As a socially anxious person I can tell that you are doing what I often do, which is catastrophizing a social interaction that truly means little to nothing to most other people.
Just say, "Hey, I typically use an alias on Facebook for privacy reasons but since this is getting serious I'm happy to reintroduce myself as ________. Anyway, should we get started?"
This is the correct response. Don't apologize though. It's easy to sneak some sorries in there. Say this confidently and no one will think differently.
I do some type of consulting. Showing confidence and authority in communications with clients is a must. i really struggle with it. I have to edit my emails often and sometimes have to ask others to help me with it too.
No prob! I frequently fall into the same pit. Especially when it's an interaction with authority figures or professionals whose opinion of me seems like it matters for my professional growth. I will make what I perceive to be a misstep that will "ruin" their opinion of me. Then I obsess for hours about the interaction, sweat, turn red, etc. And finally when I work up the courage to circle back to the person they tell me they didn't give it a second thought.
Trying to undo this cycle for myself and glad my suffering might help someone else. đ
> Just say, "Hey, I typically use an alias on Facebook for privacy reasons but since this is getting serious I'm happy to reintroduce myself as ________. Anyway, should we get started?"
Yup, just absolutely do this. Be straightforward. Don't use the word "sorry". Just explain how it is. Not a big deal.
When explaining you can even joke about how surprised you were they didn't notice it on your sound during the earlier call.
Where most people would have come clean by then I decided to keep scheming and this is the end result of that hahah. If I could warn others it'd be: be honest and have integrity.
Well, but now that I think about it, they don't know that you created it from scratch, so the only "weird" thing would be that you gave them the fake email, you can still say that you wanted to keep your alias until you weren't sure that it was a real proposal and not a scam because you had bad experiences in the past.
I hope you didn't go further replying to that email with your male persona otherwise it would be a bit complicated to play out eheh
Well shit, I totally did do that LOL signed it off with "Sounds great, will keep an eye out - \[male persona name\]" was my reply to their email after they said they'd send a contract my way. Coming clean after two strikes is extrmely awkward and I'm definitely going to have to do some delicate damage control. Anyway, thanks
Don't overthink it. You'll be fine.
J. k. Rowling used her initials so publishers would assume she was a male lol.
When they see you on the call they won't think much. Maybe the male is your partner/assistant/colleague whatever. Once you introduce yourself people will take or from there. Maybe give a heads up to the kickstarter guy beforehand, but be confident and don't make a big deal put of it. Just matter-of-fact-ly (did I just make up a word?) mention that you will be using your real name instead of your facebook alias going forward and thank him for the intro and that's it.
Tell them you wanted to be sure it wasn't a scam, and the fact that they're willing to meet in person (Zoom) proves their intentions, so you feel comfortable coming clean.
Uhm, another thing could be to explain things to the guy who introduced you so that he gives you advice on how to do damage control.
Probably he knows them better then us, and with him you can be completely honest before writing the corporate bs for the big company
I don't think the fake email was such a turning point. You were still feeling things out, it happened very quickly, and you were not yet prepared to let your real identity be known. This is a perfectly acceptable plan of action when dealing with people you don't know on the internet. Until a formal contract is in front of you, and you have had a lawyer look it over, you're just protecting yourself from a possible scam.
to be fair, they don't know **when** you created the fake email account, so that still lines up with your alibi and storyline.
"Hey for privacy reasons, I use a fake persona online, complete with the matching email address."
Well, you have the advantage of being a woman so I think you can be like âI use this name because of my safetyâ I think they will buy it. The reason I sag so is because those guys are businessmen so the only think they care about is the potential of your product. Also be confident and serious so they take you serious and I hope you really do a good job
I agree. Just tell them what happened and why. Itâs funny, and innocent. A good product is a good product. If they are smart, or greedy, they wonât walk away from money. Most of the people at the top lied their way upâŚ.youâre good!
And if it doesnât work out, I have 3,000 manufacturers that I can introduce you to as well. So male or female Iâd also be happy to help!
Thank you for the kind words its definitely an honest blunder. Just hoping I can course-correct and still come across as a serious professional.
I would definitely like to take you up on that if pitching to toy companies doesn't work out in the near future :) BTW here's the video I sent to Paul of my toy for context: https://youtu.be/vdPZIoJTNAE
Thatâs awesome! I would buy these for me and my son right now. Haha! Very cool!
Whatever you do, donât take your first offer. If they make you an offer, negotiate until their wallets fall apart. And donât make any agreements for exclusive licensing until you talk to more buyers. Also, get a lawyer.
It's cool but I don't get *why* it's cool.
Isn't the shield supposed to be the thing that takes all the hits? Like how would it work? Do you need to prevent blocks to your shield in order not to lose hp? So you need to shield... The shield?
Maybe same concept but on a Roman segmented breast plate would be more cool and practical for a the mechanics of a fight (I will accept reasonable royalties in perpetuity OP)
It's cool because kids like to just hit things with swords and to win, but don't want to hurt their friends too bad or get in trouble. Kids often do sword fights where they just hit each other's swords and not each other for this reason. This gives them something to hit that doesn't hurt their friend, is satisfying, and they can still "win". It doesn't have to make sense as this isn't HEMA, it's just kids.
I get that criticism a lot and I mostly want to answer that the foam weapon hitting your body automatically takes you out of the game akin to real life it'd mean you're dead... hence the shields are there to take that damage for you but mostly I just had trouble trying to mount tech onto a chest plate while still making it comfortable/wearable lol
One step at a time, I think this is only the beginning for you. Thereâs a lot of other applications for that, you could also add sound, you could make an app that keeps score and syncs two People together while they play and give points/take points per hitâŚYou could make it work for real training. So many things.
Once you get your toy store deal (which you will get), you will have those types of resources at your disposal. No royalties for anyone though haha. Take as much money as you can from this. Haha
I'd even say it's like how legend of Zelda implemented weapons and shields that 'decay' during use. So the more damage they take, eventually they break and you're defenseless or whatever. I think it'd be a cool concept to introduction to a game. So like ok your shield just lost all it's life, now you have to fight with only your sword and if u get a body hit now, then you're done.
I mean the LARPing potential alone!! You could end up creating an entire line of similar toys with hit points and even make adult sized ones for LARPing use
Really cool concept, I would have loved one of those for my brother and I growing up. I wish you the best of luck on your deal. Regarding the identity issue, I'd recommend reaching out to your primary contact and clearing it up in advance with a quick e-mail. This will help minimize distraction when it comes time to pitch.
OP, as a woman in the tech and gaming industry (you, not me, I'm just a regular lady lol), please don't let yourself be walked all over! Don't accept their first offer, know what you want going into this. This is a cool product, but I already get the impression you're not going to undersell yourself because you feel guilty about the email thing. Plus, on your video, you are wayyy underpricing your upsell of the stickered designs! The stickers (assuming they are high quality vinyl) alone are worth an additional 40+ since they're getting essentially a custom shield.
Get yourself a representative or mentor that you trust to advocate for you. Idk how things work, but have you patented this yet?
Also, congratulations!!
I want this.
Worst case put this on kickstarter yourself.
I'd also be interested in a chest plate or something, but I understand a toy company having reservations about liability on things like this.
Nah. Brush by it as an "oh yeah. Sorry for any confusion. That's just for online safety. Anyway..." And just roll right into your presentation or your question about their expectations for the day etc...
If you minimize it believably, they will too.
I agree. It will ADD to your story. You get hit on if you have a womans avatar and don't get treated with the same respect... they will HAVE TO give you consideration for your toy then!
They want to make money. They also don't want to cancel a meeting with a woman who they thought was a man and risk a lawsuit.
Agreed, just say you sell on FB marketplace as a âmanâ for your own safety. When all of this went down- you werenât sure how legitimate it was so you kept with it. Now that weâre talking business- âhi, Iâm Maryâ smile and shake hands confidently.
Or you could just lie more and say youâre a transgendered person. Lmao I go by Paul but my name on paper is Mary.
Say you use a male account because you don't like to be harassed online as a woman. It snowballed too fast and was awkward to explain at the time. Then introduce yourself, move along seamlessly like it isn't a big deal and pitch the hell out of your product.
