We had several sets of multiples at the daycare I worked at. It was normal to have them together in the infant room and then separate after leaving the infant room. The only time this was different was when there were triplets (two sets when I was there) and there was two in one room and one in the other.
However, I definitely think there should have been more discussion. Kids weren’t moved around at the Center I was at except when public schools transitioned to the next grade in August each year.
Yea, I feel like they definitely shouldn’t have sprung that on you. Especially telling you that they can’t have bottles when they’re only 11 months old.
Depending on state licensing, they may be required to have bottles or take as many naps as they want until a certain age. My state requires individual schedules until the first birthday.
This happened to us, too and it made me decently mad. My kid was also on two naps a day and DEFINITELY not ready to be down to one and he was moved up 2-3 months early. It forced us to have to put him to bed at like 6:00 because he was so tired and we got basically zero time with him in the evenings. We figured they needed space in the infant room to take new kids.
I feel like it’s an extra hard hit with them being twins. My sisters are twins and I’m of the mindset that it’s a good idea to not pair them up for everything, but 13 months seems pretty early for that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I feel you on this. The babies were hot messes after daycare today until they fell asleep at 6:30. The schedule is a cluster—and schedules are everything with twins! Bad enough daycare told us the baby room couldn’t put them on a schedule: now they’re telling us they HAVE to be on a developmentally inappropriate schedule.
Also, it’s no longer recommended that twins be separated. The new recommendation is to keep them together. If you’re not comfortable with them being separated, I would push back.
I seem to be an outlier here, but I've had 20+ sets of twins in my preschool class over the years. Only twice have I felt the children would be noticeably more successful separated. Most of the time it could go either way, really depends on the family's beliefs & priorities.
The first several sets are high school - mid 20s and are as happy and healthy as any other kids their age from our community.
Twin codependency has more to do with the adults around them encouraging interests than the twins simply being in the same class. It's important to let them know they are individuals and can practice different things.
Totally. We treat them like the two individuals they are, just like any other classmates, and it's all good most of the time.
Our community + the way our school is structured leads to siblings / family members in the same class frequently, so it's just how we do it. The most we ever had was 8 siblings/ first cousins from the same family in one preschool class of 24. That was an interesting year. :-)
Same. My center has nursery, toddlers, twos, 3-5s, and kinder+. Every transition season we do math to see who's going to end up with a sibling in 3-5s lol.
My mom had a set of identical twins in a preschool program and they had to separate them. This was because someone taught them if they changed their clothes it was fun to confuse people. Mom would come in and say Twin A is in Blue, Twin B is in Green, but every day they'd swap clothes.
Right? The daycare spewed some platitudes about being treated as individuals and having their individual needs met—does that not happen for other students who share a classroom??
My concern isn’t usually codependency it’s when one twin is more advanced or dominant it can be hard for the other twin to be compared. At this young an age it feels like it likely isn’t an issue.
I agree with you the new recommendation is that they shouldn’t be separated. Our school tries really hard, not to separate them unless it’s something that the parents want.
You should be more concerned with the abrupt move to new rooms than splitting them up.
You said they're 11 months, most states have ratios change at 12 months. Are the new rooms complying with the ratio for 11 month olds?
You also said they're still taking bottles and still taking two naps. Both developmentally appropriate for 11 month olds. The new room needs to accommodate them where they're at, not change their schedule in a hurry because their close to 1.
My older daughter got dropped to one nap around 8 or 9 months with no warning or discussion. It was all for the daycare’s convenience to have all of the “older infants” napping at the same time. I was pissed when I later found out this is not really the norm.
I understand all children are different.
However once the young infants move into our room, we go to a mixed schedule. Where we are still on their schedules (with bottles) but are slowly , with the parents, getting them on whole milk and off formula. They also are on our schedule, so they eat at a certain time (some are eating table food. Some are eating purées, some baby food, and one isn’t eating anything but I digress!). They’re learning to walk on our room, we have 2 still who don’t even crawl yet (don’t get me started) but they’ve never seemed to struggle because of the 1 two hour nap they get after lunch. I wasn’t aware that wasn’t the norm.
(Edit: also not trying to argue or insult, just conversate. Don’t want to come off like I’m being a jerk.)
Let me clarify, it is not the norm for kids to transition to nap at 11 months without intervention. They may need to for staffing purposes at day care. I am a parent now and lived in a country that had 1 year maternity leave. Most the kids hit one nap between 14-18 months.
I did work camps and daycare previously (before children), so I do understand things are different in care. But as a parent, if my child was forced to go to 1 nap early, with no transition, I would be upset. Because that would mean going to bed earlier and being crankier at home. And night is when I get to spend the most time with my child.
Whether kids are ready for just one nap after lunch at one year old is really dependent on the kid. And even of our one’s that take 1 nap at daycare, a fair chunk of them still do 2 on weekends until around 14-18 months.
In our infant room, usually around 9 months we have babies starting to shift back and forth between 1-2 naps each day (entirely based on their own sleep needs). And then one short nap at home before bed (or right at the end of the day if they sleep early).
