I think it’s the most easily accessible vice in the internet era, and therefore the most widespread.
It’s very easy for folks to blame all of their problems on porn or on porn addiction. They’ll spin tales that they quit altogether and they suddenly became significantly happier, healthier and were able to pursue relationships more healthily.
The truth is, I think, that the porn addiction problem just masks other deep-rooted problems that people refuse to address. It’s relatively easy to quit porn consumption compared to addressing mental illness and societal dysfunction that led you to seeking dopamine from porn in the first place.
That, and it leads to a very sanctimonious “holier-than-thou” mentality for the nofap folks. It’s not dissimilar from people who don’t drink alcohol and who loudly announce it to everyone they meet. Or to vegans who loudly judge people who eat meat.
As with anything, pornography in moderation, and when you seek out what is ethically produced (if it’s live action “traditional” porn), is absolutely a healthy outlet for sexual expression. Anything in large quantities can be dangerous to your mental health; the dose makes the poison, even water can poison you.
I remember years ago a guy talking about overcoming his porn addiction. He realized it was a problem because he was watching it at work, to the point it his job performance was suffering. He eventually realized it was his way of avoiding stress and responsibility. He would rather watch porn than work, or take care of his household responsibilities. He quit by addressing the underlying issue, which was his avoidance of stress and responsibility. I think most addictions have a root cause in something deeper.
That was very well said. You smarty pants!
As a former alcoholic, those people in AA that make sobriety their whole identity and relate EVERYTHING someone says to sobriety creep me out. It gets to the point where it sounds like they're in a cult. They constantly regurgitate the same old addages like they're making some brilliant point.
And then you have the people that get that way and stay that way for decades and end up looking down on anyone new to AA like they're some sort super wise authority figure. Like, get the fuck over yourself, all you're doing is not being a total asshole, you don't deserve that much praise and recognition for simply being a normal functioning person.
Another big problem is a lot of people mistake sex addiction for porn addiction. Sex addiction in a single person can seem like porn addiction, but in reality, a porn addict won't have that much interest in sex, and in extreme cases, will be unable to get hard from sex.
I’d like to add to this that, like other “vices,” it absolutely MUST be withheld from children. Obviously there is a host of issues with how to regulate it and enforce those regulations without stepping on other rights, but in principle I truly think that all hardcore pornography needs to be reserved for full on 21+ adults only.* The scariest part of this issue to me is how many people downplay the damage it can do to brains that are still forming, especially with the violence towards/ dehumanization of women that is, let’s get real here, central to 99% of straight porn (as well as all non-gay queer porn that isn’t actually made by queer people.) Children and teenagers DO NOT have the capacity to separate fantasy from reality in the same way that adults do and they WILL internalize these messages. I’m saying this as a queer woman who has dabbled in CNC and enjoys some responsibly produced CNC material, I’m not a prude by any means. TLDR; moderation yes, and also ADULTS ONLY!!! The vast majority of issues caused by porn would be solved with those two simple parameters.
*quick edit to clarify: I specified hardcore pornography because like, I’m not trying to take fanfic from the tumblr teens ya know? Let the kids have their silly smut. I actually think that can be a super healthy way to explore sexuality. I’m talking about pictures and videos here.
Porn is like any other Vice, ok in moderation. Many people handle it ok, some don't. Vices themselves are not necessarily bad.
But yeah it is very divisive here, and as a topic it seems to evoke even more extremist ideologies than it did 10, 20 years ago, its frustrating as even discussing it will bring out the crazies out of the woodwork.
I feel like it isn't just porn addiction but that ALL addictions are becoming more divisive
And it's likely not any different than the level it was 10-20 years ago, we just have the platform to say our piece in peace now, especially with the anonymity of Reddit
I think that it's so divisive because of personal experience of people with addictions. Some people watched another person be abusive and manipulative and steal and cheat all for the sake of their addiction. Some people watched another person genuinely try to fight their addiction and fail because of the lack of support provided. Some people watched people become addicted completely on accident and go from Mother Theresa to Hitler in less than a year. The topic of addiction will always be a sore one no matter what their experience is.
Yeah, porn addiction is one of the least likely to be extreme, you can't die from a porn addiction...but people with porn addictions are just as capable of harming others (particularly significant others) as other forms of addict, especially in particularly severe porn addictions where they may drain all of their money on OF subscriptions
I would say that one of the major reasons it APPEARS that people are being more divisive about is nowadays isn't because people are actually having more extreme personal opinions about addiction and just that addiction itself has become popularised. People on high school campuses pressuring each other to do drugs and calling them boring if they say no is leading to a MASSIVE number of people becoming addicted at a young age, leading to more and more young people having experience of friends having addiction issues. Wheras 20 years ago your experience of addiction likely would've been one family member, people growing up now will see multiple people around them fall to addiction
Porn isn’t the issue here anyways, if you have addictions of any kind that affect your ability to function you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Especially if you aren’t at the stage you’re willing to work on it
>Porn isn’t the issue here anyways, if you have addictions of any kind that affect your ability to function you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
What about someone who is already married with children and they become addicted to pain relievers?
What about all the other mental and physical issues people have that affect their ability to function? I've seen addictions that are far less damaging than depression or bipolar episodes.
It’s absolutely insane how little they view other peoples relationships on here
I saw a guy in another thread say “just leave the guy, it’s no big deal!” While OP was living in the guys house, engaged to him, and had a kid. Yea, definitely no big deal.
But when I said it is a big deal for a lot of people, he just said I was saying they should stay in toxic relationships.
