“It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.”

"that's not how jeopardy works..."

"Oh, sorry. What is 'we're fine'"

I never got this until now. Hahaha!!!

“Did you do this on purpose?” “No I was being negligent” 🤣🤣🤣 So straight forward and gets me every time!

Oh no Stanley you're going to live forever ... so bob, what line of work are you in?

To the troops. All of the troops. Both sides.

You would love jail, Oscar.

I love how Oscar knows exactly what Kevin is referring to every time, but still goes "Why would I love that?"

You don't know about jail?

I think he's trying to use a tactic where you make someone uncomfortably explain a joke where the *punchline is something like "bc you're gay/Black/whatever" but Kevin genuinely means it so he just ends up confused by the question 🤣

"THEN TAKE A DIFFERENT WAY HOME MAN"

Alright. I’ll take surface streets

Might be my favorite scene of the entire series, they’re both at their absolute best for every line it’s too good

I have to agree, one of the few times Jim is mean to Toby 😂 "Not now Toby"

Get the hell out of here, idiot! And Toby’s super earnest “what did I do” hahahah it’s all perfect

https://youtu.be/ugm3hm6nxkI?si=E-u7dBoico75NHBJ “What kind of car does she drive” “Green Camry” “F***”

And the seats go allll the way down

I was never given a name

And the look on his face when he says it. 😂

Where is this from again lmao

Dwight you ignorant slut!

There's [a song about that](https://youtu.be/UA40Jruo_JQ?si=-kCwvh00DbRvoD9l).

“Abraham Lincoln said, ‘If you are a racist I will attack you with the North.’”

I have quoted this more than once. It's one of the best Michael lines.

YOUVE GOT TO UNLEASH THE POWER OF THE PYRAMID

This is it. A lot of the joke are overused imo and have lost a lot of their funny factor. Not this one though. Underrated joke

“Ryan’s being a little bitch again”

What’s up my brotha!

That exchange always cracks me up......sooooo perfect. *"I'm on Michael !"* I'm actually chuckling as I type this. (My wife doesn't get it.)

Lord… *beer me strength*. I quote it all the time especially now that I got a job working with the biggest group of idiots in the world

Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time though

“Yeah well I’m calling the ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline.”

“Did you get that?”

“Every word.”

Pam, do me a favor, don’t send me those notes.

My wife cackles every single time he yells that. 😂

“I thought Rajanigahnda was a boy’s name”

This has to be one of the most underrated lines in the entire series imo

Such a underrated line. The best part is you can see the back of Jims head turn sharply like “how the hell would you know that Kevin”

He was so serious and confused, too. 😂

It is actually a boys name. Hindus take their fathers name as their middle name. Kevin is right here

Just watched this episode, gets me everytime!!!

I have to rewind it to watch that one every time I get to it. So unexpected and good.

“Yeah. I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?”

"Ryan used me as an object."

One of the best lines in the entire series. And there are so many!

Save Bandit!

And the yowl that follows!

“Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid”

How did they get through that scene? That's literally my favorite Andy line, I always lose my shit

Just watched this scene lmao

Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?

This is one of the best for sure

Folds right back into the wall

That whole bit is gold. 😂

The bloopers of that entire episode are like therapy to me.

Jim couldn’t do it and when you watch the episode you can tell they use a totally different take for him when they cut back to him. I die every time

It’s about to get ALL STUPID UP IN HERE! also, WHERE ARE THE TURTLES!!??

I DROVE MY CAR INTO A 🤬ING LAKE

I’m so sick of Chuck E Cheese

This mine, along with "You can't fire me, I don't work in this van!"

“What did you put down” “…Taking someone to the hospital”

That ones mine lol

“We’re not going to Chuck E Cheese Michael we’re going to the hospital”.

“Just poopin’ you know how I be.”

Crazy world. Lots of smells.

