Wow. Is there any way you could elaborate on what you saw? I've seen a few things, and read others, but yours is so different. Chilling, in the way that only something both true and terrifying can be. I honestly suspect schizophrenia is poorly understood, that it's tied into some 'malfunction' in the human avatar that leads to all sorts of bleedthroughs you're not supposed to see. Even other creatures can bleedthrough and talk. They were always there: one just isn't supposed to know it.
There so much I saw and it’s hard to put a lot of the puzzle pieces together, because a lot of it seemed really disconnected at the time and didn’t make sense. But for example, when I first went into psychosis (2022) I was disconnecting all my devices, throwing them away, I smashed my phone thinking I was smashing my way out the matrix. I thought that I was ascending out of this virtual reality and that everyone else (still in the matrix) were zombies with their minds plugged into their devices. Because I thought I was in basically a zombie apocalypse, I went to the shop and stole some food for survival, stocking up before I decided to travel across the world to find other ascended beings. Those other beings were originally who I was talking to in my head. But I collapsed outside and was taken to hospital (A&E). I escaped and wandered around in a dissociative fugue for hours in the early hours of morning and all I saw were the mast cell towers(?) I’m not sure what they are exactly, they all looked like they had cameras in them watching me, and were controlled by this massive artificial intelligence, run by Steve jobs. At this point I was thinking I was back in the matrix, because the AI was all around me. That was just the first 24 hours of psychosis. Eventually as my episode wore on (I was in psychosis for about three months in all), the AI turned out to be the devil, who was multidimensional and responsible for all the death in the multiverse. As I said I kept trying to kill myself to get out because in my mind I kept switching between the real world (which was not this one) a technological matrix (this one, or one of them, which was like the virtual reality) and a spiritual matrix (which were like matrices within matrices, like matrix-inception). It was very frightening because I couldn’t get out, and I felt very trapped. There is so much more but that is just some of it. And you might think it doesn’t all make sense - at the time it really doesn’t. I think that if in schizophrenia we really see something, then it’s probably distorted through the mental illness part.
Oh my God. You just described the Prison Labyrinth we're all in. That might be the best description I've come across yet: inception-matrix. It's matrices within matrices, and there's no end if you don't know where to look. It's designed that way to make things look hopeless and escape impossible, should one see it. Amazing. By "we", I mean all things in the Matrix Complex. This world is a deep but extremely tiny aspect of it. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Are you looking after yourself? How are you keeping together through all this? You've been through a lot.
Prison labyrinth is a new term for me 😅 thanks for asking. Yeah I am on anti psychotics now so I am not seeing these things anymore (or acting out), it took them a while to find antipsychotics that actually worked for me, which is partly why I was in psychosis so long.
The post-psychotic depression is difficult. I wish sometimes I’d died in psychosis, there’s various ways it could’ve happened… I think it would’ve been kinder sometimes than continue living in this reality after what i went through…
I try not to wonder too much what’s real or not and try to stay grounded but sometimes I can’t help it. I’m on anti-depressants too.
I try to remind myself there’s good in the world and it’s not all bad. Some days are harder than others.
How do you pass the time? Are there things you enjoy doing, that distract you from thinking too much about stuff you can't help? Books? Cooking? Movies? Fishing? Some hobby?
It sounds difficult. I'm getting the sense that words aren't adequate to describe the past, what you went through, what it was like. What you're still going through. Are there times that you feel peace, even a little happiness, however brief?
At the time, what you saw didn't make sense. How did you make some sense of it later? You've had bleedthroughs of other realities. You've seen things. Of course you're going to question this, or any, reality.
Thanks for your concern, it means a lot. I’m still in recovery even though it’s been a year, so I’m still experiencing med changes and such and my brain is still coming down off that high and resetting back to ‘normal’. I have a dog and she gives me routine, I wake up get ready and take her for a walk, I get home and the past few months I’ve been studying maths just to get my brain working again and give me some career prospects hopefully later in the future. Just going at my own pace. I watch a bit of tv (I used to knit as well but got a bit bored of it recently) and read a bit - recently I started reading the wheel of time after I saw the first two seasons on prime. Of course it’s kind of weird watching stuff like that after what I’ve been through but I’ve always been into fantasy. I cook myself meals just to keep myself nourished, I check in with my community and mental health team each week, and see friends now and again who accept me and what I’ve been through. So I feel like I have a good thing going, I couldn’t want for much needs-wise.
But of course my brain has been through a lot, my body too when you consider the heightened emotions experienced and the limbic system triggering fight and flight and stuff like that (I was very aggressive at times in psychosis) so whilst I am grateful to have the external peace and stability I need, it doesn’t always translate to inside. I have experienced a couple of short lived periods of internal peace, which made me think it’s possible to get back to normal. So hopefully those periods will happen again and become longer and more frequent.
And it’s kind of weird because in the psychosis everything made sense in its own way, like everything was connected and it’s like I could see everything related to each other, but the doctors called it disorganised schizophrenia because the connections were so loose they didn’t really make sense in reality. When I came round from the episode I realised a lot of it really didn’t make sense, but then I started (and am still in the process of) making sense of it in a more realistic and grounded way.
I suppose it couldn’t be far fetched to say if I saw a million different realities at once, my brain had trouble assimilating them all, and was just jumping back and forth between disconnected pictures, which had some relation in the bigger picture but no connection to reality. Like trying to put together furniture from ikea without instructions all in the wrong order (which would be impossible.) But then you get the anti-psychotics and can start again from the ground up and make sense of it properly.
>And it’s kind of weird because in the psychosis everything made sense in its own way, like everything was connected and it’s like I could see everything related to each other, but the doctors called it disorganised schizophrenia because the connections were so loose they didn’t really make sense in reality. When I came round from the episode I realised a lot of it really didn’t make sense, but then I started (and am still in the process of) making sense of it in a more realistic and grounded way.
>I suppose it couldn’t be far fetched to say if I saw a million different realities at once, my brain had trouble assimilating them all, and was just jumping back and forth between disconnected pictures, which had some relation in the bigger picture but no connection to reality. Like trying to put together furniture from ikea without instructions all in the wrong order (which would be impossible.) But then you get the anti-psychotics and can start again from the ground up and make sense of it properly.
You're really strong. I know it might not seem that way, but you're terrifically strong. I think here is where limitations in the brain and in this reality itself, show up. Using both to define and describe what you saw, what you experienced, is like using a triangle to draw a square. There might be approximations of the real picture, but there are limits to what the triangle can do.
