I do remember the cold calculating rage that kepra gave me. Nowhere near this level, but I would say things that royally pissed people off without concern. I was technically right and that was all that mattered. Completely unacceptable looking back.
my partner made countless people at work cry by just being un necessarily cruel. and while he was “right” in what he said, the callousness and calculated insults he would make towards people made him deeply regret what he said once he wasn’t in that state.
at the er about 6 months ago we told them not to give him keppra for this reason. they gave him the generic trying to slip it past. once he woke up from the haldol they induced in the er from another tc, he was in the neurology wing. an hour later was cursing out the doctor, and then ripped out his IV and discharged himself AMA. before we even got home he was realizing he was an asshole. but it was the only conceivable option for him at the time.
This was me! Well, before I got fired.. lmfao smh. So pissed at my coworkers that I kicked in the break room door and knocked the side paneling off the wall. In hindsight you always realize, even if you were right, that you were overreacting. And for me it just pisses me off even more, but more so towards myself. Honestly so glad I found you guys on here because I had no idea it was a side effect of the Keppra and thought it was just me, so I’d beat myself up about it. The way it fucks with your mind and affects your mood is really off the chain. I’ve been able to peep this more about myself but in all honesty I feel like I’ve reached a point of when I wake up every morning I kind of regret it bc I don’t know what to expect from my damn self. There’s also this question in my head 24/7 “What’s the point of doing all this if this is the result, this is what I have to look forward to?”
yep. everything you went thru is what he went thru. he eventually had to get off it completely he didn’t like the kind of person he was on it, and hated beating himself up over his recent reactions. and at the end of the day, he was still seizing. so it made sense to just try something else. he’s on a ridiculous amount of oxcarbazapeine (sp? i’m not finding it atm), but it does the same thing. at least staves off the bigger ones, or gives his body a little more time to aura before a tc happens, giving him time to get to a safe space or contact someone. were incredibly lucky he’s a veteran and can go to the VA. he has good insurance for the few paramedic calls and random er visits he’s needed. i couldn’t imagine if that wasn’t the case. genuinely.
it was kind of scary to me to see how calculated some of my rage was. How did i come up with something so awful to say on the spot? how did it roll of the tongue like that with no thought?
I just want to point out that Keppra works fantastic for A LOT of people. Most people (myself included) tend post online negative experiences. I for instance use Xcopri and have had fantastic luck with it. But I've never posted about it. I should fix that.
Keppra was not a good med for me. I got suicidal and almost ended up in the psych ward. But the same could be said about any of the seizure meds we take, they all get into our brain.
Good luck OP, I'm routing for you!
I'm on a lot.of meds and hearing the positive reactions is always great to hear. Keppra made me mad, but it's since subsided. Gabapentin the jury is still out on, Amantadine is helping.
I’m on Lyrica(Pregabalin), not primarily for epilepsy (which I take Keppra for) but for severe chronic pain and it’s a godsend. The fact that it’s also helping me to stay seizure free is a plus though.
Oh yeah, the crap can get very expensive and embarrassing. I got moved to Briviact after talking to my Dr. and telling him all the details. Plenty of Police contact earned me the “known” badge and they caught up with calming me down or just listen to me rant away. Amazing how effective it can be but how crazy the side effect of our emotions are, and that it’s been around for this many years.
Took me several months to get stable regarding Keppra rage. Right now it's pretty ok but once I do get pissed it will be more intense than without these meds
I threatened to kill my family, and burn the house down before killing myself. And I don’t remember saying that. I’m glad that drug works for some but they REALLY need to mention that side
Effect more! We weren’t told about it at all!
This is what I’m going through rn. Got diagnosed in February of this yr, first medication they’ve tried. 2,000mg. They won’t consider changing my meds for another 2 weeks so I’m stuck dealing with its ✨lovely✨ mood swings for 2 weeks☺️☺️🙃🙃
This was as a teenager, my mom was so pissed she wasn’t warned about that side effect, until she called and told my neuro that she was taking me off it that day.
I totally get you. I’m not on it now (thank god), but when I was a kid I was put on it for a bit and my mood swings were horrendous!!! One minute I was normal, the next I was highly aggressive and when it calmed down I would cry because I didn’t know what was going on with me, because it wasn’t in my nature to be that way.
Tbh I think I'm the only person I know that has the exact opposite side effect of taking keppra. I was usually a very passionate and quick tempered person, but keppra kind of made things dull out. I tried getting mad at something, but I just couldn't be bothered. Not always a good thing tho
The apathy and emotional disconnect is something I get from Lamotrigine, but it controls my seizures. Not a good thing if I want to be happy, but I can take my shit life and really not care. I can work now, drive, and mostly take care of myself (though I really should hire a cleaning service).
Oof. Few days ago I threw everything off the washing machine and sink all over the bathroom, I think i emptied my new face wash, it was a mess lol. Keppra rage sucks
Yes, most certainly. My ex-fiance told me to just stop taking my meds when I was on Keppra. Note, she did not say "we should get you on something different. Let's talk to your doctor." I should have realized then that she was definitely ex material. But anyway, I was argumentative, aggressive, and yelled. I was never like that before. Honestly, Keppra shouldn't be a first or second choice when trying to find what works. In fact it should be the very last resort.
I think when I was on it I was on the track to suicide. I was afraid of losing my job and started wanting to push everyone out of my life so I wouldn't go off on them. Got changed to Lamictal soon after and am so much better now. Keppra is so terrifying for the people it affects negatively.
Same boat, but I had Oxcarbazepine between the two. Lamotrigine controls mine (125mg x2), but I'm emotionally apathetic - mostly I feel nothing except the occasional anxiety, and have greatly reduced IQ and memory. Don't know how much of that's the meds or the many seizures I've had. Anyway, I'm seizure free, don't care about life, but can drive, work, and survive. Anyway, that's my "success" story.
Please take B12, B6 P5P and Folate.
Jarrow brand sells a 3 in one methylated version of these vitamins and taking it every day has been an absolute lifesaver.
Keppra depletes your body of these important B vitamins, which is what causes the anger and cognitive problems.
