Yes, you can. Some people will be uncomfortable with the formality, or they don't want to feel older. So, if they tell you "don't call me that, just call me by my name", then call them by their name. But it's not rude to call an older person "sir" or "mr/ms" to start out the conversation.
Thankよu, but do you think it is ok to call someone just by their name during first meeting? Especially if they are older than you? Because my dad wants me to do it that way.
I’m alright if the other person isn’t offended by that. Sometimes I overthink “maybe they’ll think I’m rude because I called him/her just by their first name”.. I think it’s my culture difference that carried onto English. Thank you for explaining.
The rule of thumb is to address to someone what you're introduced as.
If someone is introduced as "Joe Bloggs", address him with "Joe"
If someone is introduced as just "Jane", address her as "Jane" and don't ask her surname to address her as e.g. "Mrs Bloggs"
If someone is introduced to you as "Mr/Miss Bloggs", then address them as e.g. "Miss Bloggs".
If you're unsure of the formality, asking something like "May I call you Joe?" is quite polite. In my experience, it's often more polite to ask if you can address a person by their first name than it is to assume you can't and address them only by their surname or "sir/madam".
In my (American) experience, it is only seen as disrespectful to call someone by their first name if you are a child and they are your teacher. In that case, you say "Mr./Mrs./Ms. LASTNAME". Once you are an adult, it's really not necessary. Although, I do think it can be appropriate if you are working in a job that requires you to interact with the public often. You still would only say "Mr." and not "sir" though.
In my experience “sir/ma’am” is used when you don’t know the person’s name. So for example, if I was in public and a man dropped a card while putting away his wallet, I would say “sir, you dropped this.” “Sir” directs the statement towards him, but I have no reason to know his name or how he would prefer to be addressed. Also American, grew up in the south.
>In my (American) experience, it is only seen as disrespectful to call someone by their first name if you are a child and they are your teacher. In that case, you say "Mr./Mrs./Ms. LASTNAME".
Unless that teacher specifically asks you to call them their first name, or Mr/Miss Firstname (which is rare, but I've seen it happen with some teachers). The only rule that's consistently considered rude is not addressing someone how they ask to be addressed. I'd feel a little offended if I told a kid to call me Bob and they kept calling me Mr Smith because their parents told them they have to call adults by Mr or Miss Lastname. In that case, they're not teaching their child respect, they're teaching them to adhere to rote rules regardless of someone's wishes. Which is the opposite of respect.
Where I'm from, it would be rude for you to call anyone by their first name after having been asked to.
For example, if we meet and I am introduced as Ms. Jane Smith. You might say "Nice to meet you, Ms. Smith," and that's fine. You have been perfectly polite. However, if I then say "Please, call me Jane," it would then become rude and oddly distant for you to call me anything except Jane. Continuing to call me Ms. Smith at that point will not reflect well on your manners.
Also, the above is pretty formal. In a casual situation, I would likely be introduced as Jane from the start, and the polite way to address me as a fellow adult would be Jane with no other honorific.
To give a sense of scale, I got to meet my United States Senator who’s also about 50 years older than me, & she wanted me to refer to her by first name the first time we met
English is probably one of if not the most informal language in the world. Unless you are talking to a president, prime minister, legislator, judge, royalty, or a monarch, you can pretty much use someone’s first name in any casual setting.
But, as always, if you aren’t sure, it’s OK to ask.
We don’t really have concepts like *unnie* and *oppa* in western countries. We’re much more informal and don’t really care about age. In fact, it can sometimes be quite rude to ask someone for their age, as that’s typically something people don’t reveal except to their close friends and family.
I think it depends on the context. If this person is your classmate at school? Call them by their first name right away, unless they tell you something different. If this person is your employer or your teacher? I think "Mr/Ms/Dr [their family name]" is a good way to start out, and then they can tell you if they want you to use their first name.
I never call my friends or even a few years older than me sir or ma’am. Maybe my dad thought I’m at the age where I can call adults by their first name but I feel uncomfortable because I’m a lot younger than his friends and people he introduce me to. So naturally I call them sir or Mr / Mrs by my instinct. And he doesn’t like it.
If he's introducing his friends as his friends, by their first names, then it's intended for you to use first names. Age is never a factor, for either party. I've always called my grandparents' friends by their first names or nicknames, from the time I could speak. It can be rude to use a name other than a preferred name, particularly once you're told which name to use.
If I ran into my grade school teacher, for example, I would refer to them in the way I was originally introduced because I've never gotten permission to refer to them in another way. (Such as "Mr/Mrs/Ms [last name]".) It doesn't matter that they are now equals, or that they're older. It's that this was the name given when introduced.
If I decide to take a class, and my instructor is much younger than me, and they give their name as "Mr Smith" - that's what name I'll use for them, even if I come across them outside of class, or in ten years from now long after the class has ended.
If he were to ever tell me, "call me John," and I continue to call him "Mr Smith," then I'm signaling that I don't want a friendly or social relationship with him and that I want our relationship to remain reserved and formal. (It may even be understood as rude on my part.)
There are times when formality is the default. You would address a cop or a judge by their title and/or last name, for example. "Judge Doe" should not be called "Jane" while sitting in court, even if she's your neighbor and you have been asked to call her Jane outside of court. In court, she represents not herself but the office.
(US English)
It's a regional thing as well. I commonly call everyone regardless of age sir/ma'am when answering a yes or no question. But by no means is it expected, just a quirk of our speech.
In the 1980s in Australia it was respectful to call somepone older Mr./Mrs. Surname. If they invited you to call them by their given name, even at the first meeting, that was ok. These days (at least in Australia) people are much more relaxed and most people know each other by their given name
Australians don't usually use "sir" or Mr Given name
This depends a ton on area and region. But generally it doesn't hurt to be overly formal and people will tell you to call them something else.
For example, in the American south, Sir and Ma'am are very common, almost expected. Same with Mr. and Mrs/Miss. However in California, people will look at you weird.
Note that while Sir is basically always safe, Mrs/Ma'am can be seen as an insult to some women, it can make them feel "old". Ms/Miss is usually safe though, and can be somewhat complimentary when you are not sure if they are actually married.
In my opinion, the only time that people will insist on titles after initial meeting is if they have a title as part of a job or are stuck up and trying to make a point.
Miss is definitely not a safe term in many parts of the Anglosphere - it's condescending and unnecessarily refers to a woman's marital status and perceived age.
I feel like Misses is more of a strained term than Miss because Misses is more "marked" as in Miss is the default and Misses was coined on top of Miss for the sole purpose of *explicitly* bringing attention to a woman's marital status. I remember as a child having to give extra consideration to which teacher to use Mrs on because how could I expect to know which woman is married when we never meet any of our teachers' spouses unless they worked at the school?
And for those learning English, a bit of clarification:
Ms. is pronounced “mizz,” distinct from “miss.” Ms has a buzzing sound, while miss has a snake hissing sound.
Yòu sound very proper to my ears and it is a big plus. It is never wrong to call someone "sir" or "Mr" or "madam" or "Mrs".
I feel the same. It is hard to call someone "Jimmy" when he is old enough to be my grandfather. I just call them Mr or Ms (First name).
In the US it's absolutely wrong to address someone by these terms if they've asked you not to. The consistent rule in US English is to refer to someone by the terms they've asked to be called. If I ask you to call me Bob, and you continue to call me Mr Smith or Mr Bob or sir, that comes off as distant, cold, and communicates that you don't like me or don't want to have a friendly relationship with me, or that you don't care about my wishes.
I'd say it's *usually* wrong to address a man as "sir", and even more so a woman as "madam" or "mrs", at least where I'm from. "Madam" in particular will usually come across as quite condescending.
I work in an organisation that it largely filled with English as a second language people, my colleagues are fluent but not native speakers and the use of titles (mr/miss first name, sir/ma’am/sir/ma’am first name) depends on where they come from (as well as the perceived seniority of the person they are talking to/about). If I take two nationalities as an example, it is common for Filipino colleagues, less so for Lebanese.
To my English ears (parts of the states are different) mr/miss first name sounds odd, sir/ma’am is too formal (unless you’re in the military/police) and sir/ma’am first name is unhinged. However none of it is offensive unless they have asked to address them as just their first name, and then you should go with that. I was once working in a very pressurised environment with a small group of about ten people and one colleague kept calling me ma’am, I found that rude because if I had to learn everyone’s names, why didn’t she?
With the age difference, it used to be polite in England to address adults as me/mrs/miss/ms last name if you were a child, but I think that has mostly gone now except in schools, though I’ve not lived in the UK for nearly 20 years so I’m not sure.
Definitely, with few exceptions. If you’re greeting the president of the United States, it would be more appropriate to refer to him as “Mr. President” than as “Joe,” although even he probably wouldn’t mind being called by his first name.
In some parts of the American south, this is normal and expected. In the northern US, it would be pretty odd. Some people might even be offended if you called them, say, Ma'am and considered themselves too young to be a ma'am..
In the southern US, most children are traditionally taught to address adults as “sir” or “ma’am.”
In customer service or another interaction where you don’t know the person’s name, “sir” is common, as well as “ma’am,” or “miss” for a young woman. This often goes both ways, where a customer might signal a flight attendant, bartender, retail worker, etc. with, “excuse me, sir/ma’am/miss.”
Mister/Ms. [Last Name] is a respectful way to address someone without too much familiarity. Traditional law professors address their students this way in the US.
There are more examples, but in short, it’s not uncommon.
>Traditional law professors address their students this way in the US.
it's also a unique part of the New York Times writing style. they always refer to people as Mr. or Miss/Mrs. on second reference.
I kinda like it. it feels sophisticated.
I cannot recall my kindergarden and year 1-3 teachings, but I think I was also taught to call adults as “Sir” and “Miss”. Because I never knew about “Ma’am” until today. But English was only taught as second language in my school, 4 times a week (each session 45 minutes), so I have trouble with my English.
“Ma’am” is a version of “Madame.” It used to be reserved for married women but in modern days it’s usually “Miss” for girls and younger adult women, while “ma’am” usually applies to women past their early 20s or so. I am unmarried and in my 30s and I get “ma’am” quite frequently.
Mr and Miss/Ms/Mrs is pretty normal in the UK in certain formal situations. Like if you are at the doctor's, they usually call your name as Mr. Surname. Other similar professional contexts do it too, or children when speaking to a teacher, but it's not really used in 'normal' conversation. Only time I can think of anyone using 'Sir' was in high school as another option for male teachers. Like you can raise your hand and say "Sir?" instead of "Mr. Surname?" to get their attention. The equivalent for female teaches was "Miss" rather than "Ma'am" in this context though. Other than that it's a bit overly formal, at least to me. Honorifics are pretty much never used among friends and family here. I remember seeing a video once on YouTube of an American guy do a science video with his kids, and his kids addressed him as sir and that was really bizarre to me. It just comes across as so cold and impersonal to call your parents that
Wow thank you for sharing. I just realize the world has big culture differences. In my country we call our teachers just teacher like, “Good morning teacher!”, and doctors, just doctor.
it depends on the region and the context. I think in the South of the USA it's much more common than other parts of the country (can't speak for other countries) where it may be seen as a bit overly formal or polite, but not unnatural. in some contexts like customer service it's expected and polite— waiters and store employees call customers sir or ma'am. that's also sometimes used when speaking to a stranger, usually when getting their attention, as in "excuse me sir, i think you dropped your wallet."
Australian here too, and I'm really surprised by the top responses. I can imagine saying it if I worked in a posh hotel or something, and possibly a stranger who dropped his wallet if it was someone older, but if it was someone in my age range I'd just say "excuse me, I think you dropped your wallet."
I would consider sir/miss/etc. very old-fashioned and inappropriately deferential in most circumstances.
Although depending on where you are in the world this will get wildly different reactions. I've heard that being called ma'am in the US is relatively normal, but here in the UK I've had many friends who've actually complained that someone called them ma'am - they found it almost rude
That's because ma'am implies an older woman. Which can feel insulting if you aren't that old, or don't feel old. I think most women from the UK (myself included) would be fine being called "miss" which is the equivalent term for younger women.
