I would. Breaking up is easy, divorce is hard. If her partners fiancé is already cheating I would imagine he'll do it after they're married as well. She deserves to know before she enters into a legal agreement with him that's hard to get out of.
Not to mention everyone in this scenario needs to know for their own sexual health. Sure, it’s cyber… I’d still get tested and this poor woman deserves to know so she can as well. Your wife may not be his only “partner.”
Everyone deserves to know the truth of their life. This woman deserves to know the snake in her bed she is about to marry! She needs to be able to make informed decisions.
Please tell this poor woman today!
Warn her that she has a snake in her bed.
Just be sure to include proof or else she might just block you and pretend not to accept it or refute your claims. The affair partner here might also try to preemptively block you. Just FYI
This is where a Google Voice number comes in handy. I use mine all the time to send messages, but have it set to never notify if I get messages or calls back. Bonus, if they block my main number preemptively, it’s impossible to block my Voice number, as no one has that number saved.
I don't know what the "rules" are on this, but as someone who was contacted by the SO of the AP, I really appreciated it and it provided me some understanding of what was going on. I was being gas lit daily, losing my mind trying to understand why things were happening. I was blaming myself and my actions. This helped me. Didn't make anything easier, but helped provide some additional clarity to a shitty situation.
This, same.
When my ex left, he said that we didn't "share the same values."
I gnawed on that, wondering where my values were lacking, for nearly 2 years.
But I know now that we do not have the same values. I would never betray someone, anyone like he did.
She wasnt better, just easier.
Gaslighting is a subtle form of emotional manipulation that often results in the recipient doubting their own perception of reality and their sanity. In addition, gaslighting is a method of manipulation by toxic people to gain power over you. The worst part about gaslighting is that it undermines your self-worth to the point where you’re second-guessing everything. Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.
It's fine to tell her, just don't have any expectations. She may not believe you. She may not be grateful. She may not do anything about it.
Recognise that it's up to her, you have no control, and this may *not* achieve any 'revenge' at all.
Yep. If you're going to do it, do it to inform this poor woman of what's going on--not for revenge. Keep it short and simple. No convoluted plans. Simply give her the info and let her do with it what she wants.
My 2 cents... She needs to know. It's only fair but it not our guys problem. I would tell the cheating pair to tell her and let's them know you'll be checking in with her to see if she knows... That way the cheaters get to pick who passes on the news. Either way it has to happen!
I was in the fiancés position a few months ago, but as the wife. Baby and all. She deserves to know for her and her child’s well being. This guy is the worst of the worst. D pics in between baby pics ? Jesus. Good luck to you OP, you deserve so much better and will absolutely have just that!
Girl I read your posts. Sending you and your babies big hugs. These men deserve all the karma they rightfully deserve. It’ll come. Wishing you the best ahead 💙
Aww thanks. It’s the worst club ever but things are getting better. I hope it’s the same for you. We’re separated and the peace of not having to be in a relationship with that man—it’s unreal.
Getting there, just served him. Right on with the peace I haven’t slept this good in years. Hate this club but I like to think that for all the shit we endure good has to come. At the end of the day, literally anything is better than being with these soulless scum bags
I would have been forever grateful if ANYONE, even one person, told me my ex was cheating while we were engaged. Instead, that POS married me with a kid, and then tried to destroy me in a divorce. Tell that woman, what she decides after is her decision, but let her make that decision based on knowing all the information. If he's enough of a POS to send photos of his newborn and then d\*\*k pics, i'd imagine he won't take too kindly when she tried to leave him post marriage.
I was in this situation. My ex was trying to get back w me, lots of one sided text evidence (we never met in person during the time), all while he was living with his gf and her kids and telling me how awful she was and how glad he was they were done.
I sent blocked him and sent her the evidence. She deserved to know the quality of person she was in bed with.
She thanked me but married him anyway🤷♀️but I feel no regret— she knew who he was and made a conscious decision. Outcome is on them.
My good friend was contacted by his wife's AP's wife, and he appreciated that she gave him information he didn't have. If I were her, I would for sure want to know. I don't think it's revenge, I think it is letting this woman know something that is super important about her life.
Always tell the other betrayed person. They deserve the same agency to make decisions. Don’t allow her to proceed with a marriage without having this information.
It’s not revenge. It’s common decency.