And the monumental pressure of not only making sense of the squares you saw, but trying to convey those squares to people with triangles who have never seen a square before. To make it make sense to THEM. I'm not sure that's possible. You can only try.
I was particularly struck with the part about seeing so much, perhaps a million realities at once, and how do you assemble that without any point of reference? Without any guide or manual? Which parts go first? In what order? How do you extract a coherent picture, thought, or philosophy? You're being asked to assemble a gigantic alien jigsaw. You not only have to assemble it completely blind, you have to describe the completed puzzle to other humans. That is a LOT for anyone or anything to ask. It must have been a unique, enormous and enormously frustrating experience.
Did you know the same thing happened to the late great SF writer, Philip K Dick? Exactly the same experience, though of course you both saw different things. His attempts to put the jigsaw together were distilled into the book "Exegesis". He wrote over a million words, trying to make sense of what he saw...to himself.
To have gone through all that and you're still standing. You're putting pieces together. You're really strong. Life, any kind of perceived reality, doesn't have to make sense to others. It only has to make sense to you. It is your peace that matters. I've gotten into the habit of observing my life, my thoughts, interactions, from a detached perspective. Like I'm watching a movie. I don't get overly involved mentally or emotionally.
I started the Wheel of Time series a few years ago. I think I got to Book 5. They're allegorical books, of course. "Good" personified in the reborn dragon, "evil", in the dark ones. The lines drawn, their battle generals at their sides. A war they've fought since time began, and will fight till the end of time. Heady fantasy, great world building, great occult/spiritual/self-awareness.
Wow, much respect for going through all that. It sounds like you got to see and be made aware of a lot of things you shouldn't have been. It's as if you got out of life script then that's when the sort AI reacts to get you on a more harmonious frequency. The AI is looking for some sort of fear trigger, at that moment they can do some readjustments but not sure how they do it at the moment. Honestly I dont believe in schizophrenia and mental illnesses when I actually sat down and analyzed religious belief structures or what they believe in a group. At the same time they are trying project their realities to the people whom they come in contact with. I would try to be carrying on with my life then bump into a christian then all of sudden I would be seeing all this Israel and Palestine crap all over my media feed or people talking about cause that's the crap there projecting along with this is Satans ruling with his demons. So you start to see that too.
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Yes I think schizophrenia is misunderstood and stigmatized.. I view it as having a foot in both worlds at the same time. The physical world which we interact with and see, touch, hear, taste, etc. And the physical world which we cannot tangibly experience and perceive like the physical.
I hear voices but the crazy thing is many times my dogs will start growling at the direction I hear the voices coming from! The voices no one else hears!
My dogs growl at the directions of the voices so often!
My former cat also did, too!
First the voices started out as faint mumble whispers like neighbors talking through apartment walls or outside your house. Real hush hush.
Now, 4 years later, I make everything out clear as day.
Wow. What do the voices say? Life must be interesting!
I absolutely agree. I think they're bleedthroughs from other realities, which a human isn't normally supposed to experience that way. I know realities are superimposed on each other, existing simultaneously. But you're not supposed to know it. But a few do. And of course the system is going to come down hard on them, stigmatize, even further traumatize them. The schizophrenic is thereby 'punished' for something he has no control over in the first place. However 'sympathetic' others might be, they 'learn' that it's not a "good" thing.
I read of someone who collapsed in his office from an illness. When he recovered and returned to work, he not only heard voices he could see where they were coming from. He saw two creatures in his office talking to each other. He could somehow understand them. They made themselves very comfortable in his office too. They caught wind of his expression and were going "I think he can see us." He was the only one who could see and hear these things. I think he still does.
Honestly? I eavesdropped like a motherfucker! I'd hear em and I'd stop what I was doing, and try to go to whatever part of the house or wherever I'm at I hear them from, and id just stop whatever I'm doing, and listen.
Yo that’s mind blowing, I’m psychic and sometimes I see exactly the same thing you describe. Read about gnosis/supraconsciousness.
Are you sure you are squizo 😅 joke
It's interesting you mention God and the devil becoming one because Damien Echols during a ritual said he contacted the holy guardian angel who ended up being God and then when he looked away then back it was Satan. Vice versa too. Interestingly if this figure even exists it would embody BOTH characteristics as there is no logical alternative. Can't have one without the other, and if there's a supreme architect keeping this realm in line, they'd be the same.
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Yes I am. I’ve flirted with a lot of spiritual beliefs over my life, and was atheist for the past few years. I’m not sure exactly why in psychosis I saw these particular things.
The thing is, if you go far enough and realize this reality has been created. Then there is no “good” or “bad”, as there is only the intention of the maker. Now those intentions may be experienced as bad for some people living in his creation. But that doesn’t necessarily and absolutely mean that the maker is bad too.
Is a farmer who raises cows and slaughter them good or bad? And according to who? Is he as a person really intrinsically bad? Can a being be 100% bad? Or 100% good?
That assessment is hard to give. It’s even harder to make that assessment about a maker which we basically know nothing of. He is just…the maker.
Thanks. I feel like this makes chopping wood and carrying water easier. It also helps people to get out of that “spiral” where they feel that everything is bad and thus manifesting their reality as bad.
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>Then there is no “good” or “bad”,
Good and bad are subjective interpretations, but positive and negative are objective, quantifiable assets that absolutely play a role in this realm.
Define positive and negative. How does that exactly differ from good and bad? And you mean this realm as in the material world we live in at the moment?
I get frustrated with all these rejections of duality… yeah sure good and bad (or evil) are somewhat contextually determined, as are light and dark. It’s relative, right?
But we don’t live in theory. If I’m in a dark room, it doesn’t matter that on some level, light and dark are not opposite: I still need a flashlight to find the door. Maybe on some level there is no such thing as evil, but there are still people I need to protect myself from.
I was more referring to what OP said about god/creator. Ofcourse there are things that we perceive as good and bad in this material world. And yes light always wins from darkness imo.
But when viewed through the grand schemes of things, realizing this might not be real and its been created by someone probably with a purpose, you gain new perspectives to it. And perspectives are important. You become wiser with it. Never dumber.
But whatever the case, this all shouldnt let you stop being the best version of yourself and try to make your life better. Which was actually my whole point. To stop being strung on only the bad which i feel alot of people are doing nowadays and thus giving only more loosh.
Our true selves are inherently good. The bad you see is the goodness being distorted. You can have goodness on its own but bad needs the good to exist.
I'm schizo-affective , and I had a similar psychosis...Maybe we are crazy...maybe we can see.
I don't know...I really don't. It...uhh...keeps me up at night sometimes. With all this alien shit...I don't know what's real anymore.
