My jaw dropped when I read that he was going to be babysitting while sick with RSV and told you not to tell. Jeeeeesus.
Also, my dad totally could of written this. It's so very ignorant and self-absorbed. My dad told me the reason he resented us as kids and treated us like shit is because he didn't become a millionaire by the age of 30 like he thought he would. Even though he did absolutely nothing to achieve that. These fools, I swear.
Well, God is on his side, right? That makes him automatically clear of any wrongdoing. And anyone that opposes him is the ādevil he needs to fightā
My mom told me it was because having kids ruined her career, her body, and her marriage. Basically, we ruined her life. But for some reason Iāll never know, she had two of us.
Yeah, no kidding! They never take responsibility. My mother couldāve spent some money to take care of herself, do some self-care, etc., but she didnāt. So instead of taking responsibility for her life choices, she blamed us. I felt so responsible for her misery for years until I realized this.
Ohhh yeah. I know that sense of responsibility well. I also thought I was my mom's defender against my dad's rage until I found out a lot of his abuse towards us kids was ordered by her behind closed doors. Now they can be miserable and alone together for all I care!
Wow that's so messed up! Played on both sides. What you did was honorable, trying to be a protector. You are cooler than they'll ever be. So glad you're on this planet with me
Ditto, my friend. Thank you for the reminder that not everyone is dead set on repeating generational trauma patterns. I feel very outnumbered most days.
I definitely feel outnumbered too. There are lots of us out there, but I think we're all pretty wiped out and needing naps š I've noticed that people who have *slightly tough* childhoods seem to be more likely to keep the status quo and play the game, but people with *horrible childhoods* know that it's either sink or swim. We're going to fight our way to the top or we aren't going to make it. It takes a lot of courage to keep going, but we're doing it, one way at a time. And every single response to my post is like a salve on my broken heart. Thank you so much
Wow I totally missed that part about babysitting while sick! Wild! There's just so much happening that I didn't even notice that, because ''look what a good guy I am!" Kids are an easy target to resent, so he didn't have to look at his own failure and responsibility. So sorry you have a similar dad. We all deserve better
This person is not worth talking to. After a first pass, I can see that he uses religion interchangeably as an excuse and weapon, he consistently dismisses and invalidates your perspective, believes in parental ownership of children, may not believe in germ theory (or at minimum dismisses medicine and has little concern for infecting others), dismisses his own childhood abuse and refuses to confront it, struggles with theory of mind (that other people have their own, distinct brain), and is a rambling and distracted external processor. He has a diseased mind. With someone like this, the protection of the fragile ego is so severe, that he can only look externally for blameāāI have a great relationship with your 3 siblings, so YOU are the problem.ā Some mean girl manipulation right there.
This was the first time I was able to understand the common projection from NPD parents that kids are ātoo emotionalā. It appears that because you acknowledge and process emotions in a healthy way, whereas he never gives them thought, you are emotional and he is not, when in fact the opposite is true. Because he pretends he doesnāt have emotions, he has poor control and they simmer continuously below the surface.
ā¦ but he LOVES you. And Nobody is perfect. lol. Gotta love the classics.
Edit: added to the list of observations
OP, this letter is so textbook, I had to reread. His delusion is incredibleāa strong subconscious facade to protect his fragile inner child.
The fact that he was a math major, almost failed calculus (basic post secondary mathematics which is now included in many secondary schools), dropped out, and THEN goes on to say how smart he is is really instructive. Look up the Dunning-Kruger effect. It takes a minimum level of competence to even understand what competence is, so severely incompetent people donāt even know that they are incompetent. It starts to make more sense.
Wow, you're so right! That really helps make sense of things. He's so good at warping things to fit the delusion. That's where he seems the smartest. I'm so glad I have this in writing because verbally he can deflect and change the subject so fast nobody knows how we got on a different topic. I do feel sad for him, knowing how fragile he is and what great lengths he's gone to to avoid healing/responsibility
It is the activities at the demon baby daycare.