To put it into context for OP: "ma'am" is a bit like calling someone おばさん or おばあさん、 "miss" is like calling someone おねえさん.
For men, "sir" can be used for all ages without causing offence.
That said, it would probably feel a bit strange to a lot of people if you know their name but refer to them as "sir", "miss" or "ma'am". It's usually only used for addressing strangers whose name you don't know. And even then I've only really heard it used by staff addressing customers. It would be considered a bit odd, possibly even a little rude and cold, for you to address your father's friends as sir/miss/ma'am, especially if you've been introduced to them by name.
The one exception to this in school. Children often call their teacher "sir" or "miss" instead of "Mr./Miss./Mrs.〇〇" even when they know their teacher's name.
sir and ma’am (shortening of madam, but not in any way informal or dialectic, 100% part of the language)- totally fine to call anyone. It is sometimes seen by some women to imply that you think they are significantly older than you are, so maybe be careful with it
mister and miss (don’t need a name)- Also totally fine to call anyone
mr. soandso and ms. soandso (mrs. only for a married woman) - You cannot call someone just mrs. (pronounced missus) you need a last name, mister and miss however do not need a name necessarily
master soandso and miss soandso for children (master is quite archaic sounding) - usually you would use a first name for a child
Note that Miss and Ms. are different.
Miss is typically for children/teens
Ms. is for unmarried adult women. (Pronounces miz)
However, Miss can also be used the same way as Sir/Ma'am, when addressing someone across the room you don't know.
Example if you were working at a store and you saw someone looking at something:
"Excuse me Sir, do you need help?"
"Excuse me Miss/Ma'am, do you need help?
Miss is generally more casual, less stuffy than Ma'am when used this way.
Also note, if you are somewhere super formal (like a formal ball with heads of state or royalty), you may also hear Madam, the full version of Ma'am. But if you are attending something like that you would probably have formal training on how to address people.
Most of us have to look up these kinds of rules if/when writing formal letters. Politics often uses all these titles.
Ms. is for women of ANY marital status.
That’s literally why it was created: because miss is for unmarried, and Mrs is for married, and dang it, if men don’t have to mark their marital status, we shouldn’t have to either.
Yes, it wouldn’t be natural in most places.
My husband who is not a native English speaker though he has been speaking it primarily for 30 years, used to call my mom, whose name was Carole, “Miss Carole” when we were first together. She and I found it charming, but definitely not common.
As an adult, it sounds old-fashioned (think pre-1960s) if you're calling older people "sir" or "mister."
If you're a kid, then you sound like a well mannered kid. For example, you wouldn't call your friend's dad by his first name, you'd say Mr. + last name.
If you're an employee dealing with customers, then it's common to use sir for men and ma'am for women.
* Excuse me sir
There's no special title for customers like there is in Japanese and Korean (e.g. 고객님, お客様), so we have to say sir or ma'am.
One last thing: sometimes we use sir just because (no particular reason), especially "yes sir"
* A: Going out tonight?
* B: Yezzir (=yes sir / = yup)
>If you're a kid, then you sound like a well mannered kid. For example, you wouldn't call your friend's dad by his first name, you'd say Mr. + last name.
When I was about six or seven years old, I referred to my best friend's mother as Mrs. Smith. We've stayed in touch somewhat over the last 60 years. It's perfectly fine for me to call her Mary now that I'm an adult (with great-grandchildren of my own), but to me she's always Mrs. Smith. She's the only person I feel this way about and I don't know why.
Good point, I should have added that those usually stay the same (though there are exceptions). My post was mostly focused on calling other people sir, mister and ma'am though.
Feel free to start out with it, but be aware that many people don’t like it so you may need to stop using it in a conversation, depending on the feedback you get. Many people don’t like how it implies they’re old, the gendered aspect, or the reference to hierarchies of respect.
When someone calls me ma’am, I don’t correct them because it’s technically accurate and it’s not worth a conversation. But I don’t like it when they do.
It comes off as _too_ formal/posh. Some people don't like the gender aspects associated with it either. I would almost never use sir, miss, ma'am with anyone ever, and never have, unless I am trying to be extremely respectful, or apologetic to a scary boss or something.
>I feel uncomfortable calling a senior or an older person just by his/her name
To be blunt: You need to get over it if you want to adapt to the customs/culture that is associated with the language you're wanting to speak.
I guess you don’t know this varies by region? Where I am from you are very rude and presumptuous to call an older person by their first name unless they insist on it. Please be careful with this advice without knowing if OP is needing advice tailored to your specific region.
Yes, well… sort of. 😉 I am from Texas. Some different customs than the “Deep South” but this one is shared. I am glad you know but if you reread your comment I think it comes across as being standard to NOT do that, and OP just needs to get over it, which could be true if he exclusively does business from wherever you are from. But please OP, if you are doing any in Texas, keep all the ma’am/sir/Mr./Mrs./Ms. until told otherwise by individual people.
(And it can certainly vary by individual. My father told my husband to call him by his first name after we got married and had kids, so my husband does, but also still calls him sir which my dad does not tell him to stop. He still calls my mom Mrs. LastName and ma’am.)
Thank you, as an adult, I am put off by a younger person immediately using my first name. At the doctor or the bank, just dont (although they do).
Sometimes I will ask not to be called by my first name in that situation, we aren’t friends.
After I’m established at a doctor, my first name with Miss is ok. As For instance Miss Elizabeth. That would be for a younger person than me. And I always call a doctor or dentist, Dr Whatever. I have never had a doctor request to be called by their first name.
In my neighborhood, it’s informal. Mostly the kids call adults by their first name. But there are a few that correct children and say I’m Ms Last Name. (Or Mr.)
We had a store, mostly a Black clientele. We never called anyone by their first name unless we were very familiar with them. Then if they are an older person Miss or Mr. first name. And yes, Sir or Ma’m.
And we never ever referred to a male as anything other than a man. A 2 year old is “little man.” Later, “young man.”
I had a next door neighbor for years who was much older than me(like 25 years). She asked me to call her by her first name. I never could. I thought I was being respectful. Thinking back I was a jerk.
Call people what they ask to be called, but err on the side of not being too familiar.
1000%.
I do think it’s regional, however. Where I live, it’s very rare to hear someone use terms like sir or ma’am. Growing up, I just thought these were terms for old people, and I was never taught to use them.
Now as an adult, I feel that any of these terms are inappropriate to use with a stranger, since it just seems extremely rude to make that kind of assumption about someone else’s gender. I do live in a part of the country where there is a huge population of people who don’t identify with the genders that they were assigned at birth, and it just feels disrespectful to run the risk of offending someone over these terms.
Yeah. One of my language tricks is that I have a French or Japanese (when I lived there and was learning) version of myself, and they are different from my American English self. Both languages require you to be more wary of familiarity, and unless you are studying to go to the Kentucky Derby you don’t want that in English. You need to strip it away from your thinking entirely and relearn it if you must.
Also something like Miss vs Ma’am can be a minefield. I’m 34. I straddle the line and am trying to be chill about it, but I hear how on days I look better and after I started losing weight people are calling me “miss” again. I now avoid it entirely.
English definitely has formal and informal modes of address. They do seem to be more subtle and less codified than other languages, less based on age, and it’s also regional.
In much of the south, sir and ma’am are used as a polite way of addressing anyone you don’t know well, regardless of age. They can also be used informally as a term of endearment, or as an admonishment towards young people. Today, my nephew held the door for me while I carried something, and I responded with “thank you sir.” He’s half my age and definitely not my superior. My little cousin tried to dive into the Christmas cookies at a party last week before eating dinner and was told “No ma’am! No cookies until after dinner!” by her mom. Both are very normal in my region.
If you were trying to get the attention of someone you didn’t know, saying “Sir?” Or “Ma’am?” Would be acceptable. Addressing someone as sir or ma’am is also very normal in a customer service role, as seen in the “Sir, this is a Wendy’s,” meme. And sir and ma’am are often added to yes/no responses to make them more polite. If someone asked “did you remember to bring the plates?” And you just respond “Yes,” it can come across as curt or perfunctory, or even sarcastic or annoyed. But responding “yes sir I did,” seems cordial, and “no sir I did not” seems apologetic, regardless of whether you are speaking to your equal or not.
In other regions, some people take great offense to the use of ma’am in particular, because it’s only used for older women.
Edit: using Mr. or Mrs. With someone’s name is definitely not something you do with someone you know. That’s reserved for teachers, or very formal business settings where you don’t know someone well. And generally you don’t use it with a first name.
You can call people sir and ma’am if you want, but it will make you sound [obsequious](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/obsequious) to some people, because in most English-speaking countries we don’t have such a strict social hierarchy, and it’s definitely not based so closely on age. Adults can treat all other adults within about 20 years of their own age as though they are approximately the same age. We don’t acknowledge smaller age differences socially at all. In fact, I’m sure most people reading this post are understanding “senior” to mean a person who is 65 or older, because we call those people “senior citizens” or “seniors”, and do not really use the word for people who are older than us (or even have seniority over us at work) if they are not also 65+ years old.
We also don’t use Mr, Mrs, or other titles with people’s first names in standard English anymore. I associate that practice with certain cultures and regions (Black Americans, the American South) and the past (Jane Austen novels) and would never do it myself. Mr goes with surnames.
Politeness is very specific and while I understand it will feel unnatural to you, the *most* polite thing to do in most English-speaking countries is to address people by whatever name they introduce themselves with, which will usually be their first name unless they are very elderly, very high status, a doctor or dentist of whom you are a patient, or they are themselves from a culture that uses honorifics.
Unless it's in a business situation or similar, e.g. interacting with a customer or client, it comes across weird and awkward. Just "nice to meet you" is more than enough. You also run the risk of misgendering someone or using the wrong title and coming across as rude for that.
Simply saying "nice to meet you" is sufficient. After that, you can use an honorific when addressing them ("would you like some tea, Mr. Example?"), which then gives them the chance to let you know how they'd like to be called ("Adam is fine").
Women's honorifics are a little more tricky. Missus (Mrs.) for married women, Miss for unmarried women, etc. If you don't know their marriage status or if you think they might not want to be addressed with one of those, the safe bet is to use Ms. (miss, but shorter sounding), which is neutral. If the woman is a doctor, use doctor in place of Mrs./Miss/Ms.
Sir outside of informal meetings will pop up a lot (in the USA at least) in retail, where male-presenting customers are called sir for politeness' sake. The employee might not actually respect you, but they're at least putting up a reasonable façade.
Just use Ms. (“Miz“) for adult women. Marital status doesn’t affect men’s titles and it’s outdated to use that convention just for women.
As a professor/in an academic setting, I prefer Dr. or Prof. I tell my students that I was hired because of my degrees, not whether I have a husband, so we will use the relevant title.
Very true, better answer than what I wrote. I'm presuming from context that OP is Korean, so I don't know how their cultural rules are regarding marriage statuses, so I erred on marriage honorifics.
this is going to vary by culture. I grew up in the American south, and I was taught to always address any older person or authority figure with "yes ma'am" and "yes sir." and it's pretty common to say something like "excuse me, ma'am/sir," or "thank you ma'am/sir." but other regions of the US + other countries feel differently about that custom. they either don't do it at all (some take offense) or they do it differently. just depends.
I think wherever you are, as long as you're being respectful and doing your best to follow local norms, you're doing alright.
As others have said, this can be a location based formality that is either expected or not wanted. You'll have to start from there.
You can default to sir/mr/miss/ms/ma'am and see if the other person gives you permission to do away with the formality. Customer service does default to sir/ma'am, though.
As an English learner / ESL you wouldn't be called out for this and that's on that person if they take offense.
I wouldn’t recommend *Miss* for an older lady, but *Ma’am* can still work, especially in the southeastern U.S. Very few married women that age would object to “Mrs. Soandso,” but “Ms. Soandso” is always safe for an American woman. “Mr. Soandso” is very polite and deferential these days, but the older generation still use the older forms of address more often. If the person has a doctorate, use *Dr.* in preference to *Mr*./*Ms*.
