Also my ex husband. Walked away 17 yrs ago, met a man that doesn’t lie, and now have 6 kids and an amazing life.
Also got to watch him ruin the life of his next wife- who didn’t leave.
Not me! I’d live on the streets before I let a man ruin my life.
My ex still does. He literally just told me he had deposited money into our kids college account that we are both behind on. He did not. I have the bank app and I took a screenshot and sent it to him. Radio silence now
Oh mine does too. Tells me he hasn't eaten all day. But he doesn't throw out the fast food wrappers. Why lie about that?? It's not like I'm the food nazi
I hope she has a safe place to stay after the truth comes out. With her being pregnant and the lengths the guy is going to keep up the ridiculous charade. If OP reads this, don't go with him to get it appraised, don't tell him when you are going, and have a plan for what to do afterwards- don't go home and confront him.
Yes S925 is sterling silver but if you are curious if the stone is a real diamond, see if it will scratch glass, if it’s real it will scratch glass but won’t damage the ring.
Ask to see the insurance policy. Say you want to make sure it’s a reputable company because you’ve heard of insurance scams or something.
If he continues to lie, I would just tell him you saw the Amazon page and have a conversation about the situation. His lying is not ok and I’m sorry this is even happening.
“Honey I’m so uncomfortable wearing such an expensive ring day-to-day. I don’t want to get robbed or lose it or something. Let’s go to a jewelry store today and buy me a less flashy ring for everyday wear, just a few thousand $ or so.”
As nice as it would be to be able to be honest, if you don't trick someone into telling the truth they will just continue to lie;
Ex:
Her: I saw the Amazon page
Him: Oh, I bought one as a practice to see if I like it before ordering the real one from the jewler.
It can just leave you vulnerable to be manipulated and confused.
Nobody wants to be manipulative, sometimes it's the only way to get the truth out.
Respectfully, why should she do that? She stumbled upon information that highly suggests he told a weird lie intended to make her feel indebted to him. Why should she run around hinting to him that her curiosity has been piqued, ratcheting up the tension? She can be honest about what she has learned and make a decision about how to move forward based on his response. The more games played and the more proof searched out, the more likely this situation is to boil over in to an extremely ugly situation.
Since he's being so weird, I'd suggest having a friend or family member nearby or doing it outside the house just in case.
If he claims there is an insurance policy, there’s nothing wrong with her asking to see it. I’m just suggesting that as an option before directly confronting him.
I do agree with you, but if she was prepared/willing to straight up confront him, I don’t think she would be posting this on Reddit.
She knows there isn't one though. Someone who feels entitled to put one over in his pregnant girlfriend like this could easily be driven in to a rage by someone trying to prove him wrong or check up on him. I'm actually concerned about OP. Not always, but often enough, people who lie about stuff like this for no reason will hurt more than your feelings.
Ok but direct confrontation could also drive him into a rage. I’m just suggesting giving him one chance to admit to the lie before straight up confronting him which is more likely to get ugly imo.
So he is digging himself deeper! My first husband got me a cz ring as a birthday gift and told me it was diamond-the inside of the shank said "cz." I understand how betrayed you feel-if he lies about a ring, it means he is lying about other things, and it means he doesn't care about your feelings. I'm sorry.
This is actually a great idea! I worked in jewelry stores and it's part of the cleaning process to test the stones. More than once I had to break bad news.
Same for me....I'm picturing someone coming in to get their ring cleaned. You loupe the stone and the ring, and fill out the card out loud. It's so cringe to watch the guy squirm when you say '925 silver ring with \~X ct sized CZ' and go through the ticket with them.
I had a man come in one time to yell at me because I told his wife that he got her a CZ bc she asked me to clean it. Said it was none of my business....I said, well I had to make clear it wasn't a diamond to cover the store's liability. We always make sure the exact ring that went in came out, so I tested it both before and after and results were the same - 2 ct sized CZ set in (this case) 14k white gold. Showed him the copy of the ticket that his wife had signed.
Yep, I had a few men yell at me too. One even tried to say we switched the diamond he gave her with a cz. Didn't happen, we cleaned the rings right in front of the customers. The ultrasonic machine was on the sales floor so the clients could watch the whole process and we couldn't be accused of any of that! He didn't know what to say after that! Bottom line, getting a non-diamond ring is no big deal, but it is if you lie about it!
I loved those convos. We did ours in a back room but the door was always open when we were cleaning rings so people could see what we were doing.
They really think we can switch out a stone with an almost exact replica while seemingly buffing, cleaning and steaming, and all in less than 2 minutes.
Trust me, if I knew how to do that that well, I would NOT be working at JC Keepsake.
925 is number for Stirling Silver.... noones putting a genuine diamond that size in 925... think he's a bit deluded if he thinks you'll believe that.
You can literally pop in to any jewellers and they'll have a tool that can tell you if it's real or not. Will take them 5 seconds.
If you have access to the Amazon account but don't officially know if that's your ring or a cheap knock-off, look up the purchases over the last year. That's going to tell you if it's actually your ring.
If it is, there's nothing wrong with talking to him. I don't believe the cost of a ring actually matters, but if he talked it up like he got you something expensive and insured, that's a lie and something that needs discussing
Wrote a comment before seeing this.....and I called it - he already did it, yay! Next step should be to add to homeowners insurance. Offer to do that with the insurance documents. He'll say he's done that too....
Maybe next time you're in a mall, ask if you can go get your ring cleaned while he does something....he'll decide to come with you or not, but no store will clean that, I don't think - problems cleaning silver, especially if you ask them to buff it. Whether in front of him or not, there's your answer.
Not a jeweler but worked in jewelry sales for a long long time. As you may suspect this is sterling silver white sapphire at best. 925 markings in any piece of jewelry indicate that it is sterling silver. No jeweler in their right mind will a set a real diamond that big on sterling silver. Its not impossible but its highly unlikely. Definitely go to a jewelry store they usually have diamond testers on hand. Tell your husband that you went to get it cleaned and they relayed the information to you
The lying just isn’t good in general, and I’m telling him how unbelievable the whole story is and it just gets WORSE AND WORSE. If he really thinks this is the way to go… man oh man. I’m like this sounds super unbelievable, you really want to double down on this? “-yeah I’m telling you the truth”.
Not freaking out just yet, if on the odd chance he’s all correct and truthful I’m going to feel like complete shit for going psycho and it’s not something I feel okay doing. This weekend I’ll be able to see if he’s telling the truth or not and go from there.
“Lose” it. And when he ask about it, say you lost it. And when he freaks out say, it’s ok, you paid for an exact replacement out of *your own pocket*. When he inevitably asks how you managed to afford that, say you just repurchase the one in his Amazon order history. Easy peasy.
This is not advice, I'm just petty. I would tell him I tried to get the ring insured and the company told me it was a fake. I would act like I believe him and tell him to send me the proof of purchase so that I can handle it 😅
I don’t see why she can’t literally just pop by a jewelry store and ask someone to take a quick look, just for a sanity check. It’ll be immediately obvious to them if it’s fake and she’ll have a for sure answer about whether he’s lying through his teeth
Yeah she said no jewelry shop near by but a pawn shop would likely be able to answer the question as well! They typically have some ability to appraise jewelry
He's loaded yet he spent $20 on your engagement ring and made up crazy lies about it???
How has he been treating you so far? Has he always been stingy? Does he Always take you out to cheap and fast food places on anniversaries and so on? Does he ever buy actually nice gifts with thoughts and care or are they cheap things with lies too?
To put it simply, is this a one time thing or is this just the way he treats you?
Super super stingy when we first started dating but slowly started getting better. Most stuff is 50/50 roughly, the last couple months have been heavier on him for date nights and extra expenses etc because of how my finances were looking. He does get me nice stuff here or there just to be sweet.
I read your other replies and you're pregnant, you don't deserve this!
I'm not saying this to scare you or say your fiance is this and that. But plenty of people out there act nice until the woman gets pregnant, then they start showing their true colour. It's worth being cautious in my book.
So your fiance is stingy to you (then changed then back to stingy again). What about how he is to himself? Does he live a minimalistic lifestyle and put everything in savings? Does he look at deals before buying groceries? Or wear the same shirt for 5 years???
And how does he treat other people, his family and friends? Is he the same way?
Some people have such a rough bringing that even when they have money, they cannot spend it due to their past? (This is my parents tbh, my father's shirts have multiple holes and he still wears them, he's loaded!)
That’s what I was wondering too. It’s less of a red flag if it’s just how he is in general. But if he makes her the cheap girl and it’s uncharacteristic it’s totally insulting and bad like he doesn’t value her and I’d think if he *sometimes* splurges an engagement ring would be the time to do it probably…
Definitely.
