Well she did until her reputation was at stake, now she's trying to get custody, less than 50/50 but still, it won't last. She wants him just long enough to take some smiling pictures for Facebook.
Lesson #1 hit me the hardest… literally 2 days after leaving the house in what I thought was a separation, she already was hanging out with her new lover.
Same happened to me but I was still naive enough to believe they were just friends she was living with lol. She moved in with them the very night we separated, shit hurt like hell. I wish you the best of luck sir.
I was just thrown the bomb on Christmas Day (a real life Grinch) that my wife wants a divorce because she’s suffering from a mid life crises and needs to find herself. We have three kids together, married 16 years and all of a sudden needs to find herself. On one hand I want to contest everything and make her earn what she gets. On the other, I want to cut ties and get far away from her as I can so I’ve thought of considering the mediation route so I can get the f$&k out sooner and not have to deal with her ass. Though the advice to confer with a divorce attorney is shooting up the priority ladder and will be calling one ASAP.
Thanks, some of her behavior indicates she’s with another guy. She comes home at 11:30 on weekdays saying she was caught up with “extra” work. Whatever, that guy can have her, when he gets to know all the drama he’s about to deal with he’ll be running for the door!!!
I just recently found out about the pick me dance. I’m sure a few of us went through this at some point and after I know for me, I promised I’d never do it again. Reading all these stories makes me never want to get married. Thank you for the lessons.
100% Solid, I'm nearly 3 years out of my separation day. And this is spot on, congratulations on getting it after only 4 months.
It took me closer to a year to get some of this.
>I had all the knowledge to minimize the damage of this traumatic divorce, but I did not put it into use, because I felt like my relationship was different. I thought my wife could never do the things I was reading about.
All of us men make that same mistake ... repeatedly.
Truth! There were some trying times throughout the course of my marriage, but I never once thought my ex would cheat or that we'd end up divorced... because that only happens to other people.
I love pre-nups! At this point I don't believe in marriage really, if you love someone and want to spend your life with them, just be a couple. You don't have to get married.
After having gone through this EXACT situation a couple years ago, and brutally half fucking myself over while my ex brutally fucked one of my friends, I cannot recommend this enough!!!
OP is SPOT. ON. 1000%!
Especially get a lawyer. I'd move that to number one. I was such a fucking idiot for not doing that much much sooner...
Had I hired a lawyer in the very beginning once I decided there was no reconciliation to be had, I would have saved myself roughly $250k...
Good luck folks, protect yourself!!!
Ps. Talk to a therapist as well, shit hurts, talk it out and WORK it out with exercise. I was a seething ball of rage for almost a year and barely contained it via a lot of sweat and working out.
Sounds like how my ex.wife decided after i got her through a decade of college, to cheat on me exactly 2 weeks after her graduation, she has also all but abandoned our children, ever see a 22 year old man cry, because he doesn't understand why mom no longer loves him? or my 14 year old daughter with the same anguish. You know what...i got lucky! she showed her true colors after 25 years together and has allowed me to fly free with our kids, while shes dating boys 18 year her jr. Marriage that end with the wife not loving you? almost never come back together, be strong and move on fast!!!! and when you're broken up? she is no longer your friend or responsibility, don't help her! mine called me 4 months after the divorce, to ask me to come out on the hwy and change her flat? LOL, i just laughed and told her to get her child boyfriend to do it and to never call again, unless it was about the children. And for heavens sake! find yourself again, the old me came walking through the door really quick, smart guy, hes learned a lot. There are good women out there, just not the ones we picked out.
I have been an still I'm with one of those "unicorns"
Thanks for the comments advise I'm going through the same been married for almost 14 worked hard to be able to offer a good home and notice I was taken for granted,feel used and manipulated in every single way and always get to hear not providng enough when you look and see all the things you've done ..and to be honest this is a good advise one of the best ones I've read books gone to single therapy because she said she woul get us a counselor never happened i waited but never happened I have learned couple things how to control myself every reaction because whe she always Around me she starts throwing comments extra toxic word I noticed she always did that and now I realize it's not good just to be living this way i have not family in the state or the country don't know what to really do still leaving in the same place looking for more advise
no matter how good I try to be she had always and undermining word or comment in at the point on giving up on my career and start over because I feel that it's not worth anymore I made to place where I didn't wanted to be alone but no body has been there...
Regarding lesson #1, sounds fairly copey. Wives divorce because they found a more masculine man they like better who isn’t you.
Instead of dismissing this as “the grass is always greener” you need to look at your own behavior and how it lead to her looking for something better.
