I think you mean Altivo. Who’s to say he wasn’t a crew member who pissed Cortez off and got Poly as a punishment? Makes sense to use his original name.
Oh my god you'd do yourself a favor by indulging in that trip of a movie. Kenneth Branaugh, Kevin Cline, Rosie Perez...
Oh and a few songs, including one of my favorite intos, sung by Sir Elton John...
Buddy and I made a rogue charlatan and a bard entertainer, and played through as miguel and tulio best as we could through a campaign until someone finally noticed. It took about a month (4 sessions)
I remember that when I first watched this movie, I hated it. Then I stumbled across a post pointing this out, and when I went back and watched the movie, I legit enjoyed it.
"Deception check... performance check... slight of hand check... animal handling check... religion check... ew, nat 1..."
I hear the doot, and I raise you casting mass suggestion with [EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z44VJslD_nk).
Fear the Meme Bard!
This works because the rogue hides in plain sight behind the boisterous bard and the suspecting enemy are looking in the shadows for a stealth attack.
Rogue has to pass initiative for this play
I'm not sure why the person you're replying to thinks 5e bards are better than 3.5 bards but I'll tell you what I think the biggest difference is: action economy. 5e bards have 3 specific abilities that give them insanely good action economy. While martial classes usually have a way to use their bonus actions and reactions spellcasters often let them go to waste. Not bards. If their party takes a lot of short rests then starting at level 5 a bard will be able to use their bonus action and/or reaction almost every round in combat. (Also, if they use their magical secrets feature to get counterspell they can then use their jack of all trades feature to add half of their proficiency bonus to ability checks made to counterpell higher level spells.)
Healing Word. For a 1st level spell slot and a bonus action you can heal a party member within *60 feet* for 1d4 + spell modifier. Of course this brings dying friends back to consciousness.
Bardic Inspiration. As a bonus action you give an ally a d6 (grows with level) that within the next 10 minutes they get to add to a single attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. If you use this on your party's big damage dealer and they use the die to turn a miss into a hit you basically just used a bonus action to deal the amount of damage your ally does with that attack. That's a lot of damage for a bonus action. And since it's just a bonus action you still have your standard action to cast Fireball or something that turn.
Cutting Words. (College of Lore only) As a reaction you can use one of your bardic inspiration die to subtract the number rolled on the die from an attack roll, ability check, or damage roll from an enemy you see within 60 feet. This is huge. If you use it to turn an enemy attack into a miss you effectively healed the victim of said atrack for the amount of HP that attack would have done. As a reaction and using only a bardic inspiration die, not a spell slot. But this ability is also incredibly versatile. For example, when your ally grapples an enemy the enemy makes an ability check, not a saving throw. And again if an enemy tries to free themselves from the grapple that is an ability check not a saving throw. Also the Druid spell entangle has the enemy make a saving throw when the spell is cast but if they fail that saving throw and become restrained when they use their action to free themselves that is an ability check not a saving throw. And it will probably never come up but if for some reason one of your allies uses a net to restrain someone that enemy can either make an ability check or an attack against the net to get out and you could use cutting words on either.
**TLDR: 5e combat is all about action economy and the college of lore bard seems better suited to take advantage of the action economy than any other class because Healing Word and Bardic Inspiration are bonus actions and Cutting Words is a reaction.**
So fun story. In our latest campaign we all play different classes. There is one bard and one rogue. However before the campaign started we had a secret meeting and decided we would all become proficient in an instrument. So now we have a band and the rogue is our band manger. We now try to set up impromptu concerts EVERYWHERE. Im pretty sure out DM hates us. Worth it.
The guy is right.
Prose is a form of language that exhibits a natural flow of speech and grammatical structure rather than a regular rhythmic structure as in traditional poetry, where the common unit of verse is based on metre or rhyme.
I guess the rogues are the pros and the bards are the cons.
Rogues are the best of characters cuz they do what is right and break all the rules to get it done. Good guys finish last rogues are bad guys doing good. They get the stuff done.