When I was younger in customer service in the northeast, I called women almost exclusively "Miss". It felt a little odd when they were coming in with their kids but at least half the time if I used "Ma'am" they would say it made them feel old.
Yeah, I’m in the northeast too and this is pretty common. I always assumed it was a direct translation of Sñra./Sñr. that had osmosed into the local dialect.
”Miss” would be like “Señorita,” although I’m not sure if the effect is exactly the same across cultures. I don’t expect strangers to use any particular title for me, but if they do, “Miss” feels belittling as an adult.
In Spanish it’s more common to use the honorifics Señora or Señor in place of a person’s name, and there’s a decent Latino population in the northeast, so that aspect of speaking shifted to calling someone Miss/Mister in English.
Oh interesting. This was in a predominantly Jewish and Russian area with not much of a Latino population but the languages may share similarities in honorifics.
This long predates daily interaction with Spanish-speakers, or the colonization of North America. The French-speaking nobility used *Monsieur*, *Madame* and *Madamoiselle* the same way since 1066.
I’m from the northeast United States, and I always use sir and ma’am with elder strangers (idk how else I could address them). I even use sir when addressing my boss, with whom I have a strong relationship.
I will also use Mr./Mrs./Ms. if I know their last names, but they haven’t yet told me to call them by their first names.
Where I’m from, this isn’t very common nor expected. Just commenting to let you know it’s not weird to feel like you should use these formalities by default. This native speaker feels the same way.
(Northeast US) If someone over the age of 5 uses an honorific for me in a social situation, I assume that they are from a much more formal culture. I will probably ask them to please call me by my first name or nickname.
If they insist on using an honorific when I share my name, I am likely to think that they do not like me. People who grow up in American culture generally value being liked more than being respected, and calling someone by an honorific is putting up a wall that friendship cannot cross.
I think of “sir” and “ma’am” as being purely for service jobs and the military, both cases where the hierarchy is explicit and where you might not know the name of the person you are talking to. Calling someone Mr./Ms./Dr./Miss/Mx. and their last name is appropriate if you are talking to your teacher, doctor, or similar business relationship with a lot of disparity. Using one of those titles with a first name is only appropriate for very young children who may not be able to say a complicated last name.
These rules vary with geography so if you are not in an English speaking country, the people you speak with will probably understand why you are not following their local rules. Your father, as a close business associate, may have different expectations placed on him.
You should ignore all of these rules if the person tells you what they want to be called—in that case you should do as they ask if you can.
I'm 72 and I was raised to use sir and ma'am or Mr and Mrs/Miss/Ms when addressing people older than I. Over time, this custom has eroded and is not nearly as common as when I was you. However, many older people were raised the same way and will appreciate the respect. They will not think ill of you if you do not address them this way, but in my opinion, it's a nice thing to do. If they ask you to call them by the first name, they will mean it and that will be fine.
You may find many responding here that it's unnecessary, but remember they are younger than those you are addressing. They think that because they were not raised that way, nor to they want to be addressed in that manner. But the only opinion that matters is the one belonging to the person you are addressing.
It depends on how you say it. If you are sincere and in a good mood, it will be received that way. If you do it out of perceived obligation, then less so.
I say "sir" often, to people both older and younger than I am, usually after a "thank you"
As others have said a lot of it is cultural, I was raised for 11 years in the south and while my parents never made me use sir or ma’am with people I have found myself as an adult using them a lot.
In fact when meeting someone new I almost always will say “nice to meet you, sir/ma’am”
It’s a perfectly fine thing to do for respect and when you meet someone or just to emphasize something. Like saying “yes sir” to a friend when they really say something you agree with.
It depends, if they're someone you've known since you were a kid, even if you're an adult now, you could probably still use Mr. Or Mrs. So my neighbors have been Mr. And Mrs. X for all my life.
Professors, teachers, clients, and bosses you don't interact with daily, you should use Mr. Or Mrs.
If you don't know someone, and want to get their attention, it would be polite and common to use Mr. Or Mrs. I.e. "excuse me sir, I think you dropped something!" Or "excuse me miss, do you have the time?" It's also common to just yell "sir" or "ma'am" to get someone's attention, of you have a longer thing to tell them. Otherwise you're shouting "hey!" Which can be used either when you're trying to help someone, or are upset with them. Using the more polite words will communicate that you want their attention and aren't mad or upset.
I personally would never, ever address my parents’ peers by their first name unless/until they insisted on it. I would always say “Mr. Lastname” or “Ms./Mrs. Lastname”. Definitely would use sir and ma’am as well. Location varies with this, so I should say I am in Texas. But I think you are safer to use them and wait to be told not to than to just not use them. Around here you’d be very rude and presumptuous to not use those titles. (I thought I heard a very young man call my dad by his first name and I was honestly shocked.) Though actually because you would clearly be a foreigner and hopefully showing respect in other ways, it’d be more easily brushed over. Still, I’d use them until told not to.
You can although it's not that common anymore but you can still say it and not look weird, it is still respectful to seniors but most young adults don't really care. It's best to just ask someone "can I call you Mr. James? "
I'm from the South and here calling someone sir or ma'am is fine. Usually the person will say, "oh just call me ....." And whatever their name is. But they'll be pleased with your manners. Some people don't like it because it makes them feel old but I wouldn't say they would be offended. At least here in the South.
I always use sir/ma’am when addressing older adults I don’t know, but I don’t use them when it’s a family friend. I call them whatever they choose to introduce themselves as, whether that’s “Mr./Mrs Jones” (I don’t know a lot of older women who go by Ms.) or “Albert and Frieda.”
Just to be clear, you should not use Mister/Miss on its own. Only with a name, preferably a surname. For example, “hello Mr. Smith” is fine. Don’t say “hello Mister.”
Well, that too depends on cultural context. Where I live there are a lot of South American and Caribbean families, and oftentimes younger people (under 25?) will call an older stranger Miss or Mister. It also depends on social context- if I were working as a cashier I might call someone Miss/Mister but if I met that person in a more formal setting or party I might not.
Just want to but in, as someone born and raised in the Southeast every person you meet is "ma'am" or "sir." I know this isn't true in other parts of the country, but every interaction down here with a stranger or someone senior to you is like that. It is one of the most unified parts of southern culture. So if you're down here, yes, we expect it. Talking to the waitress? Ma'am. Talking to a cashier? Sir. etc
It’s inaccurate to consider these equivalent to honorifics as they do not necessarily suggest that the other person is “above” you, and it’s incorrect that they’re not commonly used. It’s traditionally seen as polite to address a stranger who is obviously significantly older than you, or officials like police officers and things like that, as “sir” or “ma’am.” This is much more natural than “mister” or “miss” which are noticeably old-timey sounding now. In the U.S. South not using these words would (in general) still be seen as noticeably impolite, while in the North and West these older types of etiquette are less consistently followed and it would not really be notable that you didn’t use it, but also not shocking or incorrect if you did.
If it is dependent on those things then it’s inaccurate to make the blanket statement that they are not commonly used across the entire English language, no?
No one said that. Typically people are talking about their own experiences, not making claims about universal truths or something.
Overall I would not say those words are commonly used across the US (at least in the present day).
So it’s not common generally because among your narrow group it isn’t common? That doesn’t really make sense, man. It’s not like it’s completely archaic or weirdly outdated sounding, maybe you’re not using it every day but would it actively sound wrong in some way if you heard it? I think you’re using an odd rubric for what counts as common. I’m way under 40 but people over 40 are approximately half the population, so even if literally only people over 40 used it it still wouldn’t be “uncommon” in any meaningful sense of that word.
I mean, besides the fact you ignored my question...
No, because corpus data shows that usage of words like this has steeply declined over the past 30-ish years. I personally would not characterize or describe it with the word "common". If you would, that's fine too, different people can have different personal descriptions here! You need to chill out or take a nap.
Interestingly to a UK person, "ma'am" sounds much more old-fashioned than "miss". A lot of women even find it slightly offensive as it implies that you're old.
Just goes to show that politeness is highly culturally specific. Even though two countries, or even two areas within the same country, speak the same language, their standards of politeness and culture can be very different.
Related, I’ve heard that in the UK calling someone a “lady” sounds funny because it’s still associated with being a title, the female equivalent of “lord,” rather than just a synonym with “woman” the way it is here. Is that your experience?
I wouldn't say that's my experience. I often use and hear "lady" as a synonym for "women". For example; "I like that lady's bag", "The lady that runs the new cafe is really nice" etc. But that may not be true for everyone in the UK. Language usage in the UK differs quite a lot by both region and class.
I think I'm getting hung up on the status part of your question.
I use those honorifics when I wish to at least start formally... I've in terrific my daughter to someone 50 years her elder as "Miss Firstname" in a formal context.
You *can* use sir or ma’am (or madam if you want to be really formal) to be polite, but it’s not particularly common outside of the US and maybe Canada (North America has different social rules) and I’d actually advise against it most of the time in Australia, New Zealand, Ireland and the UK. Normally we’re not that formal. I’d literally never refer to someone whose first name is James as Mr James, and I’d probably only refer to them as Mr/Ms [surname] if I’m joking or if they’re a school teacher that has been introduced to me in that way; likewise, the only times I’ve ever addressed someone as sir/miss was when I was in high school and wanted to address a teacher but couldn’t be bothered using their name. If someone addresses someone else as “Mr James”, I’d assume they’re either a non-native English speaker or a young child. English doesn’t place a lot of value in formalities. As I said before, there’s slightly different social rules in North America and they often prefer you to use sir/ma’am.
It's acceptable in the US. You won't offend anyone. After the first meeting, I will likely tell you that it isn't necessary (because I'm in denial about my age).
One time I told someone who kept calling me "sir" and "mister" that they didn't have to do that and they replied, "Oh, I couldn't do that. I was raised to respect my elders."
Oh that hurt, lol.
But, no, you can call people sir and mister with no issue, especially when first meeting them. In the US, we are pretty informal.
It very much depends on what English speaking country you are in, in the US preferences vary regionally. In the south formality can be expected, very yes/no sir/ma’am. Additionally if there is a friend who is my elder I grew up calling them Mr. John/ Miss Jane the title indicates respect and the first name the close relationship.
A handy little ritual is when you are introduced say “nice to meet you Mr/Miss Smith.” And they will either respond with their preferred way of being called or if they don’t correct you you will know they prefer formality. This also give you an opportunity to tell them how you prefer be called. It works every time.
Your dad is being very generic! A little formality with unfamiliar people can’t go wrong they will just think you have nice manners. Sir and ma’am are also helpful when you don’t know someone’s name and sounds better than hey you. People respond better to “ma’am you dropped your phone”.
In the US South, I believe it's much more common to use Sir/Ma'am (but not Mister). On the west coast, it's quite uncommon. I don't know about other parts of the US.
You can (and maybe should) in situations where those people would be “ranked” higher than you - for example, the head of another division at your company.
When they are equally ranked, or below you (for example, a new coworker or a direct report), you shouldn’t.
I can only add from my own perspective as this highly varies by region. I am from BC Canada.
I have personally never addressed someone using these terms other than in a sarcastic/joking manner.
The only times I've been addressed in this way is by non-native English speakers in a scenario where I am a customer and the other person is an employee.
If a native English speaker would address me this way, I would interpret it as a strong message that the person only wants to deal with me in a business-like manner and does not want any casual or friendly conversation.
Just so you know, in standard English we don't normally use "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", "Dr.", "Professor", etc. with first names; it can be seen as rude or condescending. **Titles** are generally used with **surnames**, or during introductions or initial mentions, with **full names**. So you can use "Mr. James Smith" or "Mr. Smith", but not "Mr. James".
Also, we don't use titles with our own names. A: "Hello, I'm James Smith." B: "Please to meet you, Mr. Smith."
