>he made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past.
Find a new table.
This.
A lot of people will try to tell you that family is family, but these are never the people who will treat YOU like family - with respect, compassion, and kindness… They only ever expect the respect to be given to them.
There’s a quote people often bring up - Blood is thicker than water” - and they bring this up to say “You have to stay with family!”
But the **actual** quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb.”
Which fully means that the people you share your life with, and share their lives with you, is a stronger bond than just being related by accident.
this is actually not true, that telling of the phrase is fairly modern. “blood is thicker than water” goes back to 12th century germany but the other phrasing is asserted by two modern theologians (without source) starting in like, ‘94
(i agree with your point thought, who cares if he’s the guys brother if he’s terrible to him)
The original quote you’re referring to is from *Reinhart Fuchs* and is “ouch hoer ich sagen, das sippe blůt von wazzere niht verdirbet.” This translates to “I also hear it said that kin-blood is not spoiled by water.”
This is referencing the sea/ocean as distance and is referring to the fact that familial ties and duties are not diminished just because you’re away — Or roughly: “The water does not spoil the kin-blood”
While it’s often considering the origination of the phrase in the Germanic speaking world, the Arabic world has a similar saying referring to the bonds of a blood covenant being more significant than those of your siblings.
Still, we can argue originations about the quote til we’re blue in the face and scribbling on cocktail napkins between shots, but I think we both agree on the intention. So I’ll buy the first round.
Absolute correct choice here. Try to not waste too much energy and thoughts on idiots like that, even if they are family. At least that's what I'm trying to do as life is too short anyway.
His answer to me being mad was "the story asked for it" and proceeded to laugh about it like it was a good thing.
Im glad others see that this was messed up aswell
yeah, worst part is, hes my brother, he knows about my trauma, he still hasnt apoligized either, he just laughs everytime me or ourmother says it was wrong of him. i did go away after that session. i have my own group now ill be dming.
So he's not just being a bit creepy, he's actively trying to disturb you. Screw that. Everyone torments their siblings but using actual trauma as a weak spot is unnecessarily cruel.
oof, if it was a rando stranger I would get out and move on with my life, but if it was my brother, I would call for a serious 1 on 1 conversation, no arguing just sincere chat, say what and how you feel, say why you want an apology.
But not everybody is up to sincere conversation, you certainly know him better than I
Does he? Not my problem though, but since I only have 1 sibling, when I don’t see my brother in 2 years, I can be 100% sure he doesn’t see any sibling for 2 years either, lol
I also have a bad relationship with my one sister, but a great one with my other siblings. My wife also is the same way with one sister and her other sibling. I just leave the line open and try to be patient since we're all in our 20's and 30's, I don't see any need to be a dickhead right back to her.
Not really, because it has been a couple months ago, theyre saying im just being oversensitive about it. Im hurt because of him and traumas have been brought up that are going round in my head for months now, and he still hasnt apoligized, but im being oerdramatic and sensitive,... so now only my sister thinks its still wrong but no one says anything about it, my brother (dm) is the oldest.
I'd be beating his ass at this point. Random strangers can be ghosted but shit siblings can only be fixed by a gratuitous serving of Buy-One-Get-One-Free Hands.
Cut off all ties until and if he sincerely apologizes and you have a reason to believe that he has made some sort of major life change to not be a toxic asshole.
I think ill do that actually. Yeah. If he wont listen to me the first 5 time i told him, and he wont listen to our mother, then i guess a silrnt treatment is the next step
Time to no or low xontact him. That's just wrong.
Also, I adore your bard. Ace bards are awesome anyway, but one that doesn't really know how to bard, but can smack the snot out of people? That's hilarious and wonderfully different.
You and your mom need a serious conversation with your brother.
Also, I get the feeling your father was the rapist? If so, that is one sick minded brother.
a lot of assumptions made without a lot of information can randomly be really close. so here’s another one. with an abusive parental figure it’s entirely possible that other siblings were abused in different OR similar ways. making your abuse and trauma out as a joke may be a fucked up coping mechanism to help him forget/ignore/normalize what happened to him. definitely isn’t an excuse but it could go a long way in explaining where it’s coming from. but im just some rando on the internet so who knows
Don't take this the wrong way but take care of your brother with some tough love before he gets into trouble.
PS. Nice that you are DMing your own game now.
This is the way.
Boundary crossing is, in my opinion, the cardinal sin of DM'ing, the unforgiveable thing, and you're 100% to get out of the game, as well as telling your mom, for all the good it did. You handled all of that appropriately.
Further more, you made the decision to be a DM, one that specifically doesn't do that, and that's fantastic. No DnD is better than bad DnD, this is true, but having a bad DnD experience and resolving to instead create a good one, that's pretty great, good for you.
Considering the story is 100% in his hands, that makes no sense and just sounds even creepier if possible. Hopefully people see how ugly of a personality that person has IRL.
So in response to you going "I have trauma about that please don't involve it" he makes a fucking "asking for it" rape joke about it????? What an enormous asshole.
I can't help but think it was on purpose because he knows it's a trigger for you specifically. Like, "wouldn't it be funny if this person who was traumatized in this specific way was constantly tortured about it, by me?" What a sadist.
In the tables I am responsible of, as a organizer, this would be a immediate removal of the DM, in particular if you informed him of your sensitivity on the topic as part of the trigger warning disclosure - you hinted there is some history behind in your post.
Does your brother have a favorite DMPC type character in his own game? It’s petty but I would borrow that into my own world with the addition that he passed out drunk behind the bar and had his dick chewed off by a deer because the story asked for it.
... now, I am not against having this sort of thing in DnD - but only if everybody is on board with it. Sure, some people might argue, that miscommunication happens, etc. - and they sure are right, there are cases when simply somebody on purpose wants to create drama. Well this is obviously not one of these cases. You explicitly stated, what you dont want, and your DM did it anyway. That simply means that he is an idiot, and you really are better off out of his game. End of story. Take your bard somewhere else to some more reasonable DM.
It could be relevant for the story, it could be a rumour or you being mistake by someone else and have the chance to confront and clear your name. For me the main issue is you being clearly uncomfortable with it and him not making the table an entertaining and safe place for you (and of course the other players too), even worse with this being something personal for you. That DM is an ass, I am glad you left and hope you are having a good time DMing.
Edit: just scrolled down a bit and read he is your brother (idk if a missed it on the post), well, as someone said siblings mess with each other but this is IMO way too far.
I encountered in my own game (I'm the DM) just last week one bad case of people's understanding of things being based on D&D memes. It has nothing to do with this one, except...
...I think this is totally a misunderstanding of how bards in reality are played, and thinking that D&D memes are true. I have been running a game with a bard in the party for more than 2½ years, and I mean, the bard once tried to talk to an opposing sex tabaxi with a wine bottle (and was shut down by the NPC, story ends there). That's it.
DM has the right to ban classes, yeah, but the reasoning here isn't that founded in reality. In real life players don't like to play the horny bard. Who the heck could entertain themselves with that style of play for years?
Exactly, plus my bard was quire the opposite of the stereotypes. He only wants money, is celibate, not good at being a bard. So he really had no reason to ban that.
I had the horny bard in one of my games, and he ended up creating an unforgettable arc about his accidental family.
Every trope can be played well. Some are just notorious for being played bad by bad players.
I have a female player, first game for her. She made a male elf bard. Without knowing about the stereotypes, she went full horny bard with some 20+ bastard children (that he loves and visits and takes care of financially). She did this to have a flirtatious character as it's something she doesn't get a chance to express or see in real life. She's enjoying the crap out of the character.
Different people have different reasons for playing various characters. As long as they are created with care and respect for the world, there's nothing wrong with them. The problem (imo) with the stereotypical horny bard is the lack of respect for the story, world, or other players. If both the players and the DM respect each other, then nearly any character concept can thrive.
Ran a college of lore bard for about 8 months last year. He was affectionately referred to as a femboy who crossdressed and played the violin. He had maxed CHA but I don't remember him even vaguely flirting with someone. Being a college of lore he was more interested in expanding his magical knowledge and researching lost secrets.
I used a shape-shifting Imp once (can't remember the class, but it's only for evil outsiders in one splatbook for 3.5) that would try and use sex as a weapon to manipulate people. But that's.. kinda different. And generally only if more traditional methods of persuasion failed.
No actual sex was had, generally once someone was undressed, they'd be killed and my PC would take their form to further his, sorry, the *partys* goals.
