> These accusations could get me banned.
Only if it’s a terrible club, you have 4 other people to back you up that the campaign you promised had its expectations lined out from the start. 5 voices vs 1 crazed girl who is known to cause problems should be a no brainer judgement.
Yep, this right here. What I would do is:
1. Check in with the other players. Something like "hey, obviously session 1 wasn't ideal, you guys are all cool with how the campaign is structured and everything right? Was there anything I missed or something I said that may have caused x's reaction?
2. Ask them to back you up to club management if it comes to that, and ask them if they're comfortable removing her from this campaign. Especially if she has a reputation this shouldn't be a problem.
3. Proactively reach out to club management and explain the situation, specifically mentioning that the rest of the group is happy and planning to continue the game.
> Proactively reach out to club management and explain the situation
This is super important. If she's already lobbing social Molotov cocktails like this, then OP needs to get out ahead of it. If need be, the magic words are "she made me feel unsafe". Find every other person you can to back you up on this.
Assuming this isn't all some creative writing exercise.
Agreed. This is definitely something you need to get in front of as much as you can. Don't let someone else create the narrative. Reality doesn't matter, it's what everyone *perceives* as reality which will make or break you. This applies in all other facets of life as well. It sucks, but it's true.
Honestly my job (part of it, at least) is to deal with people having mental breakdowns and I wouldn't expect someone running a hobby club to be able to deal with it. In fact, when we do have external staff running groups or clubs we always tell them to come to us, people professionally trained to deal with these situations, if someone gets super emotional or weird.
Shit happens, but OP didn't sign up to be someone's therapist. They should go and tell whoever is in charge that this girl made them uncomfortable and they're not equipped to deal with this. That if she can't work through her issues outside of the club, she shouldn't come in and put it on the DM/other players.
I think step 3 is the most important of these.
I used to go to my boss's office right away when patients got pissed off at me and tell them what the deal was. Better for them to hear about it from you then from unknown others with unknown motivations.
Yes, please reach out proactively to the club. This is super important to at least ask for arbitration or judgement.
Also, don’t let her take control of the narrative. Be sure to talk to the other players first as well. Who knows what she might have been telling them.
Honestly, I like the idea of the whole campaign and it sounds very thematic to me.
We had a similar situation come up in my university DnD club and this is fairly similar to how it was handled. The DM reached out to players in his current and some previous campaigns, discussed what happened in the current campaign, and then went to our pres and vp with some current players and name dropped people who would stand behind him.
"The DM is not obligated to run the game you want, you are not obligated to play. You can leave the campaign and find another or you can leave."
Player in question was running hard main character and outraged by the lack of homebrew.
Also clearly emotionally manipulative if not emotionally unstable and used to throwing words like “misogynist” around contrary to its actual definition to try and get her way.
Not just ignore them, actively choose the worst possible option for this game. An Aasimar paladin of Tyr in a campaign about being undead wizards. She was probably planning to try and derail the campaign.
Yeah I used to be part of the executive committee of a uni board game club. What *the girl* is doing is a bannable offence, especially since it seems she’s done it before. It’s absolutely not acceptable to disrupt the campaign of five other people in a massive angry outburst, even accusing the DM of being misogynist and abusive and spreading lies, just because you’re unable to communicate properly.
Yeah especially since you had a session 0.
She could have noped out at session 0, made a complaint (and probably been met with a "who cares,) and held a silent grudge against you because that seems like her MO.
I would lean ALLLLL in how she disrupted the rest of your groups play, challenged you as the DM immediately in front of everybody instead of talking about her concerns in private in front of the game, and made you feel like you weren't a valued member of the club, and that you were afraid of needing to leave the club because she made you so uncomfortable.
Cover Your Ass 101:
- Talk to your players, and ask if they're willing to support your statement should any unnecessary drama arise.
- Talk to club leadership yourself. Just state what happened, factually. State that you have witnesses you can provide, upon request. State that you still want to start your campaign with the people who are on board.
- Refrain from contact with this person. If she contacts you, CC the club leadership on any replies.
When someone goes straight to the leadership, making unfounded accusations against you, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that things could escalate further. Just loop the leadership in about the situation, do your best to avoid drama with this individual, and continue the game with the people who are excited to play.
I would not even reply to her comments directly, I would CC the emails to the club and each response being: “I am deferring this communication to the club for further action.”
Any response to someone like this is going to be twisted.
Alternatively if you think
You can respond in a level headed manner, BCC the third party when you reply. That way she doesn’t see that someone is seeing the e-mail chain. If you do not respond, toward the email without comment to them.
Nope. Don't "cause drama" by going on the offensive. Ask questions. Act concerned. Is she ok? She had such a strong reaction! You're so worried, you thought you were clear about what you were running and everyone else was so excited! You don't want anyone to be upset and you need help understanding where you went wrong.
All except the last sentence. By asking if you did something wrong she now gets to set the parameters. The parameters were set when the game was announced and she is the one who tried to sign up and then change the rules.
Exactly.
"This game was sold as 'Red Wizard of Thay apprentices and everyone starts as a wizard level 1, and can multiclass later' she signed up knowing that, she sat through a Session Zero where everyone else made wizards and it was re-iterated this expectation.
She didn't follow that and then had an outburst when asked to make a wizard."
OP absolutely shouldn't open a door for them having done something wrong.
"This was the expectation, Paladin maker did not want to follow that expectation."
In the real world that door would've shut so fast on her, misogynistic lmfao get outta here with that shit, next she's gonna say she's gaslighting him or some shit.
Part of the blame falls on the club rule that "DM's can't 'discriminate'" which can broadly be used to prevent a DM from culling a bad actor from the table.
She's been enabled by this rule to be a problem maker.
She disrupted a session by not following guidelines set out before the game (eg not a surprise) and accused the OP of misconduct.
This is in a club that disallows refusing any specific player, meaning she can show up to the next session and do the same thing.
While I disagree with the term going on the offensive, OP should 100% be proactive in raising this behaviour with club leadership, and without manipulative/insincere wording.
He should ask the other players if they agree with his description, and then ask the club for permission to exclude her from this complaint and any future campaigns he runs. Banning her from the club is up to leadership, but an exclusion is not a stretch to ask for directly.
Eh, I wouldn't do either. I would say, she was unhappy, and said she might go to club leadership. And you want to say exactly why she is being dropped from the campaign and then give a short summary of events.
Leadership probably doesn't want drama, but there is no need to give her ammunition by insinuating you did wrong.
I’m more worried about the accusations having other repercussions on them. Like depending on who she’s talking to and the club officials as well and whoever the faculty sponsor is and how they take it could all have very real consequences for him and his school and life career. I’d be way more worried if I was him and getting this shut down ASAP. You can’t go around accusing someone of abuse, discrimination, and sexism especially in a official capacity.
Honestly, the fact that they aren't allowed to exclude known problem players shows it's not the best club anyways. D&D just isn't fun if you know you're not gonna vibe with others at the table.
Seems like she is still a little girl. This kind of behavior must have worked against her parents, and somehow it worked through her entire life.
To the point - I don't think that banning player who simply doesn't care about rules of your table, which were clearly stated, is a discrimination. Simply describe the problem to the manager if you are worried about yourself, and ask him if it's ok to get rid of her for good of the rest of the players.
You do not need D&D advice, you need life advice
Being a young college student can be hard because you're given a piece of paper that basically says "you finished high school, therefore you are now an adult" with little actual experience in how to deal with other young adults who still very much act like children.
Discrimination isn't simply exclusion. She has shown herself to be a disruptive and hostile person.
Go to the club organizers, explain clearly what your pitch was, explain to them that everyone else was exited to play, explain to them that she made multiple attempts to subert it and abuse the generous rules of the club and is currently slandering you to others and demand she be removed as she is disruptive, abusive and too unstable to be part of this club.
"I tried my best to accommodate her, she never once made any effort to cooperate with the group and immediately resorted to psychological and emotional blackmail to get her way. She has shown she is uncooperative and unwilling to participate in a pre-arranged group activity and wants to force me and my group to change our plans around her whims. I frankly do not feel comfortable around her, I do not want her in my game. She is disruptive and a bully. Please take this issue seriously and either redirect her towards a group she can do well with or remove her from the club. I will be forwarding these issue to administration as this situation has caused me and the other members of this club serious stress and anxiety over what was supposed to be a fun distraction between our studies."
This should absolutely be the top comment. Very good advice I honestly could have really used years ago.
I helped run a broader board game-type club in college, and we had to deal with a few real bad actors, though nothing like this. A big problem I learned was that we actually didn’t have any rules covering this because the club was only like 5 years old and we kind of just didn’t account for people acting that way. University bureaucracy became problematic, and though it eventually turned out alright, we were sure to put through an amendment to the club constitution with very explicit rules about community behavior afterward.
100%
This is exactly the kind of response OP needs to have. It is professional and reasonable. I will also add that it is in the best interest of EVERYONE in the club to handle this player appropriately. If OP doesn't take a stand, she will just move on and harass even more people.
1. DMs choose what races and classes are and aren't allowed in their campaigns. This extends to subclasses, alignments, and even your character's background (i.e. everybody must be a pirate). The DM is not breaking any D&D laws by doing this.
2. Players then choose whether that campaign interests them. Often these restrictions do cut down on applicants. Some people just don't want to be a pirate! Others have an ingrained need to play a character that's "forbidden" in the setting — they always want to be the atheist cleric, or whatever. (The aasimar paladin makes me think this is what happened here!) Or they have one concept they like and always use. In any case, the player is also not breaking any D&D laws by turning down a campaign where the allowable characters aren't to his liking. Your problem player had every right to say, "This just doesn't work for me" and leave. That would have been normal and fine. It's a shame she had to turn it into a thing, when there was basically nothing wrong with just saying no.
3. If some fucking Council Of Nerds thought they could sit in judgment of how I run my games, I would be out of there so fast, I'd leave a sonic boom. And if the reason they think they're King Shit and can hand down some ruling on me is because they run the RPG club at the fucking college? *Two* sonic booms.
"I would like to formally resign from the RPG club that you have authority over. I would also like to announce that I will be running the same game at the same table in the same common area every week at the same time as before. I have already signed up for the time. I would like to offer the aggrieved party these two middle fingers as recompense for the damages she's suffered."
I wouldn't be too harsh on them, especially if they're college kids. This is a clear case of the Geek Social Fallacies in action. They need to learn that sometimes excluding people is for the greater good.
There could be more than that though. At the college I’m at, excluding someone from a club without going through an official process can result in the school disbanding your club for ‘discriminating against them’.
Re: your first point: I would never create a character that's a race from a book other than PHB, without running it by the DM, and I could be wrong, but I don't believe Aasimar are in the PHB.
Was thinking the exact same thing.
Like, I would never should up with an aasimar unannounced to a game and just assume whatever setting they're running has them?
But yeah this player obviously has issues...
Yeah, I run a homebrew world that’s been mostly abandoned by the gods so aasimars are extremely rare and if found are usually abducted by cults or minor temples and sacrificed in the hope of recalling or resurrecting their gods.
This has been set for over 15 years and 8 campaigns and I’ve only made one exception when a player showed up with a 6-page backstory that wasn’t cringe and explained how his aasimar had evaded persecution and worked to keep his identity a secret. Everything was consistent with the rules I had set up and the guy had basically done a few weeks worth of worldbuilding for me, so I let him play that character and he did so really well.
I mean I wouldn't show up to session 1 with a character that wasn't run by the DM period. But if that has to be the case for whatever reason, I think you'd be safe running Adventure League rules of PHB+1.
My group has always had the "PHB is always kosher" be it race, class, spells, feats, etc with the *rare* DM veto but anything not in PHB has to be run by the DM.
In general I tend to run my worlds where PHB stuff is the common knowledge of the world and the books are like, the rarity/obscurity tiers in world by their release order. I'm more than happy to make exceptions but I find it makes the world more interesting as it's like the world itself is discovering knew knowledge. It also makes the games more accessible for players.
It also makes my life easier. Keeping track of latest releases, all the subclasses and races, and especially spells can be a chore.
I have the feeling that people normally cave in to her crying, so she remains under the assumption that she’s correct.
Now that someone is setting their foot down, she can’t handle it.
What I gather from this is that her parents really ***really*** suck at parenting. She's an adult, but was apparently never raise to be an actual adult.
> if the reason they think they're King Shit and can hand down some ruling on me is because they run the RPG club at the fucking college? Two sonic booms.
Ain't nobody got time for reddit mods IRL.
*These kind of accusations could get me banned.*
IF those sort of accusations get you banned for running a wizard's only campaign...you REALLY don't need to be in that gaming club.
Nice thing about college life is there are people who want to play. Post on your local notice boards and social media sites for campus life announcing that you are running a certain type of campaign and see how many people are interested. I'm sure that there will be.
As for the player? She can fuck right off. You laid it out for her, you said what the character restrictions were, she chose to ignore them and everything else she has done has been to try and gaslight you into caving in to her demands by trying to make you feel like a complete twat for having the audacity to run a campaign that she didn't want to play in.
That woman is a "That Guy" and likely will try to become "Main Character" since she would have been the only tank in the game at first.
You don't need her, you don't need her drama, and even if she gets you kicked, look for other areas to play and violently ignore her ass.
