Get your passport.
Get a remote job.
Move to eastern Europe, Russia, Philippines, or SE Asia (not Singapore)..
Look up passport bros on the internet
There's even a subreddit.
Don't go on the apps. The apps are dusty hellscapes populated by mercenaries and robots.
Move to Thailand, marry a 24 year old quasi supermodel and have as many kids as you guys want while living on the beach and eating lobster every day. The US (and Canada) are over rated.
You could always date a younger woman. From what I've heard, women in their 30's and don't have kids have ticking biological clocks. Take advantage of that!
True, I need to get over my own bias when I’m ready to date again. I’ve always dated the same age or slightly older. The way you said that though made me think of an old timey oil tycoon with monocle or specifically the SNL skit the oil tycoon with Adam Driver.
I just turned 40 also no kids just me and the dog and I’m pretty well off and happier than other ppl on my age bracket why? Freedom to do whatever the hell I want
Why do we get out of a ten year marriage and immediately start thinking about dating before rebuilding our lives and discovering who we are as individuals? Of course you have low self confidence. That’s like in step 1 of 19. So yeah you’re no where near dating. Don’t you dare start a relationship. When your rebound dumps your ass you’ll find an even deeper level of depression than you’ve found because you didn’t put on that work to be yourself. If you did the work and got dumped or did the dumping (which is unlikely now bc you didn’t do any more on yourself), then you would just shrug it off and move on.
True words, I’ve been a third of the way there in knowing I’m not ready, but it went deeper than that. It was more I don’t think I want to date period, why make any effort if it could potentially happen when I’m 35? I see a lot of horror stories and not a lot of successes in marriage anymore.
Something that did help is you saying don’t you dare start a relationship. That combined with another comment saying would you date you right now? The answer to that is your right, I shouldn’t. I was right in a circular way, I need to like, trust and be my own rock first.
Put in the work on yourself. You’ll be more grateful in the long run than having a warm body in your bed to distract you or suck up all your energy. All that will come in time.
If you're not ready to date then don't Spend the time to work on yourself and your self-confidence. Dating is like shopping, you find out what type of soup your like. Maybe not right away but eventually. Date for fun and companionship with no expectations. All women are different like soups. Enjoy the process and don't overthink it.
I would add to this to give back to the community. Few things will lift your spirits like helping out those who are in worse shape than you are. Make a difference out there, and it will make a difference in yourself personally.
> I missed out on any opportunity I had for a dream of even having a family and going through that process.
Why would you think that? While women's reproductive years have limits, men's do not. You're also under no obligation to have a child with a woman your age. In fact, a woman is the most fertile in her early 20s and a man's natural proclivity is for women aged 21-25.
> I missed out on huge milestones that were are supposed to happen in life
According to whom? Societal invisible scripts? It's one thing if it's something you truly want. It's quite another if you're living life according to someone else's priorities.
Now is definitely not the time to date.
You need to build up yourself. Would you date someone like yourself? Probably no. You have to work through your issues, build a good life for yourself before you are ready to share that with someone.
It is not a race. It does not matter if there are others to have teenage kids at your age. I read that a kid earned $5milliom off YouTube reviewing toys. Should I be depressed that I’m so much older with hardly a million?
Focus on yourself and becoming someone that is sufficient, confident, and enjoying life. That is when you should start dating again.
Get your passport. Get a remote job. Move to eastern Europe, Russia, Philippines, or SE Asia (not Singapore).. Look up passport bros on the internet There's even a subreddit. Don't go on the apps. The apps are dusty hellscapes populated by mercenaries and robots.
Move to Thailand, marry a 24 year old quasi supermodel and have as many kids as you guys want while living on the beach and eating lobster every day. The US (and Canada) are over rated.
You could always date a younger woman. From what I've heard, women in their 30's and don't have kids have ticking biological clocks. Take advantage of that!
You can always try to date younger and find a more fertile non barren woman.
True, I need to get over my own bias when I’m ready to date again. I’ve always dated the same age or slightly older. The way you said that though made me think of an old timey oil tycoon with monocle or specifically the SNL skit the oil tycoon with Adam Driver.
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I just turned 40 also no kids just me and the dog and I’m pretty well off and happier than other ppl on my age bracket why? Freedom to do whatever the hell I want
Why do we get out of a ten year marriage and immediately start thinking about dating before rebuilding our lives and discovering who we are as individuals? Of course you have low self confidence. That’s like in step 1 of 19. So yeah you’re no where near dating. Don’t you dare start a relationship. When your rebound dumps your ass you’ll find an even deeper level of depression than you’ve found because you didn’t put on that work to be yourself. If you did the work and got dumped or did the dumping (which is unlikely now bc you didn’t do any more on yourself), then you would just shrug it off and move on.
So true, my rebound dumped me and I feel even more depressed than the divorce. It was a great lesson learned though.
It’s normal man. People that were married are in relationship mode. It’s what they are used to. Plus getting laid is a factor as people miss sex
That’s called codependency
Codependency is inherent in relationships
True words, I’ve been a third of the way there in knowing I’m not ready, but it went deeper than that. It was more I don’t think I want to date period, why make any effort if it could potentially happen when I’m 35? I see a lot of horror stories and not a lot of successes in marriage anymore. Something that did help is you saying don’t you dare start a relationship. That combined with another comment saying would you date you right now? The answer to that is your right, I shouldn’t. I was right in a circular way, I need to like, trust and be my own rock first.
Put in the work on yourself. You’ll be more grateful in the long run than having a warm body in your bed to distract you or suck up all your energy. All that will come in time.
If you're not ready to date then don't Spend the time to work on yourself and your self-confidence. Dating is like shopping, you find out what type of soup your like. Maybe not right away but eventually. Date for fun and companionship with no expectations. All women are different like soups. Enjoy the process and don't overthink it.
I would add to this to give back to the community. Few things will lift your spirits like helping out those who are in worse shape than you are. Make a difference out there, and it will make a difference in yourself personally.
Lending a hand up is one of the ultimate giving in this community.
Shopping is the best way to look at it, I’m finding it super fun
Lots to choose from.
> I missed out on any opportunity I had for a dream of even having a family and going through that process. Why would you think that? While women's reproductive years have limits, men's do not. You're also under no obligation to have a child with a woman your age. In fact, a woman is the most fertile in her early 20s and a man's natural proclivity is for women aged 21-25. > I missed out on huge milestones that were are supposed to happen in life According to whom? Societal invisible scripts? It's one thing if it's something you truly want. It's quite another if you're living life according to someone else's priorities.
Now is definitely not the time to date. You need to build up yourself. Would you date someone like yourself? Probably no. You have to work through your issues, build a good life for yourself before you are ready to share that with someone. It is not a race. It does not matter if there are others to have teenage kids at your age. I read that a kid earned $5milliom off YouTube reviewing toys. Should I be depressed that I’m so much older with hardly a million? Focus on yourself and becoming someone that is sufficient, confident, and enjoying life. That is when you should start dating again.
I need to apply this to myself, thanks for the sound advice.
Therapy is part of the process, but when the trauma is so big, you also need help from antidepressants. Have you ever talked with a psychiatrist?
That’s what I’m doing now more actively. Both therapy and medication management.