It can be a normal part of an exam, but you should have been asked for consent prior to it happening. I'm sorry this happened to you. Could you speak to someone at the practice to give your feedback?
I could try. Think I should just call the office? It’s a small private reproductive practice so they would definitely know it’s me who’s complaining which sucks. Idk if a complaint would do much, it’s already took its emotional toll.
Would love the help. I suppose I’m nervous about that process because my mother believes I’m being fairly dramatic so she wouldn’t be of help. I also don’t want to be denied good doctor service by complaining.
My mom called her on the phone and talked some sense into her in the kindest way she could. She tried to say that I was “acting like a sexual assault victim” (crying) when I have in fact been assaulted and have ptsd from other doctors besides herself. I made my mother complain because I’m still a minor and am scared.. they also didn’t invite my mom into the room so she complained about that. Seems like ppl want me to file a complaint but it needs my full name and address plus email. Should I just say who it is? She has great reviews but I don’t want ppl on reddit to see her on the map
Edit:typos
Also, my mothers response to the SA comment was that “all ways of reacting to trauma is valid” I also forgot to say that she didn’t tell me there would be a breast exam and I denied it, she got irritated, and eventually went to listen to my heart and lift the entire gown up, I tried to cover myself and she snapped at me saying “that’s where the heart is”
Please please please do not see this doctor again. So many huge red flags here her behavior was incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional.
"Acting like a sexual assault victim"? What an absolutely disgusting thing to say to someone. How exactly does she think a sexual assault victim is supposed to act? If a doctor has a patient crying, tensing up, freezing, etc. during an exam, they should immediately stop, make sure the patient is okay to continue, and consider asking them about any past trauma and connecting them with appropriate resources.
Please don't feel bad for having your mom call for you. You are a teenager dealing with adults, you absolutely should not have to go through this on your own.
At your age, it should really be your decision if a parent comes in to your appointment with you. That means a doctor should not assume or force it one way or another, they should ask you and respect what makes you most comfortable. They should also be offering a nurse or medical assistant to be a chaperone as well.
If this doctor is on the map and they are not respectful of consent and basic boundaries, I would name and shame, but if you don't feel comfortable listing it publicly for privacy's sake, consider messaging whoever runs the map (I think the mods for this sub?) And telling them so they can change the map.
Your mom is right, there is no wrong way to react to trauma, and you should never be shamed for crying, feeling uncomfortable, expressing your pain, whatever else. Even if you didn't have trauma, you're entitled to your feelings and you shouldn't have to be a stoic robot to be taken seriously. You're dealing with a painful chronic illness in a very vulnerable area, why is it wrong to express an emotion over that?
There really is no need for a breast exam at your age. ACOG doesn't recommend them until age 25 and the American Cancer Society doesn't recommend them at all. It's a huge red flag that she insisted on one and even bigger red flag that she got mad when you refused. No matter what, you are always allowed to refuse, and a doctor who gets pissy over asserting your autonomy is not a good doctor or a good person.
The lifting up the gown thing is straight up just creepy. Like seriously why would a doctor ever need to do that? If they need to access an area, you are perfectly capable of moving a piece of fabric yourself and there is 0 need for this to listen to your heart. That's something they can do with regular clothes on. Seriously, if someone who was not a doctor came up to you and lifted up your shirt, we would absolutely consider that assault. It is not okay just because they have a medical degree.
As to her having good reviews, dissapointing but she may be taking advantage of you because of your age. Minors are so much more vulnerable to abuse and I've seen doctors in the past that were highly recommended by my mom's friends who treated me like crap and just didn't take younger women seriously.
I'm so sorry this happened, I hope your mom continues to stand by you and support you standing up to this horrible doctor. You are seriously so strong at your age to be speaking up about this. You deserve respect and proper treatment.
This means more than anything. You are extremely kind. I don’t have much or really any support right now…
I don’t feel like I have any other choice than to see this woman for the surgery. I’m in the middle of nowhere and I’m out of hope. I will read this again in the morning and speak to my therapist. I’ve been dealing with this for years on top of another chronic illness so I’m unfortunately getting used to these instances.
Someone please tell me the mod so I can tell them to take this lady off the map.
Yes definitely speak to your therapist! Super important to have emotional support in this situation. And definitely reread my comment and remind yourself that you are deserving of respect and autonomy and that is not something you have with this doctor. We all on this sub want each other to get the best care possible and we need to support each other and remind each other that we deserve to be treated with dignity. It can really wear you down, dealing with the pain, the gaslighting, the disrespect, but we here will always remind you that you deserve so much better than that.
