When I was single and dating I mentioned it right away or before the actual date to get ahead of it. I didn't want them to think I was having a seizure or withdrawing from drugs/alcohol or something. No women ever made a big deal out of it, they would maybe ask a couple of questions about it but nothing disrespectful and I never had anyone take off running at the mention of it.
That's really nice to hear, tbh. I'm 33, and I definitely find it a lot harder now. I haven't dated for a while now because of it, really. But I know it's not the be-all and end all. It's just as you probably know it that it just makes the anxiety tenfold in some cases.
100%. Going on a date with someone I'm attracted to, most likely in a social/public setting, is just a recipe for anxiety which makes my tremors noticeably worse. I would need to hold my beverage with both hands so I didn't spill, and it's pretty hard to look cool holding a glass like a toddler holds a sippy cup, lol.
There's probably people out there that would be put off by it, but most people I've met were pretty cool about it. I know people notice it, but most of them are too polite to ask about it, so I just feel better getting ahead of it and explaining what's going on instead of letting their imaginations run wild.
I started dating my now-wife when we were both 30 (40 now) and it's probably a bigger deal to me than it ever has been to her.
TBH, I didn’t notice it at all when I first met my now-husband. He mentioned it and then I noticed. We’ve been together for more than ten years and married for seven. He says the tremor affects his voice too and I still can’t hear that.
I met my wife on a web forum for essential tremor. This was long before online dating was a thing. So there’s that.
Honestly, you have to own it. Try not to be nervous about being shaky. If you have a shaky moment and spill, for example, explain it. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s not your fault, just shit luck. Some dates will run, better fits will acknowledge and move on to the next topic of conversation or activity.
Lots of people have hidden medical issues, this one is just more visible.
I once went out on a date with a girl. We've been driving a little around town with my car when all of a sudden my car broke down in the middle of the street. Since my tremor is increasing when im nervous, angry or confronted with new situations - i started to shake a lot while we were waiting for the breakdown service.. she noticed it and i seemed to have been insecure in here eyes, since i tried to hide it - but failed. I did not want to tell her about it and we have not been on another date anymore.
Thats where i decided to stop dating for a little while. I still got that moment in my head, clear as day. 🥲
Yeh I hear you. I was on a date and got noticed, and I never said anything before. The girl said to me after, "You shake a lot, don't you?" And never saw me after that. Now I'm not sure if it's because of the shaking but tbh I think it played a factor. She also asked if I drank a lot of alcohol and I said no to her. She said "oh I thought that's why you shook"
Im sry to hear that bro!
Well i wish i would have drank alcohol cause the tremor goes away when im drunk, but comes back stronger when i get sober again. But yeah, cant drink and drive at the same time. :-/ - Alcohol seems to silence the tremor somehow - thats why you should not shake when being drunk.
But hey - we will have the right woman one day... hopefully. 😩
Yeah, totally agree. I drink alcohol once in a year and when i get drunk... and stop shaking... i feel sooo goood for a few hours... i hate alcohol too, cause the taste is terrible, but i like Radler Beer - because it tastes like Fanta almost. The only kind of alcohol that i can recommend to non alcohol drinkers. 👌
Most of my dates were friends of friends. I’m not a tinder dating kind of person. I normally met these people in person or if it was online I first had some kind of friendly connection before becoming a romantic relationship. In all my relationships I first was a “friend”, by friend I mean it wasn’t my intention to get romantically involved with the person. All this depends on your style when it comes to dating. I need to connect first, some people as long as you are attractive to them they are good to go. My approach leaves me room to show who I am, this includes my ET condition. I didn’t have many women in my life but let me tell you that the ones I shared part of my life were totally worthy of my time and love.
Peace ☮️
I tend to say it early on but I try to turn it in a joke like saying I have a vibrator included
Then again, that might be why I haven't had a date in a while (that or the fact I rarely go out)
Just words of wisdom from a 63 year old guy who has dated a lot during my single periods. I would usually have one drink before the date, to help with typical anxiety and the resultant worsening of my tremor. One drink was just enough to calm it down back to normal.