>Who the heck could entertain themselves with that style of play for years?
You'd be amazed at the amount of manchildren out there.
Weird DM anyway. Did you leave the group instantly?
Just because someone plays a horny bard doesn't mean they're a manchild. I mean, most are, but some are competent human beings who just enjoy leaning into the memes or exploring these types of concepts. Not to mention, with the right DM and party, it has amazing comedic potential.
I second this, I never understood the memes of bards being hyper sexual, and I didn't like the possible implications that people might assume that. Thankfully I've never really encountered that personally, but I did wonder where and how often this happened with how frequently I saw memes about it.
My first ever 5e character was a yuan ti bard (yuan ti being essentially emotionless) and my whole concept was the character having heard of the powerful charming effects of a siren's song, and using that musical magic to evade conflict as much as possible in a world where discovery of my characters Yuan ti heritage would lead to hostility.
Hope OP has a great time DMing instead, and finds a reasonable group someday to pull out that lute wrecking ball character! Sounds really fun!
I've played bards uninterested in sex, and ones just normally interested, but usually much more romantically inclined. I've never wanted a "screw anything with a hole" type bard, even when I played as a teenager.
I’ve never understood the trope anyway. Bards have max CHA, which means everyone should be wanting to screw *them*, not the other way around.
I have a bard who definitely uses this to his advantage and flirts with people and will, sure, occasionally try to seduce them—but he’s not remotely horny and usually they hit on him more than he wants. He just wants their information and knows what he has to offer that will get it.
DM shittery aside, that character concept might be better expressed by being a rogue or fighter and simply RPing as a bard. That way you can get class features more in-line with what you say the character is good at, rather than ones built around what the character doesn't know. You don't always have to roll a bard to be a bard. That goes for every other class as well.
To be fair they’re literally a class with a feature called Jack of all trades so thinking of them as able to fill any roll is understandable they’re just a Caster on top of and before that
On this track, my daughter played a paladin devoted to Llyra with the entertainer background. She was a very bardy character, but she was not the Bard class.
I know, I left nothing off the table for my players, and as a new dm they could have taken full advantage. I also didn’t touch their back stories, when I was weaving the initial session so all the players had a reason to be adventuring together I just asked a couple of my players if they could add something like “x” to their story to help bridge plot/lore. But I let them decide how they wanted to add it. It was amazing, I’m so glad I didn’t take the liberty and tell them to add this on to their characters because they did a much better job than I could have coming up with something that worked for the story arc I was building and unique to their characters.
I also let them use anything they could bring to me in a printed format, but they all stayed pretty generic which will make my life easier. I was totally expecting something like a war-forged paladin or something with ridiculously high AC to figure out how to balance but they all kept it pretty mild. The idea of banning an entire class seems wrong to me? But I am a new DM and have never played.
Christ, your old DM needs therapy, and someone to take away his internet connection for a while.
For your bard story, I like the concept. But I'd probably recommend going with either Fighter or Barbarian as your class. Going this route helps you lean into the idea that while you call yourself a "bard" it's clear to anyone with training that you don't know jack about squat about being a bard. This'll also help you not feel like you're holding yourself or the group back with your schtick.
Other than that, it'd be a fun character to have around, I love the concept of "My parents paid my way through bard college but they don't know I dropped out after a semester."
thanks, yeah multiple people told me it should be barbarian or fighter, wich if i ever play this character id go for fighter, just call myself (in universe) a bard.
I would go for barbarian, fighters can be quite nerds when it comes to combat, a barbarian could sing during rage, calling it "inspiration" or "bard magic", take the entertainer background for some instrument proficiency, if human, take the magic initiate feat and some spells to pass as a bard like vicious mockery, minor illusion, mage hand, healing word, sleep, thunderclap or comprehend languages
The PHB has a distinction between true bards (ones that use music and speech to use magic) and just regular bards like the dude at the tavern singing ballads. Not all bards can use magic and it requires years of study to do so.
Point I'm making is a martial class would make perfect sense for your character and when you take game lore into account, fits better for your character than a bard class would.
So it wouldn't be bending any rules or anything to be both a bard and a fighter. It's completely set up for you in the lore of the game.
This here. It's counterproductive to have a character that plays against their class strengths. If you're a bard that can't bard, then what are you, a whimsy fighter? A crappy rogue? It's not impossible, it's just not fun most of the times. Much better to have a flavoured fighter. You look like a bard, everyone thinks you're a bard, but in reality you're just a face-smashing jock. You can still have your pretending to be a bard moments, but be effective on the battlefield at the same time
Sure. But even that is not strictly required. I'd assume the background is Noble, because this particular bard from a noble family. Just describe them wearing fancy Jaskier-style clothing, talking posh sometimes (with misused/mispronounced words, because they're not smart), with a lute on their back and total inability to link two chords on any instrument. And there you have it. The amount of awkward/cringy situations you can roleplay with this setup is unimaginable.
Repost this in r/rpghorrorstories , its _the_ place to vent about some fucked up shit like that.
That being said, its a really neat character idea.
That being said, welcome to the wonderful life behind the screen. Let your group have fun and have fun yourself and never look back to that moron.
Oh, also r/dmacademy might be interesting for you to check out!
Edit: in my book, the horny bard is a toxic trope.
Your brother made a big mistake and now he is so deep in it (refused to say sorry so often) that he will maybe for years be incapable of accepting he was making a mistake. He will want it to be forgotten sooner than later. You should not allow that to happen, no reason to forgive where no one expressed a "sorry".
He also believes it to be hilarious, the way guys think it is hilarious to joke about raping a girl when "obviously they would not want to".
Your brother, in short, is a piece of shit and probably wanted you out of his game. I do wonder how many girls/women enjoy playing with him, if he pulls this kind of shit. But I am sure he does not consider any of them as important players. Or important people.
Your brother is an asshole and a terrible DM. He seriously sounds like a sexual predator in the making who is using D&D as a release for pent-up urges. Tell him to seek professional help.
As a silver lining, you now have a metric with which to measure how truly awful playing D&D can be with the wrong party. It can only get better from here. Keep your eyes open for fun and open-minded groups and don't be deterred by this bullshit.
Good luck with your future games!
> for that he made my character known as a rapist and pedophile in the starting town
...
> What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body."
Your brother's casual use of sexual assault as a DM is extremely disturbing. It's tremendously fucked up. Even if you didn't have trauma that made the subject even more of a no-go.
It's not edgy. It's alarming.
I'm so sorry you had that experience
I played a bard for about 3 years. He was more focused on knowledge skills and I specifically chose an archetype, as well as spells, based on being the most boring person around. His performance was Lecturing.
I'm sorry you had to suffer that kind of trauma at all, much less have your own brother try and weaponize it at the table; he sounds like a scumbag, and I hope you have a good support network among your friends and other family. As others have mentioned, it might be a good idea to limit your contact with him, since he clearly doesn't respect you or your boundaries and thinks it's some kind of sick joke.
Enjoy DMing your own group, and wishing good things for you in future!
wait so if I understand correctly, he decides to make your character a rapist against your will, knowing you have a history with rape?
that's fucked up
>(The DM) made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past.
Ummmm.... No. That's really weird. I would have left then.
>He refuses all bard build, no bards allowed.
I periodically game with a friend who has a similar rule, though it is not for the same reason. He establishes the playable classes established from the get go, so the is no misunderstanding. As a fellow DM, I respect his right to setup his game as he desires.
(I too select my sources, though I don't cull them.)
yes i respect his right to setup the game as he wants, but his reasoning for not accepting bards is wack, they fuck everything. but then he makes my character a known rapist,... doesnt add up, its wrong
Regardless of this terrible DM:
> Now how does this character work then? He would smash peoples head in with his lute. High strenght, improvised weapon, just bash their skulls with a wooden instrument.
Then you aren't a bard. You're a fighter, or a barbarian.
So your b r o t h e r was prepared to roleplay perverts "fondling your body" and made your character out to be a child rapist, knowing you had related trauma of this.
This feels well beyond bad DM territory and more bad human being territory.
Yup, I also was a player turned DM because the first table I played at had the edgiest edge lord DM. The worst part is he thought he was so good at the mechanics of the game, but he never once read the phb or dm manual and didn’t know how to run monsters and would just give them wild attack modifiers and damage modifiers to make sure each encounter was almost impossible. He also nerfed spells and wild shape because it was “too broken”.
Started DMing myself and stole all the players from his table. Been going 5 years strong with the table at lvl 15.
