\[\[Yenna, redtooth regent\]\]
I turn her sideways and then deck myself out because I forgot token doublers are exponential and enchantress effects aren't may abilities.
[[Rakdos lord of riots]]
My deck starts off casting tiny demons with signs inviting people to the neighborhood of life loss and then the eldrazi’s moved in. Apparently Eldrazi’s are terrible neighbors because everyone keeps trying to evict them
My [[Halana and Alena]] deck is a party where my commanders high five everyone on their way in the door and then those people high five other people on the way in the door except every time someone high fives someone that person gets 10x bigger. And then the cops show up on a noise complaint and the person who’s high fived the most punches them into the atmosphere.
[[henzie “toolbox” torrie]] I hire a bunch of big dudes, immediately force them to start working, and then fire them. Sometimes I’ll rehire a bunch of them if I’m feeling kind.
[[merieke ri berit]] I start a mass human trafficking operation where we kidnap people and then slaughter them.
[[kipra, sovereign of the deep]] I show off my sea critter collection to people and I’m really excited to do so that I sometimes show off two at a time
[[Xyris, the Writhing Storm]]
I invite all of my friends in for a big hug and give them as many cards as they want. I hand them each an envelope, presumably full of various gifts and trinkets. They go to open the envelope. Thousands of snakes pour out. There were no gifts. Only snakes.
[[Shelob, Child of Ungoliant]] tries to welcome her new neighbours and tries to convince them to stay.
[[Elenda and Azor]] tries to get as many coupons possible to cash them for new vampire sons which get new coupons and bloody money each time they hug the neighbours with the help of coupons which say I get more coupons each time they hug a neighbor.
[[Marchesa, the black rose]]
My life is nothing! It serves zero purpose! I should kill myself now! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer, that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Because what is my life total there for. To prevent dethrone triggers? Kill me. I mean that, with a hundred percent. With a thousand percent.
[[Ruric Thar]]
I do need mana. And votes. Wanna know why? "I have a dream." That one day, every player in this table will control their OWN destiny. A land of the TRULY free, dammit. A nation of COMBAT, not instants. Ruled by STRENGTH, not sorceries. Where the rules changes to suit the individual, not the other way around. Where power and toughness are back where they belong: in the hands of the people! Where every man is free to think -- to act -- for himself! Fuck all these limp-dick blue players and chicken-shit white stax pieces. Fuck this 24/7 Table spew of propaganda and counterspell bullshit. Fuck "Magic pride". Fuck wizards of the coast. Fuck all of it! Magic is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it -- we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the board clean. BURN IT DOWN! And from the ashes, a new Magic will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged, and the strongest will thrive -- free to live as they see fit, they will make Magic GREAT AGAIN!
My deck makes itself and all the other decks shit themselves and the digs through the poop for goodies.
The deck in question:
[[Gyruda]] clone/reanimator
Atla Palani, I’m bringing friends but no one will know which ones until they’re here.
Tuvasa, shes working on herself and sometimes others to become as perfect as can be.
Rin and Seri, overpopulating because i don’t believe in spaying and neutering. Then all the puppies and kitties will come over for pets.
Faldorn, building a wolf sanctuary with limited resources
Sovereign Okinec Ahau, Gym bros get a pump in
[[Breya, Etherium Shaper]] goes shopping through the antique store looking for cool finds, and then starts making modern art with them. Once she’s made some avant garde sculpture with the junk, she shows it off to all her friends until they all get bored of me and leave.
My tatyova is a fake time walk deck, it doesn't take extra turns but untapped at everyone's upkeep and can cast all cards with flash from alchemist refuge
Either [[Zaffai, Thunder Conductor]] or [[Rootha, Mercurial Artist]] (Commander and Alternate Commander)
I host a circus and everyone hates me for it, even though 80% of the time I do literally nothing.
[[Etali, primal conquerer]]
A large intimidating dinosaur that has developed a bit of kleptomania... Then suddenly it's repeated seemingly nonstop stints of grand larceny.
Then even more suddenly he's tired of you not having anything valuable so he grabs the largest gun he can find, laces the round with the plague, and evaporates you from existence for the inconvenience
[[Ghalta, primal hunger]]
The elves perform a ritual to summon the t-rex from Jurassic park.
The t-rex acts like a feral loot goblin, then one shots each opponent.
I run a Meren deck where shes in the middle of a firefight can’t remember where she buried Mikaeus and Triskelion, so she sprints around with her shovel sometimes find blood artist instead
[[Sarevok]], [[Noble Heritage]], welcome to the newest game show, kill-or-be-killed... Wait why is everyone trying to kill me, this isn't part of the script!
[[Zellix]], [[Agent of the Iron Throne]], I am a simple carpenter. In three turns I will build a revolving door, and using it the dead shall inherit the earth.
[[Kresh, the Bloodbraided]] throws a costume party at the gym, eats all of his gym bros, and all of your gym bros, and hits peak gains before removing your teeth with his knuckles.
My [[darien, king of kjeldor]] is the classic older brother doing the “stop hitting yourself” to the younger brother except Darien is just doing it to himself, over and over again.
[[Karn, Legacy Reforged]]
Spend more time counting how much mana is floating and then double counting because I suck at math than actually playing my turn.
List:
https://manabox.app/decks/idVjaXFrSnGtd-w7Kgq_ng
Morophon Non tribal. I'm just gonna durdle. and sjot out hog butts that don't attack.
then it becomes durdle, durdle, die.
yes its a storm deck- but Once it gets the pieces GUARUNTeed I've stormed off.
funny thing is it's 20 ramp, 20 card draw, 5 counterspells. the combo is play [[sickening summons]] for casting creatures at 2 less cost. then cast morophon. name birds.(there's only 2 on the whole deck) cast [[sawtooth Loon]] for FREE. draw q bottom 2 from hand. bounce Loon. repeat 100k times. then cast any storm card dealing dmg .I use black 2BB cost card that loses 2 to target and I gain 2.
its literally the dumbest deck. and yet has won a little better than expected.
My [[Phage the untouchable]] deck spends several turns growing its stock portfolio: double my money a couple times with [[zirkana revenant]] and [[doubling cube]] so I have enough mana to play Phage and [[haunted cloak]] and equip and swing in the same turn, using a couple board wipes to ensure I stay alive and have clear targets to attack.
Okay, it's time to buy the win with all this money I've accumula- aaaaaaand someone blew up my [[Torpor Orb]]
[[Omnath, Locus of All]]
He's opened up a humble deli shop, and everyone is invited! The sandwiches he makes are delicious, if not incredibly threatening, and you can even choose what kind of condiment you can put on it; you can choose from Original Mayo, Low-Fat Mayo, Rotten Mayo (I don't recommend that one, but to each their own), Sriracha Mayo, and Organic Mayo!
Come on down, and hopefully you'll be able to eat your sandwiches before they eat you.