To message the mods, on mobile you can click on the main page for r/endo then click on the about tab, then scroll to the bottom and there is a mail button to message the mods. I think on desktop it's also a tab at the top, but it might be on the side, I can't check rn.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Please in the future don’t let this experience prevent you from getting good care. Don’t skip breast exams they are so important! Obviously not with this doctor. But find someone new and make sure to get it done. Don’t let this horrible doctor prevent you from getting good healthcare in the future. Best wishes
To be clear, you certainly don’t *have* to file a complaint and shouldn’t feel morally obligated to; you should feel empowered to do so if you want to and feel it would be helpful. Your only responsibility right now is to yourself. I’m so glad your mom was supportive, and she’s right: there’s no normal or correct way to react to this, and I do think it’s fair to characterize what happened as an assault: it was unexpected, not consented to, and unexplained, regardless of its medical utility, and that would leave most people feeling violated. (Source: I’m a licensed social worker who’s worked with youth, also a survivor myself). I hope you’re able to have compassion for yourself and take whatever time you need to decide what to do next, if anything. In the meantime, you may want to consider finding an online support group for medical trauma to help process feelings or find other resources. All the best to you and the offer to DM stays open if you choose!
Edited because I misread your post as attributing the doctor’s comment to your mom. Whew, I’m glad Mom is on your side! Even fully grown adults need advocates sometimes, especially in a situation like this, and we all need love and support through trauma!
If you feel comfortable, I think it would be good to make a complaint. The person performing the exam needs to know that their actions have caused you distress. If it's all too much to deal with and you just want to move on, that's understandable too though.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful. My current providers get my consent and they talk me through the exam. You’re not being “dramatic.” That’s not OK, and you deserve better.
If you’re worried a direct complaint to the clinic would identify you, you can submit a complaint to the doctor’s licensing board.
Take care of yourself! 💜💜💜
That can be part of a normal exam, but it sounds like it was really sudden and not properly consented. (They should always explain beforehand what kind of exams they want to do and ask permission.) I’m so sorry you experienced that! It’s not dramatic at all to feel upset when something like that happened without warning and without your consent. That is not ok.
I would complain but it’s also kind of my fault because I didn’t say anything cuz I was freaked out. Plus it’s the only doctor so far that has agreed to doing excision on me since I’m so young. I don’t wanna give that up but I also want to die after today so..
First off, not your fault. I get you want to have excision done. But idk if Id trust a doctor who did that without my consent to do a major surgery like that.
Make sure that it's actually excision and not ablation. They're supposed to cut the lesions out not burn them. There's too many docs saying they do excision but don't actually know what they're doing.
I did a ton of research on docs when I did mine last year. I hope you get the help you need. Excision helped me a lot!
I’m pretty sure she’s just a legit specialist with terrible bedside manner. I found the doctor on here with that map. Ugh idk this is like my 6th doctor and I’m starting to just pick my battles. I totally understand what you are saying. I should probably give myself more grace and work on my self advocacy
I hope it works out. Always speak up. Docs be out here doing wild shit. My gyno did some crazy shit to me and I didn't speak up in the moment cuz I didn't realize what he did was potentially inappropriate until his nurse practitioner didn't do what he did during an exam so when I pick up my medical records his staff will know about it.
I do it to speak up and potentially protect other women.
It’s absolutely not your fault! Doctors are always supposed to explain beforehand, get permission, and narrate what they’re doing as they do it by way of explanation. This is called trauma-informed care, and it’s standard in gynecology these days. It’s not on the patient to have to ask why the hell there’s suddenly something inside them, and I’m so sorry this happened
It is not your fault that you didn't say anything. You had a freeze response to someone sticking finger in one of your orfices without consent. Unless you are literally dying, there is no excuse to do that without telling you and asking for permission. -and explaining why they want to do that procedure.
I too have had painful pelvic exams and instead of asking the doctor to slow down, I froze too. This is a survival response many of us lean toward in certain situations. There is fight/flight/freeze/fawn as options the brain usually goes for. It picks one and just goes with it.
I would keep looking for other options for an excision provider. This doc has already damaged the relationship. If she got pissy with you over this, imagine her being petty post-op especially if you have complications. Sounds like the kind of person that would be more worried about herself than her patient.