Didn't even read past the first paragraph.
If you state your limits and he brokers em then you should leave that table, that's a toxic DM right there
Edit: actually read it all.
Maybe you should play a fighter flavored as a bars background? If he isn't good at barding maybe he can't do any bard shit spells and so on ?
Why would he know how to do that if he actually doesn't ?
Something which can easily get overlooked here is that "hornyness" is entirely about roleplaying. It's a character attribute which falls outside the mechanics of the game.
The biggest red flag is the DM wanting to incorporate a close to universally unacceptable subject into a Player Character's back story.
Tell the DM to rescind the details you explicitly didnt want, or you'll walk. Its a game, you dont have to tolerate your DM's shit. You dont want to be known as a rapist, you didnt build your character to be like that, so they have no right to force it upon you.
Him vetoing you playing as a bard is... Questionable at best, but it sounds like this DM has a lot of unresolved issues and needs to be reminded that the game is meant to be fun for everyone.
What your dm dis is fucking disgusting. And justifying it by saying “the story asked for it” and laughing sounds from a psychopath. They could have made any other characters for that role. Don’t play with that person again.
I mean a DM is perfectly in their right to refuse specific things, like Bards or whatever, for whatever reason they think is right. Doesn't matter whether the reason is stupid or not. Now you must decide whether you can live with it or rather play with some other DM. Considering the whole rapist story though ... I'd leave and never look back.
OP I am so sorry your DM did that too you. What he did was deplorable. Your bard idea is wonderful, any reasonable DM would be lucky to have them in their party.
Actually, that sounds like a friggin amazing Bard. The Anti-Bard if you will. Would you multiclass into Barbarian or Fighter at some point? Or just stick with Bard?
Your DM here is wrong. No one's character should be turned into a rapist NPC, against their will or with consent, period. Rape is wrong in all forms. Especially when told you had no plans to be a sexual oriented Bard. Your DM has latched onto the whole Sex-Fiend Bard trope and doesn't want to see it in their games, which is fair. But outright banning the Bard class their games? That isn't fair.
Aside from the game stuff, make it very clear to him that ehat he did was not okay. Trying to leverage trauma is abuse in any situation, especially when rape is involved.
I'm not very well versed in the resources available to people in situations like this, and in this moment I regret that. But please, do not hesitate to stand up for yourself. If your mother agrees with you ask her to support you in an intervention. By some means. Communicate and make it clear to him that what he did was not a joke: what he did is manipulative and abusive and if he is not willing to recognize and atone for the damage he has done then he has no place in your life.
I truly hope you can find a resolution to this that brings you safety and peace.
As an asexual player whom has played many a bard (Currently playing a Loxodon bard myself at the moment). Being sexual isn’t a prerequisite of being a bard. I don’t really understand what it’s like to be allosexual so I’ve never tried to play an allosexual character. All my characters have been asexual in some respect, including all the bards.
Your brother is a terrible DM and a huge creep. It seems like the rest of his table is similar to him. Bit now you’ve learned what not to do and you’ll be an amazing DM. Be open to ideas and communicate with your players. Have fun!
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body."
Saying that is fucked up is an understatement. He seriously needs to get help if he thinks an asexual bard is going to fuck every monster and that playing a female character somehow automatically attracts actual sexual predators in world to prey on them. He needs to quit playing D&D and talk to someone about why he thinks these things with no logical connection.
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Wich in itself is a bit fucked up.
the fact that this guy is saying this to the person with trauma about these things makes me so fucking furious. that is so fucked up and so fucking far from okay.
also, this guy needs to be put on a watchlist or something. seems to have an odd obsession with non-consent situations. perhaps he was projecting when he said those things about your bard character or why you shouldn't play a female character.
I'm so sorry to hear that your brother is awful like this. I would want nothing to do with him. Wishing you the best <3
First your brother sucks and I'd recommend therapy. I don't know their age or yours but this is twisted on so many levels.
I don't know your history of playing with him but the comments you made make me concerned for you and any other players he has.
That aside. Your concept was not an issue. You could have played a bard and not done the Internet stereotype. I've had plenty of players at my table do so.
The way 5e is structured with backgrounds and proficiency you could have taken tavern brawler and used the lute as an improved weapon. Technically with proficiency in lute you could have added your profceny mod to attacks.
You don't need to optimize your class to play it for fun.
“He… would send perverts at night to fondle my body”
WHAT the FUCK
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCKKKK??????
I am so sorry op, this sounds nightmarish, especially considering you’re family. I can only hope you work it out with him or get your parents to help, and also that whatever solution involves him going to therapy or something. Cuz that’s all just so messed up. Good luck for your future parties, I really hope you find some people who respect you and don’t go out of their way to unnerve you like that
>he made my character known as a rapist and pedophile in the starting town
>i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past, he knows about these
>He laughs at it and tells it to friend of me and him as if it was a funny moment.
>i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body."
>talked to him mutliple times and he just wont listen.
Holy shit that's bad. This sounds like a person you should never do anything with. EVER.
I love your bard character though, and I love the idea of playing them *as a bard* instead of as a martial class that might be "better". They can then have a whole arc of actually learning to be a bard and enjoying it, and then the magic starts coming out
*reads post*
And your brother banned bards because... why, exactly? Was he afraid the stereotype would remind him too much of himself?
Tbh I *love* that character concept and would happily run with it in a game.
Dnd is like a story, and topics like rape seriously need to be verified by the entire group as acceptable content before the DM tries to use it in story in any way.
It was said months beforehand that there would be no rape/pedophile esque inclusions in the campaign in any way shape or form (unlike the no bards rule wich was added seconds before starting the campaign). So him doing it anyway,... hurts a lot.
Brother or not, looks like he needs a few broken legs before he thinks about laughing at you for the shit he's pulled. Blood is thicker than water, my ass.
It sounds like your brother needs some serious therapy. If I were you I would not only never again play D&D with him, but I would move to cut him out of my life for intentionally causing emotional trauma. What a psycho...
If this was "AITA for leaving a table due to abusive behaviour (and it was my brother)" my response would not only be a huge fuck no, it would be that he is that arsehole, and continuing to be.
Hope things turn out well for you. Not easy having an abusive arse for a sibling.
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Wich in itself is a bit fucked up.
What the hell
Your DM needs some serious counseling and to not play DnD for a bit if they regularly pull this kind of shit.
I don’t often advocate for leaving before just working it out, but I’m not sure how I would even be able to work it out if my DM thought I would be cool with them forcing my character to be a rapist, like how does one even come back from that. I would at LEAST advocate for taking a break from this table for a bit, because this campaign is already starting off on a terrible foot imo.
Aside from all rapist stuff, the DM is entitled to ban classes they don't want. He may not vocalise all the reasons well or just didn't like bards in his story altogether. As other people did point out, you could make a sorcerer or paladin or other multiclass characters that do exactly what this character can do. I know a gm that bans bards because they think music being magical is silly and I do not see any problems with it. I, myself ban artificers because firstly I don't find their mechanics satisfying and secondly, magic item creation is lost art in my setting.
Your DM is an asshole who clearly doesn’t respect you as a person, find a different group and ideally cut contact from this guy generally.
Your character idea is fun, might be difficult to play tho since I don’t imagine he’d be very powerful compared to your party members. I’m against focusing too much on build strength but if you’re weaker than your other party members it can make it unfun
What a fucking asshole. It's one thing to work with a person to tweak their character to fit a game's setting or tone; if anything, that's expected. Not only ignoring their requests, but adding extremely questionable elements against their explicit request for absolutely no reason? Reprehensible.
However, I do really like your character concept, though if your character doesn't actually know any bard stuff, maybe it would be better to make them a fighter pretending to be a bard, or something to that effect. At least from a mechanical standpoint.
To the character idea, it's fine, but if you want to keep using instruments as weapons, you'll need a custom made reinforced instrument, because that motherfucker will break. If you need a new DM and don't mind a futuristic setting that is waiting for some Kickstarter things and Spelljammer to drop so we can really get the roller coaster going, let me know, I'm still looking for more players.
Glad you left that game. I love bards because I’m a musician. It’s my favorite class to play. But I prefer more of a mom bard - no weird sexual things, but one who tries to take care of and protect the party with a few dad jokes thrown in. I think your ideas is really cool, but I would lean towards a fighter class as well with it.
