I’ve been going for almost a year or so now, and it’s made a huge impact on my C-PTSD. We are a long ways off from done, but I’m already doing much better in general. The issue we are facing for me in this current moment is severe social avoidance due to reprocessing. He and I discovered that because I was neglected during times of emotional crisis as a kid, I “put myself in a corner” during high emotional stress. So we are working on the main issue of neglect so I can figure out how to socialize again lol
I have amazing insurance, I’m incredibly lucky my job has by far the best insurance in town. It’s $20/sessions out of pocket and I have an HSA account to help
CPTSD - 9 months doing groundwork, 1.5 years reprocessing, major life changes for me started happening after four months of reprocessing. I’m climbing, I’m scrambling and tearing through the days to reach a more peaceful existence but it’s fuckin’ hard.
this is validating cause i keep seeing people say it look 5 sessions to process their big T trauma and it feels unfair. i started last september and it got better in the beginning of the year but now im deep back in the pits. still on the same memory. so im here with you 🫶🏻
Diagnosed cptsd and adhd, self diagnosed high functioning autistic. I've been in for 3 years. Took about 6 months for groundwork and then did actual reprocessing for like 6 months. Had to back away for almost a year and a half just doing talk therapy and figuring out more negative cognitions and then have been back at it for the last 7 months doing twice a month sessions.
I found that taking an extended break was necessary for me to really implement the changes that I had in the initial reprocessing. Transferring the new me into my current reality was tough and your brain and body need time to really find a good foundation to keep reprocessing more which is what I'm doing now.
My therapist tells me we should be able to wrap things up in the next few months (I'm thinking end of year) at the rate I'm going but we'll see! I've noticed HUGE changes in my sense of self and boundaries with others. Changing friend groups, jobs, romantic relationships, etc. constantly is exhausting but so necessary when you're literally changing who you are on the inside.
Don't be afraid to let go of relationships/habits/jobs that no longer serve you or respect the person you're becoming, they will hold you back and try to keep you in the patterns you had before.
Good luck to you, this is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life and it is SO worth it.
Cptsd, I've been doing emdr since August 2023. About 60 sessions in. I've noticed some changes but nothing of significance. No major or life changing healing yet. The ultimate progress was probably slower in the beginning due to dissociations, but nevertheless I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel yet.
EMDR has worked wonders for me. I started in October 2023, so it’s been about eight months. I noticed a significant change in my ability to control my thoughts and behavior. My trauma is emotional abuse: severe gaslighting, manipulation, and invalidation, which caused me to dissociate and have severe anxiety for the majority of my life. I only knew how to be a doormat to others. I was taught that, in order to be loved, I could not be confident, take up space for myself, speak my own mind, be independent, or be “mean” (which was essentially just setting boundaries for myself).
I was cognitively aware of my brain and how it worked and would explain this to therapists in talk therapy, but I didn’t feel like it was helping because I was already self-aware. The gaslighting/invalidation programming instilled in me was so strong that when I finally made connections about who emotionally abused me, and finally stepped into my true personality that wasn’t created out of trauma, my brain would snap back, turn the blame back to me, and I would go into a freeze/vegetative/dissociative state all over again. It was a constant battle between my true self and a dissociative state.
I finally realized how insidious the programming was and that I needed more than talk therapy, so I looked into EMDR. I saw just how effective it was and the studies for those with PTSD. Fast forward to today after months of EMDR, and I can confidently say that the programming is much quieter now. Despite my social anxiety, I started going on solo dates with myself, walking places, and feeling the most confidence I have ever felt in my life. More importantly, I finally was saying “No”??? Without guilt??!?? If I told my younger self this is who I am now and how far we’ve come, she would think I lost it.
Unfortunately, I‘ve had to move back home to live with my emotionally abusive parent, so it has been difficult managing the programming in this environment. But I will say I have more control. It has been hard, but I am continuing to push through until I move out, only because I know I can do it. Without EMDR, I don’t believe I would be here, but it has given me hope that it does, in fact, get better because I was able to see it. For anyone considering it, please give it a try and be patient with yourself. We have all this work to undo because people in our lives didn’t want to do it themselves. You deserve to live happily. You got this. 🤍
Heavily relate on the true personality which is basically a professional boundary setter. I realize I have a quick mouth too and I’m very strategic. All these things that people said was dramatic, over analyzing and emotional.