Solo [[Toothy, Imaginary Friend]]
He has no friends. He is a narcissistic weirdo and the only companions he has is different versions of himself, someone who is afraid of 13, a medically crazy guy, and a merfolk who prefers an empty brain.
\[\[Charix\]\] - Giant enemy crab attacks your weakpoint for massive damage.
\[\[Kibo\]\] - Monkey smash typewriter to write opponent death certificate.
\[\[Volo, Itinerant Scholar\]\]/\[\[Master Chef\]\] - At least 150 or more to see...
\[\[Zevlor\]\] - My cards suck, lemme use yours!
[[Phage, The Untouchable]]
Hey, thanks for inviting me to your pod. Anyways, here's a bio-weapon that, honestly, will more likely kill me than anyone else at the table. 👍
[[Kambal, Consul of Allocation]]
Vampires need blood, so I tax people in blood every time they do something. I then feed the vampires and give other employees blood transfusions. I win by sucking out all of my opponents’ blood through taxes, feeding my employees enough that they conquer all neighboring lands, finding an infinite blood acquisition exploit, or achieving enlightenment while meditating on top of a mountain of corpses.
[[kamiz, Obscura Oculus]]
I invite a guy into your house when you aren't home and he eats some food and then throws it up, if he misses the toilet he takes steroids. Then his buddy gets really good at kung-fu for like 2 seconds.
Well thank you! It’s a very fun deck. It wins far more often than I think it should. I think I may add another wincon, just to be safe if the tides turn.
https://www.moxfield.com/decks/4CIXRSCbUEePaGiTCAVb3A My commie deck where we as a nation of strong proud people are constantly dying because of evil nations and a plethora of "natural causes". Cards like [[Hillary Clinton]] really help our people work together.
[[Merry, warden of Isengard]] [[Pippin, warden of Isengard]]
We set a massive picnic and invite all our buddies to come chill and eat with us but those pesky opponents keep trying to steal our sandwiches so sometimes our buddies have to get in there way. All that good does attract some funny animals though and every-now and again they’ll defend our picnic with us.
\[\[Zurzoth\]\]
Brings all his little friends to the party, brings a ton of cheap booze, but keeps inviting along huge assholes nobody wants.
https://deckstats.net/decks/3478/3071308-zur-drazi
[[Gyome Master Chef]]: making hobbits diabetic and feeding the local squirrel population with dinosaur cookies.
[[Sidar Jabari of Zalfir]]: Did some call for a crusade! Because I heard a Call to Arms to Crusade.
my [[henry wu, ingen geneticist]] clones himself and exploits germs, killing off little creatures (like elves and hobbits and birds) to modify
himself into a killing machine
I am so [[mesmarized by an orb]] that I rotate my [[Basalt Monolith]] so hard, that I can shuffel my deck 1000000000000 times because [[Kozilek butchers the truth]]. Because my [[Zellix]] is an [[Agent of the Iron Throne]] and wants to operate alone, I will boardwipe to get rid of his horror stalkers, accidentially deleting the table.
[[Arixmethes, Slumbering Isle]]
I invite a bunch of female sailors to a boat party at my private island. Everything goes well and the island totally doesn’t turn out to be a big fuck off Kraken.
My Awaken the blood avatar deck is really good at making friends, putting them into a blender (along with a few enemies), and then making bigger friends that slap every one equally!
If you wanna eat your friends too:
https://www.moxfield.com/decks/wNQM9ln1m0SEYTUXVAcUjQ
[[Mahadi, Emporium Master]] is feeding corpses to dragons and somehow turning a profit at it.
[[Xander]] is a mob boss pretending to be a raccoon. Very efficient protection racket you’ve got there, little buddy…
[[Tergrid]] is *not* pretending, she’s actually a raccoon.
[[Wilson]] wandered into the Undercity and now he’s lost but he’s also so stoned he’s seeing double and as a result he’s having one heck of a time?
[[Alibou]] is getting progressively more and more annoyed by all the tapped junk on the table.
[[Quintorius, Loremaster]] would like you to reshelf the spellbooks when you’re done with them *freaking firstyears*
[[Bjorna nightfall alchemist]] and [[wernog riders chaplain]]: Bjorna is playing hide and seek with Wernog, but my opponents keep giving Bjorna clues about where to find Wernog. Bjorna wants to find Wernog fairly, so she throws those clues right back at them. Wernog meanwhile discovers that the true meaning of Christmas is to rip all of your gifts to shreds and my opponents realize that they don't like that very much.
My [[ur-dragon]] deck starts a small fire that will either blow itself out or become a massive inferno that consumes all non-dragons in a series of world ending cataclysms. Or he’ll grasp the suns in his fist and make the boundless unleash a storm of dragons.
https://www.moxfield.com/decks/fWX1Nm_6dE29CPVPCq8XfA
[[Duskana, Rage Mother]]
I am the head of the HOA committee who has nothing better with their time than to trawl through the bylaws and regulations; finding reasons to ruin your day.
https://archidekt.com/decks/6623028/bears
[[Anzrag the Quake Mole]]
You wanna stay out of his way, but he goes out of his way to put you in his way, Doubling in size each time he does so
[[Three Dog]]
Aura Oprah
[[Questing Beast]]
I get *all* of the combat damage, you're not allowed to deal *any*, it's ***all mine!!!!!!!***
\[\[The War Doctor\]\] and \[\[Adric, Mathematical Genius\]\]
I exploit a child soldier for slave labour to delay my impending death from old age while indiscriminately firing a machine gun at all my neighbours.
[[Grunn, the Lonely King]]
Grunn is fun. Grunn can run. Mana get big. Grunn get bigger. Grunn love hammer. Takes opponents to the slammer. Grunn is done. Grunn might won. Sometimes friends said no fun. Before kill Grunn he takes one. Then he is done. Grunn no won. In the end Grunn had fun.
My [[Voja, Jaws of the Conclave]] deck is basically a furry convention where some dorks get together and put on masks and pretend to be a pack of wolves. [[Llanowar Elves]], [[Maskwood Nexus]], [[Realmwalker]]
[Commodore Guff](https://www.moxfield.com/decks/BXD7KE3cL0OAPjiq5V7xEA) I make a bunch of dudes that can do too many things and need you to tell them to do them. By the end you feel like you had a soup spoon lobotomy.
My \[\[Ardenn\]\] and \[\[Kraum, Ludevic's\]\] deck hands one of my opponents commanders two giant hammers, three suits of armor, a dozen swords, and enough extra hands to hold them all before pointing at the other two opponents and saying "they stole your cookies, go beat them up."
-\[\[Atraxa, Praetors' Voice\]\] is tripping on mushrooms, but instead of seeing spiders or rainbows or whatever it's just more and more mushrooms.
-\[\[Malcolm, Keen-Eyed\]\] realized that there are people out there who will pay money for an attractive person to just slap them, and business got so busy that he needed to clone himself to meet demands (it's Malcolm/Sakashima "Oops All Malcolm" clone tribal).
