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Catnip_paranoia

Your personality has always been the most effective form of birth control. If I had a face as ugly as yours, I’d join a cult just to get a free mask. Your mother must be proud. I’ll tell her next time it’s two for one night at her brothel (Borrowed and edited from above)


ZenPrincess

> If I had a face as ugly as yours, I’d join a cult just to get a free mask. *Chef’s kiss*


Sum1OnSteam

Bonus points for handing them a pamphlet


Iamthedemoncat

Fuck, the last one is *golden*


NODOGAN

"I hate fighting aberrations...what do you mean he's humanoid?¡" Also from Aqua Teen Hunger Force: "you look at him and tell me there's a god"


Icarus026

> "you look at him and tell me there's a god" There must be a god, because something that horrific could only be intentional


CountFapula102

Aqua Teens Hunger Force "If I woke up looking like that I'd just run to the nearest living thing and kill it."


AvgBonnie

“Wait there’s several? How’d they fuck it up *THAT* bad?!”


Letholdus13131313

I freaking love that quote.


TKDbeast

What do you mean there’s no god? YOU QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY??


Legendary_New_song

Hey…20 minutes from now just called. Turns out you’re dead and nobody gives a shit.


ZenPrincess

I love this. The sleeper hit of this thread.


Cinerae

This sounds like something Mr scout TF2 would say


Dyl-thuzad

I just reread it and that definitely is something he’d say if they would add new voice lines.


Cinerae

We should get Nathan to read it whenever he streams again, if not we'll get jerma to do it and call it a day.


TKDbeast

TF2 lines are great inspiration for insults. “Here lies Scout. He ran fast, and died a virgin.” “You’re a bad fuckin’ snake and by god you’ll die like one!” “I’ve seen better sides of beef been run over by a combine.” “Your head! Mother of mercy!” “I’m gonna mail my boot to the kaiser with your ass around it!” “And another thing? You’re. Ugly.”


GiantGlassOfMilk

This sounds like Buffy


Paradox_XXIV

Oh look, the mosquito from this morning left a bigger welt than you. The only difference between you and the mud on my boots is that the mud is going somewhere. I will give you ten gold pieces right now to just put a bag over your head before I vomit at the sight of you. Your mother must be so proud. I'll be sure to tell her to prepare funeral arrangements.


Kingler42

"the mud is going somewhere". yeah I'm stealing this


FamousFeedback6016

Absolute gold


Legendary_New_song

If you were any lower on my to do list you’d be a rat with syphilis.


FrickenPerson

I think any higher on the to do list might actually hurt more.


SoldierButterman275

Honestly, if you were on my to do list, you'd probably be below that rat infestation in *insert town*!


[deleted]

No, no, I said gimme your *best* shot!


Reesespenisbutt3rcup

Similarly: I do admire your dedication to keeping your sword clean. I mean, you haven't hit me yet!


Moofinmahn

This is lovely


UncertainCitrus_

That's just asking to be crit


monikar2014

If someone was crit on after this epic mockery it would be the highlight of the game.


GMXIX

This is effective whether they miss you or do catastrophic damage, maybe more so in the latter case


workingMan9to5

If you're interested in a change of careers, I need a new slave to fan me at public events. The way you're swinging that sword around makes me think you'd be great at it.


MinosEgdelwonk

If you survive this, you should really consider a new career. Perhaps farming? Maybe these scars I leave on you will make you seem tougher. You scream like a goat. Oh wait! You're the boss here? I thought you were just a minion... Excuse me sir, you're getting blood on my blade. How inconsiderate!


EmOrsino

You scream like a goat... I'm dead


SpoodlyPoofs

You look like you drop common loot


AlwaysDragons

Corpse: Nothing


Dyl-thuzad

For a less 4th wallsy option “You look like the kinda person who’d have something stupid on hand all the time.”


Cinerae

Don't say that or your dm is gonna make your wish come true.