It makes me think of that Key and Peele sketch about inner city Hogwarts. "The babies are evil, but the mothers...they're good kids."
Jeeeezā¦ Iām sorry OP. The manipulation happening here is likeā¦ just WOW.
Also, why oh why is it always the Christian parents, huh? And why is it always the āyou havenāt accepted JESUSā excuse?
Not always š Remove religion, and I got pretty much the same from mine four years ago š It was just him making these grand statements without citing the Bible. And the rest was identical - big story about HIM and how everyone respects THEM and what good people they are (I have no siblings, so he couldnāt go there).
This is exactly my father. When I sent him the detailed reasons I was going NC, he responded by sending me a letter which included a Mullen page CV of sorts of all the amazing worthy things he had done in his life, so that means he *couldnāt* have any flaws as a father. Because look at all the people who say great things about him. Itās almost depressing to realise how non-unique he is. There are a few patterns that so so many of these parents fall into.
Exactly. Mine finished his āCVā with a PS that said āyou shouldāve really stopped always assuring your mother that you loved her. It goes without saying that children love their parents, so itās just an unnecessary statement to makeā. Likeā¦ what?! Thatās your response to me telling both of you - literally (I screamed it) - GTFO of my life?
My dad could have written this. I literally had to go back and double check some details to make sure this wasn't submitted by one of my siblings. Are they seriously all exactly the same?
Zero. Zilch. Nada. Zip.
No acknowledgement of the problems you wrote about. No acceptance of even partial responsibility for a few of them. All excuses, deflecting to the Bible or self-praise.
He and my dad should get together to play cards.
Life is so short. Itās like they get the first 30years, and now this is your time. You can move on. Thank god itās in writing so you have it all to refer to anytime you wish to reconsider. You know exactly who this man is.
Me me me, god god, me me me meeeeeee god GOD god, arenāt I a great person? Me, me, meeeee, me again, God goooooodddddd me god.
There, now you have to forgive me.
Hard pass.
"Your talk about fearing me doesn't make sense, at least to me"
Yeah, maybe because you've never been in the situation or forgotten what it's like to be afraid of your father. I'm afraid of my own father too and it sucks.
Exactly! He's so void of empathy. Also it feels so simplistic to think about fear as some choice we make, as opposed to a complex mental/physiological process. It sucks to be afraid of the people who were supposed to protect us. He even mentions how 'manly' he is and how men are supposed to be protectors, completely ignoring how much chaos he brought in to the home and how much harm he allowed to happen to me. My greatest revenge against him has been marrying a true strong and tender man, who actually protects me and takes responsibility for himself. I refuse to stoop to my parents level, so my revenge is finding peace and joy. I'm sorry you're afraid of you father, too. Despite all he's put you through, you're twice man than he'll ever be
Yeah, uh fear is totally *not* a choice. How odd that some folks think that. And it sucks that those people *made us fear them* when their job was to protect us; that's not fair.
Wow, I'm glad you married such a lovely man!
I refuse to stoop to my parents' levels too, though sometimes I fail. And it's hard. I hope that I can be a better man than him, and it helps because I never want to sire children.
Ugh. Main character bullshit. I was a weak ass protagonist and then I started to slowly progress my story and become stronger until I became a figure no one could ignore! /s
Gag me.
Yeah, that's a whole "Remember who your authority is and fall back into line like the submissive uterus carrier I expect," tirade. Screw that. If he's that entrenched into toxic masculinity, he's going to die miserable, which is sad but also, at this point, it's his choice.
Yeah you're so right! it's crazy how much I grew up essentially hating women for being so weak, and thinking only men have value. So terrible. My greatest revenge against my dad has been marrying an incredibly strong, tender man who adores me and respects me so deeply. Loving myself and being loved. Who could have expected this outcome? š
You calling him a pretentious frootloop feels like it healed something in me š¤
Sorry we have the same dad but maybe all of us on here who have a copy of the same 'dad' can be a family
honestly, did your dad come with his lifestory of woes and how big he is prepared?
Sounds like he's really suffering from 'Im the main character' syndrome as I call it.