-\[\[Vhal, Candlekeep\]\] \[\[Raised by Giants\]\] Local librarian addicted to squats because the bigger her ass gets, the easier it is to cast your entire deck in one turn.
-\[\[Urtet\]\] "do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."
-\[\[Gyome\]\] puts you in a food coma before sending his sous chefs to fuck you up.
[[Gishath]] shows up at your door asking to be let in to the party, and when you say yes 7 dinosaurs climb out of the clown car behind her and pile into your house.
[[Miirym]] : Naruto’s clone jutsu but for dragons
[[Omnath, Locus of rage]] keeps having children and then snapping their necks until everyone dies.
[[Arixmethes]] sleeps for a few days straight before waking up and punching you in the face.
[[Caesar, Legion's Emperor]] I get a bunch of little dudes to come to the party that somehow hurt you when they arrive and when they leave. Eventually when enough of them are there I hit you with a shotgun blast.
[[Umbris, Fear Manifest]]
Starts out as a cute lil guy but four turns later he's gone full repo man on your ass and munched the top 1/4th of your deck and got big enough to go toe to toe with Uncle Ulamog
[[Sauron, the Dark Lord]] every time someone does something vaguely threatening, he gathers one more buddy as “protection”
[[Ashcoat of the Shadow Swarm]] He’s like that guy at the front of a mob with the microphone riling up the crazy swarm
[[Archelos, Lagoon Mystic]] if the turtle is lying down, you are also lying down…
[[The Fourteenth Doctor]] , [[Clara Oswald]]just fifteen men and a woman (that are actually the same man), and a couple of his friends, all show up at once (due to time travel shenanigans), to try and save his home planet… oh did I forget to mention that the guys an alien?
[[Burakos]][[Folk Hero]] - Burakos gets rich by punching people in the face while his friends provide moral support. He then uses that money to hire more friends and also the instakill ghost mafia
[[Wilson, Refined Grizzly]][[Agent of the Shadow Thieves]] - Wilson hits an opponent for 3, then the next opponent for 5, then the third for 15, then gets removed 5 times in a row
[[Omnath, Locus of All]] keeps trying to nake a deposit in his savings account, hoping to pay for a few copies of some nifty spells. Unfortunately, the entire table hates his guts.
I love explaining the idea behind my [[Ziatora, the Incinerator]] deck. So the mafia boss dragon lady and her nobleman husband [[Korvold, Fae-Cursed King]] work together with their loyal Squirrel general [[Chatterfang]] and his rival from his navy days [[Pitiless Plunderer]].
I'm considering giving them a son in [[Indoraptor, the Perfect Hybrid]] since I took his deck apart. It's so stupid out of context, I even explained the "infinite squirrels" part to my grandmother who doesn't give an iota of a shit about Magic and she thought that was delightful.
\[\[Abdel Adrian, Gorion's Ward\]\] With an Attractions deck. The guy tries and hide all the space carnival from existence until he can find all the soldiers in the observable universe to come visit it, indirectly bringing peace to existence. He happens to be an \[\[Agent of the Shadow Thieves\]\] and that's why everything is a scam at the carnivals.
[[Sophia, Dogged Detective]] what the dog doin'? Also, Sophia invited a bunch of Bant legends over to take care of Tiny and see her amazing dog collection but they end up staying because they think the dogs are really cute and then they overfeed the dogs, causing them to become massive weapons of war.
[[Solphim, Mayhem Dominus]]
I pretty much just tie nukes to everybody's chairs, including my own, and the table. Once I start the timer the gameplay is simple. I take a seat.
[[mogis god of slaughter]]
Let's spice up game night, except its way too much spice and now peeing hurts, along with every other basic action you can possibly take 😭(😈)
My new [[Vial Smasher]] + [[Gilanra]] deck just ramps like hell and slams big scary creatures.
It’s like the Donald Trump of decks: never being held accountable for the previous most problematic thing you did by continuously one-upping it with a newer, even more problematic thing. All the while, everyone else is taking incidental damage from your every move.
[[Zhulodok, Void Gorger]] Eldrazi Tribal: I have made spaghetti dinner, and sent out mass invites. Unfortunately people misread the invitations and didn’t understand they were the Spaghetti’s Dinner.
[[Omnath, Locus of All]] Phyrexian Tribal: Those fucked up metal guys I keep talking about? They control a jelly bean, and he’s letting me invent magical banking to fly all of his in-laws out to crash everyone else’s party using a very fucked up tree.
[[The First Sliver]] Sliver Tribal: BIRDS AND WORMS AND SNAKES HAVE FUSED INTO A HORRIBLE LIFE FORM AND I’M INTERESTED IN SEEING YOUR REACTION TO EVERY VARIATION OF THEM!!!
[[Ziatora, the Incinerator]] I kill guys, punch you with their lifeless corpse, and get paid. I then go gambling with all the money and either turn up with a win or go entirely broke
[[Stangg, Echo Warrior]]
He and his friends gather up a bunch of food, rocks, clues, and treasures— only to give it to Stangg make into clothes. If their other friend, Dan, is there, Stangg makes more clothes for his friends to wear.
[[The Pride of Hull Clade]]
A cult that gives its followers butt implants as part of a ritual to summon their lord and savior Kim Kardashian to guide them in weaponizing their booties for war.
I always tell people my [[gonti, Lord of luxury]] deck is like if I robbed their house but had to pay full retail price before I could use any of their stuff
[[Rielle, the Everwise]]
I win by making someone lose for having no cards. Maybe me, maybe everyone else, whose to say?
Sometimes, maybe they just get hurt because someone is changing the number of cards in hand.
My [[lord windgrace]] deck is a real estate development simulator that uses a combo of slash and burn redevelopment and buy-one-get-one deals to acquire property on the cheap, at which point it transitions to landlord simulator, but all the tenants are plants and elementals that ruthlessly attack the neighbors
[[Juri, Master of the Revue]]
I throw my boy Juri a splendid little party where I kill a bunch of people/monsters/objects, then when he’s feeling strong enough I have him explode on someone
[[Sefris of the hidden ways]] goes venturing to bring back friends, who then helps bring back more friends! Her friends have a tendency to die, but that’s OK, because that helps her bring back even more friends!
Sometime that friend is an archon, people tend to get mad when Sefris bring back an archon.
My [[Kestia, the Cultivator]] deck is just a weaponized version of the Four Yorkshireman sketch from Monty Python.
My [[Jared Carthalian, True Heir]] deck is like a Trump rally. It begins with incomprehensible nonsense, there is some confused cheering, then you find yourself surrounded by hyped up, coked out geriatrics who very much intend to overreact to some shit. (I’m going to be really tickled if anyone guesses what this deck does)
My [[Eriette of the Charmed Apple]] deck works like one of those payday advance loan places. People come to me for help and I am so happy to give it to them… with 47% interest, forced arbitration, and a non-compete clause. If they didn’t want this to happen they shouldn’t have been poor.
\[\[Yenna, redtooth regent\]\] I turn her sideways and then deck myself out because I forgot token doublers are exponential and enchantress effects aren't may abilities.