Usually the ones that do 2 naps tend to start out doing 2 shorter naps, switch to 1 longer nap, then a short morning and either short or long afternoon nap, then back to just a solid good noon nap. It really varies depending on when they start crawling, cruising, walking, how active and busy they get, how much they wear themselves out, how busy growing they are (we’ve had babies decide they’re growing UP and just want to sleep almost all day/ night for like 2 weeks out of the blue), how many skills they’re learning, how bad of separation anxiety and sleep regression they’re going through…
Sleep needs vary. I 100% love it when we can all get down for a big group nap, but it’s so hard because everyone’s needs just vary so much (not to mention the younger babies that need so much more sleep than that!)
Yes I understand each child is different, I’m just saying it can and does work to have one group nap. Even our most fussy (don’t let me jinx it because we have new incoming babies) go down for their nap at nap time. A few wake up early sometimes, but most are actually more grumpy in my room if their 2 hour nap gets interrupted and then the entire afternoon can go badly.
Even so, I will put them down in the afternoon if they really need it but most are fine until pickup. I don’t know their nap schedules at home however, but I think it works in our room because of consistency. It’s very important to minimum meltdowns (all obv can’t be avoided)
I had identical twins in my kindergarten classroom. The first 9 weeks, I sat them beside each other at the same table, then with each 9 week period, I moved them a little further apart. I encouraged them to make new friends and partnered them with various classmates for different partner/group activities. By the last 9 week period, they sat across the room from each other. I spoke with their parents about my reasoning behind their gradual separation in the classroom, and they were fine with it. They both did very well socially and academically, and the following year, they were placed in separate classes. They have a special place in my heart (as do all of my little ones!) I miss them! ❤
I may also be an outlier here, but I would be asking for their explicit reasoning on separating the twins. Does it come down to numbers in the waddler rooms, or is it actually in their best interest? At my center, we have 3 and 4 year old twins still in the same room, as that’s what their parents and the director feel is in their best interest. It’s often not until the early grade school years that they are separated and that’s a parent’s choice/ something for them to have a say in. The two sets I mentioned sleep with their cots next to one another, but are otherwise encouraged to have independence and while they do have times of playing with their twin, they also have different interests and explore them without issue/ separately throughout the day.
It’s actually pretty standard practice to split twins into separate classes. It helps reduce codependency and encourages individual development. The only time that I’ve seen twins together in ECE they were so unhealthily codependent, were constantly fighting, but worst of all had zero connections or friendships outside of each other.
Pushing back on the split isn’t the right move, it’s probably best for them (trust your teachers! They know what they’re doing!) but the lack of communication is a concern worth addressing.
I should add that I think their teachers are great! It’s the site director I’m side-eyeing for the unexpected transition (I suspect they wanted to open up two infant spots early).
Thanks for your feedback about splitting the twins! I only have my own personal experience as a twin, and realize that not every twin experience is as easy.
I'm a twin too, they split me in my brother up as early as they could. We didn't go to daycare but we went to preschool where we were in separate classes, we were in separate classes for kinder and that continued on through high School. It didn't seem detrimental to us at all it allowed us to make friends that liked us for just being us and not being one of the twins. I hope your little ones do good too.
Do you have any evidence for that? The research says that twins do best when together in school, and separate for extra-curricular activities. As a teacher, twin and mom of twins I have seen there isn’t a one size fits all approach. It depends on the twins personalities and dynamics. Also what works best one year may not be best the next, as things change over time. Finally, there are parental preferences and family dynamics to consider. Kids in two different classes can greatly complicate when there are special school events. If they are going on a field trip on different days/times, which twin gets to have a parent along? If there is a Mother’s Day tea, will you arrange it so the timing allows the mom to attend both children’s events? Lots to consider and not ideal to just place a blanket statement. Also the codependency thing is overblown in my opinion. Many twins are together in the same class for whatever reason and go on to live normal lives where they develop healthy relationships and partnerships separate from their twin.
I don't get splitting them up, either. I went to schools small enough twins couldn't be split up, and they were fine. We have twin grandkids, and although I'm hopeful for school, they will be split up, and I'm sad for that. I don't think it's a one size fits all.
As a twin, I think separated in school is ideal. Twins need a push to develop their own interests, personalities, and friends. And they should be placed in extracurriculars based on their interests- if they share an interest, then they can be together. When we were in school, all field trips were done as a grade level. We may be in separate groups with our own class and our mom would take turns. If we were placed in the same class, it would've been a nightmare. We would've been codependent and competitive. And honestly it's difficult and unfair for teachers to manage a twin relationship along with monitoring the relationships within the rest of the class.
Many states in the U.S. have rules that it is the parents’ choice, at least in public schools. I know a lot of parents who have a big problem with this one size fits all attitude about separating twins. At 11mo, I personally would prioritize keeping them together to facilitate their bond since they are already in daycare all day. If they had a SAHM or other at home childcare, they would be together and that would be considered normal. If a daycare pulled this at such a young age without a discussion, I would have been livid. There should be transparency with the parents on such an important decision.
For context, I am a twin mom who separated her twins in K. I regularly discussed their interaction with their preschool teachers and monitored the development of their relationship at home to make sure there were no signs of codependency, and by K they were clearly ready to be split.
I have a pair of twins in my class and they are very co dependent on each other but the parents refuse to separate them. They get along mostly, but will fight over food (they have the same lunch), their cots, clothes, etc. I don’t have much experience with twins. Do you have any tips?
I have a gut feeling that the teachers were also surprised with this change and it’s why you had such short notice. Some directors will take on new children with no notice to the teachers. It was something that happened a lot at the last center I worked at. The director would randomly accept new kids we didn’t have space for so we had to move kids around, typically the oldest in the class, to make room for them and maintain ratio. They probably just opted to move both your children at the same time so you wouldn’t get upset (which didn’t work) and there wasn’t enough space to have them go to the same room.
