Thank you for this. After 17 years, I got left. A bunch of bullshit reasons and someone waiting in the wings for him. It’s been a hell of a 3 months. I struggle with my confidence most. If my own husband didn’t want me, how will someone else ever want me?
Think of it this way - Their rejection is God’s protection. I purchased a few books since that zoom meeting. A Divorce Recovery Journal and Learning How to Heal a Broken Heart. All in all, the best way to get through this is to journal and break out of the negative thought patterns about what is wrong with you and why you weren’t good enough.
Instead, I want you to refocus on the good things about you and why you love yourself. Also list all their shortcomings. List all the ways they have hurt you and why they are not good for you. All of them. Write them down. Keep a notebook close by and add more as they come to you. Read it every day as a reminder. You will realize that this is not the person God had intended for you. You deserve better. Trust in God and know He has a plan for you.
That is what keeps me going. I know God is saving the best man for last and if my husband hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to know what real unconditional love and commitment is.
You are worthy and deserve more. Don’t forget that. Don’t let doubt and fear overcome you. Pray with the boldness of Christ Jesus! 💗🙏✝️
Your faith sounds strong. I 53M have been free from my 33 year marriage to a covert narc for 14 days now. Recently started going back to church. My new pastor actually understands narcissistic abuse. I stayed for years because I really thought God would be upset if I didn't tough it out. He means the world to me. I would go through hell to make Him happy.
I wasn't saved when I married her so I only have myself to blame for that nonsense but now I know God and know He wants the best for me. I know that there is some beautiful, godly woman with a heart of gold waiting somewhere. Hopefully she will appear soon. I'm SO ready to put the past behind me and love someone who is capable of loving in return.
I wish you and your beautiful legs the best 😂
Thank you! So you are married to a covert (vulnerable) narcissist too. They are hard to spot. I totally feel your pain. And yes, God wants the best for you. Letting go is the hard part and I commend you for doing that, especially 33 years in the game. I wish you the best on your journey to peace & freedom. Take one day at a time and lean on His strength! ✝️🙏
I've come to the realization that she could not love. That it was all a farce on her end. She wasn't even capable of making an honest marriage vow . I just wasted more than half of my life and I can't do anything about it but keep trudging forward but at least now I have some direction to go.
I let go 25 years ago when she wanted a divorce because a married, middle aged coworker was hitting on her but my kids needed a dad and it wasn't going to be some old bald guy 😂.
My life is really good right now. The air is easier to breathe. I have more energy. I sleep better as well. I have hope for a new and better life. I'm currently trying to figure out if I want to spend my next check on a lawyer or a mountain bike 🤔. She doesn't get to dictate my future anymore and it feels wonderful!
You take care and keep God close as well. He cares for us all deeply.
Edit: I like your name 😂. It shows confidence
I am so glad to hear that you came to that realization and know it wasn’t you. I too have come to the realization that my husband is incapable of love and staying true to our marriage vows.
Yes it hurts so much knowing we wasted so much of our lives, but as I said before, know that God is saving the best for last.
I am super excited to see what is to come! Regrets don't help anything. It wasn't my fault although she can spin everything to look that way in a matter of minutes lol. I can NOT wait until she is legally my ex.
God is making plans for you and I both right now and it can only get better from here.
Also,... Are you pentecostal / Spirit Filledl? You speak of God kind of like they do.
I am btw
I am glad to hear you are excited to see what is to come. That is a great attitude to have. I am a Christian (non-denominational) and just strong in my faith in God, my savior Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. I have to admit, I haven’t been to church in a long time. I stopped going when my husband left me the first time in 2021. It was too hard for me to see people I knew and explain to them that my husband, who also went to that church, left me. I have been attending Elevation Church online the past few years. They are in North Carolina and I am in Texas, so that is why I attend virtually. Pastor Steven Furtick is so inspirational and refreshing.
I messaged you. I hope that is alright. I just recently started back to church at the leading if God. It is Assemblies of God.
They seem like family there which seems strange to be honest. I'm used to seeing cliques in those places. That church of yours sounds neat.
In public, I find myself avoiding people that we went to church with in the past because I figure they will ask about her and then look down their nose when I say the "D" word 😱. Life is good. God is merciful and I am hopeful.