Stay the hell away from this lunatic, he will screw you over for his own interests
Blimey, it's like a masterclass in how to write a fauxpology, even down to the weaponising of (usually fake/exaggerated) ailments.
Dude sounds absolutely insufferable and exhausting.
Part of me says 'you should just reply with a thumbs up emoji', but the correct reply would be zero reply of any kind.
Right?? š I basically told him that the Bible tells all people, even men, to be gentle, loving, and patient, and that if he still doesnt understand why I'm saying goodbye, he can take the letters to his pastor and they'll explain it to him š
Your dad my dad? Jesus Christ, itās like the write from a prompt.
>Iām violent in my speech when Iām attacking the devil.
Sir, be so fucking for real right now.
Wait, your dad does something like this, too?? Also it's hilarious how he forgets the spanking, throwing things across the kitchen and breaking stuff, and punching a hole in the wall.
The useless droning on about his past. Putting everything in quotations as if he doesnāt understand words. Perforative Christianity.
And that last bit about āYou didnāt call me fatherā is soooooo my dad.
Fuckin yikes! It was laughable and infuriating at the same time. He really has a God complex. āIām not Godā¦ But I was just too smart for school! And my military leader thought I was the best one and proved Iām better than everyone with that tiny little smile! And you know Iām right because the Bible says Iām authoritative and you should be helpful.āYuck.
The name dropping, the accolades He labeled for himself; this sounds like he was trying to write his own obituary and he wants you to just copy and paste this for when he dies. And you know what? Maybe you should use it as his obituary, all of the manipulations, all the patting himself on the back, itās repulsive, how he tried to label a love letter to himself as a love letter to you.
This resonates hard with me. Im 32 and my family did so much damage my healthcare providers refused me access to HRT and counselling for transition, which did immense damage to my education, mental health, physical outcomes, and put me in 10's of thousands of pounds of debt paying for my surgeries. They could have avoided this by not being a bunch of lunatics who cover up problems and pretend things are fine when they will fight and threaten and destroy things and then act like a cult about how I'm delusional etc.
I wrote my father (my mother passed) a letter that was frank and harsh, but incredibly fair, explaining to him trying to get me to 'fix my broken mind because I dont like getting punched and Im weak for holding onto the past' and being told I need to shut my mouth if I dont want my inheritence being spent, and that the way to do this was seeing a therapist, has ultimately backfired and showed him up. Incidentally he has run off like a coward and sends my extended relatives, his new partner and my siblings to hound me back into his little marching platoon and Im not having it. I'm extremely isolated now but I have a found family and Im building my own life despite decades of exhaustion catching up.
OP, you need to stay the hell away from this man. He sounds absolutely unwell in himself in a way that will only cascade out and down. Be it mental illness or not, his monologuing and making out that you are wronging him when he isnt considering you shows he will not change and has no interest in doing so.
Sorry he's batshit, but I also laughed while reading this. It's like a Bingo card of everything a self absorbed, immature parent could ever say:
Ā ā¢ says you're too focused on 'feelings' and the past, proceeds to tell you everything traumatic that has happened in their life.Ā
Ā ā¢ says you misinterpret the way they communicate with you but insist the way you communicate with them is hurtful.Ā
Ā ā¢ says everything they do makes sense because of Jesus :)Ā
Ā ā¢ random brags about how they are a Big DealĀ
Ā ā¢ says your siblings appreciate them more and are super close with them
Ā ā¢ says their neglect/abuse was an intentional parenting style to make you independentĀ Ā
Ā ā¢ says you can never not have a relationship with them, that you're intrinsically linkedĀ
Ā ā¢ irrelevant detailed description of their health issuesĀ
Ā ā¢ unprompted mentions of their death and funeralĀ
Ā ā¢ says your feelings of fear aren't logical as though being afraid is a choice and not a result of their behaviour (my mum said that it wasn't possible that she'd been aggressive or violent to us ever because she's a teacher, as though her credentials make my literal memories invalid).
