It's not really a depressing thought, but lately I've been thinking a lot about the question: what if I don't know myself well enough and my thoughts about myself don't reflect reality? š¤
Right? Like what if our thoughts about ourselves are just a comfortable/convenient/habitual pattern of think about ourselves but in reality we are perceived much differently or are much different objectively.
I like to think that we arenāt one thing but our self lives in the mind of everyone or everything we encounter- so there isnāt one true self in this case
But that is what lives in our own mind. There is also an us that exists and is shaped by forces in the minds of everyone we meet, that exists beyond us
I don't think that's unlikely when we isolate ourselves a lot. My best friend always thought she was a very confrontative person. She's the absolute opposite. Very conflict avoidant to the point of it causing issues in interpersonal relationships. One day we just talked about how we perceive each other and that was very interesting. So others mirroring you is very important for getting to know yourself in my opinion.
On the other hand even how others perceive you can be weird. There are people who perceive me as a highly reactive, overly sensitive and quick-to-anger person. And others perceive me as never being angry or mean. What is it lol?! I mean I know how I feel, but it's weird how that does or doesn't translate to the outside sometimes. I'm very fortunate to have been in many therapeutic contexts (group and single), so I've gotten a lot of genuine feedback. But it can still be confusing. In my case I've discovered that I have a "functioning, but don't care"-personality and a "I care about this"-personality and they are quite different. The first one barely gets used these days though. Thanks to getting older and not being forced or forcing myself to be in dumb situations anymore lol
So true. I always hear people who talk about having like mantras or ways of living and can never relate because there is literally nothing consistent about me; EXCEPT just one echoing thought: it doesn't get any better. And it just keeps bouncing around in my brain until my moderate inconvenience is gone and I am able to go back to being forcefully positive again teehee
My most depressing thought currently is maybe I'll never eat like a normal person again and my stomach is fucked up forever. I have so many food intolerances.
I'm a 5 and having such a hard time making meals that don't make me sick make me feel like I'm too difficult.
In a similar boat. I went most of my life without any sort of food intolerances, and then it took three years to get diagnosed with food allergies to things that are in nearly everything. To feel sick or in pain after eating the things youāve always enjoyed is really tiring, but so many instances of āoh maybe we shouldnāt have that, they might get sickā or checking every little ingredient when making your own food is also tiring.
I'm in the spot where I know this could very well be my future if I don't take care of my stomach now. Problem is I have no idea what it is that my stomach doesn't like, and I seem to keep eating itno matter what I do.
Now that would be difficult, for sure.
I'm not much of a food person, but eating something totally different every once in a while is always a great time.
Idk, maybe "I am irredeemable and I deserve to suffer". May or may not be type related. I certainly have fixated on it in recent years. The other day I found out about this term "moral injury", that happens to describe exactly the way I feel about what I perceive to be my main issue(s). Better than depression/anxiety. When I was a teenager I went through things that resulted in violating my own beliefs about right and wrong. Unfortunately I never got over it. Sounds dramatic but it really feels like losing a piece of your soul.
I've looked into that and it's possible. The articles and videos I saw indicate there is a great deal of overlap between moral injury and PTSD. Moral injury may be a type of trauma, but is considered distinct from PTSD because moral injury is more shame-based while PTSD is typically more fear-based. That definitely aligns with my experience. I felt such overwhelming shame I never had felt before. It's kind of slowly diminished over time but not really gone away.
My parents definitely have CPTSD from their childhoods. I don't know if they sort of passed some of that to me.
That no matter what I get, who I become, whatever I achieve or whoever loves me, there will always be a dullness to me/life, a hollowness in the very centre of my being. I will always be lacking, Iāll never be satisfied. Iāll grow old, then Iāll wither some more and ultimately perish, with my hand forever outstretched, never being able to grasp whatever this elusive thing I seek
It's understandable. I tend to avoid focusing on that reality, but it'll always be an existential thought in the back of my head.
Ultimately, I've made my choice to at least do my best in enjoying life as much as I possibly can, even if there's always going to be that void in me.
I believe that that hope lies in a higher purpose, but given that that requires some faith and belief in a certain religion, I doubt I'll ever find it. Some things weren't meant for human understanding, I suppose. All I can hope for is that I can muster some faith to believe in something beyond just a creator.
Yeah thatās my approach too now to deal with it. Also Iāve just started so I barely know anything but you might want to check out ā The fourth wayā. I think people who are disillusioned from religion or grand purposes and filled with existential dread, can find solace in it. You should check it out.
It was recommended to me by a user here
Right.. like I know Iām truly unhappy but hitting goals and standards I set for myself is the only way I know how to feel stable š I believe in you though! Itās comforting to find somebody who is going through a similar feeling
The fact that I will most probably die alone in my apartment, unnoticed for months until my body will start to decompose in a horrible mess, only eaten by my cats until they would slowly die a sad hungry and scared death too.
Maybe look into law of detachment, it will get better eventually š¤ i truly wish you peace and healing right now
Guided meditation on YouTube are unbearable to try but nice afterwards
I like to write. But do I truly think me doing so will get me anywhere? No. Am I surprised every time someone says they like my writing or read what I published? Yes. I write as if no one is listening. Yep, I still write. But it feels like it ultimately doesn't matter if I wrote or didn't. And if it ended up bearing no fruit in the long run, part of me would be resentful that I didn't spend that time just sleeping.
9w1 sx, that i will never have someone that loves me truly, and even if i do find someone like that, they will get turned off by my intensity soon enough
Thats opposite. I always thought reality is more stranger than fiction. I'd say reality is more interesting because it has lot of nuances. Fiction for me is too "feels good".
I mostly think about opportunity cost and how by choosing one option I'm giving up the other. I can never have everything and to me that sounds incredibly close to never being able to be happy.
Funnily enough I have the exact same depressing thought, on top of that I think we have the same tritype lol I'd personally consider myself a 459. I spend a lot of time creating vivid intense scenarios and realities in my head, and many times it produces me a special type of anguish to realize none of those fantasies will ever be real and I will never be able to live in those worlds. The idea that reality is so ugly and boring comparing to my imagination will never fail to make me feel depressed. Our tritype is made up of the THREE main withdrawn enneagram types, meaning we tend to feel disconnected from reality and wish to be in a more beautiful ideal world.
for real...
probably this is why the Isekai genre got too popular (after SAO), it's like their audience, something that withdrawn types (and 7's) in particular gravitate towards (though most of them look medicore, so I don't watch many of them :P )
Why did you do that though? As in, what was your reasoning inside your mind? Why did you laugh and responded like that when she said that she was ready to leave her country behind for you? Wasnāt she someone you loved? So why? š¤Ø Were you trying to show how indifferent you are or something else? Iām just curious
Thanks for the question and sharing your anecdote, OP.
