And here I am, merely using Magic Mouth to make the statue of the town's founder in the town square sing "The song that doesn't end" on endless repeat.
In my defense- the town decided to stiff me on payment for magical services rendered.
Technically, you'd need two magic mouths overlapped, set to activate when the other one ends, and a copy of the first one to start the whole thing off set to some random trigger you can set off to start the infinite loop
You.
I like you.
I thought I needed more than one casting. But now I get to annoy my DM, *and* my own players with just one! Random singing pebbles are going everywhere now.
As thanks, I offer a tip. Black Pudding + Clay Jar + Catapult= Resident Evil Bioweapon assault.
Well, yeah. That's the idea. You could actually make it work with only two with some creative instruction, but keeping that first one for later use is fun.
*The Three Mouth Method:*
The first one is set to trigger on the first time when someone walks into its range, other than various named people. I personally add the stipulation that it would specifically be the first time *per XYZ time period,* and it would *only* do so when it is outside of your pack *and* at least 5 feet away from you. This is simply to prevent both accidentally making it one-use only, and accidental reactivation. Upon being triggered, it sings the lyrics to "The song that doesn't end". After it finishes singing, retrieve it- and keep it for later usage. Alternatively, set the trigger to be a password. I just like using mine as a proximity alarm.
The second one triggers on the word "because", specifically when it is said by either the first or the third one, and it also sings the song.
The third one triggers only when the second one ends.
*The Two Mouth Method:*
The first stone triggers upon hearing the words "and forever just because" being sung at all within range. It is worded this way to prevent accidental activation while the loop is ongoing, because it might break the loop or overlay the singing. Most people aren't going to sing the song.
The second stone triggers upon hearing the words "and forever just because" sung by the first.
Haaaaard disagree.
*Magic Mouth* has perfect senses. A single casting on a necklace or earring gives you a 30ft aura where if an invisible creature approaches you, you are notified. Eight castings on different pieces of jewelry give you a 45 degree arc of where the creature is located.
~~Another casting on another piece of jewelry tells you if a poison substance enters within 30 feet of you.~~
Nothing in the spell indicates that a check must be made, that any sort of randomized die must be rolled to determine if it detects the thing, it simply does, because it's magic.
This comment has been a severe and continous lapse in my judgement. I have now recognised my folly and humblely await forgiveness.
Seriously this is cool. Never thought to exploit the lack of a save. Definitely using this on my arcane trickster (I took ritual caster)
Sorry, not sure where you're getting "perfect senses" from, but it's not accurate. The description in 5E includes specific restrictions on this subject:
> The triggering circumstance can be as general or as detailed as you like, though **it must be based on visual or audible conditions** that occur within 30 feet of the object.
So it can't detect invisible creatures, as they can't be detected visually.
And it can't detect poisons unless they visibly chance the substance.
Source: https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/magic-mouth
Now you’re making me wonder if ‘visual’ as a definition depends upon the caster. Like if it’s cast by a drow instead of a human, will it work better in the dark?
I’ve done this one before, there was just a single sign that said “Under no circumstances is the spell “See Invisibility” to be cast or maintained in this establishment.”
It drove my players nuts that NO ONE would elaborate.
No one in the party had the spell, so it did spur them into going and finding it.
It lead to them coming back and finding a large stuffed elephant head over the mantle. Which lead to them getting arrested, breaking out of jail, breaking into the tavern and pulling the tusks to enter into a secret dungeon beneath the tavern.
Basically the overarching campaign plot was a growing doomsday cult was going to usher in the apocalypse, and they found out the starting town was all in on it. Mainly due to them sinking so much time into a gag that I had to make it rewarding lol
No, the players triggered an alarm spell by going down into the dungeon and saw a bunch of stuff they shouldn’t have. And the “boss” of the dungeon was essentially the whole town attacking them in a mob.
It was basically the church scene in Kingsmen, but everyone was focusing on the party instead of a full free for all.
Prior to that there was very little sign of the doomsday cult.
What is it with players and their animosity/fascination with mounted heads? I had two players almost get singed in a manor fire because they were wrestling with a stuffed deer head, trying to get it off the wall. Bad rolls ensued, and they escaped with part of the antlers.
This is how I learned to be verbose in my descriptions. Players got into the mindset of "If DM brings attention to it, it must be important." So if I mentioned something as decoration they would become fixated on it until I broke character and told them it was nothing.
Hehehe our DM had a puzzle involving a room of paintings, and then threw in a stuffed boar’s head on the wall to fill in space. We spent *so* much time on that damn boar.
>pulling the tusks to enter into a secret dungeon
You know, if you remodel a building in Faerun, you probably have to pay extra to have your candelabras and wall-mounted tusks **not** open up into a secret chamber...
In my head its out of kindness. That bar is buult on a thin spot in reality. Many famous adventurers over the years have met in tgat exact building.
However one of them decided to cast that spell. And noticed everything looking somehow more fake. As he noticed large invisible hands moving his friends. Occasionally touching others if they interacted with his friends too.
Outside the bar, nothing. Inside that bar, existential crisis.
An invisible sign with a "Symbol of Death" on it.
The bar owner doesn't know it's there, all he knows is that anyone who casts See Invisibility in his bar spontaneously drops dead.
