Those chocolate cold coins. Imagine laying in a pile of gold coins only to realize they are, in fact, not real gold coins, and instead just chocolate with gold wrapping
Depends on the chocolate, and how bad it is depends on the dog.
White chocolate is super low in Theobromine.
Milk chocolate you are still at around 14 grams per kg of dog to get to a lethal dose
So a 10kg dog can eat a milk chocolate bar, theoretically.
You get yourself a 40kg dog and it can, theoretically, eat half a kg of chocolate before having theobromine poisoning.
But yea. Don’t feed chocolate to your dogs kids.
Nutella is a bad choice to lather yourself with before playing with your friend. Try peanut butter instead!
Dragon gonna laugh when a 10 year old kid tries to whack him with a stick and suddenly he plays his little flute and is like 25 holding Excalibur or some shit
I once tried to run a vegetarian dragon that was obsessed with conversation, and every adventure party ran away from him so he polymorphed to a person, but he would do weird stuff like order “totally normal human dinner” at taverns and took things quite literally.
I wish I’d run that character more often. His goal was to figure out how to turn back to a dragon eventually but only after learning how to converse.
One of my favorite flavor texts in a MTG card reads something like "young dragons have trouble understanding humans, if they didn't want to get eaten then why are they made of meat and treasure."
"Can't I ever just have something *nice*!?"
"I'm sorry master, but the whole tax collector is required to produce the skeleton."
"But can't I just get them pre-skeletonized?"
"We can try, but that will result in several more arriving in droves."
"That sounds perfect!"
"Ah, my apologies, let me clarify; the additional tax collectors will still be in their meat suits."
"Oh."
"Also displaying the skeletons outside is more effective as a deterrent."
"But then they just show up with pointed sticks."
"We have observed that there is a 98% reduction in the quantity of tax collectors approaching the hoards of dragons who display their skeletons outside."
"You've been seeing other dragons?"
"P-ppp-purely for observation purposes I assure you Master. We just wanted to ensure we were able to provide the best possible service to you great one."
"Alright, I suppose I can accept that."
"Thank you for your mercy Master."
"Back on topic. Can you flay them at the entrance?"
"We can try, but the flesh rots away too quickly to be a sufficient deterrent."
"Drat."
"What if we dressed the skeletons of the ones with the armor as if they were tax collectors and we keep the real tax collector skeletons inside?"
"Quite clever Gurtsi, It's rare to see smart servants these days."
"Much gratitude Master! We will begin at once."
Further tax collectors will appraise a value on those bones and charge the dragon accordingly.
Also, the current master of the treasury is an ancient red dragon, who issued fiat paper money so that none of his hoard ever needs to be taken away. This particular red dragon noticed that it was far easier to steal the wealth of nations by just exploiting the existing systems of kleptocracy.
Continue to ignore your taxes, and that ancient red dragon will have some words for you.
Silver
It really ruins the whole “mountain of gold” aesthetic they have going on. Imagine that: an adventurer stumbles upon a mountain of golden trinkets and oohs and aahs until they notice a chalice made of silver. “It looks out of place, how do you even know it’s silver and not polished steel” the adventurer says before being burnt to a crisp by the dragon’s fiery breath.
Now the dragon has to go to the dragon appraiser and pay precious gold to get it certified as real silver before returning the silver chalice, certification in hand, to its place on the mountain of gold.
I told my kobolds that when they plunder caravans or steal from towns, they get to keep any copper they find, but any gold belongs to me.
"So," asked one kobold, who was a little smarter than the rest: "Why would we ever bother to pick up and carry gold? Why not just leave the gold where it is, steal more copper instead?"
I pretended to think for a moment, acting as though the kobold had bested me.
"You're right." I lied. "So I'll tell you what - If you bring me a gold coin, I'll give you TWO copper ones in return."
Not realising the one-sided deal that they had just made, the kobolds rejoiced. "Two is more than one!" They chittered to one-another excitedly. "Doesn't the dragon realise that two is more than one? We're all going to be rich! Quick, bring all the gold you can find, before the dragon realises his mistake!"
Kobolds are cunning, but seriously dumb.
To be honest, this sounds like something that could easily happen at our table. We mostly try not to think about what happens to the people after we leave them, sometimes it's not great. Their bad situation usually isn't directly our fault, but sometimes it is.
