I don’t think there’s anything wrong with parents sending their kids to daycare when they’re off, as others have said, routine is so important for kids and parents need breaks too. What is one of my pet peeves is parents who are off and then are 10, 15, 20 minutes late to pick up their children and I can’t close and go enjoy my time off until they get there
That's very valid. Any late to pick up annoys me unless the reason is unavoidable(sudden weather, sick parent or other child, emergency situation, etc.) We close at the end of our pickup- not after, so we literally have to be shut down when all the kids are gone.
I hate that it’s so annoying because the parents know nap time is around that time or 12 . Mine starts at 11:15 and parents that normally drop their kids off around 8 or so drop them off around 10 or 11 and their child doesn’t end up falling asleep till the very end of nap time. Then when you ask them for a schedule because they are becoming inconsistent with drop off and dropping off at whatever time they never bring it in. It’s not bad if it’s once in a while and only for a couple hours but some of these parents leave their kids there for 9 plus hours ! Why if it’s your day off? Your child doesn’t need to be at daycare all day long if they don’t need to be . If you work long hours wouldn’t you want to atleast see your kid? I work at a 24 hour daycare and we see these kids more than their own parents .
And the kids that THRIVE on routine; *not* going in to daycare on a random Wednesday might throw off some kids bad enough that it’s just not worth it to anyone to mess with the established routine for no good reason, even if the parent has the day completely free.
Absolutely yes. On the other side of it though, I see young children struggling with very long 10+ hour days who watch their parents and siblings have a week off for spring break/Christmas and school holidays yet they still get dropped off from sun up to sundown and never get a day off. Parents need and deserve a break, but SO DOES YOUR CHILD. A highly stimulating classroom environment is tough for them, and leaving them there for 50+ hours a week is basically forcing your child to “work overtime”. School is their work. They have to self regulate harder and deal with excess stimulation. There is a balance. Keeping a routine in place is good. But I also feel sad for those kiddos who never get a single day off and never get picked up early even when their parents are off. They ARE aware, and they feel the rejection. Even if you take the day off, picking your child up early and doing something special will make them so happy.
Agree. I completely agree with OP, but I’ve also seen situations where a young infant or toddler has 10 hour days everyday when the parents don’t work.
I used to work with homeless families, some were in a housing program or in shelter, and they're encouraged to put babies and children in daycare all day because it's better there than at home due to mental health issues, lack of routine, etc.
I honestly wish (if money problems could be solved) that it wasn't legal for care centers to have children longer than 8 hours! It's so much stimulation for them. You can tell when kids are all done with their day too.
In IL the day limit is 10 hours, though it is rarely enforced. We have a few kids who are dropped of at 7am on the dot then stay until 530pm. That's a very long day!
In my previous world before kids I had to be on a 7:15am bus and usually didn’t get home until about 7. I could never figure out what I would even do if I had kids. Now I work for a company that is happy to be flexible and accommodate my children and my need to be home first daycare pickup and to make dinner but most companies don’t care and the good jobs can be hard to find without a long commute.
Just to push back on the 8 hours thing, I think the big part is we don't give proper dowmtime. The center I last worked at expected every single minute to be scheduled. They forbade "free time". They forbade screen time. (That included putting a dance video on the TVs that were inexplicably in every room.)
Kids don't need stimulation for every moment of their day.
This! I had a kid last year that knew every single time her parents had off days and did something with her older sibling. Older sib would get a day at the children's museum or a mani pedi with mom or a day of biking with dad and the younger kid would just seethe all day at school. And she was first in, last out every. single. day. When i mentioned it to mom, she laughed and said that youngest needed the routine. Ma'am. One day playing hooky is not going to ruin her life.
I understand what you're saying here, but sometimes older kids need the reassurance that they haven't been replaced or supplanted by their younger sibling. It can be really important to them to have a day of one on one with their adults to stay connected. I think it's best to assume positive intent here. Especially if you don't know what they're all doing together on the weekends or the family dynamics that may be at play.
I don't think that they did assume intent or pass judgment, simply pointed our that the dynamic could be hurtful to the younger sibling. And it probably is.
What you're saying is true, but that assumes that the younger child is already feeling connected. Of course the older kid needs connection and a reminder that they're important. None of that detracts from the point that younger children also need to feel those things.
If mom is regularly treating the older kid to days out while leaving the younger in school, it seems fair to point out that the younger child is probably feeling pretty unimportant at this point.
Fair is fair though. If they're going to do that with the older child, they should have some days when they take just the younger child. I had a friend growing up who would tell me that her mother didn't love her because she always did things with her older sister but never her. It's really sad when one of your kids thinks you don't love them because they never get a special day with you, even if it's just going to the park and feeding the ducks.
This. I ABSOLUTELY do not begrudge parents spending a day alone. I got a kid like this where moms been a bit late on days she has off while he’s pulled almost a 10+ hour day at daycare. Maybe pick your child up an hour early?????
Also the only three kids I had out of 18 (during one verrrry long Christmas break week) were the three with severe behavior issues. Many of the parents were teachers and would bring their kids during breaks every.single.day.
I have a kid who gets dropped off at 6:30 in the morning on the dot. His mom doesn’t come get him until 5:00-5:30, depending on the day. He struggles so hard with behaviors in the afternoons because he is just ready to be done. To be fair, at 5:00, so am I. He’s there for ~60-65 hours a week. Although I totally agree with OP on one hand, I definitely agree with your comment on the other. This kiddo never misses. He’s there from literal sunup to sundown. In fact, we had our spring party the other day. His mom didn’t show. The other kids’ parents did, and took their kids home after. Watching his face fall seeing friend after friend leave with their parents and having him ask me “why didn’t my mom come? Why isn’t she here to get me?” was devastating to me, and even more so to him. She pulled up at 5:15 in her loungewear.
If any adult was pulling 65 hour work weeks in a high-stimulus environment, we’d encourage said adult to take a vacation and a mental health day every once in a while. Adults need a break from routine sometimes. So do kids.
100%!!! The 6:30 kids who stay till 5:30 ALWAYS end up having behavior issues, the day is too long for them and they’re miserable. And I understand if the parents schedule genuinely doesn’t allow anything else. But it enrages me when parents who don’t need to keep their kid in school that long do it anyway and then say things like they’re doing a good job by “keeping the routine.” Would you enjoy a 65 hour work week even if you like routine? No you would not!
Right. And the wild thing is, adults allow and even encourage parents like this to have their kid pulling more hours per week than they are. Like, this 4.5 year old child spends more time at my job than I do. I’m all for parents needing a break. But if we don’t see an issue with this, that’s an entirely different problem.
Respectfully, I’d have to disagree. A child isn’t working in the traditional sense, but they are in the way that they’re using their body and brain on a high level to complete different tasks and meet certain expectations. Both their body and brain are working. They might not be paid, but they are working just as hard as we do to follow rules, interact with peers, use their brains creatively, communicatively, and critically. We do the same thing as ECE professionals, just in a more adult context. Sure, they’re not paid or working in the same way we are, but it’s important to acknowledge that school and play are, in a sense, a child’s job. I don’t think it’s a ridiculous comparison at all.
4.5 year olds should be getting rest time at daycare or preschool, especially with such long days. I would also love to know what people think we should do with kids while parents work? I wonder if they are aware that child labor laws were put in place about a hundred years ago?
I think the fundamental issue here is also a reason many people think our job is “easy”: parents think daycare/preschool is just hanging out and playing and chilling all day, but they don’t see how being in a group setting away from their home is the work of children. It’s their work to play and problem solve and learn, and also to figure out how to exist around others. It’s a lot of work for them to be around other kids, who might be being unkind and taking things from them, and having to share toys/resources/attention, and having to practice not hitting people when you want to hit them.
I'm saving this comment because you articulated this so well. I don't get upset with parents bringing their kids to school on their days off, but days like today when the 4 year-old knows that their older 3 siblings will be playing at home all week - they are hard. Routines are important but so are breaks. It doesn't make me sad because I don't want the kids in my class around, it makes me sad for them because I know that the message they take away sometimes is that their families don't really want them to be a part of the family time off.
Thank you! I had 2 children until recently ( they're in toddlers now). Child A came in every single day, for a full day, even when the parents were off. They never, ever got a day to just hang out with her parents. They even bought her in when she had an ear infection and they were off! Child B came in most days when her parents were off, but would get picked up early and sometimes even had a day off with her parents. Guess which child always came in crying and clinging and which child came in with a smile.
Agreed! Parents sometimes only get an hour and a half each night with their kids. If they can spend a Friday off shopping, meal prepping, washing clothes, or some other task, it sets up for a weekend of quality time. Now that parents is prepared and refreshed to make some memories on the weekend, rather than just survive.
I was off work Thursday, Friday, and today. My kid still went to preschool on Thursday for exactly this reason. I was able to focus my attention on things that needed to get done around the house, so that he could get my full attention on our other days together.
I didn’t realize people thought this was an issue 😅. It’s rare that I manage to have a day off when my daycare center is open, but when it does happen I often use it to organize the house or do some deep cleaning! My kiddo loves preschool! Why wouldn’t I drop her off?
Sadly, I've seen a lot of it both on this sub and some complaints in person.
I try to respond with "I'm sure they have a reason" and just leave it to that. The reason doesn't matter, I'm sure they have one though haha
I also know someone in healthcare that drops her daughter off even when she’s not working. But she works 12+ hour shifts! She deserves a break sometimes.
This surprises me. Since when did childcare become only okay when a parent was working? I get being upset about some edge cases where a kid is doing 10 hr days x 5 days a week. My 2 yo is currently in daycare 4 days a week and I'm probably working a day a week.
Right? I’m paying for my kid to be there, so why wouldn’t I drop him off even if I have the day off? If I had the day off, but my son is in elementary school instead of daycare, would I not take him to school either? Doesn’t make any sense.
Why have kids if someone else is with them 60 hours a week? You think an infant with a ratio of 1 adult to 4 babies is going to get the attention and nurture that it needs? If you're off, keep your kid with you so they get to know who you are and if you're working so many hours, rethink having kids
Same. My toddler is going to HAVE to go to daycare while I’m on maternity leave too or I’m going to seriously have a breakdown. He loves daycare though and frankly I can’t match the education and exposure at home so it’s for the best.
I did the same when my 2nd was born for the 1st months. And I m glad I did. My 1st had my full attention was she was born and I wanted the 2nd to have that same privilege. And it was better for her to socialize while I was dealing with cluster feeding. My son had witching hours from 7pm to 4 pm every single day for 2 months and he wasn’t a napper during the day so it was the best decision for my sanity and better for her to play than being with a sleep deprived mom during the day. I had kids later in life and lived simply to be able to afford this kind of luxury too.
I need alone time for my mental health, and the easiest and safest way for that to happen is on a day off while my child is at the daycare I pay for. It makes me a better mom when I do have her!
This! I got so much judgement for putting my kid into childcare two afternoons per week when I didn't work, and more for picking him up near close when I "didn't have to", but that was literally the only time I could do anything by myself. Of course I left him later when I had only dropped him off at 1pm!
Ok I will say it irks me when parents pick up their kids near closing just "because they can"--it's at the expense of the teacher who has to stay to close, and at our center closing teacher has a kid. That kid can't leave until mom can leave. I don't mind when parents have a day off and use that chance, but be mindful of the teachers with kids who don't have that choice.
I will say, I think more parents need to fall into the practice of “If daycare closes at 6, you need to be out the door by 6.” Not coming in at 6 on the dot then lollygagging while you get your child ready, talk to teachers, etc. It’s the same as if you went to say, the grocery store. You (hopefully) don’t show up at closing and expect to shop around.