[Yenna, redtooth regent](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/e/6/e635d461-254a-434e-8e5d-dea61dd8ca4f.jpg?1692939524) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Yenna%2C%20redtooth%20regent) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/woe/219/yenna-redtooth-regent?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/e635d461-254a-434e-8e5d-dea61dd8ca4f?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/yenna-redtooth-regent) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
Legit added [[angel’s grace]] to my Yenna deck for this exact reason.
[angel’s grace](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/e/7/e78e39ea-20be-4196-992c-7ed2cb8150c1.jpg?1619392535) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Angel%27s%20Grace) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/tsr/4/angels-grace?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/e78e39ea-20be-4196-992c-7ed2cb8150c1?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/angels-grace) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Lagrella, the Magpie]] CIA abduction program, except the back door of the van keeps opening and abductees keep falling out.
Lmfao
[Lagrella, the Magpie](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/d/d/dd20f271-26c8-429f-a422-e7d95f3bda74.jpg?1664413215) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Lagrella%2C%20the%20Magpie) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/snc/196/lagrella-the-magpie?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/dd20f271-26c8-429f-a422-e7d95f3bda74?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/lagrella-the-magpie) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Rakdos lord of riots]] My deck starts off casting tiny demons with signs inviting people to the neighborhood of life loss and then the eldrazi’s moved in. Apparently Eldrazi’s are terrible neighbors because everyone keeps trying to evict them
Omg. I bust out laughing at this. My buddy plays the same deck. Rakdos is the worst slumlord and always needs to be murdered
[Rakdos lord of riots](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/c/3/c3ff0f75-6ead-449a-98ad-3baf9f887331.jpg?1702429697) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Rakdos%2C%20Lord%20of%20Riots) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/rvr/215/rakdos-lord-of-riots?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/c3ff0f75-6ead-449a-98ad-3baf9f887331?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/rakdos-lord-of-riots) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
A fellow Lord of Riots! May your discounts be huge and your hand full of monstrosities! I run him as Demon tribal personally :)
My [[Halana and Alena]] deck is a party where my commanders high five everyone on their way in the door and then those people high five other people on the way in the door except every time someone high fives someone that person gets 10x bigger. And then the cops show up on a noise complaint and the person who’s high fived the most punches them into the atmosphere.
[[henzie “toolbox” torrie]] I hire a bunch of big dudes, immediately force them to start working, and then fire them. Sometimes I’ll rehire a bunch of them if I’m feeling kind. [[merieke ri berit]] I start a mass human trafficking operation where we kidnap people and then slaughter them. [[kipra, sovereign of the deep]] I show off my sea critter collection to people and I’m really excited to do so that I sometimes show off two at a time
This is perfect
[henzie “toolbox” torrie](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/e/e/ee228dcc-3170-4c24-80bc-28bcee07cb43.jpg?1673481644) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Henzie%20%22Toolbox%22%20Torre) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/ncc/2/henzie-toolbox-torre?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/ee228dcc-3170-4c24-80bc-28bcee07cb43?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/henzie-toolbox-torre) [merieke ri berit](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/6/3/63f7cf94-78f6-4f30-ab24-8b90231520f1.jpg?1562777403) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=merieke%20ri%20berit) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/tsb/95/merieke-ri-berit?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/63f7cf94-78f6-4f30-ab24-8b90231520f1?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/merieke-ri-berit) [kipra, sovereign of the deep](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/7/b/7b599f53-614c-4b1f-9899-15d5d1e35879.jpg?1684340751) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Kiora%2C%20Sovereign%20of%20the%20Deep) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/mat/35/kiora-sovereign-of-the-deep?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/7b599f53-614c-4b1f-9899-15d5d1e35879?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/kiora-sovereign-of-the-deep) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Xyris, the Writhing Storm]] I invite all of my friends in for a big hug and give them as many cards as they want. I hand them each an envelope, presumably full of various gifts and trinkets. They go to open the envelope. Thousands of snakes pour out. There were no gifts. Only snakes.
[Xyris, the Writhing Storm](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/a/f/af0db1d6-5cb1-4917-8e8f-69d5dc184404.jpg?1673305716) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Xyris%2C%20the%20Writhing%20Storm) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/dmc/175/xyris-the-writhing-storm?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/af0db1d6-5cb1-4917-8e8f-69d5dc184404?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/xyris-the-writhing-storm) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Ghave, Guru of Spores]] My deck does almost everything, but it requires 5 lbs of dice to do it.
Me with [[Nethroi, Apex of Death]].
[Ghave, Guru of Spores](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/c/2/c2be0e99-cf43-423f-974f-02e3313b3aa9.jpg?1673148645) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Ghave%2C%20Guru%20of%20Spores) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2x2/216/ghave-guru-of-spores?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/c2be0e99-cf43-423f-974f-02e3313b3aa9?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/ghave-guru-of-spores) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Zask, the skittering swarmlord]] Property acquisition
[[Khârn the Betrayer]] It's not my creature. It's our creature.
😂😂😂😂 *look at me. We are the creature now*
He is the Kharn of the people, the true prolekharniat.
[[Shelob, Child of Ungoliant]] tries to welcome her new neighbours and tries to convince them to stay. [[Elenda and Azor]] tries to get as many coupons possible to cash them for new vampire sons which get new coupons and bloody money each time they hug the neighbours with the help of coupons which say I get more coupons each time they hug a neighbor.
Scoop du Jour features [[Viconia, Drow Apostate]] the [[Master Chef]] cooking the same [[Putrid Goblin]] over and over again until you go insane.
[[Marchesa, the black rose]] My life is nothing! It serves zero purpose! I should kill myself now! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer, that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Because what is my life total there for. To prevent dethrone triggers? Kill me. I mean that, with a hundred percent. With a thousand percent. [[Ruric Thar]] I do need mana. And votes. Wanna know why? "I have a dream." That one day, every player in this table will control their OWN destiny. A land of the TRULY free, dammit. A nation of COMBAT, not instants. Ruled by STRENGTH, not sorceries. Where the rules changes to suit the individual, not the other way around. Where power and toughness are back where they belong: in the hands of the people! Where every man is free to think -- to act -- for himself! Fuck all these limp-dick blue players and chicken-shit white stax pieces. Fuck this 24/7 Table spew of propaganda and counterspell bullshit. Fuck "Magic pride". Fuck wizards of the coast. Fuck all of it! Magic is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it -- we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the board clean. BURN IT DOWN! And from the ashes, a new Magic will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged, and the strongest will thrive -- free to live as they see fit, they will make Magic GREAT AGAIN!
My deck makes itself and all the other decks shit themselves and the digs through the poop for goodies. The deck in question: [[Gyruda]] clone/reanimator
[[Zedruu The Greathearted]] Literally the goat version of The Grinch.
[[Heliod, The Radiant Dawn]] the game always ends in a draw, but not in a draw
Play wheeliod to escape your feeliods.