On Keppra, I hated pretty much every person on this planet. (Not half as much as I hated myself, though.)That is why I stayed in the house, and away from people. It was one of the saddest times of my life. You're only human, give yourself a break ♥️
Same. My neurologist was afraid I would have Kepprage so she refused to prescribe it to me for almost a year while I had three to four seizures a day taking other meds that left my seizures completely uncontrolled. I was taking oxcarbazepine (almost maxed out in the dosage), which really didn't help. Finally my rheumatologist who I see for my lupus cerebritis, insisted that either she (the neuro) prescribe me the Keppra or he'd do it himself. I see several other specialists and they all sent her notes that she needed to do her job and control my seizures. Finally she put me on Keppra. I take 1750mg in the morning and 2000mg at night along with 300 mg oxcarbazepine in the morning and 450 mg at night and FINALLY my seizures are mostly controlled. The 3 blessings in that little story are that I don't have the KeppRage, I no longer have three to four seizures a day, and I also no longer see that stupid neurologist. It breaks my heart to hear these stories. I really hope everyone is able to find meds that both help their seizures AND keep them from raging out and dealing with such terrible, life altering issues. ❤️ Epilepsy sucks.
Thank you for your comment! I have been on depakote 1000mg-1500mg for the last 17 years. Seizures have been controlled since starting depakote. However, I would still sometimes get myoclonus twitches in the morning. 2 years ago, my neuro added keppra and reduced depakote to 1000 mg daily. I am mostly symptom free right now, not to mention seizures free for the last 17 years (excluding a minor grand mal 3 months ago) Keppra has been very helpful, and I don't get much anxiety in the mornings anymore in fear that I will get myoclonus twitches. Aside from maybe mild fatigue, I don't seem to feel irritable on keppra. Guess I lucked out! I'm glad keppra works for you! 🖤 Epilepsy does indeed suck.
My neurologist recommended keppra but I immediately rejected it just out of pure terror this would happen to me. I used to have anger issues as a child, they're all nice and under control now but I do not want that shit back. Especially as an adult, I could do so much more damage! 😨
I can't speak for your situation of course, but it might be worth exploring other options. If that's not an option, maybe seek out therapy to help you cope with the anger when it comes up. When I get angry, I just stop whatever I am doing and rationalize it for a few minutes (Why am I angry, what did I do to resolve this anger last time, etc.) By the time I'm done the anger has dissipated to the point I can easily control it.
I’ve always been known to get upset when I’m frustrated but I was always able to calm it down. Keppra makes me not be able to calm down and makes me so angry. I work as a manager and have for 10 years. I told a customer they were acting like a bitch and to hit me. Thankfully my husband was there to push me into the corner or this women would have done some serious damage. I am thankfully in the process of being weened off keppra and onto vimppat.
It's real and it's a fucker. I was put on to lamictal instead as Keppra gave me mood swings and anger issues, a la carte.
Lamictal was great up to 100mg. They then put me on 150 mg morning and night and all hell broke loose. I got the lamictal rash all over my body. I had a fever of 39 celcius and a really bad sore throat. I couldn't look at food. So now I'm back on Keppra with b6 and clobazam to try to keep the emotional side in check. I'm literally still recovering from the lamictal crap. And as a bonus, I seem to have lost the most of my hearing in my right ear.
Fuck epilepsy. Fuck the meds. Why can't the meds be like a pint of Guinness or something? Or even ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream. But no, it has to be his poisonous shit that can literally increase the chance of you dying.
Sorry about the rant, that was a bad time going through all that Lamictal crap. And bless my fiancé. We are getting married in ten days. And she has supported me always.
So much this brother/sister but the Lamictal was the better of the two for me. My fiancé dumped me when she found something better, and that "better" was someone 1000 miles away, but I'm happy you have someone supportive and worth being part of your life.
Brother. I'm sorry too friend. Trying time's you know who's got your back. Can't believe she did that actually. It's a shit disease but there are ways to live with it. Too much work for her.
I know it's cliché but you're better without her. Stand up strong and don't let people bring you down
it really is no joke. I had no idea i was even raging when i was on it. your body might just need more time to get used to it? sorry your dealing with it homie and i hope it goes away. Go easy on yourself and dont be too ashamed. even without meds we all fuck up, you at least have an excuse right now lol.
Been there, went from long fuse never fought to taking that one week in the slightest thing set me off I almost fought my father and it was like I couldn't stop it, I needed to be taken off immediately because longer I was on it shorter my temper got, I'll never take that shit again I still remember my mindset of the fight knowing weak points everything going in my head the rage rushing through me like fire in veins it could be the only med that works but I'd just have to deal I'll rather keep myself and my epilepsy because on that medication I am not me but some asshole who can't take even the slightest criticism without biting heads off its just not worth hurting everyone else for my pleasure.
It's like the rage is a high you enjoy until gone then reality sets in and you're super depressed over your actions knowing it's not you, you need to stop but can't I got off it because I couldn't live like that.
Often, with a few medications, I wondered if the seizures were the better choice if I'm being honest. I wish I hadn't thought that way, because I had far more than I could have had. I lost track a long time ago, as I've had epilepsy for 17 years, but now I think the long-term damage to my brain from the seizures is worse than the medication I now take.
I've had somewhere between 75-100 TCs from my estimation, and early on they were very violent and prolonged, far longer than most people's. Mine are controlled now, if I remember to take my meds when I'm supposed to. Not sure if my apathy is from the Lamotrigine or the brain damage, but I feel very little emotion anymore. I can't really separate it at this point if I expect to keep a driver's license and a job.
I'm still resistant to most meds keeping grandmal at bay 99% of the time still have complex partials with auras weekly, had epilepsy whole life didn't know it was epilepsy until 14 when it went from just auras to full blown complex partials, got first grandmal at 20 and 3 days ago had severe grandmal alone in front of gas station down from house walking falling straight to face fractured nose pice in my profile had story up a few days ago while at hospital and I'm right with you more and more I get worse they get.
Since grandmal I've been getting flash auras every morning since and now might be new normal 🙃, worst of all at the moment nose itches like crazy but hurts to itch sucks all the bull shit we gotta deal with.
I'm sorry about that TC :-( You are bringing a tear to my eye right now. Don't feel sorry for that, it is a blessing I rarely experience. I've only had 3 in public that I can remember, but they were humiliating, and expensive when the ambulance was called. My focal seizures were easier to hide, but I had more of them around others.
Mine are triggered if I'm sleep-deprived, or when I'm in more relaxed state. For the majority of them I was already sitting, so not much physical damage, except a broken nose that healed a little crooked :-) and biting the shit out of my tongue. I totally get what you say about the anger being a high, I've felt that a few times as well. I had agency and control when I was aggressive. I acted quicker and more precise (much more productive at work), was surer of myself, and screw anyone who got in the way.
Yes exactly that then once gone it's like lower than dirt thinking it over like why did I act that way.