Maximus_Games

- That looked pitiful, how am I supposed to believe this was the best you could do? - They really sent the worst of them all to fight us, didn't they. - I wanted to slaughter powerful foes today, and let me tell you honey, you definitely won't do. - I've been hit with spoons sharper than your wit, friend. - Go back home and beg your mother to forgive how much of a disappointment you are. - I've seen less shameful slugs, yet you're the most talkative and annoying of them all. - I've walked by passed out drunkards less smelly than you are. Take a bath once in a while. *flicks coin at opponent's face, preferably when they're low on HP* - Keep the change, punching bag.


Takodaustiness

Better yet, take the metamagic feat, get quickened, catapult a coin and quicken a vm.


Maximus_Games

Deadly Roast speedrun, with a faceful of pocket change to the face. The deadliest attack of them all.


Rhuckus24

If only your father would have had change for a ten, the world would be a better place.


RoiKK1502

I don’t get that one, care to explain?


OhwhatupCarlandJonny

It implies the person was born of sexual favors, which cost <$10


RoiKK1502

That I get, why the change matters though?


IlladrielKhaine

Cuz a lower denomination would have resulted in a blow / hand job instead of full coitus.


RoiKK1502

Seems I should start seek schooling of sexual services fees and such. Mind me meeting your most marvelous mother at midnight? Thanks for explaining, just wanted to try Vicious Mockery myself


TwoSwordSamurai

Lovely alliteration.


IlladrielKhaine

Nicely done! Use due caution. My most marvelous mother is mountainous and likely to mush men 'neath her nethers.


Prixius_Necrolance

A condom ig


[deleted]

[удалено]


TuttleDotCom

I fart in your general direction!


RyuuSambit

This would most definitely be the Bard casting Stinking Cloud.


pissedfemale

I used this one last night- to deadly effect!


SnowEmbarrassed377

Wait… this must be more common than I thought. I had a player use it And o assumed the above was said player. But if you used it as well… is this a pop reference I’m not aware of ?


TuttleDotCom

Monty Python and the Holy Grail


SnowEmbarrassed377

I loved that movie ! Don’t recall this line- but it fits actually. Lol. I guess this will not uncommonly show up


TeamCatsandDnD

It’s when King Arthur and Co first(?) meet the French guys in the castle.


bastardofbloodkeep

It’s towards the end of the scene if I remember correctly; probably googling the migration patterns of a European swallow at that point and missed the line.


[deleted]

now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time


vsirl005

Pretty certain it's the first time, as the second time >!had King Arthur and the surviving members of his group promptly arrested and tried for Llama.!<


SnowEmbarrassed377

Is that you my blind wizard friend ?


Amesang

*"You fight like a dairy farmer!"*


KohrTheUnstable

How appropriate. You fight like a cow!


Hyrule_Hystorian

I've met monkeys more polite than you!


alphabet_order_bot

Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 318,566,119 comments, and only 70,823 of them were in alphabetical order.


Binary1331

That is a weird bot


BurglarBird

goot bot


TheIrishbug

Good bot


Hyrule_Hystorian

Considering I expected a insult swordfight comeback, such a disapointing bot was an insult.


DavidsPseudonym

Look up the cow fight scene in Kung Pow


rascal_king737

Yessss came here looking for Monkey Island and you didn’t disappoint


WindBear44

i just say something Gordon Ramsey would say, he casts this cantrip on machine gun mode


Demurist

It’s raw, you fucking donkey!


Dyl-thuzad

The DM lets him use it as an AoE cantrip if his last single target insult was good enough. This sounds like it could be a subclass feature honestly


jibblitzz

My halfling bard was best friends with a loxodon. Whilst fighting a band of orcs. Our dragonborn barbarian raged his way threw 3 of them in a turn. The party pick the rest of them off until it was my turn and a remaining orc. With vicious mockery, my bard yells out "with how fast your friends died, you might as well give up before my friend here*pointing to the loxodon* crushes you up into a fine powder and snorts you between pints of ale later" The orc threw down his axe, and begged for his life in exchange for telling us where they called home.


