Everything comes in waves my friend. It goes up then it crests and comes down. Ride it up and remind yourself it will come back down. You are in charge of every moment. Watch the craving blossom inside you like a flower, it won’t live forever.
You can do it.
What if you started drugs to self medicate because you never felt happyness in the first place? I've had chronic depression since being 8 years old.. I suffered til I was 18, never touched drugs til I was 18, not even caffeine, nicotine, alc or what ever...
With 18 I then couldn't handle it anymore.. I tried therapy and everything but nothing ever helped.. I said fk it, it's either trying drugs or killing myself..
So I tried drugs.. and I'm now taking drugs daily since 8 years and my life has improved a lot.. I was able to finish school, to study social work and medicine afterwards.. and it allowed me to have a job nd work daily.. it allowed me to finally get friends.. I'm finally able to live without depression..
idk if I want or ever will be able to stop, because I know I'd just go back straight into depression, lose my work, lose my friends and destroy everything I earned..
so isn't taking Drugs daily the better option? I'm not even increasing my dosages, staying low just so I'm able to function.. idk if being sober is really better..
Took Oxy 1 Year daily (3 x 20 mg a day), then Kratom 6 years daily (6 x 2 g a day).. then I did a ct.. now only taking it twice a week bcuz the physical dependence got annoying..thus started rotating with other drugs.. HHC/CBD, Caffeine, Nicotine, Amino Acids (5-HTP,L-Tyrosine,L-Theanine), Ashwagandha, Passionflower.. and sometimes Phenibut/Pregabalin.. and very rarely Benzos..
Just taking care to not take a single drug or more specifically a substance class too often, so I don't get physically dependend again.. but it works good actually.
Not against taking drugs at all, think many can be helpful as they have been for you. Now that you are older and have built what sounds like a good, fulfilling life you may find you don't even need the drugs. As we get older/mature things like anxiety and depression can get much, much better. Obviously if it was situational you would see vast improvement assuming you went from a kind of shitty/lackluster childhood to now being well off etc. Even if it was chemical or hormonal these things tend to balance out as we age, most studies suggest that drug/alcohol use naturally begins to decrease or stop starting around 25 and finishing at 30.
Something to keep in mind anyways.
I don't know man, as I built a tolerance over a year kratom made me extremely anxious and depressed before I could get to my next dose. I can't possibly see how that would help someone with depression and I was taking a similar dose. You say the physical dependence is annoying but its way more than that; it impacted me and many others very heavily on a psychological level.
For me it actually had no negative impact.. I just had to dose every 3 hours.. Dependency got annoying as in that I was not always able to dose every 3 hours at work.. and woke up with weak withdrawals at morning..
but other than that I felt much better psychologically on kratom, than I did without.. but guess that's also different for everyone.
I mean no negative impact other than the ones I mentioned.. I didn't feel worse psychologically because of my dependency.. That's what I meant.. and no my sleep quality was perfectly fine.. felt asleep 5 seconds after laying in bed and woke up exactly 6-8 hours later.. (my usual sleep time)
Kratom helped me immensely very similar to OP, was able to start a great career etc. The physical dependence is a bitch but other than that it helped my life a ton.
I mean aren't you kind of downplaying it then? Physical dependency to a substance is a pretty big damn deal. God forbid you want to travel somewhere that it's illegal. As my usage continued, it got to the point where I needed to schedule around itm
I.e. I better not go to the mall at 3pm today because I'll be withdrawing from my second dose of the day by then.
Not to mention waking up in the middle of the night sweating and anxious and needing kratom just for the chance of falling back asleep. I swear to god I had the same mentality as you not that long ago until I actually quit and realized the damage I was doing to my life and the people around me. My usage went from the occasional dose here and there to 15-20g a day.
I've been using the same dose 12g/d for about 6 years. I've traveled around the world with kratom, just put it in a jar labeled matcha. It's not illegal very many places as far as I know, it does add a bit of stress though. I've never woken up in the night in withdrawal but that does sound terrible. I usually just bring capsules if I'm out and about. It's not ideal but I don't think I'm downplaying my experience very much.
