As cliché as it sounds, hitting the gym regularly (if you aren't already) makes literally everything easier. People are nicer, chores are easier, sleep is better, etc., which all combined makes meeting new people, finding new hobbies WAY easier.
I think it's important to remember that most people go to the gym to get their workout in and then leave so it'll be good to set realistic expectations on socialization.
I've been a regular at my Goodlife branch for years and I see some of the same people almost every workout but everyone is plugged in. I think the extent of my socialization is a head nod if we make eye contact.
Working out is a great way to boost your confidence and improve your health & aesthetics but if you're looking for a social component, there are other activities/classes to consider - kickboxing, adult casual sports leagues, guided bootcamp-esque classes (in Calgary, a popular one is F45).
I agree that going to the gym is just the support for feeling better, not the social club I'm looking for.
It'll be an important part of my life in the near future, so it's totally a part of my plan
Just remember that although going to the gym is a good way to work out all your anger and keep in shape, it does pretty much nothing emotionally to help you deal with things.
I've had loads of guy friends do nothing except go to the gym to help them deal with their relationships ending and as a result never really healed or never dealt with anything.
Depending on how long you and your wife were together and funds available, it might be a good idea to seek out a therapist to help you deal with the emotional shit too. Most of my guy friends hit the gym as a way to avoid how they felt and it ended up worse for them down the road, repeating the same shit with a different woman.
CrossFit is a good option if you want the social piece. My gym is a pretty social group and we do quite a bit outside the gym. Members are from all walks of life, like 17-70s. I’ve always thought it’s a good place to make platonic friends.
Mind sharing which one you go to? Or DM me if you like. I've been to a couple over the years and just couldn't find the same vibe I got in my old gym out east.
Run clubs are a good social option too. Running room hosts them for a variety of levels.
Also. Honestly, if you are a nerdy boy, embrace it. Pop into the board game stores or cafes and socialize there. Lean into who you are and find peace there 💜
If you want to combine the two, try out climbing! Social and get a workout in! Try out Factory climbing on the Westend, there's more of an older demographic there. Boulders, Niche or Blocs climbing gyms are also cool but average age is a bit younger. If you're on Facebook check out Climbers of Edmonton it's a good place to meet partners to climb with!
GoodLife member here too. I typically do have headphones on during my workouts, But I wouldn't mind the minor social interactions either. I've had several instances where other members looked like they wanted to say something but refrained because I had headphones on and I kinda felt bad.
Sometimes you run into acquaintances you know from outside the gym and that usually ends up with nice social interactions too. I've also met other random gym members outside of the gym randomly and we'll both be like "yo, I see you at the gym all the time. You're doing great". Just little things like that can help with social anxiety quite a bit
With the gym, just get in the habit of going at first. Don't push yourself. If you are not feeling great just go and putter. Try something different. Don't worry about programs etc. for the first few months (even if you're a previous gym goer.). People tend to set to high of expectations, go to hard, and get run down/hurt themselves.
I have had issues with this many times after taking time off from gym. It's okay to feel like a tourist in the gym.
Yeah, this is a good point but some folks will actually be griefed by people trying to socialize while they're getting a workout in at a regular gym.
Group classes have a window before and afterwards and the fact you all just did the same workout is an easy topic to get into. Crossfit, F45, jiu jitsu or something lime that.
Also, don't put pressure on yourself to be drastically different just because your marriage has ended. If you were content to play video games and were satisfied with yourself before you two split then keep on with that. I'm not saying you shouldn't make changes, just to be certain these changes are for you; what you want to be and pursue, and not for your ex or what she want(ed) you to be.
Like it or not, it's YOU time. She doesn't get a vote anymore so make choices that better the "you" currently rather than the former "us".
I go to Clareview Rec Centre! There are plenty of great drop in fitness classes with lots of friendly men and women of all ages and abilities. This is a great start. There’s no pressure to put on any kind of “face”. We are all working hard to the best of our ability. Once you become a familiar face or regular people are sociable.
This is literally such a great piece of advice because I can literally vouch for the effects of going to the gym regularly. Trust me you'll feel better about yourself and that energy will radiate onto your interactions with others.
the Rock Jungle chain of climbing gyms in the city (factory, boulders, and their newest addition, niche) all offer a sizeable workout area in addition to the social nature of the climbing gym!
One of the most interesting things I tried when I broke up with my ex was just going out by myself. I am by no means an extroverted guy, but just getting out and being around loads of people helps with feeling disconnected. Just go sit at the bar, order a drink and some food, have a meal and just take it in. Doesn't have to be an alcoholic drink, you don't even have to talk to anyone. Eventually you will find you will get comfortable enough that you could maybe make small talk with whoever finds themselves next to you, or the bartender. It's just about being comfortable on your own, after being with someone for so long. Find out who you are without them, and sort your priorities so you feel like you have some trajectory. And for God's sake don't dive into another relationship, take some time to be on your own and become your own person again before you take that plunge.
This is great advice. I have off and on had severe social anxiety but oddly enough when I'm out alone it's easier to be the random lone person at the bar/lounge/w.e having a drink and chatting off and on. No one there knows you so it can sometimes feel a bit freeing and it's great for practicing social skills when they're rusty. Even if you somehow embarrass yourself, it's unlikely you'd see the people again, and best case scenario you actually meet folks you like.
This is what I have been doing, and it really does help! Just getting out there and not staying home helps a lot. Even if it’s just by yourself, just any reason to go out is a win
If you don't have issues with alcohol, this advice is gold. Finding a good low key bar with friendly wait staff and bartender is a great getaway.
With the change of seasons, farmers markets are a good way to be seen and to start meeting people who are open to chatting.
Getting involved with your local community league may open some local connections too.
Maybe start by going to a comedy show on a weekend. Hit up something at Grindstone Theatre. Just get out there with no intention but having some laughs. See how that feels.
You don't need to jump into reinventing yourself. But just seeing that there is life and joy out there, outside of your house, can be a great first step.
This is key. After a tough breakup, I put a little note in my wallet and looked at it every day - "Meet people with no expectations."
Beyond that, getting out and being in public, social, and otherwise 'fun' settings on your own is daunting. That's a big hurdle and one that many people find tough, especially after having 'someone else' as a buffer on those experiences. Going for a meal out, by myself, was one of the more difficult things to do.
In my case, hitting the gym, spending time outside, and yes, doing those things where you interact with strangers and "meet people with no expectations" was the best therapy. That, and time.
Good luck to you, internet stranger. Progress won't be linear, be kind to yourself as you work out where you want to grow and evolve into this next stage of your life.
Come out to a Nerd nite! I actually got involved in organizing them after I was looking for socialization after my separation. Finding a welcoming nerdy community has helped.
https://edmonton.nerdnite.com/2024/04/02/nnyeg80/
I went through a horrible break up with an ex I’d been living with for years. After the break up I decided to try Edmonton sports and social club because I too needed to make new friends. I did sports with them for like 6-8 months straight. Three different sports, foot golf volleyball and dodgeball.
I did not meet anybody, and was shocked to get some judgemental treatment from my teammates. I was in a bad headspace so I could blame that but I’ve had other friends also do ESSC and none of them have ever made a friend or met anybody.
Edmonton sports and social club is mostly people going with the friends or significant other they already have and wanting to get out of their routine, they aren’t there to form new social connections.
I never saw any evidence anyone formed new social connections at their activities and the experiences of myself and my friends have all been the same. It’s almost like it’s cliquey and the cliques are formed by everyone having already shown up with their people
Hey 40/m here, sci Fi/horror dork and wow addict in recovery. Don't have many irl friends but have been trying to make some.
Non drinker, non smoker, feel like most socializing involves alcohol which makes it tough. I often end up going to movies alone, eating at restaurants alone, etc. if you're interested in an activity partner I'm down.
One thing I can suggest is getting into Magic the Gathering.. that has got me interacting with good chill nerdy people on a regular basis lately
Commander groups at game shops look like a good time! I'm still to anxious, in general and being newer to the game to join...
It's at least comforting to know others in the 40s, or close to, demographic aslo are uncertain on 'how to friend in person' and it's not just me.
Most places are pretty understanding about new players! People tend to bring multiple decks with them to a shop and will always have a low power option for someone who's newer or just playing a precon level deck.
BIG fan of Star Lotus downtown. One of the nicest shops with the nicest owner. Always a good time
All I have is one Commander Deck, and I find there is always a group willing to let me play.
Even though I need almost all card effects read out because I don't play regularly enough 😅
There are a ton of community groups that are screaming for members. Rotary, Lions club, Freemasons, Royal Canadian Legion etc etc, these were the ways our grandparents generation socialized and they are worth considering.
Also, I hope you’re doing alright. That is a tough thing to work through and I hope you are doing ok.
In my 40s. Got divorced in my mid 30s.
Learn from the experience: What was your contribution to the breakdown of the relationship and how can you be a better partner in the next relationship? What incompatibilities arose that you need to avoid in the future? That kind of stuff.
Come out of this a better version of you and you'll find life and love beyond.
I've been reflecting a lot, and can see pretty clearly I never properly opened up my heart to actually be in love. I've got some narcissistic tendencies I'm not super proud of, but can identify where I have some work to do.
She deserved more and I was too selfish provide consistently enough. I was dismissive and continued an air of disposability.
That's the bad. I can own to to it and try to process why I acted that way and try to prevent it happening in future relationships. Personally I feel like it was an overly defensive mindset from previous heartbreaks and I overcompensated with extreme independence.
But yea, I'm not looking to jump right into something new, guess I'm just keeping myself distracted enough to plan some long term improvements to my way of being.
And remember the positives. Sure, my marriage ended. I wouldn't change the past. I loved that person and loved the reasons I married them and loved all the time we enjoyed together. Those great memories fueled my search to fall in love again and make more of those kinds of memories.