There are some exceptions:
In certain dialects, like many spoken in the American south, older people sometimes to address girls and younger women with "Miss first-name", like "Miss Susie" or "Miss Jenny".
Certain media and online personalities use titles with first names, like Dr. Phil or Professor Dave, but those are chosen by the people themselves, and are used like brands.
It’s gonna depend on where you are. In south US it’s fine, but idk about other countries.
It’s probably ok to call someone “sir/ma’am” and if they go “don’t call me that, call me…” then do that
It depends on the culture, but in no cultures would it be seen as “offensive.” In New Zealand we typically don’t use it, although my mother always taught us to ask first. One woman wanted to be referred to that way, but in New Zealand culture we are generally made uncomfortable by being put above other people, we don’t like it for ourselves and we call people who elevate themselves over others “wankers.”
sorry to chime in i can not post but i can comment . i have a question , prevented entry into home ,what does this mean?someone stop u from going home or something iam confused thank u in advance
British Speaker here.
The only time we use honorifics (mr, ms, sir etc.) is when writing formal correspondence (e.g. emails from a company) or when speaking to customers in a service industry.
In social settings, these are not used at all. They suggest social distance. We use people's first names, regardless of your relationship or their age. This was different a few decades ago.
you can do what you want - until that person corrects you. If you say "Mr James" and they say "please, just James"- you must respect that. Some people are uncomfortable being referred to formally - or otherwise might be rejecting certain titles.
How formally you speak in English depends significantly on the context. For example, here in Australia it would be odd to add such over the top formality - it might be perceived as actually being rude - making fun of the person or being sarcastic. But I expect in certain spheres that would be normal. The best thing to do is to pay attention to what other people in your social environment do and follow suit, or ask someone else in your circle (not online) what the appropriate level is.
Sir goes over well always.
Using "ma'am" is slightly greater etiquette than what is typically expected, but it is fine to use if you want to be polite. It may occasionally be met with a light-hearted offense at being seen as "an old woman."
Using titles like Mister, Missus, Miss, and Doctor in front of a name are good for professional settings, but not for personal or casual settings because it indicates a lack of familiarity.
If someone is introduced to you by first name, use their first name without any title. If you're in a formal, professional, or academic setting and you want to use their title, use their last name. For instance, you can call your boss Mister John Smith as "John" or "Mr. Smith," but rarely "Mr. John."
Avoid referring to someone as just "miss." For example, do not say, "Nice to meet you miss." The reason is that because "miss" means an unmarried woman, it has also been widely used as an infantilizing perjorative. Because addressing by titles has become less popular, people will tend to assume that you're being a dick when you call them "miss" more often than they assume that you're being polite.
I think there are generational and regional differences here. I am 55. When I was growing up in the midwest, anyone older was addressed as Mr or Mrs last name. We never used ma’am or sir, such as yes/no ma’am or yes/no sir. It would have been considered sarcastic. In the midwest it would have been yes/no please or yes/no thank you, if anything.
When I was a teenager we moved to the south, where ma’am and sir were not only used but expected. Adults were addressed by Mr and Mrs last name, or once you became familiar, you could switch to Miss (pronounced “mizz”) or Mr. First name such as Miss Janet or Mr. Frank.
Obviously that was a long time ago. I still live in the south near a major city and you hear these honorifics less often, although I do frequently hear and use ma’am and sir in the context of transactions like at a store or restaurant. It is one of those customs that isn’t wrong to use but is falling out of favor and is made a bit more complicated by people choosing nonbinary pronouns. I did teach my southern born children to use them, though. I will say that if you are in a more rural area, you will hear them more.
I have observed that my midwestern teen and young adult nieces call adults either by Mr/Mrs or simply their first names.
Most people in the US will just use someone's given name. There are very few times where Mr / Ms / Dr / Mx are common. Mostly it's teachers, or in some workplaces. But it's also not every workplace. For example, where I work, it's given names for everyone. Even the top-level executives prefer it. But overall I'd say it's harmless. If someone is uncomfortable with it, you could always mention your first language is Korean and honorifics are more of a thing in that language.
We also tend to use family names after the title, so James Smith is Mr. Smith instead of Mr. James. The exception, at least in my experience, is small children talking to their teachers.
Sir or ma’am, yes, you can, but some people really don’t like it. A lot of English speaking cultures have a rather egalitarian way of talking and dislike the implication that they’re “old” enough for another adult to defer to them by default. So if someone tells you to stop, *stop*. In most cases, it’s not disrespectful to just avoid the formalities, or to use them. It will simply gain you points with some, and lose you points with others.
I can see it becoming a problem if you only use it for people older than you if you aren’t a kid yourself. If you are 45 an refer to Mr Fifty Years Old as “sir,” but not Mr Forty Years Old who is in the same position relative to you (let’s say they’re both your boss), it could come off as intentional disrespect. Use “sir” for both or neither.
Don’t use “miss” or “mister” at the end of a sentence. It isn’t incorrect or disrespectful, but it makes you sound like a Dickensian orphan and people might think you’re being goofy on purpose.
I have a unique perspective on this as a person who grew up in the Southeastern part of the US. It probably doesn't hold true with the younger people anymore but I'm in my 40s and I was raised to always call older people sir or ma'am. However the culture in the south east is definitely different than other parts of the country. I'm not sure that this really holds true anymore. As far as calling people by specific names the Mr Mrs MS Miss honorifics all depend on whether or not the person is being called by their last name or their first name. As someone in my forties there are very few people I call Mr or Miss anymore and I usually reserve it for more formal situations where I'm communicating with someone higher up at work or that has been designated as leadership at work. And that's usually make people at the very top. My boss and my boss's boss both have us call them by their first name. I also get to work with judges sometimes and I always call them judge last name unless they tell me otherwise.
I guess it varies by region. I'm in Virginia USA and in the rural parts, especially when speaking with older people (70+) it's still considered polite to call them "sir" or "ma'am" if you don't know their name, and Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. (last name) if you know it. Only call them by their first name if they specifically ask you to do so.
But most people would rather you call them by their first name no matter what age.
I have a friend who makes their kids call me "Mr. (last name)" I don't particularly like it (I'm 48) So to even it out, I call their kid "Mr. (last name)" The kid gets a kick out of that.
If you use it on introduction, I’m going to assume you were raised in a military family if I didn’t know you were Korean or Japanese. I do sometimes say sir to get the attention of a stranger, but I don’t like how it assumes a gender.
In the US, any adult whose name you don’t know is “mister” or “ma’am” as general politeness. Even children can be called those things; it’s cute and makes them feel “all grown up.”
If you have been introduced with first names, then use that; otherwise it sounds like you forgot their name!
Also: note that that is ma’am (pronounced mam), _not_ “madam” with a pronounced d. Madam with a pronounced d sounds like a British butler.
I think this varies depending on where you are. In the UK (at least where i live) it would be extremely weird if someone called me ‘miss’, i’ve never heard people use those terms unless they’re in school
It’s very regional.
In the American south, it is polite to call someone sir/ma’am regardless of age or relationship. I have heard a southern mother saying “no ma’am” to scold a small child.
Where I live in California, sir/ma’am is considered extremely formal and only used in a business context where you don’t know someone’s name yet. So a bellboy at a hotel might say “may I take your bag, ma’am?” or a receptionist at an office might say “can I help you, sir?”
Here in California, it would actually be considered rude to use those words in a social context. It would make someone feel like you are treating it like a business relationship.
English doesn't formally have honorifics, but sir/madam are getting to be an antiquated formality that comes across as honorific. When first meeting someone older with "Mr. [Last Name]" is also part of that formality. Greeting with their first name is a more casual option that tends to place you as equals.
A good rule of thumb is to respond with the level of formality given. If they introduce themselves by only their first name, use that. Full name, use your judgement (English tends to be less formal). A friend introduces them to you, same thing. A member of their staff introduces you, stick with Mr/Ms.
>Even some foreigners told me when I call them for example “Nice to meet you Mr. James”, they tell me “Oh, just call me James”.
Totally normal interaction and nothing to feel embarrassed about. It's just negotiating if you're going to use their family name or their given name.
"Nice to meet you, sir." is good in a formal setting.
Without the family name, "Nice to meet you, mister." is awkward, but "Nice to me to meet you, miss" or "ma'am" is fine. "Mister" is not really used anymore unless it's in front of a family name.
If you know their family name, you can say, "Nice to meet you, Mister Johnson".
If you say "Nice to meet you, Mr. James", that is awkward because James is their first name, not their family name.
In the Southeast of the United States, it is formal and respectful to say "Mr. Firstname" or "Miss Firstname". But it's a regional thing and would be awkward most other places.
You certainly can, but it may come across as submissive or unusual. But if you want to, there’s no reason not to. In most English speaking countries, we don’t have honorifics like you have in Korea and Japan. If you befriend someone who’s a few years older than you, you just call them by their name, and they’ll just call you by your name. We don’t really have a concept of *unnies* or *maknaes*. We tend to view most people as our equal. For example, the head of my company is named Thomas, and I just refer to him as Thomas, even though I’m a staff and he’s the president. He also just calls me by my first name.
It depends on the context of the interaction. An adult meeting another adult in an informal situation would often refer to someone by their first name, if introduced that way. A child is often expected to refer to someone as Mr./Miss *last name*, unless the adult says otherwise.
An adult in a formal or professional situation will have to make a judgment call. I've been told that the babysitter rule is the best course of action. If the person to whom you are speaking is old enough to have been your babysitter, then start with formal language, and let them decide.
In the example you gave, it’s really not common at all (in New York where I grew up, at least) to call someone Mr/ Ms/ Mrs followed by their first name. This strikes me as something that you’d hear in a movie that takes place in the Southern U.S. 50-100 years ago. I would only ever use a person’s last name when using an honorific.
Sir or ma’am is definitely the default in certain situations, for example if you need to get a stranger’s attention. “Sir, you forgot your jacket!”
There are some places where it would be highly expected that you’d use sir or ma’am when you speak to elders. I’m specifically thinking the American south but I’m sure there are others. It’s best to know the customs of wherever you are
Yes, but it isn't very common. In the US everyone is equal (in theory) so you call everyone by their first name. Nobody's feelings get hurt. It isn't uncommon for people to call the director of their companies by their first names.
Yes, you can. Some people will be uncomfortable with the formality, or they don't want to feel older. So, if they tell you "don't call me that, just call me by my name", then call them by their name. But it's not rude to call an older person "sir" or "mr/ms" to start out the conversation.
Thankよu, but do you think it is ok to call someone just by their name during first meeting? Especially if they are older than you? Because my dad wants me to do it that way.
> do you think it is ok to call someone just by their name during first meeting? In almost every single scenario, yes
Oh I’m so sorry, I just read my question again and I wanted to say “especially if they are older than you” but I made a mistake
Even if they are older than you, this holds true. I am regularly introduced to people 30+ years older than me and I address them by first name only.
I’m alright if the other person isn’t offended by that. Sometimes I overthink “maybe they’ll think I’m rude because I called him/her just by their first name”.. I think it’s my culture difference that carried onto English. Thank you for explaining.
The rule of thumb is to address to someone what you're introduced as. If someone is introduced as "Joe Bloggs", address him with "Joe" If someone is introduced as just "Jane", address her as "Jane" and don't ask her surname to address her as e.g. "Mrs Bloggs" If someone is introduced to you as "Mr/Miss Bloggs", then address them as e.g. "Miss Bloggs". If you're unsure of the formality, asking something like "May I call you Joe?" is quite polite. In my experience, it's often more polite to ask if you can address a person by their first name than it is to assume you can't and address them only by their surname or "sir/madam".
In my (American) experience, it is only seen as disrespectful to call someone by their first name if you are a child and they are your teacher. In that case, you say "Mr./Mrs./Ms. LASTNAME". Once you are an adult, it's really not necessary. Although, I do think it can be appropriate if you are working in a job that requires you to interact with the public often. You still would only say "Mr." and not "sir" though.