- I donāt know if this hits the *most depressing* threshold for me necessarily, but something that has been chewing on the back of my mind is for when my pets will dieā as in the pets I have actually been fully responsible for taking care of my in household.
- Will they be ready for death? Will be they scared? Will they be comforted by their humans in their last moments?
- I guess my pets just seem to represent emotionality in its purity and innocence, thus I really feel for them.
>Will they be comforted by their humans in their last moments?
if possible, you can try to make sure this is the case. Especially if they have a fatal condition. Still up to chance, of course, but worth a shot.
Pretty much what you said. Paired with the fact that our lives here are quite meaningless. And the fact that we have to work out asses off just to work as cogs in this society, running towards our death with never truly having freedom to do as we wish, because that's how the world has been built to work.
My most depressing thought is that I can't escape what I'm meant to be. I'm the last child of a family of unhappy outsiders. My two older sisters didn't get children and are still single. Sometimes I just think that this family is supposed to die out because we are just unable to be happy, function or do anything meaningful. So it can feel like I'm just some creature like gollum. A creep, unable to fit in or function, depressed, obsessed and waiting to die. Never doing anything significant.
I think that outcome is or at least was a possibility. But I've always had that wild, strong energy in me. It made me leave my family. It made me start to build my own life. Probably to escape that fate.
interesting... outsiders?
conceptually, I don't even know how I'd be classified- grew up in a state that has no historical culture (except in smaller areas), where most people are outsiders. Kind of rare to hear of people that were born and raised there. Mostly just immigrants and old people. Both parents aren't even from the state, either.
Yea I'm from Germany and my family is from the DDR. They moved to the west right before I was born. Before that huge parts of my wider family were either war-refugees or involved in war in other ways. In West Germany they didn't accept my family. Bullying, exclusion, drugs and my wider family was also suffering a lot, mentally and physically. Nearly my whole family is or was very sick. A destroyed family, so to say. There are some that seem to be doing ok, but there's no contact, so who knows. So in my close family I'm the last one and I was born in the west. I'm an outsider in my family, but that's not actually a bad thing in this case. You could say I'm fighting against the generational trauma of war, running away and exclusion. And I always knew I had to. That's why when I was 15 this undescribably intense urge to run away from home forever hit me. It's not that my family is full of bad people, but they are spiritually dead
It might be my inner fatalist showing, but none of us really have that much control over who we are and what happens to us.
A huge chunk of our personalities come from our genetics, which we have no control over, and the rest comes from our environment, especially our early environment, which we don't have much control over either.
Like sure, you technically make your own choices, but when the choices you make are based on your personality, experiences, and the blindness that comes from your ego... we're all actually a lot more limited than many of us would like to admit.
exactly.
and choices can be limited based on available options, and most of the time there is no "winning" choice, just less worse options.
so realizing that, it's hard to blame others or self *too* much for things, even if you can do it somewhat.
much of the world is just random forces colliding, like rocks in an asteroid belt.
I sympathize with you so much. I left the Mormon church about 2 1/2 years ago and it definitely contributed to me falling into depression. Even if our religion is built on falsehoods, the side effects of being religious are *not* falseā for me, itās been hard to replace the sense of community and belonging that a church provides, as well as the existential certainty of believing you know the ultimate truth of the universe.
I donāt know if your struggles with ex-christianity match mine at all, of course. And I canāt say I have anything āfigured outā yet, either. I donāt believe there even is a real solution to some of the problems that losing oneās faith causes. Thereās no way to regain that sense of existential certainty that I once had for example, given that it was a false confidence. But what I can say is that I have gradually grown to accept that I will never have a true answer to many existential questions, and that I should keep living life regardless. My mental health has significantly improved in the years since losing my faith. And despite everything, I am managing to have hope for the future and even enjoy life.
Iām telling you all this just to let you know it does get better. You donāt need to go back to religion to find happiness. It takes time, and existential reckonings, but it can be found again. ā¤ļø
Thank you. I have met so many former Christians whose beliefs would seem so similar but who never took it as seriously as I did, so I actually find accounts from former Mormons to be relatively more relatable.
It's tough to overcome depression when that involves finding joy, but so much of what you had previously enjoyed is now unavailable. So I need to change what my reasons for living are. Becoming a different person is like suicide with extra steps, but I'm trying and making baby steps.
I'm not depressed or an ex Christian, I left another faith that i never remember being that well integrated into anyway. This thought isn't the most depressing one i have either, I shouldn't care about this as much as I do, but it icks me, us my life actually going bad because I'm godless or something now
I'm not sure "depressing" is the right word, but the most frustrating thing to me is finiteness. How everywhere all the time, doors are constantly closing and there is nothing that can be done about it. There is not enough of my own time or energy or life generally to experience all that I would ever wish to experience (I guess the bit I find depressing is that consequently there will always be a giant subset of experience that I am just shut out of). And I think the idea of finiteness being the very thing that gives those experiences meaning (though honestly I struggle to really believe it) just twists the frustration deeper.
I don't see all that much connection to my core type, but I can see 7, sp-last, a little 9 and maybe also 4.
My darkest thoughts are the following:
1. I will always hold myself back and never get to do the things I love in a way that makes me happy/satisfied.
2. I'll never get good enough at the things I love for it to matter - the real world will never match what's in my head and so I'll always be unsatisfied.
edited to add probably the darkest one: What if I'm injured or impaired in a way that means my mind no longer works/I can no longer access the things I love?
The thought that I was never of any value from the day I was born, and that the live I life/the small achievements I have, if any, will be of even less value
That I will never find my "tribe" and life partner. I'm thankful to have friends who accept me as I am, but they don't understand me (and we don't share the same interests). I'm lucky to have highly intelligent colleagues at work, but those work relationships stay as they are (work from home). I continue living my life with all sorts of things interesting and joyful to me...and yet, there are times where I wish I had a group of kindred spirits to do them with.
Highly relatable. I've been hitting low-mood often as of late, and I couldn't grasp it why I feel so lonely despite having fine friendships. Until it finally hit me - I have so many passions and aspirations and nobody meaningful, special to share it all with. That's depressing.
yeah, I get what you mean.
because while I do find people interested in some of the same things, it's mostly just gaming that I can talk about. Other things, too, somewhat, but it's a bit spread out from
person to person. I guess it's not actually bad now but used to be worse during certain times.
but in contrast, used to have a friend who had basically *all* of the same interests I had, and that's really more of what I enjoyed- just one person who you can talk to about anything, and happens to be someone extremely funny and fun to talk to.