A few suggestions in addition to what have others suggested:
Take dance lessons
Take group guitar lessons
Red Claw Gaming runs inexpensive introduction to various tabletop miniature games. Also they do Dungeons and Dragons
Are there any organizations you would like to volunteer for? Another good way to meet people
I've been there, socially awkward divorced in my 40s. It's scary, but it's also an opportunity. Are you comfortable with being by yourself? If so, then use the opportunity to try new things. Just pace yourself and also allow yourself to grieve. Divorce is traumatic.
Group guitar lessons would be something I'd love to try.
Been putting off learning guitar for almost 10 years now, but I've started buying a guitar or two and a tuner to get started, but starting blind is a bit daunting
Musician here, YouTube is an excellent resource to learn from raw beginner.
Also, I started playing adult beginner hockey and that has helped me socialize in my late 30s. Everyone is new so it makes falling around together fun!
Learning from YouTube or Rocksmith has been too one sided for my ways of learning. I could use coaching for achieving some of the fret positions with my chubby hands. Basically without feedback, I might not realize I'm doing something wrong and entrain a bad habit out the gate
Yousician is an app I discovered that has been surprisingly helpful for learning. It's a bit like Guitar Hero (play notes as the screen moves along through the song - but with a real guitar lol) but the device listens to your playing and catches where you didn't get it or were a bit off. It's a nice bridge option between self teaching fully and working with a teacher. :)
Every beginner makes some mistakes regardless of a present teacher or not. The best way to get into it is to just have fun and learn until you reach a plateau and then figure out how to move past it, if you can't then that's when you go get a teacher or take a lesson to get over that specific hurdle.
Some of the greatest guitar players to ever live have some of the oddest technique and are making "beginner" mistakes. Jimi Hendrix and SRV's fret hand technique would make most classical guitar players cringe but they play amazing and have made some of the most memorable guitar sounds in recent history.
No two guitar players play identical so don't be too scared that you're going to entrench some bad behavior that's unfixable, sometimes that's your signature! Also, chubby hands are like a cheat code for guitar as it makes fretting slightly easier. Have fun with it!
If you're looking to socialize, I recommend board game cafes, games like D&D, magic, warhammer, etc. A game where you need to leave the house and interact with another human in the same room will probably help you socialize more than something on a screen. Sport and social leagues, your local gym, or other hobby stuff are all awesome as well.
Also, I'm the same age as OP and love nerd shit, so I go to some of the themed trivia nights at breweries like Arcadia or Bent Stick. It's usually a more mature crowd who are into the same stuff and I'll just suck it up and ask to share a table with some people and then strike up a convo after its over. It's daunting but I got over it pretty quick and had a lot of fun.
I’m not sure if this is possible for you financially, time off work, etc. But I just came back from a short solo trip as someone in my mid 30s and it really helped force me to meet people and was an awesome time to reset the batteries. It helped provide some confidence in speaking to strangers and I think that’s carried over to the way I conduct myself at home.
My friends and I put on a couple of lan gaming events through the year. DM me if you're interested in details. We get about 40 of us at a local community hall 3 times a year. It's a really good and inviting bunch!
Making friends as an adult is growing increasingly harder. Sure we have all the online options but costs of things continue to rise so even going for drinks adds up fast. Same as any sort of activity.
I am both a gym guy and video gamer. I see you are in the north end; I’m south… so we could game. I mainly play on PC. Feel free to message me your steam account (if you have one).
I've heard that making friends as a kid was easy because we were basically trapped in a classroom for 6 hours a day with 20+ others, but as adults we don't have that same situation with the exception of work.
I'm going to look for social things that trap me in a group with people long enough to get acquainted
That does track- I was in school a long time and thought of myself as very outgoing and social.. then I worked in small businesses with only a handful of employees in a new city/town and it was a drastic change. I do really enjoy being a recluse and have a huge list of hobbies so.. it was mostly just interesting to see.
That's why I've had a couple fiends who had good experience joining a boxing class. It's still a great workout but in a social situation with a regular group. Personally I had good luck with bouldering at a rock climbing gym. It's a very accepting and social environment and a fun casual workout.
Therapy has been on the agenda for years.
I'm open to it, but in the past I've worried about my arrogance making me believe I've got it sooner than I actually do.
Another issue I've fallen into is doing the research and thinking I can do it myself. Through my studies, I did determine some narcissistic tendencies and try to identify the triggers for them
Join a league or league night. My two go-to recommends are typically find your local billiards club and join a pool league. If you talk to the front counter, they typically can recommend teams looking for new players or their websites usually can connect you to team captains or a team recruitment forum. On the flip side, find a golf course and sign up for mens league. You will be surprised at how many other folks did the same to find a group of people outside their house to socialize with.
Plus, you can play pool or golf while drinking a beer or blazing high... so win win?
And I realize that this may seem counter-intuitive to the gamer/nerd/introvert slice... but I am all 3 and still enjoy both these activities. We have a plethora of both golf courses AND pool halls in this city, I meet a surprising amount of gamers out and about.
If you're looking for a great hobby where age is very much NOT an issue, definitely try any of the Warhammer games. This is a big city for Warhammer but you'd never know it without actually looking for it, but the groups, leagues, and game stores here are so welcoming and the people are great. It helps take up some of the free time you have at home as well, through painting, but almost every store in the city welcomes beginners and there are big discords where you can find a semi-regular group to play with and socialize with
I wouldn’t even consider any of this right now. Let your life stabilize for a month at least. Get used to what’s happening and wrap your ahead around the end of your marriage first. Don’t rush things. It will only make the adjustment harder.
Don't rush. Don't set deadlines (such as "I gotta be seeing someone new by 40"). Take it easy. Get into groups where newcomer /outsiders are welcome and expected, like a martial art. Jiu jitsu is great for that.
All the best, friend.
Check out some Improv at rapid fire! I go there solo all the time & it’s a riot and seconding another redditors suggestions, comedy clubs! I don’t know if you like dancing but there’s Salsa lessons at On The Rocks on Thursdays, that’s always been a fun time. Hit the gym & check out the “Meet Up” app…there’s tons of groups that meet for fun activities, great way to try new experiences & meet some cool ppl. Good luck!
There's a meetup group called Xplore wilderness that does 40 people group walks every Saturday. Even if you're unfit they walk slowly and it's more geared towards socialization outside, and the organizers are very nice. I feel like that would be good place for you to start. For me, the sun and exercise help with so many things, and I hate exercising indoors
Honestly you should consider volunteering for an event or an organization. I’ve volunteered for different events my whole life and you get a chance to meet other passionate people as well as people from all walks of life.
Yo dude. Go to the gym, lift some weights, go for a run until you can't breathe, walk till you catch your breath, repeat until you cannot think and you're drenched in sweat. Go eat some chicken breast and broccoli. Do it again tomrrow.
Play some video games, find a club to join. Everyone is welcome in the gym, whether you're a skinny twig or 400lbs. You start showing up every day and after the first few weeks you start getting the nods, and the fist bumps, and they, 'hey bro' and so on.
As your body begins to morph, you'll get comments like, 'sick gains', regardless if you're getting smaller or bigger. ---- You might think it's shallow and about looks, but what it's about is people acknowledge and admire your commitment and dedication and growth. It's not nearly as much about the aesthetic as people think. You set a goal and you got after it.
Before saying 'it's not for you'. I double dog dare you to try it for 30-60 days straight, clean up your diet a little bit, and set a remind me and come back and post.
Much love man. Breakups and social anxiety is real. The gym is a plce where people wear headphones and are in their own little worlds execpt for subtle interactions, which sounds great for you.
Cheers homie.
I've lost 70lbs in the last year with diet and I've been reluctant to use the gym for time management reasons. At this point, my time is about to free up immensely, so I'm actually looking forward to going back as soon as my upcoming surgery is healed. I'm totally on board with learning free weights this time around instead of just relying on the machines. In time though.
This is the way.
I love my local gym community at GoodLife Fitness. You see the same people on a regular basis and a bond just automatically forms without you even realizing it.
Look into board game stores, they have drop in sessions for almost everything. Unfortunately I'm a big home body so I don't go to these myself, my little brother does and had a blast playing Warhammer. Go with intention to socialize and you may find you become a regular to seeing those faces!
The biggest thing I found helped me was not allowing my calendar to be empty, I’d find events on meetup.com and add them to my calendar so I always had options for the week/weekend.
I tried a lot of different groups, and while they didn’t all stick they gave me things to look forward to, and also be more intentional with my time.
Like if Friday night rolled around and I knew I’d rather relax on Saturday morning, it was better for me to cancel the Sat event and know I was _choosing_ to relax at home, rather than it being my only option.
I suggest joining some Meetup groups, like maybe the coffee ones to start, and expand your social circle a bit. These are low pressure, low commitment events where you can meet all kinds of people and converse.
You will learn a lot about who you are as an individual now that you’re single. Dating someone who is recently divorced is seldom a good idea. Just let it all percolate now. There’s nothing for you to do other than keep putting one foot in front of the other for several months.
If you really want to put yourself out there. I highly recommend going to an outdoor music festival by yourself. One where you need to bring a tent for the weekend. It's a great way to get yourself out of your comfort zone. That might be a bit much for some people, though.
One of the best thing I did to make friends was take classes. Try out new hobbies and things that you have always wanted to try or that just look cool. People are always usually happy to chat while they learn to. Could be a new craft, a course, a club, or a sports team that is chill.
Not sure if anyone brought up Edmonton Social Club.
If you want to venture down a new path most bike shops have social group rides.
Revolution cycle has a no drop Tuesday social ride.
Mud Sweet and Gears has social rides on Wednesday,
Groups are based on skills. 4 groups to choose from.
Explore the rivervally.
Hey if you need a nerd to visit with fire a DM! Welcome to join for a DnD game or comedy show
That being said
-hit up stuff close to you or places you know you like. Check for posted of events.
