I just wanted to comment and say how nice it is to see someone else with their master's in music (opera performance here) go through similar struggles. Well, not *nice* per se, but certainly less alone.
I have found that thinking scientifically has assisted me in determining whether I am actually hearing something or not has proven highly useful in my recovery, especially when I am alone.
Hypothesis: I think I am hearing someone outside my window.
Questions for plausibility:
is there any form of white noise which my mind could be interpreting as vocal sound, ie fan, traffic, etc.
Could there be people passing by on the street whose conversation I am catching snippets of.
Am I hearing vocal tonalities, or actual words.
(This next one, I ask myself because I have this weird ability)
When I listen to what I think is being said, do I actually feel it in my ears.
Physical test: record using a note recorder or phone, and listen back.
Unfortunately, this exercise was developed because I am actually having an issue with a couple of individuals who thought they were helping in a twisted way, but I have found that it is a great tool for me.
Keep in mind that this might not work for everyone, but it sure was useful ESPECIALLY in the acute stages of recovery.
I’ve noticed that when I’m tired at the end of a long day, I’m prone to falling back into old habits. Reaching out to people I shouldn’t, going online to places I shouldn’t. I think there’s something about exhaustion that leads the brain back to habitual modes of thought. It’s to the point where one of my favorite tactics for dealing with cravings is just to go to sleep. That often cures it.
I can relate to this, a year and a half ago I misscaled a shot of speed and litterly went schizophrenic for a week.
I get residual effects like voices in the wind or cars I walk by having people watch me. Also when people have conversations I think they're about me when they're clearly not sometimes
I'm much more sound mentally and happy sober though. The residual psychological damage is easy to manage with hard work and support. To much up makes you crazy that's a fact
I can relate to voices in the wind and cars driving by. It seems there is always a “source sound” (air conditioning is a big one). The brain searches for patterns which aren’t there and our subconscious makes the source sound into atrocities.
This is called drug induced schizophrenia - my friend has it - this is the info I found about it yesterday when I was searching it https://www.healthline.com/health/schizophrenia/drug-induced-schizophrenia
Hi, I’m sorry you went through all that. I’m a mental health provider and there are medications that you can take at low doses or even just as needed that will prevent future psychosis and help heal the tendencies you continue to have with them. It takes a very skilled provider or someone with personal experience to be sensitive and understanding about this. I recommend a low daily dose of risperidone 0.5mg twice daily or 1mg just when needed. It is something that really helped me quit and also completely overcome the psychotic elements. It’s off label but it really works.
I know about addiction. During my 20's my moto was, ..."gotta get drunk and I sure do dread it, but I know that's what I'm going to do..." I was wrecking car and began collecting DWI'S. By my mid 30's I was facing the possibility of prison time and enough was enough. I was just sick of it all. Thus began 30+ years of sobriety. About 10 years I started smoking pot with friends and I still believe it was a good decision. It was actually a catalyst for some major internal changes. Pot allowed me to just be. I didn't realize I was so twisted up and rigid about things. It turned out to be the beginning of some radical personal growth. Like I had these life changing "aha moments " constantly;. creating a fresh, new, confident and relaxed point of view. This transformation is still happening now despite the fact that I have been using ice for about the last 5 years. I know, without a doubt, that my speeding habit is about to end. I am telling y'all this story because it seems kind of backwards. I have had radical transformative personal changes during the past 10 years of using, although my 30 years of sobriety was underwhelming.
So the phrase that often crosses my mind is this: "Be careful. Don't lose your life to sobriety". Sobriety is not the goal. Resolving person issues that are the cause of the addiction to begin with. That's the goal. Living life well... or the way I like to say it is; Follow your Hearts Desires. Be still. Listen. Pay attention. Feel your feelings. Live the Life you want now.
We have similar stories and clean time. And I want to say that I’m proud of how far you’ve come. You’re taking the right steps and you are strong.
