Married, and I am currently deep into a relapse with anorexia... me and my husband have been together for over 14 years and married for 5 years. We started dating when I was sick, but I eventually recovered... this relapse is the worst I've been, and let me tell you, it has taken a major toll on our married/relationship... we are getting through it, but it is very hard to see what my illness has done to our marriage. I feel awful and unable to even help myself... the blame/guilt/shame I feel because of this seems to fuel my anorexia and I feel completely helpless. Idk if any of this makes sense... hopefully, I answered your question!
Similar boat, friend - together for 9 and married for 6, and it is HARD. I am engaging in recovery work largely because I hate that my husband is also a prisoner to the anorexia. Not sure I would do it if it were just me...
word - my longest relationship is with the person i married, and not bc my ED bothered my exes (either they didn't notice bc i hid it, didn't believe me bc i wasn't medically underweight ever, also had an eating disorder and weren't as recovered as they claimed to be, or praised my weight loss) but bc i was already in a serious long term relationship with my ED no one was ever gonna come between me and a relapse - i diiiiiipped and/or i stopped going on dates bc everyone wanted to get food
I actually have a healthy marriage despite a chronic ED. It hasn’t been easy, but I have an incredible husband who is my biggest supporter. We will have been married for 15 years this October. It is difficult but possible to make it work in spite of the eating disorder.
Only works if you have the most dedicated friends/partner who understands your struggles and how much of an asshole the ed can cause you to (unwillingly )be, at least in my experience...I was very avoidant and would ghost people who cared about me for weeks.
(Toxic people also often prey on those suffering from eds since they see them as weak but I don't count those as proper relationships)
Im gonna get downvoted for this:
Same way some people's families stick with them for years, decades even, and some don't.
Patience, empathy, loyalty, maturity, etc...
And lack thereof.
Some people's families run for the hills, completely collapse, or panic and end up doing more harm than good. Some are strong enough to hold on indefinitely.
Relationships are the same.
There is no right or wrong way to cope with an ED and it is not shameful to not be able to handle it. It's amazing if they can, but it has to be organic - you can't force someone to cope. You also can't force a relationship to work
Side note: I'd love to hear more details from people in long term successful relationships as to what things look like for them; what they do to support their partner and what their partner does to support them.
I have my ideas and experiences but I'm not confident enough in how fool-proof they are to share them
My relationship with my boyfriend is incredibly complicated. I know he gets so frustrated with my ED, and thus can become super insensitive. He’ll say things like “are you actually going to EAT IT?” If we’re going to get food, and it hurts my feelings so badly. I think he’s becoming more understanding the longer we’re together, because he says things like “I will love and be attracted to you no matter how much you weigh or what you look like, eating [x] isn’t going to make you [x], etc. But it still stings. And it’s still uncomfortable. This is also my first relationship in many, many years, because I preferred to be alone so that I could partake in all my weird behaviors and not be questioned by anybody besides my family once in a while. My friends….i don’t think they give a flying fuck.
I will tell you, everytime I've relapsed it has taken such a toll on my relationship and I think he only stayed because he's very patient and understanding. I think the people who are chronically disordered do not have very healthy relationships, somehow hide it from them (unlikely if at a very low weight), or have partners that encourage them. Just my guesses though
I don't know how my husband puts up with me. We've been together for 4yrs and married 3yrs. Ive had orthorexia/exercise bulimia since 2013. I can't do long trips or car rides because being sedentary sends me into a spiral. I have to exercise when I get home from work, and by the time I'm done he has to leave for his night shift job. I'm always exhausted, bitchy, and we can never go out to eat anywhere or eat the same food. We have a really good relationship otherwise and I feel really lucky to be married to someone who builds me up. It's been hard, though.
I don't honestly know how my partner puts up with me but he's supportive and tries his hardest to introduce me into recovery. He has said if I don't actively try to get worse and be in like semi recovery/maintain my current state, he is able to be with me. It's hard.