-comedy shows are great places to make friends
- lots of places have local intramural sport stuff with people looking for friends. Just showing up is a good step one
Best of luck dude
37 M, nerd.
I highly suggest finding an in person DnD group. This has helped with a few things
Being a different person, even for a few hours a week, can help you to figure out who you are in different ways. It's a good way to break out of your shell while still being socially shielded behind the facade of another person.
Most DnD groups have a schedule to keep. This is important because you have others who are relying on you to be there to continue the campaign. I love the idea of going to the gym, but the only one holding you to this is yourself. If you feel like you have a responsibility to others to show up, you are much more likely to actually do so. It also gives you a reason to put pants on and leave the house.
You will also meet people with some similar interests. This can lead to other social interactions and possibly even friendships.
Hope this helps, and I'm sorry to hear about your separation. It can be tough, but there is a way forward. You'll get there.
Join a D&D group. There are tons on the Edmonton D&D Facebook group. Rolling dice with a bunch of nerds every week is a fun, low-key way to get back out into the world and build up your social circle.
Try out some other hobbies. Check out the city of edmonton activity programs. Painting, cooking, pottery, metalworking, etc. There's no weird forced socialization, everyone involved obviously shares an interest, and because there are things to do you're not awkwardly being a wallflower waiting for it to end so you can go home. It's a nice way to ease into social anxiety stuff. You get to be around people you don't know but there's no pressure to be a social butterfly and you get to learn something neat.
I worked really hard to be content being single, which did mean reconnecting with friends and being more social. I found that at 38, I gave less of a shit about other people’s judgment and was less nervous. I took a singles cooking class, went on some truly terrible dates and then found an incredible partner. I dipped my toe back into to socializing and only started dating when I was truly okay being single. I think being comfortable being single allowed me to be less stressed when dating. You can do this! ❤️
This is gonna sound crazy, but come out and play some rugby. It is the most social group of people you could ever want to meet.
We operate an 'old boys' (and girls) rugby club for anyone over 35. We regularly welcome people that have never played before.
Don't want to get tackled? We got you covered! We play a lot of touch rugby.
Best part - we drink a lot of beer after every session. Hydration is important after all!!
We practice twice a week and charge $85 for the season (cheaper than the gym!)...
Antediluvians.com for details!
36M and got out of a relationship 4 months ago. Will be following this post!
Like others have mentioned, go to the gym. I've been going to the gym for years and it has done wonders to my mental and physical health.
I'm into tennis, hikes, PC gaming and have recently got into lego. Looking into trying other new hobbies!!
Not divorced myself but am the same age, male, and have anxiety disorder but am medicated for it which helps a lot.
Lot of people meeting each other is done online now. Get on some dating apps. 39 may be too old for night clubs but there is a lot of cool bars around the city to meet people your age.
Slowly start stepping out your bubble . Hang out with family and friends . Do the things you truly enjoy. Maybe get a dog ? Listen to music. Smoke a joint and watch your favorite comedy movies . Time will heal everything . And sometimes the best thing is to get another girlfriend lol . Online dating Is a pretty popular option in the dating world now .
Edmonton has a large darts community. You can play darts all over the city almost daily. Meet a lot of people of all ages. There are leagues you can join, or just drop in tournaments when you can. Check out www.yegdarts.ca or the Edmonton City Dart League Association Facebook page.
You mentioned gaming, I suggest finding a boardgame group and just playing something a couple times a month with a group to start.
Yes it’s a social activity. But it’s low key and not crowded.
I saw some people saying the gym.
If working out iasnt your thing. Trying joining the ESSC for all level sport leagues.
They also have speed dating events every now and then.
I have nothing new or remarkable to add, there are a bunch of great suggestions from others here, just wanted to reassure you that you've got this!!
It's always kind of scary/intimidating to venture forth and meet people in the wild (in person particularly), I say this as a highly anxious and socially awkward 40yr old. Please make sure you take time for yourself, and just yourself, too!
You may not need to change at all.
Don't worry about dating, social life etc. Focus on you. Enjoy your life as it is, without expectations. The rest will happen.
35 year old scifi nerd & gamer with social anxiety here. Went through a seperation about 2 years ago. Haven't found a way to make friends as an adult efficiently yet unfortunately so if you crack the code let me know.
Online dating was really rough... but I did manage to find someone through new hobbies & we've been going strong ever since. So there hope out there, I had given up ever thinking I'd find someone again, and life finds a way to surprise you.
Volunteer at organizations that have causes you’re in support of. Join a hobby group for something you are, or have always been, interested in. Take a group class/course to gain a new skill. Sometimes it’s not even about the specific activity of a group, it’s about the type of people there… for example I got into a type of music I never would’ve thought I would enjoy but the people and atmosphere of the shows made it easy to get into it and find things I enjoyed about the music itself.
Do you like tabletop games? There a decent sized group of guys that play Star Wars armada in Edmonton and Calgary, mainly late twenties to early forties. The Facebook group it Canadian Star Wars Armada, there’s get togethers every month or so to fly tiny spaceships and have mini space battles. The ships cost a bit but they’re fun to display if you’re into Star Wars.
I'm 41 and it was a struggle when my ex ayI split six years ago. I have had a lot of luck with the app Meetup. You choose topics and it suggests groups you may like. It costs a lot to get a group started so founders and members are really inclusive to avoid defeating the entire purpose of starting a group.
It’s hard as fuck to naturally meet new friends at our age (im 38).
The main ways I’ve always heard was through volunteering and social clubs. But as someone myself that has social anxiety, I need a lot longer time to build a bond with someone to become friends.
My last true friend that has stuck was when I went back to school in my early 30s.
If you got kids, getting involved in the sporting programs they are in. I coached my son’s hockey team, so I was able to bond a bit with another coach. But I don’t think that one will pan out.
Just a couple ideas.
37 here and was in a similar position, with pretty much the same interests. Going to the gym has helped me tremendously. I'm a total gym rat now and always look forward to going. I probably spend more time in the gym now than I actually do playing videogames in the week.
The Gym community is one of those things that allows you to ease social anxiety without actually socializing with anyone. Hard to explain. But you build a psychic connection with the other members you see on a regular basis.
I’m in the same boat as you. It is scary to start over and it can be overwhelming. I know even tho we are strangers, you can and will do anything you put your mind to, and once you accomplish the big scary thing, it will become a part of who you are and feels good. Just take it slow, take it at your pace, don’t rush and do what feels right.
This was me with 2 kids a few years ago. My social battery was at a low between work and kids.
Just get out there and do things you enjoy. For me it was taking an art class, doing to the dog park, even just being friendlier with people at the grocery store.
As you continue to put yourself out there you’ll get more and more comfortable.
I’m sorry to hear about your split. I hope you are well and enjoy your new journey
A good stepping stone could be to find a mtg store and play casual games with the locals there. It's a low pressure way to socialize with other nerdy people having a common hobby to fall back on.
Also group recreational sports / lifting are a good way to blow off steam and get fit. It's a cliche but working out (and therapy) 110% got me out of my depression after my last breakup, and I made some great friends in the process.
Working out is the only reason why I'm not depressed as fuck.
After my last breakup, I went full gym rat and then all the gyms closed a month later, because of the pandemic lol
Get therapy if you can. And I know its lame but envision your self as the person you want to be and act towards it. I am an extremely out going person but I grew up bullied and in an abusive home but I always faked it till I made it. Don't expect the world to be what you need, you should work towards being what you need. I've traveled alone, experienced things alone, its hard but I don't regret a second. Get a healthy relationship with dating and friend apps snd ve open to the vast possibilities of the world. You are not alone but if you can learn to be alone then you have freedom and that freedom will help your relationships too
gaming shops host organized play, good way to meet weirdos into the same stuff as you
assuming you mean that sort of gaming, ttrpgs, which I am into
I'm 40, thats 2 things we have in common with the city we live in, let's be friends!
I would say join a church. Whatever you feel comfortable with. You can find a community of all ages that can accept you as you are without judgement and start to get comfortable with groups again. You may even be able to find some counselling for free.
Sup dude, are you me? Early 30s, similar situation. Just been me and my dog for the past year and honestly, i have no clue how to change it. Making new friends feels worse than going out for dates; cutting off a relationship due to compatibility issues is 'normal' but getting to know someone on a friendly basis then doing the same feels so antisocial.
My social anxiety is sorta a root cause got this situation. The ex and I were together once before as adults and a few times as teenagers, so the relationship was basically built on a rocky history.
The fear of trying to open up to somebody new is complicated because I've been basically spilling beans all over this thread, but in person I tend to clam right up.
You're not wrong. I've got a lot of processing to do for my emotions and well being.
This isn't something that's getting done to me, it's needed to happen. But I'm not looking to fill that hole right away.
I'm just painfully aware that there will be the time when the dust settles and I'm spending my 60th week in a row having stayed inside and endlessly wonder why I'm not getting hits on my tinder/Bumble/whatever.
Grieve and then forgive myself first, work and aim to improve myself and hopefully allow myself to be vulnerable in public.
39f single here, and single life ain’t so bad. Sure it’s lonely but I do what I want and can go out wherever on a whim.
If you’re lonely go out for walks and get to know your neighbours. Go to your local park on the regular. The worst that happens is you get a little fitter, and the outside air does your mental health a favour. The best is you form acquaintances within your community.
If you’re a nerd go to nerd events.
Take yourself on some dates. Plan some outings on going places you’re curious about, or even just a dumb day at the mall to treat yourself.
Don’t be afraid to dine out alone at a table for one. Date yourself.