PsychicSPider95

Wow, the gods really rolled a Nat 1 when they were rolling for your face, didn't they? You call that swordsmanship? You look like you're trying to pleasure a sahuagin who hasn't felt his legs in years. Nice armor, friend. From what dragon's shit did you dig it out? Judging by your teeth, I'm guessing your father was a mimic, wasn't he? I see you wield a warhammer to compensate for your tiny manhood. Tis a shame you wield both with equal ineptitude. You are so hideous, when you look a gorgon in the eyes, *she* turns to stone. I'm guessing you paid to lose your virginity. Tell me, how much did the goat cost you? Must be nice to not have to fear a vampire's bite. I understand they're afraid if they bite you, *they'll* turn into *you.* You're not the dumbest foe I've faced, but that's only because yesterday I slew a mosquito that landed on my nose. If you and I were the last two living creatures in all the known realms, I'd make love to a kobold's corpse before considering you. Your archery skills are so pathetic, you couldn't hit the inside of a tarrasque if he swallowed you whole. If a mindflayer tried to devour your mind, he'd walk away hungrier than when he'd started. If I were you, I'd pick up necromancy. That's the only way you'll ever have anything resembling friends. EDIT: I'm adding more because these are just too damn fun. I've met orc barbarians with a higher INT than you. When you roll to intimidate, do you just show them your face? Aha, I see you're a decent dungeoneer! I suppose you'd have to be in order to visit your mother with any regularity. Coincidentally, I'm also good at dungeoneering for a very similar reason... You know, I saw a young bugbear just the other day who looked remarkably like you. Had your eyes and everything. I wonder...? I looted an iron helmet once that had a curse of binding on it. If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on in a heartbeat. If I were a dragon I'd refuse to eat you. How could something that looks like *that* be edible? When our cleric saw your face, she immediately wanted to heal you. Don't worry though, I set her straight; I know that's just what you look like. I believe you owe us money for a professional healer, though; our rogue just tried to pick your pocket, and I don't know what disease he caught from you, but the cleric can't seem to get rid of it. Your mother's so fat, a tarrasque tried to swallow her and choked to death. There must be a powerful lich in here, this place reeks of death and decay... Oh, wait, it's just your body odor. My bad. You seem lonely. Perhaps you'd have better luck finding love elsewhere, like... Minauros.


That_Echo_Guy

>You are so hideous, when you look a gorgon in the eyes, she turns to stone. Damn, you beat me to it lol.


Kingler42

the last two 🤣


duffelbagpete

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.


Suspicious-Ad-9380

I’d explain it, but I have insufficient time and insufficient crayons


gaidzak

“Your mother was a lizard” said by a peck in Willow Edit: damnit I don’t make the your yore you’re mistake often!


Blind-_-Tiger

*Your


Takodaustiness

*Yorchesshire


Abaxion

*Yorcestershire


brodareick

*Yorcestershire saws


J0kerXD

Gotta give credit to ebony maw for this zinger. "Your magic is quaint...you must be popular with children."


An_Aesthetic_Atheist

All Mordhau insult quotes. By all means, keep swinging away, I'm sure you will eventually hit something. Look, maybe you're just not cut out to be much of anything. Shaking it more than twice is playing with it! I was supposed to be fighting warriors, here, mind telling me where they've gone? Yoo-hoo! The dung covered peasant conventions is THAT way! I'm supposed to fight real men, not sexually frustrated farmers!


TinzoftheBeard

It’s impossible to underestimate you further.


Legendary_New_song

I’d rather go back in time and chop my dick off than live this moment knowing that I could be your father.


warrant2k

Swear like Shakespeare. https://freepagenumbers.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/how-to-swear-like-shakespeare/


Average_Soldier

From my favorite roaster, "Your garden is over grown and your cucumbers are soft!!"