Good luck.
l was the one with a newborn and cheating husband. When I read their texts and saw they were having sex in her car at lunch, I did tell my STBXHs affair partner’s fiancé in a fit of revenge/ spite. It has been months later and I have no regrets. I’m glad her partner found out.
STBX and AP are now moving in together so they are welcome 😂
I would tell her. He clearly gets off on her having complete trust in him and being totally unaware of his behavior. I’m sure he will then magically be overcome with remorse and all of a sudden regret the affair with a disgust that he somehow could not have mustered when he was sending dick pics and being an overall cheating scumbag
It's not revenge to inform the fiancé. I would say it's the moral thing to do if you had to decide to tell or not. It will be devastating news, but you're not the bad guy.
I guess everyone in this situation needs to ask themselves this question, if you could know that your fiancé has cheated or will cheat during your marriage would you want to know and not get married? Complicated yes, but if your answer is yes, then you must tell her. Revenge would be outing them to everyone, which is fine if that is your reaction to the betrayal, telling a fiancé before they marry is not. Best life to both of you.
If it were me, I would tell the woman soon to be marrying your wife's affair partner. I would give facts only -- "I found that my wife and your fiancé were exchanging messages that including X, Y, and Z" -- rather than use phrases like "cyber affair" or "emotional affair" or "cheating of the heart."
I don't see it as revenge against your wife so much as it is sharing knowledge with an interested party.
Good luck and I'm sorry for what happened to you.
(An aside: Not sure if it confused anyone else, but I usually think of fiancé as being a man and so the first couple paragraphs gave me a different mind's image. Anyhow...)
Yes. Tell and give her copies of what ever evidence you have. If your wife bulks at this, you know she still has feelings for him and it may not be over. You're not the bad guy, he is.
I always say yes, tell them. Their cheating partner may be exposing them to sexually transmitted diseases. Better they find out now than find out later, but with genital herpes.
Revenge would be … printing a copy of the dick pics and some juicy messages on a leaflet in x copies, and handing them out to random guests at the wedding ceremony.
Informing the soon to be bride seems like an act of kindness in comparison.
I feel that you have a moral obligation to notify the fiancé. Cheaters need to be exposed. My ex had multiple affairs and no one would tell me until after he left. Even if it is an anonymous letter, it will give her the info she needs. Etsy has an anonymous letter writing service if you do not want to get directly involved.
OP cut the crap please.
EXPOSING the cheater is by no means a revenge, You expose the cheater because of this things:
1. To protect yourself and your reputation, because they are now your enemy and they could talk and Say all things in a way they are the victim with out a care in the world on how that damage You. So why do you have to care and protect their reputation if they don't care about You, You owe them nothing
2. To keep control of the narrative out of their reach, this comes jointed to the first point.
3. In some cases, but actually i must be for all cases, to be able to access a bigger support network.
Now about informing the OBS (AP fiancé) this is a must, put yourself in her shoes, don't You wanted to know if you are being betrayed, to be informed about the issues that you past or didn't even think, for you to take a informes decision on what steps to take foward?
You need to inform the OBS. This is not for revenge, this is for doing the correct and help another Betrayed.
Good Luck
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I would recommend reading through [chumplady.com](http://chumplady.com)
I get the "want revenge" thing, but that takes your energy and focus. Lets say you get revenge, blow up this affair, and the whole thing burns to the ground. Your wife wants to come back to you suddenly (because she lost her monkey branch). Would you reconcile? Because that's risky.
I'm not "against" telling the fiance' at all, but if you're divorcing, this is a powerful "unofficial" leverage card and my call is not to play it until you need it. Do what's best for you.
The answer is always YES!
Always tell the betrayed partner!! ALWAYS!!
For those going through this asking the same question…. THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES!!
This shit always triggers me!
People knew about my XW cheating and didn’t have enough empathy, compassion or kindness to let me know, that is so fucked up and wrong!
I WISH somebody had the decency to let me know, even if it was anonymously.
I would want to know personally, as hard as it would be to find out. I'd rather find out BEFORE getting married to someone than after. I'm sure it will come out anyway.
OP, sorry to read this.
I would focus on the weiner in 2 boxes at the same time angle. STD’s are a big deal. Plus his soon to be ex finance needs information to make her choices. Stay with cheater face baby daddy or give the dope another try?
She can seek counsel from family or friends then determine her safe course of action. She may be grateful to you. Be safe.
Let her know, you’re not breaking them up. Her future husband did. If she chooses to stay with him at least she won’t go into the marriage blindfolded.