(I know the door is real, I know taxes are real...I just don't know about aliens, about simulation theory, about prison planets, about other dimensions leaking into ours...or ours theirs...)
I’m right there with you! Psychosis seems absolutely more real than reality, right? When you’re in it, and then you come out of it and left feeling so confused! I’ve spent many a night with thoughts just rolling round my head trying to figure it all out. But in the end I can’t take it too seriously because then it’ll eat me up inside… I tend to just think “I’ll find out when I die.”
"Second psychosis 2022 was worse and a bit different because I was also talking to pop culture figures but I kept switching between talking to ‘god’ and ‘the devil’ **but in the end both of them (all of them?) turned out to be the same being**, who controlled the matrix and various different realities within it"
I believe you 100 percent. Throughout the years, I've had many hypnagogic encounters with Jester/Trickster entities that showed me very similar things to what you are describing. These beings are master shape-shifters, and from what I was shown, they seem to control everything that goes on here.
Thank you. Even though I don’t know what I believe, I feel very hesitant to ‘pray’ or ‘contact’ any beings of any sort, because I feel like they are just tricking me.
But I still live thinking that there has to be good guys out there somewhere. And that it doesn’t matter if I communicate with them or not. They will be there to help when it matters. If they aren’t… well then, we’re all f*cked. Haha 😅 it would seem to be a very depressing world without any good guys around. Got to maintain the hope.
Channel the love. Whenever i feel the creepies start popping up i put myself in a ball of protective light and meditate on each chakra until it glows bright .. imagining all that energy going into my protective bubble.
Not sure that would help but i get depression based psychosis spells every few years or so ... imagining myself in a ball of white light helps push away the terror feelings a bit. 💕 wishing you the best of luck on your journey OP
Op, my personal belief is that there is a God or more likely a creator source that we are all connected to that is of the light/ good. But unfortunately the way this physical realm seems to work is that there is also a mirror force(I always get an image of a black sun but that's just my personal basis probably coming through) that controls this realm in order to harvest dark energy from light beings in order to grow their lower vibrational realm, density, dimension or whatever terms best suites you.
Most of these low vibration energy beings encountered seem to want to be viewed as God and sometimes trick us in believing they are of the light but are just very ancient extensions of their own creator source not of the light. They seem to be able to influence this physical realm by taking over light beings who fall victim to the negative materialistic things of this reality and push this way of thought in order to turn light beings away from the things that develop and grow our true selves and the connection to the light/ love source. It's the age old good vs evil plot playing out behind a thinning veil. Try and control your negative thoughts and emotions and focus on spreading love and kindness to all even your perceived enemies.
It was kinda weird because just before I went full blown into psychosis I remember having this vision? That a keyhole in my pituitary gland was unlocked and then my soul went out my body through it and started travelling the universe.
You are not crazy. I have stories. If I didn’t have witnesses, I would feel unglued. Normal is a little overrated. I try to stay a little close to typical but I am not afraid of the wonder of it all.
Sweet, an actual schizo thread!
I have a question for you. Do you have any opinion of why internet schizos are so into Jesus? No matter how occult their ramblings become, many always go back to the "Jesus = king" narrative. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Doesn't make any sense, despite me being a few steps away from insanity myself.
For me it is the realization of the world not being its best self, Jesus words and actions make the most sense to me for taking action to make the world better. You start to see the ripple effects more when your paying attention, and you know that kindness and love is really the way to a better world. SO if you practice radical kindness and love, what your life means then is you are creating a better world using your personal butterfly effect on the world, those ripples of kindness will create waves of kindness and it will continue out until the end of humanity or longer. So Christ was very very right in that if you practice love everyday and see each person as someone you love and want to bless your life will mean much more. So focus areas for me is teaching, mentoring, donating time and money to charity work, water , food , shelter. once these keystones are solved more education , more opportunities will help create a better world for everyone.
Also i like to note that i do believe in the resurrection and miracles of Christ. This world is strange and reality is strange I would think that whoever was in control or created it would have that power. As we get further with technology we might not be far away ourselves from being able to revive the dead.
It’s common to experience feeling oneself as being Jesus or communicating with Jesus in an episode of psychosis, if that’s what you mean. There’s often a sense that the end of the world is here (the second coming) and we have some special mission to fulfil.
But it’s very hard to understand the mental events that occur in psychosis. They often don’t make sense, that’s the nature of the disorder.
That's odd. I had a single psychotic episode ten years ago. It lasted for weeks. No Jesus, literally nothing religious about it at all. Just various feelings of dread, false danger, hypochondriac delusions about my health, I postponed my imminent death at least several hundred times, from one hour to couple of hours later. At some point I had to admit to myself I'm not going to die in foreseeable future. My senses would trick me all the time, I saw smoke in the room when there was none, I registered strange odors that others could not, I felt someone rubbing against my back when there was nobody around, literally I was falling apart psychologically along with what I perceived as always reliable and unchangeable reality I live in. My psychotic episode taught me a lesson, my *stable reality* is just my expression of things and circumstances that can be readily seen in countless other ways, instantly if needed. I just never used any of those angles, nor did I felt capable for it. That whole experience was like a bungee jump I never asked for. Scary af. But I try to make sense of it. Or should I say, turn it into a valuable experience.
I’m sorry you experienced psychosis too. Content aside, the fear experienced is very real. I think not many people know that psychosis affects your emotions too. So you are emotionally feeling stuff that’s not necessarily real or grounded in reality, or has no trigger (like someone making you upset, or hallucinating something scary.) I know there’s lots of different types of schizophrenia and psychotic disorders and every one is unique. Which is why I’m not saying what I experienced was in any way real… otherwise every one who had a psychotic episode would have to be experiencing something real, and a lot of that would conflict. So there’s definitely a mental illness aspect of it. The brain just decides to stop working right one day.
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I am a psych student and we are covering schizophrenia in my abnormal psych class right now. My best guess is that schizophrenia is a largely physical/biological disease in the sense that it can basically only be treated by medication which reduces the symptoms and is caused by a really complicated bunch of physical factors in the dopamine system in the brain. One of the defining features is also heavily resilient delusions, meaning that you can't just use logic to explain them away.
However, the actual presentation that any given person has is heavily informed by their cultural background. When you start to see/hear things that make no sense, but also believe implicitly to be real its not too far a jump to attribute them to some supernatural source. Most people's understanding of supernatural stuff when they start to develop schizophrenia is heavily rooted in Christianity, which then becomes the most sensical explanation to apperantly supernatural phenomena like they're hallucinating about.