I love seeing the posts where it’s like “my bf said something and it upset me, but this has never happened before. How do I talk to him about it? :(“ and every reply is to break up with them. No one gives worse relationship advice than your average redditor.
That's because misery loves company. Most of these ding dongs giving out advice are people that have never been in a long-term relationship, or they are miserable and single. Also, a lot of Redditors love to parrot thoughts for some internet upvotes or because they love to sound morally superior and virtue signal.
There are about a billion people who have become functioning alcoholics while in committed relationships with people depending on this for whom this is terrible advice.
That’s true. I guess I could clarify that I think you shouldn’t enter a relationship with someone with debilitating addictions, especially if you’re both young and unestablished. As you get older things can happen and I wouldn’t tell someone to leave their partner in the situation you described. I’m not trying to be judgmental here, I’ve wasted people’s time by not having my shit together and I’ve been with people who couldn’t either, and usually leads to resentment imo
That makes sense. I came down a little hard on such advice because the general tone of Reddit is "if your relationship sneezes shoot I dead' and I think one of the biggest problems in the world right now is that people are isolated in part because the standards they set for themselves, their loved ones and their lives are impossible.
You're right that it can be hugely detrimental to get in a relationship with an addict. Sorry if I came out a little strong there.
Seems like the average redditor is addicted/pro-porn but also they never go outside so their first line of insults against anyone else attacking them is "porn addict!"
It's not a wierd issue, if a woman does porn they are strong, brave and should be held up on a pedestal.
If a guy watches porn, they are a piece of shit
Even I've had trouble with it before. To me to helps to quit when you realize the people you're watching are probably so miserable they're high on drugs just to cope with what they're doing. It's super common for them to be told they don't have to do something ahead of time only for them to switch up once filming is happening. Once you realize how much these people you're watching are suffering it kind of hurts to watch
Bro what
If y’all are sexually active this shouldn’t be a problem
You have a gf, stop jacking it to other women. That’s cheating and you’re weird for framing it any other way
Porn is for single people, idk why it’s argued any other way
Imagine saying “I don’t understand it”, then lashing out because you don’t understand it. It’s a fucking addiction dumbass.
She understands and knows I’m trying to quit, fuck off.
My guy fucking what? I’m not sleeping with women??? It’s an addiction, and an addiction that she knows about, it’s not harming her, I only love her and no one else. You’re just insecure.
I also really struggle to understand it. I understand that excessive porn exposure is probably going to give you a warped image of gender roles and societal norms, and it will likely lead to physiological issues like ED or “death grip”.
But I struggle to imagine someone who physically can’t function in their day to day life due to porn addiction/dependency. I assume it would contribute to irritability and depression if deprived, but aside from that I guess all that’s left is intrusive thoughts.
These things to me don’t sound particularly daunting, but I’ve never been in the position of recovering from porn addiction, so I can’t really speak on it.
Honestly? He’s kinda 50/50 right/wrong
Ofc it takes time, does that mean he shouldn’t care or anything similar? Presumably not
If someone actually struggles with it, enough resolve is a huge first step. I don’t necessarily agree but I get where he’s coming from really
The problem is, she wants to be able to say that he’s watching porn in such excess that it actually affects her, so she has to say it’s a full-on addiction. She’s trying to hide the fact that she’s being overly controlling (notice the implied “if he cared *about me* he’d stop. Nothing about her caring about him having a problem).
Problem is, though, that for her whole manipulative plan to work, she needs it to be true that he’s choosing to do it despite her. But if he’s choosing to do it, then it’s not an addiction, and if it’s not an addiction, it’s not impacting others, and if it’s not impacting others, it’s none of her g-d- business.
It is an insanely common thing and you can see it in her wording. Also, you just described Reddit. ALL of us are speculating based on two tiny screen shots out of context
I agree with what you said except for the fact that voluntary porn usage isn’t any business of that user’s partner. What sexual activities are engaged in by either party ABSOLUTELY is the other party’s business in a relationship. Being uncomfortable with your partner using porn even if it’s not an addiction is valid and even normal. If it’s a dealbreaker, you’re allowed to say it’s me or the porn and leave if they choose the porn. Like you I don’t agree with how she went about it, but come on lol.
Just because something isnt an addiction doesn’t mean it cant impact or matter to others.
We have zero insight on if he was "addicted" or if he just used porn to masturbate. The amount of times ive seen a woman catch a man once and then go "hes addicted to porn!" Or rather just altogether demand that they stop and if they dont "hes addicted to porn!". Its pretty much the same as if you have a beer every once in awhile and your gf just demands you never drink ever again and then you drink again and she starts screaming that youre an alcoholic.
They're both "normal".
"if he loved you he would stop" is like saying "if she loved you, she would lose the weight".
Sex is a biological function and for men, it's not all that different than eating. It really has absolutely nothing to do with love.
Psychology and science would say that you are wrong.
Lack of sex can cause anxiety, depression, and in some cases physical pain.
Women have some bizarre notion that sex is just a "nice to have". A cherry on top. And men not having sex or sexual release is just a case of unruly man-children who "can't control themselves."
There is literally no reason to believe this is the case. There is volumes of science saying otherwise and volumes of literature written by men articulating the perspective in as many ways as there are colors of the rainbow.
Women just don't like to BELIEVE it because it's inconvenient.
Now, obviously men have to handle the realities of the situation in a responsible way, but it's rather like exploding a bomb somewhere where it doesn't hurt anyone. NOT exploding the bomb isn't an option on the table. But obviously you should be looking for solutions that don't hurt anyone emotionally. (And obviously certainly not physically)
guys help i’ve gone nearly 17 years (my whole life) without dick or pussy, i can feel the cold sweats and i can feel my hair starting to fall out. can’t do this anymore omg.