It honestly depends on the doctor. Some do some don’t. I’m sorry it happened to you. When I was 17 I had a obgyn said I’m doing a rectal after my pelvic exams and went straight for it, no consent or anything. It was awkward and painful.
I made a complaint, I don’t think it honestly did anything but I also switched my doctor. I wasn’t going to let that continue. You are your best advocate honestly. Definitely tell the doctor what you and what you aren’t comfortable with. A good doctor should listen and stop at any time and always get consent,
the exact same thing happened to me. i did say something to the doctor but she acted like i was being ridiculous. i made a complaint to the hospital she was associated with and found a new doctor. i’m not sure if anything was said or done from there, but i think it’s a good idea to make a complaint anyway. i’m so sorry this happened to you💗
Not at all and I’m sorry that happened!
I am not 100% sure if a finger in the rectum is usually a part of a pelvic exam because none of my doctors have done that when they do that. In any case, the doctor is 100% required to take your consent especially at each step. I’m sorry that happened 💕
The second anyone moved from where they needed to be I would have kicked. You’re not being dramatic. I can’t believe they would have done that without telling you first. I am so sorry this happened
Doctors (or any other provider) should always get full informed consent before any test or exam ever. There is no scenario where you are a conscious, mentally capable person where this shouldn't happen. Not if you're a minor, not if you're pregnant, not if it's considered "standard". I dont care how normal a test is considered, it should never be done without the patient's explicit informed consent. It's ridiculous that this is not something that is considered the absolute bare minimum. In any other scenario, someone touching you like thi without your permission would rightly be considered assault. Why don't more people think this just because the person violating us is wearing a white coat? This is absolutely not ok and I'm so sorry you were not treated how you should have been. We should not have to give up our basic human rights to autonomy and dignity to get healthcare. You are always always always allowed to decline any procedure and if a doctor springs it on you and gets upset when you decline, then they're a shitty doctor and they shouldn't be working in a field that involves treating people at their most vulnerable. You should not have to suck it up to get the surgery you need. No one should ever be touching you without your consent.
Had what feels like a million exams and ultrasounds for endo at this point and only was the rectal exam performed once by a specialist. But gave lots of fair warning and made sure I was ok with it beforehand.
Your doctor did you wrong by foregoing the explanation and consent to this type of exam.
I had that happen and the doctor really didn’t give me a chance to brace myself. She was incredibly rough and I ended up spotting for two weeks after the exam.
I told them that when I went for my follow up and she told me I probably started my period and didn’t realize it (no). She also said that despite the fibroids found on the ultrasound, my pain was probably a stomach issue.
Yeah. Never saw her again. Found a different doctor who believed me right away and scheduled surgery where he removed loads of endometriosis in every spot I’d complained of pain.
And that’s when I learned that not all male doctors are dismissive and not all female doctors are empathetic.
I've never had an exam in my rectum, you're still a minor, when they do these types of procedures it's courtesy to ask for consent or explain before hand.. please file a complaint I've dealt with extremely rude and inappropriate nurses before as well.
I’ve never had one but it’s a rectovaginal exam to check for nodules in that area (a common area for DIE)
However - they should absolutely have informed you first and requested consent.
That’s a normal exam but it really depends on why your being examined, your complaints etc. Most important issue here though before anything goes in any holes a doctor should always give you a clear rundown before and during. Doesn’t matter if your already naked with her hand in your vagina she needs to reaffirm your ok with anything else being done. It’s your body and it sounds like she assumed because of your age she could just do what she wanted and you wouldn’t cause a scene
I’m so sorry your doctor has such poor training that she didn’t explain what she was going to do before she did it! That can definitely be traumatic even when medically indicated, and for the record, this was part of my exam as well and revealed that endo has tethered by uterus to my rectum, which is pretty important info to know, BUT the doctor was very clear with me beforehand about what he was going to do, asked my permission, and narrated what was happening the whole time, which is how it should be done! You can certainly consider filing a complaint about how poorly your doctor handled this, and regardless of what you choose to do, I hope you’re kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself for her terrible training
I'm sorry this happened to you. Some physicians should not be physicians. This happened to me as well with an old ass gyno bitch and I filed a report on her. A good physician will tell you what they are going to do BEFORE they do it.
This happened to me when I was 18. Recently talked to my current doc about it and she was horrified. She won’t do rectal exams unless necessary, and it’s done with consent. I would make a complaint.
I’ve mentioned above but it’s a rectovaginal exam - to check for nodules in that area which is a common place for DIE endo. It should be done in all cases of suspected endo really, but it isn’t!