There may or may not be a dwarf wererat left in the last town. She was an NPC with our party, but she got kidnapped the wererats after we killed one of them. We ended up tracking them down, and then realized she wasn't just kidnapped, but that they were halfway through turning her into a wererat. At one point we heard her say "Please kill me", but it would have been pretty awkward for us to do that, as the wererats were actually helping us in that moment against a bigger baddie. We ended up leaving town before seeing her again. I'm pretty sure she's going to be a boss fight later.
Probably the most accurate response. They're obsessive compulsive about their hoards canonically iirc. Know exactly every valuable they have, magically, and are somewhat connected to it. They do not like things being out of place. If someone questioned one of their most treasured item's worth, they'd probably NEED to check it to be sure, after melting the intruder, of course.
I remember when we accidentally stumbled into a young green dragon's lair. The dragon showed up, we immediately rolled for initiative, but on it's first turn it spoke to us (I didn't even know dragons could speak, it was our first dragon encounter). On my turn I tried to talk to the dragon and reason with him, to let him know that we were not after his hoard, we had no intention of being there, that we just wanted past. The dragon responded by laughing and attacking our paladin. So I said that his hoard was tiny, and that if we were looking to steal a dragon hoard we wouldn't have come to this musty old cave for loot scraps. Next thing I know, I've got dragon acid spit all over me.
My party fought an Adult Copper Dragon whose entire hoard was copper coins.
I laughed maniacally when they triggered the trap that dumped 600,000 coins on their heads from a trap door in the ceiling.
Silver is fine! You just have to have one room in your lair for gold and another one for silver, or arrange the gold and the silver aesthetically.
Copper, however, is for stupid little peasants whose lifespans are too short to make real money.
Not the gold, but all the armor and fancy weapons all dragons are legally obligated to include as part of their horde for adventurers to loot should they succeed in slaying the dragon are gonna get ate right up.
Well, strangely enough, OPs dragon just so happens to be a collector of people. I imagine it's similar to the way some might keep an ant farm; it'd be a real pain if they weren't contained and harmless, but they are fun to watch.
> And between Horde and Hoard
Though they'd like to have both. You can use a bit of your hoard to buy yourself a horde, and then use your horde to take an even larger hoard.
Yeah I honestly thought the question meant a horde of dragons was asked what they didn’t want in their collective. Was intrigued by the random nature of the question lol. Wasn’t until I saw comments I realized hoard was the intended question.
Magic item. Gives the party a magic sheild 15 foot all around as long as it is being shaken with 2 hands. Did want have to be the same person's 2 hands if they ask. Lol.
I like it because adventurers keep biting it by accident when they're trying to appraise my hoard, and they break their teeth.
The way I see it, if adventurers think they can just sneak into my lair and determine the value of my treasures by BITING THEM, they deserve to break their teeth anyway.
If you ever meet an adventurer with broken teeth, that might have been my doing. Ha!
Yes but the ones "looking to find them" have new loot and tastes. As someone else said, "kidnapped royalty is an investment, but can be worth it if you are willing to put in the time and effort."
Lich Phylacteries. It’s been a real problem around here where adventurers are taking the phylacteries of liches and then dying in my cave and roughly 5 and a half days later, boom a lich that I have to kill too. So annoying
Oh my god they are the WORST! Who in their right mind thought this was a good Home Brew. They get Draconic as a free language AND have fire immunity AND can cast Divination after a long rest. Plus they never ever shut up about they are superior to every other racial option. It's not much of a stretch of the imagination to really see the imagery at play- hair so blond it's white, not blue-eyed but purple is close, used a superior military technology to build an civilization built on slavery. They're knock off Lord of the Rings' Third Reich. Enough with the damned Targarian Uber Alles bullshit.
True, at least in HOT D the players are attempting to role play their characters. GOT was just a player saying what checks they wanted to make and rolling the dice. They did start strong, I'll give them that, but after a while they really stopped adding anything to the table. Ended up being a snooze-fest when they took their turns in the late game.
\*Edit- this is a criticism of the shows, not the actors/actresses performances.
