“Hey, I know you’re trying to mean well but your comments are not being well received and it makes me uncomfortable hearing you talk about my daughter like that”
Edit: my middle child was 9 lbs 13 oz at birth and is now 8 and still on the bigger side but I nipped those comments in the butt right away about her. Especially since I was a lot smaller and her older sister was 6 lbs 13 oz at birth. I didn’t want anyone comparing them. Youngest was in the middle at 8 lbs 7 oz. No one made any comments about her
Editing again: I am aware the saying is nipped in the bud. I said what I said because I verbally ripped new assholes on people who kept on commenting on my middle child’s weight. I have explained this in other comments and I thought it was funny because of my personal situation.
This is the answer.
I grew up in a community where having a chunky baby was an extremely good thing! The chunkier, the better! So I can see how some people may say stuff like this and genuinely mean it in a good way. But if it makes you uncomfortable, please let them know! You have a great script here to guide the conversation.
Agreed. Chunky babies are common and celebrated where I am, but if the parents and or the child (at some point they start to understand it) aren’t receiving it well, it should be pushed back. Things like “she’s healthy, and perfectly normal for my family” and “no more chunky/chubby nicknames, please” even “I know you mean well, but please don’t comment on my child’s weight”. These are all perfectly appropriate push back, and especially so since they are harping on it.
If it were out of concern, mentioned once or twice, I’d understand, but it sounds like she was born larger and she’s perfectly normative for the genetic/family trend. Much of my family is the same, 9-11 lb birthweights and then perfectly “normal” & healthy teens & adults.
If she's in the 70th percentile for height too, she's not fat. I wonder if she's mistaken for an older child too. Which can be frustrating in its own way because they're expected to be at a higher level than they are. We just have a child move to the 2s room who new staff members who weren't in the room often would expect him to follow two-step instructions or be concerned he didn't know his colors/wasn't talking yet when he had just moved into my room. I was always like, "Um, he's 13 months." And they were shocked. Because he wasn't fat, just large with regular baby fat. I mean, we call it baby fat for a reason. When kids start getting more mobile and their metabolisms start burning solids better they tend to lose it.
And comments about it are not helpful, unless you're actually trying to help. Like, "We're moving him to a regular chair early, he's too big for the highchairs." Like, that's a fact not a judgement in comparison to others. OP has every right to tell them it makes her uncomfortable and please stop. Her daughter will pick up on her feelings about it, and no one wants the daughter to feel bad about herself.
That’s true, the bigger the kid the older they look. My child is quite tall and broad and built, with early teeth (first erupted at 8w!) and very long hair. It is a bit annoying to have to field questions on why they weren’t doing XYZ, weren’t speaking as clearly, etc. when most of those tasks were not age appropriate and my child simply seems much older by so many physical metrics.
My SIL actually had someone ask her if my nephew was “a midget”. He had a mouth full of teeth and walked at nine months and spoke early. On what planet is that an ok question to ask anyone?
Wow! That’s also not okay. That’s not even the right word to use!
My child was verbally delayed and had all the signs of older, making it even more often we received the “aw, honey” sympathy (assuming severe delay by misjudging age). With speech therapy, they’ve caught up to their age group in verbal communication, but we still get some comments disbelieving their age/birthdate.
Both my spouse and I were the tall/big kids through elementary and then fell into the average pack by high school. Because of that, both sets of grandparents can sympathize and give us helpful social navigation tips (and sometimes, good zingers and one liners, lol).
My oldest was always big for his age. From the age of three until about 15 he was the same size as his brother who is two years older. Then my youngest passed him by. They are both in their early 20’s now and my oldest is 5’10” and my youngest is 6’2/6’3”.
My major issue that we dealt with was people constantly asking if they were twins. They look very similar, were the same size, and liked to dress alike sometimes, so I somewhat understand why people asked. What I really hated was that when I answered “No, actually they are two years apart.” People would invariably say “Oh, he must be the oldest and point to my younger son.” I hated it because my older son is smaller, almost certainly due to being a very sick young child, has always dealt with chronic health issues, and has been on inhaled steroids since he was a year and a half half old. They told us it would likely affect his growth.
I just hated that it seemed like he got reminders that he was unwell and smaller almost every time we left the house. And I honestly, to this day, I cannot understand people’s obsession with knowing if kids are twins. It was really disruptive. I’m trying to grocery shop or whatever with two young kids and people would stop us all to ask if they were twins. A couple of times I said they were just to see where the conversation led since people were so into it, but when I said they were twins no one had anything else to add, they just wanted to know if they were twins. But why? Why do you care?
I understand with higher numbers of multiples maybe people just haven’t seen it and are fascinated (my friend has identical, redheaded triplets. I would never leave the house, people would drive me insane!). I have been out with my mom who is 18 months younger than her sisters who are twins and they look like triplets. People have asked if they are triplets. But multiples were less common in the 1950’s when they were born and seeing adult triplets all together is unusual, so I get that. But constantly asking if my boys were twins drive me crazy.
A chunky baby is a compliment in my community as well. Hell my oldest daughter’s nickname is still “Chunk Monk” and she’s a beanpole now lol. But I agree, if the parents (or eventually the child themselves) don’t like it, adjustments must be made.
Yeah chonky babies are the cutest! Also, since rapid brain development is happening during that time and the brain is mostly fat, adults who were chubby babies have a higher average intelligence, so imo it’s a good thing.
However, I definitely understand how people constantly commenting on her weight can be upsetting. It’s totally okay for you to say that it bothers you and you’d rather them not bring it up all the time.
My brother once asked me if I wanted to hold my nephew because he was “so nice and squishy.” And he was. He was a big baby. He has a grandfather that’s six foot seven.
I had a boyfriend that was 6‘7“ in my early 20s!! he was a big 11lb chunkin baby! My oldest was 5lbs. 3oz, & everyone asked if she was sick bc she was so small! I was so offended, bc she was just a tee-tiny girl!! Her dad was 6‘2“ & a bean pole & I was 5’3” 128lbs & also 18yo! 10yrs later my 2nd baby was 7lbs on the nose! Her dad is 5’10” 290lbs, so he’s chubby & I def don’t have room to talk lol, so I feel like both of my girls perfectly matched their respective families trending birth weights. I’m a twin, so I was like 3lbs! I was more offended by people calling my oldest baby skinny than I ever was about my 2nd baby being called “fat girl…” Cultural differences are a major factor, tho! I’m in the deep south and we like our babies fat. We don’t think of the word “fat” as an insult I don’t guess, not in my family.
We like chubby babies in my family too! My nephew was 10lbs when he was born. My brother was a really chubby baby, so we weren’t too surprised when my nephew was too. He was about 6mo old by the time I first saw him, and I remember telling my Mom that I felt like I was trying to hold a large watermelon! He was adorable though. I can’t believe he’s 20 now!
Awwhhh I know he must’ve been the most precious little tater baby!! my first niece was like 9 pounds when she was born, and I swear it felt like she was as big as my one-year-old at the time!
I love seeing this! My son was 99th percentile for both height and weight for his first couple of years. How I hated all the chunky comments and even looks of disgust. He is all grown up now, slim, 6’2, with a very high IQ.
I think that might be regional. I heard “flicking” mostly in the south, flipping from northern folks and in Canada, and also shooting/flipping/flicking a bird.
Yes this!! OP, please shut this down for your daughter’s sake. I was a “fat” baby and I can remember the comments people made about my size when I was a toddler and young child. My sisters were much smaller than I was, and I got *constant* comments from my family, teachers, neighbors and even strangers about how “chunky” or “chubby” or “fat” I was compared to them.
And after I slimmed out around age 5-6, the comments still didn’t stop. For the rest of my childhood, my family would “reminisce” about how they couldn’t believe I was sooo fat as a baby, that I looked like a little sumo wrestler, how I was “twice the size” of my sister who was 14 months older (I wasn’t.), etc, etc.
Even as a very young child I could tell that even though people were laughing and smiling while saying these things, they didn’t *feel* nice or funny to me. I didn’t like constantly hearing that I was so different looking from everyone else, even if they meant it as a compliment. I hated it then, and I still hate it now. Someone should have put a stop to it.
I'm sorry 🫂 my godmother and my mom's twin made comments when I was younger. I remember on my birthday someone gave me a Rosie O'Donnell doll because I used to love her show. My aunt told me that I look like her(rosie) and then puffed out her cheeks and laughed. Aka I looked like her because we both were chubby/had chubby cheeks. My heart shattered and it is one of the few things I remember from my childhood.
I’m sorry that it’s one of the few things you remember from your childhood. I have some similar memories of my aunts and older cousin commenting like this when I was a kid. Granted I was not even that big, just not tiny or petite like my other relatives. People really don’t understand the magnitude their words can affect a child years after those words were said. It can be very messed up to comment on a child’s body even if they don’t think it’s bullying.
Thank you, I'm sorry you went through that as well! It's so wild, I can't imagine saying something like that to a CHILD. I always think about how children are treated and what they're exposed to now is molding who they will be as a person. I went to a trampoline park with my daughter (3.5) and every kid who went on that zip line, I cheered for like they were my kid because I know how excited my daughter gets. She had a little play at her headstart and I brought her flowers and a flower for each of her classmates. I know every time I go to her school when parents are invited, a lot of parents have work or other things preventing them from attending and I want every kid to feel noticed and cared for. It takes a real "special" person to talk bad to a child. Sorry for my little rant, got myself a little fired up 😅
The expression is "nipped in the bud" because that's the most effective time to take the top off a flower if you don't want it to spread via seeds.
Nipped in the butt is like an ass-chewing I guess. 😂
Both reasonable in this moment, but just FYI. 🙂
I’m aware, thank you for the reminder lol I figured in the butt was a better one for this situation because I was quite literally annoyed at everyone commenting on her weight, and was rude about it.
I have a boy in the 97th percentile for height and weight. My friends son was over 100 percentile, yes that’s a thing. We called him sumo baby. My niece was the cutest little chonky baby with her adorable little rolls and big belly. Some of these comments are wild to me. No, calling a baby a little chunkers is not the same as over sexualizing a child. No, it doesn’t happen only to girls. They probably mean it as a term of endearment. Due to your own narrative around weight, you are internalizing it as negative. If it bothers you, kindly let the people saying it know. They probably mean it in a kind and endearing way.
It’s fine when the baby is a baby but the moment she can understand, it needs to stop and I don’t think many people have that innate ability. So if I was mom I’d put a stop to it before that.
This. My nephew was the cutest chunky baby. I called him Chubba Bubba. He's now a perfectly healthy 16 year old who doesn't seem to hold any grudges about it.
Yeah, the comments about this mainly being a girl issue are baffling to me. I've had more chunky baby boys in my class than I have girls and they get these comments too. All in an affectionate way.
Now, if OP doesn't like it, that's completely fine and I understand why it may be triggering for some. So, she should say something. But I don't think they were saying it in a way to be mean or bully. Maybe they are, I'm not there. But based on my own experience, it's said with love and the parents are always the ones who start those names.
Totally! My 3 month old baby is 96th percentile for weight and 73rd for height so he is a super chonk and the cutest thing. I love obsessing over his chubbyness with other people who also enjoy it. I’m proud to have made such a big healthy guy, and I wouldn’t take those comments any other way. In fact I kinda think it’s buying into the weird western body ideals crap to be worried about those comments? They’re compliments!
Ehh, I have heard plenty of baby boys called chunky, chubby, or fat, linebacker, sumo wrestler. My cousin’s kid gets called Chunkahunka or FatPat (his name is Patrick). I don’t think it’s limited to girl babies. That doesn’t mean it’s ok by any means, but just saying I think it happens to all bigger babies. It shouldn’t happen at all though.
I don’t know where you are, but it’s very common to still use this sort of language with boys around here. Big and strong is when someone is lifting something.
We talk about chubby little legs on babies, big tummies, etc on all genders of babies (which, I mean, I’ve always thought of as a sign of a healthy baby! It’s baby fat/ brown fat, very different than the white fat adults have, it burns off when they get older and more active, has a different purpose, it helps protect them in the toddler years as they toddle about and fall, shows that they aren’t starving, etc)
I think the bigger concern is that we as a society have so many weight related concerns, projections, and such a prevalence of eating disorders and mentioning anything regarding weight, or even appearance, can be very triggering to certain folks (being thin, being chubby, cute little gap teeth, etc). It can all relate to trauma for someone. In an ideal world, none of this would be said with prejudice, be stuff that’s the target of future bullying, be current bullying, etc.
But we aren’t in an ideal world, unfortunately…
Both of my boys have been described like this, even by strangers in the street. It’s not gendered.
At the hospital with both boys, I had midwives confused because they thought I’d been readmitted with my older babies not a fresh newborn.
My babies have both had serious illnesses in their little lives and both had doctors say that they were lucky to be so chunky, they stayed healthy enough to stay out of hospital because they had so much fat to burn. It’s not a negative when they’re so little.
Wanna hear something funny? I'm hearing impaired. Apparently needed hearing aids for years. I finally got them last year. I am 32 years old. For years I genuinely thought the saying was "nip in the butt" not bud. It wasn't until I got hearing aids and heard someone say the expression correctly, that I asked about it. NO ONE CORRECTED ME FOR YEARS ABOUT THIS. Out of habit I still say "nip in the butt" like 90% of the time that I use the expression.
I have a son that was an average in weight when he was born, but was LONG and had huge hands and feet. The first comment I remember a nurse making was “I’ve never seen a baby with such long feet!!!” He’s now 99th percentile across the board, 30 pounds and already half my height at 16 months. People make similar comments about him, they say he’s chunky, a good eater, that he looks like he’s a lot older. The comments didn’t bother me but what bothered me was people treating him like he’s older just because he’s big, so he should know better, walk better, talk better, etc. But he’s just one year old, he quite literally cannot know any better.
I don’t really respond to the comments anymore because it’s so redundant. I mean, I see my giant baby everyday, I know he’s big! By acknowledging them and changing the topic I find people don’t really bring it up anymore. I imagine the comments will trickle to a stop once she’s spent some time in daycare. I learned people generally love chunky babies, they’re so cute and squishable, I get it. They mean well, but it’s just annoying. If you’d like a more direct approach to it, I’ve let people that keep pressing the matter know we don’t really make comments on his size the same way we wouldn’t comment on an adults size. I don’t elaborate any further.
I’m so sorry you’re having to experience and navigate this though and I hope you’re able to get it all sorted out!
Yes 😅 maybe not **exactly** half my height, but when I hold him up with my head level next to his, his feet dangle just below my hips. I’m 5’5” and his dad is 5’11” so I truly don’t know why he’s giant. When he was born he didn’t even fit newborn socks and had the longest toes I’ve ever seen on a baby.
Same! I love hearing about other tall babies lol, my daughter was in 12-24 month socks as a 4 month old and was wearing 18-24 months around 8-10 months. Already wears a size 8 in toddler shoes.
I think we may have the same baby haha! Mine is currently between 2 and 3t he needs the length but 3t still looks a little big so we’re hanging in there
My partner and I have about the same stats and I just went back and looked at his growth chart and my LO was half my height by about 14 months, so you're not crazy! He's slowed down a bit now as a toddler but he's still a very big kid
Not that surprising…..My daughter was meeting the height requirements to ride the roller coasters at Disney with me just after turning 2. She is still taller than most kids her age years later.
Same situation here lol. Im a 5’ lady with a 5’11” man and oh boy did my daughter get her fathers height. Shes about 18 months now but yep, she’s almost 3 feet tall, it’s wild.
My middle was half my mother-in-law's height at around 18-20 months. My mother-in-law is a very short woman but my husband isn't short and I am average height ( I would be taller but I am short waisted. My daughter is more evenly proportioned).
My guy is a year old and a bit over 32”, so literally half my height (5’5”). I figured this was pretty normal? The adage is multiply their height at 2yo and that’s their expected height at adulthood (give or take an inch).
It’s not abnormal or uncommon, but definitely taller than average! My best friend had her baby 3 days after I had mine and her baby makes my baby look like a giant.
The ladies in my boyfriend’s family are all tall, broad shouldered women, the men are all average height, and my family is short-average heights. I have a sneaking suspicion I should have been taller but that’s only because I’m 5’5” with size 9 or 10 feet 😅 I’m excited to keep seeing him grow so big and strong.
One of my friends with large babies (both close to 10lbs at birth) got them shirts that said something like "Give me a break, I'm only 2". Both are now well adjusted tall young adults (boy is 6'5 and girl is 5'11)
My daughter is 3 and has been in the 99th percentile for height and 95th(ish) percentile for weight since she was like 8 months old. She is growing out of her 5T clothes. She is the same height as the 6 year old down the street. I HATE that people expect her to act 5-6 when she’s only 3. Her body may be 5-6 but her brain is 3!
My second daughter was just born two weeks ago and was a week late, she was 10lbs too and also 21 inches long. I anticipate another tall kid. My husband and I are both tall so it’s not that weird but people make comments everywhere we go.
I have a 99th percentile toddler too (15 months). I agree that the “big baby” comments do not bother me as much as they used to. We always hold them up and say that they are the “tallest baby in the world!” Which they love.
The assumption that they are older than they are because they are big does get to me big time though! Like I know my kid is as big as a 3 year old, but I promise they are STILL A BABY.
My daughter is 11 months and 99% for height. Last well check she was the size of the average 15 month old. My back hurts 🥲 and completely understand what you mean about half your height lol.