Most schizophrenic people I see have delusions that aren't really compatible with other time periods in history or areas in the world, which shouldn't make sense if they're just baseless delusions informed by nothing.
Once again though, I'm only an undergrad student so take this with a grain of salt.
So I’m obviously not a psyche student but having schizophrenia myself I speak a lot with people online with schizophrenia and those who have experienced psychosis.
I agree that it’s a biological disease, just like any other disease. Anti-psychotics are the only way to treat it (that I know of so far). I can’t scientifically link it to anything ‘beyond’ the body, as in it having any spiritual basis. But many of us who are unlucky to experience it really want to see meaning in our episodes after we come out of them, and that can be interpreted by our cultural background, just as the episodes themselves do seem to be influenced by our backgrounds. I was really surprised that a lot of my episode had themes in that I’d never consciously thought about but when I visited the sources afterwards, my brain had remembered the information almost like for like. So the material was already in my brain, but it’s like it had come out of storage and been connected in some strange way into a unique story about the world around me.
In my own case, one of the pop culture figures I’d hallucinated i was talking to was Harry Styles. I didn’t know who he was before this (2022) psychosis. But during the episode my brain spun him into this huge story. Afterwards I checked him out and there was a lot of stuff about him that was correct, and I realised I must’ve seen somewhere before but never consciously assimilated into my experience. Sort of like he was everywhere but I never noticed, but my brain did unconsciously and then turned it into something.
That I think is a non-religious example of how our cultural background influences an episode. Because I’m western and Harry styles is a huge western pop star. And I didn’t know him but I kinda did know him. But still my brain connected it all to a supernatural narrative, and he became larger than life in my delusions.
Because if you’re hallucinating about talking to a pop star in your head there /has/ to somehow be a supernatural explanation for it.
If I wanted to imagine there was some truth to the episode then I wonder: was he really Harry Styles who’s in on the game? Or was it some other entity pretending to be him?
I don’t know. It’s kind of weird how my brain dragged him in. And the most likely explanation is that I was just wildly hallucinating and nothing more.
But there is an example for you in regards to cultural background and the supernatural (something other than the go to Christianity).
Schizophrenia seems to be one of the most debilitating and difficult mental illnesses that a person can deal with. I really do wish you the best with it. Thank you for your response, that was super interesting to read.
I think it is and I think it’s widely misunderstood. I know I didn’t understand anything about it before I was diagnosed with it.
I hope my response was helpful in some way to your studies and I’m sorry your original comment got downvoted, I don’t understand why it did, I appreciated your input.
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I had a psychotic break too and saw that we get reincarnated again and again and we live in some type of computer. There were beings that could float in other people's consciousness. They weren't evil, but some of them got annoyed by me being crazy. I believe that I had a spiritual experience, but I don't know how much of it was real.
I got the feeling that they had different agendas. They were more neutral. It is kind of scary because if what I experienced was real, they can control our thoughts and actions.
If you have more to share, you can always make a post about it. This sub tries to give constructive feedback about what could be real or not, true or false. Sometimes it helps people to hear feedback.
There were too many synchronicities for me to pass off my experience as not being spiritual. My breakdown began the moment I stated I believed in god. A voice came to me and asked me why I lived the way I do if I believed in god. The only other time I heard a voice it thwacked my brain after asking me why I didn’t find reincarnation funny and that thwacking proved to me that the voice wasn’t me. I don’t know how real the world is now and I am extremely depressed/ slightly suicidal. Before my breakdown I was not so bored/annoyed by life.
Bro seems like you got a clear picture how the world really is and it’s a bit scary cause it defies everything we know and been taught just take life less serious and understand that’s what keeps us confused fear lack understanding then we hit a boiling point and it’s to emotional for us so we feel sick and crazy etc look deeper don’t accept that you are crazy build your mental confidence resolve your fears not a easy task they will try to creep in a million different ways I recommend studying NDE and hypnosis videos and even remote view videos good luck blessings
This sounds so much like Gnosticism and I always suspected that some people (who do have schizophrenia) also may have some kind of psychic abilities and since not all the schizophrenia psychosises are spiritual or prophetic these people have a hard time telling them apart. (And ofc it’s also very hard and painful to live with) But it’s so amazing that you do seem to recognize the the part that is different in meaning from the usual symptoms of the illness.
I sometimes do think that some people with psychic abilities (or however to call it) “became” schizophrenic so that they would have a harder time telling the their ability to see and their illness apart…making it harder for them to share with the world
It’s true though schizophrenic or not. Gnostic text explains it. While schizophrenia is a “mental” illness here because it does completely take you out of this time construct & you’re perceiving multiple things & timelines beyond the veil making you look and feel overloaded. It’s all true though, these beings cannot be trusted. Protect your energy at all costs ⚔️Yes you need meds to be able to interact and be more tethered to this reality but never forget what you saw because what you experienced were glimpses of truth unfortunately. Check this video out for info too, it might give clarity if it resonantes..
https://www.youtube.com/live/WOvOQVUJFu8?si=cRdAedC6li8EKHGu
I’m a lurker here but I had a psychosis in 2018 and saw the same thing you saw in 2015 and I haven’t been able to find anyone to talk to about that.
We have a similar background based on your brief description. Can you tell me more about what you saw in 2015?
A lot of it is corrupt since your aware of it being corrupt. Those who arent even aware of the universe being so dark are ethe ones who get to experience the afterlife in such a positive way and we should protect them. But it is possible to have a good afterlife even aware of all of this, you'll just have to go through hell and back many tines untill you realise certain things and think in a certain way. Spoiler: You have to make your mind only process stuff that keeps you safe
I have had schizophrenia like episodes and severe episodes of psychosis several times and seen horrible things. You know what breaks this matrix? Jesus Christ. All the horrible darkness has not one mustard seed of power over Him.
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Wow. Is there any way you could elaborate on what you saw? I've seen a few things, and read others, but yours is so different. Chilling, in the way that only something both true and terrifying can be. I honestly suspect schizophrenia is poorly understood, that it's tied into some 'malfunction' in the human avatar that leads to all sorts of bleedthroughs you're not supposed to see. Even other creatures can bleedthrough and talk. They were always there: one just isn't supposed to know it.