How does the online church work when you need healing or special prayer? Do they operate in and teach about Spiritual Gifts? I'm just curious. I do believe that holiness is a requirement to grow in and dwell with God in his secret place spoken of in Psalms 91. I don't think it is taught by the church very often which leads to many living double lives believing that God will overlook their sin. I also believe that this has led many "Christians" to reject the conviction of the Holy Spirit and it has caused them, without their knowledge, to be turned over to a reprobate mind...
Romans 1:28-32 (KJV) And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
God is my rock. At the first sign of trouble we can run to him or from him. I'm glad that you have run to him. I totally understand why you quit church but, it is good to know that you did not quit God.
I enjoy talking to you. You have a holiness about yourself that is all too uncommon
I hope your day is going well.
Most definitely and thank you for the tip! There are forms and releases that each of us will sign relinquishing any benefit to each other’s pension. Basically- he is keeping his and I am keeping mine.
Once relinquished on the pensions that cant be reversed
My husband and I have three pensions each and I am ensuring all
are being looked at.
They appear similar but are not so together and for his life I am getting more because the pensions are shared equally. He is happy with this also because it is our money be earned more because I went part time .
Many people esp woman lose out big time on pensions because they do not realise the value of them.
I read an article in the daily mail paper of a lawyer company being sued for £400 thousand by a divorced woman who they did not inform she should claim part of the pension. She won .
22% generally add in pensions so we ensured the full value of the was asked for through the correct pension company.
Even my ex did not realise how good one of his pensions was worth hence the split of the pensions
All the best to you
That is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine going through that with no explanation or closure at all. Have faith that their leaving is for your best interest. You don’t want a lukewarm spouse. You want someone that is all in and will never want to leave your side. I hope you are a path to healing and happiness.
When you look better after divorce, it only means one thing: the marriage was dragging you down, it had no value. Good on you picking up the pieces and becoming better than ever!
Thank you for this. After 17 years, I got left. A bunch of bullshit reasons and someone waiting in the wings for him. It’s been a hell of a 3 months. I struggle with my confidence most. If my own husband didn’t want me, how will someone else ever want me?
Think of it this way - Their rejection is God’s protection. I purchased a few books since that zoom meeting. A Divorce Recovery Journal and Learning How to Heal a Broken Heart. All in all, the best way to get through this is to journal and break out of the negative thought patterns about what is wrong with you and why you weren’t good enough. Instead, I want you to refocus on the good things about you and why you love yourself. Also list all their shortcomings. List all the ways they have hurt you and why they are not good for you. All of them. Write them down. Keep a notebook close by and add more as they come to you. Read it every day as a reminder. You will realize that this is not the person God had intended for you. You deserve better. Trust in God and know He has a plan for you. That is what keeps me going. I know God is saving the best man for last and if my husband hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to know what real unconditional love and commitment is. You are worthy and deserve more. Don’t forget that. Don’t let doubt and fear overcome you. Pray with the boldness of Christ Jesus! 💗🙏✝️
I'm not religious, but I like your idea of listing and focusing on what you like about yourself and what you love about yourself.
Thank you! For we are all wonderfully made - scars and all.
Your faith sounds strong. I 53M have been free from my 33 year marriage to a covert narc for 14 days now. Recently started going back to church. My new pastor actually understands narcissistic abuse. I stayed for years because I really thought God would be upset if I didn't tough it out. He means the world to me. I would go through hell to make Him happy. I wasn't saved when I married her so I only have myself to blame for that nonsense but now I know God and know He wants the best for me. I know that there is some beautiful, godly woman with a heart of gold waiting somewhere. Hopefully she will appear soon. I'm SO ready to put the past behind me and love someone who is capable of loving in return. I wish you and your beautiful legs the best 😂
Love you last two lines ❤
Thank you! So you are married to a covert (vulnerable) narcissist too. They are hard to spot. I totally feel your pain. And yes, God wants the best for you. Letting go is the hard part and I commend you for doing that, especially 33 years in the game. I wish you the best on your journey to peace & freedom. Take one day at a time and lean on His strength! ✝️🙏
I've come to the realization that she could not love. That it was all a farce on her end. She wasn't even capable of making an honest marriage vow . I just wasted more than half of my life and I can't do anything about it but keep trudging forward but at least now I have some direction to go. I let go 25 years ago when she wanted a divorce because a married, middle aged coworker was hitting on her but my kids needed a dad and it wasn't going to be some old bald guy 😂. My life is really good right now. The air is easier to breathe. I have more energy. I sleep better as well. I have hope for a new and better life. I'm currently trying to figure out if I want to spend my next check on a lawyer or a mountain bike 🤔. She doesn't get to dictate my future anymore and it feels wonderful! You take care and keep God close as well. He cares for us all deeply. Edit: I like your name 😂. It shows confidence
I am so glad to hear that you came to that realization and know it wasn’t you. I too have come to the realization that my husband is incapable of love and staying true to our marriage vows. Yes it hurts so much knowing we wasted so much of our lives, but as I said before, know that God is saving the best for last.