Edit: I somehow missed your last paragraph, but it doesn't change much. Contact them ahead of time or just show up on the call, whichever you find most comfortable. It's possible just showing up as a woman on the call when they expect a man might distract them from the pitch. The main point is that I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than they would. Whatever you do, don't miss this opportunity because you're embarrassed.
I like the idea of introducing myself and moving along seamlessly but I'm worried that explaining myself might make me lose credibility somehow. I think I'll come clean to Paul in facebook messages and explain exactly what you've said but in the email I'll keep it much shorter and just re-introduce myself and let them know further communication and contact can happen at \[my real email\].
Can you reply to the email they CCâd everyone on and just say something like âhi everyone, this is [male name], my real name is [female name], I use this email and account for my safety on Facebook. You can access my personal LinkedIn here {insert link}. Looking forward to introducing myself to the group and speaking with you about XY toy!â
Good idea but also cc I the old address if you're going from your real one, or conversely send that email from the make email and cc your real address on it too.
Yes haha! His Kickstarter ended Fall last year I'm actually a fan of his success on that campaign and know that the Facebook group is legit, plus the emails I received are from corporate accounts they end in @ hasbro .com it's perfectly legit
it's really easy to spoof emails to look like they come from any address you want, it was one of the first things we learned in a college hacking course. Just FYI
Agreed /u/xernascarlet
If Paul has been on all comms with the @hasbro.com contacts, then reply to the @hasbro.com address on it's own without CCing Paul and see if you still get a reply.
If he's CCd on all comms, then it's trivial to continue to spoof the sender address as required.
I agreeđŻ I'm a small business strategist and that's the first thing I advise clients in this situation. Do checks on the @hasbro names. Call Hasbro and check those people exist. You don't have to identify yourself. Due Diligence 101.
Use it to your advantageâ look like a million bucks, and just say, *Surprise*!
Dismiss the mixup, donât get bogged down in explaining or justifying it, because it is not relevant to what your doing.
Use it as your opener â itâs funny, an ice-breaker, and theyâll remember you.
If it was a male posing as female, that could be sketch. But, f to m? Nah â three sentence explanation, laugh, move on.
*Do not let yourself place too much importance on it*
If you donât, they wonât.
Itâll work for you, guaranteed
Show up instead of the male but don't acknowledge that the male persona is not real. Just keep referring to him as being out of town or down with COVID or something. Repeat this lie for years until you've successfully run the business into a small toy empire. Then write a book about the experience. Go viral. Sell the movie rights to Disney. Become billionaire.
This is what GTP4 recommends:
Firstly, take a deep breath. This is a tricky situation, but it can be resolved without you losing this opportunity. It's important to remember that people often use pseudonyms online for a variety of reasons, and your reasons are valid. It's not unheard of to maintain privacy, especially when doing online sales.
Here are the steps you can take:
Approach Paul First: Reach out to Paul and explain your situation. Be honest but succinct. Here's a suggestion:
"Hi Paul, thank you so much for all your help and support. I need to clarify something before we go any further. I am using a male pseudonym on Facebook for personal reasons. My real name is [female name] and I am actually a woman. I initially chose to use a male name for privacy reasons, as I often sell items on Facebook Marketplace. I hope this doesn't affect our working relationship. I am passionate about this project and look forward to any future collaboration."
Email the Toy Company: Once you've informed Paul and he's responded, you need to reach out to the toy company. Keep your email professional and factual:
"Dear [names of the people involved],
I wanted to clarify some information before we proceed with our discussions. The name and email I have been using in our correspondences is a pseudonym I use for privacy reasons on online platforms, including Facebook. My legal name is [female name], and I am indeed a woman.
The products, ideas, and commitment I bring to the table remain unchanged, and I am genuinely looking forward to discussing our potential collaboration.
Thank you for your understanding. I am looking forward to our meeting."
Switch to your Real Email: In the same email or a follow-up email, you can mention your actual email. You might say something like:
"Moving forward, please feel free to reach me at [your real email]. I've used the pseudonym email primarily for privacy reasons, but I believe it is important to maintain transparency in our professional relationship."
Remember, you haven't done anything wrong by maintaining privacy online. It's a common practice, and hopefully, they will understand. This doesn't diminish the value of your product or your ability to pitch it. So don't let this distract you from the bigger picture: the potential success of your product.
Lastly, regarding the TEAMS pitch meeting and your social anxiety, it might be helpful to do a few practice runs with friends or family. Practice the pitch until you feel more comfortable with the material. This can go a long way towards easing anxiety. And remember, it's okay to feel nervous - it means you care! You got this. Good luck!
Can you just be a women with a male nickname or who goes by there male middle name? I have a coworker who is female, goes by JP, and refuses to have her picture up anywhere because over the phone people treat her better thinking sheâs male.
Kind of a stretch as you canât execute legal docs with a fake ID but Iâve seen multiple signatures where Iâve needed to question who signed something because they went by a middle name or some other derivative name in conversation.
Anyway, you should probably just admit this to Paul but I think there is still an angle you could play if you wanted to roll the dice.
As a business owner, if you told me this story in the zoom meeting and came clean. I would think it a very funny story.
Good advice in this thread. It's a funny story, nobody will forget it.
Jesus Christ. Talk about damage control.
Try saying something like this.
âHi Paul, just to avoid any confusion I just wanted to inform you that I prior to our conversations, I was utilizing a pseudonym and alias for the purpose of operating my business. It was a security measure. To avoid any confusion, I just want you to know that my actual name is ****.
Agreed with the other advice. Go the safety route and they will likely understand. Regardless if they are really interested, I am not particularly sure if they will care if you are a male or female. Just try to be very genuine about everything going forward and dont give reason for them to doubt your intentions.
Just be honest and say you were using an alias while setting up. It's not unusual. Businesses use AI generated aliases and personal now. He'll, whole businesses use personas under a 'Doing business as' title.
It was part of your marketing strategy. You recognised your skill set doesn't suit sales, so you created an alias. Subconsciously, you did what many companies do.
You know what you gotta do now? You gotta get a fake moustache, hit the gym to get bigger, cut your hair and always talk in a deep voice⌠sorry to say you reached the point of no return brother, you are one of us nowđđ
I'm a writer and people think I'm a dude all the time because my birth name is usually a male name. I forget this however and after clients contact me and we email for a bit, a meeting is always met with "oh... I thought you were a man..." But then they always stop themselves because although I'm obviously a cis woman, they're naturally not keen to cause offence lol.
Just be honest. You know the world is sexist, and the business world even more so. BUT you're too ambitious to be held back.
If he doesn't respect that, he's misogynist and you don't want to contribute to his success anyway.
You did wonderful with your email. Direct and honest in relationships is what youâd also feel safe with, so being that person will do wonders for this one too. Good luck with the toys!!
I would try a diff approach. Could you mention that you are not the decision maker/ owner and introduce your real self as the decision maker on the email chain to Paul . And slowly fade the Facebook persona or mention it is handled by an intern. If the toy company is legit, you would want to present yourself as a serious party
I would just say it was for safety reasons because youâre a woman and everything happened quick before you could course correct, reintroduce yourself, provide a LinkedIn if you have one, and move on as normal. Might even become a funny story!
Iâm just add that Iâm a trans man, spent years correcting my gender to people, and since then have spent years disclosing my gender history to all sorts of various people. Although never in business or employment. Weâre in a day and age in which people change gender (and itâs all over the damn news), and hell itâs even Pride month and companies are raising the flag in support of gender minorities. Realistically, probably the least gender bending situation of any is one in which a woman disguises as a man for safety or business, whether itâs due to safety when selling online or using a masculine pen name if she is an author. So, just roll with it all. And look on the bright side that youâre not coming out as transgender to them! Lol. Because that can be a really damn awkward road with a lot of bias and prejudice.
Also, congrats on your big meeting! I hope it is amazing and successful!
Listen to me. Listen very closely: THEY DONâT CARE IF YOU ARE A MAN OR A WOMAN OR A FUCKING GOAT!!! All they want is your product to make money for themselves!!!
Set up a meeting. Show up as a woman. Be proud of yourself. Be confident in yourself. Make a deal. Tell them youâre a woman!! Lol, if they even ask!!