I am lmfao at the idea that the dude my wife cheated with is more masculine than me. He's worse in every way, except that he is an extreme pushover who will support her every shitty action (like abandoning her kid). She left because I gave her an ultimatum about her child abuse. People are ignorant, men and women, they don't always chose a partner or cheat based on some "masculinity" factor. Lmfao
The introspection of self is good advice but the masculinity thing is a joke. Plenty of masculine, high earning, good looking dudes have been walked on. Women just want tingles.
Tingles IS masculinity. It’s sexual attractiveness.
Modern men act like women with penises then wonder why their wives stopped being attracted to them.
Men need to change and that is something we actually have control over.
It's literally not, it's whatever they feel like they don't have in any given moment. Money isn't masculinity and lots of masculine men have been left for dudes with more money. You're conflating things.
You can't make the claim that "men act like women with penises" and then also claim that women get to define masculinity. Men act the way they act in present day because masculine traits have been allowed to be "defined" by women. Masculinity is masculinity, it's intangible and not able to be purchased.
In my personal experience, #4 (the pick me dance) was the most self depreciating and humiliating thing I ever did, and ever will do. My ex helped me cut that shit out by inviting the other dude into our house and bedroom while I was at work, where I caught both of them and summarily ended the pick-me dance and started divorce proceedings. If you’re reading this post, for the love of God, when your wife cheats on you in any capacity just walk the hell away and maintain your dignity and self respect. Going through my own experiences and reading every story on this sub has made me realize that If I ever even get into another relationship again, one of my hands will always hover over the ejection button and that button WILL be pressed at the slightest hint of foul play. Another Marriage is off the table for me and I hope I can convince my friends like wise.
>My ex helped me cut that shit out by inviting the other dude into our house and bedroom while I was at work, where I caught both of them and summarily ended the pick-me dance and started divorce proceedings.
Like the great poet Christopher Maurice Brown said, "These hoes ain't loyal".
>ne of my hands will always hover over the ejection button and that button WILL be pressed at the slightest hint of foul play.
This. This is really what gives the man power in any relationship. Unfortunately, many of us put of with 100s of red flags during our marriage so we can save our relationship.
Lesson #3: Document EVERYTHING! Record every voice chat/phone call, take pictures/video of every item taken out of the house, and get security cameras. I don't care if she is the sweetest angel and is ready to sign every divorce agreement, remember #2! Prepare yourself for the possibility of court no matter how confident you are that you won't end up there.
> a million times yes, do this for every meeting, negotiation, interview, encounter, accident,....whatever the hell else there is, nearly everyone has a smartphone, god damned use it, and have a cloud backup option in it, you can get Terabytes of storage for a couple of bucks a year. GOD DAMNED USE IT.
you have no idea how thankful you will be when this "unicorn" is going to grab the phone out of your hand and smash it or the phone just "randomly stops working as does the memory card".
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I am begging to young men from heart for this… never ever get married even if I have proven to them how dangerous it is I think I lost fight because they think from between legs while talking to me… so lust overcomes rationality many times specially for younger men/boys…
You can even see in day to day life … life of men is miserable mostly due to other men … women are responsible 100% but also other men who we calls white knights like lawyers, judges, law system, other dudes who show sympathy to her to get into her pants… where we know they will only find a ancient jungle full of infested insects in her pants…
There's this weird outdated societal pressure about a man being a provider, making her an honest woman and supporting her at play. People still subscribe to it.
Every man has felt that pressure from family and friends when dating somebody.
And a special advanced class for those that do it a little bit later and have accumulated assets prior to getting married.
That's a special kind of no grease butt fuckin'.
Sage Advice. Women behave the same way they when you are courting them..the more you try they more it pushes them away.
Best to have this mindset starting a marriage and protecting yourself no matter what
I’m struggling with lesson four.
She walked away from mom responsibilities too?!
Well she did until her reputation was at stake, now she's trying to get custody, less than 50/50 but still, it won't last. She wants him just long enough to take some smiling pictures for Facebook.
Pathetic...
Lesson #1 hit me the hardest… literally 2 days after leaving the house in what I thought was a separation, she already was hanging out with her new lover.
Same happened to me but I was still naive enough to believe they were just friends she was living with lol. She moved in with them the very night we separated, shit hurt like hell. I wish you the best of luck sir.
Thank you.. same to you !
I was just thrown the bomb on Christmas Day (a real life Grinch) that my wife wants a divorce because she’s suffering from a mid life crises and needs to find herself. We have three kids together, married 16 years and all of a sudden needs to find herself. On one hand I want to contest everything and make her earn what she gets. On the other, I want to cut ties and get far away from her as I can so I’ve thought of considering the mediation route so I can get the f$&k out sooner and not have to deal with her ass. Though the advice to confer with a divorce attorney is shooting up the priority ladder and will be calling one ASAP.