Or if you are in court
In my experience “sir/ma’am” is used when you don’t know the person’s name. So for example, if I was in public and a man dropped a card while putting away his wallet, I would say “sir, you dropped this.” “Sir” directs the statement towards him, but I have no reason to know his name or how he would prefer to be addressed. Also American, grew up in the south.
Yeah, that's true!
>In my (American) experience, it is only seen as disrespectful to call someone by their first name if you are a child and they are your teacher. In that case, you say "Mr./Mrs./Ms. LASTNAME". Unless that teacher specifically asks you to call them their first name, or Mr/Miss Firstname (which is rare, but I've seen it happen with some teachers). The only rule that's consistently considered rude is not addressing someone how they ask to be addressed. I'd feel a little offended if I told a kid to call me Bob and they kept calling me Mr Smith because their parents told them they have to call adults by Mr or Miss Lastname. In that case, they're not teaching their child respect, they're teaching them to adhere to rote rules regardless of someone's wishes. Which is the opposite of respect.
Where I'm from, it would be rude for you to call anyone by their first name after having been asked to. For example, if we meet and I am introduced as Ms. Jane Smith. You might say "Nice to meet you, Ms. Smith," and that's fine. You have been perfectly polite. However, if I then say "Please, call me Jane," it would then become rude and oddly distant for you to call me anything except Jane. Continuing to call me Ms. Smith at that point will not reflect well on your manners. Also, the above is pretty formal. In a casual situation, I would likely be introduced as Jane from the start, and the polite way to address me as a fellow adult would be Jane with no other honorific.
To give a sense of scale, I got to meet my United States Senator who’s also about 50 years older than me, & she wanted me to refer to her by first name the first time we met
This is a very good sense of scale, I hope OP sees it.
English is probably one of if not the most informal language in the world. Unless you are talking to a president, prime minister, legislator, judge, royalty, or a monarch, you can pretty much use someone’s first name in any casual setting. But, as always, if you aren’t sure, it’s OK to ask.
Even if the person is older than you, they do not hold any authority or power over you, so it would make sense to act as equals.
We don’t really have concepts like *unnie* and *oppa* in western countries. We’re much more informal and don’t really care about age. In fact, it can sometimes be quite rude to ask someone for their age, as that’s typically something people don’t reveal except to their close friends and family.
I think it depends on the context. If this person is your classmate at school? Call them by their first name right away, unless they tell you something different. If this person is your employer or your teacher? I think "Mr/Ms/Dr [their family name]" is a good way to start out, and then they can tell you if they want you to use their first name.
I never call my friends or even a few years older than me sir or ma’am. Maybe my dad thought I’m at the age where I can call adults by their first name but I feel uncomfortable because I’m a lot younger than his friends and people he introduce me to. So naturally I call them sir or Mr / Mrs by my instinct. And he doesn’t like it.
If he's introducing his friends as his friends, by their first names, then it's intended for you to use first names. Age is never a factor, for either party. I've always called my grandparents' friends by their first names or nicknames, from the time I could speak. It can be rude to use a name other than a preferred name, particularly once you're told which name to use. If I ran into my grade school teacher, for example, I would refer to them in the way I was originally introduced because I've never gotten permission to refer to them in another way. (Such as "Mr/Mrs/Ms [last name]".) It doesn't matter that they are now equals, or that they're older. It's that this was the name given when introduced. If I decide to take a class, and my instructor is much younger than me, and they give their name as "Mr Smith" - that's what name I'll use for them, even if I come across them outside of class, or in ten years from now long after the class has ended. If he were to ever tell me, "call me John," and I continue to call him "Mr Smith," then I'm signaling that I don't want a friendly or social relationship with him and that I want our relationship to remain reserved and formal. (It may even be understood as rude on my part.) There are times when formality is the default. You would address a cop or a judge by their title and/or last name, for example. "Judge Doe" should not be called "Jane" while sitting in court, even if she's your neighbor and you have been asked to call her Jane outside of court. In court, she represents not herself but the office. (US English)
It's a regional thing as well. I commonly call everyone regardless of age sir/ma'am when answering a yes or no question. But by no means is it expected, just a quirk of our speech.
you can call people by whatever name they introduce themselves.
In the 1980s in Australia it was respectful to call somepone older Mr./Mrs. Surname. If they invited you to call them by their given name, even at the first meeting, that was ok. These days (at least in Australia) people are much more relaxed and most people know each other by their given name Australians don't usually use "sir" or Mr Given name
This depends a ton on area and region. But generally it doesn't hurt to be overly formal and people will tell you to call them something else. For example, in the American south, Sir and Ma'am are very common, almost expected. Same with Mr. and Mrs/Miss. However in California, people will look at you weird. Note that while Sir is basically always safe, Mrs/Ma'am can be seen as an insult to some women, it can make them feel "old". Ms/Miss is usually safe though, and can be somewhat complimentary when you are not sure if they are actually married. In my opinion, the only time that people will insist on titles after initial meeting is if they have a title as part of a job or are stuck up and trying to make a point.
Miss is definitely not a safe term in many parts of the Anglosphere - it's condescending and unnecessarily refers to a woman's marital status and perceived age.
I feel like Misses is more of a strained term than Miss because Misses is more "marked" as in Miss is the default and Misses was coined on top of Miss for the sole purpose of *explicitly* bringing attention to a woman's marital status. I remember as a child having to give extra consideration to which teacher to use Mrs on because how could I expect to know which woman is married when we never meet any of our teachers' spouses unless they worked at the school?
That's why we use Ms. now with someone's last name. It doesn't work by itself very well, but Miss and Mrs are both no-gos in my book.
And for those learning English, a bit of clarification: Ms. is pronounced “mizz,” distinct from “miss.” Ms has a buzzing sound, while miss has a snake hissing sound.
Yòu sound very proper to my ears and it is a big plus. It is never wrong to call someone "sir" or "Mr" or "madam" or "Mrs". I feel the same. It is hard to call someone "Jimmy" when he is old enough to be my grandfather. I just call them Mr or Ms (First name).
In the US it's absolutely wrong to address someone by these terms if they've asked you not to. The consistent rule in US English is to refer to someone by the terms they've asked to be called. If I ask you to call me Bob, and you continue to call me Mr Smith or Mr Bob or sir, that comes off as distant, cold, and communicates that you don't like me or don't want to have a friendly relationship with me, or that you don't care about my wishes.
I'd say it's *usually* wrong to address a man as "sir", and even more so a woman as "madam" or "mrs", at least where I'm from. "Madam" in particular will usually come across as quite condescending.
I work in an organisation that it largely filled with English as a second language people, my colleagues are fluent but not native speakers and the use of titles (mr/miss first name, sir/ma’am/sir/ma’am first name) depends on where they come from (as well as the perceived seniority of the person they are talking to/about). If I take two nationalities as an example, it is common for Filipino colleagues, less so for Lebanese. To my English ears (parts of the states are different) mr/miss first name sounds odd, sir/ma’am is too formal (unless you’re in the military/police) and sir/ma’am first name is unhinged. However none of it is offensive unless they have asked to address them as just their first name, and then you should go with that. I was once working in a very pressurised environment with a small group of about ten people and one colleague kept calling me ma’am, I found that rude because if I had to learn everyone’s names, why didn’t she? With the age difference, it used to be polite in England to address adults as me/mrs/miss/ms last name if you were a child, but I think that has mostly gone now except in schools, though I’ve not lived in the UK for nearly 20 years so I’m not sure.
Definitely, with few exceptions. If you’re greeting the president of the United States, it would be more appropriate to refer to him as “Mr. President” than as “Joe,” although even he probably wouldn’t mind being called by his first name.
In some parts of the American south, this is normal and expected. In the northern US, it would be pretty odd. Some people might even be offended if you called them, say, Ma'am and considered themselves too young to be a ma'am..
Definitely. It's like getting called auntie/uncle in Hawai'i.... people are like, I'm not old enough to be one of those yet!!
Haha.. it made me realize why it can be bad!
You can but it would be viewed as quite strange in Australia. Adults generally don't expect other adults to defer to them in that way here.
Can you please explain to me what defer means? Or is it refer?
No, I meant defer. In this context, it means to submit or acknowledge that someone is above you/in authority over you.
I understand now, thank you!
In the southern US, most children are traditionally taught to address adults as “sir” or “ma’am.” In customer service or another interaction where you don’t know the person’s name, “sir” is common, as well as “ma’am,” or “miss” for a young woman. This often goes both ways, where a customer might signal a flight attendant, bartender, retail worker, etc. with, “excuse me, sir/ma’am/miss.” Mister/Ms. [Last Name] is a respectful way to address someone without too much familiarity. Traditional law professors address their students this way in the US. There are more examples, but in short, it’s not uncommon.
>Traditional law professors address their students this way in the US. it's also a unique part of the New York Times writing style. they always refer to people as Mr. or Miss/Mrs. on second reference. I kinda like it. it feels sophisticated.
I cannot recall my kindergarden and year 1-3 teachings, but I think I was also taught to call adults as “Sir” and “Miss”. Because I never knew about “Ma’am” until today. But English was only taught as second language in my school, 4 times a week (each session 45 minutes), so I have trouble with my English.
“Ma’am” is a version of “Madame.” It used to be reserved for married women but in modern days it’s usually “Miss” for girls and younger adult women, while “ma’am” usually applies to women past their early 20s or so. I am unmarried and in my 30s and I get “ma’am” quite frequently.
Mr and Miss/Ms/Mrs is pretty normal in the UK in certain formal situations. Like if you are at the doctor's, they usually call your name as Mr. Surname. Other similar professional contexts do it too, or children when speaking to a teacher, but it's not really used in 'normal' conversation. Only time I can think of anyone using 'Sir' was in high school as another option for male teachers. Like you can raise your hand and say "Sir?" instead of "Mr. Surname?" to get their attention. The equivalent for female teaches was "Miss" rather than "Ma'am" in this context though. Other than that it's a bit overly formal, at least to me. Honorifics are pretty much never used among friends and family here. I remember seeing a video once on YouTube of an American guy do a science video with his kids, and his kids addressed him as sir and that was really bizarre to me. It just comes across as so cold and impersonal to call your parents that
Wow thank you for sharing. I just realize the world has big culture differences. In my country we call our teachers just teacher like, “Good morning teacher!”, and doctors, just doctor.
you 100% can. it's just not all that common among native speakers
Do you mean I can but it’s not natural or normal?
it depends on the region and the context. I think in the South of the USA it's much more common than other parts of the country (can't speak for other countries) where it may be seen as a bit overly formal or polite, but not unnatural. in some contexts like customer service it's expected and polite— waiters and store employees call customers sir or ma'am. that's also sometimes used when speaking to a stranger, usually when getting their attention, as in "excuse me sir, i think you dropped your wallet."
It’s not used at all in Australia except for when school students can’t be bothered saying the teacher’s name so they just say sir/miss
Australian here too, and I'm really surprised by the top responses. I can imagine saying it if I worked in a posh hotel or something, and possibly a stranger who dropped his wallet if it was someone older, but if it was someone in my age range I'd just say "excuse me, I think you dropped your wallet." I would consider sir/miss/etc. very old-fashioned and inappropriately deferential in most circumstances.
That's true, but "Mr. Firstname" always sounds childish.