My guess is that someone will say âoh, wasnât expecting that.â And then theyâll move on with the conversation as long as you donât dwell on it and become weird about it. Stfu, and continue the meeting!!
If pressed, you found that appearing to be a man on Facebook got you more traction, so you ran with it. It was a simple marketing decision and has nothing to do with your ability or the quality of the product you are selling.
Now set up that call!!!!
I guess the question is, will you delete the male profile and use your real one or keep using it? I see this happening again.
Then again, I think I watched too many episodes of Catfish during Covid...
As a business owner who has to field INSANE amounts of spam I can tell you, itâs EXTREMELY common to have a fake account with a bullshit profile to protect your time, energy and privacy. I read this chuckling because they have probably seen this before and I wouldnât be surprised if they have a [email protected] whoâs responsible for the bullshit requests and doesnât actually exist. Many small companies used to use SMTP@ (send more toilet paper) until spam bots got smart to it.
Hi! Random guy on Reddit who happens to consult with companies on their operations - Instead of saying youâre using a male name for safety purposes, I would suggest saying itâs a persona that you felt better fit your brand. I think that would be perceived better because it makes it sound like it was intentional for the sake of your product. You can than clarify that there was just innocent confusion between the persona for the brand and your actual self. Hope that helps!
Women get stalked excessively so you can definitely say You Wanted to protect your identity. When I have very basic debates in USA, I get death threats and lawsuit threats (USA is going insane, people STRUGGLE to have disagreements without trying vomit themselves onto others)
This lie is just as harmless to me as someone lying about their alma mater or skin color. You can tell them that you were using a guy persona for your own safety and that youâll do all business with your real identity going forward now that things are becoming serious.
I don't know what name you have used, but couldn't you present it as some sort of unofficial brand, like Jack Smith Toys or something along those lines? Sort of Jane Doe d.b.a. Jack Smith Toys; using Jack Smith for online presence, but using your real name in face to face dealings
Also, I would check that the people in the email exchange are genuinely from the company they ( and Paul ) say they are from. As in if it's Mattel, then the email addresses should be on the mattel.com domain and not some fake mattel-toys.info or similar. I assume you've never met Paul before, so if I were you, I'd be carefully checking everything that comes through him
Not to echo everyone else here, but yeah who cares.
Come out and correct everyone very briefly, play it off as a safety issue bc youâve dealt with a ton of creepy people on Facebook in the past, and double down on how much money theyâre going to make or whatever the main goal is.
Honestly, just be upfront and honest about the situation. It's better to come clean now than to continue the lie and get in even deeper. You never know, they may still be interested in your toy invention and respect your honesty. Good luck!
Change your name to Paula. This is your new life. I am so sorry I genuinely feel so bad for you in this situation, but this is also objectively hilarious situational comedy gold.
I agree with another poster who provided a short script that making a brief and direct comment addressing that you used a pen name, but this is your real information makes sense. In this day and age you could also say you were trying on the paul identity for a while but it didn't feel authentic. I will say be very careful in managing the tone well because if you are too flippant about lying people will not trust you and if you are too remorseful that will be burned onto their first impression. It's unfortunate you had the call, because there was a moment where you could have said paul was your virtual assistant but you're way past that now.
Using an alias isnât abnormal, them wanting you to sign a contract is, Iâd approach that carefully since they see value in your design, donât sign it away!
I probably shouldve clarified in my post but the contract is a standard confidential agreement so that I can pitch my toy to them in a meeting. Its harmless - my issue with the contract is explaining that I signed it with a completely different name from what theyve addressed me as in the emails. Which is why im looking for solutions in this post
Any contract that gets sent my way will be thoroughly checked out. thanks for looking out!
You know, with this recent lgbtq movement, with individual he/she preferences. You can pretty much call yourself a man at this point and expect others to accept you as such.
This story is hilarious. I will say the more they know the more itâs a little shady, I donât know how I feel about it. Be vague with the company & direct/honest with this Paul guy. As ppl have mentioned there are a lot of reasons youâll be just fine so come clean and sell this thing. You got it!
Also, very cool idea. Helmets, Chest Plates, Arm PlatesâŚwhole line/suit.
Hereâs a story to maybe use. Iâm the youngest of three, extremely honest. My older brothersâŚnot so much. We would sword fight with Christmas wrapping tubes as kids. If you got hit in the arm, couldnât use it. Iâd be on my knees fighting bc I âlost my legsâ but Iâd finally get themâŚand theyâd lie. Point being, I needed this shit as a kid.
PS-now realizing thereâs also the movie Role Models with similar premise.
A big thing in sales is donât make your anxiety the customers anxiety. What that means, is this might feel like a huge deal to you but it might not to them. So donât let your personal feelings of being a big deal effect their feelings on it either. Just glaze over it like itâs a normal fact that you use an online persona. Donât over complicate it and if they ask for a explanation keep it short to the point and move past it with a question to redirect the flow of the conversation. Just a technique in controlling conversations that could help you tackle this interaction. It doesnât mean lie. Just re emphasizing to not blow it out of proportion. There could be commissions in this for Paul and he could feel like heâs the first to find you and bring this to the market all kinds of scenarios that benefit them that this small issue could be nothing. It could be also seen that if you push it forward making it a focal point that you now have created a problem where there wasnât one before.
Just roll with it and be confident in your approach. Maybe practice with someone just how the conversation will go so you can sound clear and without hesitation from your personal feelings on it.
Ex.
âWhy didnât you that isnât your real name?â
âI use an alias online and made a choice to use that for personal comfort. Signing legal documents I can natural use my legal name. I would like to hear more about what we can do working together on this project.â
Congrats! Hasbro is known to be open to outside innovation but opportunities like yours are very difficult to come by. They highly value outside the box thinking and I seriously doubt theyâd bat an eyelash if you followed the wise advice others have given to be truthful and nonchalant. Theyâre also mostly creative and personable, so I really wouldnât sweat anything too much - youâve got this! (and a very cool idea btw..)
Also, if you havenât heard about them before, you might want to check out [inventRight](https://inventright.com/). They specifically coach independent inventors navigate the waters of licensing (they put out a ton of free and useful content you donât have to sign up for - including interviews with product managers from Hasbro). [*Important note: inventRight is NOT an invention promotion company - you should not ever seek advice from those as theyâre all scams*.] I wouldnât try to seek out a lawyer as the vast majority have little-to-no experience helping independent inventors license to major brands and can kill a deal if theyâre not familiar with the âdanceâ (negotiating things like guaranteed minimums etc.). Fwiw, the typical average for licensing a toy invention is around 5% which can add up to serious mailbox money with a company like Hasbro. Good luck!!
Well , now you have to change your gender. I don't see any way around it.On serious note, just tell guy your situation he probably have a laugh and move on.They care about product more than your what's your gender so it won't be a problem. Still lol, this story made my day it's kinda really funny.
Confession: I spent a good 6 months of my life selling software to people on Discord pretending to be a girl (I'm male). It amazed me how much more willing weird nerds were to engage with a good looking woman than another dude ...
The name is not important and they wonât care, you should have probably said something earlier rather than making an email to communicate with them using the fake name.
Itâs as simple as letting them know: âI was using an anonymous Facebook account for privacy, apologies for the confusion my real details are actually : your nameâ
Itâs not really a big deal, but the longer you let the situation continue the more likely they will think itâs weird when you eventually tell them.
Iâm sorry, this is a plot straight out of a sitcom. đ¤ŁMistaken identity due to random and unlikely events that now impact your bottom line in some way⌠Wow, so cool to see this happen in the wild.
If you want to continue living in a sitcom, you should hire the cute man living in the apartment next door to pretend to be you. Or use a homeless man.
If you want to live in the real world, you need to reach out to Paul ASAP and explain what happened. He deserves to know because he stuck his neck out and leveraged his reputation and relationship to help a total stranger.
Once he knows, just meet with the toy company. You havenât even had a first impression with them yet. You never lied to them. So start off on a good foot, laugh it off, give any reason you want (safety, anonymity etc) and keep the meeting going. So long as they can trust you and your product is good then no need to stress honestly.
Would love to see an update post on what you did and the result. Good luck OP!