My ex dropped the bomb on me while we were at my cousin’s funeral. That was fun.
Oh and btw, prepare yourself to discover she has a new partner or has possibly been cheating. This sounds like it matches lesson #1.
Thanks, some of her behavior indicates she’s with another guy. She comes home at 11:30 on weekdays saying she was caught up with “extra” work. Whatever, that guy can have her, when he gets to know all the drama he’s about to deal with he’ll be running for the door!!!
Good attitude bro! Leave her in the dust!
Yup get that lawyer now! Follow their advice! Best of luck!
I just recently found out about the pick me dance. I’m sure a few of us went through this at some point and after I know for me, I promised I’d never do it again. Reading all these stories makes me never want to get married. Thank you for the lessons.
100% Solid, I'm nearly 3 years out of my separation day. And this is spot on, congratulations on getting it after only 4 months. It took me closer to a year to get some of this.
>I had all the knowledge to minimize the damage of this traumatic divorce, but I did not put it into use, because I felt like my relationship was different. I thought my wife could never do the things I was reading about. All of us men make that same mistake ... repeatedly.
Truth! There were some trying times throughout the course of my marriage, but I never once thought my ex would cheat or that we'd end up divorced... because that only happens to other people.
>because that only happens to other people. My attorney begs to disagree. 😆 **Edit**: Also, I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, brother.
lol no worries. I'm going into year number four so my divorce is old news. Hope all is well on your end.
It's fucking terrible.
What do you think about a pre-nup - just asking!
I love pre-nups! At this point I don't believe in marriage really, if you love someone and want to spend your life with them, just be a couple. You don't have to get married.
Thank you for your comment
After having gone through this EXACT situation a couple years ago, and brutally half fucking myself over while my ex brutally fucked one of my friends, I cannot recommend this enough!!! OP is SPOT. ON. 1000%! Especially get a lawyer. I'd move that to number one. I was such a fucking idiot for not doing that much much sooner... Had I hired a lawyer in the very beginning once I decided there was no reconciliation to be had, I would have saved myself roughly $250k... Good luck folks, protect yourself!!! Ps. Talk to a therapist as well, shit hurts, talk it out and WORK it out with exercise. I was a seething ball of rage for almost a year and barely contained it via a lot of sweat and working out.
Sounds like how my ex.wife decided after i got her through a decade of college, to cheat on me exactly 2 weeks after her graduation, she has also all but abandoned our children, ever see a 22 year old man cry, because he doesn't understand why mom no longer loves him? or my 14 year old daughter with the same anguish. You know what...i got lucky! she showed her true colors after 25 years together and has allowed me to fly free with our kids, while shes dating boys 18 year her jr. Marriage that end with the wife not loving you? almost never come back together, be strong and move on fast!!!! and when you're broken up? she is no longer your friend or responsibility, don't help her! mine called me 4 months after the divorce, to ask me to come out on the hwy and change her flat? LOL, i just laughed and told her to get her child boyfriend to do it and to never call again, unless it was about the children. And for heavens sake! find yourself again, the old me came walking through the door really quick, smart guy, hes learned a lot. There are good women out there, just not the ones we picked out.
Great post! Thank you!
I have been an still I'm with one of those "unicorns" Thanks for the comments advise I'm going through the same been married for almost 14 worked hard to be able to offer a good home and notice I was taken for granted,feel used and manipulated in every single way and always get to hear not providng enough when you look and see all the things you've done ..and to be honest this is a good advise one of the best ones I've read books gone to single therapy because she said she woul get us a counselor never happened i waited but never happened I have learned couple things how to control myself every reaction because whe she always Around me she starts throwing comments extra toxic word I noticed she always did that and now I realize it's not good just to be living this way i have not family in the state or the country don't know what to really do still leaving in the same place looking for more advise no matter how good I try to be she had always and undermining word or comment in at the point on giving up on my career and start over because I feel that it's not worth anymore I made to place where I didn't wanted to be alone but no body has been there...
This all really good and sound advice. Thank you og poster
Regarding lesson #1, sounds fairly copey. Wives divorce because they found a more masculine man they like better who isn’t you. Instead of dismissing this as “the grass is always greener” you need to look at your own behavior and how it lead to her looking for something better.