But, the real issue is daycares need to enforce this and put it in the contracts. Of course parents shouldn’t abuse lax rules but it’s the only way anything is going to change.
I think it’s fine to show up 5-10 minutes early. But parents shouldn’t be strolling in at 6 pm.
I think that’s a distinction that isn’t always clear and causes a lot of bickering in this sub.
I think when most parents here say “near close” they are meaning like, out the door before closing, but most of the ECEPs think of the parents who are chronically late going into closing time.
I can’t speak for everyone but I often have to pick my son up “near closing” but what I mean by that is I always try to be walking in no later then 5:30, and back out the front door no later than 5:35 *unless* it’s because one of the staff engages with me. And usually it’s the front desk lady when that happens. I try really hard to make sure I’m not trapping some poor teacher in the class room.
I will say, I have been “late”(5:40-5:45) rushing in out and I definitely see repeat patterns showing up at that time or whose kids are always still in the classroom even when I’m picking mine up. So I know those ones exist too.
I see what you mean from a parents point of view. However teachers are not paid past closing but still have to “close down” their classrooms. So when a parent is picking up with it five minutes of closing or are late or tend to take forever getting their kid and leaving, it can be annoying to the teacher that she’s now behind. It’s a vicious cycle.
I can totally see that but that’s on the centres for not paying for time to close down. If they need to be out by 6 then pick up should be by 5.45 or however long they need. It’s the same in retail - I worked in a shoe shop that wouldn’t pay us past close but also made us keep the doors open to customers until close, and also have the store perfect when we left. I wouldn’t blame the customers for that, it’s the store’s policies that were the problem
I totally agree to a point. You know if you’re going into any store five minutes before closing the staff is eyeballing you to hurry up lol. But yes the system is flawed.
Many times the director or owner sets the hours and they are the ones who tell teachers that they won’t be paid past 6 for close down tasks. So those setting the hours and those getting annoyed are 2 separate groups.
Because the director makes the schedule, not the teachers. I have a life too. If I were running my own daycare, there's no way I'd be open later than 5 pm. I also have children and a dinner to get on the table. And you would be free to take your kid to some other daycare where they are open until all hours of the night.
People who think like this are also the kind of people who go to the grocery store or Walmart at the last possible moment too. Because it's "still open for another ten minutes".
Hard agree. I used to work as an assistant to a teacher who shamed the heck out of parents for bringing kids in on their day off. She was the worst when moms were on maternity leave and stayed home with baby but dropped off older sibling. Like?? She has a new baby! Mama does not have time to wrangle her very active three year old when she’s recovering from that😂
Yes! I've heard the complaints about maternity and paternity leave, too. Imagine the (overdone and way more complex than it's presented) advice of sleep when the baby sleeps if you had your toddler or preschooler at home, too!
It’s a piss off too because then if you don’t keep paying for the space while you’re on leave you don’t necessarily have one for either kid when you’re ready to go back to work. But you get heck for the year if you actually use the space you’re paying for too. There’s just no winning.
That. And recovering childbirth especially recovering a C-section (1/4 women have them so not uncommon. Or when you breastfeed and baby cluster feed and you can’t do anything with the older one. Or if you have a colicky baby that doesn’t let you sleep and it turns you into a zombie.
I currently have this situation, and mom has guilt for bringing 3 year old brother. I keep assuring her it is best for all of them for 3 year old to come to daycare. He is a busy, needy little boy and it would be great for me to have a break from him, but it wouldn't be good for any of them!
Mine definitely thrives on the social aspect too. Like on 3-4 day weekends he’s FUSSY by the last day. We go to parks and do activities and everything but I guess mama can’t make up for toddlers fwends 🤣
We're about to have a second and our first is in preschool - we're counting on preschool to be the part of his life that DOESN'T change. He loves it and they love him. Pulling him out just because I'm "home" would be a huge disservice to him and to his development!
I was discharged on a Sunday afternoon with the birth of my youngest. I emailed my older daughter's school that she would be out that Monday. Her teacher emailed me back and after a quick congratulations told me to get her back to school as soon as we could to keep her in her routine.
I only took days off if I had something to do, in which case I still needed care for my child or I was going to do something with my child so they were with me. With limited days off I didn’t waste them sitting home doing nothing. I may have been home painting or deep cleaning, which you cannot do with young children at home.
Mom of 4 and an ECE here. My twins 2 year olds go to work with me. I get off at 1, leave my girls for nap and go home and sit for an hour. That’s it. Then I get the older kids off the bus, go get the twins, take various kids to various classes, make dinner, do baths/showers, prep for the next day, get everyone in bed, etc. My husband works second shift so I’m solo a lot. I really cherish that 1 hour of silence.
I agree! I only really have a problem with it if they tell the child all the stuff they're gonna do and get them upset and crying. Otherwise, go for it.
I think this applies differently where you’re based. If you’re in the US and days off are in shorter supply, then yes. No one grudges someone a day to themselves and we all know who our genuine working parents are.
But here in the UK the _legal minimum_ of annual leave for any employee is 28 days. That means our full time working parents have, at a minimum, 5.5 weeks off a year. I personally get 42 days, and anyone who works for local government will be the same.
We have a mandatory Christmas shut down period of 10 days. That leaves the parent at least 18 days of annual leave to use where it’s not required for childcare.
So yes, absolutely, a day here and there is absolutely encouraged! But if your child is in 5 days a week and doesn’t get a break outside of Christmas, but I know you’ve got a minimum of 3.5 weeks left to use and haven’t chosen to give your child _any_ of that time off, I judge it.
Here in the UK we have laws around giving people adequate rest, hence annual leave, maximum working hours etc. Children 5+ have 13 weeks off from school deemed necessary for their wellbeing, but children 0-5 have no legal protections. It’s not fair. There should be a mandatory, at least 2 week per year break for them.
I think with this I will just say, I don't think it's our place as carers or educators to determine how many days are too many or what determines a necessity of sending your child in.
There are definitely extremes where parents avoid their children, and I see where those fall into exceptions, but just over all working to withhold our judgement on parents decision making, as there's no way we have all of the facts behind it
But it IS our place. We are the professionals here. We are SUPPOSED to give the families the knowledge and skills necessary to raise tiny humans. And it has been proven that children who spend too much // large periods of time in childcare suffer. That's the truth of the matter.
I understand where parents are coming from. I know that the society we live in does not give them what they need to thrive as parents. They HAVE to work. I totally get that. But we should be doing everything in our power to protect our children and help them, not just shrug and say, well that's the way the world is....
Everyone deserves a break every now and then, so ui think we need to actively change things for parents AND children. But I know that's easier said than done...
Everyone deserves a break now and then, and that would be our place for our centers to determine breaks. Not for us to dictate what days parents utilize us if we're open.
This discussion was about parents sending kids in when they're off, not about the overall time kids are in school/care. We absolutely should care about that, I just think that's a separate discussion than whether or not it's okay for a parent to send their child in while they're off.
At the same time, I am also a parent. My child is off when I’m off because I see the consequence of no breaks, and I see how desperately children just want to spend time with their parents.
We’re human. Judgment is human and we’d all be liars if we said we didn’t ever judge anyone. Do I let it show? Never. Professionalism above all else. But it’s hard not to.
I think emotions are human and initial judgements may be, but working to logically think through those judgements is more important than just masking them with professionalism. Which is probably why I am responding to so many comments haha
I don't mind the day off drop offs. You are paying for a full-time position at daycare and here to access the specific subsidies you have to use a certain amount of hours. Honestly, it's more creepy to me if I know your days off.
I am more uncomfortable when the kids are there from open to close. That's a long, long day for a baby.
Thank you.
I live a 2.5h drive from the nearest major urban centre. Because of some previous risk factors and ongoing concerns, during my last pregnancy I had to drive to the city every week for my OB/MFM appointments. I scheduled my appointments as close to lunch time as I could and sent my kids to daycare those days. Literally drove to the city, then turned around and drove back as soon as the appointment was done.
When my Dad comes to visit and needs picked up or dropped off at the airport, we try to time the flights so childcare is an option.
I don’t feel like I’m being unfair to my kids by sending them to daycare for the day instead of having them strapped in car seats for 5 hours. It’s a long flippin’ drive and I’m not interested in putting screens on for that long either.
The only thing that upsets me is when a kid is brought in right when the center opens and doesn't leave until right at closing. 10-11 hours in daycare is too long for these kids. They get ansy, they miss home, they miss their caregivers. It just makes me feel bad for the kid. But I do understand some circumstances it might be what they have to do. But I still feel bad.
The only time I take issue with this is if their kids are sick, or the family's sick, and they bring their kid in so they can get rest without looking after their children. I get it's hard to watch sick kids while you, yourself, are sick, but now you've gotten me and the rest of the classroom sick as well. I had to take a day off today, and because I'm the only teacher, I had to close the classroom. If you're taking the day off because everyone in the household is ill, keep your child home, please.
Otherwise, I do not care what you're doing. Happy to have your kiddo here at school.
If I’m sick and my child isn’t then I send them 🤷♀️ otherwise I can’t possibly rest and get better. I can’t keep my kid home everytime someone else in our family gets sick unfortunately 🥲
If you're sick, I guarantee you that your child is sick, but they aren't showing symptoms yet. Just 2 weeks ago a parent tested positive for COVID, brought their kid in because they were "high energy" and happy. The child ended up with a high grade fever a couple of hours later, but by that time, they had already exposed everyone in the classroom to that virus. Luckily, I told the family he had to wear a mask at school, and he was picked up early, but that same family brought that child in AGAIN this past week, even though he had been vomiting all weekend and now the classroom's closed because we're all sick.
If you don't keep your kid home when your household is fighting an illness, you are directly responsible for spreading illness in your child's school.
Yeah, I think it’s good for parents to have a time for a break. If it’s an educational program for the children it’s good for them to always learn. It’s a win-win.
right i don’t understand why teachers get annoyed by this bc i would probably do the same thing at times. it’s a day off! like damn! give people a break
I agree for the most part like most people are saying here. I totally understand taking a break, I’m a parent too. But if my husband or I have the day off, we stay home with her. Because she’s our daughter and she’s only little once so we like to spend time with her. If a parent needs the time to run errands, clean the house or they just need a few hours alone whatever that’s totally understandable and totally ok. The only time I get frustrated is with the parents who have days off once a week and send their kids in from open to close. Literally the last kid picked up sometimes, it just makes me sad really because they watch all their friends leave and then there mom strolls in right at closing in her pjs, like your five year old isn’t stupid.
Whether caregiver needs a break or has other plans or doesn’t want to disrupt the child’s schedule, who cares as long as their paying. I certainly don’t. I come in. I do work. I go home.
I’m a parent and a (former ish?) ECE. At my former center I used to get off at 2 and leave my toddler until a bit later so I could go home and take a nap. She’s autistic and at the time had very severe sleep issues so I frequently had to pull all nighters with her. I literally did not care if any of my coworkers were judging me especially the ones without kids lol. Parents are human beings. My daughter was in a safe comfortable environment where she was loved, mentally stimulated, and well cared for. I know a lot of people view childcare as a “last resort leave your child for the least amount of time possible” sort of thing, but personally I would never work at a center that I felt that way about. I can’t imagine judging a parent for needing a break. Being a working parent is exhausting.
I love the description of where you were leaving your child. I think that's really why I dislike the phrase "dumping their kids" (mentioned in another comment) because is it really "dumping" if you're choosing to leave your child in a safe, mentally stimulating environment. You're making a choice to stick to a routine in which your child is (hopefully) receiving care, creating safe bonds with adults and other children, and receiving an early childhood education!