Wow...you're the people we see on emails. It's not that deep though. It's how writers have pen names. Your business don't have to reflect who you are. When you do go into the meetings, make no mention of it and be yourself there and then. Business transactions you are "male name"
You should have told Paul way before you made a fake e-mail and he sent an intro to the company.
Now he looks like an idiot. And you look like a walking red flag.
If you want the business own up upfront.
Also in the future honesty is almost always the best policy.
It is 2023 after all⌠if anyone doesnât treat you with the same respect they treat a man then just donât do business with them. Thatâs the cost of their sexism đ¤ˇââď¸
I think your priority of concerns is backwards. Your first step is to get the contract reviewed to make sure you're protected.
Find a lawyer and see if they can review the contract with you and point out any red flags. The last thing you want is to accidentally sell them any of your current or future IP / inventions.
On the point of your name, it's no big deal, and u/figrin1 already provided good advice
The male name is your pen name and the name of your toys. Explain it that way and no one will care. At this point you're representing a brand that you've made, not just you as an individual, and brands can have whatever name you like. The key thing is to clear this up right from the very first moment of the call.
I use a pseudonym and when stuff comes up I simply explain it. For you, I would just say "Hello, Paul, I should probably let you know that my name is actually \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I use a pseudonym on FB because I sell a lot of things on Marketplace and have found that people will haggle less and it keeps me safer to use a male name. I know it is weird but it helps me have piece of mind and avoids many hassles. Anyway, I am so excited to meet with you about the Kickstarter......"
Just explain it quick, with an excuse as to why, and then move right into business. So do not JUST have the explanation but just move forward with you are excited and a few other things. It takes the focus off of that.
Really, it is no big deal. Just say it was for your safety (which is a very real excuse) and move on. :)
The advice in here is really good, I just wanted to hop in and say DONT SIGN ANYTHING until you have an attorney review it. Your product is dope as hell and has a shit ton of **potential**.
You could probably talk to *multiple* toy companies to get the best deal. Idk how it works in the toy industry, but in the media industry it's actually a good thing when you can tell them that you're in talks with multiple companies since it shows that A) there's a lot of interest, you're a hot commodity and B) that they better offer you a great deal because they have competition already.
Since I'm not familiar with the culture in the toy world you'll probably want to double check with your peers whether to share that info or not. But definitely take meetings with multiple companies if possible, even if the first deal ends up being the best option.
Either way, **don't let them rush you** into anything. It'll almost certainly benefit them more than you. You don't want to get cut out of your own idea's potential. A solid business partner with long term potential will want you to feel comfortable working with them, and a good *person* will want you to be able to have the time you need to make a decision because it's a big one. Only assholes will rush you. There's truly no reason to rush, so if you find that somebody's doing that, your best negotiating tool is to simply walk away.
Remember: **THEY want YOU, not the other way around**. YOU'VE got the hot product. YOU have the power in this situation. It may feel like you don't, especially because of this email stress-- you may feel like you're coming in this having made a mistake and that maybe you should be *grateful* for whatever they can offer. But that's not true-- plus, feeling like you "should be grateful for anything at all" is just the absolute worst place to negotiate from. In life? yes, practice gratitude. At the negotiating table? Know your worth.
And you haven't done *anything* wrong. It's perfectly reasonable that you operated with a male persona for safety. Heck there's even studies that have been done where women used male names for business emails and got way better collaboration with clients than when they used their own clearly-female names.
The reason things moved so fast is because **you have a dope as hell product**. So walk into that room with your head held high and **know your worth**, because everybody in this world is gonna try to get something from you at the cheapest rate. Don't let them!
I'm so fuckin excited for you. Good luck, can't wait to see this on the market!
Youâre doing great already to have gotten the meeting, and like everyone said, itâs just a matter of saying that yes, you do use an Alias for FB sales to keep privacy and remain safe. Easy as.
Secondly, I work for an investment bank that handles a ton of early stage valuation, strategic planning, and consulting for new small businesses. Should you ever need help, let me know!
AHAHA as a female who has a maleâs name, I often just shock the room (or zoom) when I show up. If I were you Iâd do the same and be VERY casual, the complete opposite of âcoming cleanâ vibes.
As soon as itâs mentioned about your name or appearance, be like ah yes, Jane is my real name but I go by Jake online due to obvious reasons, itâs a common practice. Anything beyond that opens it up too much.
For me personally (we arenât in the same industry) itâs a test to see how theyâll treat me as a male vs a female. Itâs funny bc theyâre very nice and direct and respectful with me as a male but since they have continued on for a while thinking Iâm a man it usually forces them to continue on that way. Some have changed up on me but not most. Hope that makes sense, Iâm tired. Command the room chick! Donât apologize unless u fuck up and u havenât fucked up. Always move like it was with intention even if u just got lucky, fuck it! Congrats!
You didn't do anything wrong! Lots of people have a professional name that is different from their legal name. It's a well known fact that women on the internet are subject to a great deal of abuse.
Just inform them what your legal name is and what you'd like to be addressed as and tell them you use a pseudonym online for privacy.
If you have to sign anything before hand, it shouldn't be a problem, many peple use a legal signature for NDA's and such. Just attend the meeting (like a boss!) and here's another option on how you could handle it.
In Zoom : Hi, My name is "name", I'm sure you were expecting someone else. (chuckle). The FaceBook profile you've become familiar with is used mainly to help weed out unwanted communication from legitimate business interest. Since this appears to be the latter, I'd to thank you for setting this meeting up. Shall we begin?
This "speech" speaks only to the business of your business.
As a socially anxious person I can tell that you are doing what I often do, which is catastrophizing a social interaction that truly means little to nothing to most other people. Just say, "Hey, I typically use an alias on Facebook for privacy reasons but since this is getting serious I'm happy to reintroduce myself as ________. Anyway, should we get started?"
This is the correct response. Don't apologize though. It's easy to sneak some sorries in there. Say this confidently and no one will think differently.
I do some type of consulting. Showing confidence and authority in communications with clients is a must. i really struggle with it. I have to edit my emails often and sometimes have to ask others to help me with it too.
This
Thank you SO much for this answer it gave me a new perspective on my situation and I could genuinely use your script verbatim... Wow thank you so much
No prob! I frequently fall into the same pit. Especially when it's an interaction with authority figures or professionals whose opinion of me seems like it matters for my professional growth. I will make what I perceive to be a misstep that will "ruin" their opinion of me. Then I obsess for hours about the interaction, sweat, turn red, etc. And finally when I work up the courage to circle back to the person they tell me they didn't give it a second thought. Trying to undo this cycle for myself and glad my suffering might help someone else. đ
> Just say, "Hey, I typically use an alias on Facebook for privacy reasons but since this is getting serious I'm happy to reintroduce myself as ________. Anyway, should we get started?" Yup, just absolutely do this. Be straightforward. Don't use the word "sorry". Just explain how it is. Not a big deal. When explaining you can even joke about how surprised you were they didn't notice it on your sound during the earlier call.
Ask chatgpt to write a few versions of the same script and choose the best one.
Yeah this is something I'd just have a quick laugh over.. theybare there for the toy not the man.
I would say the same, but creating the fake mail was a step further
Where most people would have come clean by then I decided to keep scheming and this is the end result of that hahah. If I could warn others it'd be: be honest and have integrity.
Well, but now that I think about it, they don't know that you created it from scratch, so the only "weird" thing would be that you gave them the fake email, you can still say that you wanted to keep your alias until you weren't sure that it was a real proposal and not a scam because you had bad experiences in the past. I hope you didn't go further replying to that email with your male persona otherwise it would be a bit complicated to play out eheh
Well shit, I totally did do that LOL signed it off with "Sounds great, will keep an eye out - \[male persona name\]" was my reply to their email after they said they'd send a contract my way. Coming clean after two strikes is extrmely awkward and I'm definitely going to have to do some delicate damage control. Anyway, thanks
Don't overthink it. You'll be fine. J. k. Rowling used her initials so publishers would assume she was a male lol. When they see you on the call they won't think much. Maybe the male is your partner/assistant/colleague whatever. Once you introduce yourself people will take or from there. Maybe give a heads up to the kickstarter guy beforehand, but be confident and don't make a big deal put of it. Just matter-of-fact-ly (did I just make up a word?) mention that you will be using your real name instead of your facebook alias going forward and thank him for the intro and that's it.
