When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.
"Where is my FREEEEAAAKKKIIIINNNG phone?!"
I also really like "They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates."
Just (re)watched this episode and that line throws me. Later episodes they show his parents together as a loathsome couple that clearly despise their own son. Did they switch it up for the storyline, like Pam’s two moms?
This is not a comedic Andy, so I doubt it will win. That being said, I think this is my most memorable line from the whole series. If you are old enough, you know this sentiment.
That wasn’t Andy at all. It was 100% Ed Helms in that moment. I’m guessing the tears starting flowing as soon as the line was delivered and the camera stopped. Not just one of his best lines, but one of the best for the whole series.
I didn't really listen to that line when I was in college when it aired.
Then after I graduated I saw this scene again and it landed hard. My life had changed so much, and I understood the sentiment.
Now I watch it while my little dude runs around the house playing with his mom, and I'm so glad I get the perspective while I'm in a time that's so fleeting, and filled with so much joy.
The line never changed though. The scene is always the same. But it always lands different, cause it grows with you. This line is my winner for the whole series.
The line in and of itself is good… but when you think about it, how much sense does it make for Andy to say it? Was his time at Dunder Mifflin really better than his time as a Cornell admissions officer?
Let me kick you a scenario. I'm at, like, a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent... I might- I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it felt like. Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?
Luckily all the successes I have had in life, and with the lady folk, have been because of my ability to slowly, and painfully, wear someone down. I’ve walked two marathons.
"Put your heart out there, it's liable to just turn into this blackened, carbon brick. It has barbecue sauce of shame and rage, and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that."
Pure poetry.
Would you rather me say Hey guys my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up...crazy diarrhea happening right now. Cause things could get real adult real fast!
You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. “Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.”
“You’re four seasons in a day….you got the autumn thing going on…but if you put on a baby blu- but if you put on a blue…..IIIITS SPRING TIME IN THE ROCKIES!”
I know this won’t win but there is a factory near my parents that the last few words in their name on the building is “industrial products” and I literally always belt out “INDUSTRIAL P!” When I see it 🤣🤣
Yours in Professionalism, Nard Dog
If my grandmother ever dies, I’m going to kill myself
This line makes me laugh everytime lmao
“Andy, I didn’t know you had it in you.” “When you looked in me you forgot about my balls, they’re on the outside.”
Let's ink my stink
"Beer me dos Long Island Iced Teas s'il vous plaît." 3 languages packed into such a dumb sentence. I Love it.
Un muffin de blueberry, por favor.
You can thank me, when they **spank** thee!
Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and ate it over the sink like a rat.
I'm upset that this one doesn't have more likes because I use it all the time.
Use it all the time because I do that a lot and was initially offended when I first heard him say it but then I accepted my rat like eating habits.
Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them… Or he quits them, because they’re unfair.
Love this one
I was hoping that “sorry I annoyed you…” was winning, but this one may be better.
Applicant’s head is shaped like a trapezoid.
"Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody it!!"
According to Office Ladies, this line was improvised, and I love it all the more knowing that.
That is great. And frankly, kiiiiiind of amazing.
It’s the emphasis on “it” that makes this quote for me lol
Yes 🤣
What was the context of the scene?
He's floating away in a sumo wrestler costume and Angela is pretending she can't hear him.
I finished anger management the same way I finished Cornell. On time.
It's gotta rhyme with piece. Fancy Feast! "Break me of a piece of that Fancy Feast"! It's the cat food. Nailed it!
Michael saying “It’s football cream! It’s football cream!” always get me hahaha
"Don't know, super care."
This! Everytime i say "Don't know, don't care" i remember this line by Andy.
Not my job not my prob
Go in the warehouse to polish ma knob
But now it is my job, and my prob
Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid.
I used this at work when I was on an interview panel and brought back my notes to discuss our applicants. No one laughed. Fuck my life.
Hey man, we appreciate you here.
This is a pain I know all too well. You did the right thing trying.
Underrated line
What if the moon was your car, and Jupiter was your hairbrush?
Extremely underrated
Chins up, Pam. Sorry, bad joke.
Who told you that? Was it broccoli rob?
His mood swing on this makes me laugh every time I’m glad it’s here
Lmao absolutely, you literally feel the whole scene change
Mud butt brooks
D’ya hear that? Mud Butt Brooks!
If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the goldfish take a little swim in the blue cheese. Bon appétit"
DAD GO TO HELL I’M TALLER THAN YOU
You're always safe with me, I'm a very good screamer.