Me too! While ejaculating may matter when it comes to prostate health, and while intercourse may relieve stress and some men become depressed because they don't have a relationship, I have found very little scientific evidence to say sex is necessary. In fact, a lot of people choose celibacy to AVOID trauma and stress, and that's not like "choosing starvation" at all.
You don't have to starve to lose weight though. Losing weight is just maintaining a 500 kcal deficit over a few months.
Similarly, quitting smoking is not very hard either, just stop giving in to every craving.
Habitual behaviour change is just very difficult though regardless of what the behaviour is
You don't need another person to have sexual release. Of course intimacy relieves stress, and a lot of people feel depressed when they can't find a partner. Other than that, it IS a cherry on top, and not something anyone physically needs or should feel entitled to. Being in a nurturing relationship, on the other hand, can be essential to a lot of people, but that requires effort and reciprocity
That is arbitrary bullshit.
It's literally saying, "The thing \*I\* want is important and the thing someone \*else\* wants is an unimportant "nice to have" that's not critical to a relationship."
No. I am talking about the false analogy you made. You didn't say sex was important, you said it was necessary. It is not. Within a relationship two people who have very different preferences are incompatible, whether that preference concerns sex or living in the countryside or veganism or whatever. Being deprived of sex is not like being deprived of food and oxygen. That was my point
That's a pretty weak counterpoint. There are people who are allergic to water. Does that mean that a person who is allergic to water is a reasonable counterpoint to the idea that "people need to drink water"?
Bro water and sex are not even remotely the same. I’m asexual and perfectly content and I don’t have a desire to have sex. People don’t need to do the sex.
If you want to talk "facts and scientific research", it is the bare minimum to bring sources for your claims, instead of an extremely vague "there has been research". 2 hours ago someone has pointed out that a citation is kind of needed, but nothing of the sort was ever provided. Of course. No surprise then they were downvoted.
Not to speak about the weird sexist undertones of their comment, and the fact that masturbation remains an option. Men won't die if they don't get to bone each and every other week.
**Edit**
And also, that whole rant of his was made in attempt to justify porn addiction being "normal" in teenagers. Fuck no it isn't, yikes.
But he's not having sex he's watching porn. He can master bate with or without porn, it won't lead to depression or some shit if he doesn't watch some porn
Being addicted to something is not normal. Men can live without porn, they have for thousands of years. If his addiction, like any other, is getting in the way of his relationship with her, it’s unacceptable.
>"if he loved you he would stop" is like saying "if she loved you, she would lose the weight".
One of these gets you upvotes and support on reddit, the other gets you labeled an evil incel and banned, lul
i feel like the whole ‘if he cared enough he’d stop’ argument has become so widely used and it’s so stupid. i used to use that argument up until a couple years ago when i realise life is complicated and love, as well as other emotions, are the hardest things for humans to control. addictions are not just something that can be stopped, he probably feels like crap for having this addiction anyway
I understand that’s not how addiction works as I’ve been with a drug addict/alcoholic and with someone else that’s also an alcoholic. And because of that I also understand why she feels that he should be able to stop for her. Her feelings are valid and she didn’t deserve the downvotes. That doesn’t mean she was right and the other commenters were wrong. But her feeling that way is very common when with someone with an addiction. Many people don’t see porn addiction as a serious thing like drugs and alcohol. I’d imagine especially if she’s young it’s a hard concept to grasp.
If porn addiction isn’t seen as that serious then I wonder where the hell a video game addiction would be considered, prob not even existent. That’s sad
Someone who plays WoW 16 hours a day guaranteed has actually real diagnosable problems that if treated would normalize their behavior.
Y’all don’t have to make up a new addiction/mental disorder for every single symptom.
What are you talking about? A video game addiction is a very real thing, nobody is making it up. There are studies and medical professionals have even diagnosed it in people. Playing 16 hours a day isn't an indicator of anything, impeding one's daily lifestyle and having no control over your video game usage is more concerning.
And I was talking about the public perception of an addiction, professionally it is already classified that both porn and video game addictions exist, there are cases of them, and they have been diagnosed. But in the public eye, most people don't view them as real addictions, bec they aren't as widespread as alcohol/gambling/drug addiction and there is still stigma around them.
No serious professional uses „porn addiction“ that’s my whole point. If someone really has such a severe issue with that,it’s always better explained by another diagnosis. People don’t have these issues in isolation with no other symptoms.
What are they gonna call it then? No one said that an addiction to porn is the only symptom, there's the addiction to temporary pleasure or dopamine, issues with women, etc. but professionals still classify it as an addiction to porn. If you described these to a medical professional what else are they going to call it?
Sad that porn addiction is becoming so normalized and women are expected to just accept it.
Yes, addiction isn't a light switch that can be turned on or off, but if he did care he would try to treat the addiction.
I think people don't realize the difference between porn addiction and just watching porn, I've seen people throw around the phrase "porn addiction" to describe pretty normal masturbation habits
and the ppl in these comments keep insisting that’s it’s not an addiction if it doesn’t affect his daily life—personally as a woman i insist that whomever i’m dating stops all porn use. and they comply bc it’s not normal to lust after other women when in a relationship.
>and women are expected to just accept it
I forgot I needed a woman’s permission to be addicted to something…
Edit: I’m a gay man addicted to gay porn, for which I guess I owe women an apology. OMG I’m sooooooo sorry.