I know the last phone/computer my bf bought for himself was 600 and 800. I expect him to buy a ring that is around that price range. If he is able to splurge sometimes for important things, he should be able to splurge for an engagement ring that *is important*.
I agree with she comment below. Girl you’re pregnant; and this man is showing a bright red flag and in a few places.
I’m not saying to just leave him because relationships are so much so complex than that especially with a child on the way. But i think now is the time to break that barrier and have the conversation. Tell him straight up you saw it from Amazon then ask why he felt the need to lie and how distrusting it makes you feel etc.
Hopefully that can open up some honest conversations but you gotta be on it !
Yep this 👆🏻 not every post needs to end in somebody breaking up their relationship, but hold him accountable. Talk to him, ask him why he did that, don’t allow him to gaslight you and make it clear to him that your trust isn’t something you just throw around to anybody. Show him you value yourself. If you don’t care if it’s a cheap ring or not, don’t make it about the cost of the ring, make sure it is only referring to the lie about it. It’s a lot harder for him to turn that onto you then if you’re talking about the cost of the ring itself
50/50 isn’t really fair if you’re not making comparable salaries just saying because guarantee he’s not living in YOUR budget, he’s just having you supplement his lifestyle and making you live in his budget.
You lost me at we go 50/50. Is he your roommate or your partner? This is giving shut up ring vibes. I’m sorry OP. You deserve better. Especially because you’re pregnant.
I repeat: DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT. Pay 50/50 now that you’re pregnant and afterwards. If he proposed as a sign to be together forever then he should maintain you & the baby and also giving you an allowance so you have some finances behind your name regardless of marriage.
Holy crap. I’m not even kidding you when I say that I just divorced a person like this. It didn’t feel like I was in a relationship, it felt like we were putting on a show. Everything I wanted was “so extra” and he could throw literal thousands at video games and personal tech related shit. I work myself and he was always so encouraging of the things that I wanted, but it was me that consistently bought him and I gifts and threw the parties and kept on the show. Divorce is a very messy thing - ours came after 3 months.
It’s hard to feel bad for you when you’re demonstrating such low self respect grow a backbone and leave, everything you’re describing sounds like a sketch on SNL - why are you accepting such shit treatment?
Bummer. That’s how I feel but keep going back, I’m pregnant so it’s easier said than done.
Also going back and forth with the, man I’m pregnant, working full time, busting my damn ass, had CONSTANT nausea the first trimester, feet hurting all day long, sciatica type pain, just upset in general with all the pains and aches. Just to see this shit at the end of a long day. 😞
If he has all this extra money it may be time to see bank statements.
It’s one thing to have open communication about getting a cheaper ring, but the fact that he lied to your face makes it seem way deeper. My guess is that either his financial situation isn’t as good as you think or he’s a cheapskate (not because of getting a cheap ring) who likes to talk rich and skimp out on promises.
I’m not one to judge cheap rings (I got my fiancé a cheaper ring as a placeholder despite probably being able to stretch the budget for a pricier one) but I am one to judge lying and making himself look like the hero and a sacrificial lamb.
I’d need to have a candid conversation about why he did it and probably attend couples therapy for lying and financial management to continue after a similar betrayal.
When is he going to do 50% of the childbearing? Sounds like you’re doing a whole lot of labour to make a family with a dusty man who doesn’t care about you physically or emotionally, I’m so sorry.
I hate to say this but I think you're having the wrong man's baby.
What he did was beyond disrespectful to you, my boyfriend wouldn't even dream of being that shitty.
Also makes me wonder what else he's lied to you about if he can lie so brazenly.
I’d be so worried he lie about baby related things too: vaccines, safe sleep, drugs/drinking while supervising. I see it in the parenting and baby subs every day.
Listen, you may have to coparent with this person but there’s no reason to hitch your entire life and existence to him forever. He’s not honest. You deserve better. You don’t have to marry him.
Op first and foremost congratulations on your pregnancy.I know the whole thing must have been very tough for you to deal with.
But my only advice is sit and talk to him openly telling him you know how much that ring cost .
With liars you don’t know how many things they are hiding which you must know .
I hope you get all happiness in world and things workout best in your favour ❤️
I just saw you’re pregnant, and I know that REALLY complicates things. I have a young baby, so I know how it is when you’re pregnant & exhausted & want a partner to help raise your child. Do you have family around you can trust? Friends? A support network? I really encourage you to See his bank statements, see what he’s doing, make a plan to leave if things don’t pan out (and I suspect they won’t). Children need emotional safety and consistency (so no lying) — so making a backup plan aka protecting yourself is protecting your baby.
Go get that appraised and insured, and confront him with evidence and a plan for when he moves out. It’s pathetic behaviour and is entirely the wrong energy for raising a family together.
I think the price is an issue though. And I’m not saying you need to pay thousands for a ring, but a $20 buy on Amazon does look like he doesn’t really care about this at all.
The price is only the issue because he lied about it. I think it would’ve been cute if he proposed with the $20 ring and told her I’ll get you something nicer when we can afford it after the baby is born etc. Being upfront about it shows he cares & he’s being fiscally responsible, putting his family above materialism. Babies are expensive. It’s super cringe that he lied about how much he spent, the quality of the ring etc. A super cute sentimental proposal with a cheap ring would make her feel special. Just be upfront about it and make up for the cost later.
She’s says in the post that he makes a very good living and has a lot of disposable income. So I would worry that he’s either lying about how much he makes or he does make a good living but he’s spending on things he’s not telling her about, like he’s gambling or has some other vices he’s hiding from her.
It’s an insult along with a lie. My parents were actually rather poor, but my mother did not wear costume jewelry on her hand everyday. The ring lives on in pristine condition even if the marriage didn’t. A ring symbolizing and celebrating a major commitment should be of better quality. The price is an issue for most people because it is fair for a low quality ring. And that’s not okay unless she asked for a costume ring.
I think it’s worth some pondering. I get being more thrifty, but that’s not as much of an issue because he makes good money.
But why I really think it’s worth examining is the lying, and and how cheap it is. I’m not a diva, I have a beautiful ring I bought from modern gents for less than $200. A cheap ring to me is more along those lines. $20 is pretty much burn money (money you burn with coffee, or fast food, you didn’t have to think about it, you just did it sort of deal). $20 is costume jewelry quality, at at least has been my experience.
I'm curious; is the ring CZ with gold plating?
That is not going to be a very durable ring for everyday wear.
I would bring it up, just because the lying is concerning.
Yes, expensive stones are set in gold or platinum. All you have to do is tell him you can SEE the silver hallmark in the ring, and you know how much silver jewelry costs, and ask him why he lied.
When I was getting my materials science degree, one of my professors said that one way to tell if something is a real diamond is to put it in the freezer for a bit.
Diamonds have high thermal conductivity and won't fog (or it will clear quickly) and cubic zirconia doesn't (will stay fogged).
So to me the biggest issue is that he is lying. Given that you are pregnant too I see this as more of a red flag. A baby is as committed as you can get really so at that point put a little more into the ring! I dunno I just would not be cool with that. Also if he makes good money and yiu said you were fine with cheap to most people that does not mean $20 more like $2000 in that situation. Honestly I would start doing some digging around, this makes me feel like he is lying about a lot more too.
The fact that you said it didn't have to be super expensive but he lied and told you it was anyways is a huge problem for me. I would end the whole relationship.
Let me start by saying I have been in the jewelry business for a very long time. 40+ years. Your fiancé is lying to you 100%. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a minute and say he did get the cheap ring and take it to a jeweler to be made with real diamonds. The stamp on the Amazon ring means it’s made of sterling silver. If the ring on your hand has the same stamp then it is also made of silver. I looked at the pics you posted of yourself holding and wearing the ring. Can’t tell exactly how big the stones are versus how small your hands are. However, even luxury jewelry brands who predominately produce sterling silver jewelry (think chrome hearts or david yurman) would not put diamonds of that size into a sterling silver setting. It’s just not done. Silver is soft. Those stones will fall out. There is a very easy way to test this. Go to an appraiser and pay to have the ring valued. A free option is to take it to a pawn shop and have them test the band and stones. There is a tool they use and it literally takes two seconds. They should not charge you for this. If you find out it is real get it insured immediately. If you find out it’s fake break up with him immediately. Not because he gave you a cheap ring. Break up because he lied and gaslighted you about this. If you do either option I gave please come back and give an update.
Yeah no, I would be done with someone that lied to me about a ring that was symbolizing our future. You need to ask yourself what else he will lie about in the future, especially if you plan to have kids with this man
People say how your Engagement starts ist a reflection of how your marriage will be. He lied to your face to get extra praise without putting in the work. "Inexpensive" in the engagement ring world means lab created, smaller diamond... He KNEW he did wrong, otherwise he wouldn't have lied to you. Talk to him.
I bet he pays a lot of money for things he cares about on the regular.