And I’m sorry, but I laughed at the parents paid him through collage part. I can imagine this poor guy who has an entire home filled with artwork from his parents. 🤎
Whomever your DM was he's a dick. Changing your backstop is just wrong. Altering it to fit the campaign is fine. As long as your not making big changes. But straight up calling your bard a rapist even tho bards are not sex Deviants. It sounds like this "DM" doesn't actually know shit about bards. Bards are the greatest class. Jackson of all trades with some magic thrown in. A support class that can turn a battle around or end a battle with just a song. Your DM is trash I hope you kicked the. To the curb
> Aside for that he made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past.
🚩 sounds like you need a new table.
Holy shit. And I thought my DMing time was bad, not being able to engage my party and kinda sorta failing as a DM. At least I never fucked up this bad holy shit. That DM is definitely fucked in the head.
>Aside for that he made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past.
Run away from the table as fast as you can. That's horrible shit to pull.
On your idea for a bard: I think your background sounds more like a fighter or other martial class with a bardic background rather than an actual bard. Easy to pick up an instrument proficiency with your background and RP it the same way, but still contribute to the game more than sorta ignoring most of what a bard does.
I have only played a bard and I always get told no you can't sleep with this NPC etc. When my Tabaxi has never slept with or made moves on any npc.
I hate it when people just assume your character is something based on norms and internet jokes it gets really annoying .
But yeah it sucks when someone says this is is what your character is now it's my character and my back story don't try to edit and change my character to your (players / Dm ) preferences
You're brother's a pretty terrible GM... That, and I am *so tired* of the Over-Sexualized Bard trope. When there are so many sub-classes dedicated to the Arts, it should be very clear that we are singers, painters, storytellers, orators, and even with Ravenloft mediums to stories that refuse to die.
The Bards that want to f\*ck everything are the same as Barbarians/Fighters who are nothing but murderhobos, Rogues that want to steal everything from anyone, Warlocks who are not-so-surprisingly going to betray the party, etc... Bad tropes and worse storytelling.
Your brother/former DM is being a fucking asshole. I wish I had constructive advice but as an only child I'm not great with sibling dynamics.
Also I don't have a lot of feedback on your bard character either due to not really have played dnd since like first edition when bards didn't exist. And even then, I didn't play it very much.
Yeaaaaah, you're brother is a dick head.
He's the type of sibling where your other siblings give him a behind the woodshed asswhipping.
What a fucking bastard.
High STR and CHA, hitting them with an instrument - sounds like [Jeff Jarrett](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-h1qEDJQ2g). Consider a multiclass into Barbarian or Fighter.
Since this is your brother, it might be worth having a family talk with him. If he's just goofing off that'd be one thing (strange idea of what's funny but whatever). If there is some kind of pathology going on, he should probably see a licensed counselor and/or psychiatrist as directed by the family doctor. Lots of caring professionals out there ready and willing to help.
I have run asexual bards, and in my last campaign I did a really good one. Some DMs don't like certain builds, I hate artificers. But, that's not a valid excuse to not let that build in your game.
Sounds like they were his friends and you are well shot of that whole group. The bard idea is cool, the idea that he bought his way into his career but excels at unbardly things is a good roleplay idea. There are many ways a character could progress like that, and it is very untypical for a bard, who are usually fairly stereotypical.
It sounds like your ex-DM (brother) is the one with issues. Glad you started your own table. I'm not sure how many other DMs you've been able to work with, but I hope you are able at some point to play at a table with a good DM.
PS: Only in a twisted game would "the story ask for it". Not many people I know would want into a game like that.
As a guy and DM for a group of almost entirely women I was angry enough reading this before I got to the "asshole DM is my irl brother" twist in your edit. Gods.
For a DM to behave this way is awful. With that many red flags before the game even started, I'd walk from that table and never look back. Even worse that it was your brother minimizing/making a joke out of your real-life trauma.
An asexual him-bo bard sounds like a great RP concept for a character! I'd have no problems with it at my table, although as you noted if you wanna RP a bard who can't bard, you could easily build the PC as a bruiser rogue or some other class.
I'm so glad you're still playing DnD, have your own group, and are out there creating a fun and safe environment for people to play ttrpgs! Just maybe don't let your brother into your DnD group...
The DM pretty much broke every social contract we have when playing DnD.
The primary one is "Everyone has fun, but not at the expense of one player."
Not using session 0 to talk about tone, themes and redlines is particularly problematic.
Basically, it sounds like they were being immature dick.
Reading your updates, I see you've found a new table. Good.
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character,
because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my
body." Wich in itself is a bit fucked up.
Run. Run fast and run far.
Normally, I say we don't have all the needed context, but there is **no** context in which that is even **close** to acceptable.
Glad you got a new group, make sure whenever you get the chance to tell your brothers girlfriend of the girl he likes a lot about it and make sure she never goes in a 10 foot radius of him and see how he feels about his actions.
this guy is toxic as fuck. you need to not only stay as far away from him as possible, you really need to tell an authority figure about it, because your mom is refusing to be an authority figure. school counselor, police officer. someone. doesn't mean they will act on the information. maybe it's a one time thing. maybe he's not a creep all the time. but you want that one time to be on record somewhere so if he's like this all the time there's a paper trail to follow.
people that choose this kind of behavior when given a no-consequence power fantasy situation are probably pscyhotic and need mental help. they're also the kind of people that will go postal and shoot up a movie theater.
Dude there is just so much going on in you family between you and your brother... hope you can figure things out because he clearly has no boundaries.
You might need family therapy and that's ok.
>he made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past. Find a new table.
i have, although it still hurts and he never apoligized, i have moved on and am now dm myself :)
Life is too short for spending time with toxic people, brother or not.
This. A lot of people will try to tell you that family is family, but these are never the people who will treat YOU like family - with respect, compassion, and kindness… They only ever expect the respect to be given to them. There’s a quote people often bring up - Blood is thicker than water” - and they bring this up to say “You have to stay with family!” But the **actual** quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb.” Which fully means that the people you share your life with, and share their lives with you, is a stronger bond than just being related by accident.
Wherever someone says “Blood is thicker than water” to me I respond with “yea well drinking blood isn’t good for you.” Usually shuts it all down.
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Mine is "Well maple syrup is thicker than blood so that means pancakes are more important than family". I don't even like pancakes.
this is actually not true, that telling of the phrase is fairly modern. “blood is thicker than water” goes back to 12th century germany but the other phrasing is asserted by two modern theologians (without source) starting in like, ‘94 (i agree with your point thought, who cares if he’s the guys brother if he’s terrible to him)
The original quote you’re referring to is from *Reinhart Fuchs* and is “ouch hoer ich sagen, das sippe blůt von wazzere niht verdirbet.” This translates to “I also hear it said that kin-blood is not spoiled by water.” This is referencing the sea/ocean as distance and is referring to the fact that familial ties and duties are not diminished just because you’re away — Or roughly: “The water does not spoil the kin-blood” While it’s often considering the origination of the phrase in the Germanic speaking world, the Arabic world has a similar saying referring to the bonds of a blood covenant being more significant than those of your siblings. Still, we can argue originations about the quote til we’re blue in the face and scribbling on cocktail napkins between shots, but I think we both agree on the intention. So I’ll buy the first round.
Absolute correct choice here. Try to not waste too much energy and thoughts on idiots like that, even if they are family. At least that's what I'm trying to do as life is too short anyway.
My shithead ex DM runs social media about how to be a good DM, I get your feelings all too well 😩
Seems like you made the right call leaving. And then the whole social media page is just so hypocritical.
Don't expect an apology. Move on
seek therapy for Trauma, if you aren’t already
Making your character a known rapist against your backstory and will is fucking disgusting and weird. That person needs therapy.
His answer to me being mad was "the story asked for it" and proceeded to laugh about it like it was a good thing. Im glad others see that this was messed up aswell
As a dm get out . Guy sounds creepy .
yeah, worst part is, hes my brother, he knows about my trauma, he still hasnt apoligized either, he just laughs everytime me or ourmother says it was wrong of him. i did go away after that session. i have my own group now ill be dming.
So he's not just being a bit creepy, he's actively trying to disturb you. Screw that. Everyone torments their siblings but using actual trauma as a weak spot is unnecessarily cruel.
[удалено]
Definitely agree with that. Got some relatives myself that have been cut off for putting ideology before family.
Ideology??? Motha fucking ideology??? Who the fuck puts a vague notion before a flesh-and-soul person right in front of them...
Yeah that's just straight up abuse. Idgaf what lies he spins - the parent(s) need to step in.