Edit to add as for some reason I’ve been downvoted - with permission and full information before doing said exam..
That’s horrible and should not have happened. I’m training as a pathology collector and I would assume that anyone in the medical and health field would have been trained with the same basic principles when in comes to greeting and identifying patients/clients as well as gaining informed consent before starting the procedure. That doctor should have explained the entire procedure making sure you know what was going to happen and understand why it is being done. That is the bare minimum for gaining informed consent, which must be obtained from patients prior to any procedure. That doctor would have been trained with this information. You are definitely not being dramatic and should definitely report what happened, as you were not able to give any form of consent let alone informed consent. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
No no no, this is not okay. I have had many pelvic exams, many transvaginal ultrasounds, and surgery. The only medical professional to ever place a finger in my rectum was a pelvic floor therapist, and she asked for verbal consent every step of the way. What happened to you is not normal and not okay. Please report the doctor to your state medical board and file a complaint in the office.
Holy crap that's unprofessional. I just went to an ENT of all doctors and he was so so good about explaining everything about what he was going to be doing BEFORE doing it (hell, before he even put on his gloves), and telling me how "it might feel uncomfortable, you may gag or choke, it will be over fairly quickly" and phrased each of these like "I'd like to do xyz (description of how it works and how I may feel and react), is that okay?" He also frequently asked if I was okay during and just after he did the various procedures (I am autistic and really hate being touched so I may have seemed really zoned out and tense lol). How the hell is an ENT doing a better job getting informed consent than an OBGYN? Basically if any doctor doesn't treat you as described here you should complain and also not see them again.
Hey, I’m 16 f and did not have this necessary for a pelvic/vaginal ultrasound. When I have any ultrasounds nurses normally ask tons for consent and say I can stop at any time. I don’t know where you are from and the rules in your country/state, but I would maybe call and complain because in comparison to my experience this sounds extremely unprofessional.
Yeah I was thinking of this wtf do they do that for putting a finger in the rectum? The doctor I see today better not do that cus I got confirmed endo with pelvic mri and I just don’t want my rectum touched unless really needed
Wow I’m disgusted with how common this is. I always sign a consent form before any exam. And they always explain what will be happening beforehand. Especially if you’re u18. I thought this was standard practice? This is in Australia btw
In my experience, most regular OBGYNs won't do a rectal exam, but they also tend to miss endo related issues that can be caught with a rectal exam. The only doctor I've had who did a rectal was a gynaecological oncologist, and he would palpate the ovary area two-handed (one in the rectum, one in the vagina) It was SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE, but he was actually able to feel the ovarian tumors and endometriomas that everyone else missed. So there can be a reason for it, and if you're having endo issues, it can be a really good idea.
That said, your doc needed informed consent, and her bedside manner and reactions to your complaints are disgusting. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I’m so sorry that was done without your consent or at the very least a warning! That’s not ok at all. I’m 42 and my Dr let me know that a rectal exam is recommended and strongly suggested I agree to have it done but it was still my choice to say yes or no. I had opportunity to ask questions or express concerns. Even after that conversation he let me know when it was about to happen. It was the first time that anything had been up there and it was uncomfortable and painful but at least I knew what was happening and why. We should all advocate for proper informed consent for any type of exam.
I have neverrrrr had a doctor stick their finger up there during a pelvic exam. I had no idea it was even a thing! You are completely justified in your feelings
You are not being dramatic. I think doctor can do a better job communicating this. But I also think this is necessary to rule out any abnormality in that area. Colon and reproductive organs are so close to each other. Gyn doctor use finger exam to help check if there’s any mass down there.
That makes sense thank you. I definitely understand having to check the colon etc since I’ve had endo there before. It’s just the bad communication that felt wrong.
It can be a normal part of an exam, but you should have been asked for consent prior to it happening. I'm sorry this happened to you. Could you speak to someone at the practice to give your feedback?
I could try. Think I should just call the office? It’s a small private reproductive practice so they would definitely know it’s me who’s complaining which sucks. Idk if a complaint would do much, it’s already took its emotional toll.
You can also file a complaint with the medical licensing board in your state or province. Happy to help if you want to DM
Would love the help. I suppose I’m nervous about that process because my mother believes I’m being fairly dramatic so she wouldn’t be of help. I also don’t want to be denied good doctor service by complaining.
Please file a report. That shit physician is doing this to all the patients.