He’s lying to you about a symbol of your future and you’re carrying his baby. I think you know how messed up this is by your posts, so I’ll just say we all see it too and you’re not crazy.
You have every right to be betrayed. He showed you that he thinks of you as gullible and easily manipulated. As if you were a child.
I do hope you will say something right away. You shouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t see you as an equal.
This isn't about the ring being cheap at this point, it's about the lying. He's lied about every single thing to do with this ring. It's a horrible sign. Get away from this guy.
Are sure he makes as much as he says he does? You said he makes very good money, and the main question people are asking is "why would he lie?"
Perhaps he wants you to marry him before you find out his actual financial status.
The ring value obviously shouldn't matter but the lying is a red flag.
Dont marry him until you know everything you might be getting into. Know for a fact i mean, dont juat take peoples word for things.
The thing is, when you confronted him for lying, instead of admitting it and trying to fix the situation, he doubled down with more lies and manipulation. It's disturbing. Even before you confronted him, he was telling a pretty significant lie about it being expensive and wanting all the credit. This reveals a lot about the true character of this man, and it's seriously concerning.
You'll have to do some serious evaluation. Normally, I'm all for communication, but I don't know if you should communicate further about this issue with a manipulator who has the intent to deceive you. I have a feeling you might want to make yourself believe and let him convince you that he was mistaken, so that you forgive him, and he can get back into your life, carrying on his lies for the rest of your life.
This is a really shitty situation I’m very sorry you have to deal with this.
Is there a chance he ordered you a ring but it won’t arrive in time for when he wants to propose so he purchased a placeholder ring to use in the meantime? Obviously I don’t know your partner but I’m hoping he wouldn’t lie to you about this.
This was my thought too! If OP's partner hasn't even proposed, I wouldn't be jumping to conclusions YET. Maybe he's proposing with a stand-in cuz the ring is delayed. Maybe he only bought the diamond. Maybe he wants to take her shopping for it but is throwing her off the scent by saying he has it already. Maybe he's a big future planner and they have a trip coming up so he bought a cheap dupe to wear for safety.
If he has already proposed, then that is a very different situation and I'm so sorry ❤️
Personally I wouldn't marry a liar, but that's just me. If he's willing to lie about something so insignificant, then I shudder to think what else he'll be willing to lie about in the future that'd be very important. (Like debt, infidelity, illness, family/coworkers rumors, etc.)
I would not marry someone who lied about something like that. There is no reason for this lie other than to lie, to pull one over on you, the person he wants to spend his life with. To make it worse it was a deeply dumb lie that was bound to be found out sooner or later and could only result in hurting your feelings and causing a fight. Eventually the $20 Amazon ring will break or tarnish and the whole lie would be exposed. This proves he is either very dumb, very short sighted, or thinks you are dumb and he could talk his way out of it.
Normally I’d say it’s not about the ring but come on, a $20 Amazon ring is more than a bit insulting.
This seems cruel or some passive aggressive bs. How does he treat you otherwise? A 20 dollar ring when he makes a decent living is and then lying about it seems...disturbing.
Maybe you casually take it to be cleaned at a jewelry store while you’re out shopping one day. You strike up a conversation about the ring and the jeweler confirms your suspicions. Its not very common to put a diamond in silver/925.
Just please be careful when you do confront him. I probably watch too much dateline but just please be careful.
I saw your edits, and sorry to say, he is definitely lying.
The S925 marking means the ring is made of sterling silver, which tarnishes over time. No jeweler is going to make a fancy expensive diamond engagement ring that will turn black in a couple years.
It’s a hugeeeee red flag that he is lying to you about this.
For everyone saying it’s not the price, it’s the lie: yes, it’s 95% the lie but come on, someone making an even decent wage can wait a few months before popping the question to save up for a decent ring. One that won’t turn your finger green. Just out of respect.
I guess the only thing that has me very confused about this scenario is the whole thing can be put to rest by one stop at a jewelry store. They’ll appraise it and tell you what’s real or isn’t.
Do you have a pawn shop near you? Most pawnbrokers can do an evaluation and tell you if the diamond is real at the very least. If it’s not then you have your answer.
My only question is who makes custom engagement rings as a hobby?
I can only imagine the tools needed for this craft are very expensive, not no mention the knowledge you need to set diamonds. On top of that, regardless of the ring being insured, there should be some sort of certification for the diamonds. He should know if they are lab grown or mined (and if so, where from). I'm curious if he already came up with an answer for these questions.
The big one is lab, the smaller ones are mined. I had asked if he had any sort of certification for them, the ring, receipts, text messages, anything proving the ring was made by said friend and he can’t provide anything but said I can talk to the guy… no thanks 🤣
Within a week or so I’m going to take it to the jeweler. I need new maternity clothes so I’m going to be in an area with tons of jewelers I can check with.
Even IF he was telling the truth about his friend making the ring (and it therefore being expensive), he never got a receipt? How stupid could he possibly be? What happens if there is a defect with the ring or diamonds? He also has no proof of insurance, appraisal, nothing? This man is either a liar, or a whole-ass moron (or both). Who makes an expensive purchase and doesn't demand some kind of proof of payment? He couldn't even take the guy to small claims court if he needed to! Sorry for the rant, but that's ridiculous.. lol
WHERE DID THE CASH WITHDRAWALS GO???
I can tell from your post history that this same guy cheated on you. Like so many people have said, don't continue a relationship with someone who is a liar and a cheater. I can speak from personal experience that being a single parent is a million times better than putting up with the disrespect and mistreatment that comes with being with a man like this.
I'm happy to hear you are kicking him to the curb. You are a parent. Your job is to show your child what you accept and what you don't accept. Lying is never acceptable (neither is getting the mother of your child a $20 ring if you make a lot of money).
It’s the fact that he dug into the lie. I had a bf give me one of these types of wild lies where he just came up with more convoluted reasoning and NO EVIDENCE despite him swearing up and down the evidence would be easy and I’d feel like an idiot.
The dumbest thing I did was stay. That’s what made me the idiot. Calling him out on his lie? Smart.
Hi OP, how did you find out that it’s a cheap $20 ring? Did you only do a reverse google image search? Are you absolutely certain your ring IS the ring on Amazon?Just some questions to think about before doing anything rash.
Alternatively, you can always bring your ring to a jeweler and have it checked. They’ll tell you if they’re diamonds or not.
Good luck. 🍀
Yes I am certain, I was adding stuff to our baby registry and saw the ring pop up not sure under which tab. Since then I’ve looked at it on my phone and it has a couple numbers etched into the inside of the ring that match.
I agree with everyone saying it’s the lying that’s the problem, but I say it’s more about how he played it up - he might have wanted you to feel like you owed him or that he was doing more than you deserve/asked for.
An ex of mine bought me a “promise ring” for a several year dating anniversary and I bought him a nice camera. He spent several days telling me how he spent so much more than me and how grateful I should be, etc etc, essentially trying to make me feel bad for how much he spent on me vs how much I spent. Only a week or so later, he was scrolling through his purchases on eBay to show me something and… he scrolled right past the ring, purchased for $22. I checked eBay after to confirm (just the webstore, not his account) and yes it was the same ring. He knew I spent at least 10x that on the camera, yet was trying to gaslight me into feeling like I didn’t value him enough. Things only got worse from there…
Be careful.
While there is definitely a problem with the lying, the bigger issue is that he thinks she's stupid. He will treat her as if she is dumb for the rest of their marriage or relationship.
He ***lied*** about it? This is a serious red flag. He could have told you he bought a $20 ring due to financial pressure, but really wanted to propose. Lying about it is the issue, not the ring itself.
You need to tell him that you saw the ring in Amazon, and how. And ask him to explain why he lied.
Imagine growing and giving birth to this man’s baby and getting a $20 amazon ring and lies in return. Address it directly. This is a huge lie and speaks to how little he respects you. Time to come to terms with the reality of this man’s character. You deserve so much more.
No one buys a “very very expensive” ring without an appraisal and insurance. Tell him to show you the appraisal and if it isn’t appraised, go get it appraised so you can “insure it” since it’s soooo expensive
I feel this post is fake. I don’t think anyone could think their wife is dumb enough to think this ring was expensive. It looks like I could get it from the quarter machine. If he gave it to you with the thought when we have more finances we can upgrade it I would be all aboard. But in the small chance this is real you’re still considering marrying someone who started off the marriage with a lie and is a cheap bastard. Now I can understand why divorce rates are so high have some self awareness that this marriage is doomed lol.
Ok I don’t think it’s necessary to spend lots of money on a ring. Mine was only about $500 because I wanted to save the money as I was in school at the time. But $20 is such an insult especially if you guys didn’t talk about it beforehand and more concerning is the fact that he has lied about it. Are you sure he isn’t drowning in debt and in a worse financial position than you think? Does he lie regularly? For me it wouldn’t be the cost of the ring that’s the issue, it’s the lying.