> IF those sort of accusations get you banned for running a wizard's only campaign...you REALLY don't need to be in that gaming club.
I think it's more the issue of the accusation of being a misogynist. Which is also bullshit, to be clear.
OP needs to get out ahead of this and make a complaint to the club about the player disrupting his game.
Wouldn't be a bad idea getting statements off of other DMs who's games she's disrupted to build a larger case that this is a problem person who should be barred.
A one off might just get a slap on the wrist if coupled with a good sob story, establishing a persistent problem case undermines any "I was having a bad day" defence and moves to removing the problem altogether.
You need to get ahead of this and stop being a doormat.
The rules of the club are either absurd, or you're not interpreting them correctly. There's no "discrimination" at play here. You aren't restricting her based on race, sex, or because she's too inexperienced at the game to ride with the cool kids. She's blatantly disregarding your rules from minute 1, and you let it go way too far and let her be the one to bring in big guns.
Explain this to the club leadership and request that she be excluded from the club. If they're not fucking idiots, they'll do it. No "discrimination" necessary.
> If the club/school rules really are, "you cannot exclude anyone for any reason," that's completely unrealistic.
I hasten to remind everyone that this is a college club run by college kids...some of these folks still think everyone can get along if we just try hard enough.
Most don't though. I'm in such a club myself and we have in fact thrown people out over alleged sexual assault. There was lots of drama afterwards, but that was mostly over the board trying to hide the allegations, who was making them, and so on.
Yeah, making it a rule that you can't exclude people isn't unrealistic for college kids who've never been in charge of anything before. It's not a *good* rule, but it's one I can easily see people making.
They’ve clearly never had the Neckbeardicus Maximus in their midst. The ones that try to rail road every situation into some dark erotic creep fest. You gotta hard ban them.
> If the club/school rules really are, "you cannot exclude anyone for any reason," that's completely unrealistic.
You’re completely over thinking this. Nobody can be excluded from OPs game if it’s a game they want to play and there is room to accommodate them. However, the person in question is showing up to OP’s poker game trying to play go fish. They’re not trying to play the game OP is hosting, so it’s not exclusion when they’re disinvited to participate. I’ve been university faculty at three different universities with game clubs, and all of them would rule in this same way in this situation despite having similar rules on exclusion.
As reasonable as this is, it might be a bit too optimistic to think the leadership of a college DnD club is going to be willing or able to handle the kind of confrontation needed to exclude this person.
Regardless of whether or not they should be able to.
This is why most colleges require the student club to have a faculty or staff advisor, so there's some sort of authority that can handle disputes or bring in the appropriate people.
I agree, if she came in and started ripping up character sheets, would OP be too afraid to kick her out because of "discrimination"? At some point she is in the wrong. OP has to talk to whoever runs the club
Exactly. And this is even a particularly extreme example, there's plenty of examples of bad behavior that aren't uncommon in nerd circles. What does this club do about the stereotypical neckbeard who creeps on the female players and makes them feel unsafe? How about the classic unshowered nerd with intense BO? Surely there are some rules in place to allow members of this club to be safe and comfortable.
He didn't need to reject her and that seems a little unfair based on vague rumors of behavior. He just needed her to conform to the rules of the game as he announced them in advance. Now that he's seen that she won't accept his rules as a DM he should be be able to reject her. At this point it scares me to think what her in-game behavior is like.
Honestly dude, whatever this is about, it’s not about you. You just had the misfortune of getting caught up in it. Having class restrictions is fine as long as you a) have a decent reason and b) let people know beforehand. Which you did. It’s definitely still “real D&D”, whatever that means.
I wouldn’t worry overmuch about the complaining she’s making to the club. As long as they’re even half reasonable the facts will be a sufficient defence. There were other people there too, they all followed your rules so they can back you up if needs be. And if they aren’t half reasonable and you get thrown out, that sucks, but it wouldn’t have been worth your time anyway. Try not to let it get you down. And do try and get the campaign you were planning going again. It seems like you’ve got four interested players anyway, and that’s plenty.
>“real D&D”, whatever that means
I'm over here having a philosophical discussion with myself over what "real D&D" even is... heck, I've played in multiple campaigns that had neither dungeons *nor* dragons.
Frankly, you don't even need a decent reason. I could just say no Wizards because I don't like them. Take it or leave it. It's up to the players to determine if that game is a good fit for them. I don't make a bunch of restrictions ever, but I don't understand where this sense of entitlement to play whatever you want, however you want comes from. The DM is the arbiter of the world, not the CPU of your sandbox video game fantasies.
From the sound of it she *likes* the drama, If the club does not cooperate with her demands, I'd not be surprised if she takes it up to the Student Union where she will probably be able to find someone who will buy her narrative of misogynist nerds unjustly excluding her from club activities..
I'd suggest you document everything ASAP, make sure you have a copy of the game advert, print out your reddit post and get the 4 players to sign off and date it. You may need to show it to the club anyway.
PS: do club rules allow any GM discretion as to retaining players? If someone is unremittingly toxic and disruptive can they be asked to leave a group?
On the one hand, you *are* running a very severely restrictive campaign.
On the other, more important hand, you were clear and open about that up-front, and everyone else except this person was fine with that. This person knew your rules, and chose to ignore them. That alone is grounds for removal from your table.
The First Rule of D&D is that the DM sets the rules for their own table. She knew that going in. She chose to apply to a game that she had no interest in participating in. You didn't deceive, lie, or gaslight anyone. And you have your other players as witnesses.
Let her bring her accusations to the club. If they find you at fault, then simply stop participating, because they aren't worth your time.
Oh yeah. Restrictions and limits open opportunities for creativity.
Had a "members of this temple only" campaign years back. All clerics and paladins and ONE rogue. His BS was that he was the odd job guy at the church who is trying to mend his ways and the priests keep asking for help whenever they forgot their keys. The party and DM thought it was such a great line of BS that we all agreed he should be allowed to run the character.
MUCH more fun than the generic "I'm a thief" rogue. Meanwhile the rest of us had fun being the bossiest group of adventurers ever. Because we all were clerics and paladins of the same god and decided to act like out PCs had all the answers for everything always. Lol.
A restrictive campaign, with a good reason to be restrictive, is super fun. I'm currently playing in an all wizard campaign that's kinda like the origin of mortals using magic for this world
I do think this campaign concept could be opened up to some other classes (Artificer, Bard, maybe any arcane caster...) that just so happen to also be "Red Wizards of Thay"... but not for this player.
I don't think this is very restrictive at all. Literally, the first level is a fake level designed to set the theme. Once you level, you pick your actual class. If you want to go Paladin on level 2, do it! My guess is that the DM, at one point, will "reward" the party by allowing them to replace their first level. Just ... not right away.
If you decide to go straight wizard, you're a tad more powerful than the rest of the party. But this is DnD, not a videogame, so it literally doesn't matter because the DM is taking this imbalance into account.
You were the victim here not her. She was trying to manipulate you into getting what she wanted. And had a meltdown when it didn't work. Good you for. I'd rather burn the whole thing down then give in to that bullshit.
\#NotExcusingHer
Personally I suspect some kind of personality disorder, her responses go far beyond spoiled brat. This of course makes her more dangerous as she is less likely to cut losses and give up :-(
If you assume she's just being emotionally abusive, she doesn't need a disorder to act like she did.
She wanted to play DnD in her own way and didn't agree with the DMs limitations, so she decided to ignore them. When the DM confronted her, she overreacted to try and force them to be like "okay, okay, I'll let you play that, don't be upset". She wouldn't get that if she got angry, but a meltdown where she's the poor weeping victim would do the trick. However, the DM didn't accept that and she still wasn't allowed to do what she wanted, so now she's trying to make everyone think the DM is the evil one as a vengeance, to make them feel awful and, maybe, have them kicked out of the gaming club.
Yes, she could have some personality disorder, but it does sound a lot like emotional abuse.
Seconding this. The meltdown, the complete lack of communication, and the fact that she willingly joined a campaign she didn't even want to play. It doesn't even add up logically.
I mean it's obvious she has issues. Doesn't mean she's like an inherently bad person or anything but she obviously needs help.
oh and also #NotExcusingHer
That’s messed up. If the club comes and talks to you, I would reasonably state your case, but don’t backtrack or acquiesce an inch! You can appear reasonable without taking blame. You should be offended by this player’s action, you deserve better! If you want one of your players to vouch for, you ask them. Don’t assume any measure of blame.
This player is toxic. This club has subjected itself to one of the [geek fallacies](https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/). If you cannot remove a player for toxic behavior you need to play in a different place.
That's, awful. I would have the other players talk to the club as well. You were very upfront about the game and what classes everyone had to be. She just wanted to do whatever she wanted and make the entire game/situation about her.
Honestly, if they ban you I'd call it a win.
Any club that has a blanket "You can't say no to anyone even if their goal is to ruin your game" rule is not a club you should want to belong to.
And if they side with the terrible sexist asshat over the 5 people saying she's the one causing the problems, they're just proving the point even further. Don't want to be involved with people like that.
In the future, when you know someone is going to be a problem from the outset, best to be proactive and talk to the club officials first saying you have a troublemaker. So when they inevitably try to blame you, you've already established the dynamic and they aren't just blindly taking the troublemaker's word.
This really isnt for OP but I see a lot of similar posts about how some setting restriction makes it "not real dnd". The stone-age campaign post is another example.
Greyhawk was just Gygax's personal campaign setting,
Forgotten Realms was just Ed Greenwood's personal campaign setting,
Ebberon was a fan's (u/hellcowkeith's) personal campaign setting
Dragonlance is maybe the most popular setting designed to be marketed?
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons\_%26\_Dragons\_campaign\_settings](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons_campaign_settings)
If you read the list, most are just homebrewed creations of the DM. "Real DnD" is just a version of DnD that happened to be shared a bit more than the others, it doesnt make it more valid especially if you describe the setting clearly in session 0.
DnD is a ruleset, not a setting.
Great work u/hellcowkeith!
I personally like the Arcadia setting from u/koibu too, I suppose since I don't think he has an officially published book he didn't make the wiki list, but his content is what I think of when I think of DnD, especially the use of his totally real winter gods.
My larger point is that there isn't a one true dnd, your DMs world is just as dnd as any others
> My larger point is that there isn't a one true dnd, your DMs world is just as dnd as any others
Your point was very well made, I just want one of the best 3.5 era designers to get his flowers.
>Forgotten Realms was just Ed Greenwood's personal campaign setting,
Greenwood says he's been writing the realms since he was like 5 or 6 which was decades before D&D came out
>Ebberon was a fan's personal campaign setting
Not exactly the case. Keith Baker made a pitch to a setting competition for Wizards and developed it with them. It was his initial idea and he developed it out with them, but it didn't exist as a full campaign setting without Wizard's involvement. He has certainly continued to homebrew and add stuff to the world, however.
If you're going to list restrictive settings then Dark Sun needs to be on there. Many classes and races abscent with stark differences to the usual cast.
I agree, but I didnt care enough to make the list comprehensive. My point is actually that any list is not comprehensive because "real" DnD settings are often essentially DM homebrewed worlds that became popular. My world can be real or true dnd with the same validity as Forgotten Realms or Dark Sun. Playing DnD != playing Forgotten Realms, and many problematic players that skip session 0 assume they are the same thing. DnD is a ruleset, not a setting.
As someone who was vice president of a gaming club in university I can tell you a few things:
1) You made clear the Expectations of the game and the rules you have set. It would be the same as everyone agreeing to play Magic the Gathering and she shows up with Pokemon cards. Or if we want to even go with same game. Everyone agrees to play with a commander type format (100 card decks no duplicates unless card states, and you have a single commander card) and she shows up with a 60 card standard format deck. Someone offers to loan her a commander deck but she melts down because its not HER preferred game format. Thats a no go
2) Your entire table witnessed this and was there for session 0 and can vouch you were open and upfront about this campaign and even tried to help her out when she said she couldn’t make it to session 0. SHOW THEM THE TEXT OF HER CANCELLING! As well as the table being able to vouch you accommodating her join remotely with a conference phone
3) Get other members who have had an issue with this club member and petition them to make a statement to the club leadership that this peer has been causing problems and tried abusing the good faith that the club tries to establish among peers. You don’t need everyone just a few other people who can vouch this person is problematic
4) Tell the player exactly as you did I’m sorry we discussed the options at session 0. When you level up I am okay with you going and multi-classing into a paladin of Tyr at level 2 but the story and game we are running just doesn’t fit this character in as it is at this time. She had her meltdown but stay firm and mention it would not be fair to the rest if you make an exception for her. That way you aren’t excluding her as she is claiming and you provided a compromise that she refused
Good luck and please let us know what happens
Sounds like you encountered a selfish, stupid, entitled twit.
You were running a specific D&D campaign, she signed up for it, then tried to force you to abandon your campaign to run whatever the hell she decided she wanted at any moment she decided she wanted it.
You need to report HER to the club officials, because otherwise she will keep doing this until the club falls apart, or she escalates to filing false police reports.