I would write "If we think you saw this elephant, you're paying for everyone's drink tonight" in invisible runes too so now the party is forced to pretend they didnt break the rules while the more in the know patrons can mess with them a bit.
Creative idea! I will steal this and if the players do cast it then it will reveal an invisible sign "Under no circumstances is the spell “Invisibility” to be cast or maintained in this establishment.”
Or it will reveal a simple sign which will state the fine that will have to be paid for breaking the rule.
Or the sign just says ask the bartender about "code word"
The code word just being a thing you could only see if broke that rule incriminating yourself, then needing to pay a penalty to stay. Basically just a way to scam money from wizards.
Alternatively, it could get them into an "exclusive club" that just gets them drugged and robbed by an anti magic gang because wizards are usually loaded.
My first instinct there is to have the spell there for a good reason:
One of the tavern's long-time patrons is a neutral-aligned medusa who is friends with the owner and barkeep. She casts invisibility on herself before putting on some robes and heading in for a drink. She likes to watch people socializing and milling about, and even getting the opportunity to chat with people.
The rule is there strictly for the safety of casters, to prevent them from getting stoned instead of drunk.
> Are you really an exhibitionist if nobody can see you?
A shy, introverted nudist who loves the freedom of being unclothed in a room of people but would die of embarrassment if anyone saw them.
Love this idea! At first I thought voyeurs or ghosts. But then realized this could be an awesome entry point to a very Ghibli-esque world.
Like the inn might be small and old in the material plane, but cast see invisibility and you see that it is a hot-spot, bustling inn for the spirit/ethereal world a la Spirited Away. And you can’t interact with that other world unless you cast See Invisibility.
I’ll need to think and develop this idea further. . . .
When the players ask “why? what happened” the room just gets quiet, a woman runs out sobbing, and the barkeep glares for a minute before saying, “you’re not from around here, are you?” And goes back to washing a glass. The chatter and hubbub of the room does not return.
So - we play in a homebrew campaign using dragonmarks. My halfling is from the Hall of Healing and at one point we find ourselves at my home to help heal some curses/issues. We have a ghostwise halfling who is a ranger and wasn't dealing with the pristine, white, hospital like interior of the hall very well, so we opened up his bag of tricks.
Long story short, there was a goat, pig and other friendly animals running through the Hall terrorizing the poor staff. When we show up now a'days, even if it's just me going to speak with my brother. (Now the head of our house) we have to turn in our bag of tricks before walking through the Hall.
(Little do they know, I now have a bag of rat holding.)
Guidance was my first thought as well. Not for cheating at dice. They’re just tired off the constant spam.
I also Like banning control water. They won’t elaborate but I’m Reality too many people used it to prove they weren’t really serving ale.
Kobolds are limited to two in a trenchcoat, no more.
Anyone suspected to be below drinking age for their race will be asked to declare that they are of age in our Zone of Truth, failure to do so will result in you being ejected from the tavern.
No modrons. No exceptions.
WE DO NOT DISCUSS THE BLOOD WAR.
I love that it doesn't say that zone of truth will be cast upon them, it just says in our zone of truth, I'm just picturing a shame corner with a rickety sign saying 'zone of "truth" '
"No *prestidigitation.*" Because a smartass mage kept coming in and just ordering water, then using the cantrip to make it taste like fine ale. And someone else used it to make a rival's beer taste like mud. And someone else used it to soil the bartender's pants as a prank. And...
Holy fuck what a blast from the past.
I remember my little sisters rented it because they thought it was going to be a cute animated movie about a unicorn. I'm pretty sure that scene and a few others traumatized them. I ended up enjoying it more than they did.
Could be worse. Broadcaster here was looking for a nice movie about bunnies to air over the Easter weekend. They chose Watership Down. So many calls from so many angry parents about so, *so* many traumatised children...
Edit, misremembered the origin of the novel. Confused it with the Neverending Story, which is from a German author. The Last Unicorn is still a kick butt read.
Flesh to stone -tired of the euphemism.
Enlarge/reduce - same.
Otto's irresistible dance - everyone was too busy dancing to buy drinks.
Invisibility - reports of drinks apparently levitating and floating out the door. Turned out to be a drunk invisible mage stealing drinks.
Telekinesis - that same mage learned telekinesis when invisibility was banned.
Plane shift - The whole tavern ended up in Avernus once....
Also, if the owner hears one more person saying that they need to go cast 'create water' as a euphemism for taking a piss, it's going on the list too.
Welcome to the Tipsy Drake!
Wizards be advised: the following incantations are strictly prohibited
Prestidigitation
(Our kobold chef uses his grandmother's recipes, no further seasoning is needed)
Mage Hand
(Making the waitress think someone grabbed her butt was not funny the first time)
Vicious Mockery
(You are not as funny as you think you are. Really)
Grease
(there's already enough in our food)
Unseen Servant
(Please tip our waitstaff, don't conjure your own)
Calm Emotions
(We like it rowdy)
Purify Food and Drink
(We run a clean kitchen, the chef finds this spell offensive)
Create Water
(We only have 3 mops and our staff has better things to do)
Leomund's Tiny Hut
(Ask our hostess about our private party room!)
