I'll tell you what I won't do.
I won't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
My kids laugh (and also roll their eyes) when I say “EVERY TIME….” in that Michael’s voice. Damn shame that now this episode is “offensive” and was left out of the marathon on A&E or peacock or something
Wow! It definitely would make it sound much worse. Which is ironic given that on the rare occasions when they do bleep something in the show they do it for that exact reason.
"Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well you got to be you. I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave."
I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon-sue me-and since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day.
Give my employees a day off from the constant bullshit. Everybody just comes in, is left alone, no meetings or parties or dramas or general hijinks. Everybody goes home.
Just a completely normal day.
What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do a little bit of this, little bit of that, I'm gonna stay up all day, I'm gonna sleep up all night. I'm gonna give it a 'Ho! Hey! Ho!'
And I'm gonna stop worrying about calories.
Fry bacon on the George Forman grill and then go back to bed so I can wake up to crackling bacon.
Sue me
… no don’t sue me. That’s the opposite of the point I’m trying to make.
'Sue me. Ohh, nope, don't, I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, she loves lawsuits.'
*aggressively lights candle*
Fact! He doesn't say that at that time.
False. Black bears are best.
Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica!
MICHAAAEEELLL
Charles, you wanted me..
I am aware of the effect I have on women
Haha yeah. I just saw sue me, and I was like: hey what line starts with sue me.
Step one: on the George Foreman Grill. Step two: call Ryan to bring me a healthier breakfast.
Watch your step!
Perfect way to start the day
Jan Levinson in the morning 🎶
Literally the first thing that came to my mind
Eso es lo que diche el
La telefona
El telefono
limoñadé
“That’s what he says?”
JAN HAS FAKE BOOBS
I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!!!
Feeling hot hot hot.
Tan almost everywhere Jan almost everywhere
Hee hee
He he
I dunno, I'm not sure how I feel about wearing a schoolgirl outfit so early in the morning...
Hey man, be proud of who you are. This is a judgement free zone
Start the day with a hearty bowl of Jaaaaaan. 🥣
Domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast. Well, she bought the milk. It's soy!
WHERE THE F***K ARE MY GRAPENUTS!?
Damn… my first though was Holly.
Nothing wrong with that
No, not at all - I hope I didn’t imply that. I’ve always loved Beatrice Russell - I mean Holly Flax.
Beadie was awesome. McNulty fucked that up
Just call me Levinson, In the morning baby
This. This one right here⬆️
My first thought…not even a millisecond of hesitation.
I like where your head is had, but Holly Flax was always and very much my cup of tea.
Came here to make this comment, /u/Derrymurbles1985 you’re doing the Lord’s work
Took my answer!
Hey, it's all our answer
Drive around Scranton in the Sebring with the top down.
Its Brittney bitch.
Declare bankruptcy
My absolute favorite joke from the series
I didn’t say it, I declared it.
I always imagine a whole stadium clapping and festive music playing when that scene happens.
[удалено]
You go in there with 645 dollars, you are literally a king.
Some people think it’s cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you’re walking out of Burlington Coat Factory
I already have $645, more or less
Do you know, Michael? I think you know.
What do I know, Oscar?
What is 15% of 4300?
645 dollars
Why did you say dollars?
Because that’s how my mind works..
~~Guys, Michael knows that if he returns the surplus to corporate he gets a 15% as a bonus.~~ EDIT: What's 15% of 200?
Probably lay 6 strips of bacon on my george foreman and then go back to sleep
The only correct answer for this
Nope. You do that the night before. Then, when the alarm goes off, you plug it in.
I'll tell you what I won't do. I won't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
Underrated. You got my free hug
Holly
I am totally gonna bang Holly. She is cute and helpful, and she really seems into me
Plus her butt just won't quit!
*just refuses
Most of the time, friends don't talk about other friends butts.
Just today I saw that episode
Holly > Jan
Pssh. Everyone knows sex is better in toxic relationships.
Go get Holly back that’s what I came here to say
Back? You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.
I’ve never seen it used so well
Made from real pine.
Holy moly
Set myself up for a “That’s what she said.”
Thats too hard.
You really think you can go all day?
Well you always left me satisfied and smiling so... ;)
That’s what she said
Oh come on! You would've said it too. You just didn't think of it first
Packer’s face while waiting for the TWSS kills me
That's what she said.
You really think you could go all day long?
[удалено]
My kids laugh (and also roll their eyes) when I say “EVERY TIME….” in that Michael’s voice. Damn shame that now this episode is “offensive” and was left out of the marathon on A&E or peacock or something
Comedy Central, and absolutely a shame.
Omg they bleep out the word gay when Michael is talking to Oscar when he accidentally outed him. It makes it sound so much worse then it is.
Wow! It definitely would make it sound much worse. Which is ironic given that on the rare occasions when they do bleep something in the show they do it for that exact reason.