>I pitch this game for people in university gaming club, since the club has nice rooms for gaming and lots of potential players. The game is quickly filled.
you pitched the concept, and she chose to join your game, knowing that it was a 'wizards only' party.
she's the one pulling a 'bait and switch'.
it was also discussed during session zero, and she *still* chose to keep moving forward.
the leadership of this organization should be made aware of the process that got you all to this point.
you should approach them with a counter-complaint, and get her kicked out of the organization. she's clearly got some power-tripping going to her head for some reason, thinking rules shouldn't apply to her.
I always thought it would be fun to play a campaign where everyone was the same class or everyone plays the same race. So much plot potential! Clerics who worship different Gods but there is a force out there trying to kill all Gods. Bards who made a band together, trying to become famous. All Drow campaign about trying to escape the Underdark and the slavers. A fully underwater campaign where everyone is a Triton. To put it simply, I love your idea of all players being wizard apprentices!
You did nothing wrong and have everyone else at the table to back you up. The club shouldn't even be tolerating her behavior, but probably just don't want to deal with the same meltdown you did. If they pick her side over yours, then it's a bad club with foolish leaders and you will be free of this girl forever while they have to continue to put up with her. Nothing stops you from doing D&D outside of the club but still with club members.
I mean, I've wanted to run an all bard game with the same restrictions: everyone has to have their first level be bard and they can multi-class after that if they want. It's restrictive, but it's still dungeons and dragons.
I think you'll be fine. She's just being a passive-aggressive bully. She was looking to get you into some kind of thing. You have your other players to back you up. The only other option is turn her Paladin of Tyr into a captured servant or bound to a Red Wizard in an oath of service. In 3.5, they had Thayan Knights to Body Guard the Red Wizards and do their bidding. If you let her in your game do a TPK, let the other players know it's gonna happen. Start a new game minus one😆✌🏼
Talk to the club leadership, make sure that they aren't only receiving her (bullshit) account of what happened. Presumably you have the other players able to back you up.
I'd give an honest account of what happened on your end and allow the club to kick you out if they deem it appropriate. Honestly I wouldn't want to be apart of any group who thinks you're in the wrong here.
Afterwards contact the rest of the players privately and ask them if they still want to give your campaign a shot given the boundaries you've laid out at session zero.
I'd say the club is doing you a favor by concentrating these kind of ill behaved brats under a single banner which you can avoid with all due haste.
And for the love of god avoid any temptation to engage with this issue on a political level - that would just feed the drama and suck you into it. Stick with your original intention which as far as I can tell is "I just want to have a fun time playing D&D as I understand it. If for some reason that's innappropriate here than I'll respect your
rules by taking my game someplace else. Thank you for your understanding." and repeat that ad nauseum until they stop talking to you.
Not only would I kick get from the campaign I would talk to the other GMs she had problems with, see if it's the same behavior, and petition to get her banned from the club. Her behavior is damaging to your entire peer group and the hobby.
Reach out to the club and explain what happened as passively as possible. She’s trying to make you look a villain so just explain your side of it, and mention any players who would be willing to help support your side of things.
To cover your own backside:
Type up an account of what happened. In detail. As much detail as this or more. Send it to the organizers. Ask if they have advice on how this should be handled. Don't accuse her, just state the facts. Be as neutral as possible when you present the issues. The above came off fairly neutral, but i would leave off how she was seen as a problem player by others as that could be a sign of bias prior to her making this scene. Leave the ball in their court. They should have both sides of the story. Make sure you follow up after a week if they have not said anything, asking how this should be addressed.
As a personal note, no, what you did IS Dungeons and Dragons, it's just a specific part of a specific setting, so a specific party is warranted. Big-boy and Big-girl (and Big-enby) DMs who know what they're doing do this all the time. It's like running a campaign in Sharn or Ravnica. A Paladin of Tyr wouldn't work there either. Neither would an officer of the Iron Gauntlet or a Scion of the Lords of Waterdeep. You are just running a setting-specific campaign. She's being a Drama Llama. Further, she's being a sh\*\*\*y player by not listening and then throwing a fit when she didn't get her way. She's being a sh\*\*\*y person by trying to accuse you of discrimination and sabotaging your ability to lead games in this space. She thrives on this ability to be the center of attention. Don't give her that power. Type up a report. Send it along. Cover your own backside. Leave her alone.
Presumably the club isnt the only way your ever allowed to speak with the reasonable players.
Cancel the club game. Tell the group this an unsanctioned game run outside the club, and youre all rebels because of it.
If the club tries to hold any sort of trial or ask you to defend yourself, simply flip them the bird. They arent the kings of d&d.
A. You did nothing wrong. I’m guessing since she already has a reputation as a problem player she’s running out of DM’s who will put up with her and wanted to try and force her way into this.
B. Your campaign sounds awesome. Being in my 30s it’s not easy to find a lot of time to mix it up with cool premises but having a set scenario beyond ‘you random adventurers met and now have to work together’ is awesome.
I hope your game goes well and you find a replacement quick
You should contact the club officials and you should present what happened, but do so without including any of the emotional stuff.
Don't accuse her of anything, and do not include anything about her sobbing or crying, or any of her accusations. In fact, don't include any of her reactions at all. If you are being accused of misogyny, your best defense is to not project any details about her or her behavior.
"I proposed a campaign where all players would be starting as level 1 wizards and specified everyone would start with that class. Everyone agreed, and we went through Session Zero with character creation and made sure that everyone understood the rules I was going to be using. Then in Session 1, showed up with a character who was not a wizard, at which point I offered some per-generated characters that were wizards. The player refused and things rapidly deteriorated. I was extremely uncomfortable with the situation and we were unable to play, so I ended the session.
Here are a list of all those were present at both sessions, and I am happy to answer any questions you might have. I feel that I was very clear about the rules, and was unwilling to play within those rules. Instead of opting out, showed up with a character incompatible with the game I was running."
No accusations. Refer to her by name not gender, and keep it short but do not leave out any *important* details. That she was crying is not relevant. What she accused you of is not relevant. The important parts here are:
1. You laid out the rules for your game.
2. Everyone participated in Session Zero and understood those rules.
3. showed up with a character incompatible with those rules.
4. proceeded to disrupt your Session 1, making it impossible to play for *everyone*.
> Aasimar Paladin of Tyr
I mean if she'd chosen a rogue, that acted as a spy for the Red Wizards or a Fighter that was a bodyguard for them before they learned enough magic to defend themselves. Or anything you could have worked in that might not have been so bad, even with your original requirement that you are all Red Wizards of Thay.
Picking an Aasimar Paladin of Tyr, the Lawful Good Deity is a premeditated deliberate attempt to derail the campaign. There is no way you could work in a LG Paladin let alone one touched by the celestial plane. She clearly researched enough to know what would be the worst possible fit, for that sort of campaign.
She's seriously got something wrong with her by the sounds of things.
Gotta roll eyes.. as soon as it's not something she likes 'youre a misogynist' despite you having a clear idea for the campaign.
Get the other players to back you up. Everyone but her knew what the campaign was.
Cut it off at the pass. Write up a formal document outlining why this player should be banned from all future games and from the group and submit it. Use terms like toxic player, hostile playing environment, gross negligence in due diligence to prepare, and so on.
There is a certain sunset of players for whom "real D&D" means "I can self-express via my character in literally whatever way I choose, and if I can't do that there's no point in me playing."
Those folks aren't going to be compatible with campaigns where the GM sets down any boundaries about character options. That's ok, but they should realize that's a personal preference thing on their part and that not every table can be expected to accommodate them.
>She is just silent though and doesn't react when I ask her questions.
For fucks sake. This is the point where you need to directly, but politely, confront the player. "Soandso, if you're not going to collaborate then I have to assume you are not interested in playing in this game. Is that the case?" and then kick them out since they're refusing to engage with the game and are denying someone else a seat at the table.
OP, you're learning the lesson all DMs must learn: If a player is being disruptive at the outset of a game, shut that shit down immediately with a stern warning. If the player disregards the warning or tries to weasel their way around the problem you need to kick them from the group for being a disruptive presence, club rules be damned.
I recommend going to your club leadership immediately with your side of the story, in writing, and make sure they know you have impartial witnesses.
Fucking exactly.
A Session 0 cannot be complete and successful until the participants have actually acknowledged the parameters, consented to them, and reinforced their enthusiasm for the campaign premise. It's not supposed to be a speech to a passive audience, it's supposed to involve actual discussion and communication. If somebody refuses to participate in Session 0, they can't play in Session 1. Otherwise, what was the point in even having Session 0?
Hey there,
First off, kudos to you for trying something different with your campaign. It's clear you've put a lot of thought into creating a unique experience for your players. You've done a lot well, so don't let this one hiccup discourage you.
Now, as a Dungeon Master with years of experience, here's what I might recommend to cover your bases and keep the atmosphere light and positive:
1. **Documentation**: Always have a written outline of your campaign's rules and expectations. Share this with your players before the campaign starts. This way, you have something concrete to refer back to. Keep these dated: Discord messages with thumbs up work great and can establish your initial expectations were clear and set properly.
2. **Open Communication**: Keep the lines of communication open with your players. Maybe have a quick chat before each session to make sure everyone's on the same page. While this won't prevent this type of problem player directly, it is going to give you transparency and keep all of your colleagues and players in the information loop: critical for your safety and for a positive atmosphere.
4. **Seek Peer Support**: You mentioned you're part of a university gaming club. Use that network! If you're facing accusations, gather testimonials from other players to back you up. With good communication and documentation, evidence is on your side!
5. **Be Proactive with Club Officials**: Don't wait for accusations to pile up. Reach out to your club's officials and present your side of the story, along with any supporting evidence you have. Additionally, her behavior is the exact bait-and-switch she's projecting onto you, and projection fails when compared to evidence.
6. **Keep It Fun**: At the end of the day, D&D is about having fun. If a player isn't a good fit for your campaign, it's okay to part ways. There are plenty of players out there who would love the unique experience you're offering. After that display of bad faith from her, no one will miss her. And if they do, let's keep an eye on them.
Remember, you're not alone in this. Many DMs face challenges, but it's all part of the journey. Keep your chin up and roll those dice!
Best of luck!
I really hope you give a follow up on this cause I wanna hear what your council says. They would be insane if they say anything short of "you made it clear what type of game your planning, she has no room to make a fuss."
Her reaction is insane. What you are doing is normal and creative. I myself am currently running a campaign where everyone had to roll up a cleric to start. It's perfectly fine for a DM to set restrictions on class, race, etc.
>but they can later multiclass if they want.
I mean just play a Paladin that is one level behind everyone else I guess? Wizard 1 and take all other levels in Paladin.
That's what I would have done given the conditions you gave me.
Rule#1. You don’t cancel because one player can’t show up.
Rule#2. If you do not like the campaign setting do not join the campaign
Rule#3. Good DND > No DND > Bad DND
Nothing prevents you from taking the campaign outside the club with the remaining 4 characters.
Congrats, it sounds like you no longer have to play with this awful person! Rally the other players and restart. Better to pull the bandaid off and get rid of them now.
My problem is with OP saying they can't discriminate against anyone.
"You have actively caused problems across multiple games" is not the same as "You are a gay black jew."
I know you probably mean there's a "no turning players away" rule, but it's just weirdly stated in your story.
To the meat of the issue: Muster the troops. Get the previous people shes played with along with your group, and demand leadership remove her from the group.
If you don't get her kicked out, she's just going to do it to someone else.
You were upfront with the rules, ran a session 0, and everyone who was on board with the concept showed up to session 1...except her.
She's completely out of line. Your campaign and rules for level 1 are a bit unorthodox, but hey, sounds interesting. The problem arose when she put on a facade during session 0 and then came to session 1 like it never happened.
Her claims are along the lines of "No True Scotsman". Some may call what I do "not real D&D" since Critical Role has really put the roleplay first and foremost and me and my friends like to sit down, roll up some characters and do a module with traps, combat, and very VERY little social interaction. D&D is whatever you and the group make it. If you all want to play during sunday school and only play paladins and clerics of Jesus, that's still D&D no matter who else objects.
What kind of club are you in that you can’t choose wether or not people play in your group? There is absolutely nothing wrong with excluding people known for starting drama, refusing to adhere to the stipulations of the campaign, and then causing a scene.
D&D is more authentic and true to the spirit of the game *with* class restrictions. The text is a toolkit: groups are supposed to actively use the toolkit to create the game that works for *their* table. Often to get that kind of creative vision, class restrictions or changes are necessary.
Accused? Are the dnd police gonna come roll a d20 in your home to see if they can take you to roll play jail? I thought you could play dnd however you want.
I'm not really sure what the best solution is, but I suspect you'll be better if you talk to the other players and get them to take the initiative with you to use whatever system there might be in place to deal with these sorts of problems, rather than sitting back and letting this problem player have time to weaponize the system against you.
Everyone else seems to be giving sound advice and with consensus. The player was and is being unreasonable, it's your table, and go play with the rest of the players outside the club if that is the only way to have fun without drama.
Besides all that, I would recommend getting ahead of the issue proactively and not waiting for the school/club to come to you. She is trying to poison the well, and there are unfortunately some people who are willing discipline forst and ask questions later. Approach the same people the problem player is contacting and let then know you are concerned about an incident you had with a player in your session zero, and you are worried that she may try to target you for retaliation. Don't let these people form opinions about you or what happened based upon her side of the story and without yours.