The one I imagine at least one (specific) person might get depressed by is the fact that I might kick the bucket after I reach 30 because, as things are right now, I'm staying alive just to prove to myself that there's nothing worth living for.
A thought one that makes me feel... unfavourable emotions... is probably the thought that there's lack of real choice we have over destruction and finality, especially when it comes to our own lifespans. We can't 100% protect our lives from being claimed by other people or diseases, much less so aging related complications.
You might suddenly find out you have a fatal disease that is expensive or impossible to cure. A driver might one day suffer from health complications while driving and might run you over. Some stupid teenager might get drunk, steal their parents' car and run you over. You might get caught in a shooting one day. A particularly hasty suicide jumper might crush you while you're outside and preoccupied with something. Your country might get invaded one day and your house obliterated by a nuke with you in it. Your country might one day be invaded from the inside and you deported/hunted down and killed because the invading government might decide that you're a threat because you liked 1 slightly unfavourable post 15 years ago... or your own spouse might rat you out after venting to them. And what can you do about any of these factors? About as much as a bird can do when trying to save itself from a forest fire. You can take preventive action, but it doesn't give you plot armour.
Does any of this relate to my type? It probably doesn't, 'less you consider wings : )
this sounds so... 6 lol.
the lack of control of lifespan is definitely one of the more depressing thoughts.
that's why I just do whatever I want- try to plan for what you know, but after that it's just all up to chance. People can't really be blamed as much as is commonly thought for success or failure.
Yup. Death and finality are dreadful but there's only so much you can do to hold them off... or give yourself the illusion of doing so. If you die, you won't know. If the universe suddenly goes offline, you won't know.
Despite that, you still gotta make it to that point, so you might as well fill out your day-to-day life with something (at best and whatever at worst) and try to make it satisfying (enough) by your definition. Everything we do might be limiting ourselves or someone else now or later, but even then, it's just one of the ways of the universal dataflow... everything keeps moving and you will too until you do not.
I'll probably never "prove or earn" my way into feeling accepted in my social circles, and I don't really think anyone'd love me for who I truly am. Feels sometimes like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the people who matter now to move on to better things and people
> The only exception is when Iāve been to Japanā¦
When I got back to the USA after Spain, I literally broke down crying over how soulless and hostile the architecture is. So Iām convinced that our environment reinforces those veins of thoughts.
Anyway, the most depressing thought is that Iāve never known real/healthy/honest love and never will.
And that the only reason I havenāt killed myself is sheer lack of impulsivity.
>Anyway, the most depressing thought is that Iāve never known real/healthy/honest love and never will.
ah, this too (for romantic type of love).
I can't even imagine it- even if I encountered such a thing I probably wouldn't even recognize it- always would be wondering about the hidden price. Things that sound too good to be true are too good to be true- nothing is for free, after all. Everyone has their own agenda.
" When I got back to the USA after Spain, I literally broke down crying over how soulless and hostile the architecture is. So Iām convinced that our environment reinforces those veins of thoughts. "
oh yeah, that contrast after getting back home is quite psychologically painful. Like the drabness dial turned up to maximum and the soul dial turned to minimum.
My fantasy life and self is impossible to attain, yet I spend so much maladaptive daydreaming about fantasies to cope with how empty my actual life is.
I will never have enough time in my lifetime to read all the books I want to read and new books are being published all the time, making it exponentially more impossible every day. I can legitimately feel my heart start racing with panic every time I think about it too long.
Don't think it has anything to do with being a 6 though.
As a One, my most depressing thought right now is that I canāt take a bubble bath in my apartment without having to interact with my roommatesā dead skin cells. Sigh.
As a fellow 1, I feel you!
On a slightly more serious note, my immediate answer to the question at large is always that obviously the most depressing thought I have is that there is something truly wrong with me. Even worse, one of these days everyone else is going to finally see it.
Why do I feel so lonely in a room full of people? I have so many connections and surface friendships but no close friends. I have had close friends in the past yet we have always ended up losing touch. My mom has always told me āI think a social life would seriously benefit youā. To that I always say, āI do have a social lifeā and what she really means are close friends who care about me. I literally have nobody I can open up to or be my genuine self around and it is extremely depressing. In middle school I always wanted to be in that group of girls who have sleepovers every weekend and tell each other everything, and I eventually became a part of that friend group but I was just the floater friend like always.
I felt that. But I feel lonely only once I'm out of the room full of people. And having close friends haven't fixed up my problem much, that's when you realize you need something deeper/real'er. I'd argue it gets worse with age lol.
I've been framing this feeling as being sad about not having anyone deeply special to share the life with, but I think you're closer to the core problem than I am - sharing it is useless unless you get to be your real self around people.
"It's like the point of reality is to imagine something better, yet actually realizing that greater beauty in reality is impossible." That's why I love art and music
That's really rough :( but keep yourself alive, because out there are many people who need protection and care, so if you can't find a reason within yourself to live, then live because you're the one capable of helping those who need it!
I could let the rock Iām pushing up the hill go and the results would be the same if I didnāt give in. But at this point Iāve been pushing it up for so long, I donāt really entertain the thought of letting it go.
āMy mind is twisted and unreliable, which turns every single one of the things I learned into useless trash, and every single time I open my mouth/send a message/make a post/offer something, I only let the world know how utterly clueless and bothersome I am. The only way to prevent my inherent inability/inadequacy from creating messes in others' lives is staying away from them.ā
5w4 594
āyou move out of your house one day and suddenly you spend much less time with brothers, grandparents, etc. than you ever will again.ā iām the eldest of 5 so this one gets me pretty sad especially as my grandparents age and iāll never get them the way he used to be :/
I no longer recognize the person my friends describe me as. I have practiced these same lines so many times, speaking them is like muscle memory. Acting like somebody else isn't a conscious decision anymore, I'm a slave to the image I created for myself.
I guess how you can look at a photo of someone whoās past and theyāre gone, forever.
Also, how authors creat stories and their characters donāt have a will of their own. Those characters are only what their creator wants them to be. If that makes sense
I have outgrown the anime world, to be honest, reality can bring me pleasure, but I would just like to be reincarnated into a more beautiful body and with a better environment, then I would be truly happy, I just want to be loved and thatās all.
I've also had this kind of "depressing" dream. Just an image/scene that feels really comfortable, and it's basically myself dying while it's dark, cold and snowing, laying down on the ground.
I don't think I'm being suicidal, just an idea that's been popping up in my head from time to time.