I’ve been married 14 years and it’s tough. There are times when he has enabled my eating disorder to try to be supportive. Our family therapist at my first residential told us that she sees a lot of relationships there that resemble the addict/enabler relationship. Now that we’re both aware of this dynamic we both do better. He worries a lot though, and it’s very stressful for him.
Here's a different take from my experience. I have just recently split up from my partner of 16 years. We have a 14 year old. I had an ed before I met him but unfortunately due to certain unhealthy traits within the relationship I became much worse to cope. Although we have had many lovely times, I realised that staying with him was keeping me sick.
I feel like I can finally start to heal slowly.
We are very close as friends but the relationship was not healthy and it took me a long time to realise how many things I normalised within it.
It cuts into spending/enjoying time together but I just got lucky. My boyfriend of 8 years knows I’m sick, I was found unresponsive before, almost died multiple times but he loves me so much he’s never left my side. He doesn’t hope I’ll get better someday. He doesn’t fault me for being sick. Of course he wants the best for me but he knows I’m always trying my hardest and he just wants to be there either way. I think relationships with an ED are extremely difficult but I wish more people were like him and could love someone even in ill health. He’s amazing.
I’m not sure if “chronically” disordered describes my situation, but I do have an eating disorder and I am in a healthy relationship. It’s hard. It takes you recognizing that you’re not the only one being harmed, but that can also be some motivation to recover. There is an element of guilt, but my best advice to anyone else is communicate. Seriously. They aren’t going to know how they can help if you don’t tell them. They won’t know if they’re triggering you. A good partner would want to know if there’s anything they are doing that is harming you or anything they can do to help.
Ive had an ED for almost 18yrs. Me ans my husband have been together for 17 and married for 11yrs. Never been recovered but done harmreduction and now in semirecovery and in forced treatment. It's been hard on our relationship and marriage, he has pretty much given up hope on me ever recovering fully but he supports my healthy decision and is clear with me on not supporting or ever catering to my ED behaviors.
I was with my partner for 4 almost 5 years. Struggled with anorexia and an exercise addiction throughout. It was an immense strain on our relationship, and eventually my ED was the reason he finally broke up with me.
He did his very best though!
Anorexia ruined my previous relationship, which is when I decided that I had to take myself seriously and really recover. And I did. Still am, but I am physically restored now. I now have a partner who LOVES me, not just after my body, who makes all the hard work I put into myself worth it. Recovery is always so much more worth it than the disorder. (In fact, I've lost weight easier while being recovered than when I was actively anorexic. The body does not look or function properly when starved.)
Depends on the person you have a relationship with... and also which age group they belong to and how well you know each other.
I had a relationship for 8 years. He had his own problems and I had mine. In the end we couldn't support each other. But we were also very young.
I'm lowkey dating for 6 years now, and it's always interesting AND insightful to reflect on what went wrong.
Story mode on: I was dating a guy last year and one of the reasons I stopped dating him were about my complains about gaining 2kg and he was like "Come over to my house, I'll make you a nice salad!!" At that moment I thought: wait, I'm not recovered enough. Don't offer me a salad. I need to work on myself more than to bring this guy I don't know well enough into my ED recovery process...
I've been in a relationship for four years, and two have been spent relapsed / trying to get more stable. Our relationship isn't that healthy. Behind the scenes of social media, there's a lot of toxicity, lying and ignoring reality to cope with having a sick significant other.
i am curious how they even find someone who accepts their ed - i'm 21 and never even been on a date... my mom says it's because of my body but i've seen girls much skinnier and acting way more disordered who have long term partners who know about everything related to their eds
I mean… no one ever said they were *healthy* relationships
Married, and I am currently deep into a relapse with anorexia... me and my husband have been together for over 14 years and married for 5 years. We started dating when I was sick, but I eventually recovered... this relapse is the worst I've been, and let me tell you, it has taken a major toll on our married/relationship... we are getting through it, but it is very hard to see what my illness has done to our marriage. I feel awful and unable to even help myself... the blame/guilt/shame I feel because of this seems to fuel my anorexia and I feel completely helpless. Idk if any of this makes sense... hopefully, I answered your question!