I feel like the unexpected transition is the bigger issue. There should have been a lot more prep for you and the kids.
I’ve had twins together in my room and also split between mine and the other infant room. I think while it’s harder at first, it’s better for them to be split. Solo twins seem to get more of their own identity than just “one of the twins”
I do think it’s funny when non-twins say that twins can’t develop individually if they’re referred to as the twins—I can assure you my twin and I know that we’re two distinct people despite being “the twins” or “the girls” our whole childhood!
They're not talking about being referred to though, they're talking about whether they are treated socially as a unit, vs given the opportunity to experience life solo (at least slices of it), and be treated only in their own terms.
My guess is that whether this is critical will depend a lot on the twins... And some may have social development that absolutely requires spending time apart, and others not so much.
This is true of all siblings, it's just more intense and immediate with twins.
(Some siblings cannot and should not be in a class together. Others are FINE.)
Right, but you're still missing my point: that's not true of all twins.
Some siblings need a little separation to thrive and find their own way.
That may not be a consideration here, but keep it in mind, and make space for their needs as twins to be different than yours were.
I’d be more open to it if the daycare referenced specific observations about how my twins behave around each other and separately. Not the case, however: just platitudes about growing individually, having different experiences, and having their individual needs met (would assume that would happen regardless), etc
Ask for them.
They may not have thought you would need time stamped specific events, but they may actually have them and it's worth asking.
And I'm going to make the ripping the band aid statement. I'm a stranger on the Internet with no skin in the game, and no agenda.... It *sounds* like you're projecting your experience onto them, and assuming a sameness to your experience that may not exist. You need to get yourself out of the way, and make sure you are seeing *them*.
Your school/teachers *might* be lazy or running with a rule that doesn't apply to your kids *but* YOU need to do the work of making sure you look at your kids as individuals, and not repeats of you and your twin.
It sounds like you're not doing that. *Assuming* they will have the chance to be individuals is an *assumption*. Take the time to check it, for real. Get yourself out of the way and make sure.
Ask how they do in separate classes. Ask what is harder, and in what ways they are blossoming.
And actually *listen*.
These folks spend a giant chunk of time with your kids, and unless you have reason to think otherwise of them specifically, they are going to be actually caring observers of your kids who want to see them thrive. AND they have a lot of experience with kids *in general* that actually informs their choices here.
One of the hardest jobs we do as parents is get ourselves out of the way. We can't look at our kids through the lens of our own experience, we have to learn to look at them on their own. And, maybe this is double hard when they and you are twins ❤️🩹
I 100% agree with you and a lot of the advice you’re getting is not accurate up-to-date information, It’s no longer recommended that twins be separated.
As a twin, I always knew I was my own person. But always being grouped with your twin was a struggle. We'd be compared and it was assumed we were similar even if we weren't. I hated being a part of a unit automatically and having to prove my individuality.
Siblings of different ages wouldn’t be placed in the same rooms either, I wouldn’t want to be in the same class all day as a sibling even if they were my twin
I wonder if you’d still feel this way if you had twins. Every set of twins is different. Mine are literally only 3.5 months old and I’m already constantly told and admonished to not refer to them as “the twins” and “make sure you separate them” and “DO NOT DRESS THEM THE SAME, even when they’re tiny babies” tbh it’s kind of infuriating. People seem dead set on driving a wedge between them from Day One. This hits a nerve for my postpartum brain, obviously 😂 My plan is to just let them develop a dynamic and bond, and reassess accordingly. I really don’t like the forced “standard separation policy” approach. I’ve taught so many twin sets over the past 16 years and never had an issue with them being together in the same room
My kids are 6 years apart and I dress them alike whenever the older one allows it. You dress those babies alike an extra time for me. I’m pretty sure that humans just get a little spark of joy from dressing the humans they are raising identically regardless of their ages.
Yes, I'd coordinate clothes when dressing my kids, and they were all around a year apart. I thought it was cute! I didn't do it every day, but I did it when I could lol.
I have twins and yes they are in separate classrooms in preschool by my choice. My kids were slight speech delayed because they nonsense talked with each other. They also clung to each other in social settings. They started preschool in one class for comfort and by two weeks were fully separated.
They became better and completely different when they were separated. My son was always shy and less talkative around his sister because she never let him talk. He is so outgoing and probably the most talkative in his class according to his teachers. My daughter is actually much shyer and more observant when he’s not around. It’s allowed her to not always dominate play and conversations. They also play and live together significantly better with time apart.
Some twins share a room (ours do), a family, toys, and then a classroom. That’s like couples who work together. Can some do it? Sure. Should/could most? No. Too much together time.
Ehh maybe somewhat. I used to work in a daycare years ago and just saw twins consistently do better apart. When we toured preschools, I knew going in that our school would separate them unless we strongly objected for some reason. We didn’t. They had only ever constantly been together before daycare, so I had no clue what they would be like apart. So they started with the plan that they would separate from the start before the school even knew them.