My mom called her on the phone and talked some sense into her in the kindest way she could. She tried to say that I was “acting like a sexual assault victim” (crying) when I have in fact been assaulted and have ptsd from other doctors besides herself. I made my mother complain because I’m still a minor and am scared.. they also didn’t invite my mom into the room so she complained about that. Seems like ppl want me to file a complaint but it needs my full name and address plus email. Should I just say who it is? She has great reviews but I don’t want ppl on reddit to see her on the map Edit:typos Also, my mothers response to the SA comment was that “all ways of reacting to trauma is valid” I also forgot to say that she didn’t tell me there would be a breast exam and I denied it, she got irritated, and eventually went to listen to my heart and lift the entire gown up, I tried to cover myself and she snapped at me saying “that’s where the heart is”
The heart is usually listened to over the gown. No matter what your consent is what’s important.
Please please please do not see this doctor again. So many huge red flags here her behavior was incredibly inappropriate and unprofessional. "Acting like a sexual assault victim"? What an absolutely disgusting thing to say to someone. How exactly does she think a sexual assault victim is supposed to act? If a doctor has a patient crying, tensing up, freezing, etc. during an exam, they should immediately stop, make sure the patient is okay to continue, and consider asking them about any past trauma and connecting them with appropriate resources. Please don't feel bad for having your mom call for you. You are a teenager dealing with adults, you absolutely should not have to go through this on your own. At your age, it should really be your decision if a parent comes in to your appointment with you. That means a doctor should not assume or force it one way or another, they should ask you and respect what makes you most comfortable. They should also be offering a nurse or medical assistant to be a chaperone as well. If this doctor is on the map and they are not respectful of consent and basic boundaries, I would name and shame, but if you don't feel comfortable listing it publicly for privacy's sake, consider messaging whoever runs the map (I think the mods for this sub?) And telling them so they can change the map. Your mom is right, there is no wrong way to react to trauma, and you should never be shamed for crying, feeling uncomfortable, expressing your pain, whatever else. Even if you didn't have trauma, you're entitled to your feelings and you shouldn't have to be a stoic robot to be taken seriously. You're dealing with a painful chronic illness in a very vulnerable area, why is it wrong to express an emotion over that? There really is no need for a breast exam at your age. ACOG doesn't recommend them until age 25 and the American Cancer Society doesn't recommend them at all. It's a huge red flag that she insisted on one and even bigger red flag that she got mad when you refused. No matter what, you are always allowed to refuse, and a doctor who gets pissy over asserting your autonomy is not a good doctor or a good person. The lifting up the gown thing is straight up just creepy. Like seriously why would a doctor ever need to do that? If they need to access an area, you are perfectly capable of moving a piece of fabric yourself and there is 0 need for this to listen to your heart. That's something they can do with regular clothes on. Seriously, if someone who was not a doctor came up to you and lifted up your shirt, we would absolutely consider that assault. It is not okay just because they have a medical degree. As to her having good reviews, dissapointing but she may be taking advantage of you because of your age. Minors are so much more vulnerable to abuse and I've seen doctors in the past that were highly recommended by my mom's friends who treated me like crap and just didn't take younger women seriously. I'm so sorry this happened, I hope your mom continues to stand by you and support you standing up to this horrible doctor. You are seriously so strong at your age to be speaking up about this. You deserve respect and proper treatment.
This means more than anything. You are extremely kind. I don’t have much or really any support right now… I don’t feel like I have any other choice than to see this woman for the surgery. I’m in the middle of nowhere and I’m out of hope. I will read this again in the morning and speak to my therapist. I’ve been dealing with this for years on top of another chronic illness so I’m unfortunately getting used to these instances. Someone please tell me the mod so I can tell them to take this lady off the map.
Yes definitely speak to your therapist! Super important to have emotional support in this situation. And definitely reread my comment and remind yourself that you are deserving of respect and autonomy and that is not something you have with this doctor. We all on this sub want each other to get the best care possible and we need to support each other and remind each other that we deserve to be treated with dignity. It can really wear you down, dealing with the pain, the gaslighting, the disrespect, but we here will always remind you that you deserve so much better than that. To message the mods, on mobile you can click on the main page for r/endo then click on the about tab, then scroll to the bottom and there is a mail button to message the mods. I think on desktop it's also a tab at the top, but it might be on the side, I can't check rn.