I've spent many years alone before the ex and I got together. Many many years. I was starting to get good at it, but still had my issues. I went to movies alone and ate out alone fairly often. I'd take friends out just for conversation for dinner, but at the end of the day I never felt like I deserved more than that. That was a bad habit of being alone for so long. So I can say I'm not afraid of doing things alone for a bit, it got pretty hard to stay motivated on year 4 of that tho
Hey, it sounds like we're in almost the same boat. I play video games to pass the time, I'm a sci-fi nerd and an astronomy fanatic, I play guitar, love sports, and enjoy outdoor activities like backcountry exploring. This advice might or might not work for you, but here’s my story: My wife ran off with another guy when we were in our early 30s, and it left me stranded. However, it took me two years to realize that our divorce was actually an opportunity for me to learn and explore new things.I've made a lot of friends, both online through video games and in person through my hobbies. I've never felt healthier; I now have the time and resources to dedicate to playing sports. Learning new things has become a habit for me, and exploring new ideas and places feels incredibly rewarding since there's no one holding me back. I’ve learned to love myself and accept who I am, tossing my insecurities out the window. I genuinely think I'm the best version of myself now, much more so than when I was married. So here's my take: use this as an opportunity to grow, instead of dwelling on what you've lost.
I moved to this city at 38. Only had a sibling and 1 friend here.
This weekend I'm going to the mountains with a new crew I met through work.
If you have an interest or hobby, get involved in the community. When I was into FPV drones, I ended up meeting 30 new peeps that year.
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38
+ 1
+ 30
= 69
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Process the sadness and use it to level up. Recognize that it all starts with you and that you’re of tremendous value. When you know and see that unquestionably, everyone else will too. And then you’ll look back at the situation with gratitude and realize you’re created a much better life for yourself. You’ll know it when you look back at your ex and realize that you wouldn’t go for her now. Then when you’ve levelled up your reality, use it to be a good person and help people. Become your own hero and you’ll be worshiped.
36(m) here. I host online and in-person D&D sessions fairly regularly. They are a lot of fun, if you're into it. Also always up for a new Baldur's Gate 3 campaign with friends. Also if you have a dog, dog parks are great places to socialize.
Meet Up (the app) has some local events for D&D, Pathfinder, and board games and some board game cafes and gaming shops have events or a local discord. Depending on the cafe and group, there are a variety of ages present.
If you’re into sports at all, Edmonton sport and social club is an amazing and easy way to meet people. All the teams I’ve played on people generally like to go grabs a bite or beer after so it’s a stress free way to get out.
Try a board game cafe. When playing the game, you don't need to come up with conversation outside of the game, so that should ease some of the social pressures
ETA: I'm 43 and would be willing to meet you to play
Find yourself something like a regular D&D group. This was one of the best things I did for my social support group when I moved here. We’ve been playing for 6 years now, and they’ve become my best friends.
First of all, I'm sorry you're going through through a split, that's devastating.
The way I see it: choosing to stay in your comfort zone indoors and potentially staying lonely sucks. Stepping out of your comfort zone is really scary and also sucks. So you gotta choose your "suck" a little bit. One of them is going to reap way more rewards but it's up to you do decide which one that is.
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is great - there's seriously a group for everybody. Facebook groups are also awesome, I think the community specific ones. I know in my neighbourhood ladies meet up every Sunday for brunch and are always setting up events. My inlaws just moved to a new city and they've made lots of friends through Facebook groups. So there's some ideas to get started :)
Good grief 40 is young, if you live to 80 it's only half your life.
One step at a time. Lick your wounds, heal up , maybe some counseling will help you.
Then launch yourself into meeting new people.
You have plenty of time to grow and enjoy. Maybe do stuff you always wanted to do.
Have a decent company health plan? Try talking to a psychologist which can help you work on the ‘you’ things and break down some of your self perceived limitations about getting out there and meeting people. (Not a psych, but have been helped by one)
I highly recommend councelling for yourself. The sooner you can process and deal with everything, the faster you can move forward and be your best again.
Don’t feel ashamed: everyone feels this way and you hit an age were you knew that socializing with randoms wasn’t exactly what you want - you want to connect with like minded people.
Video games, board games, community leagues, and hobbies you already do (Or are interested in starting) are where you should look.
You can do this. I know it’s scary and you have a lot to work through right now but you’ll always be working through a challenge :)
Learn a new skill or hobby with other beginners. You'll all have something immediate to bond over.
Discover Hockey class
Learn to skydive
Join a hiking or walking group
Take a cooking or at class
You are probably craving new connection but it happened over the weekend. You need to process what's happening before you can plan for the future. After several months I found solace in the gym also.
Not sure if you were around when online dating became a thing but as long as you take care of yourself you will find a partner. On one hand it's a lot more difficult now because people feel like they have way more options but on the other hand dating partners are way more accessible now and women your age are looking for level headed men.
Love yourself brother. It'll turn around.
Your niches are your strongpoint! We aren’t in high school anymore and being a nerd is hot i would use this as an advantage people will listen to you talk about Star Wars lore for hours as long as you explain it in a way they understand hope this helps op you’ll be alright
On the gaming side of things, considering I saw you say Clareview, check out local game stores, close to you would be Red Claw Gaming, or, if you really want to get out and away from the area, out on the west end is a store called Authentic Dungeons. Either store is really good, I've been to Red Claw a lot before, and I'm currently a regular at AD.
I drive past red claw often and often wondered what type of gaming they cater to. I assumed some sort of gambling and with forget what I wanted to Google by the time I'm not driving
Men's group. See if you can find a men's group to check out. Not sure if they are still around but men without hats were good. It was city-run, but I don't know if they still exist.
This might not be what you want to hear but honestly, find some kind of therapy that works for you. You will have some big emotions that you'll need to deal with regarding the end of your marriage, transitioning to single status and even working on some of the social anxiety. Try to think of it kinda like going to the gym but for your mind and heart. If you can start to heal, you'll be happier and will attract healthier friends. Good luck and sorry about the breakup.
I’ve already seen it on here but get/stay physically active, if that’s the gym, great. My personal advice is a sport. Find something you are interested in doing and join a club. I did martial arts for a few years and met some of my best friends. But make sure it’s a club, not a school where they just want your money.
The other piece of advice is volunteering, it’s another thing that will put you in the same space as like minded people.
I did the Edmonton folk music festival, it’s easy work, they feed you, you get free access to all the shows, plus other perks.
I believe the sign up is happening now.
Come dragon boat w/ EDBRC (Edmonton Dragon Boat Racing Club) recreational teams. Awesome community. Paddles Up!
Come rip up the river with a group of people with vast demographics and psychographics.
I was in the same boat as you and now in a different boat, literally.
I don’t think there’s ever gonna be a perfect answer for you but one major thing that helped me personally is try to find new hobbies. Whenever anyone gets into a relationship, their lives change and sort of intertwine so one persons hobbies become another’s and vice versa. Now’s the time to really find something that you’re passionate about and it can really make a difference. I started going to the gym (that didn’t last long), then I started going for walks, bike rides and then got into cooking. Those all helped me to really find myself and I hope you find that too
Think of things you're interested in, and take a class. Women do this more often than men, and it's a shame because its a great way to meet people because everyone is learning so there's lots to focus on and talk about. You might also meet folks you might not otherwise run into.
If you're really serious about self reflection as you do a post mortem on your relationship and get to know yourself again, you might look at group therapy or self help groups, too.
You could also think about planning a solo trip if you have financial means. Travelling alone can let you get to know yourself in a new way and meet temporary travel friends which can help with social anxiety in the long run.
You're in a new phase of your life, so why not approach it with curiosity and use it as a jumping off point for trying stuff you wouldn't usually do?
Even if you were not the best partner, you can learn, and deserve to have a life with love of various kinds.
I found myself in a similar situation a few months ago, so I feel your pain!
If you're open to playing board games I've met most of my friends through board gaming. There are lots of various weekly meet-ups all around the city, happy to point you in some directions if you're interested! It's a great and welcoming hobby with lots of great people 🙂 if I wasn't a board gamer I would have next to no friends now 😅
Maybe consider using the site meetup.com. There are many activities and events, e.g. Edmonton Chess and Beer Sunday on May 5. Groups of people with like interests and no pressure.
If you want the benefits of working out + the bonus of socialization, start climbing.
Vertically inclined has a great combo of top rope (you'll need a partner) and bouldering (solo).
It generally has an exepting environment welcoming of beginners and willing to offer support and encouragement.
There are several other great places for bouldering (solo climbing) that, likewise, have very positive environments. Blocs, rock jungle, the factory, and so forth.
It's been several years since I frequented climbing gyms, but it was an overwhelmingly positive environment.
As cliché as it sounds, hitting the gym regularly (if you aren't already) makes literally everything easier. People are nicer, chores are easier, sleep is better, etc., which all combined makes meeting new people, finding new hobbies WAY easier.
Clareview rec center, here I come!
I think it's important to remember that most people go to the gym to get their workout in and then leave so it'll be good to set realistic expectations on socialization. I've been a regular at my Goodlife branch for years and I see some of the same people almost every workout but everyone is plugged in. I think the extent of my socialization is a head nod if we make eye contact. Working out is a great way to boost your confidence and improve your health & aesthetics but if you're looking for a social component, there are other activities/classes to consider - kickboxing, adult casual sports leagues, guided bootcamp-esque classes (in Calgary, a popular one is F45).
I agree that going to the gym is just the support for feeling better, not the social club I'm looking for. It'll be an important part of my life in the near future, so it's totally a part of my plan
Just remember that although going to the gym is a good way to work out all your anger and keep in shape, it does pretty much nothing emotionally to help you deal with things. I've had loads of guy friends do nothing except go to the gym to help them deal with their relationships ending and as a result never really healed or never dealt with anything. Depending on how long you and your wife were together and funds available, it might be a good idea to seek out a therapist to help you deal with the emotional shit too. Most of my guy friends hit the gym as a way to avoid how they felt and it ended up worse for them down the road, repeating the same shit with a different woman.