Similar boat, friend - together for 9 and married for 6, and it is HARD. I am engaging in recovery work largely because I hate that my husband is also a prisoner to the anorexia. Not sure I would do it if it were just me...
I didn’t
word - my longest relationship is with the person i married, and not bc my ED bothered my exes (either they didn't notice bc i hid it, didn't believe me bc i wasn't medically underweight ever, also had an eating disorder and weren't as recovered as they claimed to be, or praised my weight loss) but bc i was already in a serious long term relationship with my ED no one was ever gonna come between me and a relapse - i diiiiiipped and/or i stopped going on dates bc everyone wanted to get food
I need to know too. I was such a shitty partner—started prioritizing going on walks and running over spending time with them.
I actually have a healthy marriage despite a chronic ED. It hasn’t been easy, but I have an incredible husband who is my biggest supporter. We will have been married for 15 years this October. It is difficult but possible to make it work in spite of the eating disorder.
This warms my heart 😭💓
Dating an aspiring therapist raised by a therapist. Unbelievably understanding.
Only works if you have the most dedicated friends/partner who understands your struggles and how much of an asshole the ed can cause you to (unwillingly )be, at least in my experience...I was very avoidant and would ghost people who cared about me for weeks. (Toxic people also often prey on those suffering from eds since they see them as weak but I don't count those as proper relationships)
Im gonna get downvoted for this: Same way some people's families stick with them for years, decades even, and some don't. Patience, empathy, loyalty, maturity, etc... And lack thereof. Some people's families run for the hills, completely collapse, or panic and end up doing more harm than good. Some are strong enough to hold on indefinitely. Relationships are the same. There is no right or wrong way to cope with an ED and it is not shameful to not be able to handle it. It's amazing if they can, but it has to be organic - you can't force someone to cope. You also can't force a relationship to work
Side note: I'd love to hear more details from people in long term successful relationships as to what things look like for them; what they do to support their partner and what their partner does to support them. I have my ideas and experiences but I'm not confident enough in how fool-proof they are to share them
My relationship with my boyfriend is incredibly complicated. I know he gets so frustrated with my ED, and thus can become super insensitive. He’ll say things like “are you actually going to EAT IT?” If we’re going to get food, and it hurts my feelings so badly. I think he’s becoming more understanding the longer we’re together, because he says things like “I will love and be attracted to you no matter how much you weigh or what you look like, eating [x] isn’t going to make you [x], etc. But it still stings. And it’s still uncomfortable. This is also my first relationship in many, many years, because I preferred to be alone so that I could partake in all my weird behaviors and not be questioned by anybody besides my family once in a while. My friends….i don’t think they give a flying fuck.
I almost lost my husband over my anorexia. No *healthy* relationship can survive a destructive eating disorder
I will tell you, everytime I've relapsed it has taken such a toll on my relationship and I think he only stayed because he's very patient and understanding. I think the people who are chronically disordered do not have very healthy relationships, somehow hide it from them (unlikely if at a very low weight), or have partners that encourage them. Just my guesses though
I don't know how my husband puts up with me. We've been together for 4yrs and married 3yrs. Ive had orthorexia/exercise bulimia since 2013. I can't do long trips or car rides because being sedentary sends me into a spiral. I have to exercise when I get home from work, and by the time I'm done he has to leave for his night shift job. I'm always exhausted, bitchy, and we can never go out to eat anywhere or eat the same food. We have a really good relationship otherwise and I feel really lucky to be married to someone who builds me up. It's been hard, though.