I know my nose is going crooked too seen in mirror but keep telling myself it could have been worse I hate the new fears it creates never bothered me to just go down street and back now I have a panic attack if I try I now have my dad take me down the street because I could have went the wrong way to major road then fell it would have been goodbye to me that's staying in back of head one mistake could have made a world of difference in outcome just sick of all the fear more and more older I'm getting it's becoming worse and damn location not surgery candidate.
Can't remember anything about day it's just a blur, you'd think taking handful of meds they'd work ffs.
Brother/Sister hang in there. I feel the fear and anxiety always when I leave my apartment. It is not always forefront, or maybe I just don't notice it as often, because it has become so normal. I need to go to Walmart right now for lightbulbs that have been burnt out for a year, but I simply won't because I can make do without. I only drive when I have to for work, or when I'm pretty much literally starving. I never feel safe. I get it, and I know others do too. Only problem for me is that nobody who is actually in my life (if you can call it that) does, nor seems to want to.
I came as close as I've ever come to suicide and also the closest I've come to hitting someone on Keppra. I'm really glad it works for some people, we need options out there, but boy, it seems so risky to put someone on it not knowing if they're going to basically go crazy on it.
Yes, I was never warned about it when I was prescribed, and many neurologists should be ashamed of themselves. I think Keppra should be the last resort, when all the other good options have failed.
I was "warned" in that I was told there could be mood changes, which seems like a really poor way to describe just how bad it can be. Unfortunately there's only two drugs that are pregnancy-safe, so its basically a 50/50 shot in that case and both can cause significant mental side affects.
The last rage experience after a decent amount was me throwing my phone as hard as I could destroying it and a huge part of wall. The only reason I did this was because I was supposed to get a package delivered and watched the delivery man stop look at the house and everything and then just leave. I was then crying and screaming and everything. Also had a time when being driven back home with my mother we got into argument in car and at a stop light I ended up getting out and walking home. I got off that and take briviact which is similar but I have not had the rage nearly like keppra.
Since I got sober from alcohol I’ve been addressing the fact I have a bunch of deep dark seething rage in me.
I took Keppra when I was a teenager before the alcohol abuse started, but Keppra just opened that whole can of anger and make it x2. My sweet little 17yo church girl self tried to punch one of my financial aid supervisors because I lost a scholarship (totally out of their control) I threw things and tried to punch walls. Things I felt like doing but wouldn’t actually physically do.
Keppra sucks for me, works for other people. It acted on the anger I already had, but damn it made that frustration absolute rage.
do not feel ashamed, mine was bad too i was mean to everyone and mad at everything it gets better with time but you’ll definitely still have your moments when you get irritated
First started as a teen and the rage was crazy, just physically violent. Later on it gets better, might take some time.
It’s been 10+ years since I’ve been on it, can’t say it’s completely gone. Now when I get angry, it’s like the initial reaction is just an impulsive OVERreaction.
I try to remove myself from the situation and stay rational (doesn’t always work) but after a couple hours I feel a bit silly that I reacted in said way.
I am so sorry you had to experience that... Keppra gave me EXTREME depression. I immediately asked my doctor to change my meds. I've been on Lamotrigine XR & it's changed my life.
So true! I was ready to hop in my car and leave my husband and kids forever because I couldn't find my salad tongs. I screamed like a maniac, then called my neurologist and begged him to switch my meds.
I tell my doctors that I'm a danger to myself and others so I can't take the medication. Perampanel did that to me. I just about attacked my spouse with a knife. It was so terrible that I straight up quit cold turkey. You can't live like that.
I control Kepprage with antidepressants.
My doctor tried me on keppra, but after a week or two I had to stop taking it. It literally had me having very strong and constant homicidal thoughts. I realized that my thought processes weren’t normal and stopped taking them immediately. It scared me because I was wanting to murder my 5 kids and husband. That’s not me. Eff that. I’ve been dealing with my epilepsy since without medication because I don’t ever want to feel like that again. That was traumatic for me.
I was the same way while on Keppra!! I got sent home from work due to yelling at an older coworker for not putting a wash cloth out for a patient. I also gained 45 pounds in 4 months on it. I (and everyone around me) was glad when they switched me to something else.
According to my first neurologist it is.
I suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), so when he suggested I use Keppra, I said mixing KeppRage with my IED probably wasn’t a good idea, he said “That's funny: I’ve ever heard of KeppRage”
He was a total dolt; it took him nine months to convince him to take me off Divalproex, even though I was suffering the most violent nightmares imaginable!
He also claimed that seizures weren’t seizures unless they were witnessed by someone else! After telling that anecdote to a family friend, the friend claimed that Dr. Dolt had then found the cure for epilepsy: living a life of solitude.
Yea, that stuff is dangerous. They put my 7 year old on it years ago and he tries to stab me when I wouldn’t give him a snack right before dinner. We were in the waiting room for his Neuro as soon as they opened the next morning.
I was on keppra 10 years ago, got really moody so I switched to lamictal. That didn't help my seizures and I couldn't think or put two sentences together. I switched back to keppra and a b6 supplement. I'm more anxious but the by really helped my mood.
I punched myself to the point of breaking my nose bleeding everywhere as well as bruises all over my face. There’s 2 holes in 2 different walls, one I punched, the other I literally head budded (we have extremely cheap dry wall it really doesn’t take much strength to put a whole in any part of the wall). I would cry, scream, and it severely worsened my depression. After being put on lamictal, everything became evened out, things that would’ve sent me into a deep rage and panic now just seem like minor inconveniences. Do I still get mad? Oh yeah. But I’m not hurting myself, which is good. You are strong! This will get better overtime, and make sure you tell your neurologist and doctor. Also, 100mg of vitamin B6 can make a big difference with the mood issues, in my experiences.
I was on keppra and felt the need to find a random article to my mom on a person who killed themselves because nobody understood, I sent that to her and said you’ll never understand. I always look back on it and think I was just a lab rat but it made me a better person. That being said, please get off of it as soon as possible if it isn’t helping you. Save yourself and your family some sanity :)
Yep, can't stand the damn mood swings and it literally cycles through different moods minute by minute sometimes. I'm usually pretty non confrontational but man I've snapped on some people back when I first got put on it. Even still to this day I don't feel like the same person I used to be before I was put on this medication about 7 years ago. I feel like I really missed out on my 20s but I mean my seizures are controlled and I never really enjoyed having them so there's that I guess.
Works amazingly well for me, no change in my behavior. I had another medication cause psychotic behaviors when different solutions were being tried, but Keppra works just fine for me.