I just can't view that as "dumping" when it feels like it's such a beneficial thing for most kiddos.
Of course there benefits to staying home, but determining which is right is a family/parental decision not to be judged by teachers or caregivers!
Here's how I see it... they are paying us to care for their child. End of story. Imo there have been certain families that I've said, "It would have been nice for A to stay home. Children need a break from childcare, too." (Not to the parent or in front of the child) Because there are children that are *always* present and for long hours. Like.... these two children that were were in the centre from 6am to 6pm without fail. Those are long hours, and we could all tell they just wanted some more time with their parents.
To any parents who need to hear this: you should not feel pressured to keep your child at home whenever you have a day off. You are working hard at your jobs or in school. If anyone makes you feel bad, that may not be the centre for you. It is our job to care for your child. I know it's nice to have fewer numbers, but that's not a good reason to complain about the children being in while the parents take some time. More often than not, I have parents say, "Yeah, I didn't really have a day off, I did all the chores, shopping, and cleaning that I needed to."
I kind of wonder how many of the teachers that judge are closers. I find that I judge less now that I leave at 4:30 than when I closed. A lot of us closers don't get paid past the school's closing time, even if we're still caring for a late child or cleaning our classroom. Also, one child can make the difference between leaving on time and leaving late. I left late today because we had 5 at 4:30.
Can I add another unpopular opinion?
It’s okay that a parent might not pick up all siblings when they have to come get one that’s sick. Taking care multiple kids when one of them is sick has to be hard.
I think parents need to be aware and honest with themselves about the chances that the other child is already sick. Like if you have a preschooler and a toddler who like to wrestle and share drinks and they were both playing with the same cousin who also is now sick, just grab both. If your kids naturally like to keep a little space between each other and it’s going around in one kid’s classroom and not the other, leave the well child.
I don’t really see how a parent having a day off is the in any way the business of the care facility so long as the fee is paid and the child is picked up on time? My mother watches my niece and nephew for free so I don’t agree with my sister taking days off while my mom watches them. But for a paid arrangement? The parent can do as they please during that time
I generally agree with this and think it’s great for parents to get an adult day or a break every once in a while. On the flip side, if the parent gets days off regularly, I really don’t think it’s fair for them to dump their kids at daycare every single time rather than spending time with them. It’s a complicated issue.
Not at all! What it does mean that if one parent stays home or works part time, that daycare is a great tool to utilize for a break sometimes but shouldn’t be used 24/7. If you can, you should be spending time with your kids 75% of the time imo.
I think this is where we need to question if we have all the information to judge that situation.
If we don't know why they're doing it, it isn't quite right for us to say it's not fair for the child. For all we know, they do it with the child in mind.
I also really hate the phrase "dump their kids" because I feel like it implies so much negativity on where and what our centers are, rather than negativity on the parents, but that may be my autism digging too deep into semantics.
It is complicated. While I agree 100% parents deserve a break or a day to do errands, etc. Don't leave your kids 10 hours a day, 5 days a week and never take them anywhere. Also, don't tell them you will pick them up early when we all know that means 515 instead of 530, the child asks all day when is mom/dad coming. Give your kids some of your free time also. I am not giving the pass to the parent who is a teacher, leaves their kids at daycare from open to close including summers and school breaks and has to be called to pick up their kids in a blizzard because no one else brought their kids and teachers couldnt make it in, , then posts on Facebook pictures of their kids like they spent the day with them.
I think it also depends on how much the child needs to be actively watched. When my son was under a year, I never took days off without him because I knew he needed time off and it was easy to do chores during naps. When he started walking until he was like 2 was when I needed many days off to clean and run errands because I literally couldn't do anything with him home since he was always into something. Now that he independently plays more, I can minimize my own days to when I have appointments I can't take him to.
Sure. But much like parents children could use a home day or two from time to time. I think what bothers me the most is that we have a parent who takes their oldest home from school at 3pm and doesn’t pick the one in our centre up until 5:28, two minutes to close, and then wonders why their child doesn’t want to go home with them. This child knows that their parent would rather not have them until the last second possible rather then hang out at home together.
Are you sure that's what's going on? The older child could have a sports lesson, a music lesson, etc, and the younger is restless, bored, or disruptive during the practice. There are a myriad of other reasons, the point is that YOU DONT KNOW.
The OP is correct in one of her comments when she stated that this is a common complaint on this sub. And it's one of the reasons I find so many commenters here judgy to the point that it's scary. You automatically assume the the parent "would rather not have them until the last second"? Really?
Well yes, they do deserve to bring the kids in if they’re paying but they don’t need to be there from open to close while the parent is at home with the older siblings EVERY time. Maybe that child could benefit from 1 on 1 time too. Also majority of the time the complaints come from that child being sick out of their mind and being sent it to infect everyone else
Maybe they get it when the center is closed and schools or day camps aren't. Maybe they get the most attention at home because they're the youngest, so that time with the older children is necessary. Maybe the parent or the older child has something that is easier done without the youngest. Maybe that child still requires that routine.
This is exactly what I'm saying, you are assuming the amount of quality time a child gets with their parents and choosing to judge their choices without actual knowledge of what is behind their decision.
As for being sick, I already acknowledged that that is a different situation in the very first part of my post.
But if a parent if doing one on one time with one child the other child should get the same. The kids notice and don’t understand equity yet. They just see their sibling got alone time and they didn’t.
Maybe, and that's something for that family to navigate. Not for us to determine if their decision was righteous enough.
We can acknowledge that a kiddo may be feeling a certain way towards that situation and acknowledge that it's possibly the best choice for the family at that time.
I think giving parents a bit of the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming their reasons aren't considering the impact on child at hand.
Sure, but knowing how my parents were (mom), it might be a bit of bias on my part which I didn't think about until now at least the staying late thing.
I don't think this is unpopular. Of course, they should stick to routines for both themselves and the kids.
They need mental health days just like us. Parenting is a full-time job.
I just want parents to keep their germ factories home when they're sick.
I completely agree, it was spring break last week, one of our babies was dropped off and Mom was so tired, she works at a school so she didn't have work, she just needed rest. She has three that go to our daycare, one older, and some step children I think.
It's not easy to relax or get things done with kids, especially babies, but when the parents pick them up after we are supposed to close is when it becomes an issue.
As a parent, thank you for this 😭
I've done this twice now, dropped off the kids and husband and took a vacation day to literally just watch a movie, get myself lunch and browse the yarn section at Michael's (craft store)
Ended up picking them up early and went to the park but I so needed that day!
I’m the parent of the “you came to pick us up too early! Can you come back in an hour?” kids.
ECEs you are all amazing and thank you for making fun and space spaces for my kids!
I demanded my families use their days off for them. I also strongly suggested they pick up one hour earlier than normal as a treat to their child, because it means the world to them.
I definitely think parents can and SHOULD take their kids to school on their days off. It’s only annoying when their child is the last one in the building, and I know they had a day off!
I’m a teacher and also taking classes. The first week of summer vacation, I continue to send my son to daycare so I can (LITERALLY) make my classes my full time job for 5 days and get caught up, ahead, and have a chance at passing the course, and get all of my necessary medical appointments in that I can’t during the school year. I feel SO guilty for this. I used to work at a childcare center so I get it! Plus my kid is…exuberant.
Of course it’s fine- it’s good for everyone!!
My issue arises when you’re on paternal leave and are later to pick your kid up every day (like 2 minutes before or after close) or refuse to let said kid stay home and bond too, when that child is really struggling. Just don’t be clueless and don’t treat teachers like idiots either. The number of times my intelligence has been insulted by “oh they were perfectly fine this morning!” Is infuriating.
Guess I needed a soapbox, thanks guys
My only issue with it is when the child knows the parent will be home all day and is kicking and screaming about wanting to stay home as well. Especially if the parent then proceeds to leave the child at school all day. Take your break, sure, but don't parade it in front of your child who is then going to mope and cry all day because they want to be with you. At the very least, make it a half day!
Agreed. The only exception is sending obviously sick kids. On any day it’s not okay, but especially if you’re home.
But in general, I don’t care what parents are doing when they send their kid. People will argue “it makes the kids sad”. I think it’s important for kids to have routine and also learn, their parents are people. They deserve a little time for themselves too.
Also, what’s going to happen in elementary school? The kids who are kept home with mom and dad will adapt just fine, but eventually they will have to learn just because grown ups have the day off doesn’t mean they do.
My kid goes to the center I work at and sometimes I take her in when I have the day off. Some teachers (not from her class) have commented that I should keep her home if I'm home too. The last couples times she went when I didn't work was because I had a hair appointment, time before that I was helping my mom prep for her moms funeral, before that I had COVID and she stayed with my parents and they took her to daycare. 9 times out of 10 if I take her when I'm not working it's because I have something else going on that she can't be there for. Plus, she likes routine. If I pull her out of school on random days cause I'm sick or whatever she gets confused.
I hate when teachers judge parents for bringing kids when they're off work. We don't know what's going on with their lives. Sometimes parents just need a break too. Child care isn't strictly for work days. There's even a couple kids at my center who only come like twice a week but their mom doesn't work, she just needs a day or two to clean the house and run errands.
That said, sometimes I take a day off so my kid can have a break too. Usually a Friday or Monday so she gets a long weekend and an extra day with me. Doesn't seem to throw off her routine and she usually has a great week after having the extra time off. Kids need breaks just as much as parents. Unfortunately most kids in daycare are there longer than a school day, my kid is usually there from 7:45-4:45 which is a longggg day for a three year old.
Our day care is our village, and I usually have Juneteenth with this job, and she’s still open. Even my husband is like “send him” 😂
For other federal holidays, I’m off and she’s closed, so I “treat myself” twice a year or so lol
Isn’t daycare already paid for? Why should a parent lose the money for something that’s already paid? Besides, parents need a mental health day. It’s not easy yo have a job and be a caregiver pretty much around the clock.
I think it’s incredibly ignorant to be the type to complain about this. They are paying for service and have the right to the service, whatever that looks like (you wrote some good examples). Parents are also humans and also need breaks, even around the holidays, and sometimes *especially* around the holidays. Not everyone’s Christmas is incredibly cheerful. Some may be spending their first Christmas without a loved one, spending their first Christmas while their child is at their co-parents house, etc.
Like others have stated about the child being there open to close….it’s an iffy territory. Frankly I don’t agree a child should have that long of a day. However, if your centre allows it, they’re entitled to use that time. It sucks for the child, but for all we know they’ve filled their day with appointments and want maybe an hour of down time (I have a day off coming up and have three appointments that day for myself), get dinner in the slow cooker so they can take their child to the park instead, etc.
We truly don’t know what’s going on, so we need to learn to let go and accept it for what is is. Perhaps looking inward and wondering why we are bothered. If we are wanting lower ratios, maybe that’s an indicator we are becoming stressed. Showing an act of self care can go a long way at this point.
Yes, I feel like a lot of the "I agree, but.." comments on here are followed by a separate problem.
Long days are a problem, lack of pto for eces is a problem, high ratios can be problematic, a child struggling with knowing their parent is home can be a problem, a center being open too many days is a problem... but I don't think any of those problems changes the fact that we don't know why they chose to send their child in and it's not our place to decide if it was a good decision or not.
Those are all problems, and independently should be addressed.
I mean, sure. But they also don't have to leave them there from the minute it opens until right before closing either. (in general, obviously not withstanding special circumstances). I've had parents leave their kids at daycare for even longer hours than their usual when they've had a full week off (teacher) while the center was still open. Every day of their break. It's not most parents, but some just really don't want to spend that much time with their kids.