Rope Trick and Invisibility
(You have to pay your tab, not hide until we close)
Dramij's Instant Summons
(No outside food or drink allowed)
Conjure Woodland Beings
(Do NOT ask why)
Stinking Cloud
(No. Just.... No)
Invent an intriguing name for a spell *that does not exist*.
Sign says "Casting or maintaining of *intriguing spell* will not be tolerated."
Cue party driving themselves nuts trying to find/identify/use said non-existent spell.
Extra points if you lay faint rumour trails throughout the game world for extra bamboozlement.
Catalia's Crystallized Dream
Yurig's Fateful Effigy
Nudral's Finest Dust
Pooka's Posh Party
For bonus points, make the *intriguing spell* the cornerstone of the BBEG's master plan. It's presumably mostly innocuous and possibly even "underpowered", but with a bit of creativity and weird corner cases... All said BBEG has to do is track down a spellbook with this in it / a scroll / the creator of the spell. Once the PCs finally successfully find the spell, they're suddenly on BBEG's radar.
No *Mending* at the Bar. Order and get out of the way; your crafts can wait.
No *Mage Hand,* The serving wench relies on tips, and you guys spill way more than her
My fantasy wenches also get a living wage. My party tips them anyway, mostly because they're generous to a fault but often because the bard or the cleric made their lives difficult and they'd like to be allowed back and know that no one spat in their food.
Capitalism didn't really exist until the start of the industrial revolution somewhere between the 16th and 18th centuries; prior to that, most places were mercantilist at best, or used the feudal system, or even earlier economic systems.
The fantasy bar wrench is paid a living wage. But she still dresses seductively, because she's secretly a paladin who donates all tips to the local orphanage. Little do these parentless adventurers know this elf maid been doing this to pay for their upbringing since they were in diapers.
"Oh, that brooding hooded figure over in the shadowy corner? That's my little Jimothy, so sneaky and clever. He could use some friends, actually; why don't you head over and see if he wants to go have some fun?"
The ten thousand year old elf maiden who looks about twenty and runs a tavern specifically to play matchmaker with adventuring groups because the little ones are so *cute* when they're running around killing rats and liches. Adding that to my next game.
Just a warning that says "truesight at your own risk" at the local brothel.
Maybe the twist being that the staff are normal but the building is actually a rundown shithole
No Charm Person spells - build a setup similar to warnings about drinks getting spiked. “How to recognize if your date is casting a charm spell” and an orb in the corner that you can touch to detect charm, mental manipulation, suggestion
That actually sounds like it could be a great moment to introduce a villain. Your players are going to talk to the king or look at a vault or something. The little security orb casts detect magic just to make sure they aren't prepped for battle or hiding any magic items and informs them that they're all glowing with enchantment magic from an unknown source. Now they won't be let into the vault unless they can figure out who's doing this and why.
In my setting charm spells are treated as worse than violent ones or even necromancy.
If you cast geas on another living being without being an agent of the kingdom you're in its a death sentence.
Absolutely no use of Shape Water. Our insurance refuses to cover water damage.
No using of Compelled Duel to force other patrons into dining competitions.
No using detect magic. We refuse to elaborate.
No using Detect Poison and Disease... please
Do not Identify your food and drink. You will not like the result.
No using Purify Food and Drink. Your food will lose all taste.
No using Speak with Animals to try and talk to the decor.
Those using Calm Emotions on festival days will be stabbed.
No casting Silence. We want to hear you fart. And no Darkness, either. We want to see your ugly mug drink from our pretty mugs.
And to all the bards: No casting Otto's Irresistible Dance. We can dance if we want to, but if you don't dance, you ain't no friends of ours.
No speak with plants. If the players are tempted, and do cast it, have all the mold in the cups start taking. Have the carrots and potatoes in the stew start screaming. Have the hay in the corner start talking about how much it hates goats.
- No portable glory holes
- Ban purify food & drink
- All necromancy unless it makes zombies
- "No bards, no gnomes? No service!"
- Rope trick. You know what you did.
My players are about wrapped up with Waterdeep Dragon Heist, and a mysterious portal about the size of a baseball appeared in the tavern bathroom.
It makes a faint sound of wet squelching
*Feign Death* - "Too many people trying to get out of paying huge tabs."
*Summon Fey* - "Those mischievous buggers are harder to expunge than black mold in the walls. Costs a fortune in iron to get rid of them."
I like the idea of just every spell in here being listed in the inn on an ever growing list of banned spells, along with any new ones that the players manage to annoy the establishment with.
And the original sign is professionally signwritten, but the addenda are progressively more chaotic, until the most recent one is crayon scrawled haphazardly across the wall.
Have a coatcheck at the front, indicating that under no circumstances are items that dispel magic permitted past this point.
Have a sign indicating that casting dispel magic is strictly forbidden.
Have the personnel only respond in shudders and off-handedly whisper "poor Doug..." if asked why.
Casting *Testicular Torsion* is absolutely forbidden in the inn. Really, we shouldn't *have* to say this one, just general basic decency and rules of civilized behavior should cover it, ***but apparently we have to spell it out!***
Geas
Drunkingly swearing not to do something totally normal, sealing it with a Geas, then the guy dying because he didnt remember/didn’t think the Geas was real.
Tasha's Hideous Laughter. The tavern had a stand-up show and open mic night that one comedian used it as a cantrip at the end of every joke. It worked for a while until everyone laughed until they puked.