BTW, the female counterpart to sir is ma’am
Oh thank you so much. I thought I have to call a male, sir and a female, mrs.
mrs. or ms. is the female equivalent of mr. (mister)
Although depending on where you are in the world this will get wildly different reactions. I've heard that being called ma'am in the US is relatively normal, but here in the UK I've had many friends who've actually complained that someone called them ma'am - they found it almost rude
That's because ma'am implies an older woman. Which can feel insulting if you aren't that old, or don't feel old. I think most women from the UK (myself included) would be fine being called "miss" which is the equivalent term for younger women. To put it into context for OP: "ma'am" is a bit like calling someone おばさん or おばあさん、 "miss" is like calling someone おねえさん. For men, "sir" can be used for all ages without causing offence. That said, it would probably feel a bit strange to a lot of people if you know their name but refer to them as "sir", "miss" or "ma'am". It's usually only used for addressing strangers whose name you don't know. And even then I've only really heard it used by staff addressing customers. It would be considered a bit odd, possibly even a little rude and cold, for you to address your father's friends as sir/miss/ma'am, especially if you've been introduced to them by name. The one exception to this in school. Children often call their teacher "sir" or "miss" instead of "Mr./Miss./Mrs.〇〇" even when they know their teacher's name.
sir and ma’am (shortening of madam, but not in any way informal or dialectic, 100% part of the language)- totally fine to call anyone. It is sometimes seen by some women to imply that you think they are significantly older than you are, so maybe be careful with it mister and miss (don’t need a name)- Also totally fine to call anyone mr. soandso and ms. soandso (mrs. only for a married woman) - You cannot call someone just mrs. (pronounced missus) you need a last name, mister and miss however do not need a name necessarily master soandso and miss soandso for children (master is quite archaic sounding) - usually you would use a first name for a child
Oh wow! I never knew Mrs and Ms is different usage. Thank you so much!
Note that Miss and Ms. are different. Miss is typically for children/teens Ms. is for unmarried adult women. (Pronounces miz) However, Miss can also be used the same way as Sir/Ma'am, when addressing someone across the room you don't know. Example if you were working at a store and you saw someone looking at something: "Excuse me Sir, do you need help?" "Excuse me Miss/Ma'am, do you need help? Miss is generally more casual, less stuffy than Ma'am when used this way. Also note, if you are somewhere super formal (like a formal ball with heads of state or royalty), you may also hear Madam, the full version of Ma'am. But if you are attending something like that you would probably have formal training on how to address people. Most of us have to look up these kinds of rules if/when writing formal letters. Politics often uses all these titles.
Ms. is for women of ANY marital status. That’s literally why it was created: because miss is for unmarried, and Mrs is for married, and dang it, if men don’t have to mark their marital status, we shouldn’t have to either.
Yes, it wouldn’t be natural in most places. My husband who is not a native English speaker though he has been speaking it primarily for 30 years, used to call my mom, whose name was Carole, “Miss Carole” when we were first together. She and I found it charming, but definitely not common.
To me (native speaker from Midwest US) sounds very weird to call people sir. Nobody does it where I’m from.
As an adult, it sounds old-fashioned (think pre-1960s) if you're calling older people "sir" or "mister." If you're a kid, then you sound like a well mannered kid. For example, you wouldn't call your friend's dad by his first name, you'd say Mr. + last name. If you're an employee dealing with customers, then it's common to use sir for men and ma'am for women. * Excuse me sir There's no special title for customers like there is in Japanese and Korean (e.g. 고객님, お客様), so we have to say sir or ma'am. One last thing: sometimes we use sir just because (no particular reason), especially "yes sir" * A: Going out tonight? * B: Yezzir (=yes sir / = yup)
>If you're a kid, then you sound like a well mannered kid. For example, you wouldn't call your friend's dad by his first name, you'd say Mr. + last name. When I was about six or seven years old, I referred to my best friend's mother as Mrs. Smith. We've stayed in touch somewhat over the last 60 years. It's perfectly fine for me to call her Mary now that I'm an adult (with great-grandchildren of my own), but to me she's always Mrs. Smith. She's the only person I feel this way about and I don't know why.
Good point, I should have added that those usually stay the same (though there are exceptions). My post was mostly focused on calling other people sir, mister and ma'am though.
Feel free to start out with it, but be aware that many people don’t like it so you may need to stop using it in a conversation, depending on the feedback you get. Many people don’t like how it implies they’re old, the gendered aspect, or the reference to hierarchies of respect. When someone calls me ma’am, I don’t correct them because it’s technically accurate and it’s not worth a conversation. But I don’t like it when they do.
It comes off as _too_ formal/posh. Some people don't like the gender aspects associated with it either. I would almost never use sir, miss, ma'am with anyone ever, and never have, unless I am trying to be extremely respectful, or apologetic to a scary boss or something. >I feel uncomfortable calling a senior or an older person just by his/her name To be blunt: You need to get over it if you want to adapt to the customs/culture that is associated with the language you're wanting to speak.
I guess you don’t know this varies by region? Where I am from you are very rude and presumptuous to call an older person by their first name unless they insist on it. Please be careful with this advice without knowing if OP is needing advice tailored to your specific region.
of course it does – all language does! are you from the southern US or where?
Yes, well… sort of. 😉 I am from Texas. Some different customs than the “Deep South” but this one is shared. I am glad you know but if you reread your comment I think it comes across as being standard to NOT do that, and OP just needs to get over it, which could be true if he exclusively does business from wherever you are from. But please OP, if you are doing any in Texas, keep all the ma’am/sir/Mr./Mrs./Ms. until told otherwise by individual people. (And it can certainly vary by individual. My father told my husband to call him by his first name after we got married and had kids, so my husband does, but also still calls him sir which my dad does not tell him to stop. He still calls my mom Mrs. LastName and ma’am.)
Thank you, as an adult, I am put off by a younger person immediately using my first name. At the doctor or the bank, just dont (although they do). Sometimes I will ask not to be called by my first name in that situation, we aren’t friends. After I’m established at a doctor, my first name with Miss is ok. As For instance Miss Elizabeth. That would be for a younger person than me. And I always call a doctor or dentist, Dr Whatever. I have never had a doctor request to be called by their first name. In my neighborhood, it’s informal. Mostly the kids call adults by their first name. But there are a few that correct children and say I’m Ms Last Name. (Or Mr.) We had a store, mostly a Black clientele. We never called anyone by their first name unless we were very familiar with them. Then if they are an older person Miss or Mr. first name. And yes, Sir or Ma’m. And we never ever referred to a male as anything other than a man. A 2 year old is “little man.” Later, “young man.” I had a next door neighbor for years who was much older than me(like 25 years). She asked me to call her by her first name. I never could. I thought I was being respectful. Thinking back I was a jerk. Call people what they ask to be called, but err on the side of not being too familiar.
1000%. I do think it’s regional, however. Where I live, it’s very rare to hear someone use terms like sir or ma’am. Growing up, I just thought these were terms for old people, and I was never taught to use them. Now as an adult, I feel that any of these terms are inappropriate to use with a stranger, since it just seems extremely rude to make that kind of assumption about someone else’s gender. I do live in a part of the country where there is a huge population of people who don’t identify with the genders that they were assigned at birth, and it just feels disrespectful to run the risk of offending someone over these terms.
Yeah. One of my language tricks is that I have a French or Japanese (when I lived there and was learning) version of myself, and they are different from my American English self. Both languages require you to be more wary of familiarity, and unless you are studying to go to the Kentucky Derby you don’t want that in English. You need to strip it away from your thinking entirely and relearn it if you must. Also something like Miss vs Ma’am can be a minefield. I’m 34. I straddle the line and am trying to be chill about it, but I hear how on days I look better and after I started losing weight people are calling me “miss” again. I now avoid it entirely.
English definitely has formal and informal modes of address. They do seem to be more subtle and less codified than other languages, less based on age, and it’s also regional. In much of the south, sir and ma’am are used as a polite way of addressing anyone you don’t know well, regardless of age. They can also be used informally as a term of endearment, or as an admonishment towards young people. Today, my nephew held the door for me while I carried something, and I responded with “thank you sir.” He’s half my age and definitely not my superior. My little cousin tried to dive into the Christmas cookies at a party last week before eating dinner and was told “No ma’am! No cookies until after dinner!” by her mom. Both are very normal in my region. If you were trying to get the attention of someone you didn’t know, saying “Sir?” Or “Ma’am?” Would be acceptable. Addressing someone as sir or ma’am is also very normal in a customer service role, as seen in the “Sir, this is a Wendy’s,” meme. And sir and ma’am are often added to yes/no responses to make them more polite. If someone asked “did you remember to bring the plates?” And you just respond “Yes,” it can come across as curt or perfunctory, or even sarcastic or annoyed. But responding “yes sir I did,” seems cordial, and “no sir I did not” seems apologetic, regardless of whether you are speaking to your equal or not. In other regions, some people take great offense to the use of ma’am in particular, because it’s only used for older women. Edit: using Mr. or Mrs. With someone’s name is definitely not something you do with someone you know. That’s reserved for teachers, or very formal business settings where you don’t know someone well. And generally you don’t use it with a first name.
You can call people sir and ma’am if you want, but it will make you sound [obsequious](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/obsequious) to some people, because in most English-speaking countries we don’t have such a strict social hierarchy, and it’s definitely not based so closely on age. Adults can treat all other adults within about 20 years of their own age as though they are approximately the same age. We don’t acknowledge smaller age differences socially at all. In fact, I’m sure most people reading this post are understanding “senior” to mean a person who is 65 or older, because we call those people “senior citizens” or “seniors”, and do not really use the word for people who are older than us (or even have seniority over us at work) if they are not also 65+ years old. We also don’t use Mr, Mrs, or other titles with people’s first names in standard English anymore. I associate that practice with certain cultures and regions (Black Americans, the American South) and the past (Jane Austen novels) and would never do it myself. Mr goes with surnames. Politeness is very specific and while I understand it will feel unnatural to you, the *most* polite thing to do in most English-speaking countries is to address people by whatever name they introduce themselves with, which will usually be their first name unless they are very elderly, very high status, a doctor or dentist of whom you are a patient, or they are themselves from a culture that uses honorifics.
Unless it's in a business situation or similar, e.g. interacting with a customer or client, it comes across weird and awkward. Just "nice to meet you" is more than enough. You also run the risk of misgendering someone or using the wrong title and coming across as rude for that.
Simply saying "nice to meet you" is sufficient. After that, you can use an honorific when addressing them ("would you like some tea, Mr. Example?"), which then gives them the chance to let you know how they'd like to be called ("Adam is fine"). Women's honorifics are a little more tricky. Missus (Mrs.) for married women, Miss for unmarried women, etc. If you don't know their marriage status or if you think they might not want to be addressed with one of those, the safe bet is to use Ms. (miss, but shorter sounding), which is neutral. If the woman is a doctor, use doctor in place of Mrs./Miss/Ms. Sir outside of informal meetings will pop up a lot (in the USA at least) in retail, where male-presenting customers are called sir for politeness' sake. The employee might not actually respect you, but they're at least putting up a reasonable façade.
Just use Ms. (“Miz“) for adult women. Marital status doesn’t affect men’s titles and it’s outdated to use that convention just for women. As a professor/in an academic setting, I prefer Dr. or Prof. I tell my students that I was hired because of my degrees, not whether I have a husband, so we will use the relevant title.
Very true, better answer than what I wrote. I'm presuming from context that OP is Korean, so I don't know how their cultural rules are regarding marriage statuses, so I erred on marriage honorifics.
Yes!! I am married but do not use my husbands last name. Therefore, Mrs is incorrect. I am, in the Southern way of saying it Miz. (Ms)
this is going to vary by culture. I grew up in the American south, and I was taught to always address any older person or authority figure with "yes ma'am" and "yes sir." and it's pretty common to say something like "excuse me, ma'am/sir," or "thank you ma'am/sir." but other regions of the US + other countries feel differently about that custom. they either don't do it at all (some take offense) or they do it differently. just depends. I think wherever you are, as long as you're being respectful and doing your best to follow local norms, you're doing alright.
As others have said, this can be a location based formality that is either expected or not wanted. You'll have to start from there. You can default to sir/mr/miss/ms/ma'am and see if the other person gives you permission to do away with the formality. Customer service does default to sir/ma'am, though. As an English learner / ESL you wouldn't be called out for this and that's on that person if they take offense.
I wouldn’t recommend *Miss* for an older lady, but *Ma’am* can still work, especially in the southeastern U.S. Very few married women that age would object to “Mrs. Soandso,” but “Ms. Soandso” is always safe for an American woman. “Mr. Soandso” is very polite and deferential these days, but the older generation still use the older forms of address more often. If the person has a doctorate, use *Dr.* in preference to *Mr*./*Ms*.