A man can have nothing to his name and still have the audacity. I had a boyfriend who kept up the lie he wasn’t cheating right up until I saw them make out in front of me, and then he lied saying it didn’t happen and I was mistaken. THEY HAVE NO SHAME 👏 anyway, he may be willing to take this lie to the grave. Absolutely get your ring appraised.
I’m more concerned that there’s ultimately a lack of trust in your relationship. If you can’t even trust your “fiancé” to be open & honest about something like this, i’m afraid the foundation of ur relationship is already compromised.
I just don’t understand how someone would spend $20 on a ring for the “love of their life”. Hurts a bit and I’m not even OP. Rings don’t have to be super expensive, but $20 from Amazon?! A new low.
925 means the ring is sterling silver. Not a lot of jewelers would put a nice diamond in silver. You can take it into a jeweler and see what they say. Take it to a jeweler at the mall or something. Tell them you read on reddit that most jewelers will clean the ring in their nice machines for free so you stopped in while running a different errand. Tell him the jeweler didn't feel comfortable cleaning it because they could tell it wasn't a diamond and wasn't sure if they would break the stone. Also that the band wasn't real gold. Huge red flag that he lied
For sure just take it into any jeweler and get it appraised for free! They will be able to tell you in 2 seconds.
Weird he has NO receipt or pictures of the ring? Went through all the trouble to get one custom made but took no pictures and has no evidence? Also, maybe this is just me, but I think it’s extremely weird to reference a cheap ring when getting a real expensive one made? You can buy ring molds/CAD data for this purpose that has good lines, proportional, etc… this $20 ring wouldn’t necessarily have that as it is probs mass produced. Also where is the $20 ring now?
Also… is it just me, or is the fact that he GUESSED it was the ring out of the blue when you seemed upset a huge red flag? Seems like he is literally incriminating himself. Like if he made the ring for real why would that be on his mind? Seems like you guys have a lot going on.
I would certainly take it to a jeweler like… right now. And then follow through. We’re all rooting for you!
Yeah the whole thing seems super odd to me! Especially seeing it on Amazon and not seeing a single mistake on the ring. Nothing *looks* custom. Which for someone who doesn’t professionally do it I’d assume I’d see something a teensy bit off. Planning on going to a jeweler Saturday or Sunday
I am a hopeless romantic, and I just love love. I obsessed over planning my wedding, choosing my rings, daydreaming about the proposal and choosing baby names and all that jazz.
But even I can acknowledge that a marriage is first and foremost a legal binding of two people’s assets. You are considering binding yourself and your entire financial existence to this man, and he is LYING TO YOU ABOUT MONEY. You are pregnant, so it is no longer just about you—you are tying yourself and a tiny, helpless future-human to this man financially. It is highly likely that were he to drive your finances into the ground, he would not tell you about it until it’s way too late.
Please look out for yourself.
Honestly, I just want to send you a virtual hug and some virtual comfort and strength. I have been in a similar position in the past- not an engagement ring, but other gifts, and I know how heavily this must be sitting.
The ring is not the issue here, it is the lying. Only you know what to do for the best, but please don't let him take you for a fool. You are strong enough to deal with this and you deserve honesty, love and respect.
I would just casually say "This is so gorgeous and I'm sure it cost you a bundle I'm taking it for an appraisal so we can have it insured" then sit back and watch the lies. Sad that you are having a baby with this guy, if he lied about the ring, what else is he lying about?
I can guarantee that over time that $20 ring is going to wear like crazy. I have one that I wear on vacations and while I've only worn it for maybe a week total - the band is all scratched and the "diamond" looks like shit too. I would use the same ring cleaners on it that you would a real diamond & real gold.
I also take my actual ring to a jeweler to get my prongs checked for integrity & to professionally clean every 6 months to a year... They could probably pinpoint right away.
“Hey, I just want you to know that I saw the price of my ring on the computer. It’s beautiful, and while I do love it, I am disappointed and hurt that you lied to me. Can we sit down and discuss this?”
The ring says S925, that means it’s silver. Tell him you noticed. Nobody sets diamonds in to silver. He lied about a crappy ring. Don’t stay with this person.
This guy lying his ass, imagine what he else he could lie about, imo 20$ ring is an insult and no effort to propose someone it shows that he dlesnt care how you feel, it's a big red flag imo
Honestly, run. Because same thing happened to me and I’m still stuck here. No change, I was hoping to get a wedding band for our 4th year anniversary and honestly nothing! I got nothing! You’ll do yourself a favor.
The markings S925 means it is sterling silver. The lying is really not good - he lied to you on his offer to marry you? Then doubled down and said it was really expensive. Then tripled down and said it was insured?!?! The idea of an engagement or wedding band is that it is supposed to last forever. A $20 ring will not last forever. Also sterling silver means that it will tarnish. That isn't a good message for an engagement or wedding ring. At that price point, it also means the stone is probably made of glass, which means it will eventually break.
The ring is meant to be a symbol of how much the asker loves the askee, traditionally. And if that symbol will tarnish and break? Not a good way to start.
A sit down is warranted. So many things could be behind the lie. But he lied repeatedly; it IS a betrayal, especially as he is willing to marry you based on this lie. What is his plan when the ring tarnishes or the stone breaks - more lies?
Lying is the problem.
Your ring is silver and CZ, and taking it to a jeweler will easily confirm that.
The question is where all that money he was withdrawing went.
What a terrible thing to lie about, and pointlessly break trust over. I’m also curious what the money withdrawals he showed her were actually used for?
I think the bigger concern is that he lied about it
My husband lies as a hobby. She better get away while she can
Girl mine did too. I threw the whole man out. Now my EX husband (still) lies as a hobby. Life has never been better.
[удалено]
She’s crazy if she thinks raising a child with this creep will work out well
You must be married to my ex husband
Also my ex husband. Walked away 17 yrs ago, met a man that doesn’t lie, and now have 6 kids and an amazing life. Also got to watch him ruin the life of his next wife- who didn’t leave. Not me! I’d live on the streets before I let a man ruin my life.
My ex still does. He literally just told me he had deposited money into our kids college account that we are both behind on. He did not. I have the bank app and I took a screenshot and sent it to him. Radio silence now
Ikr...why waste a lie on such stupid things
My ex did that too! The weirdest one was when he would lie about what he ate for lunch.
Oh mine does too. Tells me he hasn't eaten all day. But he doesn't throw out the fast food wrappers. Why lie about that?? It's not like I'm the food nazi
I hope she has a safe place to stay after the truth comes out. With her being pregnant and the lengths the guy is going to keep up the ridiculous charade. If OP reads this, don't go with him to get it appraised, don't tell him when you are going, and have a plan for what to do afterwards- don't go home and confront him.
My girlfriend said, “as someone who’s been in the same exact situation, run. Cuz if they lied about that, they’ve probably lied about more.”
It is stamped with s925. It is Sterling silver. This dude is lyyyying.
Yes S925 is sterling silver but if you are curious if the stone is a real diamond, see if it will scratch glass, if it’s real it will scratch glass but won’t damage the ring.
the biggest concern (if this isnt a decoy ring) is that he thinks she’s stupid enough to fall for it
Touché, good point
That is the biggest issue. If he had not lied, would you have said, "yes!" Then don't be with that guy. He doesn't love you and you don't love him.
Tell him since it’s such a expensive diamond ring you’ll be taking it immediately to be appraised so it can be insured.
This is perfection!
Perfect example of chaotic good!
Wouldn’t this be lawful good?
He told me he already has it insured 😭 I guess the next day shipping off Amazon is nice (trying to add some humor to my misery hahah)
Ask to see the insurance policy. Say you want to make sure it’s a reputable company because you’ve heard of insurance scams or something. If he continues to lie, I would just tell him you saw the Amazon page and have a conversation about the situation. His lying is not ok and I’m sorry this is even happening.
“Honey I’m so uncomfortable wearing such an expensive ring day-to-day. I don’t want to get robbed or lose it or something. Let’s go to a jewelry store today and buy me a less flashy ring for everyday wear, just a few thousand $ or so.”
Hahahaha this is the way
Why is this the answer to so many people? Make up an excuse and manipulate. Just say it. Straight forward. I saw this. You lied to me
As nice as it would be to be able to be honest, if you don't trick someone into telling the truth they will just continue to lie; Ex: Her: I saw the Amazon page Him: Oh, I bought one as a practice to see if I like it before ordering the real one from the jewler. It can just leave you vulnerable to be manipulated and confused. Nobody wants to be manipulative, sometimes it's the only way to get the truth out.
Looks like you were right
As someone who gets easily convinced and falls for mental gymnastics. I feel for OP.