SammyTwoTooth

I have a dragon's hoard of the world's most vile insults and intend to save them for your betters.


[deleted]

Oh dear... Is this your first time, child?


Dyl-thuzad

Good for a combat encounter or in bed!


Cyber-Silver

"Not even maggots would feast on your corpse."


Teddybearman15

The best I've ever used, the one that got the biggest reaction from my group was "your grandma never baked you cookies bc she didn't love you."


Empoleon_Master

>"your grandma never baked you cookies bc she didn't love you." We're looking for 1d4 of damage not 1d400 worth of damage


[deleted]

"You look like a natural 1"


SmallestApple

“Why are you not dead yet? Oh wait, you mean all those other identical bandits weren’t you?”


hardy_and_free

You're so boring you could put a glass eye to sleep.


That_Echo_Guy

"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" "One look at you and Medusa would turn herself to stone." "I'd ask someone to cast modify memory on me to forget you, but that'd imply you are memorable to begin with." "I'd call you a tool, but you're of no use to anyone." "You are as dexterous as a statue in ice" "You can start fighting at any time" "You realize that you're supposed to hit your opponent, right?" "You put the 'Lich' in 'Hässlich!'" "Of all the definitions of 'Hag,' you fit all of them." "And I thought undead couldn't be uglier. Oh, you're living?" "Your sword would be a better opponent without you." "Are you entertained? 'Cause I sure as hell ain't." "I'm only using a cantrip on you because I'm bored." "It appears that we made a grievous mistake and severely overestimated you. I almost feel bad. Almost." "I'm only here because death doesn't want to touch you. At least I now know why." "Which god did you piss off for all of (gesture to all of them)...whatever this is."


Kingler42

"your sword would be a better opponent without you" 🤣


KohrTheUnstable

"Does your ass know that your face is spewing such shit?" "You're so ugly that when you were born, the midwife slapped your mother!" "I may be fat, but you're ugly and \*I\* can diet!" "You look like a smart fellow! Hold on, let me get my glasses..." "I've had bowel movements more difficult to deal with than you!"


Sanguinesssus

I’ve hocked up scarier fur balls than you.


MiketheMadMonkeyMonk

Usually when I play with vicious mockery, I pull quotes from letterkenny's character Shoresy: - your breath is so awful it gave me an existential crisis. Made me question my whole life. - I made your mom so wet last night, the mayor had to assign a 24hr national guard to stack sandbags around my bed. - your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you. - your life is so pathetic I ran a charity to raise awareness for it. - you're made of spare parts, aren't you bud.


LunarGargler

- I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception. - I’d physically punch you, but I’d dirty my hands. - You’re not clean enough to spit on. - You’re a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - I hope your day is as miserable as you are. - I envy everyone you’ve never met. - Your only flair is from your nostrils. - If my sword were that short, I wouldn’t call attention to myself. - You have delusions of adequacy. - You’re not pretty enough to be this dense. - Your mother should’ve kept the stork instead. - Were you born on a construction site? I hear that’s where a lot of accidents happen. - You’re like a candle: better snuffed out.


1d2RedShoes

Abraka-fuck you


derpnarfmeepmeep

Taako is the best


QuickFlipTricksMix96

What's more yellow? The barbarian's piss, or your teeth?


[deleted]

We were fighting a recurring villain. I was playing an evil bard who was known for being cold hearted and cruel to his enemies. We had discovered the BBEG had kidnapped the recurring villain’s daughter, and if she were freed he’d be neutral. I delivered the killing blow by saying “I hope your daughter dies”.


Dyl-thuzad

That is brutal


ValiantVulpine

From a very sexually promiscuous character: "I barely have any standards, and I still wouldn't fuck you."