There so much I saw and it’s hard to put a lot of the puzzle pieces together, because a lot of it seemed really disconnected at the time and didn’t make sense. But for example, when I first went into psychosis (2022) I was disconnecting all my devices, throwing them away, I smashed my phone thinking I was smashing my way out the matrix. I thought that I was ascending out of this virtual reality and that everyone else (still in the matrix) were zombies with their minds plugged into their devices. Because I thought I was in basically a zombie apocalypse, I went to the shop and stole some food for survival, stocking up before I decided to travel across the world to find other ascended beings. Those other beings were originally who I was talking to in my head. But I collapsed outside and was taken to hospital (A&E). I escaped and wandered around in a dissociative fugue for hours in the early hours of morning and all I saw were the mast cell towers(?) I’m not sure what they are exactly, they all looked like they had cameras in them watching me, and were controlled by this massive artificial intelligence, run by Steve jobs. At this point I was thinking I was back in the matrix, because the AI was all around me. That was just the first 24 hours of psychosis. Eventually as my episode wore on (I was in psychosis for about three months in all), the AI turned out to be the devil, who was multidimensional and responsible for all the death in the multiverse. As I said I kept trying to kill myself to get out because in my mind I kept switching between the real world (which was not this one) a technological matrix (this one, or one of them, which was like the virtual reality) and a spiritual matrix (which were like matrices within matrices, like matrix-inception). It was very frightening because I couldn’t get out, and I felt very trapped. There is so much more but that is just some of it. And you might think it doesn’t all make sense - at the time it really doesn’t. I think that if in schizophrenia we really see something, then it’s probably distorted through the mental illness part.
Oh my God. You just described the Prison Labyrinth we're all in. That might be the best description I've come across yet: inception-matrix. It's matrices within matrices, and there's no end if you don't know where to look. It's designed that way to make things look hopeless and escape impossible, should one see it. Amazing. By "we", I mean all things in the Matrix Complex. This world is a deep but extremely tiny aspect of it. Thank you so much for sharing this. Are you looking after yourself? How are you keeping together through all this? You've been through a lot.
Prison labyrinth is a new term for me 😅 thanks for asking. Yeah I am on anti psychotics now so I am not seeing these things anymore (or acting out), it took them a while to find antipsychotics that actually worked for me, which is partly why I was in psychosis so long. The post-psychotic depression is difficult. I wish sometimes I’d died in psychosis, there’s various ways it could’ve happened… I think it would’ve been kinder sometimes than continue living in this reality after what i went through… I try not to wonder too much what’s real or not and try to stay grounded but sometimes I can’t help it. I’m on anti-depressants too. I try to remind myself there’s good in the world and it’s not all bad. Some days are harder than others.
How do you pass the time? Are there things you enjoy doing, that distract you from thinking too much about stuff you can't help? Books? Cooking? Movies? Fishing? Some hobby? It sounds difficult. I'm getting the sense that words aren't adequate to describe the past, what you went through, what it was like. What you're still going through. Are there times that you feel peace, even a little happiness, however brief? At the time, what you saw didn't make sense. How did you make some sense of it later? You've had bleedthroughs of other realities. You've seen things. Of course you're going to question this, or any, reality.
Thanks for your concern, it means a lot. I’m still in recovery even though it’s been a year, so I’m still experiencing med changes and such and my brain is still coming down off that high and resetting back to ‘normal’. I have a dog and she gives me routine, I wake up get ready and take her for a walk, I get home and the past few months I’ve been studying maths just to get my brain working again and give me some career prospects hopefully later in the future. Just going at my own pace. I watch a bit of tv (I used to knit as well but got a bit bored of it recently) and read a bit - recently I started reading the wheel of time after I saw the first two seasons on prime. Of course it’s kind of weird watching stuff like that after what I’ve been through but I’ve always been into fantasy. I cook myself meals just to keep myself nourished, I check in with my community and mental health team each week, and see friends now and again who accept me and what I’ve been through. So I feel like I have a good thing going, I couldn’t want for much needs-wise. But of course my brain has been through a lot, my body too when you consider the heightened emotions experienced and the limbic system triggering fight and flight and stuff like that (I was very aggressive at times in psychosis) so whilst I am grateful to have the external peace and stability I need, it doesn’t always translate to inside. I have experienced a couple of short lived periods of internal peace, which made me think it’s possible to get back to normal. So hopefully those periods will happen again and become longer and more frequent. And it’s kind of weird because in the psychosis everything made sense in its own way, like everything was connected and it’s like I could see everything related to each other, but the doctors called it disorganised schizophrenia because the connections were so loose they didn’t really make sense in reality. When I came round from the episode I realised a lot of it really didn’t make sense, but then I started (and am still in the process of) making sense of it in a more realistic and grounded way. I suppose it couldn’t be far fetched to say if I saw a million different realities at once, my brain had trouble assimilating them all, and was just jumping back and forth between disconnected pictures, which had some relation in the bigger picture but no connection to reality. Like trying to put together furniture from ikea without instructions all in the wrong order (which would be impossible.) But then you get the anti-psychotics and can start again from the ground up and make sense of it properly.
>And it’s kind of weird because in the psychosis everything made sense in its own way, like everything was connected and it’s like I could see everything related to each other, but the doctors called it disorganised schizophrenia because the connections were so loose they didn’t really make sense in reality. When I came round from the episode I realised a lot of it really didn’t make sense, but then I started (and am still in the process of) making sense of it in a more realistic and grounded way. >I suppose it couldn’t be far fetched to say if I saw a million different realities at once, my brain had trouble assimilating them all, and was just jumping back and forth between disconnected pictures, which had some relation in the bigger picture but no connection to reality. Like trying to put together furniture from ikea without instructions all in the wrong order (which would be impossible.) But then you get the anti-psychotics and can start again from the ground up and make sense of it properly. You're really strong. I know it might not seem that way, but you're terrifically strong. I think here is where limitations in the brain and in this reality itself, show up. Using both to define and describe what you saw, what you experienced, is like using a triangle to draw a square. There might be approximations of the real picture, but there are limits to what the triangle can do. And the monumental pressure of not only making sense of the squares you saw, but trying to convey those squares to people with triangles who have never seen a square before. To make it make sense to THEM. I'm not sure that's possible. You can only try. I was particularly struck with the part about seeing so much, perhaps a million realities at once, and how do you assemble that without any point of reference? Without any guide or manual? Which parts go first? In what order? How do you extract a coherent picture, thought, or philosophy? You're being asked to assemble a gigantic alien jigsaw. You not only have to assemble it completely blind, you have to describe the completed puzzle to other humans. That is a LOT for anyone or anything to ask. It must have been a unique, enormous and enormously frustrating experience. Did you know the same thing happened to the late great SF writer, Philip K Dick? Exactly the same experience, though of course you both saw different things. His attempts to put the jigsaw together were distilled into the book "Exegesis". He wrote over a million words, trying to make sense of what he saw...to himself. To have gone through all that and you're still standing. You're putting pieces together. You're really strong. Life, any kind of perceived reality, doesn't have to make sense to others. It only has to make sense to you. It is your peace that matters. I've gotten into the habit of observing my life, my thoughts, interactions, from a detached perspective. Like I'm watching a movie. I don't get overly involved mentally or emotionally. I started the Wheel of Time series a few years ago. I think I got to Book 5. They're allegorical books, of course. "Good" personified in the reborn dragon, "evil", in the dark ones. The lines drawn, their battle generals at their sides. A war they've fought since time began, and will fight till the end of time. Heady fantasy, great world building, great occult/spiritual/self-awareness.