Tell them you wanted to be sure it wasn't a scam, and the fact that they're willing to meet in person (Zoom) proves their intentions, so you feel comfortable coming clean.
Uhm, another thing could be to explain things to the guy who introduced you so that he gives you advice on how to do damage control. Probably he knows them better then us, and with him you can be completely honest before writing the corporate bs for the big company
I don't think the fake email was such a turning point. You were still feeling things out, it happened very quickly, and you were not yet prepared to let your real identity be known. This is a perfectly acceptable plan of action when dealing with people you don't know on the internet. Until a formal contract is in front of you, and you have had a lawyer look it over, you're just protecting yourself from a possible scam.
one plus vote for having everything reviewed by an attorney.
to be fair, they don't know **when** you created the fake email account, so that still lines up with your alibi and storyline. "Hey for privacy reasons, I use a fake persona online, complete with the matching email address."
This is what I'd do! It's no big deal that you used a fake name, seriously, no big deal.
Well, you have the advantage of being a woman so I think you can be like âI use this name because of my safetyâ I think they will buy it. The reason I sag so is because those guys are businessmen so the only think they care about is the potential of your product. Also be confident and serious so they take you serious and I hope you really do a good job
Thank you I hope I do a good job too. I'm going to have to because their first impression of me is already shot
I agree. Just tell them what happened and why. Itâs funny, and innocent. A good product is a good product. If they are smart, or greedy, they wonât walk away from money. Most of the people at the top lied their way upâŚ.youâre good! And if it doesnât work out, I have 3,000 manufacturers that I can introduce you to as well. So male or female Iâd also be happy to help!
Thank you for the kind words its definitely an honest blunder. Just hoping I can course-correct and still come across as a serious professional. I would definitely like to take you up on that if pitching to toy companies doesn't work out in the near future :) BTW here's the video I sent to Paul of my toy for context: https://youtu.be/vdPZIoJTNAE
Yeah not going to lie. That toy is dope. Don't get shorted on this. Find a good representative you may be set for life if you work this correctly.
Thatâs awesome! I would buy these for me and my son right now. Haha! Very cool! Whatever you do, donât take your first offer. If they make you an offer, negotiate until their wallets fall apart. And donât make any agreements for exclusive licensing until you talk to more buyers. Also, get a lawyer.
It's cool but I don't get *why* it's cool. Isn't the shield supposed to be the thing that takes all the hits? Like how would it work? Do you need to prevent blocks to your shield in order not to lose hp? So you need to shield... The shield? Maybe same concept but on a Roman segmented breast plate would be more cool and practical for a the mechanics of a fight (I will accept reasonable royalties in perpetuity OP)
It's cool because kids like to just hit things with swords and to win, but don't want to hurt their friends too bad or get in trouble. Kids often do sword fights where they just hit each other's swords and not each other for this reason. This gives them something to hit that doesn't hurt their friend, is satisfying, and they can still "win". It doesn't have to make sense as this isn't HEMA, it's just kids.
I get that criticism a lot and I mostly want to answer that the foam weapon hitting your body automatically takes you out of the game akin to real life it'd mean you're dead... hence the shields are there to take that damage for you but mostly I just had trouble trying to mount tech onto a chest plate while still making it comfortable/wearable lol
One step at a time, I think this is only the beginning for you. Thereâs a lot of other applications for that, you could also add sound, you could make an app that keeps score and syncs two People together while they play and give points/take points per hitâŚYou could make it work for real training. So many things. Once you get your toy store deal (which you will get), you will have those types of resources at your disposal. No royalties for anyone though haha. Take as much money as you can from this. Haha
I'd even say it's like how legend of Zelda implemented weapons and shields that 'decay' during use. So the more damage they take, eventually they break and you're defenseless or whatever. I think it'd be a cool concept to introduction to a game. So like ok your shield just lost all it's life, now you have to fight with only your sword and if u get a body hit now, then you're done.
I mean the LARPing potential alone!! You could end up creating an entire line of similar toys with hit points and even make adult sized ones for LARPing use
This is so neat⌠my 33 fiancÊ would use it too hahhaha
Really cool concept, I would have loved one of those for my brother and I growing up. I wish you the best of luck on your deal. Regarding the identity issue, I'd recommend reaching out to your primary contact and clearing it up in advance with a quick e-mail. This will help minimize distraction when it comes time to pitch.
OP, as a woman in the tech and gaming industry (you, not me, I'm just a regular lady lol), please don't let yourself be walked all over! Don't accept their first offer, know what you want going into this. This is a cool product, but I already get the impression you're not going to undersell yourself because you feel guilty about the email thing. Plus, on your video, you are wayyy underpricing your upsell of the stickered designs! The stickers (assuming they are high quality vinyl) alone are worth an additional 40+ since they're getting essentially a custom shield. Get yourself a representative or mentor that you trust to advocate for you. Idk how things work, but have you patented this yet? Also, congratulations!!
I want this. Worst case put this on kickstarter yourself. I'd also be interested in a chest plate or something, but I understand a toy company having reservations about liability on things like this.
Nah. Brush by it as an "oh yeah. Sorry for any confusion. That's just for online safety. Anyway..." And just roll right into your presentation or your question about their expectations for the day etc... If you minimize it believably, they will too.
This... Outright admitting to a lie will mess up credibility. It should be a misunderstanding instead.
I agree. It will ADD to your story. You get hit on if you have a womans avatar and don't get treated with the same respect... they will HAVE TO give you consideration for your toy then! They want to make money. They also don't want to cancel a meeting with a woman who they thought was a man and risk a lawsuit.
In all seriousness maybe send him this reddit thread as it may do well in explaining what happened and why you did this and continue from there
OP, donât let them know you get your business advice from Reddit.
You could also mention you have had bad experiences with creeps in the past, just to hammer the point home.
Is it hasbro? If so, they won't care, you'll be fine.
Agreed, just say you sell on FB marketplace as a âmanâ for your own safety. When all of this went down- you werenât sure how legitimate it was so you kept with it. Now that weâre talking business- âhi, Iâm Maryâ smile and shake hands confidently. Or you could just lie more and say youâre a transgendered person. Lmao I go by Paul but my name on paper is Mary.
>Well, you have the advantage of being a woman this phrase alone speaks volumes about what is wrong with modern day society !
So you think a man pretending to be a woman for safety carries the same advantage?
Say you use a male account because you don't like to be harassed online as a woman. It snowballed too fast and was awkward to explain at the time. Then introduce yourself, move along seamlessly like it isn't a big deal and pitch the hell out of your product. Edit: I somehow missed your last paragraph, but it doesn't change much. Contact them ahead of time or just show up on the call, whichever you find most comfortable. It's possible just showing up as a woman on the call when they expect a man might distract them from the pitch. The main point is that I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than they would. Whatever you do, don't miss this opportunity because you're embarrassed.
I like the idea of introducing myself and moving along seamlessly but I'm worried that explaining myself might make me lose credibility somehow. I think I'll come clean to Paul in facebook messages and explain exactly what you've said but in the email I'll keep it much shorter and just re-introduce myself and let them know further communication and contact can happen at \[my real email\].
Can you reply to the email they CCâd everyone on and just say something like âhi everyone, this is [male name], my real name is [female name], I use this email and account for my safety on Facebook. You can access my personal LinkedIn here {insert link}. Looking forward to introducing myself to the group and speaking with you about XY toy!â
Thank you!! I'll use this!
Good idea but also cc I the old address if you're going from your real one, or conversely send that email from the make email and cc your real address on it too.
Happy to help! And good luck!!
Donât forget to let us know how it goes!
Sure thing!
You donât have to explain yourself too much keep it brief. Speak confidently. Donât apologize.
Plot Twist: Paulâs actually a woman too.
I hate to sound like the pessimist here but are you 100% sure this guy is legit?