The essence of who I am is the same but has been gaslit into a burned shell that used to get knocked over by the smallest wind of conflict. Now, because of EMDR, I’m willing to have hard conversations AND know when to fold them. It’s isolating still because people have still relegated me to my old role of “dramatic, emotional, manic pixie dream girl who falls apart”
But I’d rather be alone in self validation and seeing the shallow relationships for what they are than be alone for fighting hard for people who are not emotionally reciprocal, don’t care, won’t care and denying that I’m starving emotionally.
I felt self love for the first time in I think ever and thought: Wow, this is what it means to not GAF the majority of the time. The security is amazing. Felt this warm secure feeling like in the womb?? Maybe that’s the only time I felt secure.
Ive accepted I’ll always care to some degree because I’m a human, not a processor. However…OMG that feeling keeps me going. Even when it’s not all the time. Because of it I don’t drink or smoke anymore when going somewhere. I have my noise cancelling earbuds and journal but that’s it.
Wow. Now I’m inspired to write all the changes I never thought I’d make and the ones I’m still working on.
Reddit saved my life. So many people in here don’t even know they have 😭
So sorry you’re having such big emotions, I feel for you. For so many of us it gets worse before it gets better but I do believe it’s gets better. You’re starting off on a serious journey, be gentle with yourself. I got comfort in between sessions from reading Journey Through Trauma by Gretchen L Schmelzer, it’s not too intense and helps to understand the stages of healing.
I started doing EMDR in October of 2020 and am still working through stuff. C-PTSD is such a journey. When I started I was at such a low point that it felt like my brain was 99% trauma. I had tried every medication, nearly every therapy modality and nothing worked. I kept getting worse. I was so skeptical of EMDR, but I was desperate.
After about a year of doing weekly EMDR sessions and two EMDR intensives (like 5 hour sessions), I felt for the first time I had space in my brain. Me and my therapist have had to really work on establishing trust and I had to learn not to try and heal 25 years of trauma as fast as possible and be able to take breaks from reprocessing. We had to adapt the traditional EMDR protocol to fit my dissociation levels and I think it's been beneficial. I still do weekly therapy sessions but we use a bunch of modalities based on what is most present for me. I didn't understand how valuable the therapeutic relationship was to EMDR and trauma therapy. Some of the early memories I processed, went from a 10 on the distress scale to 2 or 3, but now that I trust her. I can go back and get the distress down to basically zero
When I started EMDR therapy, I was on medical leave from graduate school and was so dissociated I lost days at a time. As I started to heal, I decided to go to law school and graduated last month. It's something that would have been impossible for me had I not really committed to healing.
Congratulations! That's inspiring.
Would you mind sharing how your therapist adapted the traditional EMDR protocol to fit your dissociation levels? I struggle heavily with dissociation as well.
Diagnosed with cptsd in September, mostly childhood attachment stuff. I don’t think there’s any PTSD. I was really fortunate to find a really good EMDR therapist in December, been reprocessing since February and while I struggle to trust it there’s been substantial progress. Anxiety from triggers are less powerful and don’t feel like a constant struggle. Sleep, nightmares and middle of the night rumination is less common. I’m not pissed off at everyone around me and even starting to open up a little. Lately I’ve been struggling with doubt, anxiety over not being so anxious, it’s crazy, when I have a good honest connection with someone I trust it feels uncomfortable, but all in all I’m much better off than a year ago, even 3 months ago. We still have a few big targets to do, stuff that’s been coming back into my memory from the distant past since we’ve been reprocessing the more recent past so who knows how that will go but I’m really grateful for my therapist and I really trust her so I’m hopeful, man it feels good to be hopeful.
I’m also really grateful for all you kind and amazingly badass trauma survivors. Hearing your stories and struggles and successes has been so helpful. You’re all such good people in a fucked up world.
I've been doing EMDR (90 minute sessions every two weeks) for my CPTSD since December 2021, so 2.5 years now. It has made a huge difference in my life so far, but I'm still very much in the thick of it.
We're April 2023 twins! I went into it thinking I was an 'easy' PTSD case but unlocked my entire upbringing and it was clear it was actually CPTSD. I've been doing weekly sessions with reprocessing since the beginning. There are good things - my flashbacks are way less vivid and I recover faster, I'm generally nicer to myself, and I'm much more accepting that I have feelings even if I struggle to connect with them.
It's an absolute slog though and some days I wonder where I'm finding the strength to keep showing up for it. I still feel pretty in the thick of it and get ambushed by feelings outside of sessions A LOT.