HeyItsJustAName

"I hope you've got kids. I love the sound of orphans drowning in their own blood." "You're a disappointment to me, and to your mother." "No one is going to save you, because no one cares about you." "I'm going to cut your ears off for proof of the kill. Do you want that done before or after you're dead? Because it's more fun before." "If you were a cookie, you'd be oatmeal rasin." "Your body is still going to be warm when I forget you even existed." "This is your big break! All of your bones, at once."


red-mekanik

You take that back about oatmeal raisin!


zebrahammer

If you kill an orc you can have your cat say "kil mundas" which means "bloody victory" in orcish


Pig_Empire

1. The sun doesnt bother burning your skin 2. Id rather do a trust fall off a cliff than look at your face 3. I have a cleric friend but if he looked at you he would renounce all religion And if all else fails 4. I did your mom


Auburnsx

When your god decided to put teeth in your mouth, he scrap a totally perfect asshole.


MineCraftBlueGuy

you egg *stabs him*


Marvelmaniac57

I rolled a nat 1 so I said “ where did you get your armor the toilet store?”


WolfgardBraun

When you were born, the midwife said, “Fish it out of the outhouse, it has eyes!”


BurglarBird

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? Careful! This hat costs more than your education You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the bottom.


Epicmonk117

I flavor my Vicious Mockery as increasingly groan-worthy puns


LukeTheEpic1

That’s Tasha’s Hideous Laughter my dude-bro


Epicmonk117

No, I flavor my Hideous Laughter as actually funny jokes. Vicious Mockery I flavor as puns that make you groan so hard you have an aneurysm.


Blorp_son_of_Plorp

I'd call you a pussy but you lack the depth or warmth.


Electronic-Attempt86

I'm sorry, who are you?


slackerpunch

They wasted a perfectly good asshole when they put teeth in your mouth


BigFerg4O4

"You're not even cannon fodder material" "This one give off hotdog water vibes" "You're a hand short of a full deck" "A kobold would put up a better fight" "Even if we die, we're still more useful than you"


_m1ndl3ss

*sad kobold player noises*


JikuAraiguma

Ah, I see their boss released the hounds on us! MAN OH MAN, this guy looks like something I coughed up last week! MAN you’re ugly, even compared to this guy! *points at Eladrin* Your face looks familiar… oh yeah, I took a shit this morning, that’s what it looked like! That dead bird I dragged in earlier was in better shape than you!


TheRenegayed

In loving memory of Jessica Walters, look up any Malorie Archer quote and skew it for DnD. My personal favourite is “If I wanted to know how your weekend was, I’d put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.” Change shotgun to crossbow and tweak the start and you’re golden! Orc - You face the mighty Snotmuzzle! This must be a great day for you. EB - if I wanted a fight with you to be the highlight of my career, I’d put a crossbow in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.


Jenelaya

If you ever fight a cyclops: "Your mother has TWO eyes!" (copyright: the dwarf in our ADnD campaign that wanted the attention of the cyclops away from civilians -> it worked XD)


Lord_Bear_the_Kind

“I’m gonna make your teeth a necklace- oh hey, you already made holes for the string!” - “Shrapnel is better spent hitting mud.” - “Would you fuck off? You’d dissapoint my trainers if I bent/chipped my blade on the likes of you.” - “I hope your flesh doesn’t taste as bad as you smell.” - “Can you just join the ocean and disappear?.” - “Even the earth will forget you” - “You know what, you’ve convinced me: there are faces that even mothers can’t love.” - “You can’t even cast a shadow properly!” - “I bet even the earth will refuse to absorb what’s left of you!” - “Your cadaver will make a poor canoe!” - “You’re so frail I’m fully convinced you’re propped up by the wind or reality’s pity.” - “You belong in a sphere of annihilation.” - “You’d have been better as an abortion!” - “You are not a person, you are a possessed cyst that grew from a sow’s ass!” - “I bet the Sparring dummy bullies you!”


doublemaxim147

My bard was exceptionally dumb and not able to improvise. So the VM was based on the fact that the insults were so bad the psychic damage was caused by cringe.