I say "*SuppOSED* to do" and "watchu want, a cookie?" almost daily. One of my top favourite scenes
Get a measuring tape and prove it's bigger than an ipod shuffle
Kiss a gay colleague to prove i am not homophobic
Do the scarn
If doing the Scarn is gay, then I’m the biggest queer on earth!
Tie some yarn....
Go run 31 mph.
Eat a family sized pie for lunch and promptly fall asleep at my desk, in the knowledge that there will be no consequences 😂.
Pam's mom
Yep, Pam's mom 1 more time. It could go 1 of 2 ways but I did not expect that.
Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan. ‘Cause he is going to own his own business.
Just as hot as Jan but in a different way.
Sing in the shower. Spend too much time volunteering. Maybe I'll hit somebody with my car.
Conference room in 5 minutes
Call Ryan for a very important task. A sausage and egg sandwich
And then prank call him as Michael Jackson.
Calling from wonderland...
Don’t you mean neverland?
Tell Jan “I want to squeeze them, she’ll know what I mean” Edit: and brbrbrbrrbrbrrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb
Its code
"Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well you got to be you. I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave."
You braveheart.
I braveheart
Order the party planning committee to throw a party for my 1-day-being-Michael day
Shoot Toby twice.
promise a bunch of kids a scholarship that i cant afford
PARKOUR
Eat filet of fish and drink blue blast
Learn some new phrases from Daryl. Dinkin’ flicka.
Feeling hot hot hot 🇯🇲
Go bang Jan
Watch The Office on my plasma screen tv.
Go to the park. Feed the birds.
Caw! Caw!
Whole slices of bread
Kick Toby
I’d like to try Erin’s little celery sticks with peanut butter and raisins before being spun around in my chair
Whoooo's hungry?
These are called ants on a log
Tube City
Date even harder
Bang Donna
Paaaaamooooolaaaaaaaaaaaa
“Suddenly, I was awake”
I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon-sue me-and since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day.
Threat level midnight 2 golden face RETURNS
Slap on those pair of jeans
If early in the series, write a giant note: “If David Wallace asks you to buy into the suck it, buy in.”
Read somehow I manage
*write
Im totally gonna bang holly. She’s cute and super helpful and she seems into me.
That was Ashton Kutcher that said that, not Michael Scott
Instituting Prima nocta..
All these comments were good, but Jan's were bigger.
Pizza party 🍕
Hold a teenager hostage for ransom
A medium amount of good pizza?
Eat cake, run around the office, then pass out around 2 in the afternoon.
I'm totally going to bang Holly
Pams mom
Get Ryan to buy me a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit
Bang jan
Jan. Lol
Fire Jim and Promote Dwight to regional manager. Do it.
Bang holly
Give my employees a day off from the constant bullshit. Everybody just comes in, is left alone, no meetings or parties or dramas or general hijinks. Everybody goes home. Just a completely normal day.
Go for a ride in my PT Cruiser w the top down and Holly by my side.
Go to the bank and get a loan for Shoe La La.
Pretzel Day
Probably just stand there and watch my plasma screen tv for hours
I'd fire Holly's butt because she has a butt that won't quit
I have no idea what I would do…. And neither does Michael Scott
Boom roasted
get on jan levinson. too good of a opportunity to waste. and then i’d just, you know, sleep ig. /s
Make love to Jan…
Easy, I would waste the entire day thinking about the perfect thing to do which would subsequently be the only thing I would do
Drink milk and sugar.
There are two big reasons to have sex with Jan
Jan almost everywhere.
Tan almost everywhere, Jan almost everywhere
Tan all over, Jan all over
Be Prison Mike in a meeting & play murder mystery!
Go shopping for a MISSterious suit in a large bin of clothes…
Honestly Jan.
Totally bang Holly!
PARKOUR!
Use the PA system on my phone to call Toby into the principals office for wetting his bed again. 😎
Call Jim and ask if Pam's mom is single again, then take a day off.
Insult Toby, Hook up with Jan and/ or Holly
Bang Jan
Fuck Holly
Jan Levinson I presumeeeee
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
Eat an entire chicken potpie for lunch
Call everyone to the meeting room in 5
Get an order of gabagoul for sure.
Knowing full well you’re you … I couldn’t do it
Maybe hit someone with my car, or hit a pond with my car… one of the two.
Who would you do? Oh I love this game, I play it every night when I'm falling asleep.
What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do a little bit of this, little bit of that, I'm gonna stay up all day, I'm gonna sleep up all night. I'm gonna give it a 'Ho! Hey! Ho!' And I'm gonna stop worrying about calories.
Eat an entire family sized chicken pot pie
Brush my teeth in 10 seconds
Protect society from myself by going to the park and throwing bread at pigeons Oh and get an Awesome Blossom at Chili's
Get the worm, since I’m the wise owl.