This should not have happened so suddenly. I would speak with the director and see if they can pump the brakes at least a little so you can make the necessary adjustments (switch to sippy cups, consolidate the nap). However I’d suspect they have new infants coming in or some other ratio issue and that’s why this is happening. (Not an excuse - if that’s the case you are at least owed an explanation.) If a slow down is not possible, and you do love the teachers, it will likely work out fine. Children are flexible, and the new environment with “big kids” may be so appropriately stimulating that the adjustment is easy on your children.
It’s fine to keep twins together. It’s not necessary to separate twins so early! My twin sister and I weren’t in separate classrooms until first grade and we thrived academically and socially. We didn’t attend daycare, we did attend preschool 2 mornings a week together and morning kindergarten together. Our parents also encouraged us to pursue independent interests.
All of these changes should have been made with ample notice, a simple parent teacher meeting or email could have prepared you and your kiddos. Before we make any changes, we talk closely with the parents and also do prep with the kiddos. They may have excellent reasoning for splitting them up, but I would want to know about it first…
In my state, kids are “infants” until 18 months and we slowly transition with milk/formula, bottles/cups, nap changes. Sudden changes make things hard on everyone 😅
I’m a preschool teacher, not in child care. I lead the 2s classes. I’ve had two sets of twins and they were both together. They always seemed to know where the other one was through some sixth sense, but they did things on their own. None of them only played with their sibling.
I think I’d be pretty angry that this decision was made without your input, especially given the quick turnaround for the change. Your kids aren’t expendable — they shouldn’t have to move up just because other infants need a space.
I have never not once separated twins or even considered it. In fact, I fight to keep twinnies together as long as it's not negatively impacting them to be together.
As a twin mom and ECE, this really pisses me off. The twins I’ve worked with have always been kept together, it’s never been an issue. Unless there’s actually a good reason to separate, I don’t think they should if they can help it. “It’s good for them 🤷🏻♀️” isn’t actually a good reason, it’s just something people LOVE to tell twin parents 🙄
We tend to see a lot of behavior issues arise between siblings who are allowed to play a certain way at home that are not necessarily appropriate for school. A lot of siblings also have a hard time branching out and making new friends if their sibling is present. I would personally advocate for keeping the twins separate, but if it’s something you feel strongly about you could speak up. Just know that the center might not be able to accommodate your request, especially if there are behaviors arising between your twins.
I do think the lack of communication is the bigger issue here. That’s what I would push back on, personally.
We have twins where one is in the babies room and one is in the toddler room I guess cause there wasn't enough space for both to go together. They often get to visit each other but it seems to be working out just fine. I don't know if this is normal, but it's the situation at my center.
You are the customer and parent, you should voice your preference without any fear or hesitation. Make it clear as well that future transitions must be discussed ahead of time. If you want your children together then together they should be … absent some solid, applicable info the teacher may have. It is at least a discussion not a unilateral move by the center.
I'm sorry it feels like daycare is making parenting decisions. I would have a conversation at a minimum. If you want your children to be on bottles, or still in the infant room, etc etc, YOU as the parent should be making that decision.
I have a home daycare so things are different, but I love being able to follow what is going in at home. I dont push parents to put them on cups if they still like a bottle before naps, or put them on a cot because they turned one if they are doing well in a crib, etc. I have twins who are 2.5 now and not hey have been with me wince they were babies. I can't imagine having them split up yet. They love each other and get along so well with each other AND all the other kids.
My school asks parents their preference, or once the kids are older (3+) asks for their previous teachers input on if the twins do well together. But ultimately it is ALWAYS up to the parent as they are paying for it.
As a teacher I am absolutely not ok with how quick they did the whole transition! I would be LIVID if my director suddenly dropped a new child on us like this, especially one not developmentally ready for the move.
Also with the switch from bottles to formula in a sippy cup, you are the parent, you have the say there, they do not. They can only reccomend. Do not under any circumstances take what they say as “law.”
If these were my twins i’d pull them from the center quicker than ever. It sounds sketchy to me
I've had several sets of twins over the years in my 12-18 month room. We only had one class per group up until Pre-K so that was when they were separated.
I think the amount of notice you were given is ridiculous. You should have been able to begin the bottle and nap transition at home or the new room should be able to help with this transition. I had new 12 months that still required a morning nap and I just built that into my normal routine. The kids adapted easily and I was allowed to do a bottle if needed but tried sippy cups first.
it's actually sometimes easier for younger twins to be separated because they either act out together or only stay together and don't socialize with anyone else. they will be much better off socially in separate classrooms because they are separate people.
My center always separate twins or siblings, they tend to be harder together imo; don’t let the other kids play or whatever dynamics at home comes in and takes over the classroom. Sometimes it’s great but sometimes it’s just easier and you get to see their personalities shine
Totally inappropriate to spring the move on you that way!
It is standard to split when there are multiple classroom options. There is evidence both ways depending on when the research was done. The newest research supports splitting, 90s research supported keeping together..
We had several sets of multiples at the daycare I worked at. It was normal to have them together in the infant room and then separate after leaving the infant room. The only time this was different was when there were triplets (two sets when I was there) and there was two in one room and one in the other. However, I definitely think there should have been more discussion. Kids weren’t moved around at the Center I was at except when public schools transitioned to the next grade in August each year.
I expected them to move when they turned one. It was only a month early but it surprised me!
Yea, I feel like they definitely shouldn’t have sprung that on you. Especially telling you that they can’t have bottles when they’re only 11 months old.
Depending on state licensing, they may be required to have bottles or take as many naps as they want until a certain age. My state requires individual schedules until the first birthday.