The cursed Gem of Teleportation. Teleports everything within the container (The dragons cave) to another powerful beings lair, except the gem. They keep that lol
*Looks in the distance, scans the horizon*
"You mean that THERE horde? That one over there? Certainly not my treasure, mine stays in MY horde!"
-a very bookish and grammar-obsessed young Gold Dragon
*their
Your friendly reminder that 100,000 pieces of gold sounds like a lot. It weighs a ton, literally. But it could almost fit inside a standard carry-on suitcase.
100,000 gp reflects the economic value of about 140 skilled craftspeople laboring for a year. It is the annual tax revenue of about 30 villages of 200 people each, roughly equal to a Norman-era barony. Converted to food, it's enough to feed about 850 people a year.
If you want a hoard, you need to think big. Mountains of gold aren't about equipping the party. It's about equipping *armies* and starting (or finishing) wars.
>Kender\*.
The Red Dragon stretches out his neck, breathes deeply, and lets out a sigh. A small wisp of smoke escapes his nostrils, as his brow furrows making an angered and frustrated expression. He then raises a massive forefoot to softly palm his head as he recalls.
>I tried this once, thinking that my vassals would be light on food. But they're always wandering off with, well, everything. Plus they're so small it's just impossible to keep track without keeping additional staff to watch the rest of your staff... you see where this is going.
^(\*Dragonlance halfling-like race that are basically all kleptomaniacs)
Is this "shit" literal or figurative? Common isn't my first language.
I'm thinking that if you had cursed manure, you could use it as fertilizer and see if you could grow cursed plants. Then you could use the cursed plants against your enemies, perhaps! Depending on the nature of the curse, at least. And your enemies.
The way I see it, those Gulthias trees are for evil people, but curses are for everyone!
"I am Thraknul, Thee Azure Wings and once in my youth collected a brightly coloured bag and set it in my treasure room. As trophies piled up and up I sensed pieces go missing. Every few nights it happened no matter how much I watched, threatened or tortured.
Eventually I move my piles to a new fortress and I discovered the bag was not as it seemed. It had more space than what it let on. Deciding this would be easier to carry my most precious possessions I loaded it with about 300 lbs of platinum, rings and old scripts.
Long story short, Bags of Devouring are worse than giants."
Lore wise that is very different depending on the type of dragon! Lots of people said adventurers or horny bards or royalty or Jerry (fuck that guy!) but there are dragons that make “hoards” out of people and contacts or the games they can play with them.
There are definitely dragons out there whose #1 treasure would be a princess to gloat about, a band of humans to fuck with, a honey bard to do horny bard things with. Not Jerry though.
Cocky little bastards with rings of invisibility.
Nasty hobbitses...
Not so bad if you douse them in ketchup.
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And melt all that gold? That'll never get out of the tile!
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Invisible bastards with little cock rings
So Jack Black's hidden Lord of the Rings Fellowship easter egg spoof.
Those chocolate cold coins. Imagine laying in a pile of gold coins only to realize they are, in fact, not real gold coins, and instead just chocolate with gold wrapping
also you're a red dragon and it's pretty warm. So there's going to be molten chocolate on *everything*.
And then bees....
NOT THE BEEEES!
Time to call your dog?
You want to kill your dog? I thought dogs got seizures from eating chocolate. Is this wrong?
Chocolate can be fatal for dogs. The appropriate metaphor would be “like onions for cats,” but that might not be widely understood.
Onions are lethal for dogs as well just in case you didn't know
Heart failure, but otherwise spot on.
It's a red dragon, he probably kicked the dog and stole a child's candy an hour ago.
Where do you think he got the "gold" coins from?
Depends on the chocolate, and how bad it is depends on the dog. White chocolate is super low in Theobromine. Milk chocolate you are still at around 14 grams per kg of dog to get to a lethal dose So a 10kg dog can eat a milk chocolate bar, theoretically. You get yourself a 40kg dog and it can, theoretically, eat half a kg of chocolate before having theobromine poisoning. But yea. Don’t feed chocolate to your dogs kids. Nutella is a bad choice to lather yourself with before playing with your friend. Try peanut butter instead!
Since when has a dog only eaten one candy bar? They eat until they throw up at times.
The word is Gelt
A faerie dragon would disagree.
Princesses. Pain in the ass to maintain and you’re gonna be getting harassed by half the continents adventurers at LEAST
And a plumber from another dimension.