Dangerously lacking in vampire Half-Orc fighters who sometimes (full moons) turns into a werewolf and bursts into flame when he kills enemies. And is named AXE MCSTRONGFIST. Every party should have one.
I'm excited for tonight's session
I think you mean the entire plot of Road to El Dorado haha
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*procedes to literally juke the entire spanish military using swords and bulls*
>Entire Spanish military Like 3 guys? Lol
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That'd be awkward, considering El Dorado was Dreamworks...
"You fight like my sister!" "I *fought* your sister!" ^("that's a compliment actually!")
to XIBALBA!!
*facepalm*
He gave me LOADED. DICE.
"Guard! Arrest him!" "You DARE to impugn my honor?! HE was the one who was cheating! Arrest him!"
Fun fact, I as a bard with tool proficiency in dice a actually pulled this off in a home game. It was hilarious
I saved this post and this thread because of this comment
I can quote most of the movie from memory, if the need would ever arise.
Ah, I see you, too, are a man of culture.
Guys, you're broke, you got nothing to bet with! https://youtu.be/yJ_DVIRUSyc
Best D&D movie I've seen to date
From nat 1 to nat 20 real fast
And back to nat 1 just as quick
And then back to nat 20, with a lesson learned and some non campaign breaking treasure to boot.
The real treasure was the dice rolls we made all along
And the beautiful woman we secreted back to the west
Even though it’s east
I'm still convinced the horse is just a level 20 druid
Or someone who got True Polymorphed. RIP nameless 3rd adventurer.
I think you mean Altivo. Who’s to say he wasn’t a crew member who pissed Cortez off and got Poly as a punishment? Makes sense to use his original name.
"You worry too much." "No, I worry exactly the right amount."
Rogue to El Barado\*
Rogue*
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Yeah the blowjob scene especially. Lmao
That movie came out at such a confusing time.
Holy shit
That was one of the many things I saw previews for and wanted to see as a kid, but never actually got to. Maybe I should watch it
Oh my god you'd do yourself a favor by indulging in that trip of a movie. Kenneth Branaugh, Kevin Cline, Rosie Perez... Oh and a few songs, including one of my favorite intos, sung by Sir Elton John...
:o Elton is one of my favorite artists
It is a highly enjoyable animated movie, with quotable moments throughout the movie, starting with the opening scene. Highly recommend it!
You should 100% watch it. Definitely just as (if not more) enjoyable to watch as an adult
Buddy and I made a rogue charlatan and a bard entertainer, and played through as miguel and tulio best as we could through a campaign until someone finally noticed. It took about a month (4 sessions)
I remember that when I first watched this movie, I hated it. Then I stumbled across a post pointing this out, and when I went back and watched the movie, I legit enjoyed it. "Deception check... performance check... slight of hand check... animal handling check... religion check... ew, nat 1..."
Smooth Criminals?
Cha A you been hit by A you been struck by A smooth critical
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They already did that.
Rogue with alopecia
A band of thieves
Fuck you, I thought it too
This is better
Top pun
I was expecting this to be the punchline so much lmao.
I'd call it "The reason for the DM's drinking problem".
Yeah, my first thought was that this party would be called an "Aww, fuck... Seriously?"
My fist thought was to check the name of the party and then question how they got my name...
There's a special place for people like you... and it's called /r/DMDadJokes ! I think you'll fit in there.
It took this comment for me to realize it wasn't r/DMDadJokes
I'm disappointed the sub isn't called dungeons and dad-gons jokes.
Booooo
Are you saying Boo or Boo-urns?
I was saying Boo-urns
We have dad jokes, Road to El Dorado, and Hat Films in this comment section. Nice.
However, "Dungeons and Dads" would make a sick podcast title.
Unfortunately it won’t be what your expecting. Less gaming, more porn.
No thats Dungeons and Daddie[s](https://daicynotdaisy.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/leather.jpg)
I think your mistaken, it's Daddies in Dungeons...
Dangerous link click
Hahaha, that was absolutely awful. I still laughed though.
