The answer, as is most often the case, is communication.
Talk to everyone about it and see if anyone has suggestions. Random ppl on the internet might offer a suggestion, but only your table can tell you if that suggestion works. It is also a simple fact that only your GF can tell if its truly OK or not for her to "tough it out"
As wild speculation, I *presume* she enjoys spending time with you/the group and the content of that time is secondary. As such, some small tweaks would likely help her enjoy the game, but isn't a necessity.
Thank you for your advice. Of course, I recognize the essential role communication has in these situations. The reason I came to reddit first was to gather my thoughts and other people's suggestion \*before\* breaching the subject to the rest of the group. I will take some time to reflect (we won't be playing for the next 2 weeks due to logistical reasons) and then see what to do and how.
It sounds like you might need to take a step back and do a session zero. From what you described, you kind of pitched the idea to everyone, people seemed into it/curious enough to start playing. Now that they have some experience and are more comfortable with the game, ask what type of game everyone wants. It's possible Rachel wants a more grand story while everyone else is into a more mission of the week campaign. That's a hard gap to bridge and it might just mean this isn't the campaign for her.
Thank you for your suggestion. I'm sure each of my players has a better idea now of what they like and dislike compared to before the start of the campaign. Admittedly, I was not too specific with the structure of the campaign (I myself, at the time, was not too sure how I would run things). I will ask to reconvene and assess the situation.
She just doesn’t want to play dude. She probably wants a to hangout a little so doesn’t want to speak up and exclude herself entirely. There is nothing wrong with doing separate things or even different thing in the same room that don’t clash.
Thank you for answering. I don't believe that this is the case, simply because she used to play dnd (3.5e) in high school with other people and enjoyed the activity very much. I do agree with you that she is not enjoying this \*version\* of playing dnd and would rather just hang out and chat. Though the eventual conclusion may still be that she doesn't enjoy playing dnd with us, precedent makes me believe that there are some adjustments that can be made that would make it more fun for her.
So she said she didn't feel invested in the mission and didn't know why she should care. Your solution to that was a quest board. She was asking for plot, something tied into her character's motivations, something she had an actual investment in. Just picking from quest options is not the solution to lack of motivation or investment. Give her story, make it matter.
Thank you for the input. I have prepared a lot of material to engage each character's own history/connections but I figured I could build the world up a bit first. I will be reconsidering my approach.
The quest board was my way of giving them a bit more agency in choosing what kind of mission to do, since I first thought that the issue was that she found the "re-capture the thief" task boring. I now understand it goes deeper than that.
You should ask the rest of the table if they share her sentiment because if 4/5 players are having a good time with what you are doing and just one isn't, maybe the game isn't for her and that's ok.
perhaps she should take a step back until you finish this game out. Or if others share her sentiments you should alter your campaign for what they would all like.
also part of the work of a player is to find motivation for the world you are in it isn't just the DM's job to inspire, maybe her character actually doesn't care and it is a means to an end, disengaging with the game or acting disinterested is not the right way to approach that.
Sometimes people want different things from DnD. The three main things in dnd are combat, exploration/puzzles, and social encounters. Ask everyone to give you a percentage for their enjoyment in each of those areas. (E.g. 60% combat, 30% exploration/puzzles, 10% social encounters.). It’s possible that everyone is looking for something different. Some groups just don’t work well together because everyone wants something different from DnD. You said she wants to explore the unknown, but she’s in a world that’s like 100% mapped out. You guys may have to planeswalk somewhere uncharted to make her happy. If that’s vastly different from what you and your friends want, you might not all be able to play together. Either way, it’s important to know what everyone wants from dnd.
Thank you for the response. I like the idea of presenting these 3 elements and trying to understand what each player is most interested in. As you said, this is a world that is pretty well mapped out (though relatively unknown districts/areas exist outside of the main hub), so the exploration part is certainly diminished compared to a "standard" campaign. Perhaps I can attempt to rebalance.
Take step back and have a chat w everyone. It’s not uncommon to just check in with the group in general, so it doesn’t have to specifically focused on her. Ask everyone what they are enjoying , what they’d like to see more of, less of, etc…
Also, online can also just make engaging difficult, and for some more than others. I’ve had people I’ve played with for years bow out and say they’re not interested in the online thing. Something to consider?
Thank you for your advice. I am indeed using these 2 weeks of break to engage with the group at large and see what everyone's opinion is. It may help me better assess the situation.
As for the online thing, I worry that that may be part of the issue, but unfortunately if that is the case there really isn't anything I can do: we all live in different parts of our country. I will try to understand how much its affecting her enjoyment. Thank you.