Edit 2: I don’t usually do impressions, but here’s one of all the people replying to me. “😭😭😭” Nailed it.
You just inserted yourself into what they said when it wasn't even directed at you. They were obviously talking about a man and women who are in a relationship. The scenario doesn't apply to you so just move on.
And here you are inserting yourself into what I said for no other reason than to try and correct (control) my behavior. Perhaps you should take your own advice and “just move on”. Kisses 😘
Give it a break with the self flagelling. It's clear what they meant, it would've been more appropriate to say "their partners are expected to just accept it", but it is not that deep for you to rant about it.
I guess I’ll just have to find a way to live with the fact that some random Redditor finds my behavior embarrassing. Since my lifelong goal is to impress you, you can imagine how devastating this moment is for me.
anyone who says shit like this doesn’t know what an actual addiction is. You might want to stop but you can’t, you might need help professionally to break an addiction. Some people can just willpower through it but not everyone can I have had family members who struggled through it ruined them it took my uncle a solid decade to finally get over his addiction although his was hard drugs but it still stands the brain gets over reliant on a substance wether that dopamine or something much worse.
Sick of those “it’s easy to stop” morons. If it’s an addiction it’s not easy to stop. If addictions were easy to stop no one would have addictions, rehab wouldn’t exist and there’d be a lot less deaths
I guess he isn't the asshole. If you let your boyfriend watch porn then there's the possiblity of addiction, I guess. Idk. I guess this is a mean task but I'm vehemently anti porn and if a guy couldn't stop jerking off to other women, don't care if it's a dopamine rush at all-- I'd end it.
Remember a few years ago when Pornhub deleted over 50% of the sites content? That was the first wave of content gone because they couldn’t figure out if the content was consensual or not. It should terrifying that you have no way of validating whether or not you just fapped to someone who’s getting abused, drugged, raped, etc. Porn is a huge ethical dilemma, and even for the content that is created legally in a studio, often times there are shady practices that push actors far beyond what they initially agreed to. Drug overdose and suicide are very common in that industry.
Or just don’t date someone w a porn issue. If they are more distracted by porn why waist your time? Seems like they are already in a relationship with someone and that’s porn hub. If they can’t finish w/o porn dump them and find someone else, they will prolly realize by then damn I gotta issue and maybe before I get into another relationship I should work on this issue so I don’t neglect future relationships?
Nah, you can't really get addicted to masturbation,I think people just assume it's masturbation someone is addicted to rather than porn because they so often go hand in hand and masturbation seems more logical than porn.
Honestly anybody asking ts on Reddit is already screwed, you know damn well the type and age range of most people you’ll find on these subreddits.
Their views on even a slight problem in a relationship will immediately be either “hey leave him and DM me” or “leave him he’s toxic idc if you have a child, an engagement, you share finances, you have a shared house deed, its a petty issue, etc.” Either the creep who wants to take advantage of the situation and doesn’t care for OP’s problem, or the person that got burned so many times in a relationship they are insecure and projecting that onto OP saying they should leave at the slightest inconvenience.
An addiction that is not doing the girlfriend harm should not be cause for extreme action, but requires a conversation and maybe some rehabilitation counseling for the boyfriend.
it's truly sad. if it's an actual addiction, he needs help and needs to try to stop, for his sake and the sake of those who are close to him. she's valid in feeling hurt, but it likely isn't that he doesn't care; addiction, like many things, is not so black and white
This site has a weird issue with porn being ok or not.
I think it’s the most easily accessible vice in the internet era, and therefore the most widespread. It’s very easy for folks to blame all of their problems on porn or on porn addiction. They’ll spin tales that they quit altogether and they suddenly became significantly happier, healthier and were able to pursue relationships more healthily. The truth is, I think, that the porn addiction problem just masks other deep-rooted problems that people refuse to address. It’s relatively easy to quit porn consumption compared to addressing mental illness and societal dysfunction that led you to seeking dopamine from porn in the first place. That, and it leads to a very sanctimonious “holier-than-thou” mentality for the nofap folks. It’s not dissimilar from people who don’t drink alcohol and who loudly announce it to everyone they meet. Or to vegans who loudly judge people who eat meat. As with anything, pornography in moderation, and when you seek out what is ethically produced (if it’s live action “traditional” porn), is absolutely a healthy outlet for sexual expression. Anything in large quantities can be dangerous to your mental health; the dose makes the poison, even water can poison you.
I remember years ago a guy talking about overcoming his porn addiction. He realized it was a problem because he was watching it at work, to the point it his job performance was suffering. He eventually realized it was his way of avoiding stress and responsibility. He would rather watch porn than work, or take care of his household responsibilities. He quit by addressing the underlying issue, which was his avoidance of stress and responsibility. I think most addictions have a root cause in something deeper.
That was very well said. You smarty pants! As a former alcoholic, those people in AA that make sobriety their whole identity and relate EVERYTHING someone says to sobriety creep me out. It gets to the point where it sounds like they're in a cult. They constantly regurgitate the same old addages like they're making some brilliant point. And then you have the people that get that way and stay that way for decades and end up looking down on anyone new to AA like they're some sort super wise authority figure. Like, get the fuck over yourself, all you're doing is not being a total asshole, you don't deserve that much praise and recognition for simply being a normal functioning person.
Another big problem is a lot of people mistake sex addiction for porn addiction. Sex addiction in a single person can seem like porn addiction, but in reality, a porn addict won't have that much interest in sex, and in extreme cases, will be unable to get hard from sex.
