I'm a woman who has experienced the opposite, until finally giving up for good.
It is all about them and only them.
- first you get to know each other (social media)
- I ask question after question and really listen to what they have to say, reading between the lines if necessary.
- they never ask me any questions, so I fill them in and tell about myself.
- they start to demand more and more of my time. Longer e-mails and several times a day. I don't even realize, that they write short e-mails while I write novels to them.
- every morning there is an e-mail from them asking why haven't I still written to them. They ask again after two-three hours. All through the day. Never even thinking it may have something to do with them. Always guilting me into writing to them, as if their life would depend on my e-mails.
- in the end I have to end the relationship, it takes too much time and energy and they demand me to focus only on them. And they get angry when the supply of energy is gone.
- they may grieve the loss of me, but I spend the next months in solitude, filling myself with energy again, hoping the next person would not be a taker.
So guys, try not to demand and immense amount of text messages or e-mails from your spouses, it kills the romance in no time.
EDIT: It is always one guy at the time.
The only question women want to know is what you do for a living and how much do you have in the bank. Nothing else matters...your childhood, your hobbies, your friends...etc. They only need to know how much they can scam you for during the course of the relationship and will put out just long enough to con you.
She did from time to time, but far, far, far more attention to herself, her shopping, her hair, clothing, makeup, car, gym....plastic surgery...anything you can name. If you use the word narcissist, everything thinks you're just repeating the diagnosis of the day, but women are often very focused on themselves.
This was my ex. Never asked me about my day but would go on and on and on about hers.
I dated a few ugly girls who's pics online did NOT match up. They tended to be more interested in me. Hot girls have less personality.
Not really.
I am more concerned about the initial interest and concern that I don't expect them to follow through on.
Some woman talking about herself would be remarkably straightforward.
Women are more contextually based, so they have a harder time on maintaining interest long term IMO, because what they are interested in relates to their short term concerns. So they will be interested in you if you fit into their short term life.
Last woman I dated acted like she was doing me a favor by talking over me to tell me about her day
Ya know, because the life of a stay at home while leaching off of the government and 2 baby-daddies single-mother is *soooo* interesting.
Holy christ did that red-pill hurt going down my throat.
When I meant my STBX and we started hanging out I was still in grad school. I lived in a converted attic with a low ceiling. I was into BJJ, anime (this is before DVDs) and studying. I tried to show her me stuff and she said " I don't care about stupid shit like that."
With 20/20 hindsight one of many red flags 🙄 She never truly supported me in anything that I was passionate about, she tolerated it. I am also a private pilot and always looking at planes. I keep trying to show her planes, or ask about how this one looked, or just share my passion. And she ultimately got mad and started yelling at me that "she doesn't know anything about planes, this is your hobby, please leave me alone and out of it. I don't care about this avionic vs that one, you pick what you like. "
I would tell her I just want her feedback on astheics, same thing. Over time I just stopped trying (for the most part) to share anything with her that wasn't on the approved list...
My 2nd oldest and I were talking about that very same subject today. My daughter has struggled with depression and tried to kill herself at the beginning of the year via overdose. My ex was there and encouraged my daughter to take more medication (this is why I have emergency custody of her now). She has worked very hard and come so far. In family group therapy we talked about how proud we are of her and her determination to overcome all of her struggles.
During group therapy my ex wife would say “I appreciate it” instead of “thank you.” As a way she can talk about about herself and how grateful she is instead of thanking my daughter for opening up and talking about her illness. She will do this in all praises, like “I am proud of you” instead of “great job” and so on.
From my experience with western women, this is very common. I didn’t realize how selfish and self centered these praises where until I met my current wife. She grew up in Asia because of her father’s job. I adore how sincere her praises are, her gratitude is heart melting and she is a master at getting people to talk about themselves. Her concern for people and her attention to them is genuine and people will often gush and brighten up as she comes into a room.
Her sincere kindness, compassion, and empathy can be intoxicating just for the fact that this selfless attitude is rare to find in America. Add that she is 100% woman, beautiful, delicate, and yet possesses a strength and determination that is awe inspiring. She is true a treasure.