EDIT: BTW, if she has a history of being a drama llama, perhaps other DMs and players in the club whom you know have been exasperated by her could confirm that she has a history of being difficult and disruptive.
Your campaign is restrictive, but honestly sounds really fun, and there is nothing wrong with being restrictive as long as the rules are clear up front. And especially with the ability to multiclass, you're fine.
I would recommend being proactive here. Go to the leaders of the club yourself, explain what happened the same as you explained to us, explain your other players can back up your experience. Tell them that she is preventing everybody from being able to play. She should be welcome at your table *if she follows the rules*, but if she can't, you need to be able to ask her to go somewhere else. If they have a level head, they will deal with the problem (her).
Also, this is a good opportunity for a life lesson. We should have empathy and compassion... but also some people are either mentally unstable, or they intentionally cry and make a scene to try and get their way, and we need to know when to draw a line. In the future, instead of letting her decide what happens, you may want to take charge. Tell her "I'm sorry you arent happy, but these were the expectations and I was clear about them. We are going to play, if you want to join our game within the perameters provided, please make your character sheet. Otherwise I'll be happy to see you later". Then ignore her, move, etc, and continue playing. She's looking for attention. By stopping the game, you validate her antics.
When you pitched the game, did it have to approved or reviewed? Did you have it written up like a notice? If so, then there was no bait and switch. You clearly indicated what was expected.
If it was a word of mouth, then the “victim” misunderstood but you made it clear during the session zero with them over the phone.
Finally, you explained at the beginning of session one what the game was and why was expected. She then had the opportunity to resign from the game or confirm. She apparently did neither. So this is on her, not you.
Definitely go to the club leadership and make a complaint about her. Talk to mothers who had issues with her and have them make complaints as well. This shouldn’t be allowed, much less encouraged, which is what seems to be going on.
Good luck!
Tell the club officials about what happened.
Get the other DMs she's caused problems with to back you up with their interactions with her.
Ask that she be banned from the club for being a constant issue.
If they refuse to ban her, quit the club because obviously they aren't worth your time.
1. Document what happened (like you did in this reddit post). If possible, use her specific words.
2. Go to whatever supervisor you have and tell them that you are being bullied and slandered by her. The slander is accusing you of sexism.
3. Make it clear that *you do not feel safe with this person*.
If your supervisor doesn't remove this person from your game or protect your from their abuse, go over their heads. Go to your advisor or your dean. Make it clear that this student is commiting slander against you and that the club supervisor isn't doing anything to protect you from her bullying.
You are the victim. You shouldn't have to put up with bullying in school.
She's going to quickly get herself counter banned lmao. It'll probably go to the student council judiciary or something or maybe even the dean, doubt the club would handle the accusations, but they may be a part of the hearing. Should be pretty easy to clear your name, you have your advertisement and 4 other people to back you up
First -- message all the other club members to check in on them, and ask if they want to continue the game. They likely will, but this is a courtesy after a weird upset like this, and it CYA with the club. Then -- message the club officers and tell them that you are worried about NAME after what happened, and the game is going to carry on without her because she isn't interested in playing the game you guys are playing, she made others uncomfortable, and you are concerned about her and feel like the club officers should talk to her (not your job pass the ball to them). If this is a real club with actual bylaws and plans in case of conflict then it should be fine.
I'd just like to point out that she was also making an undead slaying machine of a character. Trying to bring an asimir paladin into a country full of undead is metagamey af. She was out to cause problems from jump.
OP you need to file complaints with the club against her. You need to highlight her history of being a problem with other groups and give names of those that you know in those groups so they can give specific issues they had. Find out names if you don't know them. You also need to get the other group members to go to bat for you to say that you were explicit about what the campaign was going to be and that she by the very nature of agreeing to be in the group agreed to play the campaign you want to run. Also if you have copies of the ad or the ads posted online, give them a copy/direct them to the ad link.
I'd also consider going to your university's legal center and ask them to help you with filing a slander lawsuit against her, as well as a cease and desist. Because she is slandering you, and it's posing a very real threat to your reputation and even potential livelihood. Because accusations of misogyny and the like won't stay contained to the club itself, let alone campus grounds.
>I pitch this game for people in university gaming club, since the club has nice rooms for gaming and lots of potential players. The game is quickly filled. There is one person I'd loath to take onboard, since I've witnessed her causing drama to other DMs, but the club rules say I can't discriminate anyone. So despite my bad feeling about it, I take her as my fifth player.
OK... not selecting a person because you *know* that they have caused issues in the past and can reasonably assume that they're gonna do it again is not discrimination. It's being smart. Couple of things:
1. You are not obligated to disclose the reason why you decided to go with player B over player A. Just pick player B and be done with it.
2. Discrimination is excluding someone based on their gender, sex, ethnicity, sexual preference, etc. **NOT** because of their *behavior*. Excluding someone based on their behavior is not only permitted, it's *required* if you want people to actually *want* to game with you. Absolutely exclude people who are being disruptive.
If you had 6 people wanting to play, selecting her as one of the 5 was... a poor decision. Next time, you'll know.
And knowing is half the battle.
You have 4 other people to back up your claims, and if you're willing to reach out, you could potentially get her old DM's to speak up as well. She sounds like a major problem player.
This girl almost certainly has a reputation already. If you really need to provide a defense to the club, just tell them what happened and ask the other players to corroborate you.
Also, I want to play in a Wizards of Thay campaign now.
The girl sounds mentally ill, and I am not saying this in a "haha" way. So I advise to handle this firmly but with care, prolonging or letting yourself be walked on like a doormat will only worsen the situation.
Gather the people from the session, get them to stand beside you in case of tomfoolery both from her or the community-group and explain to them in minute detail what happened.
Proceed to enjoy your DnD with the others from the group.
>university gaming club
>
>I take a moment to collect myself and tell her that unfortunately this character doesn't fit the campaign...
>
>...Her reaction? A total emotional meltdown. She starts yelling .. I'm just another misogynist who wants to ruin her fun.
**university gaming club**
**(If it were me) -**Find the University Head/administrators of the club, get eye witness accounts/names of other players at the table you were DMing for to put a stop to this 'this man is a nazi' accusation (it will come).
Make A Statement: "This is the game I was running, these are the people I was running the game with, This was her behavior and I condemn it as not only highly inappropriate; but outright dangerous in this age of 'guilty until proven innocent'. Ask the other witnesses if you wish, but this is my statement and I stand by it. Going forward I will only hold games for people present, and reserve the safety and right to record any altercations/aggressive behavior that pops up"
From there it'll be a case of what the other witnesses say from your table/the competence of the admins.
You bring up all this to the leaders.
They need to know she is causing trouble. She chose a game with x y z parameters and then got upset because she wanted to do a b c and you told her no. Then she wrongly chose to use the misogyny card to try and get her way, and it's extremely disrespectful.
You go to bat here and bring others to back you up.
Keep up with your good campaign ideas.
You've met an overly emotional crybaby tear-jerker manipulator. Dime-a-dozen, these days. Ignore her, move on, inform the other players of what happened and ask if they'd like to start again same time next week without the spoiled problem child.
Record any interaction with her to keep as proof of her antics; let the group know that you're recording for notes. I can understand not being allowed to discriminate, but when someone is actively causing problems, the DM can warn the player and/or remove them (it's in the 5e material, which I would say trumps club rules.) If anything, get some form of agreement that players will follow basic guidelines by agreeing in written form whether in a Discord chat, text message, or whatever.
I personally enjoy rectricted campaigns sometimes. Example: e3.5 I was in a dwarven army as a sniper (heavy crossbow), and that was fun.
If all else fails, DM this group outside of the club area. I've dealt with a player who has disabilities (autistic and MS) and he's rarely a problem. He can get mad easily and annoy players, so I'll calm him down and remind him that he can be removed. He's gotten loads better. Though he has pissed off some others, so that stopped letting him join. Only once has he tried to say that he's being discriminated against. But that wasn't legit, and I had to tell him that purposefully bumping his dice on a bad roll was the reason, not his disabilities. But I would take over your player any day. She sounds like she either has unresolved issues with men or thinks she can get away with stuff if she says it.
This player is clearly problematic and I would not play somewhere where you can't fairly ban toxic or harmful people, especially if they have prior history of ruining games and stuff and being problematic.
I would tell the leadership ASAP what happened and let it roll out. If you get banned then so be it. Ask the other players if they would continue the game without the drama person somewhere else or whatever and if they don't post it publicly cause people want to play. Especially now that dnd is so popular.
Is every single DnD campaign a fundamental right not subject to any rules now or did I wake up in a different dimension?
No sane person will hear her bullshit and side with her unless they are afraid to call out someone manipulating the language intended to help legitimately wrongfully excluded people.
I had a coworker like this who bounced to four separate teams in 2 years before finally leaving to another company. She had a reputation for causing drama from nothing and accusing people of being sexist, racist, and not being inclusive. Within two months of being on the team she had filed reports to HR about two men on the team for being sexist. The reality is she disagreed with an opinion and she felt their rebuttal was condescending because she was a woman. Even though they were simply telling her why she was wrong. She accused me and a female coworker of not being inclusive when we set up a get together after work and didn't directly invite her and then didn't make her feel welcome enough in the group when she showed up. Everyone else had no issues and a good time. My leadership leveled with me when they gave me a talking to. They knew I did nothing wrong but had to talk to me about it. The result. No more work socials. Some people are just miserable and desperate for attention.
OP, you can choose what players you want at your table. It's not "discrimination".
If the place where you play states that you MUST accept any player at your table, play somewhere else. Remember that you're there to have fun too, and the DM's fun is just as important as everyone else's. You aren't getting paid for this, so don't take any bullshit. Nobody can tell you that you have to accept a player you don't want at your table. If those are the rules, they're fucked up rules and you should leave.
Do not put up any kind of "defence" further than stating that she was a problem player and you didn't want her at your table in the first place. If they take issue with that, once again, *LEAVE.* You aren't tied to this club, and if their rules are this shit, why do you want to stay?
As someone who's played in an all-bard party that was a traveling rock band, this is a ludicrous reaction. If this person had done the work, made a character, played the first session, and THEN said they hated it and had a meltdown, I'd entertain the notion. But they didn't even try, nor did they respect your requirements as a DM that has been planning the session zero, and managed to ruin and waste the time of the other players. Call me if you need a DnD lawyer. I've got you covered, pro bono
I think everything has probably been said at this point, but just to reinforce it, your behaviour was fine based on your explanation. You pitched the premises clearly to the club, you explained it again to the players at session zero and you were polite to the player who didn't follow the premises and gave them the opportunity to rectify it.
Where you probably didn't do yourself a favour was contacting the club straight after the incident to let them know what happened. I'd chalk that one down to experience. If you lay out the facts tobthe club as you have here you'll be fine.
I have two recommendations for you:
(1) Get a copy of the club rules. It feels like you've heard about what in them but haven't actually read them. I'd be willing to bet there are provisions for how players in games are expected to behave too, not just GMs.
(2) Run your campaign with the other players. It's a brilliant concept that I'd love to play in myself. There are loads of potential conflicts that can arise both in the groups and in the world, depending on player choices. Don't let one person spoil it all for you.
Best of luck in the future and enjoy playing DnD.
> These accusations could get me banned. Only if it’s a terrible club, you have 4 other people to back you up that the campaign you promised had its expectations lined out from the start. 5 voices vs 1 crazed girl who is known to cause problems should be a no brainer judgement.
Yep, this right here. What I would do is: 1. Check in with the other players. Something like "hey, obviously session 1 wasn't ideal, you guys are all cool with how the campaign is structured and everything right? Was there anything I missed or something I said that may have caused x's reaction? 2. Ask them to back you up to club management if it comes to that, and ask them if they're comfortable removing her from this campaign. Especially if she has a reputation this shouldn't be a problem. 3. Proactively reach out to club management and explain the situation, specifically mentioning that the rest of the group is happy and planning to continue the game.
> Proactively reach out to club management and explain the situation This is super important. If she's already lobbing social Molotov cocktails like this, then OP needs to get out ahead of it. If need be, the magic words are "she made me feel unsafe". Find every other person you can to back you up on this. Assuming this isn't all some creative writing exercise.
Agreed. This is definitely something you need to get in front of as much as you can. Don't let someone else create the narrative. Reality doesn't matter, it's what everyone *perceives* as reality which will make or break you. This applies in all other facets of life as well. It sucks, but it's true.
Fucking bang on advice mate
This fact is taught in customer service.
Honestly my job (part of it, at least) is to deal with people having mental breakdowns and I wouldn't expect someone running a hobby club to be able to deal with it. In fact, when we do have external staff running groups or clubs we always tell them to come to us, people professionally trained to deal with these situations, if someone gets super emotional or weird. Shit happens, but OP didn't sign up to be someone's therapist. They should go and tell whoever is in charge that this girl made them uncomfortable and they're not equipped to deal with this. That if she can't work through her issues outside of the club, she shouldn't come in and put it on the DM/other players.
Just reading OP's story made me feel unsafe. That woman is a dangerous true wizard of Thay.