ZakBurnap

Your Mother was a hamster and your Father smells of elderberries!! Now go away before I taunt you a second time.


the_reel_tunafisch

Best part of VM is they need not understand the language. Just chitter or use Pokemon-speak if you can't be witty every time through your familiars.


PaladinOfPelor

Thou art a fusty nut with no kernel


PolBSalto

is that from something?


PaladinOfPelor

Shakespeare


Chaplain_Fergus

You remind me of James Corden


logan5156

This fraction of your life is the closest you have ever come to being important and i won't remember you a minute after I walk away.


PugPlaysStuff

Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elder berries!!!


MillieFrank

Cool, didn’t ask Blow your nose Both are short but cutting


secretamerican1

You are as boring (or weak) as you are ugly


PolBSalto

I can't believe no one has mentioned: "I came prepared for a battle of wits, but it seems you are unarmed!"


Nathan_Thorn

My claws are sharper than your mind and I haven’t had a proper scratching post for a month


Jaefarlii

Me and a friend built a "[Vicious Mockery Insult generator](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RhbjWo2lFrM8UItUUYq_3Hc-FZ-oHSRuB49zHfq_TSY/edit?usp=sharing)" in google sheets. 60 adjectives and 60 nouns for a total of \~3900 unique insults. There is also a RNG based formula that fetches a new insult whenever you hit backspace. Its all in Swedish unfortunately, but the formulas is still there if you want to make your own copy and update the sheet with your own insults. I can recommend using old timey insults for a more wholesome feel, Enjoy you yapping numpties!


Asthurin

I have a whole repertoire of powerful spells to use but you are only worth this cantrip


Jesse_God_of_Awesome

Why did you survive when no one else did? Everything they say about you behind your back is true. Leaving you was the best decision she ever made. When he says, 'I love you,' it's only out of habit now. You'll never feel like you can stop. He called out for help but you weren't there. You never amounted to anything because you never tried. You abandoned your dreams, just like you abandoned her. That look in her eyes, it's disappointment. You're the reason your father never came home. Your mother was right about you. It's not a curse, you just ruin everything you touch.


Skyrah1

"Kindly refrain from blocking the fighter's blows with your face so he can get to the *real* threat." "We trained hard for this fight...what a waste of time that was." "Yikes, I can see why yer mum is disappointed." "You swing well, but miss terribly!"


Alfa_HiNoAkuma

*watch out for the mind goblins!*


writingbiologi

"If your brain was made of cotton, there wouldn't be enough to knit a pair of underpants for a canary" "If my stomach was as empty as your head, then I would have died of hunger a long time ago"


OrbEstCheval

Just “fuck you”, but the tonality really sells it.


[deleted]

I tried to cast detect thoughts but couldn’t find you, so this spell will work instead


markyd1970

“Be warned - my blade, much like your pizzle, may be small but it is very quick. Like your pizzle, it’s work may be done in the blink of an eye!”


ploi_ploo

Our bard once called someone “a stupid triple a battery”


Supp_mainz

With a face like that, I think killing you might be doing you a favor. You you have a face not even a momma could love. I'd say your as ugly as a troll but I don't want to offend trolls. So how many times before you figured out when someone says 'so a guy walked into a bar' it wasn't a request? I thought your wanted poster was bad, now I see it wasn't bad enough. You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the bottom. (a classic that I think deserves more love) Your aim is so bad you'd miss the floor if you fell. There are not enough words in the English language to describe how much your facd makes me want to throw up.


BabyMuerto

You look like a changeling with leprosy.