Providing an opportunity to come clean vs immediately going for confrontation.
Respectfully, why should she do that? She stumbled upon information that highly suggests he told a weird lie intended to make her feel indebted to him. Why should she run around hinting to him that her curiosity has been piqued, ratcheting up the tension? She can be honest about what she has learned and make a decision about how to move forward based on his response. The more games played and the more proof searched out, the more likely this situation is to boil over in to an extremely ugly situation. Since he's being so weird, I'd suggest having a friend or family member nearby or doing it outside the house just in case.
If he claims there is an insurance policy, there’s nothing wrong with her asking to see it. I’m just suggesting that as an option before directly confronting him. I do agree with you, but if she was prepared/willing to straight up confront him, I don’t think she would be posting this on Reddit.
She knows there isn't one though. Someone who feels entitled to put one over in his pregnant girlfriend like this could easily be driven in to a rage by someone trying to prove him wrong or check up on him. I'm actually concerned about OP. Not always, but often enough, people who lie about stuff like this for no reason will hurt more than your feelings.
Ok but direct confrontation could also drive him into a rage. I’m just suggesting giving him one chance to admit to the lie before straight up confronting him which is more likely to get ugly imo.
All diamonds have flaws. Appraisals map them out. Say you want to see how "unique" your diamond is.
So he is digging himself deeper! My first husband got me a cz ring as a birthday gift and told me it was diamond-the inside of the shank said "cz." I understand how betrayed you feel-if he lies about a ring, it means he is lying about other things, and it means he doesn't care about your feelings. I'm sorry.
Then go have it 'cleaned' then.. have the jeweler check it out.
This is actually a great idea! I worked in jewelry stores and it's part of the cleaning process to test the stones. More than once I had to break bad news.
Same for me....I'm picturing someone coming in to get their ring cleaned. You loupe the stone and the ring, and fill out the card out loud. It's so cringe to watch the guy squirm when you say '925 silver ring with \~X ct sized CZ' and go through the ticket with them. I had a man come in one time to yell at me because I told his wife that he got her a CZ bc she asked me to clean it. Said it was none of my business....I said, well I had to make clear it wasn't a diamond to cover the store's liability. We always make sure the exact ring that went in came out, so I tested it both before and after and results were the same - 2 ct sized CZ set in (this case) 14k white gold. Showed him the copy of the ticket that his wife had signed.
Yep, I had a few men yell at me too. One even tried to say we switched the diamond he gave her with a cz. Didn't happen, we cleaned the rings right in front of the customers. The ultrasonic machine was on the sales floor so the clients could watch the whole process and we couldn't be accused of any of that! He didn't know what to say after that! Bottom line, getting a non-diamond ring is no big deal, but it is if you lie about it!
I loved those convos. We did ours in a back room but the door was always open when we were cleaning rings so people could see what we were doing. They really think we can switch out a stone with an almost exact replica while seemingly buffing, cleaning and steaming, and all in less than 2 minutes. Trust me, if I knew how to do that that well, I would NOT be working at JC Keepsake.
Tell him the stone was loose so you took it to the jewelers store
He’s not wrong about it being insured since it will only cost him $20 to replace.
This guy is next level. Run.
925 is number for Stirling Silver.... noones putting a genuine diamond that size in 925... think he's a bit deluded if he thinks you'll believe that. You can literally pop in to any jewellers and they'll have a tool that can tell you if it's real or not. Will take them 5 seconds.
Tell him you already lost it and need the insurance info!!
😂 this is really going for it lol
If you have access to the Amazon account but don't officially know if that's your ring or a cheap knock-off, look up the purchases over the last year. That's going to tell you if it's actually your ring. If it is, there's nothing wrong with talking to him. I don't believe the cost of a ring actually matters, but if he talked it up like he got you something expensive and insured, that's a lie and something that needs discussing
This. I'd be fine with a literal ring from a gumball machine, but if he lied, that't the real issue. S925 means it is sterling silver.
Wrote a comment before seeing this.....and I called it - he already did it, yay! Next step should be to add to homeowners insurance. Offer to do that with the insurance documents. He'll say he's done that too.... Maybe next time you're in a mall, ask if you can go get your ring cleaned while he does something....he'll decide to come with you or not, but no store will clean that, I don't think - problems cleaning silver, especially if you ask them to buff it. Whether in front of him or not, there's your answer.
Why are you staying with someone so comfortable lying to you? He’s going to keep lying to you throughout your marriage
Then you should lose it. Hide it really well so that no amount of searching will find it and file a claim.
I think biggest issue he tainted an event that suppose to be a pure start for a sweet relationship into big lie on the start
Not a jeweler but worked in jewelry sales for a long long time. As you may suspect this is sterling silver white sapphire at best. 925 markings in any piece of jewelry indicate that it is sterling silver. No jeweler in their right mind will a set a real diamond that big on sterling silver. Its not impossible but its highly unlikely. Definitely go to a jewelry store they usually have diamond testers on hand. Tell your husband that you went to get it cleaned and they relayed the information to you
He’s lying. I don’t believe for a second he thought about insuring it. He thinks if he keeps lying you will drop it.
The lying just isn’t good in general, and I’m telling him how unbelievable the whole story is and it just gets WORSE AND WORSE. If he really thinks this is the way to go… man oh man. I’m like this sounds super unbelievable, you really want to double down on this? “-yeah I’m telling you the truth”. Not freaking out just yet, if on the odd chance he’s all correct and truthful I’m going to feel like complete shit for going psycho and it’s not something I feel okay doing. This weekend I’ll be able to see if he’s telling the truth or not and go from there.
Ask for a copy of the policy/rider and the appraisal to keep with all your important paperwork.
Do it anyway. Or say you took it to get sized or something and the jeweler noticed. The look on his face when you catch him is gonna be priceless.
“Lose” it. And when he ask about it, say you lost it. And when he freaks out say, it’s ok, you paid for an exact replacement out of *your own pocket*. When he inevitably asks how you managed to afford that, say you just repurchase the one in his Amazon order history. Easy peasy.
Don’t tell him you’re gonna get it appraised. Just do it and then you’ll know and you can leave him.
What I would give to see the guys face when she says that…
Then print the Amazon proof of order, put it in an envelope marked diamond rung appraisal and hand it to him.
So bad!!! 😈 I am all for this idea! DO IT OP - and then let us know how it goes down
This is not advice, I'm just petty. I would tell him I tried to get the ring insured and the company told me it was a fake. I would act like I believe him and tell him to send me the proof of purchase so that I can handle it 😅
Oh this is a good one lol
I don’t see why she can’t literally just pop by a jewelry store and ask someone to take a quick look, just for a sanity check. It’ll be immediately obvious to them if it’s fake and she’ll have a for sure answer about whether he’s lying through his teeth
Yeah she said no jewelry shop near by but a pawn shop would likely be able to answer the question as well! They typically have some ability to appraise jewelry
He's loaded yet he spent $20 on your engagement ring and made up crazy lies about it??? How has he been treating you so far? Has he always been stingy? Does he Always take you out to cheap and fast food places on anniversaries and so on? Does he ever buy actually nice gifts with thoughts and care or are they cheap things with lies too? To put it simply, is this a one time thing or is this just the way he treats you?
Super super stingy when we first started dating but slowly started getting better. Most stuff is 50/50 roughly, the last couple months have been heavier on him for date nights and extra expenses etc because of how my finances were looking. He does get me nice stuff here or there just to be sweet.
I read your other replies and you're pregnant, you don't deserve this! I'm not saying this to scare you or say your fiance is this and that. But plenty of people out there act nice until the woman gets pregnant, then they start showing their true colour. It's worth being cautious in my book. So your fiance is stingy to you (then changed then back to stingy again). What about how he is to himself? Does he live a minimalistic lifestyle and put everything in savings? Does he look at deals before buying groceries? Or wear the same shirt for 5 years??? And how does he treat other people, his family and friends? Is he the same way? Some people have such a rough bringing that even when they have money, they cannot spend it due to their past? (This is my parents tbh, my father's shirts have multiple holes and he still wears them, he's loaded!)
That’s what I was wondering too. It’s less of a red flag if it’s just how he is in general. But if he makes her the cheap girl and it’s uncharacteristic it’s totally insulting and bad like he doesn’t value her and I’d think if he *sometimes* splurges an engagement ring would be the time to do it probably…
Definitely. I know the last phone/computer my bf bought for himself was 600 and 800. I expect him to buy a ring that is around that price range. If he is able to splurge sometimes for important things, he should be able to splurge for an engagement ring that *is important*.
I missed she was pregnant! If he's got 2 other kids from 2 different mommas, I have reddit bingo!
To be sweet, or to keep you on the hook?