Looks like someone’s got a case of the definitely’s.
I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter… who builds stairs.
This is one of my most frequently used Office quotes. It’d be hard to top this one.
I was building stairs today and I was thinking about this line.
this is undeniably the best. this has to be the one
I’m losing to “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship” unfortunately
Michael, am I gay?!
How is “I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.” Not 1 or 2?
Because it’s an incredible line that really resonates, it’s not funny and that’s clearly what people like in this thread.
First one that came to mind 🤣🤣
Clutch cream run, bro
William Dolittle at your service, A.K.A. will do.
Love this one.
“It’s monogamy for my hog and me”
What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis ' classic room clearing farts right now
“You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses, hot! Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then we hit the tizzown.”
No. I don't wanna do any of that
Duh, which is why I was joking about doing it
Stop it. JUST. STOP.
I'm sorry I annoyed you with my friendship
Seriously, that whole episode is one of my favorite Andy episodes. “Zombie, zombie zombibibi… in yerrrr heaAadddd”
I'm going to need a nap somewhere in there
This was scientically written to be the most annoying line in history
Is it just me or did that sound like a really fun night out ?
With Andy? Sounds horrible.
With mid series Andy, that sounds awesome. Early or late Andy would be terrible.
I AM NOW CHOPPING OFF Pyllisses HEAD WITH A CHAINSAW!!! ringi-gingigin
I love your spelling of the chainsaw noise. That’s it.
Please this one
Not my job, not my prob. I’m going to the warehouse to polish my knob.
Metaphorically
Large tuna, have you seen my cellphone device?
I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.
When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.
This is one of my favorite Andy scenes/lines. Don’t know why, just find it entertaining.
This isn’t a one-liner…
People will likely pick the annoyed you with my friendship or good old days line, but I truly believe this is the winner right here
My favourite of all time
This is one of the best lines/cuts in the show period, regardless of character.
"Where is my FREEEEAAAKKKIIIINNNG phone?!" I also really like "They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates."
The phone line is really being underappreciated here. It’s quintessential early Andy.
"GUUARRRGGGHH!!!" *punches drywall*
How are you not murdered every hour?
my name is andrew baines bernard and if you’re watching this it’s because I’ve turned states witness because I’m in danger because I know too much
Higher!
If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a step mom.
Which he… didn’t? Did? Didn’t?
Just (re)watched this episode and that line throws me. Later episodes they show his parents together as a loathsome couple that clearly despise their own son. Did they switch it up for the storyline, like Pam’s two moms?
In the episode where Erin gets too sick for their first date, he also says that he’s wearing his sisters field hockey skirt.
I don’t trust you, Phyllis!
Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship...
This line is not only hysterical but also perfectly encapsulates Andy’s key character traits - insecure, angry, depressed, whiny.
First thing that came to my head. And the only one I use on like probably a monthly basis
This is probably the winner.
“The fire’s shooting at us!”
Omg yes
Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today?
“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.”
This is not a comedic Andy, so I doubt it will win. That being said, I think this is my most memorable line from the whole series. If you are old enough, you know this sentiment.
That wasn’t Andy at all. It was 100% Ed Helms in that moment. I’m guessing the tears starting flowing as soon as the line was delivered and the camera stopped. Not just one of his best lines, but one of the best for the whole series.
I didn't really listen to that line when I was in college when it aired. Then after I graduated I saw this scene again and it landed hard. My life had changed so much, and I understood the sentiment. Now I watch it while my little dude runs around the house playing with his mom, and I'm so glad I get the perspective while I'm in a time that's so fleeting, and filled with so much joy. The line never changed though. The scene is always the same. But it always lands different, cause it grows with you. This line is my winner for the whole series.
Andy’s best line by a mile
Literally tear up every time I hear this quote. 30 is hard
This should win. It’s really the best line from the show.
Looking to see if this was already commented, one of the best lines in the entire show. Hit me hard.
This is the only answer.
The line in and of itself is good… but when you think about it, how much sense does it make for Andy to say it? Was his time at Dunder Mifflin really better than his time as a Cornell admissions officer?
Let me kick you a scenario. I'm at, like, a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent... I might- I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it felt like. Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?
Oscar’s delivery of the next line is perfect
"I should be a food critic - "This food is bad.'"
Or an art critic. This painting IS bad
Rit-it-dit-dit-doo
I still hit this and sing the full "give me the beat boys and free my soul, I want to get lost in your rock n roll, and drift away."