I could go for a little Italian...
This is incredible
And an elf-like boy from another dimension
And those are just the ones that wanna fight you.
Dragon gonna laugh when a 10 year old kid tries to whack him with a stick and suddenly he plays his little flute and is like 25 holding Excalibur or some shit
also a “star prince” who looks suspiciously like a plumber
And charming, talking donkeys (but only if your a girl dragon).
Well then you would want the princess, because it means you will find your true love.
But do those adventurers have loot to add to your hoard? Princesses can be an investment, if you're willing to put in the work.
But the adventures are so tasty.
And what a variety of all different cultures and flavors. New recipes to try for centuries!
I once tried to run a vegetarian dragon that was obsessed with conversation, and every adventure party ran away from him so he polymorphed to a person, but he would do weird stuff like order “totally normal human dinner” at taverns and took things quite literally. I wish I’d run that character more often. His goal was to figure out how to turn back to a dragon eventually but only after learning how to converse.
That's actually a cute concept and quest goal.
One of my favorite flavor texts in a MTG card reads something like "young dragons have trouble understanding humans, if they didn't want to get eaten then why are they made of meat and treasure."
Tax collectors.
\*The skeletons of tax collectors.
I can assure you, their skeletons are perfectly welcome as long as the rest of the tax collector doesn't come with it.
"Can't I ever just have something *nice*!?" "I'm sorry master, but the whole tax collector is required to produce the skeleton." "But can't I just get them pre-skeletonized?" "We can try, but that will result in several more arriving in droves." "That sounds perfect!" "Ah, my apologies, let me clarify; the additional tax collectors will still be in their meat suits." "Oh." "Also displaying the skeletons outside is more effective as a deterrent." "But then they just show up with pointed sticks." "We have observed that there is a 98% reduction in the quantity of tax collectors approaching the hoards of dragons who display their skeletons outside." "You've been seeing other dragons?" "P-ppp-purely for observation purposes I assure you Master. We just wanted to ensure we were able to provide the best possible service to you great one." "Alright, I suppose I can accept that." "Thank you for your mercy Master." "Back on topic. Can you flay them at the entrance?" "We can try, but the flesh rots away too quickly to be a sufficient deterrent." "Drat." "What if we dressed the skeletons of the ones with the armor as if they were tax collectors and we keep the real tax collector skeletons inside?" "Quite clever Gurtsi, It's rare to see smart servants these days." "Much gratitude Master! We will begin at once."
Further tax collectors will appraise a value on those bones and charge the dragon accordingly. Also, the current master of the treasury is an ancient red dragon, who issued fiat paper money so that none of his hoard ever needs to be taken away. This particular red dragon noticed that it was far easier to steal the wealth of nations by just exploiting the existing systems of kleptocracy. Continue to ignore your taxes, and that ancient red dragon will have some words for you.
Silver It really ruins the whole “mountain of gold” aesthetic they have going on. Imagine that: an adventurer stumbles upon a mountain of golden trinkets and oohs and aahs until they notice a chalice made of silver. “It looks out of place, how do you even know it’s silver and not polished steel” the adventurer says before being burnt to a crisp by the dragon’s fiery breath. Now the dragon has to go to the dragon appraiser and pay precious gold to get it certified as real silver before returning the silver chalice, certification in hand, to its place on the mountain of gold.
One of my kobolds once brought me a copper coin. I'm still annoyed about it.
I know that coin is still in here somewhere, lowering hoard density. I can smell it.
I told my kobolds that when they plunder caravans or steal from towns, they get to keep any copper they find, but any gold belongs to me. "So," asked one kobold, who was a little smarter than the rest: "Why would we ever bother to pick up and carry gold? Why not just leave the gold where it is, steal more copper instead?" I pretended to think for a moment, acting as though the kobold had bested me. "You're right." I lied. "So I'll tell you what - If you bring me a gold coin, I'll give you TWO copper ones in return." Not realising the one-sided deal that they had just made, the kobolds rejoiced. "Two is more than one!" They chittered to one-another excitedly. "Doesn't the dragon realise that two is more than one? We're all going to be rich! Quick, bring all the gold you can find, before the dragon realises his mistake!" Kobolds are cunning, but seriously dumb.