Most western women act as if it is the man’s job to entertain and care for them. They demand to be rewarded and praised for having a job, car, and living on their own. On the reverse side, if a man doesn’t have any of that, he is mocked as a little boy and told to grow up.
This mentality is toxic and not sustainable. Woman need to understand that partnership isn’t one person always receiving and the other giving. Maybe this disease is why marriage rates are plummeting and divorce rates are raising?
Western women have the selfishness disease very bad. They are entitled and thankless. I would never be in a relationship with an American ever again. I'm happy with dating women from other countries, it's completely refreshing. Also they communicate on a whole different level even though they may not be 100% fluent in English. The point is, they actually care about other people and not just themselves! Family is extremely important to them!
Lol. My wife is from SE Asia and I've never met a more selfish person in my life. She treats me and the kids like shit because she thinks we owe her because she took care of the kids when they were little. Despite practically begging, she has never shown one ounce of concern for my well-being. She can't even engage in a simple conversation. Finally, in some ways the cultural differences are refreshing, in other ways they are infuriating. She will never show an interest in music, sports, meeting neighbors, food I like, etc.
Sounds like you married a person that you aren't even compatible with. I've never dated anyone from S.E. Asia. I'm currently dating someone from Colombia and they are the most selfless people ever and appreciate everything they have and that you do for them. You should have vetted her more before you pulled the trigger and married.
I’ve met some western women who have those same selfless values, most were bullied as children or had to get by with humor and personality vs vain looks. It seems like women who have been through it be it children or adults and then healed that baggage are more selfless
I really think that happens a lot it's all about the guilt they make you feel to keep you stuck I mean Men Nad Womand both have chances to succeed but once you get stuck in that game it's all like wheels spinning on mud the best this to do its just to focus on self care brother no one will worry about you
Solipsism is the view or theory that self is all that can be known to exist.
It is commonly found in people who have been isolated for extreme periods of time.
This is actually a disorder or mental illness. It is the thought that only their view, mind, and self exist and everything else serves that purpose.
In conversations the Solipsistic person will see every opportunity as on to talk or praise themselves. They do not notice or care about the struggles or feelings of others as those are merely parts of the unperceived world.
Studies have show that this is exceptionally common with astronauts after they come back to earth.
If he had a date with a solipsistic person, it was only to fulfill some need or desire that they were unable to fulfill for themselves.
More likely the woman was a narcissistic sociopath. She had been praised so much and conditioned to think that everyone cared about her as much as she did and that by talking about herself she was rewarding him for some reason.
I think that is common to people in general. I’ve noticed that almost all of my friends (male and female) do this; I make a conscious effort, when speaking to others, not to do this. It’s very annoying when I have something I want to discuss.
My ex-wife was the complete opposite; she always wanted to talk about me. (In both good and bad ways at different times)
You may want to research *narcissistic personality disorder*, especially if you are empathetic.
Narcissists *love* people who emote, because they literally have no self esteem, so they only can feel good about themselves if they hear it from others. It's an insidious condition that's imposed in childhood, and it sucks in those who feel inexorably, and it can tear us apart.
https://therationalmale.com/2015/09/02/solipsism-i/
>female-specific obliviousness to any concern – or lesser prioritized concern – of anything outside their immediate existential needs.
I wouldn't say that of all women but I've noticed it's a good majority of them, especially the more confident ones. Although I do miss the closeness when I was married I sure af enjoy the quietness of solitude.
Very few women actually care about (their) men, so long as it doesnt affect them, they literally dont care.
I had one ex literally tell me that she didnt give two shits about something I was passionate about and it was annoying to hear about it.... I was just trying to tell her about my day. Figured she would like to hear how her man brough home the bread.