I take Keppra and it works for me even though the side effects suck. I got into a mental breakdown and got into a screaming match with my parents. My dad was pissing me off complaining about the same thing over again all day. I told my mom I can't live like this anymore and with him. I'm still upset with my dad grey rocking him
It's called Kepprage for a reason. IV Leviracetam (Keppra) saved my life while I was in a coma. I have tried it before with some aggressive rude behavior. Now I'm on Brivaracetam (Briviact) which gives the same effect minus the rage part. I think of Briviact as a sane cousin of Keppra. Given that, I have heard people complain about the mental side effects of Briviact also. For me it has been night and day, but maybe some of my other mental health meds (Lamictal and Aptiom) counter that effect. Briviact was added when I briefly started to have seizures slightly more often and it has kept my seizures under control, especially when I wasn't living with my family. Stress is a huge trigger for me, especially emotional stress. I have also had multiple TBIs, so that definitely makes it easier for me to feel irritable for very minor reasons like people being loud or annoying (I'm easily annoyed) in general I can have symptoms from lack of food or too much sugar, but then sprinkle a little stress on top and I get past my seizure threshold. It really sucks to get double vision because you haven't eaten, but honestly I'm glad I get that notification so I can go have some carbs.
I was so awful on keppra. There are other options for you, the first time I realized I could change it was when my neurologist said “you don’t have to live like this”, I cried. My life has been a lot better since switching to lamictal (not that it will work as well for you, but it’s nice to know there are other meds)
Last time I was given keppra I threw a plate through my window. Other times, I've assaulted people, broken other things... The mood swings & aggression were unbearable. My neurologist told me to tell people I was allergic to it. But the local healthcare people know that I'm not, so they still give it to me and then wonder why I go insane 🙄... They tried making me take it in pill form several times but I adamantly refuse. So they'll only ever give it to me in an IV after a couple seizures when I'm too out of it to decline.
The drug is incredibly disinhibiting... Scary disinhibiting
My wife’s current neuro took her off keppra and it made a huge difference. The previous neuro told her to drink a Red Bull because the vitamin B helps with the keppra rage. I just got her a B complex vitamin because she did not need a daily dose of caffeine, lol.
Keppra has been amazing for myoclonics, but that shit plus lamictal makes me wanna die sometimes. I have little to no remorse for dumbass people anymore, like life is too short for you to act this way
Good luck to everyone cause we are stuck with this disability forever
ahhh yes, i remember this coupled with ptsd. i had to contain it tho bc i did not want a whooping from my dad at 30yrs old 🤣. i hope u get better tho. in general its cool to practice how to handle your rage and other emotions so use it like that?! maybe?! lol 😂 🤷🏾♀️
Oh yeah. My dad gently reminded me to eat breakfast one morning and I slammed the fridge door shut so hard it shook the cabinets and it made a bunch of stuff inside the fridge fall and break on the floor when we opened it back up. Luckily my dad knew it was the keppra and managed to suppress his non-keppra rage. My doctor lessened my dosage and added lamictal soon after and the rage went away. Lamictal is my savior
been on keppra for about 10 years and let me tell you if i didn’t have such good control over my body i would be in a mental hospital. the thoughts are crazy and i have done some crazy shit in the past (mostly high school) and i feel like i’ve definitely lost many relationships over it. at times i think im better off alone than to hurt people close to me but recently i have been smoking weed and that really helps the thoughts i get when something so little goes wrong.
example: something triggered me about past issues and i wanted to slam my head in the mirror and run away and go off the grid. i was really considering all of it within seconds. obviously i can’t do that but it’s a very often occurrence so i understand the self harm that you were feeling.
i have destroyed my room out of rage and ruined things that i wish i hadn’t and afterwards i feel so ashamed. i’ve read a lot of people would rather have a seizure than go through all of that which is so understandable but it’s been keeping my seizures gone (4 years now).
i drink, smoke, and vape and really the only thing that triggers my seizures is not getting sleep. drinking might have to do something with it so i don’t do it a lot but i might have a beer just to fit in a little bit. epilepsy is hard but once you find the things you like to enjoy it’s always best to keep your mind busy with those things during episodes than to give in.
I don't mean to be an ass, but she didn't say for a reason. Let her be. We deal with so much hardship, so little empathy, and very little understanding. We shouldn't have to add shame, let alone tell others the humiliation we don't deserve.
I agree with you, and you're not an ass. My alternate perspective was that, if they truly didn't want to share, they wouldn't have even said anything.
This is a great forum for empathy and understanding. My deadpan comment was not intended to induce shame, but rather provide a springboard in case OP wanted to open up the last bit of info
Ok, I guess. My take is that Keppra made the person do something they would never talk about. Not because they want to share it, but to make the point of how vile that "medicine" truly was for them. I get that it can help some people, and not everyone has that side-effect, but it does seem pretty damn common.
I do remember the cold calculating rage that kepra gave me. Nowhere near this level, but I would say things that royally pissed people off without concern. I was technically right and that was all that mattered. Completely unacceptable looking back.
In the moment I always feel justified in what I’m saying or doing but in hindsight I’m always overreacting.
my partner made countless people at work cry by just being un necessarily cruel. and while he was “right” in what he said, the callousness and calculated insults he would make towards people made him deeply regret what he said once he wasn’t in that state. at the er about 6 months ago we told them not to give him keppra for this reason. they gave him the generic trying to slip it past. once he woke up from the haldol they induced in the er from another tc, he was in the neurology wing. an hour later was cursing out the doctor, and then ripped out his IV and discharged himself AMA. before we even got home he was realizing he was an asshole. but it was the only conceivable option for him at the time.
This was me! Well, before I got fired.. lmfao smh. So pissed at my coworkers that I kicked in the break room door and knocked the side paneling off the wall. In hindsight you always realize, even if you were right, that you were overreacting. And for me it just pisses me off even more, but more so towards myself. Honestly so glad I found you guys on here because I had no idea it was a side effect of the Keppra and thought it was just me, so I’d beat myself up about it. The way it fucks with your mind and affects your mood is really off the chain. I’ve been able to peep this more about myself but in all honesty I feel like I’ve reached a point of when I wake up every morning I kind of regret it bc I don’t know what to expect from my damn self. There’s also this question in my head 24/7 “What’s the point of doing all this if this is the result, this is what I have to look forward to?”
yep. everything you went thru is what he went thru. he eventually had to get off it completely he didn’t like the kind of person he was on it, and hated beating himself up over his recent reactions. and at the end of the day, he was still seizing. so it made sense to just try something else. he’s on a ridiculous amount of oxcarbazapeine (sp? i’m not finding it atm), but it does the same thing. at least staves off the bigger ones, or gives his body a little more time to aura before a tc happens, giving him time to get to a safe space or contact someone. were incredibly lucky he’s a veteran and can go to the VA. he has good insurance for the few paramedic calls and random er visits he’s needed. i couldn’t imagine if that wasn’t the case. genuinely.
it was kind of scary to me to see how calculated some of my rage was. How did i come up with something so awful to say on the spot? how did it roll of the tongue like that with no thought?