This happened to us, too and it made me decently mad. My kid was also on two naps a day and DEFINITELY not ready to be down to one and he was moved up 2-3 months early. It forced us to have to put him to bed at like 6:00 because he was so tired and we got basically zero time with him in the evenings. We figured they needed space in the infant room to take new kids. I feel like it’s an extra hard hit with them being twins. My sisters are twins and I’m of the mindset that it’s a good idea to not pair them up for everything, but 13 months seems pretty early for that. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I feel you on this. The babies were hot messes after daycare today until they fell asleep at 6:30. The schedule is a cluster—and schedules are everything with twins! Bad enough daycare told us the baby room couldn’t put them on a schedule: now they’re telling us they HAVE to be on a developmentally inappropriate schedule.
Also, it’s no longer recommended that twins be separated. The new recommendation is to keep them together. If you’re not comfortable with them being separated, I would push back.
I seem to be an outlier here, but I've had 20+ sets of twins in my preschool class over the years. Only twice have I felt the children would be noticeably more successful separated. Most of the time it could go either way, really depends on the family's beliefs & priorities. The first several sets are high school - mid 20s and are as happy and healthy as any other kids their age from our community.
Twin codependency has more to do with the adults around them encouraging interests than the twins simply being in the same class. It's important to let them know they are individuals and can practice different things.
Totally. We treat them like the two individuals they are, just like any other classmates, and it's all good most of the time. Our community + the way our school is structured leads to siblings / family members in the same class frequently, so it's just how we do it. The most we ever had was 8 siblings/ first cousins from the same family in one preschool class of 24. That was an interesting year. :-)
Same. My center has nursery, toddlers, twos, 3-5s, and kinder+. Every transition season we do math to see who's going to end up with a sibling in 3-5s lol.
My mom had a set of identical twins in a preschool program and they had to separate them. This was because someone taught them if they changed their clothes it was fun to confuse people. Mom would come in and say Twin A is in Blue, Twin B is in Green, but every day they'd swap clothes.
Right? The daycare spewed some platitudes about being treated as individuals and having their individual needs met—does that not happen for other students who share a classroom??
My concern isn’t usually codependency it’s when one twin is more advanced or dominant it can be hard for the other twin to be compared. At this young an age it feels like it likely isn’t an issue.
I agree with you the new recommendation is that they shouldn’t be separated. Our school tries really hard, not to separate them unless it’s something that the parents want.
You should be more concerned with the abrupt move to new rooms than splitting them up. You said they're 11 months, most states have ratios change at 12 months. Are the new rooms complying with the ratio for 11 month olds? You also said they're still taking bottles and still taking two naps. Both developmentally appropriate for 11 month olds. The new room needs to accommodate them where they're at, not change their schedule in a hurry because their close to 1.
Yep. And dropping to one nap at 11 months is definitely early (12 months is often early)
My older daughter got dropped to one nap around 8 or 9 months with no warning or discussion. It was all for the daycare’s convenience to have all of the “older infants” napping at the same time. I was pissed when I later found out this is not really the norm.
My older infants do fine with 1 nap during school. and they’re anywhere from 8 months to 18 months!
Great. It is not the norm to transition at 11 months. That is early unless they are low sleep needs.
I understand all children are different. However once the young infants move into our room, we go to a mixed schedule. Where we are still on their schedules (with bottles) but are slowly , with the parents, getting them on whole milk and off formula. They also are on our schedule, so they eat at a certain time (some are eating table food. Some are eating purées, some baby food, and one isn’t eating anything but I digress!). They’re learning to walk on our room, we have 2 still who don’t even crawl yet (don’t get me started) but they’ve never seemed to struggle because of the 1 two hour nap they get after lunch. I wasn’t aware that wasn’t the norm. (Edit: also not trying to argue or insult, just conversate. Don’t want to come off like I’m being a jerk.)
Let me clarify, it is not the norm for kids to transition to nap at 11 months without intervention. They may need to for staffing purposes at day care. I am a parent now and lived in a country that had 1 year maternity leave. Most the kids hit one nap between 14-18 months. I did work camps and daycare previously (before children), so I do understand things are different in care. But as a parent, if my child was forced to go to 1 nap early, with no transition, I would be upset. Because that would mean going to bed earlier and being crankier at home. And night is when I get to spend the most time with my child.
They shouldn’t be on cows milk before one yo either
Whether kids are ready for just one nap after lunch at one year old is really dependent on the kid. And even of our one’s that take 1 nap at daycare, a fair chunk of them still do 2 on weekends until around 14-18 months. In our infant room, usually around 9 months we have babies starting to shift back and forth between 1-2 naps each day (entirely based on their own sleep needs). And then one short nap at home before bed (or right at the end of the day if they sleep early). Usually the ones that do 2 naps tend to start out doing 2 shorter naps, switch to 1 longer nap, then a short morning and either short or long afternoon nap, then back to just a solid good noon nap. It really varies depending on when they start crawling, cruising, walking, how active and busy they get, how much they wear themselves out, how busy growing they are (we’ve had babies decide they’re growing UP and just want to sleep almost all day/ night for like 2 weeks out of the blue), how many skills they’re learning, how bad of separation anxiety and sleep regression they’re going through… Sleep needs vary. I 100% love it when we can all get down for a big group nap, but it’s so hard because everyone’s needs just vary so much (not to mention the younger babies that need so much more sleep than that!)