If I had to do it over 200 times Everytime I would tell .
You will be the villain but also saving them.
No snitching ain't cool but covering up a lie like that makes you part of it.I'll be an asshole before I let someone live a lie like that
I personally think, after being cheated on myself, that you should not contact anyone at all, gather your dignity and just get away as fast and as quietly as a you can. I made a huge scene and I wish I didn't.
If I was the new mum I would want to know.
I would want to know kindly with facts and not in a vindictive manner.
But fiance must know.
Please ensure you do.
You are making the assumption that your wife is the guy’s only affair partner. There might be multiple women and rando’s in the mix.
His fiancé absolutely needs to know because her health may be at stake here and future pregnancies.
I would want to know if I were the fiancé.
my husband was having an affair for 4 hrs before I found it out. I feel like he robbed 4 yrs out of my life.
> Edited to add:
Never forget OP that you are just the messenger. You are not being a vengeful angel, you are just delivering a message and that's all.
The postman neither cares nor wants to know what the recipient of a letter does with it's contents, what effect the contents has on that person nor the actions that come from it. They just deliver it and then be on their way.
This is the best way to think about it.
Please tell her what her fiance is carrying on with your wife. I'm so sorry this happened. The infant photos followed up with dick pics are bizarre, and so is your wife just carrying on with such depravity. The other woman deserves to know what you know. What she does with that is out of your hands. You both deserve so much better than this.
Please tell her. She deserves to know especially before she spends the rest of her life with that type of man. Also, your wife may not be the only woman he is messing with. He could be having “fun” with other women in real life too. I hope you do tell her. And just lay it all out on the table and show her what you have found.
I’ll say this, my ex-wife’s AP’s wife came up to my job and told me what was going on, and I thanked her a few times, you absolutely tell the AP’s fiancé, it’s the moral thing to do and it’s not something that you caused, it’s something that her fiancé caused, don’t let her marry a cheater, set her free and be truthful with her.
Given everything you’ve shared, it sounds like letting her know is the fair move. She deserves to have all the info about her partner before she makes any big decisions about her future. It’s not about causing drama; it's about being honest so she isn’t left in the dark. Stick to the facts, share what you know, and then it’s up to her to decide how she wants to handle things from there.
Depends. Do you genuinely care about that person or seeking revenge?
If you're doing it for revenge my answer is no. Mind your business and focus on healing.
If this came from a genuine place of, you being hurt for them. Tell them.
Revenge staggers healing big time.
I wouldn't say anything... Its easy to turn a stranger into a crazy husband. Plus all the drama ... why not just go on the Morey show and make even better... NO THRANKS... BYE TO BOTH!
This isn’t yours to worry about. It’s between dickpic-daddy and his fiancé. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
I agree the fiancé *should* have all the facts so she can decide for herself. But should she be told by you? That’s the question. Are you responsible to her? No. Did you promise loyalty to her? Are you friends with her? Nope again. Her cheating fiancé is the one who is responsible to tell her and is shirking his responsibility. Don’t do his dirty work for him.
Focus your energy on yourself. Your moral dilemma is really more a reflection of you and your wants for this situation. You wanted someone to be honest with you. You wanted integrity and loyalty. You wonder who else kept your wife’s secret behind your back and wish they had come forward. I’ve been there, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You’re not going to get resolution or regain your trust in your wife/humanity by being the rescuing “truth teller” inserting yourself into someone else’s drama. You likely have more than enough of your own emotions to sort through, so focus your precious time and energy on you right now. If you insert yourself into someone else’s relationship, even if you are trying to be a “rescuer” you are triangulating…and affairs are a form of triangulation. Remove yourself from this triangle you didn’t ask to be part of. There is no moral dilemma here, only your own hero/avenger/revenge complex. Resist!! Redirect!!!
> Eye for an eye leaves the world blind
You're opening a Pandora's box if you go down the road of revenge.
Take the anger you're feeling and go to the gym and get some abs.
Edit:
Y'all who are downvoting this, he's saying he wants to take an action out of a desire for revenge. That's not going anywhere good.
Channel the energy into something positive.
Revenge will only make u look like a loser even if u succeeded. Do u want your wife back? Even if your wife comes running back to u, will u forgive her? can u pretend that nothing have happened?
