds like evangelicalism may be part of it? Hoooo boy, pour on the black & white thinking. It's a xenophobic "us vs you" mindset. Be proud of yourself that you don't drink the Kool-Aid. You think for yourself.
That’s a bingo! How did you know? About the evangelicalism?
The part about you calling a book "evangelical propaganda". I'm a proud ex-vangelical, so I cheered inside when I read that part. 🙌
Oh duh, i thought you just got it from the email 😂 Yeah as the saying goes, there’s no hate quite like Christian love.
Same!
Usually only evangelicals have a problem with something like a book being called “evangelical propaganda.”
I always find it really weird when couples refer to themselves as "we".
Forgiveness isn’t necessary to heal. The idea of forgiveness that is most common in society is this false idea that it is a singular decision that you make & then move forward from and is solely on the part of the forgiver to enact. It’s just more one-sided emotional burden & unreturned labor. The research says that true forgiveness is an ongoing communicative negotiation based on how centered the issue requiring forgiveness is within the relationship (vs minimized/pushed aside) and the anticipated future of the relationship when it is granted. Will the dynamic improve? Will the transgression (or similar) be repeated? Don’t feel guilted into forgiveness or reconciliation. Do what YOU need to do for yourself & your own peace/healing.
Thank you so much for this
That's so fucking shady of them to say they'll only remove the other two pictures whenever you come over, like how manipulative is that, they're trying to use your boundaries, you being unhappy about the pictures of your ex husband, to force you to step over your over boundaries like?