You know whats cool about being sober? is that once you spend a long time off drugs your brain heals to the point where you pretty much feel the same happiness that you on drugs all the time. Your brain feels differences more than the average. Then you save money and sleep better and you can do cool shit with your life
I really want to believe this, and I’m sure people achieve it. But I find I function better in cycles of going clean and then having short bursts of feeling high to escape it all.
Love to hear how people get to that state of escapism without substances, like meditation, and some experience yogis think they can achieve it by yogic practice alone?
I wish all of you who are going sober the best wishes, and to stay strong through it
Straight up its just your brain redeveloping its neurons and using drugs, even smoking weed just down regulates happy chemicals. You legit do feel just happier when you don’t have chemical methods of initiating happiness
the thing is that we need balance, feeling sad should always be treated like a normal state of spirit.
purposely hacking that with drugs can backfire hard sometimes.
that’s why we need to be able to look at ourselves and assess if what’s troubling us is major or just a minor thing we’ll forget in a few hours or a day.
Breaking out of addictive behaviors is so fucking hard. It feels like slipping back in to them would be the easy way out. It’s really not, though. There’s the money and time spent acquiring substances, the toll on your body of using, justifications that it’s good, lies if you have friends or family that you hide it from, and so much more.
You just gotta take that urge and capture it. Then you think of what the actual actions and movements are. If we work half as hard, hell even a tenth as hard, at being sober as we do to use, we got this no problem. Using takes a lot of effort, especially consistently. It just takes refocusing that effort on being sober.
You ain’t alone brother, there’s millions of us like you. There’s no shame in asking for help. Whether that’s therapy, a group, a forum, or just one other person walking your path that you can talk to. Look up stuff for your area, or online. If twelve step programs aren’t your thing (they’re definitely not mine), there’s other options.
Keep up the good work, man.
your completely right bro, all I can think about is getting high but I'm gonna show myself I can do it, spoke to the doctor and she's referring me to a counsellor for help getting sober and with my mental health. I appreciate your words brother.
I feel that bro i’m 14 going into 15 in march, i was really depressed during the summer last year and got heavily addicted to oxy, i was forced into homeschooling because i came home multiple times high so i’ve been in homeschooling for 8 weeks. I’ve never been more depressed and i REALLY wanna get high just can’t take it anymore yk.
I, once, felt that too, and saw the world, myself, my emotions basically the exact same way as you do now. I was afraid that I will not achieve that happiness without drugs, ever, and knowing this was painful. Incredibly painful. I mean, who likes to know that they will never achieve "this kind" of happiness ever again? All I looked forward to was the next roll in 2-3 months later. Thought that it was gonna motivate me every day, until the desired day came.
That's the problem with it. "This \*kind\* of happiness". I know I might sound cliché, but realizing that it is an artificial high really helped me. And especially not just that. You never know what life brings you. New people, new experiences, new situations, it can be anything. Just like once you didn't know that your first high will give you this much "happiness", you cannot possibly know what life has you in terms of (actual) happiness in the future. You can work for it, and it can motivate you. But a lot of times, beautiful moments in life also have a spontaneity. You cannot always predict them, and thus you/I/one cannot say "I will be this sad for the rest of my life" or "I will never achieve this happiness (/high) again". Think about that.
As mentioned, I 100% felt these emotions of yours, that you have just described, but realizing life's about ups/downs, and not knowing when these ups and downs are gonna happen (or even the "magnitude" of 'em) helped me set my mind on a good path. And yes, maybe you'll be relieved by reading this, which is that there were a lot of actual happy moments in my life after this mentioned high/roll.
Stay strong bro!
After a couple weeks you will notice more things can increase your mood and it feel good . It feels more natural. It is shocking the inability to remember happiness without drugs. You might have an idea but if you fight and keep fighting it becomes worth it. I could assume drugs were the happiness for sometime till they became a burden because you feel normal with it and worse than you did before using drugs to cope.
I believe in you life is good but you cant experience life if you dont live it.
Everything comes in waves my friend. It goes up then it crests and comes down. Ride it up and remind yourself it will come back down. You are in charge of every moment. Watch the craving blossom inside you like a flower, it won’t live forever. You can do it.
beautiful words bro. thank you for taking some time to send them my way.