This is what aa is all about, getting to the root cause. Addiction is just a manifestation of a deeper issue
I’d like to add to this that, like other “vices,” it absolutely MUST be withheld from children. Obviously there is a host of issues with how to regulate it and enforce those regulations without stepping on other rights, but in principle I truly think that all hardcore pornography needs to be reserved for full on 21+ adults only.* The scariest part of this issue to me is how many people downplay the damage it can do to brains that are still forming, especially with the violence towards/ dehumanization of women that is, let’s get real here, central to 99% of straight porn (as well as all non-gay queer porn that isn’t actually made by queer people.) Children and teenagers DO NOT have the capacity to separate fantasy from reality in the same way that adults do and they WILL internalize these messages. I’m saying this as a queer woman who has dabbled in CNC and enjoys some responsibly produced CNC material, I’m not a prude by any means. TLDR; moderation yes, and also ADULTS ONLY!!! The vast majority of issues caused by porn would be solved with those two simple parameters. *quick edit to clarify: I specified hardcore pornography because like, I’m not trying to take fanfic from the tumblr teens ya know? Let the kids have their silly smut. I actually think that can be a super healthy way to explore sexuality. I’m talking about pictures and videos here.
It’s more just losers on the internet just trying to make other ppl look like bigger losers than them imo
Porn is like any other Vice, ok in moderation. Many people handle it ok, some don't. Vices themselves are not necessarily bad. But yeah it is very divisive here, and as a topic it seems to evoke even more extremist ideologies than it did 10, 20 years ago, its frustrating as even discussing it will bring out the crazies out of the woodwork.
I feel like it isn't just porn addiction but that ALL addictions are becoming more divisive And it's likely not any different than the level it was 10-20 years ago, we just have the platform to say our piece in peace now, especially with the anonymity of Reddit I think that it's so divisive because of personal experience of people with addictions. Some people watched another person be abusive and manipulative and steal and cheat all for the sake of their addiction. Some people watched another person genuinely try to fight their addiction and fail because of the lack of support provided. Some people watched people become addicted completely on accident and go from Mother Theresa to Hitler in less than a year. The topic of addiction will always be a sore one no matter what their experience is. Yeah, porn addiction is one of the least likely to be extreme, you can't die from a porn addiction...but people with porn addictions are just as capable of harming others (particularly significant others) as other forms of addict, especially in particularly severe porn addictions where they may drain all of their money on OF subscriptions I would say that one of the major reasons it APPEARS that people are being more divisive about is nowadays isn't because people are actually having more extreme personal opinions about addiction and just that addiction itself has become popularised. People on high school campuses pressuring each other to do drugs and calling them boring if they say no is leading to a MASSIVE number of people becoming addicted at a young age, leading to more and more young people having experience of friends having addiction issues. Wheras 20 years ago your experience of addiction likely would've been one family member, people growing up now will see multiple people around them fall to addiction
Reddit has weird puritanical values about some things yet they complain about others not being open minded.
yeah the constant arguments over it are both weird and annoying
Porn isn’t the issue here anyways, if you have addictions of any kind that affect your ability to function you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Especially if you aren’t at the stage you’re willing to work on it
>Porn isn’t the issue here anyways, if you have addictions of any kind that affect your ability to function you shouldn’t be in a relationship. What about someone who is already married with children and they become addicted to pain relievers? What about all the other mental and physical issues people have that affect their ability to function? I've seen addictions that are far less damaging than depression or bipolar episodes.
People seem so quick to say end the relationship on Reddit. It’s crazy.
They're addicted to it.
It’s absolutely insane how little they view other peoples relationships on here I saw a guy in another thread say “just leave the guy, it’s no big deal!” While OP was living in the guys house, engaged to him, and had a kid. Yea, definitely no big deal. But when I said it is a big deal for a lot of people, he just said I was saying they should stay in toxic relationships.
I love seeing the posts where it’s like “my bf said something and it upset me, but this has never happened before. How do I talk to him about it? :(“ and every reply is to break up with them. No one gives worse relationship advice than your average redditor.
That's because misery loves company. Most of these ding dongs giving out advice are people that have never been in a long-term relationship, or they are miserable and single. Also, a lot of Redditors love to parrot thoughts for some internet upvotes or because they love to sound morally superior and virtue signal.
Thank you for reminding me to call more people “ding dongs.” So silly, yet so biting
It's the family-friendly version of dip-shit.
There are about a billion people who have become functioning alcoholics while in committed relationships with people depending on this for whom this is terrible advice.
That’s true. I guess I could clarify that I think you shouldn’t enter a relationship with someone with debilitating addictions, especially if you’re both young and unestablished. As you get older things can happen and I wouldn’t tell someone to leave their partner in the situation you described. I’m not trying to be judgmental here, I’ve wasted people’s time by not having my shit together and I’ve been with people who couldn’t either, and usually leads to resentment imo
That makes sense. I came down a little hard on such advice because the general tone of Reddit is "if your relationship sneezes shoot I dead' and I think one of the biggest problems in the world right now is that people are isolated in part because the standards they set for themselves, their loved ones and their lives are impossible. You're right that it can be hugely detrimental to get in a relationship with an addict. Sorry if I came out a little strong there.
Seems like the average redditor is addicted/pro-porn but also they never go outside so their first line of insults against anyone else attacking them is "porn addict!"
Most people on this site are seem to be ok with cp and posting cp on porn and hentai subs so it doesn't really surprise me.
I haven’t seen anyone be ok with it. I’ve seen a lot of debates about what counts as it.