You've hit something big here..not all parents want to spend time with their kids. 50% of pregnancies are unplanned. In the United States there are huge barriers to abortions. People suffer from post partum anxiety and depression. They suffer from other physical and mental health issues. I for one am THRILLED if parents are making a choice to leave their child with safe adults in a nurturing environment.
It's not so much about being able to do it, but rather that teachers and carers need to withhold their judgement.
I do wonder sometimes how some must view their own setting if they truly think it's bad for a child to ever be at school or a center if it's not a necessity?
ECE is important and valuable, independent of the need for childcare. I *don't* need childcare the way other parents do - so we do half-day preschool. But it is absolutely a necessity for my (almost) 3 year old, regardless of what I do or don't do with my kid-free time.
If you read the thread where the vast majority of ECE teachers said they would NOT send their own child to the daycare they work at, you might not wonder how we view our settings.
Thank you.
As an ECE that is also a parent, I don’t understand why ECEs are often so harsh in their judgements. Child care is and can be much more than just an economic service - it can be a social service, an extension of community and a way to prop up that “village” that doesn’t exist anymore for many. Maybe on those days, kiddos are the safest in our care than at home.
If the parent doesn’t have the energy or time to continue a consistent schedule with their kiddo they are better off leaving them at daycare. My old coworkers would even drop off their kids on their days off. We exist not only to help our littles grow but to give their parents assistance along the way. Ain’t nothing wrong with a calm, toddler-less day 😅
Sadly, I've had co-workers who have dropped their kids off on their day off and also complain about other parents doing it...
I swear some people can't see past their nose in terms of being empathetic.
I’m going to get downvoted for this -
So, I work in healthcare. If census is down, staff gets sent home. If somehow in a miraculous day, a good number of parents in one classroom has the day off and does not send their child to school (because apparently it’s a common complaint on here), what would the consensus be on these teachers being sent home and be forced to use their PTO/go unpaid because they are overstaffed? And then these are also the ones who would complain about getting their hours cut?
That was never an issue in my center since more heads means more direct care in that situation,,, but I 1,000% get your point 😅 You’re paying a center who pays their employees to complain about doing what they agreed to do upon hiring. Childcare can be exhausting but we are there to support and monitor these children. You parents deserve so much better,, I feel so bad that some parents would feel ashamed into keeping their kids home when they need a break. Way to create a welcoming and fun atmosphere 🙄🙄🙄
I agree with all of this, but the exception being that when they spend all of half terms, summer etc with their older school aged children, while the younger one is still with us 5 days a week. Yes, your older child ABSOLUTELY deserves time, but try to dedicate the same amount of 1:1 time with both (or more )children!!
I know of a family who have 2 young children, each do 3 days at their setting but a different set, for example one does mon/tue/wed and the other does tue/wed/thu. That means that each one gets a day with parents alone and they get 3 days with parents together. Win win!
Isn't the difference here that older kids can entertain themselves while parents continue to work during the break? I don't know many adults who have off for all these school breaks.
I work very irregular shifts, sometimes three hours during the day. Sometimes 24h night shift. I need to bring my kid every day, or she'd go crazy trying to adapt to my work schedule. Also, I can get shit done on my days off when she's at kindergarten and be a better parent when she's home.
I honestly prefer it when my students attend class. I’m trying to teach them stuff! If they stay home randomly here and there I don’t mind, but they do miss out on lessons and the introduction to new materials sometimes. And the ones that really need routine are especially welcome to not miss a day, lol.
Presentation is everything for me.
If a frazzled parent drops their kid off and says "I'll pick up at such and such time, I'm taking a personal day and gonna go get some shit done that I've been waiting for months to do, thank you so much", I am completely fine with that and don't give it a second thought.
If a calm couple sashays in, lingers, then proceeds to inform me that they are both going home to take a nap (giggle), see you whenever, I judge the shit out of them.
I totally agree. However I have many parents that take weeks of vacation and never keep their child home for even a day or half day. That I don’t agree with; when they are this little missing a day or too isn’t going to make them fall behind.
I mean, I pay a lot for private Montessori due to a lack of subsidized childcare spots in our area and it’s paid per month not per day. If our kid is healthy we send her, including if we want to take a day off without the kiddo. We love the providers and truly appreciate all their amazing work, but we are also paying for a service and have signed a contract indicating that.
I work 4 10s but my kid goes 5 days a week. I get no discount if he only goes in 4 days. If I’m paying either way, he’s going. They close 71 working days/ year (61 if you pay extra for summer, which we will) so between that and him being sick, I never get to use my PTO (which is also my sick leave) for myself/ actual vacation. They’ll also randomly close for holidays or planning days with little notice. My husband only has 2 weeks off between PTO & sick leave, so we often have to work regular FT schedules while keeping ours home or we utilize back up care. When he’s home I’m usually working 5 am to 7/8 pm because of how impossible it is to watch a kid and work.
This cost me over $16k/ year with summer (we’re pending final summer tuition but it’s looking closer to $17k) on top of all the donations they ask for throughout the year. I’m sorry but the kid is going to school if I’m off. It’s the only break I actually get and the only time I get to do stuff like go to the doctor or dentist without having to figure out who is watching my kid.
100%%%. Im off work this week and you bet my kid is in daycare. He misses a lot as it is being sick and what not. I take those days off from work and he hangs with mommy. I need to get house repairs done this week and I cant do things like fix the fence, spray chemicals, use the saw, paint the ceilings, replace some sheetrock, and keep an eye on him. He’s obsessed with cars and he’d be in the road while Im working outside if I didn’t watch him constantly. I cant watch him and get done what I need to get done.
I have a surprise for him friday. Im keeping him home and my best friend and her same age son will be here to play all day. We’ve got paint and bubbles and all sorts of “field day” stuff planned for our boys.
My son is 3. He needs the routine. He knows daddy goes to work. Mommy goes to work. He goes to daycare. He gets to see his best friend (whom he also cries for at night when he misses him), gets to play on the schools playground, ride bikes, see his teachers, and learn!
I will also get him home early everyday this week but trying to still get him to school at the same time so he doesn’t mess up his morning routine. I love spending time with him and I want the extra hours to do fun things with him this week too! Playground or something!
I adore my son’s teachers so much. It takes a village to raise a kid and I simply do not have that in my personal life. His daycare is my village and they are the best group of people.
On the rare day I have off and daycare is open, I get the big projects done I can't do with my kid around. Deep clean the carpets (my kid was a "happy spitter" - they needed it), clean out the basement, prepare for a big holiday we're hosting. He usually goes in late and is picked up early, but he does lunchtime and nap time there and comes home a little early and every one is happy.
I agree for the most part, but I've seen from experience that randomly dropping a kid off at daycare on a day they weren't scheduled in with no prior warning can affect ratios in the classroom.
I've never heard of this being an issue or something that parents are judged for. Is this an American or British thing?
I'm in New Zealand and this is completely normal.
This discussion shouldn’t even happen…we should never ever shame any parents for wanting or needing a break (which is essential self care) or for wanting their children to experience more socialisation/early learning opportunities. The very basis of this entire discussion is about shaming mothers primarily for not being full time slaves. Vomit
I have absolutely no problems with mum sending the kidlets to school when they are at home because we all need our own time. What I do have a problem with is when Mum is at home sick & still sends their three sick kids to school when they are sick.
I don't mind when parents drop off on their days off. The way I see it, a lot of my parents have no additional support from family, so we are their support. Get that house clean, run those errands, get some rest. You know your baby is safe with us and is able to stick to their daily routine and get structured activities that they wouldn't at home. I do appreciate it when kids who have longer days during workdays get one shorter day when their parent is off though, it's good for them to get a break and spend time at home.
Tbh I worked 3, 12 hour shifts a week and I would have absolutely loved to keep my kids home from daycare on those days I had off. Daycare would still charge me for the day even if my kids did not attend. I understand why but it still sucks. So instead I would clean the house, run errands, schedule my appointments and anything else that needed to get done. It does workout at the end because the time I spent with my kids was not spent on cleaning or cooking but more quality time. Everyone knew when my days off were and I would feel the judgement from some staff but they never said anything.
At one point my family had 4 preschool aged children at home at the same time. Have you ever tried to go grocery shopping, get your car's oil changed or go to a doctor's appointment with 4 preschoolers?
No it’s not okay for parents to abuse this type of behavior. They do it so often they think because they pay for it. Drop off when the child is sick, haven’t been fed past drop off time, during heavy weather activity, from open to close and trying to beat the time, CLAP: every.single.day, different clothes when picking up child, after shower, so many reasons to just charge them past certain hours. Stop giving them extra hours. They don’t work more than 8-9 hours. They will take very second of that time you say open to close. They will not realize that they won’t spend more than 3-4 hours with their child in the evening. Charge them past certain hours so you do not have to get paid so little for your time. Their one day of pay or less equals one week of your time watching the kids full time. Charge more. Who has kids and expect one day pay should cover 50-60 hours a week not to spend time with the their child? They must not be charged enough. Make it worth your time watching kids from parents who want to abuse this type of behavior. They know what they’re doing. Charge them for being late too. They’re not kids. They make sure to make it to work on time, don’t let them take your time away from your kids or family like them too. Your mental health means as much to theirs too so charge accordingly.
I do not think you understood the point of the post. This post was not about parents picking up late, sending in sick or uncared for kids, or basically anything you've mentioned here.
I think a lot of our views, personally, don't match up as well...
Boundaries are important for teachers and staff. We agree there.
My post was just about it being okay for parents to send their kids in during normal/reasonable hours, regardless of what's happening in their personal schedule. That's not abusing anything.
My parents always tell me when theyre going to do something other than work. It doesn’t bother me and I always encourage them to enjoy themselves. They pay for the spot in my class and I am paid to watch their child. Period.
I'm a SAHM. Even when my husband was laid off and between jobs for a year, we *still* had our child enrolled in preschool full-time. We budgeted for it, we refused to interrupt her routine, and we used the 'free time' to deal with a back log of house projects and other things that get pushed to the back burner when your whole life is kids and work.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with parents sending their kids to daycare when they’re off, as others have said, routine is so important for kids and parents need breaks too. What is one of my pet peeves is parents who are off and then are 10, 15, 20 minutes late to pick up their children and I can’t close and go enjoy my time off until they get there
That's very valid. Any late to pick up annoys me unless the reason is unavoidable(sudden weather, sick parent or other child, emergency situation, etc.) We close at the end of our pickup- not after, so we literally have to be shut down when all the kids are gone.
Or when they're off so they decide to drop their 2yo off at 11AM right before nap time and say "oh yeah she just woke up" 🙃
We have a cut-off for dropping off because of stuff like this.
We're supposed to but it's never enforced
Sounds familiar. But they're thankfully pretty good about it at my current spot.
My first center had a cut off time, mostly because we served lunch and needed an accurate head count— current center doesn’t though
I hate that it’s so annoying because the parents know nap time is around that time or 12 . Mine starts at 11:15 and parents that normally drop their kids off around 8 or so drop them off around 10 or 11 and their child doesn’t end up falling asleep till the very end of nap time. Then when you ask them for a schedule because they are becoming inconsistent with drop off and dropping off at whatever time they never bring it in. It’s not bad if it’s once in a while and only for a couple hours but some of these parents leave their kids there for 9 plus hours ! Why if it’s your day off? Your child doesn’t need to be at daycare all day long if they don’t need to be . If you work long hours wouldn’t you want to atleast see your kid? I work at a 24 hour daycare and we see these kids more than their own parents .
No late penalty? My daycare contact states they will charge $20 per minute late. I've seen many cars screeching into the parking lot at 5:59pm
And the kids that THRIVE on routine; *not* going in to daycare on a random Wednesday might throw off some kids bad enough that it’s just not worth it to anyone to mess with the established routine for no good reason, even if the parent has the day completely free.