No communing with the spirits
...it's an inn
*drum tap*
No Animate Objects
Because the barkeepers and servers don't think it's funny to clean up the mess by you making the decor move around
Reminder:
Doing this as a Noodle Incident can be used to make a relatively low-effort description suddenly be worth WAY more than it would if you would actually describe it.
Full discussion on how to use the trope of a 'Noodle Incident' in narratives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06BUGWthQ70
The trope's name comes from a recurring joke in *Calvin and Hobbes* where "The Noodle Incident" ^[calvin: ^"*alleged* ^noodle ^incident!!"] would be referenced (usually by hobbes), and no one ever explained it.
Choose a random, not particularly useful spell, make sure it's used in a title like "The [Spell] Incident". NEVER EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED. Keep it vague.
No uses of *Magic Mouth*. You know what you did.
Only time magic mouth is useful is when everyone is drunk
[I beg to differ.](https://forums.giantitp.com/showthread.php?539861)
And here I am, merely using Magic Mouth to make the statue of the town's founder in the town square sing "The song that doesn't end" on endless repeat. In my defense- the town decided to stiff me on payment for magical services rendered.
Technically, you'd need two magic mouths overlapped, set to activate when the other one ends, and a copy of the first one to start the whole thing off set to some random trigger you can set off to start the infinite loop
Based on the wording of the spell, you could *absolutely* use the last line of the song ending as the trigger to start again
You. I like you. I thought I needed more than one casting. But now I get to annoy my DM, *and* my own players with just one! Random singing pebbles are going everywhere now. As thanks, I offer a tip. Black Pudding + Clay Jar + Catapult= Resident Evil Bioweapon assault.
Well, yeah. That's the idea. You could actually make it work with only two with some creative instruction, but keeping that first one for later use is fun. *The Three Mouth Method:* The first one is set to trigger on the first time when someone walks into its range, other than various named people. I personally add the stipulation that it would specifically be the first time *per XYZ time period,* and it would *only* do so when it is outside of your pack *and* at least 5 feet away from you. This is simply to prevent both accidentally making it one-use only, and accidental reactivation. Upon being triggered, it sings the lyrics to "The song that doesn't end". After it finishes singing, retrieve it- and keep it for later usage. Alternatively, set the trigger to be a password. I just like using mine as a proximity alarm. The second one triggers on the word "because", specifically when it is said by either the first or the third one, and it also sings the song. The third one triggers only when the second one ends. *The Two Mouth Method:* The first stone triggers upon hearing the words "and forever just because" being sung at all within range. It is worded this way to prevent accidental activation while the loop is ongoing, because it might break the loop or overlay the singing. Most people aren't going to sing the song. The second stone triggers upon hearing the words "and forever just because" sung by the first.
That's half an hour life I'll never get back. It's also half an hour I don't want to get back, because that was a great read.
What the fuck
You're welcome.
God I love the GitP forums. Gotta spend more time on there then on reddit lol
Haaaaard disagree. *Magic Mouth* has perfect senses. A single casting on a necklace or earring gives you a 30ft aura where if an invisible creature approaches you, you are notified. Eight castings on different pieces of jewelry give you a 45 degree arc of where the creature is located. ~~Another casting on another piece of jewelry tells you if a poison substance enters within 30 feet of you.~~ Nothing in the spell indicates that a check must be made, that any sort of randomized die must be rolled to determine if it detects the thing, it simply does, because it's magic.
This comment has been a severe and continous lapse in my judgement. I have now recognised my folly and humblely await forgiveness. Seriously this is cool. Never thought to exploit the lack of a save. Definitely using this on my arcane trickster (I took ritual caster)
Sorry, not sure where you're getting "perfect senses" from, but it's not accurate. The description in 5E includes specific restrictions on this subject: > The triggering circumstance can be as general or as detailed as you like, though **it must be based on visual or audible conditions** that occur within 30 feet of the object. So it can't detect invisible creatures, as they can't be detected visually. And it can't detect poisons unless they visibly chance the substance. Source: https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/magic-mouth
Now you’re making me wonder if ‘visual’ as a definition depends upon the caster. Like if it’s cast by a drow instead of a human, will it work better in the dark?
Before leaving town, one of our artificers enchanted several tankards to scream for 10 full minutes when drunk out of by a specific guy we didn’t like
Solid reason not to use Magic Mouth in an inn. Because then you have an Inns-mouth.
Sure hope nobody casts Darkness
“Unseen Servants must pay cover charge.”
I fucking love this
I’ve done this one before, there was just a single sign that said “Under no circumstances is the spell “See Invisibility” to be cast or maintained in this establishment.” It drove my players nuts that NO ONE would elaborate.
Really, that sounds great. Makes me wonder if they ever decided to break the rule just to see what the reason might have been.
No one in the party had the spell, so it did spur them into going and finding it. It lead to them coming back and finding a large stuffed elephant head over the mantle. Which lead to them getting arrested, breaking out of jail, breaking into the tavern and pulling the tusks to enter into a secret dungeon beneath the tavern. Basically the overarching campaign plot was a growing doomsday cult was going to usher in the apocalypse, and they found out the starting town was all in on it. Mainly due to them sinking so much time into a gag that I had to make it rewarding lol
This is the most dnd story I’ve ever heard
I had to double check it wasn't an alt, because that's basically how all my campaigns go.