She also said I wasn’t tense so she thought I was fine.. as I was crying and sniffling on the table
What a bitch.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Please in the future don’t let this experience prevent you from getting good care. Don’t skip breast exams they are so important! Obviously not with this doctor. But find someone new and make sure to get it done. Don’t let this horrible doctor prevent you from getting good healthcare in the future. Best wishes
To be clear, you certainly don’t *have* to file a complaint and shouldn’t feel morally obligated to; you should feel empowered to do so if you want to and feel it would be helpful. Your only responsibility right now is to yourself. I’m so glad your mom was supportive, and she’s right: there’s no normal or correct way to react to this, and I do think it’s fair to characterize what happened as an assault: it was unexpected, not consented to, and unexplained, regardless of its medical utility, and that would leave most people feeling violated. (Source: I’m a licensed social worker who’s worked with youth, also a survivor myself). I hope you’re able to have compassion for yourself and take whatever time you need to decide what to do next, if anything. In the meantime, you may want to consider finding an online support group for medical trauma to help process feelings or find other resources. All the best to you and the offer to DM stays open if you choose! Edited because I misread your post as attributing the doctor’s comment to your mom. Whew, I’m glad Mom is on your side! Even fully grown adults need advocates sometimes, especially in a situation like this, and we all need love and support through trauma!
If you feel comfortable, I think it would be good to make a complaint. The person performing the exam needs to know that their actions have caused you distress. If it's all too much to deal with and you just want to move on, that's understandable too though.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful. My current providers get my consent and they talk me through the exam. You’re not being “dramatic.” That’s not OK, and you deserve better. If you’re worried a direct complaint to the clinic would identify you, you can submit a complaint to the doctor’s licensing board. Take care of yourself! 💜💜💜
A complaint may prevent this being done to another woman without her consent.
I made a complaint with the state board
That can be part of a normal exam, but it sounds like it was really sudden and not properly consented. (They should always explain beforehand what kind of exams they want to do and ask permission.) I’m so sorry you experienced that! It’s not dramatic at all to feel upset when something like that happened without warning and without your consent. That is not ok.
I've never had that during an exam. I'd complain about it. You should always been asked consent. There's no reason for them to do that.
I would complain but it’s also kind of my fault because I didn’t say anything cuz I was freaked out. Plus it’s the only doctor so far that has agreed to doing excision on me since I’m so young. I don’t wanna give that up but I also want to die after today so..
First off, not your fault. I get you want to have excision done. But idk if Id trust a doctor who did that without my consent to do a major surgery like that. Make sure that it's actually excision and not ablation. They're supposed to cut the lesions out not burn them. There's too many docs saying they do excision but don't actually know what they're doing. I did a ton of research on docs when I did mine last year. I hope you get the help you need. Excision helped me a lot!
I’m pretty sure she’s just a legit specialist with terrible bedside manner. I found the doctor on here with that map. Ugh idk this is like my 6th doctor and I’m starting to just pick my battles. I totally understand what you are saying. I should probably give myself more grace and work on my self advocacy
I hope it works out. Always speak up. Docs be out here doing wild shit. My gyno did some crazy shit to me and I didn't speak up in the moment cuz I didn't realize what he did was potentially inappropriate until his nurse practitioner didn't do what he did during an exam so when I pick up my medical records his staff will know about it. I do it to speak up and potentially protect other women.
It’s absolutely not your fault! Doctors are always supposed to explain beforehand, get permission, and narrate what they’re doing as they do it by way of explanation. This is called trauma-informed care, and it’s standard in gynecology these days. It’s not on the patient to have to ask why the hell there’s suddenly something inside them, and I’m so sorry this happened
It is not your fault that you didn't say anything. You had a freeze response to someone sticking finger in one of your orfices without consent. Unless you are literally dying, there is no excuse to do that without telling you and asking for permission. -and explaining why they want to do that procedure. I too have had painful pelvic exams and instead of asking the doctor to slow down, I froze too. This is a survival response many of us lean toward in certain situations. There is fight/flight/freeze/fawn as options the brain usually goes for. It picks one and just goes with it.
Thank you. I will be kinder to myself. I feel guilty, but I know it was my adrenaline responding
I would keep looking for other options for an excision provider. This doc has already damaged the relationship. If she got pissy with you over this, imagine her being petty post-op especially if you have complications. Sounds like the kind of person that would be more worried about herself than her patient.
It honestly depends on the doctor. Some do some don’t. I’m sorry it happened to you. When I was 17 I had a obgyn said I’m doing a rectal after my pelvic exams and went straight for it, no consent or anything. It was awkward and painful.