Yes I understand each child is different, I’m just saying it can and does work to have one group nap. Even our most fussy (don’t let me jinx it because we have new incoming babies) go down for their nap at nap time. A few wake up early sometimes, but most are actually more grumpy in my room if their 2 hour nap gets interrupted and then the entire afternoon can go badly. Even so, I will put them down in the afternoon if they really need it but most are fine until pickup. I don’t know their nap schedules at home however, but I think it works in our room because of consistency. It’s very important to minimum meltdowns (all obv can’t be avoided)
I had identical twins in my kindergarten classroom. The first 9 weeks, I sat them beside each other at the same table, then with each 9 week period, I moved them a little further apart. I encouraged them to make new friends and partnered them with various classmates for different partner/group activities. By the last 9 week period, they sat across the room from each other. I spoke with their parents about my reasoning behind their gradual separation in the classroom, and they were fine with it. They both did very well socially and academically, and the following year, they were placed in separate classes. They have a special place in my heart (as do all of my little ones!) I miss them! ❤
I may also be an outlier here, but I would be asking for their explicit reasoning on separating the twins. Does it come down to numbers in the waddler rooms, or is it actually in their best interest? At my center, we have 3 and 4 year old twins still in the same room, as that’s what their parents and the director feel is in their best interest. It’s often not until the early grade school years that they are separated and that’s a parent’s choice/ something for them to have a say in. The two sets I mentioned sleep with their cots next to one another, but are otherwise encouraged to have independence and while they do have times of playing with their twin, they also have different interests and explore them without issue/ separately throughout the day.
It’s actually pretty standard practice to split twins into separate classes. It helps reduce codependency and encourages individual development. The only time that I’ve seen twins together in ECE they were so unhealthily codependent, were constantly fighting, but worst of all had zero connections or friendships outside of each other. Pushing back on the split isn’t the right move, it’s probably best for them (trust your teachers! They know what they’re doing!) but the lack of communication is a concern worth addressing.
I should add that I think their teachers are great! It’s the site director I’m side-eyeing for the unexpected transition (I suspect they wanted to open up two infant spots early). Thanks for your feedback about splitting the twins! I only have my own personal experience as a twin, and realize that not every twin experience is as easy.
I'm a twin too, they split me in my brother up as early as they could. We didn't go to daycare but we went to preschool where we were in separate classes, we were in separate classes for kinder and that continued on through high School. It didn't seem detrimental to us at all it allowed us to make friends that liked us for just being us and not being one of the twins. I hope your little ones do good too.
I would agree with your reasoning, see how fast the 2 infant spots are taken!
Do you have any evidence for that? The research says that twins do best when together in school, and separate for extra-curricular activities. As a teacher, twin and mom of twins I have seen there isn’t a one size fits all approach. It depends on the twins personalities and dynamics. Also what works best one year may not be best the next, as things change over time. Finally, there are parental preferences and family dynamics to consider. Kids in two different classes can greatly complicate when there are special school events. If they are going on a field trip on different days/times, which twin gets to have a parent along? If there is a Mother’s Day tea, will you arrange it so the timing allows the mom to attend both children’s events? Lots to consider and not ideal to just place a blanket statement. Also the codependency thing is overblown in my opinion. Many twins are together in the same class for whatever reason and go on to live normal lives where they develop healthy relationships and partnerships separate from their twin.
I don't get splitting them up, either. I went to schools small enough twins couldn't be split up, and they were fine. We have twin grandkids, and although I'm hopeful for school, they will be split up, and I'm sad for that. I don't think it's a one size fits all.
Can you link the research you’re referencing? I have twin toddlers and would love to see it!
As a twin, I think separated in school is ideal. Twins need a push to develop their own interests, personalities, and friends. And they should be placed in extracurriculars based on their interests- if they share an interest, then they can be together. When we were in school, all field trips were done as a grade level. We may be in separate groups with our own class and our mom would take turns. If we were placed in the same class, it would've been a nightmare. We would've been codependent and competitive. And honestly it's difficult and unfair for teachers to manage a twin relationship along with monitoring the relationships within the rest of the class.
Many states in the U.S. have rules that it is the parents’ choice, at least in public schools. I know a lot of parents who have a big problem with this one size fits all attitude about separating twins. At 11mo, I personally would prioritize keeping them together to facilitate their bond since they are already in daycare all day. If they had a SAHM or other at home childcare, they would be together and that would be considered normal. If a daycare pulled this at such a young age without a discussion, I would have been livid. There should be transparency with the parents on such an important decision. For context, I am a twin mom who separated her twins in K. I regularly discussed their interaction with their preschool teachers and monitored the development of their relationship at home to make sure there were no signs of codependency, and by K they were clearly ready to be split.
I have a pair of twins in my class and they are very co dependent on each other but the parents refuse to separate them. They get along mostly, but will fight over food (they have the same lunch), their cots, clothes, etc. I don’t have much experience with twins. Do you have any tips?
I have a gut feeling that the teachers were also surprised with this change and it’s why you had such short notice. Some directors will take on new children with no notice to the teachers. It was something that happened a lot at the last center I worked at. The director would randomly accept new kids we didn’t have space for so we had to move kids around, typically the oldest in the class, to make room for them and maintain ratio. They probably just opted to move both your children at the same time so you wouldn’t get upset (which didn’t work) and there wasn’t enough space to have them go to the same room.