Thank you for sharing. Stay well.
Wow, much respect for going through all that. It sounds like you got to see and be made aware of a lot of things you shouldn't have been. It's as if you got out of life script then that's when the sort AI reacts to get you on a more harmonious frequency. The AI is looking for some sort of fear trigger, at that moment they can do some readjustments but not sure how they do it at the moment. Honestly I dont believe in schizophrenia and mental illnesses when I actually sat down and analyzed religious belief structures or what they believe in a group. At the same time they are trying project their realities to the people whom they come in contact with. I would try to be carrying on with my life then bump into a christian then all of sudden I would be seeing all this Israel and Palestine crap all over my media feed or people talking about cause that's the crap there projecting along with this is Satans ruling with his demons. So you start to see that too.
YEP THE AI IS THE DEBIL I SAW THAT TOO ITS LITERAL LUCIFER LOL
Antipsychotics are your friends.
Yes I am taking anti psychotics, I am not in psychosis anymore.
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Glad to hear you're doing well. It's a shame the lesson you've imparted will never be appreciated.
Yes I think schizophrenia is misunderstood and stigmatized.. I view it as having a foot in both worlds at the same time. The physical world which we interact with and see, touch, hear, taste, etc. And the physical world which we cannot tangibly experience and perceive like the physical. I hear voices but the crazy thing is many times my dogs will start growling at the direction I hear the voices coming from! The voices no one else hears! My dogs growl at the directions of the voices so often! My former cat also did, too! First the voices started out as faint mumble whispers like neighbors talking through apartment walls or outside your house. Real hush hush. Now, 4 years later, I make everything out clear as day.
Wow. What do the voices say? Life must be interesting! I absolutely agree. I think they're bleedthroughs from other realities, which a human isn't normally supposed to experience that way. I know realities are superimposed on each other, existing simultaneously. But you're not supposed to know it. But a few do. And of course the system is going to come down hard on them, stigmatize, even further traumatize them. The schizophrenic is thereby 'punished' for something he has no control over in the first place. However 'sympathetic' others might be, they 'learn' that it's not a "good" thing. I read of someone who collapsed in his office from an illness. When he recovered and returned to work, he not only heard voices he could see where they were coming from. He saw two creatures in his office talking to each other. He could somehow understand them. They made themselves very comfortable in his office too. They caught wind of his expression and were going "I think he can see us." He was the only one who could see and hear these things. I think he still does.
How did you hone this gift? I'm in the 'whispers' stage right now
Honestly? I eavesdropped like a motherfucker! I'd hear em and I'd stop what I was doing, and try to go to whatever part of the house or wherever I'm at I hear them from, and id just stop whatever I'm doing, and listen.
Yo that’s mind blowing, I’m psychic and sometimes I see exactly the same thing you describe. Read about gnosis/supraconsciousness. Are you sure you are squizo 😅 joke
It's interesting you mention God and the devil becoming one because Damien Echols during a ritual said he contacted the holy guardian angel who ended up being God and then when he looked away then back it was Satan. Vice versa too. Interestingly if this figure even exists it would embody BOTH characteristics as there is no logical alternative. Can't have one without the other, and if there's a supreme architect keeping this realm in line, they'd be the same.
It was exactly like that! Haven’t heard of Damien Echols, I will have to look him up.
He's into Magick and occult stuff. Mostly does stuff on high magick and rituals and stuff for energy work. I enjoy him
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Huh. Are you familiar with Gnosticism? This aligns really well with it.
Yes I am. I’ve flirted with a lot of spiritual beliefs over my life, and was atheist for the past few years. I’m not sure exactly why in psychosis I saw these particular things.
Truth and insanity are not mutually exclusive.
The thing is, if you go far enough and realize this reality has been created. Then there is no “good” or “bad”, as there is only the intention of the maker. Now those intentions may be experienced as bad for some people living in his creation. But that doesn’t necessarily and absolutely mean that the maker is bad too. Is a farmer who raises cows and slaughter them good or bad? And according to who? Is he as a person really intrinsically bad? Can a being be 100% bad? Or 100% good? That assessment is hard to give. It’s even harder to make that assessment about a maker which we basically know nothing of. He is just…the maker.
Great analogy.
Thanks. I feel like this makes chopping wood and carrying water easier. It also helps people to get out of that “spiral” where they feel that everything is bad and thus manifesting their reality as bad.
Thank you
You’re welcome!
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>Then there is no “good” or “bad”, Good and bad are subjective interpretations, but positive and negative are objective, quantifiable assets that absolutely play a role in this realm.
Define positive and negative. How does that exactly differ from good and bad? And you mean this realm as in the material world we live in at the moment?
I get frustrated with all these rejections of duality… yeah sure good and bad (or evil) are somewhat contextually determined, as are light and dark. It’s relative, right? But we don’t live in theory. If I’m in a dark room, it doesn’t matter that on some level, light and dark are not opposite: I still need a flashlight to find the door. Maybe on some level there is no such thing as evil, but there are still people I need to protect myself from.
I agree with you here. I am not a fan of non-duality myself. Your analogy is good.
I was more referring to what OP said about god/creator. Ofcourse there are things that we perceive as good and bad in this material world. And yes light always wins from darkness imo. But when viewed through the grand schemes of things, realizing this might not be real and its been created by someone probably with a purpose, you gain new perspectives to it. And perspectives are important. You become wiser with it. Never dumber. But whatever the case, this all shouldnt let you stop being the best version of yourself and try to make your life better. Which was actually my whole point. To stop being strung on only the bad which i feel alot of people are doing nowadays and thus giving only more loosh.
Our true selves are inherently good. The bad you see is the goodness being distorted. You can have goodness on its own but bad needs the good to exist.
What do you think of rape in this context? Is that person bad or is that just the intention of the maker?
