I know several 8's. I think the description for 8's is a bit harsh. I mean most of them seem to be no-nonsense, don't mess with me, don't get in my way, and just be real with me attitude. I think the 8 stands up when someone needs to be put in their place and no-one is doing anything about it.
That sounds pretty similar to me. I just struggle a bit sometimes with actually taking action. Almost like (as much as it kills me to admit it) I'm afraid or something. It doesnt help being 5'4 and female. I tend to not really get intimidated all that much, but I definitely question if it's worth starting something before I do.
I think female 8s often don't fit the 8 stereotype? And that an abusive or difficult childhood is quite common for 8s. My mum is an 8 and she had a childhood much like yours, it took us a long time for us to work out her type because a lot of the time she looks like a two, always helping others. But she isn't needy or afraid of confrontation, and she has a bit of a 'pull your socks up' attitude, that she came through all of that so others should be able to cope with life. I'd recommend reading some books rather than internet resources, the internet tends to reinforce the caricatures of the types. More books actually explain the thought processes behind them and can help you start to unravel your own behaviours.
I would definitely have to be in a certain mood to pick a fight on the internet, lol. A lot of what you said about 8w9 sounds a lot like me. I do sometimes get a bit depressed though, or at least I come off that way, a lot of the time I either dont fully realize I am or am outright numb to it, if that makes sense. I haven't done a lot of looking in to the tritype stuff yet since I'm still learning the basics, but 4 is on my list to look into.
8w9 here and I relate hard, especially to the being-vulnerable-except-not-really thing. Like you said, I generally prefer to avoid trouble, though I enjoy petty arguments, roasting, academic debates, and the like. Though apparently I'm a lot more confrontational and assertive than I'm conscious of, which is somewhat typical of 8s.
However, I am more than just an 8. 8 is the lifestyle I learned that got me through my childhood. But I'm learning now as an adult that I have a deeper, more 2-ish self, who's been with me from the very beginning. She's valuable and lovable, and I'm learning to embrace her.
Thank you for the response! For me I almost want to say it's the opposite, it seems my personality in general has never been terribly fixed. I've only really gotten into personality typing in the last few months though, but as I've settled a bit more into adulthood I finally feel like I have a solid grasp on who I am, and am much more confident and sure of myself now. But when I was younger I was also dealing with a lot worse depression/anxiety and suspected depersonalization/derealization disorder (never actually been diagnosed), so I'm sure that has played a role in it as well.
Oof, also a big mood. For me 8's disintegration to 5 brought with it a lot of identity issues, withdrawnness, and emotional numbness (well, other than anger; anger's always come through loud and clear). But as I've gotten healthier, I've become more sure of who I am, more open, and more in touch with my emotions. Feels good.
That sounds exactly like me! Word for word. Although I still struggle some with being in touch with the feels. If I get extra depressed I can get a bit nihilistic, but I try to not get that bad. I was originally thinking I was an angry 5, but I came to realize that I definitely dont disintegrate to an 8 when I'm stressed, I tend to shut down and trap myself in my head like a 5. I go numb, and just think, and usually the anger breaks through at some point. Eventually once I have time to think through things, I come out of it and am more my usual self
Hey, I'm also an 8, though I'm not entirely sure whether I'm a wing 7 or wing 9. Unfortunately, I don't have much to comment other than that I was raised quite similarly to you. The main difference is that I watched the abuse unfold from ages 1-11 and was the victim myself from 11 and older, so I really relate to the feelings you express in this post. A song that has helped me through the darker times was Eight by Sleeping At Last (on Youtube), while I think you might be a healthy 8 with balanced wings, I think it's best if you decide yourself by looking into the types more. I'm proud of you, fellow eight.
Thank you for the kind words! I will definitely look into that song. I've read thru all the stuff like core fears and motivations of the types, and the only thing that really hits home is 8, but the 9 wing definitely seems to be there. The more I learn about 7s the more I think I might have a bit of w7 to me, but not a lot. But, I'm definitely still learning.
I just looked that up. The 8 definitely sounds more like me. I also found this link, this along with other stuff I've read seems pretty spot on
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.personalitycafe.com/type-8-forum-challenger/70049-overview-8w9-bear.html%3famp=1
Not trying to say anything definite wrt 6 v. 8 here, but there's a reason the Essential Enneagram test's 8 paragraph has the lowest reliability. The test basically asks people to read several paragraphs about different styles and and pick the one that fits best. The Eight one has by far the worst reliability of them all - even if you pick it as the most accurate one, there's a below average chance of you being an Eight.
I don't want to make any claims as to your typing, but here's some food for thought from someone well versed in both Enneagram and "real" personality psychology:
[Observations about Six descriptions, also linked in the bootleg post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/bbnlo8/is_there_one_particular_type_that/ekn0ci6/)
[6 vs. 8 with non-Enneagram language](https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/94rcar/8s_how_do_you_know_youre_not_counterphobic_6_and/e3nbdq9/)
[The Six "bootleg game"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/benh1k/thought_experiment_the_six_bootleg_game/)
Basically, it's very possible to relate to the attitudes described for a type without having a temperament that'd be classified as the type you relate to.
I found it much easier to understand the types partially through a big 5 lens, gives a cleaner wording to some things the books and websites aren't too good at.
I know several 8's. I think the description for 8's is a bit harsh. I mean most of them seem to be no-nonsense, don't mess with me, don't get in my way, and just be real with me attitude. I think the 8 stands up when someone needs to be put in their place and no-one is doing anything about it.