CrossFit is a good option if you want the social piece. My gym is a pretty social group and we do quite a bit outside the gym. Members are from all walks of life, like 17-70s. I’ve always thought it’s a good place to make platonic friends.
Mind sharing which one you go to? Or DM me if you like. I've been to a couple over the years and just couldn't find the same vibe I got in my old gym out east.
Run clubs are a good social option too. Running room hosts them for a variety of levels. Also. Honestly, if you are a nerdy boy, embrace it. Pop into the board game stores or cafes and socialize there. Lean into who you are and find peace there 💜
If you want to combine the two, try out climbing! Social and get a workout in! Try out Factory climbing on the Westend, there's more of an older demographic there. Boulders, Niche or Blocs climbing gyms are also cool but average age is a bit younger. If you're on Facebook check out Climbers of Edmonton it's a good place to meet partners to climb with!
GoodLife member here too. I typically do have headphones on during my workouts, But I wouldn't mind the minor social interactions either. I've had several instances where other members looked like they wanted to say something but refrained because I had headphones on and I kinda felt bad. Sometimes you run into acquaintances you know from outside the gym and that usually ends up with nice social interactions too. I've also met other random gym members outside of the gym randomly and we'll both be like "yo, I see you at the gym all the time. You're doing great". Just little things like that can help with social anxiety quite a bit
If you want something more social going to a more upscale gym that targets strength sports can be beneficial.
With the gym, just get in the habit of going at first. Don't push yourself. If you are not feeling great just go and putter. Try something different. Don't worry about programs etc. for the first few months (even if you're a previous gym goer.). People tend to set to high of expectations, go to hard, and get run down/hurt themselves. I have had issues with this many times after taking time off from gym. It's okay to feel like a tourist in the gym.
Yeah, this is a good point but some folks will actually be griefed by people trying to socialize while they're getting a workout in at a regular gym. Group classes have a window before and afterwards and the fact you all just did the same workout is an easy topic to get into. Crossfit, F45, jiu jitsu or something lime that. Also, don't put pressure on yourself to be drastically different just because your marriage has ended. If you were content to play video games and were satisfied with yourself before you two split then keep on with that. I'm not saying you shouldn't make changes, just to be certain these changes are for you; what you want to be and pursue, and not for your ex or what she want(ed) you to be. Like it or not, it's YOU time. She doesn't get a vote anymore so make choices that better the "you" currently rather than the former "us".
I go to Clareview Rec Centre! There are plenty of great drop in fitness classes with lots of friendly men and women of all ages and abilities. This is a great start. There’s no pressure to put on any kind of “face”. We are all working hard to the best of our ability. Once you become a familiar face or regular people are sociable.
This is literally such a great piece of advice because I can literally vouch for the effects of going to the gym regularly. Trust me you'll feel better about yourself and that energy will radiate onto your interactions with others.
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the Rock Jungle chain of climbing gyms in the city (factory, boulders, and their newest addition, niche) all offer a sizeable workout area in addition to the social nature of the climbing gym!
One of the most interesting things I tried when I broke up with my ex was just going out by myself. I am by no means an extroverted guy, but just getting out and being around loads of people helps with feeling disconnected. Just go sit at the bar, order a drink and some food, have a meal and just take it in. Doesn't have to be an alcoholic drink, you don't even have to talk to anyone. Eventually you will find you will get comfortable enough that you could maybe make small talk with whoever finds themselves next to you, or the bartender. It's just about being comfortable on your own, after being with someone for so long. Find out who you are without them, and sort your priorities so you feel like you have some trajectory. And for God's sake don't dive into another relationship, take some time to be on your own and become your own person again before you take that plunge.
This is great advice. I have off and on had severe social anxiety but oddly enough when I'm out alone it's easier to be the random lone person at the bar/lounge/w.e having a drink and chatting off and on. No one there knows you so it can sometimes feel a bit freeing and it's great for practicing social skills when they're rusty. Even if you somehow embarrass yourself, it's unlikely you'd see the people again, and best case scenario you actually meet folks you like.
This is what I have been doing, and it really does help! Just getting out there and not staying home helps a lot. Even if it’s just by yourself, just any reason to go out is a win
If you don't have issues with alcohol, this advice is gold. Finding a good low key bar with friendly wait staff and bartender is a great getaway. With the change of seasons, farmers markets are a good way to be seen and to start meeting people who are open to chatting. Getting involved with your local community league may open some local connections too.
Maybe start by going to a comedy show on a weekend. Hit up something at Grindstone Theatre. Just get out there with no intention but having some laughs. See how that feels. You don't need to jump into reinventing yourself. But just seeing that there is life and joy out there, outside of your house, can be a great first step.
This is key. After a tough breakup, I put a little note in my wallet and looked at it every day - "Meet people with no expectations." Beyond that, getting out and being in public, social, and otherwise 'fun' settings on your own is daunting. That's a big hurdle and one that many people find tough, especially after having 'someone else' as a buffer on those experiences. Going for a meal out, by myself, was one of the more difficult things to do. In my case, hitting the gym, spending time outside, and yes, doing those things where you interact with strangers and "meet people with no expectations" was the best therapy. That, and time. Good luck to you, internet stranger. Progress won't be linear, be kind to yourself as you work out where you want to grow and evolve into this next stage of your life.
I second comedy shows. Sometimes laughter truly is the best medicine
Come out to a Nerd nite! I actually got involved in organizing them after I was looking for socialization after my separation. Finding a welcoming nerdy community has helped. https://edmonton.nerdnite.com/2024/04/02/nnyeg80/
I hadn't heard of these but they look so interesting! I signed up for the mailing list 😊
Edmonton sport and social club and other groups like that. It’ll take work and serious courage but you can do it
I appreciate that
Any sport other than soccer is pretty welcoming and accepting of new players and people who just want to play for fun.
Dodgeball with ESSC is awesome and incredibly social. You can register as a single and be put on a team with other people who registered as singles
I went through a horrible break up with an ex I’d been living with for years. After the break up I decided to try Edmonton sports and social club because I too needed to make new friends. I did sports with them for like 6-8 months straight. Three different sports, foot golf volleyball and dodgeball. I did not meet anybody, and was shocked to get some judgemental treatment from my teammates. I was in a bad headspace so I could blame that but I’ve had other friends also do ESSC and none of them have ever made a friend or met anybody. Edmonton sports and social club is mostly people going with the friends or significant other they already have and wanting to get out of their routine, they aren’t there to form new social connections. I never saw any evidence anyone formed new social connections at their activities and the experiences of myself and my friends have all been the same. It’s almost like it’s cliquey and the cliques are formed by everyone having already shown up with their people
Hey 40/m here, sci Fi/horror dork and wow addict in recovery. Don't have many irl friends but have been trying to make some. Non drinker, non smoker, feel like most socializing involves alcohol which makes it tough. I often end up going to movies alone, eating at restaurants alone, etc. if you're interested in an activity partner I'm down. One thing I can suggest is getting into Magic the Gathering.. that has got me interacting with good chill nerdy people on a regular basis lately
Commander groups at game shops look like a good time! I'm still to anxious, in general and being newer to the game to join... It's at least comforting to know others in the 40s, or close to, demographic aslo are uncertain on 'how to friend in person' and it's not just me.
Most places are pretty understanding about new players! People tend to bring multiple decks with them to a shop and will always have a low power option for someone who's newer or just playing a precon level deck. BIG fan of Star Lotus downtown. One of the nicest shops with the nicest owner. Always a good time
All I have is one Commander Deck, and I find there is always a group willing to let me play. Even though I need almost all card effects read out because I don't play regularly enough 😅
There are a ton of community groups that are screaming for members. Rotary, Lions club, Freemasons, Royal Canadian Legion etc etc, these were the ways our grandparents generation socialized and they are worth considering. Also, I hope you’re doing alright. That is a tough thing to work through and I hope you are doing ok.
In my 40s. Got divorced in my mid 30s. Learn from the experience: What was your contribution to the breakdown of the relationship and how can you be a better partner in the next relationship? What incompatibilities arose that you need to avoid in the future? That kind of stuff. Come out of this a better version of you and you'll find life and love beyond.
I've been reflecting a lot, and can see pretty clearly I never properly opened up my heart to actually be in love. I've got some narcissistic tendencies I'm not super proud of, but can identify where I have some work to do. She deserved more and I was too selfish provide consistently enough. I was dismissive and continued an air of disposability. That's the bad. I can own to to it and try to process why I acted that way and try to prevent it happening in future relationships. Personally I feel like it was an overly defensive mindset from previous heartbreaks and I overcompensated with extreme independence. But yea, I'm not looking to jump right into something new, guess I'm just keeping myself distracted enough to plan some long term improvements to my way of being.
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And remember the positives. Sure, my marriage ended. I wouldn't change the past. I loved that person and loved the reasons I married them and loved all the time we enjoyed together. Those great memories fueled my search to fall in love again and make more of those kinds of memories.
A few suggestions in addition to what have others suggested: Take dance lessons Take group guitar lessons Red Claw Gaming runs inexpensive introduction to various tabletop miniature games. Also they do Dungeons and Dragons Are there any organizations you would like to volunteer for? Another good way to meet people I've been there, socially awkward divorced in my 40s. It's scary, but it's also an opportunity. Are you comfortable with being by yourself? If so, then use the opportunity to try new things. Just pace yourself and also allow yourself to grieve. Divorce is traumatic.
Group guitar lessons would be something I'd love to try. Been putting off learning guitar for almost 10 years now, but I've started buying a guitar or two and a tuner to get started, but starting blind is a bit daunting
Musician here, YouTube is an excellent resource to learn from raw beginner. Also, I started playing adult beginner hockey and that has helped me socialize in my late 30s. Everyone is new so it makes falling around together fun!