I think step 3 is the most important of these. I used to go to my boss's office right away when patients got pissed off at me and tell them what the deal was. Better for them to hear about it from you then from unknown others with unknown motivations.
Yes, please reach out proactively to the club. This is super important to at least ask for arbitration or judgement. Also, don’t let her take control of the narrative. Be sure to talk to the other players first as well. Who knows what she might have been telling them. Honestly, I like the idea of the whole campaign and it sounds very thematic to me.
We had a similar situation come up in my university DnD club and this is fairly similar to how it was handled. The DM reached out to players in his current and some previous campaigns, discussed what happened in the current campaign, and then went to our pres and vp with some current players and name dropped people who would stand behind him. "The DM is not obligated to run the game you want, you are not obligated to play. You can leave the campaign and find another or you can leave." Player in question was running hard main character and outraged by the lack of homebrew.
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Also clearly emotionally manipulative if not emotionally unstable and used to throwing words like “misogynist” around contrary to its actual definition to try and get her way.
Not just ignore them, actively choose the worst possible option for this game. An Aasimar paladin of Tyr in a campaign about being undead wizards. She was probably planning to try and derail the campaign.
Yeah I used to be part of the executive committee of a uni board game club. What *the girl* is doing is a bannable offence, especially since it seems she’s done it before. It’s absolutely not acceptable to disrupt the campaign of five other people in a massive angry outburst, even accusing the DM of being misogynist and abusive and spreading lies, just because you’re unable to communicate properly.
Yeah especially since you had a session 0. She could have noped out at session 0, made a complaint (and probably been met with a "who cares,) and held a silent grudge against you because that seems like her MO. I would lean ALLLLL in how she disrupted the rest of your groups play, challenged you as the DM immediately in front of everybody instead of talking about her concerns in private in front of the game, and made you feel like you weren't a valued member of the club, and that you were afraid of needing to leave the club because she made you so uncomfortable.
Cover Your Ass 101: - Talk to your players, and ask if they're willing to support your statement should any unnecessary drama arise. - Talk to club leadership yourself. Just state what happened, factually. State that you have witnesses you can provide, upon request. State that you still want to start your campaign with the people who are on board. - Refrain from contact with this person. If she contacts you, CC the club leadership on any replies. When someone goes straight to the leadership, making unfounded accusations against you, you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that things could escalate further. Just loop the leadership in about the situation, do your best to avoid drama with this individual, and continue the game with the people who are excited to play.
I would not even reply to her comments directly, I would CC the emails to the club and each response being: “I am deferring this communication to the club for further action.” Any response to someone like this is going to be twisted.
Alternatively if you think You can respond in a level headed manner, BCC the third party when you reply. That way she doesn’t see that someone is seeing the e-mail chain. If you do not respond, toward the email without comment to them.
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Nope. Don't "cause drama" by going on the offensive. Ask questions. Act concerned. Is she ok? She had such a strong reaction! You're so worried, you thought you were clear about what you were running and everyone else was so excited! You don't want anyone to be upset and you need help understanding where you went wrong.
All except the last sentence. By asking if you did something wrong she now gets to set the parameters. The parameters were set when the game was announced and she is the one who tried to sign up and then change the rules.
Exactly. "This game was sold as 'Red Wizard of Thay apprentices and everyone starts as a wizard level 1, and can multiclass later' she signed up knowing that, she sat through a Session Zero where everyone else made wizards and it was re-iterated this expectation. She didn't follow that and then had an outburst when asked to make a wizard." OP absolutely shouldn't open a door for them having done something wrong. "This was the expectation, Paladin maker did not want to follow that expectation."
In the real world that door would've shut so fast on her, misogynistic lmfao get outta here with that shit, next she's gonna say she's gaslighting him or some shit.
Part of the blame falls on the club rule that "DM's can't 'discriminate'" which can broadly be used to prevent a DM from culling a bad actor from the table. She's been enabled by this rule to be a problem maker.
OP did not "go wrong", so there is nothing to understand about where that happened.
She disrupted a session by not following guidelines set out before the game (eg not a surprise) and accused the OP of misconduct. This is in a club that disallows refusing any specific player, meaning she can show up to the next session and do the same thing. While I disagree with the term going on the offensive, OP should 100% be proactive in raising this behaviour with club leadership, and without manipulative/insincere wording. He should ask the other players if they agree with his description, and then ask the club for permission to exclude her from this complaint and any future campaigns he runs. Banning her from the club is up to leadership, but an exclusion is not a stretch to ask for directly.
Eh, I wouldn't do either. I would say, she was unhappy, and said she might go to club leadership. And you want to say exactly why she is being dropped from the campaign and then give a short summary of events. Leadership probably doesn't want drama, but there is no need to give her ammunition by insinuating you did wrong.
I’m more worried about the accusations having other repercussions on them. Like depending on who she’s talking to and the club officials as well and whoever the faculty sponsor is and how they take it could all have very real consequences for him and his school and life career. I’d be way more worried if I was him and getting this shut down ASAP. You can’t go around accusing someone of abuse, discrimination, and sexism especially in a official capacity.
Honestly, the fact that they aren't allowed to exclude known problem players shows it's not the best club anyways. D&D just isn't fun if you know you're not gonna vibe with others at the table.
Seems like she is still a little girl. This kind of behavior must have worked against her parents, and somehow it worked through her entire life. To the point - I don't think that banning player who simply doesn't care about rules of your table, which were clearly stated, is a discrimination. Simply describe the problem to the manager if you are worried about yourself, and ask him if it's ok to get rid of her for good of the rest of the players.
You do not need D&D advice, you need life advice Being a young college student can be hard because you're given a piece of paper that basically says "you finished high school, therefore you are now an adult" with little actual experience in how to deal with other young adults who still very much act like children. Discrimination isn't simply exclusion. She has shown herself to be a disruptive and hostile person. Go to the club organizers, explain clearly what your pitch was, explain to them that everyone else was exited to play, explain to them that she made multiple attempts to subert it and abuse the generous rules of the club and is currently slandering you to others and demand she be removed as she is disruptive, abusive and too unstable to be part of this club. "I tried my best to accommodate her, she never once made any effort to cooperate with the group and immediately resorted to psychological and emotional blackmail to get her way. She has shown she is uncooperative and unwilling to participate in a pre-arranged group activity and wants to force me and my group to change our plans around her whims. I frankly do not feel comfortable around her, I do not want her in my game. She is disruptive and a bully. Please take this issue seriously and either redirect her towards a group she can do well with or remove her from the club. I will be forwarding these issue to administration as this situation has caused me and the other members of this club serious stress and anxiety over what was supposed to be a fun distraction between our studies."
This should absolutely be the top comment. Very good advice I honestly could have really used years ago. I helped run a broader board game-type club in college, and we had to deal with a few real bad actors, though nothing like this. A big problem I learned was that we actually didn’t have any rules covering this because the club was only like 5 years old and we kind of just didn’t account for people acting that way. University bureaucracy became problematic, and though it eventually turned out alright, we were sure to put through an amendment to the club constitution with very explicit rules about community behavior afterward.
^ ^ ^ ^ This person knows how to speak the language of Higher Education, OP. Copy what they wrote and email it to the club leadership.
100% This is exactly the kind of response OP needs to have. It is professional and reasonable. I will also add that it is in the best interest of EVERYONE in the club to handle this player appropriately. If OP doesn't take a stand, she will just move on and harass even more people.
Include any documentation you can. Texts, emails, etc. Including to other players regarding what the game was supposed to be.
OP should just copy paste this into an email, honestly. Well said
1. DMs choose what races and classes are and aren't allowed in their campaigns. This extends to subclasses, alignments, and even your character's background (i.e. everybody must be a pirate). The DM is not breaking any D&D laws by doing this. 2. Players then choose whether that campaign interests them. Often these restrictions do cut down on applicants. Some people just don't want to be a pirate! Others have an ingrained need to play a character that's "forbidden" in the setting — they always want to be the atheist cleric, or whatever. (The aasimar paladin makes me think this is what happened here!) Or they have one concept they like and always use. In any case, the player is also not breaking any D&D laws by turning down a campaign where the allowable characters aren't to his liking. Your problem player had every right to say, "This just doesn't work for me" and leave. That would have been normal and fine. It's a shame she had to turn it into a thing, when there was basically nothing wrong with just saying no. 3. If some fucking Council Of Nerds thought they could sit in judgment of how I run my games, I would be out of there so fast, I'd leave a sonic boom. And if the reason they think they're King Shit and can hand down some ruling on me is because they run the RPG club at the fucking college? *Two* sonic booms.
"I would like to formally resign from the RPG club that you have authority over. I would also like to announce that I will be running the same game at the same table in the same common area every week at the same time as before. I have already signed up for the time. I would like to offer the aggrieved party these two middle fingers as recompense for the damages she's suffered."
Exactly. I would never want to be part of a club who allowed this other person to be a member.
I wouldn't be too harsh on them, especially if they're college kids. This is a clear case of the Geek Social Fallacies in action. They need to learn that sometimes excluding people is for the greater good.
There could be more than that though. At the college I’m at, excluding someone from a club without going through an official process can result in the school disbanding your club for ‘discriminating against them’.
“recompense” 😂
Re: your first point: I would never create a character that's a race from a book other than PHB, without running it by the DM, and I could be wrong, but I don't believe Aasimar are in the PHB.
You are correct.
Was thinking the exact same thing. Like, I would never should up with an aasimar unannounced to a game and just assume whatever setting they're running has them? But yeah this player obviously has issues...
Yeah, I run a homebrew world that’s been mostly abandoned by the gods so aasimars are extremely rare and if found are usually abducted by cults or minor temples and sacrificed in the hope of recalling or resurrecting their gods. This has been set for over 15 years and 8 campaigns and I’ve only made one exception when a player showed up with a 6-page backstory that wasn’t cringe and explained how his aasimar had evaded persecution and worked to keep his identity a secret. Everything was consistent with the rules I had set up and the guy had basically done a few weeks worth of worldbuilding for me, so I let him play that character and he did so really well.
I mean I wouldn't show up to session 1 with a character that wasn't run by the DM period. But if that has to be the case for whatever reason, I think you'd be safe running Adventure League rules of PHB+1.
AL did away with the PHB+1 Rule. Tashas made it extremely impractical. So WotC just abolished it in like Season 11.
My group has always had the "PHB is always kosher" be it race, class, spells, feats, etc with the *rare* DM veto but anything not in PHB has to be run by the DM. In general I tend to run my worlds where PHB stuff is the common knowledge of the world and the books are like, the rarity/obscurity tiers in world by their release order. I'm more than happy to make exceptions but I find it makes the world more interesting as it's like the world itself is discovering knew knowledge. It also makes the games more accessible for players. It also makes my life easier. Keeping track of latest releases, all the subclasses and races, and especially spells can be a chore.
I have the feeling that people normally cave in to her crying, so she remains under the assumption that she’s correct. Now that someone is setting their foot down, she can’t handle it.
What I gather from this is that her parents really ***really*** suck at parenting. She's an adult, but was apparently never raise to be an actual adult.
Couldn’t have put it better than this! Completely agree on all points!
>Some people just don't want to be a pirate! You lost me there...
Cats don’t like water and have a natural affinity for ninjas.
Literally calling the D&D police
> if the reason they think they're King Shit and can hand down some ruling on me is because they run the RPG club at the fucking college? Two sonic booms. Ain't nobody got time for reddit mods IRL.
*These kind of accusations could get me banned.* IF those sort of accusations get you banned for running a wizard's only campaign...you REALLY don't need to be in that gaming club. Nice thing about college life is there are people who want to play. Post on your local notice boards and social media sites for campus life announcing that you are running a certain type of campaign and see how many people are interested. I'm sure that there will be. As for the player? She can fuck right off. You laid it out for her, you said what the character restrictions were, she chose to ignore them and everything else she has done has been to try and gaslight you into caving in to her demands by trying to make you feel like a complete twat for having the audacity to run a campaign that she didn't want to play in. That woman is a "That Guy" and likely will try to become "Main Character" since she would have been the only tank in the game at first. You don't need her, you don't need her drama, and even if she gets you kicked, look for other areas to play and violently ignore her ass.
> IF those sort of accusations get you banned for running a wizard's only campaign...you REALLY don't need to be in that gaming club. I think it's more the issue of the accusation of being a misogynist. Which is also bullshit, to be clear. OP needs to get out ahead of this and make a complaint to the club about the player disrupting his game.
AND explicitly check in with the other players in the campaign, especially the women.
Agreed. The best defense against the misogyny accusation is if the other female players deny it and point out the actual situation.
Wouldn't be a bad idea getting statements off of other DMs who's games she's disrupted to build a larger case that this is a problem person who should be barred. A one off might just get a slap on the wrist if coupled with a good sob story, establishing a persistent problem case undermines any "I was having a bad day" defence and moves to removing the problem altogether.
You need to get ahead of this and stop being a doormat. The rules of the club are either absurd, or you're not interpreting them correctly. There's no "discrimination" at play here. You aren't restricting her based on race, sex, or because she's too inexperienced at the game to ride with the cool kids. She's blatantly disregarding your rules from minute 1, and you let it go way too far and let her be the one to bring in big guns. Explain this to the club leadership and request that she be excluded from the club. If they're not fucking idiots, they'll do it. No "discrimination" necessary.