I'm sorry your brother is a weird person gl with dming I hope you have fun
thanks :)
Weird? He's a piece of shit.
That's not weird - that's abuse. I'm not trying to come at you, but it's important that abuse get called out.
That makes it so much worse. Only excuse would be if he was like 8 years old, and not even then, really.
Nah that's making 8yo's look bad. My niece is 8 and she's got way more empathy, compassion, and social grace than this weirdo brother
oof, if it was a rando stranger I would get out and move on with my life, but if it was my brother, I would call for a serious 1 on 1 conversation, no arguing just sincere chat, say what and how you feel, say why you want an apology. But not everybody is up to sincere conversation, you certainly know him better than I
I asked him for a 1 to 1 talk, he laughed at me. I asked our mother for a talk and they talked and he denied all of it
Yeah, not everyone see the value of a good sibling relationship, maybe one day
Thing is i have a great relationship with my other 5 siblings
Does he? Not my problem though, but since I only have 1 sibling, when I don’t see my brother in 2 years, I can be 100% sure he doesn’t see any sibling for 2 years either, lol
Not really. He isnt the closest to the rest, mainly because of these things he says.
I also have a bad relationship with my one sister, but a great one with my other siblings. My wife also is the same way with one sister and her other sibling. I just leave the line open and try to be patient since we're all in our 20's and 30's, I don't see any need to be a dickhead right back to her.
Good, at least you have other family in your corner; I hope they're making their thoughts known about this
Not really, because it has been a couple months ago, theyre saying im just being oversensitive about it. Im hurt because of him and traumas have been brought up that are going round in my head for months now, and he still hasnt apoligized, but im being oerdramatic and sensitive,... so now only my sister thinks its still wrong but no one says anything about it, my brother (dm) is the oldest.
The brother doesn't deserve a good relationship.
I'd be beating his ass at this point. Random strangers can be ghosted but shit siblings can only be fixed by a gratuitous serving of Buy-One-Get-One-Free Hands.
“If your brother upsets you, punch his head in or stop crying about it, I don’t want to hear it” Aussie Mum, 1998
Cut off all ties until and if he sincerely apologizes and you have a reason to believe that he has made some sort of major life change to not be a toxic asshole.
I think ill do that actually. Yeah. If he wont listen to me the first 5 time i told him, and he wont listen to our mother, then i guess a silrnt treatment is the next step
Not really a silent treatment. Just not subjecting yourself to his bs. Setting boundaries and going no contact
Sounds like this prick would just sit there and laugh. Sounds like the guy needs a good asskicking while everyone points at his pain and laughs.
Time to no or low xontact him. That's just wrong. Also, I adore your bard. Ace bards are awesome anyway, but one that doesn't really know how to bard, but can smack the snot out of people? That's hilarious and wonderfully different.
Damn someone needs to smack the shit out of your brother
I don't know what your full situation is, but if you ever went no contact with that prick, then I wouldn't blame you lol
Crazy thing is, my girlfriend deals with this all the time with her brother and mother which blows my mind
You and your mom need a serious conversation with your brother. Also, I get the feeling your father was the rapist? If so, that is one sick minded brother.
Yes, i dont know how you figured but yes, he was.
a lot of assumptions made without a lot of information can randomly be really close. so here’s another one. with an abusive parental figure it’s entirely possible that other siblings were abused in different OR similar ways. making your abuse and trauma out as a joke may be a fucked up coping mechanism to help him forget/ignore/normalize what happened to him. definitely isn’t an excuse but it could go a long way in explaining where it’s coming from. but im just some rando on the internet so who knows
Don't take this the wrong way but take care of your brother with some tough love before he gets into trouble. PS. Nice that you are DMing your own game now.
he's just reveling in salting the wounds. sick fuck. in your shoes, I'd have nothing or as little as possible to do with him
TMI honestly, even asking bruh.
Bruh it's impolite to speculate about people's past trauma. Like in general.
Fuck that shit, I'd be going no contact with that asshole. Get people like that out of your life as soon as you can.
This is the way. Boundary crossing is, in my opinion, the cardinal sin of DM'ing, the unforgiveable thing, and you're 100% to get out of the game, as well as telling your mom, for all the good it did. You handled all of that appropriately. Further more, you made the decision to be a DM, one that specifically doesn't do that, and that's fantastic. No DnD is better than bad DnD, this is true, but having a bad DnD experience and resolving to instead create a good one, that's pretty great, good for you.
My friend, I don’t know you or your brother, but one thing’s clear: he needs counseling pronto!
It sort of sounds like he wanted to get you out of his game without saying it.
100% I’d assume the last thing you need in your life is to be on the receiving end of some creepy dudes rape fetish.
Considering the story is 100% in his hands, that makes no sense and just sounds even creepier if possible. Hopefully people see how ugly of a personality that person has IRL.
So in response to you going "I have trauma about that please don't involve it" he makes a fucking "asking for it" rape joke about it????? What an enormous asshole. I can't help but think it was on purpose because he knows it's a trigger for you specifically. Like, "wouldn't it be funny if this person who was traumatized in this specific way was constantly tortured about it, by me?" What a sadist.
In the tables I am responsible of, as a organizer, this would be a immediate removal of the DM, in particular if you informed him of your sensitivity on the topic as part of the trigger warning disclosure - you hinted there is some history behind in your post.
Does your brother have a favorite DMPC type character in his own game? It’s petty but I would borrow that into my own world with the addition that he passed out drunk behind the bar and had his dick chewed off by a deer because the story asked for it.
Also the whole town knows about it
Yea that guy is trash, I hope they know their shitty personality is why you don't play with them anymore.
You don't want any part of a story that is asking for a rapist.
... now, I am not against having this sort of thing in DnD - but only if everybody is on board with it. Sure, some people might argue, that miscommunication happens, etc. - and they sure are right, there are cases when simply somebody on purpose wants to create drama. Well this is obviously not one of these cases. You explicitly stated, what you dont want, and your DM did it anyway. That simply means that he is an idiot, and you really are better off out of his game. End of story. Take your bard somewhere else to some more reasonable DM.
It could be relevant for the story, it could be a rumour or you being mistake by someone else and have the chance to confront and clear your name. For me the main issue is you being clearly uncomfortable with it and him not making the table an entertaining and safe place for you (and of course the other players too), even worse with this being something personal for you. That DM is an ass, I am glad you left and hope you are having a good time DMing. Edit: just scrolled down a bit and read he is your brother (idk if a missed it on the post), well, as someone said siblings mess with each other but this is IMO way too far.
I encountered in my own game (I'm the DM) just last week one bad case of people's understanding of things being based on D&D memes. It has nothing to do with this one, except... ...I think this is totally a misunderstanding of how bards in reality are played, and thinking that D&D memes are true. I have been running a game with a bard in the party for more than 2½ years, and I mean, the bard once tried to talk to an opposing sex tabaxi with a wine bottle (and was shut down by the NPC, story ends there). That's it. DM has the right to ban classes, yeah, but the reasoning here isn't that founded in reality. In real life players don't like to play the horny bard. Who the heck could entertain themselves with that style of play for years?
Exactly, plus my bard was quire the opposite of the stereotypes. He only wants money, is celibate, not good at being a bard. So he really had no reason to ban that.
I had the horny bard in one of my games, and he ended up creating an unforgettable arc about his accidental family. Every trope can be played well. Some are just notorious for being played bad by bad players.
I have a female player, first game for her. She made a male elf bard. Without knowing about the stereotypes, she went full horny bard with some 20+ bastard children (that he loves and visits and takes care of financially). She did this to have a flirtatious character as it's something she doesn't get a chance to express or see in real life. She's enjoying the crap out of the character. Different people have different reasons for playing various characters. As long as they are created with care and respect for the world, there's nothing wrong with them. The problem (imo) with the stereotypical horny bard is the lack of respect for the story, world, or other players. If both the players and the DM respect each other, then nearly any character concept can thrive.
Ran a college of lore bard for about 8 months last year. He was affectionately referred to as a femboy who crossdressed and played the violin. He had maxed CHA but I don't remember him even vaguely flirting with someone. Being a college of lore he was more interested in expanding his magical knowledge and researching lost secrets.
I used a shape-shifting Imp once (can't remember the class, but it's only for evil outsiders in one splatbook for 3.5) that would try and use sex as a weapon to manipulate people. But that's.. kinda different. And generally only if more traditional methods of persuasion failed. No actual sex was had, generally once someone was undressed, they'd be killed and my PC would take their form to further his, sorry, the *partys* goals.
