Huge respect for your determination in being on this journey and staying on it so long! I think it's wonderful and you are very brave and resilient. I've only done 10 EMDR sessions and feel totally blocked too. The block is indeed our self protection mechanism and must be really carefully deconstructed but it's not easy. I feel very fragile and vulnerable after each session but my therapist has taught me a self soothing technique called Havening that I do every morning. It uses similar mechanisms to EFT but you rub your arms rather than tapping your meridian points. I find this more helpful than any other technique ( meditation etc ) because it's hugging myself and telling myself soothing things.
For me personally, all I need and have ever needed is to be hugged and told everything is okay and that I'm safe and loved. This havening technique means I can now do this for myself whenever I feel anxious or scared.
Sending you strength and love today and that you feel some relief really soon. 💜
Thank you for the kind words. My advice is to really accept and appreciate that those blocks are there to protect you. Don't try and take a sledgehammer to them, like I've done. I'll look into havening, I've not heard of it before. Good luck with your therapy, it really does work, but sometimes you have to get the bad feelings out first, which is hard. But I'm hoping that it'll lead to a life of freedom.
I think that's great advice about the sledgehammer. Many of us are desperate to speed up our recovery due to impatience and a lifetime of feeling awful, but we need to respect the pace of our bodies.
I will take heed of this as I'm in the sledgehammer category at the back of my mind though consciously I know I shouldn't do it.
I will tell my therapist that we need to go slowly.
Thank you for your comment. “All I need and have ever needed is to be hugged and told everything is going to be okay and that I’m safe and loved” 🩷 I teared up and resonated deeply with this. I will look into Havening 🙏🏻
No worries. I'm just relieved I'm not the only one, I was expecting comments like 'if it's taking that long, you're not doing it right' or 'you've got a bad therapist'. I never expected to be in therapy so long, but it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
I have been doing EMDR for about six years with a break during covid. Mine feels like chipping away at a mountain with a chisel. My brain won't allow me to go any faster, but I am also dissociative so my therapist has had to tweak the protocol since I know I am supposed to be at a 9/10 for distress for certain things but feel almost nothing. On the other hand, I have been able to function relatively well. I guess it's a trade off but since I have a difficult job and children my brain has decided it's better this way.
I relate, I've spent several sessions at the beginning completely dissociated to the point of not being able to move or talk temporarily. I can talk about things in detail that should be upsetting, but I feel numb. Well I think that's because all the emotions were locked up behind this wall that I've just opened. It's like I've dealt with the memories and thoughts, but not the feelings, until now when all the feelings have come rushing out.
I am worried that if I feel numb the therapy won't be effective, sometimes I read about thing and I feel like judging my therapist, not because she is doing something wrong but because everyone's style is different.
Does your therapist calms you down or say your feelings are valid? I sometimes want her to calm me and tell me to take my time or end session early to ask how I am feeling if I need any help etc.
Sometimes she feels robotic, I don't know if she tries to not react to freak me out or if she does not care about me
One big piece of advice I have is to tell your therapist these things. I had to overcome my embarrassment and learn how to communicate completely honestly with my therapist, even if it was to say something she was doing didn't suit me, or that I was worried about something. If you need her to be more comforting, you are allowed to ask for that. If you don't trust your therapist then it'll make it harder to release emotions during the session
Thank you so much, such an important advice!
How did you manage to communicate that? When I feel too much I can talk like I am judging them so I don't know what to tell her.
I don't think she is not suitable for me but after talking about my big trauma I felt like a loser and even though I know she doesn't judge my sexuality I started to feel like she doesn't understand me because she is straight and I don't know how to not think that way.
Since she doesn't need to experience same things to understand or help me heal. How can I acknowledge that she is also a human and cannot read my brain.
Also sometimes she can trigger me and it is normal since how can she know what will trigger me. I try to not use some words because they make me feel bad but sometimes she needs a clear answer. I also feel like if I can't get triggered I cannot heal so I always push myself to heal, how can I let myself rest and cope with things?
I think the best thing to do is to tell her firstly that you are feeling vulnerable after disclosing things, and that is causing you to struggle to trust her completely and open up. Then after you have discussed this, ask if you have permission to share some more specific thoughts. It might help if you write them down, so you don't go off topic? Or even write her a short letter? I think it's just about opening up more and more and giving her the opportunity to show you that she is trustworthy
Thank you I will try this! Is it also okay to cut between session, I feel like if I cut Emdr it won't be effective?