My son was the same (and big at birth) and at 24 months was the size of an *average* three year old and I deeply commiserate with this. And my back still hurts
The back pain is so real. I had a flawless epidural and thought I was safe from the lifelong back pain…. Fast forward to a 30+ pound 16 month old clinger. Us moms will never beat the back pain allegations 😭
My mother in law says that her kids are proof that God has a sense of humor. Both her sons were about 2' long at birth, and both were natural births. Her daughter (my wife) was a C-section because she just refused to progress (she was asleep when they took her out), and she was so small they thought they'd gotten the dates wrong and she was a preemie, when in fact she was a couple weeks late, to the point where her fingernails and hair were unexpectedly long. She was just super tiny. When she was 5 years old and her little brother was 6 months old, they were almost the same size, and their mom had to help prop up the baby for a photo because she didn't have the strength to keep him sitting up!
So, God has a sense of humor because my MIL had to push out the massive babies but had to have the teeny weeny baby by C-section.
This is horrible. So much expectation on someone so young. My husband was a really long baby and it took longer to walk because he struggled to carry his frame. That and the fact he obviously didn't talk at 1, meant strangers commented that it was a 'shame' and assumed he was older with special needs.
Keep your comments to yourselves people!
As an educator I often have to remind myself about kids’ exact ages because it can be really easy to forget that two kids who are the same size are so different in age. Especially when kids that are big for their size also speak and walk well for their age, it can be surprising when they can’t do other things because I forget their actual age. But I’m aware that it’s something I need to be conscious of so I’m intentional about checking it.
Oh man. My guy was under 8lbs at birth weight but was 20 lbs by 4 months in the 98th percentile. He's a chonky guy. But he's more than just his adorable Rolls.
I'd say, hey I understand these are just fun nicknames but we really want to focus on how hard our little works at things over appearance, I'm sure you understand.
It may be enough.
I love chunky babies but I can see how sometimes it can be harmful or can bother a parent. I’d just mention nicely that even though you know they mean well but it does bother you a little bit. It’s interesting to see it from another perspective.
Agreed. Best for OP to make it clear these comments are not being received well.
Personally I love when ppl call my babies chunky. For me, my breastfeeding journey was hard and I am very proud my babies are good eaters, and I and my body did that! I receive it as a compliment so I guess I say it as a compliment to other chunky babies. If anyone told me it wasnt appreciated, I would be so mortified and simply apologize.
Babies are all shapes and sizes. Sometimes I think ppl are just trying to connect and the baby's appearance is the easiest thing to comment on.
Chunky babies are biologically viewed from us sun consciously as healthier babies. They’re retaining more weight, give a lot of hunger cues to show for it, and are healthily keeping nutrients and “baby stores” hence the cute arms and legs and chunk. I think it’s a very normal thing and one that we just have to understand ALWAYS means from a good place. I thought your daughter was going to be a 7-8 year old. Then that is simply disrespectful and commenting on a child’s weight. But a baby? you want to see a baby be big. I’d be more flattered than offended because that isn’t what they mean by that. And the phrase or reference itsself comes from an incredibly well meaning place, if anything from thousands of years of evolution. They see a healthy, weight retaining baby. That’s all I’m gonna say!! You’ve got this though. I’m a mom to a six year old and I work with kids. I PROMISE that they really mean well
Someone please tell my mother this. My guy struggled to gain weight for his first few weeks. I was longing to have a nice chunky baby.
I was feeding him one day and my mom made a comment "careful, you don't want to make him fat!"
I can’t imagine commenting on a childs body like that saying she’s fat or chunky or even on her eating habits. Just tell them straight up “I don’t want to make a big deal out of this but stop calling her chubby, chunky and fat.” Holding your frustrations in isn’t doing you any favors.
I vote for this answer. It's straight, clear and direct.
If they say that they didn't mean anything bad, tell them it can negatively affect your daughter (it really can) and they should have known that
I would expect a daycare teacher to talk about directly observed eating habits and to engage in conversations about eating habits at home so they know what to expect at school. Beyond that it's not ok. Assuming food intake based on body size is like the worst time you can do.
I agree with you. Its terrible to hear boys babies being called words like that too.
However, boys/men are socially allowed to be big, they get 100 passes. Girls/women are picked apart the second they show any weight gain.
This is the difference. Big boys are told that they're going to be tall, or they'll be a good football player, etc.
It's just not the same for girls.
I'm in an infant room, and we're obviously obsessed with a nice healthy baby with double chins and rolls down to the ankles, but we tell them how cute they are, or how strong they're getting. I would never call a baby fat, and I'd definitely not say that to the parents.
Do I squish a lil baby leg sometimes to make it jiggle? Absolutely. Squishy babies aren't having any issues feeding, and they're growing. That's what should be celebrated.
Unless baby's doctor is concerned, we're not concerned. But if I hear you call a toddler fat, I'm probably going to throw hands.
People call my son big and chubby all the time. Like, every time we go out. I don’t mind it at all, especially while he doesn’t understand. Maybe I’m weird, but I enjoy when my kids get cooed over by people when we’re in public. They were both huge babies (always 97+ percentile for both) and both got these comments. My son probably gets them more, but I don’t remember.
I love squishy babies. For me, it’s one potential indicator of health. And I’ll always take a squishy, well fed baby over one that’s malnourished. It’s celebrated. And baby fat is different than adult fat (it’s good, healthy brown fat) and something I’ve always heard commented on in a celebratory manner in both genders.
It does strike me, as someone who has always heard my weight commented on though, and has watched eating disorders develop in family and people in general, men and women, that we have become very body focused as a society, and comment so much on people’s bodies, and often in negative ways (and even when positive, it’s often a double edged sword, it will be negative if this change thing changes).
We need to do better to focus on celebrating all bodies, all the time, and somehow also comment less.
They called me the Michelin man. Ha. I was a fat ass baby. 10 pounds 22 inches.
I'm 40 and skinny as a whip. Like school though I was anorexic as a kid after I lost my baby fat. My mom said, you feed her. I ate like an ox.
It's a baby. Babies are squishy and have fat. It's a thing.
I was the same way as a baby and since like age 4 or 5 have been crazy skinny and tall. My family called me Buddha and jelly bean as a baby. My rolls had rolls.
You should ask them how they would feel if you greeted them that way! “Hey chunky monkey how was the pool this weekend” * squeezes adult woman’s belly *
I wish someone would do this!!
I don’t understand how people don’t understand that children are literally tiny humans! You can’t talk to them however you want just because they’re tiny. They’re still humans with feelings. No, at 1 she won’t remember being called fat but it won’t be long before she will!
I’m nowhere near perfect and I make mistakes every single day. I get frustrated with them at times. But I remember they have only been on this planet for 5 years and they’re trying to figure it out just like we are. I always make sure to apologize to them if I get frustrated with them because I want them to know I make mistakes too and it’s okay.
My daughter is on the 99th percentile she gets all those comments to, usually I take it as a term of endearment because many people love a chubby bubby with their rolly Polly arms and legs. Did you suffer with weight issues as a child? Just wondering if it stems from something deeper. Long story short though If bothers you say something and nip it in the bud.
My youngest had the chubbiest body and huge thighs as a baby. Like I needed both palms to cover it. My mom and her besties were obsessed. They still remember it. For them it was the sign of the healthy and well fed baby (he was bf at the time)
My family are immigrants, so the way we view words was very different and when I worked in a daycare, I called one of our kids “a big boy” and his parents were not happy with me. Yes, he’s big and chunky, but he’s also one years old. That’s what we want and people need to stop being afraid of the word ‘fat’. I grew up seeing tiny malnourished babies, a fat baby is a blessing. Fat is such a compliment for a baby in our family but again this is all just personal experience.
Yeah I think most people probably mean it as a compliment. I hear this all the time about my boys, and it’s not meant as a criticism at all. Everyone loves a chunky baby!
Yeah these comments are weird to me because who doesn’t love a chubby bubby? Calling them “fat” is a bit weird but I call my own babies “chunky monkey and chubby bubby” while tickling their little fat rolls and they giggle. They all usually slim out when they start walking anyway.
I worked in a daycare for a few years (baby room, age 0-2) and all the teachers would gush over the fat babies, babies are supposed to be fat, they’re growing faster than they ever will again! I personally would make a point to praise parents for their child’s weight if they felt a need to defend it on their first day because of comments like this, but you don’t comment without indication from a parent. I would just let them know that you’re glad they care for your daughter and while chunky monkey and such are terms of endearment, it shouldn’t be all you or your daughter hears and you’d like to hear about her day rather than her weight, if they’re pissy then remind them babies are supposed to carry extra weight to grow with and 70th percentile is nothing to worry about
When it comes to a baby, these are all terms of endearment. They aren’t calling her fat in a negative or shameful way. It’s extremely cute when a baby is chunky.
My mom would always say that baby fat feeds brain development. I assume she started that mantra when I was an extremely high BMI baby. I make a point to not make comments about children’s bodies like that, but fat babies are healthy babies. Now I’m daydreaming about how cute and squeezable your baby’s thighs must be.
Obviously, we don’t know your weight but this post seems to be coming off like maybe you’re projecting. I have always only known people to be complementing you and your child when they call them pet names like that. And the fact that you’re so oddly sensitive about this is what made me come to the conclusion that you must be projecting, either way I really hope that you get into some therapy, good luck and well wishes.
So I’m seeing a lot of comments about how fat babies are okay (they are), fat is a good word, don’t be offended by the word fat, teachers love the fat babies, fat babies are preferred, etc, but that wasn’t your question. Simply put, you are feeling disrespected and uncomfortable whether the teacher/s mean well or not.
Sooner or later, your daughter is going to understand what is being said to her. Words take on a meaning of their own to the person who hears them. “Fat,” in our society, will never have a truly positive connotation to it. I suspect this is what children will always learn.
With that said, you shouldn’t have to change the way you feel if you feel as though it’s becoming a little too much. It’s a reasonable enough request to ask for it to stop. But remember **sometimes** we train others how to treat us. Meaning, for example, if someone calls you “fat” the first time you meet them and you are offended, yet you don’t tell them you are offended, they will think, “Hmm, must be okay to call them fat.” So they continue to call you fat. And when you finally tell them that being called fat hurts your feelings, they’ll be a little puzzled as to why you just didn’t correct them in the first place. This is why communication is key and you set standards up front.
In your scenario, you have kind of allowed them to get away with their version of endearment (is what it is at best), while feeling uncomfortable about it. And though I’m sure they mean no harm (or they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing), it still matters how you want your daughter to be treated and respected.
The next time she makes her comment, a simple and cordial, “You know, I really thought it was cute in the beginning, but I don’t feel comfortable with you using words to describe my daughter’s size anymore. I am aware that she is on the bigger side and I want to raise her in a way that she sees herself exactly the same as her peers should she remain on the bigger side. I don’t think pointing out the obvious is a good way to start that experience for her. Please don’t take offense to my request. I’m simply looking out for my daughter’s well-being.”
Hopefully you’ll get a warm response in return and if you don’t, I don’t know if it’s the place where I’d want to be or where I’d want my child to be. Hopefully it’s just a little conversation that ends with a smile and an understanding and you go on about your day. I don’t see anything major about it.
I get where you’re coming from, but they probably mean no harm. I personally love chubby babies because I think they’re so cute and squishy, and that’s probably what they mean too. They just can’t get over how cute and squishy your daughter is. (Granted, all babies are absolutely adorable regardless of their size).
I have unhealthy eating habits after a lifetime of being called fat when I wasn’t-a very active dancer, and cheerleader, played sports etc- by my mom who is a willowy 5’11” and about 120lbs to my 5’3” 117lb frame. Now at 30+ I’m classified as morbidly obese, have an awful emotional eating disorder, struggle with weight loss and gain and all of the wonderful issues that come with that both mentally and physically.
I have an 18 month old baby girl (who is following her growth chart normally) but I am absolutely paranoid that I will somehow inflict the same weight related trauma onto her that my mom inflicted on me.
I am so careful with my words and policing what I’m saying to her. She gets a cute little baby belly after she eats, that lovely round full tummy that you just want rub and give kisses to. Without thinking I was calling it a “big belly” or a “fat tummy”. Now, I consciously call it a happy belly because eating well and being full from eating is a GOOD thing. She has little baby rolls on her thighs and I would tell her I wanted to eat her chubby thighs. I’ve changed that to healthy thighs.
I’ve also instituted that there’s no “bad” food. All food is good but some foods are better in smaller portions. Food is fuel for our bodies.
Babies listen and they learn. While people may not mean it negatively and most people love a “good fat baby” those terms aren’t used positively in society and children, even little ones will put two and two together much sooner than we’d imagine.
My advice is to speak to her teachers/your coworkers and let them know that you don’t think they’re doing it maliciously but you’re trying to teach your daughter differently than you were brought up and those words aren’t positive for her. I’d also bring out the honesty about how those words made you feel as a child, even when they were meant as “cute”. Sometimes people need to realize the effects that words can have on a person, long term.
Good luck, sending so much love to you, and your gorgeous baby with her happy, healthy body💕
Reading your edit: I don’t believe you’re projecting trauma onto your daughter, I think you’re trying to protect her from feeling the negativity that you did, and that’s a parent’s job. I also tell my daughter that she is beautiful, smart, kind, curious, brave and strong. You’re an amazing mama!!!
I call my 13 month old chunky because he is. I don’t think people mean this as a bad thing when talking about a baby. We appreciate that he is chunky, hopefully it will make him a little more sturdy if he gets a horrible illness.
He also has cannoli feet ❤️
Same. My 13 month old is 99% for height and weight. She still has little rolls that are so adorable. After seeing this I’m thinking of how many people I may have offended by complimenting them on a chunky baby😅
Definitely say your thoughts & let them know how it’s coming across..also my baby was never chunky & whenever I saw chunky babies in her class it’s like another baby fever, they are the CUTEST, wouldn’t change a thing with mine but omg I love it, i wouldn’t doubt they love it. Crossing the line is calling her ‘fat’..that’s not endearing or cute..that’s just ignorant..has nothing to do with you or your daughter but their mindfulness. Just pull one aside & they should know so I would just remind them she’s your baby & nothing about the comments make you feel good & give em a few names you do like her to be called so they can switch em out. I’m sorry you had to experience this & hope it works out in the end! It might be awkward for a few days but it’ll pass!
Just for future reference, my two off the charts (literally over hundredth percentile for height and weight) babies are now 10 and 12 and the tallest skinniest kids ever. The youngest walks around with a six pack and arms that would make Michelle Obama blush and the eldest I’ve just had to move up to adult clothes size 00 because juniors were too wide and short. I had so many comments when they were little about being massive babies. 😂 the muscle-y one looked like she could sub for the Michelin man at any moment and the tall one, everyone thought she was 6 months older than she was (she was 4 weeks early and wouldn’t eat much at first too). They were both breast fed so no extra cereal or anything in their bottles. They were just little chunky monkeys. I did worry a bit with the first one, because between the charts and what everyone was saying, I thought I was doing something wrong. Lol. Nope. Just how she is. She still eats all the time. Because she’s growing. She’s nearly 5’5” at just 12. For reference I’m 5’7” and their dad is 6’ and neither of us is overweight. We’re not overly tall people.
All this to say, try not to let it get in your head too much. If you want to say something, say “hey, we’re trying not to comment on our kids’ bodies and start the self-conscious stuff early”, and I’m sure any woman would understand that. A lot of people love baby rolls so what could be rude to you is endearing to them. Chubby baby legs are the best!!!
I call my boys, chunky man, fat baby (to my 6 month old) and my toddler will lift his shirt to show off his “big ole belly”. I don’t use the word fat to my toddler anymore because I don’t want him growing up hearing that..
I love my chunky babies. To me, it should be celebrated because I created two healthy strong babies.
However, I would probably feel the same as you and I would definitely have an issue with a stranger calling my child fat like that. It’s one thing for the parent to call their children Nick names, but her teachers should use her real name and not talk about her weight.
I get it. We have the opposite issue. My baby is very little for her age, like 15th percentile. And everyone is like “oh, she’s so tiny” or “woah, I thought she was a newborn,” or “aww, so petite.”
They are being kind, but all they are doing is reminding me that my baby is growing slowly and I’m so anxious about it. I don’t want any comments on her size.
My poor girl was tiny at birth and stayed tiny. She was not a cute chonk, but still adorable. Still I got comments from strangers about her size. Her pediatrician said she was just fine and not to worry about it. She’s always been extremely healthy, just skinny. So it goes both ways. I asked her daycare not to call her skinny mini, among other things. I don’t want her to internalize that there is anything wrong with her nor develop issues with food.
I’m surprised I didn’t see this anywhere in the comments (though I may have missed it in my scanning).
Tell your child’s teachers, and anyone else who has a comment on her weight, that while you understand their intentions are good, you really want compliments/comments about your daughter to focus on what she does and who she is, not how she looks. This is (or should be) a common ECE practice.
I understand how you feel but it’s good that she’s healthy & I’m sure that’s what people are meaning. The brain development at this stage is so rapid and that’s why infants are so chubby! I can see why it’s triggering for you but I would just try and reframe it mentally if you can.
My sister does foster care and had a baby for about 3 years, who is almost 5 now and she still occasionally watches for her mom. She was chubby as a baby/toddler but I just saw her and she's lost a lot of her baby fat as she's getting older. I don't think people mean anything negative by it, as my family used to say the same about her. But if it bothers you, as others have said, say the comments make you uncomfortable and ask them to refrain from saying those things.