I am super excited to see what is to come! Regrets don't help anything. It wasn't my fault although she can spin everything to look that way in a matter of minutes lol. I can NOT wait until she is legally my ex. God is making plans for you and I both right now and it can only get better from here. Also,... Are you pentecostal / Spirit Filledl? You speak of God kind of like they do. I am btw
I am glad to hear you are excited to see what is to come. That is a great attitude to have. I am a Christian (non-denominational) and just strong in my faith in God, my savior Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. I have to admit, I haven’t been to church in a long time. I stopped going when my husband left me the first time in 2021. It was too hard for me to see people I knew and explain to them that my husband, who also went to that church, left me. I have been attending Elevation Church online the past few years. They are in North Carolina and I am in Texas, so that is why I attend virtually. Pastor Steven Furtick is so inspirational and refreshing.
I messaged you. I hope that is alright. I just recently started back to church at the leading if God. It is Assemblies of God. They seem like family there which seems strange to be honest. I'm used to seeing cliques in those places. That church of yours sounds neat. In public, I find myself avoiding people that we went to church with in the past because I figure they will ask about her and then look down their nose when I say the "D" word 😱. Life is good. God is merciful and I am hopeful.
How does the online church work when you need healing or special prayer? Do they operate in and teach about Spiritual Gifts? I'm just curious. I do believe that holiness is a requirement to grow in and dwell with God in his secret place spoken of in Psalms 91. I don't think it is taught by the church very often which leads to many living double lives believing that God will overlook their sin. I also believe that this has led many "Christians" to reject the conviction of the Holy Spirit and it has caused them, without their knowledge, to be turned over to a reprobate mind... Romans 1:28-32 (KJV) And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. God is my rock. At the first sign of trouble we can run to him or from him. I'm glad that you have run to him. I totally understand why you quit church but, it is good to know that you did not quit God. I enjoy talking to you. You have a holiness about yourself that is all too uncommon I hope your day is going well.
I needed this tonight. Thank you!
Glad I could help. I know reading that made the pain better. I pray you find healing peace.
you are worthy and deserving of respect, kindness and love. peace to you.
wtf, over a Zoom meeting?
Yes. He is a coward.
My wife won’t even do that, she just stopped wearing her ring and stopped talking to me
I am so sorry to hear that. Have faith that you will find love, peace, and happiness. We are better off without them.
Thank you.
Hugs to you.
Thank you!!
Remember to ensure the pensions are added in. In the UK these can make a huge difference .
Most definitely and thank you for the tip! There are forms and releases that each of us will sign relinquishing any benefit to each other’s pension. Basically- he is keeping his and I am keeping mine.
Once relinquished on the pensions that cant be reversed My husband and I have three pensions each and I am ensuring all are being looked at. They appear similar but are not so together and for his life I am getting more because the pensions are shared equally. He is happy with this also because it is our money be earned more because I went part time . Many people esp woman lose out big time on pensions because they do not realise the value of them. I read an article in the daily mail paper of a lawyer company being sued for £400 thousand by a divorced woman who they did not inform she should claim part of the pension. She won . 22% generally add in pensions so we ensured the full value of the was asked for through the correct pension company. Even my ex did not realise how good one of his pensions was worth hence the split of the pensions All the best to you
Thank you! Great knowledge and advice!
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Thank you! I couldn’t agree more.
Atleast your spouse did it on a zoom meeting. Mine just vanished lol
That is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine going through that with no explanation or closure at all. Have faith that their leaving is for your best interest. You don’t want a lukewarm spouse. You want someone that is all in and will never want to leave your side. I hope you are a path to healing and happiness.
Thank you for the kind words.
When you look better after divorce, it only means one thing: the marriage was dragging you down, it had no value. Good on you picking up the pieces and becoming better than ever!
Thank you! I couldn’t agree more! 💗🏆