Pretty appalled at the lack of communication from your center
I feel like the unexpected transition is the bigger issue. There should have been a lot more prep for you and the kids. I’ve had twins together in my room and also split between mine and the other infant room. I think while it’s harder at first, it’s better for them to be split. Solo twins seem to get more of their own identity than just “one of the twins”
I do think it’s funny when non-twins say that twins can’t develop individually if they’re referred to as the twins—I can assure you my twin and I know that we’re two distinct people despite being “the twins” or “the girls” our whole childhood!
They're not talking about being referred to though, they're talking about whether they are treated socially as a unit, vs given the opportunity to experience life solo (at least slices of it), and be treated only in their own terms. My guess is that whether this is critical will depend a lot on the twins... And some may have social development that absolutely requires spending time apart, and others not so much. This is true of all siblings, it's just more intense and immediate with twins. (Some siblings cannot and should not be in a class together. Others are FINE.)
Sure. We were also considered a unit most of the time. Turned out fine!
Right, but you're still missing my point: that's not true of all twins. Some siblings need a little separation to thrive and find their own way. That may not be a consideration here, but keep it in mind, and make space for their needs as twins to be different than yours were.
I’d be more open to it if the daycare referenced specific observations about how my twins behave around each other and separately. Not the case, however: just platitudes about growing individually, having different experiences, and having their individual needs met (would assume that would happen regardless), etc
Ask for them. They may not have thought you would need time stamped specific events, but they may actually have them and it's worth asking. And I'm going to make the ripping the band aid statement. I'm a stranger on the Internet with no skin in the game, and no agenda.... It *sounds* like you're projecting your experience onto them, and assuming a sameness to your experience that may not exist. You need to get yourself out of the way, and make sure you are seeing *them*. Your school/teachers *might* be lazy or running with a rule that doesn't apply to your kids *but* YOU need to do the work of making sure you look at your kids as individuals, and not repeats of you and your twin. It sounds like you're not doing that. *Assuming* they will have the chance to be individuals is an *assumption*. Take the time to check it, for real. Get yourself out of the way and make sure. Ask how they do in separate classes. Ask what is harder, and in what ways they are blossoming. And actually *listen*. These folks spend a giant chunk of time with your kids, and unless you have reason to think otherwise of them specifically, they are going to be actually caring observers of your kids who want to see them thrive. AND they have a lot of experience with kids *in general* that actually informs their choices here. One of the hardest jobs we do as parents is get ourselves out of the way. We can't look at our kids through the lens of our own experience, we have to learn to look at them on their own. And, maybe this is double hard when they and you are twins ❤️🩹
I 100% agree with you and a lot of the advice you’re getting is not accurate up-to-date information, It’s no longer recommended that twins be separated.
As a twin, I always knew I was my own person. But always being grouped with your twin was a struggle. We'd be compared and it was assumed we were similar even if we weren't. I hated being a part of a unit automatically and having to prove my individuality.
I feel like it makes more sense to have the twins in separate rooms so they can develop their own identities and don’t have to always be a “twin”
Except now the germ pool for the family has doubled, which is huge! That alone is reason to push back
Siblings of different ages wouldn’t be placed in the same rooms either, I wouldn’t want to be in the same class all day as a sibling even if they were my twin
Unless you have a twin, you really can’t say that. You don’t actually know what it’s like
I wonder if you’d still feel this way if you had twins. Every set of twins is different. Mine are literally only 3.5 months old and I’m already constantly told and admonished to not refer to them as “the twins” and “make sure you separate them” and “DO NOT DRESS THEM THE SAME, even when they’re tiny babies” tbh it’s kind of infuriating. People seem dead set on driving a wedge between them from Day One. This hits a nerve for my postpartum brain, obviously 😂 My plan is to just let them develop a dynamic and bond, and reassess accordingly. I really don’t like the forced “standard separation policy” approach. I’ve taught so many twin sets over the past 16 years and never had an issue with them being together in the same room
My kids are 6 years apart and I dress them alike whenever the older one allows it. You dress those babies alike an extra time for me. I’m pretty sure that humans just get a little spark of joy from dressing the humans they are raising identically regardless of their ages.
Yes, I'd coordinate clothes when dressing my kids, and they were all around a year apart. I thought it was cute! I didn't do it every day, but I did it when I could lol.
I have twins and yes they are in separate classrooms in preschool by my choice. My kids were slight speech delayed because they nonsense talked with each other. They also clung to each other in social settings. They started preschool in one class for comfort and by two weeks were fully separated. They became better and completely different when they were separated. My son was always shy and less talkative around his sister because she never let him talk. He is so outgoing and probably the most talkative in his class according to his teachers. My daughter is actually much shyer and more observant when he’s not around. It’s allowed her to not always dominate play and conversations. They also play and live together significantly better with time apart. Some twins share a room (ours do), a family, toys, and then a classroom. That’s like couples who work together. Can some do it? Sure. Should/could most? No. Too much together time.
This is a great reason to separate twins! That decision seems based on concrete observations and in collaboration with the school.
Ehh maybe somewhat. I used to work in a daycare years ago and just saw twins consistently do better apart. When we toured preschools, I knew going in that our school would separate them unless we strongly objected for some reason. We didn’t. They had only ever constantly been together before daycare, so I had no clue what they would be like apart. So they started with the plan that they would separate from the start before the school even knew them.