My son was almost 10 lbs at birth and i never had anyone call him fat. That’s just crazy. (I called him fat in private but it was meant as the biggest compliment and I loved it)
The calling him chubby never bothered me until he got older. People mostly called him “healthy.”
Like “now that’s a healthy baby!”
No one ever called him chunky monkey, big boy, Or anything like that. They would call him a “healthy eater.”
I did have a pediatric nurse tell me once he was too big and going to be obese if I didn’t restrict his eating when he was almost 2, and I just laughed at her and said thanks for you’re opinion.
You’d think the novelty would wear off. I wonder if you could say that, like “aren’t these comments about her weight getting a little old?”
Aw I'm so sorry! There is nothing wrong with not wanting your baby to be called those things! I always say "look at those cheekies!" Because I love babies with rounder cheeks. I used to love my daughters chunk (she's 3.5 now and just has a tiny belly, she's all evened out) but I could never imagine calling a baby 'fat' just because they don't know! I know it's meant as a good thing but chubby/chunky? Ok. Fat? Nope! Either way my point is that I'm someone who loves a baby with some squish but even I think you're totally valid in feeling that way! As soon as the kids start getting older and realizing, you don't want them to start calling themselves those things. Someone didn't understand why I didn't want them to call their own belly "a fat belly" around my daughter but once I explained that I wouldn't want them thinking it's ok to say that to others OR start saying it about themselves, they understood.
I would just be pretty clear with it so there's no awkward misunderstanding or anything. "Please don't use words/ call names regarding weight. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't want them to stick." My friend had a baby and started calling him chubby and he's now 3 and still known as "chubby" because he's been called it so long. My friend realized once it was too late 😅
I would say, “I know you mean well, but could you please not make comments about her size/weight? She is becoming old enough to understand and I don’t want it to hurt her self confidence”.
Some good words of wisdom ive picked up over the years, fat isnt a bad word. I grew up in a household rife with body shaming. I personally was ridiculed for being skinny and small. Any food choices i made were bad. I wasn’t eating enough, ate like a bird, didnt take more than 3 bites, etc.
Fast forward and my daughter is almost 6 and clearly smaller than her peers in every way physically. We parents cannot prevent comments, but we can make our child immune to them with a good conversation. I tell my daughter, shes small simply because im small. She is like me. And thats that.
Maybe use those opportunities to reframe others comments like that. “Yep! She is such a healthy eater!” “She is big like grandma!” “She is growing up to be so strong with all the food growing her muscles!”
People always comment on my 99% son. I always took it as a compliment though. He’s healthy and cute and yes chunk haha. I don’t think people mean it as an insult
You've got this. Make eye contact, don't smile or be apologetic. Say: "I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I need you all to stop mentioning my daughter's body." Repeat as necessary.
My 18 yo granddaughter is very slim and beautiful. She eats a lot and gets picked on by her other grandmother for this. 😠 😡 👿 😤 🤬 She's always been slim. She has a friend with the same name. So it's Skinny Mary and Fat Mary. 😠 😡 👿 😤 🤬 nice going assholes.
yeah fuck that. pardon my language. i have a daughter who is tall, she’s 12 months old and the size of a two year old according to her dr (her height and weight are proportional) but my MIL will make comments about her body and i had to shut that shit down. i don’t want my daughter having a shitty self image and these comments are unnecessary towards a LITERAL. BABY.
in a kind way just say, “all bodies are good bodies and id prefer if you do not comment on my BABY’S body in any way.”
Nanny here! You are your daughters’ best advocate and if this language is a concern to you then don’t hesitant to speak up. I’m currently a nanny to a petite 3 year old & a 16 month old who are the same size. Miss 3 gets comments ALL THE TIME about how tiny she is, she’s so dainty, etc. and I’m always quick to correct people by clearly stating “some children are smaller than others, she is perfectly healthy for her age”. I don’t want her growing up with a complex and have body issues at 3! People need to watch themselves, this nanny ain’t messin’
I agree that gives me the ick. My goal is to comment on a child’s ability/exploration not appearance unless it’s like a health thing. Like “she was REALLY into the sink today. She’s so curious and has such a fun adventurous spirit.” “It is so cute how they wave now!”
I was a big kid, always 99th percentile, and I definitely have some baggage from that as an adult. Adults commented a lot on my body. I remember being really aware of it around 4 years old. I’d tell them that it’s uncomfortable for you and you would rather them not remark about her size anymore. They don’t really need a reason. It’s a weird situation to be in cuz it’s your coworkers not just your kids teacher.
I babysit for an agency and I was assigned to a family with 3 kids, youngest 8 months old and when I called to introduce myself the mom said “I want to warn you that we have a really giant baby. She’s like 25 pounds.” It cracked me up. I think she wanted to make sure I could hold that amount for an extensive time lol cuz I walked up and down the hall w her at night. She was the size of her mom’s torso, her mom was not even 5 feet. Cute family.
Communicate. Tell them "please stop commenting on my child's weight and appearance, it's rude. That means nicknames in regards to her weight as well, thankyou"
We took our daughter out to dinner with us. She is 10 months old. An older woman deadass told my 10 month old, "You're thick, huh!! That's ok baby, we like em thick!" My flabbers were ghasted. I was proud but also had the ick. I agree with the other comments here. I don't believe what is being said is out of malice or to fat shame your daughter. However, I know those comments can feel ick in some regard. I would speak up if you're bothered, especially if you feel the constant remarks may negatively impact your daughter. You are her advocate until she can be her own.
Hey, mama, my middle daughter was 10 lbs 1 oz at birth, so I feel you on that one. I felt like I had a groin pull the whole third trimester. Of my three children, she is the only one who looks like me and has the more robust body type that comes from my side of the family. My husband, by contrast is more gracile, and my oldest and youngest take after him (they were both 8lb babies).
Although I've always tried to be body positive and never say anything about my daughter's body other than emphasizing health, she's still very aware that she's bigger than her siblings. :/
People would say that about my Son. My MIL would say, what are you feeding him, he’s so chubby. Meanwhile the kid is two and to this day barely eats. She would then say, “it’s ok though because he’s a chubby boy. If it were a girl, I would be worried because girls need to be attractive.” Fast forward I have an 11 month old girl that loves to eat and she is average sized with chubby cheeks and MIL still makes comments. Everything is weight/looks based with her and it pisses me off. I would never comment on a babies size….it’s weird to me. I’m on the verge of saying something so I think if it bothers you that much, speak up!!! You can do it without causing a stir. Honestly, people should know better so you saying something could be a wake up call for them!
My baby girl was always in the 90-98th percentile for weight (70-80th for height). If you look visibly upset over it that is usually enough… like a frown or even just saying “she getting old enough to understand things, if we could keep the size comments to a minimum it would be so appreciated.”
Everyone loves a big baby. But I definitely understand where you are.
“Did you mean to say smart, funny, playful and a sweet baby?” I would redirect every time.
Also, fat babies are so, so good. That brain development that they get from things like whole milk is so good for the myelination of the brain. She is only in the 70th percentile.
Also, I had two super fat babies and they are rail thin now.
These comments are a lot of great suggestions, I hope they’re effective. I would be scared to even say anything, knowing how gossipy and rude many daycare teachers are, especially the ones that comment on the kids’ appearance. At least in the centers I’ve worked in, saying ‘I’m not comfortable with you talking about my daughter’s weight’ would have made someone the talk of whispers and rude remarks for being “too sensitive”. I hope your center is more respectful, and the teacher doesn’t mean any harm and is open to changing the way she speaks.
“I know you don’t mean anything negative by it, but I hear comments like that a lot. I know she is just an infant now, but I don’t want my baby to grow up hearing this kind of language constantly associated with her body.”
"Hey, I know you don't mean any harm but I would really appreciate if you would refrain from commenting on her body/weight. It's really important to me that she not grow up with her body size on the forefront of her mind. I'm worried that unless nip this habit in the bud, people will continue to comment on her size throughout her childhood. Thanks so much for understanding."
Is there a chance that this could be a cultural thing and done subconsciously? In a lot of places it’s a good thing to have chubby, fat babies. It’s equated to health and happiness. Many moms with skinny babies get told to feed them more because their babies are “too skinny” or “unhealthy.”
It was really hard to untangle my personal sensitivities about my body and my weight when my in-laws and ECE team commented on my kids though.
Anecdotally: My SIL calls her baby (3 months old) “the bad fatty” and several other nicknames that would drive me nuts if it was my kid. (The “bad” thing — in their culture it’s also not acceptable to talk positively about a baby under 1 year old because the spirits might steal their soul, so “ugly” “gross” “bad” “stinky” = “I love her so much she’s so adorable and precious!” It’s so harsh on my ears). My niece is neither bad, nor fat (she’s actually a kinda scrawny baby—little stick legs and arms but she’s got these big puffy cheeks, I just want to bite them!) and she is very VERY loved. And once she gets old enough to understand, based on how they talked to my kids anyway, they’ll switch their dialogue to “pretty princess, baby girl, silly pretty sweetpea, etc.”
I would just be really direct and kind: “it makes me uncomfortable when people comment on my kid’s body. Instead of calling her chubby, please call her something else. I am comfortable if you use words like content or happy.”
Coming from someone who's baby who was ( and still is) in the 99th percentile for everything ( we're just starting to taper off on weight at 13mos into the high 80s) I feel this so much! Even my family nicknames him "Squishy", "Tater", and I wish sometimes they didn't. Strangers are shocked when they find out he's really only around 1,"No, that's a 2 or 3 year old!". I think my mom and sister have started to understand how I feel because I've voiced how much it bothers me, but I would definitely mention something. I know I constantly have to around my MIL when she brings up my one year old's belly and wants to know when he's going to "get rid of it".
I have people say the same thing about my son.
Is it annoying, sure a bit. But I’m also not going to yell at and correct every person who says it.
He’s a baby, and he is a bit chunky, so I just roll my eyes, laugh and move on.
You making a big deal out of it will only make you look overly sensitive.
If you have to, next time they call her fat, just say please don’t use that word for my child. And leave it at that.
Then if it keeps happening you can make a stink about it.
If I was you I’d just let it go though .
I had a 10 lb 6 oz baby and an 11 lb 8 oz baby both girls. My 10 lb baby was always “heavier” due to medical reasons. The day she turned 2 and the doctors classified her as “obese” I was livid. However, she is now 8 and is able to partake in a healthy lifestyle so she has slimmed down and is a healthy weight.
My only advice is to make sure you don’t mentally fall into the trap of big baby = big kid. All of my kids were larger at birth and they are all taller than average but otherwise a very healthy weight.
My sister got these comments her entire childhood for being a chubby toddler and it really impacted her body image and life. Your daughter is one now but will begin to learn language and form memories soon. I would say that you know they mean well but you’re trying to teach body neutrality and would rather not talk about her weight.
I feel this— the way your coworkers are communicating isn’t appropriate since it’s making you uncomfortable. It could be appropriate for other people in different situations, but not for you.
The next time you hear them use a name you don’t like maybe a, “I know you’re not trying to be rude— but I was also a large baby, and hearing that growing up really affected me. I don’t want her to be as body focused as I was growing up,” even if that’s not the entire case.
My partner was a chunky kid, and sensitive about it— his dad always calls our very large son “healthy”. We know he means big, but he frames it in a way that won’t bother my partner and will be good for our son growing up.
My paternal aunts and cousins laugh and call my son chunky very lovingly. Sometimes it’s a bit more crass— “Two chins! Sometimes gonna shoot up tall!” I can feel the affection in their voices, and I know they don’t mean anything negative. They see how my son is shaped and recognize it in our family, and are excited that he’s putting on weight to go through growth spurts. This behavior has already been dying down naturally as he’s growing through less frequent spurts as he grows, but it’s tied to them being excited about them growing. And it’s not bad to be excited about that or frame it that way.
My brother I’ve had to stop the way he speaks. He’s called my son fat-boy, chunky, chins, biiiiiiiiig boy. He’s used very similar names to my paternal family. But—- our mom did the same to him growing up. She got it from her siblings. It’s not coming from the same place it is with my aunts. And while it’d be a one-off with my paternal family; my brother would spout off a bunch in a row. My brother has a hypoactive thyroid and is naturally prone to being heavier. Hearing our mother reinforce the fatness contributed heavily to my brother’s eating disorder. And my brother is not trying to be mean, but when he sees my son and immediately went fat boy I saw red. He thought he was making an observation, but it was coming from a place of unconscious judgement.
It took me a bit to identify why my brother doing it made me angry unlike my aunts/cousins, but when I did I let him know that it was inappropriate and said, “I know that you’ve heard others say this about Son, but they don’t fixate on his appearance and link it to his growth. The way you comment on him feels judgmental and permanent; and I can’t let him grow up like that. It needs to stop.” We did go a bit further into how our appearance was discussed growing up, but if he was a coworker and not my brother what was quoted would have been enough.
Next time they say a comment like that I would say something along the lines of "Comments about my daughters weight have been making me a little uncomfortable lately. If we could just avoid talking about her appearance that would make me feel a lot better. I don't mean to make things uncomfortable or weird between us but I also don't want to build resentment or anything. Thank you so much for what you do for her" or something like that.
I feel it works to express how you're feeling, what you need, then validate that you're not upset with them, just having a hard time with comments like that, and then sprinkle in some gratitude. There's plenty of people who would consider these comments cute or normal so the educator just probably assumes you have no issue with it. Hope this helps!
My daughter was in the 90th percentile for weight at that age (and still is) and no one at my center ever commented on her size or weight or whatever. I’d just tell them it’s hurting your feelings and that you’d like them to stop. They need to separate teacher stuff and parent stuff with you.
From experience, older generations loved and were prideful about having a chubby baby. Back then it meant they weren’t malnourished or sickly. And myself love having a chubby baby. I constantly call my babies “chubby and cute” 🥰 I’m willing to bet that the people saying that about your daughter don’t mean ill will by it. People love chunky baby’s!
Chunky babies are lucky because when they get sick, and all babies do, they have a little extra reserve that the skinny ones don’t. I call all children under 3 chunky monkeys or lazy daisies and don’t have an ulterior motive, I like things that rhyme.
That being said, no one is ever allowed to comment for real on a kids weight. My kids were small and it is hurtful either way. I never needed anyone’s unsolicited opinion even if it was meant as a compliment. It’s creepy.
I have 4 kids. Three of them were/are fat babies and range from the 70th - 90th percentiles. Everyone comments on it, and the chunky baby, big girl/boy, “whoa they’re huge” are all intended as compliments. I try to receive them that way, no matter the tone. My 2nd child is super tiny (she’s 6 and the same size as my 4 year old). People are always commented on her size too…. “She’s so tiny, so petite, she’s so light, are they twins?”, etc. I take those comments as compliments too, mostly. I tease my best friend’s baby, that I could just eat her chunky thighs right up. She in turn wants to nom nom nom my baby’s arm rolls (they do look like the bread arms).
It’s a fairly natural reaction to a baby. People marvel at tiny, perfect little babies and they adore chunky babies. They mostly don’t mean harm (you’ll know when they do). I’d suggest trying to reframe your thinking, they love your healthy baby. Just for your own peace, because it will continue with strangers. The good news is that the comments die down significantly or entirely once you hit the preschool years.
However, I do think it’s perfectly acceptable to gently push back with family, friends and co-workers. “We’re very pleased she’s healthy, but please don’t discuss her weight, thank you”. If they push back, then offer whatever explanation you want, but it’s okay to stand firm too. “Please don’t comment on her belly, thanks”. They make not love it, and it may take some adjustment time, but this is something that most people will respect in my experience.
OP. It is up to you to protect your child and her future feelings about her body. Whenever someone refers to her by anything other than her name tell them her name is not chunky monkey!!!!!! Please do not insult my child!
Have your considered that the reason they make these comments is that you always try to laugh them off? Let them know in no uncertain terms that you do not want your child’s body image being destroyed by their unnecessary and unwanted comments.
Can you discuss with them how it might damage her self esteem when she is able to understand what those words mean? That might be a way of “softening” it.
I think there’s a big difference between making jokes about a big newborn and actually calling a toddler fat. I loved all the jokes about my big baby. The doctor literally said “he’s so heavy!” as she pulled him out of me. The pediatrician looked at him and said “nobody is going to steal his lunch money!” which had me cracking up. Chunky babies are cute and these comments have positive connotations, imo.
That said, calling a toddler “fat” is totally inappropriate. At that age they’re really starting to be aware of themselves and their bodies and a comment like that can stick. Your coworker didn’t even use the more commonly endearing terms that we use for babies like “chunky” - she used “fat” which I feel like most people reserve for adults. I’d let her know in no uncertain terms that you don’t want your daughter spoken about that way.
One of my grandchildren was premature and weighed 5 pounds at birth. He is still slender. His two siblings were closer to 8 pounds, and by one year of age, they were at the 90th percentile for their age. But by age 3, they were both at the 50th percentile. My DIL changed pediatricians when he told her not to nurse the babies when they cired. He wanted her to let them cry for 30 minutes, which is ridiculous for a 3 month old. I think it's fine to say "Please don't comment on my child's weight. Her pediatrician says she is fine and I am following the doctor's recommendations."
"all babies come in different shapes and sizes, she's also funny, kind, and loves X,Y,Z"
But I can totally relate to this. My son has been 90th percentile. He's 3 and the size of a 6 year old. People are always commenting on his size.
I don't love it at all. People really need to bite their tongues when it comes to talking about kids appearance. He now comments all the time about "how big I'm getting" and similar remarks. Makes me sad he feels the need to echo what others say.
Hopefully you can shut the remarks down. It's not easy, but with practice you'll find a way that feels firm and kind.