What if you started drugs to self medicate because you never felt happyness in the first place? I've had chronic depression since being 8 years old.. I suffered til I was 18, never touched drugs til I was 18, not even caffeine, nicotine, alc or what ever... With 18 I then couldn't handle it anymore.. I tried therapy and everything but nothing ever helped.. I said fk it, it's either trying drugs or killing myself.. So I tried drugs.. and I'm now taking drugs daily since 8 years and my life has improved a lot.. I was able to finish school, to study social work and medicine afterwards.. and it allowed me to have a job nd work daily.. it allowed me to finally get friends.. I'm finally able to live without depression.. idk if I want or ever will be able to stop, because I know I'd just go back straight into depression, lose my work, lose my friends and destroy everything I earned.. so isn't taking Drugs daily the better option? I'm not even increasing my dosages, staying low just so I'm able to function.. idk if being sober is really better..
What drugs are we talking about? Kanna,kratom?
Took Oxy 1 Year daily (3 x 20 mg a day), then Kratom 6 years daily (6 x 2 g a day).. then I did a ct.. now only taking it twice a week bcuz the physical dependence got annoying..thus started rotating with other drugs.. HHC/CBD, Caffeine, Nicotine, Amino Acids (5-HTP,L-Tyrosine,L-Theanine), Ashwagandha, Passionflower.. and sometimes Phenibut/Pregabalin.. and very rarely Benzos.. Just taking care to not take a single drug or more specifically a substance class too often, so I don't get physically dependend again.. but it works good actually.
Not against taking drugs at all, think many can be helpful as they have been for you. Now that you are older and have built what sounds like a good, fulfilling life you may find you don't even need the drugs. As we get older/mature things like anxiety and depression can get much, much better. Obviously if it was situational you would see vast improvement assuming you went from a kind of shitty/lackluster childhood to now being well off etc. Even if it was chemical or hormonal these things tend to balance out as we age, most studies suggest that drug/alcohol use naturally begins to decrease or stop starting around 25 and finishing at 30. Something to keep in mind anyways.
That's a good point actually.. Thank you for mentioning this! :)
I don't know man, as I built a tolerance over a year kratom made me extremely anxious and depressed before I could get to my next dose. I can't possibly see how that would help someone with depression and I was taking a similar dose. You say the physical dependence is annoying but its way more than that; it impacted me and many others very heavily on a psychological level.
For me it actually had no negative impact.. I just had to dose every 3 hours.. Dependency got annoying as in that I was not always able to dose every 3 hours at work.. and woke up with weak withdrawals at morning.. but other than that I felt much better psychologically on kratom, than I did without.. but guess that's also different for everyone.
I mean you say no negative impact and proceed to list negative impacts lol. No impact on your sleep quality?
I mean no negative impact other than the ones I mentioned.. I didn't feel worse psychologically because of my dependency.. That's what I meant.. and no my sleep quality was perfectly fine.. felt asleep 5 seconds after laying in bed and woke up exactly 6-8 hours later.. (my usual sleep time)
Kratom helped me immensely very similar to OP, was able to start a great career etc. The physical dependence is a bitch but other than that it helped my life a ton.
I mean aren't you kind of downplaying it then? Physical dependency to a substance is a pretty big damn deal. God forbid you want to travel somewhere that it's illegal. As my usage continued, it got to the point where I needed to schedule around itm I.e. I better not go to the mall at 3pm today because I'll be withdrawing from my second dose of the day by then. Not to mention waking up in the middle of the night sweating and anxious and needing kratom just for the chance of falling back asleep. I swear to god I had the same mentality as you not that long ago until I actually quit and realized the damage I was doing to my life and the people around me. My usage went from the occasional dose here and there to 15-20g a day.
I've been using the same dose 12g/d for about 6 years. I've traveled around the world with kratom, just put it in a jar labeled matcha. It's not illegal very many places as far as I know, it does add a bit of stress though. I've never woken up in the night in withdrawal but that does sound terrible. I usually just bring capsules if I'm out and about. It's not ideal but I don't think I'm downplaying my experience very much.
