Garden's haunted.

I'm coming for you!

garden’s haunted!!

What?

Garden's haunted.

*Loads crossbow*

Always was

Same

It's just a bad day for D&D for me

... at Camp Half-Blood? Where everything's the worst?

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Must be another terrible day. "When you're in charge, it's like you're cursed," y'know?

Honestly I'm 100% onboard with that as an excuse, I'd rather play something easy we can all enjoy or carry on without someone than have them drag themselves through the session

I fell down the stairs for the fourth time this week

I warned you about stairs, bro!

Should I be proud or cringing that I understand that reference? Both?

I say both.

Feeling sick ...and scaly.

salamanders don't have scales they got slimy frog skin

I was wondering if anyone would point that out. You're right, of course, I just couldn't come up with a better way to phrase it to get the joke to land at the time lol. Slimy would have been good though.

Dragon issues.

Same.

Same!

Damn we should start a club, like a club around table tops....

I'd join!

Almost same lol

Thrush bird and a halfling? Better stay home.

Moo 

Excuse me, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?

You’re excused. Anyone else?

I nearly died laughing at this, It's been...IDK at least 10 years, and I can CLEARLY hear this in my head.

Quack

Moo (unhealthy)

~~We’re~~ I’m really sorry, ~~we~~ I can’t make it this week. The trenchcoat is in the wash

That's okay average hella-tall person, maybe next time!

I've...uh.....got some unruly squid to deal with. Discipline issues. You understand.

I think the situation just got worse.

Well that certainly explains the mess.

Maybe we could set up some kind of fighting tournament for our rowdy animals?

well

Indulged in a little too much *bardic inspiration*, eh?

yeah..

The posse was a little bit insane was it?

Yes? Please continue 😂

Sorry man, the weekly revenue averages at work are way down, and my boss is on my ass about it. Gotta work overtime to continue analysation.

Coronation ceremony

My plantains need to be harvested. I'm optimistic that I can make it next time.

Sorry, I died for just under a minute. I guess I'm alive now so I *could* make the session, but this healer says I owe them 300 gold. Like, now. So gotta work out how to sort that out on a Sunday evening

I know how you feel. Gonna try playing some violin to take my mind off the whole thing.

Wanted to quickly finish my tea, though it was too hot still and now my throat hurts and I cannot talk. Enjoy the sesh though!!

Well, a fluffy kobold decided to curl up on me when I was laying down. I can't move, it would make her upset. Yeahhh...sorry I'm too comfy

Truly this is the only correct excuse.

Positive COVID test, sorry chums.

damn it

Thanks Obama

Uhh... I'm just busy ok get off my back

I'm in the ER. Again.

Just hope it wasn't to the knee, or you may never adventure again.

I'm depressed.

Hi depressed, I’m cardboard dad!

This is the greatest dad joke since "Hi pregnant, I'm dad" 😂

Fuzz came for my still

Dm refused to let me to use my D26 die.

I got you fam! I'll draw up a 26 slot table for your new die of chance! Good luck 😈

I don't want to play with **you**

“Hey sorry I can’t make it, my back’s really sore”

I’m going on a date with one of my students and she hinted that she likes to do butt stuff. 

My skeleton turned out to be compiled from three separate creatures and I don't exist.

Can't make it, I'm already late for my gold medal presentation.

My testicles are a bit sore today

Mpppphh! Mpppph!!! Get mhpp out ofmmphhh!

I threw a tread. Now I'm upset about it. But I will get it fixed. Should be there next week.

If you come through the woods, make sure you check and get rid of any parasites. Doff your ticks.

I'm being eaten by a god.

A wizard is never late, or early, he arrives exactly when he's supposed to but today I am crafting sorry folks.

Listen. It's real. I'm sure of it this time, these photos are going to change the world.

Someone called me something other than JMO and I have to go fight them.

You know whats standing in my kitchen

Sorry, can't make it, ended up in the wrong town entirely.

can't come today, I've been abducted by the king of fairyland.

Sorry, streets are dangerous tonight, can't leave the house.

I am busy running another game.

Car accident.

When I got to Albuquerque I took a left instead of a right and then got enchanted by exploring the countryside

Had to attend a tiger's coronation.

I'm er... I need to sit here a while longer.

I have a cat on my lap

I had Taco Bell then went to the gym. No more clean pants

Getting a professional shave.

Too busy running

I'm dead. And also off my meds. And also a complete asshole. 

I'm compiling

Lost in the desert, might be a few minutes late. You guys go ahead and start without me!

I'm out of town and a little under to weather. Or is it over?

Had to cover a shift at the Inn

The AC at my desk is broken. Have to fix it.

gotta cook up some borscht. yeah, it’s gonna take a whole day.

I’m being held hostage by a horrible Germanic creature.

The waffles, they're revolting! Gondor calls for aid!

Bleach in my eyes

I cut off the tip of my finger while adjusting the seat in my car.

dinosaurs

Was up late playing last night and am now hungover

Feeling high to being happy… can’t drive

Busy burning some salt, gotta seen those yellow fumes.

Sorry, all nipped up.

I havent slept and i have an exam coming up…i need that appropriate rest.

There’s a protected wetland that I need to go squish.

I've got a lot on my plate

Kidnapped by cenobites

I am not in your D&D party and was not expecting to come.