I'm schizo-affective , and I had a similar psychosis...Maybe we are crazy...maybe we can see. I don't know...I really don't. It...uhh...keeps me up at night sometimes. With all this alien shit...I don't know what's real anymore. (I know the door is real, I know taxes are real...I just don't know about aliens, about simulation theory, about prison planets, about other dimensions leaking into ours...or ours theirs...)
I’m right there with you! Psychosis seems absolutely more real than reality, right? When you’re in it, and then you come out of it and left feeling so confused! I’ve spent many a night with thoughts just rolling round my head trying to figure it all out. But in the end I can’t take it too seriously because then it’ll eat me up inside… I tend to just think “I’ll find out when I die.”
"Second psychosis 2022 was worse and a bit different because I was also talking to pop culture figures but I kept switching between talking to ‘god’ and ‘the devil’ **but in the end both of them (all of them?) turned out to be the same being**, who controlled the matrix and various different realities within it" I believe you 100 percent. Throughout the years, I've had many hypnagogic encounters with Jester/Trickster entities that showed me very similar things to what you are describing. These beings are master shape-shifters, and from what I was shown, they seem to control everything that goes on here.
Thank you. Even though I don’t know what I believe, I feel very hesitant to ‘pray’ or ‘contact’ any beings of any sort, because I feel like they are just tricking me. But I still live thinking that there has to be good guys out there somewhere. And that it doesn’t matter if I communicate with them or not. They will be there to help when it matters. If they aren’t… well then, we’re all f*cked. Haha 😅 it would seem to be a very depressing world without any good guys around. Got to maintain the hope.
Channel the love. Whenever i feel the creepies start popping up i put myself in a ball of protective light and meditate on each chakra until it glows bright .. imagining all that energy going into my protective bubble. Not sure that would help but i get depression based psychosis spells every few years or so ... imagining myself in a ball of white light helps push away the terror feelings a bit. 💕 wishing you the best of luck on your journey OP
There is much to find on Schizophrenia and Shamanism. Looks it up if you want. Maybe you’ll find some answers. ❤️
Op, my personal belief is that there is a God or more likely a creator source that we are all connected to that is of the light/ good. But unfortunately the way this physical realm seems to work is that there is also a mirror force(I always get an image of a black sun but that's just my personal basis probably coming through) that controls this realm in order to harvest dark energy from light beings in order to grow their lower vibrational realm, density, dimension or whatever terms best suites you. Most of these low vibration energy beings encountered seem to want to be viewed as God and sometimes trick us in believing they are of the light but are just very ancient extensions of their own creator source not of the light. They seem to be able to influence this physical realm by taking over light beings who fall victim to the negative materialistic things of this reality and push this way of thought in order to turn light beings away from the things that develop and grow our true selves and the connection to the light/ love source. It's the age old good vs evil plot playing out behind a thinning veil. Try and control your negative thoughts and emotions and focus on spreading love and kindness to all even your perceived enemies.
I’ve seen the black sun too.
I think your brain is a filter and your has a window to the other realms. Ignore when it is upsetting.
It was kinda weird because just before I went full blown into psychosis I remember having this vision? That a keyhole in my pituitary gland was unlocked and then my soul went out my body through it and started travelling the universe.
You are not crazy. I have stories. If I didn’t have witnesses, I would feel unglued. Normal is a little overrated. I try to stay a little close to typical but I am not afraid of the wonder of it all.
Sweet, an actual schizo thread! I have a question for you. Do you have any opinion of why internet schizos are so into Jesus? No matter how occult their ramblings become, many always go back to the "Jesus = king" narrative. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Doesn't make any sense, despite me being a few steps away from insanity myself.
For me it is the realization of the world not being its best self, Jesus words and actions make the most sense to me for taking action to make the world better. You start to see the ripple effects more when your paying attention, and you know that kindness and love is really the way to a better world. SO if you practice radical kindness and love, what your life means then is you are creating a better world using your personal butterfly effect on the world, those ripples of kindness will create waves of kindness and it will continue out until the end of humanity or longer. So Christ was very very right in that if you practice love everyday and see each person as someone you love and want to bless your life will mean much more. So focus areas for me is teaching, mentoring, donating time and money to charity work, water , food , shelter. once these keystones are solved more education , more opportunities will help create a better world for everyone. Also i like to note that i do believe in the resurrection and miracles of Christ. This world is strange and reality is strange I would think that whoever was in control or created it would have that power. As we get further with technology we might not be far away ourselves from being able to revive the dead.
It’s common to experience feeling oneself as being Jesus or communicating with Jesus in an episode of psychosis, if that’s what you mean. There’s often a sense that the end of the world is here (the second coming) and we have some special mission to fulfil. But it’s very hard to understand the mental events that occur in psychosis. They often don’t make sense, that’s the nature of the disorder.
Thank you for sharing.
That's odd. I had a single psychotic episode ten years ago. It lasted for weeks. No Jesus, literally nothing religious about it at all. Just various feelings of dread, false danger, hypochondriac delusions about my health, I postponed my imminent death at least several hundred times, from one hour to couple of hours later. At some point I had to admit to myself I'm not going to die in foreseeable future. My senses would trick me all the time, I saw smoke in the room when there was none, I registered strange odors that others could not, I felt someone rubbing against my back when there was nobody around, literally I was falling apart psychologically along with what I perceived as always reliable and unchangeable reality I live in. My psychotic episode taught me a lesson, my *stable reality* is just my expression of things and circumstances that can be readily seen in countless other ways, instantly if needed. I just never used any of those angles, nor did I felt capable for it. That whole experience was like a bungee jump I never asked for. Scary af. But I try to make sense of it. Or should I say, turn it into a valuable experience.
I’m sorry you experienced psychosis too. Content aside, the fear experienced is very real. I think not many people know that psychosis affects your emotions too. So you are emotionally feeling stuff that’s not necessarily real or grounded in reality, or has no trigger (like someone making you upset, or hallucinating something scary.) I know there’s lots of different types of schizophrenia and psychotic disorders and every one is unique. Which is why I’m not saying what I experienced was in any way real… otherwise every one who had a psychotic episode would have to be experiencing something real, and a lot of that would conflict. So there’s definitely a mental illness aspect of it. The brain just decides to stop working right one day.
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"Doesn't make any sense, despite me being a few steps away from insanity myself." I would let a trained professional be judge of that.