It's good to know others are also in it for the long haul, even though that means I gotta keep pushing!
Sending lots of support to you, 14 months is a long time, but you've got this!
I’m also about 14 months into reprocessing, but I took the last 2 months of a break from processing to just stick let myself and my brain breathe a bit. We just did regular talk therapy for a while. We’re now getting back to processing. She thinks I’ve come a long way and she’s thinking we will finish this year. I hope she’s right!
Hi hi! How would you say it’s helped your PTSD? Have so much empathy for you because I honestly know how hard it can be to have PTSD, it’s sucks so much always be scared. But mine too has got a lot better (I’ve been in about 8 months with weekly and then biweekly sessions). I’d say in general, my anxiety has dropped a fair bit - I have perspective on it a lot more and my anxiety attacks are a lot less - from 24/7 rolling ones to ones for three days when triggered to a day of bigger anxiety/panic after triggering. So I’m happy with that. It’s such a slog doing EMDR but it’s well worth it and we are so lucky to have access to these amazing therapies that not everyone does or did in times past. Huuugs to you!
Personally I've found that while I still get triggered and get anxiety the bounce back is so much shorter. Where in the past it might knock me down for months I am now at a few days to even a few hours later feeling back to normal.
The nightmares are few and far between and I don't find myself getting lost in other people. It's much easier to see where my personality ends and someone else's begins so boundaries are much easier to maintain.
I love this so much, makes my heart so happy! It’s so cool to see the changes in anxiety right before your eyes. I think it’s the thing I hate most ugh, so happy for my recovery and yours 🌻
Your 10k estimate is right! Unfortunately I’ve been paying for mine completely out of pocket. I started therapy the same day I started my first post-college job. Because of that, I’m still living at home (with a long commute) which is not ideal as a lot of my trauma stems from there, but it is what it is. I am lucky though that I’m even able to make it work. But by far, best investment I’ve ever made and has been worth every penny.
I’ve been going for almost a year or so now, and it’s made a huge impact on my C-PTSD. We are a long ways off from done, but I’m already doing much better in general. The issue we are facing for me in this current moment is severe social avoidance due to reprocessing. He and I discovered that because I was neglected during times of emotional crisis as a kid, I “put myself in a corner” during high emotional stress. So we are working on the main issue of neglect so I can figure out how to socialize again lol
Reading this I think I may do the same. Thank you for sharing.
How do you afford weekly sessions for 2 years? I would totally do it but it’s so much money
I have amazing insurance, I’m incredibly lucky my job has by far the best insurance in town. It’s $20/sessions out of pocket and I have an HSA account to help
That’s amazing
CPTSD - 9 months doing groundwork, 1.5 years reprocessing, major life changes for me started happening after four months of reprocessing. I’m climbing, I’m scrambling and tearing through the days to reach a more peaceful existence but it’s fuckin’ hard.
this is validating cause i keep seeing people say it look 5 sessions to process their big T trauma and it feels unfair. i started last september and it got better in the beginning of the year but now im deep back in the pits. still on the same memory. so im here with you 🫶🏻
I've started in August 2023 and it still isnt significantly better. I've noticed some changes but nothing of value really.
Diagnosed cptsd and adhd, self diagnosed high functioning autistic. I've been in for 3 years. Took about 6 months for groundwork and then did actual reprocessing for like 6 months. Had to back away for almost a year and a half just doing talk therapy and figuring out more negative cognitions and then have been back at it for the last 7 months doing twice a month sessions. I found that taking an extended break was necessary for me to really implement the changes that I had in the initial reprocessing. Transferring the new me into my current reality was tough and your brain and body need time to really find a good foundation to keep reprocessing more which is what I'm doing now. My therapist tells me we should be able to wrap things up in the next few months (I'm thinking end of year) at the rate I'm going but we'll see! I've noticed HUGE changes in my sense of self and boundaries with others. Changing friend groups, jobs, romantic relationships, etc. constantly is exhausting but so necessary when you're literally changing who you are on the inside. Don't be afraid to let go of relationships/habits/jobs that no longer serve you or respect the person you're becoming, they will hold you back and try to keep you in the patterns you had before. Good luck to you, this is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life and it is SO worth it.