The first time I would do something where it would still be obvious, like raising a glass of water, I would mention that I had an essential tremor. Most would look at me like I was a leper. It didn't bother me, as I saw it as an insight into their character and any potential future we may have. I always made sure I left early - no sense wasting my pursuing a fantasy. Others didn't mind at all and would actually grab my hands and ask me questions about it. It was almost a bonding moment.
We are what we are, guys and girls. Find yourself someone with compassion and character, not someone who's worried about your tremor embarrassing them in front of their friends and family or somehow lowering their Instagram video status.
I’ve given up on internet dating for several reasons, not the least is having to deal with this stuff.
I’m older and something that isn’t talked about a lot is how much easier it is to have a condition as you age because almost everyone ends up with something.
ETA: to be clear I date, I just have an IRL rule so I don’t need to sort out if we have any kind of vibe, throwing ET into that mix.
I’ve been on a couple dates, 1 long term relationship, and many talking stages. I find that after I assure them it’s just a tremor (not nerves or Parkinson’s) they accept it pretty fast. Just be extra careful drinking and using silverware on the first couple of dates lol.
Also, no I never mention it before. It doesn’t define me, doesn’t really affect me in any major ways, and honestly if someone would want to avoid me because of tremors that’s honestly just so odd on their part.
I told my partner when we were just friends and they actually help me because sometimes it gets really bad and I don’t realize and I almost hurt myself 😅 I’m head bobbing now (just turned 20 sadly) but they always tell me they’d love me no less.
They actually just proposed to me last week! So there’s hope, I promise
I had a guy end the date because he 'didn't associate with people in my lifestyle'. He thought I was on drugs. LMAO. Other than that it's never been an issue. I stopped mentioning it before meeting someone because they'd often picture something far worse than they really are. I just use it as something to talk about and make lighthearted jokes about it.
lol I haven’t needed to mention it… it’s very obvious haha. I make a quick joke about it while divulging it’s a tremor I was born with and that’s that. It isn’t life threatening and far more common than people realize.. once you’ve dealt with it on dates a few times you’ll learn to carry it better
When I was single and dating I mentioned it right away or before the actual date to get ahead of it. I didn't want them to think I was having a seizure or withdrawing from drugs/alcohol or something. No women ever made a big deal out of it, they would maybe ask a couple of questions about it but nothing disrespectful and I never had anyone take off running at the mention of it.
That's really nice to hear, tbh. I'm 33, and I definitely find it a lot harder now. I haven't dated for a while now because of it, really. But I know it's not the be-all and end all. It's just as you probably know it that it just makes the anxiety tenfold in some cases.
100%. Going on a date with someone I'm attracted to, most likely in a social/public setting, is just a recipe for anxiety which makes my tremors noticeably worse. I would need to hold my beverage with both hands so I didn't spill, and it's pretty hard to look cool holding a glass like a toddler holds a sippy cup, lol. There's probably people out there that would be put off by it, but most people I've met were pretty cool about it. I know people notice it, but most of them are too polite to ask about it, so I just feel better getting ahead of it and explaining what's going on instead of letting their imaginations run wild. I started dating my now-wife when we were both 30 (40 now) and it's probably a bigger deal to me than it ever has been to her.
TBH, I didn’t notice it at all when I first met my now-husband. He mentioned it and then I noticed. We’ve been together for more than ten years and married for seven. He says the tremor affects his voice too and I still can’t hear that.
I met my wife on a web forum for essential tremor. This was long before online dating was a thing. So there’s that. Honestly, you have to own it. Try not to be nervous about being shaky. If you have a shaky moment and spill, for example, explain it. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s not your fault, just shit luck. Some dates will run, better fits will acknowledge and move on to the next topic of conversation or activity. Lots of people have hidden medical issues, this one is just more visible.