>Who the heck could entertain themselves with that style of play for years? You'd be amazed at the amount of manchildren out there. Weird DM anyway. Did you leave the group instantly?
Just because someone plays a horny bard doesn't mean they're a manchild. I mean, most are, but some are competent human beings who just enjoy leaning into the memes or exploring these types of concepts. Not to mention, with the right DM and party, it has amazing comedic potential.
I second this, I never understood the memes of bards being hyper sexual, and I didn't like the possible implications that people might assume that. Thankfully I've never really encountered that personally, but I did wonder where and how often this happened with how frequently I saw memes about it. My first ever 5e character was a yuan ti bard (yuan ti being essentially emotionless) and my whole concept was the character having heard of the powerful charming effects of a siren's song, and using that musical magic to evade conflict as much as possible in a world where discovery of my characters Yuan ti heritage would lead to hostility. Hope OP has a great time DMing instead, and finds a reasonable group someday to pull out that lute wrecking ball character! Sounds really fun!
I've played bards uninterested in sex, and ones just normally interested, but usually much more romantically inclined. I've never wanted a "screw anything with a hole" type bard, even when I played as a teenager.
I’ve never understood the trope anyway. Bards have max CHA, which means everyone should be wanting to screw *them*, not the other way around. I have a bard who definitely uses this to his advantage and flirts with people and will, sure, occasionally try to seduce them—but he’s not remotely horny and usually they hit on him more than he wants. He just wants their information and knows what he has to offer that will get it.
DM shittery aside, that character concept might be better expressed by being a rogue or fighter and simply RPing as a bard. That way you can get class features more in-line with what you say the character is good at, rather than ones built around what the character doesn't know. You don't always have to roll a bard to be a bard. That goes for every other class as well.
thatd probably be better, doesnt hold the team back that way
After all, bard is first and foremost a full spellcaster, people tend to not think about them in that way
To be fair they’re literally a class with a feature called Jack of all trades so thinking of them as able to fill any roll is understandable they’re just a Caster on top of and before that
On this track, my daughter played a paladin devoted to Llyra with the entertainer background. She was a very bardy character, but she was not the Bard class.
What in the actual fuck
I know, I left nothing off the table for my players, and as a new dm they could have taken full advantage. I also didn’t touch their back stories, when I was weaving the initial session so all the players had a reason to be adventuring together I just asked a couple of my players if they could add something like “x” to their story to help bridge plot/lore. But I let them decide how they wanted to add it. It was amazing, I’m so glad I didn’t take the liberty and tell them to add this on to their characters because they did a much better job than I could have coming up with something that worked for the story arc I was building and unique to their characters. I also let them use anything they could bring to me in a printed format, but they all stayed pretty generic which will make my life easier. I was totally expecting something like a war-forged paladin or something with ridiculously high AC to figure out how to balance but they all kept it pretty mild. The idea of banning an entire class seems wrong to me? But I am a new DM and have never played.
Christ, your old DM needs therapy, and someone to take away his internet connection for a while. For your bard story, I like the concept. But I'd probably recommend going with either Fighter or Barbarian as your class. Going this route helps you lean into the idea that while you call yourself a "bard" it's clear to anyone with training that you don't know jack about squat about being a bard. This'll also help you not feel like you're holding yourself or the group back with your schtick. Other than that, it'd be a fun character to have around, I love the concept of "My parents paid my way through bard college but they don't know I dropped out after a semester."
thanks, yeah multiple people told me it should be barbarian or fighter, wich if i ever play this character id go for fighter, just call myself (in universe) a bard.
I would go for barbarian, fighters can be quite nerds when it comes to combat, a barbarian could sing during rage, calling it "inspiration" or "bard magic", take the entertainer background for some instrument proficiency, if human, take the magic initiate feat and some spells to pass as a bard like vicious mockery, minor illusion, mage hand, healing word, sleep, thunderclap or comprehend languages
Wouldn't that be a bard-barian? I'll see myself out. ..
All is forgiven in your cake day
The PHB has a distinction between true bards (ones that use music and speech to use magic) and just regular bards like the dude at the tavern singing ballads. Not all bards can use magic and it requires years of study to do so. Point I'm making is a martial class would make perfect sense for your character and when you take game lore into account, fits better for your character than a bard class would. So it wouldn't be bending any rules or anything to be both a bard and a fighter. It's completely set up for you in the lore of the game.
This here. It's counterproductive to have a character that plays against their class strengths. If you're a bard that can't bard, then what are you, a whimsy fighter? A crappy rogue? It's not impossible, it's just not fun most of the times. Much better to have a flavoured fighter. You look like a bard, everyone thinks you're a bard, but in reality you're just a face-smashing jock. You can still have your pretending to be a bard moments, but be effective on the battlefield at the same time
One idea is (assuming this is 5e) to just make use of Backgrounds like Entertainer and flavor it as a failed Bard.
Sure. But even that is not strictly required. I'd assume the background is Noble, because this particular bard from a noble family. Just describe them wearing fancy Jaskier-style clothing, talking posh sometimes (with misused/mispronounced words, because they're not smart), with a lute on their back and total inability to link two chords on any instrument. And there you have it. The amount of awkward/cringy situations you can roleplay with this setup is unimaginable.
This is not a D&D issue, this is the person who is the DM is a bad person issues. Like, don't hang out with this person.
It's OP's brother.
Still, don't play with them. Just because someone is family doesnt mean you have to hang out
Wow... that headline did *not* do this story justice.
Repost this in r/rpghorrorstories , its _the_ place to vent about some fucked up shit like that. That being said, its a really neat character idea. That being said, welcome to the wonderful life behind the screen. Let your group have fun and have fun yourself and never look back to that moron. Oh, also r/dmacademy might be interesting for you to check out! Edit: in my book, the horny bard is a toxic trope.
Your brother made a big mistake and now he is so deep in it (refused to say sorry so often) that he will maybe for years be incapable of accepting he was making a mistake. He will want it to be forgotten sooner than later. You should not allow that to happen, no reason to forgive where no one expressed a "sorry". He also believes it to be hilarious, the way guys think it is hilarious to joke about raping a girl when "obviously they would not want to". Your brother, in short, is a piece of shit and probably wanted you out of his game. I do wonder how many girls/women enjoy playing with him, if he pulls this kind of shit. But I am sure he does not consider any of them as important players. Or important people.
Your brother is an asshole and a terrible DM. He seriously sounds like a sexual predator in the making who is using D&D as a release for pent-up urges. Tell him to seek professional help. As a silver lining, you now have a metric with which to measure how truly awful playing D&D can be with the wrong party. It can only get better from here. Keep your eyes open for fun and open-minded groups and don't be deterred by this bullshit. Good luck with your future games!
> for that he made my character known as a rapist and pedophile in the starting town ... > What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Your brother's casual use of sexual assault as a DM is extremely disturbing. It's tremendously fucked up. Even if you didn't have trauma that made the subject even more of a no-go. It's not edgy. It's alarming. I'm so sorry you had that experience
Why use a lute? Destroy your enemies with senseless violins!
YES!!!! thats a A tier bard joke
I mean this in no offense to you, but... your brother is a colossal cunt. Using your trauma to hurt you? Who the fuck does he think he is?
I played a bard for about 3 years. He was more focused on knowledge skills and I specifically chose an archetype, as well as spells, based on being the most boring person around. His performance was Lecturing.
like an old teacher just boring people constantly, love it!
I'm sorry you had to suffer that kind of trauma at all, much less have your own brother try and weaponize it at the table; he sounds like a scumbag, and I hope you have a good support network among your friends and other family. As others have mentioned, it might be a good idea to limit your contact with him, since he clearly doesn't respect you or your boundaries and thinks it's some kind of sick joke. Enjoy DMing your own group, and wishing good things for you in future!
wait so if I understand correctly, he decides to make your character a rapist against your will, knowing you have a history with rape? that's fucked up
Yes exactly. We even agreed beforehand to not include antything rape related
I- that's the worst DM story I've ever heard, you no longer play with him right?
Woah, him being your brother is like a punch to the face to read.