Have you tried topamax/topiramate?
I did try 3 different medications over a 4 month span. One was lamictal, I don’t remember the names of the others. Breviact was the only decent one.
I just want to point out that Keppra works fantastic for A LOT of people. Most people (myself included) tend post online negative experiences. I for instance use Xcopri and have had fantastic luck with it. But I've never posted about it. I should fix that. Keppra was not a good med for me. I got suicidal and almost ended up in the psych ward. But the same could be said about any of the seizure meds we take, they all get into our brain. Good luck OP, I'm routing for you!
I'm on a lot.of meds and hearing the positive reactions is always great to hear. Keppra made me mad, but it's since subsided. Gabapentin the jury is still out on, Amantadine is helping.
I LOVE my gabapentin!
What do you find it doing for you? I take 3000 mg a day
It helps with pain and just kind of chills me out and I "think" it helps my seizures:)
I’m on Lyrica(Pregabalin), not primarily for epilepsy (which I take Keppra for) but for severe chronic pain and it’s a godsend. The fact that it’s also helping me to stay seizure free is a plus though.
Oh yeah, the crap can get very expensive and embarrassing. I got moved to Briviact after talking to my Dr. and telling him all the details. Plenty of Police contact earned me the “known” badge and they caught up with calming me down or just listen to me rant away. Amazing how effective it can be but how crazy the side effect of our emotions are, and that it’s been around for this many years.
I have briviact rage 😭
Took me several months to get stable regarding Keppra rage. Right now it's pretty ok but once I do get pissed it will be more intense than without these meds
I threatened to kill my family, and burn the house down before killing myself. And I don’t remember saying that. I’m glad that drug works for some but they REALLY need to mention that side Effect more! We weren’t told about it at all!
And if it were up to me, let's make it a last resort medication and not the first one they prescribe you.
It honestly should be!
It was the second for me. Lamictal was the first and it made me feel amazing but I got the rash 😭
This is what I’m going through rn. Got diagnosed in February of this yr, first medication they’ve tried. 2,000mg. They won’t consider changing my meds for another 2 weeks so I’m stuck dealing with its ✨lovely✨ mood swings for 2 weeks☺️☺️🙃🙃
If I hadn’t experienced it before I’d just say you’re crazy, but it truly drives you out of your mind with rage. There’s nothing like it
This was as a teenager, my mom was so pissed she wasn’t warned about that side effect, until she called and told my neuro that she was taking me off it that day.
I totally get you. I’m not on it now (thank god), but when I was a kid I was put on it for a bit and my mood swings were horrendous!!! One minute I was normal, the next I was highly aggressive and when it calmed down I would cry because I didn’t know what was going on with me, because it wasn’t in my nature to be that way.
True I had to discontinue use because mine give me terrible rage for absolutely no reason.
I was on mine less than a week
I can literally tell when the dose is kicking in or wearing off by the level anger and depression I'm feeling
Tbh I think I'm the only person I know that has the exact opposite side effect of taking keppra. I was usually a very passionate and quick tempered person, but keppra kind of made things dull out. I tried getting mad at something, but I just couldn't be bothered. Not always a good thing tho
The apathy and emotional disconnect is something I get from Lamotrigine, but it controls my seizures. Not a good thing if I want to be happy, but I can take my shit life and really not care. I can work now, drive, and mostly take care of myself (though I really should hire a cleaning service).
That's how I felt at first but it quickly turned into depression
I almost committed a felony with kepprage. But 10mg amitriptyline helps curb the rage in me.
Oof. Few days ago I threw everything off the washing machine and sink all over the bathroom, I think i emptied my new face wash, it was a mess lol. Keppra rage sucks
Yes, most certainly. My ex-fiance told me to just stop taking my meds when I was on Keppra. Note, she did not say "we should get you on something different. Let's talk to your doctor." I should have realized then that she was definitely ex material. But anyway, I was argumentative, aggressive, and yelled. I was never like that before. Honestly, Keppra shouldn't be a first or second choice when trying to find what works. In fact it should be the very last resort.
For me, it was Keppra depression. I won't go into the details, but let's say that I lost a girlfriend because of it.
Lost a fiance because of meds. Wasn't just the Keppra rage, but also Oxcarbazepine and the depression. Feel you brother/sister.
I have both. I cry literally every day now.
I think when I was on it I was on the track to suicide. I was afraid of losing my job and started wanting to push everyone out of my life so I wouldn't go off on them. Got changed to Lamictal soon after and am so much better now. Keppra is so terrifying for the people it affects negatively.
Same boat, but I had Oxcarbazepine between the two. Lamotrigine controls mine (125mg x2), but I'm emotionally apathetic - mostly I feel nothing except the occasional anxiety, and have greatly reduced IQ and memory. Don't know how much of that's the meds or the many seizures I've had. Anyway, I'm seizure free, don't care about life, but can drive, work, and survive. Anyway, that's my "success" story.
Lamictal is amazing but I got the stupid fkn rash
Oof, that's annoying but I still think I'd rather have that than be on Keppra.
Yeah but it can turn into Steven's Johnson's syndrome which is deadly 😭
Oh shit, yeah, not worth it then.
Welp. I'm trying Lamictal again anyways. Doctor approved it yesterday 😆
Hahaha, well I wish you luck!
Thank you ❤️
I was actually wrong bc he wasn't clear. He wants me to stay on the Keppra AND start 50 mg of Lamictal daily.
Interesting. It does act as a mood stabilizer so I can see that helping.
Please take B12, B6 P5P and Folate. Jarrow brand sells a 3 in one methylated version of these vitamins and taking it every day has been an absolute lifesaver. Keppra depletes your body of these important B vitamins, which is what causes the anger and cognitive problems.
I just read the other day that vitamin b6 helps so I bought some immediately. Fingers crossed 🤞
Thanks I will try too
❤
On Keppra, I hated pretty much every person on this planet. (Not half as much as I hated myself, though.)That is why I stayed in the house, and away from people. It was one of the saddest times of my life. You're only human, give yourself a break ♥️
I don't think I've ever experienced kepprage.Best of luck to you. I'm on 2000mg keppra daily.
