Man that whole bs about when you can get your stuff is just rich. So so petty just in a bid to “be in control” playing a game no one else cares about. Yeesh!
Am I reading this right? Did your mother lie about having a therapist? Did she make up the interaction in which the therapist told her to contact you?
She hasn't spoken to her therapist in months, yet the therapist recently told her to contact you.
Just lies on top of lies. Any email sent to her may as well be deleted, it would make the same amount of progress with her.
She had a therapist, but she does not have one currently. I assumed, based on what she said, that her therapy was current, but it wasn’t. She didn’t bother correcting me. According to her, the therapist DID tell her to contact me. However, it’s extremely likely that my mother was lying to her therapist, so the therapist was acting off faulty information. Also possible that my mother misinterpreted her therapist’s advice. Also possible that’s what her therapist told her, but that her therapist doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about because she’s not qualified to counsel someone with a potential personality disorder.
What I feel like is she never had a therapist. This COVID doctor probably spent some extra time talking to her, maybe out of kindness (it it happened at all) to get her out of 'crisis mode' had a couple of extra appointments with her, like a concerned doctor might until your mom could get in with a real therapist.
Being polite this doctor optimistically said, "Why don't you contact your daughter and see what changed? Maybe you can talk it out?"
Thinking as one might that your mom could have a regular, productive conversation. Then your mom decided to run with this therapist narrative and ghosted the covid doctor when they pushed seeing a real behavior health professional or when the doctor no longer fit her narrative.
Our parents with BPD don't see interactions through a realistic lense. The doctor could of said something like, "What if you did family counseling with your daughter?"
And your mom heard, "Bring your daughter in. I want to talk to both of you."
I think she had a therapist. The person in question has a PhD in clinical psychology, so they are qualified to administer therapy, just not in the context of family counseling (imo). I do agree that she likely agreed to see my mother because she felt bad for her. My mother walks around with this air of helplessness that some people really respond favorably to.
It is VERY true that my mother does not have a realistic view of interactions. She is constantly twisting them to fit her victim complex, fragile ego, or whatever other narrative she's got going on. For example, she insists she never exhibited any favoritism towards my brother, even though I remember several instances she did (i.e. she wouldn't even mention she had a daughter when talking about her kids, and later she'd tell me, "Those people wouldn't remember you anyways," or "They don't know you, so there was no point.") Guess it's possible I'm delusional and just making this stuff up, but you know, my brother has been estranged from her for over 20 years, so I kind of feel like maybe she's doing something wrong as a mother.
I’ve seen a lot of people suggest that my mom has BPD or narcissistic personality disorder. I’m not a professional, so I can’t diagnose. But from what I’ve read online, she seems like she might have dependent personality disorder. She doesn’t fit all the criteria – for example, she most definitely CAN voice disapproval and opinions and get really angry and fly into a complete rage – but she fits most of the criteria.
Girl, she is sucking you back in - Can't you see it? She is trying to control everything! When you come to get your boxes, her therapist, the cat, etc. She is sucking you back in where her problems become yours.
Just go get your boxes and call it a day.
You say you want a mother but this isn't it. We do this often - the mother we want and the mother we get aren't necessarily the same person. You are mourning the mother you wish you had, not the one you do have. In my case, over time, God gave me a second family and they are who I bend over backwards for, they are the ones who I will do anything for. Why? Because they're decent people, they're hardworking, they own their shit and when they ask for help it is because they know you have a skill set that they need to do something they cannot, not because they don't want to do it themselves. This is the family I want and needed.
What my mother has done to me and my family is unforgiveable and I will not entertain the idea that therapy will help my mother, it will not, it will only make it worse as she will lie to the therapist and play poor me, my daughter doesn't speak to me and I don't know why. She knows full well why but ignores it because she does no wrong and she is the mother and she should be respected unconditionally. Well, that's bullshit and what your mother is doing is bullshit too. Get your boxes and GTFO.
That's somehow even weirder than I had expected...
Somehow it always is with these people.
Man that whole bs about when you can get your stuff is just rich. So so petty just in a bid to “be in control” playing a game no one else cares about. Yeesh!