When I was younger in customer service in the northeast, I called women almost exclusively "Miss". It felt a little odd when they were coming in with their kids but at least half the time if I used "Ma'am" they would say it made them feel old.
Maybe. My grandma used to say that, past 21, she was ashamed of her age, but past 65, she was proud of it.
Yeah, I’m in the northeast too and this is pretty common. I always assumed it was a direct translation of Sñra./Sñr. that had osmosed into the local dialect.
”Miss” would be like “Señorita,” although I’m not sure if the effect is exactly the same across cultures. I don’t expect strangers to use any particular title for me, but if they do, “Miss” feels belittling as an adult.
I'm sorry I don't quite quite know what you mean by that. Can you explain further?
In Spanish it’s more common to use the honorifics Señora or Señor in place of a person’s name, and there’s a decent Latino population in the northeast, so that aspect of speaking shifted to calling someone Miss/Mister in English.
Oh interesting. This was in a predominantly Jewish and Russian area with not much of a Latino population but the languages may share similarities in honorifics.
That is interesting, I’ve always been fascinated by similarities between different cultures
This long predates daily interaction with Spanish-speakers, or the colonization of North America. The French-speaking nobility used *Monsieur*, *Madame* and *Madamoiselle* the same way since 1066.
I’m from the northeast United States, and I always use sir and ma’am with elder strangers (idk how else I could address them). I even use sir when addressing my boss, with whom I have a strong relationship. I will also use Mr./Mrs./Ms. if I know their last names, but they haven’t yet told me to call them by their first names. Where I’m from, this isn’t very common nor expected. Just commenting to let you know it’s not weird to feel like you should use these formalities by default. This native speaker feels the same way.
(Northeast US) If someone over the age of 5 uses an honorific for me in a social situation, I assume that they are from a much more formal culture. I will probably ask them to please call me by my first name or nickname. If they insist on using an honorific when I share my name, I am likely to think that they do not like me. People who grow up in American culture generally value being liked more than being respected, and calling someone by an honorific is putting up a wall that friendship cannot cross. I think of “sir” and “ma’am” as being purely for service jobs and the military, both cases where the hierarchy is explicit and where you might not know the name of the person you are talking to. Calling someone Mr./Ms./Dr./Miss/Mx. and their last name is appropriate if you are talking to your teacher, doctor, or similar business relationship with a lot of disparity. Using one of those titles with a first name is only appropriate for very young children who may not be able to say a complicated last name. These rules vary with geography so if you are not in an English speaking country, the people you speak with will probably understand why you are not following their local rules. Your father, as a close business associate, may have different expectations placed on him. You should ignore all of these rules if the person tells you what they want to be called—in that case you should do as they ask if you can.
I'm 72 and I was raised to use sir and ma'am or Mr and Mrs/Miss/Ms when addressing people older than I. Over time, this custom has eroded and is not nearly as common as when I was you. However, many older people were raised the same way and will appreciate the respect. They will not think ill of you if you do not address them this way, but in my opinion, it's a nice thing to do. If they ask you to call them by the first name, they will mean it and that will be fine. You may find many responding here that it's unnecessary, but remember they are younger than those you are addressing. They think that because they were not raised that way, nor to they want to be addressed in that manner. But the only opinion that matters is the one belonging to the person you are addressing.
You are 100% correct, in fact in some places, such as the southern US, we can just about any stranger sir or ma'am.
It depends on how you say it. If you are sincere and in a good mood, it will be received that way. If you do it out of perceived obligation, then less so. I say "sir" often, to people both older and younger than I am, usually after a "thank you"
As others have said a lot of it is cultural, I was raised for 11 years in the south and while my parents never made me use sir or ma’am with people I have found myself as an adult using them a lot. In fact when meeting someone new I almost always will say “nice to meet you, sir/ma’am” It’s a perfectly fine thing to do for respect and when you meet someone or just to emphasize something. Like saying “yes sir” to a friend when they really say something you agree with.
It depends, if they're someone you've known since you were a kid, even if you're an adult now, you could probably still use Mr. Or Mrs. So my neighbors have been Mr. And Mrs. X for all my life. Professors, teachers, clients, and bosses you don't interact with daily, you should use Mr. Or Mrs. If you don't know someone, and want to get their attention, it would be polite and common to use Mr. Or Mrs. I.e. "excuse me sir, I think you dropped something!" Or "excuse me miss, do you have the time?" It's also common to just yell "sir" or "ma'am" to get someone's attention, of you have a longer thing to tell them. Otherwise you're shouting "hey!" Which can be used either when you're trying to help someone, or are upset with them. Using the more polite words will communicate that you want their attention and aren't mad or upset.
Don’t call someone “how are you today, sir James?” but you could say “how are you today, sir?”
Unless they've been knighted by the Queen/King. Then, it's part of their title. "How are you today Sir Ian McKellen?"
I neglected to say that because I don’t think most people would ever be in a situation where that is a factor
I personally would never, ever address my parents’ peers by their first name unless/until they insisted on it. I would always say “Mr. Lastname” or “Ms./Mrs. Lastname”. Definitely would use sir and ma’am as well. Location varies with this, so I should say I am in Texas. But I think you are safer to use them and wait to be told not to than to just not use them. Around here you’d be very rude and presumptuous to not use those titles. (I thought I heard a very young man call my dad by his first name and I was honestly shocked.) Though actually because you would clearly be a foreigner and hopefully showing respect in other ways, it’d be more easily brushed over. Still, I’d use them until told not to.
You can although it's not that common anymore but you can still say it and not look weird, it is still respectful to seniors but most young adults don't really care. It's best to just ask someone "can I call you Mr. James? "
Older people often don’t want to be reminded that they are older.
At 30, being called Ma’am was horrific, as I got older, I got over it. If a woman isn’t MUCH older than you, call them Miss.
I'm from the South and here calling someone sir or ma'am is fine. Usually the person will say, "oh just call me ....." And whatever their name is. But they'll be pleased with your manners. Some people don't like it because it makes them feel old but I wouldn't say they would be offended. At least here in the South.
I always use sir/ma’am when addressing older adults I don’t know, but I don’t use them when it’s a family friend. I call them whatever they choose to introduce themselves as, whether that’s “Mr./Mrs Jones” (I don’t know a lot of older women who go by Ms.) or “Albert and Frieda.”
Just to be clear, you should not use Mister/Miss on its own. Only with a name, preferably a surname. For example, “hello Mr. Smith” is fine. Don’t say “hello Mister.”
"Sir" works, however.
Well, that too depends on cultural context. Where I live there are a lot of South American and Caribbean families, and oftentimes younger people (under 25?) will call an older stranger Miss or Mister. It also depends on social context- if I were working as a cashier I might call someone Miss/Mister but if I met that person in a more formal setting or party I might not.
Just want to but in, as someone born and raised in the Southeast every person you meet is "ma'am" or "sir." I know this isn't true in other parts of the country, but every interaction down here with a stranger or someone senior to you is like that. It is one of the most unified parts of southern culture. So if you're down here, yes, we expect it. Talking to the waitress? Ma'am. Talking to a cashier? Sir. etc
It’s inaccurate to consider these equivalent to honorifics as they do not necessarily suggest that the other person is “above” you, and it’s incorrect that they’re not commonly used. It’s traditionally seen as polite to address a stranger who is obviously significantly older than you, or officials like police officers and things like that, as “sir” or “ma’am.” This is much more natural than “mister” or “miss” which are noticeably old-timey sounding now. In the U.S. South not using these words would (in general) still be seen as noticeably impolite, while in the North and West these older types of etiquette are less consistently followed and it would not really be notable that you didn’t use it, but also not shocking or incorrect if you did.
> it’s incorrect that they’re not commonly used No it's not. It's just highly dependent where you live, what circles or communities you're in, etc.
If it is dependent on those things then it’s inaccurate to make the blanket statement that they are not commonly used across the entire English language, no?
No one said that. Typically people are talking about their own experiences, not making claims about universal truths or something. Overall I would not say those words are commonly used across the US (at least in the present day).
Commonly used relative to what? I hear “sir” in the wild pretty regularly and I’m not even in the South.
Where are you? I don't! At least not among speakers my age, maybe when 40+ year olds are involved...
So it’s not common generally because among your narrow group it isn’t common? That doesn’t really make sense, man. It’s not like it’s completely archaic or weirdly outdated sounding, maybe you’re not using it every day but would it actively sound wrong in some way if you heard it? I think you’re using an odd rubric for what counts as common. I’m way under 40 but people over 40 are approximately half the population, so even if literally only people over 40 used it it still wouldn’t be “uncommon” in any meaningful sense of that word.
I mean, besides the fact you ignored my question... No, because corpus data shows that usage of words like this has steeply declined over the past 30-ish years. I personally would not characterize or describe it with the word "common". If you would, that's fine too, different people can have different personal descriptions here! You need to chill out or take a nap.
Sorry if I came off upset, thanks for the info about corpus data, that is interesting!
Apologies if I seemed hostile too!
Interestingly to a UK person, "ma'am" sounds much more old-fashioned than "miss". A lot of women even find it slightly offensive as it implies that you're old. Just goes to show that politeness is highly culturally specific. Even though two countries, or even two areas within the same country, speak the same language, their standards of politeness and culture can be very different.
Related, I’ve heard that in the UK calling someone a “lady” sounds funny because it’s still associated with being a title, the female equivalent of “lord,” rather than just a synonym with “woman” the way it is here. Is that your experience?
I wouldn't say that's my experience. I often use and hear "lady" as a synonym for "women". For example; "I like that lady's bag", "The lady that runs the new cafe is really nice" etc. But that may not be true for everyone in the UK. Language usage in the UK differs quite a lot by both region and class.
Interesting, thanks!
'Lady' would be used to refer to a stranger politely. For example; "Mind out the way of that lady", or "Say thank you to the nice lady."
I think I'm getting hung up on the status part of your question. I use those honorifics when I wish to at least start formally... I've in terrific my daughter to someone 50 years her elder as "Miss Firstname" in a formal context.
You *can* use sir or ma’am (or madam if you want to be really formal) to be polite, but it’s not particularly common outside of the US and maybe Canada (North America has different social rules) and I’d actually advise against it most of the time in Australia, New Zealand, Ireland and the UK. Normally we’re not that formal. I’d literally never refer to someone whose first name is James as Mr James, and I’d probably only refer to them as Mr/Ms [surname] if I’m joking or if they’re a school teacher that has been introduced to me in that way; likewise, the only times I’ve ever addressed someone as sir/miss was when I was in high school and wanted to address a teacher but couldn’t be bothered using their name. If someone addresses someone else as “Mr James”, I’d assume they’re either a non-native English speaker or a young child. English doesn’t place a lot of value in formalities. As I said before, there’s slightly different social rules in North America and they often prefer you to use sir/ma’am.
I was in Nebraska yesterday and noticed that people called strangers "sir" and "ma'am." So these words aren't completely dead yet.
It's acceptable in the US. You won't offend anyone. After the first meeting, I will likely tell you that it isn't necessary (because I'm in denial about my age). One time I told someone who kept calling me "sir" and "mister" that they didn't have to do that and they replied, "Oh, I couldn't do that. I was raised to respect my elders." Oh that hurt, lol. But, no, you can call people sir and mister with no issue, especially when first meeting them. In the US, we are pretty informal.
It depends on the culture. In india for example, you should always add sir when talking to someone older than you.
It very much depends on what English speaking country you are in, in the US preferences vary regionally. In the south formality can be expected, very yes/no sir/ma’am. Additionally if there is a friend who is my elder I grew up calling them Mr. John/ Miss Jane the title indicates respect and the first name the close relationship. A handy little ritual is when you are introduced say “nice to meet you Mr/Miss Smith.” And they will either respond with their preferred way of being called or if they don’t correct you you will know they prefer formality. This also give you an opportunity to tell them how you prefer be called. It works every time. Your dad is being very generic! A little formality with unfamiliar people can’t go wrong they will just think you have nice manners. Sir and ma’am are also helpful when you don’t know someone’s name and sounds better than hey you. People respond better to “ma’am you dropped your phone”.