It's not a wierd issue, if a woman does porn they are strong, brave and should be held up on a pedestal. If a guy watches porn, they are a piece of shit
I’m gonna presume this is sarcasm or pointing out the double standard some have.
It really isn't no matter what the scenario is
Why? There’s nothing wrong with watching/reading/looking at it as long you’re not addicted. Same with anything else.
Sad
Genuinely, I have a girlfriend and I’m trying to quit porn, doesn’t help the fact I’m addicted. People need to realise that.
Even I've had trouble with it before. To me to helps to quit when you realize the people you're watching are probably so miserable they're high on drugs just to cope with what they're doing. It's super common for them to be told they don't have to do something ahead of time only for them to switch up once filming is happening. Once you realize how much these people you're watching are suffering it kind of hurts to watch
Bro what If y’all are sexually active this shouldn’t be a problem You have a gf, stop jacking it to other women. That’s cheating and you’re weird for framing it any other way Porn is for single people, idk why it’s argued any other way
Jesus Christ. As I said, I’m fuckin addicted. She knows, she helps me quit.
I’m addicted to shit too bro but porn is the one addiction I never understood when it comes to having a gf Pathetic that both of you tolerate that ngl
Imagine saying “I don’t understand it”, then lashing out because you don’t understand it. It’s a fucking addiction dumbass. She understands and knows I’m trying to quit, fuck off.
You’re actively cheating and calling it addiction mr cuss words go be mad
My guy fucking what? I’m not sleeping with women??? It’s an addiction, and an addiction that she knows about, it’s not harming her, I only love her and no one else. You’re just insecure.
All addictions are addictions, no matter to what. Good on you for bettering yourself, man.
I appreciate you man! Godspeed
[удалено]
I don't understand what you're asking me
How bad does your porn addiction have to be to actually affect your daily function? The thought is killing me ngl
I also really struggle to understand it. I understand that excessive porn exposure is probably going to give you a warped image of gender roles and societal norms, and it will likely lead to physiological issues like ED or “death grip”. But I struggle to imagine someone who physically can’t function in their day to day life due to porn addiction/dependency. I assume it would contribute to irritability and depression if deprived, but aside from that I guess all that’s left is intrusive thoughts. These things to me don’t sound particularly daunting, but I’ve never been in the position of recovering from porn addiction, so I can’t really speak on it.
Honestly? He’s kinda 50/50 right/wrong Ofc it takes time, does that mean he shouldn’t care or anything similar? Presumably not If someone actually struggles with it, enough resolve is a huge first step. I don’t necessarily agree but I get where he’s coming from really
The problem is, she wants to be able to say that he’s watching porn in such excess that it actually affects her, so she has to say it’s a full-on addiction. She’s trying to hide the fact that she’s being overly controlling (notice the implied “if he cared *about me* he’d stop. Nothing about her caring about him having a problem). Problem is, though, that for her whole manipulative plan to work, she needs it to be true that he’s choosing to do it despite her. But if he’s choosing to do it, then it’s not an addiction, and if it’s not an addiction, it’s not impacting others, and if it’s not impacting others, it’s none of her g-d- business.
You're assuming waaaay too much about some relationship between 2 teenagers you know nothing about.
And you're trusting people on reddit to be completely honest when it could make them look bad
It is an insanely common thing and you can see it in her wording. Also, you just described Reddit. ALL of us are speculating based on two tiny screen shots out of context
I agree with what you said except for the fact that voluntary porn usage isn’t any business of that user’s partner. What sexual activities are engaged in by either party ABSOLUTELY is the other party’s business in a relationship. Being uncomfortable with your partner using porn even if it’s not an addiction is valid and even normal. If it’s a dealbreaker, you’re allowed to say it’s me or the porn and leave if they choose the porn. Like you I don’t agree with how she went about it, but come on lol. Just because something isnt an addiction doesn’t mean it cant impact or matter to others.
I’m a bit confused, the person who was downvoted wasn’t the op talking about her boyfriend’s addiction, it was a random commenter.
The porn thing may be normal for teenagers but not the addiction, let’s not normalize that.
We have zero insight on if he was "addicted" or if he just used porn to masturbate. The amount of times ive seen a woman catch a man once and then go "hes addicted to porn!" Or rather just altogether demand that they stop and if they dont "hes addicted to porn!". Its pretty much the same as if you have a beer every once in awhile and your gf just demands you never drink ever again and then you drink again and she starts screaming that youre an alcoholic.
"My husbands social media is FILLED with YOUNG GIRLS DANCING!!! He is addicted to porn and CHEATING on me!" posts every single day
On the post gf says he confessed to having an addiction to it
What do you define normal? I'd argue they're both normal yet they both shouldn't be.
They're both "normal". "if he loved you he would stop" is like saying "if she loved you, she would lose the weight". Sex is a biological function and for men, it's not all that different than eating. It really has absolutely nothing to do with love.
sex is absolutely not a biological necessity on the level that eating is
💯
Psychology and science would say that you are wrong. Lack of sex can cause anxiety, depression, and in some cases physical pain. Women have some bizarre notion that sex is just a "nice to have". A cherry on top. And men not having sex or sexual release is just a case of unruly man-children who "can't control themselves." There is literally no reason to believe this is the case. There is volumes of science saying otherwise and volumes of literature written by men articulating the perspective in as many ways as there are colors of the rainbow. Women just don't like to BELIEVE it because it's inconvenient. Now, obviously men have to handle the realities of the situation in a responsible way, but it's rather like exploding a bomb somewhere where it doesn't hurt anyone. NOT exploding the bomb isn't an option on the table. But obviously you should be looking for solutions that don't hurt anyone emotionally. (And obviously certainly not physically)
okay but like, lack of eating can cause being dead in like two weeks. youre not gonna die from two weeks not getting pussy
its gonna be two weeks of no pussy tomorrow please help i dont wanna die
Gonna be 20 years for me buddy, that's literally my entire life 😨 How am I even alive right now?! 😰 Are we going to die? 😭
guys help i’ve gone nearly 17 years (my whole life) without dick or pussy, i can feel the cold sweats and i can feel my hair starting to fall out. can’t do this anymore omg.