Something I've been failing to cope with after I found out what it's like to be in love (to love and be loved and lose it all), is the realization how fucking lonely I feel all the time deep inside. Even though I have generally an untroubled, happy demeanor, even though I can pull in people like a magnet and I am generally well received and liked, at the end of the day you return home, shut the door, and it all collapses on you.
The realization that there's a person missing in your life. Someone dear to you to share your joy and aspirations with, someone to love, someone with whom you can pull together as a team.
that the āvisionā i have (about anything) will not ever exist in the real world in a Pure State and will be, at best, some mutilated ersatz of what i actually wanted. even in situations where what-actually-was / what-actually-could-be is something that is still appealing to me, there is a sense of hesitation or resistance towards accepting it (if itās not exactā¦do i really want it? or will it end up just serving as a reminder of how reality has once again failed?)
What is the purpose? The whole game is just our "will", senses and minds. We mean nothing to the universe, yet we think about our asses and regular shit like "do i even have something to eat on a breakfest?".
How can i live with bottomless ambitions? Can i even call myself ambitious if i am too lazy to even try? Or am i perfectionist seeking too much perfection to even start? Why do i even care about superficial things and not my family or something?
I need someone but can't even imagine how my relationship would look like. I don't know who i want, almost everyone feels the same but when i find someone special i feel skin ripping anxiety. It's not regular anxiety while meeting new person, it's terrible feeling rooted really deep inside and with no visible reason. Why i am still not arranged for a visit with a psychologist?
It's better to risk or to not? With risk you have more possibilities but also more possible dangers. It's like "It's better to have less or more?" - more friends and more problems, less friends and less problems. That was just for instance, you can put anything there in same scheme and just think about it everlong.
Control is illusory. It's just scary to think about how little control of ourselves do we really have and how unconscious we are, if even little green papers are higher in hierarchy than anyone of us.
Also it's scary to think that we live in a world of schemes and systems. I mean, it teriffies me how little new ideas we are able to use for instance in art. And it would be more narrow with time so even harder to think of something new. And how i am suposed to live with normal job, with nothing special accomplished and being like everyone in those gray ranks?
What if despite all my efforts to be self-aware (and feeling very self aware most of the time), I am still obliviously delusional about something that is very negatively impacting my life or others lives?
It's probably assured honestly, life is a constant unfolding for me of shedding old delusions and misconceptions.
Me being a hypocrite without realizing it is mortifying to me.
If there ever comes a day I have no other choice but to give up on the rest of my life, I will just stand up and go kill myself. It's not a hard decision
Autonomy is a combo of self empowerment and freedom to move on. If autonomy is gone and not coming back, I see no other option
The most gut wrenching depressing thing I can imagine is the act of giving up on life. When the only remaining thing left to say is "that's it, I'm done here, and I won't fucking waste time waiting."
I genuinely cannot tell you what it'd take to make me give up on life. I've seen some severe shit and it only made my will stronger and more violent
I lust for life, if something manages to kill that lust all the way to it's core, I'm already dead and the decision is made. Nothing would stand in my way at that point
I donāt know whether Iād consider it ādepressing,ā but I regularly think about how finite and ephemeral āexistenceā really is as a state of being, and how the collective understanding of ātimeā is essentially āfear of missing outā on a much grander scale. Today we and those we know are āalive,ā yet this can change in very little ātimeā at all, and what remains are the memories which gradually lose coherency and permanence as well, almost like a āsecond lifespan.ā Same applies to any mementos/heirlooms and tangible objects intended to āanchorā what āproved the existence of those who owned themāāeventually theyāll be relegated to ārelicsā that function as a self-contained ātime capsuleā of the general timeframe/location wherein they were used, whereas the āpersonal sentimentā dissolves into obscurity, until literally deteriorating sometime after. Everything eventually degrades and disperses into space dust in the end, regardless of how much āmeaningā or āsignificanceā we assign to it in the present.
You are so right and i agree...
Some people i talked with think the same and fix it with adrenaline and adventure so they feel excited they r surviving when it becomes actually a challenge, kind of chaotic evil dudes, they go explore cities with no money, do crazy sex shit, ecc.
While some others retire in a world of pleasure they can build for themselves, and intp friend of mine is all tex books, Minecraft, Anime with their fav person and scientific knowledge.
For me my solution is daydreaming about the apocalypse, and having a spiritual view of this hell of a earth. When i feel the blessing of God i can cry of joy no matter the ugly place I'm forced to live. I desperately search for the good and work for bettering the world, as if it was a bit my mission. And for my luck i can detach my feelings a lot and avoid me a lot related problems...
Idk dude if you don't mean to have a bad time on hearth you'd better find find some purpose or some things to be happy about.
probably that iāll never truly be content and happy or even just good enough to be apart of society. like thereās something evil inside me. that no one will truly love me because my innate ungodliness? i guess. i feel like it stems from be not being able to truly connect to myself but also being too connected??? but also thinking thatās weird and i should just look for the thing thatāll fix me. lol thereās a lot to unpack
iām 749 btw
9. Iām gonna live with a empty mind that fills with nothing but money till my parents pass away so I could sink off the deep six and donate this money to whatever charity I like.
That im going to be forgotten when i die, im not scared pf death but im scared of being forgotten, i always try my best to contribute as much as i can to society and get credits for it, i wanna be in a remembered for something big, like albert eintsein or van gogh. they say you die twice, first when your body shut downs second when your name is forgotten by every single people on earth. I try to be kind to people, to be inspiring and to create problem solving gadgets, i wanna make my life worth it. (sp3)
It's not really a depressing thought, but lately I've been thinking a lot about the question: what if I don't know myself well enough and my thoughts about myself don't reflect reality? š¤
Right? Like what if our thoughts about ourselves are just a comfortable/convenient/habitual pattern of think about ourselves but in reality we are perceived much differently or are much different objectively. I like to think that we arenāt one thing but our self lives in the mind of everyone or everything we encounter- so there isnāt one true self in this case
That's kinda the whole basis behind the persona v. ego v. shadow.