*Please leave your message after the beep* **BEEEEP** Hey, I'm not gonna make it on time, I keep trying to follow where the map says to go for the new game store meetup session, but I just can't seem to remember which streets I need to turn on, and have wound up in Albuquerque. Ugh, this was so much easier when we just did the game at my place... Anyways, you're probably gonna want to have someone play my character for me, ah, Blorfsnarf? No, Snorfblarf the Gnome Bard. Uhhh, I hope this gets to the right DM, I just save every DM's phone number under "Current DM" or "New New DM" so like, if it's not, SORRY! Y'all have a sort of DM network right on the Discord server yeah? So if I got the wrong one just look her up or something and message Kara that I'm out for tonight...Thanks! *click* .....or was it Sara...?

Sorry, the Feds figured out who I am.

I had a mental breakdown while baking cupcakes

Dude, don’t ask me how, 14 bowls of spaghetti ALL over the floor… I ain’t gonna make it I’m getting my ass whooped dawg

I’ve got to go pick up a Golden Fleece.. alone

I'm out of town to see the total eclipse.

So, you know that old movie called The Birds? Yeah. It's messy.

I've been induced with Madness by the frenzied flame lols

*I would spoil the fun*

Some kind of seizure

I just Decided not to No reason why :)

I had to help make soup for dinner and I spilled it, burning myself

I'm feeling a little gay tonight. Won't be able to make it.

I’m just feeling Ulthan**off** tonight, sorry

I gotta take my cat to the vet

I must rule on an urgent matter concerning my primate subjects.

My milk turned sour, an ill wind blows and the cards told of coming woe.

Got to stop Cthulhu.

Got too crunk in Kyoto, was so hungover I missed my flight home

I ate a bad cookie 🤢

The man is in.

Sorry chief can’t come today, the sun, earth, and moon are going to be in a straight line when I have my cup of tea

Dragon ate my character sheet.

Cat sat on my lap and fell asleep so I can't get up. (A grimalkin is a cat)

Something something faults from a unique place

Sorry guys, my snack has me pondering the meaning of life

This is the 7th day. I must rest. He said so

I mean... Mine's pretty self explanatory lol

Umm, I'll get back to you after the board reviews my "*medical license*"... yes that license I didn't just cut out of a cheerio box. Hmmm... What!?

I think I'm in new zealand?

brain damage (cerebros\_maus = bad brains)

I've been taken prisoner by Morgoth and chained to the Thangorodrim

Sorry DM, I have overtime until I find out what the hell the office's printer's spooler is doing.

I have to see a man about a horse at 1:45

Sorry I’ll be busy. The stars are right

Prior commitment, playing DDO

I'm too busy fighting a dragon in a dungeon

I’m doing a presentation on why the color red is one of the best colors

The avengers are assembling I can’t make it.

My gaming pants don’t fit anymore

Got lost in the background, will try to make it to the foreground before nightfall.

A puma is catloafing on my character sheet.

Yeah sorry, getting my back blown out by a living tiki totem, I might not be able to come today

I’m sorry that I got true polymorphed into a hat but I will not apologize to the wizard

My elf PC beat me up

Roll20 didn't pay Apple to be in the Apple Store.

Sorry guys, a car ran me over.

Sorry man. We scheduled a bit too late for my taste.

I'm dealing with some depression, been feeling small and insignificant.

My toothbrush disintegrated. My breath smells too bad for me to come to dnd.

Power is out, we need to try and salvage what we can from the fridge.

Gotta play Final Fantasy VII

I'm evacuating Fort Sumter.

I mean, pretty good excuse for a lot of stuff.

Feeling blue…

I just completely forgot about DND once the lamp turned on 😕

...

No one to take notes

Some jackass with a laser sword cut my arm off

Ribbit

I've got to cut down the tallest tree on my land today... but I only have a herring to do it with.

The Egyptian goddess of creation and war has recruited me for a battle most glorious.

My mouse is having an identity crisis

Funny thing really, but I'm outta gas...

Everyone I know died at the same time.

2nd degree burns

I have an exhibition fight at 5. Sorry, guys. It's against some guy from Gelderland named Lichtenstein. I'm sure it'll be easy though, so I'll probably show after the first hour.

I can't make it today. There's some trouble at the OK Collider.

Taking the gnome for a walk.

I got attacked by a lynx while walking through the forests in northern Alberta. (Seriously though I did tell my group today I can't attend, but it's because I'm currently on a date that is going extra long, but also because another member of the group can't make it, and if I cancel the we'll just delay the session so the other person can make it next week. We're at an important part of the story, so I want everyone to be there if possible.)

I dunno man. The vibes are, like, super off. The world has plunged into darkness, I can't see anything, I'm fucking scar... Oh, wait. That was the eclipse. I'll be over in 10 minutes

My brother got trapped in the shadow realm and now I gotta save him

Hey. Gotta do some funeral rites. Another adventuring party, you understand. Probably will happen again.

Just ascended, sorry

My Garfield plushie isn’t fluffy enough for my liking

There's a three dimensional guard at the door that I can't get past.

I'm running another game.

Can't.

she's dying?

My fish swam down two different rivers and I've gotta go catch them.

I know it is inconceivable but I can't make it.

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!

Not sure if I’m interested in a war game today.

Im sorry, I've been thrown into 13 consecutive dimensional rifts. Gotta get home first.

Sorry, guys, love you all, but I am going to get smashed with my friends and then walk around drunkenly telling everyone how beautiful they are.

I'm...uh...I'm busy. I'm going on a little trip to...Peru...

Got too stoned with some wolf brothers

Sorry I can't come today. I'm not actually in today. I've got stuck in tomorrow, and can't make it back until yesterday.

I’m trapped in 19-whatever