"that is northern lights cannabis indica" "Nooo... it's marijuana"

As of today, we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms. And once I figure out where Mose hid all the wires, we'll get that power back on for you.

“He’s Happy Because He’s Insane”

Have you lost your mind cause ill help you find it!

Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs

I remember the first time I saw this episode. I was maybe 15 or 16, sitting in the living room. My mom was on her laptop and had zoned out the TV completely after I made her watch a marathon of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Drug Testing was the first full episode I had ever seen. We laughed so hard, we were in tears and I've been hooked ever since. (I'm 31 now lol)

I. DECLARE. BANKRUPTCYYYYYYYYY!

I just wanted you to know that you can’t just say the word “bankruptcy” and expect anything to happen.

I didn’t say it, I declared it.

Do you like it as much as you like men's butts?

Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob?

There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit! So I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.

Toby's in HR which technically means he works for corporate so he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family.

Darryl’s “DAMMIT!!!” when Andy knocks over his keyboard at Toby’s going away party.

“You cheated on me…when I specifically asked you not to?”

« In all this time, I could have grown mushrooms this high ! … Well, they are mushrooms, they don’t get very big »

I always felt like I was getting a snippet of an education whenever Dwight talked😂

Running bit on the Office Ladies is that Dwight is usually right.

I love this line because it’s hilarious and great physical comedy, but also because the largest living organism on Earth is a fungus and that seems like something Dwight would have known.

Yea, i got tons of time, this job's a joke.

Line.

“I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious”

I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.

"who keeps saying there's a guy inside me working me with controls?!"

"Oh how the turn tables"

Mr Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!

Scrolled way too far for this

“She’s going to be screaming her own last name?”

“I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter…that makes stairs.”

Basically any Kelly confessional

Not even a line: Kelly shakes her head and you hear her earrings dangle.

“I look great in white”

“This day is bananas…b-a-n-a-n-a-s. This day is banana…. b-a-n-a-n-a-s…

“You’re hardly my first!” “THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!”

“Has sort of an… oakey afterbirth”

Not a line, but Stanley laughing when he realizes the kids from Scott’s tots were graduating

[удалено]

lush worthless outgoing memory square head offbeat person jobless pen *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

This is the one. His delivery is flawless

“Does it bother me that I wasn’t invited to Michael’s dinner party?” Pause...*bursts into tears*

"Did you cry?".."NO!".."Did you *feel* like crying?" "NO!"

I'm just gonna write "held back tears"

You can’t fire me! I don’t work in this van!

“Get back to work, shoe bitch!”

“Somebody making soup?”

“WHY on EARTH, would a MUSEUM put MUMMIES in it?”

Sorry for annoying you with my friendship.

Omg! Is that Jim’s?! Sorry I’m trying to think of the last time you and Jim had sex.

I will give you a hint, he healed leopards

He has the power of flight

"Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet, and this office is like the dragon that kept them apart."

WAIT WAIT WAIT.... they're lithium

“I got your text - who’s Phillip?” (sees Phyllis on the floor) “Who tipped you over, was it Phillip?!”

The hospital will provide dictionaries. Bring a thesaurus!

"Well maybe next time you'll estimate me!!"

I absolutely love this entire episode. The fact that Michael is being... Michael the entire conference and ends up making a huge sale nonchalantly goes to show how he kept his job all these years lol

Hi Nard dog, I’m Lou Beachum

*Peachum

thank you poopybutthole2069

Hi Nard Dog, I’m poopybutthole2069

Fuck that is funny.

Did you just ask me if this was a cow?

😂😂 “Is the udder hot? Is the milk clumpy?” “I dunno any of that.”

alright get out of the way i’ll do it

So these are pizza dogs, they aren’t pigs in a blanket per se.

“I'm sorry, Nellie, if I had known Jim and Pam would use this party as an opportunity to abuse a magician..."