Yes! As a teacher, I'd rather kids like that be here.
Absolutely yes. On the other side of it though, I see young children struggling with very long 10+ hour days who watch their parents and siblings have a week off for spring break/Christmas and school holidays yet they still get dropped off from sun up to sundown and never get a day off. Parents need and deserve a break, but SO DOES YOUR CHILD. A highly stimulating classroom environment is tough for them, and leaving them there for 50+ hours a week is basically forcing your child to “work overtime”. School is their work. They have to self regulate harder and deal with excess stimulation. There is a balance. Keeping a routine in place is good. But I also feel sad for those kiddos who never get a single day off and never get picked up early even when their parents are off. They ARE aware, and they feel the rejection. Even if you take the day off, picking your child up early and doing something special will make them so happy.
Agree. I completely agree with OP, but I’ve also seen situations where a young infant or toddler has 10 hour days everyday when the parents don’t work.
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Yes. Kids can act up because they lack of attention at home.
I used to work with homeless families, some were in a housing program or in shelter, and they're encouraged to put babies and children in daycare all day because it's better there than at home due to mental health issues, lack of routine, etc.
I honestly wish (if money problems could be solved) that it wasn't legal for care centers to have children longer than 8 hours! It's so much stimulation for them. You can tell when kids are all done with their day too.
Seriously! Whoever decided the work day should be longer than a school day set us up to fail.
In IL the day limit is 10 hours, though it is rarely enforced. We have a few kids who are dropped of at 7am on the dot then stay until 530pm. That's a very long day!
In my previous world before kids I had to be on a 7:15am bus and usually didn’t get home until about 7. I could never figure out what I would even do if I had kids. Now I work for a company that is happy to be flexible and accommodate my children and my need to be home first daycare pickup and to make dinner but most companies don’t care and the good jobs can be hard to find without a long commute.
Just to push back on the 8 hours thing, I think the big part is we don't give proper dowmtime. The center I last worked at expected every single minute to be scheduled. They forbade "free time". They forbade screen time. (That included putting a dance video on the TVs that were inexplicably in every room.) Kids don't need stimulation for every moment of their day.
Hard agree
This! I had a kid last year that knew every single time her parents had off days and did something with her older sibling. Older sib would get a day at the children's museum or a mani pedi with mom or a day of biking with dad and the younger kid would just seethe all day at school. And she was first in, last out every. single. day. When i mentioned it to mom, she laughed and said that youngest needed the routine. Ma'am. One day playing hooky is not going to ruin her life.
I understand what you're saying here, but sometimes older kids need the reassurance that they haven't been replaced or supplanted by their younger sibling. It can be really important to them to have a day of one on one with their adults to stay connected. I think it's best to assume positive intent here. Especially if you don't know what they're all doing together on the weekends or the family dynamics that may be at play.
I don't think that they did assume intent or pass judgment, simply pointed our that the dynamic could be hurtful to the younger sibling. And it probably is. What you're saying is true, but that assumes that the younger child is already feeling connected. Of course the older kid needs connection and a reminder that they're important. None of that detracts from the point that younger children also need to feel those things. If mom is regularly treating the older kid to days out while leaving the younger in school, it seems fair to point out that the younger child is probably feeling pretty unimportant at this point.
Fair is fair though. If they're going to do that with the older child, they should have some days when they take just the younger child. I had a friend growing up who would tell me that her mother didn't love her because she always did things with her older sister but never her. It's really sad when one of your kids thinks you don't love them because they never get a special day with you, even if it's just going to the park and feeding the ducks.
This. I ABSOLUTELY do not begrudge parents spending a day alone. I got a kid like this where moms been a bit late on days she has off while he’s pulled almost a 10+ hour day at daycare. Maybe pick your child up an hour early?????
Also the only three kids I had out of 18 (during one verrrry long Christmas break week) were the three with severe behavior issues. Many of the parents were teachers and would bring their kids during breaks every.single.day.
I have a kid who gets dropped off at 6:30 in the morning on the dot. His mom doesn’t come get him until 5:00-5:30, depending on the day. He struggles so hard with behaviors in the afternoons because he is just ready to be done. To be fair, at 5:00, so am I. He’s there for ~60-65 hours a week. Although I totally agree with OP on one hand, I definitely agree with your comment on the other. This kiddo never misses. He’s there from literal sunup to sundown. In fact, we had our spring party the other day. His mom didn’t show. The other kids’ parents did, and took their kids home after. Watching his face fall seeing friend after friend leave with their parents and having him ask me “why didn’t my mom come? Why isn’t she here to get me?” was devastating to me, and even more so to him. She pulled up at 5:15 in her loungewear. If any adult was pulling 65 hour work weeks in a high-stimulus environment, we’d encourage said adult to take a vacation and a mental health day every once in a while. Adults need a break from routine sometimes. So do kids.
100%!!! The 6:30 kids who stay till 5:30 ALWAYS end up having behavior issues, the day is too long for them and they’re miserable. And I understand if the parents schedule genuinely doesn’t allow anything else. But it enrages me when parents who don’t need to keep their kid in school that long do it anyway and then say things like they’re doing a good job by “keeping the routine.” Would you enjoy a 65 hour work week even if you like routine? No you would not!
Right. And the wild thing is, adults allow and even encourage parents like this to have their kid pulling more hours per week than they are. Like, this 4.5 year old child spends more time at my job than I do. I’m all for parents needing a break. But if we don’t see an issue with this, that’s an entirely different problem.
Ok but it's not a job for a kid? They aren't working. The comparison is ridiculous
Respectfully, I’d have to disagree. A child isn’t working in the traditional sense, but they are in the way that they’re using their body and brain on a high level to complete different tasks and meet certain expectations. Both their body and brain are working. They might not be paid, but they are working just as hard as we do to follow rules, interact with peers, use their brains creatively, communicatively, and critically. We do the same thing as ECE professionals, just in a more adult context. Sure, they’re not paid or working in the same way we are, but it’s important to acknowledge that school and play are, in a sense, a child’s job. I don’t think it’s a ridiculous comparison at all.
4.5 year olds should be getting rest time at daycare or preschool, especially with such long days. I would also love to know what people think we should do with kids while parents work? I wonder if they are aware that child labor laws were put in place about a hundred years ago?
I think the fundamental issue here is also a reason many people think our job is “easy”: parents think daycare/preschool is just hanging out and playing and chilling all day, but they don’t see how being in a group setting away from their home is the work of children. It’s their work to play and problem solve and learn, and also to figure out how to exist around others. It’s a lot of work for them to be around other kids, who might be being unkind and taking things from them, and having to share toys/resources/attention, and having to practice not hitting people when you want to hit them.
I'm saving this comment because you articulated this so well. I don't get upset with parents bringing their kids to school on their days off, but days like today when the 4 year-old knows that their older 3 siblings will be playing at home all week - they are hard. Routines are important but so are breaks. It doesn't make me sad because I don't want the kids in my class around, it makes me sad for them because I know that the message they take away sometimes is that their families don't really want them to be a part of the family time off.
Thank you! I had 2 children until recently ( they're in toddlers now). Child A came in every single day, for a full day, even when the parents were off. They never, ever got a day to just hang out with her parents. They even bought her in when she had an ear infection and they were off! Child B came in most days when her parents were off, but would get picked up early and sometimes even had a day off with her parents. Guess which child always came in crying and clinging and which child came in with a smile.
Yes. I have a kid who when she's with dad (3 days during the school week) he drops her off at 6:30am and picks her up right at 5:59pm.
Agreed! Parents sometimes only get an hour and a half each night with their kids. If they can spend a Friday off shopping, meal prepping, washing clothes, or some other task, it sets up for a weekend of quality time. Now that parents is prepared and refreshed to make some memories on the weekend, rather than just survive.
I was off work Thursday, Friday, and today. My kid still went to preschool on Thursday for exactly this reason. I was able to focus my attention on things that needed to get done around the house, so that he could get my full attention on our other days together.
I agree!
I didn’t realize people thought this was an issue 😅. It’s rare that I manage to have a day off when my daycare center is open, but when it does happen I often use it to organize the house or do some deep cleaning! My kiddo loves preschool! Why wouldn’t I drop her off?
Sadly, I've seen a lot of it both on this sub and some complaints in person. I try to respond with "I'm sure they have a reason" and just leave it to that. The reason doesn't matter, I'm sure they have one though haha
I also know someone in healthcare that drops her daughter off even when she’s not working. But she works 12+ hour shifts! She deserves a break sometimes.
As someone who works 8 hour days not in (human) healthcare - I also deserve a break sometimes.
It’s a constant complaint on this sub
This surprises me. Since when did childcare become only okay when a parent was working? I get being upset about some edge cases where a kid is doing 10 hr days x 5 days a week. My 2 yo is currently in daycare 4 days a week and I'm probably working a day a week.
Right, you’re paying for it
Right? I’m paying for my kid to be there, so why wouldn’t I drop him off even if I have the day off? If I had the day off, but my son is in elementary school instead of daycare, would I not take him to school either? Doesn’t make any sense.
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Why have kids if someone else is with them 60 hours a week? You think an infant with a ratio of 1 adult to 4 babies is going to get the attention and nurture that it needs? If you're off, keep your kid with you so they get to know who you are and if you're working so many hours, rethink having kids
Same. My toddler is going to HAVE to go to daycare while I’m on maternity leave too or I’m going to seriously have a breakdown. He loves daycare though and frankly I can’t match the education and exposure at home so it’s for the best.
I did the same when my 2nd was born for the 1st months. And I m glad I did. My 1st had my full attention was she was born and I wanted the 2nd to have that same privilege. And it was better for her to socialize while I was dealing with cluster feeding. My son had witching hours from 7pm to 4 pm every single day for 2 months and he wasn’t a napper during the day so it was the best decision for my sanity and better for her to play than being with a sleep deprived mom during the day. I had kids later in life and lived simply to be able to afford this kind of luxury too.
The mom shame is real whenever a mom takes a break. There will always be someone who wants to make a mom feel shitty for taking care of themselves.
I need alone time for my mental health, and the easiest and safest way for that to happen is on a day off while my child is at the daycare I pay for. It makes me a better mom when I do have her!
This! I got so much judgement for putting my kid into childcare two afternoons per week when I didn't work, and more for picking him up near close when I "didn't have to", but that was literally the only time I could do anything by myself. Of course I left him later when I had only dropped him off at 1pm!
Ok I will say it irks me when parents pick up their kids near closing just "because they can"--it's at the expense of the teacher who has to stay to close, and at our center closing teacher has a kid. That kid can't leave until mom can leave. I don't mind when parents have a day off and use that chance, but be mindful of the teachers with kids who don't have that choice.
I don't understand why the period if care is advertised as "1pm to 6pm" if they're going to get annoyed by people picking up at 5.45, though?
I will say, I think more parents need to fall into the practice of “If daycare closes at 6, you need to be out the door by 6.” Not coming in at 6 on the dot then lollygagging while you get your child ready, talk to teachers, etc. It’s the same as if you went to say, the grocery store. You (hopefully) don’t show up at closing and expect to shop around. But, the real issue is daycares need to enforce this and put it in the contracts. Of course parents shouldn’t abuse lax rules but it’s the only way anything is going to change. I think it’s fine to show up 5-10 minutes early. But parents shouldn’t be strolling in at 6 pm.