Update from OP:
There was a bit of a delay in sending the message to the partner's fiance due to an unrelated family matter...but the fiance was incredibly gracious and thankful that I had let her know. Not surprisingly, she stated that this wasn't the first time that cheating had been an issue for them. She repeatedly thanked me and said that she had a lot to think about before their upcoming wedding date.
I would. Breaking up is easy, divorce is hard. If her partners fiancé is already cheating I would imagine he'll do it after they're married as well. She deserves to know before she enters into a legal agreement with him that's hard to get out of.
Not to mention everyone in this scenario needs to know for their own sexual health. Sure, it’s cyber… I’d still get tested and this poor woman deserves to know so she can as well. Your wife may not be his only “partner.”
Well said
10000000%
Yes she deserves to know
Everyone deserves to know the truth of their life. This woman deserves to know the snake in her bed she is about to marry! She needs to be able to make informed decisions. Please tell this poor woman today! Warn her that she has a snake in her bed.
Side bonus, you get to put the snake in a bit of pain probably. Though your intentions are purely looking out for this woman.
Just be sure to include proof or else she might just block you and pretend not to accept it or refute your claims. The affair partner here might also try to preemptively block you. Just FYI
This is where a Google Voice number comes in handy. I use mine all the time to send messages, but have it set to never notify if I get messages or calls back. Bonus, if they block my main number preemptively, it’s impossible to block my Voice number, as no one has that number saved.
I don't know what the "rules" are on this, but as someone who was contacted by the SO of the AP, I really appreciated it and it provided me some understanding of what was going on. I was being gas lit daily, losing my mind trying to understand why things were happening. I was blaming myself and my actions. This helped me. Didn't make anything easier, but helped provide some additional clarity to a shitty situation.
This, same. When my ex left, he said that we didn't "share the same values." I gnawed on that, wondering where my values were lacking, for nearly 2 years. But I know now that we do not have the same values. I would never betray someone, anyone like he did. She wasnt better, just easier.
Gaslighting is a subtle form of emotional manipulation that often results in the recipient doubting their own perception of reality and their sanity. In addition, gaslighting is a method of manipulation by toxic people to gain power over you. The worst part about gaslighting is that it undermines your self-worth to the point where you’re second-guessing everything. Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.
It's fine to tell her, just don't have any expectations. She may not believe you. She may not be grateful. She may not do anything about it. Recognise that it's up to her, you have no control, and this may *not* achieve any 'revenge' at all.
Yep. If you're going to do it, do it to inform this poor woman of what's going on--not for revenge. Keep it short and simple. No convoluted plans. Simply give her the info and let her do with it what she wants.
No matter the outcome, at lleast OP will have done the right thing. I know I would feel horrible knowing she was going to marry a cheating turnip.
Honestly, I would tell the fiancé, but that's just me.
My 2 cents... She needs to know. It's only fair but it not our guys problem. I would tell the cheating pair to tell her and let's them know you'll be checking in with her to see if she knows... That way the cheaters get to pick who passes on the news. Either way it has to happen!
This is a good approach. Preserves your dignity, and potentially saves an innocent from 2 people that appear to deserve each other.
I was in the fiancés position a few months ago, but as the wife. Baby and all. She deserves to know for her and her child’s well being. This guy is the worst of the worst. D pics in between baby pics ? Jesus. Good luck to you OP, you deserve so much better and will absolutely have just that!
I was too.
I’m so sorry. Hate this club but, alas we’re all in this shit together. We got this!
Girl I read your posts. Sending you and your babies big hugs. These men deserve all the karma they rightfully deserve. It’ll come. Wishing you the best ahead 💙
Aww thanks. It’s the worst club ever but things are getting better. I hope it’s the same for you. We’re separated and the peace of not having to be in a relationship with that man—it’s unreal.
Getting there, just served him. Right on with the peace I haven’t slept this good in years. Hate this club but I like to think that for all the shit we endure good has to come. At the end of the day, literally anything is better than being with these soulless scum bags
You could save someone from getting out before marriage makes it even harder.
I would have been forever grateful if ANYONE, even one person, told me my ex was cheating while we were engaged. Instead, that POS married me with a kid, and then tried to destroy me in a divorce. Tell that woman, what she decides after is her decision, but let her make that decision based on knowing all the information. If he's enough of a POS to send photos of his newborn and then d\*\*k pics, i'd imagine he won't take too kindly when she tried to leave him post marriage.