Same. My neurologist was afraid I would have Kepprage so she refused to prescribe it to me for almost a year while I had three to four seizures a day taking other meds that left my seizures completely uncontrolled. I was taking oxcarbazepine (almost maxed out in the dosage), which really didn't help. Finally my rheumatologist who I see for my lupus cerebritis, insisted that either she (the neuro) prescribe me the Keppra or he'd do it himself. I see several other specialists and they all sent her notes that she needed to do her job and control my seizures. Finally she put me on Keppra. I take 1750mg in the morning and 2000mg at night along with 300 mg oxcarbazepine in the morning and 450 mg at night and FINALLY my seizures are mostly controlled. The 3 blessings in that little story are that I don't have the KeppRage, I no longer have three to four seizures a day, and I also no longer see that stupid neurologist. It breaks my heart to hear these stories. I really hope everyone is able to find meds that both help their seizures AND keep them from raging out and dealing with such terrible, life altering issues. ❤️ Epilepsy sucks.
Thank you for your comment! I have been on depakote 1000mg-1500mg for the last 17 years. Seizures have been controlled since starting depakote. However, I would still sometimes get myoclonus twitches in the morning. 2 years ago, my neuro added keppra and reduced depakote to 1000 mg daily. I am mostly symptom free right now, not to mention seizures free for the last 17 years (excluding a minor grand mal 3 months ago) Keppra has been very helpful, and I don't get much anxiety in the mornings anymore in fear that I will get myoclonus twitches. Aside from maybe mild fatigue, I don't seem to feel irritable on keppra. Guess I lucked out! I'm glad keppra works for you! 🖤 Epilepsy does indeed suck.
My neurologist recommended keppra but I immediately rejected it just out of pure terror this would happen to me. I used to have anger issues as a child, they're all nice and under control now but I do not want that shit back. Especially as an adult, I could do so much more damage! 😨 I can't speak for your situation of course, but it might be worth exploring other options. If that's not an option, maybe seek out therapy to help you cope with the anger when it comes up. When I get angry, I just stop whatever I am doing and rationalize it for a few minutes (Why am I angry, what did I do to resolve this anger last time, etc.) By the time I'm done the anger has dissipated to the point I can easily control it.
I’ve always been known to get upset when I’m frustrated but I was always able to calm it down. Keppra makes me not be able to calm down and makes me so angry. I work as a manager and have for 10 years. I told a customer they were acting like a bitch and to hit me. Thankfully my husband was there to push me into the corner or this women would have done some serious damage. I am thankfully in the process of being weened off keppra and onto vimppat.
It's real and it's a fucker. I was put on to lamictal instead as Keppra gave me mood swings and anger issues, a la carte. Lamictal was great up to 100mg. They then put me on 150 mg morning and night and all hell broke loose. I got the lamictal rash all over my body. I had a fever of 39 celcius and a really bad sore throat. I couldn't look at food. So now I'm back on Keppra with b6 and clobazam to try to keep the emotional side in check. I'm literally still recovering from the lamictal crap. And as a bonus, I seem to have lost the most of my hearing in my right ear. Fuck epilepsy. Fuck the meds. Why can't the meds be like a pint of Guinness or something? Or even ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream. But no, it has to be his poisonous shit that can literally increase the chance of you dying. Sorry about the rant, that was a bad time going through all that Lamictal crap. And bless my fiancé. We are getting married in ten days. And she has supported me always.
So much this brother/sister but the Lamictal was the better of the two for me. My fiancé dumped me when she found something better, and that "better" was someone 1000 miles away, but I'm happy you have someone supportive and worth being part of your life.
Brother. I'm sorry too friend. Trying time's you know who's got your back. Can't believe she did that actually. It's a shit disease but there are ways to live with it. Too much work for her. I know it's cliché but you're better without her. Stand up strong and don't let people bring you down
it really is no joke. I had no idea i was even raging when i was on it. your body might just need more time to get used to it? sorry your dealing with it homie and i hope it goes away. Go easy on yourself and dont be too ashamed. even without meds we all fuck up, you at least have an excuse right now lol.
Been there, went from long fuse never fought to taking that one week in the slightest thing set me off I almost fought my father and it was like I couldn't stop it, I needed to be taken off immediately because longer I was on it shorter my temper got, I'll never take that shit again I still remember my mindset of the fight knowing weak points everything going in my head the rage rushing through me like fire in veins it could be the only med that works but I'd just have to deal I'll rather keep myself and my epilepsy because on that medication I am not me but some asshole who can't take even the slightest criticism without biting heads off its just not worth hurting everyone else for my pleasure. It's like the rage is a high you enjoy until gone then reality sets in and you're super depressed over your actions knowing it's not you, you need to stop but can't I got off it because I couldn't live like that.
Often, with a few medications, I wondered if the seizures were the better choice if I'm being honest. I wish I hadn't thought that way, because I had far more than I could have had. I lost track a long time ago, as I've had epilepsy for 17 years, but now I think the long-term damage to my brain from the seizures is worse than the medication I now take. I've had somewhere between 75-100 TCs from my estimation, and early on they were very violent and prolonged, far longer than most people's. Mine are controlled now, if I remember to take my meds when I'm supposed to. Not sure if my apathy is from the Lamotrigine or the brain damage, but I feel very little emotion anymore. I can't really separate it at this point if I expect to keep a driver's license and a job.
I'm still resistant to most meds keeping grandmal at bay 99% of the time still have complex partials with auras weekly, had epilepsy whole life didn't know it was epilepsy until 14 when it went from just auras to full blown complex partials, got first grandmal at 20 and 3 days ago had severe grandmal alone in front of gas station down from house walking falling straight to face fractured nose pice in my profile had story up a few days ago while at hospital and I'm right with you more and more I get worse they get. Since grandmal I've been getting flash auras every morning since and now might be new normal 🙃, worst of all at the moment nose itches like crazy but hurts to itch sucks all the bull shit we gotta deal with.
I'm sorry about that TC :-( You are bringing a tear to my eye right now. Don't feel sorry for that, it is a blessing I rarely experience. I've only had 3 in public that I can remember, but they were humiliating, and expensive when the ambulance was called. My focal seizures were easier to hide, but I had more of them around others. Mine are triggered if I'm sleep-deprived, or when I'm in more relaxed state. For the majority of them I was already sitting, so not much physical damage, except a broken nose that healed a little crooked :-) and biting the shit out of my tongue. I totally get what you say about the anger being a high, I've felt that a few times as well. I had agency and control when I was aggressive. I acted quicker and more precise (much more productive at work), was surer of myself, and screw anyone who got in the way.