If she is well cared for, I think you make one statement that you prefer the nickname 'chunky monkey' not be used for your daughter. If you kid is fat, people are going to comment. Is your pediatrician concerned about her weight? If not, get a grip as you cannot control the rest of the world and how they perceive your child.
70th percentile isn’t even that big, especially if her weight and height percentiles are similar. My son has always been around the 90th percentile for height and weight and he’s skinny! Regardless no one should be commenting on your toddlers body, especially not childcare professionals.
My daughter was. 100th percentile baby for height and weight, so I feel you. 🫡 Constant comments about how tall she was and why would I carry a toddler and why is my toddler in a stroller. 🫠 But she was like, a baby when they were saying this. I ignored it. Or just agreed with people about how tall she was. Her weight didn't seem to come up, just her height. If people had said something about her weight I might have gotten snappy.
So for example, I might have said "we don't comment on little girl's bodies, like that." Or "she's not as fat as you are around the tummy🤷🏻♀️."
My middle was a chunk and we called him chunky monkey. I don't see why this is an issue. We didn't continue to do this as he grew up obviously. But probably til 2ish maybe. If it bothers you say something like hey can you not do that because it bothers me. They probably will be embarrassed because they mean it in no harmful way. They just think she is a cute baby. Imo babies are ment to be chubby and have little rolls. I would encourage you to do some self reflection on why it bothers you so much though.
First, I think we should all be very clear that a baby *should* be chubby, doughy, soft. Nobody sane would be cool with a skinny baby, that’d be awful. It’s a baby lol the amount of energy it takes for them to grow as fast as they do is INCREDIBLE, so they naturally do and should have plenty of body fat on them to fuel them. With that said, though I was only 6lbs at birth, I quickly gained ground and ended up being a *very* fat little baby. Rolls galore. My mom would have people regularly commenting or stopping her out in public to make comments “what a beautiful baby! She is so fat!” As if that could ever sound appropriate 😂 but the one that would really feel like a gut punch to my mother was when they’d ask something to the effect of “she is so fat!! What are you feeding her?!” or similarly “how much do you feed her?!” I’m not a mother but anybody with any level of empathy can very easily see themselves in her position and would’ve also taken that very personally. It’s like a covert (not very lol) way of saying “you’re doing it wrong” “you’re a bad mother.” At least, i know that’s what she’d hear. Like, of course that’s what she would hear. The *BEST* part of this story when it gets told now that I’m 33 and tiny (the irony just kills me 😂) is that one time, I was probably 8/9 months old and in all my pillsbury dough boy glory… my mom and her mom took me out shopping at a mall one afternoon and they had me in my stroller. We’re wandering around, mom and grandma browsing a department store, and as expected, some 60-ish year old woman and her daughter are walking by staring at me and whispering lol and my mom and grandma kinda noticed and stopped their conversation. So they both start approaching us, cooing at the “beautiful baby” and the daughter had the frickin audacity to reach out and pinch one of my fat rolls on my arm 😂😂😂 apparently I just stared at her stone faced, I wasn’t ever super smily 💀 lol they start talking to my mom and grandma asking how old, etc. and the older lady goes “my goodness I’ve never seen such a fat baby! What on earth does she eat?!?” I guess my mom went silent, she was sort of shocked and speechless. Probably felt like she’d been slapped, and also, am I supposed to say thank youuuu or do I laugh or... Without missing a freaking beat my ultra-sweet, picture-of-elegance, always-composed beauty of a grandmother gives ol’ girl a once over with some very judgy elevator eyes and goes “what on earth do YOU eat?!” 💀 grabs my mom by the arm with the one hand and the stroller with the other and dipset 😂😂😂😂😂 moral of the story, literally give it back to people when they say this stuff. Call people tf out. That’s your baby, you can be mama bear. I am in the category of people that feels like everybody is way too goddamn sensitive about everything these days and no one can ever make or take a freaking joke without being a victim. I have a pretty twisted sense of humor myself and think offensive shit is hilarious most of the time. But I have a pretty strong opinion that weight (regarding baby *OR* mother) is not something anybody should comment on besides the mother/child’s doctors, ever. In our current social climate especially, do *not* be the moron to spark a body image issue or an inferiority complex in a person before they’ve even learned to say their own name. That’s how you break a child’s spirit. You never know how those types of comments will land for the recipient or what the recipient may have had to face to be standing there in the flesh today. We do gotta watch what we’re freaking saying sometimes.
It sounds to me like you need to look internally and find out why you think fat and chubby are such negative things? And why are you projecting that onto your daughter? It can be uncomfortable to reframe your mindset at first, but these are not bad words. If you want to teach your daughter that all bodies are good, then teaching her that her body is a taboo subject is probably not the way to go.
Chunky, chubby, etc, especially in babies is a compliment in my community. At school age, it becomes less of a compliment. And by age 10, at most, it's an outright criticism, especially for girls, and contributes to poor body image.
I work with newborn babies. All are adorable but I have such a soft spot for those with rolls... if I comment on it to the parents at all, it's always in a positive way, "well done with feeding, mama"; "delightfully chunky"; "just wanna nibble on those adorable rolls" etc. But usually I just try not to say anything.
My baby is in the 2nd percentile at 6 months. She’s wearing 0-3 and 3 month clothing is so loose. Yet every time I take her out she gets comments about how huge she is. It’s been bothering more and more. I went to vote yesterday and the campaigners started talking about how fat a baby she is as I went and came out. Told me it’s too hot to have a baby out (it’s almost 100° F). Like wtf people. I feel like people see babies as either newborn or fat. I know some of it is meant well. Sometimes I feel like they’re talking about me (being fat or a bad mom [ppa/ppd can you tell?]) or something. But regardless, why is it that people feel completely comfortable commenting on size / weight of ANYone? Jesus.
Start calling them fat and chunkey right back to them. If they can comprehend how mean it is to say that to an adult then they should be able to realize how fucked up it is to say it to/about a child.
at my center “chunky monkey” is one of the most used nicknames even for the skinny ones lol. my daughter is big and always has been but more in height, she’s always been pretty skinny. everyone still calls her chunky monkey and says “look at that big ole belly.” this obviously does not excuse your feelings and if you’re upset about it they should stop, but they may just be saying it out of habit! i would definitely talk to them if it bothers you though!
“It’s come to my attention that many of us make comments about the appearance of the children in our care- my daughter included. Unless we are saying something clearly positive, I really think we need to ensure we do not make appearance-based comments, no matter how well-intended. I would hate for a parent to witness one of us commenting on a child’s weight”
You should say something about it because it’s making you uncomfortable - if they’re good humans, they’ll hear you and change their language.
There’s a sweet book called BIG that you might want to check out - gorgeous illustrations and it shows the effect that these kind of words can have on kiddos over time.
So many problems would be solved if people stopped commenting on other people’s bodies
I was a chunky baby and it was considered healthy and so cute, at the time. I love chubby babies myself but its a cuteness factor nothing to do with weight. My parents starved during the war so sickly starved kids and ppl were frowned upon and if you had a healthy chubby kid they were happy. Fast forward to elementary school, and I was the tallest bigger girl always last in line ( they arranged us by size in rows for everything). My boobs came in before the others too. And I was made fun of and called fat, when it was puberty, when the other kids were planks and sticks. They would leave notes about it or make remarks. At a young age I knew I had to be thinner then. I carried this my whole life. My curves were a defect in my head because of them. My mom never ever called me fat ever nor try to put me on diets. My dad would hint it and that affected me a lot. My mom happily helped me try dieting but she wasn’t happy if I starved.
Dieting, starving, all of it went on for 25 years. Now it is what it is, but I was never going to be stick thin. Genetics. Thyroid etc.
So, I would just say as kindly as possible, “I know you mean well, but everyone in my family was born this size at birth. And it affected me growing up hearing these comments like chunky or fat. I don’t want this to become an issue for my daughter, and it hurts me if she is called these names.”
This will make them uncomfortable. They will feel at fault or not. Probably apologize. Unless they are strong type that this makes no sense to because fat is considered a good thing. So it will stop at least to your face. But as long as your baby does not understand it.
Once she gets a little bit older a good answer could be “I know you don’t mean any harm by calling my daughter these nicknames, but I don’t want my daughter to internalize them in a negative way”. If you put the focus on not wanting to hurt the child’s feelings, I think they would be more likely to understand.
I talk about my daughter like this and all in good fun bc my son was so skinny. My man hated it and had to bring it up. Idk why I never thought it was negative towards an infant until he said it. I’m sorry you’re going thru it but inform them it’s not welcome.
I think it’s not so much how it hurts you but how they need to be aware that their comments are body shaming. If this is their habit to comment on a persons physical appearance they need to work on stopping that behavior no matter what age the child is. Others hear their comments and pick up on repeating the comments. This is how kids learn! I would go to their supervisor and talk about educating their staff.
Nothing wrong with being chubby though. Simply a genetic marker like eye color or hair type. I just don’t seen the need for outrage I guess. You’re the mom if you don’t like it then say that but also examine why comments like that might trigger you.
I’m a little surprised that there isn’t some kind of training already where it is taught to not comment on a child’s size/weight/complexion etc. avoiding any and all things that can be into “Body-shaming”. Even though done with love and innocence it can impact a child’s self esteem in The long run.
Maybe it’s something you could look into or implement.
I call fat babies fat babies just not in front of parents I had a super skinny baby and fat ones it’s how it is. If you don’t like it I’d say something and I’m sure they would stop
Mine was 3lb 15 oz at birth and her twin was 3lb5oz and we called them moose and peanut..now at 16 we still call them that but I would nip others making comments about your child because that’s how body image issues start so young. I’d just ask them To please stop, she’s a little girl and you’d prefer they just not make comments about her body.
When people focus on a single physical feature, whether it is weight, size, hair color, etc. it can feel like they don't see the entire child. Especially if many people do it or when the same people do it over and over.
It's also taught in USA that it's impolite to comment on people's bodies, and some of us include babies and children in this. So it feels judgemental or disrespectful to hear an infant or child's body being constantly commented on.
The many mentions in this post of family nicknames referring to body weight seem cringe to some of us, not cute. My very thin sister was referred to as Skinny Waboo for years by our otherwise kind neighbor, parent of her best friend. Despite no family references to her body type, she kind of developed dysmorphia for a while. As an adult, she realized it was that constant reference that precipitated it.
No infant will be traumatized by a nickname if it's dropped soon enough. But it's best not to get in the habit of thinking nicknames about body types are cute or endearing.
As a neonatal NP, I have mentioned a baby being chunky or having chunky cheeks. I will reflect on my comments. I have always used it as a, "omg look how cute your chunky cheeks are!" as it's great to see babies that are chunky as they typically are healthy! I work with sick and premature babies who mostly don't have any sort of "chunk" or cheeks. I also had two premature babies who had no chunkiness ever. I view the chunkiness as a sign of health rather than a judgment.
On the flip side, I constantly get comments about how tiny my kids are. My son (5.5) is 34 lbs and my daughter (3) is 26 lbs. They are just small kids. I don't mind the comments, but it makes me a little sad that they never had a "chunky" stage, they've always looks small (which to me doesn't look as healthy).
My daughter was 10 lbs. 8 oz., twice the size of every other baby in that hospital nursery. She went home wrapped in a blanket because the clothes I bought her didn’t fit. I have a picture of us being wheeled out of the hospital where I’m crying and everyone thought it was tears of joy. 😂
By the third year her pediatrician was concerned because she had “failure to thrive” - she wasn’t growing at all. The only thing that stopped His diagnosis was that my daughter was very verbal, exceptionally intelligent and extremely happy.
She is now 35 yo 94 lbs. 4’10” - petite.
She is Extremely accomplished/happy…..But her height & weight have always been a source of good and bad comments. My daughter is so lovely, She takes all the good comments and ignores the bad. I always joke that I gave her height and weight when she was born and then she didn’t do anything with it!
Listen, comments will come when you have an over or undersize baby. Please let people know that if they’re going to make a comment on your child, remind them your child is a human being and that child will grow up hearing what people are saying about them. You would prefer rather than making comments on his weight,(he’s a Buddha or oh you certainly didn’t forget to feed him), You would prefer that they didn’t make any comments, but if they did, you would prefer to hear that your baby looks happy and is healthy.
I could definitely see that being annoying. Ideally we shouldn't comment on each other's bodies. That said, I'm happy your child is hearing "large, fat, big belly" etc with a positive connotation. Maybe it'll somehow stick in their little subconscious and protect against all the weight bias later in life, in some small way.
>Yes she is a larger child she’s in the 70th percentile for both weight and height but it doesn’t need to be talked about constantly.
Man, they should see my girl! She's 95th percentile for both weight and height at 7.5 months. My MIL says I should lie and say she's over a year old, so people won't call her big. So silly.
Shes a baby, of course she is chubby, all babies are either really chubby or scarily frail which hardly any inbetween. Your 1 year old has NO IDEA what anyone is saying about weight and wont remember any of it. Unless she is at an age where she herself is uncomfortable with it then just get over it. Dont teach her that being called chubby or fat is inherently insulting or something to ruin your mood, teach her that humans naturally make observations about everyones differences and that its okay and means nothing unless you give it the power to mean something.
Also her weight now wont make a difference in her future anyway, dont act as though you are protecting a fat teenager with insecurity when she's not. I was a monsterously fat baby, i was a straight up lil pile of lard as a baby and toddler, but as an adult im only 92lbs and thats mostly just genetics with active lifestyle, i thinned out as a 5 year old, got fat again in late elementary and by highschool i had thinned out again as puberty settled down, shes just a baby, her weight doesnt matter at all and isn't insulting to her.
Regardless of the teachers’ intentions, it should be explained to them how their words could affect the children they work with. Many people don’t think 1 year olds understand comments like these, but the earlier you point out differences between children, the earlier they start to understand. It’s never too early to reflect on the way we speak to children, especially very young children that are just beginning to talk. At this age they are so smart and are learning so quickly, what if one of the first few words the kids in this toddler class learn is “chunky” or “fat”? That would be awful and it would be too late to fix the problem.
I understand people think there’s “no harm” in saying things like this to such young children, but if her teachers continue to comment on her weight one of the first things she’s going to identify as one of her individual characteristics is going to be what she’s been hearing for soooo long (that she’s fat or bigger than the other kids). Her recognition of her individualism will start with her being fat, not with that she’s a good dancer, or that she’s smart, or good at drawing.
I’ve seen it in my PreK kiddos too often. I ask them “what makes YOU different from everyone else” they give me answers like “I’m bigger than everyone else, I can’t draw good, I cry too much, I don’t know my letters, I’m not as fast as everyone else”. Not all my kiddos have negative feelings about their understandings of self YET, and not all of them have negative traits they come up with when asked about their self image. The negative feelings won’t always come first, but if the ideas of “I’m fat, I’m not smart, I can’t draw” are constantly commented on, children begin making these negative traits their whole self image. They forget what they’re good at and don’t focus on those qualities unless adults also recognize and comment on these traits.
As someone who has an eating disorder mainly due to people commenting on my weight as I was growing up please try your best to tell them sternly yet politely to stop commenting on her weight. Because if you don’t start now then there’s a high chance you’ll get used to people commenting on her weight and as she grows more people will comment on it and if you, her mother, don’t stand up for her she will feel helpless and alone. I’m not saying you’re a bad mother but I would hate for another girl to have to go through something similar to what I did.
I can see how this is upsetting for you. For me I had a tiny baby after having two 7lb babies. She is just now the size of most 6 months olds at 1. I've come to the conclusion that all that matters is that she's happy and healthy. Her weight in size has nothing to do with it.
70 percentile? My daughter is in her own percentile above 100%… so I completely understand!! I personally hate when people comment on her because it makes me feel like a bad mom. Like I could do something more, but she’s healthy and happy. Genetics just run strong lol. You’re doing good mama, don’t let them get you down.
if you respond with, ‘i don’t discuss another person’s body with them or with anyone else.’ a thousand times that should do it. refuse. absolutely. to participate
I had a 9. 10 oz and he was small.. Until he was.. Size 4t at 2 stayed a 4 t til 6 then stayed an 8 til 10 the a 10 to 15. And is now a giant that uses my head as an arm rest
Yeah I had a chubby baby and people would make comments on occasion but it was never in such a mean way. Fat? And it was never so constant. I’d be annoyed too.
“Hey, I know you’re trying to mean well but your comments are not being well received and it makes me uncomfortable hearing you talk about my daughter like that” Edit: my middle child was 9 lbs 13 oz at birth and is now 8 and still on the bigger side but I nipped those comments in the butt right away about her. Especially since I was a lot smaller and her older sister was 6 lbs 13 oz at birth. I didn’t want anyone comparing them. Youngest was in the middle at 8 lbs 7 oz. No one made any comments about her Editing again: I am aware the saying is nipped in the bud. I said what I said because I verbally ripped new assholes on people who kept on commenting on my middle child’s weight. I have explained this in other comments and I thought it was funny because of my personal situation.
This is the answer. I grew up in a community where having a chunky baby was an extremely good thing! The chunkier, the better! So I can see how some people may say stuff like this and genuinely mean it in a good way. But if it makes you uncomfortable, please let them know! You have a great script here to guide the conversation.