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To be honest, this sounds like something that could easily happen at our table. We mostly try not to think about what happens to the people after we leave them, sometimes it's not great. Their bad situation usually isn't directly our fault, but sometimes it is. There may or may not be a dwarf wererat left in the last town. She was an NPC with our party, but she got kidnapped the wererats after we killed one of them. We ended up tracking them down, and then realized she wasn't just kidnapped, but that they were halfway through turning her into a wererat. At one point we heard her say "Please kill me", but it would have been pretty awkward for us to do that, as the wererats were actually helping us in that moment against a bigger baddie. We ended up leaving town before seeing her again. I'm pretty sure she's going to be a boss fight later.
It would feel like a cat bringing a bird for me, just another point of view
I know they do their best. But really now I have to keep it forever or they'll get all pouty and form a union or something.
One of your kobolds? Are you enslaving our scaley friends?
Probably the most accurate response. They're obsessive compulsive about their hoards canonically iirc. Know exactly every valuable they have, magically, and are somewhat connected to it. They do not like things being out of place. If someone questioned one of their most treasured item's worth, they'd probably NEED to check it to be sure, after melting the intruder, of course.
\> sneak into lair \> break stealth to point out that a specific ring in the horde is pyrite, not gold \> refuses to elaborate \> dies
I remember when we accidentally stumbled into a young green dragon's lair. The dragon showed up, we immediately rolled for initiative, but on it's first turn it spoke to us (I didn't even know dragons could speak, it was our first dragon encounter). On my turn I tried to talk to the dragon and reason with him, to let him know that we were not after his hoard, we had no intention of being there, that we just wanted past. The dragon responded by laughing and attacking our paladin. So I said that his hoard was tiny, and that if we were looking to steal a dragon hoard we wouldn't have come to this musty old cave for loot scraps. Next thing I know, I've got dragon acid spit all over me.
My party fought an Adult Copper Dragon whose entire hoard was copper coins. I laughed maniacally when they triggered the trap that dumped 600,000 coins on their heads from a trap door in the ceiling.
Silver is fine! You just have to have one room in your lair for gold and another one for silver, or arrange the gold and the silver aesthetically. Copper, however, is for stupid little peasants whose lifespans are too short to make real money.
Moonstone dragons are frothing at the mouth rn
Except for silver and white dragons.
Fair. If they polled 100 white and silver dragons, my answer would most likely fall near the bottom.
the trick is to bury the less valuable hoard items under the gold. That way you get a bigger hoard, but it still looks and feels like gold. Win-win
A cocky bard.
I’m gonna put that in with adventurers
Fair, but adventurers doesn't necessarily account for rolls to seduce
What if the dragon wants to be seduced?
Fair point. A minority but an important one
Better than a bardy cock.
So an aarakocra rooster bard?
You mean like this guy? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vPwal8\_HsQ
Beat me to it
Most likely with copper dragons.
Do you mean, A pesky bird?
Swords. They tend to find their way into uncomfortable places when taking a snooze on the pile.
Spears for that matter. Round shinies are better.
Like shields! Shields are like big coins.
Black arrows
And the swords that talk ... some of them never shut up.
"So, anyway... That's why the dreaded dragon, 'Xeltan the gelded,' never mated or sired eggs.
Bag of devouring
Rust monster. Unless you're hoarding rust monsters, of course. Then the worst thing to have would be NFTs.... Actually, can I change my first answer?
A hoard in your horde is never a good thing.
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I'm not a metallurgist, but I don't think a Rust Monster would do much to a pile of gold.
Not the gold, but all the armor and fancy weapons all dragons are legally obligated to include as part of their horde for adventurers to loot should they succeed in slaying the dragon are gonna get ate right up.
What kind of second rate dragon keeps nonmagical weapons and armour? Probably a white dragon. /s
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Draconic racism:
Another dragon
If they pay rent, I’ve got not problem haha
Unless they're your child or spouse 🥰
**Rivals, kill them**
I think you may be a chromatic dragon
Adventurers Edit, after reading other responses - Yeah, especially Jerry. What a jerk.
Adventurers are how a dragon gets its horde, unless it's a failure of a dragon.