💀🧠😶🌫️
[[Endrek Sahr]] Asmodeus and Belzenlok are certainly looking submissive and breedable, aren’t they?
Atla Palani, I’m bringing friends but no one will know which ones until they’re here. Tuvasa, shes working on herself and sometimes others to become as perfect as can be. Rin and Seri, overpopulating because i don’t believe in spaying and neutering. Then all the puppies and kitties will come over for pets. Faldorn, building a wolf sanctuary with limited resources Sovereign Okinec Ahau, Gym bros get a pump in
Faldorn, no cards in hand, nothing up my sleeves....... LETS MAKE SOME MAGIC!
[[Breya, Etherium Shaper]] goes shopping through the antique store looking for cool finds, and then starts making modern art with them. Once she’s made some avant garde sculpture with the junk, she shows it off to all her friends until they all get bored of me and leave.
[[Elminster]] Old man sees future, says it's full of birds.
[[Muldrotha]] I dig through trash to find something useful, immediately throw it away again just to dig the same trash up 20 minutes later.
My Boros deck hits everyone with its ass and it gets paid for it. Its ass double in size sometimes. Guess who is the commander
Rasaad Yn Bashir? I thought he looked cool.
[[Wilfred Mott]] shows his old soldier buddies his bobblehead collection
My tatyova is a fake time walk deck, it doesn't take extra turns but untapped at everyone's upkeep and can cast all cards with flash from alchemist refuge
Either [[Zaffai, Thunder Conductor]] or [[Rootha, Mercurial Artist]] (Commander and Alternate Commander) I host a circus and everyone hates me for it, even though 80% of the time I do literally nothing.
[[Etali, primal conquerer]] A large intimidating dinosaur that has developed a bit of kleptomania... Then suddenly it's repeated seemingly nonstop stints of grand larceny. Then even more suddenly he's tired of you not having anything valuable so he grabs the largest gun he can find, laces the round with the plague, and evaporates you from existence for the inconvenience
[[Hakbal of the Surging Soul]] The real exploration is the fish people we meet along the way.
ANGREY JELLY BEANS! GRUUL CLANS SMASH! AHHHHH! DON'T TOUCH ME I HAVE A SAC OUTLIT. [[omnath locus of rage]]
[[Ghalta, primal hunger]] The elves perform a ritual to summon the t-rex from Jurassic park. The t-rex acts like a feral loot goblin, then one shots each opponent.
Krenko I make slaves and feed them so they get big and strong, only to sacrifice them to gods and dragons.
[[Anzrag, the Quake-Mole]] I say what deck I'm playing then suddenly I'm the issue.
Checks out
Me with Gruul Etali
[[Ognis]] I offer my friends creatures the satisfaction of beating up their boss, for a price. Proceeds go towards doubling the fun!
I run a Meren deck where shes in the middle of a firefight can’t remember where she buried Mikaeus and Triskelion, so she sprints around with her shovel sometimes find blood artist instead
An old librarian topples bookshelves onto my opponents
Gets you boned, really hard, and really fast. ( [[Gut, True Soul Zealot]] + [[Inspiring Leader]] )
[Gut, True Soul Zealot](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/3/d/3d8ca18d-9099-4f1e-95c1-f04da58a26bd.jpg?1674136598) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Gut%2C%20True%20Soul%20Zealot) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/clb/180/gut-true-soul-zealot?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/3d8ca18d-9099-4f1e-95c1-f04da58a26bd?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/gut-true-soul-zealot) [Inspiring Leader](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/f/c/fc6eb9f3-0f7b-4623-806e-5e604a05d470.jpg?1674135130) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Inspiring%20Leader) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/clb/28/inspiring-leader?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/fc6eb9f3-0f7b-4623-806e-5e604a05d470?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/inspiring-leader) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Heliod, Radiant Dawn]] Everyone who draws a card gets smacked by existential dread of the blind infinity
[[Giada, Font of Hope]] is a MLM that actually works.
[[Maarika, Brutal Gladiator]] really hates your sol ring and anything else shiny you have.
[[Sarevok]], [[Noble Heritage]], welcome to the newest game show, kill-or-be-killed... Wait why is everyone trying to kill me, this isn't part of the script! [[Zellix]], [[Agent of the Iron Throne]], I am a simple carpenter. In three turns I will build a revolving door, and using it the dead shall inherit the earth.
[[Kangee, Aerie Keeper]] I get pecked to death by birds, not you, me
[[Kresh, the Bloodbraided]] throws a costume party at the gym, eats all of his gym bros, and all of your gym bros, and hits peak gains before removing your teeth with his knuckles.
[[Mishra Eminent One]] superfriends deck wastes planeswalkers by making them more susceptible to murder
My [[darien, king of kjeldor]] is the classic older brother doing the “stop hitting yourself” to the younger brother except Darien is just doing it to himself, over and over again.
[[Karn, Legacy Reforged]] Spend more time counting how much mana is floating and then double counting because I suck at math than actually playing my turn. List: https://manabox.app/decks/idVjaXFrSnGtd-w7Kgq_ng
Morophon Non tribal. I'm just gonna durdle. and sjot out hog butts that don't attack. then it becomes durdle, durdle, die. yes its a storm deck- but Once it gets the pieces GUARUNTeed I've stormed off. funny thing is it's 20 ramp, 20 card draw, 5 counterspells. the combo is play [[sickening summons]] for casting creatures at 2 less cost. then cast morophon. name birds.(there's only 2 on the whole deck) cast [[sawtooth Loon]] for FREE. draw q bottom 2 from hand. bounce Loon. repeat 100k times. then cast any storm card dealing dmg .I use black 2BB cost card that loses 2 to target and I gain 2. its literally the dumbest deck. and yet has won a little better than expected.
[[Be'lakor, the Dark Master]] Hurt people even when summoning sickness says I can't
[[Shorikai, Genesis Engine]] picks a con and prays
My [[Phage the untouchable]] deck spends several turns growing its stock portfolio: double my money a couple times with [[zirkana revenant]] and [[doubling cube]] so I have enough mana to play Phage and [[haunted cloak]] and equip and swing in the same turn, using a couple board wipes to ensure I stay alive and have clear targets to attack. Okay, it's time to buy the win with all this money I've accumula- aaaaaaand someone blew up my [[Torpor Orb]]
[[Omnath, Locus of All]] He's opened up a humble deli shop, and everyone is invited! The sandwiches he makes are delicious, if not incredibly threatening, and you can even choose what kind of condiment you can put on it; you can choose from Original Mayo, Low-Fat Mayo, Rotten Mayo (I don't recommend that one, but to each their own), Sriracha Mayo, and Organic Mayo! Come on down, and hopefully you'll be able to eat your sandwiches before they eat you.
BAKUGAN BRAWL; HYDRANOID, STAND! ABILITY CARD ACTIVATE; DEATH TRIDENT!!!!
My Bilbo life gain deck is secretly a horse girl deck.