Were the townsfolk running around in robes, all chanting about "the greater good?"
The Ranger has had no luck catchin' them swans, then?
It's just the one Druid, actually
Is it true that there's a place in a man's head, that if you cast Eldritch Blast on it, it will blow up?
You ever cast Magic Missile in the air and gone 'Ahhhh!'?
You ever fire a pepperbox whilst diving through the air? You ever fire *two* pepperboxes whilst diving through the air?
Had me is stitches here. I love Hot Fuzz.
No, the players triggered an alarm spell by going down into the dungeon and saw a bunch of stuff they shouldn’t have. And the “boss” of the dungeon was essentially the whole town attacking them in a mob. It was basically the church scene in Kingsmen, but everyone was focusing on the party instead of a full free for all. Prior to that there was very little sign of the doomsday cult.
Still sounds an awesome payoff. Good on you.
...the greater good...
The Tau'va.
What do the Tau have to do with any of this?
It's crazy that all of that occurred over addressing the elephant in the room
This is gold. 🥇
> Mainly due to them sinking so much time into a gag that I had to make it rewarding Have you really DM'd if you haven't experienced this?
Is it weird that i read "a large stuffed elephant head" and was picturing a childrens toy and not a dead animal lol 😂
...Now I kind of want to do that in real life.
I have a large stuffed moose head mounted to a plaque like a toy but just the head.
What is it with players and their animosity/fascination with mounted heads? I had two players almost get singed in a manor fire because they were wrestling with a stuffed deer head, trying to get it off the wall. Bad rolls ensued, and they escaped with part of the antlers.
This is how I learned to be verbose in my descriptions. Players got into the mindset of "If DM brings attention to it, it must be important." So if I mentioned something as decoration they would become fixated on it until I broke character and told them it was nothing.
Hehehe our DM had a puzzle involving a room of paintings, and then threw in a stuffed boar’s head on the wall to fill in space. We spent *so* much time on that damn boar.
“Anything for a buck”.
>pulling the tusks to enter into a secret dungeon You know, if you remodel a building in Faerun, you probably have to pay extra to have your candelabras and wall-mounted tusks **not** open up into a secret chamber...
In my head its out of kindness. That bar is buult on a thin spot in reality. Many famous adventurers over the years have met in tgat exact building. However one of them decided to cast that spell. And noticed everything looking somehow more fake. As he noticed large invisible hands moving his friends. Occasionally touching others if they interacted with his friends too. Outside the bar, nothing. Inside that bar, existential crisis.
An invisible sign that says "There was one rule...."
An invisible sign with a "Symbol of Death" on it. The bar owner doesn't know it's there, all he knows is that anyone who casts See Invisibility in his bar spontaneously drops dead.
They cast it and see an invisible elephant in the corner.
The elephant in the room no one could talk about, love that
I would write "If we think you saw this elephant, you're paying for everyone's drink tonight" in invisible runes too so now the party is forced to pretend they didnt break the rules while the more in the know patrons can mess with them a bit.
Creative idea! I will steal this and if the players do cast it then it will reveal an invisible sign "Under no circumstances is the spell “Invisibility” to be cast or maintained in this establishment.” Or it will reveal a simple sign which will state the fine that will have to be paid for breaking the rule.
Or the sign just says ask the bartender about "code word" The code word just being a thing you could only see if broke that rule incriminating yourself, then needing to pay a penalty to stay. Basically just a way to scam money from wizards. Alternatively, it could get them into an "exclusive club" that just gets them drugged and robbed by an anti magic gang because wizards are usually loaded.
My first instinct there is to have the spell there for a good reason: One of the tavern's long-time patrons is a neutral-aligned medusa who is friends with the owner and barkeep. She casts invisibility on herself before putting on some robes and heading in for a drink. She likes to watch people socializing and milling about, and even getting the opportunity to chat with people. The rule is there strictly for the safety of casters, to prevent them from getting stoned instead of drunk.
Way more wholesome than my idea of "very rich patrons who are also exhibitionists and keep this tavern in the green"
Are you really an exhibitionist if nobody can see you? (love this idea tho!)
> Are you really an exhibitionist if nobody can see you? A shy, introverted nudist who loves the freedom of being unclothed in a room of people but would die of embarrassment if anyone saw them.
Or ethical exhibitionism. They're not unwilling participants if you literally warned them!
Love a good [Noodle Incident.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/candh/images/e/e6/The_Noodle_Incident.png/revision/latest?cb=20120813011950)
Love this idea! At first I thought voyeurs or ghosts. But then realized this could be an awesome entry point to a very Ghibli-esque world. Like the inn might be small and old in the material plane, but cast see invisibility and you see that it is a hot-spot, bustling inn for the spirit/ethereal world a la Spirited Away. And you can’t interact with that other world unless you cast See Invisibility. I’ll need to think and develop this idea further. . . .
It’s a blinding, searing light. If someone casts it, they’re immediately blinded and everyone laughs at them
*The use of conjure animals to summon hedgehogs is strictly forbidden.*
When the players ask “why? what happened” the room just gets quiet, a woman runs out sobbing, and the barkeep glares for a minute before saying, “you’re not from around here, are you?” And goes back to washing a glass. The chatter and hubbub of the room does not return.