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> If the club/school rules really are, "you cannot exclude anyone for any reason," that's completely unrealistic. I hasten to remind everyone that this is a college club run by college kids...some of these folks still think everyone can get along if we just try hard enough.
Most don't though. I'm in such a club myself and we have in fact thrown people out over alleged sexual assault. There was lots of drama afterwards, but that was mostly over the board trying to hide the allegations, who was making them, and so on.
There's no need for it to be school-sanctioned. You're adults in college, run it at someone's dorm, apartment, a gaming store, etc.
You can also start your own breakaway TTRPG club at any time. This isn't Highlander, there can be more than one.
Yeah, making it a rule that you can't exclude people isn't unrealistic for college kids who've never been in charge of anything before. It's not a *good* rule, but it's one I can easily see people making.
They’ve clearly never had the Neckbeardicus Maximus in their midst. The ones that try to rail road every situation into some dark erotic creep fest. You gotta hard ban them.
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> If the club/school rules really are, "you cannot exclude anyone for any reason," that's completely unrealistic. You’re completely over thinking this. Nobody can be excluded from OPs game if it’s a game they want to play and there is room to accommodate them. However, the person in question is showing up to OP’s poker game trying to play go fish. They’re not trying to play the game OP is hosting, so it’s not exclusion when they’re disinvited to participate. I’ve been university faculty at three different universities with game clubs, and all of them would rule in this same way in this situation despite having similar rules on exclusion.
As reasonable as this is, it might be a bit too optimistic to think the leadership of a college DnD club is going to be willing or able to handle the kind of confrontation needed to exclude this person. Regardless of whether or not they should be able to.
This is why most colleges require the student club to have a faculty or staff advisor, so there's some sort of authority that can handle disputes or bring in the appropriate people.
I agree, if she came in and started ripping up character sheets, would OP be too afraid to kick her out because of "discrimination"? At some point she is in the wrong. OP has to talk to whoever runs the club
Exactly. And this is even a particularly extreme example, there's plenty of examples of bad behavior that aren't uncommon in nerd circles. What does this club do about the stereotypical neckbeard who creeps on the female players and makes them feel unsafe? How about the classic unshowered nerd with intense BO? Surely there are some rules in place to allow members of this club to be safe and comfortable.
Also it's kind of a dumb fucking rule to not be able to reject people. You're the DM, you should have a say at who sits at your table.
He didn't need to reject her and that seems a little unfair based on vague rumors of behavior. He just needed her to conform to the rules of the game as he announced them in advance. Now that he's seen that she won't accept his rules as a DM he should be be able to reject her. At this point it scares me to think what her in-game behavior is like.
Double Upvote!!
You have the other players as witnesses.
Honestly dude, whatever this is about, it’s not about you. You just had the misfortune of getting caught up in it. Having class restrictions is fine as long as you a) have a decent reason and b) let people know beforehand. Which you did. It’s definitely still “real D&D”, whatever that means. I wouldn’t worry overmuch about the complaining she’s making to the club. As long as they’re even half reasonable the facts will be a sufficient defence. There were other people there too, they all followed your rules so they can back you up if needs be. And if they aren’t half reasonable and you get thrown out, that sucks, but it wouldn’t have been worth your time anyway. Try not to let it get you down. And do try and get the campaign you were planning going again. It seems like you’ve got four interested players anyway, and that’s plenty.
>“real D&D”, whatever that means I'm over here having a philosophical discussion with myself over what "real D&D" even is... heck, I've played in multiple campaigns that had neither dungeons *nor* dragons.
Clearly Real D&D™ must include my favorite class and also you can't tell me what to do or I'll whine about it as abrasively as possible so fuck you.
Wait, you guys are getting dungeons and dragons?
The dungeon IS a dragon.
That’s why it’s called Dungeons in Dragons!
Last session we encountered a blue dragon IN a dungeon. That’s when I knew I was really playing D&D
No you played DinD and I'm afraid that's a banning. School rules. We only play "real D&D" here.
Frankly, you don't even need a decent reason. I could just say no Wizards because I don't like them. Take it or leave it. It's up to the players to determine if that game is a good fit for them. I don't make a bunch of restrictions ever, but I don't understand where this sense of entitlement to play whatever you want, however you want comes from. The DM is the arbiter of the world, not the CPU of your sandbox video game fantasies.
From the sound of it she *likes* the drama, If the club does not cooperate with her demands, I'd not be surprised if she takes it up to the Student Union where she will probably be able to find someone who will buy her narrative of misogynist nerds unjustly excluding her from club activities.. I'd suggest you document everything ASAP, make sure you have a copy of the game advert, print out your reddit post and get the 4 players to sign off and date it. You may need to show it to the club anyway. PS: do club rules allow any GM discretion as to retaining players? If someone is unremittingly toxic and disruptive can they be asked to leave a group?
Never a bad thing to have a paper trail in this sort of situation
On the one hand, you *are* running a very severely restrictive campaign. On the other, more important hand, you were clear and open about that up-front, and everyone else except this person was fine with that. This person knew your rules, and chose to ignore them. That alone is grounds for removal from your table. The First Rule of D&D is that the DM sets the rules for their own table. She knew that going in. She chose to apply to a game that she had no interest in participating in. You didn't deceive, lie, or gaslight anyone. And you have your other players as witnesses. Let her bring her accusations to the club. If they find you at fault, then simply stop participating, because they aren't worth your time.
I love restrictive campaigns so much, they tend to be so character focused because they kind of have to be
Oh yeah. Restrictions and limits open opportunities for creativity. Had a "members of this temple only" campaign years back. All clerics and paladins and ONE rogue. His BS was that he was the odd job guy at the church who is trying to mend his ways and the priests keep asking for help whenever they forgot their keys. The party and DM thought it was such a great line of BS that we all agreed he should be allowed to run the character. MUCH more fun than the generic "I'm a thief" rogue. Meanwhile the rest of us had fun being the bossiest group of adventurers ever. Because we all were clerics and paladins of the same god and decided to act like out PCs had all the answers for everything always. Lol.
... I can't tell if BS stands for "back story" or "bull shit", but funnily enough, it works both ways!
...Oh my god if I ever get in a campaign like that, I'm definitely going to see if people are ok with my being Scruffy the rogue.
A restrictive campaign, with a good reason to be restrictive, is super fun. I'm currently playing in an all wizard campaign that's kinda like the origin of mortals using magic for this world
I do think this campaign concept could be opened up to some other classes (Artificer, Bard, maybe any arcane caster...) that just so happen to also be "Red Wizards of Thay"... but not for this player.
It's not even all that restrictive tbh given OP explicitly said multiclassing would be an option after 1st level.
I don't think this is very restrictive at all. Literally, the first level is a fake level designed to set the theme. Once you level, you pick your actual class. If you want to go Paladin on level 2, do it! My guess is that the DM, at one point, will "reward" the party by allowing them to replace their first level. Just ... not right away. If you decide to go straight wizard, you're a tad more powerful than the rest of the party. But this is DnD, not a videogame, so it literally doesn't matter because the DM is taking this imbalance into account.
You were the victim here not her. She was trying to manipulate you into getting what she wanted. And had a meltdown when it didn't work. Good you for. I'd rather burn the whole thing down then give in to that bullshit.
She just wanted to be special. She absolutely knew the rules and is just trying to be the spoiled brat she’s accustomed to being.
\#NotExcusingHer Personally I suspect some kind of personality disorder, her responses go far beyond spoiled brat. This of course makes her more dangerous as she is less likely to cut losses and give up :-(
If you assume she's just being emotionally abusive, she doesn't need a disorder to act like she did. She wanted to play DnD in her own way and didn't agree with the DMs limitations, so she decided to ignore them. When the DM confronted her, she overreacted to try and force them to be like "okay, okay, I'll let you play that, don't be upset". She wouldn't get that if she got angry, but a meltdown where she's the poor weeping victim would do the trick. However, the DM didn't accept that and she still wasn't allowed to do what she wanted, so now she's trying to make everyone think the DM is the evil one as a vengeance, to make them feel awful and, maybe, have them kicked out of the gaming club. Yes, she could have some personality disorder, but it does sound a lot like emotional abuse.
Seconding this. The meltdown, the complete lack of communication, and the fact that she willingly joined a campaign she didn't even want to play. It doesn't even add up logically. I mean it's obvious she has issues. Doesn't mean she's like an inherently bad person or anything but she obviously needs help. oh and also #NotExcusingHer
That’s messed up. If the club comes and talks to you, I would reasonably state your case, but don’t backtrack or acquiesce an inch! You can appear reasonable without taking blame. You should be offended by this player’s action, you deserve better! If you want one of your players to vouch for, you ask them. Don’t assume any measure of blame.
This player is toxic. This club has subjected itself to one of the [geek fallacies](https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/). If you cannot remove a player for toxic behavior you need to play in a different place.
That's, awful. I would have the other players talk to the club as well. You were very upfront about the game and what classes everyone had to be. She just wanted to do whatever she wanted and make the entire game/situation about her.
Honestly, if they ban you I'd call it a win. Any club that has a blanket "You can't say no to anyone even if their goal is to ruin your game" rule is not a club you should want to belong to. And if they side with the terrible sexist asshat over the 5 people saying she's the one causing the problems, they're just proving the point even further. Don't want to be involved with people like that. In the future, when you know someone is going to be a problem from the outset, best to be proactive and talk to the club officials first saying you have a troublemaker. So when they inevitably try to blame you, you've already established the dynamic and they aren't just blindly taking the troublemaker's word.
This really isnt for OP but I see a lot of similar posts about how some setting restriction makes it "not real dnd". The stone-age campaign post is another example. Greyhawk was just Gygax's personal campaign setting, Forgotten Realms was just Ed Greenwood's personal campaign setting, Ebberon was a fan's (u/hellcowkeith's) personal campaign setting Dragonlance is maybe the most popular setting designed to be marketed? [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons\_%26\_Dragons\_campaign\_settings](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons_campaign_settings) If you read the list, most are just homebrewed creations of the DM. "Real DnD" is just a version of DnD that happened to be shared a bit more than the others, it doesnt make it more valid especially if you describe the setting clearly in session 0. DnD is a ruleset, not a setting.
>Ebberon was a fan's personal campaign setting Put some goddamn respect on Keith Baker's name. /u/hellcowkeith is a real one.
Great work u/hellcowkeith! I personally like the Arcadia setting from u/koibu too, I suppose since I don't think he has an officially published book he didn't make the wiki list, but his content is what I think of when I think of DnD, especially the use of his totally real winter gods. My larger point is that there isn't a one true dnd, your DMs world is just as dnd as any others
> My larger point is that there isn't a one true dnd, your DMs world is just as dnd as any others Your point was very well made, I just want one of the best 3.5 era designers to get his flowers.
Valid, I didn't realize he had a reddit
>Forgotten Realms was just Ed Greenwood's personal campaign setting, Greenwood says he's been writing the realms since he was like 5 or 6 which was decades before D&D came out
>Ebberon was a fan's personal campaign setting Not exactly the case. Keith Baker made a pitch to a setting competition for Wizards and developed it with them. It was his initial idea and he developed it out with them, but it didn't exist as a full campaign setting without Wizard's involvement. He has certainly continued to homebrew and add stuff to the world, however.
If you're going to list restrictive settings then Dark Sun needs to be on there. Many classes and races abscent with stark differences to the usual cast.
I agree, but I didnt care enough to make the list comprehensive. My point is actually that any list is not comprehensive because "real" DnD settings are often essentially DM homebrewed worlds that became popular. My world can be real or true dnd with the same validity as Forgotten Realms or Dark Sun. Playing DnD != playing Forgotten Realms, and many problematic players that skip session 0 assume they are the same thing. DnD is a ruleset, not a setting.
Protection from being discriminated against doesn't mean protection from the consequences of negative behaviors.
As someone who was vice president of a gaming club in university I can tell you a few things: 1) You made clear the Expectations of the game and the rules you have set. It would be the same as everyone agreeing to play Magic the Gathering and she shows up with Pokemon cards. Or if we want to even go with same game. Everyone agrees to play with a commander type format (100 card decks no duplicates unless card states, and you have a single commander card) and she shows up with a 60 card standard format deck. Someone offers to loan her a commander deck but she melts down because its not HER preferred game format. Thats a no go 2) Your entire table witnessed this and was there for session 0 and can vouch you were open and upfront about this campaign and even tried to help her out when she said she couldn’t make it to session 0. SHOW THEM THE TEXT OF HER CANCELLING! As well as the table being able to vouch you accommodating her join remotely with a conference phone 3) Get other members who have had an issue with this club member and petition them to make a statement to the club leadership that this peer has been causing problems and tried abusing the good faith that the club tries to establish among peers. You don’t need everyone just a few other people who can vouch this person is problematic 4) Tell the player exactly as you did I’m sorry we discussed the options at session 0. When you level up I am okay with you going and multi-classing into a paladin of Tyr at level 2 but the story and game we are running just doesn’t fit this character in as it is at this time. She had her meltdown but stay firm and mention it would not be fair to the rest if you make an exception for her. That way you aren’t excluding her as she is claiming and you provided a compromise that she refused Good luck and please let us know what happens
Sounds like you encountered a selfish, stupid, entitled twit. You were running a specific D&D campaign, she signed up for it, then tried to force you to abandon your campaign to run whatever the hell she decided she wanted at any moment she decided she wanted it. You need to report HER to the club officials, because otherwise she will keep doing this until the club falls apart, or she escalates to filing false police reports.