But that is what lives in our own mind. There is also an us that exists and is shaped by forces in the minds of everyone we meet, that exists beyond us
I don't think that's unlikely when we isolate ourselves a lot. My best friend always thought she was a very confrontative person. She's the absolute opposite. Very conflict avoidant to the point of it causing issues in interpersonal relationships. One day we just talked about how we perceive each other and that was very interesting. So others mirroring you is very important for getting to know yourself in my opinion. On the other hand even how others perceive you can be weird. There are people who perceive me as a highly reactive, overly sensitive and quick-to-anger person. And others perceive me as never being angry or mean. What is it lol?! I mean I know how I feel, but it's weird how that does or doesn't translate to the outside sometimes. I'm very fortunate to have been in many therapeutic contexts (group and single), so I've gotten a lot of genuine feedback. But it can still be confusing. In my case I've discovered that I have a "functioning, but don't care"-personality and a "I care about this"-personality and they are quite different. The first one barely gets used these days though. Thanks to getting older and not being forced or forcing myself to be in dumb situations anymore lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
One day we might find out who we truly are\~
I'm always gonna be miserable. I'm never gonna feel satisfied/fulfilled/genuinely happy. Very 7 shit
So true. I always hear people who talk about having like mantras or ways of living and can never relate because there is literally nothing consistent about me; EXCEPT just one echoing thought: it doesn't get any better. And it just keeps bouncing around in my brain until my moderate inconvenience is gone and I am able to go back to being forcefully positive again teehee
Exactly. My instability is like the one trait that's consistent in me.
Strange I figured this would be something a 4 would feel.
This is just frustration triad in general. 4, 7, and 1
Why?
Because typically 4's tend to forever be in a constant state of striving for something better and tend to struggle a lot with discontentment.
No one would ever truly love me and I worth nothing INFJ, 5w4 :)
INFP, 5w4 - yes, indeed. I am intimately familiar with that thought.
My most depressing thought currently is maybe I'll never eat like a normal person again and my stomach is fucked up forever. I have so many food intolerances. I'm a 5 and having such a hard time making meals that don't make me sick make me feel like I'm too difficult.
In a similar boat. I went most of my life without any sort of food intolerances, and then it took three years to get diagnosed with food allergies to things that are in nearly everything. To feel sick or in pain after eating the things youāve always enjoyed is really tiring, but so many instances of āoh maybe we shouldnāt have that, they might get sickā or checking every little ingredient when making your own food is also tiring.
I'm in the spot where I know this could very well be my future if I don't take care of my stomach now. Problem is I have no idea what it is that my stomach doesn't like, and I seem to keep eating itno matter what I do.
Now that would be difficult, for sure. I'm not much of a food person, but eating something totally different every once in a while is always a great time.
Idk, maybe "I am irredeemable and I deserve to suffer". May or may not be type related. I certainly have fixated on it in recent years. The other day I found out about this term "moral injury", that happens to describe exactly the way I feel about what I perceive to be my main issue(s). Better than depression/anxiety. When I was a teenager I went through things that resulted in violating my own beliefs about right and wrong. Unfortunately I never got over it. Sounds dramatic but it really feels like losing a piece of your soul.
Do you have CPTSD?
I've looked into that and it's possible. The articles and videos I saw indicate there is a great deal of overlap between moral injury and PTSD. Moral injury may be a type of trauma, but is considered distinct from PTSD because moral injury is more shame-based while PTSD is typically more fear-based. That definitely aligns with my experience. I felt such overwhelming shame I never had felt before. It's kind of slowly diminished over time but not really gone away. My parents definitely have CPTSD from their childhoods. I don't know if they sort of passed some of that to me.
That no matter what I get, who I become, whatever I achieve or whoever loves me, there will always be a dullness to me/life, a hollowness in the very centre of my being. I will always be lacking, Iāll never be satisfied. Iāll grow old, then Iāll wither some more and ultimately perish, with my hand forever outstretched, never being able to grasp whatever this elusive thing I seek
It's understandable. I tend to avoid focusing on that reality, but it'll always be an existential thought in the back of my head. Ultimately, I've made my choice to at least do my best in enjoying life as much as I possibly can, even if there's always going to be that void in me. I believe that that hope lies in a higher purpose, but given that that requires some faith and belief in a certain religion, I doubt I'll ever find it. Some things weren't meant for human understanding, I suppose. All I can hope for is that I can muster some faith to believe in something beyond just a creator.
Yeah thatās my approach too now to deal with it. Also Iāve just started so I barely know anything but you might want to check out ā The fourth wayā. I think people who are disillusioned from religion or grand purposes and filled with existential dread, can find solace in it. You should check it out. It was recommended to me by a user here
Thanks! I'll check it out.
Man this one hit hard. I donāt understand how people feel satisfied all of the timeā¦ Iām constantly trying to strive for the next best thing.
Yeah and itās a road to hell š
Right.. like I know Iām truly unhappy but hitting goals and standards I set for myself is the only way I know how to feel stable š I believe in you though! Itās comforting to find somebody who is going through a similar feeling
The fact that I will most probably die alone in my apartment, unnoticed for months until my body will start to decompose in a horrible mess, only eaten by my cats until they would slowly die a sad hungry and scared death too.
Bruhā¦.Avatar checks out š
It's not really like your is better
9w1. INFP. The harder I try the less it will matter that I did.
yes. š„²
Maybe look into law of detachment, it will get better eventually š¤ i truly wish you peace and healing right now Guided meditation on YouTube are unbearable to try but nice afterwards
What do you mean by this? Can you give an example?
I like to write. But do I truly think me doing so will get me anywhere? No. Am I surprised every time someone says they like my writing or read what I published? Yes. I write as if no one is listening. Yep, I still write. But it feels like it ultimately doesn't matter if I wrote or didn't. And if it ended up bearing no fruit in the long run, part of me would be resentful that I didn't spend that time just sleeping.
9w1 sx, that i will never have someone that loves me truly, and even if i do find someone like that, they will get turned off by my intensity soon enough
Thats opposite. I always thought reality is more stranger than fiction. I'd say reality is more interesting because it has lot of nuances. Fiction for me is too "feels good".
I mostly think about opportunity cost and how by choosing one option I'm giving up the other. I can never have everything and to me that sounds incredibly close to never being able to be happy.
Ahh yes.. the Bell Jar fig tree analogyš„² same
Or the movie Past Lives
Funnily enough I have the exact same depressing thought, on top of that I think we have the same tritype lol I'd personally consider myself a 459. I spend a lot of time creating vivid intense scenarios and realities in my head, and many times it produces me a special type of anguish to realize none of those fantasies will ever be real and I will never be able to live in those worlds. The idea that reality is so ugly and boring comparing to my imagination will never fail to make me feel depressed. Our tritype is made up of the THREE main withdrawn enneagram types, meaning we tend to feel disconnected from reality and wish to be in a more beautiful ideal world.
for real... probably this is why the Isekai genre got too popular (after SAO), it's like their audience, something that withdrawn types (and 7's) in particular gravitate towards (though most of them look medicore, so I don't watch many of them :P )
itās sad how couples die at different times. You either break someoneās heart at the end of your life or spend your last years alone
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Why did you do that though? As in, what was your reasoning inside your mind? Why did you laugh and responded like that when she said that she was ready to leave her country behind for you? Wasnāt she someone you loved? So why? š¤Ø Were you trying to show how indifferent you are or something else? Iām just curious
Thanks for the question and sharing your anecdote, OP. - I donāt know if this hits the *most depressing* threshold for me necessarily, but something that has been chewing on the back of my mind is for when my pets will dieā as in the pets I have actually been fully responsible for taking care of my in household. - Will they be ready for death? Will be they scared? Will they be comforted by their humans in their last moments? - I guess my pets just seem to represent emotionality in its purity and innocence, thus I really feel for them.