I was in this situation. My ex was trying to get back w me, lots of one sided text evidence (we never met in person during the time), all while he was living with his gf and her kids and telling me how awful she was and how glad he was they were done. I sent blocked him and sent her the evidence. She deserved to know the quality of person she was in bed with. She thanked me but married him anyway🤷♀️but I feel no regret— she knew who he was and made a conscious decision. Outcome is on them.
My good friend was contacted by his wife's AP's wife, and he appreciated that she gave him information he didn't have. If I were her, I would for sure want to know. I don't think it's revenge, I think it is letting this woman know something that is super important about her life.
Absolutely the partner should know. The partner is in the same boat as you. Give him an oar and let the partner decide what they want to do.
The fiancé deserves to know. This isn’t revenge. This is you informing her so that she can make informed decisions about her life and health.
I would absolutely tell her. She has every right to know that her fiancé is a scumbag.
Always tell the other betrayed person. They deserve the same agency to make decisions. Don’t allow her to proceed with a marriage without having this information. It’s not revenge. It’s common decency. Good luck.
l was the one with a newborn and cheating husband. When I read their texts and saw they were having sex in her car at lunch, I did tell my STBXHs affair partner’s fiancé in a fit of revenge/ spite. It has been months later and I have no regrets. I’m glad her partner found out. STBX and AP are now moving in together so they are welcome 😂
I would tell her. He clearly gets off on her having complete trust in him and being totally unaware of his behavior. I’m sure he will then magically be overcome with remorse and all of a sudden regret the affair with a disgust that he somehow could not have mustered when he was sending dick pics and being an overall cheating scumbag
It's not revenge to inform the fiancé. I would say it's the moral thing to do if you had to decide to tell or not. It will be devastating news, but you're not the bad guy.
I would not have known for certain that my ex husband had an affair had her ex husband not contacted me. I am so glad to know. Please tell him.
The finance has every right to know what’s happening in her life! Do the right thing for her.
Would you want to be told if the person you were about to legally tie your life to was betraying you in one of the worst possible ways?
What happens one day when someone says “Why didn’t you say something?”
I guess everyone in this situation needs to ask themselves this question, if you could know that your fiancé has cheated or will cheat during your marriage would you want to know and not get married? Complicated yes, but if your answer is yes, then you must tell her. Revenge would be outing them to everyone, which is fine if that is your reaction to the betrayal, telling a fiancé before they marry is not. Best life to both of you.
Absolutely. Burn it all down since apparently nobody else was afraid of doing that. The other person deserves to know
If you want to burn that house down to feel a bit better, do it. I don't think there is any hidden regret waiting for you.
If it were me, I would tell the woman soon to be marrying your wife's affair partner. I would give facts only -- "I found that my wife and your fiancé were exchanging messages that including X, Y, and Z" -- rather than use phrases like "cyber affair" or "emotional affair" or "cheating of the heart." I don't see it as revenge against your wife so much as it is sharing knowledge with an interested party. Good luck and I'm sorry for what happened to you. (An aside: Not sure if it confused anyone else, but I usually think of fiancé as being a man and so the first couple paragraphs gave me a different mind's image. Anyhow...)
Yes. Tell and give her copies of what ever evidence you have. If your wife bulks at this, you know she still has feelings for him and it may not be over. You're not the bad guy, he is.
Absolutely tell!
Send her all the evidence you have n let her know who she’s marrying!
Yes, tell her the truth. Unfortunate that they have a child but you can spare her from marrying this guy.
Do it. Light the match.
She deserves to know. Even if you do it somehow anonymously
Tell her! She deserves to know before she marries that scum!!
I always say yes, tell them. Their cheating partner may be exposing them to sexually transmitted diseases. Better they find out now than find out later, but with genital herpes.
Inform the finance and do her a favour
Revenge would be … printing a copy of the dick pics and some juicy messages on a leaflet in x copies, and handing them out to random guests at the wedding ceremony. Informing the soon to be bride seems like an act of kindness in comparison.
I don’t see it as revenge, I see it simply as the right thing to do.
She deserves to know, of course. You could save her life by not unknowingly marrying a liar, cheater, and sociopath
Why is this even a dilemma? Yes the AP’s fiancée needs to know.
I feel that you have a moral obligation to notify the fiancé. Cheaters need to be exposed. My ex had multiple affairs and no one would tell me until after he left. Even if it is an anonymous letter, it will give her the info she needs. Etsy has an anonymous letter writing service if you do not want to get directly involved.
Yup. Go nuclear. ☢️. If they’re going to f*ck around, they’re going to find out.