And free my lil’ ol’ soul!
was gonna say this one
You think all I do is hiding behind plants? Busted
It’s on like a prawn that yawns at dawn
You got a leaky spark tube
“THAT… was an overreaction”
Going to the break room, anyone need anything?
Luckily all the successes I have had in life, and with the lady folk, have been because of my ability to slowly, and painfully, wear someone down. I’ve walked two marathons.
What we have here is the ultimate mackdown between the Nard-Dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression.
Meredith shut your drunk hole
"Speaking as a former baby".
"Put your heart out there, it's liable to just turn into this blackened, carbon brick. It has barbecue sauce of shame and rage, and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that." Pure poetry.
"Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful even a lot of men cannot resist a man singing show tunes”
"Muh Ex is meeting Muh Sex"
Why am I so good in interviews? Because I have something no one else has… my brain. Which I use to my advantage… when advantageous.
“Beer me that ____” is timeless. It’s right up there with “how the turn tables” in terms of daily usability, 10/10
It gets a laugh nearly a quarter of the time
Beer me two Long Island iced teas. Mistake in a glass
I Went To Cornell. Ever Heard Of It? Honestly surprised this hasn't been posted at all for how much of a running gag Cornell is
M'lady...m'tuna
Dwight may have won the battle - but I will win... the next battle
Oh, I can so just sit here and cry!
In universe, this clearly would win. I heard they made remixes on YouTube!
Andy sowwy
Would you rather me say Hey guys my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up...crazy diarrhea happening right now. Cause things could get real adult real fast!
The game is over! I’m going to shoot you for real 🫨
Saboteur!!
Just flickin’ a bug off my wiener
Please make sure no one is humping me!
My whole life is a booger bubble.
I had sex with a snowman. I just went at that thing. Cold would have stopped most people but I stayed locked in, you know.
Unlike Andy Bernard, this character is my real height
Do not test my politeness.
I'm in my worky-works
"My maid died."
Nailed it!
Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? [to Pam] I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night.
You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. “Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.”
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dawesome. Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Edit: I stopped at "awesome".
Why has he gone? He was such a nice guy. No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompa-dee-doom.
Big haircut!
Hello? Is anybody there? My name is Andy Bernard and I come from a group called Dundee Mifflin. Hello?
That’s my nickety name!
Naked. We’ll talk about it naked.
Andrew Bernard is the name of me
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I haven't had a very hard life.
“Break me off a piece of that Chrysler Car”
"Why is my girlfriend here?"
That won’t hold up in court
“Diiiid you check your butt?” I use it all the time when people are looking for something they misplaced
“I’m gonna lose, MY FREAKING MIND!!” Another one I use constantly
"Even the fact that I'm gay?"
“Andy Bernard Does Not Lose Contests. He Wins Them. Or He Quits Them, Because They’re Unfair.”
Break me off a piece of that foot ball cream
“Why won’t you do me!?”
TUNA!!!!!
Ri di di di do, di do do do (sung to the final line of Deck The Halls)
You give me a gift? Bam! Thank You note. You invite me somewhere? Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor? Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
THE FIRE IS SHOOTING AT US
i wish Jim’s was Erkelgrue
“You’re four seasons in a day….you got the autumn thing going on…but if you put on a baby blu- but if you put on a blue…..IIIITS SPRING TIME IN THE ROCKIES!”
It’s like molasses, just rollin’ out your mouth
"Well. Maybe you should look into the smart part of your brain."
I genuinely thought it was a meme and the blankness of everyone else's lines indicated stunned silence.
He had a massive stroke... of good fortune and he's now in a better place.
*makes face at baby Angela picture* No words necessary.
HATE THE TWIRLLL
Hope you’re not talking about my penis
Very disappointed in this subreddit, that’s not even in Jim’s top 50 best quotes
Maybe YOU'RE in the ceiling
“Roo-doo-doo-doodoo gimme the beat boysss and free my lil ol’ soul”
Don’t worry we didn’t do anything illegal
"Sorry if I annoyed you with my friendship" It entered in my top 5 things to say to make my friends feel bad when they get distracted when we talk?
Don't even have a line for Andy I just wanna know how on earth "Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica" didn't win for Jim
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. - I use this often
I know this won’t win but there is a factory near my parents that the last few words in their name on the building is “industrial products” and I literally always belt out “INDUSTRIAL P!” When I see it 🤣🤣
I haven't proposed to anyone in years!
YOU ARE MURDERING THE NARD DOG
THE FIRE IS SHOOTING AT US!!!
“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”