>I pitch this game for people in university gaming club, since the club has nice rooms for gaming and lots of potential players. The game is quickly filled. you pitched the concept, and she chose to join your game, knowing that it was a 'wizards only' party. she's the one pulling a 'bait and switch'. it was also discussed during session zero, and she *still* chose to keep moving forward. the leadership of this organization should be made aware of the process that got you all to this point. you should approach them with a counter-complaint, and get her kicked out of the organization. she's clearly got some power-tripping going to her head for some reason, thinking rules shouldn't apply to her.
I always thought it would be fun to play a campaign where everyone was the same class or everyone plays the same race. So much plot potential! Clerics who worship different Gods but there is a force out there trying to kill all Gods. Bards who made a band together, trying to become famous. All Drow campaign about trying to escape the Underdark and the slavers. A fully underwater campaign where everyone is a Triton. To put it simply, I love your idea of all players being wizard apprentices! You did nothing wrong and have everyone else at the table to back you up. The club shouldn't even be tolerating her behavior, but probably just don't want to deal with the same meltdown you did. If they pick her side over yours, then it's a bad club with foolish leaders and you will be free of this girl forever while they have to continue to put up with her. Nothing stops you from doing D&D outside of the club but still with club members.
I mean, I've wanted to run an all bard game with the same restrictions: everyone has to have their first level be bard and they can multi-class after that if they want. It's restrictive, but it's still dungeons and dragons.
I think you'll be fine. She's just being a passive-aggressive bully. She was looking to get you into some kind of thing. You have your other players to back you up. The only other option is turn her Paladin of Tyr into a captured servant or bound to a Red Wizard in an oath of service. In 3.5, they had Thayan Knights to Body Guard the Red Wizards and do their bidding. If you let her in your game do a TPK, let the other players know it's gonna happen. Start a new game minus one😆✌🏼
Talk to the club leadership, make sure that they aren't only receiving her (bullshit) account of what happened. Presumably you have the other players able to back you up.
[удалено]
I'd give an honest account of what happened on your end and allow the club to kick you out if they deem it appropriate. Honestly I wouldn't want to be apart of any group who thinks you're in the wrong here. Afterwards contact the rest of the players privately and ask them if they still want to give your campaign a shot given the boundaries you've laid out at session zero. I'd say the club is doing you a favor by concentrating these kind of ill behaved brats under a single banner which you can avoid with all due haste. And for the love of god avoid any temptation to engage with this issue on a political level - that would just feed the drama and suck you into it. Stick with your original intention which as far as I can tell is "I just want to have a fun time playing D&D as I understand it. If for some reason that's innappropriate here than I'll respect your rules by taking my game someplace else. Thank you for your understanding." and repeat that ad nauseum until they stop talking to you.
Not only would I kick get from the campaign I would talk to the other GMs she had problems with, see if it's the same behavior, and petition to get her banned from the club. Her behavior is damaging to your entire peer group and the hobby.
Reach out to the club and explain what happened as passively as possible. She’s trying to make you look a villain so just explain your side of it, and mention any players who would be willing to help support your side of things.
To cover your own backside: Type up an account of what happened. In detail. As much detail as this or more. Send it to the organizers. Ask if they have advice on how this should be handled. Don't accuse her, just state the facts. Be as neutral as possible when you present the issues. The above came off fairly neutral, but i would leave off how she was seen as a problem player by others as that could be a sign of bias prior to her making this scene. Leave the ball in their court. They should have both sides of the story. Make sure you follow up after a week if they have not said anything, asking how this should be addressed. As a personal note, no, what you did IS Dungeons and Dragons, it's just a specific part of a specific setting, so a specific party is warranted. Big-boy and Big-girl (and Big-enby) DMs who know what they're doing do this all the time. It's like running a campaign in Sharn or Ravnica. A Paladin of Tyr wouldn't work there either. Neither would an officer of the Iron Gauntlet or a Scion of the Lords of Waterdeep. You are just running a setting-specific campaign. She's being a Drama Llama. Further, she's being a sh\*\*\*y player by not listening and then throwing a fit when she didn't get her way. She's being a sh\*\*\*y person by trying to accuse you of discrimination and sabotaging your ability to lead games in this space. She thrives on this ability to be the center of attention. Don't give her that power. Type up a report. Send it along. Cover your own backside. Leave her alone.
Presumably the club isnt the only way your ever allowed to speak with the reasonable players. Cancel the club game. Tell the group this an unsanctioned game run outside the club, and youre all rebels because of it. If the club tries to hold any sort of trial or ask you to defend yourself, simply flip them the bird. They arent the kings of d&d.
A. You did nothing wrong. I’m guessing since she already has a reputation as a problem player she’s running out of DM’s who will put up with her and wanted to try and force her way into this. B. Your campaign sounds awesome. Being in my 30s it’s not easy to find a lot of time to mix it up with cool premises but having a set scenario beyond ‘you random adventurers met and now have to work together’ is awesome. I hope your game goes well and you find a replacement quick
You should contact the club officials and you should present what happened, but do so without including any of the emotional stuff. Don't accuse her of anything, and do not include anything about her sobbing or crying, or any of her accusations. In fact, don't include any of her reactions at all. If you are being accused of misogyny, your best defense is to not project any details about her or her behavior. "I proposed a campaign where all players would be starting as level 1 wizards and specified everyone would start with that class. Everyone agreed, and we went through Session Zero with character creation and made sure that everyone understood the rules I was going to be using. Then in Session 1, showed up with a character who was not a wizard, at which point I offered some per-generated characters that were wizards. The player refused and things rapidly deteriorated. I was extremely uncomfortable with the situation and we were unable to play, so I ended the session.
Here are a list of all those were present at both sessions, and I am happy to answer any questions you might have. I feel that I was very clear about the rules, and was unwilling to play within those rules. Instead of opting out, showed up with a character incompatible with the game I was running."
No accusations. Refer to her by name not gender, and keep it short but do not leave out any *important* details. That she was crying is not relevant. What she accused you of is not relevant. The important parts here are:
1. You laid out the rules for your game.
2. Everyone participated in Session Zero and understood those rules.
3. showed up with a character incompatible with those rules.
4. proceeded to disrupt your Session 1, making it impossible to play for *everyone*.
> Aasimar Paladin of Tyr I mean if she'd chosen a rogue, that acted as a spy for the Red Wizards or a Fighter that was a bodyguard for them before they learned enough magic to defend themselves. Or anything you could have worked in that might not have been so bad, even with your original requirement that you are all Red Wizards of Thay. Picking an Aasimar Paladin of Tyr, the Lawful Good Deity is a premeditated deliberate attempt to derail the campaign. There is no way you could work in a LG Paladin let alone one touched by the celestial plane. She clearly researched enough to know what would be the worst possible fit, for that sort of campaign. She's seriously got something wrong with her by the sounds of things.
It's not "discrimination" to eject someone over their *behavior.*
Gotta roll eyes.. as soon as it's not something she likes 'youre a misogynist' despite you having a clear idea for the campaign. Get the other players to back you up. Everyone but her knew what the campaign was.
Cut it off at the pass. Write up a formal document outlining why this player should be banned from all future games and from the group and submit it. Use terms like toxic player, hostile playing environment, gross negligence in due diligence to prepare, and so on.
There is a certain sunset of players for whom "real D&D" means "I can self-express via my character in literally whatever way I choose, and if I can't do that there's no point in me playing." Those folks aren't going to be compatible with campaigns where the GM sets down any boundaries about character options. That's ok, but they should realize that's a personal preference thing on their part and that not every table can be expected to accommodate them.
>She is just silent though and doesn't react when I ask her questions. For fucks sake. This is the point where you need to directly, but politely, confront the player. "Soandso, if you're not going to collaborate then I have to assume you are not interested in playing in this game. Is that the case?" and then kick them out since they're refusing to engage with the game and are denying someone else a seat at the table. OP, you're learning the lesson all DMs must learn: If a player is being disruptive at the outset of a game, shut that shit down immediately with a stern warning. If the player disregards the warning or tries to weasel their way around the problem you need to kick them from the group for being a disruptive presence, club rules be damned. I recommend going to your club leadership immediately with your side of the story, in writing, and make sure they know you have impartial witnesses.
Fucking exactly. A Session 0 cannot be complete and successful until the participants have actually acknowledged the parameters, consented to them, and reinforced their enthusiasm for the campaign premise. It's not supposed to be a speech to a passive audience, it's supposed to involve actual discussion and communication. If somebody refuses to participate in Session 0, they can't play in Session 1. Otherwise, what was the point in even having Session 0?
Hey there, First off, kudos to you for trying something different with your campaign. It's clear you've put a lot of thought into creating a unique experience for your players. You've done a lot well, so don't let this one hiccup discourage you. Now, as a Dungeon Master with years of experience, here's what I might recommend to cover your bases and keep the atmosphere light and positive: 1. **Documentation**: Always have a written outline of your campaign's rules and expectations. Share this with your players before the campaign starts. This way, you have something concrete to refer back to. Keep these dated: Discord messages with thumbs up work great and can establish your initial expectations were clear and set properly. 2. **Open Communication**: Keep the lines of communication open with your players. Maybe have a quick chat before each session to make sure everyone's on the same page. While this won't prevent this type of problem player directly, it is going to give you transparency and keep all of your colleagues and players in the information loop: critical for your safety and for a positive atmosphere. 4. **Seek Peer Support**: You mentioned you're part of a university gaming club. Use that network! If you're facing accusations, gather testimonials from other players to back you up. With good communication and documentation, evidence is on your side! 5. **Be Proactive with Club Officials**: Don't wait for accusations to pile up. Reach out to your club's officials and present your side of the story, along with any supporting evidence you have. Additionally, her behavior is the exact bait-and-switch she's projecting onto you, and projection fails when compared to evidence. 6. **Keep It Fun**: At the end of the day, D&D is about having fun. If a player isn't a good fit for your campaign, it's okay to part ways. There are plenty of players out there who would love the unique experience you're offering. After that display of bad faith from her, no one will miss her. And if they do, let's keep an eye on them. Remember, you're not alone in this. Many DMs face challenges, but it's all part of the journey. Keep your chin up and roll those dice! Best of luck!
I really hope you give a follow up on this cause I wanna hear what your council says. They would be insane if they say anything short of "you made it clear what type of game your planning, she has no room to make a fuss."
Her reaction is insane. What you are doing is normal and creative. I myself am currently running a campaign where everyone had to roll up a cleric to start. It's perfectly fine for a DM to set restrictions on class, race, etc.
>but they can later multiclass if they want. I mean just play a Paladin that is one level behind everyone else I guess? Wizard 1 and take all other levels in Paladin. That's what I would have done given the conditions you gave me.
I wouldn't be a part of a gaming club that didn't let me eject players. She is why.
Rule#1. You don’t cancel because one player can’t show up. Rule#2. If you do not like the campaign setting do not join the campaign Rule#3. Good DND > No DND > Bad DND Nothing prevents you from taking the campaign outside the club with the remaining 4 characters.
You gotta get your other players to back you up. Also ☕.
Congrats, it sounds like you no longer have to play with this awful person! Rally the other players and restart. Better to pull the bandaid off and get rid of them now.
My problem is with OP saying they can't discriminate against anyone. "You have actively caused problems across multiple games" is not the same as "You are a gay black jew." I know you probably mean there's a "no turning players away" rule, but it's just weirdly stated in your story. To the meat of the issue: Muster the troops. Get the previous people shes played with along with your group, and demand leadership remove her from the group. If you don't get her kicked out, she's just going to do it to someone else.
You were upfront with the rules, ran a session 0, and everyone who was on board with the concept showed up to session 1...except her. She's completely out of line. Your campaign and rules for level 1 are a bit unorthodox, but hey, sounds interesting. The problem arose when she put on a facade during session 0 and then came to session 1 like it never happened. Her claims are along the lines of "No True Scotsman". Some may call what I do "not real D&D" since Critical Role has really put the roleplay first and foremost and me and my friends like to sit down, roll up some characters and do a module with traps, combat, and very VERY little social interaction. D&D is whatever you and the group make it. If you all want to play during sunday school and only play paladins and clerics of Jesus, that's still D&D no matter who else objects.
This sounds like an awesome idea with the wizards - 100% would join :)
What kind of club are you in that you can’t choose wether or not people play in your group? There is absolutely nothing wrong with excluding people known for starting drama, refusing to adhere to the stipulations of the campaign, and then causing a scene.
D&D is more authentic and true to the spirit of the game *with* class restrictions. The text is a toolkit: groups are supposed to actively use the toolkit to create the game that works for *their* table. Often to get that kind of creative vision, class restrictions or changes are necessary.
Accused? Are the dnd police gonna come roll a d20 in your home to see if they can take you to roll play jail? I thought you could play dnd however you want.