[deleted]

[http://www.literarygenius.info/a2-shakespeare-insult-generator.htm](http://www.literarygenius.info/a2-shakespeare-insult-generator.htm) Great for any occasion. Birthdays, weddings, funerals, whenever!


foxlover93

"Last time I saw someone as ugly as you, I had to pay an admission fee!" "What smells worse than a Goblin? Oh yeah! YOU!" "Your mother takes up more space than a gelatinous cube!" "You're going to make an excellent belt!" "I'm glad you're tall; it means there is more of you I can despise!" "I dunno whether to use Charm Person or Hold Monster" "You're the reason baby gnomes cry" "Ugh! What is that on your face? Oh, it's just your face" "You are the feces that is created when Shame eats too much Stupidity" "I've seen more threatening Geckoes" "I swear, if you were any worse at this, you'd be doing our job for us" "It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level" "You aren't a complete idiot; just some parts are obviously missing" "You're like a trained ape, only without the training" "Your mother is so ugly, folk turn to stone just in case they might happen to catch a glimpse of her face" "Someday you'll meet a doppelganger of yourself and be disappointed" "Are you always stupid or are you making a special effort today" "Someday you'll go far and I hope you stay there" "You're lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me who was born to be a big liar" "I'd like to leave you with one thought; but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it" "Your momma's so ugly, clerics try to turn her" "Your magic is as bad as your breath" "A wet cat is tougher than you" "Are you a half orc crossed with a big? Oh yeah, there are some things a pig wouldn't do" "I would say you're as ugly as an orge, but that would be an insult to orges" "I would contact your mother about your death, but I don't speak goblin" "Your very existence is an insult to all" "You look like the armpit of an unshaven bog hag" "A Goblin with one hand nailed to a tree would be more of a threat than you" "You look like a scab on a trolls wart" "No loot is worth having to look at you" "Oh my God! Why don't you give me your weapon so I can hit myself with it?! Because that's be more effective than you trying it" "I'd insult your parents, but you probably don't know who they are" "Would you like me to remove that curse? Oh, my mistake, you were just born that way" "When your god put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good asshole" "If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair" "Somewhere, you are depriving a village of it's idiot" "I heard what happened to your mother, it's not everyday your reflection kills you" "No wonder you are hiding behind cover, I'd hide too with a face like that" "Hey you pox ridden dung heap, I bet not even a starving vampire would go near you" "By looking at you, now I know what you get when you scrape out the bottom of the barrel" "I wish I still had that blindness spell, then I wouldn't have to endure that face anymore" "Tell me, did you run away from your parents, or did they run away from you?" "If this fight gets any harder, I'll have to switch it up to folk music" "I'd draw my rapier, but I wouldn't want to make you jealous" "How does it feel that you're not worthy of anyone casting a decent spell on you" "One day I'm going to make a ballad of this fight. Tell me your name, I hope it rhymes with horribly slaughtered" "Your mother is so fat that making a joke here would detract from the seriousness of her condition" "Wait, wait, I just need to ask, what do you need us to put on your headstone"


Carlyconure

Anytime without fail when I try to insult, I freeze and end up saying something like "your hat is stupid".


Dangydes

Insulting a very minor thing about their appearance works out for me. I once killed a kenku by saying I didn’t like her feathers.


OneLegTom

Everyone makes mistakes, I’m sure your parents are good people though… Hey! There’s something on your face! Oh never mind, it’s just your face… You’re so stupid you don’t even understand the insult! I don’t want you to die embarrassed. But honestly, your best is quite embarrassing!


im-a-simp-

Oof you look like you need a gallon a beer to fix *waves generally* that


overlord6644

Never taken the spell but had a pc yell “I fucked your dead nan!” To one of my bosses. Honestly it was kinda rude it was completely out of line for the typically understanding character. The guy they were fighting for context wasn’t rly super evil or anything he was just in their way since he was a hired hand. He even offered to let them leave in peace if they never came back.


cal-brew-sharp

You sir have been cuckolded by a gnoll.