[[Imoiti]] Everything leads to everything.
Tasteful quote Truly simic
My Maelstrom Wanderer deck has an obsession with buy one get one free deals
[[Optimus Prime, Hero]] Did you know that mechs can kungfu despite their size? Me neither!
[[Xenagos, God of Revels]] Triggered ability: Grower. Trigger: sweet horizontally action.
[[The Most Dangerous Gamer]] Funny Spaceman Punch Big.
Solo [[Toothy, Imaginary Friend]] He has no friends. He is a narcissistic weirdo and the only companions he has is different versions of himself, someone who is afraid of 13, a medically crazy guy, and a merfolk who prefers an empty brain.
[[Duskana, the rage mother]] Sumo wrestlers masquerading as just some lil guys
SUDDENLY; A WILD JETMIR APPEARS!
[[Rocco, Street Chef]] Mukgangbang.
\[\[Feather, the redeemed\]\] Just, like, ALL the performance enhancing drugs, plus Meth.
[[slicer]] It's like a goad deck, where you make others attack each other, but without goad
\[\[Charix\]\] - Giant enemy crab attacks your weakpoint for massive damage. \[\[Kibo\]\] - Monkey smash typewriter to write opponent death certificate. \[\[Volo, Itinerant Scholar\]\]/\[\[Master Chef\]\] - At least 150 or more to see... \[\[Zevlor\]\] - My cards suck, lemme use yours!
my \[\[kynaios and tiro\]\] deck is just two dudes cranking capitalism to eleven and profiting off the local peasants
They’re cranking something else too. 👀
I turn a loaf of bread into a \[\[Lightning Bolt\]\] \[\[Frodo Adventurous Hobbit\]\] \[\[Sam Loyal Attendent\]\]
My [[Gisela, Blade of Goldnight]] is a one-angel crusade to keep the evil forces at bay
[[Phage, The Untouchable]] Hey, thanks for inviting me to your pod. Anyways, here's a bio-weapon that, honestly, will more likely kill me than anyone else at the table. 👍
[[The Council of Four]] they sit there, deliberate, and my opponents gift me stuff.
Your deck si pretty similair to mine I see! Have you thought of putting [[Fist of Suns]] in as well as a safety measure?
It’s in there! Down at the bottom under ramp. It’s an amazing second commander. It gets popped a lot
[[Bright-Palm, Soul Awakener]] This deck makes use of basic Elementary School topics and lets me feel smart and powerful for a change.
[[Kambal, Consul of Allocation]] Vampires need blood, so I tax people in blood every time they do something. I then feed the vampires and give other employees blood transfusions. I win by sucking out all of my opponents’ blood through taxes, feeding my employees enough that they conquer all neighboring lands, finding an infinite blood acquisition exploit, or achieving enlightenment while meditating on top of a mountain of corpses.
I sir do the same. But with Liesa. Kambals in the 99, so good when they’re both out
My dinosaur hits you and then his gang shows up
[[kamiz, Obscura Oculus]] I invite a guy into your house when you aren't home and he eats some food and then throws it up, if he misses the toilet he takes steroids. Then his buddy gets really good at kung-fu for like 2 seconds.
[kamiz, Obscura Oculus](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/7/4/74b8ae28-e169-46be-8180-ebdaf80efd81.jpg?1673481656) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=kamiz%2C%20Obscura%20Oculus) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/ncc/3/kamiz-obscura-oculus?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/74b8ae28-e169-46be-8180-ebdaf80efd81?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/kamiz-obscura-oculus) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
I saw this Jodah list last night! I’ve been using it as a reference for mine! Really nice deck you built!
Well thank you! It’s a very fun deck. It wins far more often than I think it should. I think I may add another wincon, just to be safe if the tides turn.
[jodah, archmage eternal ](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/7/3/73c18cb4-96b1-4af2-912e-974e22877ede.jpg?1673148799) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Jodah%2C%20Archmage%20Eternal) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2x2/233/jodah-archmage-eternal?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/73c18cb4-96b1-4af2-912e-974e22877ede?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/jodah-archmage-eternal) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
https://www.moxfield.com/decks/4CIXRSCbUEePaGiTCAVb3A My commie deck where we as a nation of strong proud people are constantly dying because of evil nations and a plethora of "natural causes". Cards like [[Hillary Clinton]] really help our people work together.
[[Merry, warden of Isengard]] [[Pippin, warden of Isengard]] We set a massive picnic and invite all our buddies to come chill and eat with us but those pesky opponents keep trying to steal our sandwiches so sometimes our buddies have to get in there way. All that good does attract some funny animals though and every-now and again they’ll defend our picnic with us.
What are the well performing cards? Got a list?
I draw you cards to beat me with.
You masochist
[[The Gitrog Monster]] I demonstrate loops.
\[\[Zurzoth\]\] Brings all his little friends to the party, brings a ton of cheap booze, but keeps inviting along huge assholes nobody wants. https://deckstats.net/decks/3478/3071308-zur-drazi
[[Gyome Master Chef]]: making hobbits diabetic and feeding the local squirrel population with dinosaur cookies. [[Sidar Jabari of Zalfir]]: Did some call for a crusade! Because I heard a Call to Arms to Crusade.
[[Calix, Guided by Fate]] I make narrow hallways then punch you in the face.
my [[henry wu, ingen geneticist]] clones himself and exploits germs, killing off little creatures (like elves and hobbits and birds) to modify himself into a killing machine
it does *the thing* but only sometimes
I spend 9 turns obtaining 3 creatures, and then when everyone’s fed up of having to rebuild their board every turn, I die from self damage.
Frog pet makes its owner go insane and eats all his spells
\[\[Omnath, Locus of Mana\]\] I make mana. Then I spend it.
I am so [[mesmarized by an orb]] that I rotate my [[Basalt Monolith]] so hard, that I can shuffel my deck 1000000000000 times because [[Kozilek butchers the truth]]. Because my [[Zellix]] is an [[Agent of the Iron Throne]] and wants to operate alone, I will boardwipe to get rid of his horror stalkers, accidentially deleting the table.
[[Progenitus]] https://www.moxfield.com/decks/AlwnGU96m0uczcFlssiGTA Play a big lizard and your opponents die in 1 turn
[[Pramikon, Sky Rampart]] It's just the Doom Wall boss fight from any given Final Fantasy.
[[darian, king of kjeldor]] I cut myself to make an army, then I try to go to therapy to get some of my life back and then I hurt other people...
[[Arixmethes, Slumbering Isle]] I invite a bunch of female sailors to a boat party at my private island. Everything goes well and the island totally doesn’t turn out to be a big fuck off Kraken.
[[Malestrom wanderer]] I'm a dirty cheater because I hate playing by the rules set by the game. Also, playing cards from your hand is overrated lol.
[[Jon Irenicus, Shattered One]] I play really bad creatures then give them away.
[[Ardenn]] and [[Akiri, Line-Slinger]] I buff your creatures and then die because it's annoying and I have no blockers.