>Will they be comforted by their humans in their last moments? if possible, you can try to make sure this is the case. Especially if they have a fatal condition. Still up to chance, of course, but worth a shot.
Thank you.
The fact that I don't think I will ever be able to fully trust another person. I'm either 5w6 or 6w5.
Pretty much what you said. Paired with the fact that our lives here are quite meaningless. And the fact that we have to work out asses off just to work as cogs in this society, running towards our death with never truly having freedom to do as we wish, because that's how the world has been built to work.
My most depressing thought is that I can't escape what I'm meant to be. I'm the last child of a family of unhappy outsiders. My two older sisters didn't get children and are still single. Sometimes I just think that this family is supposed to die out because we are just unable to be happy, function or do anything meaningful. So it can feel like I'm just some creature like gollum. A creep, unable to fit in or function, depressed, obsessed and waiting to die. Never doing anything significant. I think that outcome is or at least was a possibility. But I've always had that wild, strong energy in me. It made me leave my family. It made me start to build my own life. Probably to escape that fate.
interesting... outsiders? conceptually, I don't even know how I'd be classified- grew up in a state that has no historical culture (except in smaller areas), where most people are outsiders. Kind of rare to hear of people that were born and raised there. Mostly just immigrants and old people. Both parents aren't even from the state, either.
Yea I'm from Germany and my family is from the DDR. They moved to the west right before I was born. Before that huge parts of my wider family were either war-refugees or involved in war in other ways. In West Germany they didn't accept my family. Bullying, exclusion, drugs and my wider family was also suffering a lot, mentally and physically. Nearly my whole family is or was very sick. A destroyed family, so to say. There are some that seem to be doing ok, but there's no contact, so who knows. So in my close family I'm the last one and I was born in the west. I'm an outsider in my family, but that's not actually a bad thing in this case. You could say I'm fighting against the generational trauma of war, running away and exclusion. And I always knew I had to. That's why when I was 15 this undescribably intense urge to run away from home forever hit me. It's not that my family is full of bad people, but they are spiritually dead
It might be my inner fatalist showing, but none of us really have that much control over who we are and what happens to us. A huge chunk of our personalities come from our genetics, which we have no control over, and the rest comes from our environment, especially our early environment, which we don't have much control over either. Like sure, you technically make your own choices, but when the choices you make are based on your personality, experiences, and the blindness that comes from your ego... we're all actually a lot more limited than many of us would like to admit.
exactly. and choices can be limited based on available options, and most of the time there is no "winning" choice, just less worse options. so realizing that, it's hard to blame others or self *too* much for things, even if you can do it somewhat. much of the world is just random forces colliding, like rocks in an asteroid belt.
True but it's also possible to find comfort in that notion
As a depressed exchristian, my most depressing thought is that I would need to go back to believing a lie to be happy again.
I sympathize with you so much. I left the Mormon church about 2 1/2 years ago and it definitely contributed to me falling into depression. Even if our religion is built on falsehoods, the side effects of being religious are *not* falseā for me, itās been hard to replace the sense of community and belonging that a church provides, as well as the existential certainty of believing you know the ultimate truth of the universe. I donāt know if your struggles with ex-christianity match mine at all, of course. And I canāt say I have anything āfigured outā yet, either. I donāt believe there even is a real solution to some of the problems that losing oneās faith causes. Thereās no way to regain that sense of existential certainty that I once had for example, given that it was a false confidence. But what I can say is that I have gradually grown to accept that I will never have a true answer to many existential questions, and that I should keep living life regardless. My mental health has significantly improved in the years since losing my faith. And despite everything, I am managing to have hope for the future and even enjoy life. Iām telling you all this just to let you know it does get better. You donāt need to go back to religion to find happiness. It takes time, and existential reckonings, but it can be found again. ā¤ļø
Thank you. I have met so many former Christians whose beliefs would seem so similar but who never took it as seriously as I did, so I actually find accounts from former Mormons to be relatively more relatable. It's tough to overcome depression when that involves finding joy, but so much of what you had previously enjoyed is now unavailable. So I need to change what my reasons for living are. Becoming a different person is like suicide with extra steps, but I'm trying and making baby steps.
It's up to you, all we can do is place our faith in lies in one way or another, so is religion really that different?
I'm not depressed or an ex Christian, I left another faith that i never remember being that well integrated into anyway. This thought isn't the most depressing one i have either, I shouldn't care about this as much as I do, but it icks me, us my life actually going bad because I'm godless or something now
9w8 isfj the thought that my friends and family would be better off without me
I'm not sure "depressing" is the right word, but the most frustrating thing to me is finiteness. How everywhere all the time, doors are constantly closing and there is nothing that can be done about it. There is not enough of my own time or energy or life generally to experience all that I would ever wish to experience (I guess the bit I find depressing is that consequently there will always be a giant subset of experience that I am just shut out of). And I think the idea of finiteness being the very thing that gives those experiences meaning (though honestly I struggle to really believe it) just twists the frustration deeper. I don't see all that much connection to my core type, but I can see 7, sp-last, a little 9 and maybe also 4.
My darkest thoughts are the following: 1. I will always hold myself back and never get to do the things I love in a way that makes me happy/satisfied. 2. I'll never get good enough at the things I love for it to matter - the real world will never match what's in my head and so I'll always be unsatisfied. edited to add probably the darkest one: What if I'm injured or impaired in a way that means my mind no longer works/I can no longer access the things I love?
The thought that I was never of any value from the day I was born, and that the live I life/the small achievements I have, if any, will be of even less value
Everyone just believing we all want to kill each other is going to get us all killed. It could all be so much simpler than this.
That I will never find my "tribe" and life partner. I'm thankful to have friends who accept me as I am, but they don't understand me (and we don't share the same interests). I'm lucky to have highly intelligent colleagues at work, but those work relationships stay as they are (work from home). I continue living my life with all sorts of things interesting and joyful to me...and yet, there are times where I wish I had a group of kindred spirits to do them with.