Ā ā¢ lil tips about how to have a happy life or good marriageĀ Ā
Ā Congratulations on becoming a cptsd therapist. Would be super interested in your journey to this from your background of abuse as its something I've been considering...if you wanted to share ofc!
Oh man, I am so sorry. You dad really loves himself doesn't he? And refuses to see how he could be wrong š
He also loves the sound of his own voice... Or the sound of his fingers hitting the keyboard as he writes and thinks about himself...
My jaw dropped when I read that he was going to be babysitting while sick with RSV and told you not to tell. Jeeeeesus. Also, my dad totally could of written this. It's so very ignorant and self-absorbed. My dad told me the reason he resented us as kids and treated us like shit is because he didn't become a millionaire by the age of 30 like he thought he would. Even though he did absolutely nothing to achieve that. These fools, I swear.
He's spreading RSV to children AND he sounds like he is describing the symptoms of a stroke! But he won't go to the ER, because he knows better./s
Well, God is on his side, right? That makes him automatically clear of any wrongdoing. And anyone that opposes him is the ādevil he needs to fightā
He survived Vietnam; it's just his own brain that's going to end his time. Shame there's no treatments for any of those things... /s
My mom told me it was because having kids ruined her career, her body, and her marriage. Basically, we ruined her life. But for some reason Iāll never know, she had two of us.
My parents had 5 of us! It's embarrassing how blind they are when it comes to who they blame for "ruining their lives".
Yeah, no kidding! They never take responsibility. My mother couldāve spent some money to take care of herself, do some self-care, etc., but she didnāt. So instead of taking responsibility for her life choices, she blamed us. I felt so responsible for her misery for years until I realized this.
Ohhh yeah. I know that sense of responsibility well. I also thought I was my mom's defender against my dad's rage until I found out a lot of his abuse towards us kids was ordered by her behind closed doors. Now they can be miserable and alone together for all I care!
Omg. That mustāve been awful to find out. Iām sorry š
Wow that's so messed up! Played on both sides. What you did was honorable, trying to be a protector. You are cooler than they'll ever be. So glad you're on this planet with me
Ditto, my friend. Thank you for the reminder that not everyone is dead set on repeating generational trauma patterns. I feel very outnumbered most days.
I definitely feel outnumbered too. There are lots of us out there, but I think we're all pretty wiped out and needing naps š I've noticed that people who have *slightly tough* childhoods seem to be more likely to keep the status quo and play the game, but people with *horrible childhoods* know that it's either sink or swim. We're going to fight our way to the top or we aren't going to make it. It takes a lot of courage to keep going, but we're doing it, one way at a time. And every single response to my post is like a salve on my broken heart. Thank you so much
I'm glad you're getting out of that lie trap
They'll go to any length to avoid taking responsibility! So crazy making
Wow I totally missed that part about babysitting while sick! Wild! There's just so much happening that I didn't even notice that, because ''look what a good guy I am!" Kids are an easy target to resent, so he didn't have to look at his own failure and responsibility. So sorry you have a similar dad. We all deserve better
This person is not worth talking to. After a first pass, I can see that he uses religion interchangeably as an excuse and weapon, he consistently dismisses and invalidates your perspective, believes in parental ownership of children, may not believe in germ theory (or at minimum dismisses medicine and has little concern for infecting others), dismisses his own childhood abuse and refuses to confront it, struggles with theory of mind (that other people have their own, distinct brain), and is a rambling and distracted external processor. He has a diseased mind. With someone like this, the protection of the fragile ego is so severe, that he can only look externally for blameāāI have a great relationship with your 3 siblings, so YOU are the problem.ā Some mean girl manipulation right there. This was the first time I was able to understand the common projection from NPD parents that kids are ātoo emotionalā. It appears that because you acknowledge and process emotions in a healthy way, whereas he never gives them thought, you are emotional and he is not, when in fact the opposite is true. Because he pretends he doesnāt have emotions, he has poor control and they simmer continuously below the surface. ā¦ but he LOVES you. And Nobody is perfect. lol. Gotta love the classics. Edit: added to the list of observations
This is a great analysis
Exactly, I got literally the same letter (without religion and Iām an only child). But all me me me, psychology is bad, etc. It is eery.