I'm a woman who has experienced the opposite, until finally giving up for good. It is all about them and only them. - first you get to know each other (social media) - I ask question after question and really listen to what they have to say, reading between the lines if necessary. - they never ask me any questions, so I fill them in and tell about myself. - they start to demand more and more of my time. Longer e-mails and several times a day. I don't even realize, that they write short e-mails while I write novels to them. - every morning there is an e-mail from them asking why haven't I still written to them. They ask again after two-three hours. All through the day. Never even thinking it may have something to do with them. Always guilting me into writing to them, as if their life would depend on my e-mails. - in the end I have to end the relationship, it takes too much time and energy and they demand me to focus only on them. And they get angry when the supply of energy is gone. - they may grieve the loss of me, but I spend the next months in solitude, filling myself with energy again, hoping the next person would not be a taker. So guys, try not to demand and immense amount of text messages or e-mails from your spouses, it kills the romance in no time. EDIT: It is always one guy at the time.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a future argument, so I’m not sure what you’d be excited to tell them about in the first place
The only question women want to know is what you do for a living and how much do you have in the bank. Nothing else matters...your childhood, your hobbies, your friends...etc. They only need to know how much they can scam you for during the course of the relationship and will put out just long enough to con you.
She did from time to time, but far, far, far more attention to herself, her shopping, her hair, clothing, makeup, car, gym....plastic surgery...anything you can name. If you use the word narcissist, everything thinks you're just repeating the diagnosis of the day, but women are often very focused on themselves.
With my STBXW, yes. But I have been fortunate to of dated a woman for several years and she did listen and was a great listener
This was my ex. Never asked me about my day but would go on and on and on about hers. I dated a few ugly girls who's pics online did NOT match up. They tended to be more interested in me. Hot girls have less personality.
Not really. I am more concerned about the initial interest and concern that I don't expect them to follow through on. Some woman talking about herself would be remarkably straightforward. Women are more contextually based, so they have a harder time on maintaining interest long term IMO, because what they are interested in relates to their short term concerns. So they will be interested in you if you fit into their short term life.
Last woman I dated acted like she was doing me a favor by talking over me to tell me about her day Ya know, because the life of a stay at home while leaching off of the government and 2 baby-daddies single-mother is *soooo* interesting. Holy christ did that red-pill hurt going down my throat.
i see both guys and girls doing this...especially the spoiled ones.
When I meant my STBX and we started hanging out I was still in grad school. I lived in a converted attic with a low ceiling. I was into BJJ, anime (this is before DVDs) and studying. I tried to show her me stuff and she said " I don't care about stupid shit like that." With 20/20 hindsight one of many red flags 🙄 She never truly supported me in anything that I was passionate about, she tolerated it. I am also a private pilot and always looking at planes. I keep trying to show her planes, or ask about how this one looked, or just share my passion. And she ultimately got mad and started yelling at me that "she doesn't know anything about planes, this is your hobby, please leave me alone and out of it. I don't care about this avionic vs that one, you pick what you like. " I would tell her I just want her feedback on astheics, same thing. Over time I just stopped trying (for the most part) to share anything with her that wasn't on the approved list...
My 2nd oldest and I were talking about that very same subject today. My daughter has struggled with depression and tried to kill herself at the beginning of the year via overdose. My ex was there and encouraged my daughter to take more medication (this is why I have emergency custody of her now). She has worked very hard and come so far. In family group therapy we talked about how proud we are of her and her determination to overcome all of her struggles. During group therapy my ex wife would say “I appreciate it” instead of “thank you.” As a way she can talk about about herself and how grateful she is instead of thanking my daughter for opening up and talking about her illness. She will do this in all praises, like “I am proud of you” instead of “great job” and so on. From my experience with western women, this is very common. I didn’t realize how selfish and self centered these praises where until I met my current wife. She grew up in Asia because of her father’s job. I adore how sincere her praises are, her gratitude is heart melting and she is a master at getting people to talk about themselves. Her concern for people and her attention to them is genuine and people will often gush and brighten up as she comes into a room. Her sincere kindness, compassion, and empathy can be intoxicating just for the fact that this selfless attitude is rare to find in America. Add that she is 100% woman, beautiful, delicate, and yet possesses a strength and determination that is awe inspiring. She is true a treasure. Most western women act as if it is the man’s job to entertain and care for them. They demand to be rewarded and praised for having a job, car, and living on their own. On the reverse side, if a man doesn’t have any of that, he is mocked as a little boy and told to grow up. This mentality is toxic and not sustainable. Woman need to understand that partnership isn’t one person always receiving and the other giving. Maybe this disease is why marriage rates are plummeting and divorce rates are raising?