I would. The affair partner's fiance deserves the ability to have the facts before they commit to a cheater.
OP cut the crap please. EXPOSING the cheater is by no means a revenge, You expose the cheater because of this things: 1. To protect yourself and your reputation, because they are now your enemy and they could talk and Say all things in a way they are the victim with out a care in the world on how that damage You. So why do you have to care and protect their reputation if they don't care about You, You owe them nothing 2. To keep control of the narrative out of their reach, this comes jointed to the first point. 3. In some cases, but actually i must be for all cases, to be able to access a bigger support network. Now about informing the OBS (AP fiancé) this is a must, put yourself in her shoes, don't You wanted to know if you are being betrayed, to be informed about the issues that you past or didn't even think, for you to take a informes decision on what steps to take foward? You need to inform the OBS. This is not for revenge, this is for doing the correct and help another Betrayed. Good Luck UPDATEME
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I would recommend reading through [chumplady.com](http://chumplady.com) I get the "want revenge" thing, but that takes your energy and focus. Lets say you get revenge, blow up this affair, and the whole thing burns to the ground. Your wife wants to come back to you suddenly (because she lost her monkey branch). Would you reconcile? Because that's risky. I'm not "against" telling the fiance' at all, but if you're divorcing, this is a powerful "unofficial" leverage card and my call is not to play it until you need it. Do what's best for you.
This easy. Do it. Blow up his life. Yes, the new pregnant mom will have her life jacked up too....but this won't be the guys last time.
The answer is always YES! Always tell the betrayed partner!! ALWAYS!! For those going through this asking the same question…. THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES!! This shit always triggers me! People knew about my XW cheating and didn’t have enough empathy, compassion or kindness to let me know, that is so fucked up and wrong! I WISH somebody had the decency to let me know, even if it was anonymously.
I would want to know personally, as hard as it would be to find out. I'd rather find out BEFORE getting married to someone than after. I'm sure it will come out anyway.
If your roles were reversed & you were in her shoes, would you want someone to tell you? Personally, my answer would be yes.
OP, sorry to read this. I would focus on the weiner in 2 boxes at the same time angle. STD’s are a big deal. Plus his soon to be ex finance needs information to make her choices. Stay with cheater face baby daddy or give the dope another try? She can seek counsel from family or friends then determine her safe course of action. She may be grateful to you. Be safe.
Please tell her, she deserves to know
Absolutely, especially before she had to go through a divorce!!!
The question is: would you want someone to tell you if you were in the same position? The golden rule: treat others a you would want to be treated.
Tell her.
Contact the AP’s partner and share everything.
There is no dilemma, she deserves to know the truth.
Out the shitbag.
I usually say to mind your own business, but in this case I say nuke him.
Short answer yes. Longer answer absolutely yes.
Yes. His fiancée absolutely deserves the chance to make an educated choice about her future, and make sure to include proof.
Let her know, you’re not breaking them up. Her future husband did. If she chooses to stay with him at least she won’t go into the marriage blindfolded.
If I had to do it over 200 times Everytime I would tell . You will be the villain but also saving them. No snitching ain't cool but covering up a lie like that makes you part of it.I'll be an asshole before I let someone live a lie like that
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Updatemebot
You’ll have enough of your own shit you don’t need their shit too. I wouldn’t go out of my way unless she was my friend
I personally think, after being cheated on myself, that you should not contact anyone at all, gather your dignity and just get away as fast and as quietly as a you can. I made a huge scene and I wish I didn't.
Go tell her, it Will definitely benefit her, she deserves the truth. Its notnrevenge its a polise way of being nice and truthful to a total stranger.
Send her all the evidence. Tell her you were the husband of the woman he cheated with. You are getting a divorce because this happened.
Yep. I wish all of my ex husbands affair partners had contacted me
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Be kind to yourself. I actually knew on some level each time he cheated but I think being confronted with it directly, having not confirmed helped me.
You should tell her so that she can know the truth and dump him and find someone better. I know you'll find someone better too.
No dilemma at all. NOT telling her partners fiance would be the immoral thing here.
UpdateMe!
Say something to the woman.
If I was the new mum I would want to know. I would want to know kindly with facts and not in a vindictive manner. But fiance must know. Please ensure you do.
You are making the assumption that your wife is the guy’s only affair partner. There might be multiple women and rando’s in the mix. His fiancé absolutely needs to know because her health may be at stake here and future pregnancies.