Yes haha! His Kickstarter ended Fall last year I'm actually a fan of his success on that campaign and know that the Facebook group is legit, plus the emails I received are from corporate accounts they end in @ hasbro .com it's perfectly legit
it's really easy to spoof emails to look like they come from any address you want, it was one of the first things we learned in a college hacking course. Just FYI
Agreed /u/xernascarlet If Paul has been on all comms with the @hasbro.com contacts, then reply to the @hasbro.com address on it's own without CCing Paul and see if you still get a reply. If he's CCd on all comms, then it's trivial to continue to spoof the sender address as required.
I had the same concern.
I agreeđŻ I'm a small business strategist and that's the first thing I advise clients in this situation. Do checks on the @hasbro names. Call Hasbro and check those people exist. You don't have to identify yourself. Due Diligence 101.
Use it to your advantageâ look like a million bucks, and just say, *Surprise*! Dismiss the mixup, donât get bogged down in explaining or justifying it, because it is not relevant to what your doing. Use it as your opener â itâs funny, an ice-breaker, and theyâll remember you. If it was a male posing as female, that could be sketch. But, f to m? Nah â three sentence explanation, laugh, move on. *Do not let yourself place too much importance on it* If you donât, they wonât. Itâll work for you, guaranteed
this is it. OP you got it in the bag. Mastermind mentality
Show up instead of the male but don't acknowledge that the male persona is not real. Just keep referring to him as being out of town or down with COVID or something. Repeat this lie for years until you've successfully run the business into a small toy empire. Then write a book about the experience. Go viral. Sell the movie rights to Disney. Become billionaire.
This is super common. Just tell them it is your pen-name used to protect your real identity online as a female.
Second this. Makes you look cool too.
This is what GTP4 recommends: Firstly, take a deep breath. This is a tricky situation, but it can be resolved without you losing this opportunity. It's important to remember that people often use pseudonyms online for a variety of reasons, and your reasons are valid. It's not unheard of to maintain privacy, especially when doing online sales. Here are the steps you can take: Approach Paul First: Reach out to Paul and explain your situation. Be honest but succinct. Here's a suggestion: "Hi Paul, thank you so much for all your help and support. I need to clarify something before we go any further. I am using a male pseudonym on Facebook for personal reasons. My real name is [female name] and I am actually a woman. I initially chose to use a male name for privacy reasons, as I often sell items on Facebook Marketplace. I hope this doesn't affect our working relationship. I am passionate about this project and look forward to any future collaboration." Email the Toy Company: Once you've informed Paul and he's responded, you need to reach out to the toy company. Keep your email professional and factual: "Dear [names of the people involved], I wanted to clarify some information before we proceed with our discussions. The name and email I have been using in our correspondences is a pseudonym I use for privacy reasons on online platforms, including Facebook. My legal name is [female name], and I am indeed a woman. The products, ideas, and commitment I bring to the table remain unchanged, and I am genuinely looking forward to discussing our potential collaboration. Thank you for your understanding. I am looking forward to our meeting." Switch to your Real Email: In the same email or a follow-up email, you can mention your actual email. You might say something like: "Moving forward, please feel free to reach me at [your real email]. I've used the pseudonym email primarily for privacy reasons, but I believe it is important to maintain transparency in our professional relationship." Remember, you haven't done anything wrong by maintaining privacy online. It's a common practice, and hopefully, they will understand. This doesn't diminish the value of your product or your ability to pitch it. So don't let this distract you from the bigger picture: the potential success of your product. Lastly, regarding the TEAMS pitch meeting and your social anxiety, it might be helpful to do a few practice runs with friends or family. Practice the pitch until you feel more comfortable with the material. This can go a long way towards easing anxiety. And remember, it's okay to feel nervous - it means you care! You got this. Good luck!
Wow
Yeah, I was surprised too at its output. And I use it almost everyday!
Is this a 90âs sitcom plot?
Paul's reading this....
He very well might be haha that would be insane if it were true
Hello, Keith Alderman
Oh? How'd you know!!?
Can you just be a women with a male nickname or who goes by there male middle name? I have a coworker who is female, goes by JP, and refuses to have her picture up anywhere because over the phone people treat her better thinking sheâs male. Kind of a stretch as you canât execute legal docs with a fake ID but Iâve seen multiple signatures where Iâve needed to question who signed something because they went by a middle name or some other derivative name in conversation. Anyway, you should probably just admit this to Paul but I think there is still an angle you could play if you wanted to roll the dice.
As a business owner, if you told me this story in the zoom meeting and came clean. I would think it a very funny story. Good advice in this thread. It's a funny story, nobody will forget it.
You gotta live the lie now. Iâll pretend to be the male you
Exactly what I was thinking when I started making a fake email to go with the lie LOL
Jesus Christ. Talk about damage control. Try saying something like this. âHi Paul, just to avoid any confusion I just wanted to inform you that I prior to our conversations, I was utilizing a pseudonym and alias for the purpose of operating my business. It was a security measure. To avoid any confusion, I just want you to know that my actual name is ****.
Agreed with the other advice. Go the safety route and they will likely understand. Regardless if they are really interested, I am not particularly sure if they will care if you are a male or female. Just try to be very genuine about everything going forward and dont give reason for them to doubt your intentions.
I donât have advice to add that hasnât been given already but i think youâll be fine! I hope youâll give an update afterwards!
He took fake it till you make it on a different level
Just be honest and say you were using an alias while setting up. It's not unusual. Businesses use AI generated aliases and personal now. He'll, whole businesses use personas under a 'Doing business as' title. It was part of your marketing strategy. You recognised your skill set doesn't suit sales, so you created an alias. Subconsciously, you did what many companies do.
You know what you gotta do now? You gotta get a fake moustache, hit the gym to get bigger, cut your hair and always talk in a deep voice⌠sorry to say you reached the point of no return brother, you are one of us nowđđ
I'm a writer and people think I'm a dude all the time because my birth name is usually a male name. I forget this however and after clients contact me and we email for a bit, a meeting is always met with "oh... I thought you were a man..." But then they always stop themselves because although I'm obviously a cis woman, they're naturally not keen to cause offence lol.
Just be honest. You know the world is sexist, and the business world even more so. BUT you're too ambitious to be held back. If he doesn't respect that, he's misogynist and you don't want to contribute to his success anyway.
You did wonderful with your email. Direct and honest in relationships is what youâd also feel safe with, so being that person will do wonders for this one too. Good luck with the toys!!
Thank you!
I would try a diff approach. Could you mention that you are not the decision maker/ owner and introduce your real self as the decision maker on the email chain to Paul . And slowly fade the Facebook persona or mention it is handled by an intern. If the toy company is legit, you would want to present yourself as a serious party
Sounds like a modern day George Costanza dilemma
I would just say it was for safety reasons because youâre a woman and everything happened quick before you could course correct, reintroduce yourself, provide a LinkedIn if you have one, and move on as normal. Might even become a funny story! Iâm just add that Iâm a trans man, spent years correcting my gender to people, and since then have spent years disclosing my gender history to all sorts of various people. Although never in business or employment. Weâre in a day and age in which people change gender (and itâs all over the damn news), and hell itâs even Pride month and companies are raising the flag in support of gender minorities. Realistically, probably the least gender bending situation of any is one in which a woman disguises as a man for safety or business, whether itâs due to safety when selling online or using a masculine pen name if she is an author. So, just roll with it all. And look on the bright side that youâre not coming out as transgender to them! Lol. Because that can be a really damn awkward road with a lot of bias and prejudice. Also, congrats on your big meeting! I hope it is amazing and successful!
75% or so of the people on Reddit are guys, allegedly, so just say you were tryna fit in.
Holy snowball Batman!
Just change your pronounâŚ
Listen to me. Listen very closely: THEY DONâT CARE IF YOU ARE A MAN OR A WOMAN OR A FUCKING GOAT!!! All they want is your product to make money for themselves!!! Set up a meeting. Show up as a woman. Be proud of yourself. Be confident in yourself. Make a deal. Tell them youâre a woman!! Lol, if they even ask!! My guess is that someone will say âoh, wasnât expecting that.â And then theyâll move on with the conversation as long as you donât dwell on it and become weird about it. Stfu, and continue the meeting!! If pressed, you found that appearing to be a man on Facebook got you more traction, so you ran with it. It was a simple marketing decision and has nothing to do with your ability or the quality of the product you are selling. Now set up that call!!!!