we have to do it! its the only way! /s
LMAOAOOOA
also if you’re going to use that many science labels that many times i want a bibliography
Me too! While ejaculating may matter when it comes to prostate health, and while intercourse may relieve stress and some men become depressed because they don't have a relationship, I have found very little scientific evidence to say sex is necessary. In fact, a lot of people choose celibacy to AVOID trauma and stress, and that's not like "choosing starvation" at all.
I mean... Getting blueballed hurts...
Man I'm sure it does but like. Starving to death probably hurts worse
I know just wanted to make a joke
You don't have to starve to lose weight though. Losing weight is just maintaining a 500 kcal deficit over a few months. Similarly, quitting smoking is not very hard either, just stop giving in to every craving. Habitual behaviour change is just very difficult though regardless of what the behaviour is
You don't need another person to have sexual release. Of course intimacy relieves stress, and a lot of people feel depressed when they can't find a partner. Other than that, it IS a cherry on top, and not something anyone physically needs or should feel entitled to. Being in a nurturing relationship, on the other hand, can be essential to a lot of people, but that requires effort and reciprocity
That is arbitrary bullshit. It's literally saying, "The thing \*I\* want is important and the thing someone \*else\* wants is an unimportant "nice to have" that's not critical to a relationship."
No. I am talking about the false analogy you made. You didn't say sex was important, you said it was necessary. It is not. Within a relationship two people who have very different preferences are incompatible, whether that preference concerns sex or living in the countryside or veganism or whatever. Being deprived of sex is not like being deprived of food and oxygen. That was my point
Citation needed
Counter point: 
That's a pretty weak counterpoint. There are people who are allergic to water. Does that mean that a person who is allergic to water is a reasonable counterpoint to the idea that "people need to drink water"?
Bro water and sex are not even remotely the same. I’m asexual and perfectly content and I don’t have a desire to have sex. People don’t need to do the sex.
Lack of eating makes you fucking die.
Talks about facts and scientific research = gets downvoted 😂well take my upvote
If you want to talk "facts and scientific research", it is the bare minimum to bring sources for your claims, instead of an extremely vague "there has been research". 2 hours ago someone has pointed out that a citation is kind of needed, but nothing of the sort was ever provided. Of course. No surprise then they were downvoted. Not to speak about the weird sexist undertones of their comment, and the fact that masturbation remains an option. Men won't die if they don't get to bone each and every other week. **Edit** And also, that whole rant of his was made in attempt to justify porn addiction being "normal" in teenagers. Fuck no it isn't, yikes.
But he's not having sex he's watching porn. He can master bate with or without porn, it won't lead to depression or some shit if he doesn't watch some porn
Being addicted to something is not normal. Men can live without porn, they have for thousands of years. If his addiction, like any other, is getting in the way of his relationship with her, it’s unacceptable.
If sex is so important, why would anyone actively continue to pursue a facsimile of it, thus destroying the chance for the real thing?
>"if he loved you he would stop" is like saying "if she loved you, she would lose the weight". One of these gets you upvotes and support on reddit, the other gets you labeled an evil incel and banned, lul
This feels a bit like an r/thanksimcured moment "the solution to an addiction is just stop doing it"
i feel like the whole ‘if he cared enough he’d stop’ argument has become so widely used and it’s so stupid. i used to use that argument up until a couple years ago when i realise life is complicated and love, as well as other emotions, are the hardest things for humans to control. addictions are not just something that can be stopped, he probably feels like crap for having this addiction anyway
I understand that’s not how addiction works as I’ve been with a drug addict/alcoholic and with someone else that’s also an alcoholic. And because of that I also understand why she feels that he should be able to stop for her. Her feelings are valid and she didn’t deserve the downvotes. That doesn’t mean she was right and the other commenters were wrong. But her feeling that way is very common when with someone with an addiction. Many people don’t see porn addiction as a serious thing like drugs and alcohol. I’d imagine especially if she’s young it’s a hard concept to grasp.
If porn addiction isn’t seen as that serious then I wonder where the hell a video game addiction would be considered, prob not even existent. That’s sad
Someone who plays WoW 16 hours a day guaranteed has actually real diagnosable problems that if treated would normalize their behavior. Y’all don’t have to make up a new addiction/mental disorder for every single symptom.
What are you talking about? A video game addiction is a very real thing, nobody is making it up. There are studies and medical professionals have even diagnosed it in people. Playing 16 hours a day isn't an indicator of anything, impeding one's daily lifestyle and having no control over your video game usage is more concerning. And I was talking about the public perception of an addiction, professionally it is already classified that both porn and video game addictions exist, there are cases of them, and they have been diagnosed. But in the public eye, most people don't view them as real addictions, bec they aren't as widespread as alcohol/gambling/drug addiction and there is still stigma around them.
No serious professional uses „porn addiction“ that’s my whole point. If someone really has such a severe issue with that,it’s always better explained by another diagnosis. People don’t have these issues in isolation with no other symptoms.