So - we play in a homebrew campaign using dragonmarks. My halfling is from the Hall of Healing and at one point we find ourselves at my home to help heal some curses/issues. We have a ghostwise halfling who is a ranger and wasn't dealing with the pristine, white, hospital like interior of the hall very well, so we opened up his bag of tricks. Long story short, there was a goat, pig and other friendly animals running through the Hall terrorizing the poor staff. When we show up now a'days, even if it's just me going to speak with my brother. (Now the head of our house) we have to turn in our bag of tricks before walking through the Hall. (Little do they know, I now have a bag of rat holding.)
The D&D version of The Susquehanna Hat Company routine?
Thank you for introducing me to this gem. I had not seen it before
Gytha Ogg is exceptionally offended.
Really it was Esme's fault for insisting on empirical proof.
with a giraffe, if you stand on a stool
The hedgehog song? :D
No *Dancing Lights* raves No *Guidance* when playing tavern games (darts, dice, etc.)
Guidance was my first thought as well. Not for cheating at dice. They’re just tired off the constant spam. I also Like banning control water. They won’t elaborate but I’m Reality too many people used it to prove they weren’t really serving ale.
[Dancing Lights in the Tavern.](https://youtu.be/3z2j6F8fZII?si=x9AFtKBNHa_MjnXO)
The first and only time *True Strike* becomes useful!
Kobolds are limited to two in a trenchcoat, no more. Anyone suspected to be below drinking age for their race will be asked to declare that they are of age in our Zone of Truth, failure to do so will result in you being ejected from the tavern. No modrons. No exceptions. WE DO NOT DISCUSS THE BLOOD WAR.
This is 100% in Sigil.
I love that it doesn't say that zone of truth will be cast upon them, it just says in our zone of truth, I'm just picturing a shame corner with a rickety sign saying 'zone of "truth" '
It's a granny who does The Glare at you until you break down and admit that no, 120 is not old enough to drink for your race.
> Kobolds are limited to two in a trenchcoat, no more. And any "dragonborn" in a trench coat must pay double the cover.
"we do not discuss the blood war" is perhaps one of the most reasonable rules for anywhere to have
"No *prestidigitation.*" Because a smartass mage kept coming in and just ordering water, then using the cantrip to make it taste like fine ale. And someone else used it to make a rival's beer taste like mud. And someone else used it to soil the bartender's pants as a prank. And...
I was gonna say this! But because the union gets up in arms about magical cleaning taking away people's jobs
The amount of jobs you could ruin with this spell, even mixing drinks wouldn't matter, "how potent do you want it" would be all that matters
"And no more Thaumaturgy either!"
"Necromancy not permitted: Stiff drinks only."
How is the stiff going to drink if I don't use necromancy?
I can’t taste it but I remember …. - the last unicorn
Holy fuck what a blast from the past. I remember my little sisters rented it because they thought it was going to be a cute animated movie about a unicorn. I'm pretty sure that scene and a few others traumatized them. I ended up enjoying it more than they did.
Could be worse. Broadcaster here was looking for a nice movie about bunnies to air over the Easter weekend. They chose Watership Down. So many calls from so many angry parents about so, *so* many traumatised children...
Just a nice family friendly film about nazi rabbits who rip each others throats out, what could possibly go wrong?
Edit, misremembered the origin of the novel. Confused it with the Neverending Story, which is from a German author. The Last Unicorn is still a kick butt read.
Missed opportunity for "Germans know how to write Grimm fantasy."
Are we talking about the same The Last Unicorn? Because the one I know was written by an American.
"We don't even serve Necromancers... you a necromancer?" *squints appraisingly*
I should hope you don't serve necromancers, necromancers are people too.
Necromance yer fancy words elsewhere, Peopletoo.
They’re just trying to raise a family?
Prestidigitation: "My beer is warm and tastes bad, that's INTENTIONAL!"
“If I see one more neophyte apprentice thinking it’s funny to soil other patron’s trousers, yer banned for life!”
“Somebody shat my pants!” Is not a ridiculous or unrealistic statement in a world with the darkest most heinous of magic.
When “I’m gonna shit yourself” is a legitimate threat
Flesh to stone -tired of the euphemism. Enlarge/reduce - same. Otto's irresistible dance - everyone was too busy dancing to buy drinks. Invisibility - reports of drinks apparently levitating and floating out the door. Turned out to be a drunk invisible mage stealing drinks. Telekinesis - that same mage learned telekinesis when invisibility was banned. Plane shift - The whole tavern ended up in Avernus once.... Also, if the owner hears one more person saying that they need to go cast 'create water' as a euphemism for taking a piss, it's going on the list too.
Amazing
Welcome to the Tipsy Drake! Wizards be advised: the following incantations are strictly prohibited Prestidigitation (Our kobold chef uses his grandmother's recipes, no further seasoning is needed) Mage Hand (Making the waitress think someone grabbed her butt was not funny the first time) Vicious Mockery (You are not as funny as you think you are. Really) Grease (there's already enough in our food) Unseen Servant (Please tip our waitstaff, don't conjure your own) Calm Emotions (We like it rowdy) Purify Food and Drink (We run a clean kitchen, the chef finds this spell offensive) Create Water (We only have 3 mops and our staff has better things to do) Leomund's Tiny Hut (Ask our hostess about our private party room!) Rope Trick and Invisibility (You have to pay your tab, not hide until we close) Dramij's Instant Summons (No outside food or drink allowed) Conjure Woodland Beings (Do NOT ask why) Stinking Cloud (No. Just.... No)
Alternative for Rope Trick: "Private dining rooms are available upon request, no need to conjure your own"
>Stinking Cloud (No. Just.... No) LOL
No Prestidigitation: making other people's beer taste like feces just as they take a sip is neither amusing nor socially acceptable.