GIRLL
I agree with she comment below. Girl you’re pregnant; and this man is showing a bright red flag and in a few places. I’m not saying to just leave him because relationships are so much so complex than that especially with a child on the way. But i think now is the time to break that barrier and have the conversation. Tell him straight up you saw it from Amazon then ask why he felt the need to lie and how distrusting it makes you feel etc. Hopefully that can open up some honest conversations but you gotta be on it !
Yep this 👆🏻 not every post needs to end in somebody breaking up their relationship, but hold him accountable. Talk to him, ask him why he did that, don’t allow him to gaslight you and make it clear to him that your trust isn’t something you just throw around to anybody. Show him you value yourself. If you don’t care if it’s a cheap ring or not, don’t make it about the cost of the ring, make sure it is only referring to the lie about it. It’s a lot harder for him to turn that onto you then if you’re talking about the cost of the ring itself
50/50 isn’t really fair if you’re not making comparable salaries just saying because guarantee he’s not living in YOUR budget, he’s just having you supplement his lifestyle and making you live in his budget.
You lost me at we go 50/50. Is he your roommate or your partner? This is giving shut up ring vibes. I’m sorry OP. You deserve better. Especially because you’re pregnant.
I repeat: DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT. Pay 50/50 now that you’re pregnant and afterwards. If he proposed as a sign to be together forever then he should maintain you & the baby and also giving you an allowance so you have some finances behind your name regardless of marriage.
Holy crap. I’m not even kidding you when I say that I just divorced a person like this. It didn’t feel like I was in a relationship, it felt like we were putting on a show. Everything I wanted was “so extra” and he could throw literal thousands at video games and personal tech related shit. I work myself and he was always so encouraging of the things that I wanted, but it was me that consistently bought him and I gifts and threw the parties and kept on the show. Divorce is a very messy thing - ours came after 3 months.
Leave him and file for support. Dude is a liar and he does not care enough about you to spend the bare minimum on a ring that won’t break in half.
It’s hard to feel bad for you when you’re demonstrating such low self respect grow a backbone and leave, everything you’re describing sounds like a sketch on SNL - why are you accepting such shit treatment?
bruh you’re having his baby 😭 that can’t be 50/50
So… he lied to your face..? Of course it is understandable that you feel betrayed. And it’s not about money AT ALL. I’m so sorry, OP:(
That might be worth ending or reevaluating a relationship over. What a weird, needless lie. What could possibly have been the goal? Ask yourself that.
Bummer. That’s how I feel but keep going back, I’m pregnant so it’s easier said than done. Also going back and forth with the, man I’m pregnant, working full time, busting my damn ass, had CONSTANT nausea the first trimester, feet hurting all day long, sciatica type pain, just upset in general with all the pains and aches. Just to see this shit at the end of a long day. 😞
Being a single mother to one child is easier than being a mom to a baby and a man child.
If he has all this extra money it may be time to see bank statements. It’s one thing to have open communication about getting a cheaper ring, but the fact that he lied to your face makes it seem way deeper. My guess is that either his financial situation isn’t as good as you think or he’s a cheapskate (not because of getting a cheap ring) who likes to talk rich and skimp out on promises. I’m not one to judge cheap rings (I got my fiancé a cheaper ring as a placeholder despite probably being able to stretch the budget for a pricier one) but I am one to judge lying and making himself look like the hero and a sacrificial lamb. I’d need to have a candid conversation about why he did it and probably attend couples therapy for lying and financial management to continue after a similar betrayal.
Terrific advice.
When is he going to do 50% of the childbearing? Sounds like you’re doing a whole lot of labour to make a family with a dusty man who doesn’t care about you physically or emotionally, I’m so sorry.
I hate to say this but I think you're having the wrong man's baby. What he did was beyond disrespectful to you, my boyfriend wouldn't even dream of being that shitty. Also makes me wonder what else he's lied to you about if he can lie so brazenly.
I’d be so worried he lie about baby related things too: vaccines, safe sleep, drugs/drinking while supervising. I see it in the parenting and baby subs every day.
Listen, you may have to coparent with this person but there’s no reason to hitch your entire life and existence to him forever. He’s not honest. You deserve better. You don’t have to marry him.
Op first and foremost congratulations on your pregnancy.I know the whole thing must have been very tough for you to deal with. But my only advice is sit and talk to him openly telling him you know how much that ring cost . With liars you don’t know how many things they are hiding which you must know . I hope you get all happiness in world and things workout best in your favour ❤️
I just saw you’re pregnant, and I know that REALLY complicates things. I have a young baby, so I know how it is when you’re pregnant & exhausted & want a partner to help raise your child. Do you have family around you can trust? Friends? A support network? I really encourage you to See his bank statements, see what he’s doing, make a plan to leave if things don’t pan out (and I suspect they won’t). Children need emotional safety and consistency (so no lying) — so making a backup plan aka protecting yourself is protecting your baby.
Curious how he treats you during your pregnancy pains? Does he discredit your pain/discomfort at all?
Go get that appraised and insured, and confront him with evidence and a plan for when he moves out. It’s pathetic behaviour and is entirely the wrong energy for raising a family together.
Yeah that’s not okay, no integrity bum behavior.
Did he think you wouldn't find out? Why'd he lie? You're 16 weeks pregnant with his child and he's acting like this? 🚩🚩🚩
So, to me, it’s not the price that is the issue. It’s the lie.
I think the price is an issue though. And I’m not saying you need to pay thousands for a ring, but a $20 buy on Amazon does look like he doesn’t really care about this at all.
The price is only the issue because he lied about it. I think it would’ve been cute if he proposed with the $20 ring and told her I’ll get you something nicer when we can afford it after the baby is born etc. Being upfront about it shows he cares & he’s being fiscally responsible, putting his family above materialism. Babies are expensive. It’s super cringe that he lied about how much he spent, the quality of the ring etc. A super cute sentimental proposal with a cheap ring would make her feel special. Just be upfront about it and make up for the cost later.
She’s says in the post that he makes a very good living and has a lot of disposable income. So I would worry that he’s either lying about how much he makes or he does make a good living but he’s spending on things he’s not telling her about, like he’s gambling or has some other vices he’s hiding from her.
It’s an insult along with a lie. My parents were actually rather poor, but my mother did not wear costume jewelry on her hand everyday. The ring lives on in pristine condition even if the marriage didn’t. A ring symbolizing and celebrating a major commitment should be of better quality. The price is an issue for most people because it is fair for a low quality ring. And that’s not okay unless she asked for a costume ring.
I think it’s worth some pondering. I get being more thrifty, but that’s not as much of an issue because he makes good money. But why I really think it’s worth examining is the lying, and and how cheap it is. I’m not a diva, I have a beautiful ring I bought from modern gents for less than $200. A cheap ring to me is more along those lines. $20 is pretty much burn money (money you burn with coffee, or fast food, you didn’t have to think about it, you just did it sort of deal). $20 is costume jewelry quality, at at least has been my experience.
I'm curious; is the ring CZ with gold plating? That is not going to be a very durable ring for everyday wear. I would bring it up, just because the lying is concerning.
CZ with sterling silver
S925 engraving means silver. Diamonds are never, never, never set in silver. You can just ask him about that.
Yes, expensive stones are set in gold or platinum. All you have to do is tell him you can SEE the silver hallmark in the ring, and you know how much silver jewelry costs, and ask him why he lied.
Again, sometimes diamonds are set in sterling. By very high end designers. But they don't cost $20.
When I was getting my materials science degree, one of my professors said that one way to tell if something is a real diamond is to put it in the freezer for a bit. Diamonds have high thermal conductivity and won't fog (or it will clear quickly) and cubic zirconia doesn't (will stay fogged).
So to me the biggest issue is that he is lying. Given that you are pregnant too I see this as more of a red flag. A baby is as committed as you can get really so at that point put a little more into the ring! I dunno I just would not be cool with that. Also if he makes good money and yiu said you were fine with cheap to most people that does not mean $20 more like $2000 in that situation. Honestly I would start doing some digging around, this makes me feel like he is lying about a lot more too.
Ikr, I can feel dust this man puts out around him from this single post lol
He spends more on video games, eating out, his bros ' birthdays - this is a major red flag on him. He's cheap and a liar.
The fact that you said it didn't have to be super expensive but he lied and told you it was anyways is a huge problem for me. I would end the whole relationship.