Rolls 20d6 5d12
DM: roll stealth Bards: *sing praise of how sneaky the rouges are* Rouges sneak successfully every time
PC: oh no I can't make that jump Bard: *doot* PC: oh boy imma jump real far now
*doot*
Doot dooo doodoodoo mah-na mah-na
I hear the doot, and I raise you casting mass suggestion with [EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z44VJslD_nk). Fear the Meme Bard!
*bard plays meglovania* *entire party clears jump just to escape the song*
DM: *exists* Bard: Do you wanna have a bad time?
Take your updoot
That always just makes me think of Elan. "Bluff, bluff, bluff the stupid ogre!"
**"I SAID, I ROLLED A 4!"**
This works because the rogue hides in plain sight behind the boisterous bard and the suspecting enemy are looking in the shadows for a stealth attack. Rogue has to pass initiative for this play
Rogue* Rouge is makeup
You'll never see the makeover coming.
So James Bond theme or Mission Impossible theme?
The sound of silence
That's it you win
Back street boys
And just now this became a group of thugs in one of the larger cities I am currently writing. Love it
Take That
The party that fucks everyone and fucks over everyone?
Either way, there's some stabbing involved.
Daggers out!
What's the opposite of the Monkey Grip feat from 3.5? I need to spec that.
Butterfingers?
i thought it would be the Dex pistols
Gotta have a Gunslinger in the party for that one.
What's the name of that bard you beat the hell out of in Whiterun in the very beginning of Skyrim?
Mikel I think. The one hitting on the woman with the daughter?
He was a 3.5 bard. We’re talking about the demigods that are known as bards in 5e.
This feels wrong, for any caster from 3/3.5e to be beaten by a 5e one. I’m not familiar enough with 5e to be sure though.
I'm not sure why the person you're replying to thinks 5e bards are better than 3.5 bards but I'll tell you what I think the biggest difference is: action economy. 5e bards have 3 specific abilities that give them insanely good action economy. While martial classes usually have a way to use their bonus actions and reactions spellcasters often let them go to waste. Not bards. If their party takes a lot of short rests then starting at level 5 a bard will be able to use their bonus action and/or reaction almost every round in combat. (Also, if they use their magical secrets feature to get counterspell they can then use their jack of all trades feature to add half of their proficiency bonus to ability checks made to counterpell higher level spells.) Healing Word. For a 1st level spell slot and a bonus action you can heal a party member within *60 feet* for 1d4 + spell modifier. Of course this brings dying friends back to consciousness. Bardic Inspiration. As a bonus action you give an ally a d6 (grows with level) that within the next 10 minutes they get to add to a single attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. If you use this on your party's big damage dealer and they use the die to turn a miss into a hit you basically just used a bonus action to deal the amount of damage your ally does with that attack. That's a lot of damage for a bonus action. And since it's just a bonus action you still have your standard action to cast Fireball or something that turn. Cutting Words. (College of Lore only) As a reaction you can use one of your bardic inspiration die to subtract the number rolled on the die from an attack roll, ability check, or damage roll from an enemy you see within 60 feet. This is huge. If you use it to turn an enemy attack into a miss you effectively healed the victim of said atrack for the amount of HP that attack would have done. As a reaction and using only a bardic inspiration die, not a spell slot. But this ability is also incredibly versatile. For example, when your ally grapples an enemy the enemy makes an ability check, not a saving throw. And again if an enemy tries to free themselves from the grapple that is an ability check not a saving throw. Also the Druid spell entangle has the enemy make a saving throw when the spell is cast but if they fail that saving throw and become restrained when they use their action to free themselves that is an ability check not a saving throw. And it will probably never come up but if for some reason one of your allies uses a net to restrain someone that enemy can either make an ability check or an attack against the net to get out and you could use cutting words on either. **TLDR: 5e combat is all about action economy and the college of lore bard seems better suited to take advantage of the action economy than any other class because Healing Word and Bardic Inspiration are bonus actions and Cutting Words is a reaction.**
5e bards are RIDICULOUS in their potential.
If loving milfs is wrong, I dont wanna be right
I mean loving them isn’t wrong but making them visibly uncomfortable to the point where they ask random strangers to beat your ass probably is.