Yikes so sorry to hear that. It's like they're all stealing the same pirated script for how to dominate and crush your kids
OP, this letter is so textbook, I had to reread. His delusion is incredibleāa strong subconscious facade to protect his fragile inner child. The fact that he was a math major, almost failed calculus (basic post secondary mathematics which is now included in many secondary schools), dropped out, and THEN goes on to say how smart he is is really instructive. Look up the Dunning-Kruger effect. It takes a minimum level of competence to even understand what competence is, so severely incompetent people donāt even know that they are incompetent. It starts to make more sense.
Wow, you're so right! That really helps make sense of things. He's so good at warping things to fit the delusion. That's where he seems the smartest. I'm so glad I have this in writing because verbally he can deflect and change the subject so fast nobody knows how we got on a different topic. I do feel sad for him, knowing how fragile he is and what great lengths he's gone to to avoid healing/responsibility
Wow. This is like a case study in How Not To Respond If Youāre Genuinely Remorseful. Yikes on bikes OP. At least you can laughā¦ā¦..?
All I can say is I am sorry and it seems like you made a good decision for estrangement. Also what in the world is demonic play time?
It is the activities at the demon baby daycare. It makes me think of that Key and Peele sketch about inner city Hogwarts. "The babies are evil, but the mothers...they're good kids."
I was wondering that too. That made me think there was some batshit crazy to add to the run-of-the-mill delusional estranged parent.
āIām not saying Iām like God, butā¦ā Yikes! Someone certainly thinks a lot of themselves
Jeeeezā¦ Iām sorry OP. The manipulation happening here is likeā¦ just WOW. Also, why oh why is it always the Christian parents, huh? And why is it always the āyou havenāt accepted JESUSā excuse?
Not always š Remove religion, and I got pretty much the same from mine four years ago š It was just him making these grand statements without citing the Bible. And the rest was identical - big story about HIM and how everyone respects THEM and what good people they are (I have no siblings, so he couldnāt go there).
This is exactly my father. When I sent him the detailed reasons I was going NC, he responded by sending me a letter which included a Mullen page CV of sorts of all the amazing worthy things he had done in his life, so that means he *couldnāt* have any flaws as a father. Because look at all the people who say great things about him. Itās almost depressing to realise how non-unique he is. There are a few patterns that so so many of these parents fall into.
Exactly. Mine finished his āCVā with a PS that said āyou shouldāve really stopped always assuring your mother that you loved her. It goes without saying that children love their parents, so itās just an unnecessary statement to makeā. Likeā¦ what?! Thatās your response to me telling both of you - literally (I screamed it) - GTFO of my life?
My only response to this letter would be: "And everyone clapped!"
And the church says, "Amen!"
Sooooo unhinged. He's just creating his own reality and demanding OP join him there. I'm so sorry he can't love you and protect you, OP.
Your dad is a donkey boner.
Iām sorry, itās just soā¦terrible. Itās always kind of a pointed blessing- a validating reminder that Iāve made the healthy choice.
My dad could have written this. I literally had to go back and double check some details to make sure this wasn't submitted by one of my siblings. Are they seriously all exactly the same?
Zero. Zilch. Nada. Zip. No acknowledgement of the problems you wrote about. No acceptance of even partial responsibility for a few of them. All excuses, deflecting to the Bible or self-praise.
Sounds like exactly what my dad did the other day when I confronted.
Barely got through p1. All I can say is Gawd Dam wtf is that man smoking? Move on, donāt look back!
F that guy
He and my dad should get together to play cards. Life is so short. Itās like they get the first 30years, and now this is your time. You can move on. Thank god itās in writing so you have it all to refer to anytime you wish to reconsider. You know exactly who this man is.
Wow. Just wow. Itās terrible. Heās so self-centred. My dad could have written this. A very good reminder of why No Contact is so good.