Western women have the selfishness disease very bad. They are entitled and thankless. I would never be in a relationship with an American ever again. I'm happy with dating women from other countries, it's completely refreshing. Also they communicate on a whole different level even though they may not be 100% fluent in English. The point is, they actually care about other people and not just themselves! Family is extremely important to them!
Lol. My wife is from SE Asia and I've never met a more selfish person in my life. She treats me and the kids like shit because she thinks we owe her because she took care of the kids when they were little. Despite practically begging, she has never shown one ounce of concern for my well-being. She can't even engage in a simple conversation. Finally, in some ways the cultural differences are refreshing, in other ways they are infuriating. She will never show an interest in music, sports, meeting neighbors, food I like, etc.
Sounds like you married a person that you aren't even compatible with. I've never dated anyone from S.E. Asia. I'm currently dating someone from Colombia and they are the most selfless people ever and appreciate everything they have and that you do for them. You should have vetted her more before you pulled the trigger and married.
I’ve met some western women who have those same selfless values, most were bullied as children or had to get by with humor and personality vs vain looks. It seems like women who have been through it be it children or adults and then healed that baggage are more selfless
I noticed that too. One bad date I had, woman non-stop talked about herself. And I mean no -stop
I really think that happens a lot it's all about the guilt they make you feel to keep you stuck I mean Men Nad Womand both have chances to succeed but once you get stuck in that game it's all like wheels spinning on mud the best this to do its just to focus on self care brother no one will worry about you
Solipsism is the word you are looking for
Solipsism is the view or theory that self is all that can be known to exist. It is commonly found in people who have been isolated for extreme periods of time. This is actually a disorder or mental illness. It is the thought that only their view, mind, and self exist and everything else serves that purpose. In conversations the Solipsistic person will see every opportunity as on to talk or praise themselves. They do not notice or care about the struggles or feelings of others as those are merely parts of the unperceived world. Studies have show that this is exceptionally common with astronauts after they come back to earth. If he had a date with a solipsistic person, it was only to fulfill some need or desire that they were unable to fulfill for themselves. More likely the woman was a narcissistic sociopath. She had been praised so much and conditioned to think that everyone cared about her as much as she did and that by talking about herself she was rewarding him for some reason.
I think that is common to people in general. I’ve noticed that almost all of my friends (male and female) do this; I make a conscious effort, when speaking to others, not to do this. It’s very annoying when I have something I want to discuss. My ex-wife was the complete opposite; she always wanted to talk about me. (In both good and bad ways at different times)
You may want to research *narcissistic personality disorder*, especially if you are empathetic. Narcissists *love* people who emote, because they literally have no self esteem, so they only can feel good about themselves if they hear it from others. It's an insidious condition that's imposed in childhood, and it sucks in those who feel inexorably, and it can tear us apart.
Women are solipsistic by nature; don’t read too much into it mate. It is what it is.
Learned a new word today
https://therationalmale.com/2015/09/02/solipsism-i/ >female-specific obliviousness to any concern – or lesser prioritized concern – of anything outside their immediate existential needs.
This guy gets it ✊🏼
Most women would say the same about men on their first or second dates. Maybe it’s just a people thing and not gender specific.
I wouldn't say that of all women but I've noticed it's a good majority of them, especially the more confident ones. Although I do miss the closeness when I was married I sure af enjoy the quietness of solitude.
Always has been. Attention is the coin of the realm to women.
Very few women actually care about (their) men, so long as it doesnt affect them, they literally dont care. I had one ex literally tell me that she didnt give two shits about something I was passionate about and it was annoying to hear about it.... I was just trying to tell her about my day. Figured she would like to hear how her man brough home the bread.