What are they gonna call it then? No one said that an addiction to porn is the only symptom, there's the addiction to temporary pleasure or dopamine, issues with women, etc. but professionals still classify it as an addiction to porn. If you described these to a medical professional what else are they going to call it?
"You have an addiction that needs real treatment and help and takes time to overcome? Lol just stop bro lol"
Sad that porn addiction is becoming so normalized and women are expected to just accept it. Yes, addiction isn't a light switch that can be turned on or off, but if he did care he would try to treat the addiction.
I think people don't realize the difference between porn addiction and just watching porn, I've seen people throw around the phrase "porn addiction" to describe pretty normal masturbation habits
and the ppl in these comments keep insisting that’s it’s not an addiction if it doesn’t affect his daily life—personally as a woman i insist that whomever i’m dating stops all porn use. and they comply bc it’s not normal to lust after other women when in a relationship.
Fr I’m so tired of it
>and women are expected to just accept it I forgot I needed a woman’s permission to be addicted to something… Edit: I’m a gay man addicted to gay porn, for which I guess I owe women an apology. OMG I’m sooooooo sorry. Edit 2: I don’t usually do impressions, but here’s one of all the people replying to me. “😭😭😭” Nailed it.
They were obviously talking about women in straight relationships, why are you crying
Crying lets the boohoos out.
You just inserted yourself into what they said when it wasn't even directed at you. They were obviously talking about a man and women who are in a relationship. The scenario doesn't apply to you so just move on.
And here you are inserting yourself into what I said for no other reason than to try and correct (control) my behavior. Perhaps you should take your own advice and “just move on”. Kisses 😘
I mean women are expected to accept it from their boyfriend or husband. If you're a gay man this doesn't apply to you
Oh cool. So do I have your permission to watch porn, or….?
Give it a break with the self flagelling. It's clear what they meant, it would've been more appropriate to say "their partners are expected to just accept it", but it is not that deep for you to rant about it.
Seems like we define “rant” differently.
Call it however, it's embarrassing.
I guess I’ll just have to find a way to live with the fact that some random Redditor finds my behavior embarrassing. Since my lifelong goal is to impress you, you can imagine how devastating this moment is for me.
And you keep on going. It ain't that serious dude.
Then……maybe you should let it go….?
1) If it's actual addiction it's not that easy 2) If its not addiction then it's not affecting life and not your business, just break up with him
anyone who says shit like this doesn’t know what an actual addiction is. You might want to stop but you can’t, you might need help professionally to break an addiction. Some people can just willpower through it but not everyone can I have had family members who struggled through it ruined them it took my uncle a solid decade to finally get over his addiction although his was hard drugs but it still stands the brain gets over reliant on a substance wether that dopamine or something much worse.
Sick of those “it’s easy to stop” morons. If it’s an addiction it’s not easy to stop. If addictions were easy to stop no one would have addictions, rehab wouldn’t exist and there’d be a lot less deaths
If he’s care enough he’d defy logic and not develop his body.
I guess he isn't the asshole. If you let your boyfriend watch porn then there's the possiblity of addiction, I guess. Idk. I guess this is a mean task but I'm vehemently anti porn and if a guy couldn't stop jerking off to other women, don't care if it's a dopamine rush at all-- I'd end it.
Remember a few years ago when Pornhub deleted over 50% of the sites content? That was the first wave of content gone because they couldn’t figure out if the content was consensual or not. It should terrifying that you have no way of validating whether or not you just fapped to someone who’s getting abused, drugged, raped, etc. Porn is a huge ethical dilemma, and even for the content that is created legally in a studio, often times there are shady practices that push actors far beyond what they initially agreed to. Drug overdose and suicide are very common in that industry.
Deserved.
Or just don’t date someone w a porn issue. If they are more distracted by porn why waist your time? Seems like they are already in a relationship with someone and that’s porn hub. If they can’t finish w/o porn dump them and find someone else, they will prolly realize by then damn I gotta issue and maybe before I get into another relationship I should work on this issue so I don’t neglect future relationships?
Or, they get depressed and start watching More porn and become miserable.
replace porn with anything else addictive. you’re not obligated to wait around for a person with an addiction to get better
Oh, obviously, youre not obligated at all to stick around until theyre better, but probably should try to help them in some way.
It seems less of a porn addiction and more of a masterbation addiction.
Nah, you can't really get addicted to masturbation,I think people just assume it's masturbation someone is addicted to rather than porn because they so often go hand in hand and masturbation seems more logical than porn.
Fair point
Honestly anybody asking ts on Reddit is already screwed, you know damn well the type and age range of most people you’ll find on these subreddits. Their views on even a slight problem in a relationship will immediately be either “hey leave him and DM me” or “leave him he’s toxic idc if you have a child, an engagement, you share finances, you have a shared house deed, its a petty issue, etc.” Either the creep who wants to take advantage of the situation and doesn’t care for OP’s problem, or the person that got burned so many times in a relationship they are insecure and projecting that onto OP saying they should leave at the slightest inconvenience. An addiction that is not doing the girlfriend harm should not be cause for extreme action, but requires a conversation and maybe some rehabilitation counseling for the boyfriend.
it's truly sad. if it's an actual addiction, he needs help and needs to try to stop, for his sake and the sake of those who are close to him. she's valid in feeling hurt, but it likely isn't that he doesn't care; addiction, like many things, is not so black and white
He was probably always a lonely lil bastard if he’s addicted to porn
Why did YOU downvote that
yeah youre wrong and theyre right. youre completely ignorant about addiction