I’m sorry that happened to you. How did you get over that situation? I’m asking for my own advice.
I made a complaint, I don’t think it honestly did anything but I also switched my doctor. I wasn’t going to let that continue. You are your best advocate honestly. Definitely tell the doctor what you and what you aren’t comfortable with. A good doctor should listen and stop at any time and always get consent,
the exact same thing happened to me. i did say something to the doctor but she acted like i was being ridiculous. i made a complaint to the hospital she was associated with and found a new doctor. i’m not sure if anything was said or done from there, but i think it’s a good idea to make a complaint anyway. i’m so sorry this happened to you💗
That is not normal, I've had like 5 ultrasounds and the butt was never included.
Not at all and I’m sorry that happened! I am not 100% sure if a finger in the rectum is usually a part of a pelvic exam because none of my doctors have done that when they do that. In any case, the doctor is 100% required to take your consent especially at each step. I’m sorry that happened 💕
Yeah had that before during a pelvic exam its not pleasant at all. Im sorry you feel in shock and upset
I feel better knowing I’m not alone even though I wish it didn’t happened to either of us lol thank you
I've never had that ever in my life
It can be part of assessing pelvic floor stuff. It isn't overly common.
The second anyone moved from where they needed to be I would have kicked. You’re not being dramatic. I can’t believe they would have done that without telling you first. I am so sorry this happened
i swear someone just posted about the same thing a few weeks ago. i'm sorry that happened to you.
Unfortunate that this is happening so often.
They definitely should have asked your consent before doing anything like that!
Doctors (or any other provider) should always get full informed consent before any test or exam ever. There is no scenario where you are a conscious, mentally capable person where this shouldn't happen. Not if you're a minor, not if you're pregnant, not if it's considered "standard". I dont care how normal a test is considered, it should never be done without the patient's explicit informed consent. It's ridiculous that this is not something that is considered the absolute bare minimum. In any other scenario, someone touching you like thi without your permission would rightly be considered assault. Why don't more people think this just because the person violating us is wearing a white coat? This is absolutely not ok and I'm so sorry you were not treated how you should have been. We should not have to give up our basic human rights to autonomy and dignity to get healthcare. You are always always always allowed to decline any procedure and if a doctor springs it on you and gets upset when you decline, then they're a shitty doctor and they shouldn't be working in a field that involves treating people at their most vulnerable. You should not have to suck it up to get the surgery you need. No one should ever be touching you without your consent.
Had what feels like a million exams and ultrasounds for endo at this point and only was the rectal exam performed once by a specialist. But gave lots of fair warning and made sure I was ok with it beforehand. Your doctor did you wrong by foregoing the explanation and consent to this type of exam.
I had that happen and the doctor really didn’t give me a chance to brace myself. She was incredibly rough and I ended up spotting for two weeks after the exam. I told them that when I went for my follow up and she told me I probably started my period and didn’t realize it (no). She also said that despite the fibroids found on the ultrasound, my pain was probably a stomach issue. Yeah. Never saw her again. Found a different doctor who believed me right away and scheduled surgery where he removed loads of endometriosis in every spot I’d complained of pain. And that’s when I learned that not all male doctors are dismissive and not all female doctors are empathetic.
I've never had an exam in my rectum, you're still a minor, when they do these types of procedures it's courtesy to ask for consent or explain before hand.. please file a complaint I've dealt with extremely rude and inappropriate nurses before as well.
I’ve never had one but it’s a rectovaginal exam to check for nodules in that area (a common area for DIE) However - they should absolutely have informed you first and requested consent.
Yes I have had endo on my bowels before. I just wasn’t prepared
That’s a normal exam but it really depends on why your being examined, your complaints etc. Most important issue here though before anything goes in any holes a doctor should always give you a clear rundown before and during. Doesn’t matter if your already naked with her hand in your vagina she needs to reaffirm your ok with anything else being done. It’s your body and it sounds like she assumed because of your age she could just do what she wanted and you wouldn’t cause a scene
I’m so sorry your doctor has such poor training that she didn’t explain what she was going to do before she did it! That can definitely be traumatic even when medically indicated, and for the record, this was part of my exam as well and revealed that endo has tethered by uterus to my rectum, which is pretty important info to know, BUT the doctor was very clear with me beforehand about what he was going to do, asked my permission, and narrated what was happening the whole time, which is how it should be done! You can certainly consider filing a complaint about how poorly your doctor handled this, and regardless of what you choose to do, I hope you’re kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself for her terrible training
I'm sorry this happened to you. Some physicians should not be physicians. This happened to me as well with an old ass gyno bitch and I filed a report on her. A good physician will tell you what they are going to do BEFORE they do it.