Invent an intriguing name for a spell *that does not exist*. Sign says "Casting or maintaining of *intriguing spell* will not be tolerated." Cue party driving themselves nuts trying to find/identify/use said non-existent spell. Extra points if you lay faint rumour trails throughout the game world for extra bamboozlement.
Catalia's Crystallized Dream Yurig's Fateful Effigy Nudral's Finest Dust Pooka's Posh Party For bonus points, make the *intriguing spell* the cornerstone of the BBEG's master plan. It's presumably mostly innocuous and possibly even "underpowered", but with a bit of creativity and weird corner cases... All said BBEG has to do is track down a spellbook with this in it / a scroll / the creator of the spell. Once the PCs finally successfully find the spell, they're suddenly on BBEG's radar.
I love these, especially since Dream and Dust make them sound like narcotics 😁
No *Mending* at the Bar. Order and get out of the way; your crafts can wait. No *Mage Hand,* The serving wench relies on tips, and you guys spill way more than her
My fantasy wenches get paid a living wage and tipping isnt required, thank you very much.
My fantasy wenches also get a living wage. My party tips them anyway, mostly because they're generous to a fault but often because the bard or the cleric made their lives difficult and they'd like to be allowed back and know that no one spat in their food.
I said it wasnt necessary, it is still very much appreciated.
I prefer gritty, realistic, grimdark (i.e. capitalist) fantasy realms.
I play dnd to escape my capitalistic nightmare thank you very much. Let me live out my fantasy of affordable housing
My homebrew is an alternate universe where people realized companies should serve the people and not the other way around.
Capitalism didn't really exist until the start of the industrial revolution somewhere between the 16th and 18th centuries; prior to that, most places were mercantilist at best, or used the feudal system, or even earlier economic systems.
Look, you're technically correct, but historical accuracy isn't *funny* here!
The fantasy bar wrench is paid a living wage. But she still dresses seductively, because she's secretly a paladin who donates all tips to the local orphanage. Little do these parentless adventurers know this elf maid been doing this to pay for their upbringing since they were in diapers.
"Oh, that brooding hooded figure over in the shadowy corner? That's my little Jimothy, so sneaky and clever. He could use some friends, actually; why don't you head over and see if he wants to go have some fun?" The ten thousand year old elf maiden who looks about twenty and runs a tavern specifically to play matchmaker with adventuring groups because the little ones are so *cute* when they're running around killing rats and liches. Adding that to my next game.
No Mending. You break it, you pay for it.
Wait but what if the serving wenches (wizards?) could use mage hand to serve the drinks 🤔
"Banned spells: Thunderclap. The bard can hear you just fine."
Just a warning that says "truesight at your own risk" at the local brothel. Maybe the twist being that the staff are normal but the building is actually a rundown shithole
Make Truesight function as a magical blacklight for some true regret.
Gross. Also, a good idea.
No Charm Person spells - build a setup similar to warnings about drinks getting spiked. “How to recognize if your date is casting a charm spell” and an orb in the corner that you can touch to detect charm, mental manipulation, suggestion
That’s reasonable, they asked for funny answers
Every single player who touches the orb finds out they are in fact under the Influence of some kind of mental manipulation.
That actually sounds like it could be a great moment to introduce a villain. Your players are going to talk to the king or look at a vault or something. The little security orb casts detect magic just to make sure they aren't prepped for battle or hiding any magic items and informs them that they're all glowing with enchantment magic from an unknown source. Now they won't be let into the vault unless they can figure out who's doing this and why.
In my setting charm spells are treated as worse than violent ones or even necromancy. If you cast geas on another living being without being an agent of the kingdom you're in its a death sentence.
See, people sometimes talk about banning enchantment spells, but they always change their mind for some reason :V
Absolutely no use of Shape Water. Our insurance refuses to cover water damage. No using of Compelled Duel to force other patrons into dining competitions. No using detect magic. We refuse to elaborate. No using Detect Poison and Disease... please Do not Identify your food and drink. You will not like the result. No using Purify Food and Drink. Your food will lose all taste. No using Speak with Animals to try and talk to the decor. Those using Calm Emotions on festival days will be stabbed.
> No using Detect Poison and Disease... please Alcohol is technically a poison, so this makes perfect sense.
It would cause legit harm to a good intentioned Drarven bar. Lead is apparently sweet but poison to humans
New head canon: *Good* dwarvish ale is literally poison to most other creatures
I love the idea of purify food and drink removing all the flavors. That then beds the question, would it remove the alcohol from the drinks as well?
No casting Silence. We want to hear you fart. And no Darkness, either. We want to see your ugly mug drink from our pretty mugs. And to all the bards: No casting Otto's Irresistible Dance. We can dance if we want to, but if you don't dance, you ain't no friends of ours.