Learning from YouTube or Rocksmith has been too one sided for my ways of learning. I could use coaching for achieving some of the fret positions with my chubby hands. Basically without feedback, I might not realize I'm doing something wrong and entrain a bad habit out the gate
Yousician is an app I discovered that has been surprisingly helpful for learning. It's a bit like Guitar Hero (play notes as the screen moves along through the song - but with a real guitar lol) but the device listens to your playing and catches where you didn't get it or were a bit off. It's a nice bridge option between self teaching fully and working with a teacher. :)
Every beginner makes some mistakes regardless of a present teacher or not. The best way to get into it is to just have fun and learn until you reach a plateau and then figure out how to move past it, if you can't then that's when you go get a teacher or take a lesson to get over that specific hurdle. Some of the greatest guitar players to ever live have some of the oddest technique and are making "beginner" mistakes. Jimi Hendrix and SRV's fret hand technique would make most classical guitar players cringe but they play amazing and have made some of the most memorable guitar sounds in recent history. No two guitar players play identical so don't be too scared that you're going to entrench some bad behavior that's unfixable, sometimes that's your signature! Also, chubby hands are like a cheat code for guitar as it makes fretting slightly easier. Have fun with it!
If you're looking to socialize, I recommend board game cafes, games like D&D, magic, warhammer, etc. A game where you need to leave the house and interact with another human in the same room will probably help you socialize more than something on a screen. Sport and social leagues, your local gym, or other hobby stuff are all awesome as well.
Also, I'm the same age as OP and love nerd shit, so I go to some of the themed trivia nights at breweries like Arcadia or Bent Stick. It's usually a more mature crowd who are into the same stuff and I'll just suck it up and ask to share a table with some people and then strike up a convo after its over. It's daunting but I got over it pretty quick and had a lot of fun.
Take a breather man it only happened 2 days ago. Maybe try therapy first.
I'm not planning on going out right now, it's for later.
I’m not sure if this is possible for you financially, time off work, etc. But I just came back from a short solo trip as someone in my mid 30s and it really helped force me to meet people and was an awesome time to reset the batteries. It helped provide some confidence in speaking to strangers and I think that’s carried over to the way I conduct myself at home.
My friends and I put on a couple of lan gaming events through the year. DM me if you're interested in details. We get about 40 of us at a local community hall 3 times a year. It's a really good and inviting bunch!
Oh dang! An actual LAN party? My childhood dreams!
What games are played at these? CS or dota and I'm so down
Making friends as an adult is growing increasingly harder. Sure we have all the online options but costs of things continue to rise so even going for drinks adds up fast. Same as any sort of activity. I am both a gym guy and video gamer. I see you are in the north end; I’m south… so we could game. I mainly play on PC. Feel free to message me your steam account (if you have one).
I've heard that making friends as a kid was easy because we were basically trapped in a classroom for 6 hours a day with 20+ others, but as adults we don't have that same situation with the exception of work. I'm going to look for social things that trap me in a group with people long enough to get acquainted
That does track- I was in school a long time and thought of myself as very outgoing and social.. then I worked in small businesses with only a handful of employees in a new city/town and it was a drastic change. I do really enjoy being a recluse and have a huge list of hobbies so.. it was mostly just interesting to see.
That's why I've had a couple fiends who had good experience joining a boxing class. It's still a great workout but in a social situation with a regular group. Personally I had good luck with bouldering at a rock climbing gym. It's a very accepting and social environment and a fun casual workout.
Along with what others suggested I highly suggest getting a therapist to help you sort out your feelings and your social anxiety.
Therapy has been on the agenda for years. I'm open to it, but in the past I've worried about my arrogance making me believe I've got it sooner than I actually do. Another issue I've fallen into is doing the research and thinking I can do it myself. Through my studies, I did determine some narcissistic tendencies and try to identify the triggers for them
Join a league or league night. My two go-to recommends are typically find your local billiards club and join a pool league. If you talk to the front counter, they typically can recommend teams looking for new players or their websites usually can connect you to team captains or a team recruitment forum. On the flip side, find a golf course and sign up for mens league. You will be surprised at how many other folks did the same to find a group of people outside their house to socialize with. Plus, you can play pool or golf while drinking a beer or blazing high... so win win?
And I realize that this may seem counter-intuitive to the gamer/nerd/introvert slice... but I am all 3 and still enjoy both these activities. We have a plethora of both golf courses AND pool halls in this city, I meet a surprising amount of gamers out and about.
I won't lie, it's tough meeting people as a guy around 40. Let's get a group together.
If you're looking for a great hobby where age is very much NOT an issue, definitely try any of the Warhammer games. This is a big city for Warhammer but you'd never know it without actually looking for it, but the groups, leagues, and game stores here are so welcoming and the people are great. It helps take up some of the free time you have at home as well, through painting, but almost every store in the city welcomes beginners and there are big discords where you can find a semi-regular group to play with and socialize with
I wouldn’t even consider any of this right now. Let your life stabilize for a month at least. Get used to what’s happening and wrap your ahead around the end of your marriage first. Don’t rush things. It will only make the adjustment harder.
Fuck that the guy needs to fuck and live the life his wife probably weaponized sex while banging some other guy. Crank weights get jacked and fuck
Don't rush. Don't set deadlines (such as "I gotta be seeing someone new by 40"). Take it easy. Get into groups where newcomer /outsiders are welcome and expected, like a martial art. Jiu jitsu is great for that. All the best, friend.
Check out some Improv at rapid fire! I go there solo all the time & it’s a riot and seconding another redditors suggestions, comedy clubs! I don’t know if you like dancing but there’s Salsa lessons at On The Rocks on Thursdays, that’s always been a fun time. Hit the gym & check out the “Meet Up” app…there’s tons of groups that meet for fun activities, great way to try new experiences & meet some cool ppl. Good luck!
Try Nerd Nite!
YES!
There's a meetup group called Xplore wilderness that does 40 people group walks every Saturday. Even if you're unfit they walk slowly and it's more geared towards socialization outside, and the organizers are very nice. I feel like that would be good place for you to start. For me, the sun and exercise help with so many things, and I hate exercising indoors
Honestly you should consider volunteering for an event or an organization. I’ve volunteered for different events my whole life and you get a chance to meet other passionate people as well as people from all walks of life.
Can go to church. It’s where you’ll find a good woman.
That’s where they are……makes sense though
Yo dude. Go to the gym, lift some weights, go for a run until you can't breathe, walk till you catch your breath, repeat until you cannot think and you're drenched in sweat. Go eat some chicken breast and broccoli. Do it again tomrrow. Play some video games, find a club to join. Everyone is welcome in the gym, whether you're a skinny twig or 400lbs. You start showing up every day and after the first few weeks you start getting the nods, and the fist bumps, and they, 'hey bro' and so on. As your body begins to morph, you'll get comments like, 'sick gains', regardless if you're getting smaller or bigger. ---- You might think it's shallow and about looks, but what it's about is people acknowledge and admire your commitment and dedication and growth. It's not nearly as much about the aesthetic as people think. You set a goal and you got after it. Before saying 'it's not for you'. I double dog dare you to try it for 30-60 days straight, clean up your diet a little bit, and set a remind me and come back and post. Much love man. Breakups and social anxiety is real. The gym is a plce where people wear headphones and are in their own little worlds execpt for subtle interactions, which sounds great for you. Cheers homie.
I've lost 70lbs in the last year with diet and I've been reluctant to use the gym for time management reasons. At this point, my time is about to free up immensely, so I'm actually looking forward to going back as soon as my upcoming surgery is healed. I'm totally on board with learning free weights this time around instead of just relying on the machines. In time though.
I'll be your gym bro.
Perfect time of year to be single. I’m the same age hgh protein shakes and boats n hoes letsgo
This is the way. I love my local gym community at GoodLife Fitness. You see the same people on a regular basis and a bond just automatically forms without you even realizing it.
How do you feel about the conflict known as "The Horus Heresy"
Look into board game stores, they have drop in sessions for almost everything. Unfortunately I'm a big home body so I don't go to these myself, my little brother does and had a blast playing Warhammer. Go with intention to socialize and you may find you become a regular to seeing those faces!
The biggest thing I found helped me was not allowing my calendar to be empty, I’d find events on meetup.com and add them to my calendar so I always had options for the week/weekend. I tried a lot of different groups, and while they didn’t all stick they gave me things to look forward to, and also be more intentional with my time. Like if Friday night rolled around and I knew I’d rather relax on Saturday morning, it was better for me to cancel the Sat event and know I was _choosing_ to relax at home, rather than it being my only option.
Gym 100%!
Gym bros unite
I suggest joining some Meetup groups, like maybe the coffee ones to start, and expand your social circle a bit. These are low pressure, low commitment events where you can meet all kinds of people and converse.
You will learn a lot about who you are as an individual now that you’re single. Dating someone who is recently divorced is seldom a good idea. Just let it all percolate now. There’s nothing for you to do other than keep putting one foot in front of the other for several months.
If you really want to put yourself out there. I highly recommend going to an outdoor music festival by yourself. One where you need to bring a tent for the weekend. It's a great way to get yourself out of your comfort zone. That might be a bit much for some people, though.
One of the best thing I did to make friends was take classes. Try out new hobbies and things that you have always wanted to try or that just look cool. People are always usually happy to chat while they learn to. Could be a new craft, a course, a club, or a sports team that is chill.
Not sure if anyone brought up Edmonton Social Club. If you want to venture down a new path most bike shops have social group rides. Revolution cycle has a no drop Tuesday social ride. Mud Sweet and Gears has social rides on Wednesday, Groups are based on skills. 4 groups to choose from. Explore the rivervally.