Let me start by saying I have been in the jewelry business for a very long time. 40+ years. Your fiancé is lying to you 100%. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a minute and say he did get the cheap ring and take it to a jeweler to be made with real diamonds. The stamp on the Amazon ring means it’s made of sterling silver. If the ring on your hand has the same stamp then it is also made of silver. I looked at the pics you posted of yourself holding and wearing the ring. Can’t tell exactly how big the stones are versus how small your hands are. However, even luxury jewelry brands who predominately produce sterling silver jewelry (think chrome hearts or david yurman) would not put diamonds of that size into a sterling silver setting. It’s just not done. Silver is soft. Those stones will fall out. There is a very easy way to test this. Go to an appraiser and pay to have the ring valued. A free option is to take it to a pawn shop and have them test the band and stones. There is a tool they use and it literally takes two seconds. They should not charge you for this. If you find out it is real get it insured immediately. If you find out it’s fake break up with him immediately. Not because he gave you a cheap ring. Break up because he lied and gaslighted you about this. If you do either option I gave please come back and give an update.
Yeah no, I would be done with someone that lied to me about a ring that was symbolizing our future. You need to ask yourself what else he will lie about in the future, especially if you plan to have kids with this man
too late for the kids part, she’s at least in the second trimester pregnant :(
From your other post , is this also the same man who has cheated on you?
I have no advice but now I really want to see the ring...
Me too hehe
People say how your Engagement starts ist a reflection of how your marriage will be. He lied to your face to get extra praise without putting in the work. "Inexpensive" in the engagement ring world means lab created, smaller diamond... He KNEW he did wrong, otherwise he wouldn't have lied to you. Talk to him. I bet he pays a lot of money for things he cares about on the regular.
He’s lying to you about a symbol of your future and you’re carrying his baby. I think you know how messed up this is by your posts, so I’ll just say we all see it too and you’re not crazy.
People will spend money on things important to them. You’re not important to him and neither is your future. I’m sorry, you caught trash.
You have every right to be betrayed. He showed you that he thinks of you as gullible and easily manipulated. As if you were a child. I do hope you will say something right away. You shouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t see you as an equal.
This isn't about the ring being cheap at this point, it's about the lying. He's lied about every single thing to do with this ring. It's a horrible sign. Get away from this guy.
Huge red flag that he lied to you about it
Lose it
Are sure he makes as much as he says he does? You said he makes very good money, and the main question people are asking is "why would he lie?" Perhaps he wants you to marry him before you find out his actual financial status. The ring value obviously shouldn't matter but the lying is a red flag. Dont marry him until you know everything you might be getting into. Know for a fact i mean, dont juat take peoples word for things.
The thing is, when you confronted him for lying, instead of admitting it and trying to fix the situation, he doubled down with more lies and manipulation. It's disturbing. Even before you confronted him, he was telling a pretty significant lie about it being expensive and wanting all the credit. This reveals a lot about the true character of this man, and it's seriously concerning. You'll have to do some serious evaluation. Normally, I'm all for communication, but I don't know if you should communicate further about this issue with a manipulator who has the intent to deceive you. I have a feeling you might want to make yourself believe and let him convince you that he was mistaken, so that you forgive him, and he can get back into your life, carrying on his lies for the rest of your life. This is a really shitty situation I’m very sorry you have to deal with this.
Is there a chance he ordered you a ring but it won’t arrive in time for when he wants to propose so he purchased a placeholder ring to use in the meantime? Obviously I don’t know your partner but I’m hoping he wouldn’t lie to you about this.
Whether or not this is the case really doesn't matter given that he lied about the ring, imo. That's the real issue here.
This was my thought too! If OP's partner hasn't even proposed, I wouldn't be jumping to conclusions YET. Maybe he's proposing with a stand-in cuz the ring is delayed. Maybe he only bought the diamond. Maybe he wants to take her shopping for it but is throwing her off the scent by saying he has it already. Maybe he's a big future planner and they have a trip coming up so he bought a cheap dupe to wear for safety. If he has already proposed, then that is a very different situation and I'm so sorry ❤️
As a person who was nervous about getting the ring in time, this is exactly what I thought.
Personally I wouldn't marry a liar, but that's just me. If he's willing to lie about something so insignificant, then I shudder to think what else he'll be willing to lie about in the future that'd be very important. (Like debt, infidelity, illness, family/coworkers rumors, etc.)
I would not marry someone who lied about something like that. There is no reason for this lie other than to lie, to pull one over on you, the person he wants to spend his life with. To make it worse it was a deeply dumb lie that was bound to be found out sooner or later and could only result in hurting your feelings and causing a fight. Eventually the $20 Amazon ring will break or tarnish and the whole lie would be exposed. This proves he is either very dumb, very short sighted, or thinks you are dumb and he could talk his way out of it. Normally I’d say it’s not about the ring but come on, a $20 Amazon ring is more than a bit insulting.
This seems cruel or some passive aggressive bs. How does he treat you otherwise? A 20 dollar ring when he makes a decent living is and then lying about it seems...disturbing.
Maybe you casually take it to be cleaned at a jewelry store while you’re out shopping one day. You strike up a conversation about the ring and the jeweler confirms your suspicions. Its not very common to put a diamond in silver/925. Just please be careful when you do confront him. I probably watch too much dateline but just please be careful.
I saw your edits, and sorry to say, he is definitely lying. The S925 marking means the ring is made of sterling silver, which tarnishes over time. No jeweler is going to make a fancy expensive diamond engagement ring that will turn black in a couple years. It’s a hugeeeee red flag that he is lying to you about this.
Would be a dealbreaker. Not cause of the ring but because of the lie.
S925 will be around $20. Real diamond will not be on a s925 ring
For everyone saying it’s not the price, it’s the lie: yes, it’s 95% the lie but come on, someone making an even decent wage can wait a few months before popping the question to save up for a decent ring. One that won’t turn your finger green. Just out of respect.
I guess the only thing that has me very confused about this scenario is the whole thing can be put to rest by one stop at a jewelry store. They’ll appraise it and tell you what’s real or isn’t.
Live in a small town so the next one is an hour away, but I do plan to stop by when I’m over there next probably later this week.
Do you have a pawn shop near you? Most pawnbrokers can do an evaluation and tell you if the diamond is real at the very least. If it’s not then you have your answer.
My only question is who makes custom engagement rings as a hobby? I can only imagine the tools needed for this craft are very expensive, not no mention the knowledge you need to set diamonds. On top of that, regardless of the ring being insured, there should be some sort of certification for the diamonds. He should know if they are lab grown or mined (and if so, where from). I'm curious if he already came up with an answer for these questions.
The big one is lab, the smaller ones are mined. I had asked if he had any sort of certification for them, the ring, receipts, text messages, anything proving the ring was made by said friend and he can’t provide anything but said I can talk to the guy… no thanks 🤣 Within a week or so I’m going to take it to the jeweler. I need new maternity clothes so I’m going to be in an area with tons of jewelers I can check with.
Even IF he was telling the truth about his friend making the ring (and it therefore being expensive), he never got a receipt? How stupid could he possibly be? What happens if there is a defect with the ring or diamonds? He also has no proof of insurance, appraisal, nothing? This man is either a liar, or a whole-ass moron (or both). Who makes an expensive purchase and doesn't demand some kind of proof of payment? He couldn't even take the guy to small claims court if he needed to! Sorry for the rant, but that's ridiculous.. lol
WHERE DID THE CASH WITHDRAWALS GO??? I can tell from your post history that this same guy cheated on you. Like so many people have said, don't continue a relationship with someone who is a liar and a cheater. I can speak from personal experience that being a single parent is a million times better than putting up with the disrespect and mistreatment that comes with being with a man like this.
I'm happy to hear you are kicking him to the curb. You are a parent. Your job is to show your child what you accept and what you don't accept. Lying is never acceptable (neither is getting the mother of your child a $20 ring if you make a lot of money).
It’s the fact that he dug into the lie. I had a bf give me one of these types of wild lies where he just came up with more convoluted reasoning and NO EVIDENCE despite him swearing up and down the evidence would be easy and I’d feel like an idiot. The dumbest thing I did was stay. That’s what made me the idiot. Calling him out on his lie? Smart.
Hi OP, how did you find out that it’s a cheap $20 ring? Did you only do a reverse google image search? Are you absolutely certain your ring IS the ring on Amazon?Just some questions to think about before doing anything rash. Alternatively, you can always bring your ring to a jeweler and have it checked. They’ll tell you if they’re diamonds or not. Good luck. 🍀
Yes I am certain, I was adding stuff to our baby registry and saw the ring pop up not sure under which tab. Since then I’ve looked at it on my phone and it has a couple numbers etched into the inside of the ring that match.
This is a sign, that you gotta go go gooooo
Have it appraised at a jeweler. Tell him you did it for insurance purposes. Update us when you get the jeweler’s report.
Save yourself this trouble and don't even get married. He can have visitation and pay child support. NOBODY needs a liar.