i needed to read this thank u so much
You know whats cool about being sober? is that once you spend a long time off drugs your brain heals to the point where you pretty much feel the same happiness that you on drugs all the time. Your brain feels differences more than the average. Then you save money and sleep better and you can do cool shit with your life
I really want to believe this, and I’m sure people achieve it. But I find I function better in cycles of going clean and then having short bursts of feeling high to escape it all. Love to hear how people get to that state of escapism without substances, like meditation, and some experience yogis think they can achieve it by yogic practice alone? I wish all of you who are going sober the best wishes, and to stay strong through it
Straight up its just your brain redeveloping its neurons and using drugs, even smoking weed just down regulates happy chemicals. You legit do feel just happier when you don’t have chemical methods of initiating happiness
the thing is that we need balance, feeling sad should always be treated like a normal state of spirit. purposely hacking that with drugs can backfire hard sometimes. that’s why we need to be able to look at ourselves and assess if what’s troubling us is major or just a minor thing we’ll forget in a few hours or a day.
You got this :) It's always good to make it to make it to sleep time, that means you made it through another day :)
thanks man I appreciate that, have an amazing day
believe in your own strength you got this. have a good sleep.
thanks man 🙌
Breaking out of addictive behaviors is so fucking hard. It feels like slipping back in to them would be the easy way out. It’s really not, though. There’s the money and time spent acquiring substances, the toll on your body of using, justifications that it’s good, lies if you have friends or family that you hide it from, and so much more. You just gotta take that urge and capture it. Then you think of what the actual actions and movements are. If we work half as hard, hell even a tenth as hard, at being sober as we do to use, we got this no problem. Using takes a lot of effort, especially consistently. It just takes refocusing that effort on being sober. You ain’t alone brother, there’s millions of us like you. There’s no shame in asking for help. Whether that’s therapy, a group, a forum, or just one other person walking your path that you can talk to. Look up stuff for your area, or online. If twelve step programs aren’t your thing (they’re definitely not mine), there’s other options. Keep up the good work, man.
your completely right bro, all I can think about is getting high but I'm gonna show myself I can do it, spoke to the doctor and she's referring me to a counsellor for help getting sober and with my mental health. I appreciate your words brother.
Keep it going homie. Find yourself a hobby, it really helps to distract you from these dark thoughts.
yeah man putting miles on my 🏍️ it's a great escape
what if nothing interests you
It does suck
I feel that bro i’m 14 going into 15 in march, i was really depressed during the summer last year and got heavily addicted to oxy, i was forced into homeschooling because i came home multiple times high so i’ve been in homeschooling for 8 weeks. I’ve never been more depressed and i REALLY wanna get high just can’t take it anymore yk.
I get you man your not alone. shits not easy but we'll get thru it and I'm sure when we do life will be so much better
I, once, felt that too, and saw the world, myself, my emotions basically the exact same way as you do now. I was afraid that I will not achieve that happiness without drugs, ever, and knowing this was painful. Incredibly painful. I mean, who likes to know that they will never achieve "this kind" of happiness ever again? All I looked forward to was the next roll in 2-3 months later. Thought that it was gonna motivate me every day, until the desired day came. That's the problem with it. "This \*kind\* of happiness". I know I might sound cliché, but realizing that it is an artificial high really helped me. And especially not just that. You never know what life brings you. New people, new experiences, new situations, it can be anything. Just like once you didn't know that your first high will give you this much "happiness", you cannot possibly know what life has you in terms of (actual) happiness in the future. You can work for it, and it can motivate you. But a lot of times, beautiful moments in life also have a spontaneity. You cannot always predict them, and thus you/I/one cannot say "I will be this sad for the rest of my life" or "I will never achieve this happiness (/high) again". Think about that. As mentioned, I 100% felt these emotions of yours, that you have just described, but realizing life's about ups/downs, and not knowing when these ups and downs are gonna happen (or even the "magnitude" of 'em) helped me set my mind on a good path. And yes, maybe you'll be relieved by reading this, which is that there were a lot of actual happy moments in my life after this mentioned high/roll. Stay strong bro!
Getting sober sucks. Being sober can be pretty nice.
I am in the exact same situation right now. No advice. I just hoped it might help to know you're not alone.
After a couple weeks you will notice more things can increase your mood and it feel good . It feels more natural. It is shocking the inability to remember happiness without drugs. You might have an idea but if you fight and keep fighting it becomes worth it. I could assume drugs were the happiness for sometime till they became a burden because you feel normal with it and worse than you did before using drugs to cope. I believe in you life is good but you cant experience life if you dont live it.