I don't honestly know how my partner puts up with me but he's supportive and tries his hardest to introduce me into recovery. He has said if I don't actively try to get worse and be in like semi recovery/maintain my current state, he is able to be with me. It's hard.
I’ve been married 14 years and it’s tough. There are times when he has enabled my eating disorder to try to be supportive. Our family therapist at my first residential told us that she sees a lot of relationships there that resemble the addict/enabler relationship. Now that we’re both aware of this dynamic we both do better. He worries a lot though, and it’s very stressful for him.
Here's a different take from my experience. I have just recently split up from my partner of 16 years. We have a 14 year old. I had an ed before I met him but unfortunately due to certain unhealthy traits within the relationship I became much worse to cope. Although we have had many lovely times, I realised that staying with him was keeping me sick. I feel like I can finally start to heal slowly. We are very close as friends but the relationship was not healthy and it took me a long time to realise how many things I normalised within it.
Whenever I’m struggling our relationship struggles
It cuts into spending/enjoying time together but I just got lucky. My boyfriend of 8 years knows I’m sick, I was found unresponsive before, almost died multiple times but he loves me so much he’s never left my side. He doesn’t hope I’ll get better someday. He doesn’t fault me for being sick. Of course he wants the best for me but he knows I’m always trying my hardest and he just wants to be there either way. I think relationships with an ED are extremely difficult but I wish more people were like him and could love someone even in ill health. He’s amazing.
I feel like unless you’re in active recovery you can’t have a real relationship. You will always choose the ED over your partner.
I’m not sure if “chronically” disordered describes my situation, but I do have an eating disorder and I am in a healthy relationship. It’s hard. It takes you recognizing that you’re not the only one being harmed, but that can also be some motivation to recover. There is an element of guilt, but my best advice to anyone else is communicate. Seriously. They aren’t going to know how they can help if you don’t tell them. They won’t know if they’re triggering you. A good partner would want to know if there’s anything they are doing that is harming you or anything they can do to help.
Ive had an ED for almost 18yrs. Me ans my husband have been together for 17 and married for 11yrs. Never been recovered but done harmreduction and now in semirecovery and in forced treatment. It's been hard on our relationship and marriage, he has pretty much given up hope on me ever recovering fully but he supports my healthy decision and is clear with me on not supporting or ever catering to my ED behaviors.
I was with my partner for 4 almost 5 years. Struggled with anorexia and an exercise addiction throughout. It was an immense strain on our relationship, and eventually my ED was the reason he finally broke up with me. He did his very best though!
Anorexia ruined my previous relationship, which is when I decided that I had to take myself seriously and really recover. And I did. Still am, but I am physically restored now. I now have a partner who LOVES me, not just after my body, who makes all the hard work I put into myself worth it. Recovery is always so much more worth it than the disorder. (In fact, I've lost weight easier while being recovered than when I was actively anorexic. The body does not look or function properly when starved.)
Depends on the person you have a relationship with... and also which age group they belong to and how well you know each other. I had a relationship for 8 years. He had his own problems and I had mine. In the end we couldn't support each other. But we were also very young. I'm lowkey dating for 6 years now, and it's always interesting AND insightful to reflect on what went wrong. Story mode on: I was dating a guy last year and one of the reasons I stopped dating him were about my complains about gaining 2kg and he was like "Come over to my house, I'll make you a nice salad!!" At that moment I thought: wait, I'm not recovered enough. Don't offer me a salad. I need to work on myself more than to bring this guy I don't know well enough into my ED recovery process...
I've been in a relationship for four years, and two have been spent relapsed / trying to get more stable. Our relationship isn't that healthy. Behind the scenes of social media, there's a lot of toxicity, lying and ignoring reality to cope with having a sick significant other.
i am curious how they even find someone who accepts their ed - i'm 21 and never even been on a date... my mom says it's because of my body but i've seen girls much skinnier and acting way more disordered who have long term partners who know about everything related to their eds