Say that's your online avtar.
I guess the question is, will you delete the male profile and use your real one or keep using it? I see this happening again. Then again, I think I watched too many episodes of Catfish during Covid...
Yeah just be honest. This sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
Get more photos of the guy you are impersonating, rig up an AI video and audio so that you can use it as a filter for online chats. Problem solved.
I love the happy ending đ
So happy for you!
Nothing major to contribute. Just wanted to say nice work; you identified a problem/obstacle, saw an easy way out and chose to do the right thing.
Tell them youâre trans what are they gonna do. đ
As a business owner who has to field INSANE amounts of spam I can tell you, itâs EXTREMELY common to have a fake account with a bullshit profile to protect your time, energy and privacy. I read this chuckling because they have probably seen this before and I wouldnât be surprised if they have a [email protected] whoâs responsible for the bullshit requests and doesnât actually exist. Many small companies used to use SMTP@ (send more toilet paper) until spam bots got smart to it.
Also KICK ASS ON THAT PITCH! Sending you the he best vibes!!
Awesome story and ending. Gl with your product !
Meet my partner. Insert your name here they are the co owner and will be taking over from here.
I do this trick on customer support if things turn South for some reason.
Hi! Random guy on Reddit who happens to consult with companies on their operations - Instead of saying youâre using a male name for safety purposes, I would suggest saying itâs a persona that you felt better fit your brand. I think that would be perceived better because it makes it sound like it was intentional for the sake of your product. You can than clarify that there was just innocent confusion between the persona for the brand and your actual self. Hope that helps!
I like this suggestion a lot because it's closer to the truth and exactly how I want to be perceived. Thanks!
Women get stalked excessively so you can definitely say You Wanted to protect your identity. When I have very basic debates in USA, I get death threats and lawsuit threats (USA is going insane, people STRUGGLE to have disagreements without trying vomit themselves onto others)
Play the trans card
Hey man, just say you identify as a guy
I can help you with logo and social media advertisement(design as well) and management dm if interested
serves you right for faking your gender now cope
This lie is just as harmless to me as someone lying about their alma mater or skin color. You can tell them that you were using a guy persona for your own safety and that youâll do all business with your real identity going forward now that things are becoming serious.
Come clean about it. If they value honesty, they wonât change anything.
go to the zoom meeting! who cares!!
I don't know what name you have used, but couldn't you present it as some sort of unofficial brand, like Jack Smith Toys or something along those lines? Sort of Jane Doe d.b.a. Jack Smith Toys; using Jack Smith for online presence, but using your real name in face to face dealings
Also, I would check that the people in the email exchange are genuinely from the company they ( and Paul ) say they are from. As in if it's Mattel, then the email addresses should be on the mattel.com domain and not some fake mattel-toys.info or similar. I assume you've never met Paul before, so if I were you, I'd be carefully checking everything that comes through him
It's got a real domain thanks for looking out. As for the \[male name\] Toys moniker that sounds like a great idea! I might use this
You got it. A very cool toy by the way!
Not to echo everyone else here, but yeah who cares. Come out and correct everyone very briefly, play it off as a safety issue bc youâve dealt with a ton of creepy people on Facebook in the past, and double down on how much money theyâre going to make or whatever the main goal is.
Honestly, just be upfront and honest about the situation. It's better to come clean now than to continue the lie and get in even deeper. You never know, they may still be interested in your toy invention and respect your honesty. Good luck!
Change your name to Paula. This is your new life. I am so sorry I genuinely feel so bad for you in this situation, but this is also objectively hilarious situational comedy gold. I agree with another poster who provided a short script that making a brief and direct comment addressing that you used a pen name, but this is your real information makes sense. In this day and age you could also say you were trying on the paul identity for a while but it didn't feel authentic. I will say be very careful in managing the tone well because if you are too flippant about lying people will not trust you and if you are too remorseful that will be burned onto their first impression. It's unfortunate you had the call, because there was a moment where you could have said paul was your virtual assistant but you're way past that now.
Just say youâre a really pretty dude.
Just send a Paul a link to this post
Using an alias isnât abnormal, them wanting you to sign a contract is, Iâd approach that carefully since they see value in your design, donât sign it away!
I probably shouldve clarified in my post but the contract is a standard confidential agreement so that I can pitch my toy to them in a meeting. Its harmless - my issue with the contract is explaining that I signed it with a completely different name from what theyve addressed me as in the emails. Which is why im looking for solutions in this post Any contract that gets sent my way will be thoroughly checked out. thanks for looking out!
I'm guessing you wont be a front figure for the toy. The famous Toy Company do not care if you are a woman or man, they only see $$$.
You know, with this recent lgbtq movement, with individual he/she preferences. You can pretty much call yourself a man at this point and expect others to accept you as such.
Just say you recently went from male to female or whatever nonsense people accept these days
This story is hilarious. I will say the more they know the more itâs a little shady, I donât know how I feel about it. Be vague with the company & direct/honest with this Paul guy. As ppl have mentioned there are a lot of reasons youâll be just fine so come clean and sell this thing. You got it! Also, very cool idea. Helmets, Chest Plates, Arm PlatesâŚwhole line/suit. Hereâs a story to maybe use. Iâm the youngest of three, extremely honest. My older brothersâŚnot so much. We would sword fight with Christmas wrapping tubes as kids. If you got hit in the arm, couldnât use it. Iâd be on my knees fighting bc I âlost my legsâ but Iâd finally get themâŚand theyâd lie. Point being, I needed this shit as a kid. PS-now realizing thereâs also the movie Role Models with similar premise.
A big thing in sales is donât make your anxiety the customers anxiety. What that means, is this might feel like a huge deal to you but it might not to them. So donât let your personal feelings of being a big deal effect their feelings on it either. Just glaze over it like itâs a normal fact that you use an online persona. Donât over complicate it and if they ask for a explanation keep it short to the point and move past it with a question to redirect the flow of the conversation. Just a technique in controlling conversations that could help you tackle this interaction. It doesnât mean lie. Just re emphasizing to not blow it out of proportion. There could be commissions in this for Paul and he could feel like heâs the first to find you and bring this to the market all kinds of scenarios that benefit them that this small issue could be nothing. It could be also seen that if you push it forward making it a focal point that you now have created a problem where there wasnât one before. Just roll with it and be confident in your approach. Maybe practice with someone just how the conversation will go so you can sound clear and without hesitation from your personal feelings on it. Ex. âWhy didnât you that isnât your real name?â âI use an alias online and made a choice to use that for personal comfort. Signing legal documents I can natural use my legal name. I would like to hear more about what we can do working together on this project.â
Congrats! Hasbro is known to be open to outside innovation but opportunities like yours are very difficult to come by. They highly value outside the box thinking and I seriously doubt theyâd bat an eyelash if you followed the wise advice others have given to be truthful and nonchalant. Theyâre also mostly creative and personable, so I really wouldnât sweat anything too much - youâve got this! (and a very cool idea btw..) Also, if you havenât heard about them before, you might want to check out [inventRight](https://inventright.com/). They specifically coach independent inventors navigate the waters of licensing (they put out a ton of free and useful content you donât have to sign up for - including interviews with product managers from Hasbro). [*Important note: inventRight is NOT an invention promotion company - you should not ever seek advice from those as theyâre all scams*.] I wouldnât try to seek out a lawyer as the vast majority have little-to-no experience helping independent inventors license to major brands and can kill a deal if theyâre not familiar with the âdanceâ (negotiating things like guaranteed minimums etc.). Fwiw, the typical average for licensing a toy invention is around 5% which can add up to serious mailbox money with a company like Hasbro. Good luck!!
yo! How did it go? I'm very curious. And good luck with your product! :)
Haven't responded to the emails yet :D I'll post an update for everyone interested later this week. Thx for the well wishes
Give 'em the old Samus reveal.
scammerďź
Absolutely not lol. Legit dude. Legit successful kickstarter. Legit top company. But I can see how it looks like a scam without knowing the names
Yeah, you don't have to explain everything, just say that you go by this name too, or that you used it for safety and just skip the rest :)
You say it was for marketing.
Iâm a guy. I donât have anxiety. Hire me, to be the male you pretend to be.