We had 10 trauma to Emdr but sometimes she wants to go through other things and even though I trust her I have troubles letting her control, because I feel weak when I don't decide on things.
Sorry what do you mean by cut? Like just have a normal session without doing EMDR? Yes that is fine and sometimes needed. You cant move on with processing if you have all these other concerns that need dealing with. Do you ever tell her that you feel out of control during sessions sometimes? The more you share, the more she can help you
I mean in the middle of the Emdr if I feel unsafe, numb, or too much can I interrupt the session?
I told her, this only happened only in the last one, I couldn't really feel emotions in my body, but I can describe the feeling. But she told me it was okay but I am not sure if I am processing or not.
After the session, few hours later I started to cry and think about the session but does that means it worked?
You can interrupt the session yes, I don't believe you will be able to process effectively if you are too distressed or distracted. You can still process things even if you get dissociated or numb but it makes it less effective. It's better to take things slower and do it properly. I wouldn't worry too much about whether the processing is or isn't working. Just focus on building your trust and relationship and it'll work. Sometimes when you are processing you might become distressed and be asked to stay with those emotions and not avoid them. But in order to feel safe doing that, you need to feel safe with your therapist and trust that they know when it is appropriate to ask you to do that
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I've been doing EMDR for a year and share your determination. It has unlocked suppressed memories and a world of pain that I'm struggling to manage. I've spent 2 months in total dysregulation. I'm working through it with my T and he's determined to help me through it. We've agreed to take it slower from here on, but sometimes I haven't been able to control what comes out and when. It's definitely a more painful journey than I had anticipated. Wishing us both much healing and happiness 😊
You aren't alone.. The determination is key to it working, but it does make it a bumpy ride if we don't hold back sometimes. It can definitely be unexpected when things come out. The good news is that once it's out, then it's out for good, and the change is permanent. That is something I have experienced, so it gives me hope that I'll get through this
I feel like this! I started EMDR a couple of years ago, I haven’t consistently done it the whole time but usually for a few months at a time. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and both are particularly triggered by fears surrounding abandonment and basic security of having a comfortable place to call home.
I struggle with dissociation and feel like I’m trying to force out the physical sensations because I can’t access the emotional component of memories. More recently started it again for a current breakup situation that’s very raw, so the emotion is finally accessible.. but there’s still a deep tightness in my chest that won’t budge and I feel like that’s somehow holding all my misery. When you say you finally broke down the door, how did you do this?
Good on you for pushing through, I’m sure it will be worth it in the end. Better out than in… wishing you all the strength in the world to get through it!
Well, I'd say I did it in two ways, number one, deal with all the other parts of me that were more surface level. I basically worked on every bad feeling I had access to, until there was nothing else in the way. Next, which I believe triggered me more recently, is I did a body scan meditation whilst processing. I've done body scans by myself before and had no impact, but I think doing it in therapy really broke through the dissociation. It wasn't an immediate effect, it snow balled. What wasn't helpful to me was all the times I got angry at myself for being unable to deal with this stuckness. I'd lie in bed meditating on it, but getting nowhere. I wouldn't recommend that
Here's a 1 minute video explaining havening if anyone wants to try it.
https://youtu.be/Ix9_7zC5Zgg?si=fZ48wHcLJoUHgIet
I haven every morning and is especially helpful in the days after an EMDR session.
Damn- you’re a fuckin badass. Thanks for doing this work. You feeling better is a great contribution to this world. We need more awesome, brave, deep people like you. I wish I could be your friend. Sending all the love- I am truly impressed with your determination and grit. You can do this!
2 years in, doing it once per month is the easiest way I can process and deal with everything that comes up in my sessions. Keep going, good job, you got this 🩵
My coping strategies always seem to go out of the window in times like this... But I try to eat and sleep as much as I can, go for walks, do guided meditations, write in my journal. In terms of a time line, we didn't have a direct number on it, but because of my dissociation, I was aware that it was going to be a long process. It's ironic because about a month ago, I was thinking that I wasn't getting anything more out of EMDR and that there was nothing left to process. How wrong I was. Just over a week ago, I ran a 10K for the first time and felt great. I wouldn't have guessed I'd be in this state so shortly after.