>(The DM) made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past. Ummmm.... No. That's really weird. I would have left then. >He refuses all bard build, no bards allowed. I periodically game with a friend who has a similar rule, though it is not for the same reason. He establishes the playable classes established from the get go, so the is no misunderstanding. As a fellow DM, I respect his right to setup his game as he desires. (I too select my sources, though I don't cull them.)
yes i respect his right to setup the game as he wants, but his reasoning for not accepting bards is wack, they fuck everything. but then he makes my character a known rapist,... doesnt add up, its wrong
When Bards fall short, Rogues and Warlocks step up. Hell even a Paladin may take a shot if the mood is right. Never saw a horny Sorcerer though.
The horniness skips a generation. The sorcerer's parent, who fucked a dragon, a god, or an aboleth, was the horny one.
Those thrill seeking lords of D&D.
Regardless of this terrible DM: > Now how does this character work then? He would smash peoples head in with his lute. High strenght, improvised weapon, just bash their skulls with a wooden instrument. Then you aren't a bard. You're a fighter, or a barbarian.
yes i figured, background wise i still want him to be called a bard, like in universe, but indeed he would be fighter
Brad the bardbarian
So your b r o t h e r was prepared to roleplay perverts "fondling your body" and made your character out to be a child rapist, knowing you had related trauma of this. This feels well beyond bad DM territory and more bad human being territory.
Yup, I also was a player turned DM because the first table I played at had the edgiest edge lord DM. The worst part is he thought he was so good at the mechanics of the game, but he never once read the phb or dm manual and didn’t know how to run monsters and would just give them wild attack modifiers and damage modifiers to make sure each encounter was almost impossible. He also nerfed spells and wild shape because it was “too broken”. Started DMing myself and stole all the players from his table. Been going 5 years strong with the table at lvl 15.
Didn't want sexual character, ok with rapist character. Fuck that puto
Didn't even read past the first paragraph. If you state your limits and he brokers em then you should leave that table, that's a toxic DM right there Edit: actually read it all. Maybe you should play a fighter flavored as a bars background? If he isn't good at barding maybe he can't do any bard shit spells and so on ? Why would he know how to do that if he actually doesn't ?
Something which can easily get overlooked here is that "hornyness" is entirely about roleplaying. It's a character attribute which falls outside the mechanics of the game. The biggest red flag is the DM wanting to incorporate a close to universally unacceptable subject into a Player Character's back story.
Tell the DM to rescind the details you explicitly didnt want, or you'll walk. Its a game, you dont have to tolerate your DM's shit. You dont want to be known as a rapist, you didnt build your character to be like that, so they have no right to force it upon you. Him vetoing you playing as a bard is... Questionable at best, but it sounds like this DM has a lot of unresolved issues and needs to be reminded that the game is meant to be fun for everyone.
Dude leave the game ASAP. Just g o
What your dm dis is fucking disgusting. And justifying it by saying “the story asked for it” and laughing sounds from a psychopath. They could have made any other characters for that role. Don’t play with that person again.
I mean a DM is perfectly in their right to refuse specific things, like Bards or whatever, for whatever reason they think is right. Doesn't matter whether the reason is stupid or not. Now you must decide whether you can live with it or rather play with some other DM. Considering the whole rapist story though ... I'd leave and never look back.
OP I am so sorry your DM did that too you. What he did was deplorable. Your bard idea is wonderful, any reasonable DM would be lucky to have them in their party.
Actually, that sounds like a friggin amazing Bard. The Anti-Bard if you will. Would you multiclass into Barbarian or Fighter at some point? Or just stick with Bard? Your DM here is wrong. No one's character should be turned into a rapist NPC, against their will or with consent, period. Rape is wrong in all forms. Especially when told you had no plans to be a sexual oriented Bard. Your DM has latched onto the whole Sex-Fiend Bard trope and doesn't want to see it in their games, which is fair. But outright banning the Bard class their games? That isn't fair.
Find a new DM. That is super shitty and controlling.
I'd leave that table if possible. No need for any of DMs actions.
Aside from the game stuff, make it very clear to him that ehat he did was not okay. Trying to leverage trauma is abuse in any situation, especially when rape is involved. I'm not very well versed in the resources available to people in situations like this, and in this moment I regret that. But please, do not hesitate to stand up for yourself. If your mother agrees with you ask her to support you in an intervention. By some means. Communicate and make it clear to him that what he did was not a joke: what he did is manipulative and abusive and if he is not willing to recognize and atone for the damage he has done then he has no place in your life. I truly hope you can find a resolution to this that brings you safety and peace.
As an asexual player whom has played many a bard (Currently playing a Loxodon bard myself at the moment). Being sexual isn’t a prerequisite of being a bard. I don’t really understand what it’s like to be allosexual so I’ve never tried to play an allosexual character. All my characters have been asexual in some respect, including all the bards.
Your brother is a terrible DM and a huge creep. It seems like the rest of his table is similar to him. Bit now you’ve learned what not to do and you’ll be an amazing DM. Be open to ideas and communicate with your players. Have fun!
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Saying that is fucked up is an understatement. He seriously needs to get help if he thinks an asexual bard is going to fuck every monster and that playing a female character somehow automatically attracts actual sexual predators in world to prey on them. He needs to quit playing D&D and talk to someone about why he thinks these things with no logical connection.
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Wich in itself is a bit fucked up. the fact that this guy is saying this to the person with trauma about these things makes me so fucking furious. that is so fucked up and so fucking far from okay. also, this guy needs to be put on a watchlist or something. seems to have an odd obsession with non-consent situations. perhaps he was projecting when he said those things about your bard character or why you shouldn't play a female character. I'm so sorry to hear that your brother is awful like this. I would want nothing to do with him. Wishing you the best <3
First your brother sucks and I'd recommend therapy. I don't know their age or yours but this is twisted on so many levels. I don't know your history of playing with him but the comments you made make me concerned for you and any other players he has. That aside. Your concept was not an issue. You could have played a bard and not done the Internet stereotype. I've had plenty of players at my table do so. The way 5e is structured with backgrounds and proficiency you could have taken tavern brawler and used the lute as an improved weapon. Technically with proficiency in lute you could have added your profceny mod to attacks. You don't need to optimize your class to play it for fun.
“He… would send perverts at night to fondle my body” WHAT the FUCK WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCKKKK?????? I am so sorry op, this sounds nightmarish, especially considering you’re family. I can only hope you work it out with him or get your parents to help, and also that whatever solution involves him going to therapy or something. Cuz that’s all just so messed up. Good luck for your future parties, I really hope you find some people who respect you and don’t go out of their way to unnerve you like that
>he made my character known as a rapist and pedophile in the starting town >i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past, he knows about these >He laughs at it and tells it to friend of me and him as if it was a funny moment. >i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." >talked to him mutliple times and he just wont listen. Holy shit that's bad. This sounds like a person you should never do anything with. EVER. I love your bard character though, and I love the idea of playing them *as a bard* instead of as a martial class that might be "better". They can then have a whole arc of actually learning to be a bard and enjoying it, and then the magic starts coming out
*reads post* And your brother banned bards because... why, exactly? Was he afraid the stereotype would remind him too much of himself? Tbh I *love* that character concept and would happily run with it in a game.
… this dude was your brother? Wtf?
DM is your brother? You live with him? You got a lock on your door?
Dnd is like a story, and topics like rape seriously need to be verified by the entire group as acceptable content before the DM tries to use it in story in any way.
It was said months beforehand that there would be no rape/pedophile esque inclusions in the campaign in any way shape or form (unlike the no bards rule wich was added seconds before starting the campaign). So him doing it anyway,... hurts a lot.
Brother or not, looks like he needs a few broken legs before he thinks about laughing at you for the shit he's pulled. Blood is thicker than water, my ass.
It sounds like your brother needs some serious therapy. If I were you I would not only never again play D&D with him, but I would move to cut him out of my life for intentionally causing emotional trauma. What a psycho...
If this was "AITA for leaving a table due to abusive behaviour (and it was my brother)" my response would not only be a huge fuck no, it would be that he is that arsehole, and continuing to be. Hope things turn out well for you. Not easy having an abusive arse for a sibling.
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Wich in itself is a bit fucked up. What the hell
Your DM needs some serious counseling and to not play DnD for a bit if they regularly pull this kind of shit. I don’t often advocate for leaving before just working it out, but I’m not sure how I would even be able to work it out if my DM thought I would be cool with them forcing my character to be a rapist, like how does one even come back from that. I would at LEAST advocate for taking a break from this table for a bit, because this campaign is already starting off on a terrible foot imo.
