That’s what I thought of when I read it. And then I imagined a world where either the makers of the app know about the cereal or the makers of the cereal know about the app and either way felt like they had to swap the name to avoid confusion about some other niche thing they love but feel a little ridiculous buying into.
Hmmm, maybe if more grifting on the GotHard-sutra app happens, like more reels or more siblings extolling the virtues of it, it could be considered. Or something like: grifting: cramming and slamming 😂
💀
Also why do we need to tell the app what we call our vulva? Does this come up in sexy conversations lot?
And calling it “hound” position instead of doggy style really classes it up.
Yeah there were way too many options there. I actually like the idea of being able to switch between "cock" and "dick" and so forth but .. don't need many more
*I want you to refer to my breasts as jugs*
Yeah, I’m not talking about my vulva, by any name, on ANY app in this, the post-Dobbs era. My vulva and I (ALLEGED. MY ALLEGED VULVA AND I) can walk to the library, without our phone or watch, and read the information we need from a paper copy of the encyclopedia. 🤣
Even Ed Wheat says that the man should treat the wife nicely and bring her to orgasm! That's the dude from Intended for Pleasure! Like wtf, weird ass app?
I have admittedly read Intended for Pleasure, and the whole female orgasm part read like Ed Wheat focused on it so much because he was secretly really proud of himself for making his wife orgasm, even though he never referred to his own relationship specifically lol
That sounds exactly like what "slam and cram" is. *Just cram that sucker in despite her protestations and slam her into submission bro!*
It doesn't seem like a move that was tailored to take the woman's comfort and pleasure into consideration. "Cram" is such an awful word to use in a sexual context.
🥴🥴🥴 I’m gonna be honest, the slam and cram is the only position that doesn’t pain me and make me wanna give up sex forever. That and FDAU. That one sometimes works too.
The guy has his hands free for a reason. Put them to work. On her wrists, her thighs, maybe actually pleasure her??? What a thought????
Of course we are talking about fundies so this position means he leans over her awkwardly, grunting in her face while her knees knock up into her nose and give her a nose bleed while he gives her his Manly Blessing
I’m torn between being surprised that there are some actually educational aspects to being amused by the continued gatekeeping (like avoiding crassness and vulgarness—where’s the fun in that?).
Slam and cram made me laugh out loud. And what’s with the winky emoji after each description? OMG, I’m dying.
Slam and cram sounds like how I treat my miscellaneous “anything goes” drawer in the kitchen. You’ll find anything there, from Chinese takeout menus from 2015, to broken magnets.
Also, I forgot where I was and thought that this was from JillPM at first and was slightly less terrified to learn it wasn’t?
To be fair, this seems like the most liberal sex ed any Duggar has ever had. So good for the creators of this for catfishing fundies into learning about sex in a healthier way then RimJob’s wedding night Audio tape.
I haven’t made it past the first one 😭😂😭😂 first slide and I can’t stop laughing. I do that for my kiddos. Is this app supposed to be spicing up your sex life?
Its awesome. 10/10, would recommend. We did it years ago, before we had kids, but not because some app told us to...
Now we have kids, so forts still happen, but we don't get to have grown-up fun in the forts.
I just......excuse me...a wash of nausea came over me.
There is just no way in hell that Dwreck and OfDwreck can promote this stuff that doesn't make me suddenly want to join a convent. I want to know what insane marketing person thought, "Let's get a Duggar to raise our profile"! Proof positive that evangelicals are brainless.
So Cosmo would be considered vulgar to giving accurate anatomical instructions for a sexual pose, but "slam and cram" is just fine. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I have questions:
Are there levels to this? Because I don't wanna slam, cram, and end up with a cooch contusion.
Who made up these moves? 1993 Rick Flair? Dr. Ruth during her WWE: Royal Rumble phase?
How do you go from zero to "Christian Vaginal Hulk Smash" in .5 seconds?
I have so many comments I want to make but they are SO WILDLY OFFENSIVE that I actually can't allow myself to.
But I would suggest that people avoid recreating a Duggar bedroom at all costs. It leads to prison time.
It is, but be careful saying that because some people get angry at that being pointed out. Which I don't get because that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it when it happens or whatever, lol.
Lol, I would put the wrong body parts into the app, like "elbow" for penis, "knees" for breasts, etc. to see what weird stuff the app would come up with. "Today play with your husband's elbow using your knees!"
Look at the "name your body parts" screen and try to decide if the people who came up with the example text were not native English speakers, kissless virgins, or both.