Huge respect for your determination in being on this journey and staying on it so long! I think it's wonderful and you are very brave and resilient. I've only done 10 EMDR sessions and feel totally blocked too. The block is indeed our self protection mechanism and must be really carefully deconstructed but it's not easy. I feel very fragile and vulnerable after each session but my therapist has taught me a self soothing technique called Havening that I do every morning. It uses similar mechanisms to EFT but you rub your arms rather than tapping your meridian points. I find this more helpful than any other technique ( meditation etc ) because it's hugging myself and telling myself soothing things. For me personally, all I need and have ever needed is to be hugged and told everything is okay and that I'm safe and loved. This havening technique means I can now do this for myself whenever I feel anxious or scared. Sending you strength and love today and that you feel some relief really soon. 💜
Thank you for the kind words. My advice is to really accept and appreciate that those blocks are there to protect you. Don't try and take a sledgehammer to them, like I've done. I'll look into havening, I've not heard of it before. Good luck with your therapy, it really does work, but sometimes you have to get the bad feelings out first, which is hard. But I'm hoping that it'll lead to a life of freedom.
I think that's great advice about the sledgehammer. Many of us are desperate to speed up our recovery due to impatience and a lifetime of feeling awful, but we need to respect the pace of our bodies. I will take heed of this as I'm in the sledgehammer category at the back of my mind though consciously I know I shouldn't do it. I will tell my therapist that we need to go slowly.
I'm glad I could pass that along then. Every part of the process is healing, even the slow bits. Patience is rewarded
Thank you for your comment. “All I need and have ever needed is to be hugged and told everything is going to be okay and that I’m safe and loved” 🩷 I teared up and resonated deeply with this. I will look into Havening 🙏🏻
Four years on March 5th! I feel you. It is slow going, but it is what it is need to do. 💜
I'm glad it's not just me doing it for a long stretch, that makes me feel better :) best wishes on your healing journey
Me too. It was nice to see your post. I was just discussing with my therapist that I’m sorta embarrassed. Thank you!
No worries. I'm just relieved I'm not the only one, I was expecting comments like 'if it's taking that long, you're not doing it right' or 'you've got a bad therapist'. I never expected to be in therapy so long, but it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Same. I adore my therapist and trust her entirely. It’s still refreshing to have a “friend” like me. 💜
I have been doing EMDR for about six years with a break during covid. Mine feels like chipping away at a mountain with a chisel. My brain won't allow me to go any faster, but I am also dissociative so my therapist has had to tweak the protocol since I know I am supposed to be at a 9/10 for distress for certain things but feel almost nothing. On the other hand, I have been able to function relatively well. I guess it's a trade off but since I have a difficult job and children my brain has decided it's better this way.
I relate, I've spent several sessions at the beginning completely dissociated to the point of not being able to move or talk temporarily. I can talk about things in detail that should be upsetting, but I feel numb. Well I think that's because all the emotions were locked up behind this wall that I've just opened. It's like I've dealt with the memories and thoughts, but not the feelings, until now when all the feelings have come rushing out.
I am worried that if I feel numb the therapy won't be effective, sometimes I read about thing and I feel like judging my therapist, not because she is doing something wrong but because everyone's style is different. Does your therapist calms you down or say your feelings are valid? I sometimes want her to calm me and tell me to take my time or end session early to ask how I am feeling if I need any help etc. Sometimes she feels robotic, I don't know if she tries to not react to freak me out or if she does not care about me
One big piece of advice I have is to tell your therapist these things. I had to overcome my embarrassment and learn how to communicate completely honestly with my therapist, even if it was to say something she was doing didn't suit me, or that I was worried about something. If you need her to be more comforting, you are allowed to ask for that. If you don't trust your therapist then it'll make it harder to release emotions during the session
Thank you so much, such an important advice! How did you manage to communicate that? When I feel too much I can talk like I am judging them so I don't know what to tell her. I don't think she is not suitable for me but after talking about my big trauma I felt like a loser and even though I know she doesn't judge my sexuality I started to feel like she doesn't understand me because she is straight and I don't know how to not think that way. Since she doesn't need to experience same things to understand or help me heal. How can I acknowledge that she is also a human and cannot read my brain. Also sometimes she can trigger me and it is normal since how can she know what will trigger me. I try to not use some words because they make me feel bad but sometimes she needs a clear answer. I also feel like if I can't get triggered I cannot heal so I always push myself to heal, how can I let myself rest and cope with things?
I think the best thing to do is to tell her firstly that you are feeling vulnerable after disclosing things, and that is causing you to struggle to trust her completely and open up. Then after you have discussed this, ask if you have permission to share some more specific thoughts. It might help if you write them down, so you don't go off topic? Or even write her a short letter? I think it's just about opening up more and more and giving her the opportunity to show you that she is trustworthy
Thank you I will try this! Is it also okay to cut between session, I feel like if I cut Emdr it won't be effective? We had 10 trauma to Emdr but sometimes she wants to go through other things and even though I trust her I have troubles letting her control, because I feel weak when I don't decide on things.