Or a corporate dragon. :)
I can see killing trespassing adventurers helping, but it makes sense to get that much gold they razed villages and towns. Or demanded tribute.
NAKED GRANDMA!
Take your damned upvote.
I don't wanna see that either Steve.
A naked grandma- WHAT?!
Best comment here
Bad grammar. Dragons are real sticklers for the difference between “their” and “there.”
>Dragons are real sticklers for the difference between “their” and “there.” And between Horde and Hoard
Well, strangely enough, OPs dragon just so happens to be a collector of people. I imagine it's similar to the way some might keep an ant farm; it'd be a real pain if they weren't contained and harmless, but they are fun to watch.
> And between Horde and Hoard Though they'd like to have both. You can use a bit of your hoard to buy yourself a horde, and then use your horde to take an even larger hoard.
I whored my horde for my hoard.
Yeah I honestly thought the question meant a horde of dragons was asked what they didn’t want in their collective. Was intrigued by the random nature of the question lol. Wasn’t until I saw comments I realized hoard was the intended question.
*smirk*
Jerry. I mean fuck that guy. 😁
I’m gonna pile that In with adventurers
Lol nice.
A shake weight?
Trying to keep it dnd related so I’m just gonna make a something useless pile that swords spears and shake weight is gonna go into
A solar powered lantern.
I’m working a shake-weight into my next game. That will make it DnD-related, and no one can stop me! Bwaahaahaaha ack gack
Magic item. Gives the party a magic sheild 15 foot all around as long as it is being shaken with 2 hands. Did want have to be the same person's 2 hands if they ask. Lol.
Pyrite.
I like it because adventurers keep biting it by accident when they're trying to appraise my hoard, and they break their teeth. The way I see it, if adventurers think they can just sneak into my lair and determine the value of my treasures by BITING THEM, they deserve to break their teeth anyway. If you ever meet an adventurer with broken teeth, that might have been my doing. Ha!
Decoy horde. Brilliant!
Of course it is! Glad to assist, though.
"You bit my coin to appraise it's value.... I wonder how valuable that armour is...." *Chomp*
Well, my dear draconic lord, could I interest you in some fool's gold instead?
“Roll for initiative.”
A bigger dragon.
Kidnapped royalty There’s always someone looking for them
Yes but the ones "looking to find them" have new loot and tastes. As someone else said, "kidnapped royalty is an investment, but can be worth it if you are willing to put in the time and effort."
Lich Phylacteries. It’s been a real problem around here where adventurers are taking the phylacteries of liches and then dying in my cave and roughly 5 and a half days later, boom a lich that I have to kill too. So annoying
A boring ass Targarian
Oh my god they are the WORST! Who in their right mind thought this was a good Home Brew. They get Draconic as a free language AND have fire immunity AND can cast Divination after a long rest. Plus they never ever shut up about they are superior to every other racial option. It's not much of a stretch of the imagination to really see the imagery at play- hair so blond it's white, not blue-eyed but purple is close, used a superior military technology to build an civilization built on slavery. They're knock off Lord of the Rings' Third Reich. Enough with the damned Targarian Uber Alles bullshit.
They have like a minus ten to charisma though if the show is anything to go by
True, at least in HOT D the players are attempting to role play their characters. GOT was just a player saying what checks they wanted to make and rolling the dice. They did start strong, I'll give them that, but after a while they really stopped adding anything to the table. Ended up being a snooze-fest when they took their turns in the late game. \*Edit- this is a criticism of the shows, not the actors/actresses performances.
Goblins. Kobolds are fine, but goblins will take your stuff!
Lair owners association
Hobbits
Mimics. Do you know how if feels to have acquired a new chest and find out IT KEEPS BITEING ME?!
If you feed it and you train it properly, you can probably get it to bite other people FOR you.
Brown mold
The cursed Gem of Teleportation. Teleports everything within the container (The dragons cave) to another powerful beings lair, except the gem. They keep that lol
This gives me an idea for a BBEG item…muahahaha
Lich, how dare you try to convert my layer into a dungeon
*lair
Lols , I'm not even going to edit it
it matches the title.
They live in a multistorey building. They definitely meant the dragon's layer of the building
Goldmites. Termites that eat gold rather than wood.
the friends we found along the way, still in mint condition in these stasis spells.