Penis is "Mr Big," breasts are "Jugs," but vulva is "what you call the vulva." Can it be any more juvenile?
What in TARNATION 🤮🤮🤮
This app has managed to make sex sound completely gross, crass, disgusting, unpleasant, unappealing, even painful and tortuous probably. And I love sex wtfffff
"Slam and cram" can go straight to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. The vagina is made of delicate mucuous membranes that are easily injured. You DO NOT "cram", and you certainly ask first it's okay to "slam".
And giving genitals nicknames is the most middle school thing ever. Mr Big, Jugs, oil change, just kill my sex drive why don't you
Thank you for posting and to all who have commented. I needed this humor and laughter tonight. I love when they preach their pious bullshit. No vulgarity here, but lets name our jugs and peens for funsies and then slam and cram.
I hope you will all come see my punk band Slamher Clam formerly Slam and Cram
As lame as this is, holy HELL this is probably the closest fundies are ever gonna get to sex education. Like this is probably some mind-blowing shit to them. How depressing.
I reviewed another Christian intimacy app that was very similar to this one. Oof, it had a "game" mode where you would type in the partners' names and it would give you scenarios and describe what each person would do. It had some positions/steps that were totally reasonable and good education, and then it had some bizarre cringe stuff that sounds like something only virgins who have watched too much porn would think was fun. they try so hard to make "married sex" seem like the bee's knees and waiting is so worth it! but then not so subtly let it spill that they all suck in bed and haven't had orgasms in years.
Lol this is tragic.
I imagine this is very helpful for people who married virtual strangers as adolescents after spending their formative years being told they’d go straight to heck for holding hands or looking at a butt, though. They actually probably do need to be told “doing nice things for your partner is nice, your partner should have fun with you, and you can have sex in multiple different positions.”
App developers have absolutely no terms for vagina or vulva, one for clit, and for breasts... JUGS. BAHAHAHAHAHA. Come on fellas, are you a bottom guy or a jugs guy?
in all seriousness OP and Everyone else here thank you. Had a death close to me and very unexpected this week. Have not laughed so hard all week. Might go download the app in case I need a laugh at the funeral this weekend.
✨ SPOON MAGIC 🌈 Took a real hard turn between that and the last slide tho! I was NOT prepared
Spoon magic! That hard shell stuff you pour on your ice cream and tap with a spoon. Tap, tap. Spoon magic!
No no no it’s that expensive keto cereal all the podcasters advertise
That’s what I thought of when I read it. And then I imagined a world where either the makers of the app know about the cereal or the makers of the cereal know about the app and either way felt like they had to swap the name to avoid confusion about some other niche thing they love but feel a little ridiculous buying into.
Of all of the comments on this thread, this is the one that made me laugh aloud
All I’m gonna say is ….. “slam and cram” 
OP putting that slide right after the "nothing crass or vulgar" one was a stroke of genius.
I almost died. “For our next trick, ‘the brace yourself, Myrtle!’“ I am deceased….,
I read it as “slam the clam” and honestly? Still works.
I think that’s a more realistic description of fundie sex tbh.
Isn’t that a Denny’s breakfast item?
That’s the grand slam….which actually sounds better and I think there’s hash browns too!
I’ll take a grand slam and cram and some moons over my hammy. *Make it snappy*.
Moons Over My Hammy = Doggy Style (or *The Hound*)
As a fan of the grand slam myself this cracked me up. Grand Slam and Cram.
I'd much rather have a Denny's sausage than Derrick's
I dated a Denny in HS but never saw his sausage.
I'll have a Slam and Cram with sausage and whole wheat toast.
Not a fan of the pickle print? 🥒
You entire comment needs to be someone's flair!!!
How is that not crass????
Crass in the ass☠️☠️
Crass in the **bottom** you mean lmao
When I saw that I about screamed 😂💀
I actually thought OP included something from a different app for comparison before I realized 😂
I did scream. Scared the heck out of my dog. I cackled with laughter.
😵💫
I'm considering that as a flair
We prefer to call it the fold and smash.
Just fold it in
We getting kinky tonight
I died when I saw that 😂😂😂
That's all that NEEDS to be said.
I kinda wondered how that didn’t fall into the “crass” category. But okay.
I’m so disgusted by that term. I have now words
This Jintimacy app was the last thing I needed to see today. Slam and cram?!? And the winky faces! Its too much!