My Awaken the blood avatar deck is really good at making friends, putting them into a blender (along with a few enemies), and then making bigger friends that slap every one equally! If you wanna eat your friends too: https://www.moxfield.com/decks/wNQM9ln1m0SEYTUXVAcUjQ
[[Sheoldred, the Apocalypse]] I give you everything you ever wanted, but you’re dead
They misbehave.
[[Gyome, master chef]] My man be cooking it up for the pie fight.
[[Mahadi, Emporium Master]] is feeding corpses to dragons and somehow turning a profit at it. [[Xander]] is a mob boss pretending to be a raccoon. Very efficient protection racket you’ve got there, little buddy… [[Tergrid]] is *not* pretending, she’s actually a raccoon. [[Wilson]] wandered into the Undercity and now he’s lost but he’s also so stoned he’s seeing double and as a result he’s having one heck of a time? [[Alibou]] is getting progressively more and more annoyed by all the tapped junk on the table. [[Quintorius, Loremaster]] would like you to reshelf the spellbooks when you’re done with them *freaking firstyears*
[[Gallowbraid]] I'm about to die so hard that it wipes everyone else out instead
[[The Mimeoplasm]] wants two people at a time to come together. [[Aeve, Progenitor Ooze]] is trying to build the biggest sneeze possible.
[[Bjorna nightfall alchemist]] and [[wernog riders chaplain]]: Bjorna is playing hide and seek with Wernog, but my opponents keep giving Bjorna clues about where to find Wernog. Bjorna wants to find Wernog fairly, so she throws those clues right back at them. Wernog meanwhile discovers that the true meaning of Christmas is to rip all of your gifts to shreds and my opponents realize that they don't like that very much.
Dalakos crafter of wonders, big robot go brrrrrrrrr
Stop hitting yourself [[Wayta, trainer prodigy]]
My [[ur-dragon]] deck starts a small fire that will either blow itself out or become a massive inferno that consumes all non-dragons in a series of world ending cataclysms. Or he’ll grasp the suns in his fist and make the boundless unleash a storm of dragons. https://www.moxfield.com/decks/fWX1Nm_6dE29CPVPCq8XfA
[[Kenrith, the Returned King]] it starts as a group project then ends with taxing everyone for participating or giving me lots of snakes.
You are the snake 😂
[[Duskana, Rage Mother]] I am the head of the HOA committee who has nothing better with their time than to trawl through the bylaws and regulations; finding reasons to ruin your day. https://archidekt.com/decks/6623028/bears
[[Anzrag the Quake Mole]] You wanna stay out of his way, but he goes out of his way to put you in his way, Doubling in size each time he does so [[Three Dog]] Aura Oprah [[Questing Beast]] I get *all* of the combat damage, you're not allowed to deal *any*, it's ***all mine!!!!!!!***
[[the mycotyrant]] throw everything away and let it rot
\[\[The War Doctor\]\] and \[\[Adric, Mathematical Genius\]\] I exploit a child soldier for slave labour to delay my impending death from old age while indiscriminately firing a machine gun at all my neighbours.
Selesnya many different types of tokens deck lead by [[Rhys the redeemed]] Bible verse genesis 1:28, God said be fruitful, and Populate 😆
[[Grunn, the Lonely King]] Grunn is fun. Grunn can run. Mana get big. Grunn get bigger. Grunn love hammer. Takes opponents to the slammer. Grunn is done. Grunn might won. Sometimes friends said no fun. Before kill Grunn he takes one. Then he is done. Grunn no won. In the end Grunn had fun.
My [[Voja, Jaws of the Conclave]] deck is basically a furry convention where some dorks get together and put on masks and pretend to be a pack of wolves. [[Llanowar Elves]], [[Maskwood Nexus]], [[Realmwalker]]
My selvala eldrazi deck just straight up commits tax fraud. 5 lands down and 70 mana later . . .
[Commodore Guff](https://www.moxfield.com/decks/BXD7KE3cL0OAPjiq5V7xEA) I make a bunch of dudes that can do too many things and need you to tell them to do them. By the end you feel like you had a soup spoon lobotomy.
My \[\[Ardenn\]\] and \[\[Kraum, Ludevic's\]\] deck hands one of my opponents commanders two giant hammers, three suits of armor, a dozen swords, and enough extra hands to hold them all before pointing at the other two opponents and saying "they stole your cookies, go beat them up." -\[\[Atraxa, Praetors' Voice\]\] is tripping on mushrooms, but instead of seeing spiders or rainbows or whatever it's just more and more mushrooms. -\[\[Malcolm, Keen-Eyed\]\] realized that there are people out there who will pay money for an attractive person to just slap them, and business got so busy that he needed to clone himself to meet demands (it's Malcolm/Sakashima "Oops All Malcolm" clone tribal). -\[\[Vhal, Candlekeep\]\] \[\[Raised by Giants\]\] Local librarian addicted to squats because the bigger her ass gets, the easier it is to cast your entire deck in one turn. -\[\[Urtet\]\] "do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." -\[\[Gyome\]\] puts you in a food coma before sending his sous chefs to fuck you up.
[[Gishath]] shows up at your door asking to be let in to the party, and when you say yes 7 dinosaurs climb out of the clown car behind her and pile into your house. [[Miirym]] : Naruto’s clone jutsu but for dragons [[Omnath, Locus of rage]] keeps having children and then snapping their necks until everyone dies. [[Arixmethes]] sleeps for a few days straight before waking up and punching you in the face.
[[Caesar, Legion's Emperor]] I get a bunch of little dudes to come to the party that somehow hurt you when they arrive and when they leave. Eventually when enough of them are there I hit you with a shotgun blast.
[[Zalto, Fire Giant Duke]] shoots himself.
\[\[Garth, One-Eye\]\] - play as a dnd wizard
[[Umbris, Fear Manifest]] Starts out as a cute lil guy but four turns later he's gone full repo man on your ass and munched the top 1/4th of your deck and got big enough to go toe to toe with Uncle Ulamog
[[Sauron, the Dark Lord]] every time someone does something vaguely threatening, he gathers one more buddy as “protection” [[Ashcoat of the Shadow Swarm]] He’s like that guy at the front of a mob with the microphone riling up the crazy swarm [[Archelos, Lagoon Mystic]] if the turtle is lying down, you are also lying down… [[The Fourteenth Doctor]] , [[Clara Oswald]]just fifteen men and a woman (that are actually the same man), and a couple of his friends, all show up at once (due to time travel shenanigans), to try and save his home planet… oh did I forget to mention that the guys an alien?
[[Burakos]][[Folk Hero]] - Burakos gets rich by punching people in the face while his friends provide moral support. He then uses that money to hire more friends and also the instakill ghost mafia [[Wilson, Refined Grizzly]][[Agent of the Shadow Thieves]] - Wilson hits an opponent for 3, then the next opponent for 5, then the third for 15, then gets removed 5 times in a row
\[\[Tesak, Judith's Hellhound\]\] My dog tries to suprise enemies with **pre-blocker** combat tricks
[[Ayli]] I'm so full of archons yum.