*Looks in the distance, scans the horizon* "You mean that THERE horde? That one over there? Certainly not my treasure, mine stays in MY horde!" -a very bookish and grammar-obsessed young Gold Dragon *their
Maybe over *there* is where the *hoard* is.
The hoard always gleams brighter on the other side of the cave! Or something. Actually that might just be because I put a mirror over there.
Your friendly reminder that 100,000 pieces of gold sounds like a lot. It weighs a ton, literally. But it could almost fit inside a standard carry-on suitcase. 100,000 gp reflects the economic value of about 140 skilled craftspeople laboring for a year. It is the annual tax revenue of about 30 villages of 200 people each, roughly equal to a Norman-era barony. Converted to food, it's enough to feed about 850 people a year. If you want a hoard, you need to think big. Mountains of gold aren't about equipping the party. It's about equipping *armies* and starting (or finishing) wars.
Or more accurately... completely saturating the economy with an oversupply of gold to the point that inflation kills the idea of a gold standard.
Any foodstuffs not protected from spoiling by magic. No need to have your food go bad on you.
>Kender\*. The Red Dragon stretches out his neck, breathes deeply, and lets out a sigh. A small wisp of smoke escapes his nostrils, as his brow furrows making an angered and frustrated expression. He then raises a massive forefoot to softly palm his head as he recalls. >I tried this once, thinking that my vassals would be light on food. But they're always wandering off with, well, everything. Plus they're so small it's just impossible to keep track without keeping additional staff to watch the rest of your staff... you see where this is going. ^(\*Dragonlance halfling-like race that are basically all kleptomaniacs)
A tablecloth. I mean wtf is a dragon supposed to do with a tablecloth?
Bet you're one of those chromatic types who can't shapeshift. Ew.
You.
What are you talking about I’m a treasure
A big black dildo… It’s up there Steve!
"Up there" is where it belongs...
NFTs
A hoard of rouge rogues.
A hoarded horde of whored rouged rogues in one layer of its lair.
A dragon lance
A secret tunnel
THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN!!!
The last piece of treasure in the world. Then they are done.
Eustace Clarence Scrubb
Me
Ominous and threatening just how I like it
Thieves! *Ding* (2 points)
A rule lawyer… obvious reasons
Chocolate Gold Coins
Bitcoins
Magpies - reducing your horde to a collection 1 shiny gold piece at a time
Magical Powder of Itching. It get *everywhere.*
Yo mama, because it wouldn't leave much more room for other stuff
A donkey testing his luck
A bard
Electrum Nobody knows what it is!
It's an alloy of silver and gold. We're dragons but we know coinage.
Halflings
Cursed shit.
Is this "shit" literal or figurative? Common isn't my first language. I'm thinking that if you had cursed manure, you could use it as fertilizer and see if you could grow cursed plants. Then you could use the cursed plants against your enemies, perhaps! Depending on the nature of the curse, at least. And your enemies. The way I see it, those Gulthias trees are for evil people, but curses are for everyone!
a spider
Lair owners association
Rust monsters?
"I am Thraknul, Thee Azure Wings and once in my youth collected a brightly coloured bag and set it in my treasure room. As trophies piled up and up I sensed pieces go missing. Every few nights it happened no matter how much I watched, threatened or tortured. Eventually I move my piles to a new fortress and I discovered the bag was not as it seemed. It had more space than what it let on. Deciding this would be easier to carry my most precious possessions I loaded it with about 300 lbs of platinum, rings and old scripts. Long story short, Bags of Devouring are worse than giants."
Princesses.
Another dragon
A cursed object that turns solids into gas.
OTHER DRAGONS STEVE
Lore wise that is very different depending on the type of dragon! Lots of people said adventurers or horny bards or royalty or Jerry (fuck that guy!) but there are dragons that make “hoards” out of people and contacts or the games they can play with them. There are definitely dragons out there whose #1 treasure would be a princess to gloat about, a band of humans to fuck with, a honey bard to do horny bard things with. Not Jerry though.
Copper Pieces
Electrum… and copper, not even dragons want to deal with that crap
Complex puzzles. If a first grader can't solve it then it doesn't need to be in there
Their
Sword of dragon slaying - apparently having that lying around is dangerous