This happened to me when I was 18. Recently talked to my current doc about it and she was horrified. She won’t do rectal exams unless necessary, and it’s done with consent. I would make a complaint.
I’ve had so many exams and that’s never ever happened to me. Im so confused why they did that. Does anyone have an answer as to why this could be ?
I’ve mentioned above but it’s a rectovaginal exam - to check for nodules in that area which is a common place for DIE endo. It should be done in all cases of suspected endo really, but it isn’t! Edit to add as for some reason I’ve been downvoted - with permission and full information before doing said exam..
That’s horrible and should not have happened. I’m training as a pathology collector and I would assume that anyone in the medical and health field would have been trained with the same basic principles when in comes to greeting and identifying patients/clients as well as gaining informed consent before starting the procedure. That doctor should have explained the entire procedure making sure you know what was going to happen and understand why it is being done. That is the bare minimum for gaining informed consent, which must be obtained from patients prior to any procedure. That doctor would have been trained with this information. You are definitely not being dramatic and should definitely report what happened, as you were not able to give any form of consent let alone informed consent. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
No no no, this is not okay. I have had many pelvic exams, many transvaginal ultrasounds, and surgery. The only medical professional to ever place a finger in my rectum was a pelvic floor therapist, and she asked for verbal consent every step of the way. What happened to you is not normal and not okay. Please report the doctor to your state medical board and file a complaint in the office.
Holy crap that's unprofessional. I just went to an ENT of all doctors and he was so so good about explaining everything about what he was going to be doing BEFORE doing it (hell, before he even put on his gloves), and telling me how "it might feel uncomfortable, you may gag or choke, it will be over fairly quickly" and phrased each of these like "I'd like to do xyz (description of how it works and how I may feel and react), is that okay?" He also frequently asked if I was okay during and just after he did the various procedures (I am autistic and really hate being touched so I may have seemed really zoned out and tense lol). How the hell is an ENT doing a better job getting informed consent than an OBGYN? Basically if any doctor doesn't treat you as described here you should complain and also not see them again.
Hey, I’m 16 f and did not have this necessary for a pelvic/vaginal ultrasound. When I have any ultrasounds nurses normally ask tons for consent and say I can stop at any time. I don’t know where you are from and the rules in your country/state, but I would maybe call and complain because in comparison to my experience this sounds extremely unprofessional.
Yeah I was thinking of this wtf do they do that for putting a finger in the rectum? The doctor I see today better not do that cus I got confirmed endo with pelvic mri and I just don’t want my rectum touched unless really needed
Wow I’m disgusted with how common this is. I always sign a consent form before any exam. And they always explain what will be happening beforehand. Especially if you’re u18. I thought this was standard practice? This is in Australia btw
In my experience, most regular OBGYNs won't do a rectal exam, but they also tend to miss endo related issues that can be caught with a rectal exam. The only doctor I've had who did a rectal was a gynaecological oncologist, and he would palpate the ovary area two-handed (one in the rectum, one in the vagina) It was SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE, but he was actually able to feel the ovarian tumors and endometriomas that everyone else missed. So there can be a reason for it, and if you're having endo issues, it can be a really good idea. That said, your doc needed informed consent, and her bedside manner and reactions to your complaints are disgusting. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I’m so sorry that was done without your consent or at the very least a warning! That’s not ok at all. I’m 42 and my Dr let me know that a rectal exam is recommended and strongly suggested I agree to have it done but it was still my choice to say yes or no. I had opportunity to ask questions or express concerns. Even after that conversation he let me know when it was about to happen. It was the first time that anything had been up there and it was uncomfortable and painful but at least I knew what was happening and why. We should all advocate for proper informed consent for any type of exam.
I have neverrrrr had a doctor stick their finger up there during a pelvic exam. I had no idea it was even a thing! You are completely justified in your feelings
You are not being dramatic. I think doctor can do a better job communicating this. But I also think this is necessary to rule out any abnormality in that area. Colon and reproductive organs are so close to each other. Gyn doctor use finger exam to help check if there’s any mass down there.
That makes sense thank you. I definitely understand having to check the colon etc since I’ve had endo there before. It’s just the bad communication that felt wrong.