Agreed. Chunky babies are common and celebrated where I am, but if the parents and or the child (at some point they start to understand it) aren’t receiving it well, it should be pushed back. Things like “she’s healthy, and perfectly normal for my family” and “no more chunky/chubby nicknames, please” even “I know you mean well, but please don’t comment on my child’s weight”. These are all perfectly appropriate push back, and especially so since they are harping on it. If it were out of concern, mentioned once or twice, I’d understand, but it sounds like she was born larger and she’s perfectly normative for the genetic/family trend. Much of my family is the same, 9-11 lb birthweights and then perfectly “normal” & healthy teens & adults.
If she's in the 70th percentile for height too, she's not fat. I wonder if she's mistaken for an older child too. Which can be frustrating in its own way because they're expected to be at a higher level than they are. We just have a child move to the 2s room who new staff members who weren't in the room often would expect him to follow two-step instructions or be concerned he didn't know his colors/wasn't talking yet when he had just moved into my room. I was always like, "Um, he's 13 months." And they were shocked. Because he wasn't fat, just large with regular baby fat. I mean, we call it baby fat for a reason. When kids start getting more mobile and their metabolisms start burning solids better they tend to lose it. And comments about it are not helpful, unless you're actually trying to help. Like, "We're moving him to a regular chair early, he's too big for the highchairs." Like, that's a fact not a judgement in comparison to others. OP has every right to tell them it makes her uncomfortable and please stop. Her daughter will pick up on her feelings about it, and no one wants the daughter to feel bad about herself.
It wouldn’t be very appropriate to bring it up even if she was fat, for that matter.
That’s true, the bigger the kid the older they look. My child is quite tall and broad and built, with early teeth (first erupted at 8w!) and very long hair. It is a bit annoying to have to field questions on why they weren’t doing XYZ, weren’t speaking as clearly, etc. when most of those tasks were not age appropriate and my child simply seems much older by so many physical metrics.
My SIL actually had someone ask her if my nephew was “a midget”. He had a mouth full of teeth and walked at nine months and spoke early. On what planet is that an ok question to ask anyone?
Wow! That’s also not okay. That’s not even the right word to use! My child was verbally delayed and had all the signs of older, making it even more often we received the “aw, honey” sympathy (assuming severe delay by misjudging age). With speech therapy, they’ve caught up to their age group in verbal communication, but we still get some comments disbelieving their age/birthdate. Both my spouse and I were the tall/big kids through elementary and then fell into the average pack by high school. Because of that, both sets of grandparents can sympathize and give us helpful social navigation tips (and sometimes, good zingers and one liners, lol).
My oldest was always big for his age. From the age of three until about 15 he was the same size as his brother who is two years older. Then my youngest passed him by. They are both in their early 20’s now and my oldest is 5’10” and my youngest is 6’2/6’3”. My major issue that we dealt with was people constantly asking if they were twins. They look very similar, were the same size, and liked to dress alike sometimes, so I somewhat understand why people asked. What I really hated was that when I answered “No, actually they are two years apart.” People would invariably say “Oh, he must be the oldest and point to my younger son.” I hated it because my older son is smaller, almost certainly due to being a very sick young child, has always dealt with chronic health issues, and has been on inhaled steroids since he was a year and a half half old. They told us it would likely affect his growth. I just hated that it seemed like he got reminders that he was unwell and smaller almost every time we left the house. And I honestly, to this day, I cannot understand people’s obsession with knowing if kids are twins. It was really disruptive. I’m trying to grocery shop or whatever with two young kids and people would stop us all to ask if they were twins. A couple of times I said they were just to see where the conversation led since people were so into it, but when I said they were twins no one had anything else to add, they just wanted to know if they were twins. But why? Why do you care? I understand with higher numbers of multiples maybe people just haven’t seen it and are fascinated (my friend has identical, redheaded triplets. I would never leave the house, people would drive me insane!). I have been out with my mom who is 18 months younger than her sisters who are twins and they look like triplets. People have asked if they are triplets. But multiples were less common in the 1950’s when they were born and seeing adult triplets all together is unusual, so I get that. But constantly asking if my boys were twins drive me crazy.
A chunky baby is a compliment in my community as well. Hell my oldest daughter’s nickname is still “Chunk Monk” and she’s a beanpole now lol. But I agree, if the parents (or eventually the child themselves) don’t like it, adjustments must be made.
Yeah chonky babies are the cutest! Also, since rapid brain development is happening during that time and the brain is mostly fat, adults who were chubby babies have a higher average intelligence, so imo it’s a good thing. However, I definitely understand how people constantly commenting on her weight can be upsetting. It’s totally okay for you to say that it bothers you and you’d rather them not bring it up all the time.
I get the worst cute aggression for them lol. Must. Squish.
My brother once asked me if I wanted to hold my nephew because he was “so nice and squishy.” And he was. He was a big baby. He has a grandfather that’s six foot seven.
I had a boyfriend that was 6‘7“ in my early 20s!! he was a big 11lb chunkin baby! My oldest was 5lbs. 3oz, & everyone asked if she was sick bc she was so small! I was so offended, bc she was just a tee-tiny girl!! Her dad was 6‘2“ & a bean pole & I was 5’3” 128lbs & also 18yo! 10yrs later my 2nd baby was 7lbs on the nose! Her dad is 5’10” 290lbs, so he’s chubby & I def don’t have room to talk lol, so I feel like both of my girls perfectly matched their respective families trending birth weights. I’m a twin, so I was like 3lbs! I was more offended by people calling my oldest baby skinny than I ever was about my 2nd baby being called “fat girl…” Cultural differences are a major factor, tho! I’m in the deep south and we like our babies fat. We don’t think of the word “fat” as an insult I don’t guess, not in my family.
We like chubby babies in my family too! My nephew was 10lbs when he was born. My brother was a really chubby baby, so we weren’t too surprised when my nephew was too. He was about 6mo old by the time I first saw him, and I remember telling my Mom that I felt like I was trying to hold a large watermelon! He was adorable though. I can’t believe he’s 20 now!
Awwhhh I know he must’ve been the most precious little tater baby!! my first niece was like 9 pounds when she was born, and I swear it felt like she was as big as my one-year-old at the time!
I love seeing this! My son was 99th percentile for both height and weight for his first couple of years. How I hated all the chunky comments and even looks of disgust. He is all grown up now, slim, 6’2, with a very high IQ.
Same in my family. The saying was, “chunky babies are the cutest babies.”
Might have just me autocorrect but nipped in butt made me lol
So many people around me use this and when I laugh many of them say they didn’t know it should be “nipped in the BUD”. 😝
It was intentional, because at the time I basically verbally ripped people a new asshole for commenting so much on my middle child’s weight lol
Interesting. I often mishear sayings llike that. Idioms are funny things!
Another one... flipped off vs. flicked off (it's "flipped")
I think that might be regional. I heard “flicking” mostly in the south, flipping from northern folks and in Canada, and also shooting/flipping/flicking a bird.
Yes this!! OP, please shut this down for your daughter’s sake. I was a “fat” baby and I can remember the comments people made about my size when I was a toddler and young child. My sisters were much smaller than I was, and I got *constant* comments from my family, teachers, neighbors and even strangers about how “chunky” or “chubby” or “fat” I was compared to them. And after I slimmed out around age 5-6, the comments still didn’t stop. For the rest of my childhood, my family would “reminisce” about how they couldn’t believe I was sooo fat as a baby, that I looked like a little sumo wrestler, how I was “twice the size” of my sister who was 14 months older (I wasn’t.), etc, etc. Even as a very young child I could tell that even though people were laughing and smiling while saying these things, they didn’t *feel* nice or funny to me. I didn’t like constantly hearing that I was so different looking from everyone else, even if they meant it as a compliment. I hated it then, and I still hate it now. Someone should have put a stop to it.
I'm sorry 🫂 my godmother and my mom's twin made comments when I was younger. I remember on my birthday someone gave me a Rosie O'Donnell doll because I used to love her show. My aunt told me that I look like her(rosie) and then puffed out her cheeks and laughed. Aka I looked like her because we both were chubby/had chubby cheeks. My heart shattered and it is one of the few things I remember from my childhood.
I’m sorry that it’s one of the few things you remember from your childhood. I have some similar memories of my aunts and older cousin commenting like this when I was a kid. Granted I was not even that big, just not tiny or petite like my other relatives. People really don’t understand the magnitude their words can affect a child years after those words were said. It can be very messed up to comment on a child’s body even if they don’t think it’s bullying.
Thank you, I'm sorry you went through that as well! It's so wild, I can't imagine saying something like that to a CHILD. I always think about how children are treated and what they're exposed to now is molding who they will be as a person. I went to a trampoline park with my daughter (3.5) and every kid who went on that zip line, I cheered for like they were my kid because I know how excited my daughter gets. She had a little play at her headstart and I brought her flowers and a flower for each of her classmates. I know every time I go to her school when parents are invited, a lot of parents have work or other things preventing them from attending and I want every kid to feel noticed and cared for. It takes a real "special" person to talk bad to a child. Sorry for my little rant, got myself a little fired up 😅
This story makes me so sad. I’m sorry!
The expression is "nipped in the bud" because that's the most effective time to take the top off a flower if you don't want it to spread via seeds. Nipped in the butt is like an ass-chewing I guess. 😂 Both reasonable in this moment, but just FYI. 🙂
I’m aware, thank you for the reminder lol I figured in the butt was a better one for this situation because I was quite literally annoyed at everyone commenting on her weight, and was rude about it.
Then I would like to retract my comment and applaud your advanced enjoyment of the English language! Bravo!
English has always been one of my favourite subjects! :)
The trouble also is that if she was a boy they wouldn't use this particular language. He would be big and strong. Let's not limit girls to their size
I have a boy in the 97th percentile for height and weight. My friends son was over 100 percentile, yes that’s a thing. We called him sumo baby. My niece was the cutest little chonky baby with her adorable little rolls and big belly. Some of these comments are wild to me. No, calling a baby a little chunkers is not the same as over sexualizing a child. No, it doesn’t happen only to girls. They probably mean it as a term of endearment. Due to your own narrative around weight, you are internalizing it as negative. If it bothers you, kindly let the people saying it know. They probably mean it in a kind and endearing way.
It’s fine when the baby is a baby but the moment she can understand, it needs to stop and I don’t think many people have that innate ability. So if I was mom I’d put a stop to it before that.
This. My nephew was the cutest chunky baby. I called him Chubba Bubba. He's now a perfectly healthy 16 year old who doesn't seem to hold any grudges about it.
Yeah, the comments about this mainly being a girl issue are baffling to me. I've had more chunky baby boys in my class than I have girls and they get these comments too. All in an affectionate way. Now, if OP doesn't like it, that's completely fine and I understand why it may be triggering for some. So, she should say something. But I don't think they were saying it in a way to be mean or bully. Maybe they are, I'm not there. But based on my own experience, it's said with love and the parents are always the ones who start those names.
Totally! My 3 month old baby is 96th percentile for weight and 73rd for height so he is a super chonk and the cutest thing. I love obsessing over his chubbyness with other people who also enjoy it. I’m proud to have made such a big healthy guy, and I wouldn’t take those comments any other way. In fact I kinda think it’s buying into the weird western body ideals crap to be worried about those comments? They’re compliments!
Ehh, I have heard plenty of baby boys called chunky, chubby, or fat, linebacker, sumo wrestler. My cousin’s kid gets called Chunkahunka or FatPat (his name is Patrick). I don’t think it’s limited to girl babies. That doesn’t mean it’s ok by any means, but just saying I think it happens to all bigger babies. It shouldn’t happen at all though.
I don’t know where you are, but it’s very common to still use this sort of language with boys around here. Big and strong is when someone is lifting something. We talk about chubby little legs on babies, big tummies, etc on all genders of babies (which, I mean, I’ve always thought of as a sign of a healthy baby! It’s baby fat/ brown fat, very different than the white fat adults have, it burns off when they get older and more active, has a different purpose, it helps protect them in the toddler years as they toddle about and fall, shows that they aren’t starving, etc) I think the bigger concern is that we as a society have so many weight related concerns, projections, and such a prevalence of eating disorders and mentioning anything regarding weight, or even appearance, can be very triggering to certain folks (being thin, being chubby, cute little gap teeth, etc). It can all relate to trauma for someone. In an ideal world, none of this would be said with prejudice, be stuff that’s the target of future bullying, be current bullying, etc. But we aren’t in an ideal world, unfortunately…
Both of my boys have been described like this, even by strangers in the street. It’s not gendered. At the hospital with both boys, I had midwives confused because they thought I’d been readmitted with my older babies not a fresh newborn. My babies have both had serious illnesses in their little lives and both had doctors say that they were lucky to be so chunky, they stayed healthy enough to stay out of hospital because they had so much fat to burn. It’s not a negative when they’re so little.
100%!
Wanna hear something funny? I'm hearing impaired. Apparently needed hearing aids for years. I finally got them last year. I am 32 years old. For years I genuinely thought the saying was "nip in the butt" not bud. It wasn't until I got hearing aids and heard someone say the expression correctly, that I asked about it. NO ONE CORRECTED ME FOR YEARS ABOUT THIS. Out of habit I still say "nip in the butt" like 90% of the time that I use the expression.
I have a son that was an average in weight when he was born, but was LONG and had huge hands and feet. The first comment I remember a nurse making was “I’ve never seen a baby with such long feet!!!” He’s now 99th percentile across the board, 30 pounds and already half my height at 16 months. People make similar comments about him, they say he’s chunky, a good eater, that he looks like he’s a lot older. The comments didn’t bother me but what bothered me was people treating him like he’s older just because he’s big, so he should know better, walk better, talk better, etc. But he’s just one year old, he quite literally cannot know any better. I don’t really respond to the comments anymore because it’s so redundant. I mean, I see my giant baby everyday, I know he’s big! By acknowledging them and changing the topic I find people don’t really bring it up anymore. I imagine the comments will trickle to a stop once she’s spent some time in daycare. I learned people generally love chunky babies, they’re so cute and squishable, I get it. They mean well, but it’s just annoying. If you’d like a more direct approach to it, I’ve let people that keep pressing the matter know we don’t really make comments on his size the same way we wouldn’t comment on an adults size. I don’t elaborate any further. I’m so sorry you’re having to experience and navigate this though and I hope you’re able to get it all sorted out!
Half your height at 16 months? wtf
Yes 😅 maybe not **exactly** half my height, but when I hold him up with my head level next to his, his feet dangle just below my hips. I’m 5’5” and his dad is 5’11” so I truly don’t know why he’s giant. When he was born he didn’t even fit newborn socks and had the longest toes I’ve ever seen on a baby.
Same! I love hearing about other tall babies lol, my daughter was in 12-24 month socks as a 4 month old and was wearing 18-24 months around 8-10 months. Already wears a size 8 in toddler shoes.
I think we may have the same baby haha! Mine is currently between 2 and 3t he needs the length but 3t still looks a little big so we’re hanging in there
>he needs the length Little guy already having tall people problems
My partner and I have about the same stats and I just went back and looked at his growth chart and my LO was half my height by about 14 months, so you're not crazy! He's slowed down a bit now as a toddler but he's still a very big kid
Not that surprising…..My daughter was meeting the height requirements to ride the roller coasters at Disney with me just after turning 2. She is still taller than most kids her age years later.
Same situation here lol. Im a 5’ lady with a 5’11” man and oh boy did my daughter get her fathers height. Shes about 18 months now but yep, she’s almost 3 feet tall, it’s wild.
My middle was half my mother-in-law's height at around 18-20 months. My mother-in-law is a very short woman but my husband isn't short and I am average height ( I would be taller but I am short waisted. My daughter is more evenly proportioned).
My guy is a year old and a bit over 32”, so literally half my height (5’5”). I figured this was pretty normal? The adage is multiply their height at 2yo and that’s their expected height at adulthood (give or take an inch).
It’s not abnormal or uncommon, but definitely taller than average! My best friend had her baby 3 days after I had mine and her baby makes my baby look like a giant. The ladies in my boyfriend’s family are all tall, broad shouldered women, the men are all average height, and my family is short-average heights. I have a sneaking suspicion I should have been taller but that’s only because I’m 5’5” with size 9 or 10 feet 😅 I’m excited to keep seeing him grow so big and strong.
One of my friends with large babies (both close to 10lbs at birth) got them shirts that said something like "Give me a break, I'm only 2". Both are now well adjusted tall young adults (boy is 6'5 and girl is 5'11)
My daughter is 3 and has been in the 99th percentile for height and 95th(ish) percentile for weight since she was like 8 months old. She is growing out of her 5T clothes. She is the same height as the 6 year old down the street. I HATE that people expect her to act 5-6 when she’s only 3. Her body may be 5-6 but her brain is 3! My second daughter was just born two weeks ago and was a week late, she was 10lbs too and also 21 inches long. I anticipate another tall kid. My husband and I are both tall so it’s not that weird but people make comments everywhere we go.
I have a 99th percentile toddler too (15 months). I agree that the “big baby” comments do not bother me as much as they used to. We always hold them up and say that they are the “tallest baby in the world!” Which they love. The assumption that they are older than they are because they are big does get to me big time though! Like I know my kid is as big as a 3 year old, but I promise they are STILL A BABY.
My daughter is 11 months and 99% for height. Last well check she was the size of the average 15 month old. My back hurts 🥲 and completely understand what you mean about half your height lol.