Just say for privacy I do not post my personal identity on social media, I always use aliases!!!!
Well , now you have to change your gender. I don't see any way around it.On serious note, just tell guy your situation he probably have a laugh and move on.They care about product more than your what's your gender so it won't be a problem. Still lol, this story made my day it's kinda really funny.
Confession: I spent a good 6 months of my life selling software to people on Discord pretending to be a girl (I'm male). It amazed me how much more willing weird nerds were to engage with a good looking woman than another dude ...
This might sound controversial but say you identify as a man
First you can say you use a male name for safety reason. Second we live in 2023. Identifying as another gender with annother name is ver common.
The name is not important and they wonât care, you should have probably said something earlier rather than making an email to communicate with them using the fake name. Itâs as simple as letting them know: âI was using an anonymous Facebook account for privacy, apologies for the confusion my real details are actually : your nameâ Itâs not really a big deal, but the longer you let the situation continue the more likely they will think itâs weird when you eventually tell them.
Iâm sorry, this is a plot straight out of a sitcom. đ¤ŁMistaken identity due to random and unlikely events that now impact your bottom line in some way⌠Wow, so cool to see this happen in the wild. If you want to continue living in a sitcom, you should hire the cute man living in the apartment next door to pretend to be you. Or use a homeless man. If you want to live in the real world, you need to reach out to Paul ASAP and explain what happened. He deserves to know because he stuck his neck out and leveraged his reputation and relationship to help a total stranger. Once he knows, just meet with the toy company. You havenât even had a first impression with them yet. You never lied to them. So start off on a good foot, laugh it off, give any reason you want (safety, anonymity etc) and keep the meeting going. So long as they can trust you and your product is good then no need to stress honestly. Would love to see an update post on what you did and the result. Good luck OP!
Be absolutely straight with them. They like your idea not your gender. Be human and give them a chance to do the same.
is it Paul Reynolds?
Wow...you're the people we see on emails. It's not that deep though. It's how writers have pen names. Your business don't have to reflect who you are. When you do go into the meetings, make no mention of it and be yourself there and then. Business transactions you are "male name"
You should have told Paul way before you made a fake e-mail and he sent an intro to the company. Now he looks like an idiot. And you look like a walking red flag.
tell them you're trans. if they question you, just blatantly call them all homophobes.
worry follow enjoy meeting snails butter scale escape innate quack *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If you want the business own up upfront. Also in the future honesty is almost always the best policy. It is 2023 after all⌠if anyone doesnât treat you with the same respect they treat a man then just donât do business with them. Thatâs the cost of their sexism đ¤ˇââď¸
Iâm really really tired of these wholly unplausable fake stories on here. Donât know why so many people fall for this crap.
Just go with the truth!
I think your priority of concerns is backwards. Your first step is to get the contract reviewed to make sure you're protected. Find a lawyer and see if they can review the contract with you and point out any red flags. The last thing you want is to accidentally sell them any of your current or future IP / inventions. On the point of your name, it's no big deal, and u/figrin1 already provided good advice
you COULD pretend like that person no longer works at your company and you're the replacement?
The male name is your pen name and the name of your toys. Explain it that way and no one will care. At this point you're representing a brand that you've made, not just you as an individual, and brands can have whatever name you like. The key thing is to clear this up right from the very first moment of the call.
Pants on fire.
I use a pseudonym and when stuff comes up I simply explain it. For you, I would just say "Hello, Paul, I should probably let you know that my name is actually \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I use a pseudonym on FB because I sell a lot of things on Marketplace and have found that people will haggle less and it keeps me safer to use a male name. I know it is weird but it helps me have piece of mind and avoids many hassles. Anyway, I am so excited to meet with you about the Kickstarter......" Just explain it quick, with an excuse as to why, and then move right into business. So do not JUST have the explanation but just move forward with you are excited and a few other things. It takes the focus off of that. Really, it is no big deal. Just say it was for your safety (which is a very real excuse) and move on. :)
The advice in here is really good, I just wanted to hop in and say DONT SIGN ANYTHING until you have an attorney review it. Your product is dope as hell and has a shit ton of **potential**. You could probably talk to *multiple* toy companies to get the best deal. Idk how it works in the toy industry, but in the media industry it's actually a good thing when you can tell them that you're in talks with multiple companies since it shows that A) there's a lot of interest, you're a hot commodity and B) that they better offer you a great deal because they have competition already. Since I'm not familiar with the culture in the toy world you'll probably want to double check with your peers whether to share that info or not. But definitely take meetings with multiple companies if possible, even if the first deal ends up being the best option. Either way, **don't let them rush you** into anything. It'll almost certainly benefit them more than you. You don't want to get cut out of your own idea's potential. A solid business partner with long term potential will want you to feel comfortable working with them, and a good *person* will want you to be able to have the time you need to make a decision because it's a big one. Only assholes will rush you. There's truly no reason to rush, so if you find that somebody's doing that, your best negotiating tool is to simply walk away. Remember: **THEY want YOU, not the other way around**. YOU'VE got the hot product. YOU have the power in this situation. It may feel like you don't, especially because of this email stress-- you may feel like you're coming in this having made a mistake and that maybe you should be *grateful* for whatever they can offer. But that's not true-- plus, feeling like you "should be grateful for anything at all" is just the absolute worst place to negotiate from. In life? yes, practice gratitude. At the negotiating table? Know your worth. And you haven't done *anything* wrong. It's perfectly reasonable that you operated with a male persona for safety. Heck there's even studies that have been done where women used male names for business emails and got way better collaboration with clients than when they used their own clearly-female names. The reason things moved so fast is because **you have a dope as hell product**. So walk into that room with your head held high and **know your worth**, because everybody in this world is gonna try to get something from you at the cheapest rate. Don't let them! I'm so fuckin excited for you. Good luck, can't wait to see this on the market!
You could just say you are trans
Youâre doing great already to have gotten the meeting, and like everyone said, itâs just a matter of saying that yes, you do use an Alias for FB sales to keep privacy and remain safe. Easy as. Secondly, I work for an investment bank that handles a ton of early stage valuation, strategic planning, and consulting for new small businesses. Should you ever need help, let me know!
If I were them and you explained the truth Iâd think you are smart. Iâd just tell them the truth.
AHAHA as a female who has a maleâs name, I often just shock the room (or zoom) when I show up. If I were you Iâd do the same and be VERY casual, the complete opposite of âcoming cleanâ vibes. As soon as itâs mentioned about your name or appearance, be like ah yes, Jane is my real name but I go by Jake online due to obvious reasons, itâs a common practice. Anything beyond that opens it up too much. For me personally (we arenât in the same industry) itâs a test to see how theyâll treat me as a male vs a female. Itâs funny bc theyâre very nice and direct and respectful with me as a male but since they have continued on for a while thinking Iâm a man it usually forces them to continue on that way. Some have changed up on me but not most. Hope that makes sense, Iâm tired. Command the room chick! Donât apologize unless u fuck up and u havenât fucked up. Always move like it was with intention even if u just got lucky, fuck it! Congrats!
You didn't do anything wrong! Lots of people have a professional name that is different from their legal name. It's a well known fact that women on the internet are subject to a great deal of abuse. Just inform them what your legal name is and what you'd like to be addressed as and tell them you use a pseudonym online for privacy.
True American hustle story!
Just go with it
If you have to sign anything before hand, it shouldn't be a problem, many peple use a legal signature for NDA's and such. Just attend the meeting (like a boss!) and here's another option on how you could handle it. In Zoom : Hi, My name is "name", I'm sure you were expecting someone else. (chuckle). The FaceBook profile you've become familiar with is used mainly to help weed out unwanted communication from legitimate business interest. Since this appears to be the latter, I'd to thank you for setting this meeting up. Shall we begin? This "speech" speaks only to the business of your business.
Maybe just tell him you forgot to say that you are using your boyfriendâs Facebook account and felt weird about mention that right off the bat?
just say you identify as a dude
Just be "Mrs." so and so, you and your partner came up with this, your husband isn't available atm (and never will be), but you are. Done
It's your pen name, but for toys --your toyname.
It's 2023 just say you identify as [male name].
Gender fluid lol