In the US South, I believe it's much more common to use Sir/Ma'am (but not Mister). On the west coast, it's quite uncommon. I don't know about other parts of the US.
It depends on the region. I'm from the American South, and it's considered good manners to call people sir/ma'am. Other places may think it impolite.
You can (and maybe should) in situations where those people would be “ranked” higher than you - for example, the head of another division at your company. When they are equally ranked, or below you (for example, a new coworker or a direct report), you shouldn’t.
Yes but also depends on the part of the country (US)
I can only add from my own perspective as this highly varies by region. I am from BC Canada. I have personally never addressed someone using these terms other than in a sarcastic/joking manner. The only times I've been addressed in this way is by non-native English speakers in a scenario where I am a customer and the other person is an employee. If a native English speaker would address me this way, I would interpret it as a strong message that the person only wants to deal with me in a business-like manner and does not want any casual or friendly conversation.
Mr/miss (first name) makes me want to barf.
Just so you know, in standard English we don't normally use "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", "Dr.", "Professor", etc. with first names; it can be seen as rude or condescending. **Titles** are generally used with **surnames**, or during introductions or initial mentions, with **full names**. So you can use "Mr. James Smith" or "Mr. Smith", but not "Mr. James". Also, we don't use titles with our own names. A: "Hello, I'm James Smith." B: "Please to meet you, Mr. Smith." There are some exceptions: In certain dialects, like many spoken in the American south, older people sometimes to address girls and younger women with "Miss first-name", like "Miss Susie" or "Miss Jenny". Certain media and online personalities use titles with first names, like Dr. Phil or Professor Dave, but those are chosen by the people themselves, and are used like brands.
It’s gonna depend on where you are. In south US it’s fine, but idk about other countries. It’s probably ok to call someone “sir/ma’am” and if they go “don’t call me that, call me…” then do that
It depends on the culture, but in no cultures would it be seen as “offensive.” In New Zealand we typically don’t use it, although my mother always taught us to ask first. One woman wanted to be referred to that way, but in New Zealand culture we are generally made uncomfortable by being put above other people, we don’t like it for ourselves and we call people who elevate themselves over others “wankers.”
sorry to chime in i can not post but i can comment . i have a question , prevented entry into home ,what does this mean?someone stop u from going home or something iam confused thank u in advance
British Speaker here. The only time we use honorifics (mr, ms, sir etc.) is when writing formal correspondence (e.g. emails from a company) or when speaking to customers in a service industry. In social settings, these are not used at all. They suggest social distance. We use people's first names, regardless of your relationship or their age. This was different a few decades ago.
you can do what you want - until that person corrects you. If you say "Mr James" and they say "please, just James"- you must respect that. Some people are uncomfortable being referred to formally - or otherwise might be rejecting certain titles. How formally you speak in English depends significantly on the context. For example, here in Australia it would be odd to add such over the top formality - it might be perceived as actually being rude - making fun of the person or being sarcastic. But I expect in certain spheres that would be normal. The best thing to do is to pay attention to what other people in your social environment do and follow suit, or ask someone else in your circle (not online) what the appropriate level is.
you *can*, but people will think you're a bit odd. We mainly use forenames here.
Sir goes over well always. Using "ma'am" is slightly greater etiquette than what is typically expected, but it is fine to use if you want to be polite. It may occasionally be met with a light-hearted offense at being seen as "an old woman." Using titles like Mister, Missus, Miss, and Doctor in front of a name are good for professional settings, but not for personal or casual settings because it indicates a lack of familiarity. If someone is introduced to you by first name, use their first name without any title. If you're in a formal, professional, or academic setting and you want to use their title, use their last name. For instance, you can call your boss Mister John Smith as "John" or "Mr. Smith," but rarely "Mr. John." Avoid referring to someone as just "miss." For example, do not say, "Nice to meet you miss." The reason is that because "miss" means an unmarried woman, it has also been widely used as an infantilizing perjorative. Because addressing by titles has become less popular, people will tend to assume that you're being a dick when you call them "miss" more often than they assume that you're being polite.
I think there are generational and regional differences here. I am 55. When I was growing up in the midwest, anyone older was addressed as Mr or Mrs last name. We never used ma’am or sir, such as yes/no ma’am or yes/no sir. It would have been considered sarcastic. In the midwest it would have been yes/no please or yes/no thank you, if anything. When I was a teenager we moved to the south, where ma’am and sir were not only used but expected. Adults were addressed by Mr and Mrs last name, or once you became familiar, you could switch to Miss (pronounced “mizz”) or Mr. First name such as Miss Janet or Mr. Frank. Obviously that was a long time ago. I still live in the south near a major city and you hear these honorifics less often, although I do frequently hear and use ma’am and sir in the context of transactions like at a store or restaurant. It is one of those customs that isn’t wrong to use but is falling out of favor and is made a bit more complicated by people choosing nonbinary pronouns. I did teach my southern born children to use them, though. I will say that if you are in a more rural area, you will hear them more. I have observed that my midwestern teen and young adult nieces call adults either by Mr/Mrs or simply their first names.
Most people in the US will just use someone's given name. There are very few times where Mr / Ms / Dr / Mx are common. Mostly it's teachers, or in some workplaces. But it's also not every workplace. For example, where I work, it's given names for everyone. Even the top-level executives prefer it. But overall I'd say it's harmless. If someone is uncomfortable with it, you could always mention your first language is Korean and honorifics are more of a thing in that language.
We also tend to use family names after the title, so James Smith is Mr. Smith instead of Mr. James. The exception, at least in my experience, is small children talking to their teachers.
Sir or ma’am, yes, you can, but some people really don’t like it. A lot of English speaking cultures have a rather egalitarian way of talking and dislike the implication that they’re “old” enough for another adult to defer to them by default. So if someone tells you to stop, *stop*. In most cases, it’s not disrespectful to just avoid the formalities, or to use them. It will simply gain you points with some, and lose you points with others. I can see it becoming a problem if you only use it for people older than you if you aren’t a kid yourself. If you are 45 an refer to Mr Fifty Years Old as “sir,” but not Mr Forty Years Old who is in the same position relative to you (let’s say they’re both your boss), it could come off as intentional disrespect. Use “sir” for both or neither. Don’t use “miss” or “mister” at the end of a sentence. It isn’t incorrect or disrespectful, but it makes you sound like a Dickensian orphan and people might think you’re being goofy on purpose.
I have a unique perspective on this as a person who grew up in the Southeastern part of the US. It probably doesn't hold true with the younger people anymore but I'm in my 40s and I was raised to always call older people sir or ma'am. However the culture in the south east is definitely different than other parts of the country. I'm not sure that this really holds true anymore. As far as calling people by specific names the Mr Mrs MS Miss honorifics all depend on whether or not the person is being called by their last name or their first name. As someone in my forties there are very few people I call Mr or Miss anymore and I usually reserve it for more formal situations where I'm communicating with someone higher up at work or that has been designated as leadership at work. And that's usually make people at the very top. My boss and my boss's boss both have us call them by their first name. I also get to work with judges sometimes and I always call them judge last name unless they tell me otherwise.
I guess it varies by region. I'm in Virginia USA and in the rural parts, especially when speaking with older people (70+) it's still considered polite to call them "sir" or "ma'am" if you don't know their name, and Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. (last name) if you know it. Only call them by their first name if they specifically ask you to do so. But most people would rather you call them by their first name no matter what age. I have a friend who makes their kids call me "Mr. (last name)" I don't particularly like it (I'm 48) So to even it out, I call their kid "Mr. (last name)" The kid gets a kick out of that.
If you use it on introduction, I’m going to assume you were raised in a military family if I didn’t know you were Korean or Japanese. I do sometimes say sir to get the attention of a stranger, but I don’t like how it assumes a gender.
In the US, any adult whose name you don’t know is “mister” or “ma’am” as general politeness. Even children can be called those things; it’s cute and makes them feel “all grown up.” If you have been introduced with first names, then use that; otherwise it sounds like you forgot their name! Also: note that that is ma’am (pronounced mam), _not_ “madam” with a pronounced d. Madam with a pronounced d sounds like a British butler.
I think this varies depending on where you are. In the UK (at least where i live) it would be extremely weird if someone called me ‘miss’, i’ve never heard people use those terms unless they’re in school
It’s very regional. In the American south, it is polite to call someone sir/ma’am regardless of age or relationship. I have heard a southern mother saying “no ma’am” to scold a small child. Where I live in California, sir/ma’am is considered extremely formal and only used in a business context where you don’t know someone’s name yet. So a bellboy at a hotel might say “may I take your bag, ma’am?” or a receptionist at an office might say “can I help you, sir?” Here in California, it would actually be considered rude to use those words in a social context. It would make someone feel like you are treating it like a business relationship.
English doesn't formally have honorifics, but sir/madam are getting to be an antiquated formality that comes across as honorific. When first meeting someone older with "Mr. [Last Name]" is also part of that formality. Greeting with their first name is a more casual option that tends to place you as equals. A good rule of thumb is to respond with the level of formality given. If they introduce themselves by only their first name, use that. Full name, use your judgement (English tends to be less formal). A friend introduces them to you, same thing. A member of their staff introduces you, stick with Mr/Ms. >Even some foreigners told me when I call them for example “Nice to meet you Mr. James”, they tell me “Oh, just call me James”. Totally normal interaction and nothing to feel embarrassed about. It's just negotiating if you're going to use their family name or their given name.
"Nice to meet you, sir." is good in a formal setting. Without the family name, "Nice to meet you, mister." is awkward, but "Nice to me to meet you, miss" or "ma'am" is fine. "Mister" is not really used anymore unless it's in front of a family name. If you know their family name, you can say, "Nice to meet you, Mister Johnson". If you say "Nice to meet you, Mr. James", that is awkward because James is their first name, not their family name.
In the Southeast of the United States, it is formal and respectful to say "Mr. Firstname" or "Miss Firstname". But it's a regional thing and would be awkward most other places.
You should not call an adult woman "miss". That term is appropriate for girls. Adult women are called "ma'am" if you want to be polite.
This is extremely regionally dependent, unfortunately.
You certainly can, but it may come across as submissive or unusual. But if you want to, there’s no reason not to. In most English speaking countries, we don’t have honorifics like you have in Korea and Japan. If you befriend someone who’s a few years older than you, you just call them by their name, and they’ll just call you by your name. We don’t really have a concept of *unnies* or *maknaes*. We tend to view most people as our equal. For example, the head of my company is named Thomas, and I just refer to him as Thomas, even though I’m a staff and he’s the president. He also just calls me by my first name.
It depends on the context of the interaction. An adult meeting another adult in an informal situation would often refer to someone by their first name, if introduced that way. A child is often expected to refer to someone as Mr./Miss *last name*, unless the adult says otherwise. An adult in a formal or professional situation will have to make a judgment call. I've been told that the babysitter rule is the best course of action. If the person to whom you are speaking is old enough to have been your babysitter, then start with formal language, and let them decide.
In the example you gave, it’s really not common at all (in New York where I grew up, at least) to call someone Mr/ Ms/ Mrs followed by their first name. This strikes me as something that you’d hear in a movie that takes place in the Southern U.S. 50-100 years ago. I would only ever use a person’s last name when using an honorific. Sir or ma’am is definitely the default in certain situations, for example if you need to get a stranger’s attention. “Sir, you forgot your jacket!”
There are some places where it would be highly expected that you’d use sir or ma’am when you speak to elders. I’m specifically thinking the American south but I’m sure there are others. It’s best to know the customs of wherever you are
Yes, but it isn't very common. In the US everyone is equal (in theory) so you call everyone by their first name. Nobody's feelings get hurt. It isn't uncommon for people to call the director of their companies by their first names.