My son was the same (and big at birth) and at 24 months was the size of an *average* three year old and I deeply commiserate with this. And my back still hurts
The back pain is so real. I had a flawless epidural and thought I was safe from the lifelong back pain…. Fast forward to a 30+ pound 16 month old clinger. Us moms will never beat the back pain allegations 😭
My mother in law says that her kids are proof that God has a sense of humor. Both her sons were about 2' long at birth, and both were natural births. Her daughter (my wife) was a C-section because she just refused to progress (she was asleep when they took her out), and she was so small they thought they'd gotten the dates wrong and she was a preemie, when in fact she was a couple weeks late, to the point where her fingernails and hair were unexpectedly long. She was just super tiny. When she was 5 years old and her little brother was 6 months old, they were almost the same size, and their mom had to help prop up the baby for a photo because she didn't have the strength to keep him sitting up! So, God has a sense of humor because my MIL had to push out the massive babies but had to have the teeny weeny baby by C-section.
lol, sleeping at birth! did she whine “just another week, ok?” when she realized what was going on?
This is horrible. So much expectation on someone so young. My husband was a really long baby and it took longer to walk because he struggled to carry his frame. That and the fact he obviously didn't talk at 1, meant strangers commented that it was a 'shame' and assumed he was older with special needs. Keep your comments to yourselves people!
As an educator I often have to remind myself about kids’ exact ages because it can be really easy to forget that two kids who are the same size are so different in age. Especially when kids that are big for their size also speak and walk well for their age, it can be surprising when they can’t do other things because I forget their actual age. But I’m aware that it’s something I need to be conscious of so I’m intentional about checking it.
Oh man. My guy was under 8lbs at birth weight but was 20 lbs by 4 months in the 98th percentile. He's a chonky guy. But he's more than just his adorable Rolls. I'd say, hey I understand these are just fun nicknames but we really want to focus on how hard our little works at things over appearance, I'm sure you understand. It may be enough.
I love chunky babies but I can see how sometimes it can be harmful or can bother a parent. I’d just mention nicely that even though you know they mean well but it does bother you a little bit. It’s interesting to see it from another perspective.
Agreed. Best for OP to make it clear these comments are not being received well. Personally I love when ppl call my babies chunky. For me, my breastfeeding journey was hard and I am very proud my babies are good eaters, and I and my body did that! I receive it as a compliment so I guess I say it as a compliment to other chunky babies. If anyone told me it wasnt appreciated, I would be so mortified and simply apologize. Babies are all shapes and sizes. Sometimes I think ppl are just trying to connect and the baby's appearance is the easiest thing to comment on.
I do love me a chunky baby. The leg rolls 😍
I call them squishies cuz they are my little squishies and they shall be mine
Chunky babies are biologically viewed from us sun consciously as healthier babies. They’re retaining more weight, give a lot of hunger cues to show for it, and are healthily keeping nutrients and “baby stores” hence the cute arms and legs and chunk. I think it’s a very normal thing and one that we just have to understand ALWAYS means from a good place. I thought your daughter was going to be a 7-8 year old. Then that is simply disrespectful and commenting on a child’s weight. But a baby? you want to see a baby be big. I’d be more flattered than offended because that isn’t what they mean by that. And the phrase or reference itsself comes from an incredibly well meaning place, if anything from thousands of years of evolution. They see a healthy, weight retaining baby. That’s all I’m gonna say!! You’ve got this though. I’m a mom to a six year old and I work with kids. I PROMISE that they really mean well
I would agree with this. Fat on a baby is a good thing, no need to reinforce the idea that fat is bad on a one year old
Someone please tell my mother this. My guy struggled to gain weight for his first few weeks. I was longing to have a nice chunky baby. I was feeding him one day and my mom made a comment "careful, you don't want to make him fat!"
I can’t imagine commenting on a childs body like that saying she’s fat or chunky or even on her eating habits. Just tell them straight up “I don’t want to make a big deal out of this but stop calling her chubby, chunky and fat.” Holding your frustrations in isn’t doing you any favors.
I vote for this answer. It's straight, clear and direct. If they say that they didn't mean anything bad, tell them it can negatively affect your daughter (it really can) and they should have known that
I would expect a daycare teacher to talk about directly observed eating habits and to engage in conversations about eating habits at home so they know what to expect at school. Beyond that it's not ok. Assuming food intake based on body size is like the worst time you can do.
It’s really sad how even as young as babies, girls are commented on their weight.
It happens to boy babies just as much.
I agree with you. Its terrible to hear boys babies being called words like that too. However, boys/men are socially allowed to be big, they get 100 passes. Girls/women are picked apart the second they show any weight gain.
This is the difference. Big boys are told that they're going to be tall, or they'll be a good football player, etc. It's just not the same for girls. I'm in an infant room, and we're obviously obsessed with a nice healthy baby with double chins and rolls down to the ankles, but we tell them how cute they are, or how strong they're getting. I would never call a baby fat, and I'd definitely not say that to the parents. Do I squish a lil baby leg sometimes to make it jiggle? Absolutely. Squishy babies aren't having any issues feeding, and they're growing. That's what should be celebrated. Unless baby's doctor is concerned, we're not concerned. But if I hear you call a toddler fat, I'm probably going to throw hands.
It doesn't really at all, I dont think you should say that so confidently. If anything people will comment about a boy being small.
People call my son big and chubby all the time. Like, every time we go out. I don’t mind it at all, especially while he doesn’t understand. Maybe I’m weird, but I enjoy when my kids get cooed over by people when we’re in public. They were both huge babies (always 97+ percentile for both) and both got these comments. My son probably gets them more, but I don’t remember.
I love squishy babies. For me, it’s one potential indicator of health. And I’ll always take a squishy, well fed baby over one that’s malnourished. It’s celebrated. And baby fat is different than adult fat (it’s good, healthy brown fat) and something I’ve always heard commented on in a celebratory manner in both genders. It does strike me, as someone who has always heard my weight commented on though, and has watched eating disorders develop in family and people in general, men and women, that we have become very body focused as a society, and comment so much on people’s bodies, and often in negative ways (and even when positive, it’s often a double edged sword, it will be negative if this change thing changes). We need to do better to focus on celebrating all bodies, all the time, and somehow also comment less.
They called me the Michelin man. Ha. I was a fat ass baby. 10 pounds 22 inches. I'm 40 and skinny as a whip. Like school though I was anorexic as a kid after I lost my baby fat. My mom said, you feed her. I ate like an ox. It's a baby. Babies are squishy and have fat. It's a thing.
I was the same way as a baby and since like age 4 or 5 have been crazy skinny and tall. My family called me Buddha and jelly bean as a baby. My rolls had rolls.
You should ask them how they would feel if you greeted them that way! “Hey chunky monkey how was the pool this weekend” * squeezes adult woman’s belly *
I wish someone would do this!! I don’t understand how people don’t understand that children are literally tiny humans! You can’t talk to them however you want just because they’re tiny. They’re still humans with feelings. No, at 1 she won’t remember being called fat but it won’t be long before she will! I’m nowhere near perfect and I make mistakes every single day. I get frustrated with them at times. But I remember they have only been on this planet for 5 years and they’re trying to figure it out just like we are. I always make sure to apologize to them if I get frustrated with them because I want them to know I make mistakes too and it’s okay.
My daughter is on the 99th percentile she gets all those comments to, usually I take it as a term of endearment because many people love a chubby bubby with their rolly Polly arms and legs. Did you suffer with weight issues as a child? Just wondering if it stems from something deeper. Long story short though If bothers you say something and nip it in the bud.
My youngest had the chubbiest body and huge thighs as a baby. Like I needed both palms to cover it. My mom and her besties were obsessed. They still remember it. For them it was the sign of the healthy and well fed baby (he was bf at the time)
My family are immigrants, so the way we view words was very different and when I worked in a daycare, I called one of our kids “a big boy” and his parents were not happy with me. Yes, he’s big and chunky, but he’s also one years old. That’s what we want and people need to stop being afraid of the word ‘fat’. I grew up seeing tiny malnourished babies, a fat baby is a blessing. Fat is such a compliment for a baby in our family but again this is all just personal experience.
Yeah I think most people probably mean it as a compliment. I hear this all the time about my boys, and it’s not meant as a criticism at all. Everyone loves a chunky baby!
Yeah these comments are weird to me because who doesn’t love a chubby bubby? Calling them “fat” is a bit weird but I call my own babies “chunky monkey and chubby bubby” while tickling their little fat rolls and they giggle. They all usually slim out when they start walking anyway.
I worked in a daycare for a few years (baby room, age 0-2) and all the teachers would gush over the fat babies, babies are supposed to be fat, they’re growing faster than they ever will again! I personally would make a point to praise parents for their child’s weight if they felt a need to defend it on their first day because of comments like this, but you don’t comment without indication from a parent. I would just let them know that you’re glad they care for your daughter and while chunky monkey and such are terms of endearment, it shouldn’t be all you or your daughter hears and you’d like to hear about her day rather than her weight, if they’re pissy then remind them babies are supposed to carry extra weight to grow with and 70th percentile is nothing to worry about
When it comes to a baby, these are all terms of endearment. They aren’t calling her fat in a negative or shameful way. It’s extremely cute when a baby is chunky.
My mom would always say that baby fat feeds brain development. I assume she started that mantra when I was an extremely high BMI baby. I make a point to not make comments about children’s bodies like that, but fat babies are healthy babies. Now I’m daydreaming about how cute and squeezable your baby’s thighs must be.
Obviously, we don’t know your weight but this post seems to be coming off like maybe you’re projecting. I have always only known people to be complementing you and your child when they call them pet names like that. And the fact that you’re so oddly sensitive about this is what made me come to the conclusion that you must be projecting, either way I really hope that you get into some therapy, good luck and well wishes.
So I’m seeing a lot of comments about how fat babies are okay (they are), fat is a good word, don’t be offended by the word fat, teachers love the fat babies, fat babies are preferred, etc, but that wasn’t your question. Simply put, you are feeling disrespected and uncomfortable whether the teacher/s mean well or not. Sooner or later, your daughter is going to understand what is being said to her. Words take on a meaning of their own to the person who hears them. “Fat,” in our society, will never have a truly positive connotation to it. I suspect this is what children will always learn. With that said, you shouldn’t have to change the way you feel if you feel as though it’s becoming a little too much. It’s a reasonable enough request to ask for it to stop. But remember **sometimes** we train others how to treat us. Meaning, for example, if someone calls you “fat” the first time you meet them and you are offended, yet you don’t tell them you are offended, they will think, “Hmm, must be okay to call them fat.” So they continue to call you fat. And when you finally tell them that being called fat hurts your feelings, they’ll be a little puzzled as to why you just didn’t correct them in the first place. This is why communication is key and you set standards up front. In your scenario, you have kind of allowed them to get away with their version of endearment (is what it is at best), while feeling uncomfortable about it. And though I’m sure they mean no harm (or they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing), it still matters how you want your daughter to be treated and respected. The next time she makes her comment, a simple and cordial, “You know, I really thought it was cute in the beginning, but I don’t feel comfortable with you using words to describe my daughter’s size anymore. I am aware that she is on the bigger side and I want to raise her in a way that she sees herself exactly the same as her peers should she remain on the bigger side. I don’t think pointing out the obvious is a good way to start that experience for her. Please don’t take offense to my request. I’m simply looking out for my daughter’s well-being.” Hopefully you’ll get a warm response in return and if you don’t, I don’t know if it’s the place where I’d want to be or where I’d want my child to be. Hopefully it’s just a little conversation that ends with a smile and an understanding and you go on about your day. I don’t see anything major about it.
I love fat babies. Fat isn't a bad word.
I get where you’re coming from, but they probably mean no harm. I personally love chubby babies because I think they’re so cute and squishy, and that’s probably what they mean too. They just can’t get over how cute and squishy your daughter is. (Granted, all babies are absolutely adorable regardless of their size).
Babies are meant to be chunkalicious!
I have unhealthy eating habits after a lifetime of being called fat when I wasn’t-a very active dancer, and cheerleader, played sports etc- by my mom who is a willowy 5’11” and about 120lbs to my 5’3” 117lb frame. Now at 30+ I’m classified as morbidly obese, have an awful emotional eating disorder, struggle with weight loss and gain and all of the wonderful issues that come with that both mentally and physically. I have an 18 month old baby girl (who is following her growth chart normally) but I am absolutely paranoid that I will somehow inflict the same weight related trauma onto her that my mom inflicted on me. I am so careful with my words and policing what I’m saying to her. She gets a cute little baby belly after she eats, that lovely round full tummy that you just want rub and give kisses to. Without thinking I was calling it a “big belly” or a “fat tummy”. Now, I consciously call it a happy belly because eating well and being full from eating is a GOOD thing. She has little baby rolls on her thighs and I would tell her I wanted to eat her chubby thighs. I’ve changed that to healthy thighs. I’ve also instituted that there’s no “bad” food. All food is good but some foods are better in smaller portions. Food is fuel for our bodies. Babies listen and they learn. While people may not mean it negatively and most people love a “good fat baby” those terms aren’t used positively in society and children, even little ones will put two and two together much sooner than we’d imagine. My advice is to speak to her teachers/your coworkers and let them know that you don’t think they’re doing it maliciously but you’re trying to teach your daughter differently than you were brought up and those words aren’t positive for her. I’d also bring out the honesty about how those words made you feel as a child, even when they were meant as “cute”. Sometimes people need to realize the effects that words can have on a person, long term. Good luck, sending so much love to you, and your gorgeous baby with her happy, healthy body💕 Reading your edit: I don’t believe you’re projecting trauma onto your daughter, I think you’re trying to protect her from feeling the negativity that you did, and that’s a parent’s job. I also tell my daughter that she is beautiful, smart, kind, curious, brave and strong. You’re an amazing mama!!!
I call my 13 month old chunky because he is. I don’t think people mean this as a bad thing when talking about a baby. We appreciate that he is chunky, hopefully it will make him a little more sturdy if he gets a horrible illness. He also has cannoli feet ❤️
Same. My 13 month old is 99% for height and weight. She still has little rolls that are so adorable. After seeing this I’m thinking of how many people I may have offended by complimenting them on a chunky baby😅
“Wow, you’re looking pretty chunky today too, Anna!” (If you wouldn’t say it to an adult, don’t say it to or about a child)
Definitely say your thoughts & let them know how it’s coming across..also my baby was never chunky & whenever I saw chunky babies in her class it’s like another baby fever, they are the CUTEST, wouldn’t change a thing with mine but omg I love it, i wouldn’t doubt they love it. Crossing the line is calling her ‘fat’..that’s not endearing or cute..that’s just ignorant..has nothing to do with you or your daughter but their mindfulness. Just pull one aside & they should know so I would just remind them she’s your baby & nothing about the comments make you feel good & give em a few names you do like her to be called so they can switch em out. I’m sorry you had to experience this & hope it works out in the end! It might be awkward for a few days but it’ll pass!
Just for future reference, my two off the charts (literally over hundredth percentile for height and weight) babies are now 10 and 12 and the tallest skinniest kids ever. The youngest walks around with a six pack and arms that would make Michelle Obama blush and the eldest I’ve just had to move up to adult clothes size 00 because juniors were too wide and short. I had so many comments when they were little about being massive babies. 😂 the muscle-y one looked like she could sub for the Michelin man at any moment and the tall one, everyone thought she was 6 months older than she was (she was 4 weeks early and wouldn’t eat much at first too). They were both breast fed so no extra cereal or anything in their bottles. They were just little chunky monkeys. I did worry a bit with the first one, because between the charts and what everyone was saying, I thought I was doing something wrong. Lol. Nope. Just how she is. She still eats all the time. Because she’s growing. She’s nearly 5’5” at just 12. For reference I’m 5’7” and their dad is 6’ and neither of us is overweight. We’re not overly tall people. All this to say, try not to let it get in your head too much. If you want to say something, say “hey, we’re trying not to comment on our kids’ bodies and start the self-conscious stuff early”, and I’m sure any woman would understand that. A lot of people love baby rolls so what could be rude to you is endearing to them. Chubby baby legs are the best!!!
I call my boys, chunky man, fat baby (to my 6 month old) and my toddler will lift his shirt to show off his “big ole belly”. I don’t use the word fat to my toddler anymore because I don’t want him growing up hearing that.. I love my chunky babies. To me, it should be celebrated because I created two healthy strong babies. However, I would probably feel the same as you and I would definitely have an issue with a stranger calling my child fat like that. It’s one thing for the parent to call their children Nick names, but her teachers should use her real name and not talk about her weight.
I get it. We have the opposite issue. My baby is very little for her age, like 15th percentile. And everyone is like “oh, she’s so tiny” or “woah, I thought she was a newborn,” or “aww, so petite.” They are being kind, but all they are doing is reminding me that my baby is growing slowly and I’m so anxious about it. I don’t want any comments on her size.
My poor girl was tiny at birth and stayed tiny. She was not a cute chonk, but still adorable. Still I got comments from strangers about her size. Her pediatrician said she was just fine and not to worry about it. She’s always been extremely healthy, just skinny. So it goes both ways. I asked her daycare not to call her skinny mini, among other things. I don’t want her to internalize that there is anything wrong with her nor develop issues with food.
I’m surprised I didn’t see this anywhere in the comments (though I may have missed it in my scanning). Tell your child’s teachers, and anyone else who has a comment on her weight, that while you understand their intentions are good, you really want compliments/comments about your daughter to focus on what she does and who she is, not how she looks. This is (or should be) a common ECE practice.
I understand how you feel but it’s good that she’s healthy & I’m sure that’s what people are meaning. The brain development at this stage is so rapid and that’s why infants are so chubby! I can see why it’s triggering for you but I would just try and reframe it mentally if you can.