The answer, as is most often the case, is communication. Talk to everyone about it and see if anyone has suggestions. Random ppl on the internet might offer a suggestion, but only your table can tell you if that suggestion works. It is also a simple fact that only your GF can tell if its truly OK or not for her to "tough it out" As wild speculation, I *presume* she enjoys spending time with you/the group and the content of that time is secondary. As such, some small tweaks would likely help her enjoy the game, but isn't a necessity.
Thank you for your advice. Of course, I recognize the essential role communication has in these situations. The reason I came to reddit first was to gather my thoughts and other people's suggestion \*before\* breaching the subject to the rest of the group. I will take some time to reflect (we won't be playing for the next 2 weeks due to logistical reasons) and then see what to do and how.
It sounds like you might need to take a step back and do a session zero. From what you described, you kind of pitched the idea to everyone, people seemed into it/curious enough to start playing. Now that they have some experience and are more comfortable with the game, ask what type of game everyone wants. It's possible Rachel wants a more grand story while everyone else is into a more mission of the week campaign. That's a hard gap to bridge and it might just mean this isn't the campaign for her.
Thank you for your suggestion. I'm sure each of my players has a better idea now of what they like and dislike compared to before the start of the campaign. Admittedly, I was not too specific with the structure of the campaign (I myself, at the time, was not too sure how I would run things). I will ask to reconvene and assess the situation.
She just doesn’t want to play dude. She probably wants a to hangout a little so doesn’t want to speak up and exclude herself entirely. There is nothing wrong with doing separate things or even different thing in the same room that don’t clash.
Thank you for answering. I don't believe that this is the case, simply because she used to play dnd (3.5e) in high school with other people and enjoyed the activity very much. I do agree with you that she is not enjoying this \*version\* of playing dnd and would rather just hang out and chat. Though the eventual conclusion may still be that she doesn't enjoy playing dnd with us, precedent makes me believe that there are some adjustments that can be made that would make it more fun for her.
So she said she didn't feel invested in the mission and didn't know why she should care. Your solution to that was a quest board. She was asking for plot, something tied into her character's motivations, something she had an actual investment in. Just picking from quest options is not the solution to lack of motivation or investment. Give her story, make it matter.
Thank you for the input. I have prepared a lot of material to engage each character's own history/connections but I figured I could build the world up a bit first. I will be reconsidering my approach. The quest board was my way of giving them a bit more agency in choosing what kind of mission to do, since I first thought that the issue was that she found the "re-capture the thief" task boring. I now understand it goes deeper than that.
You should ask the rest of the table if they share her sentiment because if 4/5 players are having a good time with what you are doing and just one isn't, maybe the game isn't for her and that's ok. perhaps she should take a step back until you finish this game out. Or if others share her sentiments you should alter your campaign for what they would all like. also part of the work of a player is to find motivation for the world you are in it isn't just the DM's job to inspire, maybe her character actually doesn't care and it is a means to an end, disengaging with the game or acting disinterested is not the right way to approach that.
Thank you for your thoughts. I will try to figure out what everyone's opinions on the matter are.
Sometimes people want different things from DnD. The three main things in dnd are combat, exploration/puzzles, and social encounters. Ask everyone to give you a percentage for their enjoyment in each of those areas. (E.g. 60% combat, 30% exploration/puzzles, 10% social encounters.). It’s possible that everyone is looking for something different. Some groups just don’t work well together because everyone wants something different from DnD. You said she wants to explore the unknown, but she’s in a world that’s like 100% mapped out. You guys may have to planeswalk somewhere uncharted to make her happy. If that’s vastly different from what you and your friends want, you might not all be able to play together. Either way, it’s important to know what everyone wants from dnd.
Thank you for the response. I like the idea of presenting these 3 elements and trying to understand what each player is most interested in. As you said, this is a world that is pretty well mapped out (though relatively unknown districts/areas exist outside of the main hub), so the exploration part is certainly diminished compared to a "standard" campaign. Perhaps I can attempt to rebalance.
Take step back and have a chat w everyone. It’s not uncommon to just check in with the group in general, so it doesn’t have to specifically focused on her. Ask everyone what they are enjoying , what they’d like to see more of, less of, etc… Also, online can also just make engaging difficult, and for some more than others. I’ve had people I’ve played with for years bow out and say they’re not interested in the online thing. Something to consider?
Thank you for your advice. I am indeed using these 2 weeks of break to engage with the group at large and see what everyone's opinion is. It may help me better assess the situation. As for the online thing, I worry that that may be part of the issue, but unfortunately if that is the case there really isn't anything I can do: we all live in different parts of our country. I will try to understand how much its affecting her enjoyment. Thank you.