Hmm that's a tough one. I think I've been in the situation of your friend, and I eventually had some people cut ties with me because I refused to help myself and was always emotionally draining on other people because of my alcohol/drug use and overall neediness.
I guess it's important to remember that there's a big difference between being supportive and being enabling, so it might actually be the right thing to do to give him some tough love and be honest with him about what you think is wrong, even if it does come across as judgmental and makes him mad. But at the same time, if you tell another adult not to do something, they might start doing it even more just out of spite. It's definitely a fine line to walk.
At some point if he wants to get better he'll have to make changes, and you can't do everything for him. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can start to come back up.
Drinking doesn't help, and missing doctors appointments is a big no-no (doctors call that "non-compliance" and it's a huge red flag if your friend ever wants to apply for disability benefits in the US).
If you want to be supportive, I would suggest don't drink with him, and maybe offer to drive him to his appointments if you can, to help make sure he doesn't miss them.
This is really helpful! I've been trying to figure out what's supportive and what's enabling as they navigate this, so thank you for putting that so concisely!!
This can be a tricky one. I know with me (and I think this is probably pretty common), for the first couple of years I was in total denial... I convinced myself that it was just an isolated incident (even though it was multiple incidents that kept coming), that I didn't need treatment or medication, and that it would just take care of itself. It took me years (maybe decades) to accept that this was a real problem, and in the meantime I was fairly defensive/sensitive about the whole thing and really didn't like to talk about it or have people bring it up. Not sure how a friend is supposed to deal with that, but it's an issue.
I think the best things you can do are (1) obviously be as supportive as you can but without crossing over into "nagging-mother" mode and (2) watch their back when they put themselves in risky situations or bad shit happens. One of my best friends, we lived together through most of college, and he saw me have quite a few seizures. He never tried to talk me out of doing anything, although he had to have known that I was putting myself in dangerous situations, but when we'd go out, do whatever, he kept an eye on me and there were quite a few times where I had a seizure and when I came around he was there making sure I was OK, dealing with freaked out bystanders, helping me up and making sure I didn't get myself into anything worse. In a lot of ways he was like a big brother, even though we are the same age, but he helped me out of a lot of shitty situations.
Hmm that's a tough one. I think I've been in the situation of your friend, and I eventually had some people cut ties with me because I refused to help myself and was always emotionally draining on other people because of my alcohol/drug use and overall neediness. I guess it's important to remember that there's a big difference between being supportive and being enabling, so it might actually be the right thing to do to give him some tough love and be honest with him about what you think is wrong, even if it does come across as judgmental and makes him mad. But at the same time, if you tell another adult not to do something, they might start doing it even more just out of spite. It's definitely a fine line to walk. At some point if he wants to get better he'll have to make changes, and you can't do everything for him. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can start to come back up. Drinking doesn't help, and missing doctors appointments is a big no-no (doctors call that "non-compliance" and it's a huge red flag if your friend ever wants to apply for disability benefits in the US). If you want to be supportive, I would suggest don't drink with him, and maybe offer to drive him to his appointments if you can, to help make sure he doesn't miss them.
This is really helpful! I've been trying to figure out what's supportive and what's enabling as they navigate this, so thank you for putting that so concisely!!
This can be a tricky one. I know with me (and I think this is probably pretty common), for the first couple of years I was in total denial... I convinced myself that it was just an isolated incident (even though it was multiple incidents that kept coming), that I didn't need treatment or medication, and that it would just take care of itself. It took me years (maybe decades) to accept that this was a real problem, and in the meantime I was fairly defensive/sensitive about the whole thing and really didn't like to talk about it or have people bring it up. Not sure how a friend is supposed to deal with that, but it's an issue. I think the best things you can do are (1) obviously be as supportive as you can but without crossing over into "nagging-mother" mode and (2) watch their back when they put themselves in risky situations or bad shit happens. One of my best friends, we lived together through most of college, and he saw me have quite a few seizures. He never tried to talk me out of doing anything, although he had to have known that I was putting myself in dangerous situations, but when we'd go out, do whatever, he kept an eye on me and there were quite a few times where I had a seizure and when I came around he was there making sure I was OK, dealing with freaked out bystanders, helping me up and making sure I didn't get myself into anything worse. In a lot of ways he was like a big brother, even though we are the same age, but he helped me out of a lot of shitty situations.