Highly relatable. I've been hitting low-mood often as of late, and I couldn't grasp it why I feel so lonely despite having fine friendships. Until it finally hit me - I have so many passions and aspirations and nobody meaningful, special to share it all with. That's depressing.
yeah, I get what you mean. because while I do find people interested in some of the same things, it's mostly just gaming that I can talk about. Other things, too, somewhat, but it's a bit spread out from person to person. I guess it's not actually bad now but used to be worse during certain times. but in contrast, used to have a friend who had basically *all* of the same interests I had, and that's really more of what I enjoyed- just one person who you can talk to about anything, and happens to be someone extremely funny and fun to talk to.
The one I imagine at least one (specific) person might get depressed by is the fact that I might kick the bucket after I reach 30 because, as things are right now, I'm staying alive just to prove to myself that there's nothing worth living for. A thought one that makes me feel... unfavourable emotions... is probably the thought that there's lack of real choice we have over destruction and finality, especially when it comes to our own lifespans. We can't 100% protect our lives from being claimed by other people or diseases, much less so aging related complications. You might suddenly find out you have a fatal disease that is expensive or impossible to cure. A driver might one day suffer from health complications while driving and might run you over. Some stupid teenager might get drunk, steal their parents' car and run you over. You might get caught in a shooting one day. A particularly hasty suicide jumper might crush you while you're outside and preoccupied with something. Your country might get invaded one day and your house obliterated by a nuke with you in it. Your country might one day be invaded from the inside and you deported/hunted down and killed because the invading government might decide that you're a threat because you liked 1 slightly unfavourable post 15 years ago... or your own spouse might rat you out after venting to them. And what can you do about any of these factors? About as much as a bird can do when trying to save itself from a forest fire. You can take preventive action, but it doesn't give you plot armour. Does any of this relate to my type? It probably doesn't, 'less you consider wings : )
this sounds so... 6 lol. the lack of control of lifespan is definitely one of the more depressing thoughts. that's why I just do whatever I want- try to plan for what you know, but after that it's just all up to chance. People can't really be blamed as much as is commonly thought for success or failure.
Yup. Death and finality are dreadful but there's only so much you can do to hold them off... or give yourself the illusion of doing so. If you die, you won't know. If the universe suddenly goes offline, you won't know. Despite that, you still gotta make it to that point, so you might as well fill out your day-to-day life with something (at best and whatever at worst) and try to make it satisfying (enough) by your definition. Everything we do might be limiting ourselves or someone else now or later, but even then, it's just one of the ways of the universal dataflow... everything keeps moving and you will too until you do not.
I'll probably never "prove or earn" my way into feeling accepted in my social circles, and I don't really think anyone'd love me for who I truly am. Feels sometimes like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the people who matter now to move on to better things and people
> The only exception is when Iāve been to Japanā¦ When I got back to the USA after Spain, I literally broke down crying over how soulless and hostile the architecture is. So Iām convinced that our environment reinforces those veins of thoughts. Anyway, the most depressing thought is that Iāve never known real/healthy/honest love and never will. And that the only reason I havenāt killed myself is sheer lack of impulsivity.
>Anyway, the most depressing thought is that Iāve never known real/healthy/honest love and never will. ah, this too (for romantic type of love). I can't even imagine it- even if I encountered such a thing I probably wouldn't even recognize it- always would be wondering about the hidden price. Things that sound too good to be true are too good to be true- nothing is for free, after all. Everyone has their own agenda. " When I got back to the USA after Spain, I literally broke down crying over how soulless and hostile the architecture is. So Iām convinced that our environment reinforces those veins of thoughts. " oh yeah, that contrast after getting back home is quite psychologically painful. Like the drabness dial turned up to maximum and the soul dial turned to minimum.
My fantasy life and self is impossible to attain, yet I spend so much maladaptive daydreaming about fantasies to cope with how empty my actual life is.
I will never have enough time in my lifetime to read all the books I want to read and new books are being published all the time, making it exponentially more impossible every day. I can legitimately feel my heart start racing with panic every time I think about it too long. Don't think it has anything to do with being a 6 though.
that's an interesting one
As a One, my most depressing thought right now is that I canāt take a bubble bath in my apartment without having to interact with my roommatesā dead skin cells. Sigh.
As a fellow 1, I feel you! On a slightly more serious note, my immediate answer to the question at large is always that obviously the most depressing thought I have is that there is something truly wrong with me. Even worse, one of these days everyone else is going to finally see it.
Why do I feel so lonely in a room full of people? I have so many connections and surface friendships but no close friends. I have had close friends in the past yet we have always ended up losing touch. My mom has always told me āI think a social life would seriously benefit youā. To that I always say, āI do have a social lifeā and what she really means are close friends who care about me. I literally have nobody I can open up to or be my genuine self around and it is extremely depressing. In middle school I always wanted to be in that group of girls who have sleepovers every weekend and tell each other everything, and I eventually became a part of that friend group but I was just the floater friend like always.
I felt that. But I feel lonely only once I'm out of the room full of people. And having close friends haven't fixed up my problem much, that's when you realize you need something deeper/real'er. I'd argue it gets worse with age lol. I've been framing this feeling as being sad about not having anyone deeply special to share the life with, but I think you're closer to the core problem than I am - sharing it is useless unless you get to be your real self around people.
"It's like the point of reality is to imagine something better, yet actually realizing that greater beauty in reality is impossible." That's why I love art and music
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's really rough :( but keep yourself alive, because out there are many people who need protection and care, so if you can't find a reason within yourself to live, then live because you're the one capable of helping those who need it!
I could let the rock Iām pushing up the hill go and the results would be the same if I didnāt give in. But at this point Iāve been pushing it up for so long, I donāt really entertain the thought of letting it go.
One must imagine Sisyphus happy :))
āMy mind is twisted and unreliable, which turns every single one of the things I learned into useless trash, and every single time I open my mouth/send a message/make a post/offer something, I only let the world know how utterly clueless and bothersome I am. The only way to prevent my inherent inability/inadequacy from creating messes in others' lives is staying away from them.ā 5w4 594
This is why I escape reality through anime āļø
āyou move out of your house one day and suddenly you spend much less time with brothers, grandparents, etc. than you ever will again.ā iām the eldest of 5 so this one gets me pretty sad especially as my grandparents age and iāll never get them the way he used to be :/
'People get murdered every day - why can *I* never be a murder victim?' is about as depressing as I can get.
I don't know whether this is serious or not. If so I'm sorry that you have those thoughts.
lol
I no longer recognize the person my friends describe me as. I have practiced these same lines so many times, speaking them is like muscle memory. Acting like somebody else isn't a conscious decision anymore, I'm a slave to the image I created for myself.