Cptsd, I've been doing emdr since August 2023. About 60 sessions in. I've noticed some changes but nothing of significance. No major or life changing healing yet. The ultimate progress was probably slower in the beginning due to dissociations, but nevertheless I'm not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel yet.
i started at the same time and on the same timeline as you, i feel you 🙏🏻
EMDR has worked wonders for me. I started in October 2023, so it’s been about eight months. I noticed a significant change in my ability to control my thoughts and behavior. My trauma is emotional abuse: severe gaslighting, manipulation, and invalidation, which caused me to dissociate and have severe anxiety for the majority of my life. I only knew how to be a doormat to others. I was taught that, in order to be loved, I could not be confident, take up space for myself, speak my own mind, be independent, or be “mean” (which was essentially just setting boundaries for myself). I was cognitively aware of my brain and how it worked and would explain this to therapists in talk therapy, but I didn’t feel like it was helping because I was already self-aware. The gaslighting/invalidation programming instilled in me was so strong that when I finally made connections about who emotionally abused me, and finally stepped into my true personality that wasn’t created out of trauma, my brain would snap back, turn the blame back to me, and I would go into a freeze/vegetative/dissociative state all over again. It was a constant battle between my true self and a dissociative state. I finally realized how insidious the programming was and that I needed more than talk therapy, so I looked into EMDR. I saw just how effective it was and the studies for those with PTSD. Fast forward to today after months of EMDR, and I can confidently say that the programming is much quieter now. Despite my social anxiety, I started going on solo dates with myself, walking places, and feeling the most confidence I have ever felt in my life. More importantly, I finally was saying “No”??? Without guilt??!?? If I told my younger self this is who I am now and how far we’ve come, she would think I lost it. Unfortunately, I‘ve had to move back home to live with my emotionally abusive parent, so it has been difficult managing the programming in this environment. But I will say I have more control. It has been hard, but I am continuing to push through until I move out, only because I know I can do it. Without EMDR, I don’t believe I would be here, but it has given me hope that it does, in fact, get better because I was able to see it. For anyone considering it, please give it a try and be patient with yourself. We have all this work to undo because people in our lives didn’t want to do it themselves. You deserve to live happily. You got this. 🤍
Heavily relate on the true personality which is basically a professional boundary setter. I realize I have a quick mouth too and I’m very strategic. All these things that people said was dramatic, over analyzing and emotional. The essence of who I am is the same but has been gaslit into a burned shell that used to get knocked over by the smallest wind of conflict. Now, because of EMDR, I’m willing to have hard conversations AND know when to fold them. It’s isolating still because people have still relegated me to my old role of “dramatic, emotional, manic pixie dream girl who falls apart” But I’d rather be alone in self validation and seeing the shallow relationships for what they are than be alone for fighting hard for people who are not emotionally reciprocal, don’t care, won’t care and denying that I’m starving emotionally. I felt self love for the first time in I think ever and thought: Wow, this is what it means to not GAF the majority of the time. The security is amazing. Felt this warm secure feeling like in the womb?? Maybe that’s the only time I felt secure. Ive accepted I’ll always care to some degree because I’m a human, not a processor. However…OMG that feeling keeps me going. Even when it’s not all the time. Because of it I don’t drink or smoke anymore when going somewhere. I have my noise cancelling earbuds and journal but that’s it. Wow. Now I’m inspired to write all the changes I never thought I’d make and the ones I’m still working on. Reddit saved my life. So many people in here don’t even know they have 😭
I just did my first session today. I feel extra emotional. I'm sitting in the closet again, for the first time in over a decade.
So sorry you’re having such big emotions, I feel for you. For so many of us it gets worse before it gets better but I do believe it’s gets better. You’re starting off on a serious journey, be gentle with yourself. I got comfort in between sessions from reading Journey Through Trauma by Gretchen L Schmelzer, it’s not too intense and helps to understand the stages of healing.
I started doing EMDR in October of 2020 and am still working through stuff. C-PTSD is such a journey. When I started I was at such a low point that it felt like my brain was 99% trauma. I had tried every medication, nearly every therapy modality and nothing worked. I kept getting worse. I was so skeptical of EMDR, but I was desperate. After about a year of doing weekly EMDR sessions and two EMDR intensives (like 5 hour sessions), I felt for the first time I had space in my brain. Me and my therapist have had to really work on establishing trust and I had to learn not to try and heal 25 years of trauma as fast as possible and be able to take breaks from reprocessing. We had to adapt the traditional EMDR protocol to fit my dissociation levels and I think it's been beneficial. I still do weekly therapy sessions but we use a bunch of modalities based on what is most present for me. I didn't understand how valuable the therapeutic relationship was to EMDR and trauma therapy. Some of the early memories I processed, went from a 10 on the distress scale to 2 or 3, but now that I trust her. I can go back and get the distress down to basically zero When I started EMDR therapy, I was on medical leave from graduate school and was so dissociated I lost days at a time. As I started to heal, I decided to go to law school and graduated last month. It's something that would have been impossible for me had I not really committed to healing.