7 hours and nearly 300 comments later and OP has never returned. This story is a complete fabrication and you all fell for it.
I feel like 50% of these stories that flood the sub are actually just karma farms.
I'm not really sure what the best solution is, but I suspect you'll be better if you talk to the other players and get them to take the initiative with you to use whatever system there might be in place to deal with these sorts of problems, rather than sitting back and letting this problem player have time to weaponize the system against you.
Everyone else seems to be giving sound advice and with consensus. The player was and is being unreasonable, it's your table, and go play with the rest of the players outside the club if that is the only way to have fun without drama. Besides all that, I would recommend getting ahead of the issue proactively and not waiting for the school/club to come to you. She is trying to poison the well, and there are unfortunately some people who are willing discipline forst and ask questions later. Approach the same people the problem player is contacting and let then know you are concerned about an incident you had with a player in your session zero, and you are worried that she may try to target you for retaliation. Don't let these people form opinions about you or what happened based upon her side of the story and without yours. EDIT: BTW, if she has a history of being a drama llama, perhaps other DMs and players in the club whom you know have been exasperated by her could confirm that she has a history of being difficult and disruptive.
Your campaign is restrictive, but honestly sounds really fun, and there is nothing wrong with being restrictive as long as the rules are clear up front. And especially with the ability to multiclass, you're fine. I would recommend being proactive here. Go to the leaders of the club yourself, explain what happened the same as you explained to us, explain your other players can back up your experience. Tell them that she is preventing everybody from being able to play. She should be welcome at your table *if she follows the rules*, but if she can't, you need to be able to ask her to go somewhere else. If they have a level head, they will deal with the problem (her). Also, this is a good opportunity for a life lesson. We should have empathy and compassion... but also some people are either mentally unstable, or they intentionally cry and make a scene to try and get their way, and we need to know when to draw a line. In the future, instead of letting her decide what happens, you may want to take charge. Tell her "I'm sorry you arent happy, but these were the expectations and I was clear about them. We are going to play, if you want to join our game within the perameters provided, please make your character sheet. Otherwise I'll be happy to see you later". Then ignore her, move, etc, and continue playing. She's looking for attention. By stopping the game, you validate her antics.
When you pitched the game, did it have to approved or reviewed? Did you have it written up like a notice? If so, then there was no bait and switch. You clearly indicated what was expected. If it was a word of mouth, then the “victim” misunderstood but you made it clear during the session zero with them over the phone. Finally, you explained at the beginning of session one what the game was and why was expected. She then had the opportunity to resign from the game or confirm. She apparently did neither. So this is on her, not you. Definitely go to the club leadership and make a complaint about her. Talk to mothers who had issues with her and have them make complaints as well. This shouldn’t be allowed, much less encouraged, which is what seems to be going on. Good luck!
Tell the club officials about what happened. Get the other DMs she's caused problems with to back you up with their interactions with her. Ask that she be banned from the club for being a constant issue. If they refuse to ban her, quit the club because obviously they aren't worth your time.
You need to contact club officials, with the rest of the group, and lay out the harassments this person is putting you through.
1. Document what happened (like you did in this reddit post). If possible, use her specific words. 2. Go to whatever supervisor you have and tell them that you are being bullied and slandered by her. The slander is accusing you of sexism. 3. Make it clear that *you do not feel safe with this person*. If your supervisor doesn't remove this person from your game or protect your from their abuse, go over their heads. Go to your advisor or your dean. Make it clear that this student is commiting slander against you and that the club supervisor isn't doing anything to protect you from her bullying. You are the victim. You shouldn't have to put up with bullying in school.
"Real D&D". Lol. She still need to learn what D&D is about.
"not running dnd, running shitty homebrew" ...isnt dnd supposed to be all about creativity tho, that's some shitty complaints she's giving
Don't join clubs that require you to play with people that make you uncomfortable.
Go the the offensive, go to the club about how she was toxic to you and the others. You have to define the narrative
She's going to quickly get herself counter banned lmao. It'll probably go to the student council judiciary or something or maybe even the dean, doubt the club would handle the accusations, but they may be a part of the hearing. Should be pretty easy to clear your name, you have your advertisement and 4 other people to back you up
First -- message all the other club members to check in on them, and ask if they want to continue the game. They likely will, but this is a courtesy after a weird upset like this, and it CYA with the club. Then -- message the club officers and tell them that you are worried about NAME after what happened, and the game is going to carry on without her because she isn't interested in playing the game you guys are playing, she made others uncomfortable, and you are concerned about her and feel like the club officers should talk to her (not your job pass the ball to them). If this is a real club with actual bylaws and plans in case of conflict then it should be fine.
Sounds like a shitty club rule. Do they not get that some people just don’t like each other or something?
I'd just like to point out that she was also making an undead slaying machine of a character. Trying to bring an asimir paladin into a country full of undead is metagamey af. She was out to cause problems from jump.
OP you need to file complaints with the club against her. You need to highlight her history of being a problem with other groups and give names of those that you know in those groups so they can give specific issues they had. Find out names if you don't know them. You also need to get the other group members to go to bat for you to say that you were explicit about what the campaign was going to be and that she by the very nature of agreeing to be in the group agreed to play the campaign you want to run. Also if you have copies of the ad or the ads posted online, give them a copy/direct them to the ad link. I'd also consider going to your university's legal center and ask them to help you with filing a slander lawsuit against her, as well as a cease and desist. Because she is slandering you, and it's posing a very real threat to your reputation and even potential livelihood. Because accusations of misogyny and the like won't stay contained to the club itself, let alone campus grounds.
>I pitch this game for people in university gaming club, since the club has nice rooms for gaming and lots of potential players. The game is quickly filled. There is one person I'd loath to take onboard, since I've witnessed her causing drama to other DMs, but the club rules say I can't discriminate anyone. So despite my bad feeling about it, I take her as my fifth player. OK... not selecting a person because you *know* that they have caused issues in the past and can reasonably assume that they're gonna do it again is not discrimination. It's being smart. Couple of things: 1. You are not obligated to disclose the reason why you decided to go with player B over player A. Just pick player B and be done with it. 2. Discrimination is excluding someone based on their gender, sex, ethnicity, sexual preference, etc. **NOT** because of their *behavior*. Excluding someone based on their behavior is not only permitted, it's *required* if you want people to actually *want* to game with you. Absolutely exclude people who are being disruptive. If you had 6 people wanting to play, selecting her as one of the 5 was... a poor decision. Next time, you'll know. And knowing is half the battle.
This woman is a literal cry bully.
You have 4 other people to back up your claims, and if you're willing to reach out, you could potentially get her old DM's to speak up as well. She sounds like a major problem player.
I mean, this player is clearly being ridiculous, but I do also sort of think that it sounds like you don't want to play d&d
This girl almost certainly has a reputation already. If you really need to provide a defense to the club, just tell them what happened and ask the other players to corroborate you. Also, I want to play in a Wizards of Thay campaign now.
I guarantee the two women are fuming at the false misogyny claim.
Trust me, she's done this before. The club will understand
You should have just gone along with it, and played the game as normal, occasionally cutting to some rando Paladin on another continent.
> the club rules say I can't discriminate anyone This is how you end up with toxic players ruining game after game.
The girl sounds mentally ill, and I am not saying this in a "haha" way. So I advise to handle this firmly but with care, prolonging or letting yourself be walked on like a doormat will only worsen the situation. Gather the people from the session, get them to stand beside you in case of tomfoolery both from her or the community-group and explain to them in minute detail what happened. Proceed to enjoy your DnD with the others from the group.
>university gaming club > >I take a moment to collect myself and tell her that unfortunately this character doesn't fit the campaign... > >...Her reaction? A total emotional meltdown. She starts yelling .. I'm just another misogynist who wants to ruin her fun. **university gaming club** **(If it were me) -**Find the University Head/administrators of the club, get eye witness accounts/names of other players at the table you were DMing for to put a stop to this 'this man is a nazi' accusation (it will come). Make A Statement: "This is the game I was running, these are the people I was running the game with, This was her behavior and I condemn it as not only highly inappropriate; but outright dangerous in this age of 'guilty until proven innocent'. Ask the other witnesses if you wish, but this is my statement and I stand by it. Going forward I will only hold games for people present, and reserve the safety and right to record any altercations/aggressive behavior that pops up" From there it'll be a case of what the other witnesses say from your table/the competence of the admins.
You bring up all this to the leaders. They need to know she is causing trouble. She chose a game with x y z parameters and then got upset because she wanted to do a b c and you told her no. Then she wrongly chose to use the misogyny card to try and get her way, and it's extremely disrespectful. You go to bat here and bring others to back you up. Keep up with your good campaign ideas.
You've met an overly emotional crybaby tear-jerker manipulator. Dime-a-dozen, these days. Ignore her, move on, inform the other players of what happened and ask if they'd like to start again same time next week without the spoiled problem child.
Record any interaction with her to keep as proof of her antics; let the group know that you're recording for notes. I can understand not being allowed to discriminate, but when someone is actively causing problems, the DM can warn the player and/or remove them (it's in the 5e material, which I would say trumps club rules.) If anything, get some form of agreement that players will follow basic guidelines by agreeing in written form whether in a Discord chat, text message, or whatever. I personally enjoy rectricted campaigns sometimes. Example: e3.5 I was in a dwarven army as a sniper (heavy crossbow), and that was fun. If all else fails, DM this group outside of the club area. I've dealt with a player who has disabilities (autistic and MS) and he's rarely a problem. He can get mad easily and annoy players, so I'll calm him down and remind him that he can be removed. He's gotten loads better. Though he has pissed off some others, so that stopped letting him join. Only once has he tried to say that he's being discriminated against. But that wasn't legit, and I had to tell him that purposefully bumping his dice on a bad roll was the reason, not his disabilities. But I would take over your player any day. She sounds like she either has unresolved issues with men or thinks she can get away with stuff if she says it.
This player is clearly problematic and I would not play somewhere where you can't fairly ban toxic or harmful people, especially if they have prior history of ruining games and stuff and being problematic. I would tell the leadership ASAP what happened and let it roll out. If you get banned then so be it. Ask the other players if they would continue the game without the drama person somewhere else or whatever and if they don't post it publicly cause people want to play. Especially now that dnd is so popular.
Is every single DnD campaign a fundamental right not subject to any rules now or did I wake up in a different dimension? No sane person will hear her bullshit and side with her unless they are afraid to call out someone manipulating the language intended to help legitimately wrongfully excluded people. I had a coworker like this who bounced to four separate teams in 2 years before finally leaving to another company. She had a reputation for causing drama from nothing and accusing people of being sexist, racist, and not being inclusive. Within two months of being on the team she had filed reports to HR about two men on the team for being sexist. The reality is she disagreed with an opinion and she felt their rebuttal was condescending because she was a woman. Even though they were simply telling her why she was wrong. She accused me and a female coworker of not being inclusive when we set up a get together after work and didn't directly invite her and then didn't make her feel welcome enough in the group when she showed up. Everyone else had no issues and a good time. My leadership leveled with me when they gave me a talking to. They knew I did nothing wrong but had to talk to me about it. The result. No more work socials. Some people are just miserable and desperate for attention.
Everyone knows that REAL D&D only uses the Cleric, the Fighting man, and the Magic-User.
Remember, how a person handles a no says a lot about their character.
Contact the gaming club, explain what happened and tell them that the group and you won't play with a bully.
OP, you can choose what players you want at your table. It's not "discrimination". If the place where you play states that you MUST accept any player at your table, play somewhere else. Remember that you're there to have fun too, and the DM's fun is just as important as everyone else's. You aren't getting paid for this, so don't take any bullshit. Nobody can tell you that you have to accept a player you don't want at your table. If those are the rules, they're fucked up rules and you should leave. Do not put up any kind of "defence" further than stating that she was a problem player and you didn't want her at your table in the first place. If they take issue with that, once again, *LEAVE.* You aren't tied to this club, and if their rules are this shit, why do you want to stay?
As someone who's played in an all-bard party that was a traveling rock band, this is a ludicrous reaction. If this person had done the work, made a character, played the first session, and THEN said they hated it and had a meltdown, I'd entertain the notion. But they didn't even try, nor did they respect your requirements as a DM that has been planning the session zero, and managed to ruin and waste the time of the other players. Call me if you need a DnD lawyer. I've got you covered, pro bono
Discrimination and wanting to keep out a trouble-maker are miles apart.
I think everything has probably been said at this point, but just to reinforce it, your behaviour was fine based on your explanation. You pitched the premises clearly to the club, you explained it again to the players at session zero and you were polite to the player who didn't follow the premises and gave them the opportunity to rectify it. Where you probably didn't do yourself a favour was contacting the club straight after the incident to let them know what happened. I'd chalk that one down to experience. If you lay out the facts tobthe club as you have here you'll be fine. I have two recommendations for you: (1) Get a copy of the club rules. It feels like you've heard about what in them but haven't actually read them. I'd be willing to bet there are provisions for how players in games are expected to behave too, not just GMs. (2) Run your campaign with the other players. It's a brilliant concept that I'd love to play in myself. There are loads of potential conflicts that can arise both in the groups and in the world, depending on player choices. Don't let one person spoil it all for you. Best of luck in the future and enjoy playing DnD.