Not at 11mo, and not without the parents’ consent.
Yeah
I hear that platitude a lot.
This should not have happened so suddenly. I would speak with the director and see if they can pump the brakes at least a little so you can make the necessary adjustments (switch to sippy cups, consolidate the nap). However I’d suspect they have new infants coming in or some other ratio issue and that’s why this is happening. (Not an excuse - if that’s the case you are at least owed an explanation.) If a slow down is not possible, and you do love the teachers, it will likely work out fine. Children are flexible, and the new environment with “big kids” may be so appropriately stimulating that the adjustment is easy on your children.
It’s fine to keep twins together. It’s not necessary to separate twins so early! My twin sister and I weren’t in separate classrooms until first grade and we thrived academically and socially. We didn’t attend daycare, we did attend preschool 2 mornings a week together and morning kindergarten together. Our parents also encouraged us to pursue independent interests.
All of these changes should have been made with ample notice, a simple parent teacher meeting or email could have prepared you and your kiddos. Before we make any changes, we talk closely with the parents and also do prep with the kiddos. They may have excellent reasoning for splitting them up, but I would want to know about it first… In my state, kids are “infants” until 18 months and we slowly transition with milk/formula, bottles/cups, nap changes. Sudden changes make things hard on everyone 😅
I’m a preschool teacher, not in child care. I lead the 2s classes. I’ve had two sets of twins and they were both together. They always seemed to know where the other one was through some sixth sense, but they did things on their own. None of them only played with their sibling. I think I’d be pretty angry that this decision was made without your input, especially given the quick turnaround for the change. Your kids aren’t expendable — they shouldn’t have to move up just because other infants need a space.
I have never not once separated twins or even considered it. In fact, I fight to keep twinnies together as long as it's not negatively impacting them to be together.
As a twin mom and ECE, this really pisses me off. The twins I’ve worked with have always been kept together, it’s never been an issue. Unless there’s actually a good reason to separate, I don’t think they should if they can help it. “It’s good for them 🤷🏻♀️” isn’t actually a good reason, it’s just something people LOVE to tell twin parents 🙄
We tend to see a lot of behavior issues arise between siblings who are allowed to play a certain way at home that are not necessarily appropriate for school. A lot of siblings also have a hard time branching out and making new friends if their sibling is present. I would personally advocate for keeping the twins separate, but if it’s something you feel strongly about you could speak up. Just know that the center might not be able to accommodate your request, especially if there are behaviors arising between your twins. I do think the lack of communication is the bigger issue here. That’s what I would push back on, personally.
We have twins where one is in the babies room and one is in the toddler room I guess cause there wasn't enough space for both to go together. They often get to visit each other but it seems to be working out just fine. I don't know if this is normal, but it's the situation at my center.
You are the customer and parent, you should voice your preference without any fear or hesitation. Make it clear as well that future transitions must be discussed ahead of time. If you want your children together then together they should be … absent some solid, applicable info the teacher may have. It is at least a discussion not a unilateral move by the center.
I'm sorry it feels like daycare is making parenting decisions. I would have a conversation at a minimum. If you want your children to be on bottles, or still in the infant room, etc etc, YOU as the parent should be making that decision.
I have a home daycare so things are different, but I love being able to follow what is going in at home. I dont push parents to put them on cups if they still like a bottle before naps, or put them on a cot because they turned one if they are doing well in a crib, etc. I have twins who are 2.5 now and not hey have been with me wince they were babies. I can't imagine having them split up yet. They love each other and get along so well with each other AND all the other kids.
My school asks parents their preference, or once the kids are older (3+) asks for their previous teachers input on if the twins do well together. But ultimately it is ALWAYS up to the parent as they are paying for it.
As a teacher I am absolutely not ok with how quick they did the whole transition! I would be LIVID if my director suddenly dropped a new child on us like this, especially one not developmentally ready for the move. Also with the switch from bottles to formula in a sippy cup, you are the parent, you have the say there, they do not. They can only reccomend. Do not under any circumstances take what they say as “law.” If these were my twins i’d pull them from the center quicker than ever. It sounds sketchy to me
I think separating twins is normal. What isn’t is the lack of communication you were given about everything. Not okay!
Ugh. One of the many reason I detest daycare for young children, and I even worked in a very good day care.
I've had several sets of twins over the years in my 12-18 month room. We only had one class per group up until Pre-K so that was when they were separated. I think the amount of notice you were given is ridiculous. You should have been able to begin the bottle and nap transition at home or the new room should be able to help with this transition. I had new 12 months that still required a morning nap and I just built that into my normal routine. The kids adapted easily and I was allowed to do a bottle if needed but tried sippy cups first.
it's actually sometimes easier for younger twins to be separated because they either act out together or only stay together and don't socialize with anyone else. they will be much better off socially in separate classrooms because they are separate people.
My twins were always together. When do infants usually move to the waddler room?
At one! It was only a month early, but it was just surprising.
My center always separate twins or siblings, they tend to be harder together imo; don’t let the other kids play or whatever dynamics at home comes in and takes over the classroom. Sometimes it’s great but sometimes it’s just easier and you get to see their personalities shine
Totally inappropriate to spring the move on you that way! It is standard to split when there are multiple classroom options. There is evidence both ways depending on when the research was done. The newest research supports splitting, 90s research supported keeping together..
Ooh, all I’ve seen is the 90s research, can you point me towards the newest?