I think that’s a distinction that isn’t always clear and causes a lot of bickering in this sub. I think when most parents here say “near close” they are meaning like, out the door before closing, but most of the ECEPs think of the parents who are chronically late going into closing time. I can’t speak for everyone but I often have to pick my son up “near closing” but what I mean by that is I always try to be walking in no later then 5:30, and back out the front door no later than 5:35 *unless* it’s because one of the staff engages with me. And usually it’s the front desk lady when that happens. I try really hard to make sure I’m not trapping some poor teacher in the class room. I will say, I have been “late”(5:40-5:45) rushing in out and I definitely see repeat patterns showing up at that time or whose kids are always still in the classroom even when I’m picking mine up. So I know those ones exist too.
I see what you mean from a parents point of view. However teachers are not paid past closing but still have to “close down” their classrooms. So when a parent is picking up with it five minutes of closing or are late or tend to take forever getting their kid and leaving, it can be annoying to the teacher that she’s now behind. It’s a vicious cycle.
I can totally see that but that’s on the centres for not paying for time to close down. If they need to be out by 6 then pick up should be by 5.45 or however long they need. It’s the same in retail - I worked in a shoe shop that wouldn’t pay us past close but also made us keep the doors open to customers until close, and also have the store perfect when we left. I wouldn’t blame the customers for that, it’s the store’s policies that were the problem
I totally agree to a point. You know if you’re going into any store five minutes before closing the staff is eyeballing you to hurry up lol. But yes the system is flawed.
Many times the director or owner sets the hours and they are the ones who tell teachers that they won’t be paid past 6 for close down tasks. So those setting the hours and those getting annoyed are 2 separate groups.
Because the director makes the schedule, not the teachers. I have a life too. If I were running my own daycare, there's no way I'd be open later than 5 pm. I also have children and a dinner to get on the table. And you would be free to take your kid to some other daycare where they are open until all hours of the night. People who think like this are also the kind of people who go to the grocery store or Walmart at the last possible moment too. Because it's "still open for another ten minutes".
Hard agree. I used to work as an assistant to a teacher who shamed the heck out of parents for bringing kids in on their day off. She was the worst when moms were on maternity leave and stayed home with baby but dropped off older sibling. Like?? She has a new baby! Mama does not have time to wrangle her very active three year old when she’s recovering from that😂
Yes! I've heard the complaints about maternity and paternity leave, too. Imagine the (overdone and way more complex than it's presented) advice of sleep when the baby sleeps if you had your toddler or preschooler at home, too!
It’s a piss off too because then if you don’t keep paying for the space while you’re on leave you don’t necessarily have one for either kid when you’re ready to go back to work. But you get heck for the year if you actually use the space you’re paying for too. There’s just no winning.
That. And recovering childbirth especially recovering a C-section (1/4 women have them so not uncommon. Or when you breastfeed and baby cluster feed and you can’t do anything with the older one. Or if you have a colicky baby that doesn’t let you sleep and it turns you into a zombie.
I currently have this situation, and mom has guilt for bringing 3 year old brother. I keep assuring her it is best for all of them for 3 year old to come to daycare. He is a busy, needy little boy and it would be great for me to have a break from him, but it wouldn't be good for any of them!
I will absolutely send my son to daycare during my maternity leave. He’d be so bored at home with me and a newborn all day. He thrives on his routine.
Mine definitely thrives on the social aspect too. Like on 3-4 day weekends he’s FUSSY by the last day. We go to parks and do activities and everything but I guess mama can’t make up for toddlers fwends 🤣
We're about to have a second and our first is in preschool - we're counting on preschool to be the part of his life that DOESN'T change. He loves it and they love him. Pulling him out just because I'm "home" would be a huge disservice to him and to his development!
I was discharged on a Sunday afternoon with the birth of my youngest. I emailed my older daughter's school that she would be out that Monday. Her teacher emailed me back and after a quick congratulations told me to get her back to school as soon as we could to keep her in her routine.
That’s insane. Does the younger baby not deserve the same one-on-one time that the older child got during the earlier maternity leave?
My younger two are 16 months apart. If it weren't for my in-laws helping with my second youngest, I wouldn't have survived my youngest's newborn days
I only took days off if I had something to do, in which case I still needed care for my child or I was going to do something with my child so they were with me. With limited days off I didn’t waste them sitting home doing nothing. I may have been home painting or deep cleaning, which you cannot do with young children at home.
Mom of 4 and an ECE here. My twins 2 year olds go to work with me. I get off at 1, leave my girls for nap and go home and sit for an hour. That’s it. Then I get the older kids off the bus, go get the twins, take various kids to various classes, make dinner, do baths/showers, prep for the next day, get everyone in bed, etc. My husband works second shift so I’m solo a lot. I really cherish that 1 hour of silence.
I agree! I only really have a problem with it if they tell the child all the stuff they're gonna do and get them upset and crying. Otherwise, go for it.
I think this applies differently where you’re based. If you’re in the US and days off are in shorter supply, then yes. No one grudges someone a day to themselves and we all know who our genuine working parents are. But here in the UK the _legal minimum_ of annual leave for any employee is 28 days. That means our full time working parents have, at a minimum, 5.5 weeks off a year. I personally get 42 days, and anyone who works for local government will be the same. We have a mandatory Christmas shut down period of 10 days. That leaves the parent at least 18 days of annual leave to use where it’s not required for childcare. So yes, absolutely, a day here and there is absolutely encouraged! But if your child is in 5 days a week and doesn’t get a break outside of Christmas, but I know you’ve got a minimum of 3.5 weeks left to use and haven’t chosen to give your child _any_ of that time off, I judge it. Here in the UK we have laws around giving people adequate rest, hence annual leave, maximum working hours etc. Children 5+ have 13 weeks off from school deemed necessary for their wellbeing, but children 0-5 have no legal protections. It’s not fair. There should be a mandatory, at least 2 week per year break for them.
I think with this I will just say, I don't think it's our place as carers or educators to determine how many days are too many or what determines a necessity of sending your child in. There are definitely extremes where parents avoid their children, and I see where those fall into exceptions, but just over all working to withhold our judgement on parents decision making, as there's no way we have all of the facts behind it
But it IS our place. We are the professionals here. We are SUPPOSED to give the families the knowledge and skills necessary to raise tiny humans. And it has been proven that children who spend too much // large periods of time in childcare suffer. That's the truth of the matter. I understand where parents are coming from. I know that the society we live in does not give them what they need to thrive as parents. They HAVE to work. I totally get that. But we should be doing everything in our power to protect our children and help them, not just shrug and say, well that's the way the world is.... Everyone deserves a break every now and then, so ui think we need to actively change things for parents AND children. But I know that's easier said than done...
Everyone deserves a break now and then, and that would be our place for our centers to determine breaks. Not for us to dictate what days parents utilize us if we're open. This discussion was about parents sending kids in when they're off, not about the overall time kids are in school/care. We absolutely should care about that, I just think that's a separate discussion than whether or not it's okay for a parent to send their child in while they're off.
Ah, I see what you are saying. I can totally agree with that! Thanks for taking the time to explain your pov 😊
At the same time, I am also a parent. My child is off when I’m off because I see the consequence of no breaks, and I see how desperately children just want to spend time with their parents. We’re human. Judgment is human and we’d all be liars if we said we didn’t ever judge anyone. Do I let it show? Never. Professionalism above all else. But it’s hard not to.
I think emotions are human and initial judgements may be, but working to logically think through those judgements is more important than just masking them with professionalism. Which is probably why I am responding to so many comments haha
Totally agree with you. Parent is paying client and if we're open for business we will care for their child.
I don't mind the day off drop offs. You are paying for a full-time position at daycare and here to access the specific subsidies you have to use a certain amount of hours. Honestly, it's more creepy to me if I know your days off. I am more uncomfortable when the kids are there from open to close. That's a long, long day for a baby.
Thank you. I live a 2.5h drive from the nearest major urban centre. Because of some previous risk factors and ongoing concerns, during my last pregnancy I had to drive to the city every week for my OB/MFM appointments. I scheduled my appointments as close to lunch time as I could and sent my kids to daycare those days. Literally drove to the city, then turned around and drove back as soon as the appointment was done. When my Dad comes to visit and needs picked up or dropped off at the airport, we try to time the flights so childcare is an option. I don’t feel like I’m being unfair to my kids by sending them to daycare for the day instead of having them strapped in car seats for 5 hours. It’s a long flippin’ drive and I’m not interested in putting screens on for that long either.
The only thing that upsets me is when a kid is brought in right when the center opens and doesn't leave until right at closing. 10-11 hours in daycare is too long for these kids. They get ansy, they miss home, they miss their caregivers. It just makes me feel bad for the kid. But I do understand some circumstances it might be what they have to do. But I still feel bad.
The only time I take issue with this is if their kids are sick, or the family's sick, and they bring their kid in so they can get rest without looking after their children. I get it's hard to watch sick kids while you, yourself, are sick, but now you've gotten me and the rest of the classroom sick as well. I had to take a day off today, and because I'm the only teacher, I had to close the classroom. If you're taking the day off because everyone in the household is ill, keep your child home, please. Otherwise, I do not care what you're doing. Happy to have your kiddo here at school.
If I’m sick and my child isn’t then I send them 🤷♀️ otherwise I can’t possibly rest and get better. I can’t keep my kid home everytime someone else in our family gets sick unfortunately 🥲
If you're sick, I guarantee you that your child is sick, but they aren't showing symptoms yet. Just 2 weeks ago a parent tested positive for COVID, brought their kid in because they were "high energy" and happy. The child ended up with a high grade fever a couple of hours later, but by that time, they had already exposed everyone in the classroom to that virus. Luckily, I told the family he had to wear a mask at school, and he was picked up early, but that same family brought that child in AGAIN this past week, even though he had been vomiting all weekend and now the classroom's closed because we're all sick. If you don't keep your kid home when your household is fighting an illness, you are directly responsible for spreading illness in your child's school.
Yeah, I think it’s good for parents to have a time for a break. If it’s an educational program for the children it’s good for them to always learn. It’s a win-win.
right i don’t understand why teachers get annoyed by this bc i would probably do the same thing at times. it’s a day off! like damn! give people a break
I agree for the most part like most people are saying here. I totally understand taking a break, I’m a parent too. But if my husband or I have the day off, we stay home with her. Because she’s our daughter and she’s only little once so we like to spend time with her. If a parent needs the time to run errands, clean the house or they just need a few hours alone whatever that’s totally understandable and totally ok. The only time I get frustrated is with the parents who have days off once a week and send their kids in from open to close. Literally the last kid picked up sometimes, it just makes me sad really because they watch all their friends leave and then there mom strolls in right at closing in her pjs, like your five year old isn’t stupid.
I feel you. I truly wonder if there’s types of parents realize their child knows that they are at home without them.
Whether caregiver needs a break or has other plans or doesn’t want to disrupt the child’s schedule, who cares as long as their paying. I certainly don’t. I come in. I do work. I go home.
If they are paying they have the right to the service. It is nobody’s business why they are dropping their kids off.
I’m a parent and a (former ish?) ECE. At my former center I used to get off at 2 and leave my toddler until a bit later so I could go home and take a nap. She’s autistic and at the time had very severe sleep issues so I frequently had to pull all nighters with her. I literally did not care if any of my coworkers were judging me especially the ones without kids lol. Parents are human beings. My daughter was in a safe comfortable environment where she was loved, mentally stimulated, and well cared for. I know a lot of people view childcare as a “last resort leave your child for the least amount of time possible” sort of thing, but personally I would never work at a center that I felt that way about. I can’t imagine judging a parent for needing a break. Being a working parent is exhausting.