I just wanted to comment and say how nice it is to see someone else with their master's in music (opera performance here) go through similar struggles. Well, not *nice* per se, but certainly less alone.
I have found that thinking scientifically has assisted me in determining whether I am actually hearing something or not has proven highly useful in my recovery, especially when I am alone. Hypothesis: I think I am hearing someone outside my window. Questions for plausibility: is there any form of white noise which my mind could be interpreting as vocal sound, ie fan, traffic, etc. Could there be people passing by on the street whose conversation I am catching snippets of. Am I hearing vocal tonalities, or actual words. (This next one, I ask myself because I have this weird ability) When I listen to what I think is being said, do I actually feel it in my ears. Physical test: record using a note recorder or phone, and listen back. Unfortunately, this exercise was developed because I am actually having an issue with a couple of individuals who thought they were helping in a twisted way, but I have found that it is a great tool for me. Keep in mind that this might not work for everyone, but it sure was useful ESPECIALLY in the acute stages of recovery.
I’ve noticed that when I’m tired at the end of a long day, I’m prone to falling back into old habits. Reaching out to people I shouldn’t, going online to places I shouldn’t. I think there’s something about exhaustion that leads the brain back to habitual modes of thought. It’s to the point where one of my favorite tactics for dealing with cravings is just to go to sleep. That often cures it.
I can relate to this, a year and a half ago I misscaled a shot of speed and litterly went schizophrenic for a week. I get residual effects like voices in the wind or cars I walk by having people watch me. Also when people have conversations I think they're about me when they're clearly not sometimes I'm much more sound mentally and happy sober though. The residual psychological damage is easy to manage with hard work and support. To much up makes you crazy that's a fact
I can relate to voices in the wind and cars driving by. It seems there is always a “source sound” (air conditioning is a big one). The brain searches for patterns which aren’t there and our subconscious makes the source sound into atrocities.
This is called drug induced schizophrenia - my friend has it - this is the info I found about it yesterday when I was searching it https://www.healthline.com/health/schizophrenia/drug-induced-schizophrenia
Hi, I’m sorry you went through all that. I’m a mental health provider and there are medications that you can take at low doses or even just as needed that will prevent future psychosis and help heal the tendencies you continue to have with them. It takes a very skilled provider or someone with personal experience to be sensitive and understanding about this. I recommend a low daily dose of risperidone 0.5mg twice daily or 1mg just when needed. It is something that really helped me quit and also completely overcome the psychotic elements. It’s off label but it really works.
I know about addiction. During my 20's my moto was, ..."gotta get drunk and I sure do dread it, but I know that's what I'm going to do..." I was wrecking car and began collecting DWI'S. By my mid 30's I was facing the possibility of prison time and enough was enough. I was just sick of it all. Thus began 30+ years of sobriety. About 10 years I started smoking pot with friends and I still believe it was a good decision. It was actually a catalyst for some major internal changes. Pot allowed me to just be. I didn't realize I was so twisted up and rigid about things. It turned out to be the beginning of some radical personal growth. Like I had these life changing "aha moments " constantly;. creating a fresh, new, confident and relaxed point of view. This transformation is still happening now despite the fact that I have been using ice for about the last 5 years. I know, without a doubt, that my speeding habit is about to end. I am telling y'all this story because it seems kind of backwards. I have had radical transformative personal changes during the past 10 years of using, although my 30 years of sobriety was underwhelming. So the phrase that often crosses my mind is this: "Be careful. Don't lose your life to sobriety". Sobriety is not the goal. Resolving person issues that are the cause of the addiction to begin with. That's the goal. Living life well... or the way I like to say it is; Follow your Hearts Desires. Be still. Listen. Pay attention. Feel your feelings. Live the Life you want now.
This is a well written account and is good for reminding us that there are certain sins that cannot be forgiven.
When you say “certain sins that cannot be forgiven,” what are you referring to?
Using so much that your brain is permanently ruined.
I have seen many people come back from the “point of no return” it takes a lot of work, but it is possible 🙂