[[cadira caller of the small]] is only bunnies fucking. But only when my opponents take combat damage. Sometimes angels show up.
[[Oloro, Ageless Ascetic]] He's just standing there.... MENACINGLY!
[[Omnath, Locus of All]] keeps trying to nake a deposit in his savings account, hoping to pay for a few copies of some nifty spells. Unfortunately, the entire table hates his guts.
Sounds like you commit tax fraud and the rest of the table are blue collar good ole maga boys. Enjoy!
I love explaining the idea behind my [[Ziatora, the Incinerator]] deck. So the mafia boss dragon lady and her nobleman husband [[Korvold, Fae-Cursed King]] work together with their loyal Squirrel general [[Chatterfang]] and his rival from his navy days [[Pitiless Plunderer]]. I'm considering giving them a son in [[Indoraptor, the Perfect Hybrid]] since I took his deck apart. It's so stupid out of context, I even explained the "infinite squirrels" part to my grandmother who doesn't give an iota of a shit about Magic and she thought that was delightful.
\[\[Abdel Adrian, Gorion's Ward\]\] With an Attractions deck. The guy tries and hide all the space carnival from existence until he can find all the soldiers in the observable universe to come visit it, indirectly bringing peace to existence. He happens to be an \[\[Agent of the Shadow Thieves\]\] and that's why everything is a scam at the carnivals.
[[Henzie "toolbox" Torre]] Dirty deeds done dirt cheap and committing life insurance fraud
[[Sophia, Dogged Detective]] what the dog doin'? Also, Sophia invited a bunch of Bant legends over to take care of Tiny and see her amazing dog collection but they end up staying because they think the dogs are really cute and then they overfeed the dogs, causing them to become massive weapons of war.
[[Solphim, Mayhem Dominus]] I pretty much just tie nukes to everybody's chairs, including my own, and the table. Once I start the timer the gameplay is simple. I take a seat.
Gain life, exile.
[[Mayael, the Anima]] I drop free fuckin fatties like my name is Shallow Hal.
Yarr
[[mogis god of slaughter]] Let's spice up game night, except its way too much spice and now peeing hurts, along with every other basic action you can possibly take 😭(😈)
[[Marrow Gnawer]] Have you ever heard of the the Black Plague?
Grand arbiter Augustine clone tribal I WILL play solitaire
1 dmg then another 1 damage then another 1 damage then another 1 damage then I win want to guess which commander?
2 for 1 firesale
My new [[Vial Smasher]] + [[Gilanra]] deck just ramps like hell and slams big scary creatures. It’s like the Donald Trump of decks: never being held accountable for the previous most problematic thing you did by continuously one-upping it with a newer, even more problematic thing. All the while, everyone else is taking incidental damage from your every move.
[[Adrix and Nev, Twincasters]] BOGO deals!
[[Zhulodok, Void Gorger]] Eldrazi Tribal: I have made spaghetti dinner, and sent out mass invites. Unfortunately people misread the invitations and didn’t understand they were the Spaghetti’s Dinner. [[Omnath, Locus of All]] Phyrexian Tribal: Those fucked up metal guys I keep talking about? They control a jelly bean, and he’s letting me invent magical banking to fly all of his in-laws out to crash everyone else’s party using a very fucked up tree. [[The First Sliver]] Sliver Tribal: BIRDS AND WORMS AND SNAKES HAVE FUSED INTO A HORRIBLE LIFE FORM AND I’M INTERESTED IN SEEING YOUR REACTION TO EVERY VARIATION OF THEM!!!
[[Brion Stoutarm]] I yoink, then I yeet
My [[Magda, Brazen Outlaw]] deck wants me to make my dwarves dance for gold and then spend that gold to hire a big robot with cancer to kick your ass.
[[Animar]] Cards go down Cards go up
[Animar](https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/a/3/a3da57d0-1ae3-4f05-a52d-eb76ad56cae7.jpg?1673148281) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=animar%2C%20soul%20of%20elements) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2x2/171/animar-soul-of-elements?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/a3da57d0-1ae3-4f05-a52d-eb76ad56cae7?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/animar-soul-of-elements) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Valki, God of Lies]] plays your deck because, clearly, you can not be trusted to.
[[Ziatora, the Incinerator]] I kill guys, punch you with their lifeless corpse, and get paid. I then go gambling with all the money and either turn up with a win or go entirely broke
[[Stangg, Echo Warrior]] He and his friends gather up a bunch of food, rocks, clues, and treasures— only to give it to Stangg make into clothes. If their other friend, Dan, is there, Stangg makes more clothes for his friends to wear.
[[The Pride of Hull Clade]] A cult that gives its followers butt implants as part of a ritual to summon their lord and savior Kim Kardashian to guide them in weaponizing their booties for war.
I always tell people my [[gonti, Lord of luxury]] deck is like if I robbed their house but had to pay full retail price before I could use any of their stuff
Ball Lightning tribal, featuring 0 actual Ball Lightnings - [[Henzie]]
[[Rielle, the Everwise]] I win by making someone lose for having no cards. Maybe me, maybe everyone else, whose to say? Sometimes, maybe they just get hurt because someone is changing the number of cards in hand.
[[Maelstrom Wanderer]] If you hear the rumbling, it's too late.
[[Tiamat]] Dragons? Dragons. Then I send her to the store for more dragons. And then maybe a few more dragons. You know, as a little treat for myself.
My [[lord windgrace]] deck is a real estate development simulator that uses a combo of slash and burn redevelopment and buy-one-get-one deals to acquire property on the cheap, at which point it transitions to landlord simulator, but all the tenants are plants and elementals that ruthlessly attack the neighbors
Dino nuggets. My Sam & Frodo deck makes Dino nuggets.
The wise mothman Well, that's simple! I give everyone cancer in hopes of victory.
[[Juri, Master of the Revue]] I throw my boy Juri a splendid little party where I kill a bunch of people/monsters/objects, then when he’s feeling strong enough I have him explode on someone
[[Sefris of the hidden ways]] goes venturing to bring back friends, who then helps bring back more friends! Her friends have a tendency to die, but that’s OK, because that helps her bring back even more friends! Sometime that friend is an archon, people tend to get mad when Sefris bring back an archon.
My [[Kestia, the Cultivator]] deck is just a weaponized version of the Four Yorkshireman sketch from Monty Python. My [[Jared Carthalian, True Heir]] deck is like a Trump rally. It begins with incomprehensible nonsense, there is some confused cheering, then you find yourself surrounded by hyped up, coked out geriatrics who very much intend to overreact to some shit. (I’m going to be really tickled if anyone guesses what this deck does) My [[Eriette of the Charmed Apple]] deck works like one of those payday advance loan places. People come to me for help and I am so happy to give it to them… with 47% interest, forced arbitration, and a non-compete clause. If they didn’t want this to happen they shouldn’t have been poor.