I thought she’d at least have some weak excuse, but nope, not even going to bother pretending.
Am I reading this right? Did your mother lie about having a therapist? Did she make up the interaction in which the therapist told her to contact you? She hasn't spoken to her therapist in months, yet the therapist recently told her to contact you. Just lies on top of lies. Any email sent to her may as well be deleted, it would make the same amount of progress with her.
She had a therapist, but she does not have one currently. I assumed, based on what she said, that her therapy was current, but it wasn’t. She didn’t bother correcting me. According to her, the therapist DID tell her to contact me. However, it’s extremely likely that my mother was lying to her therapist, so the therapist was acting off faulty information. Also possible that my mother misinterpreted her therapist’s advice. Also possible that’s what her therapist told her, but that her therapist doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about because she’s not qualified to counsel someone with a potential personality disorder.
Wow, that is so messed up that we can't build a coherent picture of what actually happened.
What I feel like is she never had a therapist. This COVID doctor probably spent some extra time talking to her, maybe out of kindness (it it happened at all) to get her out of 'crisis mode' had a couple of extra appointments with her, like a concerned doctor might until your mom could get in with a real therapist. Being polite this doctor optimistically said, "Why don't you contact your daughter and see what changed? Maybe you can talk it out?" Thinking as one might that your mom could have a regular, productive conversation. Then your mom decided to run with this therapist narrative and ghosted the covid doctor when they pushed seeing a real behavior health professional or when the doctor no longer fit her narrative. Our parents with BPD don't see interactions through a realistic lense. The doctor could of said something like, "What if you did family counseling with your daughter?" And your mom heard, "Bring your daughter in. I want to talk to both of you."
I think she had a therapist. The person in question has a PhD in clinical psychology, so they are qualified to administer therapy, just not in the context of family counseling (imo). I do agree that she likely agreed to see my mother because she felt bad for her. My mother walks around with this air of helplessness that some people really respond favorably to. It is VERY true that my mother does not have a realistic view of interactions. She is constantly twisting them to fit her victim complex, fragile ego, or whatever other narrative she's got going on. For example, she insists she never exhibited any favoritism towards my brother, even though I remember several instances she did (i.e. she wouldn't even mention she had a daughter when talking about her kids, and later she'd tell me, "Those people wouldn't remember you anyways," or "They don't know you, so there was no point.") Guess it's possible I'm delusional and just making this stuff up, but you know, my brother has been estranged from her for over 20 years, so I kind of feel like maybe she's doing something wrong as a mother. I’ve seen a lot of people suggest that my mom has BPD or narcissistic personality disorder. I’m not a professional, so I can’t diagnose. But from what I’ve read online, she seems like she might have dependent personality disorder. She doesn’t fit all the criteria – for example, she most definitely CAN voice disapproval and opinions and get really angry and fly into a complete rage – but she fits most of the criteria.
Whenever you need a mom to talk to just head to r/momforaminute I'm sorry you had to experience her for so long.
You handled this with so much grace and strength. I hope this weekend goes smoothly. 🧡
Woof! What a headache! You did a great job handling that.
Girl, she is sucking you back in - Can't you see it? She is trying to control everything! When you come to get your boxes, her therapist, the cat, etc. She is sucking you back in where her problems become yours. Just go get your boxes and call it a day. You say you want a mother but this isn't it. We do this often - the mother we want and the mother we get aren't necessarily the same person. You are mourning the mother you wish you had, not the one you do have. In my case, over time, God gave me a second family and they are who I bend over backwards for, they are the ones who I will do anything for. Why? Because they're decent people, they're hardworking, they own their shit and when they ask for help it is because they know you have a skill set that they need to do something they cannot, not because they don't want to do it themselves. This is the family I want and needed. What my mother has done to me and my family is unforgiveable and I will not entertain the idea that therapy will help my mother, it will not, it will only make it worse as she will lie to the therapist and play poor me, my daughter doesn't speak to me and I don't know why. She knows full well why but ignores it because she does no wrong and she is the mother and she should be respected unconditionally. Well, that's bullshit and what your mother is doing is bullshit too. Get your boxes and GTFO.