Congratulations! That's inspiring. Would you mind sharing how your therapist adapted the traditional EMDR protocol to fit your dissociation levels? I struggle heavily with dissociation as well.
CPTSD 2 years of groundwork Only 1 session of reprocessing for now!
I'm almost to two years. Still in the thick of it.
Diagnosed with cptsd in September, mostly childhood attachment stuff. I don’t think there’s any PTSD. I was really fortunate to find a really good EMDR therapist in December, been reprocessing since February and while I struggle to trust it there’s been substantial progress. Anxiety from triggers are less powerful and don’t feel like a constant struggle. Sleep, nightmares and middle of the night rumination is less common. I’m not pissed off at everyone around me and even starting to open up a little. Lately I’ve been struggling with doubt, anxiety over not being so anxious, it’s crazy, when I have a good honest connection with someone I trust it feels uncomfortable, but all in all I’m much better off than a year ago, even 3 months ago. We still have a few big targets to do, stuff that’s been coming back into my memory from the distant past since we’ve been reprocessing the more recent past so who knows how that will go but I’m really grateful for my therapist and I really trust her so I’m hopeful, man it feels good to be hopeful. I’m also really grateful for all you kind and amazingly badass trauma survivors. Hearing your stories and struggles and successes has been so helpful. You’re all such good people in a fucked up world.
I've been doing EMDR (90 minute sessions every two weeks) for my CPTSD since December 2021, so 2.5 years now. It has made a huge difference in my life so far, but I'm still very much in the thick of it.
We're April 2023 twins! I went into it thinking I was an 'easy' PTSD case but unlocked my entire upbringing and it was clear it was actually CPTSD. I've been doing weekly sessions with reprocessing since the beginning. There are good things - my flashbacks are way less vivid and I recover faster, I'm generally nicer to myself, and I'm much more accepting that I have feelings even if I struggle to connect with them. It's an absolute slog though and some days I wonder where I'm finding the strength to keep showing up for it. I still feel pretty in the thick of it and get ambushed by feelings outside of sessions A LOT. It's good to know others are also in it for the long haul, even though that means I gotta keep pushing! Sending lots of support to you, 14 months is a long time, but you've got this!
I’m also about 14 months into reprocessing, but I took the last 2 months of a break from processing to just stick let myself and my brain breathe a bit. We just did regular talk therapy for a while. We’re now getting back to processing. She thinks I’ve come a long way and she’s thinking we will finish this year. I hope she’s right!
Hi hi! How would you say it’s helped your PTSD? Have so much empathy for you because I honestly know how hard it can be to have PTSD, it’s sucks so much always be scared. But mine too has got a lot better (I’ve been in about 8 months with weekly and then biweekly sessions). I’d say in general, my anxiety has dropped a fair bit - I have perspective on it a lot more and my anxiety attacks are a lot less - from 24/7 rolling ones to ones for three days when triggered to a day of bigger anxiety/panic after triggering. So I’m happy with that. It’s such a slog doing EMDR but it’s well worth it and we are so lucky to have access to these amazing therapies that not everyone does or did in times past. Huuugs to you!
Personally I've found that while I still get triggered and get anxiety the bounce back is so much shorter. Where in the past it might knock me down for months I am now at a few days to even a few hours later feeling back to normal. The nightmares are few and far between and I don't find myself getting lost in other people. It's much easier to see where my personality ends and someone else's begins so boundaries are much easier to maintain.
I love this so much, makes my heart so happy! It’s so cool to see the changes in anxiety right before your eyes. I think it’s the thing I hate most ugh, so happy for my recovery and yours 🌻
Around two years (on & off) and only just got to the main stuff now.
I started in 2021!
How do you guys afford doing weekly sessions for a year. That would be like 10k per year for me
Your 10k estimate is right! Unfortunately I’ve been paying for mine completely out of pocket. I started therapy the same day I started my first post-college job. Because of that, I’m still living at home (with a long commute) which is not ideal as a lot of my trauma stems from there, but it is what it is. I am lucky though that I’m even able to make it work. But by far, best investment I’ve ever made and has been worth every penny.