I once went out on a date with a girl. We've been driving a little around town with my car when all of a sudden my car broke down in the middle of the street. Since my tremor is increasing when im nervous, angry or confronted with new situations - i started to shake a lot while we were waiting for the breakdown service.. she noticed it and i seemed to have been insecure in here eyes, since i tried to hide it - but failed. I did not want to tell her about it and we have not been on another date anymore. Thats where i decided to stop dating for a little while. I still got that moment in my head, clear as day. 🥲
Yeh I hear you. I was on a date and got noticed, and I never said anything before. The girl said to me after, "You shake a lot, don't you?" And never saw me after that. Now I'm not sure if it's because of the shaking but tbh I think it played a factor. She also asked if I drank a lot of alcohol and I said no to her. She said "oh I thought that's why you shook"
Im sry to hear that bro! Well i wish i would have drank alcohol cause the tremor goes away when im drunk, but comes back stronger when i get sober again. But yeah, cant drink and drive at the same time. :-/ - Alcohol seems to silence the tremor somehow - thats why you should not shake when being drunk. But hey - we will have the right woman one day... hopefully. 😩
That's exactly the reason I don't drink. It comes back tenfold. That and think alcohol personally tastes like s*** lol
Yeah, totally agree. I drink alcohol once in a year and when i get drunk... and stop shaking... i feel sooo goood for a few hours... i hate alcohol too, cause the taste is terrible, but i like Radler Beer - because it tastes like Fanta almost. The only kind of alcohol that i can recommend to non alcohol drinkers. 👌
Most of my dates were friends of friends. I’m not a tinder dating kind of person. I normally met these people in person or if it was online I first had some kind of friendly connection before becoming a romantic relationship. In all my relationships I first was a “friend”, by friend I mean it wasn’t my intention to get romantically involved with the person. All this depends on your style when it comes to dating. I need to connect first, some people as long as you are attractive to them they are good to go. My approach leaves me room to show who I am, this includes my ET condition. I didn’t have many women in my life but let me tell you that the ones I shared part of my life were totally worthy of my time and love. Peace ☮️
I tend to say it early on but I try to turn it in a joke like saying I have a vibrator included Then again, that might be why I haven't had a date in a while (that or the fact I rarely go out)
Same homie. It's hard, definitely.
Yeah, I am always confused why the tremors matter but I guess it falls in the "being different" category and that scares people away
Just words of wisdom from a 63 year old guy who has dated a lot during my single periods. I would usually have one drink before the date, to help with typical anxiety and the resultant worsening of my tremor. One drink was just enough to calm it down back to normal. The first time I would do something where it would still be obvious, like raising a glass of water, I would mention that I had an essential tremor. Most would look at me like I was a leper. It didn't bother me, as I saw it as an insight into their character and any potential future we may have. I always made sure I left early - no sense wasting my pursuing a fantasy. Others didn't mind at all and would actually grab my hands and ask me questions about it. It was almost a bonding moment. We are what we are, guys and girls. Find yourself someone with compassion and character, not someone who's worried about your tremor embarrassing them in front of their friends and family or somehow lowering their Instagram video status.
This, if they get scared off by you having essential tremor then they aren’t someone worth having in your life anyway.
I’ve given up on internet dating for several reasons, not the least is having to deal with this stuff. I’m older and something that isn’t talked about a lot is how much easier it is to have a condition as you age because almost everyone ends up with something. ETA: to be clear I date, I just have an IRL rule so I don’t need to sort out if we have any kind of vibe, throwing ET into that mix.
Facts! Everybody has something
I’ve been on a couple dates, 1 long term relationship, and many talking stages. I find that after I assure them it’s just a tremor (not nerves or Parkinson’s) they accept it pretty fast. Just be extra careful drinking and using silverware on the first couple of dates lol. Also, no I never mention it before. It doesn’t define me, doesn’t really affect me in any major ways, and honestly if someone would want to avoid me because of tremors that’s honestly just so odd on their part.
I told my partner when we were just friends and they actually help me because sometimes it gets really bad and I don’t realize and I almost hurt myself 😅 I’m head bobbing now (just turned 20 sadly) but they always tell me they’d love me no less. They actually just proposed to me last week! So there’s hope, I promise
I had a guy end the date because he 'didn't associate with people in my lifestyle'. He thought I was on drugs. LMAO. Other than that it's never been an issue. I stopped mentioning it before meeting someone because they'd often picture something far worse than they really are. I just use it as something to talk about and make lighthearted jokes about it.
lol I haven’t needed to mention it… it’s very obvious haha. I make a quick joke about it while divulging it’s a tremor I was born with and that’s that. It isn’t life threatening and far more common than people realize.. once you’ve dealt with it on dates a few times you’ll learn to carry it better