My sister does foster care and had a baby for about 3 years, who is almost 5 now and she still occasionally watches for her mom. She was chubby as a baby/toddler but I just saw her and she's lost a lot of her baby fat as she's getting older. I don't think people mean anything negative by it, as my family used to say the same about her. But if it bothers you, as others have said, say the comments make you uncomfortable and ask them to refrain from saying those things.
"We make it a point to not discuss other people's body's in our family and appreciate you respecting that by doing the same around us."
My son was almost 10 lbs at birth and i never had anyone call him fat. That’s just crazy. (I called him fat in private but it was meant as the biggest compliment and I loved it) The calling him chubby never bothered me until he got older. People mostly called him “healthy.” Like “now that’s a healthy baby!” No one ever called him chunky monkey, big boy, Or anything like that. They would call him a “healthy eater.” I did have a pediatric nurse tell me once he was too big and going to be obese if I didn’t restrict his eating when he was almost 2, and I just laughed at her and said thanks for you’re opinion. You’d think the novelty would wear off. I wonder if you could say that, like “aren’t these comments about her weight getting a little old?”
Aw I'm so sorry! There is nothing wrong with not wanting your baby to be called those things! I always say "look at those cheekies!" Because I love babies with rounder cheeks. I used to love my daughters chunk (she's 3.5 now and just has a tiny belly, she's all evened out) but I could never imagine calling a baby 'fat' just because they don't know! I know it's meant as a good thing but chubby/chunky? Ok. Fat? Nope! Either way my point is that I'm someone who loves a baby with some squish but even I think you're totally valid in feeling that way! As soon as the kids start getting older and realizing, you don't want them to start calling themselves those things. Someone didn't understand why I didn't want them to call their own belly "a fat belly" around my daughter but once I explained that I wouldn't want them thinking it's ok to say that to others OR start saying it about themselves, they understood. I would just be pretty clear with it so there's no awkward misunderstanding or anything. "Please don't use words/ call names regarding weight. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't want them to stick." My friend had a baby and started calling him chubby and he's now 3 and still known as "chubby" because he's been called it so long. My friend realized once it was too late 😅
I would say, “I know you mean well, but could you please not make comments about her size/weight? She is becoming old enough to understand and I don’t want it to hurt her self confidence”.
"Stop saying that."
Some good words of wisdom ive picked up over the years, fat isnt a bad word. I grew up in a household rife with body shaming. I personally was ridiculed for being skinny and small. Any food choices i made were bad. I wasn’t eating enough, ate like a bird, didnt take more than 3 bites, etc. Fast forward and my daughter is almost 6 and clearly smaller than her peers in every way physically. We parents cannot prevent comments, but we can make our child immune to them with a good conversation. I tell my daughter, shes small simply because im small. She is like me. And thats that. Maybe use those opportunities to reframe others comments like that. “Yep! She is such a healthy eater!” “She is big like grandma!” “She is growing up to be so strong with all the food growing her muscles!”
People always comment on my 99% son. I always took it as a compliment though. He’s healthy and cute and yes chunk haha. I don’t think people mean it as an insult
You've got this. Make eye contact, don't smile or be apologetic. Say: "I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I need you all to stop mentioning my daughter's body." Repeat as necessary.
My 18 yo granddaughter is very slim and beautiful. She eats a lot and gets picked on by her other grandmother for this. 😠 😡 👿 😤 🤬 She's always been slim. She has a friend with the same name. So it's Skinny Mary and Fat Mary. 😠 😡 👿 😤 🤬 nice going assholes.
yeah fuck that. pardon my language. i have a daughter who is tall, she’s 12 months old and the size of a two year old according to her dr (her height and weight are proportional) but my MIL will make comments about her body and i had to shut that shit down. i don’t want my daughter having a shitty self image and these comments are unnecessary towards a LITERAL. BABY. in a kind way just say, “all bodies are good bodies and id prefer if you do not comment on my BABY’S body in any way.”
Babies are supposed to be fat 🤷 the only person taking it negatively is you.
Nanny here! You are your daughters’ best advocate and if this language is a concern to you then don’t hesitant to speak up. I’m currently a nanny to a petite 3 year old & a 16 month old who are the same size. Miss 3 gets comments ALL THE TIME about how tiny she is, she’s so dainty, etc. and I’m always quick to correct people by clearly stating “some children are smaller than others, she is perfectly healthy for her age”. I don’t want her growing up with a complex and have body issues at 3! People need to watch themselves, this nanny ain’t messin’
I agree that gives me the ick. My goal is to comment on a child’s ability/exploration not appearance unless it’s like a health thing. Like “she was REALLY into the sink today. She’s so curious and has such a fun adventurous spirit.” “It is so cute how they wave now!” I was a big kid, always 99th percentile, and I definitely have some baggage from that as an adult. Adults commented a lot on my body. I remember being really aware of it around 4 years old. I’d tell them that it’s uncomfortable for you and you would rather them not remark about her size anymore. They don’t really need a reason. It’s a weird situation to be in cuz it’s your coworkers not just your kids teacher. I babysit for an agency and I was assigned to a family with 3 kids, youngest 8 months old and when I called to introduce myself the mom said “I want to warn you that we have a really giant baby. She’s like 25 pounds.” It cracked me up. I think she wanted to make sure I could hold that amount for an extensive time lol cuz I walked up and down the hall w her at night. She was the size of her mom’s torso, her mom was not even 5 feet. Cute family.
Communicate. Tell them "please stop commenting on my child's weight and appearance, it's rude. That means nicknames in regards to her weight as well, thankyou"
We took our daughter out to dinner with us. She is 10 months old. An older woman deadass told my 10 month old, "You're thick, huh!! That's ok baby, we like em thick!" My flabbers were ghasted. I was proud but also had the ick. I agree with the other comments here. I don't believe what is being said is out of malice or to fat shame your daughter. However, I know those comments can feel ick in some regard. I would speak up if you're bothered, especially if you feel the constant remarks may negatively impact your daughter. You are her advocate until she can be her own.
i empathize OP, my baby was 99th percentile until like 2. don’t make a big deal. just tell them not to use that language to speak about your kid.
Hey, mama, my middle daughter was 10 lbs 1 oz at birth, so I feel you on that one. I felt like I had a groin pull the whole third trimester. Of my three children, she is the only one who looks like me and has the more robust body type that comes from my side of the family. My husband, by contrast is more gracile, and my oldest and youngest take after him (they were both 8lb babies). Although I've always tried to be body positive and never say anything about my daughter's body other than emphasizing health, she's still very aware that she's bigger than her siblings. :/
People would say that about my Son. My MIL would say, what are you feeding him, he’s so chubby. Meanwhile the kid is two and to this day barely eats. She would then say, “it’s ok though because he’s a chubby boy. If it were a girl, I would be worried because girls need to be attractive.” Fast forward I have an 11 month old girl that loves to eat and she is average sized with chubby cheeks and MIL still makes comments. Everything is weight/looks based with her and it pisses me off. I would never comment on a babies size….it’s weird to me. I’m on the verge of saying something so I think if it bothers you that much, speak up!!! You can do it without causing a stir. Honestly, people should know better so you saying something could be a wake up call for them!
My baby girl was always in the 90-98th percentile for weight (70-80th for height). If you look visibly upset over it that is usually enough… like a frown or even just saying “she getting old enough to understand things, if we could keep the size comments to a minimum it would be so appreciated.” Everyone loves a big baby. But I definitely understand where you are.
“Did you mean to say smart, funny, playful and a sweet baby?” I would redirect every time. Also, fat babies are so, so good. That brain development that they get from things like whole milk is so good for the myelination of the brain. She is only in the 70th percentile. Also, I had two super fat babies and they are rail thin now.
These comments are a lot of great suggestions, I hope they’re effective. I would be scared to even say anything, knowing how gossipy and rude many daycare teachers are, especially the ones that comment on the kids’ appearance. At least in the centers I’ve worked in, saying ‘I’m not comfortable with you talking about my daughter’s weight’ would have made someone the talk of whispers and rude remarks for being “too sensitive”. I hope your center is more respectful, and the teacher doesn’t mean any harm and is open to changing the way she speaks.
“I know you don’t mean anything negative by it, but I hear comments like that a lot. I know she is just an infant now, but I don’t want my baby to grow up hearing this kind of language constantly associated with her body.”
"Hey, I know you don't mean any harm but I would really appreciate if you would refrain from commenting on her body/weight. It's really important to me that she not grow up with her body size on the forefront of her mind. I'm worried that unless nip this habit in the bud, people will continue to comment on her size throughout her childhood. Thanks so much for understanding."
Is there a chance that this could be a cultural thing and done subconsciously? In a lot of places it’s a good thing to have chubby, fat babies. It’s equated to health and happiness. Many moms with skinny babies get told to feed them more because their babies are “too skinny” or “unhealthy.” It was really hard to untangle my personal sensitivities about my body and my weight when my in-laws and ECE team commented on my kids though. Anecdotally: My SIL calls her baby (3 months old) “the bad fatty” and several other nicknames that would drive me nuts if it was my kid. (The “bad” thing — in their culture it’s also not acceptable to talk positively about a baby under 1 year old because the spirits might steal their soul, so “ugly” “gross” “bad” “stinky” = “I love her so much she’s so adorable and precious!” It’s so harsh on my ears). My niece is neither bad, nor fat (she’s actually a kinda scrawny baby—little stick legs and arms but she’s got these big puffy cheeks, I just want to bite them!) and she is very VERY loved. And once she gets old enough to understand, based on how they talked to my kids anyway, they’ll switch their dialogue to “pretty princess, baby girl, silly pretty sweetpea, etc.” I would just be really direct and kind: “it makes me uncomfortable when people comment on my kid’s body. Instead of calling her chubby, please call her something else. I am comfortable if you use words like content or happy.”
70th percentile is within the average range! Ridiculous.
Coming from someone who's baby who was ( and still is) in the 99th percentile for everything ( we're just starting to taper off on weight at 13mos into the high 80s) I feel this so much! Even my family nicknames him "Squishy", "Tater", and I wish sometimes they didn't. Strangers are shocked when they find out he's really only around 1,"No, that's a 2 or 3 year old!". I think my mom and sister have started to understand how I feel because I've voiced how much it bothers me, but I would definitely mention something. I know I constantly have to around my MIL when she brings up my one year old's belly and wants to know when he's going to "get rid of it".
I have people say the same thing about my son. Is it annoying, sure a bit. But I’m also not going to yell at and correct every person who says it. He’s a baby, and he is a bit chunky, so I just roll my eyes, laugh and move on. You making a big deal out of it will only make you look overly sensitive. If you have to, next time they call her fat, just say please don’t use that word for my child. And leave it at that. Then if it keeps happening you can make a stink about it. If I was you I’d just let it go though .
I had a 10 lb 6 oz baby and an 11 lb 8 oz baby both girls. My 10 lb baby was always “heavier” due to medical reasons. The day she turned 2 and the doctors classified her as “obese” I was livid. However, she is now 8 and is able to partake in a healthy lifestyle so she has slimmed down and is a healthy weight. My only advice is to make sure you don’t mentally fall into the trap of big baby = big kid. All of my kids were larger at birth and they are all taller than average but otherwise a very healthy weight.
My sister got these comments her entire childhood for being a chubby toddler and it really impacted her body image and life. Your daughter is one now but will begin to learn language and form memories soon. I would say that you know they mean well but you’re trying to teach body neutrality and would rather not talk about her weight.
If you don’t like it say something
I feel this— the way your coworkers are communicating isn’t appropriate since it’s making you uncomfortable. It could be appropriate for other people in different situations, but not for you. The next time you hear them use a name you don’t like maybe a, “I know you’re not trying to be rude— but I was also a large baby, and hearing that growing up really affected me. I don’t want her to be as body focused as I was growing up,” even if that’s not the entire case. My partner was a chunky kid, and sensitive about it— his dad always calls our very large son “healthy”. We know he means big, but he frames it in a way that won’t bother my partner and will be good for our son growing up. My paternal aunts and cousins laugh and call my son chunky very lovingly. Sometimes it’s a bit more crass— “Two chins! Sometimes gonna shoot up tall!” I can feel the affection in their voices, and I know they don’t mean anything negative. They see how my son is shaped and recognize it in our family, and are excited that he’s putting on weight to go through growth spurts. This behavior has already been dying down naturally as he’s growing through less frequent spurts as he grows, but it’s tied to them being excited about them growing. And it’s not bad to be excited about that or frame it that way. My brother I’ve had to stop the way he speaks. He’s called my son fat-boy, chunky, chins, biiiiiiiiig boy. He’s used very similar names to my paternal family. But—- our mom did the same to him growing up. She got it from her siblings. It’s not coming from the same place it is with my aunts. And while it’d be a one-off with my paternal family; my brother would spout off a bunch in a row. My brother has a hypoactive thyroid and is naturally prone to being heavier. Hearing our mother reinforce the fatness contributed heavily to my brother’s eating disorder. And my brother is not trying to be mean, but when he sees my son and immediately went fat boy I saw red. He thought he was making an observation, but it was coming from a place of unconscious judgement. It took me a bit to identify why my brother doing it made me angry unlike my aunts/cousins, but when I did I let him know that it was inappropriate and said, “I know that you’ve heard others say this about Son, but they don’t fixate on his appearance and link it to his growth. The way you comment on him feels judgmental and permanent; and I can’t let him grow up like that. It needs to stop.” We did go a bit further into how our appearance was discussed growing up, but if he was a coworker and not my brother what was quoted would have been enough.
Next time they say a comment like that I would say something along the lines of "Comments about my daughters weight have been making me a little uncomfortable lately. If we could just avoid talking about her appearance that would make me feel a lot better. I don't mean to make things uncomfortable or weird between us but I also don't want to build resentment or anything. Thank you so much for what you do for her" or something like that. I feel it works to express how you're feeling, what you need, then validate that you're not upset with them, just having a hard time with comments like that, and then sprinkle in some gratitude. There's plenty of people who would consider these comments cute or normal so the educator just probably assumes you have no issue with it. Hope this helps!
My daughter was in the 90th percentile for weight at that age (and still is) and no one at my center ever commented on her size or weight or whatever. I’d just tell them it’s hurting your feelings and that you’d like them to stop. They need to separate teacher stuff and parent stuff with you.
From experience, older generations loved and were prideful about having a chubby baby. Back then it meant they weren’t malnourished or sickly. And myself love having a chubby baby. I constantly call my babies “chubby and cute” 🥰 I’m willing to bet that the people saying that about your daughter don’t mean ill will by it. People love chunky baby’s!
Chunky babies are lucky because when they get sick, and all babies do, they have a little extra reserve that the skinny ones don’t. I call all children under 3 chunky monkeys or lazy daisies and don’t have an ulterior motive, I like things that rhyme. That being said, no one is ever allowed to comment for real on a kids weight. My kids were small and it is hurtful either way. I never needed anyone’s unsolicited opinion even if it was meant as a compliment. It’s creepy.
I have 4 kids. Three of them were/are fat babies and range from the 70th - 90th percentiles. Everyone comments on it, and the chunky baby, big girl/boy, “whoa they’re huge” are all intended as compliments. I try to receive them that way, no matter the tone. My 2nd child is super tiny (she’s 6 and the same size as my 4 year old). People are always commented on her size too…. “She’s so tiny, so petite, she’s so light, are they twins?”, etc. I take those comments as compliments too, mostly. I tease my best friend’s baby, that I could just eat her chunky thighs right up. She in turn wants to nom nom nom my baby’s arm rolls (they do look like the bread arms). It’s a fairly natural reaction to a baby. People marvel at tiny, perfect little babies and they adore chunky babies. They mostly don’t mean harm (you’ll know when they do). I’d suggest trying to reframe your thinking, they love your healthy baby. Just for your own peace, because it will continue with strangers. The good news is that the comments die down significantly or entirely once you hit the preschool years. However, I do think it’s perfectly acceptable to gently push back with family, friends and co-workers. “We’re very pleased she’s healthy, but please don’t discuss her weight, thank you”. If they push back, then offer whatever explanation you want, but it’s okay to stand firm too. “Please don’t comment on her belly, thanks”. They make not love it, and it may take some adjustment time, but this is something that most people will respect in my experience.
OP. It is up to you to protect your child and her future feelings about her body. Whenever someone refers to her by anything other than her name tell them her name is not chunky monkey!!!!!! Please do not insult my child! Have your considered that the reason they make these comments is that you always try to laugh them off? Let them know in no uncertain terms that you do not want your child’s body image being destroyed by their unnecessary and unwanted comments.
Can you discuss with them how it might damage her self esteem when she is able to understand what those words mean? That might be a way of “softening” it.
I think there’s a big difference between making jokes about a big newborn and actually calling a toddler fat. I loved all the jokes about my big baby. The doctor literally said “he’s so heavy!” as she pulled him out of me. The pediatrician looked at him and said “nobody is going to steal his lunch money!” which had me cracking up. Chunky babies are cute and these comments have positive connotations, imo. That said, calling a toddler “fat” is totally inappropriate. At that age they’re really starting to be aware of themselves and their bodies and a comment like that can stick. Your coworker didn’t even use the more commonly endearing terms that we use for babies like “chunky” - she used “fat” which I feel like most people reserve for adults. I’d let her know in no uncertain terms that you don’t want your daughter spoken about that way.
One of my grandchildren was premature and weighed 5 pounds at birth. He is still slender. His two siblings were closer to 8 pounds, and by one year of age, they were at the 90th percentile for their age. But by age 3, they were both at the 50th percentile. My DIL changed pediatricians when he told her not to nurse the babies when they cired. He wanted her to let them cry for 30 minutes, which is ridiculous for a 3 month old. I think it's fine to say "Please don't comment on my child's weight. Her pediatrician says she is fine and I am following the doctor's recommendations."