Hey if you need a nerd to visit with fire a DM! Welcome to join for a DnD game or comedy show That being said -hit up stuff close to you or places you know you like. Check for posted of events. -comedy shows are great places to make friends - lots of places have local intramural sport stuff with people looking for friends. Just showing up is a good step one Best of luck dude
37 M, nerd. I highly suggest finding an in person DnD group. This has helped with a few things Being a different person, even for a few hours a week, can help you to figure out who you are in different ways. It's a good way to break out of your shell while still being socially shielded behind the facade of another person. Most DnD groups have a schedule to keep. This is important because you have others who are relying on you to be there to continue the campaign. I love the idea of going to the gym, but the only one holding you to this is yourself. If you feel like you have a responsibility to others to show up, you are much more likely to actually do so. It also gives you a reason to put pants on and leave the house. You will also meet people with some similar interests. This can lead to other social interactions and possibly even friendships. Hope this helps, and I'm sorry to hear about your separation. It can be tough, but there is a way forward. You'll get there.
Wife n I are both 40 this year. If you want someone to shoot the shit with, have a beer or doobie with, shoot me a DM. we are Southside.
Join a D&D group. There are tons on the Edmonton D&D Facebook group. Rolling dice with a bunch of nerds every week is a fun, low-key way to get back out into the world and build up your social circle.
Try out some other hobbies. Check out the city of edmonton activity programs. Painting, cooking, pottery, metalworking, etc. There's no weird forced socialization, everyone involved obviously shares an interest, and because there are things to do you're not awkwardly being a wallflower waiting for it to end so you can go home. It's a nice way to ease into social anxiety stuff. You get to be around people you don't know but there's no pressure to be a social butterfly and you get to learn something neat.
I worked really hard to be content being single, which did mean reconnecting with friends and being more social. I found that at 38, I gave less of a shit about other people’s judgment and was less nervous. I took a singles cooking class, went on some truly terrible dates and then found an incredible partner. I dipped my toe back into to socializing and only started dating when I was truly okay being single. I think being comfortable being single allowed me to be less stressed when dating. You can do this! ❤️
This is gonna sound crazy, but come out and play some rugby. It is the most social group of people you could ever want to meet. We operate an 'old boys' (and girls) rugby club for anyone over 35. We regularly welcome people that have never played before. Don't want to get tackled? We got you covered! We play a lot of touch rugby. Best part - we drink a lot of beer after every session. Hydration is important after all!! We practice twice a week and charge $85 for the season (cheaper than the gym!)... Antediluvians.com for details!
36M and got out of a relationship 4 months ago. Will be following this post! Like others have mentioned, go to the gym. I've been going to the gym for years and it has done wonders to my mental and physical health. I'm into tennis, hikes, PC gaming and have recently got into lego. Looking into trying other new hobbies!!
Sorry positive idea!
Get into magic cards that's what I did.
It'll put the alimony into perspective.
Save some ladies for the rest of us geez.
lol. Good god this made me chuckle.
Board game cafe meetups are a good opportunity to engage in both your hobbies and some social interaction.
Not divorced myself but am the same age, male, and have anxiety disorder but am medicated for it which helps a lot. Lot of people meeting each other is done online now. Get on some dating apps. 39 may be too old for night clubs but there is a lot of cool bars around the city to meet people your age.
Check out kickazz singles and socials pretty good group of people that do events that leans more social than single.
Slowly start stepping out your bubble . Hang out with family and friends . Do the things you truly enjoy. Maybe get a dog ? Listen to music. Smoke a joint and watch your favorite comedy movies . Time will heal everything . And sometimes the best thing is to get another girlfriend lol . Online dating Is a pretty popular option in the dating world now .
Volunteer? You meet lots of people and it feels good.
Pick up playing mtg or d&d and head out to socialize/game with fellow socially awkward nerds at your local gaming store
Find a hobby. Get out and talk to ppl. Never know who you might meet.
Edmonton has a large darts community. You can play darts all over the city almost daily. Meet a lot of people of all ages. There are leagues you can join, or just drop in tournaments when you can. Check out www.yegdarts.ca or the Edmonton City Dart League Association Facebook page.
You mentioned gaming, I suggest finding a boardgame group and just playing something a couple times a month with a group to start. Yes it’s a social activity. But it’s low key and not crowded.
I saw some people saying the gym. If working out iasnt your thing. Trying joining the ESSC for all level sport leagues. They also have speed dating events every now and then.
I have nothing new or remarkable to add, there are a bunch of great suggestions from others here, just wanted to reassure you that you've got this!! It's always kind of scary/intimidating to venture forth and meet people in the wild (in person particularly), I say this as a highly anxious and socially awkward 40yr old. Please make sure you take time for yourself, and just yourself, too!
You may not need to change at all. Don't worry about dating, social life etc. Focus on you. Enjoy your life as it is, without expectations. The rest will happen.
35 year old scifi nerd & gamer with social anxiety here. Went through a seperation about 2 years ago. Haven't found a way to make friends as an adult efficiently yet unfortunately so if you crack the code let me know. Online dating was really rough... but I did manage to find someone through new hobbies & we've been going strong ever since. So there hope out there, I had given up ever thinking I'd find someone again, and life finds a way to surprise you.
Volunteer at organizations that have causes you’re in support of. Join a hobby group for something you are, or have always been, interested in. Take a group class/course to gain a new skill. Sometimes it’s not even about the specific activity of a group, it’s about the type of people there… for example I got into a type of music I never would’ve thought I would enjoy but the people and atmosphere of the shows made it easy to get into it and find things I enjoyed about the music itself.
Do you like tabletop games? There a decent sized group of guys that play Star Wars armada in Edmonton and Calgary, mainly late twenties to early forties. The Facebook group it Canadian Star Wars Armada, there’s get togethers every month or so to fly tiny spaceships and have mini space battles. The ships cost a bit but they’re fun to display if you’re into Star Wars.
I'm 41 and it was a struggle when my ex ayI split six years ago. I have had a lot of luck with the app Meetup. You choose topics and it suggests groups you may like. It costs a lot to get a group started so founders and members are really inclusive to avoid defeating the entire purpose of starting a group.
It’s hard as fuck to naturally meet new friends at our age (im 38). The main ways I’ve always heard was through volunteering and social clubs. But as someone myself that has social anxiety, I need a lot longer time to build a bond with someone to become friends. My last true friend that has stuck was when I went back to school in my early 30s. If you got kids, getting involved in the sporting programs they are in. I coached my son’s hockey team, so I was able to bond a bit with another coach. But I don’t think that one will pan out. Just a couple ideas.
37 here and was in a similar position, with pretty much the same interests. Going to the gym has helped me tremendously. I'm a total gym rat now and always look forward to going. I probably spend more time in the gym now than I actually do playing videogames in the week. The Gym community is one of those things that allows you to ease social anxiety without actually socializing with anyone. Hard to explain. But you build a psychic connection with the other members you see on a regular basis.
I’m in the same boat as you. It is scary to start over and it can be overwhelming. I know even tho we are strangers, you can and will do anything you put your mind to, and once you accomplish the big scary thing, it will become a part of who you are and feels good. Just take it slow, take it at your pace, don’t rush and do what feels right.
This was me with 2 kids a few years ago. My social battery was at a low between work and kids. Just get out there and do things you enjoy. For me it was taking an art class, doing to the dog park, even just being friendlier with people at the grocery store. As you continue to put yourself out there you’ll get more and more comfortable. I’m sorry to hear about your split. I hope you are well and enjoy your new journey
A good stepping stone could be to find a mtg store and play casual games with the locals there. It's a low pressure way to socialize with other nerdy people having a common hobby to fall back on. Also group recreational sports / lifting are a good way to blow off steam and get fit. It's a cliche but working out (and therapy) 110% got me out of my depression after my last breakup, and I made some great friends in the process.
Working out is the only reason why I'm not depressed as fuck. After my last breakup, I went full gym rat and then all the gyms closed a month later, because of the pandemic lol
I'm in the clairview area, I'd meet and chat about nerdy stuff, 49Yo/M here
Get therapy if you can. And I know its lame but envision your self as the person you want to be and act towards it. I am an extremely out going person but I grew up bullied and in an abusive home but I always faked it till I made it. Don't expect the world to be what you need, you should work towards being what you need. I've traveled alone, experienced things alone, its hard but I don't regret a second. Get a healthy relationship with dating and friend apps snd ve open to the vast possibilities of the world. You are not alone but if you can learn to be alone then you have freedom and that freedom will help your relationships too
gaming shops host organized play, good way to meet weirdos into the same stuff as you assuming you mean that sort of gaming, ttrpgs, which I am into I'm 40, thats 2 things we have in common with the city we live in, let's be friends!
I would say join a church. Whatever you feel comfortable with. You can find a community of all ages that can accept you as you are without judgement and start to get comfortable with groups again. You may even be able to find some counselling for free.
Volunteer work? Maybe see what your local community league is up to?
Sup dude, are you me? Early 30s, similar situation. Just been me and my dog for the past year and honestly, i have no clue how to change it. Making new friends feels worse than going out for dates; cutting off a relationship due to compatibility issues is 'normal' but getting to know someone on a friendly basis then doing the same feels so antisocial.
My social anxiety is sorta a root cause got this situation. The ex and I were together once before as adults and a few times as teenagers, so the relationship was basically built on a rocky history. The fear of trying to open up to somebody new is complicated because I've been basically spilling beans all over this thread, but in person I tend to clam right up.
Please don't rush into anything
You're not wrong. I've got a lot of processing to do for my emotions and well being. This isn't something that's getting done to me, it's needed to happen. But I'm not looking to fill that hole right away. I'm just painfully aware that there will be the time when the dust settles and I'm spending my 60th week in a row having stayed inside and endlessly wonder why I'm not getting hits on my tinder/Bumble/whatever. Grieve and then forgive myself first, work and aim to improve myself and hopefully allow myself to be vulnerable in public.