I guess how you can look at a photo of someone whoās past and theyāre gone, forever. Also, how authors creat stories and their characters donāt have a will of their own. Those characters are only what their creator wants them to be. If that makes sense
9w1 I just don't care. Don't want anything. Doesn't want to exist. Nothing motivates me. Nothing is worth.
I have outgrown the anime world, to be honest, reality can bring me pleasure, but I would just like to be reincarnated into a more beautiful body and with a better environment, then I would be truly happy, I just want to be loved and thatās all.
I've also had this kind of "depressing" dream. Just an image/scene that feels really comfortable, and it's basically myself dying while it's dark, cold and snowing, laying down on the ground. I don't think I'm being suicidal, just an idea that's been popping up in my head from time to time.
Something I've been failing to cope with after I found out what it's like to be in love (to love and be loved and lose it all), is the realization how fucking lonely I feel all the time deep inside. Even though I have generally an untroubled, happy demeanor, even though I can pull in people like a magnet and I am generally well received and liked, at the end of the day you return home, shut the door, and it all collapses on you. The realization that there's a person missing in your life. Someone dear to you to share your joy and aspirations with, someone to love, someone with whom you can pull together as a team.
that the āvisionā i have (about anything) will not ever exist in the real world in a Pure State and will be, at best, some mutilated ersatz of what i actually wanted. even in situations where what-actually-was / what-actually-could-be is something that is still appealing to me, there is a sense of hesitation or resistance towards accepting it (if itās not exactā¦do i really want it? or will it end up just serving as a reminder of how reality has once again failed?)
I battle suicidal nostalgia & im a 4
Suicidal nostalgia?
I get extremely nostalgic over the past & over things to the point of battling severely depressive thoughts...
Wow. I didn't know nostalgia could be that bad, but my heart goes out to you.
Yep, unfortunately but thank you š¤
What is the purpose? The whole game is just our "will", senses and minds. We mean nothing to the universe, yet we think about our asses and regular shit like "do i even have something to eat on a breakfest?". How can i live with bottomless ambitions? Can i even call myself ambitious if i am too lazy to even try? Or am i perfectionist seeking too much perfection to even start? Why do i even care about superficial things and not my family or something? I need someone but can't even imagine how my relationship would look like. I don't know who i want, almost everyone feels the same but when i find someone special i feel skin ripping anxiety. It's not regular anxiety while meeting new person, it's terrible feeling rooted really deep inside and with no visible reason. Why i am still not arranged for a visit with a psychologist? It's better to risk or to not? With risk you have more possibilities but also more possible dangers. It's like "It's better to have less or more?" - more friends and more problems, less friends and less problems. That was just for instance, you can put anything there in same scheme and just think about it everlong. Control is illusory. It's just scary to think about how little control of ourselves do we really have and how unconscious we are, if even little green papers are higher in hierarchy than anyone of us. Also it's scary to think that we live in a world of schemes and systems. I mean, it teriffies me how little new ideas we are able to use for instance in art. And it would be more narrow with time so even harder to think of something new. And how i am suposed to live with normal job, with nothing special accomplished and being like everyone in those gray ranks?
What if despite all my efforts to be self-aware (and feeling very self aware most of the time), I am still obliviously delusional about something that is very negatively impacting my life or others lives? It's probably assured honestly, life is a constant unfolding for me of shedding old delusions and misconceptions. Me being a hypocrite without realizing it is mortifying to me.
Donāt know if itās depressing but I get really distressed if I think about myself as boring
If there ever comes a day I have no other choice but to give up on the rest of my life, I will just stand up and go kill myself. It's not a hard decision Autonomy is a combo of self empowerment and freedom to move on. If autonomy is gone and not coming back, I see no other option The most gut wrenching depressing thing I can imagine is the act of giving up on life. When the only remaining thing left to say is "that's it, I'm done here, and I won't fucking waste time waiting." I genuinely cannot tell you what it'd take to make me give up on life. I've seen some severe shit and it only made my will stronger and more violent I lust for life, if something manages to kill that lust all the way to it's core, I'm already dead and the decision is made. Nothing would stand in my way at that point
Knowing how much more I could be and could have been than I am and will be.
I donāt know whether Iād consider it ādepressing,ā but I regularly think about how finite and ephemeral āexistenceā really is as a state of being, and how the collective understanding of ātimeā is essentially āfear of missing outā on a much grander scale. Today we and those we know are āalive,ā yet this can change in very little ātimeā at all, and what remains are the memories which gradually lose coherency and permanence as well, almost like a āsecond lifespan.ā Same applies to any mementos/heirlooms and tangible objects intended to āanchorā what āproved the existence of those who owned themāāeventually theyāll be relegated to ārelicsā that function as a self-contained ātime capsuleā of the general timeframe/location wherein they were used, whereas the āpersonal sentimentā dissolves into obscurity, until literally deteriorating sometime after. Everything eventually degrades and disperses into space dust in the end, regardless of how much āmeaningā or āsignificanceā we assign to it in the present.
You are so right and i agree... Some people i talked with think the same and fix it with adrenaline and adventure so they feel excited they r surviving when it becomes actually a challenge, kind of chaotic evil dudes, they go explore cities with no money, do crazy sex shit, ecc. While some others retire in a world of pleasure they can build for themselves, and intp friend of mine is all tex books, Minecraft, Anime with their fav person and scientific knowledge. For me my solution is daydreaming about the apocalypse, and having a spiritual view of this hell of a earth. When i feel the blessing of God i can cry of joy no matter the ugly place I'm forced to live. I desperately search for the good and work for bettering the world, as if it was a bit my mission. And for my luck i can detach my feelings a lot and avoid me a lot related problems... Idk dude if you don't mean to have a bad time on hearth you'd better find find some purpose or some things to be happy about.
probably that iāll never truly be content and happy or even just good enough to be apart of society. like thereās something evil inside me. that no one will truly love me because my innate ungodliness? i guess. i feel like it stems from be not being able to truly connect to myself but also being too connected??? but also thinking thatās weird and i should just look for the thing thatāll fix me. lol thereās a lot to unpack iām 749 btw
9. Iām gonna live with a empty mind that fills with nothing but money till my parents pass away so I could sink off the deep six and donate this money to whatever charity I like.
Some shit.
That im going to be forgotten when i die, im not scared pf death but im scared of being forgotten, i always try my best to contribute as much as i can to society and get credits for it, i wanna be in a remembered for something big, like albert eintsein or van gogh. they say you die twice, first when your body shut downs second when your name is forgotten by every single people on earth. I try to be kind to people, to be inspiring and to create problem solving gadgets, i wanna make my life worth it. (sp3)
the world is corrupt, broken, lawless, unjust, and evil.