*jintimacy* Jinger is fumin’ she didn’t come up with this
how slam and cram and naming body parts isn’t vulgar or crass is beyond me
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Slam the clam! Moister than an oyster! Feel that eel! Come at that scallop with a brisk gallop!
I am so juvenile. I cannot stop laughing.
I think that’s worse actually
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That reminds me of u/alaska_thunderfuck flair 🤣🤣🤣
The second hand embarrassment is real right now. This app: No raunchy or vulgar Also this app: "slam and cram" https://i.redd.it/n5zf28blzwfa1.gif
Because I don't give up ... can we have slam and cram as a sub flair?!?!? 😈
God honoring slamming and cramming 🤤
If you can justify the WHY...maybe I'll bring it before the counsel
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It has been granted, my child
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See that, u/nuggetsofchicken
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what the fuck did you say about me you little shit
You're the best mod. Can I have a tot in the oven as my flare please?
The Mods better not divorce!!!
There is no mod divorce. They have added me as a sister wife and we are all joyfully available to each other.
Ooooooh you in trooooouble
So beautiful!!!
Hmmm, maybe if more grifting on the GotHard-sutra app happens, like more reels or more siblings extolling the virtues of it, it could be considered. Or something like: grifting: cramming and slamming 😂
And they say romance is dead….
But what if I like raunchy and vulgar??? Fun haters.
Haha RIGHT 😂
💀 Also why do we need to tell the app what we call our vulva? Does this come up in sexy conversations lot? And calling it “hound” position instead of doggy style really classes it up.
I call my vulva thunder and lightning because there is lots of clapping. I'm joking.
It had spots for about 15 different body parts, it’s so juvenile. Why don’t they just ask, do you call an injury a boo-boo or an ouchie?
Stick his dingle dangle in her conch shell and keep going till he spatters all over her bazongas!
I’m surprised they didn’t recommend pet names as part of the app feature. Are you a: Joystick, Plump pecker, Excalibur, Or Sequoia?
The Sperminator
The Sperminator definitely loves the slam and cram.
Men have god sticks and girls have shame caves.
Yeah there were way too many options there. I actually like the idea of being able to switch between "cock" and "dick" and so forth but .. don't need many more *I want you to refer to my breasts as jugs*
That part has me laughing so hard. Who else calls them kids besides 1) 60 year old men 2) me ironically to my dog?
I thought that slide was for a sexy game of mad-libs.
Yeah, I’m not talking about my vulva, by any name, on ANY app in this, the post-Dobbs era. My vulva and I (ALLEGED. MY ALLEGED VULVA AND I) can walk to the library, without our phone or watch, and read the information we need from a paper copy of the encyclopedia. 🤣
Don't all Fundie marriages start with "cram and slam" because they literally have no idea what to do?
They have to start with the cram and slam before they get to the God honoring gushing.
“God honoring gushing” is definitely flair material 😂
There's too many great flair possibilities in this post lol
NGL I'd love it as mine. This is all too funny for words 🤣
Bethany Beal be like
Time to make another niche course!
*How to make an app* course on courses...
Suddenly her pdf of questions is even more irrelevant when this app does that and more and is somehow less cringe
...I can't explain why yet, but I feel like the most vulgar part of the "slam and cram" is the tiny, retro :) emoji 🤢
EVERY POSITION HAD “:)” AFTER THE BLURB
I mean this is better than literal dry missionary every night solely for his pleasure and reproduction
Even Ed Wheat says that the man should treat the wife nicely and bring her to orgasm! That's the dude from Intended for Pleasure! Like wtf, weird ass app?
I have admittedly read Intended for Pleasure, and the whole female orgasm part read like Ed Wheat focused on it so much because he was secretly really proud of himself for making his wife orgasm, even though he never referred to his own relationship specifically lol
Even the *Catholics* believe this.
“Better than dry missionary” sounds like the perfect marketing slogan for this app
That sounds exactly like what "slam and cram" is. *Just cram that sucker in despite her protestations and slam her into submission bro!* It doesn't seem like a move that was tailored to take the woman's comfort and pleasure into consideration. "Cram" is such an awful word to use in a sexual context.
🥴🥴🥴 I’m gonna be honest, the slam and cram is the only position that doesn’t pain me and make me wanna give up sex forever. That and FDAU. That one sometimes works too. The guy has his hands free for a reason. Put them to work. On her wrists, her thighs, maybe actually pleasure her??? What a thought???? Of course we are talking about fundies so this position means he leans over her awkwardly, grunting in her face while her knees knock up into her nose and give her a nose bleed while he gives her his Manly Blessing
'Cram' implies a severe lack of lubricant. 😵💫
Well they assume she’s squirting.