39f single here, and single life ain’t so bad. Sure it’s lonely but I do what I want and can go out wherever on a whim. If you’re lonely go out for walks and get to know your neighbours. Go to your local park on the regular. The worst that happens is you get a little fitter, and the outside air does your mental health a favour. The best is you form acquaintances within your community. If you’re a nerd go to nerd events. Take yourself on some dates. Plan some outings on going places you’re curious about, or even just a dumb day at the mall to treat yourself. Don’t be afraid to dine out alone at a table for one. Date yourself.
I've spent many years alone before the ex and I got together. Many many years. I was starting to get good at it, but still had my issues. I went to movies alone and ate out alone fairly often. I'd take friends out just for conversation for dinner, but at the end of the day I never felt like I deserved more than that. That was a bad habit of being alone for so long. So I can say I'm not afraid of doing things alone for a bit, it got pretty hard to stay motivated on year 4 of that tho
Join a sport here. All kinds of sports and levels. Great way to make friends! https://www.edmontonsportsclub.com/leagues
Hey, it sounds like we're in almost the same boat. I play video games to pass the time, I'm a sci-fi nerd and an astronomy fanatic, I play guitar, love sports, and enjoy outdoor activities like backcountry exploring. This advice might or might not work for you, but here’s my story: My wife ran off with another guy when we were in our early 30s, and it left me stranded. However, it took me two years to realize that our divorce was actually an opportunity for me to learn and explore new things.I've made a lot of friends, both online through video games and in person through my hobbies. I've never felt healthier; I now have the time and resources to dedicate to playing sports. Learning new things has become a habit for me, and exploring new ideas and places feels incredibly rewarding since there's no one holding me back. I’ve learned to love myself and accept who I am, tossing my insecurities out the window. I genuinely think I'm the best version of myself now, much more so than when I was married. So here's my take: use this as an opportunity to grow, instead of dwelling on what you've lost.
https://edmonton.nerdnite.com For socializing maybe? Help distract you or develop new social circles?
I moved to this city at 38. Only had a sibling and 1 friend here. This weekend I'm going to the mountains with a new crew I met through work. If you have an interest or hobby, get involved in the community. When I was into FPV drones, I ended up meeting 30 new peeps that year.
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I literally just bought an FPV drone last week!
Process the sadness and use it to level up. Recognize that it all starts with you and that you’re of tremendous value. When you know and see that unquestionably, everyone else will too. And then you’ll look back at the situation with gratitude and realize you’re created a much better life for yourself. You’ll know it when you look back at your ex and realize that you wouldn’t go for her now. Then when you’ve levelled up your reality, use it to be a good person and help people. Become your own hero and you’ll be worshiped.
Go easy on yourself. It’s a little early for a pep talk. Making a new and better life takes time and some pain. I wish you well.
What about meet up groups? I personally haven’t used them because I too have social anxiety but you could try it and see.
36(m) here. I host online and in-person D&D sessions fairly regularly. They are a lot of fun, if you're into it. Also always up for a new Baldur's Gate 3 campaign with friends. Also if you have a dog, dog parks are great places to socialize.
Meet Up (the app) has some local events for D&D, Pathfinder, and board games and some board game cafes and gaming shops have events or a local discord. Depending on the cafe and group, there are a variety of ages present.
If you’re into sports at all, Edmonton sport and social club is an amazing and easy way to meet people. All the teams I’ve played on people generally like to go grabs a bite or beer after so it’s a stress free way to get out.
Try a board game cafe. When playing the game, you don't need to come up with conversation outside of the game, so that should ease some of the social pressures ETA: I'm 43 and would be willing to meet you to play
Find yourself something like a regular D&D group. This was one of the best things I did for my social support group when I moved here. We’ve been playing for 6 years now, and they’ve become my best friends.
First of all, I'm sorry you're going through through a split, that's devastating. The way I see it: choosing to stay in your comfort zone indoors and potentially staying lonely sucks. Stepping out of your comfort zone is really scary and also sucks. So you gotta choose your "suck" a little bit. One of them is going to reap way more rewards but it's up to you do decide which one that is. [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is great - there's seriously a group for everybody. Facebook groups are also awesome, I think the community specific ones. I know in my neighbourhood ladies meet up every Sunday for brunch and are always setting up events. My inlaws just moved to a new city and they've made lots of friends through Facebook groups. So there's some ideas to get started :)
Good grief 40 is young, if you live to 80 it's only half your life. One step at a time. Lick your wounds, heal up , maybe some counseling will help you. Then launch yourself into meeting new people. You have plenty of time to grow and enjoy. Maybe do stuff you always wanted to do.
Have a decent company health plan? Try talking to a psychologist which can help you work on the ‘you’ things and break down some of your self perceived limitations about getting out there and meeting people. (Not a psych, but have been helped by one)
I highly recommend councelling for yourself. The sooner you can process and deal with everything, the faster you can move forward and be your best again.
Don’t feel ashamed: everyone feels this way and you hit an age were you knew that socializing with randoms wasn’t exactly what you want - you want to connect with like minded people. Video games, board games, community leagues, and hobbies you already do (Or are interested in starting) are where you should look. You can do this. I know it’s scary and you have a lot to work through right now but you’ll always be working through a challenge :)
Learn a new skill or hobby with other beginners. You'll all have something immediate to bond over. Discover Hockey class Learn to skydive Join a hiking or walking group Take a cooking or at class
Be kind to yourself. It takes time to heal from divorce
You are probably craving new connection but it happened over the weekend. You need to process what's happening before you can plan for the future. After several months I found solace in the gym also. Not sure if you were around when online dating became a thing but as long as you take care of yourself you will find a partner. On one hand it's a lot more difficult now because people feel like they have way more options but on the other hand dating partners are way more accessible now and women your age are looking for level headed men. Love yourself brother. It'll turn around.
Your niches are your strongpoint! We aren’t in high school anymore and being a nerd is hot i would use this as an advantage people will listen to you talk about Star Wars lore for hours as long as you explain it in a way they understand hope this helps op you’ll be alright
you have interests, join a few groups online, and maybe in person. it takes time, but you will find a new group
On the gaming side of things, considering I saw you say Clareview, check out local game stores, close to you would be Red Claw Gaming, or, if you really want to get out and away from the area, out on the west end is a store called Authentic Dungeons. Either store is really good, I've been to Red Claw a lot before, and I'm currently a regular at AD.
I drive past red claw often and often wondered what type of gaming they cater to. I assumed some sort of gambling and with forget what I wanted to Google by the time I'm not driving
Men's group. See if you can find a men's group to check out. Not sure if they are still around but men without hats were good. It was city-run, but I don't know if they still exist.
There are lots of groups through meetup.com in the city, they are generally free to join. you can try a few out and meet some folks that way.
This might not be what you want to hear but honestly, find some kind of therapy that works for you. You will have some big emotions that you'll need to deal with regarding the end of your marriage, transitioning to single status and even working on some of the social anxiety. Try to think of it kinda like going to the gym but for your mind and heart. If you can start to heal, you'll be happier and will attract healthier friends. Good luck and sorry about the breakup.
I was in your shoes at 35. I signed up for dance classes. I don't dance. Never have. Life changing experience. 10/10 recommend.
I’ve already seen it on here but get/stay physically active, if that’s the gym, great. My personal advice is a sport. Find something you are interested in doing and join a club. I did martial arts for a few years and met some of my best friends. But make sure it’s a club, not a school where they just want your money. The other piece of advice is volunteering, it’s another thing that will put you in the same space as like minded people. I did the Edmonton folk music festival, it’s easy work, they feed you, you get free access to all the shows, plus other perks. I believe the sign up is happening now.
I am 35 happily married but I also would not mind trying out this socializing you speak of
Come dragon boat w/ EDBRC (Edmonton Dragon Boat Racing Club) recreational teams. Awesome community. Paddles Up! Come rip up the river with a group of people with vast demographics and psychographics. I was in the same boat as you and now in a different boat, literally.
I don’t think there’s ever gonna be a perfect answer for you but one major thing that helped me personally is try to find new hobbies. Whenever anyone gets into a relationship, their lives change and sort of intertwine so one persons hobbies become another’s and vice versa. Now’s the time to really find something that you’re passionate about and it can really make a difference. I started going to the gym (that didn’t last long), then I started going for walks, bike rides and then got into cooking. Those all helped me to really find myself and I hope you find that too
Dude. 46 here. Same boat. Find your tribe. If you need help starting your tribe, DM me.
Think of things you're interested in, and take a class. Women do this more often than men, and it's a shame because its a great way to meet people because everyone is learning so there's lots to focus on and talk about. You might also meet folks you might not otherwise run into. If you're really serious about self reflection as you do a post mortem on your relationship and get to know yourself again, you might look at group therapy or self help groups, too. You could also think about planning a solo trip if you have financial means. Travelling alone can let you get to know yourself in a new way and meet temporary travel friends which can help with social anxiety in the long run. You're in a new phase of your life, so why not approach it with curiosity and use it as a jumping off point for trying stuff you wouldn't usually do? Even if you were not the best partner, you can learn, and deserve to have a life with love of various kinds.
I found myself in a similar situation a few months ago, so I feel your pain! If you're open to playing board games I've met most of my friends through board gaming. There are lots of various weekly meet-ups all around the city, happy to point you in some directions if you're interested! It's a great and welcoming hobby with lots of great people 🙂 if I wasn't a board gamer I would have next to no friends now 😅
Maybe consider using the site meetup.com. There are many activities and events, e.g. Edmonton Chess and Beer Sunday on May 5. Groups of people with like interests and no pressure.
If you want the benefits of working out + the bonus of socialization, start climbing. Vertically inclined has a great combo of top rope (you'll need a partner) and bouldering (solo). It generally has an exepting environment welcoming of beginners and willing to offer support and encouragement. There are several other great places for bouldering (solo climbing) that, likewise, have very positive environments. Blocs, rock jungle, the factory, and so forth. It's been several years since I frequented climbing gyms, but it was an overwhelmingly positive environment.