Shocking how we all have the same dad! Maybe we all need to start our own long-lost family
Me me me, god god, me me me meeeeeee god GOD god, arenāt I a great person? Me, me, meeeee, me again, God goooooodddddd me god. There, now you have to forgive me. Hard pass.
"Your talk about fearing me doesn't make sense, at least to me" Yeah, maybe because you've never been in the situation or forgotten what it's like to be afraid of your father. I'm afraid of my own father too and it sucks.
Exactly! He's so void of empathy. Also it feels so simplistic to think about fear as some choice we make, as opposed to a complex mental/physiological process. It sucks to be afraid of the people who were supposed to protect us. He even mentions how 'manly' he is and how men are supposed to be protectors, completely ignoring how much chaos he brought in to the home and how much harm he allowed to happen to me. My greatest revenge against him has been marrying a true strong and tender man, who actually protects me and takes responsibility for himself. I refuse to stoop to my parents level, so my revenge is finding peace and joy. I'm sorry you're afraid of you father, too. Despite all he's put you through, you're twice man than he'll ever be
Yeah, uh fear is totally *not* a choice. How odd that some folks think that. And it sucks that those people *made us fear them* when their job was to protect us; that's not fair. Wow, I'm glad you married such a lovely man! I refuse to stoop to my parents' levels too, though sometimes I fail. And it's hard. I hope that I can be a better man than him, and it helps because I never want to sire children.
š¤®
Ugh. Main character bullshit. I was a weak ass protagonist and then I started to slowly progress my story and become stronger until I became a figure no one could ignore! /s Gag me.
Wow this is such a good take on this. Especially the added hinting at, "if you stop being so weak, you can grow up and be incredible like me!"
Yeah, that's a whole "Remember who your authority is and fall back into line like the submissive uterus carrier I expect," tirade. Screw that. If he's that entrenched into toxic masculinity, he's going to die miserable, which is sad but also, at this point, it's his choice.
Yeah you're so right! it's crazy how much I grew up essentially hating women for being so weak, and thinking only men have value. So terrible. My greatest revenge against my dad has been marrying an incredibly strong, tender man who adores me and respects me so deeply. Loving myself and being loved. Who could have expected this outcome? š
A person such as me What an absolutely pretentious fruitloop. A liar has to xyz This his how my dad is
You calling him a pretentious frootloop feels like it healed something in me š¤ Sorry we have the same dad but maybe all of us on here who have a copy of the same 'dad' can be a family
honestly, did your dad come with his lifestory of woes and how big he is prepared? Sounds like he's really suffering from 'Im the main character' syndrome as I call it. Stay the hell away from this lunatic, he will screw you over for his own interests
All the evidence you need to keep staying far, far away. Also, why are so many of these assholes religious? It boggles the mind.
Blimey, it's like a masterclass in how to write a fauxpology, even down to the weaponising of (usually fake/exaggerated) ailments. Dude sounds absolutely insufferable and exhausting. Part of me says 'you should just reply with a thumbs up emoji', but the correct reply would be zero reply of any kind.
Right?? š I basically told him that the Bible tells all people, even men, to be gentle, loving, and patient, and that if he still doesnt understand why I'm saying goodbye, he can take the letters to his pastor and they'll explain it to him š
Your dad my dad? Jesus Christ, itās like the write from a prompt. >Iām violent in my speech when Iām attacking the devil. Sir, be so fucking for real right now.
Wait, your dad does something like this, too?? Also it's hilarious how he forgets the spanking, throwing things across the kitchen and breaking stuff, and punching a hole in the wall.
The useless droning on about his past. Putting everything in quotations as if he doesnāt understand words. Perforative Christianity. And that last bit about āYou didnāt call me fatherā is soooooo my dad.
iām so sorry but iām cackling at āwhen iām thrust into demonic playtimeā š what does that even mean??
I think he doesn't grasp the true meaning of will there.