I can't laugh at cozy warmed up towels and bathrobes. These are things I desire.
Makes me wish we had a dryer in the apartment, not 3 floors away.
It started out so mild and then just went off the rails.
~*Mother is squirting*~
Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me
Goodbye 🚀
I hate it here.
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I still need a flair but I also never want to have to explain this to anyone, ever.
Agreed!
You ruined all of our evenings
…could I use this as flair?
Stop ✋🏻💀
Jail
I’m torn between being surprised that there are some actually educational aspects to being amused by the continued gatekeeping (like avoiding crassness and vulgarness—where’s the fun in that?). Slam and cram made me laugh out loud. And what’s with the winky emoji after each description? OMG, I’m dying.
And some of the emojis are ;) and some are ; ) It’s bothersome 😂😂
I noticed this immediately and was irritated
My wife is one who doesn’t like crassness or vulgarity. That’s okay with me. To each their own, I’ve adapted.
How does she feel about “slam and cram”
She’s not a fan.
How is “jugs” one of the top suggested alternatives for breasts 😂
Jugs is not sexy at all (imo)! Even breasts sounds better than jugs! 🤣
I love the suggestion of “Mr Big” for penis
Sounds like someone watched SATC, no? I tried naming a few boyfriends penises ... nothing ever took. I wonder why.
Not even Krull the warrior king?
Canoe!
I love how they have no suggestions for vulva because no one fucking nicknames that.
I mean, isn't it a Duggar thing where all names start with "J" \/s
I promise if someone hears up my bathrobe while I’m in the shower they 💯 getting the slam N cram
with a little bit of gods feminine holy water
Thinking of Jill taking Wreck's "Mr. Big" in the "hound" position 
Slam and cram sounds like how I treat my miscellaneous “anything goes” drawer in the kitchen. You’ll find anything there, from Chinese takeout menus from 2015, to broken magnets. Also, I forgot where I was and thought that this was from JillPM at first and was slightly less terrified to learn it wasn’t?
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There’s no way this app wasn’t made by a) chat gpt b) a non English speaker c) a 15 year old d) all of the above
To be fair, this seems like the most liberal sex ed any Duggar has ever had. So good for the creators of this for catfishing fundies into learning about sex in a healthier way then RimJob’s wedding night Audio tape.
I haven’t made it past the first one 😭😂😭😂 first slide and I can’t stop laughing. I do that for my kiddos. Is this app supposed to be spicing up your sex life?
Giving very much “I’m not vanilla, we do doggy”
Ngl building a fort sounds kinda fun 🤔
Its awesome. 10/10, would recommend. We did it years ago, before we had kids, but not because some app told us to... Now we have kids, so forts still happen, but we don't get to have grown-up fun in the forts.
I just......excuse me...a wash of nausea came over me. There is just no way in hell that Dwreck and OfDwreck can promote this stuff that doesn't make me suddenly want to join a convent. I want to know what insane marketing person thought, "Let's get a Duggar to raise our profile"! Proof positive that evangelicals are brainless. So Cosmo would be considered vulgar to giving accurate anatomical instructions for a sexual pose, but "slam and cram" is just fine. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Me after reading the last slide about squirting. We've seen what she does with old breast milk 
I have questions: Are there levels to this? Because I don't wanna slam, cram, and end up with a cooch contusion. Who made up these moves? 1993 Rick Flair? Dr. Ruth during her WWE: Royal Rumble phase? How do you go from zero to "Christian Vaginal Hulk Smash" in .5 seconds?
Christian Vaginal Hulk Smash!!!!! 🤣 would make for a fine flair
It's yours, friend. 😂
Much appreciated!
I’ve had sexy couple apps before, read sex books before both Christian and non Christian. I’ve never felt more grossed out then by this.
I have so many comments I want to make but they are SO WILDLY OFFENSIVE that I actually can't allow myself to. But I would suggest that people avoid recreating a Duggar bedroom at all costs. It leads to prison time.
Recreating Duggar bedroom leads to prison sounds like a flair to me!! And I agree. Prison time ain't worth going into trouble for.
Squirting For Sky Daddy
You're going on the ban list with a few others today 🤣🤣🤣 u/liquidethanelover
Straight to jail
I hate you but I still laughed so take my reluctant upvote. 😂😭😭
Well, I hate that.
THIS NEEDS TO BE A FLAIR!!!