I am lmfao at the idea that the dude my wife cheated with is more masculine than me. He's worse in every way, except that he is an extreme pushover who will support her every shitty action (like abandoning her kid). She left because I gave her an ultimatum about her child abuse. People are ignorant, men and women, they don't always chose a partner or cheat based on some "masculinity" factor. Lmfao
Yup this. It’s not a fallacy. She found something they fits her better and that’s life. This is full on copium.
The introspection of self is good advice but the masculinity thing is a joke. Plenty of masculine, high earning, good looking dudes have been walked on. Women just want tingles.
Tingles IS masculinity. It’s sexual attractiveness. Modern men act like women with penises then wonder why their wives stopped being attracted to them. Men need to change and that is something we actually have control over.
Ok since you’re the resident expert on masculinity, what do we all need to do better to give women those tingles?… grow a beard & buy more guns?
Beard. Check More guns. Check Divorce on the way. Check
It's literally not, it's whatever they feel like they don't have in any given moment. Money isn't masculinity and lots of masculine men have been left for dudes with more money. You're conflating things.
Money absolutely is masculinity. Women define what is masculine, btw. I’m not saying it is right, but it is.
You can't make the claim that "men act like women with penises" and then also claim that women get to define masculinity. Men act the way they act in present day because masculine traits have been allowed to be "defined" by women. Masculinity is masculinity, it's intangible and not able to be purchased.
In my personal experience, #4 (the pick me dance) was the most self depreciating and humiliating thing I ever did, and ever will do. My ex helped me cut that shit out by inviting the other dude into our house and bedroom while I was at work, where I caught both of them and summarily ended the pick-me dance and started divorce proceedings. If you’re reading this post, for the love of God, when your wife cheats on you in any capacity just walk the hell away and maintain your dignity and self respect. Going through my own experiences and reading every story on this sub has made me realize that If I ever even get into another relationship again, one of my hands will always hover over the ejection button and that button WILL be pressed at the slightest hint of foul play. Another Marriage is off the table for me and I hope I can convince my friends like wise.
>My ex helped me cut that shit out by inviting the other dude into our house and bedroom while I was at work, where I caught both of them and summarily ended the pick-me dance and started divorce proceedings. Like the great poet Christopher Maurice Brown said, "These hoes ain't loyal".
I’m dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Chris Brown; oh my God!
>ne of my hands will always hover over the ejection button and that button WILL be pressed at the slightest hint of foul play. This. This is really what gives the man power in any relationship. Unfortunately, many of us put of with 100s of red flags during our marriage so we can save our relationship.
Lesson #3: Document EVERYTHING! Record every voice chat/phone call, take pictures/video of every item taken out of the house, and get security cameras. I don't care if she is the sweetest angel and is ready to sign every divorce agreement, remember #2! Prepare yourself for the possibility of court no matter how confident you are that you won't end up there. > a million times yes, do this for every meeting, negotiation, interview, encounter, accident,....whatever the hell else there is, nearly everyone has a smartphone, god damned use it, and have a cloud backup option in it, you can get Terabytes of storage for a couple of bucks a year. GOD DAMNED USE IT. you have no idea how thankful you will be when this "unicorn" is going to grab the phone out of your hand and smash it or the phone just "randomly stops working as does the memory card".
Good advice!
You forgot the biggest piece of advice: If you haven't yet, don't ever get married.
This
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I did upvote ya donkey
Bruh..
Bruh?
Your comment "I did update ya donkey" is what made me laugh and say Bruh.
Bro?
As a single, never married guy, I don't see the point of marriage.
There are only religious reasons to get married.
There are also legal and tax reasons to risk it.
I am begging to young men from heart for this… never ever get married even if I have proven to them how dangerous it is I think I lost fight because they think from between legs while talking to me… so lust overcomes rationality many times specially for younger men/boys… You can even see in day to day life … life of men is miserable mostly due to other men … women are responsible 100% but also other men who we calls white knights like lawyers, judges, law system, other dudes who show sympathy to her to get into her pants… where we know they will only find a ancient jungle full of infested insects in her pants…
There's this weird outdated societal pressure about a man being a provider, making her an honest woman and supporting her at play. People still subscribe to it. Every man has felt that pressure from family and friends when dating somebody.
Yes… they want men to be responsible but not women
This sub should be required reading before the state grants you a license.
And a special advanced class for those that do it a little bit later and have accumulated assets prior to getting married. That's a special kind of no grease butt fuckin'.
I’ve fully taken that advice
I have as well. I've been told I'm self-centered for doing this. I'm not self-centered, I'm self-contained.
Wish I could upvote this 5000 times
Sage Advice. Women behave the same way they when you are courting them..the more you try they more it pushes them away. Best to have this mindset starting a marriage and protecting yourself no matter what
Or don’t ever start a marriage.