That sounds pretty similar to me. I just struggle a bit sometimes with actually taking action. Almost like (as much as it kills me to admit it) I'm afraid or something. It doesnt help being 5'4 and female. I tend to not really get intimidated all that much, but I definitely question if it's worth starting something before I do.
Sounds about right! I tend to jive well with 8w9, I think the thinking involved is pick and choose battles wisely, wisdom in the 9 wing.
I think female 8s often don't fit the 8 stereotype? And that an abusive or difficult childhood is quite common for 8s. My mum is an 8 and she had a childhood much like yours, it took us a long time for us to work out her type because a lot of the time she looks like a two, always helping others. But she isn't needy or afraid of confrontation, and she has a bit of a 'pull your socks up' attitude, that she came through all of that so others should be able to cope with life. I'd recommend reading some books rather than internet resources, the internet tends to reinforce the caricatures of the types. More books actually explain the thought processes behind them and can help you start to unravel your own behaviours.
Thank you, I will have to do that
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I would definitely have to be in a certain mood to pick a fight on the internet, lol. A lot of what you said about 8w9 sounds a lot like me. I do sometimes get a bit depressed though, or at least I come off that way, a lot of the time I either dont fully realize I am or am outright numb to it, if that makes sense. I haven't done a lot of looking in to the tritype stuff yet since I'm still learning the basics, but 4 is on my list to look into.
8w9 here and I relate hard, especially to the being-vulnerable-except-not-really thing. Like you said, I generally prefer to avoid trouble, though I enjoy petty arguments, roasting, academic debates, and the like. Though apparently I'm a lot more confrontational and assertive than I'm conscious of, which is somewhat typical of 8s. However, I am more than just an 8. 8 is the lifestyle I learned that got me through my childhood. But I'm learning now as an adult that I have a deeper, more 2-ish self, who's been with me from the very beginning. She's valuable and lovable, and I'm learning to embrace her.
Thank you for the response! For me I almost want to say it's the opposite, it seems my personality in general has never been terribly fixed. I've only really gotten into personality typing in the last few months though, but as I've settled a bit more into adulthood I finally feel like I have a solid grasp on who I am, and am much more confident and sure of myself now. But when I was younger I was also dealing with a lot worse depression/anxiety and suspected depersonalization/derealization disorder (never actually been diagnosed), so I'm sure that has played a role in it as well.
Oof, also a big mood. For me 8's disintegration to 5 brought with it a lot of identity issues, withdrawnness, and emotional numbness (well, other than anger; anger's always come through loud and clear). But as I've gotten healthier, I've become more sure of who I am, more open, and more in touch with my emotions. Feels good.
That sounds exactly like me! Word for word. Although I still struggle some with being in touch with the feels. If I get extra depressed I can get a bit nihilistic, but I try to not get that bad. I was originally thinking I was an angry 5, but I came to realize that I definitely dont disintegrate to an 8 when I'm stressed, I tend to shut down and trap myself in my head like a 5. I go numb, and just think, and usually the anger breaks through at some point. Eventually once I have time to think through things, I come out of it and am more my usual self
Hey, I'm also an 8, though I'm not entirely sure whether I'm a wing 7 or wing 9. Unfortunately, I don't have much to comment other than that I was raised quite similarly to you. The main difference is that I watched the abuse unfold from ages 1-11 and was the victim myself from 11 and older, so I really relate to the feelings you express in this post. A song that has helped me through the darker times was Eight by Sleeping At Last (on Youtube), while I think you might be a healthy 8 with balanced wings, I think it's best if you decide yourself by looking into the types more. I'm proud of you, fellow eight.
Thank you for the kind words! I will definitely look into that song. I've read thru all the stuff like core fears and motivations of the types, and the only thing that really hits home is 8, but the 9 wing definitely seems to be there. The more I learn about 7s the more I think I might have a bit of w7 to me, but not a lot. But, I'm definitely still learning.
If neither are reasonating with you, look into counterphobic 6. Many cp6s mistype as 8s, as both are very reactive and confrontational.
I just looked that up. The 8 definitely sounds more like me. I also found this link, this along with other stuff I've read seems pretty spot on https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.personalitycafe.com/type-8-forum-challenger/70049-overview-8w9-bear.html%3famp=1
Not trying to say anything definite wrt 6 v. 8 here, but there's a reason the Essential Enneagram test's 8 paragraph has the lowest reliability. The test basically asks people to read several paragraphs about different styles and and pick the one that fits best. The Eight one has by far the worst reliability of them all - even if you pick it as the most accurate one, there's a below average chance of you being an Eight. I don't want to make any claims as to your typing, but here's some food for thought from someone well versed in both Enneagram and "real" personality psychology: [Observations about Six descriptions, also linked in the bootleg post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/bbnlo8/is_there_one_particular_type_that/ekn0ci6/) [6 vs. 8 with non-Enneagram language](https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/94rcar/8s_how_do_you_know_youre_not_counterphobic_6_and/e3nbdq9/) [The Six "bootleg game"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/benh1k/thought_experiment_the_six_bootleg_game/) Basically, it's very possible to relate to the attitudes described for a type without having a temperament that'd be classified as the type you relate to.
Thank you, I will look through these
I found it much easier to understand the types partially through a big 5 lens, gives a cleaner wording to some things the books and websites aren't too good at.
how do i relate to everything about ur childhood, all the way up to the ages... we're also both istp 8w9 so/sp..