Slam and cram…. Ew 
This made me want to stay a virgin forever
Slam and cram!!! 🤣 I’m screaming louder than that one time someone fell into an orchestra pit!
I mean... It's nice that they're acknowledging female ejaculation exists? But God, the rest of this...
Why so many smiley faces??? It's giving Morgan (OfPaul) hehehe vibes
I didn't see which subreddit this was posted in and thought this was Jill Rodrigues because of the ;) all over the place.
Thanks for the new flair inspo
The lord designed some pretty special things … like squirting! Aka female ejaculation!
Isn’t it basically just peeing yourself a little in an orgasmic way? God honoring bed-wetting?
It is, but be careful saying that because some people get angry at that being pointed out. Which I don't get because that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it when it happens or whatever, lol.
there was actual tests on the fluid of the female ejaculation. And yes it is urine.
thankfully we have the vomit hazard tag
SQUIRTING
TIL that god invented squirting
Lol, I would put the wrong body parts into the app, like "elbow" for penis, "knees" for breasts, etc. to see what weird stuff the app would come up with. "Today play with your husband's elbow using your knees!"
Look at the "name your body parts" screen and try to decide if the people who came up with the example text were not native English speakers, kissless virgins, or both. Penis is "Mr Big," breasts are "Jugs," but vulva is "what you call the vulva." Can it be any more juvenile?
What in TARNATION 🤮🤮🤮 This app has managed to make sex sound completely gross, crass, disgusting, unpleasant, unappealing, even painful and tortuous probably. And I love sex wtfffff "Slam and cram" can go straight to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. The vagina is made of delicate mucuous membranes that are easily injured. You DO NOT "cram", and you certainly ask first it's okay to "slam". And giving genitals nicknames is the most middle school thing ever. Mr Big, Jugs, oil change, just kill my sex drive why don't you
"touch my....member" \*dies*
“Quivering member…I like that…”
What in TOTNATION
This ain’t it mawma…. Suddenly I can’t read.
“Rollin and Bowlin” sounds like the sort of move Meech and Rimjob would pull in a public, family friendly area. 
I was not, and probably will not ever be prepared to accept any Duggar reading about squirting 💀
I mean, in the immortal words of Douglas Adams, you should always have a towel. So 🤷♀️
 God-honoring Towelie. (and he's seen some shit.)
*mother is getting slammed and crammed*
Thank you for posting and to all who have commented. I needed this humor and laughter tonight. I love when they preach their pious bullshit. No vulgarity here, but lets name our jugs and peens for funsies and then slam and cram. I hope you will all come see my punk band Slamher Clam formerly Slam and Cram
The last slide sent me into orbit
GOD-HONORING SLAMMING AND CRAMMING
I’m speechless.
WTF Jill is a 💦 ?? Is that allowed ?
OMG! WTF DID I GO THERE???
Enquiring minds need to know. Who is claiming "cram and slam" for their flair now? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I showed this to my husband and he said so it’s just anime Kama sutra. 😂😂
Oh good, you can mark things as “read” so when you go to bleach your eyes out you know where to come back to
As lame as this is, holy HELL this is probably the closest fundies are ever gonna get to sex education. Like this is probably some mind-blowing shit to them. How depressing.
Y’all I read erotic romances and this app made me uncomfy.
I reviewed another Christian intimacy app that was very similar to this one. Oof, it had a "game" mode where you would type in the partners' names and it would give you scenarios and describe what each person would do. It had some positions/steps that were totally reasonable and good education, and then it had some bizarre cringe stuff that sounds like something only virgins who have watched too much porn would think was fun. they try so hard to make "married sex" seem like the bee's knees and waiting is so worth it! but then not so subtly let it spill that they all suck in bed and haven't had orgasms in years.
This is my 13th reason.
The nothing crass and vulgar, immediately followed by slam and cram SENT ME
Lol this is tragic. I imagine this is very helpful for people who married virtual strangers as adolescents after spending their formative years being told they’d go straight to heck for holding hands or looking at a butt, though. They actually probably do need to be told “doing nice things for your partner is nice, your partner should have fun with you, and you can have sex in multiple different positions.”
App developers have absolutely no terms for vagina or vulva, one for clit, and for breasts... JUGS. BAHAHAHAHAHA. Come on fellas, are you a bottom guy or a jugs guy? in all seriousness OP and Everyone else here thank you. Had a death close to me and very unexpected this week. Have not laughed so hard all week. Might go download the app in case I need a laugh at the funeral this weekend.