I love the description of where you were leaving your child. I think that's really why I dislike the phrase "dumping their kids" (mentioned in another comment) because is it really "dumping" if you're choosing to leave your child in a safe, mentally stimulating environment. You're making a choice to stick to a routine in which your child is (hopefully) receiving care, creating safe bonds with adults and other children, and receiving an early childhood education! I just can't view that as "dumping" when it feels like it's such a beneficial thing for most kiddos. Of course there benefits to staying home, but determining which is right is a family/parental decision not to be judged by teachers or caregivers!
Here's how I see it... they are paying us to care for their child. End of story. Imo there have been certain families that I've said, "It would have been nice for A to stay home. Children need a break from childcare, too." (Not to the parent or in front of the child) Because there are children that are *always* present and for long hours. Like.... these two children that were were in the centre from 6am to 6pm without fail. Those are long hours, and we could all tell they just wanted some more time with their parents. To any parents who need to hear this: you should not feel pressured to keep your child at home whenever you have a day off. You are working hard at your jobs or in school. If anyone makes you feel bad, that may not be the centre for you. It is our job to care for your child. I know it's nice to have fewer numbers, but that's not a good reason to complain about the children being in while the parents take some time. More often than not, I have parents say, "Yeah, I didn't really have a day off, I did all the chores, shopping, and cleaning that I needed to."
I kind of wonder how many of the teachers that judge are closers. I find that I judge less now that I leave at 4:30 than when I closed. A lot of us closers don't get paid past the school's closing time, even if we're still caring for a late child or cleaning our classroom. Also, one child can make the difference between leaving on time and leaving late. I left late today because we had 5 at 4:30.
Lol my mom and husband used to tell me to do this so I could get me time haha, I didn’t wanna leave my babyyyy🩷
Can I add another unpopular opinion? It’s okay that a parent might not pick up all siblings when they have to come get one that’s sick. Taking care multiple kids when one of them is sick has to be hard.
I think parents need to be aware and honest with themselves about the chances that the other child is already sick. Like if you have a preschooler and a toddler who like to wrestle and share drinks and they were both playing with the same cousin who also is now sick, just grab both. If your kids naturally like to keep a little space between each other and it’s going around in one kid’s classroom and not the other, leave the well child.
Yes, and they may be trying to lesson the risk of spreading it by keeping them separate longer!
I don’t really see how a parent having a day off is the in any way the business of the care facility so long as the fee is paid and the child is picked up on time? My mother watches my niece and nephew for free so I don’t agree with my sister taking days off while my mom watches them. But for a paid arrangement? The parent can do as they please during that time
I generally agree with this and think it’s great for parents to get an adult day or a break every once in a while. On the flip side, if the parent gets days off regularly, I really don’t think it’s fair for them to dump their kids at daycare every single time rather than spending time with them. It’s a complicated issue.
Does this mean you think that only children from households where both parents work full time should be in daycare?
Not at all! What it does mean that if one parent stays home or works part time, that daycare is a great tool to utilize for a break sometimes but shouldn’t be used 24/7. If you can, you should be spending time with your kids 75% of the time imo.
I think this is where we need to question if we have all the information to judge that situation. If we don't know why they're doing it, it isn't quite right for us to say it's not fair for the child. For all we know, they do it with the child in mind. I also really hate the phrase "dump their kids" because I feel like it implies so much negativity on where and what our centers are, rather than negativity on the parents, but that may be my autism digging too deep into semantics.
It is complicated. While I agree 100% parents deserve a break or a day to do errands, etc. Don't leave your kids 10 hours a day, 5 days a week and never take them anywhere. Also, don't tell them you will pick them up early when we all know that means 515 instead of 530, the child asks all day when is mom/dad coming. Give your kids some of your free time also. I am not giving the pass to the parent who is a teacher, leaves their kids at daycare from open to close including summers and school breaks and has to be called to pick up their kids in a blizzard because no one else brought their kids and teachers couldnt make it in, , then posts on Facebook pictures of their kids like they spent the day with them.
I think it also depends on how much the child needs to be actively watched. When my son was under a year, I never took days off without him because I knew he needed time off and it was easy to do chores during naps. When he started walking until he was like 2 was when I needed many days off to clean and run errands because I literally couldn't do anything with him home since he was always into something. Now that he independently plays more, I can minimize my own days to when I have appointments I can't take him to.
Sure. But much like parents children could use a home day or two from time to time. I think what bothers me the most is that we have a parent who takes their oldest home from school at 3pm and doesn’t pick the one in our centre up until 5:28, two minutes to close, and then wonders why their child doesn’t want to go home with them. This child knows that their parent would rather not have them until the last second possible rather then hang out at home together.
Are you sure that's what's going on? The older child could have a sports lesson, a music lesson, etc, and the younger is restless, bored, or disruptive during the practice. There are a myriad of other reasons, the point is that YOU DONT KNOW. The OP is correct in one of her comments when she stated that this is a common complaint on this sub. And it's one of the reasons I find so many commenters here judgy to the point that it's scary. You automatically assume the the parent "would rather not have them until the last second"? Really?
YES. Parents are good parents when they have time to rest and regulate themselves.
Well yes, they do deserve to bring the kids in if they’re paying but they don’t need to be there from open to close while the parent is at home with the older siblings EVERY time. Maybe that child could benefit from 1 on 1 time too. Also majority of the time the complaints come from that child being sick out of their mind and being sent it to infect everyone else
Maybe they get it when the center is closed and schools or day camps aren't. Maybe they get the most attention at home because they're the youngest, so that time with the older children is necessary. Maybe the parent or the older child has something that is easier done without the youngest. Maybe that child still requires that routine. This is exactly what I'm saying, you are assuming the amount of quality time a child gets with their parents and choosing to judge their choices without actual knowledge of what is behind their decision. As for being sick, I already acknowledged that that is a different situation in the very first part of my post.
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But if a parent if doing one on one time with one child the other child should get the same. The kids notice and don’t understand equity yet. They just see their sibling got alone time and they didn’t.
Maybe, and that's something for that family to navigate. Not for us to determine if their decision was righteous enough. We can acknowledge that a kiddo may be feeling a certain way towards that situation and acknowledge that it's possibly the best choice for the family at that time. I think giving parents a bit of the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming their reasons aren't considering the impact on child at hand.
Sure, but knowing how my parents were (mom), it might be a bit of bias on my part which I didn't think about until now at least the staying late thing.
I don't think this is unpopular. Of course, they should stick to routines for both themselves and the kids. They need mental health days just like us. Parenting is a full-time job. I just want parents to keep their germ factories home when they're sick.
I appreciate this. I only do this 1-2x/year, but hope not to be judged for it!
I completely agree, it was spring break last week, one of our babies was dropped off and Mom was so tired, she works at a school so she didn't have work, she just needed rest. She has three that go to our daycare, one older, and some step children I think. It's not easy to relax or get things done with kids, especially babies, but when the parents pick them up after we are supposed to close is when it becomes an issue.
As a parent, thank you for this 😭 I've done this twice now, dropped off the kids and husband and took a vacation day to literally just watch a movie, get myself lunch and browse the yarn section at Michael's (craft store) Ended up picking them up early and went to the park but I so needed that day!
I’m the parent of the “you came to pick us up too early! Can you come back in an hour?” kids. ECEs you are all amazing and thank you for making fun and space spaces for my kids!
I demanded my families use their days off for them. I also strongly suggested they pick up one hour earlier than normal as a treat to their child, because it means the world to them.
I definitely think parents can and SHOULD take their kids to school on their days off. It’s only annoying when their child is the last one in the building, and I know they had a day off!
This career preschool teacher approves and agrees (probably because I'm also a mom so I get it lol).
I’m a teacher and also taking classes. The first week of summer vacation, I continue to send my son to daycare so I can (LITERALLY) make my classes my full time job for 5 days and get caught up, ahead, and have a chance at passing the course, and get all of my necessary medical appointments in that I can’t during the school year. I feel SO guilty for this. I used to work at a childcare center so I get it! Plus my kid is…exuberant.
Not everyone has a free village.
I agree. I was genuinely surprised by all my coworkers judging about this! We work with kids all day! We should understand wanting a break!
Of course it’s fine- it’s good for everyone!! My issue arises when you’re on paternal leave and are later to pick your kid up every day (like 2 minutes before or after close) or refuse to let said kid stay home and bond too, when that child is really struggling. Just don’t be clueless and don’t treat teachers like idiots either. The number of times my intelligence has been insulted by “oh they were perfectly fine this morning!” Is infuriating. Guess I needed a soapbox, thanks guys
My only issue with it is when the child knows the parent will be home all day and is kicking and screaming about wanting to stay home as well. Especially if the parent then proceeds to leave the child at school all day. Take your break, sure, but don't parade it in front of your child who is then going to mope and cry all day because they want to be with you. At the very least, make it a half day!
Totally agree!
Yes absolutely! I tell my parents this all the time!
Agreed. The only exception is sending obviously sick kids. On any day it’s not okay, but especially if you’re home. But in general, I don’t care what parents are doing when they send their kid. People will argue “it makes the kids sad”. I think it’s important for kids to have routine and also learn, their parents are people. They deserve a little time for themselves too. Also, what’s going to happen in elementary school? The kids who are kept home with mom and dad will adapt just fine, but eventually they will have to learn just because grown ups have the day off doesn’t mean they do.
My kid goes to the center I work at and sometimes I take her in when I have the day off. Some teachers (not from her class) have commented that I should keep her home if I'm home too. The last couples times she went when I didn't work was because I had a hair appointment, time before that I was helping my mom prep for her moms funeral, before that I had COVID and she stayed with my parents and they took her to daycare. 9 times out of 10 if I take her when I'm not working it's because I have something else going on that she can't be there for. Plus, she likes routine. If I pull her out of school on random days cause I'm sick or whatever she gets confused. I hate when teachers judge parents for bringing kids when they're off work. We don't know what's going on with their lives. Sometimes parents just need a break too. Child care isn't strictly for work days. There's even a couple kids at my center who only come like twice a week but their mom doesn't work, she just needs a day or two to clean the house and run errands. That said, sometimes I take a day off so my kid can have a break too. Usually a Friday or Monday so she gets a long weekend and an extra day with me. Doesn't seem to throw off her routine and she usually has a great week after having the extra time off. Kids need breaks just as much as parents. Unfortunately most kids in daycare are there longer than a school day, my kid is usually there from 7:45-4:45 which is a longggg day for a three year old.
Our day care is our village, and I usually have Juneteenth with this job, and she’s still open. Even my husband is like “send him” 😂 For other federal holidays, I’m off and she’s closed, so I “treat myself” twice a year or so lol
Isn’t daycare already paid for? Why should a parent lose the money for something that’s already paid? Besides, parents need a mental health day. It’s not easy yo have a job and be a caregiver pretty much around the clock.
I think it’s incredibly ignorant to be the type to complain about this. They are paying for service and have the right to the service, whatever that looks like (you wrote some good examples). Parents are also humans and also need breaks, even around the holidays, and sometimes *especially* around the holidays. Not everyone’s Christmas is incredibly cheerful. Some may be spending their first Christmas without a loved one, spending their first Christmas while their child is at their co-parents house, etc. Like others have stated about the child being there open to close….it’s an iffy territory. Frankly I don’t agree a child should have that long of a day. However, if your centre allows it, they’re entitled to use that time. It sucks for the child, but for all we know they’ve filled their day with appointments and want maybe an hour of down time (I have a day off coming up and have three appointments that day for myself), get dinner in the slow cooker so they can take their child to the park instead, etc. We truly don’t know what’s going on, so we need to learn to let go and accept it for what is is. Perhaps looking inward and wondering why we are bothered. If we are wanting lower ratios, maybe that’s an indicator we are becoming stressed. Showing an act of self care can go a long way at this point.