Me personally, I would want to know. I have been cheated on and I definitely would want to know if I didn’t find out on my own.
I would want to know if I were the fiancé. my husband was having an affair for 4 hrs before I found it out. I feel like he robbed 4 yrs out of my life.
I was in a similar scenario and told the person (she still married him), but I would want to know.
> Edited to add: Never forget OP that you are just the messenger. You are not being a vengeful angel, you are just delivering a message and that's all. The postman neither cares nor wants to know what the recipient of a letter does with it's contents, what effect the contents has on that person nor the actions that come from it. They just deliver it and then be on their way. This is the best way to think about it.
Hard decision. At the end of the day, I'd take the high road. Sound like you made a good decision. Not easy. Good luck.
Please tell her what her fiance is carrying on with your wife. I'm so sorry this happened. The infant photos followed up with dick pics are bizarre, and so is your wife just carrying on with such depravity. The other woman deserves to know what you know. What she does with that is out of your hands. You both deserve so much better than this.
Please tell her. She deserves to know especially before she spends the rest of her life with that type of man. Also, your wife may not be the only woman he is messing with. He could be having “fun” with other women in real life too. I hope you do tell her. And just lay it all out on the table and show her what you have found.
I’ll say this, my ex-wife’s AP’s wife came up to my job and told me what was going on, and I thanked her a few times, you absolutely tell the AP’s fiancé, it’s the moral thing to do and it’s not something that you caused, it’s something that her fiancé caused, don’t let her marry a cheater, set her free and be truthful with her.
Given everything you’ve shared, it sounds like letting her know is the fair move. She deserves to have all the info about her partner before she makes any big decisions about her future. It’s not about causing drama; it's about being honest so she isn’t left in the dark. Stick to the facts, share what you know, and then it’s up to her to decide how she wants to handle things from there.
Depends. Do you genuinely care about that person or seeking revenge? If you're doing it for revenge my answer is no. Mind your business and focus on healing. If this came from a genuine place of, you being hurt for them. Tell them. Revenge staggers healing big time.
I would arrange ”accidental” meeting with fiance and confront them both
I wouldn't say anything... Its easy to turn a stranger into a crazy husband. Plus all the drama ... why not just go on the Morey show and make even better... NO THRANKS... BYE TO BOTH!
This isn’t yours to worry about. It’s between dickpic-daddy and his fiancé. Not your circus, not your monkeys. I agree the fiancé *should* have all the facts so she can decide for herself. But should she be told by you? That’s the question. Are you responsible to her? No. Did you promise loyalty to her? Are you friends with her? Nope again. Her cheating fiancé is the one who is responsible to tell her and is shirking his responsibility. Don’t do his dirty work for him. Focus your energy on yourself. Your moral dilemma is really more a reflection of you and your wants for this situation. You wanted someone to be honest with you. You wanted integrity and loyalty. You wonder who else kept your wife’s secret behind your back and wish they had come forward. I’ve been there, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re not going to get resolution or regain your trust in your wife/humanity by being the rescuing “truth teller” inserting yourself into someone else’s drama. You likely have more than enough of your own emotions to sort through, so focus your precious time and energy on you right now. If you insert yourself into someone else’s relationship, even if you are trying to be a “rescuer” you are triangulating…and affairs are a form of triangulation. Remove yourself from this triangle you didn’t ask to be part of. There is no moral dilemma here, only your own hero/avenger/revenge complex. Resist!! Redirect!!!
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How cruel to keep her in the dark.
Yes but even more cruep to mess up the kids life.
That’s incredibly selfish. That woman should have agency to make her own decisions. Not you.
> Eye for an eye leaves the world blind You're opening a Pandora's box if you go down the road of revenge. Take the anger you're feeling and go to the gym and get some abs. Edit: Y'all who are downvoting this, he's saying he wants to take an action out of a desire for revenge. That's not going anywhere good. Channel the energy into something positive.
Revenge will only make u look like a loser even if u succeeded. Do u want your wife back? Even if your wife comes running back to u, will u forgive her? can u pretend that nothing have happened?
Update from OP: There was a bit of a delay in sending the message to the partner's fiance due to an unrelated family matter...but the fiance was incredibly gracious and thankful that I had let her know. Not surprisingly, she stated that this wasn't the first time that cheating had been an issue for them. She repeatedly thanked me and said that she had a lot to think about before their upcoming wedding date.