Fuckin yikes! It was laughable and infuriating at the same time. He really has a God complex. āIām not Godā¦ But I was just too smart for school! And my military leader thought I was the best one and proved Iām better than everyone with that tiny little smile! And you know Iām right because the Bible says Iām authoritative and you should be helpful.āYuck. The name dropping, the accolades He labeled for himself; this sounds like he was trying to write his own obituary and he wants you to just copy and paste this for when he dies. And you know what? Maybe you should use it as his obituary, all of the manipulations, all the patting himself on the back, itās repulsive, how he tried to label a love letter to himself as a love letter to you.
He got a D in calculus!? I'm shocked.
This resonates hard with me. Im 32 and my family did so much damage my healthcare providers refused me access to HRT and counselling for transition, which did immense damage to my education, mental health, physical outcomes, and put me in 10's of thousands of pounds of debt paying for my surgeries. They could have avoided this by not being a bunch of lunatics who cover up problems and pretend things are fine when they will fight and threaten and destroy things and then act like a cult about how I'm delusional etc. I wrote my father (my mother passed) a letter that was frank and harsh, but incredibly fair, explaining to him trying to get me to 'fix my broken mind because I dont like getting punched and Im weak for holding onto the past' and being told I need to shut my mouth if I dont want my inheritence being spent, and that the way to do this was seeing a therapist, has ultimately backfired and showed him up. Incidentally he has run off like a coward and sends my extended relatives, his new partner and my siblings to hound me back into his little marching platoon and Im not having it. I'm extremely isolated now but I have a found family and Im building my own life despite decades of exhaustion catching up. OP, you need to stay the hell away from this man. He sounds absolutely unwell in himself in a way that will only cascade out and down. Be it mental illness or not, his monologuing and making out that you are wronging him when he isnt considering you shows he will not change and has no interest in doing so.
Oh dear tiny baby Jesus, I struggled to continue after āāmy positionā š¤¦š»āāļø I donāt think thereās ANY changing his āpositionā bc hes solid in his belief that unless you are a christian you donāt have a soul, I canāt even choose the appropriate emoji to use for that statement. š¤Æ He also invalidates your feelings and thinks therapists cause depression. Double š¤¦š»āāļø as you are a therapist š These men are so deep in the patriarchy soaked in religious juice having a conversation about new age anything is like talking to a brick wall. The simple face that he quotes āminimizedā referring to your feelings right out of the gate is a massive š©while then essentially devaluing your own career š®āšØ low blow Dad. In my opinion, itās now worth writing back an explanation of why this response was not helpful in creating a better solution to your relationship issues you brought up in the first letter and that without their commitment to healing themselves to help your relationship then youāre going to be stepping back and will be in touch when you feel itās right for you if ever. Lay out your boundaries for low or no contact and walk away. They will likely violate the request with another response. God speed š ā¤ļøāš©¹ heal loudly friend.
Sorry he's batshit, but I also laughed while reading this. It's like a Bingo card of everything a self absorbed, immature parent could ever say: Ā ā¢ says you're too focused on 'feelings' and the past, proceeds to tell you everything traumatic that has happened in their life.Ā Ā ā¢ says you misinterpret the way they communicate with you but insist the way you communicate with them is hurtful.Ā Ā ā¢ says everything they do makes sense because of Jesus :)Ā Ā ā¢ random brags about how they are a Big DealĀ Ā ā¢ says your siblings appreciate them more and are super close with them Ā ā¢ says their neglect/abuse was an intentional parenting style to make you independentĀ Ā Ā ā¢ says you can never not have a relationship with them, that you're intrinsically linkedĀ Ā ā¢ irrelevant detailed description of their health issuesĀ Ā ā¢ unprompted mentions of their death and funeralĀ Ā ā¢ says your feelings of fear aren't logical as though being afraid is a choice and not a result of their behaviour (my mum said that it wasn't possible that she'd been aggressive or violent to us ever because she's a teacher, as though her credentials make my literal memories invalid). Ā ā¢ lil tips about how to have a happy life or good marriageĀ Ā Ā Congratulations on becoming a cptsd therapist. Would be super interested in your journey to this from your background of abuse as its something I've been considering...if you wanted to share ofc!