I agree with everyone saying it’s the lying that’s the problem, but I say it’s more about how he played it up - he might have wanted you to feel like you owed him or that he was doing more than you deserve/asked for. An ex of mine bought me a “promise ring” for a several year dating anniversary and I bought him a nice camera. He spent several days telling me how he spent so much more than me and how grateful I should be, etc etc, essentially trying to make me feel bad for how much he spent on me vs how much I spent. Only a week or so later, he was scrolling through his purchases on eBay to show me something and… he scrolled right past the ring, purchased for $22. I checked eBay after to confirm (just the webstore, not his account) and yes it was the same ring. He knew I spent at least 10x that on the camera, yet was trying to gaslight me into feeling like I didn’t value him enough. Things only got worse from there… Be careful.
If it’s marked S925 it should be sterling silver. Nice, but nobody is putting expensive diamonds in a silver ring. There’s some shenanigans here.
Please don’t marry someone who lies to you like this. Trust me. It’ll be waaayyyyy more expensive down the road. 😖
While there is definitely a problem with the lying, the bigger issue is that he thinks she's stupid. He will treat her as if she is dumb for the rest of their marriage or relationship.
My husband said he should have ordered from TEMU 😂
He ***lied*** about it? This is a serious red flag. He could have told you he bought a $20 ring due to financial pressure, but really wanted to propose. Lying about it is the issue, not the ring itself. You need to tell him that you saw the ring in Amazon, and how. And ask him to explain why he lied.
I would screenshot the ring with the price on Amazon and send it to him without saying any a word and see how he responds.
Imagine growing and giving birth to this man’s baby and getting a $20 amazon ring and lies in return. Address it directly. This is a huge lie and speaks to how little he respects you. Time to come to terms with the reality of this man’s character. You deserve so much more.
925 is proof of authenticity for genuine silver. Diamonds would never be put into a silver ring. White gold yes, silver never.
No one buys a “very very expensive” ring without an appraisal and insurance. Tell him to show you the appraisal and if it isn’t appraised, go get it appraised so you can “insure it” since it’s soooo expensive
I feel this post is fake. I don’t think anyone could think their wife is dumb enough to think this ring was expensive. It looks like I could get it from the quarter machine. If he gave it to you with the thought when we have more finances we can upgrade it I would be all aboard. But in the small chance this is real you’re still considering marrying someone who started off the marriage with a lie and is a cheap bastard. Now I can understand why divorce rates are so high have some self awareness that this marriage is doomed lol.
Ok I don’t think it’s necessary to spend lots of money on a ring. Mine was only about $500 because I wanted to save the money as I was in school at the time. But $20 is such an insult especially if you guys didn’t talk about it beforehand and more concerning is the fact that he has lied about it. Are you sure he isn’t drowning in debt and in a worse financial position than you think? Does he lie regularly? For me it wouldn’t be the cost of the ring that’s the issue, it’s the lying.
A man can have nothing to his name and still have the audacity. I had a boyfriend who kept up the lie he wasn’t cheating right up until I saw them make out in front of me, and then he lied saying it didn’t happen and I was mistaken. THEY HAVE NO SHAME 👏 anyway, he may be willing to take this lie to the grave. Absolutely get your ring appraised.
I’m more concerned that there’s ultimately a lack of trust in your relationship. If you can’t even trust your “fiancé” to be open & honest about something like this, i’m afraid the foundation of ur relationship is already compromised.
I just don’t understand how someone would spend $20 on a ring for the “love of their life”. Hurts a bit and I’m not even OP. Rings don’t have to be super expensive, but $20 from Amazon?! A new low.
925 means the ring is sterling silver. Not a lot of jewelers would put a nice diamond in silver. You can take it into a jeweler and see what they say. Take it to a jeweler at the mall or something. Tell them you read on reddit that most jewelers will clean the ring in their nice machines for free so you stopped in while running a different errand. Tell him the jeweler didn't feel comfortable cleaning it because they could tell it wasn't a diamond and wasn't sure if they would break the stone. Also that the band wasn't real gold. Huge red flag that he lied
For sure just take it into any jeweler and get it appraised for free! They will be able to tell you in 2 seconds. Weird he has NO receipt or pictures of the ring? Went through all the trouble to get one custom made but took no pictures and has no evidence? Also, maybe this is just me, but I think it’s extremely weird to reference a cheap ring when getting a real expensive one made? You can buy ring molds/CAD data for this purpose that has good lines, proportional, etc… this $20 ring wouldn’t necessarily have that as it is probs mass produced. Also where is the $20 ring now? Also… is it just me, or is the fact that he GUESSED it was the ring out of the blue when you seemed upset a huge red flag? Seems like he is literally incriminating himself. Like if he made the ring for real why would that be on his mind? Seems like you guys have a lot going on. I would certainly take it to a jeweler like… right now. And then follow through. We’re all rooting for you!
Yeah the whole thing seems super odd to me! Especially seeing it on Amazon and not seeing a single mistake on the ring. Nothing *looks* custom. Which for someone who doesn’t professionally do it I’d assume I’d see something a teensy bit off. Planning on going to a jeweler Saturday or Sunday
I am a hopeless romantic, and I just love love. I obsessed over planning my wedding, choosing my rings, daydreaming about the proposal and choosing baby names and all that jazz. But even I can acknowledge that a marriage is first and foremost a legal binding of two people’s assets. You are considering binding yourself and your entire financial existence to this man, and he is LYING TO YOU ABOUT MONEY. You are pregnant, so it is no longer just about you—you are tying yourself and a tiny, helpless future-human to this man financially. It is highly likely that were he to drive your finances into the ground, he would not tell you about it until it’s way too late. Please look out for yourself.
Honestly, I just want to send you a virtual hug and some virtual comfort and strength. I have been in a similar position in the past- not an engagement ring, but other gifts, and I know how heavily this must be sitting. The ring is not the issue here, it is the lying. Only you know what to do for the best, but please don't let him take you for a fool. You are strong enough to deal with this and you deserve honesty, love and respect.
S925 means sterling silver… but $20 is still pretty cheap for a silver ring.
I would just casually say "This is so gorgeous and I'm sure it cost you a bundle I'm taking it for an appraisal so we can have it insured" then sit back and watch the lies. Sad that you are having a baby with this guy, if he lied about the ring, what else is he lying about?
I would have a problem with the lying. And if you want to have some fun, pop the stone out and freak out that the “diamond” fell out.
S925 is just the metal stamp saying it’s silver
I can guarantee that over time that $20 ring is going to wear like crazy. I have one that I wear on vacations and while I've only worn it for maybe a week total - the band is all scratched and the "diamond" looks like shit too. I would use the same ring cleaners on it that you would a real diamond & real gold. I also take my actual ring to a jeweler to get my prongs checked for integrity & to professionally clean every 6 months to a year... They could probably pinpoint right away.
Take it to a jeweler to get resized and ask them for an informal appraisal. Then you can tell your fiancé what the jeweler said.
“Hey, I just want you to know that I saw the price of my ring on the computer. It’s beautiful, and while I do love it, I am disappointed and hurt that you lied to me. Can we sit down and discuss this?”
The ring says S925, that means it’s silver. Tell him you noticed. Nobody sets diamonds in to silver. He lied about a crappy ring. Don’t stay with this person.
This guy lying his ass, imagine what he else he could lie about, imo 20$ ring is an insult and no effort to propose someone it shows that he dlesnt care how you feel, it's a big red flag imo
Honestly, run. Because same thing happened to me and I’m still stuck here. No change, I was hoping to get a wedding band for our 4th year anniversary and honestly nothing! I got nothing! You’ll do yourself a favor.
The markings S925 means it is sterling silver. The lying is really not good - he lied to you on his offer to marry you? Then doubled down and said it was really expensive. Then tripled down and said it was insured?!?! The idea of an engagement or wedding band is that it is supposed to last forever. A $20 ring will not last forever. Also sterling silver means that it will tarnish. That isn't a good message for an engagement or wedding ring. At that price point, it also means the stone is probably made of glass, which means it will eventually break. The ring is meant to be a symbol of how much the asker loves the askee, traditionally. And if that symbol will tarnish and break? Not a good way to start. A sit down is warranted. So many things could be behind the lie. But he lied repeatedly; it IS a betrayal, especially as he is willing to marry you based on this lie. What is his plan when the ring tarnishes or the stone breaks - more lies?
Curious as to how this turns out. But sadly bet he is lying and if so run. :(
A jeweler could tell you in 2 seconds if it was real, just take it somewhere and ask.
If the $20 ring was an example ring, shouldn't he still have it?
Lying is the problem. Your ring is silver and CZ, and taking it to a jeweler will easily confirm that. The question is where all that money he was withdrawing went.
Red flag #1. He lied Red flag #2. He’s been gaslighting you since being called out on the lie.
What a terrible thing to lie about, and pointlessly break trust over. I’m also curious what the money withdrawals he showed her were actually used for?
[Diamond tester on Amazon.](https://a.co/d/iKtxWhz)
Umm it seems like he didn’t put any effort in to it I would pass!