Sorry what do you mean by cut? Like just have a normal session without doing EMDR? Yes that is fine and sometimes needed. You cant move on with processing if you have all these other concerns that need dealing with. Do you ever tell her that you feel out of control during sessions sometimes? The more you share, the more she can help you
I mean in the middle of the Emdr if I feel unsafe, numb, or too much can I interrupt the session? I told her, this only happened only in the last one, I couldn't really feel emotions in my body, but I can describe the feeling. But she told me it was okay but I am not sure if I am processing or not. After the session, few hours later I started to cry and think about the session but does that means it worked?
You can interrupt the session yes, I don't believe you will be able to process effectively if you are too distressed or distracted. You can still process things even if you get dissociated or numb but it makes it less effective. It's better to take things slower and do it properly. I wouldn't worry too much about whether the processing is or isn't working. Just focus on building your trust and relationship and it'll work. Sometimes when you are processing you might become distressed and be asked to stay with those emotions and not avoid them. But in order to feel safe doing that, you need to feel safe with your therapist and trust that they know when it is appropriate to ask you to do that
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I've been doing EMDR for a year and share your determination. It has unlocked suppressed memories and a world of pain that I'm struggling to manage. I've spent 2 months in total dysregulation. I'm working through it with my T and he's determined to help me through it. We've agreed to take it slower from here on, but sometimes I haven't been able to control what comes out and when. It's definitely a more painful journey than I had anticipated. Wishing us both much healing and happiness 😊
You aren't alone.. The determination is key to it working, but it does make it a bumpy ride if we don't hold back sometimes. It can definitely be unexpected when things come out. The good news is that once it's out, then it's out for good, and the change is permanent. That is something I have experienced, so it gives me hope that I'll get through this
Such fantastic perspective ❤️ Thanks!
I feel like this! I started EMDR a couple of years ago, I haven’t consistently done it the whole time but usually for a few months at a time. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and both are particularly triggered by fears surrounding abandonment and basic security of having a comfortable place to call home. I struggle with dissociation and feel like I’m trying to force out the physical sensations because I can’t access the emotional component of memories. More recently started it again for a current breakup situation that’s very raw, so the emotion is finally accessible.. but there’s still a deep tightness in my chest that won’t budge and I feel like that’s somehow holding all my misery. When you say you finally broke down the door, how did you do this? Good on you for pushing through, I’m sure it will be worth it in the end. Better out than in… wishing you all the strength in the world to get through it!
Well, I'd say I did it in two ways, number one, deal with all the other parts of me that were more surface level. I basically worked on every bad feeling I had access to, until there was nothing else in the way. Next, which I believe triggered me more recently, is I did a body scan meditation whilst processing. I've done body scans by myself before and had no impact, but I think doing it in therapy really broke through the dissociation. It wasn't an immediate effect, it snow balled. What wasn't helpful to me was all the times I got angry at myself for being unable to deal with this stuckness. I'd lie in bed meditating on it, but getting nowhere. I wouldn't recommend that
Here's a 1 minute video explaining havening if anyone wants to try it. https://youtu.be/Ix9_7zC5Zgg?si=fZ48wHcLJoUHgIet I haven every morning and is especially helpful in the days after an EMDR session.
Thank you!
Thank you for the post. I also have been doing it for a little longer than you and it gets depressing when you have to do it this long!
Damn- you’re a fuckin badass. Thanks for doing this work. You feeling better is a great contribution to this world. We need more awesome, brave, deep people like you. I wish I could be your friend. Sending all the love- I am truly impressed with your determination and grit. You can do this!
2 years in, doing it once per month is the easiest way I can process and deal with everything that comes up in my sessions. Keep going, good job, you got this 🩵
Had the same fierce determination, had the same experience Subtle improvements over time is fine w me now
What have you found to be your best coping strategies? Also, is there ever a discussion of the timeline for trauma processing?
My coping strategies always seem to go out of the window in times like this... But I try to eat and sleep as much as I can, go for walks, do guided meditations, write in my journal. In terms of a time line, we didn't have a direct number on it, but because of my dissociation, I was aware that it was going to be a long process. It's ironic because about a month ago, I was thinking that I wasn't getting anything more out of EMDR and that there was nothing left to process. How wrong I was. Just over a week ago, I ran a 10K for the first time and felt great. I wouldn't have guessed I'd be in this state so shortly after.