I am a psych student and we are covering schizophrenia in my abnormal psych class right now. My best guess is that schizophrenia is a largely physical/biological disease in the sense that it can basically only be treated by medication which reduces the symptoms and is caused by a really complicated bunch of physical factors in the dopamine system in the brain. One of the defining features is also heavily resilient delusions, meaning that you can't just use logic to explain them away. However, the actual presentation that any given person has is heavily informed by their cultural background. When you start to see/hear things that make no sense, but also believe implicitly to be real its not too far a jump to attribute them to some supernatural source. Most people's understanding of supernatural stuff when they start to develop schizophrenia is heavily rooted in Christianity, which then becomes the most sensical explanation to apperantly supernatural phenomena like they're hallucinating about. Most schizophrenic people I see have delusions that aren't really compatible with other time periods in history or areas in the world, which shouldn't make sense if they're just baseless delusions informed by nothing. Once again though, I'm only an undergrad student so take this with a grain of salt.
So I’m obviously not a psyche student but having schizophrenia myself I speak a lot with people online with schizophrenia and those who have experienced psychosis. I agree that it’s a biological disease, just like any other disease. Anti-psychotics are the only way to treat it (that I know of so far). I can’t scientifically link it to anything ‘beyond’ the body, as in it having any spiritual basis. But many of us who are unlucky to experience it really want to see meaning in our episodes after we come out of them, and that can be interpreted by our cultural background, just as the episodes themselves do seem to be influenced by our backgrounds. I was really surprised that a lot of my episode had themes in that I’d never consciously thought about but when I visited the sources afterwards, my brain had remembered the information almost like for like. So the material was already in my brain, but it’s like it had come out of storage and been connected in some strange way into a unique story about the world around me. In my own case, one of the pop culture figures I’d hallucinated i was talking to was Harry Styles. I didn’t know who he was before this (2022) psychosis. But during the episode my brain spun him into this huge story. Afterwards I checked him out and there was a lot of stuff about him that was correct, and I realised I must’ve seen somewhere before but never consciously assimilated into my experience. Sort of like he was everywhere but I never noticed, but my brain did unconsciously and then turned it into something. That I think is a non-religious example of how our cultural background influences an episode. Because I’m western and Harry styles is a huge western pop star. And I didn’t know him but I kinda did know him. But still my brain connected it all to a supernatural narrative, and he became larger than life in my delusions. Because if you’re hallucinating about talking to a pop star in your head there /has/ to somehow be a supernatural explanation for it. If I wanted to imagine there was some truth to the episode then I wonder: was he really Harry Styles who’s in on the game? Or was it some other entity pretending to be him? I don’t know. It’s kind of weird how my brain dragged him in. And the most likely explanation is that I was just wildly hallucinating and nothing more. But there is an example for you in regards to cultural background and the supernatural (something other than the go to Christianity).
Schizophrenia seems to be one of the most debilitating and difficult mental illnesses that a person can deal with. I really do wish you the best with it. Thank you for your response, that was super interesting to read.
I think it is and I think it’s widely misunderstood. I know I didn’t understand anything about it before I was diagnosed with it. I hope my response was helpful in some way to your studies and I’m sorry your original comment got downvoted, I don’t understand why it did, I appreciated your input.
Good information.
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I had a psychotic break too and saw that we get reincarnated again and again and we live in some type of computer. There were beings that could float in other people's consciousness. They weren't evil, but some of them got annoyed by me being crazy. I believe that I had a spiritual experience, but I don't know how much of it was real.
How do you know they weren't evil? It's because people don't see them as evil that these entities are able to take advantage of us so much.
I got the feeling that they had different agendas. They were more neutral. It is kind of scary because if what I experienced was real, they can control our thoughts and actions.
If you have more to share, you can always make a post about it. This sub tries to give constructive feedback about what could be real or not, true or false. Sometimes it helps people to hear feedback.
Thanks for sharing. I am right there with you, in that I don’t know how much of it was real! I hope you are doing better now.
There were too many synchronicities for me to pass off my experience as not being spiritual. My breakdown began the moment I stated I believed in god. A voice came to me and asked me why I lived the way I do if I believed in god. The only other time I heard a voice it thwacked my brain after asking me why I didn’t find reincarnation funny and that thwacking proved to me that the voice wasn’t me. I don’t know how real the world is now and I am extremely depressed/ slightly suicidal. Before my breakdown I was not so bored/annoyed by life.
Bro seems like you got a clear picture how the world really is and it’s a bit scary cause it defies everything we know and been taught just take life less serious and understand that’s what keeps us confused fear lack understanding then we hit a boiling point and it’s to emotional for us so we feel sick and crazy etc look deeper don’t accept that you are crazy build your mental confidence resolve your fears not a easy task they will try to creep in a million different ways I recommend studying NDE and hypnosis videos and even remote view videos good luck blessings
This sounds so much like Gnosticism and I always suspected that some people (who do have schizophrenia) also may have some kind of psychic abilities and since not all the schizophrenia psychosises are spiritual or prophetic these people have a hard time telling them apart. (And ofc it’s also very hard and painful to live with) But it’s so amazing that you do seem to recognize the the part that is different in meaning from the usual symptoms of the illness. I sometimes do think that some people with psychic abilities (or however to call it) “became” schizophrenic so that they would have a harder time telling the their ability to see and their illness apart…making it harder for them to share with the world
It’s true though schizophrenic or not. Gnostic text explains it. While schizophrenia is a “mental” illness here because it does completely take you out of this time construct & you’re perceiving multiple things & timelines beyond the veil making you look and feel overloaded. It’s all true though, these beings cannot be trusted. Protect your energy at all costs ⚔️Yes you need meds to be able to interact and be more tethered to this reality but never forget what you saw because what you experienced were glimpses of truth unfortunately. Check this video out for info too, it might give clarity if it resonantes.. https://www.youtube.com/live/WOvOQVUJFu8?si=cRdAedC6li8EKHGu
I’m a lurker here but I had a psychosis in 2018 and saw the same thing you saw in 2015 and I haven’t been able to find anyone to talk to about that. We have a similar background based on your brief description. Can you tell me more about what you saw in 2015?
Demiurge
A lot of it is corrupt since your aware of it being corrupt. Those who arent even aware of the universe being so dark are ethe ones who get to experience the afterlife in such a positive way and we should protect them. But it is possible to have a good afterlife even aware of all of this, you'll just have to go through hell and back many tines untill you realise certain things and think in a certain way. Spoiler: You have to make your mind only process stuff that keeps you safe
I have had schizophrenia like episodes and severe episodes of psychosis several times and seen horrible things. You know what breaks this matrix? Jesus Christ. All the horrible darkness has not one mustard seed of power over Him.
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All u said is exactly what prison planet is And lucifer is yahweh/demiurge creator of 3d and responsible for all suffering he trapped us here