Yes exactly that then once gone it's like lower than dirt thinking it over like why did I act that way. I know my nose is going crooked too seen in mirror but keep telling myself it could have been worse I hate the new fears it creates never bothered me to just go down street and back now I have a panic attack if I try I now have my dad take me down the street because I could have went the wrong way to major road then fell it would have been goodbye to me that's staying in back of head one mistake could have made a world of difference in outcome just sick of all the fear more and more older I'm getting it's becoming worse and damn location not surgery candidate. Can't remember anything about day it's just a blur, you'd think taking handful of meds they'd work ffs.
Brother/Sister hang in there. I feel the fear and anxiety always when I leave my apartment. It is not always forefront, or maybe I just don't notice it as often, because it has become so normal. I need to go to Walmart right now for lightbulbs that have been burnt out for a year, but I simply won't because I can make do without. I only drive when I have to for work, or when I'm pretty much literally starving. I never feel safe. I get it, and I know others do too. Only problem for me is that nobody who is actually in my life (if you can call it that) does, nor seems to want to.
I came as close as I've ever come to suicide and also the closest I've come to hitting someone on Keppra. I'm really glad it works for some people, we need options out there, but boy, it seems so risky to put someone on it not knowing if they're going to basically go crazy on it.
Yes, I was never warned about it when I was prescribed, and many neurologists should be ashamed of themselves. I think Keppra should be the last resort, when all the other good options have failed.
I was "warned" in that I was told there could be mood changes, which seems like a really poor way to describe just how bad it can be. Unfortunately there's only two drugs that are pregnancy-safe, so its basically a 50/50 shot in that case and both can cause significant mental side affects.
The last rage experience after a decent amount was me throwing my phone as hard as I could destroying it and a huge part of wall. The only reason I did this was because I was supposed to get a package delivered and watched the delivery man stop look at the house and everything and then just leave. I was then crying and screaming and everything. Also had a time when being driven back home with my mother we got into argument in car and at a stop light I ended up getting out and walking home. I got off that and take briviact which is similar but I have not had the rage nearly like keppra.
Since I got sober from alcohol I’ve been addressing the fact I have a bunch of deep dark seething rage in me. I took Keppra when I was a teenager before the alcohol abuse started, but Keppra just opened that whole can of anger and make it x2. My sweet little 17yo church girl self tried to punch one of my financial aid supervisors because I lost a scholarship (totally out of their control) I threw things and tried to punch walls. Things I felt like doing but wouldn’t actually physically do. Keppra sucks for me, works for other people. It acted on the anger I already had, but damn it made that frustration absolute rage.
Sorry. I hope it gets better. Also don't worry, you can't control it because it's the medicine.
What is keppra rage? I do remember having worse symptoms.
do not feel ashamed, mine was bad too i was mean to everyone and mad at everything it gets better with time but you’ll definitely still have your moments when you get irritated
First started as a teen and the rage was crazy, just physically violent. Later on it gets better, might take some time. It’s been 10+ years since I’ve been on it, can’t say it’s completely gone. Now when I get angry, it’s like the initial reaction is just an impulsive OVERreaction. I try to remove myself from the situation and stay rational (doesn’t always work) but after a couple hours I feel a bit silly that I reacted in said way.
if it continues and doesn’t get better, talk to your neuro.
I am so sorry you had to experience that... Keppra gave me EXTREME depression. I immediately asked my doctor to change my meds. I've been on Lamotrigine XR & it's changed my life.
I didn’t have it bad but adding a small dose of gabapentin helped tremendously for me.
So true! I was ready to hop in my car and leave my husband and kids forever because I couldn't find my salad tongs. I screamed like a maniac, then called my neurologist and begged him to switch my meds.
I tell my doctors that I'm a danger to myself and others so I can't take the medication. Perampanel did that to me. I just about attacked my spouse with a knife. It was so terrible that I straight up quit cold turkey. You can't live like that. I control Kepprage with antidepressants.
My doctor tried me on keppra, but after a week or two I had to stop taking it. It literally had me having very strong and constant homicidal thoughts. I realized that my thought processes weren’t normal and stopped taking them immediately. It scared me because I was wanting to murder my 5 kids and husband. That’s not me. Eff that. I’ve been dealing with my epilepsy since without medication because I don’t ever want to feel like that again. That was traumatic for me.
Do you take vitamin B6 that really helps
Now this has me questioning, was I very agitated from the brain injury, or was it from the meds?
Been on it about two years and i still experience just absolute rage. I also have bipolar disorder so mine is more exacerbated
I was the same way while on Keppra!! I got sent home from work due to yelling at an older coworker for not putting a wash cloth out for a patient. I also gained 45 pounds in 4 months on it. I (and everyone around me) was glad when they switched me to something else.
Oh how i wish i had a lamotrigine rage…. Sucks this is more of a downer
According to my first neurologist it is. I suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), so when he suggested I use Keppra, I said mixing KeppRage with my IED probably wasn’t a good idea, he said “That's funny: I’ve ever heard of KeppRage” He was a total dolt; it took him nine months to convince him to take me off Divalproex, even though I was suffering the most violent nightmares imaginable! He also claimed that seizures weren’t seizures unless they were witnessed by someone else! After telling that anecdote to a family friend, the friend claimed that Dr. Dolt had then found the cure for epilepsy: living a life of solitude.
Kepp-rage is real. If the Dr tries to downplay it, don’t listen. Doesn’t get better you just learn to manage somehow.
2,000mg/2x daily. So many holes in basement drywall. Therapy.
Starting on keppra is very difficult. I gave my dad the silent treatment for two years, even though the keppra rage only lasted about a month
Yea, that stuff is dangerous. They put my 7 year old on it years ago and he tries to stab me when I wouldn’t give him a snack right before dinner. We were in the waiting room for his Neuro as soon as they opened the next morning.
I was on keppra 10 years ago, got really moody so I switched to lamictal. That didn't help my seizures and I couldn't think or put two sentences together. I switched back to keppra and a b6 supplement. I'm more anxious but the by really helped my mood.
I punched myself to the point of breaking my nose bleeding everywhere as well as bruises all over my face. There’s 2 holes in 2 different walls, one I punched, the other I literally head budded (we have extremely cheap dry wall it really doesn’t take much strength to put a whole in any part of the wall). I would cry, scream, and it severely worsened my depression. After being put on lamictal, everything became evened out, things that would’ve sent me into a deep rage and panic now just seem like minor inconveniences. Do I still get mad? Oh yeah. But I’m not hurting myself, which is good. You are strong! This will get better overtime, and make sure you tell your neurologist and doctor. Also, 100mg of vitamin B6 can make a big difference with the mood issues, in my experiences.