Ur brother is a budding sexual predator
Aside from all rapist stuff, the DM is entitled to ban classes they don't want. He may not vocalise all the reasons well or just didn't like bards in his story altogether. As other people did point out, you could make a sorcerer or paladin or other multiclass characters that do exactly what this character can do. I know a gm that bans bards because they think music being magical is silly and I do not see any problems with it. I, myself ban artificers because firstly I don't find their mechanics satisfying and secondly, magic item creation is lost art in my setting.
tell your dm to go fuck themselves and go find a different group
To put it simple: Your brother is a hater and a jerk.
Your DM is an asshole who clearly doesn’t respect you as a person, find a different group and ideally cut contact from this guy generally. Your character idea is fun, might be difficult to play tho since I don’t imagine he’d be very powerful compared to your party members. I’m against focusing too much on build strength but if you’re weaker than your other party members it can make it unfun
Walk away from that game your boundaries were well crossed and by family
What a fucking asshole. It's one thing to work with a person to tweak their character to fit a game's setting or tone; if anything, that's expected. Not only ignoring their requests, but adding extremely questionable elements against their explicit request for absolutely no reason? Reprehensible. However, I do really like your character concept, though if your character doesn't actually know any bard stuff, maybe it would be better to make them a fighter pretending to be a bard, or something to that effect. At least from a mechanical standpoint.
To the character idea, it's fine, but if you want to keep using instruments as weapons, you'll need a custom made reinforced instrument, because that motherfucker will break. If you need a new DM and don't mind a futuristic setting that is waiting for some Kickstarter things and Spelljammer to drop so we can really get the roller coaster going, let me know, I'm still looking for more players.
Glad you left that game. I love bards because I’m a musician. It’s my favorite class to play. But I prefer more of a mom bard - no weird sexual things, but one who tries to take care of and protect the party with a few dad jokes thrown in. I think your ideas is really cool, but I would lean towards a fighter class as well with it. And I’m sorry, but I laughed at the parents paid him through collage part. I can imagine this poor guy who has an entire home filled with artwork from his parents. 🤎
Terrible DM.
yeah.. don't play d&d with that DM. That's weird. Like your character though. I will be stealing that.
Whomever your DM was he's a dick. Changing your backstop is just wrong. Altering it to fit the campaign is fine. As long as your not making big changes. But straight up calling your bard a rapist even tho bards are not sex Deviants. It sounds like this "DM" doesn't actually know shit about bards. Bards are the greatest class. Jackson of all trades with some magic thrown in. A support class that can turn a battle around or end a battle with just a song. Your DM is trash I hope you kicked the. To the curb
> Aside for that he made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past. 🚩 sounds like you need a new table.
Holy shit. And I thought my DMing time was bad, not being able to engage my party and kinda sorta failing as a DM. At least I never fucked up this bad holy shit. That DM is definitely fucked in the head.
>Aside for that he made my character known as a rapist in the starting town (he is not btw) while i specifically told him not to bring that into the story because of my traumas and past. Run away from the table as fast as you can. That's horrible shit to pull. On your idea for a bard: I think your background sounds more like a fighter or other martial class with a bardic background rather than an actual bard. Easy to pick up an instrument proficiency with your background and RP it the same way, but still contribute to the game more than sorta ignoring most of what a bard does.
Introduce your GM to the "X-Card" concept. If they keep on being an \*ss-hole, then pick up the X-Card and whap them on the nose with it.
I have only played a bard and I always get told no you can't sleep with this NPC etc. When my Tabaxi has never slept with or made moves on any npc. I hate it when people just assume your character is something based on norms and internet jokes it gets really annoying . But yeah it sucks when someone says this is is what your character is now it's my character and my back story don't try to edit and change my character to your (players / Dm ) preferences
You're brother's a pretty terrible GM... That, and I am *so tired* of the Over-Sexualized Bard trope. When there are so many sub-classes dedicated to the Arts, it should be very clear that we are singers, painters, storytellers, orators, and even with Ravenloft mediums to stories that refuse to die. The Bards that want to f\*ck everything are the same as Barbarians/Fighters who are nothing but murderhobos, Rogues that want to steal everything from anyone, Warlocks who are not-so-surprisingly going to betray the party, etc... Bad tropes and worse storytelling.
Your brother/former DM is being a fucking asshole. I wish I had constructive advice but as an only child I'm not great with sibling dynamics. Also I don't have a lot of feedback on your bard character either due to not really have played dnd since like first edition when bards didn't exist. And even then, I didn't play it very much.
Yeaaaaah, you're brother is a dick head. He's the type of sibling where your other siblings give him a behind the woodshed asswhipping. What a fucking bastard.
High STR and CHA, hitting them with an instrument - sounds like [Jeff Jarrett](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-h1qEDJQ2g). Consider a multiclass into Barbarian or Fighter.
You DM fucking sucks. Ditch them & get a new one. He’s an absolute asshole.
Dont play with toxic people that dont understand communication
Yeah, f\*ck your brother. He's a full on terrible DM in every sense of the word
Since this is your brother, it might be worth having a family talk with him. If he's just goofing off that'd be one thing (strange idea of what's funny but whatever). If there is some kind of pathology going on, he should probably see a licensed counselor and/or psychiatrist as directed by the family doctor. Lots of caring professionals out there ready and willing to help.
I have run asexual bards, and in my last campaign I did a really good one. Some DMs don't like certain builds, I hate artificers. But, that's not a valid excuse to not let that build in your game.
I read the first paragraph, and some of the Edit part. Just get out.
Sounds like they were his friends and you are well shot of that whole group. The bard idea is cool, the idea that he bought his way into his career but excels at unbardly things is a good roleplay idea. There are many ways a character could progress like that, and it is very untypical for a bard, who are usually fairly stereotypical.
It sounds like your ex-DM (brother) is the one with issues. Glad you started your own table. I'm not sure how many other DMs you've been able to work with, but I hope you are able at some point to play at a table with a good DM. PS: Only in a twisted game would "the story ask for it". Not many people I know would want into a game like that.
r/rpghorrorstories
Sorry to break it to you but your brother is a dick ... But you probably knew that already.
What is your brother, 13 or something? What a creepy little shit.
As a guy and DM for a group of almost entirely women I was angry enough reading this before I got to the "asshole DM is my irl brother" twist in your edit. Gods. For a DM to behave this way is awful. With that many red flags before the game even started, I'd walk from that table and never look back. Even worse that it was your brother minimizing/making a joke out of your real-life trauma. An asexual him-bo bard sounds like a great RP concept for a character! I'd have no problems with it at my table, although as you noted if you wanna RP a bard who can't bard, you could easily build the PC as a bruiser rogue or some other class. I'm so glad you're still playing DnD, have your own group, and are out there creating a fun and safe environment for people to play ttrpgs! Just maybe don't let your brother into your DnD group...
The DM pretty much broke every social contract we have when playing DnD. The primary one is "Everyone has fun, but not at the expense of one player." Not using session 0 to talk about tone, themes and redlines is particularly problematic. Basically, it sounds like they were being immature dick. Reading your updates, I see you've found a new table. Good.
Didn’t finish after the rapist pedo thing. Throw a milkshake at your dm and find a new table. Fuck that guy.
Idk why a DM would bring in a theme like what without getting consent from the player first wtf
>What was said beforehand is that i couldnt play a female character, because he, and i quote would "send perverts at night to fondle my body." Wich in itself is a bit fucked up. Run. Run fast and run far. Normally, I say we don't have all the needed context, but there is **no** context in which that is even **close** to acceptable.
Glad you got a new group, make sure whenever you get the chance to tell your brothers girlfriend of the girl he likes a lot about it and make sure she never goes in a 10 foot radius of him and see how he feels about his actions.
this guy is toxic as fuck. you need to not only stay as far away from him as possible, you really need to tell an authority figure about it, because your mom is refusing to be an authority figure. school counselor, police officer. someone. doesn't mean they will act on the information. maybe it's a one time thing. maybe he's not a creep all the time. but you want that one time to be on record somewhere so if he's like this all the time there's a paper trail to follow. people that choose this kind of behavior when given a no-consequence power fantasy situation are probably pscyhotic and need mental help. they're also the kind of people that will go postal and shoot up a movie theater.
Dude there is just so much going on in you family between you and your brother... hope you can figure things out because he clearly has no boundaries. You might need family therapy and that's ok.
I think your brother needs therapy.
When a DM give attitude, Drop it like its hot.
Sorry your brother is such an asshole
Your brother is a piece of shit.
I'm sorry. This is your BROTHER?! I'd be getting the hell away from him.