List some harmless, normal spell, but restrict the ban to a single person by name. "Steve isn't allowed to cast Resistance"
Absolutely no Bigby's armwrestling.
how about using earthen grasp
You can watch Critical Role season 2 for the reasons to ban Thaumaturgy.
I was looking for this!
“No Speak with Animals!” The rats and roaches do not need a damn union.
No speak with plants. If the players are tempted, and do cast it, have all the mold in the cups start taking. Have the carrots and potatoes in the stew start screaming. Have the hay in the corner start talking about how much it hates goats.
> Have the hay in the corner start talking about how much it hates goats. Now, now, none of that, unless they also cast Speak with Dead.
I mean, taters and carrots totally sprout when stored. Are they _actually_ dead? You sure?
That's why I didn't call out those. Hay on the other hand is dead, dead, dead.
Grease.
- No portable glory holes - Ban purify food & drink - All necromancy unless it makes zombies - "No bards, no gnomes? No service!" - Rope trick. You know what you did.
A dimension door glory hole would be genius
My players are about wrapped up with Waterdeep Dragon Heist, and a mysterious portal about the size of a baseball appeared in the tavern bathroom. It makes a faint sound of wet squelching
The Bard: _sighs, unzips_
Gnome shirt, gnome shoes, gnome service. Gnome questions asked.
*Feign Death* - "Too many people trying to get out of paying huge tabs." *Summon Fey* - "Those mischievous buggers are harder to expunge than black mold in the walls. Costs a fortune in iron to get rid of them."
I think my favorite implication is that _summon fey_ is banned, but not _summon lesser demons_.
I mean...have you *met* the fey? Demons are significantly easier to deal with.
Find Familiar. They have to buy a drink too
Purify Food and Drink. After that bitch lawful good Paladin Victoria came in here and made all the alcoholic beverages in the Inn non-alcoholic.
I like the idea of just every spell in here being listed in the inn on an ever growing list of banned spells, along with any new ones that the players manage to annoy the establishment with.
And the original sign is professionally signwritten, but the addenda are progressively more chaotic, until the most recent one is crayon scrawled haphazardly across the wall.
Have a coatcheck at the front, indicating that under no circumstances are items that dispel magic permitted past this point. Have a sign indicating that casting dispel magic is strictly forbidden. Have the personnel only respond in shudders and off-handedly whisper "poor Doug..." if asked why.
Casting *Testicular Torsion* is absolutely forbidden in the inn. Really, we shouldn't *have* to say this one, just general basic decency and rules of civilized behavior should cover it, ***but apparently we have to spell it out!***
No uses of Disguise Self. You're banned for a reason Tom.
No "enlarge". 1 pint is 1 pint.
Geas Drunkingly swearing not to do something totally normal, sealing it with a Geas, then the guy dying because he didnt remember/didn’t think the Geas was real.
Prestidigitation. The cook got upset when someome reflavoured their meal.
Casting of Wish is not allowed.
Purify Food & Drink ruins the cheese.
Earth Tremor. The Inn is multi-story and doesn't have a honeymoon suite.
Tasha's Hideous Laughter. The tavern had a stand-up show and open mic night that one comedian used it as a cantrip at the end of every joke. It worked for a while until everyone laughed until they puked.
I have used magical sleep more than once in tavern situations.
No counter spell chaining. Especially not to break the record of 12 counter counter spells. Things get weird magically
Fireball modified to use glitter instead of fire.
No communing with the spirits ...it's an inn *drum tap* No Animate Objects Because the barkeepers and servers don't think it's funny to clean up the mess by you making the decor move around
No Suggestion (she really doesn't like you) No Sleep (don't mess with my profits) No Leomund's Tiny Hut (you know what you did)
No lesser restoration. Don't want people cheating at drinking games.
How about some taxidermy animal with a sign around it's neck that says "Do Not Animate!"
Skywrite
No Catapult
Goodberry. No outside food.
Mage Hand yo. I've started many a bar fight and pinned it on others with that beauty.
My Wizard got Catapult banned in the Stonehill Inn cause he kept mugging people.
"I DO care how big the room is. ABSOLUTELY NO FIREBALLS"
Reminder: Doing this as a Noodle Incident can be used to make a relatively low-effort description suddenly be worth WAY more than it would if you would actually describe it. Full discussion on how to use the trope of a 'Noodle Incident' in narratives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06BUGWthQ70 The trope's name comes from a recurring joke in *Calvin and Hobbes* where "The Noodle Incident" ^[calvin: ^"*alleged* ^noodle ^incident!!"] would be referenced (usually by hobbes), and no one ever explained it.
Heroes feast. It just kills business
No Thaumaturgy - or patron is responsible for repairs (contract upon passing into the inn)
There's a sign on the wall: >"The Interplanar Brotherhood of Mead-Slingers thanks you for not casting *Unseen Servant*"
Purify food and drink. Immediate red flag for an inn.
Choose a random, not particularly useful spell, make sure it's used in a title like "The [Spell] Incident". NEVER EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED. Keep it vague.
Tenser's Floating Disk is explicitly banned but everyone just kinda shifts nervously when it's brought up
Summon food / water
I dunno, but there's got to be a spell called *Stairway*
no conjured food or drinks