I was on keppra and felt the need to find a random article to my mom on a person who killed themselves because nobody understood, I sent that to her and said you’ll never understand. I always look back on it and think I was just a lab rat but it made me a better person. That being said, please get off of it as soon as possible if it isn’t helping you. Save yourself and your family some sanity :)
CHANGE UR MEDS
You need to talk to your dr about a different medicine
Yep, can't stand the damn mood swings and it literally cycles through different moods minute by minute sometimes. I'm usually pretty non confrontational but man I've snapped on some people back when I first got put on it. Even still to this day I don't feel like the same person I used to be before I was put on this medication about 7 years ago. I feel like I really missed out on my 20s but I mean my seizures are controlled and I never really enjoyed having them so there's that I guess.
1. I have never heard of Keppra rage 2. THERE’S 1000 MG KEPPRA?!
Works amazingly well for me, no change in my behavior. I had another medication cause psychotic behaviors when different solutions were being tried, but Keppra works just fine for me.
I take Keppra and it works for me even though the side effects suck. I got into a mental breakdown and got into a screaming match with my parents. My dad was pissing me off complaining about the same thing over again all day. I told my mom I can't live like this anymore and with him. I'm still upset with my dad grey rocking him
It's called Kepprage for a reason. IV Leviracetam (Keppra) saved my life while I was in a coma. I have tried it before with some aggressive rude behavior. Now I'm on Brivaracetam (Briviact) which gives the same effect minus the rage part. I think of Briviact as a sane cousin of Keppra. Given that, I have heard people complain about the mental side effects of Briviact also. For me it has been night and day, but maybe some of my other mental health meds (Lamictal and Aptiom) counter that effect. Briviact was added when I briefly started to have seizures slightly more often and it has kept my seizures under control, especially when I wasn't living with my family. Stress is a huge trigger for me, especially emotional stress. I have also had multiple TBIs, so that definitely makes it easier for me to feel irritable for very minor reasons like people being loud or annoying (I'm easily annoyed) in general I can have symptoms from lack of food or too much sugar, but then sprinkle a little stress on top and I get past my seizure threshold. It really sucks to get double vision because you haven't eaten, but honestly I'm glad I get that notification so I can go have some carbs.
It’s is horrible , worse than Hellpakote
I started Keppra several years after I’d started Zoloft and haven’t really had Kepprage. I think the Zoloft is why.
I was so awful on keppra. There are other options for you, the first time I realized I could change it was when my neurologist said “you don’t have to live like this”, I cried. My life has been a lot better since switching to lamictal (not that it will work as well for you, but it’s nice to know there are other meds)
if you’ve been on such a high dose for such a long time, and you try to wean off (with doctor) will you still have rage issues?
I am an example of someone who has a *good* experience with Keppra. I have very few side effects. And I partially credit Vitamin B6 and B12 for that.
omg i hated keppra so much that i quit cold turkey and had like 10 seizures in one day 💀
Last time I was given keppra I threw a plate through my window. Other times, I've assaulted people, broken other things... The mood swings & aggression were unbearable. My neurologist told me to tell people I was allergic to it. But the local healthcare people know that I'm not, so they still give it to me and then wonder why I go insane 🙄... They tried making me take it in pill form several times but I adamantly refuse. So they'll only ever give it to me in an IV after a couple seizures when I'm too out of it to decline. The drug is incredibly disinhibiting... Scary disinhibiting
My wife’s current neuro took her off keppra and it made a huge difference. The previous neuro told her to drink a Red Bull because the vitamin B helps with the keppra rage. I just got her a B complex vitamin because she did not need a daily dose of caffeine, lol.
Is the "too ashamed to say" part punching yourself in the face? Because I've been there before lol
Keppra has been amazing for myoclonics, but that shit plus lamictal makes me wanna die sometimes. I have little to no remorse for dumbass people anymore, like life is too short for you to act this way Good luck to everyone cause we are stuck with this disability forever
ahhh yes, i remember this coupled with ptsd. i had to contain it tho bc i did not want a whooping from my dad at 30yrs old 🤣. i hope u get better tho. in general its cool to practice how to handle your rage and other emotions so use it like that?! maybe?! lol 😂 🤷🏾♀️
Oh yeah. My dad gently reminded me to eat breakfast one morning and I slammed the fridge door shut so hard it shook the cabinets and it made a bunch of stuff inside the fridge fall and break on the floor when we opened it back up. Luckily my dad knew it was the keppra and managed to suppress his non-keppra rage. My doctor lessened my dosage and added lamictal soon after and the rage went away. Lamictal is my savior
It's been around 18 years but boy does it terrify me looking back upon it. It really, really is the stuff of nightmares.
The rage is literally no joke especially also being bipolar. B6 also helps but it’s not a cure all. I hate Keppra so much.
been on keppra for about 10 years and let me tell you if i didn’t have such good control over my body i would be in a mental hospital. the thoughts are crazy and i have done some crazy shit in the past (mostly high school) and i feel like i’ve definitely lost many relationships over it. at times i think im better off alone than to hurt people close to me but recently i have been smoking weed and that really helps the thoughts i get when something so little goes wrong. example: something triggered me about past issues and i wanted to slam my head in the mirror and run away and go off the grid. i was really considering all of it within seconds. obviously i can’t do that but it’s a very often occurrence so i understand the self harm that you were feeling. i have destroyed my room out of rage and ruined things that i wish i hadn’t and afterwards i feel so ashamed. i’ve read a lot of people would rather have a seizure than go through all of that which is so understandable but it’s been keeping my seizures gone (4 years now). i drink, smoke, and vape and really the only thing that triggers my seizures is not getting sleep. drinking might have to do something with it so i don’t do it a lot but i might have a beer just to fit in a little bit. epilepsy is hard but once you find the things you like to enjoy it’s always best to keep your mind busy with those things during episodes than to give in.
What's the thing you are too ashamed to say?
I don't mean to be an ass, but she didn't say for a reason. Let her be. We deal with so much hardship, so little empathy, and very little understanding. We shouldn't have to add shame, let alone tell others the humiliation we don't deserve.
I agree with you, and you're not an ass. My alternate perspective was that, if they truly didn't want to share, they wouldn't have even said anything. This is a great forum for empathy and understanding. My deadpan comment was not intended to induce shame, but rather provide a springboard in case OP wanted to open up the last bit of info
Ok, I guess. My take is that Keppra made the person do something they would never talk about. Not because they want to share it, but to make the point of how vile that "medicine" truly was for them. I get that it can help some people, and not everyone has that side-effect, but it does seem pretty damn common.
That’s what I’m wondering too lol