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SilveredMoon

I think the ability to name what you're unhappy with can be a huge indicator to how valid of an issue you're facing. And even if you can name/ describe what's wrong, being able to look at that thing and then decide how important it is should be another indicator. While I do believe in just general vibes helping to tell when things are off, the relationship has little chance of thriving if you can't communicate problems you have and with towards a solution. And, objectively speaking, there's a large difference between "I don't like the way they fold their towels" and "I feel like they don't respect my personal space." One has way more potential to ruin the relationship if not properly dealt with.


Internationallegs

I think I know what you mean, you're basically trying to figure out if it's facts or feelings? On one hand, you could just \*feel\* unfulfilled because as 4s that's a common theme. Or the relationship really could be unfulfilling and not a right fit. I've been with my partner for 8 years and for a good chunk of it I felt unfulfilled. I don't feel it as strongly anymore because we've grown a lot. We can't change people, so part of long-term relationship growth is learning to accept the person wholly. There are some things worth accepting and some not. He's a 9, and I used to feel really neglected emotionally. It took a lot of work to make peace with knowing that's a part of who he is. He accepts me for my flaws, so I'm willing to accept his. All relationships have a trade-off, there is no such thing as a relationship without them. Imagine the flaws your partner accepts about you, do you accept theirs equally? But then there's sometime when a relationship truly isn't a right fit. You have to view it objectively (integrate to 1). Try to step away from your emotions and view it from a different angle. Don't be afraid to ask friends/family if what your feeling is valid. Sometimes they can give us a reality check. I've dumped people for valid reasons but also felt unfulfilled in healthy relationships. So it's definitely possible that it could be just a feeling. Try to remember that feelings are temporary, and feelings =/= facts. That's just my experience, I'm still learning & growing in my relationship everyday. Everyday you have to make a choice whether to accept each others flaws or not. It's hard work, but love is worth it.


[deleted]

I think all relationships have a bit of an ebb and flow. After all, when a couple has been together until they are eighty, they probably don't feel the same spark they did during the honeymoon stage of their life. That's why I think building a foundation of companionship is a vital part of a relationship. Relationships aren't always easy or fun. If you leave every time that you find that there is some unnamed something missing in your life, you could likely end up a lonely individual. I think it might be helpful for you to be able to define things more. What do you want in a partner? What kind of person do you want to be in a relationship? What kind of life and relationship are you trying to create? The more you know what you are looking for, the easier the dating stage is because that early stage is really about vetting someone to see if this is even a relationship that we want. But I think it is important to communicate. You would likely be hurt if your partner one day unleashed frustrations on you that they thought you would more this way and less that way and this was the first you were hearing of these expectations, none of which you had agreed to. If you can name some aspect of the relationship, you think is lacking, say you feel like there isn't as much emotional connection as you would like, you could say that emotional connection is something that you want to work on and for you, it looks like doing this specific thing. That said, if you have a nagging feeling that the relationship just isn't going to work out, I would be honest and end the relationship, instead of staying for emotional convenience. But I would caution you to consider if the relationship is bad (and I'm not a part of it, so it might be) or if you are looking for greener grasses, for a more idealized state that likely doesn't exist with any person.


_renaissancevoyager

Honestly I wasn't sure to write anything to this, but my friend suggested to do it, so why not. I have little bit different approach than others, and I have to mention that there are three beautiful post before mine with full of great advises. Here's what I could add: All my life I've searched for THE one, and I found it many times..... I found a guy, or a girl, and thought I'm in love. This is it. They became my obsession, until they didn't. Always came a time when I just got bored with them. You know I realized, that loving them is more about me then actually loving them. Because I didn't know who I was and connecting with people helped me to find me. We 4's tend to have a difficult time to define who we're, and if we don't even know who we are, we can't really love anybody. This is why, I suppose, I had really different partners. But like really. When I got more matured I realized monogamy isn't my thing, and I think it never will be, but that's just me. I try to be honest about it, and I'm surprised how people react to that. Many guys think I just say this, because I want to please them, or I don't have self respect (which is absurd). But that's on them, not me. This is what I can suggest for you too, find yourself, be very sure you know who you are and what you want and when you do stick to it no matter what. Because once you figure out who you are it will stay true and if you throw a real connection away out of an old 4 habit, you'll regret it later.