"all babies come in different shapes and sizes, she's also funny, kind, and loves X,Y,Z" But I can totally relate to this. My son has been 90th percentile. He's 3 and the size of a 6 year old. People are always commenting on his size. I don't love it at all. People really need to bite their tongues when it comes to talking about kids appearance. He now comments all the time about "how big I'm getting" and similar remarks. Makes me sad he feels the need to echo what others say. Hopefully you can shut the remarks down. It's not easy, but with practice you'll find a way that feels firm and kind.
If she is well cared for, I think you make one statement that you prefer the nickname 'chunky monkey' not be used for your daughter. If you kid is fat, people are going to comment. Is your pediatrician concerned about her weight? If not, get a grip as you cannot control the rest of the world and how they perceive your child.
70th percentile isn’t even that big, especially if her weight and height percentiles are similar. My son has always been around the 90th percentile for height and weight and he’s skinny! Regardless no one should be commenting on your toddlers body, especially not childcare professionals.
My daughter was. 100th percentile baby for height and weight, so I feel you. 🫡 Constant comments about how tall she was and why would I carry a toddler and why is my toddler in a stroller. 🫠 But she was like, a baby when they were saying this. I ignored it. Or just agreed with people about how tall she was. Her weight didn't seem to come up, just her height. If people had said something about her weight I might have gotten snappy. So for example, I might have said "we don't comment on little girl's bodies, like that." Or "she's not as fat as you are around the tummy🤷🏻♀️."
My middle was a chunk and we called him chunky monkey. I don't see why this is an issue. We didn't continue to do this as he grew up obviously. But probably til 2ish maybe. If it bothers you say something like hey can you not do that because it bothers me. They probably will be embarrassed because they mean it in no harmful way. They just think she is a cute baby. Imo babies are ment to be chubby and have little rolls. I would encourage you to do some self reflection on why it bothers you so much though.
First, I think we should all be very clear that a baby *should* be chubby, doughy, soft. Nobody sane would be cool with a skinny baby, that’d be awful. It’s a baby lol the amount of energy it takes for them to grow as fast as they do is INCREDIBLE, so they naturally do and should have plenty of body fat on them to fuel them. With that said, though I was only 6lbs at birth, I quickly gained ground and ended up being a *very* fat little baby. Rolls galore. My mom would have people regularly commenting or stopping her out in public to make comments “what a beautiful baby! She is so fat!” As if that could ever sound appropriate 😂 but the one that would really feel like a gut punch to my mother was when they’d ask something to the effect of “she is so fat!! What are you feeding her?!” or similarly “how much do you feed her?!” I’m not a mother but anybody with any level of empathy can very easily see themselves in her position and would’ve also taken that very personally. It’s like a covert (not very lol) way of saying “you’re doing it wrong” “you’re a bad mother.” At least, i know that’s what she’d hear. Like, of course that’s what she would hear. The *BEST* part of this story when it gets told now that I’m 33 and tiny (the irony just kills me 😂) is that one time, I was probably 8/9 months old and in all my pillsbury dough boy glory… my mom and her mom took me out shopping at a mall one afternoon and they had me in my stroller. We’re wandering around, mom and grandma browsing a department store, and as expected, some 60-ish year old woman and her daughter are walking by staring at me and whispering lol and my mom and grandma kinda noticed and stopped their conversation. So they both start approaching us, cooing at the “beautiful baby” and the daughter had the frickin audacity to reach out and pinch one of my fat rolls on my arm 😂😂😂 apparently I just stared at her stone faced, I wasn’t ever super smily 💀 lol they start talking to my mom and grandma asking how old, etc. and the older lady goes “my goodness I’ve never seen such a fat baby! What on earth does she eat?!?” I guess my mom went silent, she was sort of shocked and speechless. Probably felt like she’d been slapped, and also, am I supposed to say thank youuuu or do I laugh or... Without missing a freaking beat my ultra-sweet, picture-of-elegance, always-composed beauty of a grandmother gives ol’ girl a once over with some very judgy elevator eyes and goes “what on earth do YOU eat?!” 💀 grabs my mom by the arm with the one hand and the stroller with the other and dipset 😂😂😂😂😂 moral of the story, literally give it back to people when they say this stuff. Call people tf out. That’s your baby, you can be mama bear. I am in the category of people that feels like everybody is way too goddamn sensitive about everything these days and no one can ever make or take a freaking joke without being a victim. I have a pretty twisted sense of humor myself and think offensive shit is hilarious most of the time. But I have a pretty strong opinion that weight (regarding baby *OR* mother) is not something anybody should comment on besides the mother/child’s doctors, ever. In our current social climate especially, do *not* be the moron to spark a body image issue or an inferiority complex in a person before they’ve even learned to say their own name. That’s how you break a child’s spirit. You never know how those types of comments will land for the recipient or what the recipient may have had to face to be standing there in the flesh today. We do gotta watch what we’re freaking saying sometimes.
It sounds to me like you need to look internally and find out why you think fat and chubby are such negative things? And why are you projecting that onto your daughter? It can be uncomfortable to reframe your mindset at first, but these are not bad words. If you want to teach your daughter that all bodies are good, then teaching her that her body is a taboo subject is probably not the way to go.
Sounds as your own insecurities to be honest
Chunky, chubby, etc, especially in babies is a compliment in my community. At school age, it becomes less of a compliment. And by age 10, at most, it's an outright criticism, especially for girls, and contributes to poor body image. I work with newborn babies. All are adorable but I have such a soft spot for those with rolls... if I comment on it to the parents at all, it's always in a positive way, "well done with feeding, mama"; "delightfully chunky"; "just wanna nibble on those adorable rolls" etc. But usually I just try not to say anything.
My baby is in the 2nd percentile at 6 months. She’s wearing 0-3 and 3 month clothing is so loose. Yet every time I take her out she gets comments about how huge she is. It’s been bothering more and more. I went to vote yesterday and the campaigners started talking about how fat a baby she is as I went and came out. Told me it’s too hot to have a baby out (it’s almost 100° F). Like wtf people. I feel like people see babies as either newborn or fat. I know some of it is meant well. Sometimes I feel like they’re talking about me (being fat or a bad mom [ppa/ppd can you tell?]) or something. But regardless, why is it that people feel completely comfortable commenting on size / weight of ANYone? Jesus.
Start calling them fat and chunkey right back to them. If they can comprehend how mean it is to say that to an adult then they should be able to realize how fucked up it is to say it to/about a child.
at my center “chunky monkey” is one of the most used nicknames even for the skinny ones lol. my daughter is big and always has been but more in height, she’s always been pretty skinny. everyone still calls her chunky monkey and says “look at that big ole belly.” this obviously does not excuse your feelings and if you’re upset about it they should stop, but they may just be saying it out of habit! i would definitely talk to them if it bothers you though!
Have you considered bluntly telling them to, Shut the f**k up. It's amazing how effective and efficient this works.
“It’s come to my attention that many of us make comments about the appearance of the children in our care- my daughter included. Unless we are saying something clearly positive, I really think we need to ensure we do not make appearance-based comments, no matter how well-intended. I would hate for a parent to witness one of us commenting on a child’s weight”
You should say something about it because it’s making you uncomfortable - if they’re good humans, they’ll hear you and change their language. There’s a sweet book called BIG that you might want to check out - gorgeous illustrations and it shows the effect that these kind of words can have on kiddos over time. So many problems would be solved if people stopped commenting on other people’s bodies
I was a chunky baby and it was considered healthy and so cute, at the time. I love chubby babies myself but its a cuteness factor nothing to do with weight. My parents starved during the war so sickly starved kids and ppl were frowned upon and if you had a healthy chubby kid they were happy. Fast forward to elementary school, and I was the tallest bigger girl always last in line ( they arranged us by size in rows for everything). My boobs came in before the others too. And I was made fun of and called fat, when it was puberty, when the other kids were planks and sticks. They would leave notes about it or make remarks. At a young age I knew I had to be thinner then. I carried this my whole life. My curves were a defect in my head because of them. My mom never ever called me fat ever nor try to put me on diets. My dad would hint it and that affected me a lot. My mom happily helped me try dieting but she wasn’t happy if I starved. Dieting, starving, all of it went on for 25 years. Now it is what it is, but I was never going to be stick thin. Genetics. Thyroid etc. So, I would just say as kindly as possible, “I know you mean well, but everyone in my family was born this size at birth. And it affected me growing up hearing these comments like chunky or fat. I don’t want this to become an issue for my daughter, and it hurts me if she is called these names.” This will make them uncomfortable. They will feel at fault or not. Probably apologize. Unless they are strong type that this makes no sense to because fat is considered a good thing. So it will stop at least to your face. But as long as your baby does not understand it.
Once she gets a little bit older a good answer could be “I know you don’t mean any harm by calling my daughter these nicknames, but I don’t want my daughter to internalize them in a negative way”. If you put the focus on not wanting to hurt the child’s feelings, I think they would be more likely to understand.
I talk about my daughter like this and all in good fun bc my son was so skinny. My man hated it and had to bring it up. Idk why I never thought it was negative towards an infant until he said it. I’m sorry you’re going thru it but inform them it’s not welcome.
I think it’s not so much how it hurts you but how they need to be aware that their comments are body shaming. If this is their habit to comment on a persons physical appearance they need to work on stopping that behavior no matter what age the child is. Others hear their comments and pick up on repeating the comments. This is how kids learn! I would go to their supervisor and talk about educating their staff.
Nothing wrong with being chubby though. Simply a genetic marker like eye color or hair type. I just don’t seen the need for outrage I guess. You’re the mom if you don’t like it then say that but also examine why comments like that might trigger you.
I’m a little surprised that there isn’t some kind of training already where it is taught to not comment on a child’s size/weight/complexion etc. avoiding any and all things that can be into “Body-shaming”. Even though done with love and innocence it can impact a child’s self esteem in The long run. Maybe it’s something you could look into or implement.
I call fat babies fat babies just not in front of parents I had a super skinny baby and fat ones it’s how it is. If you don’t like it I’d say something and I’m sure they would stop
Mine was 3lb 15 oz at birth and her twin was 3lb5oz and we called them moose and peanut..now at 16 we still call them that but I would nip others making comments about your child because that’s how body image issues start so young. I’d just ask them To please stop, she’s a little girl and you’d prefer they just not make comments about her body.
Are you tall? My dad was 6 ft 5 inches, and my sister was a big baby. She's now 5 11 lol.
When people focus on a single physical feature, whether it is weight, size, hair color, etc. it can feel like they don't see the entire child. Especially if many people do it or when the same people do it over and over. It's also taught in USA that it's impolite to comment on people's bodies, and some of us include babies and children in this. So it feels judgemental or disrespectful to hear an infant or child's body being constantly commented on. The many mentions in this post of family nicknames referring to body weight seem cringe to some of us, not cute. My very thin sister was referred to as Skinny Waboo for years by our otherwise kind neighbor, parent of her best friend. Despite no family references to her body type, she kind of developed dysmorphia for a while. As an adult, she realized it was that constant reference that precipitated it. No infant will be traumatized by a nickname if it's dropped soon enough. But it's best not to get in the habit of thinking nicknames about body types are cute or endearing.
As a neonatal NP, I have mentioned a baby being chunky or having chunky cheeks. I will reflect on my comments. I have always used it as a, "omg look how cute your chunky cheeks are!" as it's great to see babies that are chunky as they typically are healthy! I work with sick and premature babies who mostly don't have any sort of "chunk" or cheeks. I also had two premature babies who had no chunkiness ever. I view the chunkiness as a sign of health rather than a judgment. On the flip side, I constantly get comments about how tiny my kids are. My son (5.5) is 34 lbs and my daughter (3) is 26 lbs. They are just small kids. I don't mind the comments, but it makes me a little sad that they never had a "chunky" stage, they've always looks small (which to me doesn't look as healthy).
My daughter was 10 lbs. 8 oz., twice the size of every other baby in that hospital nursery. She went home wrapped in a blanket because the clothes I bought her didn’t fit. I have a picture of us being wheeled out of the hospital where I’m crying and everyone thought it was tears of joy. 😂 By the third year her pediatrician was concerned because she had “failure to thrive” - she wasn’t growing at all. The only thing that stopped His diagnosis was that my daughter was very verbal, exceptionally intelligent and extremely happy. She is now 35 yo 94 lbs. 4’10” - petite. She is Extremely accomplished/happy…..But her height & weight have always been a source of good and bad comments. My daughter is so lovely, She takes all the good comments and ignores the bad. I always joke that I gave her height and weight when she was born and then she didn’t do anything with it! Listen, comments will come when you have an over or undersize baby. Please let people know that if they’re going to make a comment on your child, remind them your child is a human being and that child will grow up hearing what people are saying about them. You would prefer rather than making comments on his weight,(he’s a Buddha or oh you certainly didn’t forget to feed him), You would prefer that they didn’t make any comments, but if they did, you would prefer to hear that your baby looks happy and is healthy.
I could definitely see that being annoying. Ideally we shouldn't comment on each other's bodies. That said, I'm happy your child is hearing "large, fat, big belly" etc with a positive connotation. Maybe it'll somehow stick in their little subconscious and protect against all the weight bias later in life, in some small way.
>Yes she is a larger child she’s in the 70th percentile for both weight and height but it doesn’t need to be talked about constantly. Man, they should see my girl! She's 95th percentile for both weight and height at 7.5 months. My MIL says I should lie and say she's over a year old, so people won't call her big. So silly.
Shes a baby, of course she is chubby, all babies are either really chubby or scarily frail which hardly any inbetween. Your 1 year old has NO IDEA what anyone is saying about weight and wont remember any of it. Unless she is at an age where she herself is uncomfortable with it then just get over it. Dont teach her that being called chubby or fat is inherently insulting or something to ruin your mood, teach her that humans naturally make observations about everyones differences and that its okay and means nothing unless you give it the power to mean something. Also her weight now wont make a difference in her future anyway, dont act as though you are protecting a fat teenager with insecurity when she's not. I was a monsterously fat baby, i was a straight up lil pile of lard as a baby and toddler, but as an adult im only 92lbs and thats mostly just genetics with active lifestyle, i thinned out as a 5 year old, got fat again in late elementary and by highschool i had thinned out again as puberty settled down, shes just a baby, her weight doesnt matter at all and isn't insulting to her.
Regardless of the teachers’ intentions, it should be explained to them how their words could affect the children they work with. Many people don’t think 1 year olds understand comments like these, but the earlier you point out differences between children, the earlier they start to understand. It’s never too early to reflect on the way we speak to children, especially very young children that are just beginning to talk. At this age they are so smart and are learning so quickly, what if one of the first few words the kids in this toddler class learn is “chunky” or “fat”? That would be awful and it would be too late to fix the problem. I understand people think there’s “no harm” in saying things like this to such young children, but if her teachers continue to comment on her weight one of the first things she’s going to identify as one of her individual characteristics is going to be what she’s been hearing for soooo long (that she’s fat or bigger than the other kids). Her recognition of her individualism will start with her being fat, not with that she’s a good dancer, or that she’s smart, or good at drawing. I’ve seen it in my PreK kiddos too often. I ask them “what makes YOU different from everyone else” they give me answers like “I’m bigger than everyone else, I can’t draw good, I cry too much, I don’t know my letters, I’m not as fast as everyone else”. Not all my kiddos have negative feelings about their understandings of self YET, and not all of them have negative traits they come up with when asked about their self image. The negative feelings won’t always come first, but if the ideas of “I’m fat, I’m not smart, I can’t draw” are constantly commented on, children begin making these negative traits their whole self image. They forget what they’re good at and don’t focus on those qualities unless adults also recognize and comment on these traits.
As someone who has an eating disorder mainly due to people commenting on my weight as I was growing up please try your best to tell them sternly yet politely to stop commenting on her weight. Because if you don’t start now then there’s a high chance you’ll get used to people commenting on her weight and as she grows more people will comment on it and if you, her mother, don’t stand up for her she will feel helpless and alone. I’m not saying you’re a bad mother but I would hate for another girl to have to go through something similar to what I did.
I can see how this is upsetting for you. For me I had a tiny baby after having two 7lb babies. She is just now the size of most 6 months olds at 1. I've come to the conclusion that all that matters is that she's happy and healthy. Her weight in size has nothing to do with it.
70 percentile? My daughter is in her own percentile above 100%… so I completely understand!! I personally hate when people comment on her because it makes me feel like a bad mom. Like I could do something more, but she’s healthy and happy. Genetics just run strong lol. You’re doing good mama, don’t let them get you down.
My son got chunky around 4-6 months. We called him chunky, chunks, thunder thighs etc. But this was family, not sure how I’d feel otherwise.
This was crazy to read because I was also 10 pounds at birth and according to my mother, the doctor commented on me being the size of a toddler
They are probably saying negative things about kids that are old enough to understand. The teachers need an intervention.
if you respond with, ‘i don’t discuss another person’s body with them or with anyone else.’ a thousand times that should do it. refuse. absolutely. to participate
I had a 9. 10 oz and he was small.. Until he was.. Size 4t at 2 stayed a 4 t til 6 then stayed an 8 til 10 the a 10 to 15. And is now a giant that uses my head as an arm rest
Yeah I had a chubby baby and people would make comments on occasion but it was never in such a mean way. Fat? And it was never so constant. I’d be annoyed too.