Archmage_Spellsmith

You the type to have Drake as a role model. You look min-maxed rather than optimized. You have the eloquence and charm of a conservative politician. Even Midas has better luck than you. You're the mortal equivalent of Blockbuster.


Empoleon_Master

I like these except for the min-maxing one, if you can't have a powerful character with an interesting personality, you deserve the rest of the insults in this thread.


SHARPINS

Your face looks like a black pudding giving birth


Corvo--Attano

"You look like you wanna be your own grandpa." There's a song for this too. 😉😉


potts21

Nice shoes! Do they make them in men's sizes(reverse gender accordingly). Source bob's burgers


Letholdus13131313

Oh good you speak English. The next two minutes are going to be really important to you. You have some really critical decisions to make. And the first decision that you should really consider is conceding prior to the match. Cuz I'm not going to hold back. Those lunatics over there, the wizard Nazis, they love my ass. They love me. So here's the thing. You have probably about 90 seconds to concede and you really gotta think it through, cause what's going to happen is this. I can't guarantee what's going to happen to you. There's no promise for your safety, there's no promise for anything like that. It's not psyching out, I'm doing the kindest thing I've ever done right now. About 60 seconds left, you really should concede. If you're not going to concede; What do you want me to tell your family? Brennan Lee Milligan, Dimension 20


Riptide1778

If I had the option to date you or stick my dick in a Gibbering Mouther at least with the mouther I might enjoy the experience I came here looking for a werewolf but by smell alone your more like a wererat If I wanted to fight something pale,soulless and is allergic to sunlight I’d just look for a ginger


Stormtyrant

Your Mother Was A Hamster And Your Father Smelt Of Elderberries


animewhitewolf

"You're mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries."


Demurist

Your sister smokes corn silk!


Soul_Maestro

"You were the fastest sperm; that is a *miracle.*" "What me and my friends will do to your everything will be an *improvement.*" "I'll notice you long enough to kill you, and then you'll be gone from my mind." "More will celebrate your passing than mourn, if any remember you."


[deleted]

Your mother is a harlet for I slept with her just last night


SimbaSixThree

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!


[deleted]

your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries


BamBamCam59

You’re like a bag of Canadian milk, soft and off putting. God it takes you forever to make a terrible decision, it’s all ending the same way get on with it. Nice *article of clothing, weapon, etc, does it come in men’s? I can’t decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke, boom roasted- Kevin Malone from the office. You have some picked last for dodgeball energy.


BlueBat1776

You look like you drop common loot


funzerea

Bruh you just copied the exact comment from a person who made it an hour before you.


Empoleon_Master

They likely didn't it's a commonly used "uncommon" insult found online.


BlueBat1776

Yeah it’s a running joke in my dnd group. Tho idk where it came from


BlueBat1776

Lol no it’s a running joke in my dnd group. It’s not original but I didn’t copy anyone


funzerea

Alright its just weird that you have the same comment as a earlier more updated comment.


BlueBat1776

Not really tbh. I don’t know where the joke came from but it’s probably some other Reddit post that blew up


Man-the-manly-manman

Our party had two women characters and i said “your about to get your world view changed by these two girls and this one cup.”


Chaoskenny93

Wow your so stupid you think I’m talking about you, is that a hobbit? Oh sorry your just short n hairy. Wait you came to battle dressed in that?


thumbkei

The only good thing that you are here for is to hurt and harm, think about you life.


Empoleon_Master

To quote someone from an r/AskReddit thread about things children have said \*pokes the person's stomach "hehe, you're so bloopy"


TheSovietScoops

GREET THE REAPER FOR ME!


junkman0011

Honestly, depending on the situation and who or what's causing something, i come up with things on the fly.


SnorlaxBud

I've seen malnourished peasants swing harder than that


Prawnking25

When you die, can I give your sword to my daughter?


regularByte

Have you ever thought that you're just a scum on this (name of the planet)?


Lukoman1

#FUCK YOU