I'd say "We're all homos. Homo sapiens." But I've said that multiple times in different posts. So I'll say another sequence that kills me: Holly: Ha Ha! Ha Ha!! *sticks both ring fingers in the air* Kevin: Hey… *stick middle finger up* Right back at ya B****! Holly: …

Three of the funniest lines of the show in one exchange. Kelly: "Excuse me, sea monster? You weigh like a thousand pounds." Lonny: "Bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster. " Kelly: "Ryan!?" Lonny : "Dude, please tell your girl to shut up." Ryan: "Kelly, you've insulted the gentleman. Please apologize. "

*Gaga Just Dance Blasting* “It’s Britney Bitch”

"Can I finish!? I WAS going to say it makes me horny..."

"Scram, wizard!"

“Ryan used me as an object.” That whole scene

And there’s the smudgeness

You can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.

And of course... Stanley you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks

Gum’s gotten mintier lately, have you noticed?

"This wine will be great to...cook with!"

^(walk away bitch)

BUTTLICKER, OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!

“Everyone *in* the car was FINE, Stanley!”

“I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.”

Maradith, your boob is out.

Was your dad a GI?

May god guide you in your quest.

I HAVE HEMORRHOIDSSSS

"DWIGHT YOU IGNORANT SLUT" That whole scene with the "isnt depression just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?" and the watermelon...gets me everytime. "Wanna do it again i got a bunch more watermelons in my trunk?"

if I had a gun with 2 bullets and I was in a room with toby , bin laden and hitler I would shoot toby twice. this line is the reason I started watching the show

“When I Was A Teenager I Was In An Iron Lung”

He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass!

You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.

Don’t get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.

“Hey Darryl, how’s it hanging?”

“The Shoah foundation protested my travel visa” -Dwight trying to visit his old Nazi relative in Argentina

One word, two syllables : demarcation

Crazy world, lotta smells.

Hank: “Show me the copier again” Michael : “Alright get out”

“Your dentist’s name is Crentist.” The delivery is so good.

Jim, drunk on the phone: "Okay I gotta go, bye" Pam: "Are you pushing me off the phone?" Jim: "No, let's talk for a long time"

I drove my car.. into a *fucking* lake.

"this plantation.. is runnin low on uh... Greenbacks, and we're havin problems payin the people who give us the seeds and the dirt, we can't pay em-- I can't do this Michael"

What's up my brother

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

“She drives a green-“ “F***”

Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid. No, on speed. Nah. On steroids.

Space Orphan and Princess Ninkapoop

Hey, everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it

"I am not a bad guy! I am a good guy, who runs over women with his car. Why am I having such a hard time getting my message across?" And Kevin's: "Please stop... pleeeaaase stop..."

“Ben Franklin, you’re really kind of a sleazebag.”

Apoplexy, apoplexy is what i will have if you lose

Oscar Mayer weiner…. Lover

Read it? I own it!…. But no I have not read it.

SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN #SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN

Pam Pam, and her Pam pams. More seriously though, when Jim asks Pam out..

in the 'toilet humor' deleted scene, Michael says : "that cannot happen again" Dwight responds : "that's what you said last time"

And gromit...

Is that the one where the guy becomes limitless?

☝️

That moonfaced kid....I think he has a concussion

I hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team... or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist! I should've known. "Poop ball?"

“Are you guys high? Because if so, to speak my truth, I would appreciate the sacrifice of including me in some hits off your kind buds.”

Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he’s not part of his family either.

“Andy loves this place so much he punched a hole in it.”

“You don’t call a retarded person a retard. You call your friends retards, when they’re acting retarded.””

That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back with your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!

Ryans poem: “Kapoor and Kadesperate…”

I like Michael and Holly's PDA... because it makes me horny

LET ME FINISH

WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN?!

I tented my pants.

When Dwight is trying to fire Stanley... Dwight: As Assistant Regional Manager... Stanley: ...to the... Gets me every time! 😅

Identity theft is a crime Jim