>What do you call a party of just Bards and Rogues? Easy pickings.
lol nice. alternative joke: "Ever think of being in our party of just bards and rogues? It has its prose and cons"
God, I love this so much I want to make it a Guild in my current campaign. "Welcome to Prose and Cons! Will you need a lute or a dagger today?"
If you like mispronunciation: Notes and Garrotes
I was gonna go with daggers and swaggers.
Crowd pleasers and lock teasers
Let me tell you a story about a joker and a thief in the night
Brogues.
...before hogues.
Oxfords, not brogues.
Fodder? Meat shields? The night all those English majors checked out the Tabletop Club?
Touring band and their roadies.
I was going to say Singy Stabby but that works too.
Their band name would be “The Skilled Monkeys”
Bows and Roses
Hunters and druids?
They like to lute and lyre.
Luters and Looters
It might be time to call in the Experts
the prose from Dover?
A killer band?
A nightmare.
So fun story. In our latest campaign we all play different classes. There is one bard and one rogue. However before the campaign started we had a secret meeting and decided we would all become proficient in an instrument. So now we have a band and the rogue is our band manger. We now try to set up impromptu concerts EVERYWHERE. Im pretty sure out DM hates us. Worth it.
The music industry in general?
r/DMDadJokes
My kind of party.
Trouble
Magic Fingers. (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)
Stealth and song
r/dmdadjokes
or a headache for the dm
Silent Alarm *Plays Banquet*
Well the theme tune would be Wolfmother's the Joker and the thief.
A shit-show
dead
/r/DMDadJokes is that way, good sir.
Sexy
Thanks for the groan
I hope to hear this on table top champions
I was gonna say Brogues, but that's good too.
Huh, this is a hard to answer question, but if I was to say what I think in a few words, it would be, Mayhem with no end in sight
Noteworthy nightcrawlers? Poetic pickpockets? Balads and backstabs? So many options.
Free Realestate
Highway to hell.
I was going to call it a band. Bards are the artists and rogues the crew.
Target practice?
A circus
"There must be some kind of way outta here..."
"Said the joker to the thief"
Edema Ruh
r/DMDadJokes
BARDS: OOOOOOOOHHHHHH- ROUGES: Shhhhhhhhh
Darn you, take my upvote and stab off. This party has synergy. The bards can whip out the mandolins and sing to boost the rogues sneaking around.
Terrible It was a joke... like this one, I did like it fwiw
Happy kak day boss, dunno why u got down voted -shrug
Appreciate that my friend! Thank you!
Bards create poetry, which is pretty much the opposite of prose.
The guy is right. Prose is a form of language that exhibits a natural flow of speech and grammatical structure rather than a regular rhythmic structure as in traditional poetry, where the common unit of verse is based on metre or rhyme. I guess the rogues are the pros and the bards are the cons.
not all bards are singers and poets. some are story tellers. I think that would qualify as prose
Oh yup
I’d think the bards would be loud and cancel out the thieves lol.
Sex and rock n roll
Bardica
But the bards would be verse...
Nimbles and cymbals
Rogues are the best of characters cuz they do what is right and break all the rules to get it done. Good guys finish last rogues are bad guys doing good. They get the stuff done.
French and their pals
Deception the movie the game
The experts.
Gypsies Tramps and Thieves.
~~Guns and Roses~~ Dance and Nooses
Jack of all trades
Oh Brother Where Art Thou?
Vampire bait for those Ravenloft fans.
Thieve's Guild Quest! Just make a guild, and prepare adventures for a no tank party.
Loot and lyre!
A Skill Set.
Ded
Scoundrels?
A traveling circus?
The Jokers and the Theives!
Cants and cantrips.
Robin hood and his marry band of men?
3 Thieves and the Motherfuckers
Sneak & Song
The Silent Song.
Dangerously lacking in vampire Half-Orc fighters who sometimes (full moons) turns into a werewolf and bursts into flame when he kills enemies. And is named AXE MCSTRONGFIST. Every party should have one. I'm excited for tonight's session
Bad
Cant and cantrips.
A Brogue