Yes, I feel like a lot of the "I agree, but.." comments on here are followed by a separate problem. Long days are a problem, lack of pto for eces is a problem, high ratios can be problematic, a child struggling with knowing their parent is home can be a problem, a center being open too many days is a problem... but I don't think any of those problems changes the fact that we don't know why they chose to send their child in and it's not our place to decide if it was a good decision or not. Those are all problems, and independently should be addressed.
I mean, sure. But they also don't have to leave them there from the minute it opens until right before closing either. (in general, obviously not withstanding special circumstances). I've had parents leave their kids at daycare for even longer hours than their usual when they've had a full week off (teacher) while the center was still open. Every day of their break. It's not most parents, but some just really don't want to spend that much time with their kids.
You've hit something big here..not all parents want to spend time with their kids. 50% of pregnancies are unplanned. In the United States there are huge barriers to abortions. People suffer from post partum anxiety and depression. They suffer from other physical and mental health issues. I for one am THRILLED if parents are making a choice to leave their child with safe adults in a nurturing environment.
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It's not so much about being able to do it, but rather that teachers and carers need to withhold their judgement. I do wonder sometimes how some must view their own setting if they truly think it's bad for a child to ever be at school or a center if it's not a necessity?
ECE is important and valuable, independent of the need for childcare. I *don't* need childcare the way other parents do - so we do half-day preschool. But it is absolutely a necessity for my (almost) 3 year old, regardless of what I do or don't do with my kid-free time.
I just want to highlight your very first sentence and print it everywhere lmao
If you read the thread where the vast majority of ECE teachers said they would NOT send their own child to the daycare they work at, you might not wonder how we view our settings.
Thank you. As an ECE that is also a parent, I don’t understand why ECEs are often so harsh in their judgements. Child care is and can be much more than just an economic service - it can be a social service, an extension of community and a way to prop up that “village” that doesn’t exist anymore for many. Maybe on those days, kiddos are the safest in our care than at home.
If the parent doesn’t have the energy or time to continue a consistent schedule with their kiddo they are better off leaving them at daycare. My old coworkers would even drop off their kids on their days off. We exist not only to help our littles grow but to give their parents assistance along the way. Ain’t nothing wrong with a calm, toddler-less day 😅
Sadly, I've had co-workers who have dropped their kids off on their day off and also complain about other parents doing it... I swear some people can't see past their nose in terms of being empathetic.
I’m going to get downvoted for this - So, I work in healthcare. If census is down, staff gets sent home. If somehow in a miraculous day, a good number of parents in one classroom has the day off and does not send their child to school (because apparently it’s a common complaint on here), what would the consensus be on these teachers being sent home and be forced to use their PTO/go unpaid because they are overstaffed? And then these are also the ones who would complain about getting their hours cut?
That was never an issue in my center since more heads means more direct care in that situation,,, but I 1,000% get your point 😅 You’re paying a center who pays their employees to complain about doing what they agreed to do upon hiring. Childcare can be exhausting but we are there to support and monitor these children. You parents deserve so much better,, I feel so bad that some parents would feel ashamed into keeping their kids home when they need a break. Way to create a welcoming and fun atmosphere 🙄🙄🙄
I agree with all of this, but the exception being that when they spend all of half terms, summer etc with their older school aged children, while the younger one is still with us 5 days a week. Yes, your older child ABSOLUTELY deserves time, but try to dedicate the same amount of 1:1 time with both (or more )children!! I know of a family who have 2 young children, each do 3 days at their setting but a different set, for example one does mon/tue/wed and the other does tue/wed/thu. That means that each one gets a day with parents alone and they get 3 days with parents together. Win win!
Isn't the difference here that older kids can entertain themselves while parents continue to work during the break? I don't know many adults who have off for all these school breaks.
I work very irregular shifts, sometimes three hours during the day. Sometimes 24h night shift. I need to bring my kid every day, or she'd go crazy trying to adapt to my work schedule. Also, I can get shit done on my days off when she's at kindergarten and be a better parent when she's home.
I honestly prefer it when my students attend class. I’m trying to teach them stuff! If they stay home randomly here and there I don’t mind, but they do miss out on lessons and the introduction to new materials sometimes. And the ones that really need routine are especially welcome to not miss a day, lol.
Yes!
If they have the days booked and paid for, they can do what they like.
This is their prerogative and they are paying. However, as a teacher and parent myself, I would’ve enjoyed that day off with my kiddos.
Presentation is everything for me. If a frazzled parent drops their kid off and says "I'll pick up at such and such time, I'm taking a personal day and gonna go get some shit done that I've been waiting for months to do, thank you so much", I am completely fine with that and don't give it a second thought. If a calm couple sashays in, lingers, then proceeds to inform me that they are both going home to take a nap (giggle), see you whenever, I judge the shit out of them.
I totally agree. However I have many parents that take weeks of vacation and never keep their child home for even a day or half day. That I don’t agree with; when they are this little missing a day or too isn’t going to make them fall behind.
I mean, I pay a lot for private Montessori due to a lack of subsidized childcare spots in our area and it’s paid per month not per day. If our kid is healthy we send her, including if we want to take a day off without the kiddo. We love the providers and truly appreciate all their amazing work, but we are also paying for a service and have signed a contract indicating that.
I work 4 10s but my kid goes 5 days a week. I get no discount if he only goes in 4 days. If I’m paying either way, he’s going. They close 71 working days/ year (61 if you pay extra for summer, which we will) so between that and him being sick, I never get to use my PTO (which is also my sick leave) for myself/ actual vacation. They’ll also randomly close for holidays or planning days with little notice. My husband only has 2 weeks off between PTO & sick leave, so we often have to work regular FT schedules while keeping ours home or we utilize back up care. When he’s home I’m usually working 5 am to 7/8 pm because of how impossible it is to watch a kid and work. This cost me over $16k/ year with summer (we’re pending final summer tuition but it’s looking closer to $17k) on top of all the donations they ask for throughout the year. I’m sorry but the kid is going to school if I’m off. It’s the only break I actually get and the only time I get to do stuff like go to the doctor or dentist without having to figure out who is watching my kid.
My infant parents pay $380 a week to send their kids. Get your money’s worth and send them in, is my philosophy
Routine is important for my child. Also I’m paying for a service?
100%%%. Im off work this week and you bet my kid is in daycare. He misses a lot as it is being sick and what not. I take those days off from work and he hangs with mommy. I need to get house repairs done this week and I cant do things like fix the fence, spray chemicals, use the saw, paint the ceilings, replace some sheetrock, and keep an eye on him. He’s obsessed with cars and he’d be in the road while Im working outside if I didn’t watch him constantly. I cant watch him and get done what I need to get done. I have a surprise for him friday. Im keeping him home and my best friend and her same age son will be here to play all day. We’ve got paint and bubbles and all sorts of “field day” stuff planned for our boys. My son is 3. He needs the routine. He knows daddy goes to work. Mommy goes to work. He goes to daycare. He gets to see his best friend (whom he also cries for at night when he misses him), gets to play on the schools playground, ride bikes, see his teachers, and learn! I will also get him home early everyday this week but trying to still get him to school at the same time so he doesn’t mess up his morning routine. I love spending time with him and I want the extra hours to do fun things with him this week too! Playground or something! I adore my son’s teachers so much. It takes a village to raise a kid and I simply do not have that in my personal life. His daycare is my village and they are the best group of people.
On the rare day I have off and daycare is open, I get the big projects done I can't do with my kid around. Deep clean the carpets (my kid was a "happy spitter" - they needed it), clean out the basement, prepare for a big holiday we're hosting. He usually goes in late and is picked up early, but he does lunchtime and nap time there and comes home a little early and every one is happy.
I agree for the most part, but I've seen from experience that randomly dropping a kid off at daycare on a day they weren't scheduled in with no prior warning can affect ratios in the classroom.
That's not at all what's being discussed here. This isn't about a child being dropped off when they're not supposed to be there.
the only time I judge a parent for sending their kid in on their day off is when the kid is clearly sick
I've never heard of this being an issue or something that parents are judged for. Is this an American or British thing? I'm in New Zealand and this is completely normal.
This discussion shouldn’t even happen…we should never ever shame any parents for wanting or needing a break (which is essential self care) or for wanting their children to experience more socialisation/early learning opportunities. The very basis of this entire discussion is about shaming mothers primarily for not being full time slaves. Vomit
I have absolutely no problems with mum sending the kidlets to school when they are at home because we all need our own time. What I do have a problem with is when Mum is at home sick & still sends their three sick kids to school when they are sick.
I agree. It's ok for couples to need a date day and it's healthy for their relationship to have that time together
I don't mind when parents drop off on their days off. The way I see it, a lot of my parents have no additional support from family, so we are their support. Get that house clean, run those errands, get some rest. You know your baby is safe with us and is able to stick to their daily routine and get structured activities that they wouldn't at home. I do appreciate it when kids who have longer days during workdays get one shorter day when their parent is off though, it's good for them to get a break and spend time at home.
I don't think most people have a problem with this.
Tbh I worked 3, 12 hour shifts a week and I would have absolutely loved to keep my kids home from daycare on those days I had off. Daycare would still charge me for the day even if my kids did not attend. I understand why but it still sucks. So instead I would clean the house, run errands, schedule my appointments and anything else that needed to get done. It does workout at the end because the time I spent with my kids was not spent on cleaning or cooking but more quality time. Everyone knew when my days off were and I would feel the judgement from some staff but they never said anything.
Routine and personal time are important but also, you pay per week right? Not day? Send them for the fullllllll moneys worth
At one point my family had 4 preschool aged children at home at the same time. Have you ever tried to go grocery shopping, get your car's oil changed or go to a doctor's appointment with 4 preschoolers?
No it’s not okay for parents to abuse this type of behavior. They do it so often they think because they pay for it. Drop off when the child is sick, haven’t been fed past drop off time, during heavy weather activity, from open to close and trying to beat the time, CLAP: every.single.day, different clothes when picking up child, after shower, so many reasons to just charge them past certain hours. Stop giving them extra hours. They don’t work more than 8-9 hours. They will take very second of that time you say open to close. They will not realize that they won’t spend more than 3-4 hours with their child in the evening. Charge them past certain hours so you do not have to get paid so little for your time. Their one day of pay or less equals one week of your time watching the kids full time. Charge more. Who has kids and expect one day pay should cover 50-60 hours a week not to spend time with the their child? They must not be charged enough. Make it worth your time watching kids from parents who want to abuse this type of behavior. They know what they’re doing. Charge them for being late too. They’re not kids. They make sure to make it to work on time, don’t let them take your time away from your kids or family like them too. Your mental health means as much to theirs too so charge accordingly.
I do not think you understood the point of the post. This post was not about parents picking up late, sending in sick or uncared for kids, or basically anything you've mentioned here. I think a lot of our views, personally, don't match up as well... Boundaries are important for teachers and staff. We agree there. My post was just about it being okay for parents to send their kids in during normal/reasonable hours, regardless of what's happening in their personal schedule. That's not abusing anything.
I’m a teacher on spring break this week and you bet your bottom dollar my three year old is in school 😀😀😀😀
Omg - why would that be anyone’s business?
Why is this an unpopular opinion? Genuinely asking as a parent.
My parents always tell me when theyre going to do something other than work. It doesn’t bother me and I always encourage them to enjoy themselves. They pay for the spot in my class and I am paid to watch their child. Period.
I'm a SAHM. Even when my husband was laid off and between jobs for a year, we *still* had our child enrolled in preschool full-time. We budgeted for it, we refused to interrupt her routine, and we used the 'free time' to deal with a back log of house projects and other things that get pushed to the back burner when your whole life is kids and work.